God Awful Movies - 88: GAM088: The Burning Hell - Live from ReasonCon

Episode Date: April 25, 2017

This week, Thomas Smith joins us on stage at ReasonCon 3 in Hickory, North Carolina for an atheist review of The Burning Hell. It's the story of a Nashville barbecue deciding to play biblical dress up while somebody secretly filmed it. --- If you'd like to help us produce Citation Needed; our new podcast with Tom and Cecil, you can pledge your per episode support here: https://www.patreon.com/citationpod To get tickets to see us live in New York City, click here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-nyc-tickets-33324201584 --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our new ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

Warning, the following podcast contains visual gags. It was recorded before a live audience at ReasonCon and Hickory North Carolina. And if you're sad that you missed a live show, be sure to come see us at the People's Improv Theater in New York City on June 10th. You'll find a link to buy tickets on the show notes for this episode. And now, on with the show. And also, his reaction after that, his reaction reaction then is not let's call the police. Let's do something.

What would you do next? What would you do next at that point? Your friend has died. Where would you be? Are you asking? Yeah, because he's got a new hole where his head used to be and I think I should answer this. Thomas, what would you do next?

I would have to take a first I would sigh a little bigger. I'd be like, ugh. Oh man. Oh my god, this game's just coming. Oh my god! This way! This guy's just coming! God awful. Movie.

Movie. Oh, be. Oh, be. Oh, be. Oh, be. Oh, be. Oh, be. Oh, be. Oh, be. Oh, be. Oh, be. Welcome back to the Gamcast. We're each week.

We sample another selection from Christian cinema, but because somehow no one had yet filled that niche. Imagine that. I'm your host, No Illusions, and we're coming to you live from ReasonConn and Hickory, North Carolina. To an incredibly enthusiastic crowd at ReasonCon in Hickory, North. You guys haven't fun so far. Pretty good show. All right, all right. Cater to my ego, was it? Was it us you came for, Lawrence Kraus?

It was us. Okay, you don't have to answer. That's good. And of course, joining me from stage left is Richard Spencer's out of shape bodyguard please welcome to stage heath and rights I'm guessing that that's not coffee and that's not tea. That's just my guess. Uh-oh. There is a great mystery of foot. Thomas, it was Thomas. Thomas did it. Thomas tried to steal my stotch. Fine. Let's be very clear on that. Thanks for that intro.

And of course, oh, hey, you bat man. You bet. I've gotten good at that Oh, so and also hopefully not Committing some type of philonia exposure charge as I am sacrificing my usual 81 mile buffer zone between me and Eli So will you so please welcome also from stage left my bad friend Eli Bosnick. E-Boss. Wow. The last thing you expected was clothes. You don't know me. Yeah, Eli, based on the pattern you said, I figured the clothes would be inside of you when you came out of the side.

There are some clothes inside of me. Pattern remains. If you lost your gloves, those are mine now. And of course, we also have a special surprise guest for you. And by surprise, I mean, he was sure he told us no until those guys in the van picked him up Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to this age the semi-peatle host of serious inquiries only in half of the host of opening Arguments podcast ladies and gentlemen giving up for Thomas Smith No, stop, stop, stop. I am here to clear up some vicious rumors spread

by these assholes right here. Oh, oh, really? If you know, they have a podcast or something, and they said during that podcast, they slandered me as my Laura Andertorrez. We'll tell you in paper. Well, he'll write himself about, never mind. I'm here to clear this up.

I have produced my foot certificate to show you all. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'll do what? No, I hate feet. Wait, wait, wait. I want to see the long-form foot certificate. Yes, thank you. It's the long-form foot certificate!

This is my long-form. I didn't want to have to do this. I didn't want to have to do this. I didn't want to have to do this. It's been notarized. It's certified. My long form foot certificate that we all have at birth that we all get. And I just want to put this to rest.

I am done with this end of issue. I'm done with this end of issue. I'm done with this end of issue. I'm done with this end of issue. I'm done with this end of issue. I'm done with this end of issue. I'm done with this end of issue. I'm done with this end of issue. I'm done with this end of issue. I'm done with this end of issue. I'm done with this end of issue. I'm done with this end of issue.

I'm done with this end of issue. I'm done with this end of issue. Because every good podcast starts on a site gag. Thank you Thomas. Fuck everybody who didn't come. Alright, so Heath, you have to follow up the foot thing, man. I'm sorry. So if you would, please tell us what will we be breaking down today? All right, we... Well first, how many people have seen the movie that we will be breaking down today? All right, wow. All right, so for the... Good question. For the people who haven't or don't know, we watched THE Burning Hell.

Woohoo. Definite article, the one. It's the story. It's about this guy, Estus. It's not. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love the movie Freaks, you're super into poop and maggots and you'd like to spend 57 minutes being intimidated by Orville Redenbacher.

You will love this movie. This is like being profilatized, too, by someone whose teeth are slowly falling out, or everywhere in Hickory, North Carolina, but here. Yeah, in Deeram quick. See, it's not that he miss spells that. He also miss says it. Who was it who was correct at me on that? Sorry, me and one person, that joke was for me and one person and Thomas how the fuck did we talk you into this all the honest I'm not totally clear what's going on

here I just came here to serve you legal papers but while I'm here I mean I who hasn't seen the burning hell so sure I'm from memory I'll go ahead and help you out with it all right awesome awesome all right so because we spent so much time on that great audio Visual gag there. I'm gonna skip straight to it. Is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for being the best at being the worst at I would best worst Mathematical understanding of infinity, but he brings out a chart though. He does have a chart They have to come up with a big number in this movie if If you see it, you know what I'm talking about?

They settle on 300. That's the, they need an example of an enormous infinite, that's number 300. That's where they got. That was very clear, the someone's arm getting tired, just like, it's done. Just say it's 300. What about 301? No, they're going to get overwhelmed. They're

going to get overwhelmed. No, yeah. I got to go get new teeth. Those are an atom here. Can I nominate this for best? I mean, truly best. Worst, ugly people in the the views. You don't have to watch the movie. You just have to watch the people in the pews of this movie. I think we just discontinued all of evolution because of the people in this movie. If William Lane Craig and I ever debate and he just shows me

those people I'm going to be like, yeah, WLC, you got me. We are clearly still fish. Tom, you got any best words? Well I got one best worst tree branch deity. Actually no I might have fucked this up. I think it's just the best tree branch. Yeah I might as a category. Okay, you're new to this. It's okay. I was gonna go with best worst wasp juice. So throughout this movie,

they have, they're reenacting stuff from the Old Testament throughout the movie, but every actor that they found to play some famous Jew has a name that ends in hyphen Bob. It is, like Constell's like, Moses, what the hell you doing,. It is amazing really quick. That's you you Really quick. I just think wasp juice. That would be a great horror movie We can make billionaire money. Oh god. They just warm out of the sky. Can we lower the temperature in here?

They're taking all our gold I But you're in here. They're taking all our gold. I know a lot of you don't know that's true because of where you live. And that's just a joke. I don't have any of your gold. Not anymore, not anymore. I got to the end of the rainbow. So all right, well, we have been waiting for 59 episodes now to do this

movie. We have been saving this one for you guys. I have wanted to do this over and over and Eli just kept telling me, no, no, we're waiting for a special occasion. So you guys are special. Make sure you make it feel good. And of course on that, we're going to keep the break brief. But when we come back, we'll dive into all the night, Marish and sanity that is the burning hell. Thank you. Joining us this week to talk about upside.com is the newly unemployed bill O'Reilly bill. Welcome to the show. Thanks, little lady.

How about a hug? I'm a guy. I'll take what I can get. I'm sure you will at this point. So Bill, any plans now that Fox has given you the boot? Well, as in the tradition of so many men in my position, I'll be doing a national failure tour. You know, college campuses with terrible speaker policies, book signings and half empty barns and nobles and lots and lots of business travel. Wow. With your contract canceled, how can you afford all that?

That's easy, Sophia Boutella upside dot com. The best new way to buy business travel or escape a waterfall of lawsuits. I bet you'd know all about that. Yep. Every time you buy a trip at upside, you save a ton of money and they give you an Amazon gift card worth 100, 200, even $300 every time. And you can use those gift cards to bribe your kids to keep talking to you or other things. If you say so, the way they do it is really clever. Upside bundles your flights and hotel together for one low price. Bundle pricing saves money, especially on business travel. So upside gives you free Amazon gift cards. And I'm going to need hotel rooms for my coming messy divorce. Now that I'm not rich and famous anymore, are

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Sounds great Bill. Good luck on your tour. Have you seen 13 reasons why? I have and you should upside.com. He's topical. I have everyone. Welcome to hell. Okay, there's, there's a lot of you to get through 60 a minute. So let's make this quick. Yes, you're in hell. Yes, it's probably because you didn't believe in Jesus. Yes, even if you believed in Jesus, you pride into it the right way.

No, it's not your fault. No, you can't speak to my supervisor. Okay, good luck, everybody. Hey, Steve, how's it going? Oh, dude, it's a fucking nightmare. I'm like, Lucy on a fucking conveyor belt here. Hi, everyone, you're in hell. It's because of Jesus.

No, you can't speak to my supervisor. Sounds like a nightmare. Yeah, man. It's Hell. Get it? No, I get it. Well, I hate to make a bad day worse. We got a pretty major war ruling upstairs. So it's going to speed up. You got to begin, man. Sorry. Did you at least ask Lou about the TV screens? I did, I did. But do we really want to start automating? Not a road, I want to go down, you know.

Press four, yeah, no, I got it, I got it. All right, got some torch to do. My whip arm is beat. I bet. I won't let Jesus know, Superarsers. Hey guys, just cutting into the live show for a quick announcement that we're really excited about. As many of you know, last year we collaborated on a project called Volgarity for Charity

with our friends Tom and Cecil from the Cognitive Dissonance podcast and we had so damn much fun working with those guys that before we'd even wrap that up, we were already making plans on how to collaborate more often. Well, after several months of brainstorming with some dark and cloudy brains, we're proud to announce our upcoming podcast Citation Needed in which Eli Heath and I will team up with Tom and Cecil every week to a fuck a Wikipedia article to death. Each week we're going to choose a new subject, one of us is going to get a Google degree on that subject, and the rest of us are going to make Dick Chokes wills the former tries

to explain it. If you'd like to help make the show happen, you can check it out at patreon.com slash citation needed. We've nearly reached our launch goal, but you can still help push us over the edge. So if you want more Tom, Eli, Cecil, and Heath in your life, and you'd like to hear the first couple episodes of the new show before everybody else,

head over to Patreon right now and pledge your support. And as a special thanks for getting in early, new patrons will also be able to access five sample episodes that we recorded while we were still figuring out the form out of the new show. Those cutting room floor bonuses will only be available to people who signed up before the show is launched, so if you want to hear them, you'll have to sign up soon. And if you're already a God off a movie's patron, be sure to check out our Patreon feed

for a special sneak peek of one of the episodes of Citation Needed in which Cecil tells us all about the Chernobyl disaster and Eli makes fun of them for getting old. Remember that's patreon.com slash citation pod which you'll find linked on the show notes for this episode. And now back to ReasonCon. Our city of Hull, I love it. And we're back with you live from ReasonCon. Now I want to say up front about this film there may be other films in the future uh... that i hate at the same amount of time

as this movie but there will never be one i hate quicker we are one second into this film and we are we meet the whitest possible singing that you can imagine in a rock quarry next to a tire fire they just let a wing of a mental hospital into the quarry and they were like, you guys can all get out if you sing loud enough. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah We're going to Reason Con. Yeah. I think that is a little slow on the uptake. I thought see the piano and the singing were in different keys to, you know, represent the struggle within, I thought. Oh, I see. Sure.

You know what else represented the struggle is that everybody looks like they're in a live-action triplets of Belleville. Everyone looks like a mean political cartoon about Americans. Just back when hair was enough to stop a bullet. That's why Jackie didn't get one. Oh that's too far. You should go. That was a test. If you are upset right now, go to the lobby, have some fun. This is going to be a bad time for everybody. For everybody, there are children later on in the movie, and I will talk about it. And at one point, there's a part where the vocal gets literally a beat ahead of the music.

If there is one thing, these people should be able to do. Like, one thing in your movie, it's like, okay, I have a good choir, and then the rest will be bullshit. No, no. But that's because they wouldn't let any black people in. The very first note, like, no, I said, the very first note I have here is, this is what music would sound like if we left it up to the whites. It's true.

It's pretty damn, also was number of buttons like a sign of chastity back then. This is Lady on the UEC right away. She's got like 93 buttons. It's like, man, it would take her forever to cheat on me. I don't know. I think she had one of them on her face too. Do you remember anybody who's seen it? There's a mole with a small lady under it.

And the first scene. Oh, you mean the lady who the spaceship landed on? Yeah. Oh, there's a key grip and there's a mole grip in this one. It's rough. She got stung by a wasp tube. Yeah. And there's fire all around them.

Yeah. Does anybody know? Are they going to be burned for not sitting well after one can only hope? Yeah, right, right. Well, that would explain a lot of the appearances honestly serum see if they sing better so and this goes on by the way for about twenty three minutes and then we get to the first spoken lines and those will be from a insult to post-doctoral

education by the name of doctor our g-le that that's Robert g-le by the name of Dr. RG Lee, that's Robert G Lee, by the way. Is it? Yup. It's like Robert E. Lee, that's a fan of G. We'll call it G. It's fine. And he looks like a racist vanilla dipped raisin. Yes.

It's like, I spent enough time in the pick and mix and it was like, they do smell different, jump out. Put on a suit. So this one I had. Dr. RG Lee is born again Steve Bruehl in about 40 years. Yeah. I had him as Colonel Sanders in witness protection.

Well, you know how Colonel Sanders isn't racist enough? Yes, yes, they asked that question and they figured it out. And this guy, you know there was a point where they were like, hey, RG Lee, can you spin out your marbles while we're doing this moving? No, it is crazy.

He talks like he's got mashed potatoes still in his belly. Like he's got like a lipper of mashed potatoes. Like he's dipping mashed potatoes. That's the only thing worse than a fire and brimstone preacher is one who's like mailing it in. Yeah, right. It's a hell, fat burning. And also, it's insane, but no part of his glasses are real.

Like, you look and the frames aren't real, the glasses aren't real, these aren't real, but he is somehow still wearing glasses. It might just be the wrinkles in his face. He also, he's got like a weird combination hillbilly, Bostonian accent. And the very first unsung words in this movie, I had to write this down. These are the very first words that you can understand. He says, the Bible, oh, I'm sorry, let me do the voice.

Nabaabu, inspired, inherent word of God, teaches us the facts of a hill. So in case you were thinking you might enjoy it, that's a mean Bobby C impersonation. Yeah. He gave us a really nice intro and that's it. That is the nicest Bobby C impersonation. He gave us a really nice intro and that's it. That is the nicest Bobby C impersonation I've ever done, sir. Bobby's in the back right now.

You know. He doesn't have fingers on one of his hands. That's what that is. Go over and see it. Bobby's cancer is funny. I surprised he's not about you. So he's fine. No, he lived.

I mean, he's still Bobby's dead. He's fine. And then are you ducking? Yeah, he's from Georgia, he's got a gun. And then we get the hero shot of the movie. Astas fucking pericle comes out. And he goes, he goes, ladies and gentlemen, I'm Astas pericle and I said, you bet your lovely ass you are.

He looks like the boss has gotten in his lifetime as not as much as he just got. Yeah, right. Right. He looks like the defense lawyer for the bad guys from Deliverance. Oh. He looks like the hills have teeth.

Like a few. Yeah, right. Not that man. He's not in excess. Also kind of like Mike Pence wilted. A little bit like, like if you left Mike Pence in a vase for like a while. Yeah.

And his whole point, by the way, is they're in like a rock quarry. And he's like, hell was somewhere around here. Did this is where the endore is? Visual junk. I want to just many visual junk. Yeah, right. That's why you should have come to the live show.

Selling future tickets. That's a good idea. But he's in Mount Sinai. Right. He says, I'm here with you in Mount Sinai. Now, I could tell you all about Moses, not that I don't know a lot about him. I'm just going to talk about something different. But he does this whole like, I'm at Mount Sinai, not for a reason or anything. I'm just here is all. I wrote my notes, is

hell gonna sneak up on us out of the desert? Because the music is like, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, I wanted the devil to pop up behind him. Just starting fucking silence. Shhh! Haha! Just are you fucking innocent on this? It is disappointing both as arms the opposite direction. It hells over here somewhere in the city. That's it. And then we get the film's first reenactment. This is from number 16, 16 through 34.

This will be where the Exodus Jews challenge Moses for power. Yes! Okay, first of all, if you guys enjoyed Fat Camel from Book of Mormon, part one, this is really, really anorexic camel. Yes! There was very clearly a negotiation. It was like, my friend, you need a good camel

for your movie. It was like, no, no, no, I got $6. All right, we were going to shoot this Camel in four minutes. If you promise to eat it, it is yours. It is not good. And Moses, we see Moses here. Oh God, Moses looks like a kung fu master from Kill Bill. Yes, yes. He looks like Megan Kelly, like Megan Kelly probably imagined it.

Yeah, but... No, I can't remember. Somebody messaged me, I was watching the movie, and messaged me, said, it looked like Santa Claus fucked Chubaka. I think that was pretty much... That's how Megan Kelly imagined him. Yeah.

And as he's, Moses is doing his speech, they're doing something while listening that I think they would call acting, because what they do is they just pan to different groups of two people who turn and go and just let shake their heads as though that's acting. Like, when you listen to someone speak, you turn to your friend and go, whoa! Well, that's acting for them. That was like five times in a row.

Yes, yes. So, the white guys that are some Africans turn to the other white guy who's Moses and they're like, we don't think you're Moses and he literally throws back his hoop, he throws back his hoop like he's like, girl, homo hoops. You did not just challenge Moses girl. I got some lines written, yeah, because... That was Moses undoing his hoops for everybody at home.

If you have not gotten to see people from Alabama pretending to be Middle Eastern Jews, you have not lived. I wrote it down, it's like, these are Ravens of a man, man. And they're the full, like, get up. Like, he's in Middle Eastern Jews. Such ranting is always in plough, and he's the one... It's him who watched the movie. Yeah, there's some then y'all shall know going on there.

They found all their Jew extras in a barbecue in Nashville. They kind of look like Muslim WWF characters. The whole thing, all heals. Yeah, and it sounds like like an argument about a senior discount and like a NASCAR event, like no event like notice getting the ARP percent off. Yeah, they're pretty angry. Yeah, and of course, if you remember this from the Bible, this is the part of course where Moses dances back

and opens up the earth and swallows up whole families. And Austus Berglis, the only preacher I'm aware of that goes, yeah, fuck them families. And so they get for fucking ad Hayden. And the way that this is established is the same ThunderClapped sound effect. 18 times the row. PICKER!

PICKER! With 18 shots afterwards of different people going. Yeah, turning. PICKER! No one seems to know where the camera is. Like, S.D.'s hidden him is like, first one to find him gets to eat. So, it was just like... PICKER!

PICKER! PICKER! PICKER! The camera finds it first. Yeah! Like, they haven't. And this is definitely how an all-powerful God would solve an argument, right? Because most of them are like, hey, I can't convince these people.

I tried for like 25 seconds, I give up. OK, let me kill most of them. Hold on. I'll kill most of them. Okay, they're dead. Yeah, the remaining ones, well, but of course the reason we're learning this is because this is the first time that God sent people to hell in the Bible, which he didn't. I mean, I've read the damn thing and then say hell, but the shot, the shots of them falling into the earth is the best. Everybody apparently in the movie, like it was on contract, they

got a shot of them falling into the earth, sucking them in and they went for it. They, like one guy's doing the canoe into like the escalator, into the elevator, so, what's up? Beautiful. Well, and we cut immediately from that, right? So we've got all of this, like, people falling into the earth and dying.

We cut immediately from that to Estus Pergel, just going, no, now come on. But yes, does this shot go right? Yes, come on. But yes, does this shock you? He's actually doing this. Does this shock you? I'm a provocateur you see. Yeah, so yeah, he put dozens of dollars into the production of this. It had better shock.

It had better shock. Yeah, yeah, he basically offers up his quick justification for his weird Jesus slasher flick here. And then we get this, I was preparing for a sermon some months back, flashback that will last, the entire rest of the movie. Now don't worry, there are an inception level of nesting flashbacks here. So this flashback has flashbacks.

Yep. But this is the flashback about the time when they have hippie Christians going to his house. Hold on, he introduces it as two young men came to visit me. These men are in their early 50s. They are in their early, I'm not joking, not just, it's Cheech and Chong. To be fair, like now.

Those guys were 18 and 19. It was just the 60s and everyone lived to be 22. So everyone just looked like they burned in the sun. 18 and 19, it was just the 60s and everyone lived to be 22. Everyone just looked like they burned in the sun. And just like got too close to solar panels. In the scene, Perkel's tie is wider than his shirt. It actually is a wider tie that goes out. It looks like he has like a Spartan shield around his neck.

But the two hippie guys come in and their basic point is like, look man, your bibles do not groovy. We have crystal Bible. High sea Bible. Moon Boots Bible. Yeah, they're talking about Dr. Long's makes prophecy simple. It's like his Dr. Long's idiot guides and prophecies, like what they're reading. And he's like, yeah, we got to say all this stuff here.

It's, but we know. I desperately tried to figure out who the hell Dr. Long was. Did you see some research? Yeah, but Google has no fucking idea who he's talking about. Like this, this was somebody who apparently, as just Pearl thought, was important enough to make a whole movie to refute. And Google's like, who the fuck are you talking to?

You want, there's a podiatrist near you named Long. That's about all I can do. You do get a hint that like 85% of Estes Perkel's movies are like, fuck you, Steve. Well, this whole movie is clearly, it's the equivalent of 1970s equivalent of reenacting that time he owned that dude on Twitter. That's the entire flip.

And that's a bad example. You should use an example of something that isn't super awesome. I don't know. That everyone totally admires. And the best thing is Perkel's example, like his conception of sinners, like young, you know, whatever going out and sitting,

are people who are still going door to door preaching Jesus. They're like, we want to talk to you about Jesus, but they just have the wrong version of Jesus. And then in the end, he's like, he's using all this slang that Perkka was clearly like, oh, God, what are the kids saying these days? Here's the skinny. Hell ain't real, daddy, oh, can you dig?

So I'm going to go out and boogie on out of here, catch you on the flip. That's like 80% of the words. I'm not even jazzed. No, that's, yeah, that's pretty damn accurate. And this is the first time I wrote this down, but not the last... Noah, exactly when was the toothbrush invented? Because...

None of these actors had one. This is... No, for their whole lives. It's, as this percoli... I think he has perpendicular teeth. So... It's their like stonehenge. They're like stonehenge.

It's crazy. They cover in the middle of his mouth, pointed sideways, there's like a magnet on one lip and a magnet on another. And also, the battery for it is in his tie. That's what they know. That makes sense. Also, half of his face is five inches lower

than the other half of his face. But like right down the middle, like it was like the stroke tool on Photoshop and they like, and they got it and he got custom glasses. He's like, he's like, God did a bad edit. Just like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like,

he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, race for the scene. There's the guy. Max again. I win. That podcast listeners, there is no Mexican. As much as I hate to say this publicly, but yes, he if you can play name that race. Okay. Oh, sure, but when the cop pulls us over on I-95, Eli, be quiet. Eli, don't act.

Can I get, can I take that? I don't want to do this on him. Yeah, no, so we got the white guy with the perm, like the hair man. The hair race that's like Captain Hook, is that a race? Oh, that's good. He looks like a real version of the cartoon Captain. He's literally. Yeah, that's a race.

Pirate, I believe, is a race. Yeah. All right. But what we're learning from this scene, of course, is that I have a down as big perm in Dr. Gonzo. Yeah, CERPICO. OK, yeah, CERPICO. What race is Al Pacino?

What? One of the good ones? Guys, tweeted out, hashtag what race is Al Pacino? What? One of the good ones? Guys, tweeted out, hashtag what race is Al Pacino? Just ruin his day because you know he's got an assistant who has to Google and everyone in the room tweeted that right now. We could fuck up some assistance week. He'd be like, I guess we need to cover this. Mr. Pacino, we need to mature responses. We the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. In the next interview. She all and not hell and of course he knows his jujitsu so he comes back says that's just a oh thank you, thank you

So he says no, no, no, it's the old that you're talking a whole test mission So he busts out his Greek new testament and he's like read this bitch Nobody's even better cuz he doesn't he's like have you read it in the Greek and they're like no and he's like then whatever I'm saying You know they don't prove it. No. Also, this is the first time we get, of course, we got the choir at the beginning, but this is the first time we get a really good shot of just how ugly the humans in this thing

are because then they cut to him going to his... We're just in conception. We need to know what layer we're in, right? What layer of inception are we? I think we're back to President. No, no, no, no, we're still in the... We're still in the... These fellows came to see me play, no, no, no, we're still in the black. These fellows came to see me play for the entire rest

of the movie as in that flashback. Really? But he's preaching within that flashback. He's preaching about, well, he's the... Get out the chart. Get out the chart. Yeah, exactly. Draw me a maze at this purple chalkboard.

I need a criminal draw me a maze. I need a criminal draw me a maze. I need a criminal draw me a maze. But yeah, we get the first shots of his congregation here, and this is what Alex Jones sees every time he closes his eyes just This congregation is like no Performance artists ever And Noah has screen captures of a bunch of people in the notes that's fantastic

We're gonna enjoy them in front of you right now. Yeah, exactly. You guys don't know from this, and it's really beautiful. You should have been part of the podcast. So. So. And of course. We're having a great time. You've got to see this woman.

This woman does tell what's her name in the beginning of the lab rinse to not go that way. She does. She does. And we learn from... And we learn from Estes here that 60 people go to hell every minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on. Statistics proves.

Yes, I think you're thinking of counting. I don't think... Estes' physics doesn't prove that. I think counting. Well, they haven't done like a Pew report from Hell yet. So he does out the math. He's just 6,000 people die every hour, right? So therefore, 3,000 people go to Hell every hour. Yeah, it's a ratio.

It's a bunch of different ratio. It's like a percentile thing. Yeah, there's like a Hell's belt. I don't know if there's a bird. I'm like, what the fuck? How do I work? 60 people going to Hell every minute. Today, when I was picture just an exhausted angel just like,

NOOOO! NOOOO! Fuckin' Two at a time! Dotha! You just get paired up with some Indian child that didn't make it through birth. Ha ha ha ha ha! They only had one room!

Ha ha ha ha ha! Okay. Ha ha ha ha! Is this part of it? What am I gonna pant my mind with this baby? Andro is furiously scribbling notes to hold off day, you lie right now. In the middle of suing himself, but yeah. He's still there. If the laughs don't go well, he's threatening you. He's threatening the invisible maybe through you.

But as Jesus declared hell to be an awful place, that's what is like. It's just awful. Look to your left, look to your right. 1.5 out of the three of you are going to hell. You want to get chopped in half? No, exactly. Idiots. Math. So math bitches. Yeah, he proves it with the math and numbers now.

So, so, Perkle warns us, of course, that this very minute, as we speak, and this is true of this minute, too, by the way, is different minutes, but still true. This very minute, someone is heading towards hell. And on that line, yes, yes, yeah, exactly. It's listened to everybody. So it's listened to. She volunteered, she but so you don't know.

Oh yes, she was the first to talk. But of course, this is the cue to cut back to those two hippie missionaries. And they're on motorcycles and they're behaving recklessly. Now I'm gonna do my impression of these guys behaving recklessly for you. Hey, no, no, no. Here's what it is.

Here's what they're doing. I think I figured out their direction. The director was like, okay, you're writing motorcycles but still pretend you're doing the last scene you were just in. So, no, I'm not joking. So, Captain Hook is like mocking the preacher. Like, he's writing a motorcycle. Right, right, right, right, right. Right, right, right. Not joking. So, Captain Hook is like mocking the preacher. Like, he's riding a motorcycle. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right.

Not joking. That is literally what he's doing. And the other guy is like still in the scene. He's driving behind him shaking his head. That's bad behavior. That's bad behavior. That's bad behavior. I might run.

I would bet every penny I have that at some point in the writer's room, as to his perk, it was like, and then he's behaving recklessly. His friend falls behind because he's going too fast. Astro Perm gets ahead. Dr. Gonzo falls behind. This is the whole movie right here. This is the real art of the movie. What's about to happen?

It's why this movie won an Oscar, actually. Go back. It's for this scene. Still better than ordinary people, I guess, but, but then Moon moonlight stole it. So you got a long nish movie no no moonlight. Yeah well this was the 70s we didn't give Oscars to movies with black people back then so.

So that was too fun. Oh North Carolina is drawn line there. Really North Carolina. That's where we're drawn line there. Really? North Carolina? That's where we're drawn line. OK. OK. Are you sure you didn't like that, Joe?

So. So. Andrew right now. Andrew is Googling, can you hold a fake baby hostage and be arrested for it? Seriously, Alexis Nexus. What's the case law on this? He lies about the murder of an invisible baby. I don't know, I don't trust this.

So our buddy, Dr. Gossurpeco, our buddy's Serpeco, falls behind and he starts coming back up and wouldn't you know what he comes across as buddy's motorcycle, which is wrecked in the street. Can I describe what just happened because it's beautiful? Please describe what just happened. So we get the cut from Captain Hook

who is still going, burr, burr, burr, burr, burr, as he's driving. Itage described what just happened. So we get the cut from Captain Hook who is still going, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, he's driving. It cuts away right when it cuts. He was driving the middle of the road, totally fine, great, everything was fine. Cut, you hear like the deaf-star explosions and were to believe he was just vaporized

in the middle of the street. We come back, does anyone want to take this part? We come back to the scene. And Captain Hook's head is off in a helmet. He's just on the side of the road. That's why I said the best tree branch guillotine is his head is just off. Like he was, you know, like it happens when you wreck a motorcycle.

Your head often falls off. And he didn't, well what happened was he crashed into the first test from Indiana Jones in the last crusade. Oh, okay. It was just, it was the only, it into the first test from Indiana Jones in Alaska to say. Oh okay. It was the only... And Indiana is... And Indiana is the penitent motorcycleist who passed. That's just for, for like five people again.

It is the faked fake head you have ever seen. Oh it's a ketchup-covered ham and a helmet. It's just a basket ball with a smiley face written on it. Just, Tom Hanks is yelling at him. We're all in the background yelling at a prop guy just... ... ... And for those people at home, Eli's doing funny things with his hands.

Yes. He's got the baby. He's got the baby. I don't know what he'll do. And also, even funnier than the decapitated motorcyclist is his friend's reaction. Which is like when I realize I'm gonna have to pay the two bucks of the ATF. He's just mildly upset, he's like afternoon gutching.

Yeah, yeah. He crumbles up like a ham sandwich. He made a second bag like, all right. Fuck that. I made two. Fun. The extent of his acting is. Yes.

He just, my friend just got decapitated. That's about how I would do. That is so inconvenient. Gosh. Again. And also his reaction after that, his then, his reaction then is not let's call the police Let's do something. What would you do next? What would you do next at that point? Your friend has died Where would you what was your next? Are you asking? Yeah, because because he's got a new hole

Whereas had used to be and I think I should answer this Thomas, what would you do next? First I would sigh a little bigger. I'd be like, oh man. Oh my god, he's done, he's done, he's done. Oh my god, that's my end. This guy's done, he's done. That's what I do, right?

What is he made of fucking Lego though? I mean, how does this, but, that's what he looked at me. That's what it would be. No, but what he how does this, but... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, his eyes. And he's like, uh, and he walks in church. He goes to church. And also, so he goes to Estesburg, Estesburgal Church. And this guy is vaguely Al Pacino race, whatever that is.

And everyone is from Napoleon Dynamite. This is, all right. Yep, that is my character's name. No, yeah, you got it for him. All right, so, so he walks into the church and everyone in this church is very clearly uncomfortable with a slightly brown person being there and They're not even trying to hide it. It's the everyone in the church because they're obviously not good actors, so everyone in the church is just like Eli is now doing funny things with his lips

And as this who is just like intuitive that his friend died, is like, why don't you ever see right here? And the woman, not next to you, watch this movie, watch this movie only for this moment. The woman behind him looks so mad that someone with the last name that ends in his Z is going to sit in her church. She is memorizing that Pew number. Like, excuse you. Kinda like Lucinda right now.

Yes, sir. So, yeah, so he goes straight to church and he tells us this burgl that his body's dead. Now, as those burgl's reaction, he goes, my buddy that was with me when I came by earlier, he died. And that's just like, yeah, he didn't heal. I have feelings in hell. And that's just like, yeah, he didn't hell. I have feelings in hell. And that's just, and I just realized, I think I go, do you think my friends in hell?

And he's like, oh, getting his balls kicked by an iron boot. Well, I had, because he asked him, actually asked him, I gotta know, I gotta know, preach. He's my buddy in a grave. And I'm like, not if you just left his body, did you know what I'm asking? He's just sitting there where you left him a second ago. And he is not even gonna get you a grave. We cut back to that later and he still

sitting on the side. He hasn't done anything. It was 70s different time. Be well my 70s Thomas is there. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Yeah I drove by and got on my go. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, this guy's here. That's what I would do. The funniest thing I've ever heard is Thomas doing that scream, so now I'm gonna kill all his friends and family so I can do enjoy it. As if you weren't going to do that anyway. Yeah, right, now you just have an excuse. You, Frankster.

So, it's always Josh and... And apparently... Let me finish! A f- But... Ah! Alright, so, and apparently, Aster doesn't feel like he's really, because his butt is like, you know, he's like your friends in hell and he's like, well, you know, all my other friends are there too, right?

So, at least you have that. And like, no, no, it's all terrible. And he has to go off on all the things that aren't in hell. And he goes, like, hell is is not gonna have any sunsets. Hell is not gonna have any movies. I'm like, my hell is gonna have movies. You know what I'm saying? I mean, this is gonna be what, he's like,

hell ain't gonna have no family vacation. Family vacations. Look, I think I'm not alone in this room when if I showed up to hell and they were like, yeah, it's a family vacation, we'd all be like, sure, no that's. This little dude's coming. Goop duh, this is my mom, this is a bitch. It's like radio, mom.

It's funny because it's because his mom is a bitch. And I just called your mom a bitch. Or do we have to edit that out? Ah, okay, good. I was not getting you out of the wheel right now. I'm just really living the conversation that every podcaster in this room has had to have with their mom. It's every single one. Everyone.

Do a lot of people listen to it? No, you just all sign up. I'll sign up for you just and then, well then will I know when you're a record? No, it'll just down I'll just I never mind. I don't know When do I call in I want to say hi? You swear so much You're so funny you don't need to swear what happened to that baby He's fine, Mom.

I have done nothing to him and pantomime yet except bringing him on vacation. Yep. So, also, I love this line too, because Pergol's like looking at CERPAGO now that he's really got his attention or whatever. And he says, you may have done some bad things. This is the actual example he uses.

He goes, you may have been rude to somebody who is hand in out Jesus tracks by a grocery store. I'm like, is that just a random example there, Estes? Are you speaking from experience, bro? But of course, that was an invitation to a flashback within the flashback. Yes, of evil dimension Bill Nye passing out Bible track. I have his cartoon of a history professor. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Is time a tenth is fast in this layer of hell that we just felt like it. It felt it felt definitely like time. Yeah, this was a 58 minute movie that took me two weeks to watch him. Yeah, right. It's because of the fucking inception levels. Yeah, that must be it. So yeah, so apparently this now is Dr. Sarpakal, but yeah, we're going to go with Sarpakal.

This is Sarpakal remembering the time he was angry or he was mean to the Bible. So this is a memory of another person within a flashback of a different person, as told by a third person. And by the way, this is their version of being mean to a street preacher. Offer me a pamphlet. Would you like this pamphlet, Eli? I like you.

That's it? That's you. That's it? They're literally just like, no thanks man, and then they walk into church. Yes. That's exactly, so he's a conception of every sinner's, they still go to church. It's just not right.

Like, about the world. Well, yeah, I know they're like, we're theologically liberal motherfuckers and that's evil enough for him. And by the way, that is the only purpose that this flashback serves, that they didn't take my pamphlet. Those guys are going to hail too. The problem in the world is medium Christians. That's what's happening here. Yep.

Yeah, and of course, and then we go back to him doing a sermon, which is I think second level flashback. Well, I know, are you and I in a flashback right now from this movie, and I can't, I'm actually lost my sense of reality from watching it. Yeah. So, and then he starts talking about, we've got to get another hell flashback and this is probably my second favorite third.

This is a good part. It's hard to write, they get really good before it's over. But this is where we get the reenactment of Belch's are going to hell from the book of Daniel. Oh, good. And this is the first time we actually see hell close up. Yeah. And hell is yelling women covered in chocolate sauce. Yeah. Which is weird because I'm now super okay with going to hell. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good.

You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good.

You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good.

You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. You're so good. I'm gonna try to get to another impression. Here's me and Hill. Ah! I'm not. What? Ah! No, it's like, silent. Yeah, we are gonna have to kill his family. That's good stuff.

Right? Guys, sorry, Lydia. Guys, if there's anything we want you to walk away with tonight, kill Thomas Smith's family. And record it. Facebook has a whole thing for that, by the way. It's good. I'm sure I'm going. Oh, sorry.

Too soon. Whoa. A clot of guy. Andrew will be hearing from my lawyer. So Andrew gets an AmeriSarch tracing his lips with lipstick. He's required. Actually, I answered that on the bar. He's required when he sees himself to be, yeah, addresses as another character. Yeah, I do as seen.

Well, I think you can just have a green tie and then do a like red and blue. But he doesn't even go to the house. Yeah, he goes all out. Well, that's why we hired him. Yeah. Also, would anyone like to comment on the physical appearance of the demons in Hell? Well, he's just a French clown. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Which was kind of pissed about working at Hot Topic. Yeah.

And it's amazing because he could not be more bored to be a demon. He's just like, all right, welcome to Hell. What do you want to fucking ruin? There's the P fountain. We don't have enough rooms. Here's your Indian baby. You might want to cover yourself in chocolate sauce. Seems to be a thing.

Can we talk about the message of the scene, though, which is, again, to go back that there's no friendship in hell. Right. And the way we see this is that the king sees his old, like, subject or whatever, suffering. And he's like, hey, buddy. And the guy's like, go away. And the king, the whole message is, the king is hurt. He's burning in the fires of hell. And he's like, that guy, and the guy's like, go away. And the whole message is, the king is hurt.

He's burning in the fires of hell, and he's like, that guy didn't wank to me. Yeah, right. He didn't accept my hell friendship last. He's really, it's hot, and yeah, I'm being tortured, but like, come on man. Oh, but, to be fair, are we being, there's fire, there's some. There's some fires.

There's like, the budget allowed, yeah. There's like, it's like, it's like, there's like a nice bonfire. Well, right, but it's like, just like, step away, just move like, the home all my notes are like, move like four feet apart. Yeah, they're not on fire.

They're not on fire. They're not on fire, how did all that chocolate sauce get put on their face? Dummy. I hadn't forced their on fire. I hadn't thought it through as well as Thomas. Yeah. So, this is why we instruct people to kill his family.

Okay. He's mouthy. Huh? And now it feels racist, right? It's not, because he's white. And now he's going to, I guess, Estesburg will have to tag in. Just, you need a minute. You need a minute. You need a minute. USA.

OK. And this is where Estes has a tag in a separate preacher, a different fire and brimstone preacher. So this is where we meet Dr. Jack House. This was confusing. I think what happens is it's meant to be like another guy is going to speak, but he wasn't there that day. So they're like, let's hear from another guy. So it cuts. But then the audience is the same. It's just really confusing but the inception

levels again the chart refer to the chart. Yeah exactly. But the message that Dr. Jack house wants to send is if there was no hell he would rape everyone that he could. Oh this guy this is a hostage video. Yes. They cut you a hostage video and he goes, guys, I'm really scared of hell right now. Like, I don't know what God will do. All I know is I'm convinced there's a hell and just do whatever he says,

because there's a hell that I'm gonna be there. Okay, bye, back to you, Astas. Just expect him to hold up a newspaper. Yeah, exactly. Now you're not gonna let me go unless I convince you. And how's this entire point is, look, someday you will be in hell and everyone will be like, let us out. And God will be like, all right.

But wait, wait for it. Then send you right, the fuck back in. But you get a nice little afternoon. I want that day where just like people have been burning for 65 million years. The next week I just got there and I was like, oh, this is the day we get out and go back. And you go, yeah, fuck you man. No backsees, no backsees. The point of it is just to add standing in line to your torches.

Like, okay, everybody, file out and say, and write, and you had to come back in. The turn styles and whatnot. And then of course, and then we got, he throws it back to Ashtas Perkel for the headlines or whatever. And then he says, Ashtas Perkel says, now bet you remember another time when some other Christie Watt failure said the same damn thing to you.

And then this triggers another memory from Serpico where he remembers some other old crusty white guy saying the exact same thing to him. This is where I like apparently like some old girlfriend of his has talked him into going to the church with him. God, I wish I could show you guys the lovely, lovely lady that played the mom here. She looks stupid. She looks stupid. Yeah, she does. But of course, this scene features more all-white choir singing, which is nice. And then we get back to Estes.

And Estes really wants us to know. And this will be a theme for the next 14 minutes of this movie. The worst thing about hell is gonna be the worst. Yep, the, the, the, the, the, warm-enting worms. The warm-enting. Yeah, it's up until now, hell has been pretty bad.

Yeah, pretty bad. Yeah. And now there's worms. I just, I wanted them to cut to serve go in the back of the car with a worm, just like, not touching, can't come out, not touching. I like that we're getting the time share pitch of hell.

I mean, eating steak dinner, but I'm not signing anything. But don't eat. There's more. There's also worms. The worms will be itchy. And by the way, they don't just cover you with worms on top. It's under you. Yes, he says that. He mentions that specific.

In case you were thinking your underside would be comfortable. Because the first show has a couple of worms on him and his hand is right there like oh there's nothing I can do about this. Yes, just bust, just bust. All of their hell shit is just wipe your face issues. Like I mean because they're all wearing clothes right so they're all covered in liquid shit. So you're just like why wouldn't you just go? Just brush.

At least. And then they show the guy who's got maggots all over his face. Yes, they show that. That's got maggots all over his face. Yes, they show that That's why they didn't let me use clips So they got this guy with maggots all over his face and again, it's just like yeah, just give it I mean it's unpleasant. I don't want to have to flick maggots off my face, but it's better than leaving them there Like like some race is going shit like it's gonna be like everywhere on my face like I Siri canceled the rapings. I was done I'm gonna go back to Mar-a-Lago I don't want to do it anymore

and what's amazing is Estes has an argument that I don't know who he's having it with but all the sudden by the way about half of this movie he's turned sideways and they're like Estes turn and he's like, nope, fuck you. So he's sideways and he starts to argue about whether the Greek actually meant the word. Yes. And he's like, no, hear me out. The word worm is in the Bible 44 times and he means fucking worms. He doesn't mean...

Yeah, he's like, Skollex, they very clearly use Skollex, which means maggot. Who was the one guy that was convinced by that? He was like, oh my God, scolikes. And again, this is a guy. No, you say that, but very clearly, I noted this. You thought he wasn't there. Scolikes means maggot.

It pan to a guy and the guy went, yeah. No, yes. Damn, I've had it wrong for so long. And this is his actual, this estus purgles actual line He's again, he's trying to convince us about how bad hell is gonna be talking about the maggots on our faces And he goes imagine the smell and the itchiness Like really that's what you have hell is uncomfortable. It's very itchy Have you ever had an itchy butthole on a date,

but she's totally looking? It's like that. Scowl. Scowl. Recreation. So, and then, of course, since we're already on the subject of worms, we have to go to the Herod flashbacks. This is great.

Herod's coronation, which was attended by five of people. Yes. There's literally, in the plot, everyone at that fabric, yeah. The last guy in the fucking PGA tour got a better clap than that is. Herod's fucking corn. Yeah, so Herod comes out and of course, Herod claims he's every bit as good as God, so God strikes him dead and has

and devours him with worms. And we watch this happen. Everybody's watching. Now, yeah, not only do we watch as an audience, but all the people at the coronation watch until this body is completely devoured by worms. That takes like a couple hours. Yeah, yeah.

That's like a couple hours. They send their kids back for like food and water. Yeah, go get into the house. I need to watch this for like three months. I have a little popcorn. I have a little popcorn guy to walk in front. Popcorn, popcorn. Watch her and get deviled by a whims before you die of rickets.

Popcorn. I mean, to be fair, at that time period, a worm eating is like the most exciting thing that ever happens. Like, son, there's also that. I'm 14 years old, which means I'm about to die. There's a real pattern in this movie of people dying and no one doing anything about it. Like just, I guess he's just going to be there.

Yeah, yeah, happens quite a bit. So we get that flashback and now we're going to move on to the flashback. This is going to suck up most of the rest of this movie. Again, this is a third level in case you're trying to keep track on your chart at home this is a third level flashback um this is the one where we get the story of Lazarus and the rich man oh man we will call for this story diabetes there's he's called diabetes right he's saying something and I diodes but but but I love to that he has to start it off going like and for the purposes

of this story even though the Bible does not name the man We're gonna call him diodes because even us dumb fucks are better at storytelling than the fellows that wrote the Bible kind of have to have names for your characters So yeah, and of course any any goes now some people will tell you this is just a parable and those are fucking lawyers That says, which is weird because Jesus was like, hey guys, I've got a parable for you. Yes. Rita, he's just like, tell me to make your friends this parable before.

I'm gonna give you another tissue. Yeah, exactly. And Irish, it can't lick in an Indian baby. Andrew's giving me the next joke symbol we have when we worked out. So yeah, he apologizes as this next bit might not be a hundred percent historically accurate and We introduce this rich guy diodes and he likes to take trips But and with his friends, but not so he can hang out with his friends so he can show off how rich and powerful he is

And then, oh, sorry, lost my soul. My nose. Thomas, take it over. Yeah, what everyone was thinking is, do we get any more brilliant music in this foodie? And the answer is, yes. First off, one of the women singing, my note was, oh, she still has the face-eating magnet make. Oh, no, that's just what she looks like. Sorry.

If you're trying to picture what this heart music sounds like. Oh my god. Imagine Thomas just found a dead body, right? That's that one. And then they hand him a harp for the first time in his life. Yes, yes. That's exactly right. My note is, it's like, you know, the sirens from the Odyssey. It's the inverse of that.

Like it's zero fucking sailors were ever snared by the... Nobody goes to their rocks, they're just like, come on. Yeah, no, I had a lot of screeching eels notes there. She's playing an authentic instrument from the time period called the most annoying, jangly fucking nonsense you've ever heard of. Yeah, yeah, that's a reason why we upgraded our instruments

since like 5,600 BCE. So, but this is where Diadies comes across some of like Jesus' disciples and whatnot. And he has to come over there and say, at Jesus' mother fuckers foolish shit, y'all, he was foolish shit. Well, first I think he has a very candid moment that I don't know if it was in the script

because he comes and goes, what is this fucking shitty music? Am I right? No, really he does, he's like, is this? Yeah. And they're like, no, this is part of? I'm like, you know, really does. He's like, is this? Yeah. And they're like, no, this is part of the movie. Oh, uh, Jesus. Uh, keep rolling. Keep rolling.

That was the most natural lasting we've gotten up far. Yeah, sure. You're crushing it. Don't stop. He is it. So, and this, and then, of course, the lady eventually stops with her harp nonsense eventually. And then the MC that they apparently have for this discipleship throws things over to Nathaniel, pulls a little bobby sea over there.

All right folks, I'm just going to improvise and it'll be pretty good. I'm sure I'm not going to write anything down. I'm sure I'm not going to write anything down. I'm just... LAUGHTER APPLAUSE In case you can't tell, he's flipping me the bird. You can't always tell because of the finger thing. LAUGHTER And we...

We come to Nathaniel and Nathaniel's face. Again, just watch this movie for the people in it. Nathaniel's face comes to a point. He looks like as a fetus, there was a pencil sharpener accident. The mom was like, I'm just gonna take him out for a minute. Just what could, no! No! Nathaniel!

You're gonna be in Christian movies. You totally right, I have my note. It's totally right. My note is that it's two front teeth are fighting each other like it's Israel Palestine and it's two teeth that both want a one state solution to this problem so they're both, they're really they come to a point and they combine. They're in different, it's like a shark with a meth habit. They're like fighting each other from different. There's some teeth settlements that they shouldn't be building around, but it's basically the metaphor. No, it's literally that. It's literally

that. Yeah. If you guys aren't picturing sharks, just hang you around a gas station like, what's up, man, you got a dollar? Eli, of course. And then of course, you're not the one like what's up man you got a dollar? He lied, it wasn't. And then of course, you're not the woman he married. And then of course somebody, he's dieting, he's just wandering off to some gladiatorial combat or whatever, and this is where he runs into Lazarus, who's going to ask him for something to eat,

but very slowly. That's how they do, like I'm poor and I'm hungry, is every word comes out. Just because they had to fill 57 minutes, I believe. Yeah, they need to get to that crucial 57th minute. Yeah, exactly. Respectable film. Yeah, exactly. A feature length. Yeah. But Didey goes old GOP on his ass and he's like, uh, you seem like you could be working. Yeah. It's like, I have maggots growing out of my face. Folks won't hire me. He thinks begging for food is like a scam by big poverty.

Right. All right. And what I love about Lazarus' argument here is he's like, I know what my body looks like, but my soul's abs are like, bupwa! And by the way, music has the soul of a capoeira instructor. It looks like but my soul's abs are like bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- bu- You ready for your solo? Hold on, hold on. We need some musical accompaniment. So diabetes asks him, why, if Jesus is so great, why hasn't he bought Lazarus a boflex?

And Lazarus is the Santa, there is like, eh. Yes. And he's like, all right, I'm gonna go watch people stab each other in lions and shit. But okay, but he says, he says first, he's like, all right, bring this guy some bread, but stale bread. Stale bread. Stale bread, very important.

So yeah, and then he wanders off to go see the gladiatorial combat and he's enjoying the hell out of it, but he's very worried that that damn bum is still going to be there when he walks back. And I think we've all had that moment where you walk past and he's like a little aggressive and you got to go back and you're just like, I'm going to hit him with my'll be right back. I'm gonna hit him with my dick if I see him again. I'll do it. I'm gonna fucking do it. Watch, watch.

I'll do it. Mushroom tattoo. Heath also gets in trouble on Facebook. Home was people gross. You all didn't laugh enough at Heath's joke. All right, now I'm getting the rapid up symbol from, from Andrew. So apparently this is the time to leave you guys in suspense. I mean, we're going to pause for a quick break.

But before we do, I got to give Act 3 the hard self. Will the owners of the hotel kick us out before we wrap this up? Do you think the caterers had any clue what the fuck they were getting into? Is the state legislature currently drafting a law that will make our breakfast club close illegal? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the aberrant conclusion of The Burning Hell. Hey guys, welcome to Food Poisoning.

I'm Skyler. Can I take your order? It's incredibly loud in here. I know, right? Hey, can we be seated not next to a Basilar at Party and a group of guys who seem to have chosen a restaurant as a location to cheer for sports? No, because that's literally every other table here.

Oh wow, it is. They're like staggered. Oh, they are. Yeah, we do that on purpose. Anyways, what can I get you guys today? I'm just looking for some fresh, delicious food. Oh, did you guys order blue apron? Every time.

Right? Because blue apron is the number one fresh ingredient and recipe delivery service in the country. We know, they deliver fresh, pre-proportioned ingredients along with easy to follow, stop by, stop recipes to your door. But what do you guys have? We have our pop and fun time poppers.

Okay, what are those? They're frozen jalapeno poppers. They come in bags like literal plastic bags of reheated food. That doesn't sound great. They're not great. Well, you came to a national chain that decides what servers were. What did you expect?

You're smiling, but you still seem incredibly unfriendly. It's not. I know, right? Okay. How does spinach and fresh mozzarella pizza with olives, bell peppers, and ricotta, salada sweet and sour salmon with bok choy, carrot and ginger fried rice, parmesan, crested chicken with creamy fettuccine and roasted broccoli, or baby broccoli and fountaine of paninis with hard boiled egg and arugula salad sound.

Well, that actually sounds amazing. I think I'm going to have those are just upcoming meals on Blue Apr, aren't they? They are. That's exactly what I'm talking about. Every time. Can you please just tell me the menu? Absolutely. You can check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free with free shipping by going to blueaprin.com slash God Awful. You'll love how good it feels and tastes to create incredible home cooked meals with Blue Apron. So don't wait! That's blueaprin.com

stash god awful. You know we meant hear Skylar, obviously. Okay we've got a chicken that will make you sick pasta that won't help you lose weight even though it's our diet option and steak for peasants. I hate it here. Blue apron, a better way to cook. Okay I'm gonna wander off and you'll literally never see me again enjoy the music which is somehow all smash mouth who they'll ultimate truth Ethan right whoa welcome to hell oh wait is it this is hell what do you, this is it. This is hell. What do you mean this is it? Yeah, this is hell.

No, it's bad, I guess. Looks like there's fire. Yeah, tons of fire. And look at all the screaming people covered in poop or something. Is that poop? I'm not sure. Okay. Do you guys like hand out poop or do people use their own? What's the protocol there? Is that poop? I'm not sure. Okay.

You guys like hand out poop or do people use their own? What's the protocol there? I don't know man, people just kind of end up covered in poop. It's weird that you're like, he's making me the, he's, oh no, you will suffer. Watch what becomes of friendships in the fires of hell.

I'll sit going bro. I'm not bad, not bad, how about you? You know I was like, go and bro. And I'm not bad. Not bad, how about you? Oh, you know, it's, it's hot. But if you spread poop on yourself, cool as you're right down. Oh, smart. Oh, fuck, is that why you guys do that?

Yeah, why did you think we did it? I don't know. Sorrow. Sorrow? Do you spread poop on yourself when you're sad? No, no, no. He puts on kabuki makeup, don't you, Alan, when you get sad? Holy shit, your name is Alan.

Yes, he is. Yes, he is. And it's not makeup. I'm a demon. And this is what my face looks like. All right, Alan. It looks like a ton of makeup. And that's because it's makeup.

It's not make. mostly it's not makeup. Whatever Alan, come on, he'll show you a lot of cool people for you to meet. Yeah, bet. Ah, gonna spread poop on my face. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. All right, Beauregard Hickins, your next. Oh, that's me.

I got to tell you, Phil, I'm pretty excited about it being in a real live flicker show. Well, Oofies. You're on an extra, so that doesn't really count, but good. And a Christian movie at that. Why? My mama sister's going to be so proud. Yeah, so we're going to need you to get made up right away. All right, made up right away.

All right, made up, that sounds kind of faggy, but that's okay. I'm getting paid almost minimum wage and I'm spreading the gospel to good Lord Jesus. Woo, we. All right, so if you'll just smear these maggots all of your face, that'd be perfect. I'm sorry, come again.

Yeah, gonna need them just all up in your nose, crawling along your eyes, you know, just like everywhere. I'm afraid I don't know, filler of why in the day, gumption, what I have maggots on my face. Yeah, this is a movie about hell. You're in hell and hell people have maggots on their face, apparently. Well, well, the, I'm folks over there going to be in hell too. And all they had to do is put that caramel syrup on their faces That's exactly what they told them it was. Yeah, but you're doing maggots Well, no sir. I'm afraid I ain't

Fine you're dismissed. Just like that. I mean can I be a angel or something? If you want to be an angel in hell with maggots on his face, well, you, I did never, you good day, sir. Okay. Great. Uh, next up Eli Bosnick. Eli Bosnick, you're next. Ah, that's me.

All right. We're going to need you to put these maggots. Um, I brought my own, I brought mine, I have mine right here. You, where did those even come from? Did you know, I don't know. I, I do not. But if you smell them, you can guess. Pocket? It is my pocket.

That's where I keep my poop. It's my poop pocket. And we're back at ReasonCon in hickory north carolina now when we last left our heroes maggot face lazarus was being all holier than now and fucking up some rich dudes banquet plans believe we can pick it up from there uh... at this is uh... fucking up some rich dudes banquet plans believe we can pick it up from there and this is um...

i'm sorry sometimes i just have to like e.l.i. will copy shit into my notes so i'm gonna try to make me say it and i just found one so oh no no yeah talk to this guy talk to this guy, talk to this guy. Andrew, say it.

Yeah. No, guys. This is how you're attorney buzzkill. Yeah, believe me, this is felonious in nature. Ask me later when there's no possible way that it can be, yeah, you should. I'm not allowed as it turns out to give you specific instructions on how to kill world leaders.

I'm not allowed as it turns out to give you specific instructions on how to kill world leaders It's like who they thought of this like they saw Eli coming I have three clues for you I don't it's a felony I was given a severe talking to. I was told to break character. So, I'm not a character. So, there will be a custody hearing where you contradict the future. He lies a lot like Alex Jones.

Yeah, absolutely. I have an argument now for my eventual messy divorce. No, she loves that I'm on Twitter 19 hours a day. It's great. Best marriages are meant on what? So Eli stole my shorts, by the way. I did stole them. Unbelievable. I'm getting those bags. Yeah, yeah. We're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're You know, I was doing lunges in him. I'm not happy.

It's just important stuff. As pieces rubbing up inside your armor, I will shit myself in these shorts. Don't, don't cheer for him, guys. You are underestimating how far he'll go to make an audience happy. So, there's a walled host across the street. It's not hard. So now we cut to, uh, I'm trying, guys, I really am trying.

Usually I get to cut all of this out later. Um, they're dying to know what happened to die. Yeah, right? So really they need to know. So diodes is at a bank where everyone looks like a very a stage of potato blight. This is where we meet Diadies's harem. Were they going for like the Stepford Wives factory

had cutbacks? I mean, they were going for like the Honda of Stepford Wives. Like you, you price shop there, but then you're like, we can't really afford a Stefford Wives. How about a Stoneberg wife? Made in China and it's fine. The warranty is, well, we didn't call it in. So, so they're partying, right?

And this film is made by people who don't know what that is. So their version of that is everyone feeds each other wine. And then they just like, you can't just drink your own drink. Someone else. Yes, it's that. Tom's getting jealous. He's so afraid. Don't turn on me. jealous

He's a little afraid don't turn on me Now of course as this and yes, and that that was my note on it too is that apparently partying to these guys is everyone has A glass in hand at all times and they're laughing that sinful partying to these people Now of course while they're doing that Lazarus dies and gets corded off to heaven Oh gosh, which we actually I like again. I'd love the angel shots I wish I could show them to you. This is where we meet homeless Santa God The shot of Lazarus Lazarus rising up from his own, but it's just a guy Standing behind another guy or like laying behind other and he just like awkwardly stands up behind the shot of any like

Accidentally elbows the other guys Oh Keep it in that's so real that's real acting keep it in Keep it in that's so real that's real acting keep it in yeah Yeah, of course all the Lazarus is face vagina's are cured and his and his soul is Even his like clean shaven apparently that's the difference and he's also now Asian a little bit Apparently on your way to heaven they give you dollar shave club.com. Yeah Forward slash scathing atheist. That was a free one dollar shave. Bob, you're welcome. Which is good, because it's not forward slash scathing atheist.

So, they get pissed about that one. But someone comes in and tells Diadies, like he's put a lot of effort into this one homeless guy. Like he's like, I want eyes on him. I want you to tell me the minute this homeless man does anything. And so they come and report like, he just died. He just died. Excellent. Mobilize. Mobilize. Yeah. What are you doing? this homeless man does anything. And so they come and report like, you just died, you just died, you just, oh, excellent.

Mobilize, mobilize. Yeah, what you doing? Team Red Go. It's so weird. Yeah, and also we get a very brief image of heaven here. And my first note here was, huh, heaven only has white people. But it's a lot like a clan meeting. It's, yeah, it is.

They're all in white roles. It's dressing the people, the racial makeup. Yeah. But then, but I thought that was racist at first, and then I remembered that only white people are in hell, too. They were just only white people in this movie. White people in pirate races? Did we decide that?

Well, pirate races, yeah, exactly white and pirate people. Yeah, but of course, that's about all the happiness and joy percol can take. So now we have to get back to the rich man and the hellbounds Shit, I just want to say though because they portray heaven and the benefits are for everyone who wants to go to heaven You sit by a guy. Yeah, and oh, there's one more. There's water. Yes Yes, they're like all you can eat water or drink whatever

This is much water as you want at a toga party at a nursing home. Yes, yeah, exactly. Oh, I'm saying is the Muslims give you comfy couches too. So if you think if you're if you're still considering. Yeah, no, they give you raising the carolk river who's read the caron hands up. All right, you guys are not going to be able to fly home. No. So you haven't. I'm glad Thomas likes my jokes. I think that was the good one. Yeah, so we, so now he's got to go back to the party, right?

He's like, the party that Dadees was, I had, it was in full swing. And of course, I'm expecting naked Romans slathered and vegetable, little cut in lines and shit, but no, it's still just... Yeah, they're just giggled. They just drink and just giggled. Giggled drinking. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Oh! Oh! That's how Thomas parties. Also, by the way, do you see the rap we were doing with the drink? Somebody went for a double rap.

And realized they're all the long enough. They just like, keep it in, keep it in. And they didn't do it. They tried it. They tried it for like a minute. And they're like, keep it it in that goes in the movie that goes in the movie Yeah, the kind of shit drunk folks do and of course this is where Diadie dies Hmm, and they immediately have the funeral. Yes, immediate like everyone just throws the sheet on them and they're like we're doing this fucking

No Monday night football's on in 10 minutes. We're not doing this now Well, let them on fire. Do a eulogy. Yeah, and the eulogy, by the way, is. That was beautiful, man. Yeah. Well, the eulogy is delivered by a chaiifus, and he looks exactly like the animated version of God from Monty Python.

Exactly. It's like, the Eulogy is like, stop groveling, stop groveling. It's that. No, it is. But his actual Eulogy is actually Eulogy as, well now, this year fellow is way too busy for church and Jesus love and Jesus doesn't exist. Yeah, but that doesn't matter to these people. But I bet all them big donations are gonna get him to heaven.

That's the message. I'm pretty sure God will understand he was a busy man. Yeah, exactly. Those are his records. God does not stick to him. He's like, I was busy, I couldn't go to church, man. But percolatious, there's a state.

No, that will not be enough to get him to heaven. So we have to go back to hell to see his arrival there. Of course, that starts with more shit-stained screaming. And boy, did the rich man wish he was Lazarus then? But I was going to say, up until then, I thought this was the good character because he just looked like he lived a kick-ass party life and went out at the top of his game.

He just was like, he party to death. He's that guy from Futurama, so that was like, go this guy. And the best thing about this is that the angle as this wants us to get from this is that Abraham himself from heaven will like, Nina, Nina at the hell bound. Yeah. So diabetes is like,

hey, what am I doing down here? And Abraham's like, oh, and then his brothers show up and they do more. It's like, oh, and then his brothers show up and they do more. It's like, if there's purple nerples in hell and there's ten years''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' I'm sure I'm not the first person to compare New York to hell. Walk faster. Don't stop at the top of the day where the subway, why would you take a picture right now? That's crazy.

Just keep walking. Keep walking. Maybe you walk somewhere where you fall off and you die and the world is better. Ladies and gentlemen, the New York Tourism Bureau. So yeah, so is this where we get Estes Perkall who pronounces the name differently than they all just did for the whole movie? He does, he says, but how wrong K.I.F.S. was.

Oh yes. Keep it. We don't have time for another take. Keep it. It's fine. Well yeah, because, you know, of course, diet he's down there saying, Hey, now, uh, uh, can I go back and mourn all my friends that that that heaven and hell is real? And and God goes like, we already gave him estus perkel. What the

more of it could they possibly? Oh, yeah, this is where he's one of the guys from our brother, where I thought so picture God in a full God, get up like the white, just all the God, and he talks, he says, and the brother, where I think he's like, the people have Moses saying his prophets and it's like that's God if I get that God I'll be like oh I mean that was about to call yeah I'm like I'm glad to be here and have I made the good team and all that

if only we knew someone who had some kind of hillbilly God voice of some sort oh someone someone should invent that. You can do some kind of a bit. So yeah and and God's answer is like you know like hey look if they're not going to believe in ancient dubious unsourced uncredited book written by fictional characters and crazy people why would they believe a person that they know. And he thought the god thought that was rhetorical. And also I love too that astros has to come in and say, and by the way, Diodes wasn't trying to warn all of them folks because he was a nice guy.

Oh no sir, no sir. He just wanted to make sure they wouldn't show up in hell and give him purple nipples and stuff again. But they did. They did. Yeah, so. Sorry. Now it, yeah. So, sorry. Now it's time for the number trial. We're getting to the magic.

This is the best part of the movie. He introduces this by saying a thousand years after he's been in hell and it shows him. He's like, let's, let's go check in with him a thousand years later. Oh, let's go. I'm just hearing now we have footage of a thousand years from now. They do. And he's still talking, he's still talking the camera like it's real-world hell He's like pissed at his roommate in hell. He's like yelling about it

He's still muttering to himself and I'm like I'd be in hell 45 minutes. I'm like God board. I'm fucking I don't have the energy to mutter to myself for a thousand years I would just lie down be like, oh, I'm burning. This is so creative. This is so creative. God. Oh, what do you know fire? Oh Sorry, I'm in Oh, you're pointing. Now, I'm having fun if you're accent. I'm sorry. Okay. But now, here's, but he has to emphasize what forever means in case we don't get it.

So we check in a thousand years later, and then we check in a thousand years after that. But then that's at the end, right? And no, no, it turns out we should go into order. We should go into order. We should really go into order. It's a massive. Yes. so we pull out a god damn chart and he says this here is a one and these are zeroes after it now one thousand is three zeroes one million would be six zeroes this has three hundred zeros now I want to point out that like it does have exactly 300 zeros and the row at the bottom just ends like

I'm way through like they couldn't go 90s and go all the way across I also want to point out exactly that many zero As this percol does not try to pretend he knows what one followed by 300 zeros is he's like this is a thousand This is a million and this is a thousand this is a million and this is lots of circle they don't have a name for that number and so forth and so you get it you get a thousand a million and so forth but what about 350 zeroes get out fuck off off. Fuck off. Asshole. Yeah, but again, like he just pulls this out and he says, this is also a number. So they'll be spending this many years in hell too.

So now that we've got that all figured out, is that all figured out? I think it is. This is now where he kicks over to Bob Gray. We have to have another support preacher. Yeah, and this guy is like an auctioneer for years in hell. Yeah, he's like, oh, I hear one million, he's burning for one million, you know, you're one million two million, you're burning your two million years in hell. Hey, burn out two million, you're burning over there.

He burn out three million years, three million years, that's not seen, it's the next thing. Yeah, well, and I love to, and when they get this guy's opening line, he starts off his line, the Bob Gray guy says, in spite of what the critics and the pseudo intellectuals have to say, and I thought, man, that is the most promising start of a sentence. Brilliant shit always follows that first half of a sentence right there. So he says his piece, and then we go back to Pergo fucking with Gonzo a little more. Keep in mind that this is the guy that just wandered into his church minutes after his friend died.

And Pergo has to go, and remember that fellow right there, his buddy did. just wandered into his church minutes after his friend died and perglosti go and remember that fellow right there his his his buddies did his buddy but the top when it was spinning it jiggles a little so are we in that reality or we in what I don't know what inception we're in and this is where as this tells us about the scorpion horse load his locust lady lions. And they do it from the bottom up. And honestly, if you don't watch these movies,

just watch this three second because it is very clearly the legs of a horse. Yep. And then mysteriously. And then mysteriously is just a guy with vampire fangs. Yes. And a blonde wig. Yep. It's a bit of a cut between the part when it went up. and a blonde wig.

It's seriously there's a bit of a cut between the part when it went up, the camera I noticed it got a little bit and then it went up to the dude with the fangs. It looked like one of those gold spray paint people in the subway that come to life if you give them a nickel. Yeah. But and the guys like shut up, not finished

and, lady hair and white stupid, that's stupid, that's stupid, does it? And Lion teeth? And he goes, they will have a scorpion's tail, and they cut to someone whipping it with the tail. Yes, yes. Fun fact, not what scorpions do. No. They just do the sound of a scorpion.

They don't have the budget for a visual. Yeah, right. It's the sound. And I would think, if I were in hell for a billion years at this point, and I see this weird scorpion Dude with a wig I'd be like, okay, this is fun. What's this? I think this is a billion years. It's been a billion. Yeah billion years. Oh, this is fun. Let's do this How many zeros is that? Well, I'm sure it's just zeros. I have a lot of

concentric zeros Also, this one It's this zero Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, No spoon. And during this, in hell, there's a weird demon guy who just laughs hysterically and shouts, burr-ba! Burr-ba! Burr-ba! And I was sort of thinking, isn't the joke on him?

Like, this dude, I mean, yeah, I mean, hell. This guy isn't like a boring supervisory job for however long this is. Is it? Eternity of just shouting, burr-ba! I feel like I have it better than you right now like I'm pretty sure you're being punished for that's just a day but it's a day he's like forever forever forever forever forever forever forever forever forever forever forever forever forever forever forever forever forever forever forever and then we meet and as we're doing this sort of who's who this is where we

meet hell's first customer can uh... so you flashback for that oh god the flashback he can't invent so here's the flashback of can murdering able he's got like a baseball that overshoulder and he walks over to able literally he has a club over shoulder he walks up to him goes

hi and then he invent the look over there, Joe. He does. He's like, hi. What's that I see over there? And then he hits him with a club. Well, and also before he does, he has to go like this. He has to go. Yeah, yeah, he looks around. There are two people on Earth. There are only two people.

You could just know where they are. It's like you're supposed to say a joke with the N word, and you have to check. He turns around, there's also... Oh, so rostrum just giving him a mean look. Just like, I'm so sorry, I'm not that kind of guy. So, can we just do my buddy? Are we gonna ignore the giant urine stain

on the back of Abel's outfit? Oh, I thought he shot himself. Did he not? There is no question this guy gets up, and he turns around and his whole back of his robe is wet from like here down. And it's like, you could have just not had him turn around, guys. It was probably from the first few takes they did

where he landed in mud or something and they're like, did it again. No, you pointed and then you didn't look. We gotta do this flexing again. There's a lot of blocking in this one too. Also, I love it. This really goes to show exactly who Estus Berglis, who we're dealing with here. like seeing again. There's a lot of blocking in this one too. Oh, so I love it. This really goes to show exactly who Estes Berkles,

who we're dealing with here. He goes, now, he probably came probably choked able to death, put his hands around his throat, and just, what's going on? What are you working with? Why did he know that? I got the police court here. It looks like there's less relations on his neck.

Yeah, he's already got the club that he's built. What is that based on? He was listening to like the first episode of cereal. Is that the third season? Yeah. Just like paying, giving really nice phone calls. I was like, I don't know if he did it. He did it.

Who did it? Who did it? Yeah, what is this based on? He's like based on the clubs they had at the time. Like he's like, I would have hit him and then then choke. Then we had a choke him to death yeah exactly science into this discussion and now we're going to learn about another

grizzly murder in the bible basically you just goes through like a checklist of all the people that go to hell in the bible and he's like yeah and that well it's not all he makes very clear there are also a bunch other hellbound fuckers i can tell you about but we only got so much time open saw you saying is this one uh... gonzo is this one's surpeco has

gone in this is where service surpeco who is bored of the hell talk falls asleep and as a dream of what it would be like for him to go to now he's open i'm sorry i just want to point out, we are now in a flashback of a flashback in a dream sequence. Don't get lost in this important plot.

Exactly. Now, when you picture the devil, what do you picture his face looking like? Now, me personally, I would assume stained glass. Stained glass? That's what I was going to say. We were both on the same page. And indeed, that stained glass. It is stained glass. Stained glass, that's what I was gonna say. We're both on the same page. And indeed, that stained glass.

It is stained glass. It is a, remember the clown from just, it is a stained glass clown and he's like, hey. Ha ha ha. Welcome to hell. You like it? I'm a winter. And he just like introduces him to hell.

He's like over there is so-and-so who killed John the Baptist. He thinks everyone is John the Baptist. Over there is so-and-so. He's all filled with ants. And once again, we get the reality we're in. Where Dr. Gonzo is burning in the fires of hell, and he literally says, is that man looking at me? Like, what are you doing?

You're burning! What do you care when people are looking at you? Ah, dammit, ah! I just love that hell has an orientation. Yeah. All right, we got some videos for y'all the watch. You don't really have to pay attention. They'll ask some questions, but they're pretty easy.

It's an OSHA thing. Yeah, exactly. It's one's on food safety. This is one is on respecting workplace diversity. This is on smearing liquids. Shit on your face. Very important one there. Satan just walks in.

Oh, hello. Welcome to Wendy's in hell. So the guy who thinks he's John the Baptist stabs him. Well, stabs, stabs, cervical, yeah. Yeah, stabs, cervical. He's defining him. He stabs like a wet shirt that they just draped.

They draped it on the ground, and he's very clearly is just a shirt. Like he's just a shirt on the ground. Right, and Pedro is very upset by this, but he's already dead. Right. What's gonna happen? Yeah.

He's like, because he's coming over, he's like, oh, there's John the Baptist, and he's like, oh, no, he'll kill. Oh, no, actually, no this. Oh, that doesn't make any sense. And what happens when he's killed? Do you remember what the prison face guy does when he's killed? He goes,

No! Yes! Ha! And everyone was like, I guess we'll use that? What was it? Okay, that's, that sounds really... He laughs like a girl you'd immediately stop dating that. Ha! Ha! Ha!

I forgot to tell you, I'm married. What? To a guy. Ha! Ha! Hitler. Oh, you lie yourself. Oh, you lie yourself funny. Yeah. Is this your way of trying to get out of the show? It's too late now Thomas. We're almost done. Because this is the part, this, I guess it's this hell-revery that that Serpico has. This is where like he starts to realize that he needs to get saved, you know, like as they're

pulling, oh I'm sorry, he actually wakes up because he's falling asleep in the church, wakes up pulling an imaginary spear out of his guts. Because you know what it is, you're a dream. You wake up with a dream, you are constantly like reenacting whatever was happening in the dream seconds before, it's like that. I am very lucky that that's not the case. No, I'm very lucky that's not the case. I sleep together. And it's just like couldn't get the mustard on the hot dog again, huh? Yeah, crazy.

Keep having that dream. I love it because the audience at home is just now putting that together. Like, oh, he did the shaking dicks on his face. He didn't eat. If they've listened for a while, they knew. Yeah, that's true. So now, OK, so keep in mind that. That was very clearly him doing the gesture. I wasn't jerking tiny dicks off onto him. He was mimeing because he's learned from us. He's gonna be in some blue apronettes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So, now, I would not imagine, I wouldn't even imagine if you would.

How you would react if you looked over and the person next to you was suddenly trying to pull an imaginary spear out of their guts. And if your answer was mildly perturbed, then you would fit right in at this church. Well, what you've forgotten is that they go back to the racist lady who still is like, God, this guy is a little dark. See, this is a guy. I don't know what he's saying or something. That doesn't matter.

He's just going to enter. They come to your church. They come to your church. They fall asleep and then they try to pull a spear out of themselves. Mailed a wall. Taken our job. Yeah, and of course, everybody out and this is of course where Astas Perkall really comes into his own.

He's like, pulling the spear up. So he's like, let me guess. Spear in the chest, dream. Oh my God, it was spear in the chest dream. Now check your wallet. Jesus, exactly. I was thinking of the three of gays. That's actually illegal in this state. Oh, so yeah, so now we get like, okay, keep in mind that Esther's burglist spent the right, the entire movie describing graphics

shit to us in his Esther's burgl voice, but now we get his most disturbing moment, which is where it gets all quiet. And it has this conversation during the alter call, y'all come on up, you want to come up, you want Jesus to save you, come on up now. And we get that for about four minutes. Right. And his final words to us are, look, I know everyone's gonna say you just joined a religion because you're scared But fuck him

And the screen blacks ass. Yeah, there are no credit. That's literally that's it. What are you gonna do? Some people say I just scared you into believing in Jesus damn straight Some people say I just scared you into believing in Jesus damn straight. Yes, so like who's the fucking good guy in this thing? Like the terrorists who create a torture place is so bad that y'all can't do whatever you want. Dude, I guess I'll do. Yeah, I don't want to go to that torture place you created. So yes, that's the good guy. That's the good guy. That is the omnibenevolent guy.

Oh, okay, so that's the good guy. Yes. Oh, yeah, it's not super clear. Okay, so that's the good guy. Oh yeah, it's not super clear. All right, well I am pretty sure that it's illegal in this state to put our thumbs where we need to put him to write this movie. So yeah, I mean, I'm at publicly, we can get together afterwards, do we?

Me and this half of the room are getting together later. You can put thumbs in us at reason count. He held the theme song the entire way. Those are some wiggly thumbs. Look at that photo group. Oh, okay. So rather than using thumbs, we're gonna get back on track after that. Rather than using thumbs, we're gonna get back on track after that. Rather than using thumbs, we're gonna find a different way to evaluate it. So in summary, keep your thumbs out of that imaginary baby. No, he was doing it. It was his tiny thumbs.

All right. All right. I think we should hold the baby for the rest of the time. Yeah, I think we should. I feel like I'm a little late, but I think we should hold the baby for the rest of the day. Yeah, I think we should. I feel like we should. I feel like I'm a little late, but I think we should hold the baby for the rest of the day. Thank you, Lucinda! That is the third recording where Lucinda has stolen my baby! It took that long to just rest just rescue the baby for me like

Every sherry he's by by court order. He has to have an alarm that goes off on him if the baby's like Well, I can't be trusted I cannot be like Like a other people's life alert trust it I cannot be like it's just like a other people's life alert a lot of life alert fans in this audience yeah let's go do some prune juice shots after the show meanwhile jeans over here going like 8 15 y'all what I let me get a walk if you're missing a foot, so in summary, I want to ask you, I remember the setup I had for this like 15 minutes ago. So you guys all already know the setup.

So in summary, I want to ask you this, what is the worst reason to travel all the way to North Carolina that is still better than this movie. Oh, uh, Eli's 14-hour Katy Perry road trip mixed tape that we fucking goddamn had to listen to. If there is a strong that you have ever had a friend play to you ironically, it's actually on his goddamn playlist. And if you're picturing like Katy Perry's like, whole body of work, no, hot and cold, hot and cold. That's it. Over and over.

The eighth time you hear it. Still bad. It starts to get worse. Yes. And Eli, just to give money to the anti-gay government for explicitly gay bad things. That's where I go i work here we've gotten several emails letting us know that that's why we're here

antommas so the worst reason to travel all the way here that still burns me just uh... that's actually among the top reasons yeah no i think i was really you say it's going to be a disappointment. Yeah, I would say just visiting here would be.

Because I'm pretty sure the order of things in that are bad is visiting here, this movie, and just that's the end of list. So by definition, I think I've got the waffles. I love it here. Help me, right? Help you, I raised your child. Do it.

Alright, so with that, we're going to bring Episode 88 to a merciful close. Huge thanks again to you, Thomas, for hanging out with us. Big thanks to Morgan Clark, our audio engineer for making the trip with us, despite the fact that he was sick. Another big thanks to Gene Elliott and everyone with the Hickory Humanist Alliance. I want to remind you one more time, you gotta stick around to the end, special announcement. If you want more Cecil in your life,

you're gonna wanna stick around to the end. But before we do, I wanna give one huge thanks to our amazing audience here and our amazing audience at home, without you guys, we just be talking to ourselves which would be weird. So. Thank you.

A one-man standing ovation room, Tom. Thank you, Tom. Thank you, everybody, but mostly Tom. And with that, we'll leave you with a breakfast club clothes. He gets excellent. As this percol went on to never use chemical weapons. The maggots in this film went on to a successful career as Donald Sutherland's mustache. Tim helped Napoleon Dynamite win the school talent show, and Tim's friend is still lying decapitated on the side of the I'm going to go. The preceding podcast was a production of Buzz on a thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2017, all rights reserved.