God Awful Movies - 97: GAM097 Six The Mark Unleashed

Episode Date: June 27, 2017

This week, Eli Bosnick and Noah Lugeons team up with Michael Marshall of the Merseyside Skeptics for an atheist review of Six: The Mark Unleashed, the story of two men held prisoner by the antichrist, and another man, also held prisoner, except he’s a fake prisoner that has to kill the leader of the resistance. Or not, though, because it all turns out to be about satellites. Or, at least, it seems like it until it’s about something else at the end. If you’d like to hear more from Marsh, you can find his podcasts here: http://www.merseysideskeptics.org.uk/podcasts/ For more information about the QED conference, click here: https://qedcon.org/ You should also know more about the Good Thinking Society: http://goodthinkingsociety.org/ --- If you’d like so see us live, check out our latest tour dates here: https://scathingatheist.com/2017/05/01/god-awful-movies-world-tour/ --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our new ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

Which he somehow didn't expect in the game Yeah, right what the hell rolling through these people and he's like, oh, you're poor and I'm not oh I want to fuck a child Oh, what's going on and then they're like oh, we're gonna fight you and he's like holy shit. They can see me Corsionary tale cautionary tale like this what happens when you go around saying you want to fuck a child This is why we're not allowed to be in parades this is the most of Christmas future thing Eli just be aware of you see Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be immediate left as an empty chair. Heath wasn't able to join us this week, but not to worry. Eli shaved his head. So we still meet our hairless guy minimum. I look. Not a good luck. Sort of an Adam's family peripheral member. Kind of a look. Yeah.

Speaking of which, I might as well introduce you. Sitting anyone miles to my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon sir? I don't believe it's sick. Better than I look. Better than I look or am I? So I'm just getting a spirit of this movie. Getting an experience. Well done, sir. Well not. And filling at least some portion of Heath's enormous shoes this week, sitting five hours to my future is full time skeptical activist and part time cinematic massacres Michael Marshall. Marshall is the project director for the Good Thinking Society. He's a freelance journalist and author of blogger co-host of the skeptics with the K podcast and ever so infrequently the host of B reasonable marsh. Welcome back, my friend. Thanks a lot Noah. You know who's running jokes? I'm going to struggle to pick up this

week. I'm going to be here. All right, you just have to pretend to be racist and you're most of the way there. See, see, Heath, I said pretend. I said pretend. Yes. How old is that wife of yours? So. Yeah, I'm not going to be buried into answering that question. We've been married a couple years now.

I'm well aware that that's a, that's that's a bear pit to fall into. Yeah. For all kinds of good reasons. So now I should also mention Mars, you're one of the organizers of the premier skeptical conference in the world. QED annual conference in Manchester, England. Are you guys doing that again this year? We are. We are. We're deep in the middle of planning it all now and tickets are all on sale. That's going to be October 14th and 15th. And it's going to be at least as good as the time that you guys are there. We've got the podcast room. We don't have a lot of Americans coming in to colonize the podcast room. So we've got actually figure out how to fill that room for ourselves, which is a novel, a novel problem to have when

we didn't think about it previously, because we had three podcasts, three podcasts already just turning up. So yeah, we've got lots of different interesting questions to figure out, but we'll definitely have them figured out by October, which is why everyone should buy tickets to DVD. Yeah, I'll tell you what, it's one of those conferences that I would go ahead and pick up my tickets for before you announced a single speaker because I just know what a good job you guys are going to do with it. I say that, you know, even when you're not on the show. And for those of you who have, have been to

a skeptical conference or two, if you haven't been to QED, you don't know how good it can get. I say that from the bottom of my heart. So now that we're done with all that plug and stuff, tell us, Marsh, what are we going to be breaking down today? I, we're going to be breaking down six, the mark unleashed, the prison breakout drama, starring Stephen Baldwin and exposing me for the first ever time to the talents of David A.R. White. I've never seen this guy before. I know you guys are big fans.

Possibly you've seen more of his films than any member of his immediate family of actually seeing. But this was my, my David A.R. White debut.. debut. And, uh, I've got to say it did not let me down. I sure doesn't. So I, no, no, it's great. We busted your white chair. You'll always remember us now. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you want to see Negan get his due and someone wants described an M night Shyamalan twist to you, but you don't like sweary words, you love this movie. This this movie is the worst put together thing I've ever seen. And I've been to Detroit. I've seen buildings and Detroit. And I, and now I can just hold up copies

of this movie and be like, yeah, but I mean this movie, though. Well, that's what I, as I'm watching this, I'm thinking, fuck, we talked Martian to this. He works for the, for the good thinking. So does this, does this tarnish your standing in the good thinking society, the fact that you voluntarily watched a David A.R. White movie? And if not, why not? Well, I think it doesn't, but I think that's because part of my job is to intentionally expose myself to things that are terrible. So I've been to see Peter Popov, I've been to homie packs, I've had all sorts of crazy different treatments that are done on me.

So I'm kind of a professional massacres when it comes to skeptical stuff. So this fits perfectly in with the job read. I love to that so many of these Christian movies want to take place in prisons, even though they can't swear. Why do they do this to themselves? Boo, yes, say. Is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, I want to say this has the best worst piercing of any film I've ever seen.

It's got, it's like 105 minutes long, but literally nothing happens until the last 20 minutes. I think this is kind of the movie equivalent of, you know, when you go to write a sign on a piece of paper, like a protest sign, something like that, or a sign you're going to stick up in the refrigerator at once. And then you start writing in nice big letters so everyone can see it. And then pretty soon you realize that you're running out of space and you're gonna start writing smaller and smaller

and kind of curl the line down. That's what this is. This is one of those signs of the movie. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You like it? Yeah. Best worst. I got to give this best worst torture. So obviously they couldn't just, you know, have anybody being tortured here. So what they decided was, um, Wonder Woman bracelets that simulate torture. We're going to get to it, but the descriptions of some of the torture in this movie are phenomenal. Yeah, they have a torture matrix type device that doesn't touch your head. It's really, it's really quite nice.

I mean, it doesn't touch your head, but if you look really carefully, the electrodes are actually attached to his armpits. I don't know if you noticed that, but he's got electrodes just underneath the armpits. So he's the torturing him through the armpit nerves. It's astonishing technology. Lymph, no type thing. I have, yeah, right, right, okay. All right, well, there's an awful lot of nothing just waiting to burst out of this movie.

So we'll keep the break brief and when we come back, we'll dive into all the apocalypse smack and goodness that is. Sixth the mark unleashed with no punctuation. So what the fuck am I supposed to do with that, honestly? Hey, folks, we know we usually do our ads as little skits and sketches to keep things fun and interesting and don't get me wrong. I like Carl the pug of peg of corn as much as the rest of you, but we wanted to take a second to break that pattern and tell you that not only are we happy to advertise for blue apron, but we're happy to use it

as well. That's right Noah. Way before they paid us to say nice things about them, both even myself work customers of blue apron because, and this probably won't surprise you, when you collectively spend around a hundred hours a week on a podcast, cooking kind of goes out the window. So if you're like us and you want to skip the hassle of the grocery store and have fresh pre-proportioned ingredients with easy to follow recipes delivered right to your door, check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free with free shipping by going to blueaprin.com slash God awful movies. You will love how good it feels and taste to create incredible home cook meals with blue apron,

so don't wait. That's blueaprin.com slash God awful movies. Blue apron, a better way to cook. Oh man, sure I'm glad we didn't take the mark. Now we live with Jesus on these thrones and we'll rule for a thousand years. Yeah, woo! Oh man, sure I'm glad we didn't take the mark. Now we live with Jesus on these thrones and we'll rule for a thousand years. Yeah.

Woo. Okay. Animal vegetable or mineral? Vegetable. Again. Woo. You know, a throne gets... Get uncomfortable after a couple hundred years? Yes! Thank you! I've noticed!

Woo! All right, gentlemen, time's up. I'm sorry, what? Yeah, no, your contract was very clear. You'd rule beside Christ on Golden thrones for a thousand years. Oh, oh, okay, but what do we do now? I don't know. I mean, what are your job qualifications? Well, we rule with Christ for thousands years. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, all this is getting knocked down to make a mall. So I guess you could see if they need any rulers

And we're back for the breakdown and before the credits are even fully underway I had to stop tomorrow at how many awesome ideas Christians seem to have for different 666 tattoos? There's this new one might be my favorite, the little three, the Triangly one that they have for this one, but every apocalypse movie has a new cooler version of the 666 tattoo. It's true, it's true. I like it.

Also, we should point out that this movie was made by ChristianCinema.com and I just wanna say websites, you make the best movies. And Godwin. We immediately start seeing Nazis. That's the first image that we see 666 and then Nazis. Yep. Hitler lies. Lenin lies.

Well, yeah, right. And God is the opiate of the masses win as well. I love these chords that they put up because they put up the chord from Lenin and just to sort of show all about kind of truth and stuff like that. So the light told off and off becomes the truth. Which Lenin never said. There's no evidence that everyone is said, Lenin said that for so often that now everyone thinks that it's just an amazing, lovely irony. And of course, you've got the words of Pontius Pilate caught on film, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Pontius Pilate, what is truth? I also had what his love baby don't hurt me.

That was had aware. I think I can think what I saw was truth. God, I want to go in there and splice that into the movie. They wouldn't. The Christians would be like, no, what is it? It does hurt you though sometimes. So the credits wrap and then we get a Davey white monologue and over the sight of a bunch of prisoners. Yeah. I still remember Saturday morning, cartoon. What is that? Right. That's the kind of shit you're reduced to when you can't just admit you missed blow jobs and anal beads in your movie though, right? One of the things I love is he says, he remembers the Gulf War, the second great depression, school shootings and the music. And then he says, it's the music that I miss most.

It's not in real. It would be in weird if he was like saying it was like the school shootings he must more to. I'm just really nostalgic for Columbine. Of those four things though, the one if I could only have one of them back? It would be the great depression. You know, that one. Yeah.

I love the struts, but I also love it when school bullies get their own. Okay. And so while this is happening, there is a stunning woman on a TV screen explaining to all of these prisoners that monogamy has been eliminated. Oh, I like this world. Yeah. It's like this, the scary thing that were, this is the introduce the post apocalyptic terrible world.

And she's like sexual jealousy has been eliminated. You can fuck whoever you want. And we as the audience are supposed people are like, I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that.

I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that.

I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk about that. I'm not gonna talk also, she says that we've got this implant. I like this, this girl, she kind of, she's talking like a sort of sexy Siri, and she's pretty foxy. She's quite a foxy, sporting head on that screen. And then she says that you've got

everyone gets this implant, which makes us part of the collective whole. And I'm pretty sure collective whole was her nickname that college. I'm pretty good. Well, as we're going to learn group sex is a big part of the post-apocalyptic world. And yeah, it's a possibility. I'm just saying it's a possibility. I looked, I looked at this actress up who paid sexy Syriks. I was just looking through the cast to see if there's any interesting that it turns out she was actually a soft core porn star, a legit porn star. She was called a sung highly. And if you look through her pitches, she does not need an implant. I can tell you that right now, it's no implants that go. You've never made me so happy. You know, Jamie's so happy, Mark.

She's not the only former soft core porn star that we'll meet in this movie, actually. So, um, I'm so happy. Yeah. The best movie ever. So Jamie, you're ready. Jamie, you've got your work cut out for you on this. Is that your way of explaining to me some other parts of David A. I wise back. I haven't seen his back hat locked at this point. It's actually called back catalog. So

well, done sir. Oh, also, by the way, the implant makes you live for 200 years. Not only does it get at all the sexual jealousy and allow you super gayness powers, but it also lets you live for 200 years and access birth control.

No, no. But I love when they say the 200 years pot in this film because you kind of, you go along the kind of the lineup of prisoners who are there. And they're talking about like 200 years, guilt-free sex, shag anyone you want, absolutely fine. And everyone's kind of happy. And I guess right to the end, and there's this fat guy with kind of like bad hair and a neckbeard, he looks super depressed. And I'm pretty sure that's because he's thinking, yeah, 200 years, I'm not going to be fucking for 200 years. My 200 years is not going to be fuck filled. Yeah, no, we've still got eyes in the future. Yeah. But your world of

warcraft account is going to get really, really up there over the next 199 years. It's, it's not all good news in the future though. It's not all good news because they have said that as well as all this kind of lovely kind of wonderful sex cat stuff, there's some bad stuff. There were purges. I'm apparently 80 million people died in one day, which I guess happened and I bet they still refuse to have a debate about gun control at that point. There's still one because guns don't kill people or tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it to tell it tell it tell it to tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it tell it leaders committing grip purges, kill people. If those 80 million people had had guns, yeah, come on. Just even King sitting on a mountain of bodies.

I honestly, we don't have the data at this point. To be, that grabbing at me, go into the lat. Oh, now our softball game. Oh, Jesus. I also love to get right on the heels of them saying, like, now you can learn to do anything in the world.

You can have any job instantly. You can have the knowledge. At the same time, Davey is having his little monologue. And he's going like, I'm a real mile job. I was a card test driver engineer thing. Yeah, he was a designer, an engineer and test driver for Chevrolet. What? The British was a three different jobs. Chevrolet can't hold on to either of them or the one guy.

Did you all of their jobs? All right, get in. I feel like I should still be not get in. I want to make sure. Like, imagine that you use the engineer who knows everything about the car. You use that guy as the test driver like right now I've designed this car. I might as well figure out if it's safe if it's not there's no one who knows how this works I really usually just do the clay models Yeah, I'm just I'm that guy. Yeah, right right apparently they seem to think that that's one

There's an office at the bottom of Chevrolet or something like that, where that guy works. So now we get a flashback. We will rejoin this scene at the end of the movie long after you've forgotten about it. So we get a flashback and Davey is with his buddy in a car listening to an anti-Christ pep talk on the radio in this flashback. This would be Redhaired Matt Stone in my notes. Okay. All right. No, that's fair. See, I think in this scene, and I'll come back this flashback. This would be red haired Matt Stone in my notes. Okay. All right.

No, that's fair. See, I think in the scene, and I'll come back this several times. I didn't have him down as a redhead in this scene, and that will become important for me, progressively as this goes on. So they're jamming along with their sweet, sweet anti-crest propaganda. And speaking almost directly in exposition at this point, David, our white's like, oh, man, you don't know. I was in L.A. during the purges.

Yeah, but I mean, given that he's talking about purging in L.A., I just assumed he was talking about bulimia. I didn't see that. So they get a quick little bit of exposition there. Well, they're listening to the antichrist on the radio. And then it's time to head in to apparently their car thieves, right? So they're breaking into this building because you know when you want to steal a car, you have to go to the building with the car in it. That's usually the easiest way to get a car is to break into a high school. Anyway, so as they're going in, I love to that the later to be redhead in the film,

I'm with you, by the way, on this march. We'll commiserate as we go. He's, he has to say, like, why I'm the hacker character, I can computer up anything. That sure will come in handy later in the movie. Yeah. And so they they hack in to get this Porsche, right? They steal a Porsche, but are Porsche's illegal in the future? I don't. I feel like we should get Nick Cage for this, by the way. I feel like if we were going to do this scene, God damn it, it shouldn't have been David A. R. White.

We should have got Nick Cage. He was available. He'd have done it. I mean, could we talk for a second about how they get into the building as well? Because his friend is the hacker who hands in this swipey thing. We don't really get to see it. This is no wallet with an American flag and you were phone it. And then did our white swipes the swipey thing against the kind of the control for the gate. But if you look at the control for the gate, it looks exactly like one of those things where you kind of pull

up in your car and press in a pin cord. and it looks like he just touches the swipey thing to the outside of that pin code. He's like just tapping it against the metal. And whatever miracle his friend has worked opens that. And then he also opens the actual roll-aware to Porsche's with the same swipey thing. And in the future, everything is controlled with exactly the same security system that's hackable by one swipey thing. And this happens later on as well. It's like the future we've forgotten all of kind of info, so it's just one system that's hackable by one swiping thing. And this happens later on as well. It's like, the future, we've forgotten all of kind of info tech. It's just one

key. It's all locks. This is much simpler. Well, Marsh, you're not, you're forgetting that this is the evil future and nothing is more evil than everything being chip and pin in the future. So remember, you got a insert your car. Why it was so much quicker when we just nuts are sir, insert it, leave it there. All right, now go get a sandwich because it has to stay there. But you literally have a third. Now when you pin. So then he gets into to steal this Porsche, right? And what I like is the way he touches this car and the way he stares this car, I just thought he had an implant that makes him want to fuck cars. That's what his implant does because he's really into this car. I would have fucked that car. Yeah,

so he breaks it. And of course he uses the, the time tested technique of just opening the door. Yes, it wasn't a keypad is behind a roll of the doll with a keypad to it. Once you get in, don't bother lock in the car. Why would you need to bother at that point? It's well and truly secure. Apparently, yeah, exactly. So yeah, so he starts it.

Apparently it's got one of the quick hotwire access panels that all cars and movies seem to have. Yeah, you just lean down, you find the on switch. That's just below the, the Stephen Whale press that your away two seconds done. Well, at least they didn't have the keys in the, uh, in the visor there. At least they didn't go there. Um, so he starts the car and of course the anti crisis on the radio saying like you can become a god like me, you know, for five easy payments. So those

were there were going for there. But yeah, so he drives away to make his escape. And now we cut to Eric Roberts sitting in a dark bar. And I thought, oh, guys, you accidentally caught some beef footage and put it in the movie just him shouting, you know, no, you're a real movies, dammit. It's okay. Keep this. We'll just get rid of the audio. That would explain a lot. Yeah. So he's hiding in a diner after dark or whatever. And he gets up and he's looking at the window or whatever and then all of a sudden, there's another guy who's also there. I am dying to know how this comes about, right? Yeah, but these two guys are sitting in a darkness. Yes, right.

Things, it's not even that dark a room because there's loads of light on Eric Rubin. So this guy is in a black hole in the corner of the room. And just like, you know, it's out of it, like some sort of fucking portal or something. Like he likes to appear. Yeah. So, okay. So God knows, like I'm going to go ahead and tell you that these two characters are the one character is Nigan and he is going to be the smuggler who will be the hero of this movie, basically. And the other guy is Eric Roberts, who will be dead by the end of this scene and it doesn't fucking matter because they could really only afford these four minutes with Eric Roberts.

Yep. But we do establish something very important here that will ruin the rest of the movie if they don't establish it. They can't just punch the mark into you because if you don't take it willingly, it kills you. Why? Go fuck yourself. But that is a rule that they established early on, which makes a lot of sense because the

rest of the movie will be take the mark. No, take the mark. No. I don't want to live 200 years and fuck a lot. Well, yeah, we also find out why, because obviously we need our characters to not have the mark, but they also aren't Christians at this point because we need this to be a Christian conversion kind of film. So we've got why the Negan fella who I thought looks like a beta max version of Havier Bardem. He's got like a Bardem kind of thing going on, but like a sort of slightly cheap ripoff. He looks like if you got a Chinese factory mid doll of Javier Bardem, but it's not quite

Javier Bardem. That's what he kind of looks like to me. So you have a Chinese made doll of Javier Bardem. Is that accurate? I do. I mean, I would need to see the holes in it to really tell you there was a sharpness problem. I don't want to get into it. We'll also come back to his holes at some point soon as well. Oh, yes, we will. But yes, so we've got him explaining why he doesn't have the chip. And he says, I'm scared of being one of those brand dead morons who thinks about nothing

all day, but worshipping that psychotic dictator who claims he's God says this Christian movie. Yeah, it's a stunning lack of self awareness. Oh, yeah. No, there were ways several. This will not be the last time in this movie that it is pointed out, hey, isn't the leader just like the Christian God and everyone's the movie's like, no, come on, man, jingly to the keys. They're such anglais.

Stop it. Well, but they're arguing against that. It consistently is no, no, no, but we're right, though. That's the difference, though, is that we're correct. Yeah. That's their entire fucking argument. So yeah, basically, but what we've got here is we've got two guys that are involved in the underground smuggling of things like tobacco, apparently or whatever, and they've had it with this apocalypse. So, but I guess Eric Roberts is the one running the store and DeNegan is the guy selling the stuff.

So he takes him in the back to show him his good stuff, which apparently includes a lot of cigars and bands DVDs. There are no DVDs. Yeah, do we know why they've banned cigars in tobacco though? Because they have this society where it's a complete kind of free sexual utopia. It seems weird that they're also like, fuck anyone you like, but dorms, small guys.

I'm really worried about like lung cancer. I don't know. I mean, fair play if they've got a good public health measure going on, but it seems a bit extreme. Yeah, another reason to love this apocalypse, you know, like, I would probably quit if there was a shit was illegal. Yeah. And if you would quit, if you got to lift a 200 and fuck anyone's like, I'm actually, you know, cigarettes. As a, yeah, this is worth it. This is worth it. There's a fair exchange at this point. Exactly. Yeah. When they announced that tobacco is illegal, I had an image of my mind of like, no, wait and camp it out all night to get his mark. And they're like right so quick rules tobacco

is banned you're all gonna live to it no it's just packing up his shit mother fuckers need to help people the rules been here since Thursday to get my eye mark and no I'll choose maro but we'll cut your head off yet come get me mother fucker ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Well, that would be my first reaction, but ultimately I'd come around. I also love the movies they chose to, he's like, oh, I got some great band DVDs. And here's the movies they chose to list. Shinler's list and Braveheart. Yeah, I think it's Brave to go from Shinler's list to a Mel Gibson film. You're probably saying, hey guys, you know, let's just hit both sides of the story. Let's get the, hit me out. saying, hey guys, you know, let's just hear both sides of the story. Oh, shit.

But yes. And then all the GI Joe extras show up. Well, I want to point this out. The word-drobbing in this movie is goddamn ridiculous. And Andrea Logan White is listed under word-drobbing in the in the credits. Amazing. Amazing. She's sitting there in a director's chair.

Everyone gets a black turtleneck. Well, don't you think everyone, the black turtleneck budget for this movie, much, much, much higher than the acting budget. So yeah. So all of a sudden the bad guy show up to a rest number, whatever. And apparently, I want to get in. How do you get in? We've got how they bought them making his way. And we've got these back. Does Eric Robbins not lock the door of his hideout? This is basic hideout one on one. Come on people. And one of the cops is Negan ex-wife. I have this actress down as Carrie and fungus. Yes, yeah, yeah. But she is apparently like one of the bad guy leaders. So they grab

Eric Roberts, drag him out. And here's the thing, this is not supposed to be a comedy moment. They drag Eric Roberts outside and Negan goes, what are you going to do with Dallas? Bam, bam, bam, they shoot him like in comedic timing. It's fucking laugh out loud, it's incredible. And I really wanted that to just carry on like some sort of slapstick scene like, what are you gonna do with Dallas? Bam, bam, bam. Okay, well, what are you gonna do with his body and then just the sound of a chainsaw? You can't just leave all those piece of dead body lying around for God's sake and then just a sound of digging and just see how long this thing goes.

Yeah, like a bango. So as there, as that should be happening, what's happening instead is that Tom, the smuggler is, that's Negan's character is getting offered his job as his old job as a cop back by his wife. And he was to be a cop, but not for the anti Christ, damn it. Yeah. He gets to be a cop and go to community sex parties. Yeah. Well, but his, but I wrote in my notes and I'm in.

Yeah. His answer was, I'd rather be shot. Well, yeah. And she's even like, you know, you know, I know that you liked fucking me, you know, when we were married, if you do this, then we can fuck again, but he doesn't want her vag and Lessie owns it, damn it. Right. He's like, I don't want to, I don't want to be there because I know that the mets have been in there at this point.

And it's all ruined. Like chewing already chewed gum is what they tell me in school with tax dollars. I like your country, Mars. Anyway, yeah. So, but, but also she's like basically trying to talk him into being her informant. You know, she's like, we need somebody without a mark that knows the black market or whatever. So that's sort of going to be the plot or at least the plot that they tease you with through most

of this movie. Is it? Is it? No, it's not. It's not at all. It's not even related to the plot. We could meet this guy here and then he could just disappear and show back up fucking 60 minutes later and that would be the same movie.

So okay, and now we cut to the most awesome cars they could afford to rent for a second set, where Davies arriving with his Porsche, but there's like apparently there's some problems, right? Because the fence is right away. He's like, yeah, it's nice. He's like, no, you should just fucking Porsche. That's a nice, it's a nice Porsche. I said it was nice. I don't, did you want me to like come up with original compliments for each car you

steal from me? Because you don't bother. This Porsche is, is really nice, but it's also that, I don't know, man, I feel like this is a weird emotional pattern of business relationship. You steal cars, just give it to me from now. Thank you. Well, I love is they have this argument. And then Deuroite says, look, let's not talk about this.

Let's just go get the fee. And then Tiny walks off to go get the fee. And they just stand there. And it's like, let's go get the fee. They stay with it. It's like the end of fucking waiting for Goddo. That's just still there waiting for the fee. And then we've got the bad guy kind of being suspicious.

And I'm not surprised he's suspicious because they've all just said, we're going to get the fee and he's the only one who moves. So he's like, what the fuck you guys doing? Come and get the fee with me. Yeah. And then, so they go into his office apparently where he explains that he doesn't have the fee. Yeah.

And at this point, he could have said this outside on the focus. Right. When they said, let's go and get the fee, he could have said this outside on the focus. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. have a seat. Can I get you anything? Water coffee juice. Oh, do you have coffee?

I do. I do. Do you have tea, calf? Nope. Just just regular. Um, oh, could you make tea, calf? Nope. Uh, I don't have, I don't have that.

Also, I don't have your feet. Then that's what we could. And action. Yeah. So they're all pissed off and they're like, well, I guess we're leaving and we're taking our portion. He's like, well, yeah, because I didn't, I didn't buy it. Well, obviously you would take it. I didn't expect that you would leave it. But also he's joined up with the antichrist. He's taken his mark now. They realize and he sold them out. And that's when we hear the cops and it's time for a good old-fashioned car scene. And we mean old-fashioned.

And I had a music note here, which was a supermarket oombrand version of the chemical brothers, like the science sibling, something like that. Like the guys in the US, yeah, the science siblings are folks. It sounds just like that. But the music in this movie was sarcastic from start to fucking finish. They had a music director that was like, oh, fuck these guys. You know, he tried to get him to, he was like, well, can you donate your time for Jesus? It was one of those types of moments, yeah.

Yeah, sarcastic jock jams is my note here. Are you already for this? And I got to have to say this car chase that we're about to go on with this Porsche is about as eventful as OJs. Yeah, yeah. I mean, at the start of it, they drive through a field of weed and I was not going, it's to read the mix. You end that way. Get it, get it, get it.

The worst thing she's done, it lost her those seats guys. It lost her. You were horrified as to how naughty she was. The naughtyest things ever, don't you? Not like, fucking up this entire election, not going for the hardest Brexit possible, not when she was the, in the home office and draw, had a van drive round London saying immigrants go home. Oh, Jesus. No, no, it's the wheat thing, maybe the wheat thing. in the home office and draw it had a van drive around London saying immigrants go home. Oh, Jesus. No, no, it's the wheat thing, maybe the wheat thing. The Queen is the Queen's watching that on TV and she's like, my grandpa told me I'm a God.

It needs to go. I'm going to give a speech tomorrow. So anyway, back to our mostly straight all at the same speed car chase. I love because you can tell what's going on here is that they could not afford to get that Porsche dirty, you know, little old dent. So they're just driving along at 35 miles an hour and they're telling the cops, try to weave a little bit, make it look like we're trying to lose. Yeah. And then they go straight and then they just follow the road around the left and one of the cop cars doesn't, but they're not even going that fast.

And the road doesn't, it's not like it's a crossroads and they've taken a quick left. The road just turns naturally left and one of the cop cars goes straight forward into a field. I think knock on steering wheels and there's fucking cop cars. So it happens like twice in the... Yeah, just after. It goes a bit further and then the road curls around the right, and the same pop car goes off straight again. And it's like when you have a scale x-tricks as a kid, and you're going too fast, and it's like, just slow down, and it'll go around the corner naturally, just you don't have to

be full speed at all times. You'll learn you fucking lesson here. And what's so amazing about this is it's so obvious that they can't do anything to this car including like crash it because the way the car chase ends is the car stops itself. Yeah, it ran out of gas, but we knew it ran out of gas because the engine started revving uncontrollably if you let it go. Yeah, what? So that was like... Yeah, he's like, I'll lose him around these hair pin turns and we're like,

are you really gonna go around hair pin turns and that thing? And then suddenly the car starts to slow down and like, fuck, we're out of gas. Really, that's all you, yeah. Oh man, those pins and turns would have been awesome, guys. No, no, no. Oh, we're gonna have to really to stay here. I'd love to see not cop doing the hair pin turns. Just, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, if you refuse to take the mark, your death is certain in exactly the stand clear of the closing doors voice over and over again. Yeah. What I love you as well is you've got Jerry in the in the prison with him. And Jerry's really pissed off that the runner of gas because he's like, why didn't we fill the tank? It's like, yeah, Jerry, we've just stolen the car that we're about to deliver to our fans. We're going to stop to fill the tank? It's like, yeah, Jerry, we've just stolen the car that we're about to deliver to our offense. We're going to stop to fill the tank to the top as we deliver. Fucking what? Jerry, by the way, is the increasingly red-headed buddy there. I have them

alternately down as buddy and how he duty and all kind of shit in my notes. But Jerry is the the character's name. Yeah. So now, and now we have to go back to Negan for the torture scene. Yeah. Yeah. It's an incredible see. If this is full flash Gordon mode, he looks like he's wearing a flash god. Now, Feddy's strung up his arms in this sort of a crucifixion-esque style. It's amazing.

Yeah. It's too literal haunted house ambience. Yes. It's like, woo. Yeah. I want to fair it in everything everything because the torture he's just chewing scenery and he's like, torture. Do you like my spooky green lighting? They said, you know, don't you just need normal lights in here? And I was like, actually, green would be really

great. We'd need to get some kindettled covers because they don't make LEDs and great. I got a gel. Um, what do you do? You like it? Oh, this actor is amazing. He was so going for it. Um, yeah.

So this little ball, the guy looks like, honestly, like Eli looks right now, but it is the best. He's from the latest Logan film throughout the film. I started from the Taliban. Okay. All right. No, that makes perfect sense. So yeah, yeah.

And he's describing all the methods. The whole scene starts off with him going torture. Yeah, ancient soldiers. Yeah, ancient soldiers. So prison permitting. Yeah, right, right, right, exactly. Yeah. Having his little soliloquy

about ancient torture. He's also describing methods of execution that aren't necessarily like information extraction methods. He's like, yeah, hanging. Yeah. But let's not torture. Wait a minute. He says that, um, often subjects would die before useful information was obtained when you draw and call to them. It's like, yeah, you've split them into four pieces. You want to get the information out of them before you do that, not after. Unless your information is what they had for breakfast, which you can pause if you think about it from that technique. Wait, wait, wait, wait, oh, he's all dead.

Damn it. Shit, shit, I always get the order on that wrong. Yeah. Right. And this is supposed to be their torture expert guy. So yeah. But at the same time, they're also torturing Negan with their virtual torture device, the button torture. He's got a remote control for that as well, which I think is Liz because he stood right next to that machine. I think he just used the buttons on the machine. It seems weird to have a remote control that close the machine. Well, that way you can monologue. You don't want to be like, let me tell you, sir, you will always regret. Sorry, one second. You will always regret. I said this to four.

Alan, were you messing around with the torture machine? No, because I said it the way I like it. And then you come in here, well, it's my time. No, it is my time. Check the sheet on the outside of the door. Alan. So, so they torture him. And it's, it gets so bad. He blurs a bit at a certain point.

Yeah, I love the blurry shot in there, the dramatic. Oh, don't they? And also, I want to point this out because the, shot in there. The dramatic. Oh, don't say. And also I want to point this out because the, because the bad guy is saying like, you know, we have this virtual torture device, blah, blah, blah. It's so much less messy than actually ripping someone's guts out. And I feel like, I'm like, I feel like pain or no, the fact that I know my guts aren't actually ripped being ripped out makes this easier to handle.

Well, and not, let's not forget our favorite torture shoes. He goes, he's had the feeling of broken glass shoved in every orifice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I, when I saw that, I heard that I thought, what do they mean by every? I mean, are we talking to men too? Or are we going up to all seven?

Right. You know, hold on. I haven't quantified it. Haven't done the left nostril yet. Hold on. We're not done. He might break done the left nostril yet. Hold on, we're not done. He might break after the left nostril. And then he goes, I guess it's time to get creative.

And it's like, really? Glass up your butt isn't creative. Yeah, I thought they'd been pretty creative. I wanted to see what the options around creative torture that they threw out were, like making him walk barefoot or in the dark over some Lego Making him have the sensation of sitting down in a public toilet in the dark and your cock accidentally took to the inside of the porcelain rim Just standing in line behind someone who's paying in pennies. No, go back to the glass standing in line behind someone who's paying in panics. No, go back to the glass.

I just Christmas dinner where you've got to explain to grandma why it's not okay for it to use the N word. It's not colored. Isn't any better grandma? No, it kind of is up to them to say, what's okay? Can I get more glass? I just really, I would like more glass. No, I know that you're old that I don't really know why you keep bringing that up. Is that you want me to? I know you want me to respect that, but it's literally just a matter. There are older people than you. Do you look up to them? Where does it end? Does death matter? Now, the important thing though is that torture ghoul character is super impressed with Negan's taking its skills apparently. He hates torture and Christians because they don't scream enough or whatever.

Yeah, because they just forgive you. Yeah, Christians are annoying. Says this movie. We are so unbold right now. Yeah, no, good. So, okay, now we head to the the prison and be heading yard Where everyone is dressed like Ghostbusters boot camp And what we learn is Every morning everyone gets lined up who's like time is expired and they all get like Line of guillotine guillotine. Yeah, mm-hmm And I feel like it wouldn't be that much tougher to like set the guillotines. So they all like swished at a slightly different note, you know, we could have a, duh, duh, duh,

shing, shing, shing, shing, you know, something like that. They didn't bother. I feel like, you know, get it sponsored, get a little kid going there. Yeah. Right. Right. NBC could be into that.

You never know. Well, I mean, this is going to mean nothing to you guys, but there's a bald guy getting strapped into the gullotine. And he looks exactly like Ross Kemp, who was an actor in the UK, who was on the East Enders, just like a long-running soap. And what one I liked about it was, he was a TV tough guy. His character was a big kind of tough guy. And then after he left that soap, he started making documentaries about prison gangs, and it was called Ross Kemp on gangs. So it makes this scene just feel like an extreme was called Ross Kemp on gangs. So it makes this scene just feel like an extreme episode of Ross Kemp on gangs. He's gone the wrong prison there,

that's what Ross Kemp's done. So meanwhile, the torture is still torturing. Yeah, and the torture he's having now is he's having his skin peeled off his body. Now previously, he was having his skin burnt off his body. So their idea of getting more creative is a different way of taking the skin off the body. But at a certain point, of course, the emergency no human being could take that much torture alarm goes off. So they have to stop. I love the other graphic on this alarm as well as just a floating head. Yeah, it's spinning blue head. And I have no idea what purpose that head serves. I think it's the how many heads does he have monitor. It's still one. It's still one. It's not

it. We're good on the head front. It's still one. And the head looks like Zordon from the power inches as well. So it's just a spinning hat on as he's been tortured. I was thinking blue man group, but yeah, right around there. Yeah, exactly. And there's no information displayed on the head, by the way, it's just a spinning head in case you were wondering what his head looks like in three dimension. Well, to be fair, blue man group is a great level of torture, you know, what level of torture we have? Seeing Blue Man group. Oh, wow, that's really bad. Yeah, we should stop. He's gonna die. That could be it. And now the ex-wife shows up because, like, I guess he's all the way broken.

Yeah, he said, he said, I'll do anything to make this torture stop. Yeah, at which point I think the torture missed an opportunity to revisit that whole orifice is conversation. I thought that was a chance. I mean, you know that bad slip. Anything of that glass. Hey, you know what? The great thing about anything is that anything can have an end. So, yeah.

So she comes in and tells him, you know, she's like, here's some water. Now, what the reason we tortured you is that we want you to find and kill Elijah Cohen. Hint. He's Jewish. So now we had back to, uh, to Davey, late at night in the prison, um, and his buddy is on the bunk ahead of him, not really sure about this whole getting beheaded thing. I don't know how he feels about it. And I just want to throw out there that he is posed.

David R. White is posed like draw me one of your French girls. Yes. But my not was priest to me like one of your French girls. That's what I had him. My note I watched it last. So my note was damn it. Both of these guys beat me to the Kate Winslet joke. Now, and we also we see from okay, so there we should point out that there are biblical

passages scrolled all through the walls of this prison in giant letters, right? Everywhere you go, there's Bible written on the walls. And we're watching David A.R. White read these, but we see him from behind laying like the draw me one of your French girl, like one of your French girls post, so it really seems like he's beating off to this part of the scripture. It's hard not to interpret it as that. So do they give out markers or colored chalk at the present? It's all different colors and aesthetics. It's really well done.

Yeah, I was wondering what percentage of it was written in X-Traman. That's the only thing that was going through my mind. 30% at this point. One of them, one of the prisoners is going to have seen that everyone's writing have written all those Bible verses in his own X-Traman and then someone comes in with the markers like, man, what are you doing? You wait for the marker first. Well, now I feel silly. Yeah, moon. You're going to wash the walls.

No, I just finished John 316. It's like, how about we do markers over it? No, I'm not drawing in your shit. Well, it's okay. Fine. Fine. I love to. So, so there, this and I feel like the only reason they did this was so that this movie

would have no end of reasons to just read the Bible, right? There's a number of times in this movie we have to watch people read Bible passages. And since it's on the wall, anyone can at any point just turn to the wall and go, hmm, this appropriate Bible passage is written right next to me. The first time we see it, it's something out of Romans. Yeah. And he says, it says Romans is what the character says.

And I was really hoping he was going to say it says Romans go home. And then it says, uh, Romani, I did a bunch of times. It's weird. I don't really understand. Guy in a toe good jumps off the top bunk. I know where I'm not wanted. Yeah. And okay. So the

two of these guys are bitching, Davey and Jerry, they're talking about like, yeah, well, we'll never escape or whatever. And I'm like, hmm, it's good thing you have a master break. You're in an outer guy with you. And I think I'm thinking to myself at this point, wow, this is really poorly set up that they have the master break in out guy in the prison or whatever with them, but they never used that. No, no, never, never comes up. The two people we saw break in and entering using their amazing technical skills and their burgling skills. Don't use either of those skills to get out of prison.

It's incredible. No, no, instead they just read more epistles, I guess, to which, to which David A.R. White walks away with this, his message from the epistles is, look, all I know is if this Godfeller murdered his own kid, he's one tough mother, flunk. Oh, God. And I should, I should point out here here the music director said at some point there is no superlative form of cheesy. And that was all he needed. The music is so loud that it starts to drown out the dialogue. And that can only assume that's because they heard

the dialogue. Keep turning it up. Keep turning up. It's fine. Well, it's, well, it more, well, it more. Um, okay. So now Negan and his ex wife go to meet the evil boss in the weird fucking 1970s foyer. Turtle next will be in. And basically he comes in and the bad guy is like, I will now read your ex position to which he can goes, why did you read my ex position? And he goes, you joke.

And he's like, we need your help taking out deviance. And he's like, well, what do you call deviance? And that the implied question is like, oh, you call them deviant, but you guys do butt stuff and stuff. And then he's like, oh, and we should tell you the person we want you to kill, Mr. Cohen, he's super dangerous. I mean, Cohen, guys, oh, we learn he's dangerous because he's such a good recruiter of Christians. Yes. And he's like, I brought a clip. I brought a clip. And he is the least kind of my stick preacher. I think I've ever seen it. So fucking boring and what talking in preach. It's like listening to someone describe a land parcel at an auction

in a Northwest corner of the southeast corner of the Northwest corner of the lot on the fourth side. Yeah. Oh my God. He was boring. Yeah. So, but basically we just see a video of some dude that looks like Max Cherry fucked Jeff Ross standing there going like, you guys, you know, if you don't listen to me, are going

to go to hell. So. Yeah. And as unimpressed as we are by this, they react to it like they've just been watching it like looking at over the schematics for the death star. They're like, just totally taking it back by this guy. Yeah. Yeah. So, but apparently in order to to kill him, they need somebody that doesn't have an implant because that's the only way to get close to him. Right.

I didn't, I don't understand this at all. I don't understand it. It's like nobody can get close to him. So we'll send you to prison to hang around with some people we know can get close to him. Yeah. I don't understand this for this plan at all. But I know you just watch them go plays. Yeah.

Right. Okay. So yeah, the plot here and again, this is not the fucking plot. This is one of the whack-a-mole plots. But the plot is that they're going to put him in prison, but fakely so we can escape with some bad guys that can then take him to Elijah Co. As old as goddamn bulls. Anyway, so we cut to the prison and hacker dude, Jerry, whose hair is growing ever so much slightly redder in everything. It definitely is. This is when I first really, really noticed it.

And it gets worse. It's incredible. It's real. I feel like someone in hair and makeup was fucking with us. They were just like, just a little redder in every scene. Just a little bit redder, one shade redder. Because you know the hair and makeup guy is gay. And he hears that deviant line in the last thing.

Oh, it's easy and damn right? All right. hears that deviant line in the last week. All right. No, it's the same as last week. Oh my God. Dude, you have just explained David A.R. White's hair do to me. I've been wondering about that for four fucking years now and that and now it all makes sense that his hair style is has seen his movies. Oh, no, that looks great on you.

No, frosted, it's still in. I swear. Yeah. Oh my God. And also, by the way, okay, so we see the two, the Jesus freak, Jerry and, and, and Davie, we see him hanging out at the prison and everything going like, I don't know who's worse, these morons who have the implant or these Jesus freaks. And I'm like, if you're not Christian, why wouldn't you just be have the implant or these Jesus freaks and I'm like if you're not

Christian, why wouldn't you just be taking the implant? They make so little effort like he's the kind of guy who seems like he would like to Fuck a lot of people and live for 200 years to me Especially since David our white will establish his character later on He's like I sure would like to fuck something. Yeah Yeah exactly, but not Mark fuck. I want to do it the old fashioned way. I guess. I guess like having sex once you have the mark is like having sex with condoms. It feels weird and no one should do it.

Condoms are gross. Don't wear condoms. There's one thing you take away from this show. Yeah, it's public health broadcasting. I like it. So, okay. So now Negan gets put in his cell and he sees all the Bible scrolling, so he reads it out loud to us.

Yeah, and these walls look indistinguishable from the pages from the notebooks in the seven. Yes, it could not be a closer thing. Right, and he's reading it to himself and then all of a sudden we see in shadow Baldwin oh yeah, I'm pretty sure he's also in the French girl pulls which I assume is now mandatory in this Live bed it has to be in the paper like a French girl And he emerges into the light like a beautiful swan

wearing the most ridiculous pair of glasses you've ever seen. Yeah, the tiny glasses. Stephen Baldwin. Stephen Baldwin. That glasses he stole from a doll. They are a doll's glasses, but it's quick. Stephen Baldwin is what would happen if the Scarlet Witch

had said stupid instead of no more mutants. Well, he's supposed to be the smart guy in this movie. So let's put glasses on him. But instead, he just looks like a racist character from the 1930s. Looks like Andy Rooney doing his best. Yeah. So he pops out like he's reading the Bible and Stephen Baldwin pops

out and he says, Oh, are you a Christian as well? And, you know, of course, he has to pretend like he is so he can get to Elijah Cohen. So like, yeah, I totally Jesus all time, amen. And he's like, Oh, yeah, well, then what does this parable about divergence in the oil mean, you know, like prove your Christianity to Stevie Boy, which by the way, I could go to like 306 Christians in a row and ask them to give me the meaning of this parable. And I would probably not get one that actually had even read it or was familiar with it. Right. I wanted him so badly to be like, I think it means RSVP for a wedding. You dicks.

Come on. Show up. It's plated. Yes, but he decodes it wrong. He doesn't get it. Apparently Jesus would videotape the fight with his phone. Yeah, Mars, you don't get that. You don't get to get that one.

Sorry. But, but so he's like, I don't get to get that one. Sorry. But, but so he's like, no, I don't think you're Christian enough for me. And this is also apparently where we learn that Stephen Baldwin has magic powers, magic powers. And we learn this when he suddenly knows Tom's name out of nowhere. Yeah. He knows his name and he also knows that he's a fool because yeah, because God, Nark, Negan out. Apparently. Yeah.

And I love to say that he's like, you know what? I'll tell you what that Bible passage means. The bride's groom is, you know, at least it means that you need salvation is what it needs. That's really the, he like gives up. He gives up eight words in. Yeah, and he does say that once you do get saved, everyone becomes more like Jesus. And he says, more unique and more individual,

just like Jesus. But yeah, we don't, as individuals and unique in exactly the same fashion. That's true. Your uniqueness increases a little bit at a time, does it? That's like your That's interesting. Who is the most unique? Yeah, it is.

Jesusness. I'm a uniqueer than Jesus, I think. Anyway, yeah. Okay, so now we cut to the cafeteria where everybody's gonna meet up, where Tom or Negan and Stephen Baldwin are gonna meet up with David A. R. White and how do you do the, yeah, we see everybody we've seen so far. And then a guy called Joe that we've not met before. And I don't know who he is, but I took an instant dislike to this Joe character.

He just seems the most annoying, sniffing little prick I've ever seen on film. Right. And then he says, uh, Tom here is going to bust you out. Yeah. But Steven Baldwin does because apparently God speaks to Stephen Baldwin and tells him plot points that they couldn't think of a way to get out in natural conversation. So he says, yeah, this Tom here, this guy is going to break you to out. And he's like, I'm not going to ruin in the surprise. Yeah, then they kind of go around the table to say like, who else is busting out? They asked you off. He's busting out. He silently drinks his water, non-committal bullshit.

Fuck you, Joe. I don't like you. Just put your chip down there. So, yeah. And this is where they clarify that everyone else in the prison is a crazy person who doesn't mind dying because they're going to be kings who live and reign with Christ for a thousand years. Yes. Uh huh. At which point, David A.R. White mocked them all for believing that. And again, accidentally speaks for all of us in doing that. Right. But luckily for the Christians, they can prove their book is true by quoting the parts of it where it says it's true. So David A.R. White doesn't stand a chance. I love to. Okay. So then we see who the hell knows when this happened in relation to the last thing. We see Tom chasing down a blonde bad guy lady prison guard who is. And you're looking white David A.R. white's wife. He's sneaker into

all of them. Yes. Uh, and the only purpose of this scene because she said he's like, hey, can you bring my wife a message? She's like, nope. And then at the end of the scene, well, she said more words than that. Oh, that's right. He can only talk to his wife if he gets the implant. Yeah. That gets her over the pay bump there. So yeah. And now it's and that's the only message because again, he's the next time we see him eventually, he's going to be with the wife. So it doesn't matter at all. So now it's time for prison Bible study with Stephen. Oh, you don't even get out of Bible study in prison.

That's the worst part. Especially when David A White is an atheist. And yet he still went. Why did he go to the Why did he turn up to his Bible class? I'm just saying if you murdered or raped Steven Baldwin, I bet you could get out of Bible study. I'm just saying. Throwing out ideas for when we're all there.

I mean, I'm taking the mark because I want to live 200 years and have grew up. So yeah, and I love it. Okay, this is a very, very long scene where they basically like give us a whole bunch of Christian apologetics and how do you know there's a God? Well, because you just know and trees and plants and stars and like the Muslims call that one. Sorry.

Sorry, guys. I want to throw up my favorite moment in this scene because it really is super dumb, but the my favorite moment in this scene is one we haven't had before is he's doing the trees or the proof of God. And David or white goes, well, that's called the cosmological argument. And it was defeated by Pascal. Stephen Balderon replies, yeah, but Pascal was a Christian. Yeah. Yeah. This is, this is too philosophy as Star Trek is too physics, this conversation. It was fucking painful. But dammit, can Steven Baldwin jingle his keys with gravitas? Oh, yeah. And again, the end on look, all right,

fine, fine. Even though I just totally got you with that pascal thing, there is no evidence, but it's written in your heart. Yes, the argument from the God-sized atrial septal defect again. I don't need to convince you because deep inside, you already agree with me, which I'm going to try the next time I'm arguing with my wife, Nicola. I'm going to try the next time I'm arguing with my wife, Nicola. Yeah. Cause I can't convince you. I know you won't be able to convince anyone to believe in anything. That's what he also says in it.

You can't convince him to believe in anything. There's something you never have to say when you're not full of shit. Yeah. Oh my God. The whole thing, the argument from deep down you agree with me because Christians wrote your lines. And I love too that like David Ayer White is ready to go to Fistie Cups over this too. Oh yeah, especially after you talk shit about blaze, I guess.

So then, okay, so we, so we see Tom leaving Bible study and David A. R. White jumps up and like choke holds him and demands his backstory. Okay. Let's see. I'm trying to choke out this after. Yes. While they pretend to struggle is like if we shot a scene where Mage tried to choke out he.

Trust me. I'm the fire. Damn it. It's like the scene in Princess Brideway has to fight Andre the giant or something. He's just hanging off the back of him. Oh my God. Yeah. Uh, but Tom does outrassal him eventually. I wanted David our white to stand up and it very clearly shot himself in his jumpsuit, but no one acknowledges it. All right. So now we have back to the to the cafeteria where all the ghost busters in training are

clapping about something. We will never know what the scene begins with Stephen Baldwin going, that was very nice. So he introduces Lewis, who would like to say a few words. Now Lewis is sad that he's going to have to miss prayers tomorrow so that he can go get his head chopped off to be with Jesus. Yeah, so it's the Lewis dies tomorrow. This is one of the things that that confused me. Stephen Baldwin's going to die in four days. The two guys, Jerry and David L White are going

to die in 19 days. Louis Dyes tomorrow, the scheduling, is it daily executions? Because I was trying to work out. There are like 16 people in this prison. They all seem to be around that table. They're killing people that are here to four or five at time, and they still got to get to 19 days worth. They really need to schedule all his miles better. Well, I guess what we're supposed to believe right is that once you go into the prison, you have 30 days to either take the marker, get your head chopped off or 20 or five day, whatever it is. But what I love is that it's always exactly five people that they bring out to execute is like there's always five people that 30 days ago went into prison

and decided today, no, I'm not going to take the mark, which makes me wonder, do they have to hold some prisoners back because they filled the court for that day? Oh, they still have like six or seven to kill at once. They have a lot of other things for that. Or do you like an afternoon session on the guillotine? But we may just not see that one. Yeah, that could be some guy just waiting to decide. It's, it's weird that like he got his own key a team, but I have to share one. I just. All right. So all right. Now we get as Lewis is going on about his long boring thing, we get his flashback to this is the most useless scene in this movie and every scene has a legitimate claim to that title, but this is the most useless moment in this movie. And it's just there because this black dude is such a better actor than everyone else

in this movie. Yeah, he's really good. He's really good. He's really good. He's really good. He's great. We need to actually let him act a little bit. But what they get him to do is to show his backstory, which is him like pissing off some

refugees in a car and his car's quiet. It looks like in his previous life, he drove around kit from night rider and at one point tried to pick up an 11 year old girl. No wonder you're in fucking prison, bitch. And then they very, very obviously pull him out of his car and kick the shit out of him. Which he somehow didn't expect in the game. Yeah, right. What what they're rolling through these people and he's like, Oh, you're poor and I'm not. Oh, I want to

fuck a child. Oh, what's going on. And then they're like, Oh, we're going to fight you. And he's like, Holy shit, they can see me. Like, cautionary tale, cautionary tale, like this one happens when you go around saying you want to fuck a child. Take this to a heart. This is why we're not allowed to be in parades. They see the most of Christmas future thing in life. Just be aware of these things. So after the ass kicking, he's sitting there, they've, they've, apparently stolen his

cars. Hey, everybody's wheels. It's a wheel that looks like he left his wheels. I don't think those were supposed to be the wheels from his car. Like he just found some wheels. But that's certainly what it looks like, left his wheels. I don't think those were supposed to be the wheels from his car like he just found some wheels. But that's certainly what it looks like is that they stole everything except for two of the wheels and the axle that connects them. And after the asking a Christian find some, this is Elijah Cohen. And at this point, Elijah Cohen to me looks like a cross between a pedophile and a magician from

the 90s, which I realize is a topology. And there's this amazing scene. It's just a little moment, but Elijah Cohen is like, here, have some water. And he tries to like feed the other actor water. And the actor is very much like, oh, no, thank you. I'll actually just take the thing out. Oh, but basically you're saying, and that's how I became a Christian. A bunch of white men beat me up for having a nicer car than them. That's what all Christians should do to bring the black folks to the Lord, this movie.

Yeah, it's basically saying sometimes all it takes is for the people that you're randomly insulting to beat you up in Steelya car and then damage your face so much you look like you've got mumps. And that's all it takes me to be like a life isn't quite going as he wanted it to. That's a life. He talks about how, oh, you know, I confessed some terrible sins.

Yeah, yeah. He said, what part out to me was vile? And I want to know what he's done. And I'm pretty sure it's those 11 year old girl. He's all that body care, what he admitted to. Well, when he said what poured out to me was vile? And I want to know what he's done. And I'm pretty sure it's those 11 year old girls. He's all that pretty good. What he admitted to. Well, when he said what poured out of me was vile, I just wrote money shot, but it looks really, really bad now because Mars wrote his 11 year old girl joke right above that

one. So I think I need to erase that for posterity. He's saying, but yeah, and I wanted to say this, this meeting between Louis and Elijah Cohen gets super, super touchy. It is. Very touchy. Not at all heterosexual. I'm not judging it except in its level of heterosexuality, which is low.

Yeah. Did they like lean against the car and the car had two marks on it and was like, Hey, why don't we, oh, damn, and I got a bottle of alcohol. Sorry. Sorry. And then he's, he's doing like a shout something. He's like, Oh, my God. It's a something tambourine something. Yes. And when he looked up from his shout, praying, the magic Jew had disappeared. Yeah. And David, our white slight, you mean he ran away away and he's like, no, man, like,

I'm in that. No one might think. It's not like that, man. What he said was, he says, and like, he was gone. And I told you he was a 90s magician. This is why he's. I've seen this. The mass magician gave that trick away.

It involves, I think it's like a trap door and three pins of glass and some fine thread. And I think Elijah Cohen was actually triplets all along. That's how it works. The mask magician, that's why. And now, okay, so that's over. We're done with that character. So now it's time for Stevie's good night prayers, which top things are stupid. Why would you do that? And I wanted him to be like, what? And be like, pray like you're having a staring contest with God. But the bigger question is why he stands silently behind him while he's praying. He's just a bit of a hundred. That should be the question. Why are you still there?

This is now weird. It was normal when it was just me, but yeah, now it is kind of weird. So, okay, so yeah. And Tom says to him, hey, do you know Elijah Cohen by any chance and Steve Bowen was like, yeah, no, God told me you were trying to kill him. What? Yeah, it's literally the worst job at being a liar, every is like, you're gonna kill Elijah Cohen?

Two, three. No. Two more. No. And of course Baldwin gets pissed. He's like, are you calling God a liar? I don't think that I'm talking to him. Okay. At this point, I noticed that the guy who plays Negan is now starting to look a bit like a swollen Robert Downey, Jr. Yep. Okay. All right. Yeah, like the pressure wasn't quite right in the iron man suit. Yeah All right, and this scene ends with this very very weird moment where Stephen Baldwin who's trying to convince Negan to be Christian is like Oh, I know you missed your life. What if I told you your wife right now is getting fucked

She's getting fucked real hard man real real hard, real hard. And he's like, well, I would kick the shit out of you. And he's like, Oh, okay. Shouldn't have said that. But what he says is, and said he says, did you a guard tell you that? And I really wanted Stephen Baldwin to say, no, I mean, I can see it. She's literally just there in the prison corridor. 50 air, the prison, really at a time. Honestly, if you come around from this angle, you can see everything. So Tom beats him up for all the wife fucking talk. Oh, B movie, but every time they say B, it's someone beating up Stephen Baldwin. That's what I want.

Well, and that's it. And of course, the whole time Baldwin's being a Christian hero. So he's going, I forgive you for punching me in the, I forgive you for punching me in the face. I forgive you for punching, you know, the whole fucking time. Anyway. And oh, and as this is going on, we have to cut over to Jerry and Davey and the other cell because Jerry's all worried about Stephen.

Yeah. And he is significantly more ginger again, significant. Oh, yeah. He just gets readder by the second. But Davey, of course, is to call us and hand solo like to care about stupid Stephen, get beat up. And there's a great line from Jerry where he says, this is not like any prison I've ever heard of.

And it's like, yeah, of course it isn't. There's 16 inmates and that hardly any of them are black. So I'm saying the American justice system is unfairly biased against African Americans. That's what I'm saying. That's all I'm saying that's what I meant by that. Non-racist set to all the time explain that they're not racist all time. March, I get really filling those chic. Right in. And then we have to cut to Tom and his wife discussing the player's ex-wife, discussing the plan, right? To break him out of prison. To remind you that this movie

had a plot that you, or at least you thought it did. But he can't, he can't seem to get any of the Christians talked into selling out Cohen because they don't care about getting guillotine to death. That just means they get to get to Jesus faster. And he's like, you're not punishing them. They love getting their heads cut off. Yeah. And then he says to her, haven't you read any of what they believe? And I wouldn't have heard to say, well, no, but to be fair, neither of most of them

know they haven't read it. I love to because like Tom's like, yeah, I can't convince any of them to do it. And she's like, well, you can't break out of the prison until you do. He's like, no, I quit the prison. Yeah. Yeah. Why? She says you've got two and a half weeks until your execution.

I suggest you become more persuasive. And I wrote, why? I mean, Christianity has had 2000 years. And this is as persuasive as it gets. Don't fuck people. And instead you get to hang out with Steven Baldwin in a six by it, but sell COVID in religious graffiti. And then get your head shut for that. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but she's not going to let him leave without a follower

of a follower of Elijah Cohen, dammit, or they're going to torture him. And since the movie literally just had to have the bad guy tell the hero to get the god damn plot going or else, I guess it's safe to assume that act to his over and we've earned ourselves a break. But first, let me give act three, the hard sell here. Will anything that happens so far relate to anything that happens later? If dying is a good thing, what the fuck are the stakes of this movie? How can nothing happening take so long?

Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the bizarre series of conclusions of Sixth Yep, we're ahead of you. I'm sorry. Yeah, sorry. I just I didn't need an implant for that But you're natural. Yeah, not not me so much just gonna right well just in case we've had you I'm I'm a video screen. I'm a recorded a hologram So no right no Got it So no right no got it unclear just a note And we're back for more of this shit when we last left our heroes They were precisely where they were halfway through act one despite half of the fucking movie haven't happened since then so we rejoined

How do you do to you and cell, contemplating his faith when team Jesus shows up? Yeah, and we've got Jerry coming in. Jerry is looking redder than ever. Of fact, around the time of filming this, the actor was actually auditioning for a gender blind production of Annie. That's going on. And of course, Joe is here. Yeah, I fucking hit you. Fucking hit Joe. He's so annoying. I was hoping he would die in this film. I had my money on him being like a red shirt. He would die at some point in the escape.

Yeah. Yeah, again, it's one of those like he was very obvious. That's what they were setting up. And then they just didn't do it moments. My only consolation is because there's a point in this is kind of spoiling slightly. Where we don't see him again, I know deep down he got executed. That's the only thing that came to me.

That's the real comfort. Yeah. And I love, okay, so they're trying to talk Jerry into joining them in Jesus or whatever. And he's just not so sure about it. He's like, but we have a secret that makes all the fear go away. And he's like, what's the secret? And I'm like, you don't a secret that makes all the fear go away. And he's like, what's the secret?

And like, you don't know what that word means to you. Yeah, he goes, it's like when you're a kid and you've got a secret. Is that an expression? It's like when you're a kid and you've got a secret. Nope. Uh, no, no, no, no. I think that's just you, Steve. And I, I think it's molestation, man.

You got, you don'tation man you got secret anymore You can tell us It's like when you're a kid and you promise not to tell about father Mothy You're a Christian now And he does he's all Jesus now Yeah, he thought he kneels and then he falls sideways into Baldwin's arms. And if you listen carefully, as he falls,

they play inexplicably the sound effect of an email sending on macOS X. He's just like, I don't know why they play that when he falls over. And now he's so excited that he has to go run until Davey all about how amped up he is for Jesus. So Jerry's like, I'm all Jesus now, he's like, damn it.

And then he walks off Tom shows up and he's like, I guess a conversation with me is now logical in the progression of this story. What was all that about? And he's like, oh, he's all Christian. And because subtlety, thy name is not this movie, Stephen Baldwin basically rises from out of shot. He's probably just standing up and even under the frame and goes,

and the Christian who must escape has dreams. Funny how the Lord provides. See, it's supposed to be that his character is getting messages from God, but I feel like they were like just writing around the fact that Stephen Baldwin just kept sarcastically dissecting the stilted screenwriting. You know, that's what happens.

He's just wandered under the scene and he's just like, oh, now all of a sudden there's a Christian that wants to escape. How unexpected. And he walks up and they're like, we're gonna have to make that part of his character. Like he's read the plot, but from God or something.

So yeah, so, but they're going to escape now because now he has a Christian in the form of Jerry, so it counts and he's allowed to escape. Right. And we find out that Tom's got a little door unlocker, like a bip-bip thing for your car. He's got one of those. Yeah. Mm-hmm. What he's going to use to escape now.

And I, it, something occurred to me. Okay, because this movie is so goddamn slow. We've been in this movie for well over an hour. This movie is like supposed to open basically with a prison breaking. We're still in the fucking prison. And I realized, oh my God, they spent all their money on that Porsche and they had to film the rest of this movie in Stephen Baldwin's basement, which is why the graffiti is biblical. It all makes sense now.

Right. And Tom's like, well, I'm going to escape and Steven Baldwin's final words are, you need to look inside yourself. And I just wrote a hand mirror helps with that kind of stuff. So if you need that. Yeah. And I had that it's much easier from to do that since of all that broken glass stuff. Presented at press conference as early as that made it way easier to look inside.

You see, compliments sandwich. And now finally at length, it's time for the god damn breakout. Now I should point out we've spent over an hour of this movie setting up this breakout. The plan here was run away. Yeah, he gets a magic clicker which opens each of the cell door like this clicker opens everything. It's like the swiping thing we saw earlier which unlocked everything this clicker. I don't know if you it only opens the doors that you're near or the doors you're pointing at or whether one clickers every door in the entire prison because as they escape they only need to click it at the two cell doors and the last door out every other door

in this prison is just unlocked. Why bother? Why bother? They're locked in cells. It's fine. We don't think the lock any of these doors. We're going to trust it. We're really well with the Porsche. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Also, as they leave, it's very important. Steven Baldwin says to Jerry, he's like, whatever you do, pick up the hitchhiker. Yeah, that's Jerry reacts to that as if Steven Baldwin just asked him to grab a cart and a milk wall is at the store. He's just totally not like, you're right, check.

Hey, hey, Chica got it. Anything else? One of them is so relaxed about it. It's ridiculous. And we need to point this out that this means that because he's just got the clicker thing, this means that the fact that David R. White and Jerry are also being broken out means nothing, right? We thought it was because of their hacker driver skill, but he's just got a clicker.

So fuck yourself. They were in the movie. Why not take them? Yeah. Well, and again, it would have made so much sense that he'd need to get away driver and the hacker guy. So like, it seemed like we had set this up for a reason, but no, it's just that those two happen to be the guys that were next to him when he broke out. And I just want to point out one other thing about this escape because it makes me so

mad. Negan jumps out, choke holds a guard, right? He grabs a guard, he choke holds him, and he drags him off screen. Now in any good movie, when you drag someone off screen, you reemerge in their clothes. Yes, exactly in their clothes. Nope, just comes out in his jumpsuit. I was so mad. Almost as bad as the decision to go split screen at this point. Oh, God, this wound to be up no end. It actually makes the escape less easy to understand where they're going. So everything starts on split screen. And it's like watching an episode of 24, except

each plot point takes the end 24 hours time. Yeah, right. Well, I think split screens are so stupid. Like one half is showing them coming towards and the other is away. You can practically see the cameras from the other shot in the split screen. So yeah, so again, their plan was, you know, click the thing, go through the thing, find a car and break into it and go away. Which is how this proceeds. They walk out to the parking lot too and they've like five cars there and they take the slowest looking one. Yeah, it's like a family station wagon right next to a jet black car. That looks a pretty decent kind of saloon kind of car.

And jet black so you could easily hide at night. But no, the bright white totally looking square family station wagon. That's the one to go for. Oh, and there's this amazing moment where we see a David R. White break the car window. Yes. And it's so, he wheels back. And then there's a shot of very clear instead of like a black guy's hands, mashing sugar blocks, which means that there is cut footage somewhere

that someone could find and send me of David R. White tapping his knuckles all against the car window, shitting himself screaming and falling asleep. I need to. So now it's time for another exciting straight chase with the same two cop cars before that apparently can't make left turns and whatnot. Yeah. Come to the left turns. They could keep pace with a Porsche 911, but that's now chasing this family station wagon

and have trouble keeping up with it. It's incredible. How quick is this car? Unbelievable. But again, because they can't even do a sharp turn with these cars, because they borrowed them from someone's dad who owns a dealership, the way they get out is, oh, hey, look, a hitchhiker.

Yeah. I don't even understand how we get to the hitchhiker because they're driving. And then there's like a weird transition where they mix the scenes. And the cup car was right behind the first scene. And now in the second kind of scene, it's a bit of a mix. They stopped the hitchhiker and there's like 40 seconds go by before the top. Yes. And I thought like, have the cops just given up?

Is that what it, because now they can call that? And the cops are going to ram right in the back of them. Where the fuck have these cops gone? Yeah, right. The cops just given up. Is that what it, because now they can call that. And the cops are gonna ram right in the back of them. Where the fuck have these cops gone? Yeah, right. No, exactly. You've already escaped, guys. So yeah, they pick up the hitchhiker, and they're like, fuck, the cops are gonna come

by and see us, but the cops drive by and they can't see them at all because the hitchhiker has Jesus powers. Is that what it wants? Jesus powers, because he's dressed in a long, like, brown robe. He looks exactly like Obi-Wan. And now he's a main person. He's not the shit actors you're looking for. And then the company goes through his pants.

And now the Ginsu knife salesman says, you can even cut a film with it and suddenly we're in a table and a house holding our necks, drilled a shop and online for a film with it and suddenly we're in a table and a house holding our necks drilled a shopping online for a fucking neck brace and calling a personal injury lawyer. Okay, we have to point out there are at the point here there are about 33 minutes left in this hour and 45 minute movie and the rest of this movie happens like an Italian run through of a high school play. Just like. Giant swaths of explanation cut out with characters just running in and being like, oh my gosh, I'm here. I have a red microchip. Just even this is one scene transition pissed me off.

No, my my notes get super angry because my notes are what the fuck just happened. Who is this person? What happened to the hitchhiker? How can a movie that's taken this long for ending to happen? Now just jump like this. Yeah. Pass out and miss them. It's so good. Oh my god. They're sitting around suddenly with this woman. They're who wants to take them to Prodigal City. Where is that? Who is she? Do you fuck you? Fuck you. You got an hour and 15 minutes of Stephen Baldwin

reading the walls of his basement. You should be happy. And now we cut to the, the van full of bad guys who couldn't more clearly be bad guys literally just the villains of this movie are like, well, we're also here. I don't even have notes for this scene by this point because my notes were just dot dot dot because there's nothing to say about the evil ones in a van. You've got Caliban. You've got fake Trinity lady. And you've got a guy who's halfway between the terminator and a blonde Neil.

And that's what's amazing is. And what's amazing is so now we're back into the basement thing. And David, our white can't wait to get away from the underground railroad where he is. But what's some and he's like chatting up the soft core porn star who I'm going to Google immediately after doing this recording and have some time for myself. But he's chatting up this girl and what's amazing is all of marshes notes because he hasn't watched 97 of these movies is just like what is happening?

Where is this place please tell us David Negan anyone what is happening what is going on? That's amazing. Yeah. And apparently this movie has a love story about David A.R. White and this girl that we haven't even given a name yet, because now we're going to spend a good 15 minutes with the two of them flirting. And but it's, oh, man, does she kill a boner? She's like, she's like, my name is Ray Hab and he's like, Ray Hab, what kind of name is that?

And she's like, well, I used to call myself cinnamon sunshine because I used to be a prostitute. Yeah. And when she was a prostitute, she used to go by names that made her sound like a breakfast cereal. Cinnamon. But one of the point she was called golden wheat flicks. And for a while, I'm pretty sure for a while she was a golf dominatrix called Countess Jocular. I hope she was. I really hope she was. Goth Dominatrix called Countess Jocular. That's right. I hope she was. I really hope she was. Right. And today, it's credit.

He reacts to a prostitute the way I do, which is like, oh, awesome. That is great. I need to hit an ATM. So many 20s. I'm so sorry. I would have gone to the bank, but I'm not. No, no, no, I'm a minted Jesus now. Yeah.

Yeah. No, you'd have to marry me to fuck you. He's like, oh, never mind Yeah, and David I want to react to the idea of getting married the same way I used to And then he kind of laughed and goes like what was he recently? Oh Man, it's such a construct though when you think So crazy I'm 35. He's not here. Keep going. Keep going. And now is the time on Shrockets when we fight apparently. Because just out of fucking nowhere. Now there's a fight going on.

Right. I don't know why that beat them up. I don't they wanted Negin to break out prison. That was the A prison and I'm afraid I don't know what's happening Yeah, so okay, just to fill you in a little bit The wife is come she just showed up all of a sudden at this basement that they were at and she's like hey We need to talk and he's like yeah, they're probably gonna wonder why you're in their basement they were at and she's like, Hey, we need to talk. And he's like, yeah, they're probably going to wonder why you're in their basement. Um, so he wanders out with her. And now we cut to them and just out of fucking nowhere without establishing this shot or this scene

or anything. He's in a fight with the giant half knee, oh, half terminator guy, um, who apparently fights also like the terminator. He had they do the wall push Arnold Schwarzenegger fight. And so he wins, right? And then Callaband, the bald guy who's me now, basically, he goes up and he's supposed to be choking him to threaten him, but the actor is not holding his hand in a choking gesture. He looks like he's doing like the five-hearted palm exploding hard attack. On his neck.

Like there's obviously clearly a moment where he was like, I don't know, choke you and Negan was like, don't fucking touch me. And he was like, oh, sorry, sorry. Also, bald guy torture dude. The light makeup that they have for him stops. Right at his fucking shit. Yeah, it's incredible.

It's amazing, it's so good. I'm a head out by no, yeah. I love this, you do it. Because again, this movie has no idea what's going on in itself. First, we spend like 15 minutes with the fucking Call of Man telling the other guy, like, like oh no this bad guy is one of those mutinly genetically modified freak characters that we're gonna introduce into this movie at this moment and we'll never come back. You know, like we're gonna spend all this time explaining to you why this guy would be a really tough

guy to fight if you should have to fight him in act three. Don't worry you won't. Yeah, no, it's incredible. I thought I had my notes originally like they're all mutants. Wow, it's going to be X men. Nope. Doesn't come back. It doesn't come back at all. No, it's not useful. Yeah. So and I love to because they go eventually they, they after they choke a mowder or whatever they go, why should tell me one reason why I shouldn't kill you right now? And he's like, because I'm going to kill the guy that you put me in prison to break out of prison to kill. And they're like, fuck right.

Right. Right. Give me one reason not to kill you, because I'm carrying out the plan pretty much to the latter. That makes no sense. Oh, right. Sorry. How you doing?

I just figure we were both in this alley. Oh, how you doing? I just figure we were both in this alley. Maybe we could get a coffee. And since we were also worried about how things were going with Davie and Rayhab, we go back to that. Jesus. And again, this is just characters running forward and saying things that will never matter because this is where David R. White is like, I was married my wife, Doc. She's like, you were married before.

That's how the scene starts, by the way. You were married before? Yeah, and I thought, what did he say before that? Because we weren't talking about him being married before. So no, we just cut out one line. If the idea was she said, I'll only fuck you if we get married. There was a line that we've missed. And now she's saying you were married before. What was his line? That got you to that point. I bet he said something like, look, we both know

that marriage doesn't make sex happen. And she was like, oh, you were married before. I took it a different way. She's like, you were married before. And I want him to go, like, shit, not a lot of people know this, but I'm the fucking narrator. I know I see this movies about Tom or Steven Baldwin or something like, no, me. If you could believe it. Also, by the way, suddenly, there's like 113 people in this basement with them. Were they here the whole time? No idea. No idea. It's ridiculous. And he explains his plan as well. How he's got the Prodigal City. But he says, I'm taking Tom and Jerry to the product of the city. And I thought, hang on, they're going with Tom and Jerry.

And they could have picked any of the names, but Tom and Jerry. I mean, here's a quick example. You could have gone John and Terry. You barely even have to change the script to get to John and Terry. And you don't sound like a cartoon. I can't, I did not realize that that's so goddamn funny. So it's a team. And there's a great line when he says about Jerry as well.

He says, God will look after Jerry. And I wrote, yeah, plus he's got daddy wall books looking after him as well. And the music in the background, there is no way the piano track in the background is not called dead girlfriend story. No way. That's not the title of that track. And then okay, so Jerry, brings this scene to a close by coming into tell them nothing. All right, here's what happens.

David and Ray Aberset and there Jerry comes and he says, hey, we're going to leave when I'm done with this thing. And it's like, of course, we're going to leave when you're done with it. Why would you like, hey, Eli, when we're done reviewing this movie, I'm going to leave when I'm done with this thing. And it's like, of course, we're going to leave when you're done with it. Why would you like, Hey, Eli, when we're done reviewing this movie, I'm going to close the Zencaster window. And we're talking through 30 more seconds of shot. Well, I do that a lot in this movie, right? The like, the camera just seems to linger there. So we're going to say cut. We're just, we're just okay.

And now we're reprogramming the marks of the beast. But we're also reprogramming the plot of the movie. This is where we learn. Yeah, yeah, very much so. This is where we learn that Tom is still in love with his ex-wife. And he would like to take out the satellite network because it would bring her back to normal.

What satellite network? Fuck you. Go fuck yourself. Why would you think there would be an answer to that? Oh, Jesus Christ. bring her back to normal. What satellite network? Fuck you. Go fuck yourself. Why would you think there would be an answer to that? Oh, Jesus Christ. You have to think one of my absolute pet heads in any film is when someone's operating a computer and it needs to make little disowned effects.

Like whenever we type on a laptop, obviously right now I'm using a computer so it's making a whole lot of beat in the world. And as they reprogramming these fucking kids, you hear the sound of a ZX spectrum loading. It's like burp, but the chips also, they change your personality from the satellites. And Tom's like, well, what if we took out all the satellites? And he's like, well, that would be a completely different plot for a different movie. I would think that would be almost like part two, wouldn't it?

At this point, we're looking at the time that there's like 20 minutes left. You're not going to take out the satellites in two. I just killed Cohen and get it off with maybe we could bring it to a close that way. Also, we need one more scene with Ray Habers, you wouldn't blow the director, so we get that. And then we head to the swamp. Yeah, there. They're escaping via airboat. I Where a man Jiger is here. He's back.

They're all in robes. They're all in Jedi outfits too. Nobody refers to the hitchhiker. I can't. And only I see him. Why is he going on? And the hitchhiker just slowly silently points to the board that's going to let them across the river. Like he's the fucking grim Reaper.

And at this point, I had a fan theory that this river was the river sticks and they all died in that car accident way back when the police and that's what's going on. They're now being pointed across the river by the grim reaper. The only thing that makes sense. Yeah, no, it certainly makes more sense than what they were going for. So yeah, they're getting on the boat to go escape or whatever. But now we have to go back to the Heidi Hall basement with all the Christians where Rahab was.

So the bad guys can come in and murder all of them. But with us, I think they don't need to murder them because as you've cut around this Christian bunker, there is no chance these people are not about to mass suicide. You look at that. They're pouring the cool air out as the bad guys come in and shoot them all. And I want to point out that at this point, Rahab gets killed. So this character that we just spent 15 minutes with, setting up as the love interest for David Aeroight, just gets killed the next scene. We're done with her now. Yeah, and there's no way she's not regretting giving up a life of being a prostitute.

Got right. She wishes she's still carried on the sinful ways. Blowing guys for money under her pseudonym, presumably honey smacks. Oh, I'm lucky to have a lot of serial based prostitute names. Well, that's what I'll point out. That's not even a serial in the UK. I had to Google American sea real shit. Dedication. God damn it. Think about how weird our collective

Google history is. Anyway, all right, I don't Google. So luckily the good guys are fine. And they're motorboating away, but not in a boobs kind of way. Uh, they're going up river to get to a prodigal city, but Tom just can't help with thinking about doubting all those satellites from the last scene. And we literally watch him hijack the plot. Like, literally hijack. He does. He is headed He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does of this film. Oh, it's okay. Okay. But before we get to him, literally hijacking the boat that is taking the plot to the next plot point and going

back to where it came from, um, we have to talk about the quantum conversation they have here. Oh, God. This is amazing. This is every episode of Be reasonable, but set on a I really wanted it to cut over to Mars and Mars to just be going, hmm, now do you think do you think here's a question that a lot of listeners might have No, listeners might have not me of course because I'm on your side. Lot of listeners might wonder what if AIDS wasn't caused by a bat flying What do you say to people who say that?

I'm not giving you a fancy preview. That's the thing. That's the thing. I should stop sending you a shot. So here's the thing, the satellites work on a quantum computer system because that's a real thing. They're pretty sure. So you would need a quantum computer to communicate with it,

which means by necessity that their chips are quantum computers, right? Because they communicate anyway. So, but nobody wants to help with his plan. Because where would you find a quantum computer if you're walking around wearing one in your hand all the time? And but and I love to okay, because David A. R. White and Jerry are saying, oh, you know, here's a practical reason why that wouldn't work. Here's a practical reason that wouldn't work. And the hitchhiker guy that's taking him down the boat just says, now that kind of fucks up our Jesus story.

So no, that won't work. That's not even the hitchhiker. That's just the guy who drives the boat. This is the random guy we've never seen. He's dealing to jacks on the plot to tell them that their plan won't work. It's incredible. It's crazy. At this point, he says as well, your beliefs are irrelevant to facts. And I wrote, yeah, this movie is saying, you're but this Christian movie is in your beliefs are irrelevant to facts.

Oh, no fucking real. Also, this is where he admits to the other guys that he was an assassin hired to kill Elijah Cohen. He has nothing to gain by freely offering this information up. No, he's, he's killing that plot. Before he snaps its neck, I guess grossed it over the side of the boat. This random multiple driver as well, who we've never seen before, who seems to have no a weird amount about their plan, even though he's never met this guy before. He's suddenly very relaxed about finding out that he's sat right next to an assassin. He's very, very chill about that. And it comes back to bite him when that can immediately get assassinated. Yes.

But we're coming up to one of my favorite moments of the movie. We're coming up to one of my favorite movies. Oh, yes. All right. So the head back, the bad guy van is still out hunting for him. And genetically modified blonde bad guy is sniffing them out. Yeah. And there's an incredible moment as well. It made me change me. I fell out. But the bad guy saying, yeah, they took a boat. We can need to need to get a boat. And then he made it go, wait, they, yeah, he's not transition.

He's just such a, he comes so close together. It's amazing. I cried with laughter. I cried with laughter. It truly is. We're going to need a boat. Nope, never mind. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.

I wasn't smelling far enough into the future just that, yeah, and he gets shot. Okay, so this is the character that we've set up as a genetically modified super soldier with extra power sensory powers and everything. He just gets shot in the head and dies now. Yeah, I ain't done. He's gone. We're done with him.

The blonde, the bald guy, the torture guy, he also gets shot. Every but the ex wife gets shot and we're like, Oh, I guess that's why we introduced other bad guys. Well, let's talk about how crazy the shooting thing is because like, Oh, Terminator guy gets shot and they shoot into the bushes where the shot came from. And then bald guy gets shot and they shoot into the bushes where the shooting came from. And then he walks out and he's just got David R. White in front of him. For some reason, the like the bullets didn't kill them in the bushes because David R. White was standing in front of him. Yeah. And why is he called the fuck in front of him when his ex wife is trying to shoot

them. She doesn't give a fuck about that guy. She wants them dead. She'll kill him. She does not care. Right. Oh god, it's incredible. Well, and they have the moment to like what him and the ex-wife where she's like, you won't kill me. And she's like, you won't kill me. No, you, no, you. And so she starts to do the slow squeeze, the movie slow trigger squeeze. Yeah. And at this point, David, our white teleports over to her. I was talking to them. They all miles away from each other, but he somehow diverts a gun in the time it takes her to pull the trigger. It's just like, boom, he just zaps in.

It's amazing. Yeah. He uses the Al Grab your gun arm technique and takes the gun. Now he's about to shoot her, but Tom is like, no, you can't shoot my wife for all shoot you. And he's like, God damn it. And then they drive. What is movie about? I don't know.

Like 18 minutes. There's no reason to take her. No, and then almost because we head over to evilplex here, they almost give them a reason why she's part of it because like she's going to try to break them in. But like they, they get to the garden. She's, he's like, well, yeah, you can go in, but they're not cleared. And then so just time pulls out of good and says, now we can go in. And he's like, yeah, okay, you can go in. Like then I guess you didn't need her. Yeah, waste time. We have to talk about the God though because the God has the mark on his forehead. Oh, yes. Yeah.

The first one we've seen. Yeah, exactly. And I want to think that he got the mark before all of his friends. And then he saw his friends and said, oh, guys, you went for the hand. We said we were going to get the hand. I was going to get the head. I look like a dick now. I've got the head. Why didn't you tell me? I don't even know how he scans his head.

Because he can't. You can put your hand under like a barcode scanner. Is it bending down? Does he have a special, a separate scanner at like six foot high for him to sort like walk up? It makes no, it's all. It's incredible. I want to standardize system. Yeah, damn it. Yeah. So they go into the, the main computer brain hacking data room thing. And this is where we meet disappearing computer guys. Okay, disappearing computer

guys very clearly looking at porn when they walk. Yes. And he like, he shuts the monitor down and like takes a zip discount and tears it into pieces. He's like, Hey guys, what's up? What's going? What's going? What's hey? Why are you? Hey, what's I got a cold. Wait, you're not supposed to So yeah, and they say patches on into the satellite uplink and he's like that's impossible Those words don't even make sense and they're like I have a gun and he's like now they make sense But okay, but he takes him over to the satellite uplink. He's like I need the hacking numbers. He's like six. Okay Just yeah, put in your password. He's like, okay, I won't have to move my hand around the keyboard for that at all. He's just hacky, hack, hacky. Honestly,

the guy might hold his hands like an inch or two above the keyboard and be like, click, and he click, click, click, click, click, click, click. There's a point in a little bit where Jerry, we see him from the side. And Jerry at this point is worth pointing out is rather than ever, this is starting to be weird. And nobody noticed it, no one seems to care. That Jerry just keeps stopping off on this plot to try and bring down the new-world order just to die his hair a bit more

because he's more than his routine coming through. Blowering in the side and he's very clearly just hitting the same six keys on the middle line. That's all he's doing, just hitting the same six keys on the middle line. That's all he's doing. It's like F K F K DJ. No, that wasn't it. I'll try a different combination of those same keys. Luckily, they keep quantum computers at a home rose to me. And we also have to explore the why the fuck are we doing this moment of the of the movie where he has to explain to his wife that the reason he's doing this moment of the movie where he has to explain to his wife

that the reason he's doing this is so that the satellite can get shut down and her chip will stop making or not love him anymore. And they'll be happy together again. And she like, she like lashes out at him. Like they're having a fight. Yeah. The love of the hacking thing. The big finale.

We need a couple fight. I never loved you. And he's like, don't do this. Not in front of Jerry. Don't play. He played microchip talking. Yeah, he blames a chip. And I think the problem isn't a chip on a hand.

It's the chip on our shoulder. Am I right? Boom. Oh, shit. Yeah. What I love doing this emotional conversation as well is it's totally undermined by the constant beeping and worrying of the computer. Jerry's probably of the gig.

And I was just thinking, can't you hit mute? Like why did that computer even need speakers? Why would you need speakers on that? Why do you need speakers on a mainframe? It makes no, just turn them off. Turn the sound off, Jerry. I love to at one point, Jerry goes like, I'd have no clue what I'm doing here, guys. And I'm like, yeah, no, we can tell because you only get those eight keys from press H faster just keep pressing H faster.

I'm just gonna swear the word. He yells just for no reason. He goes so much redundancy like secular podcasting. And he says this just security all over the place. What does that mean? security but in the end he can't quite bring down the satellite thing so the bad guys come in all slow motion And the bad guy comes in and he's like I'm here. He does a slow clap. He walks in doing a slow clap He's like I'm here to make this movie about something else. Yeah. That plot's not bad yet. Another plot against the wall shut down. You almost had your hammer on that mold, didn't you? Yeah. So it's time for the protracted bad guy,

Mexican standoff monologue thing. And he's like, Oh, I have no written, Negan is like, I have no reason not to shoot you. So he starts to shoot you, but who should come in, but Elijah Cohen. Oh, my God. And I, we cannot overstate this moment of the movie, right? Like Negan goes to shoot him. He's like, here's my contribution to history. I'm going to murder you in three, two, and then just then literally comes in and the light flashes in the room. And we hear Thomas stop. And we turnover and this Elijah Cohen characters coming through an open to a bathed in white light like there is I had to I literally laughed out had to pause the movie and get a tissue and not for my eyes. This was an amazing moment. This was the cheesiest moment in any David A.R.

white movie. Also, the leader guy is blind now. Yes, the main, but not surprised at all by it. The logical and has blinded him and the the leader says I can't see now He's very in fact about the fact that he's been stricken blind Yeah, and so Elijah turns to Tom and he says even though everyone said your plan was doomed to fail you kept trying anyway That makes you Jesusy enough. Let's go Yeah, let's just let's just go. Let's just leave all the solids. I hope you did. Everybody. You were doing. We're not having the anti Christ. Let's just leave. I don't the wife gone. No, yeah, well, we will see. We're at the actual, well, yeah, we're

not spoiler. So, okay, so we cut to Prodigal City, which is apparently 1880s town and South Dakota. Yeah, it's basically a lumberjack, by the looks of things. They're all wearing some of the checky shirts that cut in wood. It's all time. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And Jerry is going to stay in Prodigal City a place we have never seen before that we

are only now learning about. But Dave and Tom, Dave's going to leave to join the revolution. And so is Tom. Yeah. Oh, this is the revolution that we don't really know is a thing. We've not. I don't know that we know there's a there is any kind of thing. And he specifically says, yeah, prodigal city, it's just not for me.

And we can tell that because we've seen 1.75 seconds of prodigal city up until this point. Now that's all we've got to kind of expose it. Oh, God. And as we're looking at it, we're going, this is so not Brody. Yeah. Yeah. And Jerry's hair is so red.

It's fucking scarlet. And no one's mentioning it. And I thought I was going crazy. I thought this movie is gaslighting me. And just because this movie refuses to be over after we have the introductory prodigal city sign scene, we cut to later, but in the same place. Right. Cause like at first they're making it and then we cut to later, but in the same place. Right? Cause like at first they're making it and then we cut, they, they're,

they're making this too. And then we cut to them having eaten this stew and doing the dishes. It's like, well, I was wondering what they would have eaten. And then they just leave. They just leave. Baby's like, yeah, these Christian girls don't fuck you want to go. And he's like, yeah, apparently the movie's not over. We should be moving or something. And somehow there's another fucking scene. There's several, there's like, I like, as you guys have already done

the notes, you already watched the movie and shit. So as I'm going to do this, I keep scrolling down and going, he's got more scenes. What the fuck is going on here? Yeah. This scene is the end of the incredible Hulk as Debrana walked to another town scene. That's what they said. They're just walking down the deserted road. But if it ended there, maybe this scene would make sense, but it doesn't. So yes, they have apparently reached the predetermined, separate ways road. So they say they're goodbyes, but just as about, as they're about to leave, a Jeep drives up and damn it, it tortured troll.

It turns out that the Taliban wasn't killed when he got shot with the big blonde guy earlier. He's still alive and he's honoured them down somehow. How did he find them? Who knows? We don't need to know that. Talk to yourself. And it makes me think why did you check that he was dead? And what happened in that shooting scene earlier? Terminator guy gets shot. Another shot rings out and Caliban just knows to drop to the ground thinking I bet what happens. If I if I played dead man in like a week or so,

I'll be able to track them down and find them again. Maybe that's how he finds him because he's Caliban. He can just track them. That's what Caliban does. Yeah. Yeah. No, yeah. Right. Exactly.

Tom was immune the whole time. Okay. So now they're captured and we cut to them being tortured. We're back in the Wonder Woman torture chamber with the bracelets. And I love that Mars tried to make this make sense. Yeah, I think it makes sense. It all comes back together. This whole movie so far has been one of the torture simulations.

Nothing happened. So okay, you didn't like that confusing going around Wacomoploppe. We'll go back to the broken glass one. It's fine. I know you've heard that one. So yeah, for six days they were stood the torture and now they have to make a choice between life and Jesus and they choose Jesus. Well, Tom chooses Jesus. Which is fine because we've already established at the start of this film that he'll say and do

anything under torture. He says that very explicitly. I'll do anything to make the torture stop. Tell me what you want me to do. So we already know that he can't understand the torture and that's why he's turning to Jesus. That's fine. That's fine. Must be. And so the message of this film is that sometimes people need to be tortured into living Jesus. That's the message that's happening. Right. So Tom gets executed. right. So Tom gets executed. Yeah, he gets beheaded. He can see heaven opening and Jesus rape heading. And his ex-wife came to his execution like a school play. Yeah. I was sitting in never comes to my executions and that's still not this. This movie like a decapitated head keeps going for four minutes after it's dead. I don't understand. So now Jerry is doing a Bible study over flashbacks of the movie.

And the thing is Jerry survives, but he'd already accepted Jesus. So I can't figure out if that makes him a better or worse Christian than the guy who died for Jesus. So it can't figure out if that makes him a better or worse Christian than the guy who died for Jesus. So it's Thomas, Jerry, the better. I've no idea who leavened. Right. Yeah. And so now we go all the way back to the beginning. Davy picks up his narration from the beginning. Remember how he liked Saturday morning cartoons and remembered them or any or whatever. We're back there now again. And it so it turns out that when they were getting tortured, he decided to take the implant after all and his character is going to burn in hell for eternity in the end. So what we're seeing is that the characters that make the right

choice got tortured for six days and beheaded. The guy who made the wrong choice has to have a 200 year fuck party. Yeah, yeah, that's, that's, that's where the, and what I hate about this as well is the last line when he says the last choice I made was the wrong choice. He delivers that straight down the barrel of the camera. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah, to the audience. It's like, I'm talking to you guys. It just takes all the fucking subtlety.

None of the subtlety was there. And it's still, and it's still, yes, subtlety out. It gets, it didn't, Oh, God, it's terrible. All right. Well, we've got a little long here. So we got to wrap up quick. So to close things off tonight, I simply ask you this, what is the worst Hollywood apocalypse that would be more fun to live through than this movie was to watch?

I'm going to go with the one from this is the end because Aziz Ansari is dead and that's a good one. The world where Aziz Ansari is dead. That's a good one. I'm not convinced there is an apocalypse that isn't worse than this. I think this sitting through this film, I think, was the apocalypse. I was 90% sure I've been put into one of those simulated torture machines. I think happened to me in this film. I'm going to wake up. Or at any second, my whole reality is going to switch back to me having broken glass shoved into my offices. And I'm going to thank Christ that happened. Thank God for that. At least now I can be be beheaded. All right. Before we let you go, Mars, if our listeners have decided that

a couple hours with you just isn't enough, where can they go for more marsh? Oh, you can find me all over the place. I'm Mr. M Marsh on Twitter or you can find be reasonable to him, be the complete opposite of how I've been for the last however long initial. Oh, skeptics for the K is my other podcast. So yeah, and come to QED as I mentioned at the start. Awesome. And of course, we'll have that all linked in the show notes, including information on QED. Marsh, thanks so much for suffering alongside us once again. It was an absolute pleasure, guys. And well, that does it for our review of Sixth of Mark Unleashed.

That's not going to do it for the episode just yet, because we still need to tighten your titties for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Be leave. At least this one's in color. Yeah, it's a heartwarming tale of a coal mining got a plan owner who shuts and then but the Jesus and the and the magical black kid

Magical black child. That's real bad. Yeah, it's apparently the whole thing is the town's effort to save the Christian pageant despite all the poverty. Yeah, all right. So with that to look forward to, we're gonna bring episode 97 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Michael Marshall for hanging out with us tonight. And even huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that don't make the show go.

If you'd like to count yourself among the ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash god awful. And thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us out a ton by leaving us a five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating aides, the skeptic grad and citation needed available on iTunes and all them other places where podcasts are. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email God awful movies at gmail.com,

legal services for this podcast are provided by the law offices of P Andrew Torres, our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Evil Drafts on Mars, all other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heath Thinwright Mike Marshall and Eli Bosnick, I'm No Illusions Promise to Work Hard to earn another chunk next week, until then, we'll leave you with the Breakfast Club Clothe. This movie, she did this out of watching Joe get his head cut off, and Marsh will never be okay.

David or White changed his mind about the whole take in the Mark thing once the group sex started. You think? Oh, never mind, I'm fine with this. I always thought butt stuff wouldn't feel, because it doesn't feel that good to poop. Nope. 17 all rights reserved.