God Awful Movies - 98: GAM098 Believe

Episode Date: July 4, 2017

This week, Eli, Heath, and Noah team up for an atheist review of "Believe", the story of a down on his luck millionaire factory owner with so few problems he can afford to spend days stressing over a Christmas pageant, and the evil unionist blue collar workers that tried to take it all away by refusing to take two substantial pay cuts in a single calendar year. --- If you’d like so see us live, check out our latest tour dates here: https://scathingatheist.com/2017/05/01/god-awful-movies-world-tour/ --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our new ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke

He's going off on his whole I don't get six six days. I don't get to leave it to to go coast little you I don't get six months maternity leave Because you're you don't have a Imagine being mad about How more clearly the villain of Except the ones that we want. And you know what rich men get when they're pregnant? Literally anything they want. That's what that would work.

Pretty sure. Not awful. Movie. Movie. Movie. who Welcome back to the game cast were each week we my god this movie was about how poor people deserved it We we sample another selection from christian cinema because Eli was mean to a witch at some point I'm your host host no illusions. And sitting to my immediate left is my good friend, Heath and right, Heath, we missed you last week. Man, welcome back. All right. Thanks, Noah. You know who's going to rise

up and seize the means of production from those capitalist pigs, the voluntary movie made me a violent Marxist. I was already pretty close, but now I want to murder the next person I hear say job creator. Fuck. Oh, it was bad. And sitting 81 miles to my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? I don't understand your guys. This notes at all.

This is a guy I didn't have any criticisms of this movie. It's about a hard working man who tries to help the poor, but they're like, man, I want to you. I got my notes somewhere here like this, this movie was written by Eli's in show snob persona, yeah. I expected this going to go off as zales at any moment. expect is this going to go off as zales at any moment. I was thinking of proposing, get that shit in the garbage. Smacks it out of his hand. All right. So before we get all the way into this week's movie,

how excited are you guys about Seattle? So excited me and he they're going to start a poly relationship with a pansexual barista who doesn't believe in clouds. And of course, if you want to see that for yourself, there are still tickets available. I'm sure that the barista is going to get a free ticket. Maybe we'll, uh, we'll be treated a little stop monstage. Part of the relationship will be the platinum night. Should have paid extra for the sex part of the show. And of course, tickets are still available.

You'll find links on the show notes. So tell us, Heath, at long last, what will we be breaking down today? God damn it. We watched believe it's basically at least shrugged, except nobody invents something great for society, like cold fusion or adamantium or the fuck gotten rid of it. Oh, and plus Christianity somehow.

So Jesus shrugged. And before anyone gets that idea, it's preemptive veto on the Atlas shrug movies for bonus episodes, not doing that. No, absolutely not. There is long as the book apparently and Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if someone for whom economics unions and income inequality stole your penguin pants and you wanted to get the best revenge possible, you will love this movie. Should it paying someone to tweet the word why at Heath for two straight hours, but somehow he's forced to answer in a 1984 S situation.

This is the best revenge I ever could have asked for. I hate you so much. I feel like he also stole a few words out of that first sentence of years. I don't know, but you know, he's, he's like that. He's like that matter. They matter to me. I think that's what he met. Yeah, exactly. Now, I have to say, in

a, in a few ways, this movie is actually statistically speaking, the worst film we've ever watched. Alright, so I was, I was digging around on box office mojo.com before we recorded. And I found out that this movie actually makes the list of like the worst openings ever. So statistically, yeah. Yeah. So okay. IMTV's number. I mean, box office mode, just numbers only go back to 1982. So this is like since 1982, but this movie had the 50th worst per theater opening of all time in that in that period, earning a whopping $748 per theater and its entire release. But it gets even worse than that because most of the, the, the ones that are on that list are things that open to like eight theaters and didn't make shit.

This open and quite a few. I don't know what they're, where they're cut off is for wide release, but it had the 22nd worst release of any movie that passed that criterion. The 22nd worst wide release ever or since 1982. So no, you're saying the movie that's all about capitalism and the free market failed financially. It was something like me $2.6 million, but only because of those goddamn unions that made them pay those actors all that money. Fucking sag. Oh, Jesus Christ.

All right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, I'm going to say best worst, really nice building that's supposed to be for poor people in this way. It's like a great place, but they put like newspapers on the windows and like a shopping cart in the hallway for no reason. It's supposed to be the projects all these.

It's beautiful. It's like a $3,000 apartment in Manhattan. Yeah, no deal. I'm going to go with best worst fire. Quick spoiler, this movie makes vultures of horror look like back draft. Yeah. Keep it by the stand right here. You can't make a movie as we've already hinted without unions.

Now, I'm sure that, you know, there were some camera guys and some actors who were just like, what are you going to do? But it's obvious someone in SFX was just like, yep, that's the fire we can do. And the guy was like, really? I feel like it looked better. Nope. No, the best fire technology can muster here in 2016. I watched the movie and this is what best fire technology can muster here in 2016. I watched the movie and this is what I put into it. What do you think of the message? It was really great.

You have $148. And watch this fire by myself. See, I was going to go with it and sort of just like overall, and I guess you can say best worth story arc, but I was going to go with best worst character arc, right? Because like, the main character of this movie would be well written if eventually he got his come-up, right? But this is a movie about like if the rest of the town realized that Scrooge was right after all and Christmas did suck. We are about to describe a movie in which a character who inherited lots of money and

a factory will avoid the question about whether or not he inherited lots of money and a factory at the finale. Yes. Oh, and who will also complain about how little maternity leave he gets. Oh, my fucking god. All right, well, obviously we're all dying to refute the fuck out of this film.

So we'll keep the break brief. And when we come back, we'll dive into all the box office toxicity that is. Believe. Hey, folks, as you know, our 100th episode is fast approaching and as our long time listeners know, we love to give to charity on this show. Last year, we raised more than $60,000 for modest needs during our vulgarity for charity drive, and we're hoping to break that number this year, come October. But this year, for

a 100th episode, we have a very important fundraiser that we'd like you to consider. Us. That's right, Eli. Us. To celebrate 100 episodes, we'd like to hit our goal of $740,000 per episode, for us, to spend on things. I'd like to buy some magic shit. I'm gonna see a doctor for the first time since Penicillin was invented. Mmm, and I'm gonna buy a hat, probably. So please, go to patreon.com slash Godawful today to help us reach our goal of $740,000 in episode. We know we can do it.

Because if we don't, we're gonna quit the show. Yeah. Yeah. Give us money. Pfft. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Hey, Mr. M, right? Oh, hey, CJ. What's with all the empty machines? It's so cool in here. Oh, my employees are on strike.

Well, why would they do that? Don't they want to earn money? Yeah, CJ, but you see when employees are underpaid, gosh, gee, so many people out of work these days, I can't imagine skipping out on work like a big old grump. Yeah, they aren't doing this. I bet there's some super awesome free market system that replaces big old lazy bones like them, huh?

What? Show wish I could work. You are a child, so I'd love to work like a real American You're in a poor little piece of propaganda. I don't need all my fingers. I swear Accidents happen I was at the fault of a company owner I was at the fault of a company owner. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to start off with the logos from four production companies that probably didn't quite make back their logo money from this thing.

Always a good sign when I don't recognize any of the logos. What's depressing is that I recognize that least one of them, you know, just from doing this. Power three. Oh, actually, no, it was the freestyle media one that I recognize. So, yeah, no, we've seen at least two of these. Wow. Well, hopefully this movie was enough to tank them all and we'll never have to see them again. So now it's time to meet our hero.

He's in a truck listening to Christmas music, kind of bar humbug in it. No. Okay. This beginning is so confusing to you. It is. At the beginning of this movie, he does classic villain behavior. Oh, look, I have cupcakes that are for someone else, but I eat them for myself. Right?

Classic villain slash co-host on my podcast. Okay. I mean, whatever. Who doesn't eat the cupcakes out of the package on the way? That's like pretty normal. That's the opening line of my autobiography. Eating all the cupcakes and packaged while you're still in the car. I'm going home.

He's then right story behind him. He needed a car cupcake. Yeah. You don't know what am I supposed to not get dessert at the end of my drive? Yeah. No, I get it. And beginning and throughout. I'm like, what am I fucking doing?

He saved one for her. Yeah, he did. He did. He only ate five of the six. Yeah. But as he's driving also, is it just me or does he drive by a four alarm fire for no god damn reason? It's crazy. He just drove past like the post-apocalypse part of town for a second there. It's just like one strip mall. There's like just garbage fires and smudgy orphans and really weird. So okay, so he gets to this big Christmas shindig. This is where we're going to meet Nancy, his confusing platonic girlfriend. His friend, his friend Nancy. This is the stupidest goddamn love triangle in the history of film. I'm just going to throw that. We'll explain it

as it goes, but this is the dumbest. Okay. So yeah. So we meet her. We have no reason not to think she's not his girlfriend or his wife or anything for nine tenths of this movie. Yeah. He brought her a cupcake.

Like you said, I don't think, I don't think I thought he ate all six and had to stop at a second store. The other cupcake. I had to do that. That's it. Yeah. In your experience. Yeah. You stop again. And you get one more somewhere else. Now, I want to point out, okay, so where is this Christmas page? Now, the whole movie is going to be about a Christmas pageant,

but this scene will never be relevant to any of it. Nope. It's important that you know that there's no goddamn reason for this scene. This two hour movie could have been trimmed down about 18 minutes and got all the relevant plot points in. It wouldn't have been able to wrap in Elvis guy though. It's true. That's true. We'll get there. There's going to be an Elvis guy getting and don't. There's an Elvis impersonator at a Christmas pageant.

Too late. That doesn't make any sense. Oh, big fat guy who's jolly and unrelated to the birth of Christ. Come on. And also just to confuse you of the, is this a good guy? Is this a bad guy? Is he screwed? Is he fucking Gandhi or whatever? They have this scene where there's this kid crying, but the hero like bends down and gives

him a candy cane and helps him find his dad. And I wrote my notes. I bet he's diabetic and he dies now. Never give other people's kid candy, please. That's dangerous as fuck. You don't know. You just don't know anyway. We're way to criticize me on the show. I don't think so.

I really, you can wave it around and not give it to them and still adopt us the same thing. Don't be an asshole about the diabetes that we're saying. I ask their medical history first because I don't want to fuck a diabetic cake, because I don't want to get diabetes. No, it's not a problem. Here's a fun game. If you know someone who has type one diabetes, ask them how they got it, like when they ate too much candy, they all lose their minds.

It's phenomenal. I have a friend I've been friends with for 10 years and he still hates the joke. It's been a decade. It's amazing. You got to do it to people. I'm just saying. If you want to fuck with a diabetics,

this show has the place to go for your advice people. Nobody fucks with a diabetics like this show. God touch their insulin thing too. They push the numbers when they're not paying attention. I think it's sleepy. All right, so now we cut to the present day, which brings up the when were we question that one of the weird thing to put on the screen of a movie like, and now the movie's about now. weird thing to put on the screen of a movie like a now the movie is about now. So now go movie now. So we see this character once more, but now he's driving around in a car that has been

very recently egged and to be fair, he's been there as well. That time he tried to cook eggs on his car. He was a good experiment and it didn't didn't quite work out, but I mean, I get it. You're finished driving and then you got breakfast. You just scrape it off and put it into a bucket. No one's here to judge you. I just, I feel like heathen this character a lot. What's up for me?

You didn't have any place. So far, it's been a wrap for you. Car breakfast. You complain about it. I eat your eggs now. So, so just so that you, okay. And by the way, we've also got, he's driving around in his egged car with a flat tire

and a truck is following behind him ominously. And and then he has to stop for a train, but not. It's so stupid. What is going on? The car is facing every possible wrong direction to make sense for stopping at a train. They do multiple shots. They fucked up the shot so badly. It's just like, like they had a huge scramble to, to like catch the train. Yeah. Yeah. They ended up facing backwards. They got like five usable seconds, but not really because the angles are all stupid. Yes. Look

as we can wait around for another three hours for our trainer, we can just assume he backed up towards it. We're just splicing stock footage from like the first steam engine. We'll do that. Just knowing as siblings running out of the way because they think a train is going to start. So also we get right here. We open up for another awesome. We can't afford to bump these cars wreck. Yeah. Or the truck with the truck that was falling behind him rams into the back of him, which means stops four feet from behind him and then he like moves forward and oh my knack. I This is like a car accident, huh?

And then everybody pulls him out of his car if he's the ever-loven fuck out of him. Yeah, right and spoiler alert because this movie's timeline is going to be slightly less confusing than mementos. This is because he's not giving away a free Christmas present. Yeah, it is. That's why the eggs and the flat tire too. And the beating the shit out. The attempted murder and they also they set fire to his car. Yeah, because people get pissed about their Christmas page and Scott damn it. And they take about and they push his face into the pavement for a second and they're like,

how does it taste? Taste the poverty. That's the line we get. Yeah, I'm not tasting. Yeah, they're going to make them like go buy food with food stamps in a store. I was going to say I'm pretty sure that's the catchphrase of cup of noodle. I don't know if they've sponsored my cup of noodle or just do that. But I remember they taste the poverty. So yeah, so they beat the fuck out of them for them being poor as

far as we know at the moment. They set fire to his car. They all run off. And then a long comes the black kid just to skipping through this alleyway. Yeah. I like, and he doesn't notice the burning car for a minute. He's like, La, la, la, la, la, oh, what's that smell slash noise? Oh, no. He's got like two bag get sticking out of his bag. Just abandoned area for no reason. So yeah. So the, the, the kid yells out, you know, does anybody need any help? And then the guy goes, yeah, you know, if you don't mind, that'd be great. And then we get the first of a number of explosions because the car's on fire. Why? Okay. Why are there little mini explosions every so often? Like was the car full of like fireworks in different amounts of ice. Like

what? How the fuck is happening? That was a perfect sense. There's also this moment where the kids like help me help me and nobody comes. Like we see all the empty windows. And I was like, are they not helping? Cause this is a, cause this is a black neighborhood. Is that who learned that a couple of weeks ago? Is? Is that what are we supposed to know that? That's why he helping you see? I don't. He just didn't pass his blackness test apparently. Oh God, I hope everyone listening to this heard that episode a couple weeks back.

By the way, guys, that's a reference to another movie. That's not just Eli. Well, now it is just Eli going off the cup. But there's a reason for it. I don't think it was a refer. I think so. I'm giving him a lot of credit. So now it's time to move to 36 hours earlier than now.

So we cut to him in his office with a union rep and his accountant as they're learning that, you know, the finances have gone to shit. So get your Christian movie, Bingo cards out now. The finances have gone to shit for the company. And now he's facing a choice between laying off 50 workers right before Christmas, asking him to take a pay cut or canceling the Christmas pageants. Or selling to the jail. Oh, there's also. Yeah. And that's okay. So there's the everbrick. Typically, that's the conflict now. It's Christmas pageant or TPP, you decide. That's the fucking conflict with this movie they're setting up. And I have to say, this is where I realized like, oh, this is what this movie is going

to be about because the whole scene is actually, why won't the damn dirty union be reasonable and just taking any bitty pay. Yes. Oh, it's so, and like, again, I thought we were setting this guy up as scrooge and that he was eventually going to get his come up and so they was going to turn his turn around and become a good person, but no, this movie is going to like, he's going to be right the whole time. I know he's useless, John John Galt who inherited his money.

Yes, yes, exactly. And it's so funny because like the whole time I'm writing right away, I'm like, boy, these workers sure could benefit from a strong social safety. Now does that what we're trying to say in this movie? Like I mean, think about how much of this movie's problems are solved by Medicaid expansion. Most virtually all of them, right? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's of them right? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. That's what I thought. Yeah. But the union rep is pissed because he's going like it's not my fault. The economy is terrible and the mind shut down like you on the mine right? Shut up. Shut up. Um, but yeah, the union rep is pissed and and and he's not taking no goddamn pay cut.

And again, I can't emphasize enough that it is not a like, I understand you got to do what you got to do, but I'm the union rep. The union rep is like, uh, my fillers want 85 minute, yeah, and it breaks and it breaks. And it will get more explicit in this movie that the unions are the bad guy, but that is the message. The message is the unions won't budge because we're like bad guys with selfish workers who want more money than they deserve. And if you don't put on the Christmas page at this year, they will kill you. They will.

They will murder you. They will. Yeah, crucify you. A lot of different terms for what they're going to do if you cancel the Christmas page. And so yes, so the union rep walks outside and you can hear them in the background of the rest of this scene going like, we're not gonna work without extra benefits in a poodle room and room anymore. Who's with me?

Rabble, rabble, rabble, rabble. So all the workers walk out of, also this is where he has to kind of talk to the account about, man, I just don't know how we're gonna put that Christmas pageant on. And of course, the accountant should be saying, how the fuck does that matter now? Your entire workforce just walked off the fucking job

and you're worried about the Christmas pageant? Jesus man. But no, instead he's like, oh, wow, that Christmas pageant is way more important than the livelihood of those 90 people that just walked out. We're gonna find out that it actually is. Yes, economically. We're going to find out that it actually is. Yes. Economically, we're going to claim that the Christmas pageant is extraordinarily important. You'll find out. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. All right. So he leaves the factory that day and wouldn't

you know what? There's a, there's a couple of heavies hanging around his car, a couple of factory workers being menacing, but he's got a security guard who's loyal, who's going to like walk him out to his car. And by the way, yeah, there's the menacing guys, we know they're, they're, they're union workers because they're wearing hard hats during not work outside. Outside. Yes. Outside standing by his car. So a union regulation, you have to literally wear a hard hat in the shower while you're

fucking your wife. It doesn't matter. You have to have a hard hat. That's right. And as though this movie were now too subtle, he's like, no, thanks. Loyal guy who's the only loyal worker at my wonderful factory. I'll walk home. The song comes on.

Yes. These are the opening lyrics. They took it all, but they want more literally. Those are literally the words that are being sung to us. Amazing. And then it fades out. It fades down because what they, because then I assume the next lyrics were dirty to face. And the North the millions. Well, and also they undercut the fuck out of their own scene right? Cause so he walks home, he's walking down the tracks and he's all depressed and everything and it starts raining on him.

But then he runs into this giant mansion and I'm like, gee, I hope there's some dry clothes here. You poor fella. Literally. This is a poor sad millionaire actually owner ducks into his mansion out of the rain. It is. Also, okay. So and then the mayor calls him, right? Calls him at home to tell him that he

will personally murder him to death if there's no Christmas pageant. This town really likes its fucking Christmas pageant. I really don't know. We cut to a bar where a guy gets a message or something and that's that scene. We pan across some Lafroy for a second. I thought that was nice. That was cool. What the fuck was that scene before? Yeah, somebody calls the bar is a landline.

Who the fuck calls the landline and a bar is like Vera looking for Norm who's doing that stupid is truck in 2016 when they made this. Bart Simpson. But the bartender takes a paper message for him and hands it to him. It's something about the fucking plan that's, I don't know, it's going to happen later. Yeah. I love it if the message just says, by a goddamn cell phone asshole. Right.

A better plot. This is a bad movie. This is a bad movie. But so he goes, he shows back up for work, the, the, the Matthew, the main character does. And Charlie, the security guard has to have a quick moment with them. Charlie, the I'm on your side because I believe in you because he's like, you believe in me? The scams.

Yeah. The good guys in this movie are Union scams. And with their state, literally taking bribes from a factory owner, the good guys in this movie are Union scams and with their state literally taking bribes from a factory owner. The positive scene is where he's like, don't worry. I stayed here by your car all night so that nobody messed up your beautiful car while you went home to your mansion. I and my brother slept in your car to make sure no one in their anger messed it up.

And he's like, oh, here you go. Here's a little tip for you. Good guy in the movie. Bad guy from ice hockey that you look like. Yeah. And he looks like a skinny guy. They're like when they stand next to each other. It's the path of the skinny.

There's no other way to interpret there. People love this joke. It's an eight-bit Nintendo game for Nintendo game everybody yet to blow on the cartridge. He did. Anyway, this is also where we get the weird, ominous walking to the Christmas warehouse scene. What the fuck is that place? Are you kidding me? He walks through his like regular-sized factory and then he opens a giant door and there's

like an enormous warehouse of literally sparkling Christmas craps. It's literally like ding. And there's like, it's like warehouse 13 of Hobby Lobby, full of weird Christmas. It's the closing scene on fucking Raiders of the Lost Ark, except with Rainier. Yes. Exactly.

Oh, it's so good. It's also incredibly obviously green. Yes. Like you can see red blurry lines around his face and comparison to just like, bing, bong, bing. It's a, if you think it to yourself, wow, what a sloppy way for them to set up the giant warehouse full of Christmas shit that they're going to need later in the movie. I want to point out we will never see this room or any of this Christmas stuff ever again.

Literally not. No. Also for some reason it was shot as though he was going into his armory to gear up for the third act. I don't get what they were going for. All how amazing would that have been if there was a final showdown where he uses Christmas decorations to fight off the end of the year. And a happy new year. Shoot some with a candy cane. I love it. Also, also, they see they really quick set up the fact that he uses physical paper notebooks

for keeping track of his entire factory operation. Like this will actually matter later. It's fucking stupid. Yeah. Like you see Amish, like he owns a modern car factory and is also Amish and has paper notebooks for it. This movie is crippled by the lack of technology because it's constantly like, why wouldn't that person have a cell phone?

Why wouldn't you have a computer? Why wouldn't you just Google that? Yeah, that kind of shit. So, okay, so speaking of characters that will meet places that will never see again, things that get shoehorned into the movie for no goddamn reason, it's time to meet wacky foreign restaurant owner guy. Yeah. Next restaurant.

Oh, got this character begins all of his lines and ends all of his lines with what fucking accent was this supposed to be? He cycles through five or six accents in his like three sentences of talk in this entire you like it goes Greek to Middle Eastern to British to Brooklyn back to Greek at some point. Yeah, it's crazy. I feel like Greek was the underlying at least a temp here. He looks a little bit Middle East. He looks like a ladden's about to jump on him and then like bounce up to like a stick and spin

around it again and then jump on some of the us. Well, the old folks are loving these jokes, man. I got to say and by the way, his whole like his whole part in this movie is to just do it all over this rich guy at the restaurant saying pageant, pageant, pageant, pageant, pageant. And of course, folks, Well, yeah, what's up, you know, my wife, she does not like me. Take her, please. I go get you some food and now the weird platonic girlfriend character shows up so they can have the first of many

John galt conversations She's like yeah, you know, it's hard times now with the debt and the layoffs and the greed to which he replies Isn't it the government's job to feed the poor? And like, it's a light conversation. She instantly shifts to no. Yeah, no. Well, bad you. We'll do it.

It's your job. The people you employ have to pay for stuff using the money you pay them. This is, I mean, in like very simple terms for those people, it's your job. Well, but you know, all the times in history when the rich have taken care of the poor, yeah, oh yeah. No, exactly. No, and that is the argument that this movie

will just assume, right, is that no, it's far better to have a system that is decentralized and inefficient and has no oversight. Da. She has to like backtrack first cycle. She's like, oh, that was pretty kind of like liberal. I said, the Bible says it's the private sector's job. God borrowed a lot from Milton Friedman apparently. I don't remember the part about the last side economics in

the Bible. I think it's the opposite. And if you're wondering how they worked their way into this conversation, they don't. This just suddenly happens in the middle of talking about something else like every other fucking thing in this movie This is also the first time and this is gonna be a confusing goddamn reveal that we get get piece meal through the movie that when he inherited this company from his grandfather his grandfather made a stipulation that he had to do an annual Christmas pageant Forever in order to own the company annual Christmas pageant forever in order to own the company. He's good for those contract in-depth. Yes.

Yes. This, this, this requirement, like, is that a real thing you've got to do? There's no fucking way. I hope so, because otherwise I am fucking with my life. Like, how ridiculous would you be allowed to get with those rules, I wonder? You could get crazy with it? Just June 4th. She's throwing water balloons full of pee at everyone wearing a hat. I'm so sorry It's as a condition

And thought it would be funny. I'm so I'm sorry I have two more balloons. I'm allowed to hit the same person twice. Would you let me just get you with another one? And then why is it pee? It's not ruined. Actually, it wasn't originally pee. It was arbitration. We got it down to pee. So be happy. Eli is weird. Dude. First year we just had to have Andrew walk back and forth wearing different hats. Seriously, I'm gonna find out if this is real. I would much rather just spend the rest of the episode just brainstorming with you than do this fucking movie, but unfortunately, we got a job bagging. And now we cut to the city council meeting where we can really dive into that post mortem contract of his grandfather's.

This is a town meeting just about this. That's what's about to happen. Yes, that's the only business. And spoiler alert, this movie is about the head of town hall town, one of the members of the board of town hall being like a villain. Yeah. So you're talking about the aggressive baseball dad who clearly just beat up another dad earlier that day, who's the secular like bad guy who

is in government somehow ish. And how do we know he's the bad guy Eli? Cause he's got to go to well, there's that. He's got a very nice lovely beard actually. because he's got to go to. Well, there's that. He's got a very nice, lovely beard actually. But also this is so amazing. The mayor says, this is how the scene opens. He's Matthew is standing there before I'm like an inquaster, whatever. And the mayor says, are you telling me your company can't put on the Christmas and then

holiday holiday pageant? That's how we know because he's the guy who goes, holiday holiday holiday holiday. To which the poor factory owner goes, now now my grandfather started this pageant to celebrate Jesus. Fucking Jesus turns around, gives a rabbi in the pew behind him a finger just. Well, this whole movie happened before the Trinity ruling when Christmas was an illegal word. So now they're fine. They're relaxed about this. They made this now. Right. And this is where they pull out their

their contract. Now, I guess there could be like a stipulation in a company's contract that like we give you this in exchange for like for the next 30 years, your company's going to put on or whatever. You know, I can't, I don't think you can do it in perpetuity to the end of the universe or whatever, but they have their goddamn contract and they'll be damned if he's going to not do the Christmas pageant. As a matter of fact, they go so far as accusing him of stealing the pageant money for his rich house and his rich clothes and shit. And again, this is where the main character is like, look, I know you look at me and you think, oh, that guy's got a mansion and a couple of million dollar

cars and a helicopter pad and think that it's all going swell for him. But you know what? I don't care for your time. That's it. Yes. It really is just like, yeah, no, I just don't like it when you talk to me like that. Also we get this. Okay. So the city council guy's saying, well, of course, if you sell your company, then we can have

our Christmas pageant for some reason that never actually makes any fucking sense. Yeah. What are they? I honestly don't understand what they're saying. It sounds like they're saying it like he can, he can sell the pageant part of his business, but then he'd lose his inheritance. That's what they accuse him. I had what the fuck does that mean sell the pageant? They refer to this several times in the movie. To sell all this shit in that warehouse to him. I have no fucking idea. And like he starts

going off on this whole like, you know, I, I, again, we're choice in the movie because they could have made him a self-made man, right? They didn't have to have him inherit all his money or whatever. But he's trying to explain how it's not just the inherited that money. He earned that inheritance somehow. He goes like, dammit, I swept that battery with my bare hands and I worked there seven days a week. So we have a long history of labor violations, but that's not the point.

The point is that of all the grandchildren that he had, I was the best one, which is why I am a self made inheritor. Yeah. My, my, look, it's been a while. So I feel like I can talk about it now. My cousin married a piece of shit who is a Republican and at Thanksgiving, he was trying to explain to me why Donald Trump inheriting all of his money didn't mean that he wasn't a self-made billionaire

or whatever he was. And after he lost that conversation to me, I feel like he made this thing. I was like, I worked my fingers to the bone. It was like, well, no, you had $10 million under your fingers is a nice. I had to occasionally sell off stock. Is it tough? Did any of the other people who swept the factory end up with millions of dollars? No, it's just just just you just, oh, well, you did seven days. Well, they do in five. Were they making five, seven millions of that.

No, it turns out not so much. Yeah. And also, he's basically saying, hey, if this community wants a Christmas page and everyone's going to have to chip in, dammit. And they're all like, fuck you. We don't lack chippin' in. I honestly wonder how many times the word rabble, rabble appeared in the script for this movie.

Oh, I wish I was an extra in this movie so that I could just overdo it in the background just for the people watching, just like have a tiny bag of gold that I keep pulling out of the house. Wagging at another Jewish person across the aisle. I don't think, I mean, I feel like if we watched and looked for it, we would see that. I think that might have been written in as well. Um, so now, of course, it's time for him to do the slow mo walk of shame out of the city council meeting. Because again, that was the only business in this entire meeting. Great. He's walking slow mo and like they're all staring at him evil. And this one guy, the least intimidating

guy ever goes for the like shoulder bumping block thingy. It's so he like, and the guy like slowly turns to camera. It's like white dinesh to Susa, like could not be less intimidating than being also this is where his car gets egged. The logistics of this are puzzling to me. I wanted to look back and some guys just rushing out of the meeting. Oh, right. It gets out there. Yeah, he said he was going to throw the Christmas budget. Oh, oh, I cannot pitch you on car breakfast.

You'll answer it. You ride around and the sun does it for you. It's like a big scramble. I'm feeling I see. I was thinking that there was just that one guy who's just been bringing eggs to the city council meeting every week, just going, you know, one of these days, someone's gonna piss me off. I'm gonna be ready. But yeah, so he goes out to his, his egg car. He calls his lady, Fred. She gives him some great wisdom here. Yeah. Oh, for fuck's sake, this is the first of 11 times someone will tell him not to worry because

things happen for a reason. Hey, guys, things do happen for a reason. Well, they do. I mean, cause a fact to that kind of shit. Yeah, they do. Yeah. So things do happen for a reason. That is correct.

Yeah. Again, to some hume philosophy. It's a good movie. It's a good movie. Yeah. So we to some hume philosophy. It's a good movie. It's a good movie. Yeah. So we mean the same thing. I'm saying things happen for a reason. You're agreeing that thing doesn't have a reason for all on the same page.

This is not a verbal trick. Obviously, the secret is correct. That entire book is legit. We endorse it. So, all right. Now, we're all caught back up with the beginning of the movie. We're 25 minutes in just to give you an idea how unnecessary that little flash forward was.

So we, you know, he gets beat up or whatever. Get the kid finds him and everything. And now he wakes up all beat up. And apparently some very lovely black woman has taken him in. Uh, why? Because because he followed her kid home. And if you fall, you home home you get to keep him if nobody you have to put up posters that you found him in Casey belongs to someone else.

We will never ever get an answer why this woman doesn't take him to a house. Why she takes him to her homes and like heals him there. I would be mad at someone if I woke up and they were like, Hey, I took you here and I cared for you. I'd be like, But what if something terrible and you don't have the ability to fucking drain from my, you're going to make me burn my book, aren't you, lady? She's like, No, sorry. My son found you on the street and asked, Can we keep him? I said, yes. So we can keep you. I asked there was no other kids there to call dibs.

So yeah, trying to find a shoe box. He didn't poke holes in the last millionaire's box. He learned his lesson though. He learned his lesson. So yeah, so now, okay, just as he's trying to wrap his head around that, this kid comes up obviously hopped up on cocaine or fucking just shot out of a cannon. I on life. Is that it?

Yeah. So, unlikable. This is so obviously one of those terribly behaved children that like needs medication and discipline and just like shits in the fondue and a dude in the parents are just like so energetic and you're like get your get on some fucking pills. He's one of, I literally don't care what pills he put them on. Put them on pills until he falls and you're on the right ones.

The poor he wakes up. I don't fucking care. Cause he gets right up in this guy's face. He's been in a goddamn coma and he's like, they beat the crap out of you and it's like, well, also moms a nursing school dropout. So yeah, so she knows what she's doing. Yeah, she can do surgery like those nurses can't. Yeah, she's like, mom's like, yeah, no, that's great.

But I think it's time we get him some real help. But I'm like, now it's time? Now. Now, you just, you know what they say? The first 24 hours don't much fucking matter. That's the old saying. Jesus. Now that we've covered him with enough blankets,

still, it's okay for the quote unquote Western medicine. You can't know the number, right? Huh? Also, by the way, this is supposed to be a poor mom and child, right? They're like, and you can tell there, you can tell their poor because they're wearing the fingerless poverty gloves. They're all the poor people. They're all sailors, plus poor people.

And also they live in a giant craten' barrel sales store. Retail apartment. They went so out of their way to make this otherwise quite lovely home look like it. You know, they're like, let's put, you know what, poor people have his palettes and a pirate's chest of gold. The balloons next to the table. What the fuck? There's literally, it's so stupid. It's so obviously a huge, spacious, beautiful apartment with hardwood floors and they were like, would poor people, poor people, what? Shipping crates, pallets everywhere. Like to hold all the oversized poor people shit they had sent from overseas from antique to their hat. What the

fuck? So of course the only thing the kid can talk about is the upcoming Christmas pageant that he's so excited about because he wants to be the angel Gabriel in it. In fact, that's what he dreams of as he falls asleep at night, being the angel Gabriel in the Christmas pageant. But again, this child is so badly behaved for what is supposed to be comic effect like he pulls a candle Up that he's drawn Avril Lavigne's face on he starts fucking it and just run how much he's excited and the mom's just like oh CJ don't get all worked up again, and it's like what the fuck is happening? Call the goddamn hospital and get your animal slash child off my chest. He's the I love wrestling. Look, I jump off the loft onto your chest. Kitchow. I'm the

underdog rock. I'm the rock. We should also point out here by the way that that mom is coughing the cough of poverty as well. Oh my, but she has the coughs like the ones that you would nest the word bullshit between. But what's amazing is she's this movie so badly written that her cough will never matter. So later in the movie, she will get a night's sleep and never call it with a blanket though and a wet rag. And meanwhile, his accountant is ruining through the shit in his office. Trying to break into the safe and and Dr. Lady comes in and she's like, Hey, what are you doing here?

And he's like, nothing, not I'm the good guy, not the bad guy. Should I tell him anything? If I see him like the safe combination, I you know that? I'll tell him that in case he forgot audit. You might as well have his dick out, just fucking a bag of money with dollar signs on the show off. So I brought this with me. And allow me to leave it,

suspiciously as possible. So yeah, so we cut back to CG, he's passed back out, since they're not gonna get him any medical help, like, you guys, he just wants to like sleep well until he dies. But this is where CJ wakes him up now dressed like an angel to reinforce how badly he wants to be Gabriel in this Christmas mansion. You know, I'm trying to open the unconscious assault victim. Yeah. That's how he manages that. And like, I,. Like I wouldn't just smack the kid, you know, just like, and oh, I'm so sorry, but you know, I just that's in my instinct when someone

Peels my eyes open as I sleep. You know, I'm really badly hurt, right? Yeah, right, especially around the eyes here according to the makeup. So now Matthew, the main character has to's she go to the bathroom, but it's a poor people bathroom. Uh oh, comedy. Yeah. And there's this weird comedy moment where they're like, here's a magazine. He's like, oh no, I don't need that.

And they're like, no, you have to wipe with a magazine. That's how poor we are. We wipe with magazine. And he's like, oh, wow. Ah. Yeah. Magnesia is more expensive than toilet paper dumbass. Come on, man.

I thought that was pretty funny. That was really like if I was black, I'd be trying to like trick white people all the time until like weird guilty racist moments. That would be fun. Black people are so lucky they get to do that. So what I always say. So now, so CJ takes them down because apparently they have a communal bathroom in this apartment building with these gigantic apartments and also there's this weird moment where this woman like this old lady who is not part of the movie just peeks out. I don't know why this is in me.

Like she was about to check that he's not going to go fuck the kid in the bathroom. That's definitely what it seemed like. Why? Yeah, no, she's like you can fuck gonna fuck that little boy. He's like, well, not now. You've seen me. Like, hold on. Are you both cisgender males? All right. Okay. You can rape the kid then. Fine. That's just an inevitable thing that happens. That's, I don't know. There's no way around that. No way to prevent that. So they returned to the apartment because holy fuck is this movie slow? Oh boy is it.

And apparently he sent C.J. off to search for a phone. And he's like, oh, so you just send my kids on errands? And he's like, yeah, I should like, oh, no, that's okay. Because earth works like that in this movie, I guess. Yeah. And now, now he hurts her feeling by being like so Why you such a bad mom Like don't you want something better for your kid cuz your poor and she's like well better than love

Strength courage. These are the most of and he's like well. Yeah, that plus like also not being poor. Like Nintendo, like, money. That'd be pretty cool. He probably also like love courage, strength and a switch. Right. And then she's like, I do what I can to help these people. Who are these? Yeah, right. Right. Now, we will, we will later learn that this giant seven bedroom condo is apparently a homeless

shelter that she runs because we know her. So apparently she invented this apart. I know. But she gets real defense. She's very like, oh, my son has love and love is all that matters. And I'm like, yeah, but I mean, money is really great. Yeah. I'm just saying. Yeah, she I mean, money is really great. Yeah. I'm just saying.

Yeah, she's like, all the real blessings are free. I'm like, oh, there's somebody with no blessings. That's what you say when you don't have any blessings. And someone who has not traveled on a plane to your rich. Just flash cut to her in first class. Oh, I get it. No, this is actually way better than loving courage. You guys want my love and strength and courage. I don't, I'm not using it anymore.

So, so I guess eventually he gets a phone. He calls that security guard scab guy to take him home. Yeah. And he's like, all right, gotta go. And I really wanted her to just like come up behind him with a sledgehammer and smash his knees. Like that. Not so fast. That was been amazing. So yeah, so he gets home and the platonic weird girlfriend character is there. She's like, are you all right? And I'm like, yeah, he's limping and bruised and be but he's fine. He's fine.

Yeah. Why would you? And she's like, we should call the police and he's like, no, no, you know. Why would you? And she's like, we should call the police. And he's like, no, no, I don't want to make trouble. Yeah, I was just beaten almost to death and my car was set on fire. Like, you kind of need a police report when that happens, right?

You know, for insurance purpose, no, you're just gonna must be really fucking rich. I just want him to be talking to his all-state agent. Yeah, my car caught on fire. Oh, I do need to find that. Yeah. Oh, because there was gasoline poured on it. I put the pictures in the app. It said that I can see. Well, what do you mean? It's more serious. Well, that's not what it said on the commercial. That is not

what Aaron Easteerence told me at all. Now, and he says to her, she's like, where have you been? Why haven't you called? He's like, well, a little boy found me and took me and she says, why were you in a Dickens novel, then? That also needs explanation. And she's like, why is everybody so mad? It's like, must be the pageant. Like, really? You think it's the pageant. The pageant is not the fact that all of these people are out of work and you're the only person in town with gasoline in your car and you have a fucking man.

You don't think that that it might be, yeah, no, but it's the pageant. It is the pageant. Again, every time we write, why would it be the pageant we are wrong? This movie is right. They are in fact just mad about the pageant. are wrong this movie is right they are in fact just mad about the fact. Oh Jesus Christ. I love to as as he's leaving she yells he yells a back to her he's like I'm not scrooge. He was way better written for the record so much

and now it's time for the greatest scene in this or any movie perhaps the closest to film has ever come to killing A holy shit talking about missing the fucking point I ruined a monitor that has So all right, so he goes back to the factory to his office trying to figure out how to get everybody back to work and The accountant and union reps show up all cat that ate the canary style like they didn't expect to see him at all. And the boss guy, what's his name? Matt Patent. Yeah. He thinks his theory is that the union guy tried to murder him in order to get a pay raise. And you know, it's like stupid, right? I wouldn't be able to help that help us get if you're murdered. I don't you can't. But this is where he lays into his like laundry list of what how bad it is for him, the millionaire.

He's like, it's not my fault. This company's failing. It's like, oh, I'm sorry. I thought that was the whole basis of your entire concept. But it's like, it's not my full. The economy's terrible and workman's comp is in an all-time high. And these lazy bastards get six, six days a year. Six, six, six. That is his like big moment. These six, six days a year. He even says, I can't go to the bathroom with a magazine for 20 minutes, as though going to the bathroom for 20 minutes is something you should not be allowed to do. Yeah.

His message here is poor people are lazy magazine reading little league coaches that want to leave at to PM. The government would just make regulations against unions. I finally able to compete in a free, unregulated market. Right. Yeah. Like God intended like in Vietnam with slave factories. So yeah.

Yeah, boy, it's amazing how bet how quickly that free market argument falls apart when you point out that unions are free. Oh, are they part of competing? out that unions are a free. Are they part of the same thing? That is to lay for us also. And capitalism go fuck off. He also complains about six months maternity leave. But he says it in this way though, he's going off on his whole, I don't get six, six days. I don't get to leave it to go coast little. I don't get six months maternity leave because you're, you don't have about

my time. Imagine being mad about maternity leave. How more clearly the villain of the movie and the other movie except the ones that we watch. And you know what, rich men get when they're pregnant, literally anything they want. Pretty sure. And he says he finishes this monologue, right? Oh, God, during speech about how terrible it is, he goes, there's a big difference between the people who signed the check on the front and those who signed it on the back. And I've heard that phrase before, but never in defense of the person who signs the check on the front. Right. Like, yeah, no, the conclusion of that is not dot, dot, dot, the people on the front are better, but that's the message he's trying to send. Work harder. The people on the front like genuinely work harder.

And don't get the benefits the people on the back do, which by the way is never true. No. Over in the history of all time ever, no one who signs the check on the front has had it worse than the people who signed the check on the back. I mean, look, I've been in like management positions. Those, you work a lot, but there's the, everyone else works harder if you're doing your job. Like, yeah, fuck you.

It was amazing to me that they actually managed to fit this line in without themselves saying, oh, he's the bad guy. I just figured that out. Jesus. He just starts reading the white man's burden to that. I'm like, where's white? What do you do? None of us. Taking it out. So, so the accountant and the union rep leave without me dunking him in a toilet face for. So I guess they're the heroes of this film. And then we get he's going into the bank, but the mayor has to stop to threaten to stab him in the eyes if he doesn't hold the Christmas pageant again.

Says, hey, I heard you left town. How is the fishing? And he's covered in uses. And I want to be like, yeah, man, I got the shit kicked out of me by a fish. Union fish. Fucking weird. Yeah. So, and the mayor explains to him that like he has no choice but to either sell the business or do the Christmas pageant, because those are somehow related, we haven't exactly figured out how but you get it. I just have to point out in the background of this scene, it's just a tiny moment, but

if you watch these along with us, when the mayor drives away, if you look, someone has put a neon light up closed forever sign in the window of one of the businesses. And I feel like a neon. It seems like a bad idea for me. Why would you even make those? So he goes to the bank, looking for a loan here. He apparently needs a $300,000 loan to keep the factory running, but you know those banks. They're so unfair to rich people all the time. Yeah.

He's basically, they're in this scene. The banker guy is like, look man, after the bailout and sort of pauses because he can't say it's been easier than ever for faculty. He just, he knows that the people watching this movie or that they aim this movie at think bailout bad. So they're just like, you know, the bail out, the thing that was amazing for us. Literally prevented us from any consequences from our actions. That's made it a lot harder to be a man.

Sure has. To be fair, this particular bank doesn't look great. There's a Commodore 64 on this guy's desk. I'm pretty sure. Like maybe get a new bank. If you walk in and like, yes, for a loan, he takes out an abacus and a notebook. That's cool. That's cool. We kind of need our $300,000 to upgrade. So I love Carla. I don't appreciate it. I just really wanted the backer to give them the exact same speech from the last scene about who signs the front and the back of the

chair. Sorry, man. Some people are good and some people are shitty years. Obviously. You're asking me for money, so I'm better than you by your own admission. Get your shadow off me and leave my bank. And I love to that day of this moment where he's like, Bill, I got you this job. I was in your wedding. And he's like, so that means I should loan you a quarter of a million dollars.

Do you really think that? No, I don't think that. So yeah, no, so he leaves. And now, okay, so we cut to him at home that night. He's watching the weather on TV. And the weatherman basically says, boy, if you're a single mom in an unheated apartment with a kid, you are gonna freeze to death. Sure are. Today. Oh, Jesus. So, so he goes to the poor people warehouse, which apparently there is, he brings them some blankets. Two. He brings two blankets. Because deep down, he's a bare fucking minimum kind of, I guess.

But meanwhile, the fucking kid has a fucking blanket for it. Yes. It's like 900, but yes, taking up 50% of this. What apparently is not their apartment, it's like 100 people's boarding house. Whatever. Now we're in a warehouse or something. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's the commune where Heath and I are going to live when we find that poly relationship

and Seattle. That's pretty mean. Heath are going to have blanket. Now, is it just me? We're going to live with our parents. Or Maybe it was maybe a good idea to maybe have more than one bed here in this room. Yeah. Oh, we're good. Yeah. Seems like that plenty of pallets to build the bed. Exactly. Which is what they make. And if they took away that goddamn tent, they'd have plenty of blankets for them too. So, yeah. So the mom is there

and she's, of course of course remember she had the poverty cough he says you need to see a doctor and i'm like boy should that line be uttered more often in this movie and and she's like worse now so she's on like a sick alter just surrounded by other homeless people like pacing the room being like cold and poor i'm poor and hungry and smudged.

So now we got to Matthew, he's going to an upscale retail outlet for millionaires. That would be Walmart. Walmart. I love. And he's there to get blankets because you know, he only brought the two. Also, girlfriend character or platonic girlfriend character Nancy doctor shows up at this point. And the mom doesn't want the doctor's help.

I was really like, no, no, it's free. She's like, no, I'm fine. Really? And the kids like, it's free. And then she checks with the guy and he's like, free. And we all just had a moment in our notes where I was like, imagine how badly that moment from this movie translates to a country where they take it.

Yeah, right. Like, imagine a part of a movie where someone's driving on a road and they like stop and the character gets out and they're like, uh, uh, I don't, I don't think so. I was like, no, no, no, there's a free road. You sure? Yeah, I don't know free roads.

Okay. Rrrrrrrrr do a karate block on a dock. I'm not in short. No, don't say. Oh, it's free. It's true. Okay. It's free. Also, by the way, the doctors, if they just show up at your bedside, they can't just charge

you. Right. You have to go to them before you all them. That's those are the rules. But it's too cold here. So he says, Hey, could we just take all these poor people and stick them in my factory? And she's like, that's a great idea. That's the one with all the machines and dangerous shit, right? Like, yeah, that's, but it's got heat. Yeah. Only a real screw G asshole would not want you to keep

all these poor, untrained people whose mental and physical states we know nothing about out of an automotive part. So, yeah, so he adopts all the poor people and they make him their king, I guess, or whatever. Also, that foreign guy from the restaurant will show up here with some food for him. This will be the only other time we ever see that character. And he shows up with like one small pot of soup or chili for like 50 people. Like it's enough for like me for lunch. Right.

And there's like a homeless shelter now, which the doctor is eating. Yeah, which is very weird. She's having some chili. She's like, I thought this was just for everyone. It's like, you know, you can afford food. Maybe don't help yourself. One of the seven pints this guy brought for the 50 people. You done with that? Hey, can I have one of them beans? Um, yeah. And of course, nobody else has food.

Yeah. I go first. She's already eating soup. And so she comes up to the to Matthew. And she's like, they have this very uncomfortable conversation where she's like, well, you know, these poor people are just going to want you to give them more stuff now. You know how the poor are, yeah. You know, if you give them out the cookie, he will eventually consume that cookie, but if you enslave a mouse, he'll be happy forever. The rest of this movie will be literal slavery.

That leaves he comes back with bootstraps to hand out. Yeah, right. Right. Right. All right, everybody check it out, brought some leather straps. This doesn't work out. Uh, uh, borrow money from Mitt Romney's parents. No, no, that should work. That should work. Yeah, no, people dying of the cold and Earth's wealthiest nation are so greedy. That's the message of this particular scene. Cause let's be very, very clear.

She's like, yeah, they'll just be hungry again tomorrow. And he's like, well, what about the next day? Still hungry. And the next still hungry. And the net yet always they'll just continually be on. Well, at any point, if they're not hungry, will they find food? No, no, not hungry will they find food and another just always be still and hungry. Yes. Yeah, exactly.

And again, this, this movie's message is not, gee, there should be some kind of government program that gives them stamps they can exchange for food or something. This movie's, apparently it's, it's, it's messages. This is all because all them damn regulations and unions. Well, if they're willing to be scabs, maybe, well, yeah, we'll get there, not pay them. If they're willing to be slaves, let's be very clear. The solution that we're going to come up with over the next two scenes is literal slavery. Yeah, is intentional. Right. Yeah, exactly.

Not quite slavery because you can't sell them, but yeah, that's, that's the distinguishing fact. How much is it different than slavery? They're housing. They're housing them. They got a big house. He makes advances on the young one. So, like, like, he likes her the best and he's like, how about you and me?

And she's like, oh, okay. Not really. We'll get, we'll get to all of those. Yeah. So at this point, he's like, he wakes up the next morning or actually, he's been up all night, good person, I guess, or whatever. But, you know, he's trying to figure out now what the hell is going to do with all the poor people. Yeah. And just really, the background shot here is the best. Everyone's just passing around random factory stuff for no reason. They're talking in the foreground and other people are just like, here's a widget. Oh, I'll take it back from you now. What the fuck? Why do they need

to be doing anything? Well, why do this scene need to happen, right? Because in the last scene, he and the woman we're talking about what he was going to do with the poor people in this scene, he and the woman are talking about what he was going to do with the poor people in this scene. He and the woman are talking about what he's going to do with the poor people. We don't need two separate scenes so that we know that night came and Dave followed. Jesus Christ. Um, CJ, by the way, shows up at this point. He's like, why aren't there any employees working all of this equipment and making you money, sir?

And CJ, by the way, is very upset about organized labor. He's like, oh, man, I just wish there was some kind of system where we could all, I don't know, share crops like you own the crops, but we grow them and I'm trying to figure out some kind of system. How many acres you got? How many mules you got? Maybe we can figure some. I don't know. I just wish I could just sleep where I work.

Yeah. That would be great. And apparently, by the way, mom is all fixed now. She wakes up the next morning, she's gotten warm sleep, so her coughs are way less realistic now. She will never be sick again. We will never revisit that. So Matthew shows up and he's like, with no explanation at all, he's like, Hey, I have

some things I want to do. I would, can I borrow your kid? And she's like, I'm poor. You can fuck him for 50 bucks an hour, just ask Eli. 50. I wish. So patreon.com slash. We need your help. A man of expensive case. So, uh, so Matthews out with CJ doing something or something. And and CJ's is confused about the Nancy and him relationship as we are. So CJ is like, so is she your girlfriend? Cause who the love interest is in this movie is very, very written. And he's like, we've been friends and he's a, do you fuck? That's the question. You obviously know what I'm asking.

Come on, man. You fuck. So she's free. I'm saying I you go for it. So and also there's a very weird moment where the kids like, you know, I just want you to know I don't steal stuff even though I'm black. I just wanted to point that out so that because some of the people watching have not realized that yet that feel that I need to explain. I'm not a thief because I'm a black actor. He goes, my mom says police will put you in jail if you steal it. I'm like, you're black, dude. If you make it to jail, you're lucky you're

the most 11 years old. That's prime shooting you to death age right there. Well, because it's the, they now need to shift her path to make sense with this movie. So the transition is I wouldn't steal mom worked for someone who's sealed. He was a counter. Yeah, I'm a 13 year old child who's never heard the word account. Do you mean accountant? Yeah, a counter. Say the word after me. Accountant. Calmons. Calman. Crapman. Yeah, yeah, no, just out of the blue with no prompting whatsoever. He says, by the way, my mom was an accountant just in case yours is evil and conspiring against

you and you need someone to look over your books. At my coming handy. And then they he realizes that they're going to Peyton Park. He gets all excited because that's where they have the Christmas page in every year. So he wants to jump up and dance on stage. I guarantee you the stage directions just said kid dances blackly. And indeed he does. He just does a little dance. He's pretty good. A little dancer. Gotta give it to him. Yeah. Better dancer than a singer. Yeah.

And what happens here is, I don't know if everybody knew this, watching an adorable black kid dance makes you a better person. Well, right. Yeah, that's what happens here. I feel like that's actually a good message in this movie, but that is how it works. That's the best message in this movie. I can definitely tell you that. What about watching a single mother dance? It depends on how much you tip. And of course, the kids go and like, boy, I sure can't wait for those tryouts. And then the camera ominously pans down to his tryouts, canceled sign in the back of his

truck or whatever. That's just good. Mees on send right there. Isn't it? Isn't it? That's what happens when you're writer and your director is never written and directed before. It is actually a cinematographer.

So yeah. So so Matthew just can't seem to cancel the pageant. And as bad as the movie's been up till now, it is about to get so goddamn much worse in the next scene. So before we force Heath's Robin Hood idolizing self to relive this next sequence, we're going to pause for a quick break. First, let me give act three, the hard sell though. Will the town pull together in time to save the Christmas pageant? How are those distakes in a movie that opened on this guy almost getting beaten to death? Why don't these poor people just sell off a little stock? Find out the answer to these questions and more

when we return for the absurdly distant conclusion of, believe Mr. Henbright. Oh, fuck, where am I? You're safe, Mr. Hand, right? My son found you and I've been taking care of you. Hey, do you like bugs? I could go through through. Um, yeah. Okay. Um, can you call me an ambulance? I'm in need of medical attention and it's it's the year 2017. Definitely. Should I? Don't worry about the doctor. Oh, okay. I mean, that's that's very kind, but I should still. Well, I was, I was,

I was almost a nurse. You're not a doctor. Sorry, you're almost a nurse. Yeah. And in that I worked for an accountant, right. So not a medical professional. Yeah. So they are a bunch of them and fuck myself a full thing of gas. Mm-hmm, so about that ambulance? Isn't he precious? I would like to go to the hospital. Right now, you need some- Later, my mom's gonna make waffles and pancakes sauce. Do you mean syrup?

It's a pancake sauce. Yeah. And we're back for more of this shit. When we last left our anti-hero, he was trying to figure out a way to break it to CJ that the pageant wasn't going to happen this year. But before he can find the words, they get back to the factory where all the bad people are waiting for him. And these heartless bastards won't let him run a homeless shelter in an automobile parts

factory. Right. And they try to make this the bad guy thing. He's like, well, how can there be laws against helping the poor? Is it? No, you're housing them in unsafe conditions with no, there's not even a refrigerator in here. God, dude, you know, come on. And then he's like, oh, because you're evil and your regulations make everyone unhappy.

You have a child sleeping on a drill press. Yeah. It's turned off. Jesus Christ. So yeah. So he's being told by the mayor, a police officer, angry, aggressive baseball dad and his accountant was apparently with the bad guys for some reason. What is he doing?

I don't know. I'm like, all right, man, you're on. Oh, sorry, sorry. I need to walk up to his side with a grenade. Okay. Cool. This is like a Tony showed up just every time I got a parking ticket, the cop knocks on my window. Tony knocks on the other side

Tony I don't understand why are you I don't really know this seems like this to be an end of the year thing for me So yeah, they tell me better run off them poor people or they're gonna toss them in jail And they in the worst writing ever. He's like, I mean, look, you either kick these poor people up or you hire all of them. Oh, God. Yes. I'm sorry. That seems like a weird thing to say. Wouldn't that require a tremendous amount of paperwork and I'm just saying you can't

have them here. But if however they were hired to work, yeah, you would be able to string 53 minutes a plot out of this. I don't know why I said plot. That's why it's just like you if this was them. I don't know. Yeah. No, because if it was a movie, it would be awfully generous to call this a plot.

Yeah. So yeah, so now he stands up to give everybody the kicking out the poor people speech to which, of course, the poor people say, but please, wealthy industrialist, you are our only hope. The government won't help us. And he's like, well, the law says not doing this for poor or, or I have to go to jail tomorrow. That's the law.

Shouldn't you just go to jail though? You would think, like, if that was actually possibly the law, it's clearly not, if that's outworked, go to jail though. You would like to be like, if that was actually possibly the law, it's clearly not. If that's how it worked, go to jail. Yeah. But then it's not cold anymore. I don't know. The lone child, the voice of innocence says, but Mr. If we work, can we stay? What if we all became scabs? And at this point, like the heroic music swells in the background. I wanted to achieve face watch this moment in the movie more than anything in the world.

Oh my God. Yeah, that's the big hero moment that they have. It's like, we would all work for far lower wages than those union folks we're working for. We'll work for far lower wages than those union folks were working for. We'll work for food and shelter apparently. Yeah, apparently because he now hires all the people. He doesn't do any paperwork. Doesn't make sure. Don't check there. So scared. Don't get fucking background checks on any of them next to kin. Nothing is like, well, yeah, now you work here, which means apparently that it's now legal for you to sleep in an operating factory.

I just know it wakes up, comes down. I'm sleeping in the sound studio. I'm a movie technically a work here. So I pooped in the corner. Does it have a bathroom? That would be way more reasonable than what's happening. Yeah, exactly because the studio is not home. Also, this whole scene, like he's taking him around, showing them all the different stations

and everything and who's going to trade him and everything. And the whole time, like CJ keeps popping out, just like playing silly games on the dangerous equipment. It's like the factory's producing adorable black kids. He keeps doing something more dangerous like he's like, and this is a drill press and CJ's like, what if I put my hands underneath it? And it's like, oh, CJ. Yeah.

Right, right. And the next scene, he's like strung by his hands and like swinging across the ceiling on a zip line through the hole. He just put it with the dry. Well, thing by. Yeah. So fun. I'm a child of factory. So like cut the next day. Lucy and Athel are eating lug nuts off a conveyor belt. It's a factory though. There's like serious, huge machinery. I just want to like a pan shot the next day of everyone missing arms legs and a Lucian F. Well missing teeth. Yeah, that I wanted a huge accident like a 30 seconds into this montage. Some guys just like Oh god my hand fuck this is why we have unions. I don't even know

How good would it be if the poor people got unionized and went on strike again Shut him down a second time But instead of that we're now gonna cut to the bar where the evil union rap and the evil accountant are publicly conspiring This is out the middle of this bar going like you think you uh, you think he's gonna figure out I cooked them books. Yeah. I'm at three. I'm guessing I buy drugs with more subtlety than these two characters. Well, yeah, because I know your guy and he always wants to pop out of a fucking trash can as you cross him in the fucking subways. Did you hear something? But yeah. So adorable.

as you cross them in the fucking subways. Did you know something? But yeah, so horrible. I love it so much. I want to I'll be walking east you yeah, yeah, it's like yeah, you wear a white car. You know me dude, you know what I look like.

Anyway, I'm an empty handshake every time I've seen him for the last six years. Every time he goes in for the money handshake, I I never do it I always just go here's your drug money and he looks at me on the right one I'm like yeah why privilege yeah right he's like I'm not wait I'm not wait I'm not wait stop doing that let me ask you something you ever signed the front of a check before I'm not giving you shit. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, okay.

So, um, so the union rep really wants to get his people back to work that bastard. Um, and the, the accountant is sure he's set things up so that Matthew has no choice but to sell. Okay. Well, say what you will about these evil, scheming people. The chairs are up and they ordered food at this bar. Fucking leave. Are you kidding me?

You want to cash out and go drink somewhere else. God fucking damn it, people. Just lessen for everybody. If the chairs are up, time to leave. Don't even go in. Find a different place. Go to a diner. It's open 24 hours.

You don't want them to jizz in your food any more than they want to jizz in your food. Sometimes we want to jizz in your food for that other point. We also want to go drink somewhere else. I like it. Wow. We're jizzing down so that it's like I'm opening it up a gap. I'll go to a table. Like if they have a table for me, I'll go to one where the chairs are already up and

I'll take them all down. By the way, you think Eli's kidding about this. He's so is not kidding. When we were in England, he did exactly that. We go to this fucking restaurant and they've got one whole section sat down and Eli's kidding about this. He's so is not kidding. Well, we were in England. He did exactly that. We go to this fucking restaurant and they've got one whole section sat down and Eli's just walking in there going, this looks nice. And I just, I guess, I guess we could probably like take those chairs down and clean this thing.

Oh, good. Oh, good. Excellent. I was hoping you'd say that 10% no matter what. 10% although I will say in England, they get really excited about that because they don't generally do the tipping thing. Yeah, and they give great service. It's a fucking awesome system.

Yeah, right? It's almost like our tipping system is goddamn bullshit. Anyway, so now it's time. I was being sarcastic. The terrible service, but there are problems with the tipping systems also. I'm not tipping. Separately. Yeah.

And now it's time for CJ to sing to us because child singing is the least pleasant thing that there is. Jesus and he for clarity, like there's background music that's supposed to make it better, but in the world of this movie, he just sings. Hallelujah. Eight thousand times in a row. Yeah. God damn cell phone ring. I wanted some guy to like take off a welding mask and be like seriously, sing a fucking song.

At least put the yaw at the end of it motherfucker. Um, so yeah, now all the bum sing together and um, just that's the whole scene there apparently. Meanwhile, Sharon is going over the books. That's the black kids mom. By the way, she got a name late in this movie as well. Sharon is going over the books just in case, you know, somebody's cheating him out of money and and that walks in and he's like, wow, you look nice. Now that the rich white lady, I know gave you some clothes.

You look good without those fingerless gloves. And by the way, she is so visibly uncomfortable by him crossing that I am now your employee line. Yeah, that is such a weird, like I don't think the point of this scene is like him making romantic advances makes her uncomfortable. I think just the actress couldn't be in the same room as this man without getting super duper nauseous, but might be very much comes across as like, Hey, come on, we're a family here like it really does. It really comes along across as like, Oh, this job is great. I sure would hate for you to lose this job. So we get more things really do happen

for a reason, wisdom. God, Jesus, I hate this so fucking much. At this point in my notes, I wrote, okay, I'm on board for stopping at 100 episodes now. Eli. So now he goes back to the city council meeting to give them like the update he goes back to the city council meeting to give them like the update about the pageant he's not having. Second meeting about him deciding legally to not do a pageant, he doesn't feel like it. Up up here. And he's like, not sure why I'm at a defense table at this not. But still no or whatever.

Fuck, I said last I got to know. Yes. And Mr. Black Warren, the angry baseball dad who is the villain movie, just lies. Our main character never corrects him because you know what else has happened since our last meeting. You started running a bed and breakfast out of your factory and everyone in the room is like, how the fuck would that even work? Round of rattle. What is this guy's job, the baseball, is he like the town's Benny Jeserit? He's like, what's he doing?

She's so fucking weird. He's bad cop. He's okay. And he's like, well, actually, my factory is working 100% now again, because I hired scabs. If you quit that union union i'll also hire you said the good guy in this movie right to which all of the people are like oh i would love that and the union wrap stands up at this point and at least reminds us that like hiring scabs to undercut the labor strike is not like a good guy thing.

To which Matthew is just like, how dare you call them names? Yes. This movie's answer is, ooh, language. Yes, language. My answer is their word about the destruction of the labor balance. No need for that. Why not just call them better workers? In dentured something, I feel like indentured something would work. Dentured share slabs. They remind me of the slabs.

There was this period of history. The slabs were working for free on these medieval farm and they loved it. They couldn't love it. Um, not exactly how that word came about, but it's close. It's great for the economy. Um, military industrial. No, it doesn't believe in our meaning and genocide. That's what he was.

That is so unrelated to this point. But yes, I don't. Um, I'm getting, I'm getting. So yeah, and of course he goes to leave the city council meeting because apparently he realized suddenly that this is not a court order. I can't proceed. Yeah, exactly. And I love, as he's walking out of here, after just, you know, yelling that he is no longer

a union factory by fiat or whatever. The angry baseball that is yelling after him, like, what about the fucking Christmas badge and that's what really matters somehow. That's still what this movie's about. It is. It is. Yes. Really. Really. So now the bad guys go to meet at that bar again. This time, it's crowded and they're still loudly conspiring against Peyton. And so they say they need the deed to the factory by Monday. And why is there

a deadline? How it like is Cinderella involved now? And what the fuck's happening? Why does any of this matter? What the time on? So yeah, so he goes into his indentured servant factory where apparently the doctor is still there. When does this woman do doctor stuff? She said doctor. What the fuck? Like I just want to be cut over the ER as a big pile of dead people like, oh man, she's just banging on Nancy for weeks now in a factory.

I don't know. So now he has to tell her the backstory about his grandfather's bootstraps. She goes, this is the fucking best. She goes, well, wait, did you inherit a bunch of money in this factory from your grandfather? To which he responds, let me tell you a story about a farmer and his sons. What? The answer is yes. If anyone ever doesn't say no, that means yes.

Yeah, right. Did you inherit a bunch of money? You know that reminds me of a little one. is yes. If anyone ever doesn't say no, that means yes. Did you inherit a bunch of money? You know that reminds me of a little one. It's like when you ask somebody how old they are and they ask you to guess, right? Oh, you're over 30 while I know that much at least. Yeah. So what he's trying to explain here in some kind of convoluted, maybe it made sense in the writers mind thing is that the fact that the pageant exists is his actual inheritance. Is that it? Well, that doesn't make any fucking sense, so it can't be it, but that's what he says.

I still don't know what they think that means. It's only he owns a pageant. They keep asking him to say, a bit, it's, it's, but it's a free pageant. It costs money. He's, they had an account,

but all the, the account ran out of, I don't, who the fuck knows? This movie's poorly written. It needs to be fired. What's put a fire in the movie? Yeah, right, right.

Yeah, so as he's walking away from that bizarre and stupid scene, the accountant guy comes up and he tells him, hey, you know, they put a away from that bizarre and stupid scene, the accountant guy comes up and he tells him, Hey, you know, they put a lean on your property and by Monday, they're going to four clothes on it. It's like, really? Can they do the two day foreclosure there? I don't feel like they can. And surprise, surprise, we learn now after the account leaves that that accountant is the crooked accountant that Sharon used to work for. She says, she says he had me do some things I didn't think were right. And everyone in the scene is like, oh yeah, and

she's like stealing. I meant stealing. Oh, fucking boring. Check off. So yeah. So also this is where they learn, he learns that they lost the Chevy contract, which makes sense since he's just grossly violated union regulations, right? Chevy would definitely cancel any orders they had with this factory that just hired a bunch of scabs to take over from their striking union workers, wouldn't they? Yeah, but kind of feel like they what? But he's going to go to Chevy and do like a Tommy boy for him.

He's like, oh, exactly. Yeah. And he's going to bring CJ to meet with like Bob Chevrolet and dance for him. And you got about a part. Yeah, exactly. Well, it works so well. And 12 year old child, are you machining the parts for my cars? I am Chevrolet. All right.

All right. I'll do it. Yeah, exactly. It worked out so well and there will be blood. So you got to have a kid with it makes sense. So yeah. So if they're driving down and and see they stop at a gas station, right, to get some drinks on the way and CJ goes in and here's some people in the gas station talking about the fact that Matthew canceled the Christmas pageant. God, and it could not be words written just like,

and you know what else? He canceled the Christmas pageant, and I heard he lied about it to that boy, CJ, that one whose hopes were so up about playing Gabriel. Mm-hmm. There he is, right there. That's the person we are talking about. Bye-bye.

So CJ goes back out. And now he's like like he's all kind of pissy and everything and he doesn't want to talk to Matthew. And Matthew's just like, huh, CJ? CJ don't do this. You like skates? You like skates? What does that kid's like? You like black skates? Country music? What do you like? You want me to lay a beat down? You can do a rap about your feelings. The name is CJ and I'm here to say.

All right, CJ, meet me halfway here. So CJ lays it out in that now he knows that the Christmas pageant has been canceled and he didn't tell him. And this is such a bizarre exchange when you inescapably realize that you have a 35 year old man yelling at an 11 year old kid about how his life is falling apart. I mean, how a couples fight. He will let him call him CJ. He's like, you call me CJ.

You're not my friend. And I wrote my notes. Don't do this, CJ. Don't lash out. Not in Christmas. So yeah, and during this couples fight, they have, by the way, CJ says to the grown man that he loves him i wanted them to start making out hard and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and a fucking movie is this. How is this on Netflix? But yeah, no, apparently it's platonic, like all his relationships. Um, it's, thank you. Clarence, I care about spending time

with you to your best. Best. So, okay. And this is also where he learns that he can save the Chevy contract. Like he left and came back because they wouldn't meet with him or whatever. But he came back and now they give him a note saying, oh, you can save the Chevy country. You just have to go to this bar at 11 PM and, you know, come on armed and all alone. He's like, oh, that makes perfect sense. That's how working with Chevrolet works. Yeah. No, we'll place the order there.

Do you take to blooms? Like the Pennsylvania DMVV all of a sudden. So that night, Dr. Lady and Sharon are massively failing the back deltas together. I mean, if you count Jesus as a man, like no sentence that they say passes the back deltas here. So it's so good. Because she go, CJ's mom is like, so what's with you and Matt? And she's like, oh, we're like brother and sister. He sure does like you to which she replies. Yeah.

Clarence likes him a lot. Yeah. Okay. Let's both start naming the people we're fucking. You go for it. Maybe the love triangle they're going for here is CJ and the mom and Matthew instead of Nancy. I don't.

That makes more sense actually. M into it. And now it's time to talk about the value of faith for a really long time. Real quick. Can we talk about Dr. Ladies dead tooth first? Did not notice that until now. Can't believe I didn't, she has a dead tooth. It's just like tooth, tooth, tooth, milk, dud, tooth, it's rough.

So yeah, so you know, she goes on and on about how Matthew's given everyone hope. And now we cut to Sharon later, singing to herself on a couch with her eyes closed like you do when the evil accountant shows up to burn all the evidence of his evil paper working. Okay. Again, this is this is foiled by quick books and like cloud backup. There's no plot. That's what I. Oh, is should you back up things that are important on the cloud?

Should you? Should you? Is that important? Anna? Anna is that something you should keep it all on one hard. Should you? Should you? Is that important? Anna? Anna is that something you should keep it all on one hard drive? One dropable easily, dropable. I need this. So yeah, so he started setting stuff on fire. And of course, he's the guy that Sharon used to work for. He's like, Oh, Sharon, I shouldn't know. And you were here. You'll find all my skull duggeries. So let me set it on fire. It's like, not if Sharon, I shouldn't know you were here. You'll find all my skull dug a race. So let me set it on fire.

And she's like, now if I murder you with this golf club first, he starts doing like a bond villain speech of like, here's how I'm going to carry out this plot, but like CPA style. So it's like, you never, you never understood the power of the decimal point. Did you, Sharon? Did you Arthur Anderson was right and run did deserve that valuation is in mark to market. Well, but and that's the thing is that not only are they having him do a CPA version of an evil bad guy monologue, but they don't understand like they've never

actually figured out how this movie works. So he doesn't have anything to say. So yeah, it's just random accounting works. Twazai that numbered the numbers. And now I'm going to murder you. So they get into a fight. He throws it down the stairs. The trash can that he was setting all these papers on fire in gets knocked over. It's just like two sheets of paper on fire, but which is plenty enough to catch an entire factory on fire, but which is plenty enough to catch an entire factory on fire within

seconds. There's no book was made of thermite apparently fire nine. I don't know what the fuck happened. All of his goes up and flames like like a fake airplane hit the side of it. Yeah. The whole place gonna collapse like tower seven. Yes. You got it. He like a nose. He was a nut. Well, it's such aof. So, Nancy calls Matthew to tell him that the factories on fire. So he like leaves the set up bar to go do something about it. You know, he's going to blow it out, I guess. Meanwhile, CJ is out there and they're like, where's your mom? CJ goes, I don't know. So he runs into the flaming building to go find her. And this is where we find the vultures of horror fire. It's so good. This couldn't and the actors do a bad job of pretending there's a fire.

The props are so clearly not on fire. No, see like just drawing an orange marker on some of these boxes would have been more convincing. Certainly wouldn't have been less. Yeah. And apparently, okay. So yeah, he runs in and the mom is like, Clarence, is that you? What the fuck is wrong with you, child? This building's on fire. But as he's like walking through the warehouse looking for her, he finds her Bible. Gotta save that. Put it inside his shirt. I wanted a flame to leap out, but the Bible in his chest pocket blocks it.

You find like a bullet flame. You hold the famous on YouTube. Yeah. Lights on fire. It's hardly burned. I don't like it. Fire goes to jail. Explains that it was part of a YouTube channel.

Yeah, exactly. Um, so now also by the, okay, so Matthew gets there. He runs into the flaming building also to save people. And as he does, he has to explain to firefighters how to do their jobs. He keeps bringing it, keeps giving instructions like, come here, come here. I own this factory and they're like, yeah, man, we're still firemen. This isn't like a factory. You can't learn it in an afternoon.

Here. Here, you give me the oxygen in the hose. I got it. Also, I guess this is the director thinking he's being clever. This backwards reverse saving CJ sequence. But it trolley and putting him back in fire. No, he's the fires now. We must sacrifice one. Yeah, and he was pretty, pretty pissed about the badge in any way. Yeah, who the fuck is so goddamn where I don't know what the hell they were going for? So later, now we're at the hospital waiting for word on C.J. This is a very strange relationship.

And as Matthew sits over him, he reads the Bible, Bingo. Yeah. Also, they show us on the wall a plaque that says on college department. So really just don't like, you know, pay a hand or did he get fire cancer? I maybe next day lung cancer from the smoke didn't. Didn't. That one. That's amazing. And he goes to CJ's mom, right? And she's awake and CJ's not.

And she asked him. She's like, Hey, was anyone else hurt? And he's like, Nope. Just the people with more than five lines, not really none of the feature textures. Everyone else was what? Did the doctor not tell you this? No, only the owner of the building gets to hear about the patients after fire. So apparently, well, it's so bad because she knows her son was in the fire, right? Because she heard him before she passed out. So she says, how's my son? And he waits to God damn minutes to answer that question. Right? Like, he's like trying to find the words. And she's like, Oh my God, he's dead. Oh my God. And he's like, Oh, no, no, he's like trying to find the words and she's like oh my god he's dead oh my god and he's like oh no no he's fine I just I just fine yeah I was I was trying to think of a way to ask you and ask you out at the same time I don't I don't yeah he's fine and so were you dinner

that's it boy there you go so now we get the scene where you have to go back to the burned up factory and for a very long time, pluck things out of the ashes and have flashbacks. Oh, man. I wanted them to find like a tire iron and just be like a cross in perfect condition. Checkmate. See? This is an evidence orgy. It is literally like the plot in order. He's like, oh, look, my wallet, someone stole, and then Clarence's little angel.

They, and the lighter, the lawyer used the lightness on fire. Or a signed confession. And a picture of my future son. Okay, this is getting weird. So, yeah, so he goes back and he finds all the evidence, because again, the firefighters, you know, they don't know what the fuck they're doing. He needs to do all that shit because he's John Galt, you know, and now he goes back to

to CJ who's still unconscious in the hospital and he has this very awkward. I love you to conversation with the unconscious 11 year old. He's not related to. Yeah, weird. And of course he says at that, you know, at that point, he's like, what I'm trying to say is I believe is in like that's the name of the movie. I'm tired of these motherfucking snakes on this mother, sorry, no, I'm sorry. And then the cops show up to arrest him. Yeah. Because literally they come in and they're like, hey, we need to sort of wrap this whole thing up in one last scene.

Uh, did you do all the crimes or was it one of us? I don't, it's like, no, no, this is how anything works. No, cops don't like wait to hear mini court cases in the hallway. Like, oh, let him finish before you ask this guy, which is our job. They're doing a little court waiting for like a judge to slowly lower down from the ceiling. Honestly, when the mayor shows up, that's basically what how fucking happened. And the jury because they have no idea how fucking stuff.

Yeah. Yeah, right. But okay. So they're accusing him of insurance fraud. They're like, oh, you increased the fire insurance on your factory by $3 million. And now it just burns down. And it's like, that's not how insurance fraud

investigations work. You don't just, you just don't arrest the guy because you're like, that was convenient. You don't, there's an investigation that goes anyway. But to cop arrest resting my dead body on January 17th, 2018. Just, uh, uh, it was right. So, so okay, but he, this isn't the Columbo moment, right?

This is where he lays out all the evidence and proves that it was aggressive baseball dad the entire time. But none of the evidence that he offers up means anything until he brings out the eyewitness. Yeah, right. Like he does the thing with the like the zip Oh was on the ground. Like, yeah, this is a guy who worked in that fact. Yeah, his zip Oh, what almost. But also like, you can't like, this is such a unique zip Oh, that like, it couldn't be someone else's. Oh, did the fingerprint survive the fire? I also found this piece of flint in like a Native American.

I just dives out the window. And what's so amazing is like one of the pieces of evidence is like, I believe you have bruises on your arm from when she hits you and she is standing there. Yeah. Well, and then he shows the wrong arm first, Tito. Right. Like they weren't going to check his other arm. See? Yeah. My arm is fine. And M.M. and she shows up and she goes, it was the other arm. And they're like, fuck, he does have two of those that clever bastard. Man, if she wasn't in this little mini hallway court case, we would have got a fucking

arm thing. We would arrest the wrong guy. I mean, the eyewitness who saw him burning the place down and not so much, but those bruises, those bruises are fucking there. Yeah. But also he has the, he has the accounting form, apparently. And this is where the mayor shows up. Mid-scene mid conversation, the mayor shows up, obviouslyscene mid conversation the mayor shows up obviously knowing what everyone has set up to this point because he's now found the redeveloped in case this wasn't convoluted

enough. He's found the redevelopment plans that the aggressive baseball dad had written up for when he buys the factory and gets its sold to the Japanese people who then apparently take it shut it down so that he can then take and redevelop the god damn it was going on. I found a mint metallic green skylar. It's not the oh, this is the different thing. Different, different movie. And also, so at the end of this whole like, you know, he lays out all of the crimes that this guy's committed and everything. But he closes on you tried to steal the Christmas pageant, which this is how that plays out, right? He's like, you've committed arson assault, conspiracy to commit assault, grand theft, embezzlement, attempted murder, and you tried to profit off the Christmas

pageant. That just doesn't even seem like it bears mention at this point. This was on your windshield. It's two weeks over. Yeah. Yeah. So they arrest him. The cops do because, you know, the hallway court scene is over. Apparently. And then he rushes into CJ's room and apparently CJ is just fine now He rushes into CJ's room because CJ's room makes that the person just died noise Yeah, it makes the like ee but they had actually just disconnected him from his heart monitor I feel like they need a better system for that like is there a way to Take off someone's heart monitor without letting everyone in the hallway think that person died for a second?

Seems like it seems like you'd go that way if you could. There's pulls out a cell phone. Sorry, I'm going to change that ringtone. I thought it was. It just keeps happening. Oh, God, I am totally changing my ringtone now. So yeah, so mom is really happy to see him. Tells him never to run into burning factories again.

And then of course, C.J. tells mom that he loves her and then also that he loves Mr. Peyton, who. And then Mr. Peyton tells him he loves him and and then the movie cut them kissing. I yeah, I'm not only the movie cut them kissing. It's a love story. If she's if Clarence is played by a young woman, it's a love story and they make out, right? I love you, Miss. No, yeah, I love you too, Clarence. So now it's time to go home, except he wants to stop at the park just to make sure that the town hasn't put on an impromptu Christmas page that Matthew doesn't know about because I'd like a dream of faith or whatever. It's super depressing. In reality, kids with impossible magical dreams end up being horribly disappointed. Yes. It's like a free yoga. Yeah. You just kill a whale. Let's kill a whale and see.

They have them. They have they have extras there. Yeah. So CJ rushes it. They see the pageant and CJ has to run it because obviously they need a Gabriel now damn it now. So the kid with black lung just runs and leaps onto the stage Right into the bum pageant and then the whole thing will wrap up with someone we've never met telling us the story of Christmas Yeah, and she is fucking Christ and CJ's on a crane as Gabriel

Yeah, well they spare a Hollywood quality angel costume he carries around all the time just in case And it's nose the whole movie, by the way, we haven't talked about this because this is a two hour movie that is like getting your fingernails torn out. But the whole movie he's been like, you think it's going to snow at the end of the movie? You think it's going to snow at the end of the movie. And as he's the angel, it's snow. I wanted the snow to fall in like the perfect shape of the factory. It rebuilds the factory.

It's like, oh, I believe. I wanted the snow to fall in like the perfect shape of the factory. It rebuilds the factory. I'm like, Oh, I believe it's a Christmas miracle. So I feel like at the end of this, as we wrap this all up, I know the moral of this story, but I don't know that I can bring myself to express it out loud. I think you guys care to give it a go. No. I would not. I think you guys care to give it a go. No. I would not. I would. And it's something I've expressed many times on our show before, which is that the poor are gross. And if

you just buckle down, it's not about bootstrapping. It's about being less gross, just a dollar or five on patreon.com forward. Because I don't, I don't want to be like them. I don't. That would be so terrible. Yeah, that's sure that that should like really bring the difference. It's blowing in. Yeah, exactly. You've, don't make Eli shop at

sales. But being a responsible kid who has good parents, you need to pay attention to what your parents are. Exactly. Who's well, it's your own choice. You shouldn't have

chosen to be black. Well, if we learned anything from this movie, it's that the poor people deserve it. Genre is severely underserved. Feel like we get

you to get involved here. Eli seems basically tailor made for this. So I'm going to wrap up tonight by asking for your ideas for a good poverty is your own damn fault movie about the plight of the wealthy. Um, about enemy of the estate tax. Nice. Dost Bootsdrap. Oh, that's good.

Oh, how about Flint, the story of an electric company that always delivered? And well, that's going to do a far-review of believe that's not going to do it for the episode just yet, because we still need to make a beg for more buttermilk So Eli tell us what's on deck got off of movies live in Seattle. Oh, yeah Oh, yes, and we're gonna be watching journey to the sky. No, let me let me read you the description for IMDB Oh, please do This is a powerful drama of Sadhu Sundar Singh, missionary to India, being raised to seek and miraculously meeting Jesus, then facing death by his own family. This man lived a life that can influence anyone.

Oh, so this is like a based on a true story. Based on a true story of a man who met Jesus and became a Christian and then got killed by his family. Well, that sounds fun. Okay, I have one other question for you. Why do you suddenly sound so different than you have through the rest of the episode? I don't know. You do the editing.

I have no idea what happened. I've told you for years now, we got better mics, we need better equipment, I got a crowflanger and you will let me use it. All right well with a new crowflanger to look forward to and the fact that I'm sure that the rest of the transition back to the pre-recorded stuff is going to be completely flawless. We'll bring episode 98 to a merciful close. Once again a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to get out yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com.

So I've got awful, and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us a ton by leaving us a five star review on iTunes, and by sharing the show on our various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the scathing atheist, the skeptic crowd,

and citation needed available on iTunes and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email Godoff on movies at gmail.com. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the law offices of P.N. Routures, our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Evil's Raps on Mars, all other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clarkin was used

with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for he then write Neil Iboznik on I'm No Illusions Promised in the Work Harder, earning on the chunk next week until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Agressive baseball dad, who went on to press his face against the backstop fence and yelled, two strikes got to protect the blight, son! Nancy eventually lost her Christianity and was allowed to fuck women in peace. Eli was never able to get the hip-hop angel song from the end of this movie out of his head. The Proceeding Podcast was a production of Buzz on a Thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2017, all rights reserved.

Thank you.