Going Deep with Chad and JT - DRAFT - BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A DUDE

Episode Date: March 11, 2026

Today we are joined by STRIDER WILSON and our friend BRENDAN COONEY.  We are drafting - THE BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A DUDE. What makes a dude's dude? The first pick of a draft always sets the tone but today, we may have a Bath Ruth bend that shocks the bros! We go deep on opening jars for people, having a schlong, chugging beers, brotherhood, and the endless joy of knowing random stats and facts.  CHECK OUT OUR NEW YOUTUBE SERIES: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkxsXCzRgw0YnogF0Q-t8o0devtOBPQTZ We are live streaming a fully unedited version of the pod on Twitch, if you want to chat with us while we're recording, follow here: https://www.twitch.tv/chadandjtgodeep Grab some dank merch here:https://appreeshapparel.com/ Come see us on Tour! Get your tix - http://www.chadandjt.com TEXT OR CALL the hotline with your issue or question: 323-418-2019(Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice) Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/ Here is the Total Draft Standings: (s/o HandA on reddit)Chad: 13 wins JT: 13 wins Strider: 16 wins Chris Parr: 13 winsBrad Fuller: 2 wins (The Ultimate Champ)Joe Marrese: 1 winKevin Fard: 0 wins  Thanks to our Sponsors: HIMS: The Best Hair Loss solutions for men. Go to https://www.hims.com/godeep and get started today with an online consult with a professional. PRODUCTION & EDITS BY: Jake Rohret

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Head to tachiatry.com slash go deep and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's talkiety.com slash go deep to get matched in minutes. Oh, yeah. What's up, Stokers of Stoke Nation? This is Chad coming in with the Going Deep and Chad JT podcast. I'm here with my compiladre John Thomas. What up?

Boom, clap, Stokers. And we're here with the freaking king of Connollingis. Strader Wilson. What up? And we're here joined by a good friend of ours, great comic. Brendan Cooney. Oh, thank you. It's great to be here.

Thanks for having me. First time on the pod, dude. Longover, dude. I'm surprised by that. I know. Do you remember how we first met? That's, well, I assume it's at Flappers comedy club. Is it not?

It was outside of Big Whangs. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. It might even have been. My open mic. Chad's open mic with Haiti. For those of you who don't know, how would you describe Haiti? Just a fucking disaster.

But he was a black dude who had a different name but was from Haiti. Haiti and just told us all his name was Haiti. Dude, that's amazing. And he was jacked, and he was crazy. Like, he would, he hit on chicks in a way that, uh, was not sustainable. Yeah, I'm so, I was about to say I'm surprised. Haiti hasn't come up on the show, but I'm not because you would kind of want to hide that. Yeah.

You knew him. Yeah. How do you guys link up? Dude, I mean, just too like, just too like-minded bros. Yeah. You're just sergeant chicks. Yeah. You found his outrageousness to be charming.

Yeah. And I don't want to talk ill of him because he was a. kind guy but like um but had some personality things that were tough for the scene yeah and uh i remember you came up too when you were like do you think Haiti's bad for like my career long term and i was like well what do you want long term out of your career you're like i kind of want to be like a movie star i was like yeah yeah yeah i think you did that to me too i also voted yeah one of the things he said and i think he was misunderstood i think said too different culture yeah but uh one of the things Haiti did was I just remember this one message he sent to another comic it was a girl and it was a

picture of his face and he had a fork and knife and it said can I eat it I think he said that's a he's a genius yeah yeah yeah that was his LinkedIn profile one of my ex-girlfriends he had hit on her and she was like look I don't have a problem if you take one swing but after I say yeah I'm not into it please don't send follow-up messages that that's where you get into the trouble where is he now is he still in L.A.? I haven't seen him, so I don't know He's in Cuba He's going by Cuba now, dude

Oh yeah It's about to be a hot Hot scene over there And then you know So we met outside of Big Wangs And there's a buddy of ours Jeff Who's a former Marine And he was a comic

And he would always yell at all Comedians for being huge pussies Yeah He comes to me like you rich kid You fucking shit heel You wouldn't help anybody You fucking selfish piece of shit You got no story to tell

You're fucking coward And I'm like Jeff Shut the fuck And then I was arguing with them And I go Jeff You've been a comic longer than you were in the Marines. You're an artist. You're a pussy just like the rest of it.

And you came over and you were like, do you just call Jeff an artist? I was like, yeah. You're like, hey, I'm Brennan Cooney. It's like the funniest thing you ever heard. That is an example of an insightful thing that you do. You always like find the thing about the guy. Because what he would say is like, Jeff was one of the worst people I've ever met in my life. I still talk to him.

Yeah, he's terrible. He's crazy. I like him somewhat. I mean, we both said we were going to fight him at one point. Yes. We wanted to. I tried to at one point. You tried to fight him.

But it was like, Jeff had this argument that like everybody was fake and he was real. Yeah, yeah. But J.T. noticed that, you know, he's like an artist. Like, he's the guy and his group of friends that, like, wants to do artistic things and, like, have, he, like, did acting class. He was, you know, he went to, he would always talk about he went to Russian acting school and stuff. stuff like that. So you're like, you were trying to get him to realize that he was the pussy in his craft. Yeah, I was like, all your friends thought you were the fake one and now you're like projecting that on us. And then he would just go, shut up. And then one time he got to me, he did piss me off one time and I was like, he was like, you're a fucking pussy. I was like, then let's go outside and fight. Let's fight right now.

And then he was like, he got kind of sad. He wasn't afraid of me. But he got sad. And he kind of looked at me. He's like, what's going on with you, man? He was worried about you. You're so fucked up. Jeff's worried about you. Yeah, I mean, he would have kicked my ass for sure, but there was times where I'm like, I'm just going to get my ass kick because he's making me so angry. He was always nice to chicks. Like every time a girl would like, you'd go on Facebook and like Kim Kong dude, be like my car broke down on the 101. And Jeff came on his motorcycle with his tools from like two hours away and fixed my car. He's the only real gentleman in the scene. He had like this almost like novelistic like hero chivalry about him.

Nothing more annoying than a dude who changed. changes around chicks. It has the whole, the second personality, the doppelganger personality, dude, becomes schmigel around the ladies. He's like talking all tough. He's like, oh, that's right. That's right. I fucking hate those guys, dude.

Unless it's a mom or a grandma. Then you can turn it on a little bit, you know, then you charm it up and you sauce it up, because they need to get banged. Have you banged one? A mom or a grandma? I wish. Never. just my dang technically my dank wife who's pregnant she hasn't delivered but I can still consider her

on the way oh congrats thank you yeah little girl due in july wow what's up you've probably been with your girl too long to get into the milth game yeah I've been with my girl since basically the end of college so yeah yeah but I like milts when I'm watching adult video 16 years now is it 15 years yeah that's crazy dude yeah it's crazy she took that from you the milk game. I'll never forgive her for that too. It's a lot of time. It's fucked up, but.

So fucked, bro. How's she doing? She's good. She's visiting her family now, so that's what I'm riding solo right now, dude. You guys want to rent motorcycles. You guys want to go do some shit, dude. Ride some horse. Let's go, dude.

Have a beer together. Oh, that sounds nice. It'd be nice. You almost should do the bachelor party before you have the kid rather than before you get married. Yeah, it'd be a big, Well, they're at the baby moon and everyone's time, but that's more for the wife. Right.

You go do a thing. But yeah, honestly, bro, you're a bachelor party, dude. It's about me. That's going to be about me. Oh, yeah, you're a letter, red. Yeah, it's going to be about me. You're engaged, too? I'm engaged, yeah.

Holy shit. And then Cooney just got married, guys. I did, yeah. Let's go. Congrats really. We're making life moves, but it's kind of funny. We're all like well into our 30s. Like, this is stuff that the generation ago was like 20s.

Like, now we'd all be like. But you know, it's still anomalous. It's still anomalous. for comics. That is true. Yeah. I think this is one of the rare comic pods where all four dudes are getting married. What about your friends back home?

Are they all married? Yeah. I don't think we have... There's a couple single guys in the crew. Mine are. We only have two single friends. Oh, three. Three.

Yeah. Yeah. K, P, and A. And that's out of 14 guys. So the vast majority is... Oh, an R. Yeah, four of them. I think 50% of mine.

Where are you coming in, Brendan? I'm from Virginia, like Arlington, Virginia. Well, like, some of my friends moved out here. Some of my friends back home are in, like, entertainment stuff too. So, like, they have the same, like, the comedian thing or, like, where you're going to get married later in life. Yeah. Entertainer type stuff.

Dude, when we did Arlington Draft House a while back, we did it on the 4th of May, so it was May the 4th. And the guy there was really pushing that we do Star Wars music to open the show. Oh, my God. And JT wasn't vibing on it. And I'm going to appeas around me yesterday. I'm like, that's a great idea, man. And the guy's like, the guy, he's like, and it's JT and Chad's show.

I'm just opening. And I'm like, yeah, let's run with Star Wars. Just like making these decisions. And then the guy's like, the crowd's going to love it, man. I'm going to play Star Wars. You're going to come out to it. And then J.T. was like, it was so funny. Like, I don't know about that, man.

And the guy's, the guy's face. It's like, you would have thought that you murdered his first born. And he was just like, oh. Oh, man. You got to draw. Well, it's hard. I think I am more prone to, like, push back on that kind of stuff. But also because you are so, like,

like kind, I'll sometimes have to be like, all right, I got to be the bad cop in this situation. You do. We're not doing Star Wars throughout the show, man. It's not fucking happening. I'm sorry. You seem like a great guy, but you got to get out of here. That's good. You need that.

I need that too. I need like a bad cop sometimes. It's so true. It is great. Yeah, otherwise I was just like, it's not even out of kindness. It's out of like a need to be liked. That's what it is. Well, what would happen?

I mean, you'd put Star Wars music in the beginning and everybody would like, what the fuck is this? I think we did we? Oh, no. Did you? at the green light. Brother, we did it. How did it go? No one gave a fuck.

They were like, great, great, cool. Well, didn't we start off with, like, Darth Vader? Yeah, we started out with, like, the Star Wars like, dun, dan, dan, dan, d, do it. Like that music, then I came out and then did it. And then I don't think we did it for the rest of the show. Oh, we don't like J.T. Yeah, you got to do it.

Maybe it worked. Yeah. What's up, guys? I'm interrupting this pod to let you know that we are on tour. J.T. and I will be in Washington, D.C., at the Comedy Loft this Thursday through Saturday. Get your tickets. And then,

I have my one-man show, my Stoke Ted Talk in Los Angeles, March 21st at the Hudson Theater. It's going to be epic. And then I'm going to be in San Francisco with my Stoke Ted Talk, then San Diego. Then we got Denver on May 6th, Greeley, Colorado, May 7th, Colorado Springs, May 8th. Casper, Wyoming, May 9th. And then I'm going to be in Minneapolis, June 3rd, Milwaukee, June 4th, Ann Arbor, June 6th. Get your tickets at ChanjT.com. We got to draft today.

We're drafting the best things about being a dude. This is good. I think this will be a lot of fun. Cooney, you're a total dude. Oh, thank you. You've said and done a lot of things. They've stuck with me throughout time. Yeah, even like small things.

Like you did that one video about TMZ of TMZ followed normal people around. And at the end, the guy goes rolled down your window. And then you do this. And he goes, I just wanted to see if you had a wind down window. That's amazing. You know TMZ for losers. Yeah. And then you had one story about you were, this was before you were married.

You were dating somebody else. And we were talking about the movie Phantom Thread. And he told me how much you related to the breakfast scene where he's, she's trying to argue with him. And he goes, I can't do this right now. Like, I just got to have breakfast. Yeah. It was not a good relationship.

She's a great person. but, you know, throughout it was very toxic. And we went to see Phantom Thread together. And we were watching it. And everybody else in the theater is kind of watching it, like you would have a normal movie that had sad moments. But we were laughing because it reminded us of like shit that happened. That's amazing.

We're just like, goddamn, this is like they're filming us. I'm crazy, you're crazy. You tried to kill me. Like, it's all like, you know, where you want to. Yeah, you're just a dude's dude. And, yeah, so I think you're the ideal guy for this draft. So to figure out what our draft order is, we throw out odds or evens at first. You ever played that game?

Odds or evens? Yeah, you throw out a one or a two. And basically, if you're the odd man out, you lose. So you'd pick last. Okay. So just on three, throw out a one or a two and hide it so that we can't see what you're throwing. Hide it so you can't see. Yeah, so we go hand behind the back, almost like we're drawing a gun.

Okay, okay. I close my eyes. I have a physical posture. All right. One, two, three, shoot. A little slow on the draw. Okay. One, two, three, shoot.

Oh, I'm last. Fuck. All right. That could be good. What? It could be good. One more odds or evens. One, two, three, shoot.

Oh, man. Okay. Now, paper, rock, scissors, shoot. Okay, so now we'll do, uh, so I'll, I can count it off. I'll do paper, rock, rock, scissors, and then on shoot, we'll do it. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Bang. Bro. Oh. Let's go. First pick, dude.

So I go first. You go second. And then, do you play fantasy football? I used to. Yeah, I mean, it's like snake draft style is how we do it. Okay.

Snake draft? Yeah, sorry for all the preamble, man. I mean, I'm sure I'll figure it out. Yeah. It's funnier if I don't probably.

We're like trying to describe like how to shoot a basketball to you. It's like just, let's just throw you the ball. You'll figure it out. JT's like this guy's a total dude. I don't understand anything. Exactly.

Yeah, they're like, you know football. I'm like, what? I don't know football somehow. Yeah, you came in here.

You tried to like dody tap all. of us you're like take that dude I'm the worst person you ever forward yeah yeah I'm even worse than the last time all right dude I honestly didn't want to go first in this because I'm so scared of of what to do you know I mean you got it baby you got it there's a few different ways to go how do you define the greatest thing about being a man I think is You got to have a code. You got to be a dude.

You say, these are the principles by which I live. Having a code. And I'm going to say it's the Bushido code, the ancient samurai code. The Bushido code is got to be the number one thing. Actually, can I take it back? This is, this is really. It's so much easier. You got to have a code, dude.

Fuck, you're right. This is what I did. This is what I came out with. And the reason I'm going, there's other code is codes. You can switch it if you want to. No, I sound. You know, it's sounding to me like not a lot of prep time is what I'm feeling. Other things might come up here and at risk of burning some of these things.

But this is a code that's about putting, you know, your position in life and those around you above one's self. Which I think is the best thing you can do. You also, you do have the sickest gear. It's the sickest gear. Also, dudes that are dudes. they put, you get a girlfriend, what does she make you move? Can I, can I pitch maybe like, just a, like, a synonym for it? Maybe like, I don't know for this, but like being a warrior.

Yeah, it is a warrior code. It does, I think it does directly translate to the way the warrior code. That's not as part about being a dude as being a warrior. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, I'm going to subway after this. There's a, yeah, exactly.

It really translates to modern society where I go sit in my, Nissan Leaf. But you see here, Basito Code, it stands for honor, loyalty, self-discipline. I mean, those are... That's what's up.

It kind of tackles all of those, which was what I was going for. And it is one of those things that I want to say, because I'm going to come at you guys and play defense now. It's unique to men. So this is a position

you could only hold in Japan as a man. There was no female samurai. So this is one of the sickest things you could do. And what are all men want to do? They want to work their way up in society. So you could become a samurai. You know, you can be born low and then, you know, be taken in and apprenticed and become a samurai and then live for something greater than oneself, which I think is a huge thing about being a man and a person.

So what are some of the ways that you've embodied the Bushido code in your life? In college, I bought a katana. I had that as good decor. I really enjoy the movie last samurai. Yeah. So I watch that regularly. and when Dan Carlin talks about it, I get fired up. So maybe would you almost, would you almost like a useful rewording might be just like

samurai shit? That's, yes. Yes, if you put a parenthetical samurai shit, that's what's sick about being a dude. Absolutely. You know what, J.T, the freaking Don Draper of the draft, that's really going to help me out. If I would have just came out with samurai shit, would you guys not have been fired up? I would have been pretty popular. Because they're also just putting the sword on like your, like mantle or wherever it goes.

That is cool. It's very sick. Swords. Almost swords. Sour play. Think about the movies that are kill bill. All these movies that involve samurai. Arguably the coolest sword.

Yeah. Oh, for sure. I could have just come out and said, hey, it's what he uses in Highlander. A roundhouse kick. One of the sickest things. But chicks can also do roundhouse kicks. I definitely wanted to be a samurai at one point. Maybe still.

Oh, yeah. 100%. It would be cool to be a samurai. So I relate to that. More than anything, Kill Bill and last Samurai came out, I got a plastic katana and I would swordfight my mom. I love that.

Jedi are just fucking samurai with electric swords. Having a lightsaber? Yeah. Yeah, I was just talking to my buddy, and he was at his neighborhood pool, and these shitbag, 17-year-olds were like starting shit. He's like a tough guy. He's like former military, and he was like...

He pulled out a sword? No, he just said, he said, he said, lose some weight and get a tan. Oh, wow. But he was mentioning that in contrast to he was just in Japan. And he said something like that would never happen there. Right. Like there's just such a collectivist energy and everyone has so much respect for one another.

And obviously there's maybe some shortcomings to that too. But overall, there is something really cool about everybody like living to serve and stuff. Yeah. It's a nice purpose. And you know, Dan Carlin himself says about Japan, I might even just say take Japanese culture as my next pick, dude. I just watch Ghost in a Shell. I'm big on Japan right now, dude. The anime?

It's great. It's supposed to be incredible. It's awesome. It has 100%. Dude, the themes are amazing. And dude, the visuals, unbelievable, bro. That's what I do.

My wife goes out of town, dude. I jack off and watch anime. Is it about, like, a spirit getting put into... A thousand percent? Bro, it will speak to you, dude. We are in our shells right now.

A spear getting put into what? It's like a soul. Like, ghost, aka soul, is getting put into like a cyborg. It's like John Surley. Like, he was like the, I think the Berkeley guy and he talked about it. Like, it's the idea like what animates the body

and stuff like that. It's like consciousness. I would like another soul to be put into me. Bro. So like I could be better at everything. That's what they literally do in the mood. That's exactly what they do. It's exactly what it's about.

And how much do you upgrade? And then the components, also our genetic code, our genes, all that is is memory of human culture put in our body. How many souls exist within your vessel right now from all of your ancestors? And if someone else programs that memetic conditioning, what can they keep you from? thinking about because of the inherited knowledge that they put into you. Yes.

Yeah. How limited are we? Correct. If your grandfather was really good at jacking off, that's maybe why you are so good at jacking off. My grandfather was excellent. Thank you, Wendell. Wendell. Yeah.

I can't see anything about your grandpa, like in the 40s, like, jacking off. Think about your grandpa just caught. He just busted. He deserved it. And then he looks, I don't even know if they had mirrors back then. They probably did. And then he looks at the mirrors just like, you know what's crazy to you? My grandpa was Hindu.

Really? Yeah, because it was popular at the time. And so he was... Dude, you could be your grandpa. He was an ashram up there. Yeah. According to your grandpa's beliefs. That's true.

You could be re-emate. You are your grandpa, dude. It's funny to think about my dad coming from a dad who was into that because my dad is so... Yeah, that's not. Yeah, no, even I know. Yeah, that doesn't track really. Yeah. All right, Cooney, you're up with the number two pick, dude.

This might be... The Magna Carta. Oh, I think you. I like it. I love it. This might be a controversial pick, because there's so many things that you can choose from. But my thing, I think my number one thing that stuck out to me when I was thinking about it is the ability to open a jar for a woman, a child, or like a lesser man.

Yeah. I might even go as far as to say, I would say, parenthetical chivalry. Yeah, exactly, that kind of thing. Like a grander capture. Or strength. I mean, the lesser man thing is really. Interesting. Because if you've got to ask a dude to open a jar for you, I remember having to do that.

Oh, it's tough. It's tough. It's just, because like I'm not a big guy. I'm not a strong guy, but I can't open a jar for a woman or a child. So I do, like, it's my opportunity to kind of step up and like be the, it's like being a dad almost like. Dude, you should prank your father. You should prank your father-in-law. Yeah.

And next time you're at his house, be like, like, hey, Craig, can you open this jar? for me and just see what he does. Dude, you know, Jake, can you go to YouTube and put Dad Opening Jar Cooking Show? Oh, I've seen this. Oh, this is amazing already from the title. Oh, no, no, don't do that. Is it disrespectful to watch this during Women's Month? Oh, yeah.

Oh. That's great. That thing. That's great. Dude, when a girl asks you to open a jar, she goes, hey, can you open this for me? She's good. Yeah.

Oh, cool. Dude, I was watching a female influencer and she talked about how because men, because we can't create life, you know, we can contribute to it. But because we can't, you know, carry it and deliver it, our greatest purpose is usefulness. So when you're opening a jar and you're of use to the thing that gives life, that's like when we're in perfect flow. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, it's like, yeah, dude, it feels good. I remember when I put together a

Did you only put together IKEA furniture for a woman? So huge. My wife and I built a bed in our old place and she started getting so far ahead of me and so much better at it that I went out and just fired up the Xbox and she finished.

She wasn't communicating. I was like, hey, what do we do next? She's like, excuse me that. Just did it all, dude. I did the same thing. I'm as insculated. Yeah, I don't even think that's... She said, she looked at the instruction.

She looked at it. She goes, it says, here cut off your dick. Yeah. And then can you hand me that, Alan wrench? I don't think that's a math. I think that's the masculine move to just feel like, look, if I'm not of use here, I know I'm going to go live my life.

Just about. God bless you. I bet all of us are with such impressive women that it's hard to have that thing that you can do. Thank you. Yes. So when you get that thing that you're like, you do that for them, it's like, it's a kind of like, it makes you feel, I'm great. Oh, of course.

That's great. When you hear, when you're just in the house and you hear a, ah! You're like, what is it? There's a spider right there. All right, I got it. Get some paper towels, smush. That's the best. And you're like, anything else?

I go get my handgun. You need to see you live here. Yeah. She's like, it's spider. Don't worry about it. All right, Chad, you're up. All right. I can't believe this is still on the table.

I'm so fired up to pick this one. Because I know we're all psyched on it. We love to play with it. having a weaner damn it yeah that's good you having a weaner is awesome it's a thing protruding from your body that feels good

you can you can stick it in stuff consensually you know you can play with it it doesn't get infected as much that's huge that's huge it doesn't have periods you can shoot stuff from it it's literally I'm so psyched to have a weaner

and you phrased it beautifully because you get so much with that you get laying wood You get peeing outside. You get scratching it. Yeah. You really hit the whole kitten caboodle with that pick. Yeah.

I mean, you can pee on stuff easily. You don't need a funnel. You know, you can, you can pee on anything. You're like a dog. You know what? No cleanup. No cleanup. Now we're drafting.

Now we're drafting. This is how I was done. I'm sorry. Now we're drafting, dude. Yeah, it's so true, man. Having a wiener is awesome. It's the best. You can mangana.

You can fruit bowl someone. You can slap things with it. Not everyone can helicopter, but those that can. Cool. Yeah. Massive respect to people who can helicopter. You know, you got a, you got to, just dick humor.

Yeah. Talking about it. The jokes about it. Looking at it. If you see a weaner, it's hilarious. If you see, you know, the term bell-end is one of the funniest terms, I think, showed. Chad, even to elevate your pick further, I would say the penis, aka the weiner, defines the man.

man the most. We, to our own, to our own detriment or not, we set our own barriers. We create our own walls. A small penis, I define myself,

you guys liberated me from my small penis confinement. You got me out of my, my, you know, island jail. But, you know,

and then conversely, a guy with big dick energy. He's going to go into something, just not caring, whatever, live loose, you know, unbutton cocktails every day

by a bar at the beach. It's going to, Yeah, I would say it defines man's one self-identity greater than anything on earth. Dude, having a bulge. Mm-hmm. A bulge is huge wearing loose clothes. You have to wear loose clothing, you know, because you got a big dick under there. And, dude, getting a boner.

I mean, you pitch a ten. Oh, that's really huge. Getting a boner is pretty great, dude. Dude, when it's really hard and you yourself look at it and then sometimes you're with somebody go, get a hard that thing. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah. This thing's fucking nice.

You're like, you look and you're like, look what we did. Dude, yeah, it's like, when you're with your lady and you like, you're like proud, you know, even if she's just talking and you're like, look what you like check this out. Sometimes you got to treat your dick like Black Friday. Like, babe, we don't meet a TV, but look how fucking hard this thing is right now. You're going to get a great deal on this boner right now, babe. I'm telling you right now. I'm going to use that line.

Take it, baby. Spread it like wildfire. It's 20% off on this puppy. I mean, Chad, you really, you took my top two picks, which were going to be, uh, peeing outside and hitting fruit bowls. What's the fruit bowl? Where you put your penis and balls between your legs and flash people. Oh, I call that wild turkey.

I was going to... I always thought it was the goat. I called that as well. Look, I mean... It's original. It's like... You know what? Changing my number one pick.

Number one thing about being a dude, all the different names we have for putting your penis and balls between your legs. That's huge. that's a great pick I think that speaks to a lot of I mean that that took up like my whole freshman year of high school It was big

I should have been studying I was just figuring out different ways to do penis puppetry You were studying And just all the people You know And for the purpose of conversation I won't change what it is

But like that you know The varsity blues scene All the different names for a boner You know the purple-headed yogurt slinger or Richard a Rodney a stick a bone or a Woody a Woody we put so much

energy into just nicknames for the guy and dude here's the thing not to bag on the ladies too hard but we can do a mangina they can't do a female dick no even girls who have enlarged clitoris doesn't really conjure the same you don't think

weird. You just think nub. Yeah, like girls aren't going like, hey, you know, check out my mangina. Girls barely flash coo. Yeah. Coo's. Yeah. Coozy. Oh, no, don't do it again. You want them to. We want them to show us their

vagina, so it's like it's not funny. They don't want random penis or like wild turkey usually. I did a fruit bowl at a Fourth of July party and I've talked about this on the pod several times. My friend's girlfriend came up to me and said that was the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Really? Yeah. I don't know why. She didn't even seem like she, I was worried. Yeah. And she was like, that was, she was like sincere comedic appreciation. Is that the craziest interaction you've had from doing that to somebody? Have you had any other ones?

Dude, one time, you might have been at this party. I was at a party in the Hollywood Hills. I got naked and jumped in the pool just to like make a spectacle of myself. And when I got out, a girl came up and was like, hey, I took like photos of you doing that. And I was like, oh, send me to me. And then I went back over to Chimbor. And Chimbor was like, dude, you got.

got her number from doing that. And like, he had it on video. That's awesome. And then I was at a stand-up show the next night. And I was with Graham and Galena. And I go, do you guys want to see this video of me jumping in a pool naked? And then Galena goes, no. It's like, oh, that makes sense.

Do we're at our fantasy draft one time? And we're just being men, dude. This is a perfect story for this. And we were like, had a fire going. And we got naked and jumped over the fire. And we're like, this is rad. We're primal. We jump over the fire.

We dab it up and one of our buddies like took a picture of our buddy who has a very big penis Jumping over the fire and then this was a while ago and then put it on Facebook like as part of the photo Yeah of like fantasy draft weekend and really? Yeah and then our one buddy wakes up and he's like hey bro can you fucking Tate that off the year he's like dude what the fuck is this? We all had his back we're like yeah dude you should probably take that down and then our buddy was like sleeping and could like definitely hear this and he like acted all tired. He's like wait what? Like, what happened again, dude? Like, what?

I guess I'll take it down. And then he did that guy thing where he was like, why are you making such a big deal out of this? And we're like, he's a grown man his penis is on the internet. Good job. Was his weiner dangling and like kiss the flames?

It was a beautiful. It was a really cool. Wow. It was like the brutalist. Like, you know the cup of the brutalist with like the sparks in the background? You keep that for yourself. It was excellent lighting, good shadows.

Yeah. All right. For my next pick, it's so tough. There's so many great things about being a dude. I mean, you just touched. on some of it right there. But I want to get something

that's specific to me that really speaks to my soul. And this has been something I've been digging on since I was a little kid. It started with my appreciation of ammanacs and then the internet came out and everything just went accelerationist.

There is nothing better about being a dude than knowing facts and stats. And then relating to other guys off of that, like check it. Who's got the most rushing yards in NFL history? Holy shit, dude. It's not Lillian Tomlinson, is it? The fact that you don't, Emmett Smith.

Fuck. Thank you. I'm sorry. I'm not a real dude. Yeah. But you see what just happened there? It's not an abysito coach. I would have said, I mean, I still think you're more of a dude than me.

Thank you. But it's up for debate now. But it's up for debate. That is huge. Dude, knowing that or like in a dude from your era? Because we all love. Who has the most points in NBA history? What was it LeBron now?

Did he pass? It is LeBron. It is LeBron. Let's go, baby. Let's go. I'm back on back. Throw one at me, so I'm not just... All right, fine.

Let's see. Fuck. Who's the fastest man on earth? All time, you same bowl. Let's go. I love that. That's kind of a layup. That's a layup.

Do you guys see the L.A. Marathon finish? Amazing, dude. No, what happened? This guy was like... Yeah, we'll just watch it. This guy was in the clear lead. And will we be able to show this on the pod or should we explain it, Jake? Jake was just finishing the sentence, different names for penises, by the way.

this finish was amazing I didn't even know this could happen in marathons dude yeah I don't even know this guy did this guy saw him coming no no he couldn't at the last moment he sees it dude because he probably thought everyone was cheering

for him but everyone was like yeah yeah because this dude was just gunning him down and I heard the guy who wins he like took a wrong turn or something so he was like in the lead he would have won anyways yeah also I heard that this other guy

his strategy. This guy's here. Watch this, watch this, watch it. Oh, no. That is brutal. Look at this. Oh, my God. As someone who's run the L.A.

Mentot, how hard is it to conjure that burst at the last 100 meters? I mean, in the last six miles, it's like the worst pain I've ever felt. So to muster that courage up, to muster that strength up, I mean, these guys are beasts. So, but, and they ran it in like two hours and 11 minutes or something.

But, I mean, you're just pure pain at that point. So you almost think there's a backstory with these two guys. Like the other guy hates him that much that you can just power at the end of it and beat him like that. That's got devastating. He's like, he's like, he's like, this guy slated me. Yeah. Yeah, that was crazy. All right, who's up?

All right, I'm next. Dude, I mean, when you're coming of age and you start to party, you would start watching movies like beer fest and stuff. What's something we all, what's it something? Even as a kid with soda, what do we all love to do? Chugging a beer. Chug. Chug.

Chug. Chugging. He's got having a wiener and chugging. Dude, yeah. Yeah, bro. It's over, dude. Dude, yeah. Okay, here's.

Should we just call it? We're on the cruise, right? I didn't party that much until the last night. was having some beers one of the best moments i went to gabris and i'm like you want to chug with me oh yeah he rips at chugging he's like i'm like you want i'm like you want to chug with me he's like yeah we chugged together i was so happy and then and then also when you hear about guys who can chug he's like you know adam is the only guy who's ever beat me at chugging like like like like you hear about people who can chug and you're like i can't chug that well as always like

divine's the only guy who's beat gabriss to chugging yeah wow and uh it's good intel and uh you know in college it was actually kind of embarrassing because people like chug and I can't I can't chug that well and it was but just the act of doing it is so much fun and uh when you see a guy who can chug well you have so much respect for him it's also like at any age it's still kind of cool it doesn't like lose like if you see an old guy chug a beer it's still kind of like oh that's he he chugs beers but at any age for a woman chugging a beer it's actually not that great It gets worse. If you see like an older lady chug of beer,

you're just like, this is a fucking intervention episode or something like that. I got to like, help this lady. Dude, Laura P. has a great bit about that where it's like a drunk dad is fun and a drunk mom. It's like, mom, why did you kiss my friend Darren? Oh, man. All right, Cooney, you're up. All right. Can I ask a question before I?

Yeah, of course, man. Has anyone here been in a frat? Yep, I have not. Okay, so it's just two. All right, I'm still going to do it then. Because I think you can, you can guess the feeling. So it's being a pledge. Yeah, being a pledge.

Dude, yeah. Having pledges? Yeah, having pledges. Everything about it is great. I mean, well, not everything. You're getting tortured by psychotic, psychotic bros. But like, when you're a pledge, you're kind of like, the star in a way of the show.

Oh. Like everybody's like watching you and then you have all these like guys that are supposedly your friends for life. I don't talk with any of them. I like them. You lose track of people. But, you know, it's just like parties all the time, cheegs. And then when you finally, you go through the hell week thing or whatever it is, I still,

to this day at my age remember the day when it stopped it was like we had a party as the best steak I've ever had best hot dog I've ever eaten mainly food-based memories but it was fucking great dude yeah and also when you get your letters like when you finish you know you when you go through it you finish you finish being a pledge you go through hell week which I found to be really fun yeah because it's just so crazy you're just up all night and getting tortured and uh yeah it's like running a marathon in a way But the 19 year old version Yeah, I love getting tortured I love getting tortured

Is it because I love Can you said the center of attention thing Because like it's all built around you to a degree Yeah and I You know you do like interviews and they'd be like You know they'd make you chug like warm 40s Or like just do crazy stuff And I just love doing that kind of stuff

But also when you got your letters So we would get a sweatshirt I was in Pike What were you in? Kappa Sigma so you get your letters You get your sweatshirt that you know mine said pie k a and chicks on campus we're like oh you got your letters and i was like yeah status

dog was the thing i was wearing no pants oh yeah high signal yeah nice letters you stick out then too you're not just some fucking gd i walking around fucking without a tribe and no party to bring someone to yeah yeah you should come over to the house tonight we're having uh we're having uh we're having uh you know 69 woodstock theme party stuff like that. We just recently visited a frat at USC and the main dude who has shown us around was just a total stud.

Oh yeah, yeah. I mean, because he was fun. He was laid back but then he could get real with you too. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because we had a gay ex-con with us who was sober from meth. And when we were leaving, the frat kid came up and he was like,

hey, someone in my family suffered from Doug addiction. I know what you're going through, brother. So I really appreciate you. coming here and talk to us. I was like, oh, man, a man for all seasons. Did you guys have a guy like that at your frat? Like, just like a fucking, a Bushito code kind of guy?

I'm trying to love that. I'm not sure if we had anybody that would have done that. Like, that's, that is great. The guy that knows the right thing to say and is very thoughtful. I wouldn't describe the people I knew as thoughtful. Yeah, I think so too. Like, my memory is, and I'll just put myself under the bus, It's like, I remember when I became a brother in the fraternity, the pledges in the next class, they did the same thing we had to do.

One of them was like eating this disgusting food that you wouldn't eat, right? And it's freezing. It's Boston. They have like some weird insulting clothes on that doesn't cover them up really from the cold. And they're eating the sandwiches, right? And I had a squirt gun. And when they were eating the sandwiches, I would just randomly squirt one of them in the face. And they would piss them off.

but they can't do anything. So I would just be like randomly squirting guys like, and it's like a little squirking. So it's even more annoying. It's not like a big super soaker. Yeah, you know, and that was like terrible,

but I mean, it was a cherished memory of mine. That's what makes me laugh. I'm not proud of myself that I did it, but. Torturing young men. Yeah, yeah.

Torturing the younger generation is. It's funny. And Ribbon is part, you have that gear in you. That's part of the reason I love you so much as you are a very thoughtful, intelligent guy. Oh,

but you also understand that part of male commercial Rotary is like going at each other a bit. And you can do that with a certain lawn. Yeah. I mean, I wish I was a nice guy like Chad. Chad is nice to everyone at the mics. I always notice things. A great guy.

Everybody likes them. And I want to be that. I want to be like a Chad or, you know, James Austin Johnson. He's always very nice to people. I don't have that. I can't say that I'm a nice guy. I try to be. But don't,

don't the girls, like, you always had friends who were girls in the comedy scene. Which is an indictment on me, I think. Like, I mean,

you never trust a guy that has, like, lonely friends that are girls. Like, that's the worst kind of guy. I always trusted you because I never felt like

you were changing who you were for them. I thought that you were still giving it strange. Yeah. But they still trusted you, which is a hard thing to pull off. To a certain extent, yes, but like,

an example is because it may be one of my things, but like, when you're in a check, when you're in a group, chat with people. Like I have my group chat back home with my friends from home and I have a group chat with some of those women. This totally different, right? Right. Like it's so much more, you go to the women's group for like support. You send an idea. It's not going to be like, you're a fucking and then somebody you can't say. But the group chat back home is just like it's all just, it almost seems

designed to humiliate and make this one guy in the chat feel bad. Yeah. Because like we, all we do is shit on him. Yeah. And like say horror, I get like a huge smile on my face when I think of a new way to insult him. Yeah. If he's proud of something, I'm like, how can I knock him down? I might have taken it too far with a guy in our chat for a while. He was really pushing that we'd go to his like family's home for fantasy draft weekend. And I was pissed. And he wasn't even part of the group that did this. But I wanted to go to Vegas for the last one. And it was like a fucking fist fight to get people to go. And like I won votes and all this shit. And people were still just shitting on me saying it was a shitty idea.

And then we went and I had a good time. And then after the fact, people were like, it kind of sucked. It wasn't fun. And then so this guy was like, hey, we're going to go to my place. And I was like, no, I'm not going to give this guy a free pass. So I just started shitting on his like town and all this different stuff. And then finally he just had enough. And he's like, you know what?

We're not going to my house anymore. Wow. Which I didn't even know it was an option. Wow. I thought you just had to fucking plow ahead. But he kind of, you know, he jiu-jitsued a bit and was like, well, I'm just not doing it. And I was like, ooh, maybe I took it too far. make fun of him more now. I haven't

really slowed down. I'm being thoughtful in this moment, but when you're on the threat, it's like, this is like therapy and that's war. It's a different animal. You can't let them get away with that because the same similar thing. This guy at one point, like a year or two ago was like, I'm leaving the chat. And so we created

other chats to just like between the three, like you got to come back and then like shit on him a little bit. And now he's back in the chat and we're all happy again. It's what the chat needs. You need someone to just attack like at whim. And it brings the group together. A common enemy is huge for the group.

Especially if someone's like, if they're winning it's something. Like if, if, like we had won the fantasy championship that year and I was going to get Vegas for the thing. So people were like, they were just coming at me. They were slandering my name. Like one of my friends said everything nice I've ever done has only been for myself. They were really coming at me. You know, everything has to be mine. And I was like, you know, you're on default.

Like I was at the gym one time like shaking. But like, but yeah, I didn't, I agree. You can't really hit the retreat button. It's kind of our duty as bros to stick in the fight. Sometimes it's you that's going to be the one getting shit on. But I think the guy that's getting shit on deserves it. Like this one guy, I don't know if you ever met my friend Cutter, but he, he is like kind of successful.

He's won Sundance a few times. So, but that's not the reason we shit on him. He's a piece of shit. So it's like, we got to like tell him this stupid opinions. Like we don't have like we're all busy with our jobs and you're just like high in your couch and you think you know about politics now you're an idiot You know like this is like the dumbest thing anyone's ever said and you should know that so you don't say it to other people Yeah, we're doing him a certain yeah You're being good friends thank you sir I appreciate

They need that you need that voice It makes me want to spectate in your chats like I can just join and not say anything I would love to add more people to make fun of him The problem is like some of the stuff in it's like if it ever gets out it's like I'm done Right, yeah, of course. I don't even say things I mean. You know, it's true. When we first got our show, Cooney's piece of advice to me, he goes,

because you know I like to share things, you go, you call me John, you go, John, just don't cancel yourself. We always say that before the live. We say don't good-dush yourself because that's what Brennan Chob says. But yeah, no, it's, I mean, you, it. J.T. has said things to me that, you know, no one else has said,

for sure, about your life. And I love it. And we even talked about it on when he came on Tim as a Shabber. Which, I think Bullshod. Are you talking about my sex addiction and stuff like that? Yeah, like, I was like, if you want to talk about this and we're like, is there anything you want to take it out? And I think you did ask to have something taken out that

had nothing to do with any of that. It was like, it was probably like, I said something mean about this guy. Like, I don't want that. And meanwhile, like saying the craziest shit ever about sex stuff. Yeah. You know, which I love.

Thank you, brother. I appreciate it. You've always been a supporter that way. But so, Chai, you were a nice frat guy. You didn't bust on the other guys too much. Yeah,

but I was creative with it. Like, I, you know, I, I, I did fun interviews. I would,

I was known as kind of doing like, kind of like, off the wall interviews, but it wasn't like torturous. They just said, it was just weird. It was like, but there's one guy,

you know, this one entourage is big, so I, this guy's name was Aaron, but, I was like, you know, you're a Lloyd, like an assistant. The whole school thought his name was Lloyd. And he's so...

It's a lot of authorship in someone's like. Dude, yeah, yeah, he's so mad at me. He's like, you destroyed my social life. Everyone thinks my name is Lloyd. And to be fair, he looked like a Lloyd. Right. Yeah, Aaron, if you're watching, you're Lloyd. Yeah.

Dude, I think he's still called Lloyd at work. You know the thing Chad would do is like, you know how when... I know you know this. When you're saying something crazy to somebody and they go, man, that's crazy and they laugh. Yeah. Like that's what he, like, I would say like some crazy, like mean thing. And he'd be like, that's crazy, man. Like, but he wouldn't join in on it because he's a good person.

I do enjoy it, though. Those are my favorite types of people is like people who can say that kind of stuff because I really, I enjoy watching it and spectating. Dude, you know, I kind of wish I could do that. Oh, okay. Yeah. One more thing before we keep pushing it, because you talked about politics with your friend, him saying stupid shit, you guys call them out. I think a problem we have in our text thread right now is we have our main thread. And because like half the bros are conservative and half the dudes are liberal, we factioned off into two separate text threads.

But I actually think it's created, of course, an echo chamber where like I'm on the libelords. And I think we're too like, there's a lot of conversations on there where I'm like, I think we need an outside perspective on this. And then the other one, the Patriot boys, like I think they need to hear from us too. And I'm like, we should all just be having this out on the main thread and trust that there will be battles. But through the course of it, we'll all get sharper and more honest about how we feel about stuff. Yeah, that sounds very true for your situation. And that makes sense. But all of our shit is on the main thread.

I mean, we do break out sometimes. But you keep it main thread. You got to have main thread fidelity. Yeah, most of the stuff in the, so it's like the main thread is where we're like, cutter, this is ridiculous. You're an idiot. And then the rest of it is like, can you believe he said that kind of stuff? Right. So like it's not, it's not really like policy debate or agree when it pulls out to the side bets.

And then Cutter, I don't even know if he has a side thing. It's probably just like him being like to his therapist like I can't leave. They won't let me leave. Like they hate me. I keep threatening to kill him like on the chat. I'm like, I'm going to get you. Like if I'm president, you're dead. like all this random stuff like and I'm going to keep doing it

yeah of course all right just trying to go up in two pitch bro this is kind of leads to exactly my next pick which is having a brother so I think that it's a friend who shapes you it's like it's someone who calls you on your shit and makes you a better dude

because you're going to hear it from your dad your teacher your mom whatever they're going to tell you the thing but in having an older brother especially but I'm going to get greedy and take them all but that person that you just naturally look up to as a person is like I think one of the most important relationships that there is and not to be like if you're a single child like you can be great whatever but you kind of get surrog someone in your life will sort of fill that role whether it's a cousin or like an older dude um but I think that's huge and I'm lucky to have three brothers um and you can kind of you kind of glean you kind of go oh this worked this didn't work having an older brother like it makes you cooler it just does They're into the fucking bands. They show you the sick shit. They get the paintball gun.

They're like, look, you don't need an angel. Get an autocquer. It's better. They just fucking tell you what's up. It's got a hinge trigger. Yeah, exactly. There's sort of like a roadmap to life, which is nice. And then, you know, they're your ride or die.

What about when they call you out into your lies, too? Were you like, I fingered a girl. And they were like, oh, yeah? What did you feel like? And then you're like, it felt like an empty hole. They're like, shut off. They have no greater sense for authenticity. anything like dude you I would like buy a new pair of airwarks my brother would be like you suck at

skating dude I was so stoked I mean he literally goes go take him off take them off and I had like wear my basketball shoes around he's like yeah that's what you should be wearing that's hilarious it's great bro I uh having an older brother's yeah my older brother's my cousin uh so best I mean lighting fireworks 4th of July just blowing shit up is there any there's nothing more nothing better and it's different I do think the brother relationship for a woman is good, like a protective older brother or whatever younger, but I think it's unique, it can't be created, which

is why it belongs on this list. Dude, one time I heard that my brother, I was in high school, I heard they got head. I was like, that's so sick. So someone just came to you in there, like Mark got head. Yeah, Mark got sucked. That's so right. I won't say who, but she's a babe. Oh, that's good. He's like, yeah,

he's like, your brother was just, you know, just doming it up. I was like, fuck. That's so radical. Did you feel pressure? Were you, like, I got to get sucked relatively soon? Yeah, I think I did, but I was more just so proud. I was like, I wish I could have been there, you know, just cheering him on. To be the guy telling you that is kind of funny, just to go up to, like, someone's brother and be like, your brother got ahead.

Yeah. She was fucking high school. It was, like, political news in high school. Like, here was a big deal. Yeah, that's high school. I'll call him Alex O. It was like the first guy to have sex. I mean, like spread around the school like crazy.

And then I was in algebra with him. We were all like, what's it like? And he was like, not as good as the real thing. The real thing, dude. What's a legendary answer. That's crazy. That's crazy. Okay.

Yeah. My next pick up with your brothers. Because a game of something could start at any moment. And bro, that's my next pick is gaming. Dude, it's literally. Girls can do it. It's for the boys. Who are we fucking kidding here?

Four player fucking golden eye dropping into cod. Just having a sleepover. Land parties. No chicks are at these things. okay and if they are it's an anomaly all right I get it they can go it's like special operations in the military it's bad for the vibe like some things need to be gendered it's

for the boys dude you fucking make bagel bites you order a pizza you're crushing monsters you come out of the I just dropped a deuce dude you fucking touch my controller rumble packs oh rumble pack dude don't touch the controller after you've had Cheetos I'm not gonna tell you again exactly even honestly your buddy you go to sleepover

and there's this game called Ninja Gaden and my buddy Joey was better at it and I go, dude, can you just play it and I'll watch you? And I just liked it, dude. Dude, like, I remember I was playing WWE wrestling. Yeah. And you just slamming someone with a chair. It's most fun.

So fun. With another bro. Bro. Madden? Playing Madden? Just dial out of the place. NFL Blitz? NFL Blitz.

When you tackle the referee. Oh, yeah. Dude, Halo when you played 2V2, like Blood Gulch or whatever the winner one was called. And you have a strategy. Like me and my brother would get the ghost and our buddy Josh Panko would be in a tank and then we'd always just try to tempt Greg to come follow us up a hill because we know if we got him we could have the the strategy advantage.

Dude, you just nailed it. It's strategizing with your boys. Yeah. That's the best. Like in cod, when you're like, okay, let's final circle, let's hold this house. Yeah. So sick. Dude, when you're having a plan and it gets to final circle, it's like a three team, seven left, who's got stims? Anybody have a gas mask? I'm down. I'll do it. Fuck, just get it, boys. Just get it. Sometimes listening to good comms is a beautiful. When I hear a team communicating well, you can hear when they're going to get the dub. Coms are very sick. Oh, they're the best.

Excellent communication. That's great. That fires me the fuck up. Yeah, excellent communication via gaming is beautiful, dude. And guys excel at that. They're the best at it. Guys are fucking good. There's a secret language, dude.

There's a way we lock in and we know whose job is what. And there's something that's all encompassing that involves having a weener, pledges, and having a brother, it's when you and your bros teabag a noob. Yeah. It is the best feeling on earth. It's the most fun you'll ever have. When you are making a

noob, taste your sack. I don't think anything brings me more joy. Dude, in real life too. Oh, yeah. When it's like, hey, I remember when my brother teabagged one of his buddies. Yeah. That was huge. Big time, dude. When you see one of your boys getting tea bagged and he wakes up just ha ha. The fallout is

catastrophic, but it was, you know, the moment was gigantic. Did he go bare sack with it? My brother will tell you he had his hand under his sack so that it never went skin to skin. So it was actually his grundle. Yeah, but I don't want to out him, but other people who were there say otherwise. What happened after? You put it on the forehead? The guy was just bummed out. And then he didn't blame my brother. He blamed somebody else for letting him happen. Oh, really? For telling him to do it. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Why does that happen? Why does it work that way? I mean, I don't know. I've never experienced that situation, but maybe he has like, he knows your brother in a way. He's like, and then he knows the other guy.

Maybe the other, the guy he blamed is like his cutter. Yes. And it was, you know what I think it was? It was more out of character for the guy for that guy than it was for my brother. Like my brother did it and you knew he was coming from a good place. And it was all fun and there wasn't anything mean spirit in it. And I think with the other guys, it felt like a deeper betrayal and more he. Like more like you, they're trying to.

Yeah, and that guy was always like, I'm the nice guy. I would never do anything. And it's like, then why are you orchestrating tea bags then do it? Or get straight with yourself. Yeah, yeah. Orchestrating a tea bag is pretty epic, though. Yeah. But this guy, you know, it would have been all right if he would have lived his life as a guy who does that.

Who did that. But he tried to be a holy role and like, no, you know, I'm friendly with everybody. It's like, no, you're sinister bitch. He was a youth pastor. Yeah, exactly. Do you? Yeah, exactly. And he used to do sermons against tea bagging.

And then behind closed doors, he's dropping sack like the rest of us. Cooney, do you teabag bag? I've never teabagged anybody. And I, I mean, I knew about it when I was in school. I don't know if anybody did it. We always joked about doing it. What we would do is like the thing where you put toothpaste on someone's hand and then you tickle their ear.

Yeah. So they do this. We did that all the time. I feel like you'd be good at those kinds of pranks. I mean, I was always for them. I was probably like the asshole that got blamed. I'm the guy that gets blamed for that. Oh, really?

You told. Cooney did it. And sometimes I am. You know, they're like, it's fucking, I'm a fire starter. We need it. All right, well, you're up with your next pick, brother. Okay. So this one, I'm going to go being underestimated.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's a fire pick, dude. Thank you. I think it happens a lot with men. Yes. Even more so now. People underestimate us because of guys like Haiti.

And, you know, like, people that are, you know, there's a lot of guys out there that probably aren't very great. Oh, they morally underestimate us. Morally and everything else. Because I think it's like kind of hacky to say like the Homer Simpson, the guy in the commercial that's an idiot, the dad on the sitcom that's a moron. You know, but like when, or just the way you look maybe, you know, they don't think you can do something or whatever. But then you do it. All the time, bro. It is, it is weird.

I think people see movies so much. So they have like an archetype of what they think competence or like utility looks like. But then if you grow up and you're around people all the time, you know that there's, that's kind of bullshit. Like there's guys who are big, but they can't fight. They just have no like heart for it. There's guys who look smart, but they're dumb as shit. And then there's guys who don't look tough.

And then they'll rip you up like a Tasmanian devil. And you're like, yeah, you have to be a guy to really know that. Yeah, I think a lot of people probably, they see any of us and they make an assumption right off the bat based off of what they know about us what we look like, but it's often not the case. Yep. That's a good one, too. Underdog mentality. Guys, Sideraterina, I got to tell you about our sponsor, one of my favorite sponsors,

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My next pick, I got to go with no makeup. Dude, great pick, dude. No makeup. I mean, dude. You're crushing, man. That's pretty good. Thanks. Dude, I mean, it's pretty hilarious when you're with your lady and you're like,

yeah, we're going to dinner tonight. And she's like, all right, I'm going to need two hours to get ready. I'm ready in five minutes. That's the huge thing. That was the takeaway. It's just the quickness of getting ready. That's huge. Yeah.

I'm ready in five minutes. I'm watching Django having a beer, you know, just chilling. They're slaving away, you know, trying so hard to just, you know, put on all this makeup. It's so much work. It's like they're putting together an art piece and it looks really annoying and, you know, difficult. I think some women enjoy it. But I think for the most part, it's like, I'm going to need an hour to get ready. That sucks.

Now, Chad, to challenge you here to be the guy who's saying, hey, man, you should tee back that guy to be that character in this line of questioning. Is it the quote unquote patriarchy that makes women do this? Or do you think women are doing that for other women and it doesn't involve men? What's your take? Maybe it's too tough to tell. I don't think it's a patriarchy because I don't, I don't be like, oh, I'm wearing no makeup. I'm like, nice. Pam Anderson is celebrated for it.

I think it's a disservice to women too. When we say that like it's the patriarchy that created like the desire for makeup, I think there is something innate in women. First of all, they are competitive with each other, independent of men. Yeah. And I think they do like to look good. and they do find personal value in that. Yeah, there's a thing.

It makes them feel good to look good, getting new clothes, putting on makeup, looking glamorous is like, you know, it's, I know for my fiance, she loves it. That's like she loves putting together a whole look. And I respect that. Yeah. And I try to, you know, put together a look too. But just as a guy, just by its nature, I don't have to apply as many things. No, and they get us there too, right?

They teach us about face wash. They teach us about lo. You know, they upgrade us there. Yeah, exactly. And we wouldn't have that without them. Yeah. Okay, I don't think this, but I want to go Redpool here and say, go.

What if it is like, it's none of that, it's just, they just want to waste our time. It's a control thing. Yes. Bro. Honestly, bro, I think there is something to that. Like, my wife will show me like three outfits before we're going out. And I'm like, looks great. New one?

I love it. Good call. This other one, I'll have an opinion. You might want the jacket from the other one. And then it'll be an outfit that I had no opinion on in some combination that I never even saw. And I'm like, let's go. So the inverse of this, I would say, or kind of related is weaponized incompetence, right? Women will say that guys will be like, wait, I don't know.

I didn't know about that. Or I forgot about that. So we'll just be like, hey, I'm dumb as a way to like get out of like accountability or responsibility. But I do think women do weaponize control in a lot of different ways. So they're like, well, I do have my makeup routine. So I can take up an hour right now. And he can't really get mad because this is just part of my.

procedure. Yeah, they're tricky like that. They'll do that show. Weaponizing competence is smart. By using it, you don't have to put the, you know, bowl in the right place. Yes. You know, so you get that time back that they stole from you by spending an hour doing makeup. Correct. It comes out even. Yeah, yeah. We all have our tricks. And then the day, both parties win. Yeah, it's like a disease is like, we use the skills we have, brother. All right,

for my next one, I can't believe this is still on the board. This is like one of the coolest things ever about being a dude. It's subtle, but it makes a huge difference in the way you live your life. Head nods, handshakes, and hand slaps. Oh, this is huge. This is an unbelievable pick. Yeah, just the nonverbal communication that men use to establish like a level of understanding of one another.

Like you can just be walking by. You see a dude who's totally different than you. And then you both just go, what a, and it's like. The hawker, bro. Like that, like that's the grandest, probably scale of it that I can think of off my head but that is the essence is captured in a quick like

what up yeah yeah like a fucking the down nod to someone that you don't know and then if you do know them it's up and the down nod's almost like you did the guy didn't do something good you're like whoa like I saw that I clocked that I clock that behavior and then remember that movie never back down when the two enemies they then develop a mutual respect for one another

mutual respect head nod unbelievably huge among those yeah sometimes you'll see see a guy who's like you're, you know, you guys aren't getting along. Like he stole your baseball card. You just, that's the wrong thing. He stole a, Your chick.

He stole your video game or stole your sweater. You're in high school. You see him and we both give a head on it's like, it's not gonna be a problem tonight. We'll settle this another time. And then dude, handshakes, when you meet a girlfriend's dad, what's the quickest way to let him know? I'm solid.

Eye contact, firm. Good handshake, nice to meet you, sir. No dead fish. JT. I love that. What do you teach a young man? If like a 10 year old kid, goes hello like nice nice to meet you uh like my buddy you know or whatever tells their young son to say hi to me and they do that i respect that kid that kid does it he's great what's the big

mall in washington dc uh the mall you mean yeah it's like i think it's just called the mall boom imagine you're an eighth grade white kid sort of white kid from an orange county you're out there you're in foot locker you're trying to be down with the brothers who are working there what's the quickest way to let them know hey i'm not pushing too much into this but i'm I'm down. Dang. You nail that handshake. You put that snap in the right place.

You sink up that snap with them. Immediately. I remember the look that fella gave me. He went, you give me a little bit. Okay. Yeah. All right. Same his first time.

And you dab it up. JT. This is great. Also, it bridges generations. Think about who was the receiver for the jets that got hurt this year? And then Aaron Rogers. And on hard knocks, they developed this sick handshake together. were like there.

Garrett Wilson. Yeah. Wilson did like a smoke in a J thing. Unbelievable sick. Athletes on every team. I remember they did interviews, like especially on football. They have like different memorized handshakes for like different players on a team. And the quarterback has to do like 50 of them because he's like the leader.

He's got to memorize 50 different handshakes because it captures camaraderie, bro, which is huge for bros. This is great. I'm not on the mic, but Bronjew says he. for every person he's ever played with his might be the interview I saw it might have been LeBron that's how you develop intimacy that's his intimacy it's a it's great he doesn't forget him he'll see like a guy from like 15 years ago they'll do the handshaping that makes me respect LeBron more I don't really have a whole lot of respect for him what yeah yeah I love LeBron I'm not a big LeBron I'm not a big leader but I'm not a big fan

no party like a Diti party like you know I'm not I can't he just that not just because that He seems kind of lame to me. Do you think he's fake? Is that what it is? Yeah, kind of. And he's not, he's like, I mean, maybe I shouldn't hate him because I feel like he's trying to be smart and he's not. Like he'll be, he's like reading some famous book on the sidelines.

I don't think you read that. He's trying to be intellectually smart, but he is smart overall, right? Business-wise, maybe. And hoop-wise. And basketball smarts, of course. He's like one of the best, he's either him or Jordan, probably. And to be him from 18 years old, in the NBA and to never have any like major and like he did one annoying thing which was like the

the decision like he'd done some annoying things but uh i can name every 19 year old in my life who's been 10 times more annoying oh yeah with way less power and money oh yeah uh and you know like he complains with the refs that's annoying but every player fucking does that Chris Paul was probably the most annoying at that uh yeah I don't know he's the worst right now I mean he's getting murdered for it and what's he doing he just complains a lot and I think he always has but it's like uh Maybe it's because he's on the Lakers now that it's even more attention is being paid to it. Yeah. But, and then he won't get back on D and they have like a horrible, because all three best players all suck on defense.

So they just get torched. Yeah, look at that. Yeah, I don't even like that. Don't disrespect LaGote. I don't like calling him LaGote. I don't know if it's, I think that's a funny way of saying that, but. It's funny. Is it the aesthetics of his game too?

Like it's just, a lot of it was just downhill kind of bully ball? I guess I never, I mean, maybe it's some part might. age. I wasn't really super into LeBron's thing. I was more watching. I was more into basketball for Alan Iverson and Jordan and Kobe in that era. Alan Iverson was incredible. Those guys are awesome.

We were talking about this where it's like mid-range jumpers in the mid-range game, while not efficient, is probably the sickest to watch. Like I do like guys that like kind of mix it up and then hit like a bucket from 17 feet while it's probably stupid shot. I mean, the aesthetics of Kobe's game were amazing. I mean, the low trajectory

on the ball, he'd be falling out of like the angles on the shot falling out of bounds. It was it was awesome. It looked the best for sure. Low efficiency. Shot under 40% in multiple finals. I already said that, dude.

You don't need to say that. I'm just, you know, it's worthwhile to know what works. It won a lot of titles. He's a great guy. All right, my next pick, I'm going to go with something that's kind of connected to other things that were mentioned. You know, Chad's got the super list

and it's, I have to borrow from it a bit. I'm going to go with laying pipe. Oh, fucking. And I'm not talking about the kind of sex I have, like missionary, eye contact, a lot of connection. Crying. I'm not talking about that. Yeah, tears are the best. I almost did manned tears and I was like, not enough people relate to.

You're crying on film? Very sick. Sick. All right. But I'm going with land pipe. I'm talking about on the occasion where your shit is rigid, you're not busting too quick, and you're straight up beating it up, dude. You're behind a chick.

You know, it helps if you're not in love what they're on. So you feel cooler. And you're just like, disdice, dee, dee, dee, dude. And maybe your head gets stuck in like the corner of the couch, you know, and you're like, and just like, ah, ah, ah, and you're like, dude, I'm working this thing, man. I'm a man. I'm 40. And you're just freaking giving it to her, dude. That's sick.

Dude, when you catch your reflection in like the TV screen and, you know, you start hears squish sound and you're like, wow, I'm making it squish. You're like, I'm a cool guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a nice girl. She fakes it for you. She's like, ah, you're going to make me gone again. Of course you're not coming, but I don't care. I feel like you get you, you are.

Yeah, the hair is your reins. If you trusted me, you would. Yeah. Come on. And then you hear, you know, as Ocho Cinco would say, go deeper. And you're like, fuck. Dude, yeah, when they got that skunny. So funny.

But yeah, when you bring the freak, yeah, it's just, you really, you feel locked in. Because it's, what I'm saying is sound. dumb, but you really do feel connected to like a pure masculine, like, energy that like feels it pulsates throughout like life and, and the earth and the universe. I was going to say it's, it's, and you were imagining doggy. I could. Of course.

Yeah. That is the reproductive optimal position is dog. How do the animals do it in nature? Right. Doggy. So that's the most natural way is doggy on the couch while, you know, fucking top, top gun mavericks on and you gotten in the mood now. And now it's doggy on the couch.

And I'm an eye contact guy. So I'm like, I'm like we're connecting. We're equal spirits that are converging on this plane and we're making something beautiful. That's great. But that doesn't to me feel like the best thing about being a dude. I'm talking about just like I'm about my business. When you're getting doggy, it's about business. Some on the but that's you, but yes.

You love that. You like that. Go. This is your essence. Yeah, yeah. Just thumb on the bow hole. Oh, yeah. brother.

Whoa! I mean you. Raided it in. No. Is it that you've completely let go? Do you feel like a different person almost? I think that's what it is too. There's a lack of inhibition in it where you're like, you know, sex especially, you can get

anxious. You're like, am I doing the right thing? Is this too much? And there's something when you get into that state where you're like, I'm allowing myself. And it's really all credit to the girl who amped you up to get you there and let you do this thing. It's so generous to them. But they're like,

They're like, hey, I'll let you feel like a psycho Viking for a second. And you're like, God bless you. And then you go nuts on it. And dude, when you make that thing, quiff? Oh, yeah, air pockets, dude. Oh, dude. Dude, when you're making air pockets in that pussy, dude. And she's like, she's like, oh.

And you're like, no, it's good. No, come on. Doggy. I can feel some in there. Just gaming. Dude, hooked up with Jenna last night. No, yeah. Doggy. There was one guy I know.

I never did anything. I would not feel good doing this to a person, but there was a guy who said that he, I think he even sent a video to some of his buddies. He was having doggy sex with his girlfriend doing it while like playing video games. And then he took a break from the video games and he put a bong on her back. Oh, that's right. That's right. Yeah.

He had ripped a bong. That's amazing. Fucking put on his old high school football jersey At the same time What a dude shit can you do? That really got me excited Thanks guys That's great

You know that fired me up dude That's a comeback list right there bro I'm coming back strong at the end here Yeah can we change you to knowing facts and stats Rather than facts and stats Yeah dude That's so true bro Daps and laying pipe

That's what being a dude is all about It's kind of sick You captured the essence dude I'm pretty sure that's in the Bishito code All right up next dude this is something you know chicks can technically do but you know dudes dudes do it and they do it the best you just can't argue with it we got the tea for it getting jacked yes hitting the gym lifting weights getting a pump on eating protein like i'm bulking right now you know eating lots of steak protein shake

you ladies around you're grunting a lot you know let's say you're doing you know what are you doing you're doing a mirf you're doing deadlifts

you're doing a murph you're doing deadlifts and you're nearing the end of you know you're pushing to the point of failure and then she looks up and you're like we're gonna do doggy after this

dude nothing better than getting big dude doing some lifts too yeah you mention them when you're doing the big lifts the dead lifts the squats the squats the cleans you grunt

involuntarily And your brain releases something. I think it is a spike of tea where you're just like, holy shit, I feel amazing. Yeah. And you feel like really capable. For me, it's like doing something that you didn't think you could do in the gym. When I used to work out, like I assume I was like, I could never do a box jump.

And then your friend or whoever's helping is like, you can. And then you get to a point where you can jump so high that you're like, damn, I never thought I could jump overcom. You just spoke to something that is. so essential in the gym is the lifting partner, bro. Or your spot. Because you always lift better when you're with one of your fucking boys. That's one hondo. And just literally because he'll spot you and make you get that extra rep.

But also that competition, you're like, all right, fuck, man. He went up to like, all right, he's going to do fucking 50s for single dumbbell snatches. I got to do 55s or at least 50s. I can't be fucking around at these 35s. You know, you got to push it. You got a race. Pushing one. You got to win.

Yep. I will footnote it, though. Chicks are Jack now. I follow a bunch of muscle mommies on IG. It's wild. To be said, there's women that could beat all of our asses. There's no question about that. And if you just go to a regular gym now, if you're like a 24-hour fitness,

just women have really come up on it and like. Yeah. And they got certain body parts. Like their butts are always going to be bigger because they just have more fat in it naturally. So they'll have some freaking. Keep talking, brother. Powerhouse booties on it. Yeah, bro.

And they're doing the T now. A lot of the chicks are on the sauce. Jake, go down. Go down to the left. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Look up like CrossFit chicks. Look up like Tia Claire Tumie or Tia Claire Tumie.

Tia Claire or Tumie Lifting while she's pregnant is next level. It's insane. I wonder. Yeah, look at these shigs. Like, what if you left your wife or girlfriend and they showed up with one of these women? Whatever they think? Would they be like pissed off? You left me because you didn't let me peg you and now this is what's going on?

Wait, so you leave her for them? Yeah, you leave whoever you're with and they see you with a woman like this. What do the women think then? I don't think they like it. That's interesting. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, look at Kara Sigmund daughter.

Right, four lanes down all the way to the right blonde girl wearing the black. She's gone. It's disappeared. Yeah, Icelandic chicks. Yeah, that's the one. She's a Sarah Sigmund daughter, sorry. Wow. Yeah, she's a tank.

Achilles sister or something. She was everyone's favorite. I don't think she. ever won first place she came close a couple years but she was cool the the all the doris daughter sigman's daughter and then who was the other one that was like the uh kind of like the first anna yeah anna thorn's daughter yeah she was this uh crossfit oh which isn't popular anymore i guess it's all uh uh high rocks is the thing high rocks interesting oh yeah i know brock lesner's daughter is really good at um like discus or something like that she's a tank bro yeah dude brock lesnors

he's got the dominant jeans she doesn't like anything like Sable. Oh, really? That's her mom? Holy shit. I don't know that. This is just a hilarious story.

So she, Sable used to date Mark Morrow. And then he found out they were having an affair with, she was having an affair with Brock Lesner. And he was saying,

he was like, yeah, I was convinced I was going to beat the shit out whoever she was having an affair with him. And then he goes, then I found out it was Brock and I learned the power of forgiveness. That's horrible for him.

That would suck so bad. Gold Gloves box. boxing shit like you could have beat up almost anybody else yeah uh all right uh who's up sometimes just talking about a dude is one of the sickest things you can do just talking about brock lestner just fired me up or like Aaron Donald like a real peak yes yeah there's some just having these dudes that you can talk about so sick dude me and my brother went to a fucking chargers game back in the day and we just looked at David Boston's arms oh did like half the receiver yeah bro on uh we had binoculars

we're just like, look at those pipes. Yeah, he was... That's kind of goes into your random stats. Like, being like, dude, have you heard of how big Javon curse his hand is, the freak from the Eagles? Yeah. He's like his hand, dude. It's like the width of a ruler. It's so sick.

That's tight. Yeah, marveling over male anatomy. Yes. Which he also circles to the penis, too. It always comes to... Okay, Brandon, I think you're up. So, I guess this is kind of a jokey answer in a way. I was deadly serious about all my other picks.

but I think one thing I was driving over here thinking about it too is like guys can have a friend that is a dangerous lunatic and they'd be okay with that's fine it's like okay to have like I'm thinking about someone specifically that me and you are friends with and like it's just not as dangerous to have a friend who's like out of control I'm thinking about this one guy, he's told me just like crazy stories of things he's done. He's not going to do anything to me, right? Like, but I guess you could take us down with him maybe. That'd be more what it is. But, dude, so one time we got into a political fight and he scared the hell out of me. And I called him and I was like, bro, you're scaring me. And it was hard for me to say that.

But I was like, I was like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, one of the only guys who likes this stuff that I like. And like, he kind of backtracked. So dude, then I'm doing a stand-up show and like Redondo with these guys. I come out of a bathroom, he lives like an hour and a half away. He's standing there. He came to the show. And I was kind of freaked out. I thought he was going to kick my ass or something. Dude, in front of everybody, he starts wrestling me. We always wrestle. We start wrestling. He lets me beat him in front of everybody. Wow. As like a way to like, uh, dude, it was very interesting. I remember watching that I was like, and I talked to JT after. I was like, dude,

was that like, that was like a ritual forgiveness thing that happened. Like I felt like I was like watching a nature video or something. I was like, this was interesting. Because that was their love language was like wrestling and they like that. And he is probably a badass. Like he's, he's gone harder on me and like it's, I can't even do anything. And he kind of coached you on like one or two movies. Oh, thank you for that dude. Like it was like a, it was this was a ritual.

It was incredible. It was very sweet. It's like being friends with him as like, and I haven't hung out of him so long, but it's like being in a movie. Movie scenes happen with this guy. You know, like you could literally like some guy maybe jump to you or something like that and then this guy like kills him in front of you. And then he's like, we'll keep his.

secret. And you just like walk off. He's done stuff like that. A guy, a guy that we were all on shrooms. We were at the park and this guy got mad at me. He made a joke. He's like, he had a dog like a wild pit bull. And he was like, he's like, yeah, my ex-girlfriend. She hated my dog because it bit her a sweater. Like, what the hell is that? I was like, well, did she really like the sweater? And the guy's laughed. And the guy got upset that people were like. He thought that we were laughing at him. And he started making eyes of me. And then our friend just started surrounding the guy. Like just instinctively knew this guy might come at me and like scared him off. that's so yeah it's he's the kind of he's that guy that will like i don't know if you guys have ever

had a friend you know well we all know but have you ever had a friend who like shows you a video of a crime he's like i just posted this you're like no no no no no take that down he's got a lot of views you're gonna go to jail he tells you the stories like dude you'll never believe what this fucking guy did to me dude like he was with his kids and his family and i was just hanging out in the park swearing and drinking and he was like hey can you not do that so I was like, fuck you, are you infringing on my rights? And I'm like, dude, I'm completely on the other guy's side of the story. Like, you're always on the other person's side.

I think also he'll lie sometimes, too. So it's really hard to parcel out what's true. Because sometimes it would be like, yeah, we're up in North Hollywood. We came around Northridge. And guys from like the creeper herpy gang came around and they threw a grenade in the back of my cousin's truck. And then we flipped around and, you know, we ditched it before we exploded. And then we came back. And, you know, my cousins got an M16.

So he took that and then I came around the back and just choked two of them out. I'm like, this was before the open mic. You hope he's joking. I went to Chipotle earlier. This is your day? It would be wild if he was telling the truth. Yeah, no, that's too crazy. Dude, you know who's kind of the best example of this type of friend in film and television?

And he's kind of a different tone of it, but is Doc Holliday. Doc Holliday is like the wild car crazy friend who's your ride or die guy. He's the Jeremy renter in the town Whose car we've taken It's that guy So it's kind of awesome Like he's a madman You never let him babysit your kids

But if shit hits the fan He's probably the first dude you're gonna call Do you know what Shob says about this guy? No Have you ever heard the Shabism? He goes, I'll be your Hucklebee Instead of Huckleberry Why?

It's like when a restaurant has their own ketchup I'm like bro, it's ketchup Why are you making it? It's worse that I relate to that But no he's because of the CTE, he just says it wrong. He's not doing it on purpose. Oh, you sure. Oh, fine. They do that joke where he'll say like, he'll mess up saying something and he'll be like, I had too much like coffee today. And then someone will just do an edit of all the times he got

knocked out. Very funny stuff. Strider, you up. Okay. Two picks. Two picks. Two picks back to back. All right, guys, this one at risk of sounding like a bad guy, you know, it's not going to be a list about being a great man without upsetting the ladies. I got to do it here. I'm going to say it. Throwing mechanics. Oh, yeah.

Just being, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, I'm sorry. My niece is a great athlete. I'm telling you right now, dude, she's fucking the best, she's faster. She can outrun me already, I swear. She can't throw. Yeah. You can have a little uncoordinated kid. There's just something that there is about a little dude is going to be able to throw a ball.

It's just built in. You think it's from throwing spear? or something. Might be. It might be in their, yeah, like what do we say early about Ghost and a Shell?

Genetics is the memory of our ancestors. And hunting and stuff? Just throwing, and you, Randy Johnson, the unit, just going out there throwing.

Although they do say genetically, the softball throw is the proper way that that ball and socket joint works. So you are going against, I suppose,

your ancestry, but just throwing a football, bro. That makes sense. Can I put that a fucking tight spiral? Dude, so according to Cloud, in male anatomy, the humorist sits at an angle that allows for greater external rotation. And this is the cocking motion in a throw.

And that's where the power drive comes from. So it's not even, J.T., thank you. Thank you. Yeah. So, okay. The opposite. I mean, I guess it's sexes, but throwing like a girl. People say that.

That has to be built to the answer. Tell him the thing with Dan that time. Oh, dude, yeah, bro. We were at the park one time just hanging out and our buddy Dan shows up and like on foot, like on Sundays we all watch football. together and Dan like would go gardening. Granted, he's a great guy. He's a father. He's awesome. Super successful, smart, intelligent bro. The grandest insult against him just to paint the picture here was

one time, who is it? He goes, J.T. goes, Dan, you have a, you're a sucker for grandiosity in film. He was very insulted by that, just so you know. And J.T. and I were throwing the pigskin around and Dan met us at the park. And so we tossed him the ball naturally, like getting the triangle formation, whatever, maybe run a little out route. Dan throws us the ball. And dude, I wasn't even thinking. and just innately, I go,

oh, you didn't have brothers growing up, did you? Oh, geez, that's horrible. And JT lost it, and I didn't even think of as an insult. It was just so innate. I go, no brothers, because I knew he wasn't from Europe. Yeah. So. It's not, you saying that is just funny, but the moment that you see the guy

not be able to throw normal, I feel like it's crushing in a way. Oh, right, like it changes how you think about the person or something. I mean, I try to, I don't really buy into it. I don't really change that how I think about it. but just like, you know, like the one kid that throws crazy or shoots like this instead of, yeah, it's like, it's kind of heartbreaking. I was like with actors, it's tough, you know, especially because they're playing athletes so often. Like, you'll see an athlete's throwing mechanics.

And yeah, I don't think differently of them. You're right. It's like, you know, there's a million ways to be a person. But like, I will get like just a little disappointed. I just like, damn. Yeah, it's kind of disappointing. Especially if it's like a big strong guy, you're like, and if they're bad out of it, you're like, what the fuck?

Like, why didn't you practice? I think you're right. You do get, I get disappointed. And I'm like, there's so many times I'm sure I've disappointed people from something I did like that. So I mean, even when if we do a video, like I was swinging a baseball bat in our last video, I'm like, people aren't going to like this. Like I was watching my trash. I was like, this is brutal. It just looked terrible.

So Neil Roach argued that human male essentially evolved for throwing because of hunting and project on watching. This is huge. Can I just put throwing on there? Because I want to just take mechanics out because I just want throwing. And get tossing the pig skin in there. Toss them because in the bonding that comes between father and son having a catch. And then Gus and for love of the game. Just you and me today, Roy, just you and me.

Let's go. I think there's beauty in that. Or when you're a guy, if you walk into a room and there's a ball sitting there, you know I'm going to pick it up and I'm just going to bounce it to you. How sick is that? And then we're just going to start talking as we bounce it. It's the best, bro. Yeah.

And throwing something inside and always ends with something breaking. Yeah. Okay. So finally, my last pick here, keep it moving. I started with, you know, sort of what I captured as the highest, essence, the most evolved, if you will, code of being masculine in modern culture, if you can. I'm going to go now with just what it is, captures the ultimate double standard in all a society is just sitting back and rip an ass.

I was thinking about that, yeah. Because women will hide it, and I wish they didn't have to. But I'm sorry, if you're a lady and you fart in front of me, I don't like it. If you're a dude and you fart in front of me, I respect it. there's nothing more that captures the essence of just duden up than just also when you're hanging out gaming or having a land party when we go to our fantasy draft in altitude you fucking you rip ass

dude I mean one of the best uh there's a video of someone in uh Oppenheimer when they they're testing out the bomb for the first time and you know when it goes silent with the light someone rips a fart in the theater oh yeah it's so funny it's great also the fart is so perfect yeah someone rips a fart church. Oh,

do the time is the music. I mean, we talked about this, but Leslie Nielsen in all of his interviews with his fart machine is like a lesson

in comedic timing. It's so... Didn't you used to do that in class? You'd make the... What would you do? I would fire. I would literally just far. I'd go...

No, I'd literally go... Shish. If people were like talking before the bell, I'd go, guys, guys, guys, quiet, like try to help the teacher. I go,

guys, come on. We got to get started and then everyone kind of go, that's awesome. I love that. That's amazing. I remember what I was in

Legend. I was in a study hall where you know, you had to like study from like five to six 30. Yeah. And this guy, this kid ripped a fart in there accidentally. Hardest I've ever laughed. Oh, yes. The teacher's like, stop laughing at him. I'm like, you heard that thing.

The best was one time we're at this party at San Diego State and our friends would bring us around. And JT and I were two like sexual non-threats. And we're hanging out and it's like a Halloween party. And literally when we're driving up, some guy looked at me and he goes, do you know where you're at? And I was like, yeah, I think all the parties up here to the right. And JT's like, no, dude, that guy wanted to fight you. Like, he didn't like the way you looked. I was like, oh, whoa.

So that was like the energy we're going in with. We finally got a buzz on a little bit of beers. And it was a guy like a big tough guy was like running game on this girl who was like in a cute cheetah costume. And I walked up and someone farted. I don't even know where I got the idea. And it kind of smelled like shit. And I was like, oh, man, you farted like to the girl. And I think maybe she did.

Yeah. And she felt guilty. And then the guy like had no idea it was going. He goes, no, she didn't, bro. There's no way she farted She don't fart, brother I think you and me were just Because we weren't going to talk to any chicks

I think you were just walking up to groups of people And arbitrarily accusing people I've done that all That was our game for the night Yeah, that's the best And so you just walked up and he looked There's like a group of five And you just looked at the girl and he went

You farted And she go Yeah That's crazy to take it seriously. This guy was so funny. He was pissed. He wants to like defend her on her. No, dude.

She's never farted. She couldn't. That's too stinky. It was hilarious. No, brother. All right, Cooney, you're up, dog. I think Jake explained that it was fart. Yeah, that's so funny.

We know what ripping asses, bro. Okay. For my last one, I'm going to go facial hair. Nice. We're rocking it now. really but I like the ability to have a beard I have no hair on my head

so it's good to have something because you got high tea that's a sign of high testosterone appreciate that let's go um it's like and even if you don't have a beard you can always grow a beard as a guy if you want

you can do like crazy facial hair LeBron has a beard it's a sign of age and wisdom it's like I'm more inclined to follow you having a beard than just some young buck like across the street or into battle Thank you. I think sometimes people think you have some kind of wisdom or something from just having a long beard. It's age. It takes time to develop. Yeah, there you go. Yours is very well groomed.

Thank you. If I have any recommendation for the young bros, the stokers watching the show, use a blade. Don't use these like mock seven, whatever they're called it, Gillette type things. Get a blade so you can get it. It's cheaper. It lasts longer. Better cut. Let's go. All right, Chad, you could win this whole thing right here. You got a great list. All right, all right. Don't fuck it up. Don't say like vagina.

I feel like I'm stealing this one from JT, but I got to do it. What is it? Wrestling. Oh, yeah, go, baby. That's all you. I mean, you know, wrestling my brothers. Just getting down. I remember I would make my brother.

beat me up and I guess it's like a it's a primal form of connection where where when you when you wrestle with another guy it's like it's very primal and it's like your way of connecting with other dudes so just getting down and dirty especially with with your boys with your brothers you know or even or even getting dirty with it you know I ever you know you do the gas puddle you grab their ankles and you put your you know put your foot in their nuts and you just you just pull yeah yeah that's a great movie Dude, and don't think I haven't noticed that you're getting more into it lately. Oh, dude. I love it, dude.

I've been very excited. I love it, dude. I mean, it's, it's, uh, I should have wrestled in high school. I, I was people, you have the body for wrestling. I think you do. Yeah, you know, you're good athletes, too. But I just never did. But, and, what's up?

Jake, Jake is a good wrestler. Drake from the aisle are right to your, but you are the best wrestling. Yeah, he'll make an excuse, Bill. And, dude, you wear that, you wear that onesy, you have, a bold Jake it over I want Jake and JT

competing in like Bro Olympics like gaming You beat me on the punching bag thing And when we were in Chico One time we were in the middle Of the street In like Wisconsin

And JT just like put in a head time Like all right Let's fucking do this Right here in the middle of the street You did you taught me things You kept hitting me with that arm drag I was like damn Jake actually knows what he's doing He seems like a guy that can make weight

Or has had tried to Yeah Spitting in a bottle And he's from Iowa Like, that's like part of the culture out there. Yeah. You don't get breakfast unless you've pinned someone in Iowa. That's a great pick, dude.

That's what the Greeks used to do. Yeah. I love that. All right, I'm going to take his home right here. For me, this is the best. I think this could have been the number one pick. The best thing about being a dude is you can be ugly but hot. Oh.

So like almost having like Riz? Like Barry Kagan. Like, like, exactly. Like Riz. Adrian Brody. Or if you're successful enough or if you guys. got like if you know how to package it right. Like there's even in, dude, there was guys.

This is good. I'll say his name, Chris Rob. There was this guy in high school. He was not a good looking kid. Weird. He's a weird looking guy. Chicks loved him because he was like fucking, you know, 15 year old McJagger. Like he just had swag about him.

Yeah. You can have swag. Yeah, you can figure out a way to present yourself that supersedes whatever limits God put on you. And that is very rare. I think, I don't know if chicks get the same leeway with them. that. Yeah. No. And having to strut, like, the walk of a confident dude, you know what I mean? Like, women can walk sexy. I get it. But there's something like Leonardo de Caprio, the way he just kind of walks around, even though it's hot. It's amazing. Or Jay Z. Like, J. Z's like not a traditionally

good looking guy, like symmetry-wise or whatever, but like, dude, I don't know. There's something there. The way Eidre's elbow walks. Oh, yeah. He's hot, dude. But like, the way he walks is a lot of swag. He's badass. Yeah, it's like personality too, somewhat probably in charisma. They just like I don't know what Adi Murphy looks like, the guy that won the Medal of Honor, but I assume even if he's really ugly, he could probably bone tons of chicks after World War II. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, that's a great call. All right, well, that was a fun one, guys.

So the four groups are Basito Code having a brother, gaming, throwing, like a pigskin or a baseball, ripping ass. Then we have opening a jar for women or children or lesser men, being a frat pledge, being underestimated, having a lunatic friend facial hair then we have having a weener chugging no makeup getting jacked lifting weights wrestling very good then we have all the different names for for penis and balls between your legs

then we have knowing facts and stats head nods handshakes daps laying pipe ugly but hot all right yeah I can read or did you want me to read you don't have to recap it now you can just let us know which ones liked and why I'm sorry I didn't mean to step on you there I think Jake told me to

I don't know sorry I'm so lightly fast I can read do you want me to go do you want me to go backwards go backwards go four to one all right so I have a clear winner the other ones are kind of tough let's see my thought I figure that would be the case to be honest Joe do you jack off today yeah dude you might need a jack off to judge this property I guess I go go fourth place the I don't know it's hard

but I'll say the opening a jar for women or child lesser being a frat pledge being underestimated I don't know I don't I don't

underestimated so yeah that I mean so that list I mean there's a couple good ones in that but I guess I just have to put that in fourth place just going off this really quick. And then

third place, I mean, I don't really know what the samurai shit is supposed to be. That was the number one pick about best thing about being a dude. Gaming. I feel like my dad is reading my homework. Parting's great.

That's a good pick. So much value at that fit spot. I might want to reevaluate. And then I'll say second place, all the different names for putting penis and balls between the legs. And then, I mean, there are a lot of different names for that. Fruit bowl, the goat, and... Wild turkey. Oh, brain.

Also, I think I've heard brain. That's where you squeeze the nuts. Yeah. I mean, there's some good ones there, too, but I think the clear winner is having a weener. Yeah, it was an unbelievable draft by you, Chad. It was huge. It was beautiful. So makeup, getting jacked and lifting weights and wrestling.

Those are, I mean, that, keep it, keeping it simple. I think Chad's won a couple in a row. This is my second arrow. Yeah, you're crushing, dude. Your last list was like perfect. Some of these are like, long run on. Oh, 90s. Yeah, you're seeing things perfectly.

Yeah, your 90s list was like, unbelievable. Yeah, I mean, you speak, you know, having, thank you, Joe. I thought you'd appreciate my list. Yeah, I mean, you got the biggest weiner of all of us, so I thought you'd appreciate, you know, that. Yeah, man, like I kept it simple. I mean, some of these are like long run on sentences. Joe, we love you. Best thing about being a dude, dick.

Yep, yep. When you say it like that, it makes perfect sense. Yeah. The dick would have been great. All right. Well, we got, I got to run. I'm so sorry to you. I love you, Joe. You're the man. All right. Great work, guys. Later, Joe. And then Cooney, you want to tell people where they can find you? Oh, yeah.

If you are like my shit, watch our podcast, 10 minutes of shop and Raccoon Tweety's on YouTube. You're a great guy. Thank you. So good to see you, man. Thanks for coming in. Yeah. Thank you for having me.