Going Deep with Chad and JT - Ep 119 - Rob Huebel Joins

Episode Date: March 4, 2020

What up Stokers! On this episode Rob Huebel joins! We talk Medical Police, Transparent, and GhostsSponsored by Manscaped: Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code GODEEP20 at Manscaped.com. Clean up your nuts!

Headphones on. Let's go. All right. What's up, Stokers of Stoke Nation? This is Chad Kroger coming in with the Going Deep with Chad and JT podcast. Guys, before we begin, I want to remind you once again that we are brought to you by Manscaped. Manscaped, thank you so much for keeping our trims pubed, for looking after our hogs,

for making sure that our dongs are looking fresh and clean. Because when you go to a neighborhood and you see a freshly cut lawn, what do you think? That guy manscaped. For sure. Yeah. So use code GODIP20 at mans manscape.com for 20 off your order uh rob have you manscaped recently uh am i in on this ad if you want to be oh yeah man i mean uh

yeah unfortunately i was born without any pubes so oh no yeah alopecia of the dom yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so i'm i'm you know i was born with no pubes and were you guys born with pubes yeah i had a healthy bush when you were born yeah yeah yeah yeah it's kind of embarrassing but as a baby but the doctor said it's a good sign he just said it means i might be short right Right. Yeah. Right. Because I'm so ahead of the puberty train. I was born with a landing strip, weirdly.

Oh, really? It came in like a little shape? It filled out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lucky. Thanks. You are lucky. You're blessed.

You're really hashtag blessed. Thank you. Yeah. This is Rob Hebel that we have here. Huge fan. Thank you so much for doing this. Yeah, This is a Rob Hebel that we have here. Huge fan. Thank you so much. Yeah. This is a, this is a real, it's a real thing.

It's true. Yeah. We're here in 3d. How are you doing? I'm doing great. I'm doing really great. Um, I just got back from Colorado.

I was skiing out in, in, uh, tell your ride Colorado. I saw it on Instagram. Oh really? Yeah. You looked at my Instagram? Yeah. Oh man. That's so nice.

I really appreciate it. I liked it. I liked it. I liked the videos you were doing. The stuff on the chairlift was good. Yeah, dude. Fucking content. Oh, are we allowed to swear on this show?

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Um, yeah. That's what you're feeling. So we were just out there skiing. And a friend of ours puts on a little comedy festival out there. So we went out there and did a bunch of, like, a few nights of comedy. So it was really fun.

Oh, nice. Just an excuse to ski and drink beer. Are you doing improv? We do, yep, some of that. We do a little bit of improv, a little bit of just like bits, you know, characters and weirdos and, uh, uh, yeah, some standup and sketch and all that stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

Nice. I'm a pretty deep fan before I got into performing at all. I was listening to like Mike detective and, Oh, wow. Yeah. That is actually a deep cut. And I worked at Earwolf. So I would post episodes of like, now you've started this rival corporation. Yeah. I is a deep cut. And I worked at Earwolf. Oh, you did? I would post episodes of shows. And look at you.

Now you've started this rival corporation. Yeah, I jumped ship. Yeah. I'm sorry, Mr. Ulrich. Is that who owns it? He sold it, but I was his assistant for a while. Oh, for real? Yeah, but I was a terrible assistant.

Oh, man. Yeah. What made you a terrible? Would he say you were a terrible assistant? Yeah. He would say I was a good guy, but a terrible assistant. Yeah. Um, it's hard to be both.

I think, I think it's hard to be a good worker and also like a cool person to hang out. I would rather be just a fun person to hang out with. I tried my hardest just, but like, it took my biggest effort to just like stay afloat. Like I would give him wrong addresses for like meetings and he'd be like, where am I? I'm in New York city. Like I'm going to, I'm looking at like a blonde pear like bakery or something. I was like, Oh dude, I'm sorry. And I'd panic and, you know, apologize effusively.

Yeah. It's really stressful to deal with all that sort of, did he yell at you a lot? And no, he would just be like, you know, you have to be better. Right. And I was like 100%. But I also realized that as an assistant, it's your job to always be wrong like because your job is to make your boss happy so if you're telling your boss that they're wrong you're not doing your job so you kind of just have to you can't say you fucked up man you went to the wrong obon

pan right it's on 23rd street exactly look at your fucking email yeah you can't say that you can't say that you have to be like oh dude you're so right i'm sorry and i'm so yeah but i messed up enough where i made it easy on him yeah yeah yeah and then you left and came over here and are you a bad worker here are you a pretty good worker i think i'm pretty solid on this front yeah it was just a cutest route i had some in between stuff as well but yeah i think you do a good job. Thank you, dude. Yeah.

He inspires me. He's like the hardest working guy ever. Is that true? Yeah. You don't seem like a very hard worker. Oh, I don't? No. Dude, thank you so much.

I mean, I've only, I've, listen, I've been here like two minutes. I try to give off that aura. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm actually on a juice cleanse right now just to give you a little taste. Wait, what is that giving me a taste of? Just how hard i'm working you're working super hard you started the juice cleanse how's your cleanse going it's good we did it with our buddy uh or i didn't do my buddy yeah so no food at all no no you can eat

food i'm just avocados and apples yeah how long you said food how long how long does this go um it's supposed to go 10 days i'm on day five but like i was with my buddy and we were like we're like let's do five days like 10's absurd but but then like there's this chart you know it's like it's like day one excited day two resentment day three anger day four what the fuck day five yeah am i in or am i out day six i feel great so day six is tomorrow we'll see and and do you feel like uh are you doing it to lose weight or just to like cleanse out your system uh no i didn't i feel like i don't really need to lose weight i just think they say you feel great after so yeah but right like I don't really need to lose weight. They just say you feel great after. Yeah, but right now you don't feel good.

No, I feel pretty good, actually. Okay. I think, yeah. I'm entering that euphoria stage, which I think is a side effect of starvation. Yeah, your body is eating itself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm enjoying it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I'm looking forward to a steak soon. Yeah, I just had a pretty good steak. I don't really ever eat steak, but I went out with my wife on Friday and we ended up at some steak. And I was like, why are we even here? This is so dumb. And I ate a steak and I haven't had a steak in like two years. And I was like, this is the fuck. Two years? Just watching the cholesterol and stuff or for ethical purposes?

I mean, really probably just because like it's not great for you you know and uh yeah so probably more for like cholesterol and stuff but like i had and i was like i almost went full on like oh i i just need to eat meat every day yeah it just it does something to you when like you get the blood in your mouth you're like oh my god yeah you become like a caveman or something like you're like oh i need to So I thought about murdering people that night. I did have the urge to like murder and like, you know, consume human flesh,

but I didn't. It's not a bad impulse. If you can corral it and channel that energy. It is. Yeah. It is hard. Very hard. Like onto the court.

It's hard to cry. Yeah. Those are, I take it onto the basketball court. What court? Yeah. Or a racquetball. I take it up to the rac court. What court are you talking about? Yeah, or racquetball. I take it up to the racquetball court.

All my cannibalistic instincts. Yeah. Those are steak intrusive thoughts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, so I'm glad your juice cleanse went well. Thanks. Congratulations. Dude, I appreciate it.

Yeah. I'm a huge fan too, actually. We were talking about it when we... Is this part of the show that we just talk about what big fans we are of each other no i just just because i don't know what we do that when we have people on that we're big fans oh really yeah yeah but i don't think we faked it yeah no i just want to tell you yeah because i know i gotta go back and listen to yeah i'm a little skeptical no i used to watch facebook show oh wow you see when i first came here i was hitting ucb hard and UCB hard. That's a fun show.

It's an improv show that we do. I'm telling your listeners what it is. You're still doing it, right? Yeah. So now we just kind of changed it because we hate Facebook, just that format. I hear you. And the company is so lame. So we might call it Fuck fuck Facebook or delete Facebook. And like, so the people might come up and we might look at their Facebook page and then

improvise off of their, and then have them delete their account. Right. So it's kind of hard. That'll be fine. Have you ever considered switching to a different social media platform? Well, it came that for that improv show.

Yeah. It came out of, it's been around we've been doing the show for a while it used to be my space no joke oh right yeah way back it was my space and then it became uh but like i don't know it's more just like at this point we more just like improvising and hanging out with each other it's like me and um like paul sheer and rob wriggle and um some other guys. And like, it's more just like we've known each other forever. So I don't really care about like what the format is.

It's more just like an excuse to, you know, go out and do comedy with your friends once a week. Did you guys all come up together at UCB New York? Yeah. We all came out of New York way back. Like we, we were just sort of, I was telling this story to somebody else. Like it's really embarrassing because improv is so white.

Like it's just so too many white. Yeah. It's changing now though. If you go to UCB now, it's a, is it? Yeah. And everyone's like beautiful now too. Oh really? Yeah.

Well, it sticks out now. It is funny. Like, uh, the, yeah. So I came up like at the kind of, I just happened to be in the right place at the right time, like at the very beginning. But I was listing people that I came up with and it it was like Rob Corddry, Ed Helms, Rob Riggle, Paul Scheer. It was all white guys. Yeah.

And then I got done with this list. Like the cream of the crop for whiteys. Really the best white people. Yeah. But yeah, all really funny people, but not diverse at all. So I'm glad to hear that it's changing. And it is also weird now because like i i started it you know it was just in the right place at the right time like

before it was so huge and this big um machine you know of like a comedy it's like the corporate yeah it's like really really big now but like that's why i heard clowning it like lyric hyperion is the new thing oh really yeah there's a clown? That's like the insurgent comedy show. I used to live right above that theater on Hyperion. Our house was right up the street from that. But I didn't see a lot of clowns there, so that's good to know that there's a clowning movement. But yeah, I wouldn't have the courage, I don't think, to get involved in something at this point. I think I started when i was like 20 i think

i started when i was like 25 like i think i would just be too intimidated like oh man what no i gotta audition to get on stage like when i was doing it it was just fucking whoever wanted to could just like come on in yeah you want to take a class take you want to get on stage you can get on stage whenever you want you know yeah i've heard stories i've never been to the ucb in uh actually i went i did this show at the newer one yeah um but yeah i heard stories about it was just this basement and it was just like a crew like amy poehler just and all those guys just like a crew of people and just like this sort of shitty basement but it was super shitty most fun yeah it was super shitty it was like very like uh lo-fi sort of like punk rock it felt yeah punk rock yeah very punk rock yeah yeah and uh and then out of it just became so

popular that it is now sort of the opposite of that but i think it's still good um you know i think it's just like a different thing now you know well yeah and like dell close the guy who like i mean kind of created modern improv yeah he you want to frame it. Yeah, he was sort of like their. Wasn't he like an heroin addict and kind of like an artsy like beatnik type? I think so, yeah. I think he was like all in the 60s and stuff. But yeah, I think it was definitely a different scene. But it's funny because you talk about how widespread UCB is.

I was getting my hair cut the other day. No big deal. I can afford a haircut. That's awesome. Yeah, thanks, man. is i was getting my hair cut the other day no big deal i can afford a haircut and uh yeah thanks man and um the guy was like oh man i think i've seen you before at ucb and i was like okay cool and he was like yeah i do ucb too i was like okay so now the guy cutting my hair that i've just met also like it's just so widespread yeah yeah that's los angeles too yeah like i did alexander technique for acting for a little bit the guy before me was a chef.

Yeah. He was like, it helps me move around the kitchen. Yeah. What is the Alexander technique? I don't know that. Well, your instructor is always awesome. They're always really cool and super spiritual in the best way possible. And they kind of just help you put your body where it's naturally supposed to go. Your head's like a bowling ball and it wants to float up into the air. And then you just pick your head up a little bit and you just kind of relax. But the first time I saw it done in class, the teacher took a girl who was kind of stiff and hadn't been doing well in the acting class

and she grabbed her shoulders and the girl was like kind of fighting against her. She goes, like, give me your shoulders. And she moved her shoulders and the girl broke down crying, but she looked amazing. Like when she moved her shoulders, I was like, crying but she looked amazing like when she moved her shoulders i was like oh my god she could be a star but like the alexander technique lady had to like arrange her into where her body was supposed to be wow it seems like there would be a

lot of uh potential for um like uh brain harassing people and like brainwashing people but that's why you got to have the right instructor. Like, are our guys... Because I'm thinking about, could I be an instructor? Could I get involved in that and kind of control my students and make them worship me and stuff? I think that's all acting classes, though. They take your soul

and then they feed it back to you in little bits. That's hilarious. They do table work where you just lay down flat in a table and he basically just flattens your back and then stretches you and then this is just a massage i think it's pretty much a massage very gentle with spirituality laid on top and then this is going to translate into your acting and you're like in what way does it translate into your well he's like you're going to be more in your body. You're going to be more present.

But, you know, I felt how they stand up and I'm like, I feel more in my body. Yeah. I feel it too. He's supposed to create space between stimuli and your reaction too. And I remember one time I was looking down at my notes and then I just looked up real quick and gave the audience a wry smile and they all

laughed and I was like, that was Alexander Technique. Can you give me a wry smile right they all laughed and i was like that was alexander technique can you give me a wry smile right now i'll try and do it all right hold on my nose wait was that it rob come on dude i couldn't tell that was the punchline that was it i gave it to you that was 100 i thought i thought that was your genuine like authentic smile yeah yeah i might have overdone it. Let me see the difference. So what's coming at me?

Is this going to be real or wry? Well, we'll see, but I'm going for wry. Take more time with the notes and then pull it up. All right, hold on. Man, that is very powerful. Well, I haven't done the classes in a while too no i think it's sharp i think what you did was perfect i think what you did was perfect do you ever rise smile on you i don't i thought you're gonna have one instead no no come on i don't i feel you i feel you i i

that that sort of acting stuff though is interesting because like um we i did this show on Amazon called Transparent. That's what I was just about to talk about. It's my favorite show. Oh, cool. Oh, they, but the, they would do a thing in preparation for shooting where we would like get together with the cast at this woman's, they had, they, they had sort of a similar thing where they had like this woman that taught these classes. Uh, she was like an acting coach, but they would bring her on to do like a special workshop just for like the cast of transparent. And she was really like, um,

kind of, uh, a difficult person, I think, but like, but really good, but would she was really good at what she did, but you would not feel good about yourself during the class. Like there was a lot of like, like, um, and this was with the whole cast. Yeah. So it would be like,

um, it would, there's a lot of like movement. Like it was almost like dance. It was almost like a dance workshop is the way I would explain it. Like we would be like moving around the room and I felt very self-conscious doing it just at first. Cause like coming from like a comedy background i was just like what the sincerity of it yeah it just felt like what what is this really going to help us with as far as like

real acting stuff or whatever but then i feel like if everyone kind of buys into it and everyone kind of gets behind it then that experience becomes useful right the fact that you guys are all in it together yeah the fact that we're all being brainwashed together it was like tambor doing it in duplass and like landecker and all yeah yeah yeah wow you're on a last name basis with almost the entire cast i think i could keep going hoffman yeah so um so they were all there and like uh uh, yeah. And, but everyone I think would be like, Oh no, we got to do this again this year. Cause it would be like a couple of days or something. And, uh, but then it was almost like a grueling process where you would kind of do various exercises and some people would, um, get yelled at and other people would not. And it was

like, what are we, I don't even know what is expected of me, you know, but then kind of just going through this gauntlet over the weekend, like by Monday, you'd be like, all right, I feel, I feel more bonded to you guys,

you know? So that was useful. Yeah. You guys have like a communal experience. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that was some crazy shit we did.

And I think that was kind of the, the larger point. And the acting across the board on that show is so good. Well, they had, yeah, they, yeah they i agree not me necessarily but uh but they the rest of the cast and just like i i feel like the people that they had come in to direct that show was mostly women i feel like came into direct and they were all like uh just had very specific, um, directing styles, but it was all very much like, um, to help you do like the most grounded non-actory. Yeah. Just like non-actory.

Yeah. Like it would all, you would almost be like just talking in the scene and like they would all famously, they would always kind of like throw away the script. They'd be like, okay, so the scene is, don't worry about this. They'd be like, this is a dinner party. And, uh, in the middle of that, we're going to be having a great time and everybody's going to be making jokes. And in the middle of it, something terrible, someone's going to make like a terrible, you

know, announcement or whatever. And you're like, okay. So you kind of knew the shape of the scene, but it felt more like you're in a play, you know, and you're doing like long takes and like, so it was all this stuff like that that really helped it feel like you're actually experiencing, you know,

something real. So that, that, that I think helps the, there was, there was one scene in particular where you have to, after Amy Landecker is your wife and she leaves you and then she kind of like doesn't get fulfilled in her her in her new relationship and then you have to be like sexually like

dominantly you're like sit there on the bed yeah yeah and i was i wanted to ask you is that like is that like a i would i'm very self-conscious when i have to play like sexy yeah i hate it yeah and i feel very vulnerable you did that wry smile. Like so easily. I felt the second. Right. Yeah. I thought that came like, that was like,

I came out of nowhere, you know, we were just sitting over here. Like you can do the look up any day. I mean, Oh, geez. Do you see that?

Fuck man. We're video recording this, right? Yeah. I think the audience saw it. Jeez. Sorry guys. Yeah.

It's really good. No, it's great. Um it's great um but um yeah i'm not comfortable with that at all like you were really good in that oh thanks um but i that is the thing that makes me feel so uncomfortable and like you know anytime you have to do to be sincerely attractive or like you know seductive that's like not in my wheelhouse. Especially if you're from comedy, I feel. Cause like it's comedy so much as like lampooning that kind of persona. Yeah. It's sort of like, yeah. Running away from anything that's like sincere or real. And so, yeah, sometimes that sort of stuff, you do feel like, oh man, this is going to look terrible, you know? And I mean, you know, I just know in like my real life with my wife, like I, you know,

you end up joking around about stuff like that rather than like really trying to like dress up and look good for your partner. You end up like making some yourself look terrible on purpose to make it funny or whatever. But I mean, that's why I'm so out of shape because it's hilarious. But, um, but, uh, yeah, i think on that show at some point i do was just like well this is not that type of comedy show you know like it's a show about discomfort yeah yeah and so and it's a show about being super hyper like realistic and stuff so so whatever it is like i'm just gonna try to roll with that and And, you know, did you, do you watch it back?

I did. Yeah. How'd you feel about it? Um, I don't even remember that exact scene that you're talking about, but I know that there were, I had a lot of like sex scenes on that show. I mean, it's really uncomfortable, especially watching with my wife, like, cause my wife loved the show. Whenever it would come out, like we would like watch it, you know, like sit down and like watch it one weekend i'd be like oh i forgot about this

this is a whole yep i have a three-way with that person and that person oh i forgot about that yep yep oh i forgot you get the scripture just like oh yeah oh yeah here's the part we have where i go down on this person while i'm fucking that person yeah i forgot about that but at least everyone in the cast is doing stuff like that yeah did you have to apologize you're like i'm sorry to my wife yeah um yeah i mean she gets it she knows what the deal is um you've pretty you've appeared at do you want to keep no no go go you've appeared in pretty much every i mean all the big comedy shows on tv since like the mid-2000s do you have thank you for saying that do you have a favorite uh one that you worked on um there's a lot of really good tv shows um the other thing that's weird is like um

i did some shows like a long time ago and then we were talking about Netflix before we started this but like now there are shows that are on Netflix that I did like 10 years ago like I think I did maybe three or four episodes of The Office like way back way back and now that show has this whole other shelf life on Netflix you know and like I think sometimes when people turn on Netflix they feel overwhelmed by choices and stuff. So they like see the office and they're like, oh, that's something I'm familiar with. That's comforting. Yeah.

So I think that, I think Netflix has done really well and smartly. So to like get a certain amount of that stuff. So people can just like, so, but for me now, like I'll be going through the TSA line at the airport and like the TSA guys like, oh shit, man, you were on the office. Yeah. They all talk like that today. Oh shit. Oh shit.

Um, but, um, the, uh, yeah. So it's weird to be like recognized for something I did like a long time ago. What season of the office remote? I don't even know. Like, I think like season six or seven. So was it already kind of like a phenomenon? Oh yeah. Yeah.

It was already like, but it, you know, it was on NBC and it was already its own thing, but, but it, it has like, if you talk to like teenagers right now,

they're really into like friends and the office, which is really crazy, but it's just because of Netflix. Well, the office feels like more edgy now too. Like at the time it had, it didn't really feel edgy actually. And now it feels like you're like, Oh, I don't know if you could totally get away with this. And it's like right on the cusp.

Yeah. I think that that's almost like, um, just lucky, you know, that, that it's because I think when they wrote it, you could say some of those things. And now like people are at the pendulum is swung back the other way where it's like, Oh, that's not cool. Like you can't make that joke at all you know yeah so it feels like it's a good microcosm of like the time that it was made right yeah right but it's still really really funny yeah yeah um so uh i don't know if that answered your question but you know that was fun to do that show yeah but i feel like every show that i've done is like it's all like you know how it is like doing comedy is like super fun. And like, of course, it's fun to show up and the show is already like, um, if the show is already has a life of its own, it's really fun to sort of like pop up into that world and be like, Oh cool.

I can run around in this, whatever parks and rec or the league or, you know? Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was kind of wondering about. Cause I, you know,

you go into all these shows and they're all the, their own sort of separate sort of comedy machines. Yeah. It must be cool to just to get a peek inside. Yeah. It's pretty, it's pretty fun. And like,

it's also fun. Cause like, it's not my, sometimes it's, um, it's not my responsibility at all. You know what I mean? Like sometimes if you show up and you're like,

Oh wait, there's a weird vibe. Like people are not, people are fighting or it's like, well, I'm not going to be here tomorrow. So, you know, you know this is for you guys yeah it's just a fun experience for you yeah yeah yeah but usually like i feel like the comedy world is i'm sure you guys know it's like kind of a small little mafia and like people kind of know everyone kind of knows everybody to some degree so like usually i feel like when i do stuff now i usually know most of the people you know like

when i did we did the league like i'm friends with all those guys on the league you know so that was always just like super fun you know cool who is someone i guess no this is kind of i don't want you to like insult anyone oh i'm happy to who's the biggest asshole no no not that paul sheer man paul sheer no cordry rob cordry i could have called that oh yeah man like and those guys are interchangeable when you look at a picture of cordry and a picture of paul sheer it's hard to tell them apart both fucking terrible assholes what i was gonna who is the person who like when you started you were like oh i don't think that person's got it and then they discovered it or they kind of i remember stand up saying that about hannibal burris a lot

that he was like terrible really and then he blew up and everyone was like, Oh shit, he figured it out. Yeah. That's, there's no way I can answer that question. No, I mean, it's a good question, but like, I'm trying to think of someone that, um, I don't know that I, I don't know that I'm aware of a person like that, that I didn't think was good. And then they got like super famous. that that I didn't think was good. And then they got like super famous. Um, but I've definitely seen people do like something that, um, that I don't do well, which is like, um, the person that

is kind of like a bit of like a kiss ass and like knows how to like, um, network really like, I'm not great at that. Like, I'm not great at, great at getting everyone, you know, I'm going to get everyone on set to give me their emails. And I'm going to email these people a million times so they can like be my friend. And then I'm going to hang out with them. And then hopefully I can get back on the show and blah, blah, blah. I know of, you know, a couple of climbers. Some people it's organic for them. I have a friend who's like the best networker, but he's the best networker because when he's networking it doesn't feel

cynical like you actually believe that you're like oh this is just who you are yeah but some people it's like i think that's probably my fault then because like the person i'm thinking of is probably just like that they're probably just like no but i mean there's people who saw yeah there's some people who they send postcards to like every casting agent. Yeah. Casting director. I'm sorry. Probably smart.

It's probably smart. I just don't. I'm so it's so I'm so bad at it that I'm there. No casting people that listen to this podcast. Right. I doubt it. Yeah. But I'm really bad with people's names. And so not because I choose to be, but I just am. And so like,

sometimes I'll go into an audition. I'm like, Oh, here's the most famous casting person in the world. I should know her name and I can't come up with it. And they're like, hi Rob. And I'm like, hi dude. Yeah. Hi bro. Bro. What's up? My name is Barbara.ara but um yeah so i wonder sometimes like oh i hope i didn't step on any toes doing that but um yeah some people are really good at that sort of stuff and um and just like networking in general and like it's just sort of who they are and i'm i feel like i'm not really good at that so i kind of resent it when i see someone that is yeah that is yeah i never uh i i tend to be pretty anti-social like towards the end of the night is this because of the juice cleanse or probably yeah uh we'll

see actually that's why i did the juice cleanse to like to become more social more social yeah they say it could unlock the uh if you get into ketosis you'll figure figure it out. But yeah, you don't really realize it, but coming into comedy, they're like, there's this whole, they're like, you've got to stay at the comedy clubs until 2 a.m. And just chat, just chit chat. Just let people know you're there. And then, and I just, yeah, it's,

I feel like you can go both routes. I think you can get lost doing that stuff, though. Yeah, I don't know if it's a great investment of your time. I mean, like, I always feel like you can go i think you can get lost in that stuff though yeah i don't know if it's a great investment of your time i mean like i always feel like if your shit is funny then people will acknowledge that you know what i mean exactly like no matter what it is if it's stand-up if it's like a sketch if it's something that you wrote if it's like a screenplay like yeah you know people are always like how do i get into this how do i get into it i'm like just start doing stuff like start shooting stuff with your friends or writing stuff and just keep writing and writing and writing because like eventually

it will get good and then it's undeniable like once you have stuff that's undeniable like this is like these are jokes that i wrote that are definitely funny like i know that this is funny like it's just undeniable. Like I think that's the most valuable thing as opposed to just like, that's why I get pissed about like when you see someone that's like, you know, better at networking and stuff and they're in there and that's helping them. Like I'm like,

fuck, yeah, person's not even that good. They're just good at kissing ass. Right. Yeah. That's me doing an impression of me right there it does make it is it does make you angry though like when someone who you're

like there's like a million people who are better at this thing than this person yeah and they're the one but yeah what i want to talk to you about the descendants yeah when i listened to your episode of who charted okay so i had to listen to that and write the description for it before it got published on itunes it's a good episode um Um, but you talked about, uh, getting George Clooney's phone number. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I tried to get his phone number. I think I chickened out, but, um, yeah, I mean, that was a movie, this Alexander Payne movie that they shot in Hawaii. And I was lucky to be, uh, like have kind of a smaller part in that. I was like George Clooney's, um, best friend. And so I, for a long time I would joke that like we were best friends in real life and

people be like, but are like, are you guys friends? And I was like, no, I don't fucking know him, but I would like to be best friends, you know? Um, but yeah, there was just like one day on set where, you know, in between when you're shooting, you're just kind of sitting around, you were sitting around and everybody everybody's looking at their phones he's looking at his phone and i was like sitting right next to him and i was just like working up the courage to be like hey bro like what what is what is your phone number that you have is it like a three two three is it three one zero and uh i think i was just about to ask him like because i just figured like fuck it man what's he gonna do like not give me his phone number right like i'm not gonna i'm not gonna text him all the time i'll text him like you know it's just about having it it's just

about telling people that i have his phone yeah um but uh yeah i chickened out or he got called like back to set and i was like george man we could have been friends i love your delivery like in the scene where uh he's like he's yelling at your wife like you're putting makeup on a corpse oh yeah yeah and you're like harsh yeah yeah yeah that movie is like uh really good i i haven't watched that movie in a while but i went back about a year ago i think i watched it it's like super sad it's like so good themes yeah it's really good and like he's great in it man clooney's so good in it i mean it's crazy man he's like a fucking great actor he's like really good what what do you think what what is it in a scene that when you're working with him

you're like oh this is like good well i was just really intimidated because like you know alexander pain directed that movie. He's amazing. Yeah. One of my favorite directors. Yeah. And, um, yeah, when I went into audition for that, uh, movie, I think I originally went in for a different part. The part that Matthew Lillard did like the guy. Yeah.

You would've been cucking George. That's right. But, um, so, um, so I didn't get that part, then they when i was there they were like um hey why don't you read for this other part and it was like his best friend or whatever but i would i would have done anything like i would have made fucking craft service sandwiches for that cast but um but yeah so so i got out there to um to hawaii and like you know you show up on set you're like oh fuck there's alexander pain that amazing. This guy's so fucking cool. Oh my God.

Here comes Clooney. What? We're going to rehearse this scene. Okay. Okay. Cause you know, I always think of myself as like, I'm just like a comedy person, you know? And then like to be in like a movie like that, that is like funny, but it's also like pretty dramatic.

Like you're laughing at like stuff that's funny because it's super relatable and it's like very personal stuff, you know, as opposed to like characters making crazy jokes. Um, but, um, yeah, so I just felt like really out of my league, you know? And I remember just like looking around the room being like, Oh my God, like, I hope I don't get recapped. Like, that's my fears. Like they're going to realize like, Oh, I don't know what I'm doing. They're going to call my agent and I'm going to get recast and flown home. So how do you, how do you emotionally like get past that? I mean, I, I'm very good at, and I'm sure you guys are too.

Do you both do standup? Yeah. So, um, I feel like in comedy in general, or maybe just in this entertainment business, all of it, you kind of do just like fake, fake it. Like, I'm just going to, I'm going to trick myself to think that I'm okay enough to get by. It really is just like that sort of thing of like lying to yourself, like, Oh, I'll just, I'll just fake it. And then I'll just pretend like I know what I'm doing. And hopefully that'll look good. You know, like when you've been faking it with so much success for like a long time,

it really is just like, you just keep faking it until like you do figure out like, well, maybe I can do this. Yeah. So, um, so yeah, I think that, that kind of helps me get over like nervousness that I have, but like, as far as like going on stage and stuff, like, you know, I, I love like performing live, I think more than anything else. Cause you know, there is like that instant, um, gratification, you know, you know, like right away, like how you're doing, like, you can tell like, Oh, this is going well. They like me. You can modulate it based on what you're hearing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, um, but if you're shooting something and you have no idea,

you know, it's just like the camera guy, isn't going to tell me that he thinks this is good you know so i i think it's really i get more um i have more fun doing live stuff more than anything else but um but i used to get so nervous like i would get for years i would get like really really nervous and kind of the same thing like where i would like, like extreme butterflies in my stomach where I just felt like, oh, I'm going to shit my pants or something. Like I just have diarrhea. But, um, but eventually I just kind of like tried to trick myself of like, okay, every time I feel that instead of thinking that that's like a negative thing, I'm just going

to trick myself into life. That's like a positive thing. Like I'm excited instead of like, I'm nervous. What if I fuck up? Like, Oh, I'm just going to think of that feeling is like a positive feeling.

Like, Oh, I get to go on stage. I get to perform. Yeah. It's excitement. So, so that kind of helped me get over that.

Yeah. I always felt that way about comedy. And also what you're saying with acting too. It's like all the lead up until those moments is can often be just misery yeah but then once you step onto the stage you're like all right i gotta do it yeah and it just kind of for for me i've found it just kind of washes away you just gotta step out yeah and just start doing it and then you then you find it yeah i think it's like anything i think it's like if you think about something too much it

becomes huge in your brain right yeah oh man i can't go do that tonight is that tonight fuck man yeah you know and then once you do it you're like oh this is totally fun like why was i scared of this yeah um i mean even if it's not going well at least like at least you went there and like you know there's something to be gained even like when it doesn't go well, you know, you probably get even more out of it. It's not fun, but it's like, you learn more, you know, I've learned to enjoy bombing. I kind of, unless my friends are there, it's like, yeah, I don't fucking care. Like I've done a million like improv shows and a million sketch shows where it's like,

Oh, they're not getting, they're not having this. It's almost like it's even more funny for you. Yeah. Because this is hilarious. They hate us. Yeah.

They hate us. And they had to drive here and they had to park. Oh my God. They had to go get dinner and now they're aiding this. Like this is awesome. Yeah. So yeah, I don't know.

I try to just look at it differently. And like, I think you just have I try to just look at it differently. And like, I think you just have to, when you're performing live, I think you just have to enjoy that aspect of it too. Like sometimes it's not going to go well. When you did a human giant. So were you guys like show running that too?

Or you guys were writers on it, right? Yeah, we wrote on it. And so I guess we were all executive producers on it. And then our buddy, Jason Wallner directed. Oh, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. wrote on it. And so I guess we were all executive producers on it. And then our buddy, Jason Wallner directed. Oh, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's awesome. So he, and also

like a super funny writer. So we all wrote it, uh, together and then we had friends come in and write for like brief periods of time. Like, uh, we couldn't afford like a writer's room. This is, I don't even know a writer's room. This is, I don't even know if you can do this. Like, I don't know how we got to do this, but like we would, we would pay people as consultants to come in and like just pitch a sketches, you know? And so we were in New York at the beginning. And so we, um, got, uh, just like comedy idols of ours, like Patton Oswalt or like Brian Posehn or like John Glazer, uh, um, you know, to come in and just be like, here's five ideas that I had. These are really dumb ideas, but you

guys might love them, you know, and that we'd be like laughing our heads off, you know? And so we'd write up a card and put those on. So we just, we would do that periodically, like bring in people that we like other standups or whatever, and have them throw out just loose ideas for sketches, you know? But to answer your question, we were not show running it. We had a guy that we knew who was on SNL who was like a guy that was older than us, who had been on a lot of different shows, who was really helpful to us to kind of like plow through like the layers of, you know, approval of sketches and scripts and stuff like that, you know, just a production aspects of it.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, like this guy had just been around for a long time and like was, you know, um, older than us and more experienced and like, um, so just kind of handled a lot of the stuff that we didn't know how to do, you know? So it was really helpful to us and like really useful to like, Hey man, like we, we were going to shoot this on Friday at the swimming pool, but we lost a swimming pool. What do we do?

And you know, that person just like handles all of like the emergencies and, but it was also a funny writer too. It felt very joyful. That show, like I was, I was just watching parts of it today and I was like, Oh,

you can feel like, especially like the 24 hour thing that you guys do. Like it all feels so joyous. And what was it? Did it feel that joyous when you were making it? Yeah. You know, when you're doing something like you never know how, how, um, how special it is until later.

You know what I mean? Like now when I look back on stuff, people say, I think you were asking me earlier, like what was my, one of my favorite jobs? Like that was one of my favorite jobs because it was one of the first things, um, that I got to do that was like us, like this is like us, our faces were on it. So for people that don't know,

this is a sketch show called human giant on MTV that we did like 10, 12 years ago, I think like 2007. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah yeah me paul sheer and aziz i'm sorry and um but yeah we were just really lucky you know like it was this weird time at mtv where they were doing mostly like uh they'd gotten they'd

put all their chips on like reality shows they were doing like the hills and like all this stuff i remember that and but the we just got lucky that the guy that was running the channel was a big comedy nerd and was like yeah man i man, I'm going to do this show is almost just like a fuck you to the network. Like it was, it really was just like, you know, I don't even know that people like the show that watch this channel, but I like it. And I like you guys. And so the only caveat was that we had to go in every week and pitch him our sketches. And it was almost just like a fun he, cause he wanted to have some sort of fun meeting for him during the week. Cause he was dealing with all this craziness at

MTV and all these reality weirdos. And then he would have us come in and be like, here's some really funny sketches. And we would read the sketches to him and he would just like laugh his off and be like, great, go do it. You know? So we got to go and do this show that someone else was paying for. And you know, it was, you know, when we were lucky, we got to do like two seasons and they never really told us ratings or anything like that. It was just like, yeah, just do your thing. You know? How'd you like the writing process? Um, we wrote, um, we wrote, it was pretty grueling, you know, when it is your own show, like, uh, it is like so many hours because you suddenly become very, um, invested in it emotionally.

You're like, Oh shit, this is my show, you know? Yeah. So, um, so I remember it being like long hours and our friend that was the show runner who was kind of, you know, older than us and wiser than us. He came from SNLl so that world was like late late hours like they would write you know at snl they kind of famously have that weird schedule where they don't even start till like late afternoon and then they write like all night long and stuff i don't know why they do it that way but um so a lot of times we'd be there till

like late at night we'd be like what are we doing doing? Like, why do we have to do, you know, it was almost like this guy wanted us to go through that gauntlet or that grueling process, you know, of writing, but it's hard to complain about it now because like, I am proud of the show and like, you know, we did get funny stuff. And the one thing that I learned early on, especially from that show, uh, and this was really mostly Jason, our director, uh, Jason was like a really good editor. Also like, you know, when you're shooting with a camera person, it's awesome if they're also an editor because then in their brain, they already

know like, Oh, I'm never going to use that angle. You know? So it's very efficient. They're like, right. They're shooting a scene as it's shooting. shooting it has it's in the in the like storyboard format that they can see so that's really helpful but um but i just kind of learned early on that we would shoot a ton of alts you know just like so many different backup jokes and backup endings and stuff like that so that it when we were editing if we would get to the end of the sketch and we didn't have an ending, because sometimes, you know, you, you look at a sketch and you're like,

oh man, there's some really funny stuff, but it doesn't, it doesn't land. Like it doesn't work at the end. We were lucky that we would always have like a few different endings to it, you know? So we'd be like,

oh, let's just do that. We're one weird thing where we all kill each other, you know? Okay, cool. So we ended up killing each other in like a lot of stuff. Yeah.

The deaths are good though. Yeah. And you have a new show out on netflix uh medical police yeah yeah yeah just came out january 9 10 something like that yeah like uh yeah and that's basically the spinoff of children's hospital so we kind of took that world we did seven seasons of children's hospital on adult swim and um so we basically of took that world. We did seven seasons of children's hospital on adult swim. And, um, so we basically just took that sort of tone and that world and kind of expanded it for Netflix. But it's basically that, um, tone of like really absurd, dumb, dumb, um, dumb people, you know what I mean? Like we're doctors, but we're like the dumbest doctors.

And we say like really dumb things, but with like a really straight face right yeah but so a lot of people that you know when you turn on the show there are a lot of people now it's on netflix so that's not necessarily a comedy um if not everyone that watches netflix knows what the show is you know sometimes you watch adult swim you have a very specific comedy sensibility. Exactly. You're you've like self-selected to watch like a fucked up, like stoner show on adult swim, you know, which God bless you, you know, but like on Netflix, it's everybody, it's everybody.

And it's like their parents and whatever. So it has been really funny on Twitter to see a certain percentage of people like really confused by it you know they're like what is this is this a documentary about the coronavirus it's funny because the first episode deals with like a virus and i was like oh that accidental like topicality yeah well it's totally accidental you know they wrote the show like no of course yeah but so many people because that ends up being the main um sort of backstory of the whole thing yeah is us trying to solve the mystery of this virus yeah and uh

and so a lot of people are like what did how did you guys did you guys cause the virus did you unleash the virus to promote the show happy accent i mean no no i'm not happy yeah yeah right but um yeah so um but it is really funny to read people's comments on twitter and stuff where they're like confused by the show where they like they don't know they're like these doctors are so dumb like they're never going to solve this virus they're too dumb yeah yeah you're like all right does that crack you up or do you want to respond no no totally totally we started doing a thing where i mean to be clear 95 of the feedback that we get is all very positive and thank god it's like you know people blowing us up and be like oh my god like

i love children's hospital you know i'm so psyched about this but what i started doing was posting and retweeting the confused people and like creating like instagram stories of those comments because i just thought it was really funny you know people that are like um i put on this show for my dad and my dad did not get it at all so my dad is now yelling at me all right well sorry man yeah i i loved it it's it's also kind of uh i love how it can be kind of self-aware at times a little meta for sure yeah there's a joke in there where um at the beginning of one of the episodes they say like that i forgot who it is but um like that one of the main guys it's not one of us it's like the guys from the center for disease control he says something like okay let's release a statement about this let's get it out to all the

major networks which now i guess includes netflix so he gets in like a little dig at Netflix. But yeah, there's a lot of stuff like that, like just like making fun of ourselves and making fun of comedy shows and stuff like that. So, yeah, it's pretty cool. It's also like a fun thrill ride. I mean, it keeps you going through the end of the. Yeah. gone through the end of the yeah i mean i think that's way when they i didn't write on this show but when they uh wrote the show they um you know they figured out like oh this has to work in and of itself as a thriller show right it has to have yeah those beats yeah it has to have all of like

that that architecture of a real like outbreak movie a a real thriller series where you're you dumb or something from outbreak. Is it real? Yeah. I've never seen that break. Oh yeah. No, is it good? It's like Donald said on that line is just like, my brother will crack up. He'll be the only one who gets to listen to this, but no, it's not good, but it's, it's, but it's an easy watch. Yeah. But, um, but yeah, like I think in for like a, and it's not really a parody of that genre, but it does like nod to that genre a lot. And so I think that they kind of stole from that sort of, um, uh, that sort of structure, you know?

Yeah. And like in every episode does have to have like a certain amount of like stunts and like, uh, action and then end on a cliffhanger. Yeah. Your stunts are good. Like the stunts are really good on the show. Yeah. It was really fun.

Like we, we, you know, uh, got to do like, I'm trying to remember how much of it I did. Like I used to really love to do as much of that as I could, but now I have a three year old and I'm like,

I'm not going to break my fucking collarbone for this joke, you know? But, um, no, I PA'd on a show with a comedian that I won't name. And he was supposed to drop like a foot onto a mat. And was like i'm not doing i'm not doing it and he was like i forget what the name is for the kind of shot where you can fake it yeah but he was like

just cube it i'm not doing it yeah i i love doing it like as much as possible like uh especially like the fighting like i like doing all the fighting and stuff like that but um but yeah there's some stuff where like we but um but yeah there's some stuff where like we couldn't do like there's a skydiving thing in episode one and the cold open of the series is there's a dead guy that has been thrown out of a plane but he has the only parachute so me and the other doctor that i'm with aaron hayes we have to skydive out of the plane without parachutes and go down and like grab this guy, hang on to him and open his parachute and then hang on to his dead body. So obviously, you know, we hired professional skydivers to do that.

Sorry. I'm sorry if that disappoints you guys. Dude. No, I love it. I love professional skydivers. I like to see them getting hired, getting work. Did you, uh, did you get trained with guns? Um, we, they didn't really train us they

usually they have a um they have like a firearms expert on set yeah that you can ask like hey man is this like the right way to do it like i don't want to look like an idiot yeah and so i just kind of got to know that guy pretty well and so they kind of show you like yeah like when you come around a corner like don't do it like that you're everyone everyone's going to laugh at you. Like do it like this. Yeah. Yeah. I remember like certain actors in certain movies, like the one guy held the gun up like this, like super close to his face.

I was like, why is he doing that? Yeah. Sometimes there's dumb stuff where like the camera guy is like, I can't, if you have it down that low, I'm shooting your face. Right. So you have to bring it up close to your face and you're like, well, that's going to look so stupid, man. Like, don't, don't shoot me that close.

Like back up. Cause I'm going to look like a child, like carrying this gun by my face. But, um, so there's, you know, there is some weird camera blocking and stuff like that. But, um, but yeah, I think all that stuff is like super fun. And like, there was something that I had never seen before, which I'm sure people that are in production know about this, but this is the job you want on a TV show, and it's the paintball guy. So we had to shoot it. You talk about paintballing a lot.

We love it, yeah. We had to shoot a gun shootout in a warehouse where, you know, and when you're doing it, you're either just, like, faking it, you know, just like doing this and like, and like acting like there's some recoil on the pistol or sometimes depending on like the prop gun that you're using, there is a tiny little spark that comes out, but none of it provides like a real kickback, like a real gun. So you kind of have to pretend that. And, um, but so, so sometimes you're shooting it and there's like a, you see like a little spark, but so what the paintball guy does, like in this warehouse, there's a guy just hidden up on a shelf and he's shooting paintballs that are filled with dust at like where you're

shooting. So it looks like, so it's like, so when you, so when you're watching a show and there's gun rounds going off, like all around you, those are paintballs of like dust oh wow being shot whizzing him past your head yep whizzing him past your head he's got that kind of aim he's awesome like or whoever the guy was we had he was like awesome did you ever meet him or do you stay in the rafters no no i met him and i was like i just want that job yeah i just want that job where i'm just sitting there shooting paintballs like vaguely in your direction but not hitting you you know he's probably so good at at too that he's like on his cell phone while he does for sure yeah but like you know then like a

in one scene like a van came crashed into the wall then he has to like light up the van and like shoot the van with all these paintballs and stuff but it's all dust so just it looks like you know of all the departments on a production besides like cast who's your favorite one to to talk to uh to talk to um that's a good one uh i always like the uh the dog trainer people or like the animal trainers yeah because they're all like fucking crazy like they're all weird like uh way back sorry i'm burping on on children's hospital we did a scene with um me and nick Offerman did this scene with this baboon and they dressed the baboon up like a doctor. So it's a, so it's a little baboon and it was a, it was a female and they put her in a, in a doctor's lab coat and they put a stethoscope

around her and they might even put like little glasses on her. And so they sat her in this chair. And so in whatever this episode was me and nick offerman are supposed to be so dumb that we didn't realize that that was not a person that that was a monkey dress so we go in there and we're talking to this person like it's a monkey you know we're like giving her the time of day like you don't even understand you know like the reason i'm late for work is because blah blah blah and then he slowed me down because you know and the monkey is just like sitting there like the monkey was like supposed to just type on their keyboard the whole time and like ignore us. But but the animal wrangler told us like he said, no matter what you do, do not look the monkey in the face.

Like, don't look at the monkey. And they're like, OK, let's get ready to roll. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean? Like like where should i look like they're like i don't know but don't look at the monkey because that is an aggressive right you know body language it'll attack you yeah this baboon will you know rip your face off yeah because that's what they do and uh yeah so i was like okay man and but but this wrangler guy was also like a crazy character so they're just they're to do that job you gotta be a specific you have to be very because they live with all of the animals they live with them they usually

live with them in like a van you know and they're like they're on call they're like ready to go i mean i'm joking but they're you know they live on like a ranch and they spend most of their time with but they're with animals yeah they don't like people they only like animals yeah and uh and yeah so those people are really interesting to talk to because they're by and large the most insane person on set you know and they're always like missing a finger too. Right. For various reasons. Where'd you look? End up looking with the baboon. I look good question. I looked like just over his head, but like, but even that I was terrified. Did you think about sneaking in a mad dog just to test it on the last take?

Maybe I was going to like square up a little bit, get him a little, a little like eye contact just to see what he would do. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah. But so those people are always like pretty insane to talk to. And they all, they always smell like the animals, you know, they're around animals a lot. I'm not trying to criticize them.

You're in their human being observations, but they're barely human beings. They're right. These are barely human beings. Right. And they don't deserve the rights of humans. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Animal wranglers do not deserve the rights of humans i

hear you i hear you brother you know i got you dude yeah uh do you want to do an ad and then we'll get into questions yeah yeah uh guys other water yeah thank you guys i'm interrupting this podcast to let you know once again that we are brought to you by manscape manscape thank you so much for keeping our trims pubed for looking after our hogs for making sure that our dongs are looking fresh and clean because guys this is the leading company that lets people know that not only do you take care of your outer regions that people are going to see you take care of your pubes and what is the actual machinery just because i'm not familiar with the manscape product line they just came out with the lawnmower 3.0 which has uh skin safe technology so you can just go around your your junk and yeah and just whack it down give yourself

a nice gate each cut and how often do i need to uh take it down i do it daily every day you're trimming your you're trimming your pubes uh every day ever since they sponsored us yeah but now if i do it as often as you do it does that not encourage pube growth um like if i'm for example if i'm trimming my hedges at home yeah you know the more i trim them the quicker they grow back you know i thought the same thing but manscape they squashed that rumor pretty quick they did the science is science is valid. Yeah. Okay. And to be clear, I'm not a paid part of this commercial. I'm just a passerby. You're just a fan.

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I gotta pee real quick, but let's keep going. Alright, you want me to ask the question? Or you want me... We'll just chat. Oh yeah, I'll listen to the question. We can just chat about something else. You fire away, bro. I'm ready. May I break in? in yeah get in there you know what always kills me on on shows and i was a huge fan of 24 is like the amount of times per

episode people cock their guns yeah it's just a sound effect usually but it's just like okay that's a bullet you just threw yeah when people When people come in and they cock the shotgun, you're like, we only have five rounds and you just lost 20% of your expending. Yeah. There's a lot of pretty silly gun work. And I'm not a gun fan, like, but it does make you look cool. Like, I can't deny that. And it is a part of the TV movie world.

So I don't know. I mean, like, I don't want to promote it, but it is like, well the TV movie world so I don't know I mean like I don't want to promote it but it is like well if I'm doing a thing where they would have guns they I gotta be fucking good at it yeah well Jean-Luc Godard I think he said you only need only two things to make a movie a woman and a gun Wow that was it he probably needed more stuff it seems like you would need like you know snacks like a van need like you know snacks uh like a van you need craft services probably need a camera people get ornery if they don't have food yeah you need a camera and a microphone jean-luc you fucking dodo pretentious dick yeah and then and then his buddy francois

truffaut he said there's no way to make a anti-war film is that every every war movie makes it look cool yeah it's true well i guess there were some Vietnam movies that made it look... Jarhead made it look boring. Jarhead. Oh, man. You know I'm in Jarhead, right? No, you're not. Yeah.

Are you really? I play Jarhead. What? I am the main Jarhead. No. I've never seen Jarhead. I've seen Three Kings. That was a good movie.

That was a great movie. David O. Russell. Another Clooney. My best friend. Clooney and David O. Russell fist fought on that movie. Is that true? Yeah, Clooney. David O. Russell was like berating the crew. And George Clooney, you know, he's a man of the people. He was like, maybe you saw this on Descent.

He's like, you can't do that. Yeah. And then David O. Russell got in his face and I heard Clooney landed a nice headbutt. Whoa. Yeah. Are you allowed to headbutt a director? I don't know. Great director. If you're number one on the call sheet, I think that's allowed. Yeah. If you're number one, you sheet wow yeah yeah if you're number one you can do number two yeah no yeah shin kick maybe you know going back to the gun thing something

that um that i had trouble with uh way back when i first started doing like gun stuff on tv was when you shoot it you know you're just shooting like a sometimes it's just a plastic gun sometimes it's like a metal gun but there's no i always said earlier there's no like kickback oh really there's no sound at all because you know it's just a toy it's just a yeah it's a cock it's a um whatever a clogged gun you know there's no you don't use like blanks or caps no not usually i mean sometimes there's a um there's no slide action sometimes if there there's a closeup shot of the gun, they'll use a type of gun that has a, has a little muzzle fire that comes out, but like, it's only like a flash paper or whatever. I think I'm not an expert on all this shit, but, um, but anyway, so sometimes I would

do the thing that you do when you're a little kid running around where you'd be like, you know, with your mouth and they'd be like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, cut, cut, cut. Hey man, you can't make the noise with your mouth. You know, be like whoa cut cut cut hey man you can't make the noise with your mouth yeah like we can see you we're good don't worry we're gonna put in like a sound effect and like a you know digital thing to make it look like you fired something so don't go like but you're so it's so instinctive to do that when when it doesn't do anything and you go up and you have to like assassinate someone You need the kickback. You have to do like some.

Yeah. Otherwise, you're just like doing nothing. Yeah. So much acting is doing less than you think you need to do. For sure. Yeah. That's why Time Crisis is such a good game. The best.

It's the kickback. It's got the slide. I feel like I can actually use these guns effectively because it's. Is Time Crisis a game? I don't even know. Like the best arcade game ever. Oh, really? It's from like, you know, the 2000s a game? I don't even know. Like the best arcade game ever. It's from like the 2000s. Okay, I wasn't born then.

So if you step off the pedal, there's a pedal to go along with your gun. If you step off the pedal, you go into a crouch so you can't be hit by the computer. And then if you press on the pedal, you get back into an attack position. That sounds like something I would do. What's your hobby? how do you burn time and decompress and you know i have so much with you free time guys uh no i have a three-year-old

so that's like my hobby but uh you know i like to try to do stuff like skiing or mountain biking when i can and uh i like to go on hikes. Is this a date? Are we on a date right now? I don't know. Oh, man. Well, now that I know you're married and have a kid. Yeah. What kind of skiing do you like to do?

Are you a mogul guy? I am a mogul guy. I'm a mogul guy. You seem like a mogul guy. Oh, dude, thank you. Is Chad Kroger also, do people ask you, is that a, am I saying your last name right? Yeah.

Is that a person in a band? The lead singer of Nickelback. Yeah. Really good band. Yeah. Wait a second. I would fight you on that one. is that a am i saying your last name right yeah is that the is that a person in a band the lead singer nickelback yeah yeah wait a second i would fight you on that one uh do do when you make a dinner reservation if you called you know wherever tgi friday's uh and you said hey i'm coming in friday night with my girlfriend it's chad kroger do they go oh wow we can't wait to meet you mr kroger yeah usually that would be like of nickelback i'm like yeah is that true do they say of nickelback often yeah wow and i'm not gonna lie i've used it to gain some pretty serious access but yeah and like what was like the the coolest access you got because of your name um probably like i'd skip the line at dantanas whoa yeah

that's pretty good i mean nickelback they fucking jam yeah do they still jam uh oh yeah on tour yeah they're on tour right now we're gonna go to their first stop in north carolina yeah is that true yeah you're gonna fly to north car Carolina to go see Nickelback. Yeah. Do you want to come? I actively don't want to come, and I actively am thinking about stopping you guys from going. What is the date? You want to be the first to try. Yeah. It's June 17th.

June 17th, you're flying to North Carolina to see Nickelback. Yeah. I want to see a photograph live. I want to see Rockstar live. I want to see Howograph live. I want to see Rockstar live. I want to see How You Remind Me live. I want to see If Everyone Cared live far away. Is this

ironic enjoyment of the band or sincere appreciation? Dude, this is full... I used to be embarrassed about it. I used to be shy. Because every time Nickelback would come on the radio, I'd crank the knob to max potential. And I didn't tell anyone until I met be shy yeah you know because every time nickelback would come on the radio i'd crank the knob you

know to max potential yeah and i didn't tell anyone until i met you know jt and i became boys and we sort of bonded over that so yeah wow and now did you know anyone when when you were first making friends with with chad yeah did you know his last name? Uh-huh. And was that a main reason for your initial friendship? On some level, did you hope that it was the guy from Nickelback? Yeah. But then I knew he had that name for a reason. I think it's because he was carrying that same essence. Yeah.

Yeah. You said I had the same spirit. Are your mom. Are your mom and dad big? Is that what's up? Are your mom and dad big Nickelback fans? Did they say when you were born? Do you think they said,

I don't know how long Nickelback has been around. I also don't know. You, I don't know. I don't know. I think it's been 20 years since you could be 30 or you could be 12. I'm not positive. Yeah. I,

um, are we going shirts off bro we've done it before when we had frank rillo on the pod he's a pretty good yeah you know my my my parents i'm i'm you know i don't know for sure but i'm pretty sure they made love in the back of my dad's camry yeah listening to nickelback and then i was conceived and so they said we got it we got to do it they actually told us at work we can't take our shirts off anymore when we work yeah they did yeah because of harassment i guess yeah well they still want us to be more tan than the rest of the office oh well yeah that's a different reason yeah if they're just trying to when you guys go

to north carolina do you guys think you're going to get pretty tan? Hopefully. Yeah, June. I mean, we'll be shirtless. You'll be shirtless the whole time? At least at the concert, for sure. Hopefully, yeah. Because on the plane, but not on the plane.

I've been shirtless on a plane before. Whoa. It didn't go over great. I can't imagine that it would. I thought everybody thought I was making a joke, like I was doing it to be funny funny but i was just sweating a lot and kind of having a panic attack so yeah i just disrobed to get more comfortable but not to like be funny man one time i got uh i sat next to sway on a of course sway is from mtv news this is back in my mtv he He's our Walter Cronkite. That's right. He still is. And I was flying from LA to New York on the Red Eye, which is a late night, overnight flight. And I had stomach problems. And I ended up getting up and just destroying the bathroom like 12 times on the flight.

But I was sitting next to Sway. And so every time I had to climb over Sway, i was sitting in like the middle seat on this red eye and i just felt so bad i just wanted to tell sway like i'm so sorry i i because i didn't know him i still don't know him but sway if you're listening i know he's a fan of the pod so if you're listening i want to apologize for that flight what up sway yeah thankway? Yeah, thank you for being honest and vulnerable. I mean, I know that's one of the main reasons people come on this show, is to apologize to other people. Especially MTV News correspondents.

Yeah. Yeah. All right, so I got that out of the way. Thank you for letting me do that. Dude, thank you. I farted on Kurt Loder one time. Is that true? Yeah.

I saw it. Whoa. Did Kurt Loder one time. Is that true? Yeah. I saw it. Whoa. Did Kurt Loder know that? No. Well, it sounds like you got something to say to Kurt Loder right now. I'm sorry, Kurt. And I'm sorry I blamed it on Maria Menounos. Chad, would you like to apologize to any MTV News correspondents?

Yeah. Do you need some help thinking of some? I remember when you pumped Chris Conley that time. No, dude, don't bring that up. I'm sorry. I know Matt Pinfield was pretty pissed about it. Matt Pinfield was still pissed at you. Yeah.

I called Carson Daly a re-knob one time. Oh, man. On Twitter. And he blocked me. He blocked you? Mm-hmm. So then we went to his show late night with Carson Daly. Mm-hmm.

And Chad screamed it at him from the audience. And then, well, I was on such a tear that I, after that, I commented on a lot of James Franco's photos because I was just, like, out of my mind. I was like, you suck. He blocked me, too. Wow. Do you guys do a lot of pranking? me too do you guys do a lot of i don't know why i did it i don't know why i did it do you do a lot of pranks to people no no activism we do activism yeah like corporate pranks uh no no one knows this what what do you mean activism we go to like city council meetings and we speak up for causes that

are near and dear to us like getting a a statue for Paul Walker to unite the nation. Oh, wait. Someone told me this. This is real. Yeah. Yeah. So you guys, like how many town council meetings have you guys been to? If you had to guess.

Like 40. 40? Yeah. And you will stand up there and earnestly. Is it ironic or is it, is it? No, it's for real. It's for real.

I'm not a fan of irony. So will you, uh, I like dramatic irony. How do you figure out the issue that you're going to speak up for? Usually it's inspiration. I mean, the first one was the Paul Walker statue.

Um, and that, I mean, that just came from the soul. Uh, we're both huge Paul fans it was around 2016 so the whole there's a city council meeting where they were thinking about maybe having a

Paul Walker statue and some people were against it or you initiated it yeah we brought this off topic yeah great and did the statue get built a one foot statue get built? A one foot statue got built. But we're still I mean, we're still we've had offers, but we you know, none are of the quality that we're searching for. So we're waiting for that 12 foot steel one. cast iron statue built and then to also find a place to like land it safely yeah because the

issue is we can build a statue we can drop it on the san clemente pier where we wanted to drop it but if some little dude some little grom climbs up that thing falls off cracks his collarbone or worse you know get some head trauma that falls on us liability yeah what if to even look at the statute people had to sign a waiver, a legal waiver that said, like, if you climb on this, bro. I don't think Paul would be on board with that. That's not in the spirit of Paul. Yeah, it's not really his idea to those. Can you give me an example, just because I don't know, I didn't do the research, of some other issues that you have promoted at town council meetings?

We bleached our, well, this was not for town council, but we bleached our hair for the coral to bring awareness to coral bleaching, which is when the water gets hot, the coral bleaches itself. You don't have to explain coral bleaching to me, man. I started it. You started bleaching the coral?

Were we not supposed to? No, it's like a huge environmental issue. How'd you start it? I own a bleach company, and we have tankers that go around and we park right over the coral reef and we deposit millions and millions of gallons rob what the fuck dude that's you to make the coral more delicious delicious no dude it's not like it's not like a liquid marshmallow i mean it needs color you guys just got pranked i don't actually own it because it's alive it's a polyp a lot of people don't know

that you got pranked yeah you got pranked and you got pranked there's a camera there's a camera there's a camera there's no there's no there's one there's what i forgot you guys got that's you annihilated me bro you just got annihilated we were watching punked and uh we were watching a an episode with uh justin timberlake and at the end just like they're punking him because they're like this is irs we're taking all your shit yeah and then ashley comes out and he's like it's all the boxes bro what's going on he got him do you ever watch uh did you ever see a show called scare tactics oh yeah yeah yeah yeah that's like a great it's like pranks but it's like horror pranks so they're there it's entertaining on two levels it's like scaring you but also hilarious because they're pranking like

one person you know like they'll basically set up a huge like pretty complicated situation just to prank like one dude who like doesn't know right he's on a tv show but it's so it's really funny and elaborate yeah i need to watch more of it yeah there's kind of a similar one that the kid from stranger things kid his name is yeah gaten he's a prank Lord God. So he did one, I think called prank encounters on Netflix, but it's actually really good. Really? Yeah, it is like,

and I, yeah, it's really good. Cause it's long. Like, it's like a half hour to prank like one person and keep pranking them. Yeah. And kind of what they do is they,

they set up on this show. They, I don't know why I'm plugging this show. I think it's cool. I'm not on this show they i don't know why i'm plugging this show i'm not on this show at all but it uh they prank someone and then they they have kind of a different situation have going on somewhere else with a different unsuspecting person and they bring those people together and so both those people start like what they they end up it's like an interesting psychological experiment because it's two panicked

people amping each other up because they're both so panicked. And, uh, so like, for example, there'll be a, it always starts off with like a, you know,

a person getting a weird new job. So it'll be like a guy working in a warehouse overnight, but the warehouse is out in the middle of the desert and near like area 51. This is a bad example. Like this isn't really on the show, but so, you know, be some college kid, like working in a warehouse out near area 51. So meanwhile, there's also a guy who gets a new job off of Craigslist or something who's driving like a delivery van.

And so that guy, you know, so, so they'll have the guy in the warehouse. Shit will start to happen where like you know boxes will start to like levitate or like blood will start to like pour out of the walls or so this guy is working overnight by himself and he's already like freaked out and then this delivery driver they'll have come up and he's got something in like a crate in the back of his van that's making all kinds of weird noises or whatever so then they put once they put those two people together they both like end up like really scaring the crap out of each other so it's really funny that's fun um should we answer a couple cues oh go ahead yeah do you like horror

yeah yeah yeah are you a horror fan yeah me too yeah that was your question that's it yeah you are the walter cronkite of our generation. You said it was Sway, but it's not. I'd prefer Kurt Loder, but thank you. All right. I have a huge question for the podcast. It's about my roommate plus very close friend continuously cheating on his girl, and I don't know how to deal with it.

His girlfriend is amazing, but he's hooking up with girls we were hanging out with, and he's putting a rift between us also. His girlfriend is an amazing girl, and I feel so bad I want to say something, but never will since it's not my place to say something but he always lies when i question him on stuff and i'm now thinking does he even care about our friendship or is he just trying to be friends because he can then hang out with girls i hang out with who are just

friends of mine i'd love some input you guys are the boys it was boys with a z on the end uh the way you read it it sounded like a z no there's no z so it's just an s how did i say it well you said you know i'd love some input you guys are the boys oh that's sick no i'm not complimenting you oh i'm pointing out like uh anyway you gotta you should be aware of it yeah my vernac is pretty specific um so can you kind of recap the problem this guy's friends with another guy who won't stop cheating on his girlfriend and keeps hooking up with girls who the guy is friends with the emailer's friends with i feel like there's a little bit of jealousy here absolutely you know and i don't know this guy do you guys know this person

no no but he's a friend, theoretically, from the pod. I'm certainly a friend of the show. I generally care about him. I do care about him. So we've got to help him. It sounds like he is a little bit jealous of his bro. Yeah. Right?

And what are you going to say to your bro who's just basically cleaning up? You could say, hey, Bill, know not with sheila sheila is my friend these are all names that are probably not accurate yeah the actual conversation is a difficult one to have yeah like hey dude i think it's kind of scummy how you're like hugging up with girls all the time that's like very judgmental and he's like yeah you just think that because you're not hooking up with girls right and then you guys are just in a place where you're both judging the fuck out of each other and i feel like guys generally aren't gonna do that to other guys like i feel like that's sort of like a thing where i mean i don't even ask my friends their

guy like i have friends that are single and i don't say like hey what's going on in your love life like my wife will ask me she's like is so-and-so dating anyone and i single and I don't say like, Hey, what's going on in your love life? Like my wife will ask me, she's like, is so-and-so dating anyone? And I'm like, I don't know. I don't ask because like, I don't want to make them feel bad if they're not or what, you know, it's like, yeah. So I feel like I like to get in there. I like to know you do.

Yeah. And if one of my bros is cheating on his girlfriend, I will be like, I won't judge him, but I'm like, Hey bro. But like, if he tells me like, Hey, I might go hook up with this chick tonight or something. Like, why don't we just like go like,

you know, play FIFA or something like that. Just because I think they would, you would say that you would say, you would steer him away from actual live physical, sexual pleasure and say, let's go play FIFA. Yeah.

I would hope they would do the same thing for me if I was cheating. Yeah. Jad Kroger. What's that? Alarmingly quiet. Alarmingly quiet in this. Is this a true statement that he would steer? No, he's being straight up.

He would steer another dude away from physical coming. I'm going to say it. That's what's at stake here. And he gonna say let's go play fifa he loves rom-coms yeah i'd say let's go see a rom-com too like if they haven't seen like uh you know uh well uh serendipity yet i was saying you're romantic oh so whenever he sees uh true love or yeah or what he perceives as a nice relationship. He defends it. So wait, we didn't help this guy yet. So you're saying, your advice is essentially tell your bro to come play FIFA with you.

Well, I don't think you can really change this dude. He seems like he's pretty set in his ways. And I don't think it's his place to tell the girl. I think what he can do is just stop. If he's hooking up with your friends and you don't like that, stop inviting your friends over and just hang out with them independent of this dude. And then, you know, it's, it's cliche and it's not the most satisfying answer, but you just got to be the best person you can be. And then hopefully that rubs off on the guy. But I don't, I don't know if talking to him is

going to lead to anything but conflict. If he's young and horny and happy with what he's doing. Is that the only question we have? We got two more. Man, there's a lot of questions coming at us tonight. Three questions. Yeah.

Yeah. Let's pare down. I got a question. You like romantic comedies. Hold on a second. I'm getting a call. You like romantic comedies? Hold on a second. I'm getting a call. Hello? Yeah.

What? I would love to. I love romantic comedies. Yes. Okay. I'll see you on set. George Clooney. Whoa.

No way. Here's my best friend, George Clooney. You buried the lead. You got George's number. The Descendants. Wow. What does he want to watch?

He wants me to do a romantic comedy with him. Dude. Intolerable Cruelty 2? I do like romantic comedies, but I don't seek them out. If someone kind of forces it on me, like my wife, there's one that my wife loves called Love Actually. Oh, yeah. Of course. It's a big Christmas movie. So Love Actually. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Of course. It's a big Christmas movie.

So I'll be like, I don't want to watch this. And then I watch them like, yeah, that's pretty good. It charms you. Yeah. And I feel like as a genre of movie, it usually does really well. Like what's one, have you seen one from this year that was good? From Always Be My Maybe did well. Yeah.

That was good. That was Netflix. That was fun. Yep. Yep. Ali Wong, Randall Park. Yeah. I watched, well, actually I watched When Harry Met Sally last night. from uh always be my maybe did well yeah that was netflix that was fun yep yep uh ali wong randall park yeah i watched well actually i watched when harry met sally last night wow so you will just straight up strap yourself in and watch a rom-com oh yeah i'll i'll text my

girlfriend i'll be like i'll be like um i'll be like babe we watching friends with benefits tonight or what that's a good one too it's justin timberlake yep mila kunis mila kunis thank you for saying it with um richard jenkins it's kind of my style yeah so she'll come over you guys will watch she prefers murder you know it she prefers murder that's interesting for rom-coms real murder like dateline like uh trying to solve a real cold case or a fake movie about a murder she'd prefer to listen to a podcast about a real murder oh wow yeah which is kind of a nice dichotomy in the relationship for sure i think it might be pronounced dichotomy for real that's an interesting dichotomy between the two of you on the pronunciation

i would even tell but i don't know if it's binary like that i would even suggest to you jt that it's dichotomy also but these are all things we can sort out yeah after the fact let's get to our next question sure what's up guys my GF and hey what's up sorry my GF knives and dating for a while now and I'm getting to the point where I'm ready to tell her I love her but the thing is she's studying abroad right now and I won't be seeing her for a few more months hoping you guys can give a fellow Stoker some advice on how to drop the long-distance album should I just do it over a FaceTime call or wait it out

to say in person? Second part, how important is saying I love you for the first time in a relationship? Thanks, boys. Peace and love. Now your pronunciation of boys on that one was a lot better. I think I adjusted depending on what preceded it in the email. Your vernac.

So how important is it saying i love you is that this person's question or should he wait until she gets back or should he text her was that it yeah so he's wondering because she's abroad and he's like all right so do i hold it in do i stuff it down do i wait till she gets back and then i unleash in person or do i just tell her over facetime which is you know not a bad option i don't know man i think you got to do that shit in person i think yeah i think it's more meaningful especially the first time especially if it's someone that you really care about yeah to do it in person you know like you could even go over to where she is fly over there bro for the weekend to where is she we don't know she's abroad she's abroad so that

could be you know one of four places you know yemen yemen yeah bangladesh kuwait kuwait or sri lanka we know it's one of those places uh so you could go there, but that's probably expensive, but I think you just got to sit on that news until she gets back. Yeah, I agree. I think patience is the key. Um, but if you can't hold it in and you got to let it out, uh,

shameless plug, manscape it into your pubes, send that photo. So you're suggesting that he shave the words. I love you into his pubescape with the lawnmower 3.0 man you are always plugging he did it when they weren't paying us um well for love of the plug just straight up dropping it in there. And so you would take a picture of that. You would shave it into your pubes.

Yeah, I've done it. And then text them that picture. No dong, though. I'm not telling them to send a dong pic. Of course not. You're not an animal. Yeah. So you would send them the picture,

and then you hope that this girl is impressed with your pube thatch. I think this day and age there's so many options out there with tinder she's you know in kuwait so you know you know what she's up to a lot of people over there that want to date her yeah and uh so i think you gotta you gotta it's pretty hard you gotta think outside the box all right um yeah jt i like the idea of going to visitor yeah if you got the scratch you know put it down on a flight tell her you're coming and then uh here's an idea tell her in person that's expensive right here's an idea what's this emailer's name um oh i shouldn't have even asked this is gonna to take JT you don't have Dylan that took way too long

no that was pretty quick I would say Dylan start a GoFundMe for this endeavor that you're going to fly overseas to tell your girlfriend that you love her for the first time that shit will go viral that shit will get on CNN

and then everyone will be like oh that is so awesome i gotta give him a hundred bucks but and then pretty soon it gets on you know all over the place and then you make so much money you can start a business doing that you know then you just fly all over the world telling different girls that you love them yeah no don No, don't do that. You see how popular The Bachelor is? Sure. Yeah. All right.

I love it. Did we solve that guy's problem? I think so. Yeah. You're in good shape, though, dude. However it shakes out, you guys are going to be good, and I appreciate how you feel about it. All right.

Aloha to my favorite SoCal dogs. I'm contacting you across the Pacific from beautiful Japan. I got a serious quest regarding one of the bros in the squad. One of the homies started dating his current Gf about two months ago they're a cute couple but there's one bad thing about the relation the bro can never hang out the rest of the squad we see him once in a blue moon when his girlfriend has a meeting or something else going on his girlfriend doesn't like him smoking but she's chill we think she's bad news for him what should the dudes do to get the homie back?

Can I say something? I zoned out in the middle of that. That happens a lot. I'm really sorry. And that's one of the shorter ones. I looked at my phone. Can you just recap for me just the bullet points? Okay, this dude is across the pond in Japan. Now you're just reading it.

No, no. I was with you on all. I was going to suss out the salient ones. I know. He's got a problem with his GF. No, no. His buddy is close. His buddy is dating someone and he,

he doesn't have time to hang out with him anymore. Okay. That's what's going on. He wants his bro back. Okay. Ooh, this is a tough one. We see this a lot,

right guys? Often. We see this a lot. Aaron, you see it a lot. Yeah. Good call. Thanks for a lot. Aaron, you see it a lot? Yeah. Good call, Aaron. Thanks for the input.

So what are you, what's the danger here? You know what I mean? Like what's at stake? Male friendship. Yeah. The squad. The squad. The squad. Quality time. Quality time.

Which is a lot of people's primary love language. Yes. Yes. Have you guys written that book yet? No, mine is touch. Why did you start to say touch? You started to say fingering. No, you started to say fingering physical you know you started to say fingering

look i'm not going to get into that but yeah you're not wrong um so how does he well first of all who are we rooting for are we rooting for the the other guy and his girlfriend that's you know that's love and that's important but browness broing out yeah i mean being a good bro is important you want to see this guy live up to his full potential why can't they share the friend i think that's the move i think you just ask your bro to give you one day a week that's just for you guys yep to do activities like smoke weed play video games rom-coms like smoke weed play video games rom-coms workout karate fight taking a film you've got mail manscaping did you say you you've got mail and i said you why are you apostrophe v the movie yeah yeah you're an efron no i know the It's delightful. I thought you were promoting just the use of email.

Like, you've got mail. Like, you should check your emails together. I'm always in favor of global communication. Right. My dog rips at email, too. I do, yeah. For real? I love emailing, yeah.

How many can you send in, like, an hour? 30. Line them up, like an hour? 30. Line them up, Rob. What? Yeah. For sure. Original drafts. Original drafts.

I signed it off with Stoke, Chad. What? I have a photo in there. I don't have like a set thing, like a set sign-off thing. It's custom every time. Whoa. thing, like a set sign-off thing. It's custom every time. Because I don't want people to think I'm just getting the typical go-around.

The form letter, yeah. I want to say something sincere about them. Like, Rob, I like that you ski. That would go in yours. You would sign off an email. If you emailed me after this podcast and you would say, hey, thanks for coming on the show. It was really fun.

Yeah. P.S. I like that you love Chad. Yeah. Yeah. And you knew that love would be in there, too. But it's just don't. I feel like cramming in a factoid like that is like a little. It's a little weird.

Hey, look, you know what? I understand how you feel about that but i've learned um all my years of emailing that you got to be fully honest and say what you like about them yeah what's your email what's my email address if i if i gave it out on the air would i get a lot of emails probably man that would be awesome you'd have to give a lot of advice i'm trying to do the clooney reverse the reverse clune yeah yeah that was a phone number but close it's still it's high stakes it's high state and also because we're recording that's an added element i mean because i'm guessing that i would get so many emails from bros i'd end up having to

spend so much time re-emailing different bros lots of bros yeah yeah and they're all pretty compelling so you'd feel compelled to respond. Yeah. Especially with advice questions and stuff like, you know, love matters of the heart, you know? So I'll, I'll give you my email, but I can't give it to everybody.

Oh dude, no worries. Yeah. Cool. Um, should we continue? I'm not going to give it to you. I'm going to give it to JT.

Why? Cause I already told you what I'd sign off with. Yeah. I didn't like that stuff about all the skiing. It's a little too personal for me. You know what, Rob? You couldn't handle him anyways. Oh, fuck.

That's it. My email is robhubel at hotmail. Oh, dude. You can email me anytime, bro. This is freaking sent. I had one fired up, ready to go. I already knew your email, by the way. It's a good one.

It is a good one. It is a good one. Robster 5000. Chad, what is your beef of the week? My beef of the week is with just straight up beef. I miss it. Wow. All because of the cleanse.

Yeah, I haven't had beef in five days. So what up, beef? I miss you. How much beef do you eat normally i eat a fair amount i eat beef probably every day is that true yeah everyday beef i'm of the mind that it's actually healthy for you yeah well uh but you know everyone says that it's not yeah but i always try to you know i'm kind of a contrarian yeah uh have you you heard of that? Is that when you think the opposite of what everyone else thinks? Exactly.

So even when it comes to medicine or science? Yeah. That stuff's pretty subjective. Yeah. All right. Now I see what kind of podcast this is. So everyday beef. For breakfast. Yeah. All is. So everyday beef. For breakfast.

Yep. All right. So you miss it. I miss it, yeah. So it's not really a beef with beef. It's more like a shout out. A shout out, yeah, to beef. I mean, because I'm so hungry right now that even when I was thinking, I'm like, what is my beef of the week?

Just hearing the word beef. I was like, I just got to talk about beef. What about if they did a juice cleanse that was beef flavored? It was like a juice, but it was kind of like a gravy. I think that sounds like the dankest juice cleanse that could ever exist. I'd love to be a football coach and just get that poured on my head after we won the Super Bowl. Instead of Gatorade. Yeah.

Like a nice beef gravy. A nice stew. Yeah, dude. If I was a coach, I would have bone broth poured on my head. Yeah. Scolding hot. Yeah. Yeah.

Everybody's like, what was that? That wasn't Gatorade. No, it was bone broth. My guys know. That's the way I roll. I love hot bone broth four guys would love to pick up that cauldron it's gonna enhance your vitality i could see p carol doing that yeah he's a wild man um rob what's your beef of the week um i got a lot of beefs uh i mean i feel

like people would have covered this beef um i was just at the airport recently and um no big deal i can afford to go to the airport and i was waiting for my luggage to come out on the luggage carousel and i don't like the way that uh everyone crowds in to the luggage carousel and boxes you out. So you can't get your bag. Do you know what I mean? Like if we all just agreed to hang back and then when you see your bag, step up and get it, that would be more efficient. So I think my beef is with people that do that. Probably if I really drilled down on it, there would be people that do rude stuff on planes and airports and stuff like,

you know, you do see a lot of that. Like I recently saw a woman, um, on a plane. Uh, actually it was a video. Someone,

my wife showed me a video of a woman swiping her TV screen on the plane, but with her bare foot, she was swiping through the movies with her bare fucking foot that's hot no that's not where i was that was the opposite of what i was the point i was trying to make which is that it was gross so yeah i think people doing gross shit on airplanes and weird stuff i hear you you know amen my beef of the week is with j with Jessica from the reality TV show on Netflix, Love is Blind. I came in liking Jessica. I thought she was vulnerable and sincere.

She ends up not getting the first guy she was attracted to, Barnett, who's kind of a ladies' man type. And she ends up with this guy, Mark, who's very sincere, very young, very doe-eyed, golden retriever. And she doesn't want to be with him, but instead of breaking it off, she abuses this guy every ep, dude. This dude's getting shredded. She just is going up to all the other people on the cast, and she's like, you know, Mark's not the kind of guy I would generally want to be with.

He's short. He's not really my type. You're like, can't you just suffer through this internally? You're talking to these people who are all friends with Mark, you're on camera then she just starts getting housed she's like hammered every episode like definitely got a drinking problem she's arguing with mark she puts her wine glass down and lets the dog her dog take some licks out of the out of the wine glass and she did it so nonchalantly that you can tell she does it all the time like the dog shithouse probably 80 of the time and then she's in bed with Mark. He says some innocuous comment that she takes to like Defcon 5.

And then she just goes, well, you want to know something? I think Barnett's hot. I think he's sexy. Talking about the first guy she had a crush on in the show. It's like extra sad. What is the format of Love is Blind? It's brilliant. Okay.

But it's. I saw, I watched the trailer, but I don't remember. But it's scary. It's like dystopian. You know, it's like a George Saunders short story george song people choosing their mate without seeing them it's just the sound of their voice you got a wall between you and you just have these long conversations and you're cycling through different people throughout the day you have to be married at the end of 37 days so the people who they're you have to marry yes and they propose after like five

conversations never having seen their face and then they all go live together in Mexico. And then they all go back and live together in Atlanta and like apartment complexes. Oh, so, so they get out of the scene, not seeing each other thing right away. Yeah. Well, after like a couple of days, but then it's like, they go through all the like stations of a relationship in the course of like three weeks. Like some of the fights they're having after like two weeks, you're like,

Oh, that's a fight I would have with my partner after like two years. But everything's like hyped up on roids because they're on this show. And Jessica is just shredding this guy, Mark. Now, let me ask you a question. If Jessica walked in this door right now, I'd be stoked and said, JT, I heard your voice on the pod. I've never seen you, but as you know, that's how I find my lovers. And I think I'm really into you. Would you ditch us right now and walk away with Jessica? After what you just said, because you went off. I'm going to say I haven't. I've been doing this podcast for a little over an hour.

You've really committed to it. And I have not seen you get that emotional about something i've been pretty fired up about it um dude i can tell you you know i want to say yes i would walk away with her just to be a bad boy you know who would have fun and and you know take the take the sex you know what i mean or take the the romance but dude honestly i feel so connected with you rob and i'm so disappointed with how j how Jessica treated Mark that I can sincerely tell you I would tell her to walk. And I would stay in the pocket with you guys and finish out these beefs, babes, and legends. Because you had no way of knowing this, but I have a little surprise plan for you right now.

Send in Jessica. What up, Jessica? send in Jessica what up Jessica dude you just got pranked again you got pranked and you got pranked there is no Jessica there's a camera there's a camera you got pranked

that's twice you got annihilated twice Jessica is not here I have no way to arrange that. I don't know who it is. I thought you were for real because I sent her an email last night. Oh, man. No, I don't even know her. I don't know how to get in touch with her.

But the fact that you decided to stay with us means a lot. I passed a test, kind of. It was a test. It was a trick. It was a trick. That's so cool. Yeah. Good job. That was awesome.

Damn, dude. I don't know if I can trust you, but I do. Because I know in the end, you're just doing it to make me better. These are pranks just to make us better people. I'm just worried about the test I'm going to face. Don't worry. You got one that took it up for me? It's a big worry you got one took it up for me it's a big one i'm psyched big one it's like a mind yours is a mind has it been going on for like years yes i'll start with this your parents are not your parents

what so just think about that what just think about it that's just the first level are you good shot what's your legend um my legend also is also our dog amir because he was i was i was hanging out with him on a couch in an establishment. Sorry, what's this part of the show? Oh, I missed it. It was supposed to be Babe. Where we say... Oh, my bad. Yeah.

What's up? No, I'm just figuring out what we're doing. Oh, this is our Legend of the Week. Okay. Yeah. And it's normally the Babe of the Week right now, but we messed up the order. Oh, okay. So my legend is Amir, our dog Amir, who I was hanging out with him on a couch in an establishment

Saturday night. You can say the name of it. We don't care. Bert's Backroom. Amir, our dog Amir, who I was hanging out with him on a couch in an establishment. Saturday night. You can say the name of it. We don't care. Bert's back room. And he was actually very vulnerable with me. Your dog? Yeah.

And he admitted that he has a big dong. Your dog said that? Your dog indicated that? He said it straight up. He was like, let me just be honest with you i have a big dog yeah uh and i was like wow like you just he's came out and told me no hesitation um he no sort of uh no self-pity. Yeah.

He's just like, I have a big dog. What breed of dog is this? No, his dick's big. No, but you're talking about a dog, right? Well, it's human, but he's like my dog, Amir. Okay. You never heard a dude call another dude his dog oh i thought you were talking about a real dog named i was more impressed that you owned a dog named amir i thought this was a real dog i wish dude maybe i will name my dog i'm gonna get a dog. Maybe I will name my dog Amir as long as it has a huge hog.

So your friend told you that he has a big dick. Yeah. Without any self-consciousness. Straight up. Aaron told us the other week too. I commend him for his honesty. He's got a big dick. Thanks for being honest, Aaron.

Thanks, guys. Thanks for understanding. Sorry. Are you getting emotional? Yeah, he's getting choked up. Well, you just told me my parents are my real parents, so how do you want me to react, Rob? If you're going to get hung up on that part of the prank, you're not going to survive. That's the first piece of information in the life-shattering prank that I've set up for you. Fuck. Fuck. piece of information in the life-shattering prank that i've set up for you fuck fuck it's gonna

shatter you yeah and then rebuild you is he even good at sending emails that's not the question the question is who is he really emailing did you organize the juice cleanse the juice cleanse is also not real you've been eating beef in your sleep oh oh rob secret beef who's your legend of the week uh so what what is that how do i how would you describe that it's just like the person from this past week that when you think back on it not a dog not it can be but got you like the most hyped up on like the human experience and and was the best representative of what it means to be human for the week oh i got a good one but this is going to get political so your bros might get pissed uh i went to a thing to hear uh adam schiff talk. I saw this on your Instagram.

Yeah. The congressman who's our congressman in this county. And he's the head of the intelligence. He's the head of the intelligence committee. Yeah. You know what's up. And yeah. So he just was like the leader of the impeachment trial that just happened.

And so he was just sort of like explaining what that was like. And it was a very casual setting in someone's house where he was just like explaining this to people and like telling stories about that. And it was like, Whoa, this guy is going to be remembered for like, like standing up and like, uh, being like fucking hugely brave and unafraid at a time where in our country where like you haven't seen that you don't see a lot of that anymore like people are like very afraid or whatever and this guy's like I'm not fucking having it I will not have it and so and he but he doesn't come across that way at all it comes across like a very like normal person but it was really cool to like hear him speak nice

and also like knowing like oh i will never be able to do anything that awesome it was pretty cool so that was i got real on you guys there i liked it yeah yeah that was cool your friend has a big dick so that one was better i mean you know dogs in my defense does shift shift as a dog, some dogs. I didn't ask Adam Schiff if he has a big piece. I wouldn't even know how to bring that up, but I, it was a small setting. So I could have said like, had I known that I was going to come on this podcast, then I could have said, Hey, I'm getting ready to go on this podcast. Can I just ask you bro to bro?

Do you have a big deck and and then i just could have said whatever i could have reported back what he would have told us but he has a small one too i'd be i'd be hyped you would what up dog i appreciate what you did for our nation i appreciate what you're standing up for and i just got to wonder like what does it take to do stuff like that you gotta have a fucking nice wrench hanging between your legs right you think i could say that man that would take some real real recognized swag yeah uh dude my my legend of the week is my my bro chris uh saturday night did a stand-up show didn't feel like myself on stage but then i went home and watched the fight with my my boys and then we watched love is Blind.

Good fight. Tyson Fury. Unbelievable. What that guy's come back from. The struggles he had. Very inspiring. I love you, Deontay Wilder. You'll bounce back.

Don't wear a 30-pound costume into the ring next time, though. What was the costume? I didn't see it. He wore a mask that was covering his face. So it was impeding his breath. And it's a long walk to the ring. And then he had like 40 pounds of like, uh, what looked like, uh, like football pads on. Oh wow. Yeah.

But it was like, you know, an ornate costume. And then, uh, and I think it kind of tuckered him out and he didn't look like himself. And then everybody left though. And I got super lonely and I started like spinning out and I couldn't remember if I took like my anxiety medication, which helps me sleep. And so I knocked on my roommate's room at like three in the morning and I was like, yo, Joe, I'm freaking out. Like, I don't know if i took my meds he's like what do you want me to do about it which is cool that he does that sometimes because it disabuses

me of like my you know freaking out but in this moment i needed more so then i drove over to my brother's place at three in the morning knocked on his door and i was like yo dude i'm freaking out can i come in and then we watched some tv and then he's like i'm going to bed and his girlfriend was out of town i was like dude can i sleep in bed with you and he was like a little taken aback but he's like yeah go for it and then i crashed in his bed and it helped so thanks dude you gave me a ride home in the morning great guy i love you dude that's awesome so your legend is more your brother than your it started off uh i'm not trying to critique your story but it started off that you were more psyched about your buddy that uh came over after the stand-up set right no i said my bro at the

beginning oh you did yeah but i took a long route to get back to it okay yeah yeah my wife uh has two i have two brothers my wife has two brothers and my wife said that like her brothers even they went to the same college and sometimes they would like just when they were like lonely or whatever they'd be hey man you want to come over and sleep and they'd like sleep in the same bed and be like cool man like i love it yeah yeah i never did that with my brothers but i try to with mine but he's a little more he's like get out yeah he's also married yeah uh that's though, that your brother helped you out. He's a great guy.

Yeah. He's super solid. Yeah. We should do a prank on him. What do you want to do? He'll prank you, dude. Really? Oh, dude, he's dangerous.

Oh, man. I do love a good prank. Do you like Once Upon a Time in Hollywood? Don't get me started on that. For real? Yeah. I wasn't having it. I wasn't having it i wasn't having it but he loves it really damn it yeah rob tedious oh man you liked me up until that point

i didn't like it man i'm the only one because i love his shit like i generally love his shit but that movie to me felt lazy to me it felt like uh a stew of things that he likes and he wanted to shoot yeah yeah and like hey i like i like bruce lee i like marshall i'll have bruce lee in there and then i said his fuck yeah it just didn't to me it didn't add up like and i am such a fan like i really genuinely respect him but or his movies but uh i didn't, I wasn't on board for that, but people have told me, go back and watch it again. Cause it actually is really good.

So I got to watch it. I got to rewatch it too. Also. I have not seen Joker yet. I heard Joker was like, at first I heard it was like not good. And then someone told me and they're like, I just watched it.

It's pretty fucking good. Like I didn't like it. You didn't like it. It was like acting deep to me. Okay. Yeah. I was like, Ooh,

aren't I intense? I don't think so, bro. Well was like acting deep to me. Okay. Yeah. I was like, aren't I intense? Aren't I deep? And I'm like, I don't think so, bro. Well, I got a little surprise. I got a surprise for you.

No. Hold on. No, dude. Bring in Joaquin. Oh shit. What up, dude?

Joaquin. I'm a huge fan, dude. You got pranked again, dude. You got pranked again. There is no Joaquin. He's not here.

What? There's a camera. There's a camera. There's a camera. Guys, you're on. What? Oh, my God. No.

Your podcast has become my hidden camera prank show. No. No way. You guys keep falling for these great pranks. No siento, Joaquin. My bad. I keep thinking I see him through the window there. Would you, if you saw. You were never really here Joaquin Phoenix

I like that movie by the way That was a wry smile I like that movie You were never really here He's a really good actor Incredible That's why he's got to be such a weirdo all the time So Joker you weren't having it Nah I wasn't feeling it Chad Kroger yeah incredible yeah uh that's why he's got to be such a weirdo all the time yeah but uh so joker

you weren't having it nah i wasn't feeling it yeah chad kroger uh it's reflections no no i i thought it was really well shot uh but i sort of agree you guys have said that a few times now that the movie was well shot it was like cool you know direction yeah cool frames yeah cool colors yeah the dancing on the stairs was good shout out shout out to colors what's your favorite color chad in a movie if you're watching a movie in a movie yeah what do you like to see pop up on the screen yellow yellow dark blues michael mann style i like i like yellow because it represents like the sun and stoke okay oh yeah that's nice yeah all right all right chad who is your babe of the week

my babe of the week is uh clark little he's a photographer on the north shore i just watched a doc on him on amazon prime it's free um and uh this guy was just like uh he's just so fun to watch because he had so much energy and he was so pumped on just photography with waves you know he loves the shore break he just what's his name he's like clark little he just loves he's in the north shore there's like uh the kiki shore break i think that's how you say it are you a surfer yeah okay and he loves you surf jt no i suck okay and he loves just getting pounded in the waves but like you know uh taking cool shots and um it was more so like his photography photography is amazing but more just like his outlook on life was amazing he just loves what he does has he ever gotten one of those

shots where like he's in the tube like in the curl like right as it's like curling around that's like his whole canon yeah that's his whole right word yeah yeah nice yeah his oeuvre yeah right right right right uh that so look up clark little i think you'll really enjoy i'm okay i'm not gonna look at it you don't like you don't like waves no i will look it up i will look it up but how does he when he's shooting is he wearing like swim fins like or is he just yeah he's wearing swim fans that's cheating i mean anybody could do that no dude all right rob i like your laugh about that so he when it comes to that so he's gonna go ahead what is Is he also wearing a flotation device?

Nah. All right. All right. I'm back on board with Clark Little. Thank you, dude. That's all I wanted you to say. So does he shoot tasteful nudes? Or dick slips? Like if a surfer, you know, like, whoops, my bathing suit fell down.

Yeah. Well, I think he's known for sort of getting that under the under the board short shot yeah um yeah just as a joke i mean he has one of you know kelly slater's like he has a goof he just likes to yeah you know get my hog from like underneath yeah yeah yeah um which uh i respect you know i mean did you watch that kelly slater documentary on hbo momentum we covered it on the pod is that true yeah yeah that was really good yeah but you know we heard we heard rob machado's just as competitive as kelly slater you know how they frame him in the film like rob machado's like the soul surfer who wasn't in the competition everyone's like no that's like retroactive like editing yeah yeah yeah like the truth is they're both animals that's his brand like you said you think i don't work

hard but i said when we start off you're you said you think I don't work hard. Did I say that? When we started off, you looked like you don't work hard. Oh, I'm sorry I said that. No, no, no. I took it as a compliment. Okay. You told us you were drunk, though.

Is there drinking on this podcast? Hardly ever. If we do it, we do it in the bathroom. Wait, have I gone over? Yeah, yeah, we're done. We're done. But we're going to split through the last part. I feel like I've kept you guys late. no you do this is the best we've ever done yeah my baby went to sleep my real baby so when she goes to sleep i fucking roll deep yeah your buddy went to sleep my baby i call my buddies my babies

what's your what's your baby's name i'm not gonna say it on a podcast people will abduct her oh it's a good call sorry yeah abduct her. Oh, good call. Sorry. Yeah, that's the number one cause of abductions is podcasts. Yeah, I mean, you're going to get a bro asking her for advice. Speaking of going back to you and talking about the prank I set up for you, part of it involves abduction. I'm up for it, dude.

You say that now. Dude, don't make me I don't kill Chad at any point do I I'll say this there's a scenario where you have to make a choice of whether or not to kill Chad you make the choice

to kill Chad and you think that you have actually killed him but you it is revealed later that you didn't kill Chad but you think that you have actually killed him, but it is revealed later that you didn't kill Chad, but you think that you did. Thus bringing you closer, but he will always be suspicious of you. Dude, let me just say right now, you can kill me, so it doesn't come in between our relationship. So just give me the green light. I love you, dude.

You can kill me too. I wouldn't be upset right now if the podcast ended with both of you guys shooting each other. Well, that's how we were going to do episode 200. But I mean, why not? We got one more Manscaped I had to do that you'll have to read the copy for.

I'm not paid by Manscaped. What's the name of the company? Manscaped. Yeah, because you don't have the pubes for it bro oh man i told you that in confidence i was born without pubes and you've been fucking i took a cheap shot riding me about it um okay so that's your babe of the week is clark little wait big wave big wave photographer or just surf photographer i'd say surf photographer he specializes in the shore break because you you can get like a really cool shot of the barrel with the sand

don't talk down to us we know what you can get when you're out there hey i'm just reiterating what the doc told me all right jt a couple of alphas fucking domes dude i fucking love it bro nat geo shit uh who's your baby oh do i go yeah um hmm well i'll i'll i'll keep with the uh um theme of netflix or or tv people uh i don't know this person but did you guys watch cheer on netflix best show yeah yeah uh i would say jerry from cheer oh nice all right the fucking best character uh i know a lot of people probably already watched this show but if you haven't it's it's i would say it doesn't end on like the best i felt kind of bad for them a little bit like because i felt like um i wasn't sure exactly what the future holds for them and it seemed a little bleak in that in that regard but as far as like committing to something with like all your heart and soul

and like everything that you can and like really like working hard to better yourself. And even you can tell like this, this guy, Jerry, uh, you know, is sort of like not one of the main cheerleaders at first. And then he kind of like gets his opportunity and he kind of steps up and

like, and you also, you know, you find out about these people's backstories and you get very emotionally invested in them. But Jerry also has like such a friendly and like positive, like overwhelmingly positive and energetic energy to him that you can't help, but like love this guy and root for this guy. So it was cool to see him like succeed and do well on the show. I think they're all going to

be okay too. They all have like a million followers now on Instagram. They've been on every show. Like, I mean, I don't know if that's, you know, can sustain itself forever, but yeah, I don't know that that will pay your bills, but hopefully like it seemed like the Darius at the end. I mean,

not to give away the show, but like, you know, he was like coaching at another cheerleading gym for kids. Yeah. And you just think like, Oh, well that's like,

of course, like that's a smart move. Like, yeah, do franchise that out and do like a bunch of gyms for yourself and then you just travel around and like coach at all the different gyms or whatever you know so i think that like you know hopefully they will all land on their feet their athleticism is remarkable yeah for sure they're one person's flipping and then that person's flipping another

person on top of them it's like a wedding cake it's crazy if you were a cheerleader and you and you had the physical ability to do any of that what what what position would you be in i'm a flyer you're a flyer you're like bill pullman and independence day i belong in the air i'd have to go back and watch independence day to fact check that is he does he get thrown up like a cheerleader in the air and does flips and stuff? No, but he's the president. But in the end, he gets in a plane because he was a pilot before that. Okay.

I got to watch it. Eagle one. Fox two. Are these lines from the movie? Mm-hmm. Can you do them again? Just because I didn't know that we were going to be acting out an actual scene. And if we're going to act it out, I'd like to see it.

Don't we have any missiles left? Coming right here? Mr. President. Is this some variation of that? Eagle one Fox two. Guys, this is the Alexander method.

This is what we call George Clooney right now. Fuck. I don't have his number, but I might, I might have his email. Oh dude, I don't. It was like George Clooney. Put us Fuck. I don't have his number, but I might I might have his email. Oh, dude, I don't. It was like George

Clooney. Put us on a chain, dude, and we'll send funny gifts to each other. I know that would be the best. That was some good

acting. Thanks. Although you did make the gun noises that I was telling you, you can't actually make that when you're shooting.

You can't go. This is the machine gun noise I used to make when I was a kid because I couldn't do that. Yeah, I can't actually make that when you're shooting. You can't go, this is the machine gun noise I used to make when I was a kid because I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that. So I go, Do you make that face too?

I go, When you were running around as a little kid playing guns with your friends, that's the noise that you would make. And that face? That's too much. and that face too much and that face also yeah probably i wasn't as smiley back then as i am now you weren't not when i was doing the machine gun noise because i was so committed to the part i think i was really trying to send a message of menace absolutely yeah i i have a tough time with that noise though

i feel like it was brutal are you not is. Is your mouth not able to make certain noises? I don't think so. Can you go like... Are you rolling your tongue there? I can't do it. Is that with your lips? I can't do it oh is that with your lips that's pretty good

okay cool I can't fucking do anything that was a knock on the door there's one person in the world listening to this who's gonna get a boner from what we just did oh this is ASMR we said that at the same time Jinx you can't prank me

you don't want to get pranked no i want it bring it i want to get killed dude you're in the middle of the fucking most mind-shattering prank right now does aaron even exist aaron when you walk out of here you're you're in aaron you are really in for it wait i don't see aaron where are you aaron where'd you go i'll tell you this chad it culminates at a nickelback concert in june in north carolina oh fuck yeah that's where we still gotta go to the show that's where the prank well you're not gonna do anything to the band are you yes you're gonna hurt the band yes the band will all be physically injured and maimed rob this is after the concert though at least right

but right before the show right before the show i have a plot afoot to physically harm all of the members of nickelback nah dude i don't think that's going to happen dude dude you taking off your shirt on a podcast first of all the listeners didn't know i mean if the viewers sure only a small percentage watch the video so most people that listen to this won't know that your shirt is off right now you know i ripped my shirt off right now but i just bought this from target it's a print shirt so that is a printer i'm sorry i got terrible news for you about prince i'll tell you after the pot what what happened i'll tell you later the pod. What? What happened? I'll tell you later.

What? But it's bad. Is he not going to release some of those tracks in his vault? Guys, it's bad. Let's leave it at that. Let's keep pushing. Dude, my babe of the week is toast with butter. Whoa. Chad and I, I know it's carbohydrates, so it's kind of on the edgier side.

But Chad and I, we've been going to this office, and I've been getting some breakfast treats just to get myself started for the day, get myself satiated before we get into the hard work stuff. And I've just been making toast. And the smell, the aroma when it's coming out of the toaster. I love it. It's beautiful. And then when you just spread some butter on toast and it melts on there. And I like to get it dark, like a little black black, a little bit with a little crisp on it. He does.

Why are you looking at me? Because I'm just reaffirming what he's saying to you. I'm making sure that you get on board. Yeah, but he's backing it up like I'm not on board with it. We're all on board with hot butter toast. And he's like trying to intimidate me. I'm making sure you know, Rob. I'm making sure you know. He's trying to intimidate me about me about the toast well it makes me really happy to hear you say because

i love it and i just spread that butter all over it and then i do sometimes i sometimes i'll do four pieces two two or three with butter and then one with jelly as like the kind of sweet treat yeah he's still trying to intimidate me he's backing up my play he's my dog it's an intimidation tactic so if you try to front on your squad. I want to wrap it up. I want to wrap it up. He's just looking out for me because he's my buddy. But I want to tell you guys this.

I think both of you should have your cholesterol checked. I got mine checked and it's high. That was a machine gun. You should get yours if you're eating beef every day. Well, after you did the juice cleanse, maybe you might be all right. Yeah, my gut floor is on fire right now. I don't even know what that is. Nobody does.

But all this hot buttered toast, bro, is... Yeah, you're right. How high was your cholesterol? It wasn't like my cholesterol was a little bit high. It was like 180, 190, maybe 200. Yeah, that's fine. If it's 200 or below, that's fine. It might have been 210.

That's fine. But my lipida, my lapida laprota it's like a form of cholesterol your sperm count no okay i do take propeach so that might be a little lower than ideal but so you got watery sperm that's what they say but honestly i'm not going to get into it no it's what's the texture of your sperm viscous the viscosity is good. The viscosity of our city. Oh, System of a Down. You belong to the viscosity. You're not going to prank System of a Down, are you?

I have really bad news for you about System of a Down. Fuck. They're all trapped in it. They killed Prince. So the viscosity of your semen is, it's thoroughlycous i'm not going to talk about it but it's fine it seems like you really want to talk about it i don't want to talk about it because there's people who listen to this you don't want to hear about it but if they want to hear about it they want to know about it you can message me and i'll tell you what the fuck is up it sounds like

you're you're plugging propitia propitia works is that true yes oh i didn't know that i didn't stick with it long enough and it doesn't make your dong feel like it's not attached to your body which some people say well for me it didn't actually i'm getting wild now i don't know my independent experience has been so currently your dong feels attached to your body it's not you don't have a dismembered dong syndrome no it feels yeah i feel it okay sorry guys were you just checking i'm trying to like be in touch with my electromagnetic dong. I saw it move. Thank you.

Chad, what's your quote of the week? Do we have to have a quote? Yeah, dude. We're almost done, I promise. My quote of the week. 35 more minutes and we're done. No. Yes, bro. My child's going to be waking up going to school.

Rob, you're going to see this one coming. Where's your kid go to school? That's a terrible joke. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're going to see this one coming. Where's your kid go to school? That's a terrible joke. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. My quote of the week is, dude, I have a big dog, Amir. Wow. That's your friend that I thought was your dog. Mm-hmm. My quote of the week. Well, it's only Monday, so we're really going off of today. Mm-hmm.

Right? Right. Hmm. week well it's only monday so we're really going off of today right um can we can we come back to me can we do you yeah yeah for sure okay mine is from the film serenity it's one of my favorite films yeah yeah i get long with it sometimes okay this is like one of my favorite movies it's uh joss whedon and it's about a space kind of cowboy, western-y, but real pithy dialogue kind of thing. And this is at the end when Mal, played by Nathan Fillion, is teaching River Tam how to fly the plane. And she's got freakish superpowers, but she's also been through a lot, so she's complicated. But she trusts him.

And he goes, but it ain't all buttons and charts, little albatross. You know what the first rule of flying is? Well, I suppose you do, because she can read his albatross. You know what the first rule of flying is? Well, I suppose you do, because she can read his mind, since you already know what I'm about to say. She goes, I do, but I'd like to hear you say it. Love. You can learn all the math in the verse,

but you take a bone in the air that you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turning of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down, tells you she's hurting before she keens makes her a home Storms getting worse. We'll pass through it soon enough Now what is it that you like about that? Well, I just wanted to do something from serenity And then that was the one that felt like it made the most sense out of context

My actual favorite quote is when someone's like are you willing to die for your beliefs? And he goes I am and then he shoots the gun again he goes of course that ain't plan a wow so you like pithy dialogue in a movie sometimes if it's done right yeah i mean i think we all go through a phase where that's what we're really into and then at some point we're like you know no i'm more into like the more like grounded organic real stuff yeah you know i'm on board with that um who's your favorite dialogist oh that's a deep cut. Not a deep cut, but that's a tough question. My favorite dialogue writer?

Yeah. Oh, I don't know. That's Rob Corddry. He has good dialogue. Nice. That's what's up. All right, I'm going to read you my quote, but I'm not going to tell you what it's from.

Do we have to guess? Can we guess? Yeah, you can guess. And I'd like to see how, who can guess this quicker. Okay. I hope it's you,

Chad. And there is a prize. There is a prize for this. Yeah. Okay. Ready? And I'm going to do it as this character, but don't look yeah my glasses

i don't know who you are i don't know what you want if you're looking for ransom i can tell you liam neeson from yeah damn it i knew it was liam neeson but i just didn't want to interrupt you bro do you i'm glad you got it. I'm glad. I can tell you this. I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I've acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it.

I will not look for you. I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you. I will find you. And I will not look for you. I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you. I will find you. And I will kill you. And then the bad guy on the other end says, good luck. Click. Dude, all time.

Dude, you have a good impression. Dude, that was a great rendering. I got chills. Thanks, guys. Rob, way to end this thing on a banger, dude. Good job, guys. That's going to live forever. Good job. In our pods... Oh, speaking of big dicks,

Liam Neeson has a big dick. Yeah, he's got a hose, right? Yeah, that's what my wife said. I mean, my wife has not seen it, but my wife kind of knows what celebrities have big dicks. Sure. Does she know it's the small ones? Because that's us. Yeah. I don't think she keeps track of that. I'll tell her, though. She'll write it down. We went on the news

recently and said we have small dongs because we do, and we want to support other people who have small dong shame. What news channel? What story was it? Fox. Water's World. I don't know if you guys should have done that. I think you should have thought it through.

That's what my dad said, but I think he said it for a different reason than what you're saying it for. I wonder if I am your dad. That'd be awesome. You do look like my dad. I don't know who you are. You're not my son. That was me as Liam Neeson as your dad.

Damn. I'm telling you, bro, your parents are not your parents. That's part of my prank. Who's the smartest person you've ever met? Ooh. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

Hmm. Probably Clunes. Clune dog. For sure? Really? I don't know. He seems pretty smart. I don't know if he's the smartest person.

Is that more just like an attitudinal thing, like the way he carries himself? Yeah. I think he's like a smart business guy, too. I basically just want to be friends with George Clooney. You and me both, brother. Yeah. Yeah. my own tequila company that's the thing we could start one together we could what do we need to start a tequila company just a couple of guys some smiles and a can-do attitude and a sophisticated palate do we need a certain amount of money no all right i'm not sure you guys are the best business people do that i have plentiful agave in my place is that true yeah nice growing no it's

cut it's from mexico you've already cut it yeah you've illegally harvested and brought back agave well yeah we're reading the book about the u guy right now. And like laws are pretty like not that important. Yeah. There's no laws right now. Just to be clear, we're living in a time in our country where anyone and any company can do literally whatever they want. Yeah. If you create enough demand, it doesn't matter. Yeah.

Does that scare you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What are you most scared of? Ghosts. Ghosts are real. And you guys know that ghosts are real right i've got we got in the podcast but ghosts have you seen a ghost we have to i haven't seen a ghost but i have felt a ghost uh i have been touched by a what i thought was a

ghost do you want me to tell you the story? Yes. Man, we got to end this podcast guys. I feel like we're going to alienate some of your listeners. Well, I don't know if this was a ghost, but it seemed, I think this was a ghost before I got, I'll make this as quick as I can. Before I got into acting, I used to work in production, like behind the camera, like writing and producing, but like, no,

but, but just like crew, you know, but like, uh, but starting way back, I was like a PA, you know,

just like working wrangling stuff for the shoot. And, um, and, uh, one of my jobs was, uh, they were shooting a Halloween thing,

uh, for AMC, the movie channel. They used to just show old movies and around Halloween, they still do this. AMC just shows scary movies for like the month of October. And so they wanted to shoot, um, intros and outros for these scary movies. And it was going to be hosted by Tim Burton. So they wanted Tim Burton to like introduce all these old scary movies. So, um, the guys that I worked for, it was, it was this production company and they said, we need someone to go and find like real haunted buildings and houses where we can shoot. And like, so that'll be part of the fun of this will be like Tim Burton will explain

like what happened, what kind of crazy fucked up stuff happened in this house, blah, blah, blah. And you're watching this movie and, you know, stay tuned for the, you know, the rest of this movie, blah, blah, blah. So part of my job was to that summer drive around and scout out like legit haunted spots around New York and New Jersey and Connecticut. So, and I'm like, kind of, I do think that sort of stuff is fun. Like, I don't know if I actually believe in it, but I think it is like, I like horror stuff and like, I like being scared. So I did that. So, um, so I went around like all summer and just like looked at all these like scary haunted places and talk to the people that live there and their kids and found out like all

the info. So this one house that we were shooting in, finally we found like this really crazy old um farmhouse in new jersey that was out in the middle of nowhere and uh all this crazy stuff had been happening over like years and years and years it's kind of like amityville horror like the like the kids that grew up in the house they would not even come in the house when we were shooting there they were like no no no i will never go back in that house. Like they had weird stuff where they had like been like, um, attacked and like pinned against the wall, you know, by like evil spirits or whatever. Like one girl said she woke up and she was like levitating off of her bed and they saw different entities in their house and stuff like that.

So, you know, they were just telling us that like outside in the front yard. And so the guy that owned the house, their dad at one point kind of dropped this very casually that he, um, was like an amateur, um, archeologist and would like dig up, um, areas of this farm where he lived.

And he said he found like a burial ground. He basically found an, a native American, like burial ground and like dug up all of these human remains and brought like skulls into his house and so of course you know like that's not good for your for your house yeah so so they thought like well that was connected to this and that's why all this crazy stuff had been happening over the years like one time his wife was home alone and she was in bed and she said she was like laying on her side and she felt her husband get in bed behind her and like

start to like kind of spoon with her a little bit. And so she kind of like felt back to like feel his leg. And it was just like, it felt like a dog, like they didn't have a dog. It just felt like a fucking wolf or whatever. And she'd like jumped up and there was just like this entity that looked like a fucking like crazy like wolf spirit or something yeah it was bananas so they would just tell you this and you're like okay either everyone

in your family has like you know very severe mental illness or there's some something crazy going on here so anyway we finally long finally, long story short, um, we were shooting with the man upstairs who owned the house in his attic. And this is the room where he kept all of these native American skulls in his attic. And, um, at this point, I think he only had like one left or something like he had gotten rid of all, but he still had like one human skull. And so we were interviewing, um, they're interviewing this man, just getting like some, you know, quite some straight up questions about the history of the house and all of these events that had happened. And I was sitting on the floor, like taking notes.

And then as soon as he started to talk about these skulls, um, all of a sudden I felt like it felt like, um, I stepped on like an electrical wire. Like I just got like a jolt of electricity under both of my feet and I was wearing like shoes, you know, just like this, but it just felt like I stepped on like a live wire and it was just like, like something shocked me. And, um, and so like I jumped up and I was like, what the fuck? And, uh, everyone was like, what, what's going on? Like, and I was like, what the fuck? And everyone was like, what's going on? And I was like, sorry guys, something just fucking grabbed my feet or zapped me or something.

And they're like, what? So that was my only ghost experience where I didn't see anything, but it was right in the middle of this crazy haunted house right when this dude started talking about Native American skulls. Really? Something like attacked.

Well, the prank's on you rob because you died that day and you've been in a fever dream since then and this is the end of the dream what the fuck once this podcast ends what you'll leave this meat corporeal existence you feel like you're in what and you'll become a ghost of the podcast studio. Motherfuckers. The ghost of ATC. And you will haunt this room forever. I can never leave this hellscape?

You'll have Aaron. I gotta listen to ads for Manscaped? Forever. I'll never stop coming back. And your bush will never stop growing. That's probably the worst part. It'll be the first time you have pubes oh man bye rob bye thanks for coming on the podcast thanks guys The body. Thank you. We'll be right back. Thank you. We'll be right back. We rock the body, rock the body, come on, down, we're gonna make you freak, uh-huh

We rock the body, rock the body, come on Get down, we're gonna set you free, yeah We rock the body, rock the body, come on Get down, we're gonna make you freak, uh-huh We rock the body, rock the body, come on Get down, we're gonna set you free, yeah Thank you. Outro Music Bye.