Going Deep with Chad and JT - Ep 160 - Kevin The Shmole Joins

Episode Date: November 12, 2020

What up Stoker!? We've got a huge guest this week, Kevin The Shmole, he talks about his experiences as a lawyer, being alpha, and his dick. Sign up for new merch here: http://www.shopcgd.com Sponsored by Manscaped: Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code GODEEP20 at Manscaped.com. If you wanna trim your pubes during a contagion.

Oh yeah, flick my gooch and play some Phil Collins. What's up Stokers of Stoke Nation, this is Chad Kroger coming in with the Going Deep with Chad and JT podcast. We're also brought to you by the legends at Manscaped, keeping your chimps pubed, looking after your hog. Use code godeep20manscaped.com. I'm here with my compadre, John Thomas. What up?

Boom clap, Stokers. And we're here with the schmole daddy, the lawyer comedian. The lawyer comedian legend, Kevin Fard. What up? What up? Dude, do you nice what up you're a hairy guy do you manscape i do manscape i um what is the manscape what do they what is it a little razor like a little looks like a beard trimmer they have the lawnmower 3.0 which is like a beard trimmer that's what i use yeah i mean you want to tell you technique yeah yeah okay so i get a specific one you know i get the one with the cord in it because i find the ones that don't have a cord in it i don't i'm not saying anything about manscape but they lose

power over time and you want you want it to be plugged in right so it has full power if you lose power you can hurt yourself because then you start you know getting snacks you know what i'm saying yeah and um i'll tell you this i'll just be honest with you i use the same uh trimmer that i use on my face for for your balls yeah we've talked to you um but yeah yeah i manscaped down there you know i'm a i'm a very hairy guy you know you got to keep it nice and uh trim down there yeah what's your sort of uh that's my technique well your technique and then your your preferred look or you're a married man too what's your at the beginning of the pandemic you know what i did i went full bald i don't recommend that i went full bald just uh i just why not yeah you know we're gonna be we're gonna be on lockdown a little longer um i didn't

really like that yeah but uh What'd your wife think? She doesn't comment on it. I don't think she says anything either way. So she's not full ball? She didn't say anything? Would you rather she noticed? That's a good question. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't really care. Um, you know, if she did compliment it every once in a while, to be honest, it would be nice, but I don't receive those compliments. Maybe we're going to have to talk about that when I get back. That's good communication. Yeah. Interesting but you're a hairy guy overall too so i'm uh you used to do a bit about uh being hairy at las vegas like in the pool there oh yeah yeah yeah um fortunately that bit didn't go anywhere but yeah yeah you you know you go to vegas and you go to the pool and everybody you see in the pool is just this hairless god you know like when you're on tv spring break you can when you're working out with your with your uh all your hot buddies and

in orange county yeah you're the only one with body hair and then all of them are just this they have the bodies of greek god and this have no body hair that's not real it's real they're real they're real they're real hairless like they have no hair i don't think they shave their chest no well i think a lot so when you go to vegas a lot of these guys are are not being real and a hairy chest a lot of women like a hairy chest right yeah i hope so but then you go to the pool and you i look like a bear in the middle of the pool because nobody else is no. And then you start going, do they like this? If they do like this, isn't one of these girls want a man, like a real man?

Yeah. How do you stay confident in the pool when you're having those thoughts? I don't stay confident in the pool. It's just... It gets you down? Yeah. You know, I was trimming my chest hair for a while. And then I put up a story where I'd let it grow a little bit and I was in the bath and people were like, ooh, nice chest hair.

Yeah. And they were really into it. And I was like, wow, you know, that's, I thought it was the opposite. So, I don't know. Maybe you just stand strong and you're like. Definitely before 24, it's cooler to not have chest hair. Right. Because like, just like, I don't know. But then as you get more older and manly. Yeah. man strong and you're like definitely before 24 it's cooler to not have chest hair right because like just like i don't know but then as you get more older and manly yeah i think the hair becomes

like pierce brosnan it's cool well i used to when i was in high school i used to nair my chest me too i was so shamed my dad walked in on me with bloody nipples do they still use nair now i do put that thing on so inefficient one of the worst products in history i neared my chest sorry nair because i was embarrassed because everybody just made fun of me for being hairy you know growing up you know just just you're hairy you know i no you grew up in northern california right yeah and then but now i've chill people up there chill people are they chill up there i mean mean, yeah, it's sort of like Southern California. They just said hella. That was the thing, and then it's the same thing.

You don't say hella. I don't say hella. I don't know if I did say hella, but I don't say... I think you did. Do they still say hella? I haven't lived there for a long time. I think they do. They do?

I don't say that. I think in Seattle it's pretty huge, hella. Hella huge. When I was in college, a lot ofattle is pretty huge hella hella when i was in college a lot of seattle kids were saying hella and i think i think a lot of norCal kids were so beaten down for saying hella that either they're like super proud and they would say it every sentence or they would just like totally took it out of their repertoire what were you like in high school uh i was uh i was pretty much a badass no you know i was i was pretty much the same

but you know this kind of personality in high school is not the you know what do you mean what do you mean by this kind of personality uh you know i'm sort of annoying you know get under your skin things like that you know i like to i'm a little weird i'm a weirdo i'm a weirdo i'm not afraid People don't like weirdos in high school. This is very charming, though. Thank you. Thank you. But I played, I knew I played sports.

I wrestled. I was a wrestling captain. What made you captain? Because I was a natural born leader, alpha male. You know, I could inspire the troops. So is that, that to me is the part that probably got underneath people's skin. Did you refer to yourself as an alpha a lot? Because you still do that.

Not really. I mean, my high school was a little weird um i didn't there was a group of cool kids and i knew them well the problem with the you know that stereotype there's a group of cool kids i never thought they were cool kids and i still don't like look back at them and think these guys were really cool i knew them because i played sports and stuff but i never really hung out with a lot of people it's sort of like that's where the comedy stuff comes in you know you sort of feel like an outcast and then you go to the the comedy clubs but then you still go to the comedy clubs and you sort of still sort of feel like and even though you're talking to some people you know you're sort of yeah wandering around systems reproduce themselves everywhere so i found myself just usually just you know sometimes i would pretend to like hang out with them but i really wasn't into it so i

just you know drilled myself yeah just drilled yourself yeah i drilled myself i i wasn't really i was just the the weirdo i like your weirdness yeah were you always confident in your weirdness because you're you stand tall in it i i don't know if i would say confident i wasn't like you know i was just uh i just was what about how did you have good luck with the ladies no i i mean i barely talked to a woman until i was like 22 really well when did you lose i did talk to i i talked to i lost it late like 21 nice i think and then um was it a good experience no no no no um i was like uh i was pretty much uh blacked out it was a uh i mean it wasn't a bad experience it wasn't traumatizing but it was you 69 no we

didn't 60 who who would have the confidence to do that their first that would be pretty your first time you 69 that's awesome who uh who proposed it was it fun yeah it was pretty awesome good but did you i think i proposed i don't know i was like yeah you still you still love 69 though don't you yeah sorry mom but yeah it's like one of my favorite things. Oh, really? Your mom's going to be happy you love it. Oh, thanks, Mom. You know the worst part of the 69?

I'm not a 69 connoisseur, but you got that thing right in your face. Yeah. That's the worst part? Is that the best part for you? That's the best part. No, no, no, not the A-hole. It's sort of right up there, too. That's okay. I like the stink. Dude, I mean, I not the A-hole. It's sort of right up there, too. That's okay.

I like the stink. Dude, I mean, I think that's pretty badass. I think that's pretty badass. Dude, thank you. Nice, dude. It means a lot. Now, I have another question. Thank you.

Do you think that you were, you offered that because you were sort of a little insecure because it was your first time and you wanted to say, let's do this to more confidence to show like i've been here before baby don't worry about it reading i think um i think honestly i think i just watched a lot of porn and i was like i was like this is what i want yeah okay i don't know i think maybe if we're gonna analyze it like does is it the number like you were like because when people talk sex, 69 is kind of like the most iconic name for one of those sex things. Yeah. Well, I think I was going down, you know, and I was like, why don't we just like 69? But it certainly wasn't because of like high confidence where I was like, you know, an alpha in the sack.

I think I was just more kind of like so naive and didn't know what I was doing I was like hey well while we're at it you want to like 69 there's that too when you're first hooking up with people you just want to check as many boxes as possible because your friends are also like what did you guys do yeah and like the more stuff you can list yeah the cooler it's true he just said it right now and we're all like well that's pretty badass yeah like I never really thought of it that way but i preach i preach what now what was her experience like did you get a sense was this her first time or was she pretty experienced um mildly i'd say do you think she had 69 before yes oh nice yeah it's pretty cool that's great um what else kevin how you been surviving quarantine

i've been fine you know i i'm not real you know besides going to comedy clubs every night i didn't really wasn't huge on like going out have you gone back to the clubs at all no i haven't i i just don't you know they're sort of operating and like you come and watch a video outside. You were pretty committed to going to the clubs. Yeah. I mean, you know, that's where you go every night. You say hi to people, you hang out with them and stuff like that. But another part of it was sort of, I don't know. I just don't, there's no real area to hang out.

And I don't know what these, some of these people have been doing. You know, everybody has a different mask protocol. Yeah, you've been worried about COVID. You've been really safe. I've not been. It's less like worried about COVID. It's more like, dude, if somebody can die, just put on a fucking mask and don't have, like, huge parties.

And then some people take it as, like, you're trying to control me, dude, or whatever. I want to do what I want. I was like, all right, well, I'm not going to be like that. I mean, every other country, it seems like they're getting it at least somewhat under control, and we're just a bunch of psychopaths. Yeah.

No, it's interesting when you put it that way, like Fauci put it pretty much the same way. It's like if you get sick you're contributing to the spread and that could result in someone who's seriously at risk getting it which is why you want to you know it's not even if you're young and you're like i'll be fine if i get it it's just that you think about the the sort of uh you know yeah i mean we sort of domino effect of spreading it. We're sitting here right now, I guess, and technically we're not wearing masks. But, I mean, if somebody says, look, just don't have a rager.

Or when you go to the grocery store, can you just put on a mask? And it's getting cold now. Actually, the mask is sort of comforting. When I'm going on walks at night, it sort of shields the cold. I just don't think it's that bad. One of the ways that you've been coping with COVID and a new hobby that you've developed is bagging. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you and Chad are kind of like commander-in-chief of the bag niche.

Oh, yeah, we bag. We bag every night. Do you want to amplify on that? What is bagging and why do you love it so much? So I really wasn't a... I didn't play video games before this, really. The last video game system I owned was a PlayStation 1, which I think came out in the 90s.

And then the only other time i played video games was you know if a friend had it like in college or something but i never uh was it your thing yeah i was i'm you know i'm i found it to be a waste of time you know what nerds do that's what i thought but then the pandemic was coming and i happened to be in best buy and i saw like one x one or two xboxes left on the shelf and i said this might be a wise investment and uh you know i've been addicted to to call of duty and halo for the last like six months you've gotten so much better called the way you started versus where you are now is like a night and day kind of well it's because i haven't played video games before so it'd at Call of Duty. The way you started versus where you are now is like a night and day kind of transformation.

Well, it's because I haven't played video games before. So it'd be sort of like if you gave a man a dong for the first time in his life and you've had a dong for 20 years and you've been drilling yourself. This is brilliant. And then you're like, oh my God, you're so much better at drilling yourself.

You figured out a new way to do it. You're watching porn. You made it about masturbation. And of course, you know, this guy just got his dong so i just got my i just got my video game dong if that's what it's so there's so much there um so keep going wait but i want to know does do you see you think some guys are better at masturbating themselves than other guys i've never thought about it that way of course some guys are better at drilling themselves than others no No, it makes perfect sense.

I've just never thought about how some guys are better at masturbating. I felt like everybody, if you cum, you basically, we're all the same level of good, right? Yeah, I guess. But I would like to think that some guys are just horrible at it. How so? What do they do? My brother said he's okay.

He said he always loves it when I talk about him on the pod because I said something vulnerable about him last week. When I first called my brother, he thought it was because it was called whacking off. He was whacking. I was like, dude, calm down. I was like, circle on. So you taught your brother how to drill himself? I'm joking.

I didn't actually grab his dong, but I did step in and just be like, hey, man. A drill coach. There's a better way to do it. Nothing wrong with that. Well, he must be honored that he had your tutelage like a real peak masturbator who's a prodigy i mean i started super young you were a drill instructor bobby fisher of uh well hitting that well here let's get into no no no no uh yeah this is a good so i'm not talking about techniques you know i'm a lotion guy i like it to be a smooth smooth process a lot of guys tell me they're dry i can't understand that now that's like you know a conservative

versus liberal i understand you have a different philosophy and i think that's okay so when i say you're bad at drilling yourself that's not that's not what i'm talking about sure but i imagine some guys are just awkward with it. They just, you know, stroking unevenly. Can we get that for the camera? What is it? You know, just like, you have to be a rhythm to it, but they're just like, what do I do here? They're not into it.

It's like how I'm bad at strumming guitar. I just don't have the wrist for it. And I'm natural. Can you keep doing that? Yeah, can you keep going? How many dicks does he have? What is this? What is this?

What is this thing right here? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Now dicks does he have what is this what is this what is this thing right here what you know you know what i'm saying yeah now i don't have proof of this i don't i don't watch my friends you know i don't i don't study their drilling techniques i don't go on the street and ask people you know uh how do you drill useful clarification but you know i i would assume that some people are better at drilling themselves than other people i think you're right all right so you so you see you so you've just gotten your dick back, but you're playing Call of Duty, and you've gotten a lot better. Yeah, I have gotten a lot better.

Well, I'm a naturally, this is a game where, you know, you have to go out and kill people. And I'm a natural-born leader, I'm an alpha male, and I'm learning. I'm learning. You know, I'll never be as good as these nerds that I that you've progressed so much you know my kd my what the kill death that's your rage you know it was really bad at first but i've been inching it up so i was like at 0.20 which was really bad apparently i'm up to 0.65 now that's you know which is still you know if you're a huge nerd you still think oh that guy sucks but you know i'm trying i'm trying but i i am waiting for the day you consider yourself nerdy at all or no no i'm a complete badass but but you think you're a weirdo yeah i'm a weird i'm definitely a badass weirdo yeah i'm

a badass i'm a weirdo maybe a little mister but not a nerd oh we can get into it later but you dominate people in the courtroom i do dominate people in the courtroom i am i bring this intense energy into the court is that what you like about uh is that your favorite part about being a lawyer is the opportunity there's no favorite yeah i guess there's no favorite part about being a lawyer you don't like being learned i absolutely do not i actually started doing comedy right when i became a lawyer and i've never uh you know i'm good at it but i don't like it it's just uh the way it's structured is is not good um the only thing i do like about it is i I do, I mostly do.

Defending people you care about. Yeah, I defend people. So it's either criminal defense, you're defending people against the government, prosecutors, or help people against big corporations and stuff like that. So I like getting in that fight. Yeah, you love to mix it up but i don't i don't love being a lawyer i don't i don't what's your favorite courtroom moment you've had uh we were in trial once and the prosecutor was like the so i don't do a lot of trials you know i'm mostly doing comedy and And I'll get a trial.

Here, what's in that? But so my first trial, it was a few years ago. The prosecutor was like this young gun. And it was like their star little prosecutor. And he was really confident. And he thought he could talk to everybody very smoothly and this, this, and that. And I was sort of just in there, just sort of like a Mike Cinaigre like you know i i know what i'm doing but what the prosecutor doesn't know is that for the past five or six years i've been in a shitty dive bar every night trying to convince drunk people to

listen to me and this guy does a trial once every six months and he thinks he's a smooth talker well now i have this jury and they're hostage to me they can't imagine like a comedy audience and they can't leave they can't walk up and leave from you so i have these 12 people you love that yeah and they're locked in and i'm every time the prosecutor would speak i would go up behind after speak after him and i would sort of just make fun of him and then they would laugh and they would laugh at him and sort of like we were just i was sort of just just making fun of him every time about what he said. And I would.

So can you give an example? So he would go up and he would go like he think he's being really smart. He'd be like, the defense is going to say this and the defense is going to say that. And then I'd go up and I'd sort of walk really slowly. And I'd put my hands up like this. Although this this guy is a genius. He knew exactly what I was going to say. Well, you know what because it's i'm just use my facial expressions and stuff like that that you would

you know you know this is kind of stuff that's gonna make people laugh if you have to make them laugh in a bar or something like that where they're not paying attention to you um and the intensity in your eyes is remarkable. Now imagine that if you're a juror, you know, and it worked. Can you let us know when your next trial, I'd love to watch. Well, actually there's not really trials right now because of COVID, but yeah, I could, I don't really have a lot. Usually how it works with trials is there's not a lot of trials. And the reason there's not a lot of trials is most people either plea before trial,

and then when you do have a case that's good for trial, so you tell the prosecutor we're going to go to trial, they just cave. So you call their bluff, and then they go, okay, what do you want? And then the case will settle. So what advice would you give to someone who's been arrested? What would you tell someone

if they're in the process of getting arrested? Well, what kind of person? Is it just a white guy sure okay um well the first thing that this this applies to everybody and you say that because i was just making a joke there but it's sort of true but that cops are easier on white guys uh i don't know i don't know can you say that i don't know are they i don't know. Are they? I don't know. I would, yeah, probably a little bit. But, oh, you want me to tell my story about the DUI story? I do, I do. But let's get these guys off first.

So the first thing you need to know is that you have a constitutional right against self-incrimination. You guys familiar with the Fifth Amendment? Yes. You guys stoked on that? The right to plead the Fifth. Super stoked on it, bro. That means if a cop asks you a question, he's the government, you don't have to talk to him. And what that basically means is you don't have to engage in a conversation with him.

So, for example, when a cop pulls you over, the only thing you have to do is give him your license and registration insurance. Those things. But he's going to start talking to you. And he's going to ask you questions because he wants to get you in a conversation. And the reason he wants to get you in a conversation sometimes is because he wants to get you to tell you stuff. But you don't have to get into a conversation with him. So one of the common ones is you go, you know, where are you coming from? And they go, oh, well, you know, it's just coming from a restaurant. Oh, did you have anything to drink at the rest and you know so they're sort of building evidence there but you don't have to speak to them uh you don't have to engage in any conversation with them

now if they pull you over even yeah the question now the question is you have to give them your license and registration you don't have to get in a conversation you don't have to say anything to them um and uh the the issue now is you know well sometimes when you don't want to talk to them then they become dicks and then what are they gonna the so the the hard part is well if you invoke your your rights then are they just gonna they receive that as hostile yeah and then are they just gonna arrest you for worse? They receive that as hostile. Yeah, and then are they just going to arrest you for bullshit reasons because you're pissing them off? Or are they going to treat you harsher if you're pissing them off as if you would have just talked to them?

So there's no real clear answer to that, and so that's why we just, you know, usually the advice is just don't talk to them. I mean, if he's pulling you over for speeding and you haven't, you know, you're 100% sober and stuff like that, you shouldn't be drinking and driving anyways or anything like that. Yeah, but you don't even... Yeah.

On Saturday for Chad's birthday, you wouldn't have a beer because you're like, I'm driving, I want to be perfect. I don't even... Even though if I had a beer, I'd know I'd be under the limit. I just don't even put myself in that position. But that segues naturally really well into the story. You have a great... Well, yeah uh you have a great well yeah you have a very interesting story about oh you want me to tell the lapd story yeah okay so you remember

the you remember uh the the place is a boring culture uh the sobori cultura the it was a coffee shop you do comedy there nice so i was there um it's just a coffee shop people do comedy there nice pronounce so i was there um it's just a coffee shop people do comedy on like a friday night a bunch of nerds there i go in there i bring the alpha male energy into there nobody likes it bomb oh you don't know how much i've i've sacrificed myself you do have very confrontational yeah my dad loved it yeah i love it too i think it's that is true it is an open mic audience will just be like what the fuck is going on no no no but you got sometimes you got to do that just to get their attention oh yeah so um went there i think i had a uh if if i was there i would

get a uh you know it's a coffee shop so you buy something usually so i probably had like a green tea um but anyways i don't i don't mix alcohol or anything when i'm driving or anything like that so i i'm heading home after that uh i used to live on you guys remember i used to live on fairfax and sunset which is sort of by you know sort of by the right we lived uh yeah yeah when we lived when we lived on the opposite blocks so you know that street um i didn't have a parking spot so i would have to park on the street when you get home on a like a um friday on a friday night at 9 p.m there's no parking because everybody's parking there to go to the bars and stuff like that so i was circling the block a couple times and um there happened to

be a checkpoint on the corner where the bank of America is on Sunset and Fairfax. And JT, eyes up here, I'm telling a story. Okay, so I need a complete audience because I'm too insecure, so I need you to listen to me when I'm talking. I got you, kid. I'm with you, dude. Okay, so there's a checkpoint. Now, I don't voluntarily go into checkpoints.

I don't go look for checkpoints. But if there's a checkpoint and I have to go through it, I'm happy to go through it. Because I do a lot of DUI laws and I'm generally curious about it. And now I'm circling the block and I have to go through this checkpoint. And now I'm circling the block and I have to go through this checkpoint. My normal experience in checkpoints is nothing because usually I just go in and then they they either don't stop you or they do stop you. It's just all right. Just move on. Right. Have you guys been through? Yeah. OK. There's a law, the Constitution.

So the Supreme Court made a law or a ruling that sort of says that checkpoints have to be neutral. And what that means is that you can't set up a DUI checkpoint and then stop whoever you want. The stops have to be on a neutral basis. So that would be something like we're going to stop every three cars, right? You can't be like, oh, you come and then I'm going to pick that guy and that guy. It has to be, does that make sense? Like a neutral reason. So every three cars or every other car or every fifth car has to be something like that.

So I go through. I get stopped. It's an LAPD checkpoint. The officer is like the prototypical, like if you were casting a movie for a douchebag police officer, he was bald. He had a mustache, you know, like six foot two, just a angry white cop. And so if you take into consideration what I was saying earlier about like you don't have to talk to him and stuff like that, just keep that in the back of your mind. So and at this time I was driving a pretty beat up like it was like a 2000 Mercedes. So, you know, I remember that if I'm Persian, if anybody other Persian saw me driving such an old Mercedes, I would be kicked out of the Persian club. It was pretty beat up.

I didn't look like some like rich, fancy lawyer or anything like that. So I go through the cop gets to my window. And I think the first thing he starts, he starts to engage in that conversation, right? And I think he asked for my name. I'm trying to remember this. But I think he thinks I think he's all what's your name or something like that. Right. And you don't have to tell him your name. Now, if he says, give me your license and registration and stuff like give it you give it to him. But the conversation what's your name is not a question that you have to answer. And since I'm 100% sober, when he asked me that, I say, you know what, officer, I would just like to respectfully move through the checkpoint.

And he said, he sort of does this thing, you know, when some people are pissed off, where he sort of turned around and gathers his thoughts like he's pissed off. And then he says the dumbest thing I've ever. He says, like, can I call you Steve? Then I said, sure, you can call me Steve. And then he says the dumbest thing i've ever he says like can i call you steve then i said sure you can call me steve and then he stops and then he turns around because now he's even more pissed off yeah um and then i think he asked for um my id and stuff like that or something like that and then he uh gets his light out to sort of shine it in my eyes. Now, I have done the same training as officers have for field sobriety tests. So I have the same certification. I did the same course that they did to conduct field sobriety tests. So he starts shining the light in my eyes. It's called a horizontal gaze nystagmus test. And it's where they you know put the finger in front of your eyes and

go back and forth not the most scientifically accurate test when i was trained you're not even supposed to do it when the person's in the car they're supposed to be standing up so whatever so as he starts to shine his light towards my eyes i close my eyes and i turn it away from him and i tell him you know what officer i don't consent to this test. Like, do I have to do this test? And he goes, yeah, you have to do this test. And I think, which you don't. You don't have to do any field sobriety test. You don't have to do it.

And the way he was doing it wouldn't have been proper. So I think at that point, he got really pissed off. And he said, get out of the car. Like you want to basically, basically the, you want to do this the hard way shit. And he says, get out of the car. So as I'm about to get out of the car, he's not even there anymore. He's stormed off to the sidewalk. So I get out of my car.

Um, my car was still running in the middle of the checkpoint. When I get out, I can't even see that officer. There's another officer. And I say, Hey, do you want me to go pull my car to the side or something like that? He's, oh, no, no, just leave it there. So that'll be important later. So I leave my phone in my car. Car's in the middle of checkpoint. I go to the sidewalk. Then he starts. Now, again, if you are following procedure and you're an officer, how you're trained to look at DUIs, the first thing is

that the purpose of the checkpoint is to see if people are drunk driving, right? Well, when he, that first initial conversation with me, um, even though I told him I would like to move through the checkpoint, he had to let me go through there because he didn't have any cause to think I was under the influence. Now, if I was talking to him, he said, oh, I smell alcohol coming from your breath. Or if you got into a conversation with me and I said I had two beers or something like that, it was coming from a bar. None of that happened. The reason he wanted me to get out of the car is because he was pissed off at me.

So that's the first thing where he did everything wrong. Now, the second thing is another DUI thing you're supposed to do is when, when you get out of the car, the officer is trained to observe you get out of the car because he wants to see, are you stumbling when you get out of the car, things like that. But the officer is already on the side of the sidewalk.

So it's already clear that he doesn't know what he's just doing this because he wants to fuck with me and you're not supposed to do that. So even if I'm sort of not giving him my name, he's supposed to be a grown-up here, and he has a gun, and he's a law enforcement officer. He's supposed to put his fucking big boy pants on. I think I heard somebody say that this week.

And just let me go through the checkpoint if he doesn't think I'm drunk. Just what are you doing? So I go to the sidewalk, and I meet him on the sidewalk. And he's basically giving me the speech. Are you going to cooperate with me? Do what I want? And you have to do these tests and blah, blah, blah.

I'm all, do I have to do these tests, the field sobriety test? And then a little other officer next to their checks says something like, yeah, you have to do whatever he says. So he's basically giving me the, you have to do whatever I say speech. And then I, so I don't know, I don't know the time frame of this, but when I was talking to him, I look at, I can see my car in the middle of the checkpoint and I see a flashlight in my car. So the other officer is searching my car. He's like, clearly he's not just, you know, my car's in the middle of the checkpoint.

If you want to go pull it to the side, whatever. He's searching through my car. What do you think he's doing in my car? He's rifling through my car to see if he can find like a bag of weed or something that they can detain me for. Completely illegal. Yeah, no, you have to ask for consent for that kind of stuff. But it's like, he's just in the middle of the street.

I could see the flashlight going up in my car and I start yelling. I go, why is that guy in my car? Get him out of my car. I didn't have consent to do the car and to search my car. And then and then he like peels out. He gets in my car. I guess he's like, oh, shit. And he peels out my car and puts it on the side of the road.

So that was a really weird thing, too too where they're just doing whatever they want and then the other the officer keeps like you know giving me this bullshit about how you have to do whatever i tell you to do when i know um i haven't told him yet but i know that you don't have to do a field sobriety test are you jacked up with adrenaline right now like are you like super hyped right now or during that during no i mean during that it was sort of i was sort of weirded out because you know um you know i'm still not i'm still you know they can still do whatever they want i was just more like sort of just like what the fuck are you doing you know were you trying to test their limits or were you just trying no i was just i i was i was like i was just constantly surprised how he kept like escalating the situation so this wasn't like me going into the checkpoint and be

like all right i'm gonna go in this checkpoint and i'm gonna do a b and c and i'm gonna get the officer to do this right and you know my prior experience in the checkpoints is i never even it was never even an issue but you weren't okay so you know what he should have done is just let me through the checkpoint that's what the officer's supposed to do but you weren't you weren't, okay. So, you know, what he should have done is just let me through the checkpoint. That's what the officer is supposed to do. But you weren't testing him. I wasn't test, you know, I wasn't testing him. You didn't have a result in mind, but you were seeing if he would overextend at certain points. No, because that wasn't, no, because the intent of me going, I'm not going to do the test, is not to see, oh, will he keep going?

Right. I was constantly surprised that he just kept escalating it. He could have stopped it at any point. Okay, so they peel your car out. So, they peel my car out, whatever, and then it gets to a point where I'm going back and forth

with this officer, and I said, are you sure I have to do that test? And then I sort of said something like, well, wait a minute. I actually know a DUI attorney who knows the answer to that. And I went, wait a minute. I'm an attorney. I'm a DUI attorney, and I know you don't have to do this.

Why are you telling me that I have to do these field sobriety tests? I know that you don't have to do these tests. And then he starts going, and he doesn't have a response to it. You know, and this is before normal people can't just do this, you know? Yeah. And especially I'm in a checkpoint surrounding by a whole, a lot of other officers. But imagine if I was just like a young kid, you know, alone with this police officer and he's just spraying all this bullshit. They're not going to have the confidence and nor would I even suggest for them to, you know, invoke their rights like this because who knows what that officer is going

to do. Um, and, and then I start going, you know what, you are doing everything wrong. You didn't, um, you, you know, you don't think I'm drunk. I'm clearly speaking much better than you right now. You had no reason to get me out of the car. And basically all of that stuff and I'm like, am I right? Am I right? And then I'm like, so I'm free to leave, aren't I? And he's like, okay.

So I'm all fucking fine. And so I start walking towards my car. What I didn't know is he still had my license with him. So I start walking towards my car. What I didn't know is he still had my license with him. So I start walking towards my car. And I guess the supervisor sort of heard what was going on. So the supervisor of the checkpoint. And he's a more like calm mannered guy.

And he's all, hey, what's going on? And I start talking to him. I say, hey, man, you know, I'm completely sober. You know, I'm actually a DUI attorney. What the hell is going on in this checkpoint? Like this guy, you're searching my car. You're doing this, this, and that. And he's all, well, you know, trying to make excuses for him.

The fucking officer comes. He has my license. He comes. He hears me talking to his supervisor. That pisses him off even more. And he fucking gets in my face and he starts just, he flipped out. Now, I'm good at getting people to flip out, but he starts just, he flipped out. Now, I'm good at getting people to flip out, but I wasn't

like, he freaked out. So he got in my face and started screaming, like, he flipped the fuck out. He flipped out. So, again, if I was some kid in Compton, and this officer's alone with me, he would have beat the shit out of

me or he would have, he's trying to escalate it,, he would have beat the shit out of me or he would have... He's trying to escalate it where he would have at least arrested me for resisting arrest. That's what he's trying to do. He's trying to provoke you. The guy snapped right in front of his supervisor. And then me and his supervisor sat there. What the fuck's going on? And then so he removed the officer, took him to the other side of the checkpoint.

And then the supervisor gave me a tour of the checkpoint. made him give you a tour right yeah well i know he was sort yeah but he was i was sort of like what the fuck is going on here and he's trying to oh no we do this this is what we do he's explaining to me well every car and then so but then the supervisor starts making excuses for him and going well he's just having a bad day and you know sometimes when he arrests a woman he gives the coat off his back to her and saying all this stupid shit and all right and then at the end of it the other officer searching my car comes up and he hands me my phone he's like what my phone was in the middle of the car why did he hand me my why did he take my phone out of the car so he was rifling through my phone he, my phone was in the middle of the car. Why did he take my phone out of the car?

So he was rifling through my phone. He took my phone out of the car. You can't do any of this shit. When he picked me up the next day, we went to play golf, and we're driving, and Kevin's staring straight at me and goes, I alpha mailed this guy last night. So this is the thing. All right, this happened to me, whatever. But if right this happened to me whatever but if this just happened

to me you know what do you think he's going to do like let's take away the dui part and checkpoint part i mean what if he's just investigating some other crime or something like that so i was concerned and so i i wrote down everything that i remembered immediately when I got home. And I made a very thorough report about what I experienced. And I went down to the LAPD investigations unit, I filed a complaint against it, him. And obviously, the LAPD or any law enforcement agency is probably not going to really take into consideration what you say to them. And what that's what they did. So I got after like six months or something, I got a from the the commissioner or whatever and basically they're basically in nice words saying that i'm a liar so none of this happened we interviewed them and they said none of

this happened which is fine whatever i didn't expect i expected that from them but what did happen was really funny um so when you make a complaint against a police officer even though the police agency won't do anything about it which is a huge issue with what's going on and maybe you know some people disagree about the protests or whatever but a huge issue is there's no real accountability is it goes in their file and if somebody is arrested by this police officer and they say this officer did similar stuff to them, their lawyer can file a motion. It's called a pitches motion. And they can discover any complaints made about this police officer.

So you remember that prosecutor I told you about? That one? The talkative, confident one? Yeah. So I get a call a few months later from a public defender. And she says, hey, I have a case here. And this guy, our client is complaining about this officer abused him or whatever. And we got a hold of your complaint against him. And we wanted to know if you wanted to testify against this officer in trial.

Because I would be testifying. This is my experience with him. And I said, yeah. And she was in the courthouse that i had just had my trial and i said who's the prosecutor in this and it's that fucking guy oh my god this is gonna be hilarious it's like your two enemies are together yeah but this is gonna be hilarious because the prosecutor's gonna be in this trial and then they're gonna call the next witness and i'm gonna be the witness and this prosecutor's gonna freak the fuck out but i it never ended up i don't know

they probably resolved it after that but it was funny but yeah in the movie version there's the scene yeah what so that's that's that's amazing so then to bring it back a little bit what is bagging so bagging is when you um you your 3d character in a video game, theoretically, they don't show that they have nuts, but we assume that they have nuts, and it's when you sort of teabag the guy on top of him after you kill him or own him. The best instance of when to do bagging is in Call of Duty when you down someone

because then your opponent is still alive and they're still watching the screen and they see you you just dominated them and you're about to dominate them even more because they're down they can't do anything and you're just t-bagging them until they die that's our favorite move and i i don't want to be like overly confident but i'm pretty sure we're the top baggers in the video games like we're not the best players but nobody bags like we bag nobody focuses nobody's as creative um as us with the bagging yeah you had a really brilliant idea that that chad was describing to me for kind of like what a peak quad bag would be no no what we're trying to do now is we're trying to create a

situation where we'll bag each other. So it's sort of like a bag orgy. So we'll go inside of a house and just start bagging each other when we know somebody's hunting us. When they have a bounty. And so what's the answer? Is everyone on the same floor? Well, we haven't done it. We haven't had four people.

It's only been me and Chad so far. We're trying to get you and Strider on board. But yeah, our ideal situation would be so the guys walk into the house they see me and chad bagging and you guys don't even fight back no no no so it's it's it's the it's the bottom floor of the house right they break in expecting us to shoot at them but what did it where they see they see me lying down and kevin just bagging me in the face yeah and so our what we would want is for it to be sort of awkward. But the problem we're having is right when they come in the house,

they just kill you before you can get the full bag. They never appreciate the bag. But our ideal goal would be they would walk in, they would see us bagging, get weirded out, then kill us, and then go upstairs and then just encounter more bagging upstairs. And Strider and I are bagging upstairs. Right. And they just have this image in their head for the rest of their gaming lives.

Yeah, it's undoubtedly going to be the weirdest thing they've ever experienced. I mean, it's a lofty goal, but we never say never. We're positive and we're stoked for it. Yeah. Nice. And basically, I mean, after hearing that story about the LAPD, for it yeah nice and basically i mean after hearing that story about the lapd you've been you've been kind of bagging people in your legal career through you know you're just you're alpha maleness and wrestling you're big into domination yeah i like dominating people

yeah it was uh physically and mentally yeah thank you is that a compliment no yeah yeah i mean well because i first showed kevin bagging in Halo when lockdown first started. I was wondering who showed who. So, this is the story. Bagging was always within us. And I think when I played Halo a long time ago in college, bagging was a thing. And then me and Chad started playing Halo. And then he's all, all dude let's bag this guy

and i'm all bag this guy oh my and then we started doing the of course back why haven't we been bagging the whole time so he he like he dug down into my like soul yeah because i lost that part of me no i don't think it was that far gone and then ever since then it's just bagging i mean you took to it so deeply i mean i get texts from him every day bag question mark yeah that's that's sort of our language the language uh we're talking about loads a little more now but i wanted to get into that because because even though you're an alpha male badass you're vulnerable about your a little more now, but I wanted to get into that. Cause, cause even though you're an alpha male, badass, you're vulnerable about your,

your load. I'm an honest badass. With your, with your jizz loads, you're concerned that they're not as a, it's not a viscosity issue. It's a quantity issue, right?

You're not, you're worried. You're not blowing big loads. Yeah. It's not a viscosity issue or a potency issue. I don't even know if the potency is an issue. What I've noticed in my life, and I don't know if some people can relate to me is that and i i don't know i wasn't measuring my loads when i was

a little younger but i believe my loads have gotten smaller now i'm not talking about you know obviously if you drill yourself five times and then your load the next day is not going to be blanks is it yeah you're not gonna i'm talking about just a normal so we'd have to have a control you know like hey don't drill yourself for two days or drill yourself once today and then what's your load just draw yourself once that you said i'm saying if we're going to get scientific about it i think my load size has decreased. And not only has it decreased, but my range, so the, what would you call it? The velocity, what's the physics term?

How fast it shoots out? The inertia? Yes. Not the inertia, the velocity. Velocity is speed and direction, yeah. Yeah, has also decreased. You think your load has inertia? So, well, it might have,

but that's not the correct term. We've fucked up your flow all right so the velocity of your loads it definitely doesn't go as far i mean sometimes it goes pretty far but it has to be like the right like i i'm pretty sure that when you're super young well not super young but you know 21 or something 18 21 you know i'm pretty sure these things were fuck firing yeah you say nostalgic lust yeah you know and i don't know it could be that my load we've fired out again let me see that just would you would you like shoot things like you know i didn't but now i'm i'm you're just making me regret that i didn't do that because i didn't know this was going to happen jenny you know how to get right to where he wants to go i understand kevin deeply you know he loves he loves

he loves nut sacks and loads yeah i do i mean i've i've sometimes i get fixated on on things and right now i'm fixing i get fixated on like words and stuff and I'm fixated on loads right now. Loads. Loads. One of my favorite words for sure. Do you, do you worry? So you're so into domination.

Then you mentioned potency. If you have a son, which I'm sure you will, do you worry? What if he's not a dominator? I accept anybody's path, you know, I'd actually admire that if he's not an alpha male,

if he's can sort of, you know, maybe bring admire that if he's not an alpha male, if he can sort of maybe bring out that side of me because I'm such a badass and I could use a little more humility. A little gentleness. Yeah, yeah. So I'd be fine with that. How did you and Joe become friends? You guys are great friends.

How did you guys get connected? Comedians. But what was it like when you guys first got to know each other? I'd be curious what those conversations sounded like. comedians and but was there like what was it like when you guys first got to know each other i'd be curious what those conversations sounded like uh i'm trying to think of what our conversations would be like there i mean first of all i don't really have that deep of conversations with people beyond like loads and joe doesn't really have deep conversations with people so i think that's sort of

where it goes and just sandwich time, the bears are doing pretty good. Is that a pretty good Joe? Yeah, I like that. He's like a combination of like Gilbert Godfrey and like a bear. I had a sandwich. It was delicious. Yeah, I'm not putting mayo on this sandwich. Yeah, I'm not going to do that that and you guys are dresden guys though

that's dresden guy i think can you explain what a dresden guy is so a dresden guy so for example i'll explain what a dresden guy and yeah so a dresden guy is there's this uh there's this bar famous bar swingers shot some of their scenes yeah so swingers they went to it in that movie swingers so it's a very cool bar it's sort of like you're in the 60s there's a couple called marty and elaine and they play standards on their thing and it's just a really and they're both very old and kind of bad what do you mean bad like they're not conventionally good musicians i would disagree with that well you know more about music. I knew you were going to go there. They're great. They're good at what

they do, and the vibe is perfect. So they'll play standards, but in their own way. So Elaine has a keyboard. Marty's on the drums. They'll be singing. So you'll tell them to sing a Sinatra song, and they'll sing it in their own way. And then around about midnight, some Sinatra singer will come in,

and they'll back him and he'll sing you know fly me to the moon you know that's kind of stuff and so what we do is we go to the dresden we get a booth you can get a booth in there and we just hang out there the whole night just taking the vibes you wear suits yeah the manager always comes up to us and he says well i like your guys's style we wear suits and we just have a good time there um do you think a dresden night affects your load like do you think you have a bigger load after you've worn a suit and listen to frank sinatra i think so i mean we have to try it out then you know and next time it you know it opens up but uh you know it's definitely a big load, big load energy. Even though if we don't have big loads, it's a big load energy.

You know, JT's not a Dresden guy. But we don't like, it's not a negative. It's not like an, he's, the problem with JT is that he doesn't conform. I mean, he doesn't want to wear a suit. And, you know, people don't want to wear, we have another friend who we invite him and he says, I'm not going to wear a suit. We say, okay, then don't come. I should wear a suit. But you're so pushy about it.

I get contrarian. Yeah. What if he wore like a tuxedo t-shirt? That's cool. I mean, just wear a suit. Chad's a problem solver. You just try to make stuff happen. Problems, semen, nuts.

Sometimes it's nice to just wear a suit. Sometimes it's nice to just wear a suit. Sometimes it's nice to just wear a suit. We call ourselves the Dresden. The Dresden guy is like me and Joe are Dresden guys, which means we don't mind wearing a suit, going in, just having a good time in that environment.

Now you've planned a trip for all of us for early January, and I think you want to do a lot of mushrooms. You're a big mushroom guy. I think that everybody should at least have to do mushrooms once in their life. Have you been interested in things like peyote and all that kind of stuff? You know what I would want? I want to go down to South America and get a shaman and do ayahuasca.

That would be pretty cool. Yeah. The thing that mushrooms do is they sort of break down your ego. So especially for somebody like me who's a total badass and alpha males everybody, when this thing, it basically strips down your ego

and basically says, hey, take a step back. You're a real piece of shit. Sometimes you're a puss. And then you go, oh, you don't fight it. You go, oh, okay. And you come out on the other side a little more compassionate every time, and I think it's nice. I think some people maybe in our – I think some people need it more than others.

I would be very interested if we got... Joe? Well, no, yeah, I mean, I think everybody should, but... Well, what do you... How was I going to say? Because you view mushrooms as a teacher. I remember when I told you I'd done some, immediately you're like

what did you what have you learned okay because the first part you're gonna have visuals right all the visuals and whatever that's cool but then the second part that's what i'm talking about the ego part so one your ego is broken down what are you learning like are you too much of a dick uh could you be nicer to people um are you doing this, this, and that? And then so that's the part where it sort of teaches you something, you know? And I guess it doesn't always happen, but... Well, I remember you did mushrooms recently, I believe in September. And you texted all of us saying that you loved us, which is rare from you.

Usually it's a text about your love. Well, I generally text everybody I love them when I'm on any... us which is uh which is rare from you you know usually it's a text about your well i generally text everybody i love them when i'm on any uh you told your wife you loved her for the first time on molly right yeah yeah yeah yeah i think so in vegas i'm a tough guy i'm a tough cookie to crack so you gotta you gotta get you gotta get deep in there you know well yeah and you you had a uh one of my favorite weddings too you had a wedding at caesars, and you had an Elvis impersonator. My big issue with weddings are the speeches. So you go to somebody's wedding, and their fucking dad...

I have to take an intense edible before any wedding just to get through these speeches. Because they're so bad at the speeches. Oh, you start off, and then the dad is like an accountant accountant and he'll get up there and he gets the mic and he talks for 30 minutes about them and you want to just kill yourself and i can't i can't handle this and as a stand-up comic it's oh yeah it's especially brutal and then you could continue through the wedding and now the best man has to give a speech and this is how sometimes it's it's bearable but mostly it sucks and it's just a whole thing of speeches and they're all the same speeches oh my god you guys are so perfect for each other then a bible verse and then like and it's awful so i planned my wedding my my wife didn't plan my wedding. I planned it.

And I made sure that it wasn't going to be boring and none of this shit would happen. So we didn't have vows. We had Elvis read us our shit. He did a song, put it in Vegas. Everybody has a good time in Vegas, right? You go there. It's like a vacation and then you happen to go to a wedding.

And then that's it right yeah and he told us all about the $20 sandwich tip $20 sandwich and it worked and you got a sweet out of it i got a sweet but you did it you did your sister's wedding and you you had a great you redid shallow right yeah i i i'm pretty good at weddings and i sang a song for them and it was what tip would you give to other people who have to give speeches at weddings so that they don't fall into this kind of cliche trap that you're talking about? First of all, know what your skills are. So if you're not funny, then you don't have to go up there and do a roast. Just keep it short and simple.

Keep it under three minutes. Just short and simple. Nobody wants a really long speech and every wedding is everybody said the same thing a hundred times right so unless you have like a funny story to tell you know maybe that a funny story like maybe about the groom or something i've seen it work but um it's usually just very very bland so i think they should just cut out most of the talking in the weddings and just get to the so i think they should just cut out most of the talking in the weddings and just get to the dancing i think they should just get to the dancing yeah no more

vows i i've never heard a vow that i i wanted to go i want to hear one of those again like who cares who cares your vow to them yeah you're getting married we understand it we're here to drink we spent a lot of money to come here i don't care i understand that you guys love each other you're getting married am i is that too harsh on weddings no no i mean i i i i've i've liked most of speeches at the weddings i've been to or for the most part but i might have been my friends are pretty good at it yeah okay and maybe because you have a personal connection with them or something you have a little uh more more of a soft side that might be what it is i just think the wedding should be more entertaining rest and less you know and a girl fireworks

oh that would be pretty cool but a woman a woman might think of this you know the girl planning her wedding might think of this a little differently. And this is the wedding and this is when we express our love to each other. What other bells and whistles can we add to spruce up your generic wedding? Oh. I've got one. Yeah. Zipline into the altar. That's cool.

That is. So I was at a wedding, my friend's wedding, and I thought of this while I was on edibles, like during the speech. But it was in a wooded area. friend's wedding and i thought of this while i was on edibles like during the speech but it was in a wooded area and i thought what if some guy they had some guy dress up as sasquatch and just be in the background and then you'd be watching the wedding and you go oh my god is that sasquatch and then that would be like oh my god this is a memorable experience like this is maybe i'm just different i even though we had a lot i like to fuck with people like that that'd be very even though we had a wedding i did not want this to be i didn't we didn't even have it

we didn't even talk in our wedding we didn't even make a speech we had joe made his joe made my best joe's was great right yeah well joe joe's was hilarious but i mean joe like had not only a speech he had had a sermon. It was like 40 minutes long, but it was funny. It was great. And Joe made out with a lady after the wedding, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Joe had a good time.

Joe had a good time. Everybody had a good time. Did that fire you up that everybody was having such a good time? Yeah, everybody had a good time. Joe made a speech, but then my wife's, her dad made a speech too. And he kept it short and simple. He made like one to two minutes. You know, that's it.

Did you ask him for permission to get married, to propose? No, I didn't ask for permission. Okay. That's not what an alpha male would do. I think it's sort of stupid because, you know, what if they say, like, I just, he wasn't going to say no. But I could imagine the scenario where like, okay, well, he wasn't going to say no, but I could imagine the scenario where he says no. Then am I just not getting married? So I think it's sort of like a stupid question to ask.

Because it's a false question. Yeah, it's a false question. And I think he was more concerned with me actually marrying his daughter than asking permission to marry his daughter. So I just didn't really feel that was necessary. he was more concerned with me actually marrying his daughter than asking permission to marry his daughter. So, uh, I just didn't really feel that it was necessary. Do you have a good connection with him? Yeah.

Relationship. Yeah. We get along. That's cool. That's fine. Uh, Chad, do you have anything else you want to ask him before we get into ads?

Uh, questions. Oh, do you have listener questions? Yeah. Ooh. Yeah. I don't know.

I mean, I just love talking about bagging so much, but I think we covered it. You think so? Well, I. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I just love talking about bagging so much, but I think we covered it. You think so? Well, I don't want to speed past it. I mean, this is like a vital part of... This has been our lives for six months. Maybe we have understated it a little bit.

Maybe the whole Call of Duty thing, I mean, I can't wait to get back to normal where I don't have to play video games, and I'm hoping that I'm not going to get back to normal where I don't have to play video games. And I'm hoping that I'm not going to be playing this anymore after it's done. But you know what you do? Since you have the headphones and you're talking to everybody, it's sort of like you're hanging out with everybody. You're just on your headphone.

So I think it's sort of nice. One last bag. That's Hamilton. I changed it to bag. Oh, I haven't seen that. That kind of makes me sad that once things go back to normal, you won't bag anymore. I feel like there will be some... Maybe we'll bag once in a while, like for memories.

Like a Sunday evening. Just a regular bag time for the boys. We could. I mean, never say never. But Chad, you weren't aware that Kevin was planning on not bagging anymore. Yeah, you kind of just broke my heart. Does that sort of upset you?

Okay, well, I'll keep some hope alive. I'll keep some hope alive. was planning on not bagging anymore. Yeah, you kind of just broke my heart. Does that sort of upset you? Yeah. Okay, well, I'll keep some hope alive. You know. All right. I'll keep some hope alive. It's okay. Do you think you'll be able to let go of bagging that easily? I mean, that's the question.

I'm saying this right now, but who knows? Maybe I'll be even more addicted and, you know, my whole life will, you know, crumble. Well, how does your wife feel about it? Oh, she hates it. I remember when we were playing one time and we were we were actively bagging and when we when we bag you know we could do sound effects like can you do the noises real quick oh yeah take that back take that back the funniest thing is she says like when chad bags if you close your eyes and listen you know

it sounds like a gay porn and if you listen to ch's voice, it's sort of, oh, yeah. Oh, it sounds very like two guys doing it. But I think that's even funnier. If you watch our bagging, so listeners, go watch the bagging videos, but close your eyes. And you can picture something else. And I think that's a very unique part of it, too. But what, you want to just do some bagging right now? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, taste it. We do the commander part at the beginning, like coming in the bag or whatever. Dropping in. Coming down hot. Ready to bag. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.. Yeah. Yeah., yeah., yeah. I think we covered., man. I think we covered. I think we covered. I think we covered. I think we covered. I think we covered. I think we covered. I think we covered. I think we covered. I think we covered. I think we covered. I think we covered. I think we covered. I think we covered it i think chad is that do we get it i think we got it that's a great that'll be a great transition into oh yeah no no but just one last like she

hates it she hates and we actually stopped bagging we stopped doing our bagging videos for like a month at least and then she she says uh so glad so glad you guys aren't doing that stupid bagging anymore and i'm all you're gonna regret those words that we just we've been bagging the last month non-stop someone was like kevin what is your wife thing about this and kevin's on the sticks, she knows who she married. I'm a bagger. We were bagging one time, and then you got a call on your phone. You put on speaker, and she's like, I'm working.

And what did you say? I said, I'm working, too. I'm working, too. Also brought to you by Manscaped. Manscaped, thank you so much for keeping our trims pubed for looking after our hogs yeah for making sure that our dongs are looking fresh and clean because if you want a fresh looking dong if you want to experiment like kevin did at the beginning of qt and go with like a full-on uh ball dong or you want to you know go with like more of the um you know uh especially if you have a small look you shape trim that down you've grown hell yeah um

sorry i'm just pulling out the copy okay here we go um uh so support for going deep comes from manscaped who is the best men's below the belt grooming manscape offers precision engineered tools for your family jewels jingle balls to the walls fellas listen up untrimmed pubes are a thing of the past it's time to gear up get yourself the gift of shaving this holiday season. I'm talking about the Manscaped Perfect Package 3.0. I mean, this has the Lawn Mower 3.0, the Crop Preserver, Ball Deodorant. You get those nice Lycra shorts. The Weed Whacker for your nose.

I mean, the Perfect Package 3.0 is the best holiday gift, and don't sleep on it. You should get it today. And the products smell good, guys. I mean, your manly scent is attractive and will help maintain the mood when you're into some lovemaking. What up? What up? So get your brothers, get your dads, get your dogs the best gift of the century, which is the perfect package 3.0 for this holiday season.

Use code GODIP20 at Manscaped.com. Get 20% off and free shipping with the code GODIP20 at Manscaped.com. GODIP20 at Manscaped.com. dot com get 20 off and free shipping with the code go deep 20 man's get dot com go deep 20 man's gate dot com um and we also have with us here today some small dong rose which will be available soon it's a rose for the man without shame and that's and that's our own product this is not uh somebody else it's it's chad and my in mind my face on it so check it out guys it looks pretty cool and i'm sure it's i haven't gotten a chance to taste it yet but i bet it's gonna be good yeah and it's gonna be available soon drink it with your lady appreciate your small dong together awesome yeah and then

all our shirts and stuff small dong shirt whatever chagosd.com shopcgd.com there we go all right let's get into some questions. What's up, my dogs? Basically, I used to rage super hard in high school and at the beginning of college. However, now I want to focus more on my future health and happiness, and I'm doing very well at getting after that. But whenever I hang out with my friends and they start to rage, I don't really want to drink, and I'd rather get after it sober. But at this point, it is so expected of me to black out by 9 p.m. and spend the rest of the streaking down the freeway climbing flagpoles peeing in mailboxes and such i don't know how to tell my friends i just don't like doing that anymore without sounding like an absolute re-nob i still like to have fun

and obviously i do so but without alcohol or weed i just don't know how my friends will accept this new me let me know what you stoke lords think thanks boys peace out and fuck puuzio. Shout out Hog Squad. You know who you are. Dude, I think with these situations when you want to be sober and you're worried about the social implications of that, I think you realize that people don't really care as much as you think they will. If you want to maintain a level of sobriety, if you want to live, you know, the sober life, you know, your friends will come to respect you for it.

And they'll probably be a little bit jealous because you're building up your life in such a positive, meaningful way. Yeah, dude, I never get, like, I'm always, if one of my friends is giving up alcohol or weed i'm like oh that's badass yeah i get kind of amped and it's nice having a sober person around you don't want everybody to be too effed up it's nice to have a person who's got it together so yeah i'm with chad i wouldn't worry about it man i think everybody's gonna be amped

but we don't know this friend group so if that that doesn't work, I think he needs to take the power back. And since he says his friends are all blacking out, right? He needs to assert himself and draw a dick on his friends when they're passed out. You know, with a Sharpie? Yeah. Do you ever get that? Oh, yeah. They drew a dick on you? So if they don't accept him, then he needs to assert himself onto them, and then they'll gain more respect for him.

And make them submit into accepting him for who he is but i like your plan first just be with uh you know maybe they'll accept him for it i like that i like that too all right so dudes new listener of the pod here so far i haven't heard any questions from women but y'all are some really solid stoked dudes and the exact kind i need advice from so here goes i met bro through work, vendor client kind of sitch and got a crush. Turns out we're on the same turns. Turns out we're the same age and went to the same out of state college, but how,

and, and have a lot in common, good convo, et cetera. Eventually we started texting and then suddenly we're talking all day long, having hour long FaceTime calls a night, flirting, et cetera.

After two weeks of this, I find out he has a girlfriend. So when he texted me next, I just said, I know you have a girlfriend. What we've been doing isn't fair to her or to me, so I'm bowing out of this situation. His response was satisfactory, but didn't leave me very stoked. We're still working on this

project together, so it's a little awkward, but as a chick, I can tell you guys this. They always come back. It may be a few weeks or months from now, but eventually he'll try to talk to me again and address this situation. So I'm wondering what you guys think of this whole thing. I'm trying to figure out if he's horrible shit bad guy who i should never give the time of day again or if you guys think he could be chill but got carried away if you think his feelings for me were even real or just douche behavior look i think you did the

the right thing i think your response was pretty spot on um and uh and yeah i do think he's a douche and i do think he'll be back, but I think you just have to, uh, keep him at distance because as long as he's got a girlfriend, he's, you know, it's, it just won't work and it's, and he's being a douche. So, and even if he doesn't, I don't know if you want to trust a guy like that. So I don't know. I know it's hard not to think about people once you've had that kind of intimacy with them, but just suffer through it and get to the other side and just find a better guy.

I like that. I agree. He's going to, you know, I want to wait for him because once he gets with you, even if he's broken up with that girlfriend, he's just going to do the same thing to you. So you need to. I have an idea for something she can do, which I think you'll like. Draw a dick on her? Draw a dick on him.

That's one option. Also, invite him to play Halo. Betray him, which means you kill him. Friendly fire. And bag him. Bag him, yeah. Nice. Okay, here we go.

Boom, clap, Stokers. What up, Chad and JT? Impossible. What up to the relationship guru, Strider? And maybe if we're lucky, to the legend Uncle Joe. I'm not going to beat around the bush here, fellas. This email may be a lengthy one, but the boys and I are in desperate need of advice from the Council of Stoke right now. It's actually not that long.

So recently, one of my buddies and his girlfriend broke up. And we figured the situation would be awkward because my buddy and I have a solid squad of around six to eight bros. The ex-girlfriend had a good squad of chicks, and we were all pretty close. We later come to find out that the awkwardness was the least of our concerns. One of our boys has been hanging out with the ex-girlfriend much a good squad of chicks and we were all pretty close. We later come to find out that the awkwardness was the least of our concerns. One of our boys has been hanging out with the ex-girlfriend much more than he used to. This act alone may not seem like it requires a call to action, but this is not the first time we have noted this kind of behavior from the

defendant. We're all sophomores and juniors in college and have noticed similar stunts being pulled since freshman year of high school. Altogether, we counted five women that he has tried to hang out, hook up with immediately after a breakup. The defendant is not a schmole by any means, but this is some unquestionable schmole behavior.

What do you guys think would be the best way to go about bringing it up to this guy and ultimately stopping? We don't want to make an enemy here, but we need to let him know that swooping in on vulnerable babes is definitely not the move. Your wisdom is much appreciated, and the boys and I would love to see more streaking in the name of Stoke. Peace. I have a question. Did one of his friends recently break up with her?

Yeah. He says every time they break up with somebody, he's hanging out trying to get the scraps, basically. Is that it? Yeah, he swoops in on his friend's actions. It's a pattern. It's a pattern. Five.

Five. That's a lot. Yeah, I would agree he's not a schmole, because a schmole wouldn't do that kind of thing. A schmole fucks with you, but this seems like a more disturbing pattern. Yeah, as the kind of's not a schmole, because a schmole wouldn't do that kind of things to, you know, a schmole fucks with you, but this seems like a more disturbing pattern. Yeah, as the kind of king of the schmoles, I think your judgment is tough. I don't think he's a schmole, because a schmole wouldn't do that to his friends.

You know, a schmole will slap you in the nuts for a good laugh, but to go after your heart like that, you know. That's not, that's not and if he's doing this one are we sure he's just waiting till they break up or is he sort of working himself in while they're oh when he's drunk he's definitely saying something like you know i think about you right oh god you know i think you have a bigger problem than a small problem here that's the expert opinion here i think i think with guys like this it's confronting them almost doesn't work because people like this who who don't have honor will, will play the victim. And I'm really just projecting in the personal situations I've been through

with guys like this. The thing that really happens is you kind of stay friends with them, but you just naturally drift. And, and over time, they kind of fall out of the inner circle because that's just, you don't want to have a close, like we all, all three of us like complete trust on that stuff. And you have to have that baseline trust with the people you're closest to. So I think...

I don't know how you do this really, but when I would look at them, I'd just be like, Hey, we're friends for now, but in five years, I'll maybe go to your wedding. Yeah. With one of our friend's exes. I'll throw out a legal term here, but it seems like it says modus operandi oh yeah so i mean if it was just a one-time thing like there was a very famous story i guess we're going with george harrison eric clapton yeah leila leila okay so george i know about music yeah was married to i mean you've heard music before but you haven't shown any competency and okay so so i mean if it's like a one-time situation

where eric clapton is having heroin overdoses because he's so in love with this woman and at that point he takes her from george harrison but george harrison's like i don't like her that much so this you're obviously in love with her whatever but it doesn't sound like this is a situation where it's just like one girl and he's so in love with her, so obsessed with her, that he has to go even though he broke up with her. It seems like he's doing this every time. He's just sort of like a vulture, like an ex-girlfriend vulture trying to pick up the scraps.

I think you need to boke him. Do we have a boke vote? Or have a conversation? I don't know. I think he's boke worthy. I think he definitely is deserving of a nut sack in the face. Yeah. I think with a lot of these a nut sack in the face. Yeah. I think with a lot of these questions,

the obvious answer is bag him. Right now. It might be worth an instant boat. Has he developed a written? So is he just hitting on these girls or has he been successful? I don't think we know that yet, but I, I mean,

but I don't know if it makes a difference. Right. If he's putting that energy. Yeah. It's suspect. He, you know, he needs to work on himself.

He's probably super insecure. Yeah. And horny. Horny. And yeah, he needs to just make him do a tough rudder or something. I think we would need more info. I've had friends that are sort of, when they get drunk, they get creepy sort of girls. Right.

But is this guy, like, actively, like, asking these girls out on dates and trying to, like, go get coffee with them? I think so. And stuff like, yeah, if it's that, it's like. That's a Boke word. That's Boke. Yeah, I think it's Boke worthy. I think.

He doesn't have the temporary insanity defense. At least he's a, at least he should be subject to a Boke trial. And he needs to have a chance to defend himself. Maybe you could adjudicate it. Yeah, maybe I could administer that, adjudicate it. We need to pull his text messages, everything. We need to get those girls on the stand. We need to know if they've smashed. Oh, you want to get into the details?

We need to know what's happened. Is this guy just like, oh, shit, I'm stupid, man. I just texted them. or is he like you know pursuing them it seems like he just he he makes the attempt at each time but he never really uh from the information he never really hooks up with him yeah we don't know probably just because he's he's not there i don't know it's one of the more toxic parts of like male dynamics when a guy feels like because one of his friends hooked up with a girl that he now is like some guys like once they see their friend hook up with a girl they're like oh then i can hook up with her it's like that's

what makes them think it's like a green line you're like dude you need to just not think about what other people are doing and just go go find your own pathways um all right last question working on mental health what's up chad jt aaron and strider and any other respected guests am i respected guests you're king schmoll baby thank you the schmoll daddy the badass how you guys doing huge fan of the pod thank you for keeping it through the pdemic sorry if this is a lengthy email just feel like i need some advice recently my girlfriend broke up with me because she doesn't want to be in a relationship at the moment although she's been hooking up with her ex-boyfriend and honestly it's been affecting my mental health

i'm cool if they're living that single life but it's majorly affected my stoke levels personally i'm finding it hard to feel happy and i honestly hate myself right now and i don't know why it feels like no one wants to talk to me which is making it hard to get back in the game and talk to some new girls i live in the uk so the weather is pretty bad at the moment so i can't skate and they recently closed the gyms again for the foreseeable future because of the virus which is a huge bummer because that was something that was keeping my stoke up. Would love to hear some advice from two knowledgeable bros that I can trust on how to enjoy my company again. Thank you, dudes.

P.S. I manscaped today. Well, hey, dude, that was a big step, manscaping. Across the sea. Taking care of yourself. Dude, I'm really sorry to hear about your ex-girlfriend. That will definitely mess with your head. And then you got the quarantine on top of it, so you're kind of stuck

with your thoughts a little bit more than usual and dude yeah that sucks shit does suck but bro you will get through this you got to lift at home you need to be hitting those push-ups and burpees at home get a pull-up bar get some kind of weight thing at home whatever you can afford get some dumbbells step up the drilling beating, be messaging other girls on hinge and then, and then dedicate yourself to some more, um, just some more self soothing, uh, paths, you know, like read, get a book, finish that book. It can be about anything. Just read a book and then, uh, and then just have one good friend that you can talk to

when you're feeling sad. Yeah. She, this, it doesn't sound like it makes sense in the moment, but this should be more freeing to you. She made a decision. And I know it sucks that the decision is that she wants to bang her ex-boyfriend and she broke up with you. But it should be freeing to you to know that you don't have to waste any more time with her. So, right now you shouldn't be concerned about going and meeting, I know you want to, but this don't have to waste any more time with her. So nice. Right now you shouldn't be concerned about going and me, I know you want to, but this isn't normal times. Um, and everybody

has to be at home. So yeah, step up the drilling, you know, entertain yourself like you can work out at home. Um, but, um, she has made her choice and that should be the, the, that should be the most clear thing for you. Um, so I would avoid, even if she tries to come back with you, just like that other caller. She has made her choice, so just move on. There's plenty of fish in the sea. Was that a good? Yeah. That was my English accent.

Are you doing Liverpool? Liverpool. Are you in the Beatles, are you? That's the only thing I can do. Eric Clapton stole my wife. I like Eric Clapton. He's a good mate. When I try to do more English of an accent, though, I turn into Australian.

My accents slip all the time. Good eye, mate. Do Russian. Hello. How are you doing? You must break up with this woman. She is not for you, my friend. See, it changed. I just went to it. The election was stolen. It's rigged. All right.

But like you said, there are more fish in the sea, my friend. There's some beautiful fish out there. There's marlins. Bada bing, bada boom. There's big narwhals. What if you catch a narwhal? Go to the store. Get yourself some gabagool.

Get yourself a pie. Eat it. Well, he's in England. Watch The Sopranos. Yeah, watch The Sanos yeah get yourself get yourself some bangers and mash some fish and chips drill yourself to a nice sadie's porn and move on with your life nice chad what do you think uh yeah this this exact same thing happened to me in college and i uh i literally started lifting after it um but i know that gyms are closed so i would just

do body weight exercises you know look at at the 300 Spartan body weight exercise, uh, program and just start, you know, build. I just use, you know, it's sucked in the moment, but I just use it as fuel, uh, to become an even, uh, a bigger badass than I've ever been. Yeah. And just to dominate in life so that she'd ever been. Yeah, and stop it. And just to dominate in life so that she'd be like, oh, wow, I really regret going back with my ex-boyfriend over Chad that one time.

And I'm like, yeah. And now you don't get a piece of this anymore. And I find it kind of weird that he knows that, I don't know if he's looking on Instagram or something, but whatever, i hope she didn't just text him and say shut down those channels whatever wherever you're getting this boyfriend yeah so i know it's hard but maybe just uh block her on instagram and so you can just focus on you know there's plenty of other people to look at on instagram to drill yourself too

totally um all right let's get into the next part chad who's your beef of the week uh my beef of the week is with my trap, my trapezius muscle. It just keeps flaring up. And I think it flares up when I'm not properly hydrated. But, you know, I was on the assault bike today just really going hard, getting after it, working my body out, you know, just trying to get, just trying to, you know just trying to get just trying to you know test the limits and then my trap tweaks itself and now it's kind of hard to move my neck fully and um in terms of all the muscles in my body it's it's definitely uh i have the biggest beef with my trap on the right side.

And so, yeah, I just want to say, like, you know, relax, dude. Nice, dude. Sorry about that. But you got the Theragun. Yeah, that's going to be my legend. Oh, sorry. Kevin, what's your beef of the week? I think my beef of May week is my desired. This past week has been sort of stressful.

Nobody's getting a lot of sleep. And I forgot I haven't drilled myself enough. So my beef is with myself and not remembering to just drill yourself, get that stress off your body, out into the ether, know get the anger load flush it down the toilet aaron what's your beef of the week uh my beef of the week is with uh people online telling us to be nice to trump voters uh because they lost and they need to be bagged uh metaphorically and physically nice my beef of the week i got two beefs my first one is with the movie irresistible They need to be bagged metaphorically and physically. Nice. My Beef of the Week, I got two beefs.

My first one is with the movie Irresistible, Jon Stewart's movie. I watched it while on a weekend trip with my GF. I think Jon Stewart's just at a point where he's just obviously not taking feedback from anybody. He just rolled with the first- Is it on HBO? It's on VOD. He rolled with the first version of the script that he had. And it's just got too many twists and turns. Steve Carell, as always, is miscast.

He's been miscast in everything he's ever done since The Office. Like he's at his best when he's just playing a like idiot who thinks he's not an idiot, like in Anchorman and in The Office. And in this movie, it just he just doesn't work as a slick talking like uh I don't know political insider I want to see McConaughey in that part I want to see someone who's who's got just a little more old-fashioned sexy charisma so Stuart I'm sorry that movie and you know what his comedy style is too didactic for anything other than like a direct talk show that's my take on on the legend awfully critical yeah critical and then my second beef of the week is with myself i was playing golf for my friend's

bachelor party and announced that he was expecting a child and the first thing i said was um oh when are you going to start to show and i realized i should have said hey congratulations man because the joke really bombed with everybody and as i pulled away in the car, I was like, I fucked that moment up. This is this weekend? Mm-hmm. Chad, who's your babe of the week? My babe of the week is Bradley Cooper. I don't know if I made my babe, but I just think he's a babe.

One of the all-time. I was going to say a legend, but he's my babe of the week. He's a babe. And I like hearing about his work ethic. You always hear about he calls his agent every morning at like 7 a.m. I'm like, that's what I'm talking about. He's a guy who stayed in the pocket. He worked hard. He got some bit roles roles but then he got

hangover you know and he was gonna quit acting before that but he stayed in the pocket and he achieved his goals and now he's pushing the limits getting into directing and he's always improving himself and also he's been sober for over 15 years which I

I like that too because I always have you know brush ups with sobriety. So I'm like, maybe I should be more like Bradley. I think you are a lot like him. Oh, dude, thank you. I think both of you guys have that thing where you're both grasping beyond your reach always. And I think that's inspiring to people. Oh, thanks, dude.

And because, yeah, when I saw Bradley Cooper in Wedding Crashers, I wasn't like, oh, that guy's going to direct like an Oscar caliber movie in like 15 years. It's going to rock everybody's socks off. Yeah. Kevin, who's your Babe of the Week? My Babe of the Week is the African-American women in this country, especially in Georgia and Michigan, who stepped up when we were acting like a bunch of re-nobs

and saved us from four more years of... I know some of your listeners aren't happy with that, but maybe we can get out of this insanity um in the next coming year or so and uh just not be at everybody's throats with uh just be bored with our uh politics sooner or later so those are my babes of the week you're an interesting guy i am an interesting guy thank you because you're like the most at people's throats person i've ever met I am an interesting guy, thank you. Because you're like the most at

people's throats person I've ever met. Yeah, but I mean the world's burning down. I mean we need just be grown-ups here. I'm just annoyed with everything. You feel civic responsibility deeply. I do feel civic responsibility deep i do i do feel

civic responsibility um i think you should vote and uh i think we should have yeah the listeners should know we tried to do a vote debate last week between joe and kevin it was kevin's idea and uh it turned into a screaming match so we had to uh remove no not even if it would have been funny if it was a screaming match it was just um it was just a disaster yeah i don't vote joe that's that's joe chiming in there we forgot to call him all right aaron what's who's your babe of the week uh my babe is along similar lines my babe i did not expect to ever say this but uh my babe of the week is philadelphia uh the people in philadelphia who i i did not think voted blue uh wow they did uh so uh thank you guys um i love your tv show

and um you know try not to punch any horses nice do they punch horses they did someone punched a horse when the when the eagles won the super bowl police horse someone ate a bunch of horses yeah yeah oh yeah i remember that we talked about it on the pod yeah that was awesome my baby of the week is a date i went on with my friend andrew when he moved to new york with me in like 2010 or something like that um he was like my we were like so close at the time and uh and i had never had a girlfriend so when he moved out there i was like i'm just gonna have like a girlfriend day with andrew we went to the moma museum we went to the top of the empire stapled and we held hands and walked around and listened to death cab for cuties i'll follow you into the

dark and then after that we went to get dinner at some uh like really interesting italian place that had like uh you know duck fat reductions or something and it was literally just one of the most beautiful days of my life and i thought about it because my girlfriend was like what was the best day of your life and that was like the first one that popped up into my head i was like just this amazing date with my buddy andrew who's just a great guy to go on a date like that with because he's down for anything he's always having a good time and he's endlessly curious and just full of energy so thank you andrew for that lovely day chad who's your legend of the week uh my legend of the week is the theragun

um so my gf got me a theragun for my birthday and uh as i said earlier my trap has been flaring up flaring up hard and uh now i have this theragun, which I think JT consulted her on a little bit, too. Thank you for that. Yeah, she was going to get a telescope or a Theragun. And I was like, I love the telescope, but I think he'll use the Theragun more. I'll use the Theragun, but I do have a telescope in my sights, too. But I think Theragun for this moment was much more useful. Because I have moments like today where my trap is flaring up and I just got to,

you know, Theragun it out. And I can actually show you guys what it is. If y'all know what I'm talking about. Go baby. Chad's going to get his Theragun right now, guys. Oh,

the thing that looks like he's got it. Yeah. Yeah. Does it look that much like a dildo? Yeah. I mean, that looks like some kind of dildo contraption, not a dildo, but a vibrator. Yeah, dude. I mean, can you imagine if there's a dildo yeah i mean that that looks like some kind of dildo contraption not a dildo but a vibrator yeah dude i mean can you imagine if there's a dildo

that would there i mean there could be a dildo that'd be pretty awesome i mean not for me oh wow that's nice uh kevin who's your legend of the week uh you know my dong i don't know my dong because it's gonna pull through this week you know what i was saying about my dong earlier you know it's gonna pull through what your load yeah my my load i guess i don't know i didn't get these um you guys didn't tell me we needed all this oh really yeah oh my bad so i'm just thinking these on the fly but yeah my load my dong my load just the whole package because i think it's gonna we're gonna make a comeback this week looking forward to it yeah and don't you think your load size is gonna increase you know

i'm not saying that having a small load as i'm i don't think it's a bad thing in my mind i'm just making the observation um that it is. So who knows? My load could be ten times as potent as your guys' load. Aaron, who's your legend of the week? He's been my legend before. Unfortunately, we lost him on Sunday. It's Alex Trebek.

I love that dude. He was one of the greatest game show hosts of all time, if not the greatest. He's been doing the job for 36 years. Um, yeah, just made, made being smart. Cool. My legend of the week is, uh, you know, we're all about inclusivity here and we've done a lot talking about small dongs.

You know, we got the small dong Rose right here and, and I, it was nice. I was doing an Instagram live yesterday and some young dudes told me that they felt they empowered by us to talk about having a small dong and it made them proud I was doing an Instagram Live yesterday, and some young dudes told me that they felt empowered by us to talk about having a small dong, and it made them proud of their small dong, and I'm proud to be a part of that because I want people to love themselves for who they are and to know that they can achieve any goals they have

regardless of what they're bestowed with below the waist. But there's someone or a group of people that have been left out of this conversation, and it's the other side of the conversation. It's the women with big vaginas with wide set, cozy vaginas. And that's how I want to, I want to talk about it as,

as a cozy vagina. Cause I think that adds a positive connotation. So ladies, I know, you know, sometimes it seems like we're so dude centric here and we're just talking about the dongs, but we're thinking about you guys too.

And anyone with a big vagina. I want you to know you have our support. We are here for you. We love your big vagina, and we're here to fight for you too. And we'll see you at the finish line where we're all accepted in this beautiful, pluralistic society that we're fighting for. So let's go. Let's go. I'm with you, big vaginas.

Nice. What's your quote of the week uh my quote of the week is from one of my favorite movies moneyball oh boy uh um let's see. Favorite. Absolutely love it. Aaron shredded it last week. It was one of the biggest shots across the bow we've ever had on the podcast. About a step away from an absolute declaration of war. We want you at first base. But I've always played catcher.

It's not that hard, Scott. Tell him, Wash. It's incredibly hard great part Kevin what's your quote of the week my quote of the week is it's by me it's you didn't ask me to get a quote of the week so I don't have a quote of the week it's my quote

that was great Aaron what's your quote of the week my quote of the week is it's just Alex Trebek again quote that was great yeah thank you aaron what's your quote of the week my quote of the week is uh uh it's just alex trebek again um someone asked you know if the show if hosting the show has expanded his knowledge he just basically said i've learned quite a bit but it's not like you know enough about the topics to lead a discussion in a cocktail party and that's true as much trivia as i know i'm still awkward AF that was nice

mine is a poem guys and so you'll have to bear with me it's called Good Bones by Maggie Smith I saw it in Mike Menendez's stories life is short though I keep this from my children life is short and I've shortened mine in a thousand delicious ill-advised ways a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways I'll keep from my children

the world is at least 50% terrible and that's a conservative estimate though I keep this from my children for The world is at least 50% terrible, and that's a conservative estimate, though I keep this from my children. For every bird, there is a stone thrown at a bird. For every loved child, a child broken, bagged, sunk in a lake. Life is short, and the world is at least half terrible. And for every kind stranger, there is one who would break you, though I keep this from my children.

I am trying to sell them the world. Any decent realtor walking you through a real shithole chirps on about good bones. This place could be beautiful, right? You could make this place beautiful. Nice. I like that poem because it said bags and bones in it. It's pretty nice. Chad, what's your phrase of the week for getting after it?

Bag him. No, no, no, no. He's down. Go for the bag that's it that's a useful revision yeah taste it that's yours yeah and then aaron um man i always have trouble with this one Man, I always have trouble with this one. Something from Trebek? What is? Sure.

I was talking to my super learned friend, Dan Collins, who's brilliant. And he was telling me about some novelists that he'd been reading. And I forget the guy's name, but there was an Australian novelist who only writes with one finger. And he was doing an interview about it. And he was like, I only writes with one finger and he was doing an interview about it he was like i only write with one finger so the aforementioned finger that's how he described it in the second part of the sentence i thought that was a lot of fun it was like to live in a world of that total pretentiousness that it just comes flowing out of you like that is uh obnoxious and delightful that's it all right loadmuel thank you so much for coming out yeah dude you were tremendous yeah

are we playing Call of Duty tonight uh what do you think bag and heart alright uh yeah Stokers thanks for listening

Aaron thanks for manning the the the freaking whatever you call them the buttons the ones the ones and. The ones and zeros. The ones and zeros.

Really ending it with a bang here. Yeah. See you later, Stokers. Get your small Don Rosé. Low Don. Thanks, Kevin. You were great. Oh, I know. Well, I could tell you were nervous at first,

but you shook it off. If you need advice Well, I could tell you were nervous at first, but you shook it off. Thank you.