Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 193 - Bobby Lee Joins

Episode Date: June 30, 2021

This week we've got Bobby Lee. He's super original and dynamic.  Sign up for new merch here: http://www.shopcgd.com​​​​​​​​​​ Sponsored by Manscaped: Get 20% Off and Free Ship...ping with the code GODEEP20 at Manscaped.com. If you wanna trim your pubes during a contagion

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Starting point is 00:00:00 What's up Stokers? Before we begin this podcast, I want to let you know that we are brought to you by the legends at Manscaped. Manscaped, thank you so much for keeping our trims pubed, for looking after our hogs, for making sure that our dongs are looking fresh and clean because summer's a coming. Are you ready to unwail your beach bod? You're in luck. Our friends at Manscaped just launched their fourth generation performance package which includes the Lawn Mower 4.0. You heard that right, 4.0 you heard that right 4.0 compliment your dad bought or six-pack with a trim from the leaders and male grooming the sun is shining and calling your name fellas join the two million men worldwide who trust manscape and get ready for hot guy summer
Starting point is 00:00:36 by going to manscape.com for 20 off plus free shipping with the code go deep 20. it's not that it's just that when you touch my skin earlier it was just like a little aggressive really a little bit because i just met you and i just no i'm just i'm sorry don't get angry but it's just like you know when i have people touch my skin it's just a little i didn't mean to violate your boundaries i was just trying to offer no but i'm okay with it though i was trying to console i just need to talk about it i'm okay with it, though. I was trying to console you. I just need to talk about it. I'm okay with it, but it was a little aggressive. I'm sorry. I won't do it again unless you ask. You know what?
Starting point is 00:01:28 Let me think. You're allowed to do it. Nice, dude. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Not you yet. Good. Let's go.
Starting point is 00:01:34 Can I get there? All right. You may never. Go ahead. Do you mind if we keep that part about touching in the podcast? I love it. Okay, cool. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:40 Thanks. All right. Cook up the bacon and slap me with the grease. What's up, Stokers of Stoke Nation? This is Chad Kroger coming in with the Going Deep with Chad JT podcast. Guys, oh, we don't have... I'll do the ads later. I'm here with my compadre, Jean Thomas. What up?
Starting point is 00:01:56 Boom clap, Stokers. And we're here with our guest, comic and just legend. I've been watching at the comic store forever, Bobby Lee. Welcome to the podcast. Namaste. I'd like to start off with... I'm sorry. I'm new here. You the Comedy Store forever. Bobby Lee, welcome to the podcast. Namaste. I'd like to start off with a... I'm sorry. I'm new here.
Starting point is 00:02:08 You're coming in hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm coming off a little hot. Bring the heat. No, I don't want to bring it. I just want to start with a little namaste. The floor is yours. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:02:14 And I want to also start off with a little bow. Okay. If you may. Do you want us to participate as well or just you? Let me just do it real quick and just see how I feel about it. Okay. Okay. So, you don't have to do it back.
Starting point is 00:02:26 Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Because you don't know how to do it. No. No. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:29 I totally forgot. You don't just nod your head down like that. Right. Right. No. Don't do it. Oh, right. Right.
Starting point is 00:02:34 Sorry. I told you not to do it. You didn't. Because you told us how to do it. I thought I picked it up. No. No. No.
Starting point is 00:02:40 I said don't do it. So, I'm going to do it again. Yeah. And don't move your head at all. All right. All right. I'll just accept it. Yeah. And don't move your head at all. All right. All right. I'll just accept it. Yeah, just accept it.
Starting point is 00:02:46 I'll receive it. Namaste. Namaste. Namaste. Namaste. Yeah, thank you. That felt good. Yeah, and also-
Starting point is 00:02:54 That really felt good. Thank you. We should do that on every podcast. Yeah, that was good. Well, you know who did it to me was Steven Seagal one time. Wow. Yeah, yeah. I've been crushing his movies.
Starting point is 00:03:03 They're the best. Yeah? Yeah. You wouldn't have a crush on the man, though,'t think i heard he's a bad guy he's not a bad guy he just says namaste a lot all right i don't like it it's right yeah you can be like he feel like he if every other word is namaste it's weird where are you hanging i'm steven namaste hello how are you namaste it's like go fuck yourself he doesn't mean it he doesn't mean it yeah you know i mean what i just did there. Real. Did you feel it?
Starting point is 00:03:25 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You generally don't hang out with guys like you because you don't have an upper lip. I don't have an upper lip? No, no, no. It's very thin. Is it? Yeah, and it's not proportional.
Starting point is 00:03:35 It's not proportional. And so when I was watching- It might just be the way I'm making my face. Hold on. Excuse me? What about now? Oh, that's good. More, right?
Starting point is 00:03:40 You should do that more, though. But you don't do the- You do this, and then it's like, it doesn't look good. Well, because I'm taking in all of you. So I think it's just my face is processing. And JT also, we can do this now. We're touching. I also want to say this, that you have doughy eyes.
Starting point is 00:03:57 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Much like Billy Joel. Oh, nice. Yeah. And there is a vibe that I feel from it. What do you get from it? It's I want to hang out, right?
Starting point is 00:04:06 But I want to get too close. I want to get too close? I don't want to get too close. Oh, you don't want to get too close? No, because if I drink with you, I don't drink, but if I drink with you, I feel like something would happen. Like what? Like sexual?
Starting point is 00:04:16 Maybe. Kissing. You want to kiss? I wouldn't want to kiss, but I would think about it, I think. Nice. That sounds great. Yeah, but it's not, I'm not. But we wouldn't kiss, but we'd think about it.
Starting point is 00:04:24 And just thinking about it together, I think would be a really nice moment. But I would avoid your upper lip when we kissed. I think you're underestimating my upper lip. You think so? I don't know. I don't want to get defensive. Yeah. I think it's not bad.
Starting point is 00:04:35 Yeah. But it's not the best. It's not the best. No. Good. That is a hot take though, because I think of the two of us, JT's more open to sexually. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:44 But you give a weird vibe, too. Oh, I do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're stiff. Oh, I'm stiff? Yeah, yeah. Like, I feel like when you fuck. Can I say fuck?
Starting point is 00:04:53 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That you're like, you're just like, you know, like Groot. If Groot fucked. You think I fuck like Groot? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think if Groot fucked, you'd be like him. Okay.
Starting point is 00:05:06 Yeah, a little stiff. You know what I mean? Kind of like those trees in Lord of the Rings. Right, right, right. Yeah. But still. Ents. Ents.
Starting point is 00:05:15 Fuck yeah. You like those movies? They're pretty good. Yeah, yeah. The third one was a little long, but I like them. Where do you think they should cut it off? I think there was too many endings. You know what I mean? I'll tell you where I would cut it off i think there was too many endings you know where do you where do you i'll tell you where i'll tell you where i would cut it yeah give it to me
Starting point is 00:05:28 so there's that end scene where they're on gondor right all the shit happened bro right it went down and there's a like there's a little fiesta going up on on top of the fucking thing right on the level where the tree is right and then like coronation... Coronation. Excuse me? The coronation. Yeah, the coronation. I didn't know the word, but thank you so much. Yeah, I don't think we needed the coronation, but keep going.
Starting point is 00:05:50 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's that lovely tree and then all of a sudden something awkward happens. And what is that? When Strider starts singing. You have to admit that was awkward. Yeah, it's awkward.
Starting point is 00:05:59 Ah-sha-too-tay. And the language we don't even fucking know. Right? Ah-sha-too-mai. To-da-ka-don-no. Right? and the language we don't even fucking know right right and people are just going what the fuck is why is he singing this is weird right but we let it go because that's his vibe right
Starting point is 00:06:16 and then all of a sudden he does a little walk right everyone goes they wait you know they do the nod right and then he sees love tyler right and she does a little shy thing remember she goes like and he lowers it and then he fucking goes in strong bro big kiss yeah like all tongue bro right like walberg and fear right big kiss like a sixth grader for the first time you know yeah yeah or when you haven't kissed in a while and then you just really get in there
Starting point is 00:06:44 do the pucker again there we go i mean come on man so um then then what happens is they see the hobbits man and then they say you bow to no one then they right so they bow and then what does he say Strider I think he says you bow to no one you bow to no one and then what does everyone do
Starting point is 00:07:10 they all bow credits after that credits right that's where they should have ended it it keeps going yeah it goes it goes for another hour
Starting point is 00:07:18 that's my point is that's where you're right yeah yeah you did another thing I touched you again yeah yeah so um yeah so I think that's where it should have ended.
Starting point is 00:07:28 I'll tell you why. The books go even further. Excuse me? The books go even further. I don't give a fuck, bro. A book? I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck, dude.
Starting point is 00:07:36 I don't give a fuck because a book is a book, right? A film is a film. They have to be different. It's a different medium. I'm just saying it could have been longer. That's all I'm saying. Right. It could have been. Because they go all I'm saying. It could have been. PJ was trying to keep it shorter.
Starting point is 00:07:48 They go back to the Shire and Saruman's there and he's running the shit and it becomes like a union thing. David Mamet said you could lose the first 10 pages of every script in the last 10 pages. That would have been 100. But he does like for things to be a little more confusing. I'm sorry that you're late to the podcast, but man.
Starting point is 00:08:07 We're always late. That's kind of our vibe. Is that your vibe? Yeah. Can I just go back into why? Yeah, how does this relate to my fucking? Yeah, let's get back to Chaz. Okay, so I will.
Starting point is 00:08:17 I will, okay? Are you offended by that, by the way? No, no. Now I'm thinking, I'm like, how can I be looser? There's no way to do it. It's structural with you. Oh. Yeah, yeah. It's the way your body is made but i've been doing hot yoga i feel like it doesn't matter you're stiff as fuck damn yeah yeah it's it's okay because you're a good dude oh thanks and i'll tell you why wait i'll tell you why okay and why i'm here why the fuck
Starting point is 00:08:39 am i here that's the main question why the fuck why are you here because i enjoy soft whites right what is well why are we soft white because you guys are you can tell underneath it all you guys are good guys oh thanks man you're welcome and i follow atc on instagram right and say they keep fucking putting out your feed like snippets right and i was watching this something usually i just when i see you guys before i would be like i couldn't scroll fast just later yeah yeah i just you guys get the fuck out of here my face it's gross yeah no it's not gross i just didn't want to even bother to even absorb the information you didn't want more whites you were like i got it no i love whites what are you talking about i've been inside some sorry my best yeah yeah but but um shoot me i know but i was
Starting point is 00:09:33 watching at one i just kind of watched and um i realized that number one i was telling telling jt this that i i grew up in san diego i was born there. I grew up with guys like you. And I just kind of related to you guys on different levels. In terms of the way you talk, some of your mannerisms and sayings and whatnot. And just your natural vibe. And I think it's pure. And I think it's authentic. Thanks, man. Thank you, man.
Starting point is 00:10:01 I think that if I was surfing at Wind and Sea. Yeah, good spot. And some local was like, hey, dude dude you don't live around here get out of the water you guys would be on boogie boards going nah no jimmy let him stay you know like you would defend me yeah right i try yeah you would try right yeah i'm very cordial in the water you are oh yeah so if there if people if there was a local vibe where people were like do do they do that anymore, by the way? In some places, yeah. Right. You feel like, because I remember it feeling uncomfortable being in the water
Starting point is 00:10:31 because I wasn't from there. You know what I mean? And then sometimes, like, especially in places like Windensee, you know where that is? That's in La Jolla. Yeah, I've surfed there. Yeah, yeah. I have a friend, Jimmy, actually.
Starting point is 00:10:39 It's funny. My buddy Jimmy grew up surfing there. See how we're connected, bro? Yeah. And so I remember my brother and I, i one time we were boogie boarding there and some locals kicked us out of the water and then we go fuck you or something we're young yeah and they got out of the water come get us i remember my brother and i were in my dad's white van and we went into the van my dad had like tire irons in there and I was grabbing it thinking that we were going to go into war with like locals.
Starting point is 00:11:07 But those weren't you guys. Your types. No. It was the aggro types. I saw a huge melee breakout at Salt Creek. A bunch of kids got beat up who were from Buena Park. And they just got their asses rocked by a bunch of Orange County local like white kind of thug dudes. But then they came back a week later and brought like their whole crew with them.
Starting point is 00:11:24 Oh my God. And they just ran roughshod. Oh rough shit oh nice rough shit all over the white dudes it was cool are your pubes like your head like if i looked at your shit no don't please oh okay sorry my please don't i want it that's how you wanted to see i don't want to see no but are they that was too much no you could do whatever it's your show and you know what maybe in an hour from now i'd love to yeah you just don't open with them yeah are your pubes curly or are they straight like your hair mine are like my hair yeah my hair is pretty nice touch it it's conditioned and shit mine are uh barely touched it bro mine are wavy i have wavy you have wavy hair like the waves you ride exactly yeah yeah they've got there's some bleach too which i don't know how that happened because
Starting point is 00:12:03 i never i actually have been your pubes exposing my age somehow yeah i have been exposing my genitals to the sun more and more but how uh just go in my backyard and just you know you pull my pants oh you lay down and you and you sunbathe naked i've been doing i've been experimenting a little bit more yeah he's like a body hacker like he's trying to find ways to boost tea. Yeah. I don't know if you've ever exposed your nuts to the sun. Have you ever done that? I'll tell you why not. My nuts are wise.
Starting point is 00:12:33 Right. And they're like extra wrinkly. Yeah. If I compared wrinkle ratio with your nutsack, it'd be 10 times more wrinkly i have old man balls no but minor way wrinkler i believe bro i don't know dude yeah yeah but mines are minor wise like i said well i can tell you this the sun is the sun is a natural botox i i can after exposing i can tell you that i've had more you know it's more of a glossy shine to my sack it's like
Starting point is 00:13:01 nicole kidman's for yeah yeah yeah. Like Cate Blanchett's feet. Yeah. That's my goal. Yeah. She has nice feet. You know, I did a movie with them. The one with Jack Black? What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:13:14 The House of Lake Santa. No, it's Eli Roth just did a movie in Hungary. The guy that was on your podcast. And he did a movie called Borderlands. It's based on the video game, and it's starring Cate Blanchett, Jack Black, Kevin Hart,
Starting point is 00:13:35 Jamie Lee Curtis, Gina Gershon, Edgar Ramirez. I mean, the list goes on. I'm like 15th or 18th on the list. I can't even tell. Does that mean anything to you, or you don't care? Bro, I'm like 15th or 18th on the list I can't even tell does that mean anything to you or you don't care
Starting point is 00:13:45 bro I'm like you guys I'm a comics are different we're like door to door salesmen and it's also we feel like we're just a different medium right you remember open mics how difficult and grimy
Starting point is 00:14:01 and it's just it's hopeless almost. Yeah. I still do them. I still do them once in a while. Yeah, so me too. You don't still do them. How do you dare you?
Starting point is 00:14:12 I just, I haven't seen you at any of them. I don't do the ones you do, Chachi. Which ones are you doing? The ones I'm doing every Tuesday. Now I'm doing the Bray Improv. It's Bobby Lee's open mic. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:24 And I was going to invite you guys to do it, but I don't know now. You're going to rescind? No, I'll do it. So, yeah, I've been doing that. Anyway, I'll do it. But what's wrong? Oh, no, I love you. No, but so I love you.
Starting point is 00:14:38 So I was there, and it's almost as if I'm like a visitor. and it's almost as if I'm like a visitor. Like it's cool. I'm stoked that I get to participate in this kind of lifestyle, but I know that I don't truly belong. I belong with you people. Yeah, I feel that. Do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:14:56 But it's cool that sometimes we get to dabble in like, you know. That takes the pressure off a little bit too, right? Yeah, I like being a visitor. Can we tell kind of a crazy story? About who? it's about you and you might find it a bit embarrassing but i'll cut it for real if you don't want me to keep it in um we did an episode of hawaii 50 i wasn't in that no you were weren't you magnum pi oh magnum do you remember this story vaguely i don't remember the details let me just stop here here okay yeah it's fine okay but i was
Starting point is 00:15:27 never on magnum pi no you were sorry but it's like the same like production and you know a lot of the same people that is true all right i just heard a story that um because we did hawaii 50 and it was really fun but i heard when you did magnI., you got on camera for your first shot. You didn't know any of your lines. Yeah. And the director just came up and was like, Poppy, what's going on here? Yeah. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:15:55 You want to shame me, huh? No, I'm not trying to shame you. I thought it was a good story. No, it's not a good story. I'll tell you why. It was a traumatic experience for me. That's what I kind of wanted to get into the trauma of it, I guess. Okay. I'll tell you why. It was a traumatic experience for me. That's what I kind of wanted to get into the trauma. But OK.
Starting point is 00:16:06 The deal is this is, first of all, by the way, I did eight of them. Oh, OK. Right. So it's like who's killing the game in that arena? Papa is. Yeah. Right. So you come at me aggressively like you don't know your lines, but Papa did eight of them.
Starting point is 00:16:24 And yesterday I got a call saying, can you do three more? So that would be 11 at the end of the day. And also I just want to let you know also on top of it, I'm getting paid a little extra. You know what I mean, dog? Yeah. You know what I mean? It's a different vibe. No, of course.
Starting point is 00:16:41 But also on top of that, to myself is i they had a thick mustache on my face so the gag was they're gonna put a mustache over this mustache right so they put this thick adhesive on this mustache and then they put a thick ass mustache and it was also 105 degrees out there so i could feel the adhesive melt and go into my mouth. I had this chemical tasting thing. It was just the most uncomfortable thing, right? So I'm out there. And yes, it's not that I didn't know my lines.
Starting point is 00:17:17 It's just that I had so much going on that I couldn't get focused into it. Right. And I want to let you know dude that like i'm not you know what dude it wasn't traumatic it was a learning experience i thought it was like badass that you just were like rolled up and we're like hey i'll figure it out yeah and also i don't you know um you're they're gonna get it yeah yeah do you know what i'm saying jt i do i do yeah they're gonna get it yeah i. I'm not going to. I don't get one shot at bat and they're like, all right, well, you're done.
Starting point is 00:17:48 Fly back to LA. Yeah. You know what I mean? That particular day, I had a difficult time. But, you know, they got it. And then they wrote me nine other episodes. Yeah. So that's in your face, JT.
Starting point is 00:18:00 I take it. No, we only did one episode. They never had us back. The show got canceled. Not canceled. They ended it. They just kind of ended it. Yeah. Did you have fun doing it? It They never had us back. The show got canceled. Not canceled. They ended it. They just kind of ended it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:06 Did you have fun doing it? It was the best time ever. It was so fun. Yeah. I love the Hawaiian crew. Oh, they're the best. They're the best. Yeah, they are.
Starting point is 00:18:12 Yeah. Did you guys get nervous? Yeah, super nervous. First day of shooting, I was shaking. Oh, you were? Yeah. I was painfully nervous. Our first scene was weird.
Starting point is 00:18:21 We were getting lunch up. It was pretty minimal but yeah just we'd never been in such a big production where they you know everyone's kind of watching it in it oh yeah that was like it gets mentally um the psychological things going on you know i mean yeah yeah but did you take acting class like were you into acting classes or were you kind of just a comic you know and then you got an acting job and you sort of it just came naturally i'll take my glasses off they're gucci thank you yeah i like that i've been seeing that shade a little bit more i'm like maybe i should dabble i think you do yeah
Starting point is 00:18:59 and i think you can afford it now you're killing it so um that's a very interesting question that you just asked me um i did take a couple of meisner technique classes as a young guy how old are you guys 33 i'm 30 oh god babies yeah because at 30 is when i got mad tv so it's like that was the beginning of it all and i um so back then I took like Meisner technique classes and stuff. And at the end of the day, I just realized that it's just about listening and knowing what the scene's about. Yeah. And what your character's about. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:19:33 So it's like, you know, instead of memorizing words, you have to understand like why you're saying what you're saying, what your part is in the game. And just listening to the other, what they're saying and to react in a very authentic and um real way right and so for me it's like i don't really you know there are like well i remember one time i did a movie called the dictator and i had a scene with ben um ben kingsley whoa and i was so scared sir ben kingsley yeah so i was in new york and they're like it was like one of my first scenes, too. So they're like, are you in Panarop? And I'm just going, oh, no.
Starting point is 00:20:11 Right? And I remember just standing there like, I don't know my lines. And then I remember Ben Kingsley going, what's my line? Like, he didn't know. Right? So then I went, it relaxed me. I'm like, oh, it's not about perfection You know me it's about presence. It's about being present and also allowing yourself to make mistakes and
Starting point is 00:20:38 Yeah, that's it they all wear earpieces now too right that gives them their dialogue I Don't know. I hear some people like i know that brando did it for like godfather and stuff right like they had shit written on the sides and stuff like that um i know that i heard bruce willis has an earpiece some other people have earpieces but um no i i'd rather just be organically in the scene i i feel like that's sort of with wow that's a good touch um we're also touching oh wow are you a touchy person yeah well you have a problem with it no yeah because i was purposely doing this right here like this and i was wondering what you're
Starting point is 00:21:15 like you know i mean your limits were and your lip was almost i saw him smile a little do you find that guys don't touch enough? Bro. I don't know if I should say this. No, let it rip. I used to suck penises. Really? You did? Whose penises?
Starting point is 00:21:37 I can't get into it. I think I know this story. They're famous? No, not famous penises. No, no, no. Oh, okay. When I was younger. I think I know this story. Yeah, when I was younger.
Starting point is 00:21:51 Way younger. When I was like 12, you know i mean sure i just ended up just sucking people's penises i don't know why did you like it no i hated it but i've never had an issue with it like i never had shame over doing it right right it's i obviously i just said it out loud you know and the later in my life i realized i'm not gay you know how do you fuck oh like rabbit like are you quick like a rabbit yeah do you make do you grow do you like make noises i just and i'm just kind of because i never would you know just let me just i do the i always do shoulder okay i always grab the shoulders like this like hooks you know i mean yeah like barrel monkeys remember barrel monkeys no you don't remember the little guys yeah yeah and they and they kind of hook on into it i do that with like
Starting point is 00:22:33 a backpack but a frontal backpack you know i love this is when you're missionary missionary yeah fuck out babe yeah it's the best position it's a good one it's the best i don't know if it's the best it's a good eye contact and kisses it's a good one it's the best I don't know if it's the best but it's a good one eye contact and kisses it's a good one behind is good I'm not into it yeah yeah yeah it's more detached yeah I need a
Starting point is 00:22:53 but it's crazy I don't want to look at your doughy Billy Joel eyes though if I'm fucking you are you sure yeah because they're like really kind of like
Starting point is 00:22:59 untrustworthy really a little bit they're doughy but untrustworthy yeah and I probably want to look at your like quivering little bit. They're doughy, but untrustworthy. Yeah. And I probably want to look at your like quivering
Starting point is 00:23:06 upper thin lip. So your doughy eyes and your quivering upper thin lip. And as a girl, I'd be like, I wouldn't like it. But that's my own preference.
Starting point is 00:23:16 Are you a horny guy? No, my dick died. My dick dies all the time. I have boner problems constantly. Yeah, my dick died. Do you ever take like a... It doesn't work. Oh, it hasn't worked for me on rare occasion. Yeah, it doesn't work Do you ever take like a... That doesn't work. Oh, it hasn't worked for me on rare occasion.
Starting point is 00:23:27 Yeah, it doesn't work. Isn't that pretty crazy when it doesn't work? Yeah. Two or three? Yeah, and sometimes I'll rub it. It's a little hard on the ticker. And then I don't know why I lick my fingers, but I do. And then I'll just kind of rub it like it's like a thick clit.
Starting point is 00:23:39 Right? And it's nothing. I don't feel anything. Bobby. Yeah. You should sun your nuts, bro. What? You should sun your nuts.
Starting point is 00:23:50 You should sun your nuts. Sun your nuts. Whoa. When you... Let me say... Yeah, take it in. I won't take it in. You should sun your nuts is what you said and i have a very simple answer for you
Starting point is 00:24:10 no what makes you say no why not because i don't number one why that's always the question health benefit there's no there's no. What is it going to do? You know, I don't know. You're not a scientist. It might resurrect your hog. No, you're not Dr. Fauci, bro. You have no education when it comes to science. Did you read Fauci's emails? He said, son, you're nuts in the emails.
Starting point is 00:24:40 It's deep in there. The media doesn't want you to see that. I can tell you this. They dance in the sun. Your nutsacks dance in the sun they move oh because here's the deal dude tell us the fucking deal dude here's the deal dude right if i'm laying okay let's just say okay let's just let's play this out yeah okay get your feet out yeah yeah well oh you got nice feet dude oh don't, well. Oh, you got nice feet, dude. Bro, don't even, fuck it. You got model feet, bro.
Starting point is 00:25:06 No, no, no. So I'm laying down like this. Sorry, dog. I'm down like this, right? And I'm in the sun, I'm naked. And I'm like, see, I wonder if Chad, in my mind, I wonder if Chad is right. If your little socks dance in the sun.
Starting point is 00:25:22 And if I look right here, how do I get a view of them? Are you sitting Indian style like this and then pulling them up? No, I think you're more kind of half fetal, you know? So you're like this arms down, this aimed at it, aimed at it, you know? Yeah. And then you just look down and you you just yeah but could it be could it be your other like your leg tendons and muscles like it's a maria maria maria cat how do you say it marionette marionette right so maybe your
Starting point is 00:25:59 muscles are marionetting your nutsack i I think I would feel the nerves firing. You know? Yeah. That's interesting. So what you're saying is your sex, it's its own biological entity, right? And it's saying, unbeknownst to the rest of your body, wee, yay!
Starting point is 00:26:24 Yeah, I think from, you know, because I try to listen I try to listen you know you listen to your nuts yeah and they're sort of like they're like it's kind of like they're like school's out for the summer oh yeah and that song by the ataris the boys of summer comes on originally Don Henley
Starting point is 00:26:39 yeah Don Henley can you sing a little bit I don't know the song I can see you with your hair pulled back Can you sing a little bit? I don't know the song. I can see you. With your hair pulled back. I like that song. Right. And so you're like straight up like this, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:26:57 I can see you. With your hair pulled back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm not doing that. A black flag sticker on your Cadillac. I refuse to do it. Okay. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:11 So that's a pass. The new one's black flag. Well, let me, you know. No, I. If you do do it at some point in the future and your dong, you know, fires back up. Don't call it that, man. What do you call it? What? What do you call it?
Starting point is 00:27:22 Your dick? I'm very, I'm very, I'm very scientific about it. Penis? Penis. Penis. You say penis every time? Oh, that, man. What do you call it? What? What do you call it? I'm very scientific about it. Penis? Penis. You say penis every time? Oh, yeah, man. Respecting. Suck my penis.
Starting point is 00:27:32 I mentioned if you do. Suck it hard. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Only in the act, though. You don't say that prior. No one's in the room. I just say it out loud.
Starting point is 00:27:39 Oh, suck my penis. That's a good thing to say that. That'll get you fired. Do you talk to yourself when you're by yourself? All the time. I talk out loud to myself. I'm like i'm like let's go i'm like you're destined for this no i don't do that mine's negative oh really mine's like why the fuck did you do that why'd you say that oh i do that too fucking idiot man you should never go outside rehashing stuff from like mistakes like little like micro mistakes so many mistakes dude i do that i yeah like like when i was in hungary i had lunch with um all these those
Starting point is 00:28:07 actors are in the movie and and kate blanchett was just we're just in conversation and she just kind of did this to my arm wow and i just touched your arm yeah yeah yeah let's go touch my arm like you're at kate blanchett and just you know And I went like that. And then she kind of went, huh? Right? And then we kept talking. But then the whole time I'm like, why the fuck did you do that? But do we almost want to make those mistakes? Because it's kind of our process.
Starting point is 00:28:35 Like we feel good making those mistakes. Oh, you think we subconsciously make those mistakes? Yeah. Like we like digging ourselves out of a deficit. Yeah, but I don't think that's healthy, man. No, it's not. It's like self ourselves out of a deficit. Yeah, but I don't think that's healthy, man. No, it's not. It's like self-sabotage. I think that we, as comics, the reason why we're doing,
Starting point is 00:28:50 there's some sort of neediness or something that we lacked growing up or we're like trying to make up for something. But it's like at the end of the day, we should heal that part of ourselves and just know that, you you know what we do is it's just gonna sound gross but in many ways what we do is important to society yeah you know i mean like we've they've always had like court gestures back in the day the excalibur days you know i mean yeah we're the king you know that we we just served a purpose always you know in back in the day like in the excalibur days we might have not been in the court gesture but we would have been the local like play or the theater house or whatever right and we would have been
Starting point is 00:29:33 cast in the funny parts or whatever there's always and people want to see that people like we do it as you know you watch a movie right because we want to be entertained. I watched that show, Sweet Tooth. How was it? I love it. It's good? Pretty good show, right? And I just went, wow, this is creative. It was great acting.
Starting point is 00:29:55 You just want to be entertained and watch art, you know? Yeah. Do you get fans who will tell you? Did you paint your toenail, bro? We both did, yeah. Why? We were reviewing first dates. We got pedicures.
Starting point is 00:30:07 We got pedicures to see if it was a good first date idea. I think it is a pretty solid first date. But I do like it. I do like it. I go to jujitsu and I'm out there on the mat and I'm like, I got pink nails. I'm kind of like a man for all seasons. Oh, wow. They're still going strong.
Starting point is 00:30:19 Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, man. You're not into it? I feel like you would be. Why don't you come with us? I feel like you would paint your nails. Come with us? What, because I sucked penises when I was younger? No. No, it's got nothing to do with that, man. You're not into it? I feel like you would be. Why don't you come with us? I feel like you would paint your nails. What, because I sucked penises when I was younger?
Starting point is 00:30:27 No, it's got nothing to do with that, dude. Because you express yourself. I already forgot about that. Oh, you did? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To me, that's a drop in the bucket. Like, when I said that, did it weird you guys out a little bit or no?
Starting point is 00:30:35 Not at all. I think I already knew that about you. Dude, I'd love for you to try to weird us out. I don't know if you could. I can't because I could. I know I could. I don't think you could. Oh, I wonder.
Starting point is 00:30:44 I know he's right. I don't think you could. I don't because I could. I know I could. I don't think you could. I know that I could, but society has changed and the rules have changed and I will not. Because I could. Respect. Trust me, I could. Have you changed with society?
Starting point is 00:30:57 Do you feel like you've evolved? I think I have. I mean, it's been scary. I think I'm a better guy now because of all that stuff. Yeah, but it's also, you know, I've had some friends in trouble. Sure.
Starting point is 00:31:10 It's been very scary to watch that. What's that like for you? You've never had anybody that you knew that was canceled? I do know some people. Our friends aren't quite probably big enough to get canceled on like a uh on such a visible uh kind of way way yeah we know we have had acquaintances i guess you could right better way yeah we're probably all talking about the same people yeah maybe yeah so um what so what's the question what's that like when that goes down how yeah like yeah you know i i can't i don't want to get too you don't have
Starting point is 00:31:46 to go yeah yeah sorry just i'll do it sorry i'll let you go i mean why do you do that you're a pro i don't know i think i yeah it's that neediness no no no but listen cad yeah right i'm a fan of yours thanks dude that's so cool i really am I like what you guys do. Especially when you guys, I think it was you that I saw you in Orange County, I think a year ago, a long time ago. And you went to the city council and you wanted the Paul Walker statue. And then they were like, dude, that was you, right? Yeah. That was really funny. Oh, thank you.
Starting point is 00:32:22 Yeah, yeah. That is something I also want to talk about in a second so note paul walkers so um noted because i did i did send you guys a message saying hey is it a cool that i don't know who that guy is or whatever and you guys that's cool all right yeah okay don't be offended if you're gonna cry or whatever I mean I am about to cry okay okay so but it's all I don't know but we could discuss it and then maybe you could sway me okay maybe
Starting point is 00:32:52 I'll donate for to get the statue that'd be huge because we're doing it I don't know about the guy yet though I don't know anything about the guy so I'm not gonna give you money yet all right relax thank you thank you that was exciting, though. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:06 You know what freaked me out? Did you see my eyes? Yeah, yeah. I liked it. My upper lip, like, disappeared. Yeah, yeah, it quivered. I could barely see it, but I saw it. I'm good at a lip quiver.
Starting point is 00:33:14 Oh, yeah. You see that? I like it. You see that? Yeah, yeah. Whoa. You know what? You could have been Oliver Twist.
Starting point is 00:33:22 Really? Yeah, like an orphan. Dude, I think I'd be good at that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you look damaged, bro. I got a little damaged. No, there's something going on with you, your eyes. But we'll talk about that later.
Starting point is 00:33:32 My point, do you, right? There's something like real sad about him. No, I don't want to say real sad, but yeah. Super sad. I'm super stoked, but I'm super sad. I think I just like, I like extreme feelings. It's a pretty huge dichotomy. Yeah, it's a... That'sotomy yeah it's a this is face to me really yeah yeah people tell me i look like a handsome blobfish
Starting point is 00:33:52 little droopy yeah yeah yeah why is so anyway that's your genetics bro you should ask your parents but do you like it and what are you getting but do you think i'm just your phone was creating a little uh feedback or not feedback but uh you know you want to put it away or you just put on the couch you're good just because the zoom's right here aaron thanks for checking him dude bro bro sorry let me no i appreciate you doing it there's a way to do that i was just listening there's a way to do it i think he checked you with the appropriate amount of authority he could have done this
Starting point is 00:34:27 hey Bob do you mind cut for a second do you mind putting your phone on here he didn't do that this is what he did Bobby you can come after us
Starting point is 00:34:35 but you can't come after our people dude you can't come after our people my bad sorry my bad you're right we're fair game but you know
Starting point is 00:34:42 you go after family it's like let me and I take offense to that because... Tiger Belly. My podcast. Here we go. I wonder... Here we go.
Starting point is 00:34:55 I wonder where Tiger Belly... You know what I mean? Who our producers are. Right, so the ATC... It's not me. Hierarchy. But it's ATC, correct? The company that you work for?
Starting point is 00:35:05 Mm-hmm. Would you say that Tiger Belly is a part of the family? Oh, yeah. Right. Would you say that then I, because I'm the captain of that fucking ship,
Starting point is 00:35:14 don't you think that I would be a part of the fucking family as well? Bobby, can I tell you something? Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Captain of Tiger Belly, correct. Yeah, I'm not the captain. I never said I was the captain of ATC, all right?
Starting point is 00:35:24 What I'm saying is I'm the captain of a fleet of ships, right? Sure. No one's doubting that. Sorry, no one's doubting that. Chad? You all right? I want to hear it again. Am I too aggressive?
Starting point is 00:35:36 No, I like it, but I want to back. I'm going to take it in, yeah. What I'm saying is that we're a part of the same family, right? Yeah. So I'm not attacking you. It's like I'm attacking a cousin. Yeah. So that's the vibe.
Starting point is 00:35:47 So you're in the family. So you're allowed to... Yeah, so don't do whatever you're doing. What am I doing? You're getting done attacking, you know what I mean? People, you know what I mean? He's a part of my family as well,
Starting point is 00:35:55 is what I'm saying. Dude, you're right. You're right. I was trying to flex on you. No, you're right. You're not going to apologize? To you? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:03 Maybe we should all apologize to each other. Yeah, should we all apologize? Are you going to apologize? Chad you? Yeah. Maybe we should all apologize to each other. Yeah, should we all apologize? Are you going to apologize? Chad, good solution, dude. Yeah. Yeah, because I felt really boxed in there. You're right, you're right, you're right. You boxed me in there.
Starting point is 00:36:11 And we're aggressive, so let's apologize to each other. But I get aggressive too. I'll start with Aaron. Aaron, I'm sorry. Thank you. Bobby, I'm sorry. JT, I'm sorry. Chad, I'm sorry too.
Starting point is 00:36:22 Aaron, I'm sorry as well. Do it, JT. You know, bro. Bobby, I'm sorry. Chad, I'm sorry too. Aaron, I'm sorry as well. Do it, JT. You know, bro. Bobby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Thank you. Bro. Sorry, dog.
Starting point is 00:36:38 Thank you. I'm sorry no not yet not yet we'll do it at the end you're right you're right
Starting point is 00:36:50 you're right and it was see because it's different because I initiated so it felt like I was in it's better if you initiated I think
Starting point is 00:36:55 there you okay wait what were we talking about oh yeah it's cancelled so when right so when I dude you're electric
Starting point is 00:37:03 bro you're electric I'm dynamic you're dynamic bro do you feel like i'm dynamic that's kind of your calling have you always had a ton of energy yeah bro because we're hitting so many different directions yeah you know what i mean yeah that's why i like listening to you bro that was cool what you just did yeah you went into it i leaned in i like it i like you dude i like you too yeah i think we would have like a, too. Yeah, yeah. I think we would have like a... Can I finish my thought? Real quick.
Starting point is 00:37:26 I think we would have a combative relationship. Like we'd fight, but then we'd make up. And it'd be... It'd almost be like when you date like a really intense person. Yeah, you and I would have a combative relationship. Because I didn't... From what I see on the YouTube and from my Instagram feed, right? This is not what I would...
Starting point is 00:37:42 I gathered. I feel like you're being different toward me. No, no, this is my authentic self. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. Because I feel like you're... Can I just be honest with you?
Starting point is 00:37:52 Yeah. I know what you're going to say. No. At first, it seemed like you were Paul Simon. And you're Art Garfunkel. I am. No. I think you're Paul Simon. No. And you're Art Garfunkel. I am. No. I think you're Paul Simon.
Starting point is 00:38:07 No. And you're Art Garfunkel. No, you know what's cool about us is we switch. I think I'm Paul Simon and I think he's Steve Jobs. Oh. Two different... Just different worlds. Right, right.
Starting point is 00:38:21 That's interesting. Wait, so what happens when you're... The cancel thing it's i just i think i played it the wrong way let's just say that oh interesting yeah and i um hindsight's 2020 though hindsight's 2020 and it's also um it was there's a lot of bad feelings Oh, interesting. Yeah. And I... Hindsight's 20-20, though. Hindsight's 20-20. And it's also... It was scary.
Starting point is 00:38:48 There's a lot of bad feelings around. And at the end of the day, who will actually know the actual truth? It's like... It's like that Kurosawa movie. I forgot what it was called Rashomon Rashomon
Starting point is 00:39:07 where it was three different perspectives of one situation I think that's what's going on so it's like I don't know it's a difficult thing to wade do you think friendship and entertainment is more difficult than in other spheres?
Starting point is 00:39:21 100% right 100% because we're all we're all so vulnerable to losing what we've worked for and stuff. Yeah, but here's the deal, guys. I think my mind has shifted
Starting point is 00:39:33 and I'm no longer going to let jobs or money or opportunity and all those things dictate how I feel about myself. You know what I mean? Because for so long, I waited in line and I waited for these executives and these companies to green light me, right? And years would go by and I wouldn't get the affirmation from them. And it would literally dictate how I felt about myself.
Starting point is 00:40:00 And in the last couple of years, I've decided not to do that anymore. I'm Bobby Lee. There's no one else on planet Earth like me. myself and in the last couple of years i've decided not to do that anymore i'm bobby lee there's no one else on planet earth like me and i'm just gonna do what i do man and i'm gonna have fun and be free and if you want to hire me if you want to work with me like this it's like this is not gonna be coming on this podcast isn't gonna elevate my career in it and no offense but it's not going to change things for me or maybe not now but maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe right but right now i wanted to do this podcast right because i like you guys and i just want to
Starting point is 00:40:37 meet you guys and i want to be friends with you guys yeah that's awesome i want to be friends with you yeah you know that hurt that hurt so That hurt. So are you talking about in terms of being fearful of like, you know, how you're received and stuff with this sort of like, you know, combative kind of culture or just in general with your approach to the industry? Oh, I see. I think they're two different things. Yeah. oh i see i think they're two different things yeah um i think that um
Starting point is 00:41:19 at the end of the day it's like you're right i mean there is the trap of being on podcasts and editing myself because i don't want to get canceled or i i feel like i have this fear of losing what i have i think i was more talking about me being waiting my way through the business of hollywood and whatnot but the i think the ultimate goal and the ultimate freedom goal and the ultimate freedom is to not care about any of it to say whatever i want to say right and if i had that kind of freedom freedom that'd be nice but i don't think i would make money do you think do you think anyone really says whatever i do you do i think there's there's one guy that i see brian holtzman oh i know, I know him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's great. Holtzman, the reason why comics look at Holtzman, especially back in the day, because he would go up at, what, 1 in the morning, 1230 at night. Because here's a guy who will say whatever he wants to say, including saying really crazy racial slurs and you know
Starting point is 00:42:26 and the things he would talk about are just so like that's stuff that I would even necessarily believe in almost like wow that was fucked up but the reason why I would go in and listen to him is because here's a man who I feel like is super free
Starting point is 00:42:42 you know what I mean and it was so interesting to watch some guy just not give a fuck right i think there's a lot of guys now like that like i think um i think by joey diaz by moving out of la you know i mean i think there was a sense of freedom that he has but for me it's like i have such this is such bullshit and i fucking and i I don't like being like this, but I still want to do movies and I still want to do TV and I still want to, because I've just,
Starting point is 00:43:11 I had other dreams. Like I've done, I have a bunch of animation shit I'm working on right now. I have a Netflix one called Inside Job that's coming out. I was just in Wish Dragon,
Starting point is 00:43:20 which is a Netflix thing that I did with John Cho and all those guys. I have, I'm working with the Duplass Brothers, Mark and Jay.ay you know jordan peele wants to do something with me i just did this eli roth there's a lot of things i'm doing right that are outside of stand-up comedy and also podcasting right because i want to do it all but like i think ultimately that'd be great if i could just say whatever i want to say and behave and and not have any consequence and having the
Starting point is 00:43:44 consequences be what they may and be okay with it. Yeah. I don't think I'll ever get there. Do you, do you think you have to choose like one or the other? Like you can have your own pirate ship where you say whatever you want and you can amass an audience that way, or you can go the more traditional route and go through the kind of entertainment channels that are bigger than that sort of. And, but can you do both?
Starting point is 00:44:02 It seems like you're doing, I don't think you can do both. You got to pick one or the other. I think so. Right. Cause it seems like Tim Dillon i don't think you can do both you got to pick one or the other i think so right because it seems like tim dylan's almost like hey i'm just gonna do like my pirate ship and he's and he's like so culturally important it's like it seems like all my friends are always referencing him yeah but yeah yeah but you know i think that tim has dreams of being in movies and stuff like that as well. Oh. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I think that... But he seems like... He reads like he doesn't. I know, but...
Starting point is 00:44:28 We could talk about something off camera. Okay, cool. I'm privy to, but... I think that... Ultimately... I think a lot of guys tried to do the Hollywood thing and they just realized
Starting point is 00:44:41 it's not happening. It's not them. Right? So... Then they go the pirate ship route. I'm going to choose this route. Right. You know what I mean but for me it's i've always lived in both spaces yeah so it's difficult you know were you motivated by uh by women at all to be more successful i find myself grappling with that a lot later like that i think sometimes like not when i started comedy when i
Starting point is 00:45:01 started comedy i just wanted to be my authentic self and have people see that. But now I feel like sometimes I'm motivated by wanting girls to think I'm special or something like that. You mean girls in the business? No, just like women in general. Yeah. That's a hard one, man. Because at the end of the day, let's be honest, I'm an incel. Because at the end of the day, let's be honest, I'm an incel. I'm not good at winking.
Starting point is 00:45:30 I know either. And I have little eyes. It's hard. But not a lot of distance when you're Asian. To go, it's still hard. I felt it, though. Thank you. Like, I can't see peripherally.
Starting point is 00:45:44 I have little eyes. Peripherally? Well, you know what? Predators. Say what predators say it again peripherally that's how we say it predators don't have great peripheral vision they see the eyes are in the middle of their head and they see straight ahead prey have their eyes on top of their head so they can see wow all around anyway let's move on from that um well what when you when you first started a comic yeah no i want to get i want to address this okay you're right oh the eyes thing no the movie the women thing oh yeah right so initially when i started doing comedy i did it merely to meet women this is in the mid 90s i started in 1995 and like a weird asian dude in san diego it wasn't happening you know i mean we weren't the cream of the crop it wasn't happening for me in orange
Starting point is 00:46:33 county either right with women it was tough slut it was tough tough for me yeah it was tough yeah yeah and it's like either should i just shoot up a school or should i do stand up you know i mean there was like yeah it's tough choice yeah two different you would have been good at both but i think you picked the better one yeah yeah but like i was like no you know i'm a good guy you know i mean i am i'm a good guy i believe i cry during movies right so i'm gonna you know not lash out and be rageful toward women i'm gonna be a good stand-up and what happened was they came to me you know i mean like let me ask you something do you get girls now uh a little bit i guess i mean you're not dating anybody um i'm single right now i'm trying wait wait can i ask you some questions sure
Starting point is 00:47:21 when's the last time you got laid uh i don't know a couple weeks ago i guess well that's good yeah it's good for a dopey guy like you sometimes i have to right sometimes i have to win the game for guys like him sometimes i have to remind myself i'm like hey you're doing better than you were meant to yeah yeah yeah go ahead i think you made a good point that whenever you whenever you just focus on chicks all the time then that that everything else kind of uh or dudes yeah everything else kind of uh or dudes yeah everything else kind of deteriorate yeah or dudes yeah yeah uh kind of deteriorates and then you don't end up like what you're saying is when you develop when you just become good at what you want to do
Starting point is 00:47:53 then they come and that's the best it is a law of attraction i think there so it's like you you just go okay well i'm just gonna have them come to me because at the end of the day it's like you know do i look like Brad Pitt? No. No matter what I do with my body, that's not going to happen, right? So. Are you guys going to kiss? No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:48:17 I just wanted to do the puckering thing. But like, so what I did was I focused all my attention onto being good at one thing. for some and and they just came out of it i remember the first time it happened i was so before i was 23 i got nothing zero i mean i wasn't even in the game bro i thought maybe i'll just be a hermit you know i mean or just chop it off and so one day i was at the um i started at the la Jolla Comedy Store And I used to host on Saturday nights And this is when Princess Diana died Like two days after Princess Diana died
Starting point is 00:48:52 I did a show And there was a blonde Beautiful girl in the front row And she goes On stage I go, she looked sad so I go Are you okay? She goes yeah just Princess Diana And at the end of the show when we're walking out of the showroom I just kind of put my. So I go, are you okay? She goes, yeah, just Princess Diana.
Starting point is 00:49:09 And at the end of the show, when we're walking out of the showroom, I just kind of put my hand on her back, not in a sexual way. And I go, I hope everything's okay with you. I'm so sorry that you're feeling the way you're feeling. You know, how incels talk. And so I was, this is before cell phones. So I was mopping because you'd have to mop the club. Right. So I was mopping. It you'd have to mop the club. Right? So I was mopping.
Starting point is 00:49:26 It was like 1 in the morning or whatever. And Fred Burns, the manager of the club at the time, goes, Hey, kid! I go, yeah? Because that's how I used to talk. What's going on? You know, some girl's on the phone for you. So I go, why?
Starting point is 00:49:44 Am I in trouble? And I went and answered the phone it was that girl and she goes hey i just want to let you know it was really sweet that what you said about if i was going to be okay and i go oh that's cool she goes here's my number let's hang out two days later i was in oceanside in her mom's bedroom because she was out of town or whatever and we were in her closet and we were 60 90 do you like 69 that's one of my favorite i love it you love it i love it yeah you talk about it a lot i do love it yeah yeah it's the best it's weird at first i did my first my first you know full-on sexual experience straight i don't know what it was but I think in my soul
Starting point is 00:50:28 I felt like you should ask her 69 and we did. Yeah but what I do is I do 69 where I'm on top. Which makes it a little weird. Our buddy Joe says it's like dropping the flagpole and the pin. You know Joe Maurici right?
Starting point is 00:50:43 Joe Maurici. Door guy at the store. Hilarious. Yeah, he's opened for me before. Is it tough to aim? What? When you're doing the 60 on top, is it tough to aim your penis? Yeah, because mine's a little small. It's not that
Starting point is 00:51:01 I'm aiming. Imagine fly fishing. That's what she's like trying to, you know what I mean? Grab it in the air. Yeah. Like a fish.
Starting point is 00:51:12 You okay? Just adjusting. Okay. I'm perfect. We have good energy right now, I think. I think it's great, dude. Do you think this is going well? I think it's going really well.
Starting point is 00:51:20 I think it's old friends getting together around a campfire after like a cool surf trip. Right? Do you think it's going well? Yeah, I think it's going real well I think it's old friends getting together around a campfire after like a cool surf trip right do you think it's going well yeah I think it's going really well good yeah
Starting point is 00:51:28 well I love talking about 69ing so it's good for me you like it huh yeah yeah yeah do you think being motivated by wanting people
Starting point is 00:51:36 to be attracted to you can undermine your art though yeah but here's what'll happen eventually as you get older it literally becomes not even
Starting point is 00:51:44 I don't care. Like before it was like the reason why I did it. But then as time goes on – because I've been in a relationship for almost nine years, right? A public relationship too. Yeah, a public relationship. And for me it's like it's not even an option. And I don't care. It's like I don't look at hot chicks.
Starting point is 00:52:05 Like Tuesday night when I did my Tuesday night show at the Bray Improv, there was a couple of girls with their kind of exposing their, you know what I mean, cleavages. Their gazongas.
Starting point is 00:52:14 And they came up and they were like, oh my God, we came here from, you know what I mean? We came here from Long Beach and we're just ready to go. Right?
Starting point is 00:52:22 But there was like a fat Hispanic dude, right, that was waiting for a photo with papa that's me right and they try to kind of cut in line and i go nah titties this guy yeah like before i've been like pushing the 20 years ago i would have pushed the fat guy away and then like yeah you know i mean titties right yeah but i don't even see that it's just like back up. You know what I mean? Is that because you're older and wiser now or because you've been in a relationship so long?
Starting point is 00:52:49 And also, why don't you call yourself daddy? Because I am. Okay. I had beef with you. I had Papa energy. You had Papa energy? Yeah, like if you, like for instance,
Starting point is 00:52:58 if you guys, we were at combo, which I'd love to do. Yeah, that'd be really fun. Let's go. And you guys were like, called me, or no, we would meet up, right?
Starting point is 00:53:05 And they're like, what's for dinner? Like, I would choose. No matter what you said, I have the last say. In Cabo, I'm not sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%.
Starting point is 00:53:18 Think about it, dude. No. No, Chad? Yeah. Think about it. Do you have- Just let me just finish. I thought you were done. And I wasn't. My bad, dog. All all right i'm sorry for being so aggressive no it's all good but you took it
Starting point is 00:53:30 you took a beat there yeah yeah i know but let's let were you done oh let him address me sorry stay out of this this is cabo dinner yeah yeah yeah hit me with it bobby can i call you chadley yeah. Chad Lee? Actually, no. Daddy wouldn't say that. Call me Chad. Oh, yeah, Daddy wouldn't say that. Yeah. Chad?
Starting point is 00:53:50 Yeah. Right? Yeah. We're going to the Rodriguez... I don't know what restaurants are there. Rodriguez Cafe. I don't even know where to go to dinner. I would fucking Yelp it, bro.
Starting point is 00:54:03 I'd be in my own... Because we're not sharing a hotel. I'd be already... Dads do this. Looking at all the reviews, calling people that are familiar with the area, right? Like, let me... I hate to fucking throw heat your way,
Starting point is 00:54:16 but it's like, do you know David Chang? Yeah, of course. Momofuku. But do you know him personally? Yes. Do you really know David? No, I don't know him. I know a David Chang. He lives in Laguna Beach. No, Momofuku. But do you know him personally? Yes. Do you really know David? No, I've never met him.
Starting point is 00:54:25 I know a David Chang. He lives in Laguna Beach. No, no, no. The David Chang that is the chef. Oh, no. He's a friend of mine, right? He makes those saucy Brussels sprouts. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:36 But what I'm saying is that I know legitimate chefs, right? So I would call legitimate people, right? And go, hey, dude, do you know, you know what I mean, good places, really cool places to eat in Cabo? He'd be like, oh, yeah, you got to go here. You know what I mean? Whatever. So because of your success.
Starting point is 00:54:52 And we would come to a meeting at around five, right, out in the courtyard or whatever. And I would be like, guys, this is where we're going to eat. And then you're not going to say shit. Because of your elevated success, you have a more. That's what it is you have a better understanding and more uh thank you well more information you and i are like i thought in this i thought when i met you guys i thought him and i would be jiving you and i are jive city bro well he's a slow burn too yeah okay so go ahead i'm a little hurt just because i'm not sharing the goddamn couch you know i have to sit here i have to sit here and you guys get to touch each other yeah yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:55:35 play with my own bronze penis yeah okay so go so you think that you would have a say in it well let me hit you with this okay are you ready so I know a guy who knows a guy who knows Sammy Hagar. Ooh. Shit. Who started Cabo Wabo. Shit. So then you'd be like, let's go to David Chang's. And I'd be like, well, you know, we got a table at Cabo Wabo.
Starting point is 00:55:56 Because I know a guy. I know a guy who knows a guy who knows Sammy Hagar. How many days are we staying in Cabo? Five. I was going to go three. My bad. Three. So the real deal would be this we'll go to my place tonight we'll go to sammy hager's tomorrow okay and what would you say to that i'd switch it up because daddy goes first that's right do you see how that works yeah that's why i why I'm daddy. That's why I'm papa.
Starting point is 00:56:25 Okay. Right? Same with a movie. Right? If you guys are hanging... I've never seen a Fast and Furious movie, by the way. Yeah. I don't even know what it is.
Starting point is 00:56:35 I know that my friend Sung Kang is in them. You know Sung Kang? No. Is that Han? I don't know. Probably. Yeah, that's Han. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:44 So when I was on bad TV, I used to do these things called Korean soap operas where we would just do a full-blown Korean soap opera. And Sung Kang was always the nemesis in those movies. This is way back in the day. I mean, before Sung Kang was a movie star. My point is that I'm aware that he's in the movies, but let's suppose Fast and Furious 9 is coming out, right?
Starting point is 00:57:05 You guys love those movies, right? They're great. If we were in a movie theater, I bet you money, and let's say Lord of the Rings Part 9 was coming out, or 10, right? And Fast and Furious 9 is coming out, that I would be able to convince you to do the Lord of the Rings. Is it hard for you to hang out with other people who are papas? When you're with other papas who's the most powerful papa like if i'm with david spade he's obviously papa right above my papa and then you can be a plus and then what role do you then i play child and you're happy to do like
Starting point is 00:57:39 oldest son though okay not the youngest son the oldest son who could who could maybe say certain things like throw out a suggestion but ultimately it's his decision like when spade goes i eat dinner with him once a month right he'll go let's meet here right well because of the pandemic it's been at his house and we'll order out delivery right but it's always his decision because I know the power structure. Does your evolutionary competitive instinct ever manifest as patricide and you try to usurp him as papa? What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:58:13 Like, are you ever like, hey, Spade's papa, but I think I could out-papa him right now. No, no, there's no way. Because I'm Korean as well. Age has a lot to do with it. Like, I respect my elders. That's awesome.
Starting point is 00:58:24 And I would expect you guys to respect me. And if you didn't do that, age has a lot to do with it like i respect my elders that's awesome and i you know i would expect you guys to respect me and if you didn't do that we'd have a very big problem i think chad yeah yeah but i feel like i'm i didn't you know i i came at you i did try to daddy you and i apologize but i'm just jealous of you guys on the couch i think that's what it is dude let's switch no i don't want to switch with you. No, there's no switching going on. All right. How about this, though? Chad's my partner.
Starting point is 00:58:48 I'd love to come back. I'd love to have you back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you get all these other fucking dudes, right, on it. I've seen them. Striker, what's his name? Strider.
Starting point is 00:58:57 Strider. Genius. He's very funny. So funny. I don't ever want to meet him. Really? Yeah, he just has a vibe I don't want to meet.
Starting point is 00:59:04 Best guy in the world It doesn't matter In terms of stiff He's stiffer than you are Insect Do you think? I don't know Neither of you guys are stiff
Starting point is 00:59:18 When you guys are at a club Do you ever do a wavy kind of dance? Oh yeah Can you do that? Yeah I can do that They're just white. You ever do a wavy kind of dance? Oh, yeah. Well, I guess I... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you do that? Yeah, I can do that. You can do it now. He's a great dancer.
Starting point is 00:59:30 Yeah, can you do it now? Let's go, baby. God, now you got me in my head, though. No, you're good. You got this. You got this, dog. Here. I can do it.
Starting point is 00:59:37 Yeah, you can. Oh, fuck. Yeah, you're stiff, dude. It's fucking stiff, bro. You know what I mean? What do you do? Can you just... But I go for... You know, it was the shoulders that got me.
Starting point is 00:59:47 I go from the hips, though. Can you wave it in? Can you wave it in, dude? Oh! He can do it! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! That's real, dude.
Starting point is 00:59:59 My bad, then, dude. You're not stiff. He threw down the gauntlet and he ran right through it. See, I'm a slow burn. You flow. I'm a slow burn. You flow, bro. I'm a slow burn. You're a slow burn. My bad then, dude. You're not stiff. He threw down the gauntlet and he ran right through it. I'm a slow burn. You flow, bro. I'm a slow burn. You're a slow burn. My bad. That was my bad, dude. So you can flow.
Starting point is 01:00:12 But I still respect his dad. But I bet your Strider can't do that. I'll tell you what Strider does have. He has an electric thrust. He has an electric? What does that mean? We have a video of him thrusting and it's probably you see his dong flicking it's that powerful his penis sorry you think he has a long one no he says he doesn't he does no i've seen him negative it's not good solid it's solid
Starting point is 01:00:40 you look like you have a weird one a weird one weird how like you look like somebody just don't be offended i'm not offended right that it would have it'd be like mine like a neapolitan ice cream different shades of colors mine yeah like the ring around the staff right Is it dark? No, it's light. Holy shit. Yeah. My bad. All good, baby. Yeah, yours is pink. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:09 You got a big piece on you, though, right? Is that what people say? Nah. You don't want to own that because you don't want to carry that. You know, I'll be honest with you. I'll be honest with you. Always be honest. For my size and for my ethnicity
Starting point is 01:01:25 I'm always here's the deal I've always had girls go oh my god when they saw it that's awesome which is always good because they make
Starting point is 01:01:34 they make the assumption that it's like a squirrel's penis when they meet me but then when they go oh it's like not only just average but maybe above average wow
Starting point is 01:01:44 yeah like the girth is there and they're like the length is there and they're like oh my god yeah yeah i mean so um i'm proud of my stuff man that's cool i love that yeah you should be but um did you know that growing up like when you were a teen and stuff were you aware of it or were you like, oh, it's tiny? Well, if we're going to get deep, let's get deep. Yeah. Is that what you want? Yeah. You want some deepness?
Starting point is 01:02:10 Well, that's the name of the show. Is that what it's called? Going Deep. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So growing up, I grew up in a very violent household. Me too. And my dad was an alcoholic and he had rage so he'd beat the
Starting point is 01:02:28 shit out of everybody in the house my dad would knock my mom's teeth out you know i mean and just like it was a horror show it was like and you're always kind of like imagine like you see sweet tooth it's like that kid in the forest kind kind of like scared that there's outside, you know, something's, he's always in danger or there's an elevation of fear. Right. And I think that kids shouldn't be growing up like that. Right. But so I, you know, because you're in this element of survival, I don't think about my fucking dick, dude. Why would I have time to think about my dick when I'm fucking surviving Chad
Starting point is 01:03:06 right what were you thinking about just surviving just not pissing your dad off how did you process all that like how did you learn to deal with that as an adult you use humor
Starting point is 01:03:17 as a defense mechanism but you must have done some other work too right did you do like therapy I did now so what happened this is so crazy now we're gonna go deep
Starting point is 01:03:24 let's get personal yeah let's do it take my shoes off are you angry right now or what do i look angry no you're good yeah i kind of raised my voice on you good no i just yeah i'm taking it in i like you man thanks man you're a good guy. You all right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Do you ever think asking people that maybe they are all right and then you're putting them into a state of not being all right by asking them that? I never really thought about that, that that could be true. But I'm sorry, what were you saying?
Starting point is 01:03:58 But that, you should have done that. I should have stayed with it, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I get squirmy sometimes. Yeah, yeah. You're not good with silence, huh? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I get squirmy sometimes. Yeah, yeah. You're not good with silence, huh? No. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:08 You should just... You know what? We should just sit here in silence for a second. I know it's a podcast. People want to... Just give it a second. Yeah, I should learn that. You just fucked it up already.
Starting point is 01:04:17 Fuck. so when I so a year and a half ago my dad died sorry sorry I love saying something dark and just having that moment mm-hmm I mean say something crazy and just look at me and do that me yeah it was something I suck the penis too it's weird huh yeah you do it
Starting point is 01:05:08 I mentioned this on the last one I used to masturbate on the freeway while doing 90 yeah really good what are you doing who texted you Chad no one
Starting point is 01:05:22 Edgar Ramirez texted you how'd you know? I looked at your phone. Yeah. Anyway, good guy. Good actor. Very talented. Carlos, incredible film.
Starting point is 01:05:31 Incredible. Never saw it. But I don't know what that is, but is he dead? Yeah, he plays Carlos the Jackal. He was a terrorist from the 70s. It's like five different languages and like three parts. It's pretty remarkable. Yeah, he is absolutely one of the nicest guys in the world,
Starting point is 01:05:44 but we can talk about it never again. Hot dude, too. But sorry. Let's talk about it. He's pretty remarkable. Yeah, he is absolutely one of the nicest guys in the world, but we can talk about it never again. Hot dude too. But sorry. He really is hot. Yeah. You know what's cool about... Yeah, anyway, let's go back to what we were saying.
Starting point is 01:05:53 Oh, my dad. My dad died. My dad died. My dad died. My dad died. And it was weird because in my 20s and in my 30s and 40s,
Starting point is 01:06:02 my dad changed. He was just... He just chilled, right and he he didn't speak a lot of english so he wasn't able to like really apologize for his behavior growing up but i think deep down inside he knew that was his bad you know i mean but he never you know he had his own trauma or whatever right but when he died um and i was in the room when my he died and my brother you could see hear his last breath and he was gone right my mom did like she did a scream that still puts chills down my body like i can't even do it so loud but she did a a yelp like of grief that would shock you it was so sad and my brother was unconsolable
Starting point is 01:06:55 me nothing i had sunglasses on and i was just dead. I didn't feel anything, dude. And I relapsed after 17 years of sobriety. And then what happened in the next three months was dark, bro. Really? I would do drugs every day after not doing drugs for 17 years and I couldn't eat. I couldn't eat any food.
Starting point is 01:07:19 If I put a piece of sushi in my mouth, I would vomit it. So I was losing all this fucking weight. And then also, I was high 24 hours a day. I was in a nightmare, dude. And I felt like I was going to die. And then all of a sudden, suicidal thoughts.
Starting point is 01:07:35 But then at the same time, I was doing this game show called Game On with Rob Gronkowski and Venus Williams and Ian Carmel and James Corden produced it. It was a thing. And I had to do these competitive, like me and Rob Gronkowski climbing up a wall of slime and sliding through all this thing. So me not eating high.
Starting point is 01:07:59 I had no idea what was going on. I would say things out loud in front of a studio audience and the producers were like, fuck is wrong what are you saying i don't even know what the fuck is going on i was lost bro and i wanted to kill myself and then and i and i lost like 30 pounds and i and this girl that i know looked at me and she goes you look like shit. And I go, I think I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna die. And then she goes, you need to see my therapist. So I met with her therapist, who's a trauma therapist.
Starting point is 01:08:33 And we talked about my dad and all the things he used to do. And when I left that session, I ate like three dinners in a row. I could eat again. It was so fucking weird and then i went away to a place in arizona for three weeks or whatever and i got really deep trauma therapy and then i was able to grieve for my father but like all that stuff that happens growing up right
Starting point is 01:08:58 it lodges into your body in a deep way in a physical way and if you don't deal with that shit it turns into fucking strokes and cancers it really fucks up your body dude and it it it locks you in a prison that we're not even privy to because you live with it for so long that you know so it's like for me um my life has completely changed so i forgive my dad he did the best he could um he had his own trauma my mom had her own trauma and you know i um i'm just dealing with mine by doing therapy and emdr and some other uh therapeutic you know yeah yeah what what so what what what what what what uh what so the therapy what's sort of the method of it? How is it able to break through the walls? Well, EMDR is when you... How do you get into it?
Starting point is 01:09:53 You got the two paddles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They either do paddles. Some therapists do taps. Some therapists do lights and stuff. But you're accessing both sides of the brain right and then you're recalling you know i mean a traumatic experience that you had growing up like a specific time like one time i remember my mom walking into my room at three in the morning with
Starting point is 01:10:21 her mouth bloody and my dad was coming in in a rage and we bombarded the door and it was really scary. And so by doing EMDR, by locking both sides of the brain, accessing all of it, you're kind of talking through the trauma and it takes away from the impact of it. You know what I mean? I don't know how to explain it really. No, but just by talking about it too, I think in naming what it is, from the impact of it. You know what I mean? I don't know how to explain it really.
Starting point is 01:10:47 No, but just by talking about it too, I think in naming what it is. Wait, but hold on. I have some serious one. I'm being real? Yeah. I'm sorry for touching you then. No, it's all good, dude.
Starting point is 01:10:56 Touch me the whole time. My parents had a complicated relationship and it was pretty intense. Was it hard for you to reconcile? So your mom felt this tremendous grief when your dad passed, even though your dad had done all these things to your mom. Yeah. Was it it hard for you to reconcile like so your mom felt this tremendous grief when your dad passed even though your dad had done all these things to your mom yeah was it ever hard for you to like understand that like the with me with me it's there's cultural things involved with my specific situation as well you know my parents are korean they're very old school they just have a different you know type of relationship.
Starting point is 01:11:25 But the Koreans generally back in the day never got divorced. And it's like, you know, it's a cultural thing too. So I can't, I don't know. I think it's a little different. Do you still feel beholden to those traditions yourself? No. That's awesome what's up what's going on
Starting point is 01:11:54 I'm doing good with the silence right yeah it's getting weird with you and I man well you you unlocked the wave in me i did i feel i feel reborn i feel like that was some kind of therapy for me yeah i made assumptions about you two earlier both of you guys and i honestly like this whole experience has been has been a little different than i expected are we not as soft white as you thought we were you guys are still very soft that's good like yeah very soft i don't want to lose that you guys are still very soft. That's good. Yeah, very soft. I don't want to lose that. You guys are also dynamic.
Starting point is 01:12:25 Oh, thank you. And I think that you do stand up as well, huh? Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. So not this Tuesday because I have a book, but the next Tuesday I have a show at the Bray Improv, and I'll pay you guys $300 apiece to do 10 minutes. For real?
Starting point is 01:12:45 That'd be amazing. Do we just get booked? Yeah. Dude, Bobby, thank you. Let's go. Dude. Are you serious? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:52 Thank you. Dude. Thank you so much, man. Are you being real? Yes. I think it'll be fun. It'll be so fun. I'll get a couple of girls in there and then I need a really big...
Starting point is 01:13:02 Who is it? Nobody. Keep going. I'm so sorry. Let's look at our shit. My phone has my same issue as silence. Hold on a second.
Starting point is 01:13:16 Man, I just blew the moment. Fuck. That's all good. Let's start from the start. Let get let's regroup let's not talk about dark shit it's it kind of just makes it it puts a weird vibe in the room i don't think so i think and i think people listening to it will get a lot out of it you think so for sure well so i rarely get angry but i got angry on the last podcast people liked it well i just thought people were gonna like be like oh that's but what'd you get angry about i went to a doctor i had a blood test and
Starting point is 01:13:49 they told me and they the my liver enzymes were high and they're like they're like well you could either have you know you either drinking a lot or you could have hepatitis or liver cancer we'll see you in a week and i was like freaking out oh wow and i was just pissed you know because they do that uh what did you find out i got another blood test and then i was in mexico for a week and i didn't have service so i assume it's all good oh so you don't even know the results yet no but they would have left multiple voices why'd you go to mexico surf trip wow so where where's a good place to surf in mexico i went to rio nexpo which is like very it was very sort of remote yeah um and it was um uh it's down in michoacan i think that's how you say it and it was like it was like
Starting point is 01:14:40 sort of cartel country which is cool we were staying in like a shack on the beach is it was like sort of cartel country which is cool we were staying in like a shack on the beach is it was really cool i was so what do you eat there though uh they have like little taco places on the beach so you just eat tacos on the beach yeah but we also went to a grocery store i was making like peanut butter jellies and it was very like simplistic living oh yeah yeah there's no hotels there not this place no they're a little, like, bungalows, but it's like a concrete shack. So you can go there, you can go to the country. What's that island that they surf on? Sorry. The island, like Hawaii?
Starting point is 01:15:25 No, there's an island off of Mexico that has a gigantic waves oh the shelf I don't I don't even know if that's an island I don't know I don't know what we're doing
Starting point is 01:15:36 I don't like it let's not do that anymore because it's it's coming up there's feelings that are that are I think not real to me.
Starting point is 01:15:45 Synthetic feelings. Yeah. That I'm getting by doing sexual things to each other in a joking way. Yeah. I don't like the shy thing
Starting point is 01:15:51 you just did to where you looked away either. Don't do that. Sorry. At first, it was a funny thing, but then it kind of got like real erotic for me.
Starting point is 01:15:57 Yeah. And it's like, I don't like that because I'm in a relationship. I don't want to cheat on my girlfriend and especially with you dudes. Do you think she'd be less upset if you cheated with us than if you cheated with a woman you met on the road or something?
Starting point is 01:16:09 If I cheated with you guys, she would probably do a 45-minute cackle. And she could die from laughing so hard. And I think that it would be a shameful thing in comedy. I think that it would be shameful. I think that if people found out that we did some sort of three-way train, right if you said kalilah just eiffel tower chad and jt what's an eiffel tower it's uh where one person has sex with the person from behind while the other person gets blown so it looks like an eiffel tower i thought you're from so let's just okay stand up it could also be called no i don't i just want to see what it looks like physically.
Starting point is 01:16:47 So, like, I'm here. And we're doing this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that that would cause, I think that would cause a disturbance. Oh, I can't hear myself. Oh. Oh, sorry.
Starting point is 01:17:07 Sorry. Yeah, baby. I can't hear myself oh oh sorry sorry yeah baby I think that would cause a disturbance in comedy that we don't really need right now I think that if us three did an Eiffel Tower we would be laughing so hard that no one would get any pleasure out of it. Right.
Starting point is 01:17:32 We'd just be like, you'd be cackling. I care about the other person getting pleasure. So I think I would give it 100% and make sure you were sexually invested. Yeah, but here's the problem with that. I don't care. Yeah, but here's the problem with that. I don't care. If I'm like this and I'm from behind, right?
Starting point is 01:17:48 There's no way to please you. I don't think through. I mean, they say that there's like. G-spot. G-spot's in the butthole. I'm not into it. I'm not into the butthole stuff. I want to be into it, but I'm not into it. I'll be honest with you.
Starting point is 01:17:58 I detest it. Yeah. I think it's unholy. When someone touches my butthole, I go, danger, Will Rogers. I'm like, you got to get out of there. Yeah. My girlfriend has ET fingers. You i mean like very long right and she stuck i go try it once so she stuck the tip but then she went all the way she had a finger like
Starting point is 01:18:14 this yeah she hit the fucking stomach lining wow right and i go no no i don't know no yeah and then she kind of did like a circle thing oh god you know what i mean and i was like no i didn't like it did you want were you sad that you weren't into it like do you wish you were more or i knew i think i knew before that i wasn't gonna like it right maybe i had like a predetermined you know i mean do you do drugs i said i was sober what drugs were you into when you did do drugs why i don't know you're trying to build up a fantasy or something no i was wondering if you did ever did poppers because that's supposed to be good for loosening your butthole what's a popper it's like what all the uh i think it's like it's like inhaling like paint thinner or something
Starting point is 01:18:54 it's like i've done it before what does it do with asshole it loosens it i don't think that that's still no matter first of all the muscle around my the actual muscle around my sphincter is i don't know why but it's pretty fucking tight you know yeah i used to have an old joke where i say my butthole's tight my poop looks like angela pasta it's just a throwaway joke i used to do right yeah and if you look at my poo it's very like you know spaghetti like you know i have a very tight butthole i don't think i ever want to loosen it right i think it's a good defense mechanism yeah you know what do you think is your butthole loose i think it's tight my dog how about your dog i think mine's a little bit loose
Starting point is 01:19:47 my dog how about you dog i think mine's a little bit loose too bad man but you know i just had a thought after we did that apple tie i think jt you're so giving and empathetic that i think if we were a human centipede i think you'd volunteer for the middle i i want to yeah yeah i think it's good for the team because you'd be into it for the team you would pass on the nutrients you set the tempo and you're like hey guys i'm doing this because i want us all to have a good okay so being papa in being Papa in this situation, I'm front. What is Papa? Yeah. I have to be front.
Starting point is 01:20:09 Do you want to be Papa sexually too? Yeah, I have to be sexually Papa. Oh, you are. I have to be the front. You're dominant. Because I don't want anything here. Right. Right?
Starting point is 01:20:17 So in a human centipede situation, you would be attached to his asshole. Right? So basically, you can't talk, dog. Oh, yeah, that would suck yeah you're like bane but a different kind of mask but i do have a looser butthole so i'll be able to pass through a little bit more that's true and i never thought about that yeah but still you're we can't podcast no more right you can't podcast at all if i'm getting yeah you're in the middle you can't i can still do tiger belly
Starting point is 01:20:45 right well what if it's a like a youtube podcast i can give thumbs up and stuff and that's true i never thought i never thought i never thought about that yeah it's a visual medium yeah but i think it would be cool if i rolled up to tiger belly right with you guys behind me yeah right and then we would like... Let's see. I'm crawling. So I don't need to sit. They would put the mic in front of me.
Starting point is 01:21:09 I would be in my all fours, right? Yeah. And I would like... I would do stuff like... You know what I mean? Hey, Gilbert, give me some laxatives. And I would take some laxatives. And I would eat like a bunch of pork or whatever.
Starting point is 01:21:21 And just go right through. What? Your mouth. Yeah. And then you would have to swallow it to come no but you don't you even know how the humans you volunteer for middle and i don't think you know what that entails i gotta have my head up someone's ass or something no your mouth so it's sewed onto somebody's asshole yeah right so then you're it wouldn't be my first pick but whatever you guys need i know but you're eating mine right and then you're shitting into chat yeah yeah dude you booked us i'll eat your butthole right before the show after the show but i'll talk a little shit bobby if you were doing tiger valley with us as the human centipede do you still think you'd be
Starting point is 01:22:02 able to get high profile guests? Yeah. Do you worry about getting canceled for that? I think that would help, right? I don't think I would get canceled. I think that like, I think it like, let's be real about it.
Starting point is 01:22:13 100%. Like you and I, we're in the Netherlands or whatever. We get captured. I don't know where that, Germany. I don't know where that is. Everyone's like six one.
Starting point is 01:22:20 Right, right. And they, and they capture us and they put us in a human centipede. And we're like, and then for some reason we crawl our way out of the dungeon or whatever
Starting point is 01:22:28 and we're just kind of crawling our way around town. Right? Imagine that. We're just crawling and we're like, I can speak
Starting point is 01:22:35 so I would have to be the communicator. Yeah. I'm like, hey, because we were captured and then they tied it into my bottle
Starting point is 01:22:44 and it's surgically into his bottle. It is surgically known as my bottle. Can you help us? Please call the embassy. I don't know. Here's my passport. I probably wouldn't have a passport because I'd be naked. And I'd be like the Silent Bob character the whole time. Like I don't speak.
Starting point is 01:22:58 You would make a noise. I'm like. You want to express yourself, right? Yeah. You'd be thumbs up. my patented thumbs up yeah you would be probably almost on the verge of death because now you're i'm getting the least amount of nutrients yeah right because i'm shitting into his mouth yeah and he's shitting into your mouth i reacted a bit there i'm sorry yeah yeah what do you mean nothing keep going yeah
Starting point is 01:23:21 so then you're getting no nutrients at all right right so you're fine i would have a killer physique though that's true i never thought he's ripped do you look so ripped in your photo yeah yeah yeah so then we would probably get immediately we'd immediately be going to some german hospital yeah and they're just like like, what do we do? Dude, this is a good movie. And they're trying to surgically, you know what I mean? And then I would come back to LA. I would show up to Tiger Belly
Starting point is 01:23:54 and I would look normal. You guys couldn't do your podcast though. Yeah. Because you would have like a surgical thing around your mouth. Yeah. I know pigs get fat and hogs get slaughtered, but do you think,
Starting point is 01:24:04 would you be willing to pitch this idea with us oh so you're saying is it's it's the human centipede but part two almost but an escape film escape film yeah it's like the goal is you got to do your podcast yeah it's called like escape from dusseldorf i'd rather do where we do the eiffel tower and we're surgically right i think that's better yeah that Eiffel Tower and we're surgically... I think that's better. Yeah, that's a good rewrite. So you're surgically onto his, right, dick. Yeah. Our hands are surgically
Starting point is 01:24:32 tied together like this. I'm surgically tied to your dick, right? And we have to somehow skimmy around town. Let's go to Lemonade and get some vegetables or whatever, like get a meal, right? It would skimmy to that, you know what I mean? Do you think we're being judgmental by thinking that's inherently funny? Or do you think it is inherently funny?
Starting point is 01:24:49 I think it's odd. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's odd. I think at first people would scream if they saw us. Imagine that. We're completely naked and we're skimming together. Your hands are tied together like this. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:25:02 You know what I mean? And just, we're going to, where do we want to go? Get Bobo? Bobabo boba tea where will we go i'm not a big fan but i'll do it yeah yeah you don't like bobo not really that's crazy i mean if we're in europe i think we get croissants right yeah we let's get croissants we're in france then yeah we're in france because the eiffel tower yeah oh yeah and then you get a shot of us in the eiffel tower with the eiffel tower behind us i wouldn't probably go in this Eiffel Tower. I would go be like, I would do a real good photo shoot where we're like standing kind of in front of the Eiffel Tower.
Starting point is 01:25:32 But I have the photographer, you know what I mean? Kind of make an artistic kind of like zoom up so that we're like this. And then you see the Eiffel Tower behind. What if the U.S. Navy SEAL team that's going to rescue us can only do it from the top of the tower? So it's us three in an Eiffel Tower trying to get to the U.S. Navy SEAL team that's going to rescue us can only do it from the top of the tower? So it's us three in an Eiffel Tower trying to get to the top.
Starting point is 01:25:48 Right. And we can only take the stairs. Oh, so what, oh, what you're saying is a movie, it's kind of like Die Hard. Yeah. Right?
Starting point is 01:25:55 But it's like, so how about this? There's the people, there's terrorists, right, right, on each level of the Eiffel Tower. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:26:02 We're all surgically right. And the Navy SEALs who are going to ship us to a hospital is on the top. So they have helicopters, right? But we have to somehow shimmy up and also fight. And it's a commentary on class.
Starting point is 01:26:17 How do you fight? You and I would figure out like... Donkey kick. Donkey kick sides, right? But then you and I would come out like... We'd have to say... Donkey kick. Donkey kick sides, right? But then you and I would come up with our special move where we would do one, two, three, like that. And together
Starting point is 01:26:32 with our arms do that. Yeah, and I'm just getting twisted and contorted. My neck's gonna be killing me. Your feet are still on the ground so you can hold them up, maybe. Right. You're the foundation, you're very important to the whole fucking thing. No, no small parts, only small actors.
Starting point is 01:26:48 We're forgetting about another obstacle. It might be coming a lot. Yeah, you can't stop busting. There's no way. No. Imagine this. Let's be real about it and be like... No, you have to play it authentic.
Starting point is 01:27:02 It has to be real. Authentic, right. Yeah. We're trying to get to a fucking hospital, dude. Right? We're fighting fucking terrorists on everything.
Starting point is 01:27:10 Maybe we'll like enter the dragon where we fight Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Right. Like a tall... That's Game of Death, but yeah.
Starting point is 01:27:17 Is that the Game of Death? Game of Death, yeah. Game of Death, right? On each level, we have to fight a different boss. And what if halfway through the film
Starting point is 01:27:24 we realized that my character actually wants to stay like this? So I've actually been secretly subverting your plan to get to the top. But the problem with your character is you can't talk. That's why it's so hard for you guys to figure out that I've been working against you. Right, but can I say this? This is an interesting thing. He's surgically tied to your dick, right?
Starting point is 01:27:41 Yeah. So when you're... He's talking. Can you feel the vibrations of him talking through your body so that you can, you're sort of like
Starting point is 01:27:49 Han Solo and the interpreter. Yeah, you're like Han Solo with Wookie. It's like, it's like lip chewing, lip reading
Starting point is 01:27:54 through my, through my penis. Let me just, can I just do something? Yeah, go for it. I'm going to go to your chest, right? Hmm, can you hear me?
Starting point is 01:28:03 Say it one more time. Yeah, yeah. Plug your ears. Yeah, sorry. Say, I want to stay like this. No, don't tell me what he's going to go to your chest, right? Can you hear me? Say it one more time. Yeah. Plug your ears. Yeah, sorry. Say, I want to stay like this. No, don't tell me what he's going to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my bad.
Starting point is 01:28:11 What did I say? What did I say? I want to stay like this. Okay. I can't hear you. I want to stay like this. I want to stay like this. Yes.
Starting point is 01:28:20 It works. It works. It works. This is a great podcast. I don't think people have ever seen the creative process. It works. It works. This is a great podcast. I don't think people have ever seen the creative process. It's up close. It really does work. So this is the movie that we're doing.
Starting point is 01:28:32 Yeah. This is the movie. It's us socially, okay? We're on vacation, right? You guys call me and go, hey, dude, we got a free trip to Paris or whatever because maybe some croissant company sponsors your podcast
Starting point is 01:28:44 and they're flying us a free trip over there where get to go to the croissant factory yeah right but on the way over there we get we're in a car with the croissant guy maybe we're going to the louvre oh we're going to get croissant sorry sorry we're getting at the factory but the guy that's driving yeah he got a job at the croissant company, right? Yeah. But he really works for these diabolical surgeons. Right, right, right. So he takes us to a warehouse. Yeah. We get surgically implanted like that, right?
Starting point is 01:29:14 How do we escape the warehouse, though? Let's not get bogged down in the things we don't understand. Yeah. That's in the writing process. That's the writing process. We're doing the room. We just know the premise. Follow your all your inspiration right we somehow escape you mean we somehow figure out that the navy seals are on top of the um eiffel tower we have to go up for
Starting point is 01:29:35 some reason there's levels so that we have to find cream cream and dual digit bar still alive but i think let's make it more relevant let's let's put um lebron james lebron james in there yeah oh wow yeah do you think he'd be willing to play the bad guy yeah maybe kevin durant But I think let's make it more relevant. Let's put LeBron James in there. Oh, wow. Do you think he'd be willing to play the bad guy? Yeah, maybe Kevin Durant. I like soccer, so I would say Cristiano Ronaldo. Beautiful guy.
Starting point is 01:29:54 Because he's got strong legs, he'd be the kick guy. That makes it sexier. And he would kick the fuck... You're down there, right? And we have a scene where he kicks you repeatedly, right? And we'll just do a CGI scene where just ribs shatter. Ribs, you know what I mean? It's shattering. Yeah, we do like an x-ray view like when he kicks me oh yeah and then you see my ribs like break yeah break yeah that'd be cool and then we kill him for some reason we get to
Starting point is 01:30:15 let's do three levels what's the second level uh so cristiano ronaldo's on the first level second level brad williams robin williams brad williams brad williams yeah that's that's a good take sure i was gonna think maybe we go political we have a politician at the second level aoc aoc aoc but she's got like nails and she's working with the french right and she's just like you know what i mean but we kind of think she's right but but it's not about that because she's been so distorted bastards yeah're QAnon bastards! Yeah. Right? She thinks we're QAnon.
Starting point is 01:30:46 Right. Right, right. And she's right, but she's become the thing she hates trying to defeat it. Right. That's great. So get AOC. The last level, who? Well, I was thinking either Kiefer Sutherland or Putin.
Starting point is 01:31:00 Or someone we're related to. Maybe it turns out to be one of our family members who set us off. Get personal. No. Because the third level has to be the last guy. And it's got to be the climax of the movie. Oh, the croissant factory owner? It's a lot to do with.
Starting point is 01:31:14 Who's the guy in Gloria's bed? Christoph Waltz? Perfect. Or is he the surgeon, though? He's a surgeon. You're right. He's a surgeon. Christoph Waltz is a surgeon.
Starting point is 01:31:23 I think the third guy needs to be relevant about be relevant about it i know who timothy shalman no the girl that's like into like the environment oh yeah greta thornburg's the third one yeah and she has you know what's up there in the third level animals and stuff like she can control animals yeah and and the weather she's a warg yeah yeah. She's kind of a warg. But she can also make. Cause global warming with her power. She's storm. Right.
Starting point is 01:31:50 Yeah. Even if she doesn't want to. It makes her feel guilty about it. She's a double agent. And she needs global warming. Because without it. What's her cause. And then we get up.
Starting point is 01:31:58 And we. But then something happens. We have to do a sequel. Well. I don't know. So we. We're getting. We.
Starting point is 01:32:04 We. We put the harness up. and we're on the helicopter right and then you so you're so right so so we're you're you're not so so let's say okay look at that imagine our arms like this right yeah so the harness is in between our arms right and for some reason you rip away right so we being... Like you feel my mouth loosening. It's just like... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, God!
Starting point is 01:32:28 And your ass, right? And we just... You and her like this. And we see him. Well, no. The only way for Chad to save me is to grab my head and really press it down into his dong. But then you have to hold all of our weight.
Starting point is 01:32:39 And then we kind of... The Eiffel Tower almost goes upside down into like a kind of T. I was trying to create a sequel so that you fall. We don't know if you're alive or not. I saw you trying to kill me off. No, we're not. No, because the audience thinks you're dead. Right.
Starting point is 01:32:53 Oh, it's like Born on a Tomato. Yeah. People think you're dead, but you're not. Oh, sick. Right. And the second movie opens of you. Coming out of the water. You're in the Pacific.
Starting point is 01:33:02 Oh. And you're just floating in the Pacific. And it's the first time they hear me talk And then you realize This is 10 years later maybe You end up on an island 10 years later And you look at the newspaper You realize that you and I didn't get the surgery
Starting point is 01:33:15 And we decided to get married Oh that's awesome We're a family Does JT wake up like he's a castaway On an island and he's yeah he can't get out of that you want to produce it sure why don't you direct it i'd i'd love to okay aaron can i you're in dude you committed can i pitch the end of the third movie the trilogy yeah go ahead okay we do writing it we answer questions sorry keep going i fucked up okay so yeah so the end of the trilogy we're back together in the eiffel tower and we kill the bad guy and we assume that we want to
Starting point is 01:33:51 you know break free and then jt mumbles i want to stay like this you know and then the last scene is us doing tiger belly oh okay is he bobby lee in the film? Yeah We're already going to schedule you to do that Is that your way of doing my podcast? It's a good idea, Chad Because we're already going to put you on the podcast You're already in the schedule Oh, thanks Is that your sneaky Hollywood way of getting into the podcast?
Starting point is 01:34:20 I just want to finish the Eiffel Tower trilogy Yeah Alright Hey, how about this So you come up with a question I'm going to go have a cigarette And can I come back And then we'll do the thing
Starting point is 01:34:34 Is that cool? Bobby you're amazing I think it's my favorite podcast I've ever done You're a beast man Are we rolling? So before we get into this I just want to say everyone listening
Starting point is 01:34:48 can I promote myself yes so I have two podcasts one called Tiger Belly and the other one is called Bad Friends check it out number two
Starting point is 01:34:56 the Eiffel Tower movie we're not fucking around with this so I would love your fans to make movie posters we should name the movie too it's called what eiffel tower um um like maybe like um by the death tower like something the tower of death or long way up long way up's good um hard way up um connected hard way Up is good.
Starting point is 01:35:26 Because there's like a little sexual... The Hard Way Up. The Hard Way Up. Yeah. And then here, we could, in preference, call it, say, Paris. So that we could do Hard Way Up Tokyo. Hard Way Up.
Starting point is 01:35:40 Right. You know what I mean? Different countries. Seoul is a good one. Yeah. Copenhagen. Yeah. Seoul is a good one. Yeah. Copenhagen. Yeah. That's a good one.
Starting point is 01:35:49 Okay. So, hard way up, Paris. Make the movie posters. I'm Papa, so can I be billed above you guys? Is that weird to ask? Bobby Lee starring in... No, no, no. It can't be that.
Starting point is 01:36:05 I'd rather... I want to share the credit with you. What about Bobby Lee and introducing Chad and JT? Yes. That's nice. Right? And the poster of us doing that, finding our way up to the top,
Starting point is 01:36:15 would be nice. So please make those posters. And the trailer, too, would be... How do they make a trailer? You'd be like, three guys. Yeah, maybe I can get like um frank caliendo yeah to do a voiceover thing because he's very talented with voices incredible you know him i don't i mean i know i love frankie um so frankie c frankie c is a good dude um let's go into
Starting point is 01:36:41 questions all right let's hit it first one Is it too high stakes to pursue your boss? Hello, czars of Stoke. First of all, love the pod and everything you guys represent. One love. I've been working my current job for a year and I've had a thing for this lady at work. We've got a ton in common and she's a ton of fun to be around. We both like sports and we've competed a few times and she's kicked my trash every time. All while maintaining that feminine glow.
Starting point is 01:37:01 This girl really is the whole package. Can I stop you for a second? Yeah. I don't want to. Slow it down a bit. Oh, okay. Yeah, I do kind of want to. Because I've seen you do this before, and it's so fast.
Starting point is 01:37:11 It's too fast. Yeah, just slow it down a tad bit. And your fans are probably going to be mad at me for bullying you around and stuff. No, I think I'm learning a lot about podcasts. I told you that when we were taking a break. Just slow it down just a little bit, right? Because it's not a race I read fast
Starting point is 01:37:26 Yeah but here's what's going to happen When you do an actual table read For something You're going to read it too fast No it's different Just slow it down just a bit Chad are you mad about that or no? I feel like you gave your bad vibes just now
Starting point is 01:37:43 No sometimes I need him to Reiterate so it helps To slow it down And look I push back but then when I think back on it I will take your advice and I will take it to heart I just sometimes in the moment I get a little Defensive but And that's my bad dude I shouldn't have interrupted you
Starting point is 01:37:59 And I think you're doing your thing And maybe My style of doing things might not really be your cup of tea no but even when i was reading that i felt like something was off i was like i'm not doing this right to a degree but i've never thought about that before until you were here it was you know it was just a constructive you know criticism and i'm glad that we're talking about it right now because i think i want you to grow i feel that from you go ahead the fear of making that first move was slightly exacerbated
Starting point is 01:38:28 when she was recently appointed as my boss. She's more than capable and I couldn't be happier for her. Here is the dilemma. The girl has worked at our company for a few more years than I have and I'm hesitant to make a move on her with the fear of making things uncomfortable for her in an environment that is more hers than mine. Any and all vice would be greatly appreciated. love so he wants to you never shit where you eat
Starting point is 01:38:52 you never do it ever ever no exceptions yeah especially in business you never shit where you eat like i have a friend in New York who was married but also cheated on his wife with somebody that he works with that's above him. It got ugly fast, bro. Right? And it's like I know that you want to poke your little ding dong into things that are hot. But sometimes, sometimes dude it's just better to fantasize what do you think i agree yeah what what if she makes the first move you never i listen how hot is she i think she's beautiful
Starting point is 01:39:36 let's let's reenact it cool which part do you want me to play i want chad to play a part do you want me to play? I want Chad to play a part. Do you want us to be the two performers you'll direct? Okay, you guys go. No, let me just think about it for a second. Take your time. We're working it through. Yeah, you know what?
Starting point is 01:39:55 Why don't you be the girl? You're their boss, right? And I'll be... You be the guy she's hitting on, right? And I'll be you be the guy she's hitting on right and I'll be the director okay yeah I'll be the director why not I don't have to play a part no you play a part you're on the show
Starting point is 01:40:13 I'll be the girl go ahead no I'll be the guy you're the girl no he's the girl you're the girl and you'd be the director I'll direct okay go ahead Bobby those reports you handed in were next level You're really starting to shine in this company Thanks a lot I know that you're new
Starting point is 01:40:31 You're my boss and all I was really trying to impress you I love this company I just really want to do a proficient job Well You're doing it and then some I think you're a rising star in this company. And I love your outfit, too.
Starting point is 01:40:48 I mean, I don't want to cross boundaries here, but you look cute. Thank you. Well, these are Cavaricci's. They used to wear these in the 80s. Yeah, and I just dug them out. And also, I think I've been working out and stuff. I'm glad you noticed. I noticed.
Starting point is 01:41:07 Your tries are just popping. Thank you. And I have to say, I know that you're my boss and all, but you look pretty good yourself. Oh, thank you. Actually, I bought this blouse from Gucci the other day.
Starting point is 01:41:23 Oh, yeah, because it says G on it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's got the little G symbols on it. Yeah, right on my tit. Excuse me? Right on my tit. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:41:34 I see that the embroidery, the Gucci embroidery is on your breast parts. And you have, you know, if I may say, and just you do have nice breasts. Yeah. Uh-huh. You know, if I may say, and just, you do have nice breasts. Yeah. Uh-huh. So, at this point in business meetings, I usually like to make out.
Starting point is 01:41:53 Would you feel comfortable with that? No, I wouldn't. You know, I have to be honest with you. In any other circumstance, I would penetrate you in a very unholy way. Yeah, give it to me. No, in any other circumstances any other circumstances but in this circumstances where you're my boss at all right i just i i can't do it i'm sorry well i was going to promote you but now that you won't fuck me i i don't know what to do i'll fuck you oh yes that's right my name's darren i've been i've been where'd you come from i've been here the whole time i didn't know that i'll fuck you you'll fuck me yeah will you do it in front of bobby however you want it, horny as hell. Okay. Yeah. Get over here.
Starting point is 01:42:47 Okay, okay. And I'm jerking off, maybe. You can't jerk off. Either you fuck me, or you sit there. Hey, bro, you came in a little heavy saying you're going to jerk off there, dude. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Bobby, did you...
Starting point is 01:43:01 I'm going to have to call HR about that. You just said you were going to masturbate in my office. Were you going to pull your dick out at work dude While I get railed by Darren Yeah yeah you're right I should put in my resignation Yeah And that's what I'd do I'd quit
Starting point is 01:43:13 And maybe next time fuck your boss I'll fuck you The opportunity's lost I'll fuck you get The opportunity's lost. No, I'll fuck you. Get out of your jerry, scram. Yeah, for sure. Bobby, have fun, dude. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:43:31 Thanks, man. Thanks for enlightening me, Jaren. For sure, dude. Yeah. I don't know, man. I got herpes anyways. Yeah? Do you have bumps on your dick?
Starting point is 01:43:40 Do you have anything? I have herpes. Do you really? Mm-hmm. Don't say that out loud, man. I love it. Oh, yeah? Yeah. You cut the bumps and stuff? Mm-hmm. Don't say that out loud, man. I love it. Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:43:46 You cut the bumps and stuff? No, it just doesn't happen that often. Okay. So this guy, Don't Shoot Where You Eat, give me another question. Do you have any more? Yeah, we got three. Oh, is that how it happens? I don't know how you work.
Starting point is 01:43:58 No, you got it. Yeah. Not that one. Why? It just wasn't the one. Whoa, good chad and jt me and this girl met back when we were both 12 both our mothers go way back and eventually went to the same school so they're mad close we've always been super close and basically platonic we are super low-key interested in each other but that all ended when I moved countries around the world around three years after we met.
Starting point is 01:44:26 After two years missing my Juliet, it turns out she moved to where I'm currently living so we can reunite once again. But by this time, I have a smoking hot GF and she eventually gets a good looking but mega douche boyfriend. Long story short, we've always wanted each other but never got the chance. Except we did hook up once during my cousin's wedding. Super sweet party, by the way now we are both single and she moved back to where we were originally from confusing i know so do i chase the dream and follow her across the world on some good old
Starting point is 01:44:53 classic romance or do i let this ship sail and find myself a new smoke show girlfriend appreciate the advice in advance peace is she still so she still has a boyfriend no they're all single but she just lives way far away from him so he's wondering if he should move for her oh go ahead no no i want to hear what you have to say no go ahead no you first it's your show man uh i i unless it's like unless you've been dating for a while i don't think you should ever move for a girl because pretty much every story i've heard ends in disaster. My voice just cracked. That's how passionate I am
Starting point is 01:45:28 about it. I feel like it's got a Bridges of Madison County vibe to it. Oh, good raps. Thanks, man. I think that sometimes unrequited love is a good thing. The fantasies that was out there right um i think that if it's i feel like everything happens for a reason as well so it's like um also i don't even know if she feels
Starting point is 01:45:58 the same about him this is all coming from his point of view so it's like did you call her and go listen i you know i feel this way i just feel like we're meant to be with each other would be would it be cool if i moved back in the town like that's as has that been discussed he's jumping levels a little bit yeah yeah i think he's jumping a couple levels like if we knew that she felt the same way then obviously and if she's the love of your life that's what it feels like that's some sort of like right don't you think yeah why not just trade dms for a while and see if it love of your life, that's what it feels like. That's some sort of like, right? Don't you think? Yeah, why not just trade DMs for a while and see if it kind of bubbles up that way.
Starting point is 01:46:28 But if you just move because this is your assumption, and then she's just like, no, dude, we're just friends. Like we're childhood buddies. Right? I don't know how she feels. I think the good thing is he's excited about this girl, but I don't think he needs to get to that action step quite yet. Like I think the better move is just to talk to her a little bit,
Starting point is 01:46:46 start, start with the DMS, get to phone calls, see if that builds and then maybe plan a trip where they meet up. And then on that trip, after they make love, be like, Hey,
Starting point is 01:46:54 I'm going to slow plan this, but I want to be with you permanently. Wow. How do you think? I think, I think I like that route, but I think I would take it a little bit slower. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:47:04 Start hooking up and then, you know, just slowly build it. And then I, I think that route, but I think I would take it a little bit slower. Start hooking up and then just slowly build it. And then I think about moving maybe a year down the road. Yeah. I never really talked about the Paul Walker thing. Right. Get into it. No, why is my question to you two. Why Paul Walker?
Starting point is 01:47:21 Yeah. Why not? Did you feel this about him before he passed i was always a massive fan i so i watched the first fast and the furious when i was like 11 yeah and he was just someone i he was just someone i looked up to and why though is there something about his character that did it for you i mean i think it was his overall i think it's his vibe his his look he was sort of like uh someone i wanted to emulate growing up and uh there was something about his i think it was i think it was just the way he carried himself on top of that as a person i think his sort of
Starting point is 01:48:00 inherent humility and and warmth and his uh yeah are you laughing it's like it's ridiculous but it's so silly it's crazy talking yeah his his warmth it was really endearing to me how about you man you know i loved him too i think i think i don't think i appreciated him until he passed and then when chad started to explain why he was so significant in his own life, I kind of vicariously began to understand it. But like, you want a Paul Walker statue where? The San Clemente Pier. Why?
Starting point is 01:48:40 Why there? Is that where he's from? No, but I mean, I think San clemente is the jewel of california that's crazy that's insane you think it's encinitas yeah i think that you're you're fuck man like for me it's it's like for me saying i think the jewel of california is koreatown But those are obvious reasons why I'm saying that. But that's your jewel.
Starting point is 01:49:06 That makes sense. Right, but it's not necessarily the jewel. But does it have to be objectively true? Can't it just make sense to you and that's where the romance of it comes from? That is true and I'm glad you said it that way. And that's my bad.
Starting point is 01:49:18 I would have to argue, you know, listen, your obsession with Paul Walker, here's how I gather him Right? He's average looking to me What? Dude, start with something else That's like, you're way off base already
Starting point is 01:49:35 Yeah Keep going I'm going to open that way And there's nothing you can do about it That's my feeling You want me to be honest to you or what? Well, you know Compared to to you he's good looking do you not think i'm handsome no i think you are and you're a good dude but my point is is that because i know you think i'm handsome yeah i do i think you're
Starting point is 01:49:58 interesting i'd rather have interesting than handsome dude thanks man yeah yeah well all right okay so okay there are many i think there are different there's many beacons of hope for people and for us i think it's paul but i do feel that it's universal yeah because he's just so like i i don't know if in this time period though it's like he's you know he passed and that's sad to me and i'm sorry for your loss because that must that must have been very traumatic right but in terms of like having a hero he really didn't do much socially or to for me to check off on that and go and and support that right i think that he reminds you you know he's he probably reminds you of you right because there's you know he's got this socal vibe about
Starting point is 01:50:49 him you know i mean he's got a good body yeah he's above average looks i mean in fact i would say that he's handsome but is he the most handsome no in hollywood and in terms of like acting ability you know me he was a great actor i don't wouldn't know but i'm sure he was because he got a lot of work and whatnot, right? But in terms of like, if you were casting a movie, right? Let's say I said to you, we're going to do a movie. You can cast whoever you want as the lead
Starting point is 01:51:13 and Paul Walker was still alive. Would you cast him? Yeah. Over, let's say if I said to you, listen, I got Robert Downey Jr. Over T. Cruz? What? Over T. Cruz? That's a tough one. Who's cruz tom cruz yeah i got tom walker tom cruz brad pitt paul walker paul walker is that his name i got paul walker tom cruz brad pitt um who else daniel day lewis fantastic actor right right Who else? Daniel Day-Lewis. Fantastic actor. Right, right.
Starting point is 01:51:46 But you can only pick one. Who would you pick? I guess it depends on the character. The character is, he's just playing like an insurance salesman, right? Out of Long Beach. And he's had it with life. And he wants to do his dream,
Starting point is 01:52:04 which is and he's had it with life and he wants to do his dream which is um his dream is do you ever you know what cock fighting is you do so it's two birds fighting in it do you know that the cocks on their elbows they have little knives the blades right little blades his dream is to make those blades but be the best one at it. That's not a Paul Walker part. I feel like it is. Long Beach. Yeah, Long Beach.
Starting point is 01:52:31 Over his life. And he's, you know. Yeah. So out of the four actors, who would you pick? Paul Walker. How about you? Mark Ruffalo? Think about it. No, he's not in it.
Starting point is 01:52:41 I just say the four. But for that part, I think it's a Mark Ruffalo part. Mark's working. We can't get him. Oh, he's doing another Incredible Hulk thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And don't roll your eyes. He's good in it I just say the four but for that part I think it's a Mark Ruffalo Mark's working we can't get him oh he's doing another Incredible Hulk thing yeah yeah yeah and don't roll your eyes he's good in the part
Starting point is 01:52:49 he's the best Incredible Hulk we've had but when I no I loved it dude I'm sorry no contact yeah but when I think about
Starting point is 01:52:55 Mark Ruffalo I remember him from You Can Count On Me and you know doing like Kenneth Lonergan kind of deep serious stuff dude one of my favorite movies
Starting point is 01:53:02 of all time I know you love it how do you know? I can just tell. That scene where he's in the bathtubs and they would just hold on him
Starting point is 01:53:09 and he's just contemplating his life and very introspective. I think that was when I fell in love. I go, this dude is legit. That was it.
Starting point is 01:53:18 But Paul Walker never, I never had a moment with him like that, right? And for you to say that Paul Walker has that dynamic as someone like Mark Ruffalo is
Starting point is 01:53:29 looney tunes to me. But Mark Ruffalo makes me sad. Paul Walker gives you hope. Mm-hmm. So, outside of the Fast and Furious movies, what could I watch to make me fall in love with Paul Walker?
Starting point is 01:53:47 I think Running Scared will turn you. He doesn't accent. What's Running Scared? It's kind of like a pulpy action film. It's kind of harrowing. It's like all these detours in the night that turn kind of sadistic. Right. But Paul's kind of the a pulpy action film. It's kind of harrowing. It's like all these detours in the night that turn kind of sadistic. Right. But Paul's kind of the moral center through it all.
Starting point is 01:54:09 Yeah, and it would turn me? I think so. He takes a hockey puck to the face. Oh, he does? Mm-hmm. So you think that after watching Running Scared, I'm going to be like, you know what? I always thought that Daniel Day-Lewis are, you know, are the best actors in the world, but Paul Walker is. There's different kinds of acting.
Starting point is 01:54:31 That's true. I mean, it's not like Daniel Day-Lewis, like, who brings all this, like, commitment and historicity to his part. It's about Paul representing the best of what that kind of person could be. God damn it. You know what? You guys are fucking swaying me, dude. I came in here, bro, I'll be honest with you, I came here to just destroy that. Right? I'm going to hold the line.
Starting point is 01:54:54 How much money do you want? For the statue? From you? Yeah. I want to donate. Dude, give them the real number because we could get this fucker built. Well, what are we at? We're at $10,000. We need $40,000. I'll give you $100.
Starting point is 01:55:08 That sounds good. That's great. Appreciate your generosity. You got it on you, Cary Cash. Look at how fat that is. Is that a Ridge wallet? Is that a Ridge wallet that's stuffed to the brim? Go ahead.
Starting point is 01:55:18 Put that in the thing. Thank you, Bobby. Yeah. Yeah, check it. How's it look? But can I say this? Yeah. yeah check it yeah it looks how's it look but can I say this yeah
Starting point is 01:55:29 if I go to the Paul Walker statue and my name's not anywhere like you know how this is donated by you know what I mean I would like my name on there for sure okay
Starting point is 01:55:38 yeah okay that's good bring a multicultural element to it as well so the next question? Yeah. Help, my boyfriend doesn't understand our different libidos.
Starting point is 01:55:49 Please keep anonymous as I got my boyfriend listening. Hey, Chad and JT and any other fortunate guests. You should have read that part. But I haven't said her name yet. So I think we're still in the clear. Go ahead. I've listened to your podcast for a long time now and I love how bro-y, hilarious, yet mature you are
Starting point is 01:56:05 when it comes to relationship advice to young guys out there. My question is this. How do I work with my boyfriend to elevate our sex life? I'm new to this serious relationship thing, and I like him so much. We work so well together in so many ways, and at the beginning of our relationship, our libidos were definitely matched. Now we are a year in, and it's come up multiple times how important sex is to him, and I find it's decreased my sex stoke.
Starting point is 01:56:25 I'm finding that my excitement towards sex with him has turned into a chore and something I know he expects. We've had so many conversations about this, but he simply doesn't understand my side. To me, it's a maturity thing, but I don't want to wait two plus years for him to finally get it. That scares me a lot. How can I work with him? What sort of things have helped you guys in the past understand the difference in sex between guys and chicks we're in our mid-20s and we're definitely old enough to get to know better sorry if this is too explicit for the pod but man i'm struggling and in need of some major guidance what are you looking at me man go ahead
Starting point is 01:56:58 that's tough because i dealt with this and i didn't know how to how to handle it you know i make mistakes in that department all the time yeah i think i think you just gotta talk about it i think open communication for sure yeah i think you gotta talk about it and you just need to get it out in the open but there's just so much emphasis on sex right i mean there's just so much more to relationships like back in the day back when abe lincoln the colonial days were around dudes wouldn't ask a girl up just because of the sexual aspect of a relationship, there's other things at play, like can she mow? I mean, can she cattle raise? I mean, can she churn butter?
Starting point is 01:57:53 Can she lift a log? It's a partnership. It's beyond, I think sex is such a, it's a significant part, but sex is there for breeding right to have to have the baby imagine if there was no feeling with sex right like you just we would never fuck and we would never have babies so god made it so that it we have a strong desire to do it right so that we can procreate right to continue our species correct species, correct? But I think that sex is, I just, just so much focus on it.
Starting point is 01:58:30 And there's just more to it. It's like my girlfriend and I, do we fuck like rabbits like we used to? No. But we're creating an empire, baby. Right? I trust her on so many levels in terms of like creating,
Starting point is 01:58:44 you know what I mean, content content and she's like producing shows like creating shows with ATC she wrote a show right that they're pitching to real networks and real you're right and I'm like supporting her through that right and if she wasn't you know if she was just she's not somebody I just stick my penis in. She's somebody that I look for advice. And what do you think I should do? And I trust everything about her. If I gave her a million dollars in cash and I say, save this for me and don't touch it, I completely and absolutely trust her.
Starting point is 01:59:21 So relationships are beyond just tit for for tat you know i mean and nutting like nothing feels good right jay t did you forget my name yeah that's all good no it is it is more than nutting and i think actually when those other parts of the relationship are more developed the nut feels more special yeah because when you're really connected to someone and then you come it's a different feeling yeah what you i agree yeah i think uh i think that was probably one of my i think when i was younger you know you just i was pretty um shallow i was like i just need to get hooked up with the hottest girl, date the hottest girl ever because that'll look cool and I'll feel cool.
Starting point is 02:00:14 But now that I'm 30, it's like when you feel that compatibility and that connection, it's so much more meaningful. And so, I mean, hearing you talk about it i was gave me goosebumps honestly yeah that was really well said yeah so are you not buying what i said i bought the ticket on you a while back thanks i think i think also sometimes dudes we can get a little lazy, you know what I mean? And we're just like, oh, we'll just get together and we'll fuck and then we'll watch TV.
Starting point is 02:00:48 And the thing is like, and it can go both ways. If the other person's expecting that, it's always a turnoff. Even sometimes when I'm with a girl, if she just like is like, hey, let's just fuck. I kind of go the other way and I'm like, whoa, like let's slow down. Let's watch like Crazy Stupid Love together or something and kind of have some fun. So I think you got to communicate with him and it will be difficult, but I think the important thing to tell him is that like, look, for me to get into a mood where I'm sexual,
Starting point is 02:01:11 I need to have some buildup and I need to have some connection and I need to feel like it's not just about that for you. So can we go for a drive? Can we go to the beach? Can we kind of like share in some joy? And then I might feel more naturally encouraged to have sex. Also, i'm not 25 you know i'm 50 you look great yeah you look amazing thanks bro but i'm almost 50 years old in september i'll turn 50 so it's like i'm coming from a different thing i've been around longer i've just experienced things and i'm just you know i used to be like a fucking rabbit like you bro you mean and like you
Starting point is 02:01:46 man i used to stiff fuck too man well yeah i think uh i i remember instances in my 20s when i would you know go on dates with girls and i was already had it in my mind that i wanted to date them yeah what are you drinking man fruit smash our sponsor tart seltzer is there alcohol in there there's alcohol yeah i can't drink it then no i'm not offering it i'd like some no leave me a sip no i'm kidding um i i would be like you know on dates with them what if i was super down i was like yeah go for it bro if i relapsed on your show and i died a week later from hair and overdose would you feel bad yeah dude i feel pretty bad people would blame you too.
Starting point is 02:02:25 You think so? Oh, yeah, yeah. That'd be an interesting life to live for a little bit. There'd be death threats. Yeah. I honestly think that it wouldn't be good. No, I don't think so. But it would be interesting to be that person.
Starting point is 02:02:36 You would survive it. You would survive it. Yeah, to feel that anger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it could be good for my personal development. Maybe. I'd learn a lot. What do you think about those ratings, though?
Starting point is 02:02:43 What do you mean? The numbers on the pod would be huge. Would you we get a boost i think you would yeah yeah yeah maybe do you think we'd be able to hold it do you think we'd be able to maintain yeah what would we have to do next i think that eventually this form of entertainment is gonna die because everyone's doing it now yeah right and i think that you guys got in in the right time yeah but um i think eventually it's like everyone's doing it and eventually it's going to be saturated and and saturation always ruins you know me a medium um i think you guys should focus your attention also on the stand-up yeah to get good on
Starting point is 02:03:25 that because have you guys gone on the road yet no i'm telling you right now you guys will sell out oh thanks man and you guys can make really good money doing it do you enjoy doing the road yeah not really but um but i enjoy making the money and also um you guys should always do a versus deal don't do a guarantee you know When you do a club and they go, well, we'll just give you five grand. So no, go. I want a $5,000 guarantee, but also versus the percentage of the door.
Starting point is 02:03:55 So if the percentage of the door is more, I get the percentage of the door. Right. So it's like, I'll get a 70-30 percentage. That's crazy. Do you feel obligated to crush for a paying audience? Not anymore, no. What are you looking for when you go out there to do a set?
Starting point is 02:04:12 What do you mean? Like when you are going up to do your set, what is in your head that you're like, this is what I'm looking for. Like this is the feeling I'm trying to achieve. Right now you guys are amassing an audience that will love you regardless. And essentially they're paying just to be around you.
Starting point is 02:04:27 Just to experience you. Right? And you make sure that you don't feel above them. When fans come to my show, I look them right in their eyes and I go, I really appreciate this. And I would not be doing what I'm doing without you guys and sometimes you get crazy
Starting point is 02:04:50 and you gotta put a boundary up like hey man put your dick away or whatever but usually it's like consensual and cool and it's very you know we are very lucky in the sense that we get to connect with our audiences in a way that actors really can't really.
Starting point is 02:05:13 Because they know the real you in a way that people don't. Yeah, man. Like I just, even just being on this, I've said a lot of things that are very personal, you know, and you guys should also focus on on if you want to act focus on that kind
Starting point is 02:05:29 of stuff as well yeah there's a variety of things you should maybe even make an animated show with you too we try we were pitching it we had a development deal with hulu but they passed because dan harman came up with like a parallel idea like the 11th hour yeah yeah so i mean but that's one company right i mean there's other places that will probably do it with you so it's like make sure you do it all because this could be the seed of something very special but don't put all your baskets i don't think in just podcasting because i think that in the next two or three years it's going to slowly die yeah like anything everything dies everything like ucb was like the factory for a while in la
Starting point is 02:06:05 and then now it feels like it's kind of like the room the store became the hot bedding and everyone wanted to be there because you can slowly now see and i mean it's the store will always be there are you guys regulars there yet no you want to be yes yeah do you think another club is going to usurp the store by booking some of these canceled photos no no no because no i think that there are some clubs like the laugh factory will have some of these guys before the improv or the store does right you know but um i think um stand-up will always be there as a live entertainment um medium but it will, like anything in life, and your careers will do the same. This is very important, so listen to what I'm about to say, okay?
Starting point is 02:06:58 There are guys in our business that shot to the top, right? And then fell like this. You don't want that okay and it might not feel as good because you don't get this gigantic like holy shit what the fuck is happening i'm the king no yeah right you always do what i did right and I think it's something that I did subconsciously but it's is do this but upwards right right so the doubt but you know I'm always kind of every year something new and interesting happens right every year I get a little tiny bigger but then all of a sudden I'll lose something and I'll have a drought but then drought but it's always kind of in this upper trajectory you don't ever want because the bottom is so painful
Starting point is 02:07:51 that fall is so painful and I've seen it happen people don't recover because they can't a lot of people can't it's too hard on them that people treat them different after that fall like they can't handle it it's not that because they're not
Starting point is 02:08:03 on the rise they'll take everything fall like they can't handle that it's not that it's just like when they because they're not um they so on the rise they'll take everything it's instead of thinking it through like i have a friend i don't want to say his name but he's not a comedian he's an actor who's hot right now right this dude is smart because he's he's getting offered things and he goes not right no that's not right you know what I mean he's picking and choosing things that are very smart for him not things that necessarily
Starting point is 02:08:34 are like these gigantic blockbuster things that are you know but he's going you know that feels right I want to play that part that's too soon for me or whatever he's very very being very picky and smart about it and he's being very woke about it and i think that um you know i think you guys are going to be on the right track but it's like thanks don't worry about you know i mean hitting it big is no it's it's better to like have a slow burn yeah and slowly grab your audience
Starting point is 02:09:03 and slowly rise because like i'll be honest with you jt i look i looked at your audience and slowly rise. Because like, I'll be honest with you, JT. I looked at your apartment and I think you have a really good setup here. This is not slumming it. No, it's nice. This is real shit right here. It's nice. It's really nice, right?
Starting point is 02:09:16 But you don't have a mansion, right? Eventually, you will have one. Eventually, like I just, dude, I lived in a place like this for 15 years on beach wood and i just bought you know i mean a pretty big house on kind of the hill and it's nice right but it's like i feel like i've slow burned into that you know i mean so you know yeah we definitely we're dipping our hands into to everything so i think we're, I think, but that is good to hear because I think we do have that desire to shoot up, you know, which you just, you sort of want that moment because we have had that slow growth. But I think that is good to hear to, you know, just sort of embrace the ride and slowly go up. And here's something that i was hesitant of saying
Starting point is 02:10:09 but i don't do everyone's podcast do you understand what i'm saying like i'm very i'm kind of busy it's like and i you guys didn't ask me to do this you guys never asked have you no i had to ask oh you asked i asked mike i go i texted mike and i go hey i know you guys have those two um going deep or whatever that's called I go could I do it? and he's like they would be stoked to have you and so he did it right?
Starting point is 02:10:50 but I reached out to you guys which means that there's something about what you guys are doing I think that like you know what I mean is pretty tubular let's go
Starting point is 02:11:00 right? thanks Bobby so I don't want to do that right now but sorry I just didn't want to do that right now, but... Sorry. I just didn't feel it. No, if it doesn't feel right, it's okay.
Starting point is 02:11:10 Yeah. I think you left it out. You know what? I feel bad you left it out for a while. So do it. Put it up again? Yeah, yeah. Do you want to give Chad one?
Starting point is 02:11:21 No, Chad and I have something different going on. We did a kiss. We have a different thing going on. Yeah, we did a kiss. Yeah, we have a different vibe going. But I think you guys are on the right track. And I want to have you guys on my show, not this Tuesday, but the following Tuesday. Also, I have his number now.
Starting point is 02:11:38 May I get yours? Yes. Not now, but we'll do it afterwards. I think I'm done. I think that's perfect, actually. Yeah. I think that's the right place to end it. Bobby, thank you. Bobby it afterwards. I think I'm done. I think that's perfect, actually. Yeah. I think that's the right place to end it.
Starting point is 02:11:47 Bobby, thank you. Bobby, thanks. That was great. Yeah. That was fun. It was really fun. It was so fun hanging. You're a beast, man.
Starting point is 02:11:54 Really appreciate you coming on. Yeah. That's enough. That's perfect. Yeah, yeah. Guys, I'm interrupting this podcast to let you know once again that we are brought to you by Manscaped. Manscaped, thank you so much for keeping our trims pubed for looking after our hogs for making sure that our dongs are looking fresh and clean because you got a dong or some kind of genitalia and you got pubes that's for damn sure and you need to keep those
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Starting point is 02:14:20 people who back out of parking spaces slowly dude nothing makes me more pissed than when you're trying to park or you're trying to get out of a parking lot and people are taking their sweet ass time you know coming out of a parking space when they're just slowly you're like how cautious do you have to be it is interesting yeah you got to live a little yeah and and honestly usually it's a really nice car and i know they have the camera in the back so they can see what's behind them i'm like i'm like dude you know no one's behind you fucking gas it and get out of here get the fuck out they almost know too much yeah i was i was really um it happens all the time and and and then you you know they they back out slowly you know, they, they, they back out slowly,
Starting point is 02:15:05 you know, and they're really, you know, careful with it. And you're just sitting there and you're like, what are you doing? And then, and then they drive by and you just,
Starting point is 02:15:14 you know, give them the stare afterwards. It's just like, this is LA. Okay. Time is money. Get out of the spot. I need some air on ASAP.
Starting point is 02:15:21 And my voice just cracked. Cause I'm so pissed. That's what happens when you're passionate. Yeah. It's a, you know, it's'm so pissed. That's what happens when you're passionate. Yeah. It's like old football wisdom that most injuries happen when you're not going 100%. Exactly. When you're slow and you're waiting for the hit, that's when it typically happens. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:15:36 So I'm not endorsing reckless driving, but you do have to adapt to the speed of the city you're in. Yeah. Los Angeles is a hustle and bustle kind of place. Exactly. If everyone else is moving fast and you're moving super slow well then you're going to cause stuff yeah that we don't want yeah you know every time it happens i i you know just because i'm in the la mindset i'm just like business you know yeah you're messing with my business you're interfering with commerce yeah and i'm not like you know. Like the speech from a network. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:16:07 And I'm not a Gordon Gekko type of guy typically. You can slick it back like he does though. Totally. And, you know, I'll throw down stacks if I need to. Or I'll place huge investments if I need to. I don't have the capital to do it, but. You have the mindset. Yeah. I'll just say it verbally just to like let people know but
Starting point is 02:16:25 yeah that's my beef man so if you're back if you're back in a parking space slowly uh and you see me behind you trying to get you know a meal um you know press a little bit harder on that gas let's get that lead foot going that was righteous my oh aaron what's your beef of the week uh my beef of the week is also driving related. It's in your neighborhood. It's not being able to make a left turn between 4 and 7 p.m. Right. I'm coming down a major street here.
Starting point is 02:16:56 Yeah. And I can't make a left to get down to your house. It doesn't make any sense to me. It's not fair. Why would I have to make three rights and go straight to come down to what would just be a left i know it's crowded was there heavy flow coming east there always is but there's always there's always opportunities if you're smart you know do you ever have a moment where you're just like whatever i'm not listening to
Starting point is 02:17:21 the sign and you just sort of sit there and you're like go around me forget you I try not to do that but if I see an opening I will go if it's opening if it's open I think you got to go and I think the city knows you're doing that too they got to put that up there to stymie you know like a chunk of people who will abide by every uh sign but you know there's some of us who live in the in-between who we follow the rules but when we see an opportunity to break the rule if there's no consequences for it it's better for everybody we take it yeah i remember one time i broke the rule because i had ice i just got ice cream you know and i was like i'm taking the left and it was you know i was holding up traffic this guy's like what the fuck man i'm like i have ice cream it's melting did you have the cone in your hand yeah i showed it to him you're're like, bro, ice cream. Was it already melting down?
Starting point is 02:18:05 Starting to. It was dangerous. Yeah, I had to lick it up. My beef of the week is with my gums. I have bad gums. I can brush them very attentively and in those slow circles, trying to build them back up. But they just keep receding.
Starting point is 02:18:26 And I don't floss. And that probably would have helped me a lot but i'm sorry guys but yeah my gums they're just going backwards and there's nothing i can do about it my teeth are getting huge yeah they're getting huge i see you licking your teeth a lot i think i'm getting food stuck in there right yeah you gotta floss i know i hate it it's so boring you just gotta get in the habit just start doing it i'll do it for like a month or two. Yeah. I almost treat it like cold showers or something like that. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:18:49 When I'm on a self-improvement kick, I'll do it. But I don't know. It's been really hard for me to hardwire that into my nightly routine. The dentist hasn't scared you straight? No. I mean, they couldn't even retain or straight my teeth. Right. They still buck a little bit, even though i did like five years of braces so i guess i'm just a little skeptical of them were you consistent with
Starting point is 02:19:11 the retainer yeah oh you were oh yeah i feel like you that's interesting i feel like you'd sort of rebel against that no i wanted nice teeth yeah yeah the nicer the better yeah i mean i got a tv i see what sells hell yeah not in the 80s though sells. Hell yeah. Not in the 80s, though. Guys with all sorts of teeth in the 80s. Yeah. Like Kevin Costner, his bottom row, pretty jagged, but it's hot. Yeah. I, yeah, I don't know.
Starting point is 02:19:34 Just bummed out about my gums, but I'm going to go to the dentist soon. Nice. I'm not going to end on a sour note. I'm going to the dentist. Nice. And I'm going to get in there, and I love going to the dentist. Oh, you do? No.
Starting point is 02:19:52 It's cool, though. Yeah yeah it's not too bad it's it's it's fun talking to the dentist the only sucky part is when they do their dentist stuff yeah but i like kicking it with dentists they're cool people yeah what's your dentist like she's cool yeah dr lou yeah she's legit nice i don't remember much because it's been a couple years since I saw her, but I remember really good vibes. Yeah. So I'm excited to get back in there and catch up. That's good stuff. Give her the lowdown on what I've been up to. I remember I was tongue-tied,
Starting point is 02:20:12 which means my tongue was more attached to the bottom of my mouth. And I went to see my new dentist here. And this was like six, seven years ago. And he's British, so he's like, he's British. He's like, oh, Cheerio, your tongue died. And I'm like, what does that mean? He's like, your tongue, you can't stick it out all the way. I'm like, oh, I'm aware of that. Because college, I had to compensate, if you know what I mean.
Starting point is 02:20:40 And so he does it. He cuts it. When you were eating pussy? What? Oh, no, I was talking about ice cream. Oh. But the dentist, he like cut it, you know. So now I have more mobility in my tongue.
Starting point is 02:20:55 And he was like, you know, this is going to be good for a lot of things. Including eating pussy. Really? So he was thinking about eating pussy too. You were the only one thinking about ice cream. I'm always just thinking about ice cream yeah what what can i see your tongue and so you weren't born being able to do that that's like new range that you have on it yeah it would go like a little bit past my lip whoa yeah so what did you do to open it up it hurt my
Starting point is 02:21:20 articulation what's up what what did he do to open it up? He just cut the... Yeah, there's a thing that holds the tongue. Oh, like the cord underneath. He cut that. Yeah. Should everyone do that? No, I think it's... Usually they do it when you're like a baby.
Starting point is 02:21:41 I think it's a pretty... Not rare, but it's like it's common it's it's common but not every i think you're like you're fine uh yeah you're fine um like that what you didn't like that you turned away but uh yeah so uh what was i gonna to say? Yeah, so I, but yeah, my articulation, I just, I can't articulate that well. Nice. Dude, who's your babe of the week? My babe of the week is, oh, okay. My babe of the week is doctors.
Starting point is 02:22:17 So, you know, I said what I said last podcast. I don't regret it. I was heated. Specifically, I don't like being told that I have hepatitis before going on to Mexico. But I was heated at this one doctor. And I got a couple of messages from medical professionals that were a little bit hurt by my rant. And I just wanted to throw it out there that I have have the i mean i come from a family of doctors i have the utmost respect for doctors my dad's my hero you know hardest working guy i know i know how much
Starting point is 02:22:54 hard work and sacrifice they make um i mean the hours are insane and if i ever have a problem i'm going straight to the doctor i was just pissed at you know i'm not gonna apologize to dr dickweed who uh you know gave me those you know who told me i was gonna die off a you know you know blood test um but i just want to give a shout out to all the doctors out there i love you guys respect you guys you do tons of schooling that's a lot of work you know you don't even get to be like an md till you're like early to mid 30s that's a lot of that's a lot of uh persistence and hard work so i just want to give shout out to doctors uh i yeah i don't think i have hepatitis nice dude thanks aaron who's your baby of the week my babe of the week is mike bertolina oh hell yeah he's a baby every week right yeah
Starting point is 02:23:58 he really is but uh lately he's been plying me with uh sandwiches from the place i mentioned before submarine king um he did it today it's just like i didn't know if i was gonna have time He's been plying me with sandwiches from the place I mentioned before, Submarine King. He did it today. It's just like I didn't know if I was going to have time to go between finishing the last pod and getting here. He was going anyway. He's like, you want one? I was like, load me up. He did.
Starting point is 02:24:18 No questions asked. It's beautiful. I just love it. Thank you. And also not making me feel bad for wanting to go there all the time time because he goes way more than i do that's the best yeah no shame in the sandwich game uh my baby of the week is agnes collard she's a uh philosopher of ethics i believe or an ethical philosopher but that feels more not like a job title just more like a description of someone um and how they do their job but yeah she was on ezra klein's podcast and it was i'm only halfway through but it's all about status and she basically
Starting point is 02:24:50 breaks down conversation into to its like essential components and she basically says it's like a status game where we're just telling people how much value they should afford us that's a lot of what our conversations are it's like we're just telling someone else like, hey, this is how valuable I am and this is why I should care about it. And there's two main components to that. And that's the importance game, which is where when you're talking to someone, you're just telling them how important you are,
Starting point is 02:25:15 but you don't do it overtly. You have to do it in like subtle ways. You know what I mean? And then the other part is the leveling game where you do the opposite. You show people how unimportant you are and then you share in that. And it's about empathy yeah and then i thought about that i was like dude that's literally every conversation i have is one of those two things right and it's just really
Starting point is 02:25:32 interesting to like think about how i approach conversation and like what i'm trying to get across all the time and i was like oh wow it does kind of neatly fit into those two categories what are the two again empathy so there's the uh there's the importance game which is where like you're telling the other person why you're valuable basically you're like oh i did this thing and then this person called me for my opinion and then i said sure i can help you out with that and oh no i can't make that tomorrow because i have this meeting with these people who are trying to give me this thing you know what i mean and then the other side is the leveling game where you go the other way and then you're basically like i don't know but i'm stressed out all the time and
Starting point is 02:26:03 i just don't feel like anything's gonna work out and you know people aren't calling as much as they used to but that's fine you know i mean then the other person's like oh i also feel that way but it works because you've done the other half of it right and then so it's all this like subtle uh kind of signaling that we do when we're in conversation because it's not like you're in the military where it's like an obvious hierarchy of who has status. It's like kind of doesn't even make sense. We don't even know what factors to look at. And everyone has different ones. Yeah.
Starting point is 02:26:28 So when you're having that conversation, you're kind of saying by suggesting what values you have, you're also saying these are the values that I think are important. So it's not necessarily a bad thing because you're also like not everybody has the same things that they think allocate status or believe in the same things that allocate status. That's interesting. Yeah, it was cool yeah the whole status thing is is like it's crazy it's crazy but it's big it's woven deep into us as humans yeah yeah and it's like how do we deal with knowing that it's in us it's like we
Starting point is 02:26:56 can like try to like be like no i'm not into status it's like but we kind of all are it's just like but we all you know different statuses is it like fame is it like integrity like what is the thing that you're looking to it's probably some combination of a bunch of things all right uh chad who's your legend of the week uh my legend of the week is rio nexpa uh where i went in mexico um uh it was like a it was a hardcore surf trip it was like you know staying in a shack it was like basically like a concrete shack on the beach yeah okay not concrete but like you know very minimalist living i mean there's a sink you know shower toilet and just like two open rooms no ac or anything like that and to like brush your teeth you know down there you have to use like bottles of water and stuff because the water's dirty and from the you know the tap water
Starting point is 02:27:50 and you know you'll get uh like you'll get sick so it was very much like you're staying in a shack on the beach you surf all morning you lay around all day no cell service and you're basically forced to disconnect and then you surf you know all evening and there's a couple of taco shops on the beach but then you know you go to like mega the the grocery store and you get all this food and we would just like cook food and um but it was very kind of like you have to be careful when you're cooking the food because you have to use bottled water to like clean everything and um it was just very kind of raw and rugged rugged yeah and i we got like a shitty x-terra and uh what there aren't any shitty x-terra yeah we got an old x-terra is that good sure we got
Starting point is 02:28:38 we got i'd say you almost took offense to that i'd say we got a 2002 that's older than the one i had yeah okay it's different body style i got 2002 xterra drove it like you know two and a half hours through like it's not puerto vallarta it's like deep mexico and uh it was sick i mean it forced me to disconnect i had a bunch of anxiety being away from my phone you know that i was just like first day i was kind of like losing it a little bit and then and i sort of sunk into it and it was good for me and uh you know got deep bronze waves were huge you were so you're still tan but you were so tan when you got back yeah it was like 6 to 15 feet sailor tan yeah it's like the waves were like 6 to 15 feet wow i mean the first day it was like 10 to 15 then the rest of the days is like six we get on those yeah i'd say the biggest one i got was probably like 11 feet that's freaking huge is
Starting point is 02:29:30 he is scary people don't know how big that is like go out into the water and four foot surf it feels like 10 feet yeah and then when you're paddling on them and you when you stand up on a big wave like that you're sort of like paddling and you just have to commit you know but in your mind you're sort of like am i really just gonna like paddle for this stand up on it it's insane yeah but it was a fairly easy moving building yeah it is yeah but it's sick i mean there's a filmer there so he should have was he cool super cool he's the man the photo you posted today was really cool yeah and i think he should have the surf footage to me um whoa can we use that surf footage for the other thing we're working on yeah if it's good i think it'll be good that's even better
Starting point is 02:30:10 because i mean they're huge waves yeah yeah so i'm uh eagerly eagerly anticipating that let's go i'm excited for it too yeah aaron who's your legend of the week my legend of the week is uh my wedding speech that i gave uh my buddy's wedding a couple weeks ago oh hell yeah fucking crush you crushed you smashed let's go dude yeah let's go crushed it so you got so when you when i hear that you say you crush it that means you got laughs oh laughs on laughs on laughs that means you also you tugged on some heart strings no oh you didn't you kept it i don't go emotional really at all no nice i i feared away from it they're gonna get plenty of that you know that's true that's true yeah so you were getting you're
Starting point is 02:30:50 getting some rip-roaring laughs like yeah it was it was amazing nice dude my buddy gave a speech like two people before me and he's like i'm just gonna wing it and that immediately just put me to ease i was like oh i fucking i wrote jokes like nice right i know i'm good you're prepared so i wasn't even sweating it, which was beautiful too. Like I was the two times I've given it before. Like I was sweating it. Were people coming up to you after? I was a minor celebrity.
Starting point is 02:31:13 Yeah. It was great. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I was already in the group, in the bridal party. So I was already like kind of famous. I'm in the suit, you know, I'm in the uniform. You're in the distinguished category.
Starting point is 02:31:22 Status. Status. Status. Yeah. But then, then I'm getting high fives and hugs. Aaron, can I be real for a second? Yeah. I want you to give a speech at my wedding.
Starting point is 02:31:32 Happy to do it. Nice. Happy to do it. That'll be great. Maya Legend of the Week is Mike Bertolino. Nice. He's a legend. The legend.
Starting point is 02:31:47 He's great at what he does. And then he's also just a great hang in general like he's always fun to talk to he's always like in it and just like engaged and and and fun and then and then yeah and then he's he's been so helpful with everything we've been trying to do and yeah he's just always like it feels like he's always going the extra mile and i just uh yeah can't say enough nice things about the guy he's the best he's always going the extra mile. Yeah. And I just, yeah, can't say enough nice things about the guy. He's the best. He's the best. And he makes a killer Bloody Mary. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 02:32:09 That Bloody Mary he makes, I don't know, it's next level. And I'm not a big Bloody Mary guy. Chad, what's your quote of the week? My quote of the week comes from Tropic Thunder. Great movie. And they're in this one scene where they're like, you know, they need to go get Tug Speedman. They realize he's been kidnapped
Starting point is 02:32:31 and they want to go save him. And Al Pacino, Al Pacino, yeah. He goes, but they're trained soldiers. And Robert Downey Jr. goes, yeah, but we train actors, motherfucker. downey jr goes yeah but we train actors motherfucker dude there's a uh like a bonus feature for that movie yeah that's like making fun of the heart of darkness documentary and it's about justin thoreau being like a crazy verner herzog type yeah and there's one line where production shuts down it's like everyone flew home on commercial jets or
Starting point is 02:33:02 private planes except for what's robert Downey Jr.'s character's name? Kirk Lazarus. Except for Kirk Lazarus, who flew home on a 1966 B-2F ship carrier. He flies home on an official Air Force plane from that time. It's so good. Dude, it's so good. I love that movie. One of the funniest movies of all time, for sure.
Starting point is 02:33:23 Man, you more dice than a julienne salad. Give me that thing. give me that goddamn man come on mccluskey tell him what time it is my favorite part is when he he breaks in the movie and they kept it in and uh he's talking about they're talking about something he's like what you talking about with the book script spit that shit out man and then And then he... Oh, he kind of smiles, right? He smiles, like the biggest smile ever. He just smiles. And then you see him get back into character. It's so funny. That's him breaking?
Starting point is 02:33:51 Yeah. Oh, it's so funny. Yeah. That's really funny. I thought he was just being a weirdo. It played really well. Yeah. Aaron, what's your quote of the week?
Starting point is 02:33:59 My quote of the week is the toast that I gave. I want to give it to the listeners. I want you to be able to use it. I basically said that, and it was just at the end of the speech where you know you give a toast yeah so uh i was like i don't really know what to say in a toast so i just pulled a bunch of movie quotes that i think all fit um so that i turned to the couple and I said, may you live long and prosper. May the force be with you always to infinity and beyond. We love you 3000. Be excellent to each other and party on dudes.
Starting point is 02:34:41 And I raised my glass and everyone cheered and started clapping for my speech. Cause that was the end. That was like a moment. And then as they're clapping, I go, yippee-ki-yay motherfucker oh yeah and that worked that fired me up do good order to that what's bb excellent to each other from bill and ted oh okay yeah i was already on dudes i was picturing it while while you were talking about it you painted a nice picture yeah nice so feel free to use that stokers it's uh it's out there for you mine is uh from i'm reading the replacements book again and uh these are the lyrics from the song uh what's the name of the song it's on hootenanny
Starting point is 02:35:16 treatment bound we're getting no place fast as we can get a nose full from our so-called friends we're getting nowhere quick as we know how we were all from town to town treatment bound Just good lyrics. Nice Aaron or uh, chad. What's your face a week for getting after it? Um Let's slap the ass Aaron what's your face we forget after it? Let's go the ass. Aaron, what's your phrase that we forget after it? Let's go surf a building. Hell yeah.
Starting point is 02:35:55 My phrase of the week is an anecdote that ends in a funny thing my brother said. My brother reminded me of this the other day that I spoiled Pirates of the Caribbean for a bunch of people. But sort of accidentally. We were leaving Kikorian. And we had had a wahoo's fish tacos and so we're all in the car leaving the parking lot and i see a big group of people waiting to get into pirates of the caribbean 2 whatever the name of that was dead man's chest or something and uh i'm like oh i gotta fuck with these people you know so i roll down the window and i go hey johnny depp dies at the end and then all these like 13 year olds turn they're like shut up shut up get out of here
Starting point is 02:36:26 and i'm like ha ha ha i hadn't seen it so i pull out and i didn't know what happened and i pull out of my brother goes dude johnny dip does die at the end because he had seen it the night before and i was like what yeah i was like no he doesn't no he doesn't my brother was like yeah yeah and i was like oh i actually spoiled that fucking movie i'm so sorry then we drove home so it's like a i was doing it as a joke but i i did screw a lot of people over that day yeah so my phrase that we're forgetting after it is johnny depp dies at the end nice yeah that would make me want to drink yeah sure i uh yeah i watched pirates of the caribbean before i went to mexico just to get inspired by his tan such Such a good tan in that movie.
Starting point is 02:37:05 It's so good. Dude, his performance in the first one was really like... It's incredible. Yeah. It's easy to take it for granted now because he made like 10 of them and he's so male in it. And then he started doing weird things in every movie. Yeah. But that was the first time he was weird in something huge.
Starting point is 02:37:19 Yeah. Like in a big blockbuster and it just fits so nicely. Yeah. And no one really thought it was going to be that big. No. big no they were like oh they're making a movie out of the ride i remember going to see it and i was like yeah it should be cool you know i saw it and i still watch it to this day i watch it probably once a year at least i might watch this night it's so good it's great movie it's so good it'd be amazing if they just sometimes left those things at one yeah you know because if it was just one movie kind of like oh no they no, they made another Mask of Zorro.
Starting point is 02:37:46 Yeah. Like I really love Mask of Zorro and I completely forgot about the second one. But it's nice when they're just like these like, you know, isolated action adventure movies. Yeah. But now they're just like always like, no, we got to make like 10.
Starting point is 02:37:57 Yeah. And look what it did to Johnny Depp. Yeah. He got the whole world, but he like lost his soul in the process. Yeah. How do you prevent that? I don't know.
Starting point is 02:38:07 I think you've got to have good friends. I know he's got good buddies, but I don't know if he was listening to them. Listen to your friends, I guess. Yeah. Probably don't drink $250,000 with wine. That's true. He's got the Wino Forever tattoo, although that's a make-up for Winona Forever. Oh, nice.
Starting point is 02:38:22 But yeah. Passionate guy. Yeah. All right. Well, that's the podcast. Let's go. Thanks, Bobby Lee. Yeah. Oh, nice. But yeah. Passionate guy. Yeah. All right. Well, that's the podcast. Let's go. Thanks, Bobby Lee. Yeah, thanks, Bobby.
Starting point is 02:38:30 Guys, check out Helix Beer Bongs. Fourth of July is coming. Shopcgd.com. And keep leaving reviews. They help us out a ton. And they're always just so nice to read. So I really appreciate all of them. And yeah, stay stoked.
Starting point is 02:38:48 Stay stoked. If you need advice These guys are really nice You wanna know What to do Where to go When you need someone to guide you Just to have the throat beside you
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