Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 275 - Robby Hoffman Teaches Us How To Please A Woman

Episode Date: January 25, 2023

What up stokers! This week we got, Robby Hoffman, on the pod. She's hilarious and roasts us good.   Check us out on tour! Go to www.chadandjt.com for tickets!   Check out the reddit here: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/   Sponsored by: Athletic Greens: Visit ATHLETIC GREENS dot com slash GODEEP for a FREE 1 year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase.   Head to FACTOR75.com/godeep60 and use code godeep60 to get 60% off your first box.

what's up stokers we have an epic epic podcast for you but before we begin i want to remind you that we are on tour so we're going to be in st louis next um get your tickets at chad and jt.com we're coming to florida we're coming to portland we're coming to we're going we're going everywhere i can't even think of all the dates so but get your tickets at chad and jt.com we also are oh check out the red. Uh, Chad goes deep Reddit. Get some discussion going on in there. We're also brought to you by legends that factor factor.

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good yeah were you like woozy like out of it i was really woozy those first two days i actually took a like a call from my manager i thought i felt great and then like midway through the call i'm like i must go like suddenly and i and i was just in and out of sleep and did you have big boobs no actually a nice really proportionate b on my period maybe a c you showed me a picture of you when you were in yeah i look good eh yeah she was like yeah yeah yeah i pulled shore smoke shit yeah oh yeah yeah in high school where are you from um originally from new york and then grew up in montreal oh cool cool yeah what's the montreal culture like it's great montreal's the best but i mean it's such give us a little more uh you know it it literally is i tell people

here if you're looking for like a cheap really gorgeous vacation go to montreal i'm happy it's my hometown because bringing people back there is just amazing. It is Europe when you leave America, you know, and your dollar is like in Mexico. It's like everything's half. You're eating like a king for nothing. Five-star restaurants,

just gorgeous. Yeah, I went to boarding school and that was the spot. Montreal, yeah. In Connecticut because that was like the drinking age yeah kids will party there i never went yeah it's go take your girl on a romance go for a weekend to montreal you

literally cannot go wrong they speak french there yes they do that's beautiful they're very rude they're french everybody smokes people are hot and it's there's no friendliness people are huffing in canada yeah quebec is it's french is not canada quebec is like the goth kid of canada like it it's not it's not the you know the is it arrogance or is it just it's everything it's everything it's just they're cold they're small they're hot they eat well everything's free the wine is four dollars it's the best one you've ever had man i gotta go jesus amazing it's just small did you say they're small yeah everybody's pretty like america people are massive like fat yeah we're fat massive yeah not in la though but like when you go to disneyland that's where you see real america

yeah nobody is even if you went to montreal you're like oh it looks like power like everybody it's just purport every the whole life is just it's really nice no it's just like you know if you get chicken at the restaurant you get maybe a leg a little bit of rice some green gorgeous glass of wine nobody it's not crazy here it's like stuffing this into that into this and the more the merrier it's like you know there's not like refills in montreal interesting supersize me isn't no they're not yeah they're not doing that mcdonald's is like a fun treat if you go out at night and you're hungry the girls were like let's do mcdonald's but it's not fast food culture were you able to maintain that kind of when you came to america we're able to maintain your

yeah proportions yes i live normally portion size yeah i don't i don't care for american food whenever people by the way tell me when you want to record we're recording oh we've been recording the whole time okay i forget what you wanted me to say before but whenever i'm eating like i just you know everybody's like what can we get like i never want to go for a burger i'm done with american food there's so many burger places how many times can you say this is the best burger right like we've like it's not that hard to make a burger yeah i don't know i'm just uh yeah i i'm you know and there's problems in montreal massive if you want to work good luck if you want a job good luck you have to know french you know and there's not a lot of opportunity. But if you're a kid or you're starting out your life in Montreal, there's no cheaper.

My apartment was $4.35 a month, two balconies, gorgeous. Alcohol is cheap as hell. Transit. It's just a great city. Hell yeah. Yeah. What were we saying before? We were talking that you're the best because I went out with Carmen Christopher and you said you insured him to his girlfriend. You bet. Yeah. Yeah. What were we saying before? We were talking that you're the best because I went out with Carmen Christopher and you

said you ensured him to his girlfriend. You bet. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, I'm not expecting a bracelet from him, but, you know, in Orthodox Judaism, if you've set people up, you're to, it is customary to give the matchmaker a diamond bracelet, specifically a tennis bracelet, which is the diamonds going all around once we're going for it let's go for it why do they call it tennis bracelet i have no clue i

guess you can play tennis with it or maybe they're like little balls it looks like i can't i would wear it all the time if i got it and i did set up um i can say should i say the name yeah go for it I can say, should I say the name? Yeah, go for it. Adam Ahrensberg with his wife. Wow, Adam Ahrensberg? Sarah Schuster. No way. Yeah, two people.

You don't know who they are. I went to school with them. Montreal. I set them up completely blind. But the thing is, is he comes from a family of diamonds. So I'm thinking, and they're both Jewish, I'm getting the biggest i'm like this is the good setup because he can actually provide the gift that you you not nothing we go

to the wedding all my friends are looking like when are they gonna give you the diamond bracelet we're all like sitting there like when's this gonna happen and she's a misery really yeah to get her a husband was like a miracle no it's like a real miracle okay but he had short man syndrome so it really evened out that's good stuff like it was like perfect what was she offering the the two of them had to get together and get me a bracelet as far as i'm concerned they're sitting on a massive debt to me was your wedding present like a you owe me well it's like i even gave i don't even know what I gave, but they should give it back. Yeah.

Is he aware that you're expecting that? Oh, they're very aware. There's messages. I followed up. All my friends were on it. We were all pretty much thinking the group was going to inherit a diamond bracelet. I was thinking of selling it off. I had plans.

I was maybe 22 i had plans for this this bracelet and his family being in diamonds you would think but again you know we're seeing everything that's happening with the jews and can i be surprised i can't be what's going on with the jews there's a lot going on i just finished the bernie madoff docuseries it's excellent i started that oh how good the whole thing with the bern Bernie Madoff docuseries. It's excellent. I started that. Oh, how good. The whole thing with the Bernie Madoff thing is like, yes, and then now we have Sam Bankman Freed, who's another Jewish person with a crypto fallout.

But they're just getting caught. You think the head of Chase is up to something good? You think the heads of Merrill Lynch? No. The Jews, I think that we can open an investigation into any of these people i'm sure we'd have a scandal i don't know i think like jared diamond i think he's an ethical dude yeah these are ethical people at the top of the banking or jamie diamond there we go i'm just saying that said excellent docuseries

i need to check it out do you think is there more pressure you think on uh i knew some orthodox jewish guys who were in sex addicts yeah and it felt like they were are you allowed to share that no okay and they were under a lot of pressure to like really be titans of industry oh we're oh wow you know what i don't know. You know, Orthodox Jews, they're not in a regular education system. So the only jobs really afforded to them is, you know, working sales, selling commodities, things that don't require a formal education necessarily. So I think that's why a lot of them do end up in kind of commodities selling uh diamonds you made a great point too when we got coffee you were talking about how like people criticize jewish people for being in charge of the media yeah and you're like yeah we are and that should be a compliment well here's the whole thing it's like if you if you start like hollywood you know i i don't think you know when when this land when nothing was really going on industry-wise here jews what a lot of people forget is at the turn of the century, Jewish people were left out from participating in regular society. They were not, there were quotas on how many could go to school. I think in places they couldn't be lawyers or doctors or the

things, you know, they were really kept out of a lot, which led them to the businesses that they're in now. One of them being entertainment, which was considered very low level. I think it still has a very low level element to it for a lot of people. But it was considered, you know, being the jester or making, you know, art. It wasn't. And they literally moved there and they became, they moved to Hollywood and they opened studios and started making movies and taking it seriously and making really an industry of it. I think there was a museum that opened in L.A. recently, Motion Picture Museum, if I'm not mistaken.

Yeah. And it was a big scandal because they specifically omitted all the Jewish influence of it. Versus like if you look up the major studios and I don't know what they're called. you look up the major studios and I don't know what they're called. Um, but if you, if you look up MGM and you look up all the major studios, they're all like Hungarian Jewish immigrants who fled the Holocaust, or, you know, they're all Fox started by a Jewish guy. Like, and so these were people who didn't have any options and decided and were gravitating towards the arts and, um, and open studios that ended up being successful, that ended up being where the world went.

But I always argue if you opened a bakery, could you not call it JT's Bakery? No, you should. So, you know, Fox opens Fox Studios. Could he not, you know, it's so Jewish. So it's a weird thing to say that Jews, because we don't look at other industries and say, well, Catholics run the government.

Have we ever had a Jewish president? No. And who runs big tech? And who runs, and there are Jews in that now, but I'm just saying there's a lot of industries that we don't conglomerate who is them. You know, we don't go after Catholics and Christians. Yeah, it's weird for success to be interpreted as like a pejorative. Yeah. And the thing with banking, and it's unfortunate where it's turned, but, and I could be wrong on the

history of everything I say, by the way, if you're in the comments and you're going, this is, yes, if a fact's wrong here or there, I'm noterson cooper i'm not a journalist okay whenever they go after comedians like sarah silverman said this it's like yeah she's a clown like she's not on cnn like we're allowed to say whatever the hell we're saying i don't have to you know you're talking a lot we talked for like two hours you're gonna make mistakes and we talk a lot but this is the general story that i don't fuck up get it right i'm trying to get it right so i don't know the years but but jews were still omitted from partaking in in being part of you know um economics and society in general you booted us we started our own thing and now you hate that so all these aristocrats all these rich people had money and they had gold bars and they had like the, before money was really,

when money was backed by gold and they basically kept them in vaults and safes and stuff like that. And banking came about because, um, and this is what I think the origin story of modern banking has to do with, but Jewish people who were excluded again from working professionally would go to like a rich person they knew and be like, hey, you got 10, 10 stacks of gold sitting in a vault in a closet. Let me let me split up the gold and sell it for parts and you'll make more. You know, let me invest your gold. Like, let me try and break up a bar and see what we can get from each individual piece. And we became bankers.

And that's why a lot of our last names bankman and this and that it's like it literally was a necessity we created this job of instead of just hoarding your wealth in the closet we're going to invest it we're going to make more money for it um and i think that was um one of the one of the the beginnings of modern banking and so and we hired each other we hired other jews because we couldn't get any other jobs so same for entertainment and now these happen to be super successful for me it's like whenever you keep a people out of something watch them take it over like we tried to keep black people out of a sport like golf because golf was you know this rich white by the way, Jewish people also not allowed to be part of golf clubs.

And but as soon as they got in, when Tiger cracked in, he took that shit over. We're going to see the same thing with tennis. We're going to see it with everything with rock climbing. I believe next when we get when you try and keep a barrier, whether it be financial or societal or cultural, they will break through and they will dominate because that hunger um you know you were just a people were just bullies at keeping other people out so that they could be the best at it but actually we haven't seen the best um it's the same like when they had that debate with the trans swimmer did you follow this yeah at penn so i forget her name trans swimmer um she competed in the men's division uh leah thomas leah thomas she competed

in the men's division then she transitioned she competed in the in the um in the women's division and obviously she swept and people are coming to me like you know and i'm like i'm not getting involved with that trash that's all a distraction okay everybody wants to say leah thomas wasn't the best person in the pool you know the other girls should have won and i said did you see any black girls in the pool i don't think we have even close to the back don't tell me any of those girls are the best white people are actually supposed to be better swimmers because of anatomical it doesn't stop it with this where our belly bellybutt names? You're not allowed to say this now,

but David Epstein, who said he wouldn't have written this in his next book. It's wrong. Sorry. I'm not getting into this. No, you're right. I'm wrong. What I was saying, exactly.

But look it up. What I was saying is that I don't care. I don't think any of the best. I don't want to put my name on it. You want to tell me these 12 rich girls are the best swimmers in the pool? Why don't you give a girl from the Bronx lessons from the age of two

and then tell me who the best swimmer in the pool is Why don't you give a girl from the Bronx lessons from the age of two and then tell me who the best swimmer in the pool is. Don't get me distracted by these little issues that are meant to divide us from the real thing that it's rich versus poor. Totally. That's what they're arguing about right now with affirmative action. They're like, if you look at Harvard,

everyone who goes there is still rich and everybody who goes there is primarily related to someone who's already gone to Harvard. It's like they're doing affirmative action action but it's only helping the wealthy people it's like there's no socioeconomic affirmative action the other way then it's like well you only got it because this why do you think bitch you got in why did they get in no but i'm saying like let's say we do affirmative action and we let more minorities in or marginalized people and the white people go well you only got in because of this and you think you're king tot who was your father how did you get it right you know you have covered a ton

in the first 12 minutes i talk a lot that was a broad anthropological history of like six major all false probably i don't care no i was i was i don't know if anyone would be able to dice it up it was dense dude i was lost for a while. And then you circled it back to the bankers. And I was like, that's what we're talking about. I circled it back. Listen, it's a long clip. If you're putting out 17-minute clips on Instagram, you know, it's a long clip.

They need to hear it. I genuinely believe that. They need to hear it. I'm not a soundbite-y individual. No, there's too much of that culturally anyway. You're not a long form. That's why i like the podcast you're a long-term podcast long-form artist it's long form i enjoy that and you're a

crusher you're one of the funniest stand-ups i've seen thank you you always bring it thank you my brother saw you at jam in the van he was like who was that she lit the room on fire yeah i'm just so sick of it i get up there i'm done i say what i need to say and i get the fuck out right i am already done when i get up there like you know what i mean i'm just like shut up i if i hear a peep most people won't be bummed like and then i will take you for 15 minutes i will blow your head off and leave where'd you get that combative nature from well yeah i'm born i'm one of 10 siblings whoa which one i have nine siblings i'm one of 10 siblings. Whoa. 10? Which one? I have nine siblings. I'm one of 10.

I'm seventh. I have six older, three younger. All from the same mama? All from the same mother. Enormous vagina. Do you have early eyes on it? Have I seen her vagina? I have because at the pool,

she would take us to the pool for girls swim and she would change. You know how like old ladies, like they just, they don't have any, they don't go to fuck anymore. And I'd be like, ah, ma, her pubic hair out. She would go out with a bathing suit that had pubic hair. I'd be like, ma.

Oh, she had bush coming out? She had bush coming out. What a proud lady. Fuck. That's kind of hot. She didn't give a fuck. She had that weird bathing cap on. Right.

Oh, that's so hot. Was that normal back in the day? Just had bush pop out? No, it wasn't normal.'t normal super normal it wasn't normal i would be so embarrassed her tits are down here because we all sucked them out you know and by the way this is getting Freudian and weird but i'm dating a girl with big tits for the first time you should hear to me she's so hot yeah i know it's the first time i investigated big her to me. She's so hot. Yeah, I know. It's the first time I investigated big. I've never been with big. Typically the girls are much smaller in terms of breast size. And I gotta

say I'm sleeping like a baby. Gotta say. Sleeping on them? Or just having them in your life? I'm holding the belly. I'm getting eight, nine hours. And she treats you like a king. Like you came home from a trip and she made you a soup or something like that? She always makes all kinds of things. Yeah. She made us ducks. She's's there's always fresh flowers she's trimming things did you have

sleeping problems before no and i always slept well but i'm sleeping heavenly on those pillows i feel like yeah maybe that could be like a cure for insomnia for a lot of people yeah yeah i bet you a lot of guys would like that yeah if that's what the doctor recommended if you prescribed it yeah go to the pharmacy it's very yeah it's very nurturing it's a natural nurturing place to be and you want to be nurtured when you're going to sleep i feel like it's a good cradle it's one of the best parts of having a partner it's just having them hold you yeah it's excellent it's excellent which actually brings us to the big debate and one of the reasons we brought you on here we talked about hollywood now we're talking about how important it is to be nurtured and touched by your partner. Yeah.

Which I think is really well represented in the film Moonlight, which won Best Picture in 2016. Oh, okay. I like it. This is a good segue. He's working on his segue again. He's working on his segue. All right. But you actually believe La La Land, which was the confused winner at the Oscars. Right. They brought them up first and then they were like, no, actually, it's Moonlight.

It was a whole to do. Biggest fuck up in Oscar history. You actually think La La Land should have won that year. I saw La La Land three times in theaters. So I am the minority. I think most like I it's a very lucky choice for me because I do like some musicals a lot I don't but some I do this was like very much at the limit of what could be musical I thought the opening scene alone of of that car scene I don't know if they shut down the 101 or what it was I thought

it was phenomenal I also it was it was a um intersection of such so many things i love so it had old cars i love old cars i love old things in general i liked his apartment i like the clickety nature of the car moonlight also had old cars very cool cars with big rims yes i will say that i will say that um but la la land i just really enjoyed i did the more i it, the more I loved it. Then, Moonlight, I also liked. I thought it infantilized us by giving us the three sections

and labeling them. Yeah, the structure's a little clunky. I felt like we were able, as a grown-up, to watch a movie. So we're going in attack mode. We're going to take each other's movies down? No, I just felt like,

like Moonlight was more like vignettes. Right. Like it wasn't one complete story so it was the whole thing i hated when they would tell us the year as if we couldn't tell from the difference of the cars and everything else and i also hated that they did not know their characters what i mean by that is the boy in the first scene when they were young was not the same waiter in that last scene because the boy in the first scene when they were in was not the same waiter in that last scene because the boy

in the first scene when they were in high school and he had a ton of swag i don't care if you're down on your luck or whatever happens to you don't lose you don't change everything about who you are they didn't leave him with any swag there was no connect there was no connective about who that person i agree with that person and i agree with you on the vignettes. But here's where I disagree. That was my... Why do we go to the movies? We go to feel, right?

We go to feel something. We go to have a part of humanity illuminated that we haven't seen yet or we haven't felt permission to feel. Moonlight did that, where it's really about these people who are afraid to be themselves because they live in a hard world. And they're all craving just to be their soft selves, but they can't do it. But they were a different person. So I'm going, I wanted him to be himself and then you gave me he like is not even

alive well you want me to go in on la la land because they can't sing they can't dance it's a fucking musical sorry i came in too harsh there okay i don't remember a single song from if i see a musical i gotta be singing the tunes when there's no song but i like the story i'm singing all those songs i like the story but but the story the stakes are so low it was low it was a pleasant movie but i thought it did what it was a movie it was a cohesive movie the other thing was a miniseries it was a three-part series can i tell you something else about moonlight it's really and i love moonlight still i just thought la la land could have won moonlight moonlight i think all movies about repressed male homosexuality are actually for straight guys because i feel like all straight guys feel like we're hiding something and we're

afraid to be our true vulnerable selves and who has who has higher stakes and what they feel like they have to hide than a gay man in traditional society i think straight guys have a dilemma like like do you guys all have dicks yeah okay so do you like your dick fuck it you caress it you take care of it oh yeah right so safe to say you love your dick i do safe to say you love dick yeah okay i think you're trying to catch me safe to say you're gay i think all men have this weird thing where they know that they love their dick, but they don't know what that means.

So they have a little bit of gay. They don't acknowledge it, even though it's fine. It's your own dick. It's still gay. You love it. It's still gay. It is what it is.

To love my own dick? Yeah. Well, if that's gay, I don't want to be straight. I would say I love it for its function, not its aesthetic. Well, you don't like the way straight. I would say I love it for its function, not its aesthetic. Well, you don't like the way your dick looks? You do.

I don't believe you. Dude, you got me there. I love the way your dick looks. Thanks. I love the way your dick looks. I think you probably have a very nice dick, and it's okay to own that. He's very straight on the kinship scale. It's a little bigger than I would like.

Yeah, it's a little bigger than you would like. Because we had a small dong march. We're champions of the small dong movement. I learned that it was bigger than I would like. Yeah, it's a little bigger than you would like. Because we had a small dong march. We're champions of the small dong movement. I learned that it was bigger than I anticipated. We help guys with small dongs not feel bad about it. No, listen, I agree. It's half the pop. No, men with small penises.

It's like 90% of the population actually has small dicks. Yeah, men who are crying about. Especially with phthalates going around. With what? Phthalates, have you heard about this? Dicks are getting smaller. Microplastics are making dicks smaller. Microplastics.

You know, you drink water bottles and all that stuff it's it's uh raising estrogen shrinking dongs the thing with these micro guy micro penis guys is they're always complaining you know they want a lot of sympathy they have a micro penis and we should remove the stigma and this and that but it's like like i've always said i have no penis and i fuck like hell so who cares just utilize whatever the fuck. It's like, it doesn't even really matter. Right. Yeah.

You don't have a crisis of it because you've never felt like in deficit. No, I felt like, look what I'm doing without a dick. I mean, it's insane. Right. I got nothing to offer. It is pretty impressive. We're talking about a couple of fingers. I mean, what are we even talking about?

You should give like a pep talk to these guys. I'm just like, guys, like, so look what I'm pulling. And it's not, you know what I mean? No, you pull smokes. I'm very impressed. It's crazy. Yeah. And I'm doing, I got nothing doing.

I got what, a quarter of an inch? What are we talking about? Yeah, yeah. Do you think, do you think, do you think you're better with your fingers than like me or Chad are? Way better. Probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to, I used to help my friend Ryan Abrams. He's

kind of useless and helpless, but I did give him a full diagram of going down and fingering. I'll sign up for that course. I'm not afraid to learn. Did it change his life? Yeah. Is it too, is it too like crude if we get into it now and we just do the course like in real time here? Yeah, we can do a little bit of now. I would say i would say that hand jobs are gonna be your best friend more i would say that focusing so okay i don't know if we're on okay so this is the vagina this is the clit here okay i would say focus on the upper left portion of it and just softly stage left or my left the if you're looking at it the person's stage left so if you're looking at on the right yes you're right why the left it's a most sensitive towards that area interesting towards the upper this is huge this is gang but i think to the upper left i'm sorry this is probably

gonna be the clip so yeah okay no no so upper no and i think a lot of people talk about this um there was even a sex cult that was like teaching people how to make people cum like this. But when you're fingering, I think you're thinking that like, oh, go to the bottom of the click, go like, you know, where. But I think if you almost towards the upper left and you're more gentle, and obviously, listen, it's different for different people.

But I think that'll really bring them close. And I would say to go fast and then slow. Do you have any concerns of giving away your secrets or going to give away your competitive advantage? Zero, come, come. That's so generous of you. Come, everybody. Yeah, that's so nice of you.

And then I think if you're wanting to fist a girl, which a lot of people don't know how to make a girl squirt or if they're into that, not every girl can squirt, but your best chance is okay you got a really wet doing the clit softly i always i i i jerk a girl off with my left hand because it's less aggressive than my right i'm a righty more tender so yeah your left is a little foreign to you or whatever your non-dominant hand jake you're learning a lot i'm telling you right now holy shit okay you're gonna send me i've never heard him take this many notes during a pop okay so

you guys can have arthritis I think get her there okay and either she comes from that and then you can go inside of her and you'll

just make sure it's really wet and when you're going inside of her or just when she's about to come you can also do it you'll feel the vagina

open up so it's quite easy to either get your fist in or you you know, if your penis is really good. I've never been that interested in putting the fist in there. But she might be interested in squirting and coming hard. I want to make them squirt. They get nervous about it. No, but if they're nervous, they won't be able to do it. The fist leads to squirt? Lots of times. Well, how do you make them not nervous? Sorry, go ahead. So you go in and you'll feel it open and you can really, it starts to get really roomy in there it's like i mean think about it it holds a

baby the world opens it's not getting that but it starts to get open it's not that and then you just and sometimes they can squirt from that really and it's still not a sure bet but they'll feel good no matter what is that from the pressure because there's so much they're so open and now it's just it's it's it just the body has totally relaxed so so by and again i don't have a scientific this is my own this is pure this is this is anecdotal in the trenches yeah i've been i've been investigating and doing this research care personally for some time i care too yeah we care so to fist because to get the fist in they have to be relaxed that's what you're saying gotta be relaxed okay and you're getting it in like this you're starting three fingers four fingers right yeah you don't just like try and punch it but then

no and then you'll see like oh my god it's like really open in there and you can feel almost ridges those ridges i believe are a g spotspot oh i've always yeah i've i've noticed times when it feels open but that's always because i think there's a queef in there no but a queef i believe is letting the air go right right so that's what i'm saying is like is like where you're like wow this is really open and then you pull out queef it's because there's air in there and it's because she's contracting around your dick like a suction cup no because her muscles are queef it's because there's air in there and it's because she's contracting around your dick like a suction cup no because her muscles

are feeling good it's like so that's what's going on you're just making girls nervous the whole time why is she nervous the whole time I guess because I'm anxious I don't know

I find myself I think I'm the lover archetype like I'm very passionate and you're like she's nervous I'm like she's not nervous talk to her don't make her nervous that I can't help you with

no I'm pretty good at fucking you know well you just her. Don't make her nervous that I can't help you with. No, I'm pretty good at fucking You know, I mean you well you just not to be the field but but I I know that for a fact Thank you. I know, you know thrilled for you. How do you know you told me? I didn't say that. All right, so back to the whole thing in moonlight You don't bother me about moonlight. I heard Brady's Dallas make this criticism gay man He said it was he was the first one who kind of let me in on that it was more of a straight movie. Is that they don't really bone in it. And in a lot of gay movies that are made by straight men, it's more about like the desire and like the repression.

And it's never about the sex. You know what I mean? I know. That's his perspective. And sure. Yeah, definitely. Who was in the movie? Was Mahershala Ali in that movie?

He's incredible. But he's only in the first act and then he just goes away. And he was the father definitely. Who was in the movie? Was Mahershala Ali in that movie? He's incredible. But he's only in the first act and then he just goes away. Yes, and he was the father or something? He was the surrogate father. He was incredible. Dude, just the way he stands. And I wish he was the gay man.

He's gorgeous. The way he stands or smokes a cigarette, you're like, they give him an Oscar for like 10 minutes of screen time. Oh, did he win the Oscar? I think he won

Best Supporting Actor for that. Good. I really like him. I really like him. Yeah, I wish that first vignette was the whole movie. Yeah, that was the best one. You know what? I wish that was the whole movie

because then we have to do a new movie with new casting that made no sense to me. I could understand the other little kid having a glow up, becoming this big, beefy, bulky, hot guy. Fine. But they lost the swag of the cool kid kevin loses the swag and becomes kind of an ordinary podunk dude and you're like this isn't the good looking and like top of the

class killer dude it just yeah it didn't seem like it made any sense but what about in lala land the fact that gosling and emma stone can't really sing can't really dance and the songs aren't that good i'm fine with that and then in the end somehow i'm fine with that they break up because neither one of them wants to give up on their career i didn't quite buy it i was like y'all could have stayed together they could have stayed together i totally agree i think they should have stayed together like there wasn't cheating there wasn't like you know it made no sense there wasn't like they were clearly in love none of the traditional reasons people split they were clearly in love and why'd she end up with tom everett scott i don't know who that is but but they were clearly in love from wait was la la land the one where justin timberlake is setting

suddenly in the band because that was horrendous what justin timberlake that's alpha dog okay can you look up or that doesn't work john legend it. It's not that movie. John Legend's in the band. No, no, no. Okay, John Legend. That was fine. But then Justin Timberlake is in some godforsaken movie showing up in the band and it ruined the whole movie for me. Let's see what movie this is. What?

I know it's going to be close. I know it's going to be close. It's not Alpha Dog because I love that movie. Justin Timberlake is something. You just think there's Justin Timberlake. Yeah, but... I'm not thinking you're some. What was it?

The Johnny Cash movie? No. Walk the line. Justin Timberlake. I am. D.B. Credits. Acting.

No. Who is Elvis? And I'm looking at a line. I forget. If I find this faster than you have to be. He's known for trolls. The social network in time. Yeah.

That's right. Justin. Oh, inside. Is that's right. Inside Lou and Davis. Justin. Oh, Inside Lou and Davis. Is that what you're thinking of? Inside, yes. Yeah, good call, dude. Okay, so what is it called?

Lou and Davis. 500 miles. Inside Lou and Davis. 500 miles. Inside Lou, yes. He's good in that. As the cornball dude, he's dating Carey Mulligan while she's getting stripped on the side by Oscar Isaac.

Like, Justin, that movie. Let me see. It's a beautiful movie another movie with an aching heart i think that's one of the coen brothers best i have to pee go do you want us to stop or keep going no keep going i want to talk about when you get back about how you want to like be ostentatious with uh your like yeah okay i'm gonna talk in two seconds about that you think you're gonna be able to make a girl squirt with that technique? I'm certainly gonna try.

Yeah, I'm gonna edit this one on slow-mo. Just go straight to fisting. Yeah, yeah. Honey, I'm gonna come home tonight and wake my girlfriend up. I'm like, babe, how you feeling? You wanna try something? I'm glad she told us to go like this because i was i was gonna go like you were gonna come and you want to start boxing too right i just go straight for the jab yeah yeah yeah

you're just jabbing it i'm just like are you relaxed yet i'm just firing you know non-stop i don't think that's a good question i'm on the head are you relaxing yeah babe are you relaxed are you relaxed babe you're tense i can tell you're tense. I can tell you're tense. Relax. It's just a routine fisting. Are you relaxed? Love you. Dude, I mean, we'll come back to it, but I mean, it's got to be one of your babes or legends of the week, right?

What? The pup. Oh, yeah. She's so cute. You had a busy ass day too, bro. I can't believe you're potting right now. Yeah. We were talking about Inside Llewyn Davis.

No, I was telling you though, I think about, have you all watched Surviving Death? No, what's that? Netflix docuseries. I think it's six. Oh, people who come back and they talk about what it felt like. Oh, I love that stuff. It's unreal. I love that stuff.

Did you watch it yeah uh hell yeah i watched that i watched that i watched like tons of youtube videos on that yeah and reincarnation yeah what do you think of like nd like near-death experiences do you think they're valid do you think it's legit or yeah there's nothing i don't believe basically i love i believe the fact that we're even here on the planet it's crazy that i'm not plugged into a wall that i'm eating whatever and i'm moving without batteries yeah is a miracle so that there would be something outside of this world yeah i feel like there's nothing i don't believe yeah um that's what david eagleman says he's a possibly and he believes everything yeah i believe

everything is yes i didn't even know there was a word for it but yeah so there's nothing i don't believe i i like that this was for the first time, you know, a clinical look. And maybe not for the first time, but at least in a Netflix series, a clinical look into these experiences. Because I think science demands us when there's enough examples of something, even if anecdotal, even if somebody, you know, memories or whatever, we aggregate it. We look into it. We have a scientific approach for it we see if there's any validity we see if there's pattern we see so the to dismiss so many examples yeah of kids and reincarnation and stuff like that is just anti-science and i think we have

a process to interpret these stories to accumulate them aggregate them and data mine them uh for scientific research so that's what this series does, but the big takeaway for the series, and I had kind of a different takeaway. I think this is what you were getting at, but the big takeaway is obviously that there's something larger than us, whatever, you know, whatever, whether you believe in these things or not, there's, we're part of something bigger than us, you know, and ultimately the material world is limited and we may go on to something. We may be part of something bigger.

We don't know, but, um, you know, so, so to really focus on what's important in life, which is your connections, relationships, um, being good and feeling good and, and love and all that stuff. But my big takeaway was through all of these episodes, the one common denominator was that the material world ceases to exist. Whatever we know, the only thing we knew is that this ends and we don't know anything else, really. So I'm like, the only thing we know is the material world ends,

so let me have the material while I can. Like if I can see my grandfather my zady into infinity potentially if there's even a chance to see him again okay i'll get to him later but i can only drive a porsche for so long right i can only have the watch i want for so long those are the specific spoils of this ephemeral life i like things that's why i like old cars i like tactile clickety things i like touching things i enjoy things and growing up without things and now having a chance to maybe have things that i love i just i almost have like a rapper mentality i love it you want to be g'd up from the feet of like what like me as a billionaire

you're gonna be like right like i would be lambo bottles models like i'm like literally like and i'm like you know people like the queer community i'm like fuck all that let's get these lambos let's get going like you think gandhi like when he went to wherever you go they're like dude you did it totally wrong yeah you were in the material world yeah minimalism is not the way no you're in the material world so let me enjoy it i can't beat the system yeah let me get whatever the hell i can and get out of here you know so that's why it's like a system like this because it incorporates everything into the system critiques of the system become something you can sell within it so instead of selling something that's hypocritical why don't you just buy in and live it as it's right and

there's there's a bad way to buy in like i don't i like i still i love the whole i like process of everything like the reason i wanted like first of all. Like the reason I wanted, like, first of all, whenever I close a deal, I think I'm selling this or I get a big opportunity or something. The way my depression mentality works, I mean, depression, economically speaking, I'm doing fine, folks, is that I like can't, like I, so almost as a therapy for me, exposure therapy, I forced myself to spend a chunk of it. You know, for the most part, I'm not looking at it, but I buy myself something nice.

Yeah, because you don't want to have a famine mentality. You want to believe that more will come in time. Yeah, but also like to take a thing and buy something nice, something handmade, something that has a history to it. I love all that. I love that, you know, engineers and people who are passionate about watchmaking make this handmade thing. So you're not tacky in your taste you're a connoisseur yeah i like well i i could also veer tacky it really depends what it is yeah i'm very tacky but like white

limousines i'd love a white limousine that's a classic we got to bring back the limousine in general what happened to them i'm seeing no limousines that's interesting i haven't seen any no you know what it was suv everyone just does like the escalate right everyone's so they escalate but i'm like what are you like a military leader like i hate i hate the the limousine we got to go back to the cadillac and the buick and and the lincoln did the president used to be in a limo yeah whoa i mean they used to do the drop top well they still have the way they still have the Lincoln. Did the president used to be in a limo? Yeah. Whoa. I mean, they used to do the drop top until JFK took the head shot. They still have the limo for the president because I think in Comedians Getting Cars Coffee, they did the limousine one.

With Trump? That was a good episode. Yeah, with Obama. It's a Cadillac limo though. Here, I'll show you guys a picture. Oh, it's a Cadillac limo. Yeah. Yeah.

That's the president. So what do you think about Pope Francis, the head of the Catholic Church? He's saying we need to go back towards like modesty what did he say well he just lives like a stripped down life compared to the rest of the popes like they were living ostentatiously and well yeah that's a whole scam they're just they're just you know human trafficking boys over there yeah father pop bro my junior high like that's what they're doing like they have so many scandals like who but i knew but again it's like okay well just be, it's like, okay, well, you should be running.

It's like, well, you know why they had to do that too. There's 30,000 priests now. And in 1990, there was 60,000. So I think when all that terrible stuff was going on, they didn't have any replacement people to fill in those jobs. So they just moved them all around. I'll be a priest. I'll fucking go in there and whip them up.

Yeah. I think if I wasn't a stand-up comedy a comedian and a writer i probably would want to be like you'd want to rabbi of the first ever mega synagogue oh you'd be dude are you writing that that would be really good i'd watch that okay thank you thank you that sounds like i got one congregate already let's go look at that i throw in a lunch make it real though don't make it fake like no, I have some shit to say. I have some sermons to deliver. 10 a.m.

You be at shul. And you're going to be doing prosperity kind of religion where you're going to be like, you deserve to be rich. You deserve to have a Lambo. No, some people don't. And I'll tell people who don't. Who's that? Who doesn't? I don't know.

It's going to be a case by case basis. It's going to be some shitty people. I'm sure coming. You get a Lambo. You don't get a Lambo. What kind of people, when you meet them, how will you know? It's really going to be a game day decision do you think me and me and seabone you're just idiots like i wouldn't even there's nothing really to do you know you have to have

idiots in the town no i don't i think it's fun think idiots should have things so it's like i kind of don't care right that was really sweet of you i appreciate that you see us yeah yeah yeah you're just morons you know and i am happy for you but i'm so worried you know at the same time yeah but i like when people feel that way about me i want people to be a little concerned about me because it means they're thinking about me yeah yeah and you know what i always surprise them with how well i do because i'm a max effort player so i understand why you're concerned but trust me you should be scared i like it when people are a little scared but then i always do like i think you guys are just super lucky and that's fine you're the type to be lucky too because you're idiots and you kind

of fall into things that's true you're born rich you kind of have good hearts you fall into things you're not afraid and you just no but i do feel like you don't appreciate i feel like you right away know where you come from you're like it's the best it's so fun like when you just and i love that attitude like that's when people who are like come from a lot and they're like no well you know i feel that it's like no i actually got really lucky and i'm it is the best that's what my dad always said it's very true he's like you're just gonna win the lottery i'm like i know yeah and it's kind of like you're just like it's and the least you can do is carry it lightly and not like be like burdened by it in some kind of way that it's no it's good it's like you're not hiding you're whatever and you know you got lucky and

you look like lucky idiots and And that's what you are. And every community needs that. How many times are you going to say that? No, because that's what it is. I'm still assessing in real time. That's sweet. Lucky Idiots, the name of this episode. Lucky Idiots. That should be the name of everything.

If we do a production company, Lucky Idiots. Yeah. Lucky morons. Yeah. It's really sweet. Now, are you wearing no socks or no show socks no that's the gayest thing i've ever heard with the no show socks on a man you know what i'll take it he has pretty elite fashion sense and now he's bumping it up he's going more style no show socks you can't

take your your shoes off here's the thing my i want to have these i want people to think did he i want people to question did I just come from the beach? You do look it. Do you think I just came from the beach? No, I think you're stylish. I think you know what you're wearing. I think it works for you. I think you have good ankles.

Thanks. Adam Rippon said that. I think for a man. But I do, I get so cringed. There's something about seeing the man or anyone, actually. I don't like them on women. No-show socks, if you're in a shoes-off house, you have to take your shoes off. Oh, yeah.

Well, I'm not going to. That's a disaster. I never wear the no-show socks by themselves. Right. Like around the house, you're wearing just a regular sock. Oh, totally. Or barefoot, right? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, he's wearing socks around the house. Typically barefoot. I get cold. I run cold. I can see that barefoot i get cold i run cold i could see that yeah yeah i run cold so i have different kinds of socks i actually had wool socks i don't have to worry about that well i just i've always i've always had beef with socks that go up to here because i like what you're doing with the long so i think you got like right there for me exactly that's even worse than the no show wait that's even worse

no that is the worst thing I've ever seen. Well, you know what? I'm proud of it. I think it suits me. No, it doesn't. Because I don't want to look too hip. It doesn't work for me when I look hip. No, but it looks like you're trying hip.

It's even worse. It doesn't look like I'm trying hip. It looks like I'm like a dad who like has work and then is going to run. But look at these tree trunk legs, dude. Feel that. These are a little too tight. You have the tiniest calf. I have small calves, but feel that quad. No, I don't want to feel your quad tree trunk legs, dude. Feel that. These are a little too tight. You have the tiniest calf. I have small calves, but feel that quad.

I don't want to feel your quad, Mr. Me Too. But I do think that these are a little light. That's a normal, if you're going to go skinny, a little bit looser like his. I'll go. He's going to try. Where are your pants from? Top Shop.

Where are your pants from uh urban outfitter where are yours from uh used store they're old dickies and you call me mr me too but my background actually checks out pretty clean no i know and i'm happy for you but again you got lucky god knows god knows you in the wrong place you know apologies go a long way yeah exactly exactly well what else dude uh are you touring right now you're working on a show right yeah i am touring too yeah i have uh where am i going i'm going to pittsburgh the 11th uh february and then i'll be in ann arbor and are you partying after the shows like do you get after it are you mixing it up with the fans am i partying i mean me having two course lights is a good part do you have to turn down

like uh potential romantic partners uh-huh like are they throwing it i i do occasionally i mostly just ignore it if it's like a dm thing you're saying yeah Yeah, or in person. In person, it's a little aggressive. I never, I know, it's like when you go to the nude beach, it's never anyone you wanted naked. Right. It's always like your great uncle Eddie. I'm like, fucking uncle Ed. You know?

Yeah. It's just like, the kind of girls that come up after the show, they've got a little zaniness in the eyes. I'm a little nervous. I'm a small individual. Yeah, they tell you a little too much up top. I never have enough security, you know? So. so like i started listening to your podcast with my dead boyfriend yeah yeah so it's like you know so so it's always that but it's always nice and don't be you know

don't be deterred from coming up and saying hi i don't look very welcoming so i prefer to be the pursuer do you like to be the pursuit i'm i don't mind both i'm i i've been the pursuer and i've been pursued yeah they're both cool they're both good i mean once we're in the relationship is you know i live a very heteronormative lifestyle you know kind of have the boy one and the girl one and so together we're one in one it works again there's a yin and yang balance to it i do think my relationships work better when i was the pursuer initially like yeah there's a better yeah guys have to pursue right you can't be gay you you gotta go after it you gotta be you really box people in on this i do i'm a boxer that's the whole thing it's like i'm i'm gay but the thing is like i was saying

with my relationship because i have like a boy one i'm like boyish and then the girl is like girly we lead a very heteronormative, like the only gay thing about me is that I'm gay. But other than that, I'm not even gay. If that makes sense. Whatever it means to be gay.

So I'm still pretty traditional in terms of men should do this thing. If I'm playing the boy, I gotta, you know, I'm opening the doors. And you're the provider, you're the protector. Yes.

In many ways. I would love if you know women want to work come work contribute yeah i haven't seen it as much but i i'm certainly open to that um do you have like a if you see what you have a go-to like pickup line no i don't have pickup lines i i i i if you see someone you're interested in what do you if you want to pursue them what do you say well you know what i've i've been in such long relationships surprise surprise but um it's always been through friends and stuff like it's not like oh around across from a room and you know i don't go to bars and like no no i'm not like a bar hopper this type of thing yeah

dykes you know dykes always like to complain that we don't have any bars. We don't have any places. It's like, bitch, you don't go out. Yeah. You don't spend money. You don't make money. Even if you're a lawyer, you're pro bono. You work at the ACLU.

You're doing, you're making no money. Okay. You went to Harvard and you have zero dollars. These are the dykes I know. Okay. You refuse to go out of the way not to make money. You know, I took down a 500 job because I'm going to work at the social center.

What are you doing at the social center? Can we get any money together? Gay guys, they're fucking, they got every place. They got bathhouses. They're spending. We can't keep one bar alive because nobody's going out. We're all doing potlucks and hanging out with our cats wow i lesbians if i get invited do not invite me to your either invite me over for dinner

or don't but fuck your potluck i cannot go i'm not making nothing i once brought two cokes to a potluck right because they were like well we don't have drinks i said what can i bring you know what are people bringing the potluck little and so we don't like the little no like two two liters yeah i brought two there's something gross about the liters there's just something big like tube and it makes the noise when you squeeze it just bring the six individual ones i'm telling you right now okay so i brought so for me i thought i'm bringing two big coats we're not wrong about everything they don't they don't want they don't want you know they need drinks then she goes you brought cokes i'll go yeah you said you said you didn't have drinks right okay now i'll tell you something by the end of the night what do you think was gone first coke coke everybody

had the fucking coke your disgusting cold pasta salad sat there that nobody wanted to touch disgusting but everybody that coke was a big hit so if i'm invited to a potluck you know what i'm bringing i could picture you music video just drinking out of a liter cola in your lambo and it's like it's a powerful motif well i ordered a coca-cola the other day at a show i said you know what and you say coca-cola i think that's powerful yeah i said can i get a coke and he gives me the can and it was delicious and then i left and the can was gone and i said you took my coke away and they gave me another coke i've been ordering shirley temples yeah it's really fun it's good that's that's like bar mitzvah grenadine i

mean it might be one of the best things is that sprite in the grenadine right it's the cherry yeah yeah oh granny yeah yeah yeah spritin grandine can i ask you can i ask you something it might be i don't know a stereotypical like biographical question but how did you uh when did you know you were gay and how did that reconcile with your faith so i i was not somebody who grew up thinking i was gay nothing um it it just happened to me I met a girl um in a college class and in college I went to school in Montreal where we have you graduate in 11th grade and then you do something called college which is really a pre-college and you go to university for three years, not four. So your grade 12, 13

is this college, but it's not, it's really a pre-college. So I met her in that. She was very strange. She, she layered, she would tag things. I was a very studious kind of preppy kid trying to use school as my out. I was good at school. Um, I was afforded the luxury I went to a rich private school for high school on subsidy provided to me as an opportunity within the Jewish community which I'm still so grateful for and it made me really compete with kind of rich kids they were all going to school so I thought okay I'm gonna go to school and I was good at it so I really stuck to it and I meet this girl who's like totally you know getting high and fucking bad influence and um she's tagging buildings and i remember that we were standing outside a

beautiful building montreal i said you think you're adding anything to this gorgeous historic montreal building it's been here for 500 years it's so stunning and you're gonna put your tag on she's like watch out for cops i'm like i'm gonna call the cops like i'm not into any of this um but anyway she she once was like what if i kissed you oh we were talking online like four in the morning whatever oh i can feel and she was like she was like what if i kissed you i'm like what are you fucking gay i blocked the leader go to class the next day i don't see i don't speak to her i sit on the other side whatever then i unblock her she's like come on okay then she tells me she signed up for gym late which i did too i got winter camping it's a whole other story and she

got camping regular camping and she said that there's a girl in her tent who's bisexual and what if that girl kisses her what should she do and i said i don't fucking know what are you fucking gay again block and delete the bitch okay and then at our end of year class party we had one of these cool mccool teachers who wanted to take the the class for a beer it's also very montreal so we all go to this punk bar Fufun Electronique and it's like all like so not my scene and we go to the bathroom I go to the bathroom she followed me into the bathroom and she kisses me in the bathroom and I immediately go well at least go into a stall so we move into a stall and we're making out like crazy the first thing I said to her was I was feeling her stomach my first time feeling a girl or anything I said wow you have abs that's what I

remember saying that because I a girl with abs I never even knew what a girl you know and um then we were closeted for a very long time I was not going to come out because I went to a conservative school and even though like I didn't really care what my family thought of at that point because I was pretty disconnected from my family um I was at that age where I was like 17 I was living on my own I was doing everything on my own um I was poor but I had a good social life and this and that and I had a good thing going with school so I thought like fuck another thing like I cannot afford to be gay like that makes no sense i've already born one of ten to this crazy deaf single here you know mother you know i'm working full-time going to school

full-time like i cannot have another i just need to marry rich and be done with it already because i was pulling great guys all rich kids too because that's the school i went to so i was getting a lot like were you were you boning the hot dudes just for status? No, I never boned them. Or were you having them chase you or going wherever you went with it just for the status of it? Yeah, well, I also liked flirting. I liked the attention. I liked boys, but I didn't want their penis in me.

And they were more like slaves than a boyfriend. I really only had one. And he would bring me like iced coffees from so the power of it that you were drunk no he was very but he was very wealthy yeah and then you know and i realized i was like not so kind to boy but but girls are much kinder to us oh that's what love you know what i mean but whenever he wanted to hang out i thought he was annoying i'm like no i don't want to hang out i'm going over to to her house. You know, you got guys in a box. If we show any weakness to you, we're dead in the water.

Yeah. And I was ugly as hell. Like I went hot again, but I went through periods of being so ugly and having the worst clothing and I couldn't keep up with any of the clothes that kids had. But still, I was getting guys. But my friends were even noticing, like, you're hideous. How did you get him? No, they'd be like, how did he?

I was like, he started messaging me i don't know i might have to block it want your approval yeah so that happened but i was also annoying to a lot of guys i was a lot you know it was always but i i somehow got good guys have you have you ever circled back and talked to these fellows yes so good no is that they've come to shows and stuff um he i mean really my high, the guy I was seeing, I don't even know if I ever said boyfriend, such a kind, amazing guy. And he actually married the most popular girl in our class,

and she's hot and so funny, and I think they're a great couple. She must feel good being second place. Exactly, exactly. When did you start stand-up? So I started stand-up so just to finish the coming out story so i was outed viciously so i never was going to come out because i didn't want to be the one gay girl you know my my community even though it wasn't it was it wasn't orthodox jewish it was still very conservative jewish and there still wasn't

a lot of like open gay even though it was also the 2000s like everybody was but my community right and i was homophobic myself so it's like i didn't want to be like i only knew one gay girl and whenever she walked into the cafeteria i'm like look at that dyke like i was the one starting like she's such a dyke you know and i just didn't want to be it's so mean but obviously and so i didn't i was like i'm not and and my girlfriend was like i remember we were taking the subway home and she was like hold my hand or i'm on the subway platform or i'm not riding it with you i'm take another fucking car i'm not holding your hand the fuck and i'm this is me waving to her getting onto the car literally bye I don't give a fuck.

Why? And then I was not coming. I just did not need to be gay at this point in my life. You just didn't want to be seen. You weren't ready to be seen. Yeah, I wasn't ready to be gay. My social life was so important to me. And then I was at the student bar and we were sharing a picture.

Us and like, I don't know how many people. And we were getting sloppy. And we went up to the bathroom. and we were making out and when we caught out of the stall you could tell that we were like leaving an embrace together and this bitch carrie she knows her last name she ended up telling everyone so i had that kind of like like uh what's the mandy moore movie shane west oh walk to remember such a good soundtrack oh so good and such a good movie two places at once i'm dead i know so so cute so i had kind of that scene of like walking through the cafeteria with everybody knowing i'm gay like it traveled and it was awful. It was so bad. And my friends didn't stay friends with me. They were like, we just think it's really weird. Like I lost my best friend

who I like had my whole life with, you know, um, she just didn't speak to me for three months. And, um, it was really, really painful. I think at that age to lose your social circle. And then, but I did have friends and I re I wear my friend Allie's bracelet still she got me when I was 16 who called me and said hey I'm hearing stuff about you I just want to know you to know that that I love you and I don't know if it's true or not either way I don't care so those people amazing and then my other friends did come around and in fact I had a bachelorette party come around. And in fact, I had a bachelorette party, um, two years ago with a bunch of my high school friends. And, uh, I got a, an apology at dinner. They said, by the way, the way we treated you, we were 17. And I actually started crying cause I was like, you know, yeah, I was so,

I was a kid and just faced with losing everything, you know? Um, but they were also kids. everything, you know, but they were also kids. We were all like, you know, 17, 18 years old. So, so I was outed viciously. My family really didn't care. But again, I wasn't that close to them at the at that time. And we weren't as religious anymore. We were still Jewish, but everybody was kind of in limbo with their faith. And the same for me. I ended up, I'm more religious now. Like I'm, you know, as much as like I would want to leave the faith or whenever I was like, oh, I'm not, you know, I'm very Jewish. You know, whether I'm proud, like I'm. It's woven in.

Yeah. So it is what it is. Yeah. And then. That's like Scorsese about being a Catholic. He's like, there's nothing I can do about it. What are you going to do? It's in there. It about being a catholic he's like there's nothing i can do so what are you gonna do it's in there yeah it's just in there it's the way i am yeah he feels terrible because he's been married like five times so he like has this like pain that he'll

never be accepted into like who's this uh martin scorsese really he's very religious super catholic did you like him and fran together him and who fran. Dresser? No, Fran Lebowitz. Yeah. Nah, dude, because like he did the one movie about her public speaking like 15 years ago and that was enough for me

and then they come out with like another six part mini series on- It was unreal. It was terrible. One episode. That's all I needed. Oh my God.

Everybody liked it but you. You're anti-Semitic. I'm done with this podcast. That's crazy. This is severe anti-Semitic. That's crazy. Homophobia. I got picked on for being Jewish.

Yeah. Look at my face. No, you know, you're not Jewish. No, I'm not, but- done with this podcast this is severe anti-semitic homophobia i got picked on for being jewish yeah yeah look at my face no you know you're not jewish no i'm not but no thank god i need to end on this anti-semitism why is libra with such a big deal sorry sorry i'll cd your your station on it martin scorsese why is he so obsessed with her they're friends they can't be friends. I'm just saying, they can be friends. He doesn't have to make

like seven hours of material. Why doesn't he have to? Why don't you tell him what to make? Maybe he wants to prank people on the beach. I have a couple things he shouldn't have done. Maybe he'll go prank people

on the beach. Some of it's the Catholic stuff. Oh, that was a shot. I didn't even catch that. I didn't even catch that. Yeah, exactly. You think that's easy, bro? No, maybe he should do that that maybe they should have done a

prank show i would love it if square says he would direct our next prank thing yeah i mean i've been dm now he's not getting back to me so what do you think happens when we die do you think we become we go to a different realm do you think we come back do you think we have past lives i think absolutely everything is possible like i can't even tell you, like, I, I think it's, it's probably fine. But I think, yeah, I think it's, it's possible that you have, that there's, you know, it's as realistic to me that there would be an earth as there would be a heaven. I, again, think this is so insane that this is, I mean, you know, that we're living. So I think it's all possible. I have no clue. Um, you know, in Judaism, I think there's this thing that like,

there's no hell. And I think it's not so much as there's no hell. And that's why our numbers are very low. I, I, you know, there's not really a that's why our numbers are very low i i you know there's not really a threat to if you don't do this you're going to hell we don't have much of that dialogue but i think that um what was i going to say with this that there's there's no hell in heaven i totally forget my you're doing john l John Lennon Imagine. No, I just... You're just doing Lennon. No, I think that it's so possible that there's something else. There's so possible that there's not something else. But I think you have kind of a feeling of total peace or something at the end.

I think those endorphins and all that. I think there's a reason to that. I think there's something really probably spiritual. Do you think there's time after you die or are you just dead forever and and it's just continuous i have no clue i had the weirdest dream oh i wanted to get to my beef after do we still we have to answer some listeners questions and then we got to do that so we got we got a lot of meat left craziest dream about death and this and i don't i like i have sometimes some intense dreams this one i really

remember so basically i was suddenly in i was dead everybody was dead and we were in a huge movie theater basically how heaven worked was everything was a floor okay and you can go to whatever floor you want every floor represented another year i don't know what year and i was on this huge movie theater like the vastest fastest and people were just rotting there watching movie and movie and movie and a guy next to me this old man touched me and i go whoa how old are you and he said 124 and i was like how long have you been here it's like i died at 21 i'm like what and he died of some collar thing i forget what he said but some collar some weird freak accident in there from 21 to 24 just watching movies and you can kind of just pick and people are almost waiting it's almost like a secondary waiting room and then they like a guy touched me right behind

and he was so frail this guy was even older than that guy that i just like easily took him off and he kind of withered away and that almost looked like there's another world that's like a secondary world where you actually then go die again um and apparently there's this youngian theory and i think i'm saying the name okay but it's a guy who really looks into dreams that my girlfriend told me that movies it's interesting that i was on this floor watching movies because movies are a way for people to experience more life than they have so it's almost like everybody in this room was trying to pack in as many lives as possible by watching all these movies.

Oh, interesting. Because when you watch a movie, you get to experience a snippet of a life. You don't, like it gives you more. So I don't know. I forget the heaven and hell thing. That sounds like a call to action to live now in this moment.

Exactly. Oh yeah, so that's what I want to say with Judaism. That's exactly it. It's not that we don't have hell. It's that our best answer is we don't know about heaven and we don't know all we know is that we have this life so we really put an emphasis on living the best life you can this life versus other religions who live for an afterlife or consider you know there's a greater we go we don't know that's also possible we what we do know is this life so

let's invest everything we can into making this one great right like that old yiddish phrase carpe diem okay exactly um you want to answer some cues let's do it guys i'm interrupting this podcast let you know once again that we are on tour get your tickets at chanjt.com next tour dates are in st louis um the uh san clemente times is calling our show the hottest ticket on earth and it's hot because we sun our perenniums in there what up so we're also check out the reddit chad goes to reddit get some discussion going on with some stokers you know talk about whatever i dive in there sometimes i say what up i love the reddit dude i didn't even know what it was until it started to exist and i was like holy shit it's sick check it out we're also brought to you by legends at factor guys if you want to stay on top of your meals if you want to

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Athletic Greens is giving you a free one-year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. Go to athleticgreens.com. That's athleticgreens.com. Check it out. All right, back to the show. All right. Is it cheating if you J off to a porn star that looks just like your ex?

Hey, bros, a couple of weeks ago I was dabbling into some Nick on Nick time when I came across an amateur porn star that looks just like your ex. Hey, bros. A couple of weeks ago, I was dabbling into some Nick on Nick time when I came across an amateur porn star who looks just like my ex. For background, the ex and I were on and off for all of college. And it wasn't until I met my now girlfriend that I was finally to get over. But for whatever reason, it feels like I'm not since I've watched the entire girl's oeuvre and it's still not enough. Is this normal or do I need to go cold turkey for the sake of my sausage and my mind well you're obviously not over your girlfriend i don't care that she looks like the ex that's not cheating but you're and none of this is cheating so far the problem

is you're settling with your current girlfriend because you're not over your last no yeah you're not over her why are you thinking about her so much no he's just i don't think i think if you saw a bitch that looked like your ex and you were over them you might not want to watch that he wants to watch it no i think with masturbation it's a totally different realm i think it's it's it's we look at each other not it's not reflective of how he feels about his current partner i i don't think that's i don't think it's not cheating the answer is no no it's not cheating and i don't even think it but but beyond that i think he really likes this girl and it No, it's not cheating. And I don't even think it... But beyond that,

I think he really likes this girl and it sounds like he's taking it serious. No, it doesn't sound like he really likes her. But anyway. Don't you think masturbation, like the fantasy... It's in the fantasy realm. So it's sort of like

you're sampling with sort of like the forbidden and it's sort of like that's your ex. You can't really go back there. So maybe it's like you're playing with that a little bit. Sure. 100%. This guy has absolutely no problems in his life that he's writing in with this nonsense well our listeners are not dissimilar to us but the problems feel lucky idiots okay give me another one

dude i'm i'm like bummed that we didn't come up with lucky idiots on our own. It's a good one. Yeah. It's so straight to it, dude. You pay me 88K and it's yours. This is way too long. Oh, what are people doing? Look, I got my own. I'm going to jump in at the end. Look, I got my own issues, but I respect women and eat pussy like a champion. I'm a man. I read 18th century philosophy, take care of myself, treat women right, and eat pussy like a champion.

I don't think I should hang out with this guy if he's actually reading this book. I can't with this guy. Next one. You should block and delete this email account. He had a buddy that he was maybe going to hang out with who's reading a book called The Rational Man. He searched it on Reddit. You'll see it's really weird incel shit. Oh, so he doesn't know if he should hang out with this with who's reading a book called the rational man he searched it on reddit you'll see it's really weird incel shit oh so he doesn't know if he should hang out with this dude who's reading incel stuff um so yeah do you think do you think it's okay for a

guy to be friends with someone who's falling down the incel rabbit hole yeah i think you can be friends with anyone and i also think it's an opportunity to help that guy see the light. Like, you know, if you show him that there's a way to be that, I mean, I feel bad for those dudes who feel like they got no shot. That's got to be a sad state of mind to be in. So, and I think most people can make their life what they want it to, and you could help him see that. So I would, you know, don't give up on him.

I mean, if he's a new guy, that's tough because that's a big investment. But if it was like an existing friend and I saw them going that way, I'd be sure. Yeah, sometimes I don't, you know, well, that's her. She lies. You know? Yeah, you can't believe anything she says. She's fun at a party. Like, what are you going to do?

It's your friends. Yeah. You know, if he, you know, I just wouldn't bring him around girls. I don't want to know him. I wish I never heard anything said in that email he took five minutes of my life well why do you think i mean this is a big big big cue to throw you but why do you think so many dudes are falling into this incel like state of mind where well now there's just a word for it they were just losers when i was growing up

i guess they have a culture yeah they've named the community but they were just losers when i was growing up i guess they have a culture yeah they have a solid date they've named the community but they were just losers all right last cue what martial arts should i do what up lords of stoketown chadwick john thomas uncle big hog joe love guru strider and any esteemed guests of the pod that's you new year new me been thinking about picking up a martial art mainly as a way to meet new people and relieve stress but also because there's been a small uptick in violent crime in my neighborhood. I have a buddy in Phoenix that teaches Muay Thai, but another crazy friend that swears by BJJ. I was thinking of Krav Maga, but that might be a little too intense for someone who only did Taekwondo back in the elementary school, more like take my dough. What would you lords recommend? Nothing. I don't believe in martial arts. I was talking to you about this about how i do it and you're like that's useless it's so useless because it's not money now it's not a way to fight like

you can't just well let me get into this position before i can do the move on you like it doesn't if you're ever in a real situation of a real fight you're not like wait but put your hand there and i'll pull my leg there and then you move your but like boxing and Muay Thai and BJJ you can no it's just because all these men want to do dance but they're too afraid to be gay

to just do dance so they do this weird they call it this but you just just take ballet and be done with it like literally if I'm not getting cuddles

I'll go to jujitsu just to get held what's that dance workout class called Zumba Zumba yeah just do Zumba

do ballet shut up leave us alone already with your tight and you're you're grabbing each i don't care that you're gay just don't just call it what it is don't do krav maga muay thai and bjj they'll give you a lot more real world application real world application if you're gonna do anything do boxing that's what i was saying don't you just want to learn how to punch? Yeah, but Muay Thai is punching, but you also get elbows, knees, and kicks. No, just do boxing and shut up. And then if you do left way, it's Muay Thai with the head butt. You can use your head. No, then do UFC, the one that's all kinds of fighting, just your animals. Yeah, that's like Muay Thai and BJJ. Those are part of it. Okay,

just do UFC, watch the Conor McGregor Notorious documentary. Is that the best documentary of all time? I loved it. Oh, my God. Has anyone ever manifested their highest potential more than him? He's unbelievable. That girl with him? Mm-hmm. Deb, dude. With him from the start, bro. From the start? When he was a fucking plumber on the dole.

No. Listen, shout out to Conor McGregor. So just watch that. And if you're not even close to that, just quit everything. Okay. So that's it. You do find out pretty quick i suck so i found out pretty quick do your glasses not go to your ears this is broken oh and it's taking six weeks they're all of her people so they're ordering me a new oh i thought that was like a fashion thing no it's brutal but the glasses are so light that really the only thing that's ever kept my glasses on i only realized this was my nose piece it's sort of like the morpheus yeah all right let's push into the next part yeah chad do we have another one of these yeah i'll go grab you one okay chad who's

your beef of the week um my beef of the week my beef of the week is uh paperwork on airplanes have you ever been on an airplane and they have mechanical problems and then they fix the mechanical problem but then you have to wait an extra like two hours because they can't fill out the paperwork that's you dealt with that no it's probably an excuse they're all useless yeah so we were we were on the uh i was had a layover i was flying from vegas and they're like we can't turn the engine on oh and so they mechanics came out they fixed it and i don't even know how long and that's the worst part too is when you're just waiting on the runway with no it's you're like i don't even know what's going on pete budaj should

be shot dead and i take that back is he responsible well he's the head of transport and i've never even known a head of transport i've never even thought of transport issues back he's the head of transport and i've never even known a head of transport i've never even thought of transport issues until he got the job yeah it like it almost feels like clockwork it started with like him getting it and then we had the big like shipping supply chain like these boats in the middle of the atlantic it's all him where they couldn't get the boats in yeah it's like the fact that i'm even looking at but i'm like why am i i don't i shouldn't even know about this wow then when the airlines decided to hike up all the prices and everything just gouging crazy he did nothing then christmas when they had the storms and like everything that happened he just yeah nothing well he takes a million weeks off for his paternity

leave for adoption yeah the country's like in peril the airlines don't work so i blame your little paperwork issue you write pete yeah and then there's just this whole summer flying was horrific every time i flew it was like delayed it was canceled it was like a national crisis dude i had no idea yeah he's responsible yeah i never even heard of transport but now it's all the stories he's got a little head yeah he does have a little head yeah it's like crowns like i'm gonna dm it can't stay balanced it's like yeah the fact that he's gay is even not even i didn't know he was gay and i was supporting him for prez and i found out he was gay yeah and then supporting him for Prez and then I found out he was gay. Yeah, and then it's like, no. But here's the whole thing.

What? Why? No, here's the whole thing. Yeah, Jake Getter. Here's the whole thing. The only reason that we get a gay, the only reason people are even accepting him is because he's a top.

My whole theory is you can never have a bottom. The reason women don't win, okay, Hillary arguably is a top, but she was, you know, it's such a mess let's say like an elizabeth the reason the elizabeth warren is like she's really good policy and whatever but she gets fucked people know that okay that's not what it is we want presidents to fuck we don't want them getting fucked pete budaj still fucks so we allow it we had a gal on last i'm telling you chastin chastin for president would never

happen the bottom we're not ready for that thatcher and markel and the lady of new zealand they're all delivering no this is an american issue only oh okay okay americans like presidents who fuck right period so which dude president said we have that didn't fuck i mean they all fucked they all look like they fuck yeah they all look like they've in their own way yeah nixon i feel like he got pegged right i mean he was drinking a lot yeah i mean george bush you would think didn't get fucked but then his wife is even more docile yeah than him so he did fuck well he's like he repented for his fucking he was post fuck um dude my beef of the week we've been traveling a lot we were doing stand up in spokane great town i had a lot

of fun up there rachel dolezal from spokane what's your take on dolezal i i can't get it she's from spokane yeah give me another documentary i'll watch them all you follow her only fans on daily wire i'd watch it do you follow her only fans no give her a show on Daily Wire. I'd watch it. Do you follow her OnlyFans? No. Give her a show on Daily Wire? She has one. Was she doing a good job running that chapter of the NAACP?

Was she an effective leader? No, probably not. She's delusional. She probably did do a lot of things for them, but she did worse in the end. It's a lie. She hurt them in the end. Yeah, in the end it got worse she should have seen that coming true true yeah dude so my beef is from an airplane too it's minor i'm going to the bathroom on the flight from seattle to la today

there a guy i don't even know if he was in the bathroom he might have just been in the last row he opens the door to the bathroom for me he's just holding it and there's enough space for me to walk by like he could have just moved he holds the door open puts his hand on my shoulder guides me to the bathroom and then he's like standing in the doorway and then closes the door for me to the bathroom wait what did he close the door he we're both like what he held the door open guided me into the bathroom and then closed the door for me to the bathroom why is that bad it was just weird oh it was all unnecessary and i was like bro i got it from here like i went to grab the handle and he's like maybe you looked incompetent

no way i walk with so much confidence on a plane jeans on you know what will you feel my quad? No, I'm not. I'm not feeling it. We have the exact same ankles. Okay. My beef of the week. Yeah, you go. My beef of the week, and this is massive, was... Okay, we have to start from the beginning. I live in a complex of four apartments. They're beautiful apartments.

It's kind of like a lesbian Melrose place. I know everybody living there. My best friends live on top. I did their wedding this past summer. And then there's a friend, really their friend who lives next to me, also a lesbian. My friends upstairs,

they get a couch. Their friends are an amazing furniture maker and made a beautiful couch. Couches that typically go for like $8,000, $9,000. So gave it a friend price, $4,500, okay? A wool organic couch. The couch, when everything is set it on, it doesn't fit into the office that they need it to go into.

So they offer it for the living room of my new neighbor who's moving in. So she takes the couch, she gets the couch free. A year goes by, she's finally getting a bigger couch, blah, blah, blah. And I say, so she's like, I'm thinking of getting rid of this couch. And I said, well, maybe, you know, my girlfriend or my sister's moving to town, maybe she'll take it or, you know, whatever. Okay. And she goes, and then later she goes, actually, I think I'm going to bring it to my house in joshua tree so that's perfect what a good idea great weeks later i'm talking to her i'm like did you ever get the house uh the couch up to to joshua tree i know you were looking your

friend was getting a truck she said no we threw it out i said what she said we threw the the the couch out we brought it to the dump i'm like the dump where's even the dump like that seems so hard to bring it to the dump you know i said what and not even that i even want like my sister ended up bringing a couch like not even for but just even if you don't want to throw it on facebook or you don't want to throw it to your instagram friends does anybody need a couch just put it on the curb i i got rid of a couch from my office that just was destroyed by my cat so it's i couldn't even really sell it but i put on the curb said hey you know the sides are destroyed by the cat but it's still functioning sofa and they took it in two parts you know in these times to not put a couch on the curb so i was like i call i was like oh my god you threw it

out it's not even her cat like it's obscene so she um she got mad at me and she i said you threw it out like at not at least not even donating she's supposed to be a therapist she has no empathy whatsoever okay so i i i can't even imagine not even it must be so much easier just to put it outside like bringing i where is the dump and she wouldn't answer she hung up i said where's the dump i i can't even imagine and um yeah and she's uh and and i wrote her message after i said i think you hung up on me because you're embarrassed hopefully ashamed um it truly caught me off guard that you went at the very least donate a couch to somebody in need, to the goodwill, to anything, before bringing a $4,500 couch, basically new, to the dump. So I apologize you caught me off guard, but I imagine you were very embarrassed.

We haven't talked since. But I don't think I'm wrong. I mean, I was horrified. A $4,500 couch. It was a really nice organic wool couch. Did she have a truck? Yeah, her girlfriend got a truck and they brought it to the,

like they were going to bring it to the house up north. She didn't. So they were like, just drop it off right there. Bring it to the Goodwill. The dump to be crushed for no reason? Carry it to the sidewalk. I'm suspicious.

Same. Something's going on. Something's going on. The fact that she hung up on you rather than get pressed means like I think she's hiding something. Yeah. She's like, Robbie, I don't have time for this. I'm like, I suppose not. To care for the poor?

Who has the time? Who's got the time? I mean, I suppose not. And she did the same thing we had okay so i live i have a really nice view of echo park lake i live kind of like in those hilltops whatever and the park was totally inundated with homeless people this past summer and they swept the park and there was a big political debate about it okay and now there's no homeless the park and there was a big political debate about it. Okay. And now there's no homeless in the park and the park is beautiful. But regardless, there's all these little staircases, you know, in those areas. There's a one staircase that's not so far from our house that had like a little nook,

like a little unattended piece of land that one homeless guy actually built himself quite a nice life. It's not enough that it would be like, you know, like Skid Row. Like, you know, there's not going to be like tents and tents and tents. It fits really one abode. And he built kind of a shanty out of wood or whatever. It seemed okay and it was very hidden, nothing. And I started leaving him things.

He was making like a life for himself or, you know, it seemed like somebody very down on their luck, but not as crazy, you know, not for me to judge. But like I got new sheets and I was, I was going through my linen cloth. I was getting rid of sheets. So I washed the sheets. I said, clean sheets. I would leave. I ordered boxer shorts to sleep in. They were too big on me. I said, clean men's boxer shorts, too big on me. I would leave. And he would take things in. And I kind of just always left things there on the stairs whenever I was taking a walk and I had something. And then one day I was walking past the stairs and I thought, the whole thing is swept up. I said, oh, no.

You know, and we have no home, you know, and I understand, whatever. And I go, oh, Lord. I said, did you see the guy? um homeless guy is gone on the stairs near us she said yeah I reported him I'm like what she sends me the report almost gloating and it says lots of noise and drugs going on and I'm like how would you even first of all no noise okay but like you clearly made that up she's like well you have to say something or they're not and drugs going on. And I'm like, how would you even, first of all, no noise. Okay. But like, you clearly made that up. She's like,

well, you have to say something or they're not going to take them away. And I'm like, you're supposed to be a therapist. This is the same couch bitch? The same couch bitch.

Okay. And whenever I'm at her apartment, I'm always looking for accreditation or accreditations or degrees. She probably took a two-week program in Joshua Tree

and is now giving life advice therapy, whatever. God knows. And this is the person who's reporting the homeless and giving away designer couch and throwing out designer couches in a time like this. Jesus. I don't like her. No.

Yeah. I don't like her either. Could you imagine just... And this guy can understand. I know there's a lot of you imagine just and this guy i can understand like i know there's a lot of politics around but this guy was genuinely building keeping his shit together peaceful um going to the like he felt like he was trying to get out yeah he felt like he was trying to work towards something and he seemed really i would just it was such a nothing it's not like we had a relationship but you know on

cold nights or whatever and i would say if you have anything extra you can always put it by the stairs because you know they come up there and she reported i'm like floored that was a strong beef i mean it's a strong beef it's been building that was that incident i was willing to let go in a huge trial of this person's morality yeah they've been found guilty of being a shit bag shit bag like it's so easy to just throw a couch on a curb even if you don't want to leave it to the goodwill dude i'm i swear to god i'm down on a mission to recover the couch like tell her to give us the coordinates yeah literally got a truck literally and we'll bring that couch and we'll find that guy and we'll give

the couch to the nice homeboy. Like a full birch, like handmade from amazing furniture makers. Like, it's just so crazy. You did bring up a good point, too. Where is the dump? Where is the dump? People have always said, take it to the dump.

Where's the dump? I don't know where the dump is. It can't be closer than the Goodwill. Is it that patch out in the ocean? That's a dump. That would cost more than the couch to helicopter it out there and drop it in. Could you imagine?

She probably did that. And then our friend comes back. Our friend's going to... Spoil Susie. And she's like, she gave away that couch? I mean, I don't think she knew what kind of damage she was doing to her reputation by getting rid of this couch,

but she'll never live this down. It's unimaginable for me to like, I hate throwing things out. And then I thought like, oh, well, I guess unless you grow up poor, you can't have, you know, you don't understand people in need. But it's not true. I know many wealthy who are just, who can still empathize, acknowledge. I know lots of, i'm giving away this balenciaga sweatshirt does anybody want it it's a total normal thing they bring it to wasteland

or something i mean come on okay so so and she didn't even grow she's from like ohio somewhere boring whatever yeah you always bring clothes to the goodwill you just do you don't just throw clothes out unless they're like underwear away she just throws things away what's up you know they throw it away? She just throws things away. What's up? You know they throw it away, the Goodwill. Yeah. But you let them do it. You let them do it. You let them do it.

And they throw it away only. First of all, they're owned by Walmart, I believe. The Goodwill is? No. It's either the Goodwill or Value Village. Wow. Yeah. That's an interesting like box article.

Yeah. So that's why I give things. I always tell people. I put things literally on bus stops or whatever and I clean everything and I always write clean t-shirts women's or whatever the things are, I just leave them.

I literally, my charity is like, I don't even give to non-for-profits because I don't trust them. I'll literally, if I'm feeling charitable and somebody's in need and I got like a 20 on me or something, I'll give them a 20. I'll give a 50.

I'll give that. I've stopped donating to Gofundmes and we well gofundmes is different but weird charities that i don't know and i would rather just give if i have a little extra that's a big thing the chair there's a lot of charities like that that are sketchy sketchy i think for the most most of them are yeah because there's tax you know there's tax incentives to be yeah you know so there's real business element to them now in the way that they're set up so i just i just if you're giving away clothes um you know uh if it's especially basics like sweats sweatshirts t-shirts you can just put it at a bus stop all right chad who's your babe of the week i mean it's tough to follow that one up but my babe of the week is buffalo sauce um wait this is beef of the week no it's my babe so we do babe

and legend and babe and legend are interchangeable it's just something you're stoked on it can be a person place okay so what is your babe of the week buffalo sauce oh buffalo sauce you like buffalo sauce i do like buffalo sauce as a matter like buffalo sauce, as a matter of fact. That orangey barbecue sauce? Yeah, we were in Spokane. I was getting popcorn chicken with buffalo sauce. Just drenching it. I can drench anything in buffalo sauce and enjoy it. I don't love drench because sometimes I get wings in buffalo sauce,

but I don't like when they're like slimy, the wings. I like to dip. Yeah, I like to dip. I like to the side and I dip. I never like, because you get on your hands and stuff. Yeah, what like to the side and i dip i never like because you get on your hands and stuff yeah what happened to the lemon and pepper dry rub wings that's good stuff i haven't had that in a while doing it but restaurants if you're listening no harm in putting on going bare with it the the lemon you know pepper dry rub yeah the meat's good

my babe of the week is uh give meot by Notorious B.I.G. Oh, dude, yeah. I heard it the other day. I mean, it's storytelling. You know, his hits are his hits, but they're pop songs. You know what I mean? You don't really get the slice

of his storytelling ability. Dude, Gimme the Loot, he's doing a different voice. He's telling a sordid tale worthy of, like, the best Scorsese gangster movies, not those, like, boring stories he'll sometimes tell about his buddies that go

nowhere and it's just a bunch of you know meandering thoughts it's like real hard hitting shit and yeah give me the loot I just heard it now every time I hear it I'm just so blown away that a dude that young 24 right yeah he's only 24 I don't know how old he was when he wrote that song

but he's so into the details of it and it's just and it's still fun to bop to. So I got to go give him the loot. Yeah, I really that. And I think a lot of rappers are returning to it. And I appreciate that. But I really do like personal rap, political rap, people who are talking about the strife, you know, of the people that they come up with, if there's anything. And I felt like it got so bogged down with the cars and this is such an obvious thought cars and one you know

and there's room for that and that's fun and that's a celebration but i do miss the poc biggie you know and there's a place there's a place for the consumer style. I agree. I agree. Because that's a reflection of what we value. And it's also a celebration and you know, but it's, and I think a lot of rappers, you know, I was really sad to hear

that Juice WRLD died a couple years ago because he was to me somebody really bringing back that. He was so talented. Did you watch that doc? I don't know if I saw.

Do you guys remember Immortal Technique? Yeah, dude. He had that song Dance with the Devil. Yeah. Bro, that shit fucked me me up i couldn't rock with that did he do anything after that i mean he did a song about this dude it's a long ass story and in the end this dude's like reluctant to do this gang initiation where he has to like uh sexually assault a woman and she's her head's covered up and then in the end he realizes he's assaulting his mother and he jumps out of a

window okay what a video my god my babe of the week that was a huge hit when we were it was young people like this shit is hard i know my friends are like this is the realest shit i've ever heard like i've never heard anything like all these guys from greenwich connecticut or like do bars something like that's the thing with fucked up shit people be like it's so like the movie kids people like it's so real I'm like it's not real it's just awful yeah that's not actually there's a lot of lazy boring days in between that what's my babe of the week

so that's a good thing yeah just a person place or thing you're stoked on do you get stoked stoked I don't know that I've used the word stoked i feel like you have um stoked i i've i've been fine i've been thrilled before um my babe of the week probably doing chicago zanies for the first time. There's a history there. I love the old, I love a club that's just same location to the end of time and kind of that grit, the grime.

They had a great letter up there from Ellen asking for a spot. You know, back then for spots, you'd have to be like, Dear Zanies, I'm a tour, you know, I'm like, please, you know, I'm here for these dates. And if you'll have me, let me know. And, um, and it was just a great time. Shout out to Zanies Chicago. Um, hope to be back soon.

Did you do, did we do South or North when we were there? We did whichever one was in like near downtown. Old, old town, right? Old town. Yeah. Awesome. And I got a great, they have, old town, right? Old town, yeah. Awesome. And I got a great, they have such good antique shops in,

I love antiquing and a little bit. I like vintage things mixed with modern or whatever, but I did manage to go to a few places in Chicago that I really had a good time. And they have this one really weird store in Chicago called Wooly Mammoth that has like the weirdest, creepiest things, like old taxidermy and weird like weighing machines

from the 1920s and books and whatever. And I ended up getting a, it's a little lame, but because it's authentic, I'll allow it. I got a buck head. What's that? Which is a deer head the male deer oh yeah you got like a taxidermy no not tax or just like this the boat the the antlers the antlers hang up for I believe okay and then I was looking it up and it's like

apparently a protective figure and all this stuff so i feel like come at me we got the buck in the house now okay i'll tell you no it's small it's gonna go above like in this hall um where a clock is now it's gonna go how cool yeah um my baby of the week is this dude who was at our show in spokane um he asked a question during the q a portion where he's, bros, what's up with perineum sunning? And I was like, what do you mean, what's up with it? And then he was like, what's up with it? And I was like, what do you mean, what's up with it? And then he couldn't really speak to it,

but I think he was trying to embarrass us. Right. Because we're into showing our buttholes to the sun because it's a nutrient thing. And then he ended up coming up and doing the perineum sunning with not bare ass, but we threw our legs over our head. But afterwards, he was really shaken up. Like he was back at his table and I could see him from the stage and he like had his hand on his head, like fingers on his temples.

And he was just so stressed out. I was like, is she good? He's like, do I feel like I just fucked up my life? Like I got to go to work on Monday. I was like, you didn't do anything that bad. You just threw your legs over your head. He's like, I'm a teacher, man. Like I can't be doing things like this.

And I was like, I don't think you're going gonna get fired for like doing a yoga pose basically doing things like yeah and he was real shaking i agree i would if you're at the school with this guy report him no way he's open-minded just the fact that he's at your shit and into whatever he has no business teaching the youth but i said this i said you know what to cap it off come back up here dude let's do it again and then he came back up, his friends pushed him to do it. Okay, so he really needs to be fired now. Well, no, but his friends were encouraging him, like he needs to get out of his shell. And he came up, and we

held hands on the final rollback as we tossed Chad's beautiful ankles and the rest of our ankles over dome. And it was a powerful moment, and I think he really, it was cathartic for him. He needs to get out of his shell, he needs to do stuff he's embarrassed by, and he did it. So I'm really proud of him i have no comment on and his asshole i hope the school is taking notes and that's all i can hope for at this point

i might believe about his name i might believe about it no for the sake of the kids you don't you don't beep out the name no No, we got to clip his name. No, because you're thinking about my kids. You're not thinking about the kids in his basement now. You think that's the worst thing teachers are up to in their off hours? He's up to, I don't even want to know. No, this guy's tight. He's tight, and he doesn't need to be.

He's a good guy. Tight? What does tight mean? Like he's not expressing himself. Okay, I thought you meant he's got like a tight ass or something. I'm like, what? What? What about two?

I don't know what tight means. wait yeah i guess i don't either okay what's the next question legend of the week chad who's your legend uh i just got i just got a new dog today today so uh lola she's really cute she's looked really cute she's really lab you gotta go lab can we throw up a photo here you gotta go lab and she yeah she doesn't bark she's really cute. She's looked really cute. She's lab you gotta go. Can we throw up a photo? You gotta go lab and she yeah, she doesn't bark. She's like really sweet playful Affectionate she doesn't bark yet. You have no clue dude. Yeah, but I don't know that I mean that The people like the guy who dropped her off is like this is my favorite dog I've dropped off of course Lucky idiot. He got you good. No, this is my favorite dog I've dropped off. Of course. Lucky idiot.

He got you good. No. This is going to be the loudest dog in the neighborhood. No way. I guarantee it. If I've ever had a feeling about anything, it's this. I don't know. I'm a lucky idiot, though.

I don't know. Jake, you know I'm right, right? You can tell. Labs are usually kind of quiet for the most part. Who's your legend, Robbie? Wait, so what's the legend? Same thing as babe. Same thing.

Same fucking thing, dude. I have one I can't share yet, so I'm not doing that because I don't need to jinx anything here on your podcast. Is it career-based? It's something-based. I'll tell you personally. No, I'll tell you personally. I'll tell you personally.

I don't even want clues, okay? Okay, so it's something good again? Something good again. Okay. Because we do one bad thing, we want to balance it with two good things. Oh my God, what's another good thing? I made an amazing stew.

I make a great stew. Somebody said... I love stew. Yeah, somebody said, you know, where'd you get the recipe? I said, on YouTube. I said, YouTube? He said, yeah, what's wrong

with getting a recipe on YouTube? I saw these guys that I follow their channel. They're kind of nomads and they live, you know, they're able to make their own food and that sort of thing. And I just copied their stew recipe. It's delicious. So it's, it's such a basic stew, but I buy everything organic. Carrots, I chop them up. This many. Okay. The mini potatoes, chop them up this many. Okay. The mini potatoes, I chop them up this many. Okay. Full broccoli, I chop them up about, you know, a real good broccoli, organic. Okay. I get onion, chop up the whole thing. Green onion, this much. Okay. What is it? Parsley or, it's parsley. um what is it parsley or it's parsley chop it up okay i put uh cayenne and salt like that much that much i put them in a bowl together then i put beat okay then i get the oven going i get the beef in the ground beef with butter i put the veggies in. I start, I add beef broth simmering.

We're doing like an hour and it's just incredible after. I love stew. It's incredible. It's a really simple, clean, good stew. That sounds lovely. Did you add any red wine? No.

My mom used to make this stew with red wine and it was so good. That sounds really good because there's red meat in it. So I imagine that it would go really, really well. that it would bring out the flavor yeah exactly the red meat and the and the like and i buy the organic like good red meat and you're just getting it going with the onions and with everything oh and garlic of course lovely dude my legend of the week is uh my fantasy football league's championship trophy.

For those of you who've been following the saga, we were initially going to do Draft Kings for the runoff playoff game that we had to concoct after the Hamlin almost tragedy in the Bills game. And then we pivoted from that because we felt it was arbitrary. But I know some of the Stokers ended up doing that in their league, and I'm glad it was a helpful solution. And then we were just going to do co-champions with my boy Trevor. Wallace? No, Moylan, but similarly cool. Shout out to Trevor Wallace. The trophy was in Los Angeles, so me and my brother had it for the weekend

and it was my birthday and we brought it to a pool hall where me and my brother were hanging out and celebrating my B-Day and we were shooting rounds of pool, including a new fun game of 9-1-1. You have to say birthday once you be, if you ever become a father, we don't say B-Day, we'll say birthday. We'll use full language. Did I say B-Day or birthday? B-Day.

Oh yeah. That isn't, yeah, you're right. It's my birthday. What about day of my birth? It's fine. So it was the day of my birth and I was celebrating with my boy, my boy, my brother, Chris, and we had the trophy with us and it felt good. But then the guys came up with a great solution.

Although it ended up being to our detriment that the Bills were playing the Bengals again, which again, which was a game that got canceled because of the almost tragedy. And they said, you know what, guys, we're going to have that be the final solution. And we'll see who gets more points from the players who you guys had in that game. Unfortunately, that game was played today. The Bengals won. T. Higgins didn't do much. We lost.

So me and my brother. Any money on the line? There's some cash. $1,400 to the winner. $100 from each team. 15 guys in the league. Me and my brother are the only ones who co-manage. So the trophy's gone.

It's going to Trevor in Denver. Trevor, you had a great team. You deserve it, brother. But here's the thing. My boy Greg already ordered the plate trevor you had a great team you deserve it brother but here's the thing oh my boy greg already ordered the plate that says the winner of the year onto the trophy and he did it with trevor and me and my bro's name already on it so i'm gonna plant that motherfucker on there and just cross my name off but it'll always be there and people will remember that we were almost

changed this season so it's a loss but i'll never forget dumbest person i've ever met and i enjoy it so much and i didn't think i could enjoy such a silly dumb person and i really just do and it's actually it's eye-opening for me and i enjoy it it's eye-opening for me because i was judgmental but now i'm like you know what different walks of life if maybe you can this is gonna be helpful for a lot of people grown man scratching off celebrating his b-day I'm like so mad but I'm enjoying you know look my legend is that five hours I got with the trophy I'll carry that with me for the next five decades so congrats to trevor and thank you for the kind words robbie no absolutely absolutely i meant everything chat what's your quote so now we do a quote of the week

and a phrase of the week for getting after it quote of the week uh my quote of the week comes from lion king oh great for mufasa just the dad of simba being brave doesn't mean you go looking for trouble well said just because i have a golden retriever so i'm watching lion king he's so cute i love the lion king what a movie and it's a very you know they don't make kids movies i feel like with you know the father of dying you know i was like they've softened them yeah that was like awesome um my so what's it called my quote of the week i mean i you know we typically like them to be inspiring or insightful okay so this my my baby sister had a baby and the baby is to die really really cute okay the problem is my sister sends me and my other three my other're on a big chat, every update with the baby.

Eating noodles, eating this, eating that, okay? And I can't be on my phone. Like, I can't be a part of it, okay? So I sent them this. It's too many texts. Sometimes I'll look over my phone and it's 33 texts and the baby just is standing, even though the baby was also standing yesterday.

So I saw this from the Betches Instagram that they posted. Somebody tweeted, my dad seriously sent this to my family group chat. I'm crying. And this is what the dad sent. And I sent this message to my sisters. He wrote, I can't keep up with the pressure of always having to lull or like or heart everyone's random thoughts, picks and amusements. For all future texts, I love them, laugh at them or like them. Unless it's bad, then I dislike them.

In perpetuity, I can't live with this pressure. I'm out. So I sent that to my whole family. I haven't received a text since. They all just like that. Standing. This is me. The baby's standing i send this

because it's non-stop the baby two pictures of her and her new playpen and okay she's loving the playpen but i don't need two of her with the playpen i sent it yesterday too after getting so many texts i wonder when they're going to get the message they'll never get it they're going to put you on new threads and just keep it coming so so you know boundaries guys with the texting do they live around here uh yeah i have two sisters here and my other sister with the baby she's in vancouver yeah my sister lives in iowa so i love those pictures but you get them every 24 7 yeah that's this is all day yeah don't put me on the on record that i don't love them okay i did that message that the dad sent i feel exactly i love all of

them i cannot feel the pressure to respond and be involved in the dialogue daily daily right that's all i hear you my quote of the week is uh from a matthew mcconaughey instagram post he's quoting his son and he asked his son what he was psyched about for his uh departure to summer camp and his son said well i guess i just want to you know meet new people and do cool things and uh i like that summer camp yeah it's january right what's he where's? Bro, I didn't even pick that up. Southern Hemisphere. That was whoosh.

Also, borderline legend of the week, McConaughey, because he did the video while yard work was going on. That takes massive time. That's right. There was like a weed whacker just blasting. And McConaughey was like, fuck it. I feel inspired. We're filming now.

I loved him in Dallas Buyers Club. Yeah, that was like his fourth best performance of that era for sure. That was such a good movie. That was such a good movie. I didn't like it that much. Yeah, homophobic as usual. What? Bro, get out with that.

Well, let me guess. AIDS didn't happen. Okay. What? Let me guess. Let me guess. Did you watch How to Okay. Let me guess. Let me guess. Did you watch How to Survive a Plague, that documentary about all the brave activists who got the AIDS drugs pushed through when the government wasn't paying attention?

Oh, was that what it was called? Because I did. About ACT UP and everything? Mm-hmm. Yes, because Montreal had a connection to that, too. Dude, the opening scene, me and my brother are stoned out of the bejesus. We're not homophobic. We want to watch it get enlightened.

Or we are homophobic, but we want to get enlightened and no longer be homophobic. So we're honest about where we're at and honest about wanting to get better. We throw it on. Stone, stone, stone. First scene is a guy just dying in the hospital. Three minutes, we're like, off, dude, later.

Put on some anime. But I watched it later when I was sober. If you didn't think you were gay watching that, the anime certainly solidified that. The only thing gayer than the AIDS movie you tried to watch is the anime you turned on after. There's no question. Dude, that was a heavy moment.

We turned it on and we were just like, whoa, this is intense. Good movie, though. Good movie. Chad, what's your phrase of the week for getting after it? My phrase of the week for getting after it is, let's put it in the stew. What's that?

Let's put it in the stew. Let's put it in the stew. What's that? Let's put it in the stew. Let's put it in the stew. I'm still thinking about that stew. Okay, so you make up a phrase from the podcast? Chad does that often. Yeah. Which is inspired, but you don't have to. Well, I already did.

I think lucky idiots. There we go. Lucky idiots. That's a great phrase for getting after it. Nice. Mic drop. Mine is Mark Maron quoting Ernst Becker from his book, The Denial of Death.

We create the reality we need in order to discover ourselves. I got a phrase of the week we're getting after. Everyone grieves their own way. Hit the top left of the clip. That goes out to all the stokers. Hit the top left. Hit the top left. I totally forgot about that whole section of the pod.

Slow and steady. Slow and steady, fellas. Slow and steady, then fist, right? Yeah, well, you're trying to get relaxed. If you do want to squirt... Some dudes are going to fuck this. It's a college kids who listen. They're going to be out there.

Okay, so they're going to be better trained. Girls are going to be in the ICU. Like, this is... We got to warn these guys. Go slow. Not everybody's taking a fist. Keep in mind, I don't have a penis. We're doing what we can.

She's got a black belt in this shit, right? We got white belts. Let's go slow. I'm really figuring it out. Listen, you baby cobras. You don't have to be thisbras thing but if a girl wants to the venom try and come that way that's your best bet all right you got to be scared brother it was great power comes great responsibility there's some young buckaroos out there who are eager to do damage in a positive way i hold no liability i don't check my dms i don't care i you can message me till you're blue in the face jake

put robbie's phone number right here so for following i don't pick up the phone and that's that um all right well thank you for everything you contributed it was a true pleasure you're really one of my favorite comedians so it was an absolute delight to have you're one of my favorite idiots and you've opened the door for so many others after you. I'm excited who I'm gonna meet. I want, you know, because these are also the kinds of guys that come with pools and motorcycles and fun toys. So I think it'll open a whole new...

You think you can handle a 125? No, I can't handle anything, but I just want to be around... I'd go on like, you know, a go-kart or a four-wheeler. How many CCs are we talking? I don't know what any of that is. You gotta get into the stuff no i'm not getting into it but yeah i'm right did we do it no no i do a bb gun that's fun i'd love to do that and you know what i went paintballing once but um i should go paintball i was very good at capture the flag we're big paintballers oh i'd

go paintballing i'd go paintballing that's so much fun so much fun fucking work you do yeah okay well you know i got like the strategy of like an israeli masad fighter why don't you stick to the clits and i'll stick to the paintball okay okay yeah because you can't stick to the clits why don't you stick to your dick and i'll stick to the clits. Well, I think we did it. Yeah, we did it. Thanks for coming on. We did what we could.

Thank you. Thank you. If you need advice, these guys are really nice. You want to know what to do, where to go. What to do, where to go When you need someone to guide you Such that half the world's beside you Go and see Go and see

Let's go deep I'm going deep To get a day to see I'm going deep I'm going deep