Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 282 - LIVE DRAFT - Greatest Comedians of All Time

Episode Date: March 16, 2023

Stider and Chris Join the pod for another draft ep. This time its Greatest Comedians of all times. This was recorded live at ATC in LA! Thanks for listening.

that's enough of that okay streaming go for it oh and we are live butter my crumpet pass the jam and call me jenkins uh that's from a redditor shout out i don't know his name but he wrote it so props to him i'm here with my compadre or first off welcome to the going deep chat jt podcast we are live first live stream what up i'm here with my compadre john thomas boom clap stokers i'm here with the captain of civil unions strider wilson thank you very much and we are here with the master of merriment chris parr what up what up up? Dudes, I'm sorry. Before we dive in, I've got to do some ads. This episode is sponsored by the legends at Kiva. Kiva Farms.

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Skip the trip to the grocery store. I'm going to check that out. I've been cooking lately. Dude, yeah. They're like prepared. Prepared. They're prep meals. They're prepared, dude.

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Wisconsin. Yes. I was talking to someone. They're like, where are you headed? I'm like, Appleton, Washington. And then he goes, you mean Wisconsin? Yeah. I had no idea.

It kind of bummed me out because it's going to be a longer flight and a connecting flight. But it did make sense because it would have been the fourth time we were going to washington in the calendar year yeah that seemed like a lot of routing that way but i'm thrilled to go to wisconsin everyone says it's a wonderful comedy place and uh good cheese and i've never been there before i love the packers i love the bucks i love cheese yeah dude i'm excited to go there i feel like there's just we'll be there what in like this summer is that when we're going Yeah I think lots of grass Lots of cows That's gonna be lovely It's kind of a live picture

I feel like everyone Works in insurance Everyone do Have you guys been in Wisconsin No You've never been Never Good drinking area too

They pound the buds there Yeah if you want Crank some brews Oh wait No I went to a Brewers game one time Was it fun Oh dude

Oh yeah It was awesome Milwaukee Brewers Oh Milwaukee So I have been to Wisconsin drank some brewers. Oh, wait. No, I went to a brewers game one time. Was it fun? Oh, dude. Oh, yeah. It was awesome. Milwaukee Brewers. Oh, Milwaukee. So I have been to Wisconsin. I forgot about that. It was very cool. Dude, Milwaukee.

I've heard great things about Milwaukee. I thought Milwaukee was in Washington, too. Dude, I took a split second. I'm like, wait a second. Milwaukee sounds like it should be in Minnesota. That's what's trippy about it. Yeah, yeah. The big city in Wisconsin should be something with a W.

What is the big city in Wisconsin? Madison? Yeah, that's one of them. And Milwaukee. Oh, yeah, fuck. And Wazula. I just forgot. Dude, my dad almost made me go to Wazula.

Really? Yeah. He didn't want you to be tan? He has this theory that if you're in cold weather, then you study. That makes sense. I was like, not for me, bro. But I still didn't study. Do you think that would have been true for you?

No. Well, you showed him. You got a degree in philosophy. He's like, what are you going to do with that? I'm like, I don't know. Be a philosopher? Yeah, relax. It's kind of in

the title dad it's tautological philosophers have the most statues of them and that's sick you're gonna have a statue of you one day do they have the most statues a lot of busts a lot of greek busts dude bro when you say there's like a whole there's a whole there's columns with busts so when you say, so like a bust is like their head and then they got fat knockers on top of them? Exactly, dude. Here's what you don't know about Play-Doh. Double Ds.

Stacked. Fat titties on Play-Doh, dude. I'm throwing a petition out there for the Statue of David to be replaced with the Statue of Strider with your little dink in the middle of Rome. Yeah, dude, all they'd have to do is change the face a little bit because you're yoked. Dude, thank you.

You got comparable dick dimensions. I'm on creatine now, yes. You still on? I got off the creatine. Why? I thought it was making my face puffy. Probably was. Retaining water weight, dude.

Because it sends fucking water to every muscle and there's muscles in your face. Yeah, it gives your cells more water. That's what creatine does? Basically. But that's necessary for the ATP production. We're experts. Exactly.

I know everything that Ferraro told me. Dude, then, right before we get into the draft, quick beef of the week. Ferraro, super influential guy when it comes to our health and fitness. He's on our training's on our like uh training thread we train the thread is called creatine boys with a z he gets us all on creatine then two weeks later he's like guys i'm doing an elimination diet i'm off the creatine the betrayal bro bro it's unreal god changed my life i'm like i need to pick a lane here now i need to eliminate everything send me 80 bucks dude, dude. Yeah, exactly, bro.

It's just not cheap, dude. No, good creatine's expensive as fuck, dude. From a company that spells clean with a K? Like, what is this, a club in LA or something? What's going on? Yeah. Fuck, dude. They do, dude. That's a good club name.

Yeah, clean is a good-ass club name. He's just, you know, someone like him, he's one of those guys who's always exploring new ways to be healthy. So I think he was just like, oh, if I do this diet, I'll have hard data on what works best for my body. And then I just asked, I was like, do we all have to do that? I was like, are we all doing the elimination diet? He's all up big on optimizing.

He's so healthy and legit. He's bored of being healthy and legit. He's like, I should be more healthy and legit in a new way. And here's the thing. He would look good if he was eating Sp new way and here's the thing he would look good if he was eating spaghettios every yes he would like lebron the dirty secret about lebron and like hot fitness health guru people they eat like shit yeah they're just beautiful they're fucking gifted dude these people are gifted bro're gifted. Dude, you're gifted too. You're gifted.

You're gifted. Hey. You're gifted. You're gifted. Thank you. You are gifted. You're gifted. Freaking thank you.

You are gifted. You guys are gifted. Aaron, you are gifted. Aaron, you're gifted. Thank you. Everyone listening, you are gifted. Aaron, you didn't J off for a week before this, right? Accurate.

Really? He hesitated for a while. Yeah. He had to do the math. He's like, how many days are in a week before this, right? Accurate. Really? He hesitated for a while. Yeah. He had to do the math. He's like, how many days are in a week? Did you let one fly off, dude? No. Is this Beatles math?

Are there eight days or seven days? With the rain, the days blend together. Yep, yep. And it's tough not to jay off when there's rain, too, so I commend you. Oh, bro. It's got a fat load ready to blow. That is true, dude. Is that true?

Put on some blind melon and crank, dude. Bro. That's such a fat load ready that is true dude put on some blind melon and crank dude bro that's such a good jack off song you know there was a girl from high school she was asking she was perverted and she was like asking me about what boys i was in high school at the time too she was no no this happened the other day she asked me she was like she was like what do guys masturbate i was like oh porn everyone's got their own thing and was like what do guys masturbate i was like oh porn everyone's got their own thing and she's like do guys masturbate to music wow and i was like no never no never the internet is the only song i could maybe masturbate to prince has a couple yeah prince probably you're right i'm sorry derailed it i was gonna say, your anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun.

Is that from Ixalot? Yeah, absolutely. Just that imagery. Yeah, I was going to say. His voice is soothing as fuck, too, dude. And then you could get into rhythm, too. For me, The Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani. That's a great song.

With Akon? With Akon, yeah. It's mostly the Akon. Is it because that kind of sounds like sexual exaltations? Yes. Fire. I gotta go stained outside, dude. Good call, bro. That's such a good call.

When does that never, ever, always kick it out, dude? And then to get your penis hard, you need to be like, Tonight's gonna be a good night. I got a feeling. And then just... Because nothing gets you more amped. Right. That tonight's gonna be.

From that same album. Oh, what's the, Meet Me Halfway. That's something you guys heard from that same album? How does it go? How does it go? It's a good song. Is that a Black Eyed Peas song? Yeah, when I was a freshman in college,

I would drive back from Santa Cruz. I would surf. And then for my first week of partying, I would listen to from Santa Cruz. I would surf. And then for like my first week of partying, I would listen to that song and meet me halfway. And I'd get so fired up. That sounds really special. I was going to say, you know,

you know, those times when you're in a hotel room kind of by yourself for a while. Oh yeah. So you've jaded off probably like three times. Speaking my language. You're starting to go raw. You have our attention. You know,

you know what you throw on then? Papa Roach. Oh bro. Scars or last resort yes yes this is my last resort justification because if you've gone through all the conditioner and the little thing that you hit there's only little bottles and your last resort is you're about to just go fucking your your sandpaper hand on your it's what you got to do comforting um all right dudes let's get into the draft guys we were talking about how you're gifted you're gifted we're about to talk about some gifted folks dude we're about to draft our top four stand-up comedians of all time now we did have a conversation we eliminated improvisers so you're not going to see a lot of like snl folks you'll see a couple maybe yeah but they have a stand-up catalog so

they do strict stand-up albums person into the mic prepared jokes maybe some improv sprinkled in yeah but uh but yeah and we're and we're only basing it off their stand-up. So if so-and-so did stand-up and then became a huge movie star, we can talk about their impact, but we're not counting the movies as giving them dominion on this list. Yes. Aaron will negate those facts. We'll definitely talk about it and have fun, but Aaron will definitely only take into consideration their stand-up resume.

Yes. All right, thanks, Aaron. All right, should we throw these odds or evens out? Oh, yeah. One, two, three. Oh, even Steven. One, two, three. That's a good pick here, I think, brother.

You know, yeah, second round's not bad. One, two, three. Okay, third pick. Oh, paper oxygen. That's a good pick here I think brother You know yeah second round's not bad One two three Okay third pick Oh paper oxygen Oh Chris with the first pick Wow bro And Chris You got this dog

I did not win number one No number one you can do number one I didn't mind number one No Number one You can do number one I didn't mind number one Cause also like Thanks dude I have the least expertise in this So you know I feel like

No no no Hopefully that takes some pressure off Comedy is subjective Let's say that in the beginning I don't want to hear any Comments on here Oh yeah But someone did

Sketch And that's still a live performance No We're talking stand up And everyone has their taste. We're going great. It's tough to me, but we can agree. Don't backpedal to these people already.

Yeah, exactly. I want to say this. Fuck you. There it is. Then I'm going to go with the person who has my favorite stand-up of all time. It's probably the first one that I remember. It's not the first one that I ever watched, but it was definitely like made me want to seek out more stand-up.

I was there, dude. You were. And I'm going Eddie Murphy Raw. Nice, nice, nice. Yeah, bro. I mean, dude, it's so fun. I was watching. Last night I was prepping,

and the only thing that I ended up doing was really just watching clips from Raw. Yeah. Is that when he's wearing, which leather outfit is he in? The purple one. Yeah, the purple one. I think Delirious is red. Yeah.

Where he's doing his drunk dad, and it's like the closing like 10 minutes. It's just all about his dad being drunk. I can't do it justice justice but it's so fucking funny the whole thing is amazing he's got such good energy the outfit's awesome he's showing off his he's showing off his rig which is cool yeah he's jacked jack delirious is also very good but i just raw was the best and it was like it just blew my mind i mean the seductive charisma too the mother rock star yeah that's what it is.

Like, rock star. And it's hard to be a stand-up and be cool, like, in a conventional sense. And he could pull it off. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, and when I was looking at my list, and this might be remiss of me to say, but it's my list, the 80s kind of suck. And Eddie dominates the 80s, dude. dude like he is the comic of that decade and those

specials feels a little cocaine induced feels like it's flashy it's like it is the 80s it is of the times like it's yes it's superficial it is but it's fun and it's fucking funny it's a lot of fun yeah it dude it's rock and roll you watch it and you're like holy shit and and dude it's something that like you guys talked about bonding over it like i remember as like and this doesn't just apply to dads and sons but it's my experience like watching that special i was like my dad was like this is funny and like laughing as like guys watching it like it's kind of undeniable matt stone from uh south park says that he'll put that if he had to show god comedy he'd show him raw and i'll go ahead no you go baby i think with eddie murphy too it's like it feels like all of his talent is just god-given like you have to work on it he just

sort of emerged as this undeniable talent and even like when he watched it in that in movie you people and it's not stand-up but he just like whenever he's on screen he just steals the show every time in my opinion he saw the matrix it looks like he just understands humans and i've only seen this from a couple stand-ups i think most of the time and i've seen it like intimately like when i've done little shows and stuff but like most of the time, and I've seen it intimately when I've done little shows and stuff, but most of the time, the comedian wants the audience to like him or her. With Eddie Murphy, you want Eddie Murphy to like you. He flips the power dynamic where you're like, I want this guy to think I'm cool. Yeah.

Yeah. And dude, then his dude Rocky from Raw. It's so- Ayo, Rocko! Oh, yeah. You know, that movie's real. That's real. You can really do that saved SNL yeah dude I think that is a turn the dick ever saw years it's almost like it's like too easy for him it is I'm done that's why

he kind of walked away right yeah it's like I'm the biggest star and he was the biggest star in the world yeah and he was like yeah I'm good he went out to defeat another comet he wanted to place himself as the number one which in this list we just did but there's a comic out there who he wanted to usurp who may or may not that leads nicely then into chad's second pick i know chad's pick i know you're thinking of but i like i can't make that pick because i just i'm familiar with his work but i'm just not familiar enough. And I feel like I gotta go with this. Never stopped you before.

That's true. That's true. I don't have expertise in pretty much anything. You still win all this shit. But I'm passionate about this pick because to me, he's my favorite comedian. I love to watch him. I've loved to watch him since I was a kid.

He was like, it was actually the first special I saw. Same thing as a kid where i was like oh my it's dave chapelle oh yeah i gotta go he's a beast um i mean you said you know one of the greatest orators of our time he really is the thing he's able to mix like this like i love how he's able to mix like toilet humor with like poignant like social commentary it's that's my favorite thing about him it's like when you watch Chappelle's show and stuff like that R. Kelly's pee on me shit like that where it's just like doo-doo butter but he's also you can

tell he's just so smart and then like all of his specials that like especially his early stuff like the HBO half hour his physicality I really love like in his hbo half hour he talks about how detectives always find semen at the crime scenes and the guy's like the guy slips on the scene and he goes oh my god just like in his voice too i was like i would seem like blue streak i'm like his voice is everything about him. Who does a better I was watching all these guys and there's something that always makes me laugh and it got hacked for a while

but I think it is undeniable it's one of the funniest, just make you laugh every time. Who does a better white guy voice? Dave Chappelle or Eddie Murphy. They both have masterful white. For me it's Chappelle. I love his white guy voice. His chip.

His buddy chip. Or even when he's doing the cop. Now get the hell out of here! He does such a good job. Dude, I thought the same thing. Because I did watch some Chappelle because he was

probably going to be my number. He would have been, if I picked second, that's what I would have picked. Right. And they both do just do hilarious white guys. And they always make me crack up. Now he's at a level where he almost just like, I know it's prepared, but it doesn't even feel prepared as he speaks. It feels like it's coming off the dome and it's like he speaks in art.

Like there's structure to it, but you can't see it at at all like you don't even feel the setup or the punch line it's just all like flowing together it's it's insane it feels like his brain is just wired for it now yeah and i feel like i i can't think of crap when when they announced dave chappelle especially as a surprise i can't think of a time when the crowd cheers harder. Like maybe if like, it's like Eddie Murphy or something, but like even now it's like, cause you could argue,

cause he's had so many specials on Netflix. It's like, we had this time where he stepped away from Chappelle show and it like, he was gone for like 10 years. And so then it was like, he's come back. It was like the, the excitement of him coming back.

But I feel like that kind of excitement for him has been steady. Yeah. I mean, again, it's like the Eddie Murphy thing. Dude, the balls to just walk away and be like, yeah, I'm good for a while. And I know they're super loaded, so it seems easy. But I don't think that's easy when it's your whole life and you're used to it. And they'll just go away. So then when they do come back, like you people like when chapelle came back with that first batch

of specials you're just like you're so grateful to them for coming back you're like thank you for giving us something again yeah did the act out when he does the homeless guy jack can offer is that on the train and he's like he can't jack off on all of us yeah yeah he can't come on all of us and then just the noise is just and i know it doesn't count because it's the sketch show but like of our lifetimes the most quoted show of all time like i was in high school at that time period and before i even watched it i had heard every joke from it because it was just like you couldn't walk through the hall without people being like what was the racist character?

Clayton Bigsby. Oh, I did. Freddie was going to be having sex with my sister. It's going to be me. He describes that show as his joke book coming to life, which is pretty amazing. And it created a whole formula for shows. It was like, if you were a pretty funny comedian

and you didn't really have a show to pitch, Comedy Central was like, you'll just do a sketch show. Have your own little kind of Chappelle show. And a lot of them were funny, like Kroll and Schumer. But he's a fucking beast, dude. Chappelle created that. Yeah, he thought Key and Peele stole it from him, too. Yeah.

Because he kind of invented the form, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Dude, with the third pick Overall in my first pick I get my first pick Let's go I wanted this guy

I'm a huge fan of this guy I would put him not only as the greatest comedian of all time But one of the greatest artists of all time I'm going with Richard Pryor Nice That's the guy Was re-watching his stuff And dude as Seinfeld said

No one brought like comedy closer to pathos and kept it funny i mean the vulnerability the honesty the depth and then just like he'll be telling the most serious heartbreaking thing about like loving a woman but they leave you and they break your heart and he'll just throw in jokes but it's not like because there's comedians too who they do sad things and it brings you down like prior would do sad shit and it brought you up because he was so talented and there was so much skill in his expression like the voice he does for the woman on that bit where he's like oh richard you can't be calling like this and he's like like, I need you. Like, please answer me. And she's like, don't do this,

Richard Dale, hold on. And like, he just, I don't know. He's, he's doing like a real life scene, but he gives it enough like humor to,

to make it palatable. And I just think that's next to impossible to do and to be the kind of person who can do that. You're special dog. You're special. So yeah, I'm going with, uh, Richard Pryor with my number one pick big fan big big fan

and us and a nice pick in our draft i mean he is probably the consensus number one like in the world look i don't know if these two dudes yeah i don't know boys know what i'm doing you guys know what to do but no these are all great lists and dude undeniable pick like he's such a beast dude everything he did his movies are funny and lists and dude undeniable pick like he's such a beast dude everything he did his movies are funny and his honesty dude like if that's comedy and if it's and if comedy is point of view that guy has it and lived an incredible life like grew up in a whorehouse in peori you know watching uh a bunch of white guys come through and yeah and who were like you know acting like stand-up citizens of there. So he got this crazy view on life.

And then he was like a clean comic who was like trying to do like Cosby type stuff. And then he walked away. He went to like Berkeley and he would do, he did a whole set just using a racial epithet that only he can use just to better understand the sound and the meaning and the impact of it for like an hour. Whoa. Whoa. Poor people who were in the crowd that day. But the commitment to figure it out

and to get to the root of it is remarkable. That seems common in a lot of the greats, too. Not much to say on top of that. I'm just picturing myself if I'm in the room. What do you do? Or if I just cracked up the whole time You have your pretzel bites You're like

Honey that was a great show You're on a first date That got crushed You don't get it My favorite part was definitely when Yeah exactly Oh sorry go ahead You don't get it. You don't understand. I get it. My favorite part was definitely when... Yeah, exactly. Oh, sorry.

Go ahead. That seems common with a lot of the greats, too, is where they went a certain way early on, and then they just sort of abandoned the persona and just became... Themselves. Themselves. Wow. This transitions perfectly into my pick. Two picks. Oh, I know who you're going to pick. My first pick. I know who you're going to pick. You. This transitions perfectly into my pick. Two picks.

Oh, I know who you're going to pick. My first pick. I know who you're going to pick. You know who it's going to be. And like you guys, he also was like, this was the first special I watched as a kid with my buddy at a sleepover. I was just talking on the phone with my buddy Jeff. Watched him at a sleepover. Didn't really know what stand-up was.

Just was watching HBO and his stand-up was on. This was obviously later in his career. know what stand-up was just was watching hbo and his stand-up was on this was obviously later in his career and he had this line where he's like here's a list of people who should be left hit over the head with heavy pieces of mining equipment and left bleeding in the moonlight guys named todd who respects a todd this is george carlin nice pig he's a fucking beast and he started out trying to fit in with the norm and doing some kind of clean sort of material. But he was good at it. And it made him develop craft.

He was a team too. Yeah, yeah, he was a team, exactly. You watched that Judd Apatow doc, too long, but informative. And yeah, he was doing his whole thing and then he got honest and he became a fucking- Found weed.

Yeah, he found a little bit of that herb, that little devil's lettuce. It'll give you ideas, dude. He fucking thought, and it opened his dome. And he has material, like you say, that's timeless because he's talking about humanity. And he's a fucking beast. He's an amazing writer. He has all-time bits.

And he was a big reason when I was in college where I was like, man, should I try to do comedy? And I loved Carlin and watched him with his old stuff. And he's just cool, man. And smart. You'd watch him and the music of the words and then the things that he was talking about, how fast he talked about him. You're like, this guy's a genius. He clearly is a genius when you watch him.

This guy's on a different level. Yes. And I was lucky enough to do some sketch comedy shows with his daughter, Kelly Carlin. Super sweet, very nice lady. uh he was like very word precise he wasn't a guy who wanted like if a heckler popped up he's a pro he'd just be like shut the fuck up fuck you let's continue and because his set was like sort of coen brothers like it's mapped out dude like he is word specific like let's do this which is very impressive to me and was doing specials till he croaked and all the guys we mentioned not well yeah i guess more carlin and

prior because of their era like they partied hard too yeah like they they kind of were those not tragic but somewhat like um just complicated artists who live their lives kind of recklessly and that's served their art, which I do like the romance of that. It's amazing. And these guys, and all the guys,

actually really not Chappelle though, they came from an era before so much social media or Twitter where there's still this mysticism about them, like a prior or something like they don't have Twitter where they can like kind of say anything or this or that where the words seem more precious and the specials are like all we really have so it's it's uh right you don't know their opinion on like energy policy yeah exactly yeah exactly what's cool about carlin though is that his bits will pop up like on twitter and stuff like when the whole robey wade thing came about uh like his bits

will just start circulating because they're like relevant today his social commentary on like everything like guns pro pro choice whatever all that shit yeah he tackled it all yeah and he's a philosopher comic and i want a philosopher comic on my list my is it the highest it is the highest form of art i think if you're a philosopher comic because for me i think comedy is point of view and if you are spitting that philosophy and spitting how how if you look at a a fucking thumbtack or or the government's new act that they passed you've got a take on it and it's your take and you change the way people think about it yes but to that point and not to undermine you is eddie murphy a philosopher comic no no chapelle is aaron's not murphy but murphy's a

fucking great comic he's a he's a performer and he's a beast he's a beast but he is not that highest form of comedy is a court jester you're right and the king would do that or he or he'd cut your head off no point of view dude just shit. And here's the thing. Chris, amen, because funny wins. Rule number one is funny, bro, and your guy's fucking funny. You're still talking shit, but it's fine. I have to play defense. I have to play defense. My second comic is not that.

He writes comedy and performs comedy in a way that I never could. It is set up punchline. It is classic road comedy. He's a guy who's got the ultimate shtick if you've ever had shtick don't do and he's got an impression that everyone can do i gotta go danger field oh no i love yes i love i love i love danger field dude this guy is such a you were scared he was gonna take someone no i know and here's the thing but i do like danger bill is a beast no i know i know i know i know who you're gonna do but i gotta go this guy first this is my guy dude he's so fucking funny dude his his appearance is on the tonight

show he he is like classic comic if you think of this guy he is classic comedy made it through the ages a road dog in his stuff literally he's the type of guy who if everyone goes oh i know it's like you get every jackass in the world oh you're funny you're funny tell me a joke oh you're a comedy can you tell your community can you tell me a joke danger field would be like yeah fuck you i'll tell you 80 jokes in a row and i'll get the whole room laughing around me because it's so clean it's so crisp it's such an act he's got an act so i like that about him i love his style and uh i love the setup punch and i wanted to get he's my favorite setup punch guy and there are a lot of good ones i mean yeah there's great ones but but i love danger field and and just the way he would also create his act where he'd be like and now my doctor veni

vedetti and or he'd talk about his doctor and then no respect and it was just like there was such a formula that he had to it that it was like it's so great yeah best joke like cadence ever and the easiest one to mimic like you said i saw dudes at open mics just flat out do danger field bits sometimes like crazy guys would saw dudes at open mics just flat out do danger field bits sometimes like crazy guys would just go up there and just do danger it was just fun for them and he created that he created it and i don't think he hit till he was in his like like 50s yeah like late dude yeah like he soldiered through like he suffered for it that's comedy bro there's a funny richard lewis story where he uh danger There's a funny Richard Lewis story where he, uh,

Dangerfield had a bunch of heart attacks and he saw him at the comedy store afterwards with like two, um, kind of, uh, women of the night looking ladies and Ron Jeremy. And he's like, Rodney, how you doing, man? He goes, I'm with two whores and a guy who can suck his own dick. How you doing?

who can suck his own dick. How you doing? All right, I got a pick now. Oh, man. This is tough. So many good comics. Aaron, yeah, there we go switch to me dude he's getting warmed up he's warmed up Aaron have you creamed yet

you don't have to say when you've creamed but have you creamed oh yeah yeah these little top dogs come on who's creaming alright I think I got one two alright I'm going Norm Macdonald nice well okay yeah fuck yeah he's a beast I think I got one, two. All right, I'm going Norm McDonald.

Nice. Well, okay, yeah. Fuck yeah, he's a beast. Sorry, sorry, I was more on my own list. No, so wait, you don't like it? I love Norm. Love Norm. Dude, if you got something to say. This is JT's pick.

I want to hear about it. No, if you got something to say. No, because you butted in with that like. I dropped it like it was something to say. This is JT's pick. I want to hear about it. No, if you got something to say. No, because you butted in with that like. I dropped it like it was going to hit. All right. Is it because he only has one. I feel like you could have snuck him a little later. That's fair.

But he deserved. He's definitely in this list. He's definitely a top 20. I'm not back up for four more picks. It's true. You got to get them. All right. I'm going Norm.

I just think like purely funny. Like I just want someone who just is like purely funny all the time. Always in a... He could be sincere at odd moments. And he was smart. Like when he would talk about like literature and stuff, I always got something

from it. But just like purely funny. And funny when I was like 8. And funny when I was like eight and funny when i was like 18 and funny now when i'm 35 just always makes me laugh i can watch like youtube highlights of just him being himself but then his and it's tough to pick him because his stand-up catalog's not as deep as some of the other guys we mentioned, but his me doing standup is amazing front to back. His late night sets are hilarious. Um, obviously weekend update, not standup, but so, so funny. And just the, uh, you know what he is? He's, he's the guy I most

wanted to be where like, when I was like Norm, I norm i was like dude that'd be so cool if i could just think and talk like norm and have that crazy glint in my eye where you knew he was up to something yeah his smile just like where he's like and he just like starts to giggle it makes you laugh and the master of like the mumble in the bit like he used mumbles so well in these really like finely tuned jokes but he'd just be like yeah no the thing is the thing the thing you know there's a thing and then just amazing then obviously his legendary cone and stuff but yeah i think he's just purely funny and just on his own frequency like i don't even know who else i could comp to him in terms of like tone and delivery and and vibe he just was like a one-of-a-kind person and and so yeah i'm going norm mcdonald great pick

dude his bit on alcoholism that's one of my favorite bits what does he say it's a he's like he's like it's the one disease i can't think of it like word for it's the one disease where he's like what where are the symptoms when you suffer from your disease i get happy i can't think of the rest but that's why i did the cheese sandwich one too do you remember that no i can't remember either but he's like he's like yeah i got a cheese sandwich just like simple shit like that so It's so funny. All right, Chad, you're up. All right, this guy is from the 70s.

We know him mostly from movies, but he was arguably the first rock star comic before Eddie. He's one of my favorite guys. He's a master of absurd es escapism which is like my favorite type of comedy it's steve martin dude beast oh is that cream whoa you just cream oh my god dude wow i thought that was an anti-cream dude shit i thought you just blew love back into your nuts yeah it didn't sound enthused but then again all you know he's coming down that's aaron cream yeah it's your little that's your baby death wow um i was okay so i really like steve i love steve

martin i mean i just love his whole well one thing i really loved about him kind of when i was starting to do stand-up is we were entering this era of like the trump era and like all that shit and like everything but still to this day i mean i think everything just feels kind of fucked up feels like we're just all doomed and like the world you know the country's screwed everyone's screwed everyone's like yeah you know we're gonna die soon and you're just like it's just heavy and you're like jesus christ and then steve martin had a similar thing where he was coming up in like the vietnam era and he said

every comic was talking about how how real and just shitty everything was and so he went the opposite way which i thought was really really cool because i i was like i was like yeah it's like you want to give the audience an opportunity to escape from um all the dog shit it's like gretzky but it's not even be where the puck's going it's be like be where the puck doesn't even exist dude yeah that's steve martin dude is steve martin a philosopher comic i don't think so although he was a philosophy major absurdist i think he was more yeah he's kind of absurdist. Because his stand-up was like commentary on stand-up, I feel like, a little bit. Like he kind of. Yeah.

So it's more meta. Yeah. It's not a livable philosophy. Yeah. Maybe he's the first alt comic. Yeah, that sounds kind of right. Yeah. And I don't want to blow anyone's list, but there's another big alt comic who's still on there.

Yeah, he's the first alt. Janine Garofalo. Yeah. Why are you laughing? She's not alt? Is she alt? Yeah, I think she's alt. Is she really alt comic?'s still on they're like yeah he's he's first yeah why are you laughing she's not alt is she all yeah i think she's all is she really all coming i'm not familiar with her stuff is she really interesting uh but i love how yeah he he decided to throw away like the standard punchline uh and also he's kind of like the i love that thing of like he would never let the audience know when he was bombing he was sort of in his own little world up there and just thought he was the greatest comic in the world and i just i love that naivete so original yeah

messed with it he would hold the punchline yeah and just to come up with all that he had to live that life that he lived where he was like a magician and like a vaudeville performer kind of and just that varied background that made him yeah totally unique i think yeah he'll do things like he'll point out like in his master class he's like playing his banjo and it start like the he and then he stops but the one like one of the strings keeps like going a little bit it's like vibrating you just go stop it starts like the, and then he stops. But one of the strings keeps going a little bit. It's vibrating. And he just goes, stop it. Shit like that where it's just so playful and childlike and fun.

It just brings me so much joy. I just, I love anything he does. I think he's great. Movies rip. Books rip. Plays rip. Dude, prolific as a writer and performer. Music rips.

And yeah, JT gave me the book. When we were kind of getting into stand-up, he's like, read Born Standing Up. Yeah. And if you're a- Killer read. Give it to me too. Yeah.

If you're a stoker listening and you're listening to this because you're interested in stand-up, go get that book. It's great. And his play, dude, Picasso at the La Pen and Gilles or something like that. It's about him and Einstein arguing over a chick and trying to see who's like more inventive that's hilarious bro just sit down and write that you can't be dumb

dude no you can't be dumb dude he uh my mom almost went on a date with him too hey can i say something yeah steve martin lost out dude hey man i know you would have been a killer stepson for him too that would have been awesome that would have been a killer stepson for him too. That would have been awesome. That would have been awesome. Just you guys in the ice bath together. So sick. But then I would have been a Nepo baby. For sure. Sick. Sick, right?

Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Why are we hammering all these Nepo babies? Yeah, I had a positive. Dude, here's the thing, bro. I had a positive twang on that. It's bad to have a sick parent. Get your foot in the door, but you ain't going to stay on the dance floor if you don't have the goods.

Dude. You know what I'm saying, bro? Sick. Yeah, like Josh Brolin. Yeah. You guys don't want Josh Brolin in the world? No, I want Josh Brolin in the world. Dude.

Yeah. It's like you don't mind when a kid makes the league, you know? Because his dad, who's like, it makes. Yeah. I know that sometimes it's because they have connections, but it's also cause like, yeah, if they're, if they're, if a super influential person in their life was really good at something,

then they'll be able to tell them tips. And you know what? I like having them around cause I've had such an easy life. It gives me someone where I get to be like, must be nice. Must be nice. That's true. Yeah.

You need that. We need that. I love that dude. I need someone to fucking, I could feel tougher than that. I could have been that guy. Puss that. I love that, dude. I need someone to fucking take some of the heat. I could have been that guy. You fucking pussies? I could have been that guy.

Fucking puss. All right, dude. Chris. Dude, two picks, bro. Ooh, baby. I'm going to go. I'm going to do Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld. Bro, that list is solid

That list is solid That list is getting sick That's when I thought he was chilling The keys to not be too Into the subject What? You guys talk about him now Let's go

I grew up on Seinfeld I was watching Seinffeld when i was a kid first stand-up show i went to i was in fifth grade saw seinfeld oh hell yeah is seinfeld a philosopher comic no just pure observational just observate pure observation observation scouting report when i know on the observation he's his eyes are gonna be open his ears gonna be zero on the vulnerability scale. But in a way that fucking rips, dude. Where you're like, this guy won't let anybody in, dude.

That's badass. What's an alt comment, by the way? What? Where'd you grow up, bro? Dude, meltdown. When we used to go to meltdown, that was like modern alt. Okay. I guess the main thing was in the 90ss there was all these

like it was coming off the 80s it was almost like uh grunge rock where it was like this more like inventive sincere less mainstream version of uh so what it was like more like uh it was like david cross it was more about the venues they performed in too yeah and then david cross made it big because he did a tour and he did rock venues instead of, and like dingy ones, instead of comedy clubs. Which now having performed at rock venues, I'd much rather be at a comedy club. Oh, yeah. You get spinach dip.

The food's better. Pretzel bites. The seating's better. And it smells better. Here's your green room. That's all very nice. Here's your green room. It's in the closet.

Don't sit on that chair. You'll stick to it. I'm like, who'd you guys have here last night? They're death by flies they left their amp yeah and they left one of their roadies he's still sleeping and he smells like shit yeah yeah um dude great dude rock it's good you got murphy too because murphy discovered rock he saw him at the comic strip one time and then like two days later flew him out to la with him whoa threw him in some movies in like 86 87 wow and then uh and that kind of put him on his way but yeah i mean dude chris rock especially those 90s bangers bring the pain and and uh what's the blacker bigger and blacker yeah dude seismic he's got great bits dude shack is rich the guy who cuts shack's check is wealthy

he's like you got random white families who like own the color blue he's like dude he's fucking great dude he's so funny man and his delivery too is so amazing it's so like you want to just emulate it when you do it and And yeah, he's a fucking beast, dude. I love Chris Walker. He's a philosopher comic. Oh, for sure. He's a philosopher comic. Okay, cool.

Because I did want to check that box. Yes, you did. Your box is checked, bro. Your box is checked, bro. You got rock star, philosopher, and observational. And observational, yeah. Okay, cool. So what's the box you're missing?

All, bro? All, bro? Yeah. All, all. All, okay. Yeah. No, your list is fired dude you got bangers dude yeah and then seinfeld also almost in like that danger field thing where i think when people think about comedy they think about jerry seinfeld like he feels like the epitome of it and it works for such a wide range of people i saw him live at pentagages with my folks dude he ripped way more physical

than i thought he would be on stage because it's a big venue so he was like sort of you know like how rock marauds across yeah he wasn't quite at that level but he was he was he did some like uh rockettes thing where he had his feet in the air i didn't even know his feet could go above his knee it was wild yeah um seinfeld oh dude yeah you tell me about that that's crazy it was nuts but yeah both uh yeah undeniable legends bro you got two hundred and rock dude hosting when he used to host mtv movie awards rock is also a great pick for just his stand-up because in his movies in his acting not amazing but his stand-up he's a fucking beast that motherfucker keeps trying dude and he's in plays is he really he'll do plays he'll do like a suzy lori parks play like some like real

that's all like i can see i don't even know who knows that shit yeah i've never it's amazing that you know that dude i lived in new york for a summer let's go let's go a couple years couple years um jt spells theater with an r e dude i do i do for sure bro for sure and i spell for sure with an re fuck yeah you do you do do that that's sick dude oh all right chad you're up dude all right so i got if you take my fucking pick dude wait you have someone in your mind yeah bro of course i get so tense this is yeah this is what it's all about he's gonna do it don't fucking do it dude I don't think I'm gonna do it

I got a philosopher, I got a rock star I need a roaster I need the roast master Don Rickles Rickles that's good too because we don't have many old timers yeah Rickles is so funny

he's one of a he's one of those comics who with his he's more of just off the cuff like i think i read that he discovered like he his he really started to shine when he was just kind of fucking with the audience and roasting everyone when he was doing his written material it just wasn't didn't pop as hard but he's just like a guy you place in any situation it seems like he'll just like he's like the quickest guy ever and he'll just tear you apart and calling someone a hockey puck yeah that's so funny that's funny that is you're a hockey puck and it's one of those things where like people just get it it's like it's one of those things where you're like that makes no sense but absolute perfect sense it's a dumb dude yeah it's like a yeah just a meathead not quite a

meathead but just your average dumb dude yeah who's a bit solid yeah in his build and he he i mean he was old like the look in his eyes he just looks so mischievous and uh i love rickles i love watching any any any clips of rickles on like any late night show on the roast. There's one thing I forgot what I was going to say, but yeah. Don Rickles is my number three. And I might burn a name here, but I don't think any of us love this guy that much, but he's probably on some people's list. But Bill Hicks, and he's got a great quote.

We watched where he's like, you know, your material is something that you develop that you can fall back on because you're in a dialogue with the audience and rickles was that where he's got material yeah but he's present in that as a live performer which is like i really love that because we watched that documentary together with with hicks and both of us were like literally he'd be like i suck the devil or suck the devil's dick and you're like all right dude like it's too much philosophy for me with him it's it's really smart but i just don't get much uh enjoyment i'm not laughing i'm not laughing a ton i'm like huh but he really speaks to a he's he's a legend and he's like yeah you know he's a lot of people's heroes and he's a very specific type of person's hero too like uh the edgelord he went to film school with every single one of them

yes they love hicks yeah and he was cool like with the cowboy shit and like and then he's gone too soon he's just from texas so he would wear like a polo ties yeah and he was and he was fighting i guess he was probably coming off the 80s where he was fighting for being smart in a time where there wasn't much like uh credit for that but uh but not not like it's not it's like the anti-seinfeld in a way that makes sense one thing going on frickles that i was gonna say is he has the skill i'm most jealous of that i don't have and i wish i had where you just roast people i don't have it you're a kind soul but you're also unroastable that's true you don't even know if you're getting roasted i'm getting roasted all the time i have no idea yeah sometimes you don't have it You're a kind soul But you're also unroastable That's true You don't even know if you're getting roasted I'm getting roasted all the time

I have no idea Yeah sometimes you don't know You don't know if you're getting roasted You don't know if you're getting hit on I've been with you when both have happened And like 10 minutes later You're like that guy was really nice That chick was really cool

I'm like you see what's going on there My girlfriend's like what the fuck She's just chilling dude I'm like what she just wanted to go To have a drink She needed a bed to sleep in With two other people dude Like come on

It's a super power It's a better life It is Alright dudes I'm stoked on this next pick I'm going with Probably the most Influential comedian

Of my lifetime I knew you And when I got into like Open mics Everybody was trying to sound Like this guy all the tags that he invented for the end of like the way to describe a joke where he's like so that's a thing like i think he was the first guy to say so that's a thing after a joke and then i

heard that nine million times including out of my own mouth i'm going with louisK. Bro, damn, I wanted him. Philosopher, comedian. Again, love shit like Chappelle. There is no highbrow, lowbrow with these guys. They are their own brow. They just do what they want. I've seen him live a bunch of times. He's fucking hilarious live.

And he can... Some guys don't have the best material but they crush the hardest you know because sometimes like the best material it's harder to process in the moment it like almost plays better when you're at home but he can do like the best material and crush like a rock star comedian so it's it's it's a rare thing and i don't know he he has his little voices that he's invented that are super funny and then he's changed the way i thought about things like he changed my opinion on things through his comedy and then you know as i was getting into comedy i watched all of his specials and he has so many good specials like chewed up shameless um live at the beacon um and a bunch of other ones but he's just a master comedian yeah no joke there i want i wanted him on my list he i remember i was in college when i first heard

louis and he was the first comedian to like where i really kind of like you said change the way you thought about things where it's like he he opened up this thing in my mind where he's he's talking about his basically his whole thing about how everything is amazing and nobody's happy yeah well circulated that thing took over yeah and the whole the whole bit about being on a plane and being pissed off he's like you're flying he's like you're in a chair in the sky i heard that when i was in college and it blew my mind just like the simplicity of that i'm like holy shit he's totally right it has to go to space give it a second and then and then the one and uh chewed up when he talks about how much he hates deer and he's like he's like broke its neck I heard it break its own fucking neck and just dragged its stupid deer head. And he's fucking going like, oh, man.

And it's just the outfit he wore. When I started stand-up, I didn't wear the collared shirt, but I was like, I need a plain shirt and just jeans or khakis. Then I will let my canvas be what I say. I was like, he's a genius. That's why. He brought in that alt thing, too, where he would just walk out at the beginning of his special like and he made it seem like he just came off the street to do it like there wasn't like this like you know big pyrotechnic entry he just walked out like all right guys let's get started and i was like that's so cool dude no bells and it was just actually its own bells and

whistles but you don't see it so you're like there's no bells and whistles yeah yeah which is chill it's like it's like you too dude he was a fucking beast bro and i remember watching clips of him on my laptop falling asleep in college being like this is what i gotta do his bit about closing the door for his family in the car and then walking around the car to the driver's seat that's his vacation yeah the best thing dude he's shitting on shitting on your kids for being assholes he was like the first one yeah he was it's easy when the ground's been broken to be like oh everyone could do that he was like the first one to be like my kids suck yeah yeah he's the man that was a sacred cow yeah yeah that was his why joke that was one that was like his daughter just for one which is like something that you've seen so many times and then watching that bit i was like crying laughing the whole time even though i'd seen versions of that

joke before like or like it's like in people would always say that that's like a thing and he just made this like such a long funny saw him at ucsb in the round bit right yeah what was that one which one was the one where he did it like in the middle of it yeah but it was in arizona yeah yeah where like he wasn't on a stage he was on like a platform in the and everyone was surrounding him which like i had never seen that. Do people do that? Like, Strider's next book, Dane Cook. Yeah, exactly. He did that, the vicious circle fucking, like, the shocker thing or whatever the fuck he did.

Has anyone ever tried that? JT did open the floodgates for comics where you'd have to separate the genius from the comedian, but I will not be taking that. Well, prior, dude. That is true. That is true. Yeah, you're right. My next pick is not either those guys he's a maniac i'm taking a guy who's another grinder and his sense of humor is so himself

and his delivery is set up punch and he's very zany and playful i'm gonna go with mitch hedberg he's a beast and his comedic style, I just have to think about him doing open mics and for years doing what he does. It's so difficult, dude, to like invest in that.

Aaron, you got switch to two, switch to two. And to invest in that is unbelievable. And to have that much. You haven't switched in like 15 minutes aaron's drunk

dude aaron's cleaning up the cream and dude uh to to like to believe in yourself and to go no i know i'm being funny when i'm saying this escalator broken is only temporarily stairs like that's so hard to pull off and make people laugh and it needs to be earned in such a way that it's like he's such a fucking pro dude that's such a pro it's insane and and he's always on like when i'm valeting dude like serious xm people have that in their cars i don't subscribe i don't have that dude but when i'm parking someone's car and they turn that on he better believe i'm gonna be late getting the next car dude because i'm finishing that fucking bit yeah his half hour comedy central presents bro

the greatest ever the greatest half hour you could spend watching comedy ever and he's so cool his leather jacket his shades and he's just like he's a guy you look at and you're like because comedy's tough and conan has this thing where comedy's hard because someone who listens to a song no one doesn't believe that they don't know what they like so people sit down and watch comedy and they go like with a painting they're like no tell me i don't understand paintings craft i get it or even music like you're playing a guitar i don't know how to do that but with what's funny people are like no i know what's funny you need to prove to me these guys are like these pros that are on our list are like no i'll fucking tell you they immediately switch the fucking stakes so okay were you gonna say something oh

i mean those comics like him where they bombed a lot pro the bar always the best yeah uh and he's someone you can just listen to over and he he brings so much there's something about like i remember on his letterman set when he like the crowd was getting really amped up they were just loving him and he's like yeah yeah that's for my mom at home like like those little throwaways where he's just so likable and he's just like he's just so himself he's just like has that like stonery smile where you just like you just want to hang out with him and like even on this special i think it's this second album he's sipping on like uh some kind of drink his second album, he's sipping on some kind of drink,

but you can hear him just sipping on the straw the whole time, and you just imagine him drinking out of a coconut and just having the best time ever. It's amazing. Yeah. That's what I was going to say about Norm MacDonald earlier. He's sort of a comedian's comedian. If you measure respecting or success in your craft,

commanding the respect of people in your field is probably one of the highest forms of that. For sure. And Norm has that in spades. I think Mitch has that too. My final comic is a guy who is pure point of view. He has maybe the most absurd point of view, and you're listening to him talk,

and you're going, that is so wrong, but I know you believe it's so right and it's so fucking funny. And that's Patrice O'Neill. Oh, dude. You got to get listed. He's unbelievable, bro. That was a great last pick. I was going to get listed.

The guy fucking, we were listening to him on the way back from Vegas. Yeah. He's doing a bit. It's a stand-up bit of his, but he's doing it on the What the Fuck WTF podcast. He's talking about like women jumping back in the boat and stuff. And you like dude this is like no like you're this is not right no one thinks this way but you and that is he's so himself he's so authentic and he's so fucking funny dude well and his his philosophy feels so hard-earned it's like with like him and like prior you're like look these guys didn't learn

their philosophy in like a classroom getting it like lesson to them like they were out in the world they saw the way people were and they developed this thing to survive and thrive and it's genius and it might only make sense for them to live that way but you have to just respect the depth of it and how like comprehensive it is yeah and he's vulnerable as fuck too talks about his stepdaughter talks about his relationship with her talks about all this shit and scary man bro like he could rip people and he was a me and yeah he was like a scene guy talking about like yeah i don't want to burn any name but like you know companies boston comics and they go to new york and like he'd like fucking roll rule the show and he was like six seven and fucking a big dude he was fucking big yeah i think he was yeah yeah all

my comics seven big seven big all my comics my comics good basketball team he was seven foot yeah he was 750 with mb type footwork so but he would bully dudes. You'd be like, you need to earn it. What's your list? My number one was Carlin, then Dangerfield, and then Hedgeberg, and then Patrice. That's a good list. Dude, he probably has the most, I would argue, probably the most imitators today. What's that? Imitators? Yeah.

He's got a lot. Yeah, all of TikTok is imitating patrice every podcast now is like look a high value man's not going to respect a woman going to the club every night like well he's so fearless too i mean you watch him like there's a set on youtube of him at the comedy store and he's telling the audience how much he hates them how much he hates la it's so funny call some fucking nothings yeah the look in his face where he's just like he would do that thing where it was insane to me I remember we would

talk about this at Mike's where he would go up there make himself very unlikable only to challenge himself to then win the audience over again

like he that's what he needed from that night which is insane if I go up and do stand up I'm like please like me please like me please like me

please like me and he can make like being ignorant so funny like he had a bit on his half-hour hbo one where he's like man it's so stupid when people know the capitals of other countries and then he had one bit bro it's so like it will not work coming out of my mouth but he had one where he's like women what would you do to keep a man if you didn't have a vagina and all these it's such a crazy bit because he's leaving it up to the audience what they're going to do to get to his punchline but not the women in the audience are like i'd suck his dick like i use my ass so he's like see you want me to respect you but you yourself define

your value by a series of holes it's in the the courage to be hated to get there is like, you got to be a strong human being. Sorry. No, that was it. I love on that one album, Confrontational Chicken Lady. That's like one bit where he's just going back and forth with this lady, but she's yelling at him. And eventually get to a point where he's like,

we're like about to fuck it's so funny oh like he turns it and gets he turns it because because she's yelling at him and she hates him so much he's getting like turned on by it just look up confrontation he would do that on a too he would like be arguing with a girl and then it would he'd feel this flirtatious tension coming to the air it's that rom-com start you hate each other and then you Marin asked him, this is like pimp philosophy I had to ask myself one day, could I be a pimp and I couldn't do it he's like, I had some girls who would have

tricked for me and I just couldn't do it I'm like, yeah, I guess every comedian comes to that point are we doing five or just four? bro bro we can do five i'll fuck around all right any any any women yeah there's where there's some definitely some beast ladies a couple of my faves are are women but i just don't think they have the uh the like it's like richard pryor like he's like so titanically huge yeah and then the women who are the most like prior huge significance i'm not as big of a fan oh yeah it's

a good call i swear and it's true but it's also how the world was set up and it's how fucking you know the system was set up for these dudes yeah um all right i'm gonna go with sugar me timbers all right i'm gonna get a little bit do you guys mind if i take a second take your time take your time can i take a break will you take a second yeah yeah take a leak man we're only live on the internet yeah i mean i just deleted my uh thing on accident but it's your notes you deleted your notes the spacing was all fucked up i went to change it and then yeah well either way it doesn't matter all right i gotta go oh wait chad do you want to do the mid-roll oh yeah mid-roll guys i'm gonna do some

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gonna take him but i gotta take him here because he's my next favorite comedian you guys have named some awesome guys this guy for a long time was my favorite and uh brings me so much joy i've heard him described as a perverted poet i think he's the ultimate like just club comic if i ever see that he's dropping in somewhere i race to go see him he's such an original david tell yeah no i loved it yeah it's great i think he's so fucking funny, so original, often imitated. I've heard on comedy podcasts that when he was the dominant comic of New York, everyone stole his cadence. Ba-ba-ba-da-ba-da-da-da.

And yeah, he's skanks for the memories. Incredible album. The audience is crazy because he had frat guys coming to his shows who were like you know juice to the gills with booze and they'd be like screaming like settle down settle settle but he never like got mad he like he he let them be wild and stupid and raucous and he could still get his jokes in there which is that's the thing about him is his jokes are so nasty but you can tell he's such a sweet person and all you ever hear about him is what a nice guy he is he like loves his parents so much he's always like mentoring younger comics and then he gets on stage

and it's just like pure hilarious phil some of my favorite jokes i like watching girls gone wild backwards because it looks like girls learning lessons and then he goes don't wear a hoodie when you're drunk because you'll think someone's behind you and then uh just weird he always talked about like he had the weirdest imagery talk about like one-eyed dwarves and like uh you know like toothless magicians it was like just this yeah crazy fun house that he would build. And when you watch him, it's like a great book where you're just like, you just get put into his brain. And you're like,

there's no other brain like this one. This guy is one of a kind. So yeah, I'm going David Tell. And it's a great pick because when you're watching a standup show or maybe any art, but you're going, I'm going to lend my imagination to that person for the next half hour or 10 minutes or whatever the fucking set is. And what an amazing brain to live in like it tells so weird

dude we were literally at the improv one time and i think that who's that i love tall comics owen benjamin yeah owen benjamin was in the middle of a set and a tell walked in and he goes is that a tell like he was stoked to see the guy it was like holy shit that's a tell yeah and a tell dresses like uh like a fucking yeah like he wears like a reporter he's got his black ball cap on and he's got a flip phone he's like always trying to find the zodiac killer he's pure dude yeah his bit about i remember i was i was driving i heard his about Amish sex. I had to pull over. I was laughing so hard. Oh, and the one where he's like, he's like, he's like, and they're banging hard. I heard smell.

It sounds like a boot stuck in mud on the weather. I'm talking balls slapping against ass. And then he's talking about tattoos. And this lady in the crowd goes, what about scars? He's like, what's up? What about scars? He's like, yeah, I think you're looking for the women's outreach program okra will be with you with you in a moment yeah yeah he's never pretentious either like when he was on green room yeah uh doug stanhope and janine garofalo were arguing about like something stanhope accused her of saying about a gnome chomsky and he's just sitting there and he goes they move on a little bit he's like no one's mentioned

gnome chomsky in three minutes we're not gonna make it on the cover of yawn magazine yeah he's just he's the man he is the man it's fucking incredible one last one that just kills me by him he's like i saw an article about a guy who was having sex with a cow. I don't understand that. If I'm going to have sex with an animal, it's going to be a horse because at least then you have a ride home. He's weird, bro. That's amazing. He's weird, weird, funny, funny. Chris, you got a banging list, dude.

Oh, no, Chad's up. Chad's up. I got one more. Yeah. We're doing five? Are we doing five? I got two more. I'll fuck around if we do this.

I just want to know. I think the fifth pick is going to get tough. And that's where the real... Might need to do it. Hey, we're doing it live. That's where the metal meets the road? The rail. I don't know.

The rail, dude. Is it? P-Rod. No, but you made it up. It's even better than what could have been. Dude, P-Rod. The rubber meets the road. Yeah, dude. That's one, dude. Is it? P-Rod. No, but you made it up. It's even better than what could have been. Dude, P-Rod. The rubber meets the road. Yeah, dude.

That's one, too. And then the metal meets the rail, if that makes sense. Yeah, and pedal to the metal, dude. Pedal to the metal. Yeah, box, dude. Chad's about to pick 160 pounds of Sex Appeal and Twisted Steel. Let's fucking go, baby. Blast him.

Okay. This next guy. don't do it dude I'm gonna make this pick not because Bertolino said he might be watching cause he's Bertolino what up

yeah Bertolino if you're watching you going with Haiti it's it's this open mic guy yeah Carrot Top he's a nice guy he's a nice guy

when I first started stand up I this guy he opened a special and it's a special from 2012 where I he opened it and I like instantly fell in love with him as a comic like I would listen to comedians

on Pandora and they pop up and I'd see his name pop up here and there and then and then i i saw a special on netflix i watched it and he his opening line he's like i want to get a gun i was like instantly yeah one of my favorite comics i watch especially those two specials endlessly and he was one of the first comics where i was like truly a fan of uh i saw live and i was i could not i was laughing so hard i couldn't breathe it was like one of those times where like i saw chapelle and i saw him and like it was uh it's bill burr beast he's the best he's great dude i fucking love that guy um so powerful on stage like we were at Ha Ha, and he was performing, and it was us two and another very established comedian with us,

and he had to go next. He was like, oh, fuck, dude. He's like, I really don't want to follow that. I was like, yeah, me neither, man. The crowd was begging him to stay. He was like, all right, I'm going to head out of here after this one. They were like, no, no, no. Oh, man.

I mean, so many good bits. and they're like, no, no, no! Oh, man. I mean, so many good bits. There's one of my favorites is the self-checkout one with grocery stores, where he's like, he's like, I guess I work at the grocery store now. He's like, I'll be hooking up my friends, just rolling hams out the front door.

And then the bit about Arnold I love. Amazing. One of the best bits ever. About how guys get fucked when they get divorced and then arnold he's like that dude should be lifting it should be what is it loading trucks in transylvania and then uh the one about moms too about how he uh you know people always say it's the toughest toughest job job there is His whole bit about that He's the best at going after things you're not supposed to go after

And just every time he makes so much sense That you're like thank god someone said it Yeah And then too when he roasted the Philly audience I mean that's Incredible When we saw him do that bit In that like side room at the comedy store

About like dropping your stuff off He's's like, you get shit for Christmas. Where do I put this? So like he's like donating stuff like on Skid Row and just. Oh, to Goodwill. Yeah. Where he says, you know, Goodwill just takes all that shit and throws it in the ocean, right? Yeah. It's amazing, dude.

And dude, you know what's great about him? He says rollerblades. It's so funny. We talked about this where he's like, he's sounds like sort of every backwards thinking like guy who's just fucking ingrained in his ways and will never change his mind. Like he sounds like sort of the quintessential maybe version of that. That's sort of people will be quick to judge, but then he's the fucking smartest dude in the world. So his delivery system is so genius because it comes out in this package that's so funny.

But the thoughts that he's having are so high concept and like reversing on what you would expect to hear from a dude like that, that it's just it's a formula that. Yeah, like his comedy shell is like the every man at the bar. And it's who every every man at the bar thinks they are in their head when they have a couple of drinks. But he actually does have the horsepower. Yes. To back it up and then it never feels pretentious because he's saying it and like he's not fancy with the words or nothing exactly but it's brilliantly put together he has what all these comics have which is a grand sense of self-awareness which is so hard to have yeah because the introspection that in the in the internal mining he's had to do and all these

comics have had to do is so fucking hard and it sucks so bad and it takes decades to do but he's figured it out and he's figured out that point of view because who are people like i don't know who the fuck i am still but a lot of us don't know but this guy feel like maybe he would tell you i still don't know me who i do it i don't know you know who you are i You know who you are. I don't know who I am. You're a solid guy. You know who I am? Last in our fantasy league this year, I did it with No Keeper. Wow. But then if you get that title next year... It's a comeback story.

That's who I'm leaning into. You got the most titles. Thank you. But what have you done for me lately? Exactly. You're as good as your last fucking joke or special or album or thing you put out. Anyway, it's not about me. It's not about me. It's about Burn. He's a fucking beast. Legend. Great beast. Legend. Great pick.

Legend. Chris, two picks, dude. Bring us home. Your list is pretty much perfect right now. Oh, yeah, because we're doing five. We're doing five. Okay, okay. Yeah, dude, when he dropped Chris Rock and Jerry Seinfeld.

That was a strong one, too. Back to back, I was like, those guys are still here on board? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God hands Sugar Ray Robinson dude Bang bang Man I wanted Did you look at your list I did but it's fine

It's just names it's not in the order There's still Google and that's what else Alright I'll go Sarah Silverman john mulaney oh nice good temporary very nice great pick yes smart this is good you know you guys have both done good future picks here because burr still has stuff to give us mulaney's like the next seinfeld and i heard mulaney's next hour it's gonna be darker because i heard it's like next hour it's gonna be darker cause he's gone through

I heard it's like his yeah he's gonna be honest he's fully realized in this one he doesn't have to you know keep up appearances anymore Mulaney

Mulaney raw Mulaney uncut dude um yeah they're both really funny uh I saw Sarah Silverman at the Largo

remember that was a good show I think I might have been at that show well I've seen her i've seen it before some people who could get mentioned she's uh yeah that was a fuck that was a killer yeah night she's funny as fuck she's pretty racy which is fun i saw her jokes she's like i was raped by a doctor which is pretty um yeah what did she say? Pretty bittersweet. Bittersweet for a Jewish girl.

Amazing. It's so, yeah, that's fucking great. Where she just definitely pushes, always being pretty racy and funny and kind of going too far in good ways. And then Mulaney's just fucking hilarious i mean those are probably obviously the svu joke is just such an all-timer so good which was the first joke that i heard from him and then i went and because you showed and then and then uh went and sought out his specials which are so funny yeah new in town is for how young he was too he's like 24 when he

did that and it's just wall to wall he's sort of bangers like a wonder kid or what the fuck the german yeah he's a wonder kid that guy i've heard him in the writer's room is like unbelievable i could see it and dude there's something the presentation with him yeah it's so perfect like the movement the words he inflects and just it's so presentational you know what it is too he seems like the type of dude that dudes would dislike yeah you know what i mean like as a if you're like at all have like silly macho-ness in you you want to be like i don't want to like this guy and then right away you're like this guy's awesome it's true i want to hate him i want

to hate his delivery system i want to hate it all I want to hate his delivery system. I want to hate it all. He wears the suits. Who are you trying to appeal to? What is this? And then he's fucking funny, dude. He's too funny, man. He's funny. Fuck. And Sarah Silverman's awesome, dude.

She's fucking hilarious. Fuck, dude. All-time beast. I was licking jelly off my boyfriend's dick, and I thought, oh, my God, I'm becoming my mother. Yeah. Yeah. one of the best lines of all time all time great line i think someone else wrote that joke and gave she said that and but she's honest about that she goes she goes a fan of hers wrote in and she's like i don't

want to say this but i thought it and yeah that is true chad um all right to round out my list i'm gonna go with a def jam comic so smart man bernie mack nice smart pick i ain't scared of you motherfuckers i mean there's is there is there much stand-up of his you can watch the uh the kings of comedy right he's he's on there yeah but it seems like he kind of popped off on def jam and just went to movies and then tv right i mean powerful personality dude i mean that that yeah that set on def jam is one of my favorite sets to watch it's just pure confidence especially in that with that kind of crowd i think they were kind of tearing everyone down and he just came out and came back right at them.

Talked about how big his hog is. Love that. Love that. He's like, and I'm blissed. He talks about sex for like four straight minutes. I love sex. Love it. I love sex.

I love it. And it's like, it should make you uncomfortable. You know what I mean but he's so charming i love sex love it and i'm blissed um oh and and also he would uh he would uh ask the sound guy he'd be like kick it and he'd just start grooving i want to do that so bad i need to start doing that you should do that kick it um but yeah bernie mac rest in peace you're the best dude you changed my pick yeah because you're right dude because you're right about something yeah and here's what you're right i was gonna go with a quirky

white dude who is undeniably hilarious and gifted but i think black dudes are funnier yeah and i'm going with i don't think it's who you're gonna go with kat williams bro i love kat williams i love kat williams but no no i was so funny dude he has an intro to one of his specials yeah where it's just that uh every day i'm hustling and i don't know how we work this bit out. Neither do I, dude. No way you could workshop it. But he keeps yelling at the DJ. He goes, turn that shit off. And then he goes, I swear, don't start it again. I swear to God, don't start it again.

But then he keeps telling him to start it again. And he just goes, man, that song is the hustler's anthem. And he goes, you could have any job in the world. That song comes on. And then he gets to the transition part of that song. And it's him in a library. He's like, you could be a librarian. Dude, he does the the transition part of that song and it's him in a library he's like you could be a librarian you just dude he does the best act out of a librarian looking through books and then it hits the chorus he just starts talking to him and then he ends it

doing that at mcdonald's and he's on like the fryer and stuff like that and it is the most purely funny shit i've ever seen and it's not like he's not like in a notebook being like well how do i feel about like the ocean or about like Republicans versus Democrats? He's just like, that's so fucking stupid. Who gives a fuck? Exactly. If someone asked me, I'll tell them. And then he just goes out there and he's like, this is just purely funny.

And the crowd is going ballistic. Like the level of it's it's it's beyond what a like just a funny phrase can give you like they are standing up like throwing their hands at the audience and i i'll if i'm ever showing someone like a stand-up clip i'll be like that's the one i show because i'm like it's the funniest and he's just such a crazy fucking dude like have you guys seen the video of him getting his ass beat by a 15 year old playing pickup soccer no no that's amazing he fights that's amazing he fights it first i heard his security jumped a guy we know who's a stand-up at the uh at the comedy store and jared levin came in who like knows karate like wailed on like a 300 pound dude jared levin weighs like a buck 25 but he'll

throw and then um but then so this isn't keeping with that, like Cat Williams was like playing pickup soccer, and he just fist fights like a teenager. And the kid like knew jujitsu and like chokes him out. Cat Williams walks up to him and he goes, it's okay, young man. And like hugs it out with him.

Just a pure, raw, real person. So funny. Yeah, so I'm going to Cat Williams. That's genius. I don't think I've ever YouTubed anything more than that video of his intro. And it's how you feel like every special should start. You never seen it? You haven't seen it?

No. Bro, it's the best thing ever. It's so fucking good, dude. And his act outs. And it's how you want every special to start. Because comics walk out and the music's all big. And then they're like, so anyway. And then this. Dude dude this is like rock and roll bro yeah he's fucking amazing he keeps that energy up all right i'm sort of going the other way with my fifth pick and this wasn't even

a guy i put on my list but i want to go future comic and i want to go with a guy who's very smart. Do I want to do this? I don't fucking know. I'm curious, dude. Do it. Yeah, I'm super curious. No, let me look at my list. No, stick to your guns, dude. STYG, baby.

Keep it OC. Fuck, dude. Bro, we're going to have honorable mentions right after this pick, so don't even sweat. Yeah, but I could fuck it up because there's a guy that I can get right now. Your list is awesome. I might fuck it up with this but i could fuck it up because there's a guy that i can get right now your list is awesome i might fuck it up with this dude fuck it up bro i always fuck it up it's your heart man i know you want to say will ferrell i know you want to say what i want is my boy so i fucking love will ferrell i might go with a guy

no i can't do it i'm not gonna go with that guy no I can't do it I'm not going to go with that guy I'm going to say he's funny and he's the future I'm going to go with a guy who made me laugh oh I'm going to go with a guy

who's a off the cuff stream of consciousness guy who came up in 70s all through the decades and sticking with my list has to be dead Robin Williams

great pick dude was the guy you were thinking Bo Burnham yes that would have been a good pick too that would have been

a good pick too I was thinking Bo Burnham wow because he's musical he plays his thing in his last special I was like he shot it

directed it all by himself and he came from the YouTube era he's the future is he Steve Martin is he our Steve Martin he's kind of a Steve Martin

yeah and he's a genius director but he's honorable mention at this point. Robin Williams, his live on Broadway special, I remember sleeping over at my buddy Robert's house with his stepdad and all of us bonding in his golf bit, his act outs.

And like, all I knew at that point was Robin Williams from movies. I was like, I didn't even know he was a standup comic. And his stepdad was like, oh no, he's like a legend. And this is like him coming back because he was a stand-up comic and and his stepdad was like oh no he's like a legend and this is like him coming back because he hated doing stand-up and i was like wait what do you mean hating stand-up and like sort of learned about stand-up at this time a little bit and that special alone live on broadway robin williams i think it was like from the year 2000 maybe or something like that maybe a little slightly after that is so funny. So fucking good. His act outs are amazing.

He's dark. He has a darkness to all of his, every performance he's ever done. But, uh, and he also, we need to mention this. He kind of would steal people's material and that's bad too.

It's a little controversial. I'm glad you brought it up. Flick the light on. They'd be like, Hey, Williams is here, but his style was so stream of consciousness. They'd be like,

I just heard this and I got to roll with it. I think David Brenner pinned him up against the wall. He needs that. If you're a comic, you can't steal material. That's no bueno. And he came back and wrote checks to everybody. But does that make them whole? Fuck no.

Fuck no. You robbed them of what they could have. But he seemed like a very sweet guy. But he had a weakness that is unacceptable in this line of work. He needed the juice. He needed the juice. He'd do anything for it. But he's an amazing performer.

Unbelievably talented dude. San Francisco comic. The golf bit, dude? Yeah, the golf bit's all time. Stroke. We'll call it a fucking stroke. Yeah, stroke. If you're having one.

Fuck bowling. We'll put it a hundred yards away in a little fucking flag. To give you hope. To give you hope. Yeah. Dude, that whole bit is amazing. It's incredible like that style the stream of consciousness is is really amazing the amount of water bottles on the stage dude oh impressive yeah and the hairy arm is eating the pussy bit you see us down there like that yeah it's so

fucking good dude his scottish voice on that is hilarious yeah too. He's like, you only pick up like every 10 minutes. It was funny, too, because we had a dear friend who had a Scottish dad. And, man, he just pulled some reality. Yeah. It sounded, it's like, yeah, that's it. He nailed it. Dude, good list, dog. All right, should we do some honorable mentions before we? All right, so the guy I almost went with was Stephen Wright.

Great. I also almost went with was stephen wright so great yeah i also almost went cosby yeah one of the best top five stand-up of all time tough to put him on a list fortunately yeah because i just knew when people looked at the list yeah they were gonna see cosby it was gonna be a scarlet not something you want to be related to yeah it's gonna be without context of us being like yeah you know and i already had you know i had some guys who were known for their their their stuff and i was like i got enough of that in the mix you got joan rivers phyllis diller wanda sykes all fucking beasts all beasts amy schumer beast chelsea peretti beast chelsea peretti maria bamford two of my favorite comedians to watch but the thing with

peretti is she only has like two specials her half hour is like my second favorite behind the hedberg one and her one hour is incredible and then bamford's a genius too but i just didn't know you know broad broad appeal yeah i think ali wong's baby cobra special is one of my favorite great yeah i think too i love the def jam guys martin lawrence dude martin lawrence bro chris tucker hilarious so funny steve harvey I think too I love the Def Jam guys Martin Lawrence dude Martin Lawrence bro Chris Tucker hilarious so funny

Steve Harvey dude Steve Harvey oh yeah I almost went Steve Harvey the difference between white and black people getting fired again the act outs

are just and dude his white person voice and white person walk I mean there's some there's some greats who did the white person voice and his is right up there it is my favorite comedy

is a black dude doing a white guy it's so good it went hack for a bit I'm glad yeah and his is it's my it is my favorite comedy is a black dude doing a white guy it went hack for a bit i'm glad it's back because it's like it's so joyful is he the faces he makes too it's just like even on like family feud when they'll just make these faces dude he's so good he works all the time because you can just plug him in yeah dude he's always been working yeah he's always been working. Yeah, he's a beast. Dude, if Jamie Foxx kept doing comedy, it would have been interesting. Him at that roast battle.

Genius. Emmett Smith's roast. So mean, but so good. That guy stopped doing comedy afterwards because Jamie Foxx owned him so hard. Yeah. He just does voices like, I'm your conscience. You're bombing. You're bombing. And the guy's like, hey, Jamie, why don't you give me a paycheck?

He goes, I just tried another joke, and it bombed. And the guy just falls apart. Oh, yeah. You're bombing. And the guy's like, hey, Jamie, why don't you give me a paycheck? He goes, I just tried another joke and it bombed. And the guy just falls apart. Oh yeah, it's bad. Roseanne, Sam Kinison. Kinison's a big one

to not have on. Yeah. Because he changed comedy too. It's just, dude, I'm from SoCal. It's just a little loud for me. Yeah,

dude. Lenny Bruce was on a lot of lists. I never watched him. People say he's like the first honest comic or said like Eleanor Roosevelt's got nice titties I'm like you don't know what it looked like before the ground but I'm the same way when I listen to him I'm not like cracking up yeah I uh here's one Andy Kaufman yeah that's the absurdist comic that i was gonna that i was thinking of yeah oh really yeah okay yeah um is there anyone else don't love him don't laugh about it but i'm like the commitment and the craft respect i mean today i love sebastian i love watching sebastian

sebastian live is incredible bob hope what's his new special funny? He has a new one, right? Yeah. Netflix? That's a good one. Yeah. We didn't do any of the Catskills guys. Who are they? I think it's like Mort Saul. Oh, yeah, Mort. Oh, yeah. I saw him on lists, and I was like, no idea.

There was great, clean comics back then, like Bob Newhart. Jonathan Winters, who inspired. Jonathan Winters was supposed to be one of the first conceptual absurdist comics and like inspired Robin Williams big time. We got to give shout outs to the legend. Dude, Woody Allen, great joke writer. Super funny. Oh, people like Albert Brooks.

But his stuff was like, he's one of my favorites all time. And like his Carson bits are fucking hilarious. They're so creative. But, and he has an album, but it's not like strict stand-up. There's a lot of... It's like a one-man show or something?

Kind of, yeah. And he's got this Richie Havens bit that I can't remember, but that's supposed to be the classic. The big AB fan. Is there anyone else? There's gotta be. I'm thinking modern...

I've got a bunch. Yeah, you do? Aaron, bunch yeah yeah uh in terms of modern guys sagura yeah yeah he's great dude that uh his first special on netflix one of my favorites of all time yeah uh we mentioned stanhope stanhope the beast guy who hasn't done it in forever but man he was so fucking funny zach galifianakis oh dude i should have gone zach yeah zach's great with the piano he's a fucking hilarious the purple onion special he's so funny he's great uh we got gaffigan yeah gaffigan's great russell peters drew carey was a an amazing stand-up before price is right and it's just brian regan oh yeah i like did you know who rips too is ellen ellen hilarious yeah she's a little seinfeld too where it's like i'm the alpha yeah

and you're like yeah i guess you are dude brian regan that that bums me out i didn't mention him because he's one of the greatest ever patten oswalt patten oswalt's super funny david cross billy connelly david cross i saw billy connelly one time gilbert gilbert godfrey Patton Oswalt Patton Oswalt's super funny David Cross Billy Connolly David Cross I saw Billy Connolly One time Gilbert Gilbert Gottfried I like Gilbert

Yeah I mean you can go with All those guys Who passed away recently Saget Louie Harsack Greg Giraldo Yeah

Oh Greg Giraldo Amazing Jonathan Just passed away It's different from All your lists But Yeah The magician comic

Todd Berry Todd Berry Yeah Medium Energy My favorite album of all time It's so funny He's amazing from all your lists but yeah the music the magician comic todd berry medium energy my favorite album of all it's so funny he's amazing every time i see a guy with a neck tattoo i'm like hey man you forgot not to do that i'd say you forgot not to do that all the time as a burn it's so funny just the best deadpan the, man, you forgot not to do that. A good friend is just like, fuck. Dana Gould. Oh, man. I saw that guy once.

Have you ever seen a vagina? It's like someone took a chainsaw to a gorilla's back. It's amazing, dude. Vicious image. Another one of the funniest that still has a lot to go for Rory Scovel yeah he's a future guy we saw him at UCB his improvisation

stuff is insane I can't even remember the joke but dude I was laughing his whole vibe was just so fucking funny and by the time he was done he could have said anything and I would have just started crying more there was like a two years for writing comedy bits was just so fucking funny and like by the time he was done like he could have said anything and I would have fucking just started crying more

there was like a two years for writing comedy bits where I was like could I see Rory Scoville saying this and if I couldn't I'd be like nope scratch it

yeah that's so true I would write like oh Hannibal Buress Hannibal Buress dude first album so funny is he

he's a rapper now that's what I've been hearing what is he I was because he was one of my honorable mentions and I was was like, I haven't heard his, I feel like he was everywhere. Yeah. What, like seven, eight years ago?

And then now I'm just like, I haven't seen him in anything. Yeah. He's opening for himself as music. Oh, okay. His music is his own opener, which is funny. Very cool. So he's still doing standup? Yeah.

He's still out there. Oh, really? Yeah. He just hasn't put out a special stand-up? Yeah, he's still out there. Oh, really? Yeah. He just hasn't put out a special. Interesting. All right, Aaron, who are you picking? Oh, and lastly, my friend George Lopez. But, you know.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, and dude, I was conscious that we hadn't mentioned any Latino dudes. Dude, Ray Romano. Dude, Carlos Mancilla, bro. He's Italian. Okay, where do we fall? You know what got me into stand-up as watching it was Mencia and Dane. Those were the first two guys I loved.

Yeah. You got to give props to Dane. Dude, Dane had some fucking great jokes. That first special was incredible. That first special was amazing, dude. Talking about the heist crew, is that that one? Oh, yeah, bro. It's so funny dude yeah the

squeaking in the parking garage the squeaking the the fucking talk back learn to spell things the kool-aid guy dude monopoly yeah he nailed monopoly what was the joke where'd you get the free parking grandma yeah fuck this i quit yeah dude good. And the batteries being changed out of the remote, kicking down doors. Oh, yes, yes. So fucking good, dude. All right, let me recap all of your picks. Chris, number one, Eddie Murphy. Number two, Chris Rock.

Three, Jerry Seinfeld. Four, Sarah Silverman. Five, John Mulaney. Good list. Chad, we've got Dave Chappelle, number one. Steve Martin, number two. Don Rickles, three. Who's number three?

Don Rickles. Sorry. Four. Way too fired up, dude. Four. Bill Burr. Way too intense. Five.

Bernie Mac. JT, number one. Richard Pryor. Two. Norm MacDonald. Three. Louis C.K. Four, Dave Attell And five, Cat Williams

I think that's a fire Strider, first pick George Carlin Two, Rodney Dangerfield Three, Mitch Hedberg Four, Patrice O'Neill Five, Robin Williams Guys, this is tough

oh yeah there's not a bad comic no these guys are all beasts there's not a money ball on there

for you Aaron no there really isn't yeah so this is tough you know a lot of it comes down to maybe order but I don't

even think so he's a big order guy he is an order guy yeah we know this you knew that when I fucked up this is established just saying

just saying it is established that it's been it is established just saying just saying it is established that it's established at this point so it is nice that we know the you know what the judge is into yeah yeah yeah yeah who'd you cream over again you creamed on one of my cream on steve martin and carlin is my my all-time number one that's my all-time number one as well so i just want to say that i just love you but what special should i watch for carlin yeah for a lot of these i'm gonna like you're all just for me you're all diseased is my favorite that's when he's darkest and meanest but and then seven dirty words seven dirty words is like the number that's on campus i believe that's oh that's the bit from it right

yeah is that the album cover where he's like in the chalkboard no i think that's class that's class clown that's the one that I first saw. He either does it on Class Clown or he does the bit on FMN AM. I'm not sure. Because I haven't watched stand-up in a long time. I might run. You just watch bits on YouTube. It's nice to be nice to watch a special.

We'll watch some. I think it'd be fun to watch an hour one. An hour and a half is good. Or just driving. While you're driving, listening. Oh, yeah. I've been watching a lot of louis lately gets me fired up chewed up amazing might be my favorite it's amazing is that bag of dicks the bag of dicks bro all the time the bag of dicks is all the time i think it's shame

but yeah that's uh not crispy cream Cinnabon oh yeah when he says I get my Cinnabons on the way out of the airport dude the way he opens that special I can't do it is it the racial epithet stuff yeah yeah

yeah bro dude the way he opens it where he just points at a guy it's so fucking funny I'm just thinking about funny all right your list should win because of that bit hey let's go oh man i think all right here's here's what i'm thinking i feel like I think JT's four for me

Yeah Pryor's great Great number one Gotta be there I think Norm could have waited Would you have taken Norm In the next round? Um

I love Norm But I'd never really I guess I guess I just think of him More for the personality Yeah that's a good point I think that's fair Would you have taken Norm? Round four or five I would have taken Norm Where I was targeting him I guess I just think of him more for the personality. Yeah, that's a good point. I think that's fair.

Would you take him, Norm? Round four or five. I would have taken Norm. Where I was targeting him. Mitch or Norm is where I want it. Right. So you probably would have taken him. I should have gone like... I should have gone rock or something.

No, he might have taken him. I would have taken him. Yeah, and he had two. And I would have. But I could have had him at three before he picked. Well, he has two, though. But I think you did need him. You got picked. Well, he has two, though. But I think you did need him. You got unlucky.

Well, he only picks twice. I get my third, and then he gets his third and fourth. Yeah, it comes back to him before I go. Right. But, dude, your list has chewed up in it. I know. You know what? It's a fire-ass list.

I'm okay. There's been days where I've left here Very pissed off About losing And the sports one Was top of the mountain Oh I know The sports one Was unreal But I can

I can go home I can go home I can look my lady In the eye and say Hey the list was my list And I went down With my boys That's definitely like

That was my goal Coming into this one Don't walk out of here Like ashamed People will know What my taste is And your taste is good i had a lot of shame after the sports one yeah so did i so i'm still washing that off so did i

uh and when you were describing louis i thought you were describing a towel i literally like wrote it and then you had to erase it but they're kind of interchangeable in those spots um but yeah i think i think you're gonna be be for... That's fair. Then it's just really tough. I mean, there's everybody... I mean, my one knock on Eddie Murphy is that he hasn't done it in 35 years and he's been alive. That goes for Steve.

Oh, I'm sorry, Eddie Murphy's not dead. Steve Martin has done some form of stand-up in his music act, but... Yeah, but he's with... What's his name? He's with Martin Short. No. Not entirely.

You count, like, the Eddie Brickell music or whatever? No, no, no, no, no. His banjo stuff. You count the banjo? He does stand-up sort of stuff. Aaron, Aaron. Aaron's got a banjo. Are you talking about a music comment?

Hey, Aaron, Aaron. Are you talking about Jeff Dunham? I like musical comedians. You want Jeff Dunham on? Dude, I will say that. I think people hate on music comedy too much, just because if you're a comedian it sucks to follow Because it always crushes

But like Nick Thune, Morgan Jay Those guys are funny And they're just talented It sucks that they're talented on top of being funny We would all do it, if we could all play guitar I would do it And that's what we all sound like, it's kind of hot It's fun

And a clever song henry phillips is one of my favorites uh amazing voice great guitar player uh you like gallagher dude i i did like gallagher he's one of my early favorites he got a little uh weird at the end um carrot top still trucking he's still he's a beast he's jacked i mean he's jacked he's a beast, dude. He's jacked. He is jacked. He's a nice guy. Helped him at valet. Sweet guy. Nice. Scott Thompson. How do I say this?

How do I say this? It's... Never mind. He's like, this is live. This one's live. Oh, man. This is so hard, guys.

Oh, wow. oh man this is so hard guys um oh wow you know for like a rounded out god damn it we hear you i know this is really tough i think the next three are gonna be really tough for me to put in order um damn you take it serious brother i love that i do i do and i don't want to get it wrong but it's like there is no wrong with strider chad and chris because chris has got like obviously murphy rock seinfeld silverman for obviously an amazing woman comedian, and Mulaney for the new generation, and just a fucking great joke writer. It's a fleshed out list. It is nice.

Yeah. And you were nervous, Chris. I was. It's really good. This one's been hanging over my head for a while. Do you have good taste? And I don't want to penalize a comedian for dying. I think that almost amps you up, like the Tac effect james d yeah exactly maybe but i mean it also means we

just don't have that much material but i feel like the longer people stick around it's usually going to be diminishing returns and i mean aaron it's comedians they die we die right but not like a 30 that's true that's true it's more of a 45 thing yeah well i mean strider's got two guys who went 70 and 80 something so yeah i got old guys but i also got guys that left us too soon yeah dude your entire list is dead yeah strider's entire list is dead i'm an old man he hates comics that are living i don't like anyone alive It's competition But what's weird is They're all still younger than Schreider

No one on my list is under six feet, dude That's a lie I mean, Chad's got the oldest comedian Robert Williams? He's under six feet, for sure But rugby build Yeah Chad's got the oldest comedian

On his list, by far With Rickles Oh, Rickles, yeah Yeah, Rickles, dude Yeah Yeah Steve Martin's the oldest living one Alright let's penalize Chad for Rickles He's third Ah fuck I feel bad about penalizing

I don't love Rickles If I'm being honest Are you dumb? I don't But I do Sir Chappelle and Martin and Burr and Mac is fucking strong. But if there's a weak link, it's Rickles. So I'm going to go chat three.

Yes! I'll take it. Because none of the other, the other two don't have a weak link. Fuck. I thought Rickles was like, beloved. He is. He is. But everyone's beloved in this uh yeah this is everyone defend your boy go you thought wrong yeah yeah no chad what's your favorite bit of rickles good call good call oh my god that's so funny that was hilarious no he's a legend he's a legend this is so tough i think i'm gonna have to go

fuck i just keep looking at it i mean i love robin at five you know he probably could have gone higher but i i just love robin i met him this nice guy uh that doesn't sway it but i'm just saying are you giving it to him because of goodwill hunting no no no no he might i think we have to discount these other performances that were only stand-up yeah i know and and to be fair to to chris like rob Robin took giant breaks off. Yeah, he did. His comeback was the special. Do you have the most prolific list? Rock has taken breaks off.

Seinfeld's taken breaks off. It doesn't really matter. I think I'm going to have to... Shit. Seinfeld did date a young lady. He dated a 17-year-old girl while she was in high school. He was on Seinfeld. At one point.

Yeah. Can we separate the artists? Here's the thing. Once again, we're only doing the stand-up. I just want to hear him talk about... Good Will Hunting doesn't count. That also doesn't count. Yeah, because Dangerfield...

You'd win with Dangerfield and Caddyshack. Or Back to School. Bro, so fucking good. Lady Bugs? Doesn't hold up. Exactly. Murphy, Beverly Hills Cop. One of the best movies ever.

It's so funny. He's so good in it. He's so charming. Is that Mr. Robinson, dude? Eddie Murphy's movie career is still... Is it better than his stand-up? Pluto Nash is great. Dude, his stand-up is amazing.

I know, but... And I took so long on the third pick, but, dude, we're live. I know, I'm sorry. We're doing it live. I'm sorry. I'm going to have to go... Fuck.

It seems like you want to... I'm going to have to make a pick and stand by it and hope I don't get killed for it. I think I'm going Chris True Strider 1. Oh! We all had great lists, boys. Honor.

Yeah, we can take it to the audience, too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We've been live streaming. Oh, let's go. Let's see what you guys have to say. Let's get them involved. Wow. People are saying Rickles was the biggest miss.

Yeah. Yeah, dude. Whatever, whatever. Guys, guys. Okay, audience. Who do you have for winning? Put it in the chat. Fuck.

We have some. Oh, look out. Oh, dude, I'm getting, yeah. People like JT Sweeps. Some people are saying Chris. Oh, JT's getting love. I mean, Strider's getting love. Yes.

I'm getting love. Dude, you know what? This was a necessary addition for our moods after the draft. So true. Because there'll be a couple people who pick all of us. You know what I mean? And then you're like, all right, well, someone out there believes in me. It's nice to get validated immediately.

Chris is getting a lot of love. JT's getting... I mean, I don't know. I don't know if there's a clear winner in the chat. I know I'm getting hammered. No, you're not. You're not. In Aaron's defense, anyone listening, this is tough to judge.

These are all comedy subjective. All these people are amazing. Except Rickles. That's except Rickles that's too much that's too much that is too much that is too much I'm sorry I'm sorry

I'm sorry well I definitely didn't win I was going for a joke that's demented of me I was demented dude I'm really getting hammered

oh wait no you're not are you what are they saying what are they saying no they're just not mentioning my name that's even worse.

I've been forgotten. You know, the live was my idea, so you guys better throw me a fucking bone here. Yeah, dude, we went this route. It was a good idea. I'm going to bust a load over all you chat motherfuckers. Dude, that's an interesting component. It is.

Aaron, people respect the hell out of you. It's like an all-star voting. Aaron, you're a legend. Thank you. It's's really hard it's really hard you all guys all did great what's all the hate on rickles no i don't think it's hate we don't know we've never seen it it's just it's not as oh yeah you guys are all young he was he was good in casino yeah grow up yeah he ripped in casino yeah he brought the fucking heat in that don't do it dude he he you big dog yeah that was the first one ever that was the first one ever chad snake yeah live on the draft i can see your face i can see your face while you're i had an evil look i had an evil look you big-timed

you big-time jt earlier when he tried to get a pound wait did i really yeah he tried for like three minutes fama 2 i didn't see i didn't even know till now fama 2 says uh oh that was the rickles bro i didn't know i thought he was doing like a microphone then he came over here and he sat down and went like this and then he still didn't hey but bro you know what you were like mid spiel like i picked the worst moment to come over there i thought you were like like boosting my stoke being like hey i'm holding the mic to him yeah and here's the thing totally on me i'm a bro you know my space work dude i would have held it like that all right dude yes that's true fuck i'm an idiot some of our homies are weighing in caleb says my bro is rob

whoa yeah it's his boy dude rickles bro c, you're a good friend, dude. Hey, you know what? Nice vibe in the chat, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought there was going to be a lot more fucking you. Yeah, it's your bitch. Kill yourself. Yeah, exactly. Good vibes from the folks out there, dude. You know, I stand by my list,

but I think the Rickles thing is something that we've seen in all the drafts, where when you try to go for what you think is like what you think is universally respected versus true fandom I think you gotta stick to your own personal fandom you did a good job of putting it into a historical

context there because we've been doing these for what a year and a half two years now and we've all tried to aim for what we think the rush more is yeah but when you come from the heart when you say sean penn yeah you mean it and you mean it the flowers come late but they come and then when you take babe ruth and you try to pander yeah like the same age dude exactly. I think Rickles was on that Yankees team, dude. I mean, the Babe Ruth.

He looks like an old catcher. The Babe Ruth pick, I think, is my favorite pick of all the drafts. It was a terrible pick. He eats a porterhouse. There were so many better athletes on the board. He eats a porterhouse. Your description was he eats a lot. He smokes cigars.

So did Jordan. Oh, yeah, he's cool. I really tried to save that one. I'm an idiot. Dude, it was fucking hilarious. So did Jordan. Oh, yeah, he's cool. I really tried to save that one. I'm an idiot. Dude, it was fucking hilarious. I just fucked up. No, dude. I haven't slept since that draft.

I slept one week. He'll eat a pizza and fucking go into Grand Slam. Dude, people have been coming up after shows and being like, we'll do the photos or whatever, and they'll come and be like, dude, how'd you lose that draft to Chad? I'm like, yeah, dude, I think about it. Yeah, we all mess that up. You're like the guy who's bold, and he's like, dude, how'd you lose that draft to Chad? I'm like, yeah, dude, I think about it. Yeah, we all mess that up. You're like the guy who like bowled

and he's like, who do you think you are? I am. Like that's your internal monologue after that. Dude, did you see that guy who bowled a 300 on 9-11? I did see that. Oh, legend. He's smirking. Fuck.

It's pretty cool. All right, should we move on? So we don't have time for questions, do we? What would you guys rather do? Would you rather do questions or would you rather do... Should we take to them? Yeah, ask the folks if they want questions or Beefs, Babes, and Legends. Audience, you heard them.

What do you want? There's about a 30-second delay, so their answer will come in a bit. Well, let's keep chatting so it's exciting time. I hope they pick questions. Do you like questions? Because the drafts take up a lot of time, we haven't done it lately. I don't know.

It's fun to give out advice. It's been a minute. I haven't been as inspired with my Beast, Spades, and Legends lately. Maybe because it's been raining so much. Oh, interesting. I like Consta B. Here we go. Let's go. lately maybe it's been raining so much oh interesting like constipated questions there we go let's go the audience has spoken cues makes sense too dude next time we do a live one we could

bring people in live dude yeah but guys come on don't get like yeah yeah a lot of faith well uh yeah audience let us know if you're digging the live stuff we're gonna keep doing more of this because i'm stoked. I like it. Dude, it keeps you on better behavior, too. It's like I'm accountable, bro. Yeah. Usually JT is taking his dick out every 30 seconds.

We have to cut a lot of that. No, and I think it kept me more focused on my list. Dylan, my lady's watching the dog tonight, so I'm good. Oh, nice. That's the best. All right, shout out to Jake. Jake, I think you're watching. Jake's watching the dog tonight, so I'm good. Oh, nice. That's the best. All right. Shout out to Jake. Jake, I think you're watching.

Jake's saying the cues. Jake's a beast. Are you guys ladies still awake? She might be getting a bed check. Mine's a night out. Oh, really? She goes to sleep at like 3 a.m. That's badass, dude.

All right. Oh, I need the plug in. Yeah, plug it in, bro. Yeah, she's still awake. How do you feel, dude? You got to feel good. I do feel good. That was nice.

I can tell that Aaron wanted to pick Strider. You know, he can feel that. He loves Carlin. He said he loves Carlin, number one. Yeah, put your headphones on. All right, this one's for Strider. Start off hot. Hold up, dude.

Oh, is it audio? No. Oh, this is Skip audio? Oh. This is Skip, Orange County. This message is more for the guru of love, Strider. Yeah, man, I was hooking up with a chick in Valentine's Day, and I tried one of the tongue dart techniques, the tongue dart to death. I think I did it to her butt. Dude, this guy is so white, he sounds Mexican.

Poop poison. I think I got a cola for eating her butt. So Strider, I don't recommend eating ass anymore. It was horrible. A week of sickness. I got E. coli for that. So keep stoking, man. Stokers.

This is Skip. Love you guys. So just to recap, Skip did some tongue darting and some ass, and he got E. coli poisoning. Right. I mean, hey, look, you know. Because she was eating at Chipotle or something. Yeah.

Yeah, you got to talk. That's, you know, open, honest communication. You need to speak with your lover, you know, know where maybe she's been recently. Has she been in a hot spring? Or Doho after a rainstorm. Yeah, exactly. Or a community pool. So just know that.

But also protect yourself. Up your vitamin D, take your vitamin C, exactly. Or a community pool. So just know that, but also protect yourself. Up your vitamin D, take your vitamin C, and then you can dart away. I would loofah her cornhole too with some dial antibacterial, you know, just get it squared away so you can just dart right in. Yeah, and I don't mean to like, you know, be braggadocious like a vet dude, but like I always, and I expect my partners to do the same to me you know std screening but i go wide on that thing bro i include e coli on there yeah because you just never know and that'll knock you out of commission for a week or two and then what and then you're you're scared next time you eat butt yeah and you never want to eat butt scared that's true i i was i would say this though

you know there's times when you kind of feel like you want to get sick so you can have days off. Yes. And what better way to get sick than by tongue-darting some corn? Because, dude, that's your favorite email to send to upper management is like, hey, I'm out for a week. They're like, why? You're like, I ate butt. Yeah. But they do get tired of it.

Yeah. They do get tired. They're like, dude, you got to stop eating butt. Yeah. I just send back good luck, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Send proof. tired of it yeah they do get tired they're like dude you gotta stop eating butt yeah i just send back good luck dude yeah yeah send proof we were talking to cynthia and hr and it's like hey cynthia i'm not going to be available for the zoom at nine this morning yeah i was t-darting at nine last night and i'm really going to feel the symptoms i just know it's coming on anticipatory

yeah and i know people at work are going to want to eat my butt. Yeah. You know that call from Skip was actually his call in to work. He works at Ron John's. Dude, Sid, the guy who called in. Skip. Skip. Can I call him Sid? Yeah. Yeah.

Dude, we're talking about comedians and we're talking about cadence. We're talking about delivery. I mean, the way he drew you in with that slow pace. It was incredible. It was like he was reading back my order at In-N-Out, and I was just waiting for that anticipation. Like, is he going to get those onions right? Are they going to be grilled or raw?

Just waiting the whole time. Please don't fuck this up. And then he nailed it. It's crazy to think that people didn't eat ass before 2016. Whoa. Yeah, dudes for sure like that was a phenomenon it went from dudes don't get their butts eaten to every dude is talking about it yeah it's uh the way springsteen described bob dylan it was like we were hiding under our desks waiting for nuclear war and he said it's safe to come out that's beautiful until nicki minaj said you can do it yeah someone else i forget which rapper was he said i eat those ass like groceries

can i tell you something i don't really eat that much but actually if i'm being honest i do no i don't really t-dart i don't t-dart the brown but i t-dart just straight up normal regular t-dart i shouldn't say normal but dude straightforward super respectful thank you dude yeah yeah well i put a value system on exactly you know orifices of pleasure exactly um should we hit the next cue yeah i t-dart till they say wrong hole oh nice so i like i like that language you're using the brass tacks dude wrong hole Sucksie's so bummed out about it now sounds like he doesn't want to do it anymore

he's hurting well you know take some vitamins dude get a healthy meal in you you're good to go don't break up with her though cause this is a chance to get closer

well no cause if he did that in like the throes of passion if you're worried about it like you should have had her take a shower before yeah caveat emptor and like I don't want you to stop putting yourself out there when you feel it in the moment just because you got sick from t-darting and is this one of those things where it's like you're blaming what seems most recent you could have gotten sick

from anything right he could have been a chip. And then the next time she says caveat emptor, you say, I'm just wondering if the cavity is empty. Exactly. Do you think – I just made myself sick. He texted his girl. He said, yo, you gave me E. coli. Dude, that was too quick of a text. It was, yo, 20 minutes later, you gave me.

Two days later, E. coli. Also, on this guy, five-second rule. How slow this guy talks. Like, yo, what up? Two days later. Also, on this guy, five-second rule. How slow this guy talks. I'm not imagining your darts that quick, and I'm not shaming your dart. But five-second rule, bro. If I drop a fucking nugget on the ground and pick it up, I'm eating it pretty quick. You got to move quick when you're darting, bro.

If you're darting, it's a dart. Right. It's not a lick. Don't linger. He wasn't about that action when he was down there. Yeah, it's a dart. So you might not have actually been darting. You're in the danger zone, dude. You can't dogfight for that long.

That's a good shout. All right. Longboard follow-up. What's up, dudes? This is Greg Ratto, a.k.a. Beetle McAdams. I heard you talk with my boy, E. Lynn, a.k.a. Cheetos Sneeze. Just wanted to give you guys an update on our long boarding crew after long after a long long sesh of herbal vibes and equal thoughts amongst each other we've

decided to expand it into an all-inclusive wheel collective you know we want to you know spread awareness and positive energy across the world through the power of our wheels not only do we have long boarding like our boy cheeto but you know we also got our boy bucky on the unicycle our boy carnegie asada on that penny board and myself on the beach cruiser so you know more to come on the movement we would love to expand you know in the next couple months. We know you bros are all about those bird scooters. We would love to hit you guys off in the next couple months. Everybody

look out for that Instagram page about to pop up next week. Some artwork, some sick fisheye lensing shit. Everybody stay safe, stay frosty, and peace. Dude, they just fired me up, and I just want to put a request out to this wheel crew.

Come out. I know you were expecting me to ride the scooter, but I'll be in that little carriage in tow that they pull kids in on bikes. I'll be behind the beach cruiser in that. Oh, that's fire, dude. Well, yeah, what is that little wagon called? But I'll be sipping a Capri Sun in there for sure. I don't know. What's that red wagon called that everybody had when they were a kid? Oh, the Radio Flyer? Oh, the's fire, dude. Well, yeah, what is that little wagon called? I'll be sipping a Capri Sun in there for sure.

I don't know. What's that red wagon called that everybody had when they were a kid? Oh, the Radio Fire? Oh, the Radio Fire. Radio Fire, baby. Just sit down and chill. Bro, I'm picturing, I have like nothing to add to this. I thought this was so beautiful and perfect.

And this guy's message is so clear and it's so optimistic. I just want to ride that street wave and I want everybody to paddle in. But I couldn't help but just picture the Rough Rider anthem but we're just like 200 dude of us fellas on something on wheels and here's the thing dude i'm i'm stoked on your fucking crew dude and i love that you mentioned the fisheye lens because that's really what puts skate videos on the map dude and it's having that you know day one song fucking ronney mullen just fucking cutting it up on their fucking venture tri lights to their fucking spit fire bearings or fucking nice ass alien workshop deck or whatever it was so i'm imagining your boys whether it be on one of those fucking you know maybe it's a grandma cruising around one of those fucking electric scooters just fucking going down a nice little ramp or maybe up one shoot that on

the fisheye market it dude you mentioned you got the artwork cruising through so we live in an era where if you don't have your brand you're dead dude so be ready to rock bro this kid's savvy dude yeah this is good this kid studied seo dude yeah he studied algo on all the media plats this kid gets it dude and for sure an up-and-comer with high potential got my eyes peeled on this buckaroo this guy's an aka ceo bro dude you can't put enough letters in front of this kid can't i think uh when they cruise the town i'm gonna get in that radio flyer i'm gonna pull a fat man gina oh dude as they tow me away bro you ever get pushed down a hill on a radio flyer by one of your bros and then they you pull the fucking thing back up and they're like just steer it on

your own and you gotta charge a steep ass hill oh yeah yeah for sure and you're like you see your life flash before your eyes yeah bro bonsai and all the sf like that dude yeah oh do your boy bonsai's you in a fucking flyer woke up in chinatown dude they buried me like a samurai wow little cross-pollination on the cultural appropriation i heard about that bomb though dude it was like san jose at the time yeah i made some local subreddits dude dude word travel to norCal where they're like jt just bombed the chinatown hill hell yeah dude on a radio flyer love to save his volitional dog but i got bullied into it but i'll take it it's all good dude still takes heart yeah okay let's go larry loves guns what's up jp this is larry from Iowa. I saw y'all's video about the Machine Gun Kelly fella.

And you know, it was a good video. It was a good video. But I'm a big fan of guns. And I like me guns. And I like to be on my farm with my guns. So I'm taking this call to invite y'all to my farm right here in Iowa. We can go watch

tail deer hunting. I need y'all to let y'all know these guns are here to stay. Oh, dude. Well, thank you for starring in all the Dixie Chicks music videos, first of all. Secondly, I like his approach because he didn't lecture us on what we starring in all the Dixie chicks music videos. First of all, secondly,

I like his approach because he didn't lecture us on what we got wrong. Exactly. You know, we had a lot of comments being like, that's not an assault rifle. And look, you got to get stuff straight when it's important stuff. But really,

if you're trying to convince someone, you get more flies with honey. And this guy is serving up a sweet sounding experience that I want to nibble into. So dude, I will take you up on that i will go kill some deer with you actually i've been pitching that to the fellas that we should go on a hunting trip this crew right here dude and so i would like to do that it would be fun yeah well and i'd like just be fun to hunt you know and then like eat all the eat the meat

you know yeah really just be sustainable honor your kill yeah we should hunt cows i love steaks the most dude but like from far away and dress we hunted cows from far enough away i think you go i think you go close yeah you go oppo dude oh i'm going knife no no knife bro brass knuckles dog dude it bro or a bull let's eat a bull and you gotta fucking punch you gotta fight it to death yeah you. Yeah, you fight it, dude. That's fucking sick. No, we do this. I'll fight the cow, dude.

You fight the bull, dude. Have fun. Ha ha, dude. But I'll huck on a bull, dude. I'll fucking huck, dude. Dude, I love this guy, dude, because guns are sick. You know, dude, you want to have fun with them on your ranch. That's fun.

That's where you should have a gun. Great. Sick. Do you need a high-powered gun in the city nah dude so i love that he invited us out to his ranch to play with his guns i would love to get on atv with the fucking gun on my back and feel like i'm in the apocalypse and go somewhere out in the snow and then get out and miss some shots at some fucking stuff. That sounds sick. Mass respect, dude. And I want to believe that too, that you don't need a high powered gun in a city, but brother.

Yeah, it's pretty crazy. Okay. Maybe, maybe, okay, here, maybe not a high capacity round,

but maybe a shotgun in your home. I'm not going to tell anyone how to, how to protect their family and the ones they love, but yeah, get yourself a Benelli, protect your home, get yourself a revolver to get to your Benelli, I you know but yeah i mean you got to protect what you love it's the great equalizer it is love or love guns love love of guns yeah dude they get passionate

about it i know it's also funny like yeah you don't know what it's like to shave down your barrel to a groove of a 3.72 millimeter round with your scope tuned within one inch deviation at up to 300 yards and fire that bullet off at 8,000 feet per second as the cartridge ignites. I'm like, bro, are you coming? Yeah, exactly. I'm like, put your dick away, kid. Should I do one more? Yeah.

Is there a sincere one in there? It's tough to tell. Yeah, that is true. I'm like, I don't know. I was in the Midwest, not the South. I was. Did you guys have a suspicion he was maybe putting on a voice? The thing is, I don't know anybody from Iowa who I can check that against.

We can ask Jake. We can ask Jake. Oh, it's Jake. Yeah, Jake's a mom. Jake will know. Well, he definitely, Jake we can ask Jake oh it's Jake yeah Jake will know well he definitely Jake does not sound like that but maybe there's parts of Iowa where he's like no that makes a lot of sense

we met some people with some heavy some heavy accents dude their corn was is that what was good there the sweet corn oh yeah that was really good stuff

this one says very stoked on Jimmy John's I can get behind that premise yo you guys. I had to call you and tell you about this. Because I'm so stoked right now. I go to Jimmy John's all the time.

I freaking love this place. They got the kickin' ranch. I get the same thing every time. Turkey tom all the way. Regular chips. A side of kickin' ranch. and a lemonade, sometimes a root beer. Today, I started using the app. I ordered for delivery.

I go in. They're not done making it yet, so I go in. They say, hey, get your stuff, meaning the chips and the cookie, and the rest of it will be in the bag. When they're finally done with it, I'm standing there with my drink, my cookie, and my chips. And then it's finally done. I'm watching them make it. The guy staples the bag shut with my receipt on it, walks over, hands it to me. Immediately, I'm like, hey, there's something off.

Like this bag is a little heavier than I think it should be. I go into my car. I rip the bag open. And wouldn't you know it, I got an extra bag of chips. I got an extra chicken ranch. And I got an extra cookie. It's the best day of my life. It's the best day of my life.

I just want to say big what up to Luke Connery. I'm so stoked right now. I was going to say Paul Conner's. It's the little things in life. I feel like I could conquer the world right now. I... Alright, yeah. That was great.

Yeah, that was great. Love it, dude. Love it. You know what's nice about that, too? You can tell we're homies with him. That's a homies with him. That's a homie right there. Do we have another question?

That was Luke Connor? No, it just sounds like him. He's an excited dude and he finds the passion and the magic in the mundane. I think that is nice, dude. It was very sweet. It was fire. But it wasn't the sincerity.

It was sincere, but not the type of sincere. Hey, guys. Just for balance. There's not a lot of questions in here. I recently went on my first trip abroad. This sounds like there's stakes. On the plane ride there.

This guy got his finger cut off. It was about a 13-hour ride. And I met this lady who I spoke with the whole plane ride. That's a big 13-hour flight. You don't start talking to her so then in the country a couple days into my vacation i was nearby her residence and she decided to take a train up to see me and we kind of uh made a day out of it and we hung out and we kind of expressed feelings for each other a little bit nice Nice. And I was, it turns out, well, you know, it's not great, but she's from that country.

That's not the U.S. It's overseas, and I'm from the U.S. Man, you said you were in cities they were in. It'll be worth going say Barcelona going for this long term long distance you know long distance it seems tough

it seems like we've been trying to make it work but and I really want to make I don't know what the fuck I'm saying I'm gonna try to make it work I love you guys

that's so nice I love you too bro the advice I'm gonna give you the Netflix show I watched it all in one night alright have a good one thank you guys that's so nice love you too bro the advice I'm gonna give you the Netflix show I watched it all in one night alright have a good one thank you for that

I'm gonna try to make it work obviously bye and dude the advice I'm gonna give is practical so by extension it is cynical

and the thing I know before I say it to you is that you're not the type of guy to take on this advice I have a friend who's had a long distance thing with a girl in france he lives in new york for like 10 years but it's tough

because things come up too you know like there's like covet and stuff like that you know what i mean you there's there's always it's always going to make it difficult the world's always going to get in the way like geographically and making it possible for you guys to hang so i would stay in contact with her but i wouldn't stop dating other people i would i would let you guys both still because you sound young explore your romantic life independent of one another but still keep touching base but here's the thing dude i can tell from this guy he's all in he's a romantic and look there's a lot of pain on that path but there's also it's the whole enchilada if it works it's the greatest story in history and if you're the kind of guy to chase that

i wish you well brother i sincerely do i wish you well yeah does link later need to direct this call dude it's a link later special bro because ethan hawke he went back to see her in vienna the next year don't say it but she wasn't there. But they ended up. He should move there. Yeah. Move there? If it's not feasible for you, don't. Obviously, I don't know your whole situation. I don't even know what state he's in.

Yeah, it depends if that country lets you own guns. If they let you own guns, you should move there. Dude, for a second or two, did you guys get uncomfortable that maybe he was being xenophobic or that the girl was from the ukraine i thought russia not ukraine yeah yeah that's what i thought but then i was gonna say what the fuck you're talking about dude also to initiate people are fine it's the government that's doing this they talked for an entire 13 hour flight that's crazy yeah i was gonna yeah that's six drafts i haven't talked to anyone that

long that's 40 picks that's that's how long aaron takes to figure stuff out you know aaron sorry i got you i'll vacate your championship so i think what we're we're trying to stay practical but i think what we're going towards is he's got to give her an ultimatum she moves to him he moves to her i mean i'm gonna scare a european gal no europeans gotta do it they love the passion they eat butt with olive oil and vinegar on it the hemmingway that's what they call tapas yeah that's tapas that's what tapas is tapas is butt correct yeah so you need to do this dude you need to do you live once bro yeah dude i mean

you could put that in any movie that was straight out of jerry mcguire he goes fuck it i know what i'm talking about i'm just gonna go for it yeah it's like this is the epic romantic hero i've been waiting for she took a train to see you bro oh she did that's what he said he said she took the train vagaries was like from from one place to another, not the U.S. Well, he doesn't want to give away her location, bro. The dude's a gentleman, dude. He's protecting it like a good surf spot. Here's the thing, too.

I think they had a mind-blowing sexual experience. They fought. And I think he's too much of a gentleman to put it in there. Yes. And look, man, for that, you climb all the mountains, you swim to the bottom of the ocean, dude. This guy's a good guy. I think he cried a little bit. He cried.

They did the whole thing. And to hear him at the end just be like, I know what I'm going to do. Yeah, he didn't even want advice. He just needed the sounding board. He just needed to get it out there. He needed to be heard. Yeah. And my friend, you are heard.

And let me reassure you, trust your gut and you take your shot on love. Yeah, because there's timid souls out there who live in practicality all the time and you're good you're safe you're safe he doesn't want to be safe man no money comes money goes times your one true currency spend your time with the one that's going to get your dick rock hard and the one you're going to be able to converse with in the end well and you already know that dick's getting charged up because the heart's charged up. Amen. The heart charges your cock.

That's what a lot of guys don't know, dude. And the pervy thoughts. Correct. Correct. In conjunction with the heart. Correct. And she's letting him be that guy. Oh.

And if it blows. Yeah, she is. She's letting you wear a blazer with no pants on while you bone. Dude, this girl's not going to be on the market for long Especially if she lives in a socialist country Where there are no markets Bro with the government's like Oh there's a quota on this

You'll marry Gustav There's a five year plan And your five year plan is this And that sucks Listen Ethan Hawke go for it dude Yeah What does it mean to go for it? Is he moving out there?

Worst thing that happens is he gets to write a book about it. He better. He better. Is he going to move out there, though? It's more likely he's going there than she's coming stateside, right? Yeah. She already took the train. What's the visa situation right now?

Well, here, it's like if you get married, you know, it's a green card. It's hot. Fly out. Dude, you solved it. Well, I wasn't saying that. Continue on her being down. Well, yeah, probably. Okay, I'll stop.

No, but it's a, hey, look. No, I was going to tell him to marry her. That was a little, it was too impractical. Go for it, but don't marry her just yet. Just yet. But fuck it, man. What do I know? Well, also, like, if she comes...

I just know you're a guy. He's going to go for it. If she comes here, you know, I'm sure there's, like, they're not going to have to do it right away. They could, like, you know, date for a while. Yeah. Exactly.

You date. And if it's distance for a while and you're not ready yet, you jack off. Yeah. You get so good at jacking off. That's what I... I wanted to know what time difference they have. Yeah, we're looking at at least four hours

Mmm minimum minimum, but it could be ten. She Australian. Wait, does he live in California? Mmm geez, Hawaii They've got trains in Greenland, you know, Alaska is he in Ritchie check Iceland. Where are you dude? Quit the fuck is that city called? Reykjavik? Yeah. Reykjavik. Hey, look, man.

We referenced it earlier. It's straight from Robin Williams via Matt Damon. You had to see about a girl, dude. Yeah. And then you get robbed in Sweden. You lose your Metro card. You're stuck. It turns into a whole different kind of movie, dude.

Yeah, then you get smuggled out of the country. Yeah, she's betraying you. She's part of an organization. They take your kidney. You wind up in a fucking drain pool, half awake. But, brother, you're living, and that's a book, too. Hey, look, it's a book. We don't know what genre yet, but we're eager to read it, brother.

Yeah. I did that once. The whole kidnapping thing alright is that it? you kidnapped? I kidnapped someone whoa

I didn't I've never I don't want to be on record on a live saying that but I considered it once nice Lorenzo our buddy got super faded

one time and thought that you were going to kidnap him yeah he thought you were going to keep him he's like he's scheming to get me

we're like dude what are you talking about we kidnapped johnson one time oh yeah yeah he played along that was really fun we we broke into his house we covered his eyes we threw him into the back of a truck closed the lid and then we brought him out at a soccer field where they were doing youth sports and there's all these kids and dads and me and my brother started fake beating him up and we were really good at doing it with andrew because we had practiced a lot and we were like give us our fucking money and they're fake hitting him and andrew right away he's like i'll get your money i'll get your money all these dads surrounded us they thought we were

for real i just don't know how they thought we were for real because like i was like i look 16 but do you know how scary high schoolers are when you're an adult man yeah they don't know where they're coming from yeah you don't know what these kids are capable now that i'm 35 i get it more now i'm like oh yeah but the whole like they we're also like putting on accents dude good actors bro yeah you guys don't underestimate your performance jobs yeah that's a dad's respect our fucking money like that's a socal dad's worst nightmare right these east coasters are coming to mom and they're infiltrated we got all these loan shark these 16 year old loan sharks who came from the East Coast and they're beating up our kids. I got to give one shout out before we sign off to Greg Ebel.

Oh, yeah. Melissa Hayes. That was going to be my babe. Beautiful wedding this weekend. A lot of fun. That was so fun. Congrats, guys. That was awesome.

Where did they get married? Malibu. They got like a big house out there and they set it up. Oh, cool. Dude, Greg's so funny, bro. Yeah. Because me and my brother were like his dual best man. And thank God for my brother.

Cause, um, Greg was like, Hey, you guys are like going to be my best man. If you guys are down and we're like, yeah, we're down,

we're down. He's like, okay, cool. Radio silent. And my brother's like, yo, we got to do a bachelor party.

So my brother, like I had a few suggestions, but my brother threw the whole thing together, banging day. And then day of the wedding, Greg's like, hey, if you want, you know, some people are getting here early. If maybe you like want to take photos or like help set up. I text my brother.

I'm like, what does that mean to me? He's like, it means we're going early. Amazing, dude. Yeah. And then, but Greg smashed the wedding. His speech, his vows, the happiness that he was exuding. Melissa as well. It was beautiful. The sun, it was like cloudy as well it was beautiful the sun it

was like cloudy as fuck and then the sun broke through it was really magical yeah it was on the honeymoon right now they're in vietnam yeah are they going just there where else are they going no i think they're going other places i think they're going around yeah i think so maybe thailand as well yeah i can't remember greg see if you can find this gal that the dude mentioned earlier she might be out there yeah does it change your opinion if if they're from a different place no no then what we originally thought like because i think in all of our heads we're picturing spain right were you picturing spain but she could be from like dubai yeah right right that's that's what i mean the russian that's hot it is hot yeah right because it's a bit forbidden

right now yeah i think that because he was because he was like he was an american and a russian dude what if we gave this kid the green light to go to russia yeah or like or or she's from china he needs to go dude yeah you know like we're kind of beefing with them we're beefing with yeah because like it's a it's a necessary detail, and he's so romantic he would have omitted it, but now I'm worried. North Korea. Yeah, if it's North Korea, bro, that could be a war zone very soon.

Love is a battlefield, but don't let love be a war zone. Yeah, but to quote Pat Benatar again, this kid might be invincible. I think what we're trying to say is that unless it's North Korea, go. No, I'm saying, hey, Kim Jong-il, hit me with your best shot. Right. I'm loving everything. I'm here and I'm here. That was tactical.

That was tactical. All right, I think that's a good place to end That was fun Stokers, thank you guys so much for watching the live Yeah Let us know if you want more of this We will deliver it to you if that's what you want And make sure to check out ChatJT.com

Make sure to check out HistoryIsDank Make sure to check out Chris Parr If you ever want to rage Later dudes History is dank. Thank you. Make sure to check out Chris Parr if you ever want to rage. Later, dudes.