Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 287 - Mark Normand

Episode Date: April 19, 2023

Today one of our favorite comedians, Mark Normand joins the pod. He drops some dank stories about proposing to his wife and tells us why he could never move to LA. We take some Stokers calls and Mark gives some amazing advice. Thanks for listening! Call us, leave a 60 sec voicemail with your issue or question: 323-418-2019(Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice) Check us out on tour!  We've got Washington D.C., San Diego, Ohio next!www.chadandjt.com Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/  Episode sponsored by: ATHLETIC GREENS: If you’re looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase. Go to athleticgreens.com/GODEEP. 

Stokers, what up? So fired up that you're here for this episode with Mark Norman. It is one of my favorites already, and I'm very psyched to have you on. First off, we are on tour. We are coming to Arlington, Virginia this weekend. We're going to be in San Diego next weekend. We're going to Appleton, Wisconsin the weekend after that. We're going to Ohio. We're going to Oklahoma. I'm talking Tulsa and Oklahoma City. And we have some local dates coming up. Get your tickets at chadandjt.com. You don't want to miss our show. We're also brought to you by the Legends Athletic Greens. I take AG1 every day because, dude, it gives you all your nutrition in one drink. You get tons of

energy, immunity boost, and my skin feels better. You get all the biotics, the prebiotics, the probiotics, the every biotic you can think of. It's legit. If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a free one-year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. Go to athleticgreens.com slash go deep. That's athleticgreens.com Check it out Let's sizzle the steak And flick my bean What's up Stokers of Stoke Nation This is Chad Kroger coming in with the Going Deep with Chad J.D. podcast

I'm here with my compadre Jean Thomas Boom.D. podcast and we're here with my compadre, Jean Thomas. Boom clap, Stokers. And we're here with Mark Norman. Dude, thank you for joining. Hey, hey. I have no idea what you guys just said and I don't speak gay code. What makes you think it's gay? I heard a clap, which I've had.

If you don't understand it, you think it's gay? No, I'm just kidding. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. But yeah, no, I'm just joking around. That was some cool slang you homeboys are cooking with. We like to confuse you up top. I thought you'd get flick the bean, though. That I got. Flick the bean, the man in the canoe.

Yeah. You know, dressing the taco. Sharpening the hatchet wound. I get those. Oh, dude, I haven't heard that one. That's a good one. Oh, yeah. Filling up the love hole, putting a finger in the puss glove, skin flaps,

beef curtains. We can go all night. Is that your dirty talk? Oh, yeah. Honeypot. What else is there? Meat Pocket. Hurt Locker.

Yeah. Oh dude. That's good. Squirt Locker. Squirt Locker. That's what they call my fridge. Dude, that was the name of my house in college. Ha ha ha ha.

There used to be a drink called Squirt, remember that? Yeah. Oh, that's good. That was like Mountain Dew competition. Yeah, it was kind of a citrusy. I never tried it. It was good. Remember that? Yeah That's good Is that still going? That was like Mountain Dew competition Yeah I remember that one It was kind of a citrusy I never tried it It was good

It was good for pulling vodka with That's right Yeah yeah And I heard it's mostly urine That's what everybody has to tell you about squirting You know it's all urine I'm like don't Let me have this dream you cunt

Yeah I don't think it matters Yeah All that matters is that you made it happen Have you been squirted on? Oh yeah I got squirted in the face once. Nice. She was a real super soaker, 20.

Wow. That was her age. But, yeah, a lot of squirting. She was hydrated. Oh, yeah. The juice is going to move you. Did you celebrate? Sure.

With a fist pump? Luckily, I had my goggles on. But, yeah, I was just very, in my head I was like, this is awesome because I was eating her out and she squirted. Yeah. Do you ever go for the squirt? Because I picked up what the finger movement is from watching pornography. The up.

But oftentimes when I go for it, people will be like, no, don't do that. Don't do that. I'm not interested. Same here. And I guess you can get too rough, you know, because on the porno they're like, ah, jackhammering. Yeah, they're going hard in there. Yeah, but I think those ladies, they've seen it all. They've pounded everything.

Yeah, they're like industrialized. Exactly. They're tough. A little weathered. So they can take a real, you know, finger. Finger jamming. Oh, yeah. All right, what's up, ladies?

Are you guys enjoying the pod so far? Yeah. Call in and tell us how to do it because we'd like to get you off. Yeah, yeah. All right, what's up, ladies? Are you guys enjoying the pod so far? Yeah. Call in and tell us how to do it because we'd like to get you off. Yeah, yeah. I struggle with that sometimes too where I just don't want to put too much pressure on my partner that they have to also get off because I know that's kind of like the enemy of the psychology they need to be in to get there. Right, right.

Yeah, yeah. I think toys. Get the toys in there. I'm a big fan of those guys. Yeah, bringing all the help you can get. Yeah, yeah. I think toys. Get the toys in there. I'm a big fan of those guys. Yeah, bringing all the help you can get. Yeah, because if I can't get her off, and not because I'll get off in two seconds, I feel horrible.

I feel guilty. Right. Yeah, I try to be like, it'd be nice if you did, but it's no biggie if you don't. Right, right. I've been meaning to get a butt plug for like six months now.

I just haven't made the trip. For you or for her? Both. For me. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Hey, all right. Well, Yeah, yeah. Hey, alright. Well, they sell the big ones on Amazon.

That's where I need to go because I've been looking. Yeah, I assume you're a gaper. These are too small to be huge. I mean, you can tell. I can tell by the way you're sitting. Yeah, right. The seat just goes right in. Gaper's a terrible word. Oh, yeah. Is there another word we could come up with for it? Statutory gape. Gape apologist.

Yeah, you're right. Maybe- Exfoliator. Oh, that's good. Just exfoliate it. Exfoliator. Hey, there we go. There we go.

We're back. Have you ever gaped? Have I ever gaped? No, no. I'm not a big gaper. I like the butt stuff, but I just hang out on the rim. The perimeter. Yeah.

Yeah, it's safer. I think once you go in, alarms start going off. You're not meant to be in there. For me, the way I'm physiologically designed. Oh, okay. Well, porno changed everything, you know, because it makes every guy think every woman does anal, every woman likes choking, every woman doesn't want to kiss.

Well, and all the guys now are getting their butts licked in porn. It makes every guy think every woman does anal, every woman likes choking, every woman doesn't want to kiss. Well, and all the guys now are getting their butts licked in porn. That wasn't popular when I was coming up, and now it's kind of the standard across the board. Oh, okay. Well, I think it's good for us, too, because we've got to see those butts from the back. And so I'm like, yeah, at least if I'm going to look at a guy's ass, let's make it clean shaven.

Right. Yeah. I don't know how hairy my asshole is. Oh, it's wild. Is it? I can tell by your face. I think I'd actually surprise you. I think I'd actually surprise you. My hair's well situated. My ass looks like I'm sitting on Shia LaBeouf's

head. There's hair and curls and a gummy bear in there. A rat tail? Yeah, a rat tail. It's got some braids and a couple of beads. I heard Shia got hair transplanted onto his ass to boost his masculinity. That's a real rumor. Shia LaMouf.

Yeah. So you're from New Orleans. I know a lot about you because I'm a huge fan of Tuesdays with Stories. Hey, it's all pipes. Yeah. And I saw you out here at Meltdown like 10 years ago. Wow. And you were instantly my favorite comedian.

Ah, jeez. Yeah, you crushed. Thank you, man. That was a hot show. But did you pick up, what's the lingo of New Orleans? Because we do our SoCal lingo, so do you have any hot slogans you could drop? Well, New Orleans is weird,

because it's like a Cajun influence with a lot of black slang. So there's a lot of like, how you doing, brah? Everything's brah. You know? And like, how you doing, brah? Everything's brah. You know? And then, how you mommin' them?

And then everything, it's not the, it's duh. So I'm going down by the bayou. Downtown, you know? So it's this weird kind of boom hour, water boy. But then obviously,

it's still a city. So we kind of clean it up. But it's still there. A little bit. Do you have any vestiges of that in your, because I wouldn't have guessed you're from there from listening to you speak, but I really don't know what the region sounds like.

It's got a little bit of southern twang, but it's not like a Texas or anything like, how y'all doing, partner? You know, it's none of that, but it's a little bit of twang with a little bit of Ebonica hood in there, but I don't have it, because I grew up right in the inner city,

and my parents are big liberal queefs, and so no accent, and I wouldn't work with a southern accent. It doesn't work on me. My brother lives there. Oh yeah? And I think at Lakeview, is that a place? Yeah, I always forget,

because my sister's in Oak Park in Chicago, and I always think he's in Oak Park too. Right. Lakeview though. Lakeview, that's a good area. That's like the clean, white, safer area. Yeah. And all my friends live there.

Yeah. There you go. Were you there during Katrina? I was actually in Baton Rouge an hour away going to college. So I was safe, but the whole city was fucked and everybody's parents had to stay with them in the college dorm because people didn't have a second home. So you have to make it work. The whole city was fucked, and everybody's parents had to stay with them in the college dorm. Because people didn't have a second home, so you have to make it work.

So your parents moved in with you? Yeah, for like a week. And I lived in a house with five guys, beer pong, hot tub. We had a bar in the kitchen. So it was awkward. It was like a sitcom. Did your dad play beer pong with you? No, no, no.

He just read the paper in his underwear and black socks. It was like a sitcom. Did your dad play beer pong with you? No, no, no. He just read the paper in his underwear and black socks. It was pretty brutal. We all had to kind of behave for a week. But the other kids had their parents too, right? Yeah. Oh, that's pretty fascinating. It was weird. Definitely weird.

It was worlds colliding. Do you still party at all? Oh, yeah. I'm hungover now. You get free drinks at a comedy club, so it's just bring it on. Where are you performing at? Levity Live? Levity Live in Oxnard.

Not bragging. Sold out six shows. It's a real suburbia over there. Dude, it's tough to sell tickets out there. Yeah. Yeah. Selling out there, that's really impressive. Well, I got the Mexican vote, so I think I'm in.

How'd you swing that? I just shit on them a lot. And they like it. Mexicans are a great audience. They're great comedy fans. I feel like most minorities are way better than the honkies. Whiteys are the worst. Whiteys are the worst. White women, number one.

And then the white guys who can't get laid are the worst. Yeah, and then so on. And then is it because they're so sensitive to those other groups being picked on and if those other groups don't care? Exactly. And I think they think in their weird warp mind they have to be the hero, they have to save. So they're like, I'll be doing a bit about something,

and they'll be like, no, no. And I'm like, lady, none of this happened. Like nobody appointed you the general of this stuff. And then when you start calling them out and the crowd turns on them, she's confused. She's like, wait, what? I thought I was the hero. And then she has to double down on cuntville.

So now she won't be like, no one heckles. You never double down on cuntville. Well, no one ever goes, oh, you're right. I'm sorry I fucked up I shouldn't have yelled out Then they have to double down And be meaner

Right And then it's just The whole crowd turns on them I think the worst heckler Is someone who loves you And then they just Won't stop yelling So true

And then you have to Kick them out But they don't understand Yes But they're like But I love you And you're like Yeah but

You suck Exactly Yeah Yeah that is the hardest Cause you're like yeah but you suck exactly yeah yeah that is the hardest because you're like i appreciate you as a fan but you're still an idiot you're still ruining the show for other people you still have to learn a lesson yeah and then it's a kind of the crowd who has to let you know they know everything about you you know they'll be like oh nola uh you know how's your beamer or Or whatever. They have all these inside tips on you. Those were all questions I was going to ask you.

Yeah, like, oh, well, you can ask. We're on a podcast. We're on a show. I'm like, first of all, it's weird you know more about me than my father. But secondly, this isn't a speed date, you know, or a dialogue. With your crowd work stuff, were you always good at handling those people who would jump in and get offended or did you like kind of build that up as you've progressed i totally built

it up because these clips it's all about the clips you gotta have a clip and content and all that shit yeah that's kind of what i was getting to how do you feel about that shift and what like the stand-up paradigm is well i get it i don't knock any comic for doing it i do it but because it does work it does sell tickets i know a guy who put out a special, and he's hilarious. This guy, Fahim Anwar. Yeah, great guy. Hilarious guy. And he was like, my special didn't really move the needle,

but I put these clips out, and people are seeing those. So the game has changed. I was actually with my girlfriend just watching Fahim clips. He's hilarious. Great comedy mind. He's got good angles. Yeah. Jake was kind of explaining

to he cuts our clips for us and he was saying that the the crowd work clips work because it makes the audience at home who's like watching on their phone feel like they're there in the present moment while it's going on but when but when i started i was so like invested in the bits that's why i was such a big fan of yours you had such good bits and then but it's crazy now because it just doesn't seem like there's much of a premium on that yeah yeah well i think hold on no please don't fart i couldn't get the mic down there i fucking hate farts oh i'm sorry no no but i don't want to stop you from being used so far away last one but i just wanted to disclose my perspective i enjoyed it thank you and give me your butt plug so i can plug it up.

You fart and burp on so many podcasts. How do you always have them ready? I just have to fart and burp a lot. I don't even prepare. It just happens. I can't even fart because I gape. Yeah, you just. Yeah, it comes out quiet.

When I hear it, I get jealous. I'm like, oh, the good old days. What was the question? Sorry, I shit myself a little. I forget, but I got a new cue. When did you first start farting on pods? I don't know. I'm on pods so often that a fart will have to come,

and I just go, I got to be myself. And you've farted on Rogan before. There's like 10 million people have heard you fart before. Yeah, and I think to Ari's point, it's fun farting on a microphone, and then two days later a scientist will be speaking into it. Some astrophysicist is like,

smells like Chipotle. Yeah, the clips, you gotta do it, but I agree with you. I think everybody has this horrific crowd work. There's such bad crowd work clips out there where the audience is funnier than the comic. Yeah, they're pitching in all the funny parts. Yeah, it's horrible, but then this comic

had eight million views, but whatever. I think the cream rises, because I think a bit is really what connects with people. A good idea, a good angle, a good joke. No one in 20 years is going, oh, remember that crowd work joke we heard? Right. No, you're going, remember that Chris Rock bit

or whatever? Yeah. We were talking about the other day. It's like you can do, even when it comes to videos and stuff, you can do stuff that's topical that will get tons of views in a moment. But the stuff that really lasts, I feel like that creates fans that stick with you forever. Definitely. You know, where it's just like really solid comedy.

Yeah, but the topical is good to get a quick burst of exposure. Like you have a Dylan Mulvaney joke. Put it out there right now. This is when it's all hot and you're in the algo. But I think you're right. I think a good bit about the Holocaust will last a lot longer. Never forget. Is that 9-11?

Which one's the Holocaust? I think you can never forget both of them. Okay. It's similar. It's like always remember or something. I don't know. What is that? Give that a go.

Were you there, Jakey? Now it's going to kill me. The Holocaust, it's always with you, or keep it in your pocket. I can't remember. That's going to be a weird Google search. All right. Sorry, boys. People will forget it at some point. That's true. That's true. Damn. it in your pocket i can't remember that's gonna be a weird google search all right sorry boys people will forget it at some point that's true that's true yeah i wonder if even the next

generation like i'm doing a joke right now about forrest gump and i'm wondering i'm like is that too old a reference for like sub 30 people like i think they'll know what it is vaguely but i don't think they'll remember like the beats of the movie so true yeah think, and plus we're progressing so fast with like content, content all the time that we're pushing out the past more. Yeah. You know, I know I grew up in the 80s, but I know everything about the 60s and 70s. Right, the churn on it is quicker now. Quicker churn.

Spotify, there's YouTube, there's so much more to take in where before it was TV and books and movies, that was it. And the time sensitivity of it, it's gotta be shorter, quicker. Gotta be short, you're right. I can't remember my whole childhood i think it's because of the phone because i'm always on the phone maybe i like that my childhood high school i'm also i don't really see my high school friends or call i see my college friends here and there but i just don't i don't know what happened i i'm the same as you and i will sit down sometimes and make a mental i will i will

make myself try to remember stuff. Yeah. Because I don't want to lose it. Yeah. I'll see friends up. They'll reference people and I'm like, I have no idea who you're talking to. People will reach out. I'm like, I don't remember you at all.

That's kind of nice though. Yeah. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, right? You're just moving forward. I guess, but. Is remembering a good thing? I think it is. I have a good memory I remember most things

But then you can remember something stupid you did 15 years ago True that is that too It still stings But what's the point of experiences if you can't remember them? I mean they're great in the moment But then they're just fleeting and gone I don't know it's nice to I'll sit there in bed when I can't sleep

And think about all the girls I fucked Yeah That's fun Yeah You had the best war stories for that That was a big Cause I was like in my 20s And I was trying to get laid all the time

and I'd listen to Tuesdays with Stories and you'd go to like Bonner or something and just have like the greatest escapades. So fun. And it always seemed so fun. And you were so, you'd always tell the truth about the situation, but you always kept it very sweet too,

which I think is a, like it's hard to recall a sexual encounter on a podcast and not let it go, like not detailed enough or too douche but you walk that line so well well i i appreciate every lady who let me uh defile her and uh i i never want to make them feel bad and i'm just happy to be there i'm very grateful i i got not laid for so long that when i got laid i was like thank you i'm sending flowers and, I think my favorite, it's so weird I remember it so well,

but I remember your Scottsdale one, and you were just so effusive about Scottsdale. That was a wild weekend. And the culture and lifestyle of the women who lived there. You're like, they drink water all day by the pool. Yes, yes. And I was like, that does sound really nice. Well, it's so crazy hot there.

It's like living on Mars. You've got to just be in a pool or be inside. That's it. And you got married recently, right? Yeah, baby. Did you? Yeah, you got the ring, that's cool. You got married in New Orleans, did you have a parade?

We did, we had a second line. Wow. Which was originally, I think, for funerals. But it's been adapted to celebrations. Guy out there, big black guy with an umbrella and there's a full marching band. That's awesome. You get a white handkerchief and you dance down

and everybody comes out on the balcony and yells at you, it's fun. Oh that's amazing. It's a good time. How did you propose? Well, I was pretty much forced, no. She kept pushing it, kept pushing it and then I went on a trip.

We went to Martha's Vineyard with her family and I got the ring and by the way getting the ring and all that is a nightmare stressful no one tells you how hard that is so whatever so she just kind of really won't let up about it we go to Martha's Vineyard I got the ring in my pocket of my bathing suit and I'm like all right today's the day I'm gonna propose by the way very scary proposing yeah no one tells you that either I'm sure because you just want to do it right yeah it's just a nerve-wracking moment, and you're like, this is a huge deal. Do I get down on one knee? Do I open the thing?

Should I have a thing prepared to say? Or should I just wing it? So, I was at this house where all, with her family, we're all staying there. I got the ring in my pocket, and her brother comes in, and I'm like, oh, hey! And I'm putting it in my pocket. He goes, what are you guys doing today? And I was like, ah. I'm thinking to myself, I'm like, oh, hey. And I'm like putting it in my potty. He goes, what are you guys doing today?

And I was like, ah, I'm going to think to myself, I'm going to propose. So I need alone time. And I was like, oh, we're going to go to the lighthouse and get mopeds. And he was like, let's do it. I was like, ah. So now he's following me with his girlfriend and I got my lady. And eventually I take him to the side and I just show him the ring. And I was like, get the fuck out of here.

And he's like, okay, okay. So me and her walk on the beach. Me and her walk on the beach, and I go, hey, I gotta pee. Can you keep a lookout? So she turns around and looks the other way. I get down, start peeing, get the ring out, finish peeing, zip up, get down on the knee,

and I go, hey, check this out. And she turned around and I had the ring open. Immediately starts crying, do the whole thing, we hug, and then there was a couple on the beach, like an old couple, and they turn around and they start applauding, so that was a nice moment. Oh, that's nice. And then we get back on the moped,

and I can feel her shaking while driving. It was a very romantic moment. Yeah, it's powerful. Very intense. Got her adrenaline jacked. Oh, yeah. And you could hear her doing her gay sniffles behind you. And then we had the great moment of pulling the moped up to the house,

and then we get to tell the whole family, and the mom goes crazy, and the dad shakes the hand. Did you do the dad thing? Did you ask for permission? I totally forgot to do that. A lot of people think it's antiquated. Most of my friends don't do it anymore. I'll take it.

Yeah, it's like an old school thing. I guess the way it's been described to me is like, well, that means she belongs to the dad. I don't think that's the case. Oh, good point. I'm very progressive. I didn't do it. Yeah, you're on the cutting edge. Yeah.

I think he would have said yeah anyway. Yeah, that's nerve-wracking too because that's almost like two proposals then. Right, right. Now he knows about it. I like it when it's a secret. Do you have a whole speech prepared? No, no. You just went straight into it?

Straight in. I was so nervous. I was just like, let's just knock it out. Yeah. And you're a motorcycle guy, right? I got a moped, a scooter. It almost looks like a dirt bike, right? It is.

I think it's from the 80s, so they didn't want it to look too queefy. Yeah, it's got a more masculine aesthetic to it. Yeah, it ain't no Vespa. It's almost that Benjamin Button bike that he's riding when he turns young at the end. Hey, New Orleans, too. That's right. I was a PA on that movie. Oh, really?

Yeah. Oh, that's pretty crazy. That's a big-ass movie. Huge movie, and it was right after Katrina, so the city was in hell, and we needed some love. So Hollywood came in, and we had Brad Pitt out there. We had- And he was building houses out there simultaneously, which I heard have turned to crap.

Yeah, it was a lot of photo op shit. But God bless the effort. Yeah. Yeah. PA is a tough gig. I did that for a couple years. Oh, lock it up. That's all I hear. Yeah. Yeah. P.A. is a tough gig. I did that for a couple years. Oh, lock it up. That's all I hear.

Lock it up. What about when they go switch to two because someone's going to get yelled at? Oh, yeah. I would always switch to two so I could overhear the scolding. That's what I call it when I'm taking a piss. I'm like, I have to shit. So I'm switching to two. Let me listen next time.

But yeah, fun fact. The streetcar wasn't running. The streetcar's like a big iconic thing in New Orleans. It wasn't running, but with the movie Magic, they got a streetcar back on the track, and they were pulling it with a big chain and a big truck. Wow. And they're like, David Fincher's there in the director's chair

with the big horn, like out of a movie, and he's like, we have one shot at this. We have one take. We gotta get it. This is costing us $8 million and all this shit. So they go, here we go. They shoot the whole thing. They do it perfectly.

And some guy forgot to put film in the camera. They fired him. I got to see him. Wow. Threw his hat on the ground. He's like, you'll never work in this town again. How do you fuck that up? I don't know.

I don't know. So did they ever reshoot it, or it's just not in the movie? I think they did, but it cost them like another $8 million. Jesus. That's a big fuck up. Good times. Is that what you did while you were starting out? You were peeing and all that kind of stuff?

This was way before comedy. I loved movies and I wanted to be Woody Allen and fuck an Asian daughter. But I just wanted to go that route, the movie route. So I started, I'll start at the bottom. And then I went to film school, and then I realized how much collaborating movies are. Yeah. So then I started doing stand-up,

and I was like, this is so much better, because you can just write a joke and go tell it. Right. Whereas getting an actor, a writer, a gaffer, and all that. No, it gives you the most control over the outcome. Definitely. Do you still have aspirations to direct or act or anything like that?

I can act. I kind of hate acting. I would rather direct, definitely, than act. But to me, documentary was what I wanted to do. Same. I went to film school for documentary. Same. I think it was because I was a class clown, and I was like, oh, if I go for documentary,

there's a level of importance to that or sophistication. It's not as obvious as being like, I want to be an entertainer. It's like, no, I want to do journalism and make an impact. Right. Yeah, no, I completely get that. And also, I feel like documentaries have skyrocketed. There wasn't as many when I was into it. There was like 10.

There was like Hoop Dreams, When We Were Kings, and then a couple about Enron. And that was it. Exactly. Thin Blue Line. Yeah, that was a great one. Yeah, yeah. But there weren't many. So now there's one a week.

And they're great. And they're all like 10 hours now, too. They really milk them for every detail. Totally, totally. I do wonder about these true crime ones, though. Isn't it a little... Like all these true crime podcasts, isn't it a little insensitive to the families

that they keep trudging up these horrible experiences that they went through? The Dahmer kind of experiences that they went through. The Dahmer show, I feel like. Yeah. They really, I didn't watch it, but I think they really got graphic with the killing scenes. Oh, I watched it. I watched it while I cooked.

Yeah. That's good to watch. It was great. It was so good. Really, the acting was amazing. But I wanted that too, and I think it's so strange that comedy is, and I don't want to sound like some pundit, comedy is like always get hey that joke's offensive hey you said retard hey you said this and you're like well we also watch pedophile serial killer documentaries

constantly right popcorn yeah like they're like the michael jackson doc is out i'm like i don't want to watch that i couldn't watch it i couldn't watch it either. I didn't like it. They pull the kid's ass cheeks apart. Oh, really? That's part of it. I'm going, why are you, this is your entertainment, but then if I say homo on stage, I'm the public enemy number one. Right, and you've never done a bad thing. It's like, it's a different thing.

It's weird. It's wacky. Our priorities are all out of whack. I also think the Michael Jackson thing, I already thought he was guilty. I don't need to watch it. Yeah. Like, if I thought he was innocent, okay, then maybe it's important because it can convert me,

but, like, didn't 90% of the world already, like, it's Michael Jackson. We knew he was doing fucked up shit. Yeah, yeah, and the music's great. You know, like, R. Kelly, the music's good. Kevin Spacey's a hell of an actor. One of the best. Subway makes a decent sub.

You know, if this product is good, it's good. I can separate it. Subway's lowest on that list. Yeah, that's true. I can go to Quizner. Good point. I do think Subway went downhill after Fogle got locked up. I think so, too.

I think there's a correlation. Didn't you know? You had an instinct. I saw Jared Fogle early on. I told my brothers. I was like, this guy is not good. I watch him in commercials. I'm like, I'm sure he's diddling kids.

You could sense it? I can sense things like that. Okay. Here's a question, though. Are you going to watch the Michael Jackson biopic? A biopic I love. Yeah. But I mean, I just worry they're going to skew into this pedophile stuff.

Well, I think his nephew is playing him, so I don't know if they're going to. Ooh. That would be interesting, though, if his relative was like this. Yeah, sold him out like that. He's like like i know how to do this it's in the and they're gonna cast all the victims relatives too so it's gonna be all it's oh they got wade robson in there yeah i got my kieran colkin did that's did something happen to kieran colkin oh macaulay was apparently in the bed with him right oh copy that yeah do

you think you have a good radar for like when's off with a person? Oh, yeah. You can tell? I think so, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where is it, the eyeballs or the shoulders? Well, I think it's mostly a lot of overcompensation. If somebody's real hard swinging one way, then something's going on the other way. Right. Look at Cosby.

Yeah. Cosby's pull your pants up, put on a sweater, don't curse, and then he's knocking chicks out. Then you got Ellen, who's like, I'm all fun and games. I dance. I hug everybody. Cutesy tootsie. curse and then he's knocking chicks out then you got ellen who's like i'm all fun and games i dance i hug everybody cutesy tootsie and then she's you know the biggest cunt on the planet backstage we were lucky enough to do that show best run show i've ever been on well of course she's a fucking nazi regime over there the nazis were efficient i wouldn't want to work there but not a bad place to visit it was uh good vibes right the thing, though, the super nice comics on stage.

You just know. And I, who was in the, but then like the really like hardcore, like David Tell, I've never met him, but I heard he's like the sweetest guy. Sweetest guy, gives gifts to the staff, tips huge, so nice to younger comics, but yet his act is filthy. So there, you know, because we always talk about Cosby, but there is the other way, too, like some, like Jezelnik. He's very dark on stage, but he's a nice guy in real life.

They get it out. They're not repressed. It's clean comedy. Seinfeld runs a cockfighting ring. No, I'm just kidding. Have you met Seinfeld? Yeah, I had lunch with him about two weeks ago, or breakfast. Have you performed in front of him?

Yeah, yeah. You haven't heard the story? You opened for him. Oh, shit. It's a hell of a? You opened for him. Oh, shit. It's a hell of a story. I'll tell you later, but I've told it before on pods, but he yelled at me, and it's very surreal. I used to watch this guy when I was 11 in my living room with my parents,

and now he's yelling at me in the backstage of the theater. Can you tell us now why do you get upset at you? I fucked up on stage, and he gives you, he's like, you got to do this amount of time, and there's no light or clock. So you just have to know it. Why no light or clock? Well, I think he's kind of under the impression, like, you're a professional comic, you should know how much time you're doing.

Oh, interesting. Okay. That's a lot of pressure. It is, especially when you're opening for him. Yeah. So I fucked up, and I went short, because I was so scared of going long. I was like, I better just go short. That's safer. Yeah. But I went short Because I was so scared Of going long Yeah I was like I better just go short

That's safer Yeah But I went so short That he wasn't there He wasn't ready By the side of the stage Right So I didn't know what to do

And I panicked And I went back out Oof And that was a huge mistake Because now they're like Oh we already Don't know you We're waiting for this guy

And now you're back Yeah And so I started getting heckled And then it just kind of The whole show kind of crumbled And then i ran off stage and he was like what are you doing yeah so then he went on and killed and then he came back and oh but he did all right yeah he killed yeah because they were so happy to see him right they hated me yeah you almost set him up better by coming out twice yeah and then okay no you go baby when did you guys come

back together and we texted the next day And worked it out And I think it actually Brought us closer In a weird way I do A conflict and resolution I'm a big believer in it

I think Totally All the good friendships You gotta go through those things Where you like Express the hard parts And then You get the stuff out of the way

And all of a sudden You're really bonded I 100% agree Yeah And we avoid conflict now All the time So I think We could use a little conflict

Yeah I think we think It's like always a bad thing But it doesn't mean Anything serious It's like Boston people We saw it when we visited Like Yeah

These guys were yelling At each other And then like two seconds later They're like it's all good man Just keep it going Yeah That's better And I think we avoid conflict

And we avoid discomfort And I think they're both Necessary Yeah And now with the phone Everything is so comfortable That when we're a little uncomfortable, we flip.

Do you watch TikTok a lot? I try not to touch TikTok. That shit makes me sad. I pay a guy to do it, and I don't look at it. They call it digital fentanyl. It's a new term. It just sucks you in. You lose eight hours.

My lady's on it all day and i'm like i never get to talk to her yeah and the comments and the the videos will get to me and they'll change my perspective on things but then i wonder who are the people making these it's always the saddest people like like like with relationship stuff they'll be like never trust anyone like i got burned this way this way and it's never a positive thing it's always just like a bummer thing and i'm like is this the world that is the world and then you think how many hours and hours people are just putting into these videos setting up cameras girls dancing and you're like man if tiktok didn't exist you would have figured something else out you would be exercising or playing piano or reading or something or just jacking off or

jacking but that's fun too that's good and's healthy. I think a school shooter or two could jerk it and maybe be a little better off. Yeah, do you think the no-fap movement is responsible for school shooters? Ooh, I never thought about that. I've heard they're all fapstronauts. Yeah, I think you might have something there. Fap it up, kids.

Yeah, if you crack one off that day, you're going to put the gun down and just roll the school with the backpack. Yeah, exactly. Fap it up, we. If you crack one off that day, you're going to put the gun down and just roll the screw with the backpack. Exactly. Vap it up. We'll get Louie to be the spokesperson. Dude, I want to ask you about Louie, because you were in Horace and P. I think it's like some of those episodes, I think are some of the best. That's incredible. I don't even know what to call it. It's not quite a TV show, sort of in between a movie, but they're beautiful. I think I heard you describe it on the podcast. You didn't even know if you were going to be on that day

because he was just kind of running and gunning it. What did it feel like to be on set doing those bits? So out of my league. I felt like I was at an orgy with supermodels and I was the nerd with the tiny dick. Yeah, because it's like Steve Buscemi and like Edie Falco, I don't know, like just killing actors. Alan Alda called me a cock-sucking ****, which was, I called my parents.

I was like, Alan Alda sent this to me. They're like, whoa, that's crazy. Was that scripted or was that? No, that was a riff. But yeah, that was scripted. And then afterwards you get that good riff. Yeah, yeah. But no, I met Louis at the Cellar.

This is pre-cancel. When he was the guy, he was the best. No one was ever bigger, yeah. No one. He's at the Oscar. This is pre-cancel. When he was the guy, he was the best. No one was ever bigger, yeah. No one. He's at the Oscars. He's doing all these movies. So I bumped into the Cellar. I was so nervous.

And he goes, what did you do tonight? And I was sitting there with him. I was like, I did a couple sets. He's like, how many? I did five. And he's like, you did five sets? Where? And I was like, I'll give you a list of spots.

And I gave him my email. He emailed me the next day and I really worked on this thing like a college paper and I wrote every single underground room that only I knew about and I wrote the rating and how many people it holds and I wrote all these detailed kind of reviews of

every show and I sent it to him and I think he was so impressed that he was like, hey, what are you doing tomorrow? I was like, I'm just hanging out. He goes, I'm going to text you. And he didn't tell me why. So I went out that night and got hammered. Woke up the next day, hung over with a text from him.

And it was like, here's my address. Can you come by today? And I was like, ah. So I put clothes on. I brushed my teeth. I went over there. Opened the door. It's Edie Falco.

It's Alan Alda. It's Steve Buscemi. It's all these comics. And I was like, what the fuck is this? He goes, read the door. It's Edie Falco. It's Alan Alda. It's Steve Buscemi. It's all these comics. And I was like, what the fuck is this? He goes, read the script. I'm at Louie's dinner table reading a script with Alan Alda. Wow. Insane.

Yeah. And then we went and shot it like a week later. Were you like a big, when I saw you at Meltdown like 10 years ago, you were a little bit cleaner back then, right? You think? I feel like it. Yeah. You might be right. Do you think you got edgier because you got just bit cleaner back then, right? You think? I feel like it. Yeah, you might be right. Do you think you got edgier

because you got just more comfortable with it, or do you think you were reacting to the kind of crunch that people were doing on that sort of performing? I think as a younger guy, you kind of have to ease your way in. You can't come out edgy out of the gate as a new guy because they're like,

who's this psycho? You're a psychopath. Yeah. So you have to play the game. It's like with a lady. You can't go up to a girl and go, I'd like to eat your ass. I tried that. You got to go, can I buy you dinner?

Zero out of 100, yeah. It doesn't work. Never works. Which is weird because they like getting their ass eaten. No, and they tell you they want, they're like, tell me what you want to do. And I'm like, let's go back to your place and have sex. That's crazy.

Never worked. Never worked. Never worked. Women are very strange. But so you got to go, hey, can I buy you dinner? What do you do? What's your sign? All that retarded stuff.

And then two weeks later, you're putting a lampshade up her ass. It's just crazy. And it's the same with comedy. I think in your career, you've got to come out, hey, I'm okay. I'm a nice guy. I'm clean. I'm accessible. You can trust me.

You can trust me. And then as you get accepted, you can be a little more yourself. Even Louie. Louie's a perfect example of that. Or Bill Burr, he was Billy Burr. He was clean and now he's like, you know, bald and red faced and angry. Right.

Are you a big preparation guy? Because one thing that stuck with me that you said is that during your first Rogan appearance you prepped for a while for that. Big prep, big prep. That was the biggest year of my career. Opened for Seinfeld, got Rogan, and put out a special.

So it was like this trifecta that really launched me. I went on Rogan. I was like, I'm going to really write out. I wrote out every crazy story. I wrote it on the puke bag on the plane. It was a six hour flight. So I wrote it all out and I was just like, remember these in case there's a lull,

in case it's boring, so I won't have a bad ep Do you write every day for stand up? I try to and I've really slacked off a little So I'm getting back into it Yesterday I wrote, today I'm going to write when I go back And I just put out a special Or I recorded one So I need new material, bad

When you're writing I just read the Seinfeld book of his jokes that he wrote and i was like is this anything yeah i think so and i was just marveling at like the economy of it because he doesn't waste like lines do you like free write or are you writing it as like it's a joke i talk it out and then i write i just write the bullet point right so i'll just i'll be like all right can of water and i'll just pace back and forth in my apartment like a fucking psycho with a hairbrush wow and i'm like can of water what's up oh pace back and forth in my apartment like a fucking psycho with a hairbrush and I'm like can of water what's up with that yeah it's really embarrassing

I do that too I got a mic stand from Guitar Center it works way better because when you write it out it'll sound funny in your head it's stiffer but then when you say it new words come

yes it flows I think with anything It's stiffer. Yeah, but then when you say it, you just, new words come. Yes, it flows. It flows. I think with anything, performance-wise, you gotta talk it out. I agree, and I'm still scared of audiences. I'm still scared of performing. Every audience is a new audience, so I still get nervous. So if I say it in my house a bunch, it comes out cleaner. But if I wrote it and then I try to say it how I wrote it,

it's like jumbled and weird. So I think I got to talk it out. Yeah. Do you go off script a lot? Not a ton. I'm doing it now just because I'm trying to find anything up there because I'm so out of material. But I pretty much stay written.

Yeah, because I'm trying to do that more. But I have the same thing where it's like anytime I get into like unknown territory i kind of like oh yeah lock up same same and i'll just be all right i'll just go back to your written bit yeah but if you push through you can get somewhere i've been fine because we started touring last year so having those longer sets it's like it's now now you know because when you're here you're also in your like la or new york it's like you feel like people are watching you that are important or whatever and you want to like do a good set but then when you're out there you're in spokane you're like all right i can yeah no stakes they can be free to to breathe a little yeah that's why you got to do the road yeah do you think you'll ever do like a biographical i mean i know you always talk

about your life but do you think you'll ever do like the kind of more one man showy version of it? Nah, probably not. I don't find myself that interesting. So like, I don't think they will. Which is rare for comedians. Because I feel like the majority of us are like, no, no, I have a very unique life that needs to be. Well, I'm jealous of those comics. You know those comics where you get into a car accident and you're like, I got a new 10 minutes here, you know?

And I'm like, oh, I don't have that at all. You get out of the car accident and then you just start doing something about fenders yeah yeah exactly i would find i would zone in on some weird specific about a car accident yeah um but yeah uh these comics who like oh they they you know they shit they go on a date and shit themselves they have like a new story and i'm like i don't have that i can't do that yeah and i guess i tried doing that for a while too where i was like living for the story but i was like i think i just need to write more because it was getting too destructive for my actual day-to-day oh yeah yeah now you're looking for something crazy yeah i was just being a piece of shit because i didn't know how it's to like generate material right right and i had no friends and my family was ashamed of me and i was, there's got to be a better way.

Yeah, yeah, no. I think there's pros and cons to both, but my way is very, I think it's the same as Seinfeld, where he's so word to word. That's why it takes him forever to put out new material, because he's just so meticulous. And I'm not as bad as him, but I have a little of that too.

Have you gone overseas and done your stuff? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've been to Australia. I've been to China. I did the troops, whatever that is. Oh, that's got to be nice, right? Yeah, it was a little weird. It really bummed me out over there.

Really? How so? It's just bleak and sandy, and there's like giant murals of these stupid sultan guys and the garb with the flowy whatever and it's just so primitive you know with like they hate gays and the women treatment and it's all about how much money you have it's we got it good here i know we shit on america i know everybody hates america but i i defy you to move sorry this is my patriotic alarm now i was thinking about like people were like we haven't made like enough progress since the civil rights movement.

And I don't know why I thought this, but I was like, but we have had one. Have they had one in Qatar ever? Good point. Good point. We've made a ton of progress. No one wants to move in. Black president, two terms. Yeah.

What do you want? We got a female vice president who I think is Indian. We're doing great. We can't admit it. You don't think she's Indian? I mean, we got our problems, sure. We got the shootings and the whatnot. That's crazy. Great. But we can't admit it. You don't think she's Indian? I mean, we got our problems, sure. We got the shootings and the whatnot.

That's crazy. It's such a uniquely American thing that we have that. I do a bit about it where I'm like, we need to invite those guys over for beers more, like hang out with them. Who? The school shooters. You know who they're going to be.

It's not surprising. That's true. But now it's actually, it's people who don't even go to the schools now. I know. The 28-year-old in Tennessee. They're just go to the schools now. I know. The 28-year-old in Tennessee. They're just going to the schools now to do it. It's really unexplainable. It's kooky.

It is explainable, but it's hard to know why it's us. I think it's a copycat thing. Once a few people did it, you get the name on the news, and you're like, all right, it's doable. That's what Malcolm Gladwell said in an article. Oh, really? Certain kinds of brains get obsessed with ideas, and if they see it enough, they zero in on it

and it just takes them over. It's the four minute mile. Yeah. You know what, or the 900 with Tony Hawk. Like once somebody can do it, now everybody can 900. Yeah. Jake's doing a 900. What do you think the next thing will be?

Ooh, that's a good question. How do we evolve from school shooting? Yeah. Do something better. We need a new sport. You know what we should do is maybe maybe put it in the Olympics or something. Just at least capitalize on it because we're the only country. It's like jazz.

It's our jazz. Yeah. It's our jazz. Stand-up comedy, jazz, school shootings. Yeah. I don't understand a couple of those things. Yeah. Good point.

I'd rather school shooting than listen to jazz. What was China like? Did they understand your humor? Well, it was a lot of expats or whatever you call it, a lot of students, a lot of Americans. But the Chinese, they're so much smarter than us. So they would have Chinese people who were born there whose English was better than mine.

Wow. Dude, I went to an acting school here, and China had sent a kid over to learn American acting. He could play piano. He could box. He could do any voice. Wow. He was like 19 years old.

He blew us all out of the water. Really? Yeah. He wasn't auditioning for parts. I don't think he was allowed to. They were going to send him back to be in their Homeland productions, but his skill set was insane.

Yeah, well, a fun fact about China, they're only allowed three hours a day for TikTok. So even they know it's fucked up. Right. We can do it all day, every day. It's a free country. And their algorithm is like, they don't, for kids, they don't allow you to see what, like I watch fart videos.

Same, same. On Instagram. Queefs all day. I love them. Thank you. He doesn't. No, I don't. Sorry.

Yeah, I think there's this like educational, yeah, it's like this is how you build a rocket. Exactly. Smart, smart of them. Yeah. Then they play the cello, the violin, the tiger moms. I mean. But do they have personalities?

No. And they steal all our art. We have better art, I think. Yeah, I think we're tops. Yeah. Everyone's kind of chasing our culture, right? You got that right. And some people are, I went to Australia.

There's probably someone in Norway who's like, we don't give a probably yeah but we don't give a about him either ikea cunt yes van but uh i was in australia 2015 and i remember walking into a nightclub like nightclub you know velvet rope the whole thing and uh they were playing sublime and i remember being like yeah 2015 you're playing sublime you go to a being like, it's 2015, you're playing Sublime. You go to a nightclub here, it's like Lil Yachty or some bullshit, you know, some hip black hip hop. And over there it was Sublime in 2015. I couldn't believe it.

I'm a huge Sublime guy. Do you find that Australians try to flex on you for how much harder they party? Yeah, yeah, they can booze. Those guys are animals. I went to Australia and, like, we were on a tour. Like, the second we got there, the tour guide was, yeah, they can booze Those guys are animals I went to Australia and like We were on a tour The second we got there, the tour guide was like Really adamant about how much more they drink And we were like, I didn't understand I was like, why do you have to tell us this at the top

Yeah, well they do party And whenever they come to shows in New York A lot of Australian tourists, they're the worst audience Because they're just like, oi, oi, oi And shit-faced They're a little too participatory. Yeah. You must be so stoked, too,

because I've been listening to you guys for so long, and I've heard you and Joe List and Sam Morrill talk about the industry and how it didn't always feel like a meritocracy, and now you guys are all crushing it. Oh, yeah. You guys are all like the dudes. Well, I still don't think it's a meritocracy. I do think success-wise, but industry-wise,

they're so nervous about filling quotas and checking boxes that they're booking a lot of shit, which is weird because there's funny black people and women and Asians. But they're not picking it up. They're just like, oh, they're black. Put them on, which is also kind of oddly racist. Racist in its own way because they're not really. Exactly.

But now we have the internet. So pre-internet, we were all like, what are we going to do? They won't tap us on the shoulder. They're not using us. But now we have the internet, so it's like,

fuck it, we'll just blow past them. We have our own outlet, which we didn't before. Did you find as a New York comic, I feel like putting out, is there something about being a New York comic where it's like,

there's something, like the idea of putting out clips on social media is kind of not cool? Ah, no. I mean, you know, Sam, me, Liz, Stavros, Soder. Before you guys, like, that whole thing blew up, was there a resistance to that? Definitely a resistance. I think there's a resistance to every new thing.

Especially with comics, because they're so stubborn and lazy. Yeah. And because it was a certain way, especially with comics, because they're so stubborn and lazy. Yeah, and because it was a certain way, and we don't want it to be a new way. Yeah, yeah. And I think also it was about burning material. Why am I going to burn material? Why do I want to put a clip up?

I need to save it for my special. But now we figured out crowd work, topical, audience reaction stuff, so you can work around that whole thing. But then there's some people who are just grandfathered in, like Bill Burr, he doesn't put clips up. John Malay doesn't put clips up. No.

They don't need to. Like Burr, Netflix kind of. Yeah. I feel like that's what launched him. Oh, for sure. But I do feel like the Netflix era of launching comics has kind of passed. Kind of passed, yeah.

Netflix will help a giant, like if Chappelle puts one out, everybody will watch it, Chris Rock. But as a new comic, those Ali Ali Wong Segura pops might be over yeah I did it um whoa my thought got away from you dude no this was I was actually just about to fart no no did uh do you think doing podcasts has that changed because a lot of the people you mentioned Like Melania and guys like that They don't do podcasts that often And do you ever feel like

Podcasting so often is affecting your stand up Or are you able to keep them Kind of distinct from one another I think it's affecting it time wise And kind of a mental fatigue Because you know you do two pods in a day And you're like I'm wiped

Like how many ideas do I have Yeah yeah And you just have to keep your brain going and talking, and I think that hurts the writing a little. But then on the flip side, podcasts, somebody had a great line. They said, if you're on TV, people will be a fan of yours, but if you're on the radio, people know you. Yeah, it's a close connection. Yeah, so I think podcasts really help with that

because originally stand-up comedy was like, oh, I like Mitch Hedberg. This guy's awesome, and I'll go see him. But now it's like, oh, man, I listened to this guy on a pod for eight hours of different podcasts or Rogan or whatever, and now I'm like, I got to go meet this guy. I got to go hang with this guy.

So it's a different kind of connection. Yeah, for us, they like the Q&A part the most because it's interactive, and they ask us about our personal lives and stuff like that of course which there's a part of me like the the ego part of me that's like no i want the stand-up to be the best part but i mean if they're enjoying it they're enjoying it yeah yeah and i think you give them a little treat at the end that's what i do i do the stand-up and i feel bad for audiences because i i still even though i love stand-up i assume they're kind of bored you know it's a guy on stage going so what's

up with chairs chairs Chairs are weird. And sure, you might get some laughs, but when you do the Q&A, now it's like a really all-inclusive, interactive thing. It's living and breathing, yeah. Hell yeah. But you can't give them too much, you know, because you don't want that to become your whole act.

You still want to be a stand-up. I've had that thought, too, about stand-up, where you're just, people will come out to see you, and you're like, I've had that thought too about stand-up where people will come out to see you and you're like, I've had that thought too. I'm like, aren't you going to get bored? Don't you want to see a rock band or something? Exactly. That sounds way more sick.

But I appreciate it. But I've been bored at stand-up shows and still had a good time afterwards. It's a night out. That's true. It's true. It's a night out. Yeah, I think I place too much of my, how much time I've spent with standup,

I put it on them. Whereas I remember when I first went to the improv in 2013 or something, when I was new to the whole world, it blew my mind. Just seeing people on stage. Oh really? Yeah. All right.

Even when someone had a bad set, I was like, wow, that guy bombed. Yeah. That's really cool to see. It is, it's fascinating in a different way. Yeah, yeah, so it didn't that guy that guy bombed yeah that's really cool to see it is it's fascinating in a different way yeah yeah so like it didn't bother me that he bombed yeah and then when someone was fun just someone talking on stage and making you laugh is so if you don't see it a lot it is crazy it's crazy it's almost like word magic yeah we all see the magic show and you're like whoa that was awesome he pulled that out of that hat or whatever but

with word magic you're like whoa I didn't see that was awesome. He pulled that out of that hat or whatever. But with word magic, you're like, whoa, I didn't see that coming. But there's so many bad comics now is the problem. So I think people go to a show and they're like, alright, that was fine. I paid $70 for a bad margarita and a chicken wing and listen to a guy. But if you see good stand-up, it is

transcendent. I just watched Kyle Kinane. He's got a new special. He's amazing. So underrated. Yeah. And it was like, I was like in a coma, not a coma, a hypnosis.

I was just like, oh my God, this is so entertaining and I was like flowing with him. He took over your brain for a bit. Yes. It was an escape. That's nice.

What do you think has created all these bad comics? I think it's the internet and I think comedy is like a viable means of a profession now. Yeah, is it kind of like the people who, for a lot of people, it's like this is their second part of their career, or it's sort of like,

oh, I got famous on YouTube. Like a shivo. I should do stand-up. Oh, yeah, oh, I see. So it's like, now I should get on stage because you can make money touring. Yeah, which, look, I get it. I don't fault them for that.

But I do think the internet, stand-up was like a big kind of, it was a risk. Like, oh, am I going to be a stand-up? I have to lose 10 years of my life and do open mics and get good and hustle. It was a little more outlaw. Now it's like a major. Yes, and I miss the outlaw. No, me too. Because it was the diehards who, you had to need stand-up. Yeah. Once you got one, you had to need it. And now it's like, major. Yes, and I miss the outlaw. No, me too. Because it was the diehards who you had to need stand-up.

Once you got one, you had to need it. And now it's like, I'll try this. This will be a fun hobby. And I like the guys who weren't as famous, who just found glory in the itinerant lifestyle and were just like, I'm just out there banging it out for weirdos. Yeah, it was like drag racing. Some guy's like, I stay up all night drag racing for pinks.

You know what, I might get hurt, but fuck it. I think the world's also hip to it now that maybe that was always kind of a romantic outlook on it. Yeah. And like, I think standups almost got so popular that now like I'll go on like Reddit with people who like hate standups and just like kind of I don't know why I gorge myself on that. There's a lot of that shit.

Yeah. But they're kind of just like undercutting the entire like profession of it in a way that maybe is healthy. I get. There's just so many bad ones, so I think they see a lot of horrible comedy. Even Netflix, this huge corporation, puts out a lot of shit. No offense, I'm doing a special with them. We have a show that just came out.

I saw that, yeah. Congrats. Oh, thanks. Oh, you're the guy who watched it. Yeah, I liked it. My lady loves you guys. Oh, that's cool. Oh, that's nice um but yeah

there's so much bad stand-up so i think it is hard like improv gets a lot of shit but if you've ever seen a great improv show it's amazing it's amazing yeah they're geniuses like they'll make a whole play up on the spot with like acts and twists and turns and it's a whole different kind of brain to be able to do that yeah but that but the hang is a little brutal yeah yeah definitely but but there's a lot of bad i'd say it's like 95 to 5 percent bad to good right it's so much bad but uh they got a tough ratio over there yeah but like movies are you know it's almost like 50 50 yeah you know you see that in the open mics now it's like when we started to come up in open mics it was was like you'd go to Van Nuys, you'd go to these just random bars in strip malls and shit

where it's just like it felt like underground and cool. Yeah. And now it's like a more, it feels like, I don't want to say corporate, but it's like there's like a structure and everyone has to stay for an hour. It's not like that random bar where you had old drunks. I completely agree.

When I did open mic, there was always a heroin addict who would go on. It was part of it. It was like misfits and degenerates in this basement. Now it feels very clean. I see comics posting shit like, I saw a comic say **** on stage. I'm like, you might be in the wrong business there, buddy.

You know what's bugging me too? And y'all are, it's like really handsome people and pretty people are progressing quickly because it looks great on TikTok and Instagram. And I'm like, if you would have come up to the open mic scene, people would have checked you and been like, we're not letting them through

unless they really prove it. Cause there would have been this kind of like aversion to letting like a good looky come through. But now, and maybe unfairly, and now they've bypassed that and the audience gloms onto them because they look like they belong on like a CW show. And I'm like, you know, there was a time that wasn't okay. You could feel the hate.

I remember you could feel that. They're like, you're privileged, I know it. Yeah. Your name's Chad now. And I'm like, all right. Oh, yeah. That's what's cool about you guys. You guys are both attractive dudes, but in it. Yeah. Your name's Chad now, and I'm like, oh, yeah, you're, that's what's cool about you guys. You guys are both attractive dudes, but in totally different ways. Oh, thanks.

You almost have a Semitic good look, so you were more Aryan. Yeah, I appreciate it. Yeah, the yin and yang. He's more masculine, more feminine. Yeah, something for everybody. We're like Victor Rizouk and Brian Greenberg on How to Make it in America.

Deep cut, deep cut. Oh, wow. I forgot about that joke. Did you see Air? No, I hear it was great. Because I think you would fucking love that movie. Because I heard you on Pete Holmes' podcast and you said, give me a movie with just a guy who has a job. Yes.

And that is Air, dude. Okay. Damon's got a belly in it. He's fat. Oh, man. I love, that's kind of a biopic-y kind of movie. I love movies like that, about this come up. And it's just guys working, trying

to do their best. They're not great guys, but they're not bad guys. There is no bad guys. I'm in. Life's just kind of shitty sometimes. I will watch that as soon as it comes on a streamer. Do you go to the theaters much? I used to go all the time. It was, like, my favorite outing,

but now I just, I think I perform so much that I'm like, I'm not going out. I don't like to go out anymore time it was like my favorite outing but now I just I think I perform so much that I'm like I'm not going out you know I don't like to go out anymore I'm nesting I'm just I hang out at home all day with my girl and and like sometimes I'll get like a thought where I'm like it'd be nice to go out but then when I actually like think about doing it I'm like I can't do it yeah and also we stare at a screen all day then we watch tv then we look at our laptop so I like the idea of going to another screen is too much. So if I do go out, I wanna socialize. I wanna go to a dive bar or a party or something.

Has Rogan got you in any of the crossbow, kickin' ass, ice bath and shit? Nah, not really. He's tried, but I just don't care. And that's the thing about Rogan, he gets this bad rap on the media, but he's like the sweetest guy, nicest guy, and he's just a big dork. he likes elk and aliens and bow and arrows and he's made the whole world like that

yeah yeah he's very curious guy very interested yeah um should we get into some questions oh guys i'm interrupting this podcast letting you know once again that we are on tour some dank shows i i know the fans who have come have been super psyched on the show we do stand up we do a q a you can get super involved in the q a we can give you some life advice in person live if you want to see that we're going to be in arlington virginia this weekend we're going to be in san diego the next weekend we're going to be in appleton wisconsin the weekend after that we're going to be on ohio we're going to be in um philadelphia in july we're coming to oklahoma we got tons of dates we got new dates come we got in two weeks

we have a big announcement for new dates so get your tickets at chat jt.com we're also brought to you by the legends athletic greens guys i love athletic greens i drink it every day i drink it this morning with my eggs because i wanted to get all my nutrition in one meal it tastes good makes you feel good makes you look good there's literally no downside to athletic greens it's got quality ingredients it's got all your biotics your prebiotics your probiotics you nutrition vitamins minerals whole food source ingredients and it's going to give you that mood support that boosts energy and healthier looking skin hair and nails it is the best and if you're looking for an easier way to take supplements athletic greens is giving you a free one year supply of vitamin d and five

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Give us an issue you need help with. The number is 323-418-2019. That's 323-418-2019. Let me say that again. 323-418-2019. To call the hotline. All right. Let's get back to the show.

What up, Stokers? Yo. This is Sydney down in Encinitas. Alright, let's get back to the show What up, stokers? Yo This is Sydney down in Encinitas And I've been dating my boyfriend for three years now And he's tooting a lot in his sleep Whoa I don't really know how to bring it up Oh, this is a good

We got the right team Would be greatly appreciated, thanks Break up with him, dude No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding I'm kidding Sorry I think Make fun of him Yeah

Zing him I made fun of my girlfriend The other night For doing that Oh yeah Sorry to out her No that's sweet But I like

Once you Once you break that seal It's hilarious Yeah Once you like Like It's so much fun You texted me too

And you said Now that was timing Dude I think you're on performance enhancing drugs I think you are taking stuff before pods So you got more farts ready It just came up I had huevos rancheros for breakfast Well what would you do if your lady grilled you for tooting too much

What would be your response to her I would say here's what I'll do I'll just face you so my asshole is blowing the other way right so maybe just ask your boyfriend to sleep in a different position there you go keep that ass contained yeah keep the hole not directed towards you there madam yeah because you don't want him to hold in farts and fuck up his stomach so i think the key is just to keep you as protected as possible and he's a man he's protected by nature there you go so he'll fart into a safe space. Yeah.

And make him wear a nylon short, like a basketball short. Something that doesn't have holes in it. Something absorbent. Yeah. So he won't breathe it out. Like, let it sit in his shorts. Right. She sounds like she's crazy in love with this dude, though.

You can tell he's making it work despite the flatulence. Yeah. I think she should Dutch oven him. Oh, that's pretty good, too. If she returns fire, that would get me to stop. Yeah, yeah. That's not bad. Give him a taste of his own gas.

Do you like it when girls fart? No. My lady will fart, and luckily she's like, oh, I'm so embarrassed. And I'm like, you should be, whore. No, I'm just kidding. I always say I think farting for a woman is like crying for a man. You know, you got to hide them both. See, I cry a lot, but I don't fart.

I guess I'm feminine. Oh, well, you got to let it out. Your eyeballs are farting. They're sharting. Maybe if I start farting, I'll stop crying. Yeah. All right. I'll give it a try.

Okay. Yeah. My tears smell like shit, too. Ready? Mm-hmm. Good one, madam. My dog. What's up, brother? Yo. I'm getting a bit of a dilemma here, man. I'm going one, madam. My dog. What's up, brother?

Yo. A bit of a dilemma here, man. I'm going to get straight to the point. I'm a SoCal native. I got cello tickets coming up.

Nice. Typically always go with another couple, a friend of ours, mine and my lady's. They broke up. They have our tickets. This is great.

I'm stuck, man. I don't know what to do. She wants to kick him out and invite another one of her girlfriends, which, I mean, at least in that case,

it's not doing him dirty. He's okay with that. But I'm more concerned about myself. I can't be rolling around with a bunch of chicks at Coachella. I mean, if I had a couple of my boys, can't be rolling around with a bunch of chicks at Coachella. I mean, if I had a couple of my boys, that'd be a different story.

But one dude and three girls? Interesting. This is like a curb plot. Wait, so he has a girlfriend, but she's not coming to Coachella? The girlfriend wants to bring her friend. So it'd be three chicks and him? Yeah. That sounds kind of cool. That sounds cool. Yeah. three chicks and him. Yeah. That sounds kind of cool.

That sounds cool. Yeah. You'll look cool. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's fine. But he wants to go with a friend. He wants a guy there because he's a guy's guy.

And I think he's trying to work it out to where his friend that was initially the couple can still go. Ah. The energy. Right, the energy. And without stereotyping, the girls are probably going to want to hit Sahara Tent and he's going to want to do main stage

for some more classic rock. True. I'm a Yuma Tent guy. Dude, once you separate a Coachella, there's no getting back together. Phones don't work. Is that right? It's 200,000 people.

I mean, it's a zoo. You're not going to find anybody. Whoa. And you've got to be careful on solo adventures because if you're mollied out or something, you could get dehydrated. I've seen people drop. It's dangerous.

It's definitely something you's got to consider. Yeah. Let's do one more. Good luck, man. Can you get a new bro? Yeah, that's a good point. There you go. And this is also the whitest problem of all time.

It's Gwyneth Paltrow's ski courtroom thing and then this. Hey, Chad and JT And hopefully Strider Maybe Big Hog Joe This is Bill from South Alabama Woo you guys got range Yeah man just calling To see if y'all can help me out with something

So this question is for Strider If he is there If he's not this question is for specifically Chad But yeah I just want to see I got a J&O problem I lay in bed at night If not, this question is for specifically Chad. Yeah, I just want to see. I got a J&O problem. I lay in bed at night, and my mind's just racing, and I cannot fall asleep. And then I decide to J-O, and within seconds of getting back in bed,

after cleaning up the spiel, I'm asleep. And I just don't want to do that every night. I don't want to rely on J&O. So just give me some help there. Give I just don't want to do that every night. I don't want to allow J&O. Just give me some help there. Give me some guidance on what to do. If I need to do other things, I will certainly do that. I appreciate y'all's podcast. Y'all bring me joy

when I'm in sauna sweating it out or maybe when I'm in the gym pumping out some iron. Give me some advice. I really appreciate it. Thanks. Hmm. Tough one.

I would kill for this problem. Yeah, go ahead. Well, I can't sleep. I have to take all these meds to sleep, and I would kill if it was just something natural like rub one out. What are you rocking, Seroquel? Seroquel. I take Seroquel.

Really? Yeah, I'm coming off it a little bit, though. Me too. I'm hearing all these bad side effects I've just been on it for years and I don't want to be on it forever But it helped my life a lot Me too It narrowed the extremes big time in my behavior

Wow, did you feel fine? Dude, I'm titrating down, I'm down 75 milligrams and I feel rock solid Okay No side effects, one rough day But I don't even know if it was that or if it was other shit Right, right Alright, yeah I'm nervous because I get all was that or if it was other shit. Right, right. All right. Yeah, I'm nervous because I get all these DMs like, get off that shit, man.

It's bad. No, yeah, I can't go. Feedback is terrible. I've had like pharmacists be like, I can't believe you're doing it. I'm like, dude, don't editorialize to me. Just give me the shit. Yeah. Oh, no.

But I haven't had problems on it. Like no sexual side effects, no weight gain. I feel good. Same. All right, all right. Sorry. Oh, no. I cut you off Same. All right, all right. Sorry. Oh, no. I cut you off.

You were going to say something. Dude, he didn't ask me, but I jack off a lot, so I'll weigh in. I think it's not a big deal. As long as you can still get rocked up with other people and you can still be present and able to perform to the best of whatever your abilities are, I don't think it's a big deal if you crack it off before bed. I agree.

That sounds kind of nice. Agreed. I think the internet has made us feel ashamed of spraying out. Yeah, maybe. Because I do it a lot still. But I got into that whole you shouldn't jack off too much because it makes you more focused and whatever. Yeah.

And so now whenever I jack off, I feel bad. Are you guilty? I feel guilty, yeah. Not as much anymore, but if I have something important the next day, I try not to because I feel like I won't. You're like a boxer. Yeah, I feel like I have less energy. But I would maybe do it every night.

You know what I do to go to sleep is I listen to a podcast. Me too. You jack off to it? I jack off to Lex Friedman. You know what I do to go to sleep is I listen to a podcast. Me too. I listen to like- You can jack off to it? Jack off to Lex Friedman. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Nice slow jack.

Yes. So jack off to Lex Friedman. Yeah, that's my advice. But yeah, I also take Advil PM. Yeah, I like those too. That works for me. But those wear off after you get immune. Yeah, I try to do it. I was doing it you get immune. Yeah, I try to do it.

I was doing it a lot during COVID, but I try to do it. If I'm doing it once or twice a week. But if we have something big like we did like Jimmy Kimmel or whatever, I'd take it for that. Yeah, yeah. Shit like that. You need to rest. I just need to get knocked out.

Totally. Yeah. Especially if I'm a little anxious for something the next day, whatever I can do to get to sleep. Of course. I think, to your point sleep I think to your point You gotta be careful what you tell yourself is a problem Like if you're saying

This is a problem and you're like reaching out On it I'm like This is kind of nice you like to jack off You got a high motor for busting loads That's healthy that's good I'd be more worried if you're like I can't jack off It's like this is good And if this guy's going imagination Like if if he's not using porn, this guy might be the president.

Yeah. Yeah, I trust you with anything. Yeah, because it's not really the jacking that's the problem. I think it's the porn. And what kind of porn, too. Like how savage are you getting with the imagery? Totally. You know what's a good one is OnlyFans leaks.

Oh. What's that? Well, they leak the OnlyFans content. Whoa. It's kind of, maybe I shouldn't be saying that. Yeah, you're stealing money from Metallica. Oh What's that? Well they leak The OnlyFans content Whoa It's kind of Maybe I should be Saying that out loud You're stealing money

From Metallica Fapster Yeah I don't know if I should Say that out loud But It takes away the guilt Of paying for it

Although I do like The idea of Compensating These ladies Sure More than the Porn Was given them

I don't care I'm gonna use it I appreciate your candor Do I Google it or how do I find it? Google OnlyFansLeaks Whoever, you know I get a kick from paying them I feel like a little more pathetic for giving them money

And that helps me get to the finish line You like a little shame? Yeah With the thoughts Do you think Is it always better to do thoughts? Like what if your thoughts are, like, incredibly perverted, but the porn is relatively benign?

Oh, that's a great point. I never thought about that. Like, if my head's taking me to real Abu Ghraib-type places. Is that, like, a nicest thing? Fumble down a little bit. Abu Ghraib. Abu Ghraib, okay. Yeah, sorry.

I thought you were talking about the guy from Aladdin. Yeah, I get that's a good point because for me, mom slips in or like that lady who hates me slips in. Yeah. So the porn kind of keeps you straight and narrow. Like these are just tits and ass. Right. And it's a lady. And it's disconnected.

It's not someone you know. Yeah. Yeah. Your mom slips in? Slips in all the time. Wow. Yeah. Is she like chastising you or is she playing ball?

No, she's like, hey, what do you want for dinner? And I'm like, ah, get out of here, mom. I just run through women I've met. And of course, mom is a woman. Right, right, right. Or my aunt or my grandmother or whatever. Yeah. Crossing guard.

How are you on time? I'm okay. I'm okay. We should be done in like 10 or 15. Great. All right. We should be good. Crossing guard. How are you doing on time? I'm okay. I'm okay. We should be done in like 10 or 15. Great. All right. We should be good. Sorry again.

I was tardy. That Tesla is fucking me right in the ass. Musk. Musk. Yeah. Chad, who's your beef of the week? My beef of the week is I just, I've been ordering a lot of Postmates. I don't know what I like anymore.

You ever order so much food where it's options? Good one. And my girlfriend kind of puts it on me to make the decision about what we're going to eat. Now I'm kind of like, I don't know what to eat. Yeah, I hear you. Boy, this is a tough, tough problem. And yeah, although we got Thai food last night. That was good.

Love Thai. But the thing is for me, I'm kind of like simple Thai food last night, that was good. Love Thai. But the thing is for me, I'm kinda like simple where I'll just, I like steak every night. But she likes to mix it up. Okay. And so I'm like. How much money you dropping on this? Because this has gotta add up.

Dude, yeah. Can't you just go to the store, get a pack of these like 10 frozen steaks? I think you'll be a happier guy. I mean that was me pre-relationship. Yeah this is gluttonous. I'm not trying to shit on your lifestyle there. No, no, no, I need to hear it.

But I think just ordering food is bad for the human psyche. No, she makes food. Okay. She makes food a lot. It's actually more, I actually made it sound, she makes food probably like three or four nights a week. Oh, all right, that's pretty good. Yeah, we're not ordering every night.

Got it, got it. But she'll ask what I want, and I'll just want steak every night. But I feel like I have to switch it up for variety. Yeah. It's kind of the jacking off issue. The guy just wants to mix it up more. Yeah.

Yeah, but you could get like a steak salad or steak and eggs. Dude, that's what I've been doing. Oh, okay, okay. A steak salad. I'll be like, how a steak salad or steak and eggs. Dude, that's what I've been doing. Oh, okay, okay. A steak salad. I'll be like, how about steak and asparagus? Yeah. Pretty manly, though. Do you like that?

Yeah, you're eating like Jordan Peterson over here. My beef of the week is with, dude, I don't have a beef this week. Come on. All right, let me dig. Your beef was with beef. I didn't realize that. Oftentimes it is. Because we did a beef a couple days ago, and I was heavily beefed up that

day. But today, I don't know, I haven't found a new one in two days. Alright. Well, let me slide in there. Go, baby. Like my mom while I'm jerking. So first of all, I got a beef with Tesla, because I can't find a fucking charging station to save my life, but that's neither here nor there.

But how about this? Now, I heard you use this term earlier, and I got to beef with this term, because I don't think it makes sense. Whoa. You were like, I went to Coachella. It's a zoo over there. You don't like zoo? Well, zoo implies that things are wild and crazy,

but have you ever been to a zoo? They're all caged. Everyone's docile. It's very orderly. It's just people walking around looking at shit, drinking a soda, you know? So people always say this. I went to a warehouse party in Brooklyn like two weeks ago.

DJ, you know, dancing, drugs. And my friend's like, it's a zoo in here. And I'm like, no, this is insane. This is wild. The zoo is the opposite of wild. You see? You take things out of the wild, put them in the zoo. I think you're literally 100% correct.

I think you're on the money. What I think the appeal is, it's just a fun word to say. It's a fun word, zoo. Like zoo. Like even when I say it now, I'm excited. Agreed. And I think in the comedy world, they always say cuh is the funniest sound. I think it's ooh.

Ooh is better than cuh. Which is why I have so many Jew jokes. I got the ooh. I'm not anti-Semitic. It's a funny sound. Ooh. Yeah. Ooh, ah, ah.

It's a funny sound. So yeah, the zoo thing is my beef. That's solid. Chad, who's your babe of the week? Is it the hot girl we like? No, it could be. It started that way and then we broadened it. Yeah, it could be anything.

It could be a hot dude. Oh, all right. It could be a hot object. Something you saw at the zoo. Got it. Yeah, it could be anything. It could be a hot dude. Oh, all right. It could be a hot object. Something you saw at the zoo. Got it. Yeah, is there a hot animal? Dude, there's another golden retriever in my neighborhood, Buddy.

He's a babe. Yeah, those are pretty. Yeah. The flowy blonde hair. Well, I got a little golden retriever. I've been taking her on walks. And then I took her, I was taking her for a walk

and then I see Buddy across And you know when they get perched up Yeah He's just staring at her And I was like that's a good dog That's nice Yeah You just want to rub it

Dude I love petting a dog's gut I love a gut on a dog Oh yeah Apparently it's high trust If they show their gut to you That means that They trust you completely

Yeah So my babe I got a Maine Coon. It's a kind of cat. Pull this up if you haven't seen one there, JJ. But man, they are beautiful. It's like having a little lion in your house. Oh, that's awesome.

Big paws, I mean, big ears, fluffy, elegant, crazy eyes. Look at that. Oh, that's huge. I have one of those. That's like 30 pounds. Yeah, it's maybe not that big, but it's just very majestic. That's awesome. They're so nice, and they make noises like,

they don't meow. They go, great cat. And you go cats over dogs? Well, I think it is a New Yorker. A cat has been a tiny apartment. You don't got to take it for walks and shit. Are you planning on staying in New York? That looks like my cat.

That's it. Are you a New Yorker for life, you think? Yeah, I think so. I love LA. I'm not one of these LA haters, but I like to visit. If I stay here too long, I just get too chill. I turn into you guys. I get too chill, and I just stop working as much, and I just kind of hang out by the pool.

I soak in the sun. I smoke some weed. Don't let the chill exterior fool you. Lunatics. Well, you guys are working, too, I noticed. So I appreciate that. But I'm just saying, for me, I would just kick back and have a cerveza in the sun if I lived here.

Right, right, right. Sounds nice. It does sound nice. But you won't do one of those errand towns where a comedian will go to Nashville or move to... Nah, probably not. Probably not. What about Miami?

We'd have the same problem. Too sexy. We want to do Miami. Too sexy. I think it's a great city and you guys should go there if you're thinking about it. Probably better than...

They say Miami was what LA was 10 years ago. Yeah. Right. So it's a great town and Florida's fun as hell but I don't know. I grew up in New Orleans.

I've lived that life. Right, right, right, yeah. My Baby of the Week is a Chris Stapleton song, I Think You Should Leave. Ooh, that is a classic. Dude, he keeps coming out with new hits, and they all sound alike but different enough where it's additive to his catalog.

I don't know, that guy just gets it, man. It hits you in the heart. Yeah, when you sing it, you really feel like you're in the song. Yeah, yeah. He knows how to do that. And I'm just constantly impressed by him. And it's like country, but not like hard country.

It's like, it plays for anybody. So I'm a big Stapleton fan. I've been digging that song lately. Here, here. That's a good one. Oh, let me go babe of the week. I just watched this movie, 12 Angry Men. Have you seen it?

The original? The original. It's phenomenal. Phenomenal. It's like the best movie I've seen in 10 years. Dude, Fonda's incredible. Incredible. When he undresses the bad dude at the end,

he's like, what's going on with you? What kind of hate do you have in your heart? It's a beautiful scene. It's still relevant, because you see people on Twitter, and you want to go, what's wrong with you? What's really going on? Yeah. It's a similar vibe with that movie.

They get to confront it. Dude, also, I know you opened Framie Schumer for a while. Her riff on that in her show. Oh, it was killer. With DiPaolo and all those guys. And Jumati. It was incredible. I think they won an Emmy on that one.

It was an amazing episode. Great ep. Great parody. Yeah, that was fucking incredible. Chad, who's your legend of the week? Nachos. Nice. Wait, what is ledge?

Same thing as babe. Oh, okay, okay. We could probably compress it, but if we're going to have a beef, we like to have two nice things. I like that. Keep it positive. When you're in the green room, what do you order?

I'm a taco guy because I'm off bread. Yeah. And bread isn't everything. Sandwiches, pizza, biscuits, muffins, pancakes, waffle. So I like a taco because it's just a little bit of tortilla but mostly meat. And then I'll get a salad or a quesadilla. Yeah, I've been doing, I like nachos, I like spinach dip. Yeah, yeah.

Pretzels are good. I always go pretzels. But I was just thinking of nachos. I just love them. A good nacho. I'm a little low on topics this week. You're all right. But you're big on toppings with the nachos.

Dude, yeah, dude, thank you, yeah, yeah. I do love nachos, so yeah. I'm with you. I'm yeah. Dude, thank you. Yeah, yeah. I do love nachos. So, yeah. I'm with you. I'm picking up on your wordplay as I talk to you. There you go. It's good for the brain. Yeah, it's clicking in different cylinders. My legend of the week, I'm sticking musical.

I just watched The Defiant Ones again, the documentary from HBO. That's on Peacock now. I was looking for it. Yeah, they hit it on Peacock. Jimmy Iovine yeah he's incredible and my favorite character in is Snoop Dogg

Snoop Dogg's just a fucking man he can fit in anywhere he never changes he's smoking weed everywhere but he always seems like he could get along with people at a country club or in like the hood

and I just love his energy and especially at the Source Awards when like the rap beefs were going on he goes up there and all of New York's booing him

and he's got this menace in his eyes and he's like y'all don't fuck with Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre especially at the Source Awards, when the rap beefs were going on, he goes up there and all of New York's booing him, and he's got this menace in his eyes, and he's like, y'all don't fuck with Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre? New York ain't got love? Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre? Fuck y'all. He just says that to the entire city. Yeah, and they boo him.

And they go crazy. They had to rush out. They were going to get killed, and the balls of the guy is just remarkable. And who has transitioned better into, he's like the Doritos guy or whatever. Yeah, and he's had murder beefs. Yeah, exactly.

And we just love him anyways. Again, our priorities are out of whack. We get mad at certain people for saying shit, but then Ice-T is like, I killed cops. Everybody's like, what are you going to do? It's a cultural thing. And I'm like, well, we're mad at Kevin Hart for tweeting about gays. Yeah, yeah. I think it's their

authenticity too is that like yes they like never apologize they're just like no this is who I am yeah but that might not work with the tweet stuff you couldn't say I really do believe yes yeah exactly I really do dislike gay people because I'd be like no no that doesn't cut ice clip that he's still cool he could do like a commercial for Target and he'd be like, that's cool. Yeah, did a show with Martha Stewart for 10 minutes. She's hot. She crosses my mind.

No? Martha Stewart, she's beautiful. And she's such a good homemaker, but she's like a powerful woman. I'd be into her. You'd make her gape. Maybe, I'd be down. I You'd make her gape. Maybe. I'd be down.

I would do it. Just for the story. Just for the breakfast alone. But I don't know. She's a little too square for me. You know what's funny about that? Oh, interesting. Ari Maness is funny. Sometimes when he has an edgy take, I'll joke with him.

You don't really mean that. But he's so funny. He'll always go, no, I really do. Yeah. He's the only guy I know who doubles down on it. Oh, yeah. And it's like, that's genuinely my belief. Ari Maness, funny guy because he hates being a Jew.

He has a rifle, a truck, he's got a camo hat, boots on. Dude, during COVID, like height of COVID, he flew to China and he took a picture alone on the plane. He trolls hard. It's deep in his soul. It's really funny. Yeah, I think that's it.

Yeah, dude, thank you so much. Hey, thank you, that flew by You guys are pros Oh, thank you, man, appreciate your pro It was a pleasure Yeah, it was a blast having you on Pros and bros Good luck with the charging

Thank you Sorry I made up the whole thing But it's really chipping my cunt If you need advice These guys are really nice And you wanna know What to do and where to go When you need someone to guide you

Just to have the girls beside you Go and see Go and see Let's go see Go and see I'm going deep I'm going deep I'm going deep