Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 290 - 4 Horsemen (Strider Wilson & Joe Marrese)

Episode Date: May 10, 2023

Today we are joined by King Hog, Joe Marrese and The T-Dart Guru, Strider Wilson.The 4 Horsemen like to keep it real, sometimes maybe too real.... The stoke is extremely high to have Strider back after missing the Horror Draft! The genre bender himself has some bold takes about the picks and Joe claims he could've easily won. Call us, leave a 60 sec voicemail with your issue or question: 323-418-2019(Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice) Check us out on tour!  We've got San Diego and Ohio next! https://www.chadandjt.com Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/

What's up, Stokers? Before we begin this podcast, I want to let you know that we are on tour and we have... All the reviews are great. And the LA Times is like, this is the sickest tour we've ever seen. That's in there. And we're going to be in Ohio next. We're going to all the cities. Cleveland, Cincinnati, the rest of them. And then we're going to Appleton, Wisconsin. We got a bunch of new dates coming up soon. I'm talking late summer to fall, baby. I'm talking Irvine. I'm talking Boston. I'm talking Nashville.

I'm talking NYC, Detroit. We got some good dates coming, so keep your eyes peeled. And if you're in Ohio, come see us. I believe we'll be there May 20th through the 25th. Get your tickets at chanjt.com. And, yeah, we got the Four Horsemen of Chill Apocalypse, so enjoy the show. Late.

What's your theme? How we gonna eat? Chad and JT. Ooh, yeah. Now flip the dink down and put the ribs on the barbecue. What's up, Stokers of Stokernation? This is Chad Kroger coming in with the Goin' Deep with Chad JT Podcast. I'm here with my compadre, Jean-Thomas.

What up? Boom clap, Stokers. And we're here with the Colonel of Cunnilingus. I believe I've used that before, but I should use it every day. Once a colonel, always a colonel. That's how I get promoted. Not getting demoted, I'll tell you that much. Fired up, dude.

And you're promoted because you're so good at cunnilingus? Thank you. I am now the one-star general. Yeah, general of what? General of? T-darting. Getting it? Ba-da-da. Oh, whoa. Yeah, general of what? General of T-darting Getting it

Oh, whoa Joe's got great dart capabilities We're here, of course, with Uncle Joe Back in the studio, dude It's good to see you Yeah, good to see you Yeah, it's been forever Yeah, the four of us

I mean, this is where it all started Right in the studio This is amazing. Great to be here. Dude, Joe, I got to tell you, I saw Hammer in the gym yesterday in the locker room. Why are you looking at him? Dude, I did a double take. It was my first double take in the locker room.

And he caught me. Yeah. Really? Old dude or old dude? No, he's young and spry and had a big cock. He was changing or shower? Changing. Wow. He knew what he was

doing. He should be expecting double tapes. It was on display? Oh, yeah. Did you see him what his lifting regimen was? Did you get to see him lift? No, I think he just hangs out in the locker room. Right, he just goes in. Yeah. It's his social hour. Check this out.

I don't like guys you know, it's like fine you got that that, but you don't need to brag. We got to stay humble with those things. Yeah, the only people who have seniors are the ladies who have been embedded. Don't put it on display. Yeah, I don't show my bros and stick it in their face. I don't want to make you guys feel bad. Or I think you're also just an intensely private person.

I'm not intensely private. Yeah, that might have been a bit hyperbolic. Yeah, I mean, maybe just a little bit. You are pretty private. I'm not intense about it. It's a little intense. Not really. What are we cracking open over there?

Well, it's Cinco de Mayo, so we got some authentic Mexican brew. Lagunitas IPA. Yeah, Lagunitas. Yeah, it is. Yeah, I've been drinking. I'mitas IPA. Yeah, Lagunitas. Yeah, it is. Yeah, I've been drinking. I'm an IPA guy now. I'm not like, I don't know all about it yet. I don't know the specifics.

You know, people have their preferences. There's like, what is it, hazy or? Yeah, hazy is going to be sort of your more, at least as far as I know, your more New England style. I'm more of a West Coast guy, but I'm never going to turn down a beer with my fucking bro. Oh, for sure. So I'm down to get a little haze on. But style. I'm more of a West Coast guy, but I'm never going to turn down a beer with my fucking bro. Oh, for sure. So I'm down to get a little haze on.

But yeah, I'm drinking them now. Yeah, I'm not big on the hazies. Yeah, I like the West Coast as well. What's the difference? And also the Midwest. I don't know. I like the more like caramel colored, I would say. And a lot of the West Coast ones have a little more fruit forward if

you will uh hazy is dark no no hazy is just like it's a haze because it's thick like if you look at it in color yeah right right it looks like a haze if it's poured in a glass space dust i love though i think space dust is a hazy that's a good one have you had mission general no it's pretty solid racer 5 oh that's a good one. Racer 5 is good. Racer 5 is dank, dude. Yeah. Yeah.

They have that on draft at the Hollywood Improv, or at least they used to. Ghost in the Castle? No, is that a beer? Yeah. Sounds like it's out of the Pacific Northwest. Yeah, that one's good. Baryshnikov in Moscow? All right, so I've just

looked up beers and you're trying to sound smart now. No, he's just saying random things because IPAs have the weirdest names. Oh. I believed that those were real beers. Lagunitas Little Something. Yeah, because you've had them. Yeah, Little Something Something is

one of the best beers there is. It's a nice beer. And it's like 7.7%. That'll get you going. Is it better than Charcoal Stardust? Yeah. Look at me. You're going to say Charcoal Stardust. Yeah.

That's a good name for a beer. Don't laugh. That's a good name. Charcoal Stardust is a good name. I mean, we call it, I mean, Wooden Table would be good. I would drink Wooden Table. The thing about popping an IPA, though, it just relaxes you quicker than the other brews.

Well, yeah, there's more alcohol in it. That's what it is. And you're supposed to sip it, but I still drink them fast. That's, you know. Are you drinking one a day? No, I would, but I have work after this. You don't get buzzed before work? No, I don't do that.

It's not my style. I'm not one of those. For sure. When I was a cabana boy at the Marriott, I used to have the dudes at the bar mix me up a pina colada, dude. House one of those pina coladas on the shift. With booze? Mm-hmm.

Whoa. It's nice. I was just at the pool. I wanted to really be relating to the customer. No problem. You want to blend in. Exactly. Yeah.

Not intended. Blend. You're doing the hang, and then you're like, by the way, do you need a new towel? Exactly. Hey, by the way, you just got out of the jacuzzi. That's beautiful. Want me to go put a new towel on? Do you want a spritz?

Yeah. Come on. Like, wait, why does this cool guest just keep giving me towels? Exactly. And then they go, what? Why is this cool guest wearing a name tag? Like, wait, this guy this guy works here yeah sick where so there was a lot of bohemians who worked there it was jamaicans because at that time marriott maybe at this time too but back then they have like because they have properties all over the world one of the benefits of working at the

marriott is if you want to and you want to travel a little bit you can work at different locations like you could just do like a transfer program and like some friends that were jamaican all came and transferred to that property and was were awesome they're good guys great guys i i regrettably stood up one of the guys forget his name but we were gonna go play volleyball at main beach in laguna and i didn't show up i think like we went and partied i think i was like hung over. And then I showed up at the next day, and he's like, fuck you, man. You didn't show up. I was like, I'm sorry, bro. I'm so sorry, bro.

Yeah, don't stand up guys. Yeah, you can't be exactly like a dude hang. That's not cool. It's not cool to stand anyone up. I thought there was more forgiveness on dude hangs. We all know that other things get in the way, whether it be partying, chicks, or that's probably it. Yeah, that's that's it yeah those are the only options chad you were picketing today dude i got out there sticking it to the man how was it felt good dude taking it to the streets yeah i went to the sony lot got my sign and i was like you know

i'm sag but down to support although we do right did you and there Jason we there Jason yeah no sags gotta back the WGA WGA has got a back sag yeah lost sag dudes out there DGA has got to be DTF it's all in there yeah sag is screen actors guild down to fight DGA is directors guild WGA is writers guild their own spreaders kills on strike I learned more about it so this one guy was talking about you so he's talking, WGA's Writer's Guild. Writer's Guild's on strike. I learned more about it. So this one guy was talking about, so he's talking about how it's similar to the 2007 one where they're like, people saw that streamers were coming in.

They're like, it's not a big deal. Don't worry about it. But they're glad that they fought for something because it ended up being a huge deal. That's all we watch now. Yeah. And now basically what's happening is that they're basically threatening the existence of the writer's room where it's like a lot of

these this guy was saying he's he's saying that basically a lot of the streamers would be comfortable with just like buying a show and letting the creator just write it all and they don't really they're trying to push towards more of just like one or two writers they're they're sort of so they don't have to fund the writers room and get like six or seven writers which is so the writers room beyond the fact that they do make shows better and this isn't a reason to fight this stuff or like the most important part of the discussion but they're very fun. Yeah. Oh, they rip. It's a good time.

But I'm sorry, I derailed you. Keep going. No, yeah, no, it's so the writer's room and it's basically writing as a career. This is an article that's like, they basically turned it into like a gig economy job where it's like, you can get a writing gig

but that's not going to sustain you. a lot of people have to work extra jobs yeah there's you know back in the day you see a show like friends or Frasier if you're right around that you get residuals you get you know there's a lot of money on the back end what that will support you that doesn't seem to exist with the streaming services no it's like you have a hit show on on netflix or whatever any kind of streamer it's like you get like a lump sum of cash but then after the show ends it's like what do you there's nothing after that so you got to keep going and there's there's just very little security so it's a good thing that they're fighting for and you get paid a lot but

it's over a short period of time and then you have to give so much to taxes and then to all the representatives. And then you're not going to get that many writing jobs in a year, unless you're like one of the few at the top who just can jump from ship to ship. Yeah. Well, you knew it. You had a regular job. Then you wrote. And then went back to work.

You got it. That's how you have to do it. Hmm. Go ahead. ahead so I was gonna go back to this strike thing you had an interesting insight that uh that part of the reason the studios and streamers might try to extend the strike past 30 days is there's a force majeure clause and a lot of contracts for first look deals we're basically these writers and creators they just get a fat

contract to like write at their leisure with maybe some expectation of delivery, but they're big contracts, and maybe they're not all paying off. And if it goes past 30 days, there's a clause in there that says they're null and void if there's a strike that long. So they could just get rid of a lot of those first look deals.

Yeah, that's true. But you know what? We talked to a guy today, and he's like, honestly, Apple bought itself back for $90 billion. They're not even worried about that like like the amount of money that they have yeah like it's it's it's kind of nothing to them right it's peanuts yeah how much they're pulling it it was crazy when you saw how much all the ceos were making 50 million 40 like 60 iron manual made like 260 million or something like that. Wow. And the guy who runs Discovery.

It's not enough, dude. It's not enough, dude. I did take umbrage. There was this popular meme going around that was like, Mad Men made FX. The Shield made... No, no. Mad Men made AMC. The Shield made FX.

What was the third one? Oh, House of Cards made Netflix. What happens when CEOs are in in charge they make quibby and i was like well quibby still had writers like he wasn't katzenberg wasn't writing the shows and i was like and some other exec had to green light those shows like i was like it's not all there's always been an intersection of commerce and art and it sucks but i don't think it's all idiots on one side and all geniuses on the other but that doesn't that's not the point though writers are not being compensated fairly yeah they gotta get their slice of the pie maybe yeah they're gonna get their percentage we went to san diego last weekend that was yeah as a crew first time we've been a crew doing stand-up

in a while that was fun dude yeah we kind of we all brought our ladies, dude, kind of made like a little GF weekend. Yeah, that was cool how I brought my wife. We trying to stick it to me or something? Didn't you bring Angela and Pamela, dude? Yeah, dude. No, yeah, that was cool how you guys didn't want to do anything after the show. That was such a good time.

Well, we had, the shows aren't, we're not done. I'm the oldest one, but I'm the most spry, I'm the most tan now. You're not the most tan. Oh, yeah, for sure. You're not more tan. Oh, look on the TV. Maybe on your face, but not on Chad's chest, dude. Oh, shit. No, I don't know. Are you

more tan? Yeah. In certain pockets. That beautiful Italian. Wow, look at him. Yeah, Olive Oil Joe. Yeah. You know, Joe's zinging us right now in chat in JT. We kind of have to zing you guys a little bit right now, dude, because. Yeah, you guys are burying the lead here.

Yeah, Joe had to. And Strider brought you guys here for today. Joe called me. He reached out. He reached out to me, dude. Wait, what? He goes, dude, I just needed to talk to someone, dude. Wait, what's coming?

Yeah. This is about your guys' horror movie draft. Yeah. Oh. It was ridiculous. I couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe what? You.

What, my pic? Yeah. You took the sixth sense as your number one draft pick? Why is everyone giving me? Because it's not even a horror movie. It is a horror movie. No, it's not. It's dead people.

They scare you. It's not a horror movie. Look, you know I love a Ben, baby. I love a Ben. And look, I didn't earn it at that draft, so I can't talk shit, but I mean, bro. Hey, your argument is the same argument as my unforgiven argument, which is there's guns in it. You guys are saying that Sixth Sense is not a horror movie. It's not. Aaron? I think it's pretty scary. I actually am You guys are saying that Sixth Sense is not a horror movie. It's not. Aaron?

I think it's pretty scary. I actually am not hating you on the Sixth Sense that hard. It's not that it's not scary. It's that... I had a few non-horror movies on there. Which ones? The main character is not being threatened by something. Sounds of the Lambs? It's like more of a thriller, yeah. But it's scary.

This is my... This is what i grew up to know as a horror film okay there is there's a person or persons that are coming after you and murdering people okay there's a boogeyman all right like a jason a fred a Freddy. So is Rosemary's Baby not a horror movie? No. I think most people think it is. I mean, Rosemary's Baby, yeah. I mean.

What is it then? It's a psychological thriller, maybe? But like The Exorcist. Jaws. Nobody picked it, so I mean, it's not like anyone. No, I was just saying, I'm just being argumentative by his criterion. Leatherface. Michael Myers.

Yeah, there's like a, there's a villain. You know, the guy, the Jeepers Creepers guy. You could even say Chucky. So. Chucky, dude. The leprechaun dude. That's what I know to be. Well, Chad, what were your other picks

It Those are all scary movies Technically a made for TV movie though so does that count Sixth Sense Conjuring Blair Witch Saw Love Blair Witch Good Halloween was your number two Halloween should have been your first pick

You know what Halloween's sick I hear you guys on that, but also, suck my dick. So true, dude. Fine. I mean, Brad must have just been. What were your. I mean, Brad got Nightmare on Elm Street in the fourth round.

That's like a Tom Brady. What would your top five have been? All right. I mean, I don't know. Joe's top five have been? I don't know. Joe's a big horror guy. I don't know what would have been taken. Wait, wait. Taken?

No, no. Oh, I don't know. What would have been taken? Do we almost just fucking take it to you? No, but my top five, I mean, I would have to say, yeah, Halloween. Exorcist. That would be like my first round. And then I would say, yeah, I would say The Exorcist.

Then I would say Jaws. I would say, what did you say before? Oh, no, you said The Exorcist. Somebody said something that i was thinking uh i and then after that i would scream i would go yeah i would go scream and then i would go the strangers okay so if scream and let's say jaws were gone because they'd already been picked then which two would you do uh i would take nightmare on elm street um or uh it all right yeah that's a good list i was seeing if you'd bend if i pushed you to seven

but you stood strong to your your rule set i mean and you took it out how do you take a clockwork orange well so my thing is this is like i find the scariest movies to me what to me a horror movie is what scares you right well i mean horror is a genre i i just think it's that i don't think what's scary you could be scared right right but but i mean like what gave me nightmares what kept me up at night what yeah that okay that's good what that's good criteria what made me consider humanity like an ugly scary thing that i wasn't ready for that movie did it the most and what scares me the most about is that in all the movies you mentioned the villain is coming to kill like a good person

like the protagonist in that movie the protagonist is the villain and that's what scared me the most is that i was simultaneously terrified by this person, but also rooting for them and compelled by them. And that's what was most horrifying to me. So I agree it's a bend, and it probably doesn't fit into the traditional idea of a horror movie. But to me, that's like the scariest movie ever. Because I'm like aroused as this guy's like murdering innocent people. That's scary.

That's horror. The clockwork orange you're saying? Mm-hmm. Okay. I hear you guys. So that scary. That's horror. A clockwork orange, you're saying? Mm-hmm. Okay. I hear you guys. So that was our bone to pick. You guys handled it really well in stride. I mean, get out, not

horror. Elevated horts. Um, just, yeah, I just, uh, I was just disappointed. Yeah, you'll be on the next one. Um, you know, there could have been multiple Halloweens on that list. We're doing best hot dogs in Chicago next.

The Halloween from 2018 should have been on, drafted by somebody, the Strangers. The 2018 Halloween's good. The most recent one's bad. I haven't seen it. Dude, you were missed at the draft, by the way. Dude, I love you guys. I mean, you could have had I mean, Rob Zombie, I mean, House of a Thous by the way. Dude, I love you guys. I mean, you could have had... I had FOMO. I mean, Rob Zombie.

I mean, House of a Thousand Corpses. That's a good one. Was a fucking... That was coming up in the chat a lot. What's that? That was coming up in the chat a lot. The Devil's Rejects, his other one. Devil's Rejects, another one.

Yeah. But that one feels like Natural Born Killers. Like, that one has... Yeah, that one... No, I'd say more so House of a Thousand Corpses was... Have you guys seen The Terrifier? His new movie? Oh, I heard about that.

I once said it was gnarly. It's just straight gore. It's one of Rob's new movies? No, some new guy. Oh, okay. I'm not a big horror movie guy either. I was for a while. I couldn't watch them as a kid.

They gave me too bad of nightmares. So, like, Chucky scared me. I couldn't even watch trailers for it. Oh, dude, yeah. Well, that's what i'm saying child yeah child's play could have been a late round pick it's kind of cheesy while looking back on it though yeah it is cheesy but you know what it's it's entertaining it was yeah i mean i i was scared too but i liked all those movies a lot of my movies maybe all of them were like

nominated for best picture it was fun to be scared. Yeah, it was unforgiving. And I watched the clip of you guys, like your brother Chris, talking about Scream. Yeah, Scream should be on the list. Scream definitely had... Scream's great. Yeah, because Scream kind of brought the horror genre back to mainstream. Because for a while, there was not a good horror film. mainstream because for a while there was not like a good horror film and that was like the one that i could kind of remember as like a teenager being like this was like an event to watch this movie yeah and i have a bone to pick with you what

nice try joe was late again today Oh so what It was the car service Yeah you were late And you have to leave early I don't know I mean I called for the car Yeah just be late To that next thing Keep it consistent baby

It's a new service I used Which one Lyft It's called Lyft But it's with an I Really Really Yeah

Why'd you go off brand They spelled it right L-I-F-T. Wow, they just took the name? Why didn't you just use Uber or Lyft with a Y? It's not a real thing that I was saying. Oh, you're kidding. Yeah, it was a joke.

Hilarious. Thanks. He zinged us. Yeah, 10 minutes late is not late. But then you have to leave 15 minutes early. I mean, there's no set rule of... Did you say hunk? Yeah, I said hunk. You are handsome.

You are hunk. Yeah, you're handsome. But yeah, I mean, that's it, really. Yeah, that was it. Yeah, I just thought Brad. I was like, I looked at Brad's and, you know, I'm like, wow, yeah, this guy is the only one who knows what he's talking about. You guys been watching Succession?

Dude, it's my favorite season, I think. Really? No, I don't watch shows. I also don't watch Next Topic. Yeah, I don't watch these shows. Let Chad vamp for a while on it. Yeah. Fine, dude.

I don't know why. I think, while on it. Fine, dude. I don't know why. I think, yeah, it's my favorite season. It's really exciting. Yeah. What is it about the, what do you think versus the other season? I think because the big dog's out of the way. It's everybody else is getting more screen time and more opportunity

to be different. Yeah, there's more character development happening. Yeah, you think? Yeah, I mean, you could just say that. Like Tom's character, he's more character development happening. Yeah, you think? Yeah, I mean, you could just say that. Like Tom's character who's like your favorite, right? Yeah, he's my favorite. He's having so many moments to shine. He gets to be cool and kind of a devil in this one.

Is one of the good scenes in the show like when the one guy's on the phone and he's like in the suit yelling at the other guy on the phone? Yeah. That's a sick scene. It's probably the best cell phone show of all time dude in terms of and i think that's important because you want to capture what modern life is like i know you do you not i was thinking you guys dude do you not use a cell phone uh no what do you how do you communicate with people just fucking what up shockers i do shockers oh that's very cool so yellow star i do you're more style

of show that absolutely that right They have something for that. Yeah, that absolutely. But for a show that's actually trying to capture what it means to be alive right now, I think Succession does a good job of mirroring that. Anyway, sounds pretty sick. It's been a good season. It's been really good, dude. Who do you think is going to win at the end?

I feel like they're all going to die. Right. I don't know. It's tough for me to see the writers just picking one person to take it all. And they're all, yeah, I don't know. Do you have a? No, I think someone will just be like ruling ashes. It'll just be.

Yeah. Oh, but I read the Rupert Murdoch piece in Vanity Fair. He's the real life succession guy. It's based pretty closely off of his family. Right. He's got three children, one daughter, two sons, a kid from a previous marriage who's not as involved. Been married four times.

Engaged a fifth, broke up with her. Cool. All right, yeah, somebody's got to say something. No, on this show, we let the dead air sit. Yeah, this is a real conversation. That's not really real because, you know, there's an emphasis on entertaining. Yeah. Strider, you told me last weekend that you were looking for a motorcycle.

Yeah. I was like, I just want to gear up and be ready to make the safe choice when I get my midlife crisis. So I was like, let me just make the right decisions, get a bike and i want to get like and save up some i want to go classic yeah like a henderson yeah so you're not going crotch rocket not no no not crotch rocket don't want to rip on that i want something that looks cool um like kind of like brad pitt and extraordinary like an indian like yeah yeah sick bike triumph oh whoa sorry we almost built some coffee yeah i almost did indian that's right right yeah yeah yeah because uh this happened recently because your girlfriend or your fiance uh she said she loves to see you in leather yes oh yeah this is like where we're telling leading up to the

wedding we're writing our vows and stuff and we're like writing oh like what do you kind of love about me we've sat down and done cute interviews with one another super cute super sweet if you're doing it sort of a fun way um in an intimate way of like hey let me get to know you a little better and i didn't know that she liked to see me in leather and i don't have that much leather in my wardrobe yeah so i've gone tenfold. But she's like, that one time when you were grinding on me during Akon, you were wearing a leather jacket. Yes.

And it's like the hardest you ever felt. Yeah, never have I ever felt. Oh, like, yes. Like she felt your boner and was like, that's the hardest you've ever felt. Yeah, she wanted to call a doctor. She's like, this has been lasting the entire concert. She thought it was four hours. It was really just two and a half hours.

Akon puts on a hell of a show. Dude, the guy sings the best hooks. And he goes forever. Yeah. You should do leather assless chaps. Baby, you better believe those are ordered. You better believe post-wedding those have been ordered. Because you want to have your bare butt on the leather of the seat.

Sweet cheeks. Yes, JT, that's a great call, dude. Maybe in the hotel room, I should make sure that I have some sort of leather seat in there. I meant on your motorcycle. Even a better call, dude. I didn't even picture wearing it outside, but that's fucking beautiful, dude.

Just might have to do it not through school zones and just cruise out to the desert. That would be a tough pivot, staying away from the school zones. Really hard. Really have to do it not through school zones and just cruise out to the desert oh that'll be a tough pivot staying away from the school zones really hard really hard to do i gotta go through like three of them just to get out of my neighborhood i'm gonna have to do that in the summer i have to do it in the summer yeah summer summer summer yeah and you're going with the goggles look right goggles yeah when you when you ride yeah the oakley you know the ones that go over yeah i'm going no helmet. I'm figuring if I die like that, just die. That'd be sick.

Gary Busey, legend. Yeah, just go out doing what you love. He didn't die, but he was different. Yeah. It changed him. Head injuries will do that, dude.

Yeah. They'll change your disposition on shit, dude. Maybe if I get hit in the head, I'll enjoy succession, dude. I hit my head. I dropped a barbell on my head. 135 pounds.

Dropped it right on top of my head. When'd you do that's right i was doing cleaning jerks like a week ago and i just was on my last session and landed right off the crown i had to grab didn't really hurt i get i hit the i got lucky i hit like the top part of the head it was tough whoa and uh but i was scared i called uh tom hall my doctor buddy later that day and i was like could i have like a sub demohematoma like i could i die later from this he's like probably not man most of the time it happens right away jeez but no bump no bruise it was i was so fortunate where it landed it's one of those when you're standing up yeah it was like overhead and i just dropped it trying to drop it on the ground it went clunk and then it but it kind of slid off i got lucky do you guys think anyone's completely real on camera on the mic ever

no you got to be aware of what you're doing right no there's probably some moments where people let it slide there's moments though but when you're like when you're watching like a like a docu about a guy and he's talking about himself and he's saying this is how i live my life do you believe that or do you feel like that's a part of you but there's another part and maybe you don't let us see that other part yeah i think for sure but then what is real yeah what do you mean like integrity like full integrity yeah or like full transparency what you're not no no why not because there's just some things it would take i would need 10 hours to talk all the way through it.

And boundaries are good. Does a viewer want all that? Probably some people do. Maybe they think they want it. They want a version. It's like, come on. They want a version that appears real, but it's not actually real. It's a version.

Because you know what it is, too? There was writers and performers that I really admired who I thought were completely authentic. Writers and performers that I really admired who I thought were completely authentic. And then as I've gotten closer to the world, I've realized there was things that they said that in that moment, I knew their reality was actually in conflict with what they had said. Are you talking about people on podcasts? Sure. Okay. But in every way.

But you know who, I like Mulaney because Mulaney's new special, he kind of winks at that. Well, in standup, you shouldn't be that. Because it's a presentation. It's supposed to be, yeah, because it's supposed to be funny. It should be elements of truth mixed in with absurdity. But you have performers who are like, I'm really honest. And I'm like, but those are the people I'm most wary of. I'm like, I don't. Well, yeah, yeah.

Then, yeah, if it's on a stand-up stage, then they're bullshitting probably. Yeah, if it's on a stand-up stage, then they're bullshitting probably. What's the realest thing you could say right now? I don't know. Joe's got a big hog. That's 100% true. Even though I don't know. Actually, technically, am I being for real? Because I haven't seen Joe's wiener. That's not it. That's 100% true. Yeah. Even though I don't know. Actually, technically, am I being for real? Because I haven't seen Joe's wiener.

That's not it. That's not it. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, what I'm saying now is real. This is real. I'm making this up right now. Make the what up.

What is your hat? Why is it a bunny with the poison crossbones? It's called fashion. You ever heard of it? Have you heard of it? Dude, what up what is your hat why is it a bunny with the poison crossbones it's called fashion you ever heard of it yeah i have heard of it what'd you hear that doesn't matter oh dude wait why why is it a bunny with crossbones yeah it's called psycho bunny oh that's cool i don't i don't it's a brand i just put things on with no understanding of the meaning behind it. But why do you like it? I think it looks sick. Dude, Bunny, I mean, you got good and evil.

Yeah, is that what it is? It's sweet. It's like sweet and innocent. And then it's like, no, but there's a morbid vibe to it. Psycho Bunny. It sounds like a better horror movie than Get Out. All right. But for me, it represents peeps.

You don't know shit. It represents my two favorite foods, peeps and ribs. Hey, ribs are amazing. I've been ordering once a week. I get Wood Ranch. Great spot. Oh, you do? Wood Ranch is just, they nail it.

They go straight down the middle. The mac and cheese tastes like what you want them. They don't get fancy with none of it. It's what it's supposed to be. Wait, where is there one? In Burbank. There's one in Burbank, right down the street. Oh, okay, because they close the one at the farm. it it's what it's supposed to wait where is there and they're at burbank there's one in burbank right down the street because they closed the one at the we should meet there tomorrow at six you'll be there at seven um

yeah to come up here are you crazy hey i live in west hollywood sorry i'm still in the scene you guys are up here uh with your relationships this guy's out near the beach what's that about why are you are you going to... Have you... Well, Mike's in a... Or, damn it. Strider's in a good... We can edit that out.

Yeah, we can edit. Be real, dude. Keep it real. Let's be real, dude. Leave it in. Leave it in. Yeah, that was the most real thing I could say. Yeah, leave it in.

Yeah, that was funny. We were asking him. We don't even... Yeah. Guess what? Mike's dead. Who were you just saying? Dude, you know what I was realizing, too?

I was watching this Brick Shields documentary where Andre Agassi got all jealous because she was flirting with Matt LeBlanc when she acted in Friends. Been there. And everybody was like, oh, Andre Agassi's so insecure. That's not how a secure man would respond. And then I was like, I know he is insecure because he wore a wig when he was bald. Oh, that was a wig? Yeah, he was wearing a wig for a wig when he was bald. Oh, that was a wig? Yeah, he was wearing a wig for a long time.

He was? Really? With the long hair? Yeah, that was a wig. That's cool. But then I was reading this Humphrey Bogart thing where he was really jealous with his lady, Lauren McCall. And then when I read the Steve Jobs book, he was very jealous. And so everyone's like, oh, these guys are insecure.

I'm like, these are three of the highest performers ever in their respective fields. And these ladies are insecure. I'm like, these are three of the highest performers ever in their respective fields. And these ladies are gorgeous. I'm like, yeah. Or are these jealous and possessive men just that way because they feel like they deserve that back? Are they insecure and jealous or do they just think that they deserve something good? I know this is a little men's rights-y, but I do find it curious that all these beasts of guys just had high expectations. And then it made me think maybe the guy who is super secure is the not as successful guy

because he feels like he doesn't deserve that. That's exactly what I was thinking. I think the people with inherent insecurity, they're going to have the drive to prove themselves. That's why they get so high up. Chip on the shoulder. Yeah, because they have this hole in their heart. And so they need to keep pushing to get to the top

to try and fill it. And so, yeah, but... yeah but is there any secure people like did you're a man ambitious cool confident guy I've seen it in moments I've seen in spurts but if you hang out with anyone enough you're gonna see all sides of them and I don't think you would even be fun to be that person all the time you want to feel the most confident thing to me would be to feel all the colors of your emotional rainbow yeah the emotional rainbow you gotta get jealous have you read that that's a book yeah the emotional rainbow no i think i think you're making that up that is i did make it real if anyone says something that's not real we suss it out yeah we gotta say it's

not on we gotta be real dude we gotta suss it out this is the realest fucking pot out there yeah we're about to become that thing we were saying doesn't exist exactly in 98 i ran this guy over classic hit and run scenario what is this i know what you did last summer see that that's another movie that's a good one that could have been on like a fifth round pick i hear you but a lot of these are trash. Yeah, that's a bad movie. Yeah, but they're horror movies. And also, Joe was like...

Yeah, exactly. Horror movies aren't known to be fantastic filmmaking. Joe's new to this whole drafting. He's doing what everyone does when they draft. He's picking every movie from when he was 10. He's like, you know what else is a good movie? The entire summer of 98. Yeah, no, you don't have to be.

It doesn't have to be newer movies. Like, what was the last? I don't know. Never mind. What's the last movie you saw in theaters? That has nothing to do with it. Well, just answer it. I don't even know.

It's an unrelated question, but I'm curious. I don't know. You know. I can't remember. You know what it was. Heard it was the last Mimsy did. Zinged. It might have been The Revenant. No, you said it was heard it was the last mimsy did zinged you said it was it might have been the revenue no you said it was coach carter no i think it was the revenue coach carter

and i did you saw coach carter three out in theaters so and i didn't have a nightmare that night about it yeah must be nice joe not to have a nightmare after a movie like that yeah it is that is nice joe do you talk back to movie like horror movies when you watch them I get the killer appears like oh come on yeah sometimes run you idiot yeah do you know that my buddy of ours Brooks sent in a text That we have That Gladiator Was released 23 years ago

I think today In the theaters Wow Oh sick Michael Jordan's number Isn't it Yep Let's go

Big dip It is interesting Why they said 23 Air was amazing Air is so good I haven't seen it yet I need to see that Dude it's so good

Fires you up Affleck and Damon Those guys don't mix I almost took it In the horror movie draft You know it's weird I did lookires you up. Affleck and Damon, those guys don't mix together. I almost took it in the horror movie draft. You know what's weird? I did look up Rotten Tomatoes. From the perspective of Portland?

They list the 200 greatest horror films. Yeah, I looked at that list, too. They have Scream 2 above Scream. That's pretty wild. That is wild. But Scream 2's not bad. Scream 2's not bad. Yeah, but it's not as good as Scream 1.

Of course. She's at college. But you would take take i think i know what you did last i still know what you did last summer over clockwork orange i know what you did last summer because clockwork orange is a social satire yeah i would in a horror movie draft yeah i would horrifying one yes it's not a horror movie no it's not it's a comedy more than a horror movie it's not that funny though it's not funny at all. Wouldn't put it on a comedy list. It's kind of genre-less. It's kind of a movie that you see once and you're like, why did I just watch that?

Did it scare you? No. It just was like, this is weird. It is weird. It was just like, I didn't understand it. I saw it when I was too young. Dude, I was asleep over at Cameron Brown's. Dude, the kid loved that movie.

See, he gets it. The kid watched the movie a lot, dude. That guy always gets it. Dude, that terrified me. He was just hanging out with that dude. We woke up in the morning. He jumped out. He's like, this is the movie a lot, dude. That guy always gets it. Dude, that terrified me is just hanging out with that dude. We woke up in the morning. He jumped out. He's like, this is my dad's old Marine knife.

He jumped down from the bunk bed with a knife into my bed. I was like, dude, I'm not slipping over again. But you had violent tendencies as a young man. I did, yeah. I loved army stuff, dude. What did you get in trouble for at school? Not at school, but at, oh, dude, yeah. I slammed kids. I had, like, dude, yeah. I slammed kids.

I had, like, dude, they used to have this in preschool where you could just, one activity you could do was just take a hammer and nails by yourself, pretty much unmonitored, and just hit nails into a log. What? That's what we were allowed. That was like one of the things you could, yeah. No, they only made that rule for you. Dude, well, no, no, that, kids were able to do that, but then this kid jacked my hammer

and then I just was a psycho and took his head and boom. Like didn't know, just impulsively reacted. It's gnarly. He got hurt. He died, right? It was scary. No, no, he's full of sweat. He's dead.

He's dead. Actually, if we're being real, dude, I killed that kid, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard about that. Yeah. But you don't feel bad about it. No. I feel horny about it, dude.

Ah. As soon as you realized he was dead, you peed on him, right? Yeah, why'd you desecrate his body like that? Because, dude, he didn't practice my religion. Dude, which religion is that? No fear. It's just freaking the religion of me, dude. Dog hungry, dog eats.

Exactly, dude. Dude, is tap out still a company? Yeah, of course. I wore one of their tuxes to my brother's wedding. Dude, that was a tap out. Yeah, that was one of the tuxes. I thought that was affliction. Yeah, there's not many differences,

but it just has elbow pads and knee pads in case you get taken down and stuff like that. I was wondering, because he has a big T on your back. I'm like, your name is... Smart to wear suits that you might get into a fight in. It has a mouthpiece sewn into the breast pocket. You guys are lying again.

Yeah. Dude, you guys need to be real, dude. Are we being real? As funny as that was, dude, and as entertaining as that was to listen to, I wish it was real.

Well, see, here's the thing. Art is the lie that tells the truth. Oh, dude, love that. And that's what Picasso said and that's what Jean-Luc Godard said. I don't know which one of them said it, but one of them said it. Let me look it up. the lie that tells the truth oh dude love that and that's what picasso said and that's what jean-luc

godard said i don't know which one of them said it but one of them said it let me look it up keep but don't let me stop both fire me up dude picasso beast do you know who has the most books written about them in humanity i looked at jesus number one jesus number two i think napoleon napoleon this up. Number one, Jesus. Number two? I think Napoleon. And number three, I think Pablo Picasso. What about Genghis Khan? It was Picasso. He probably has a dick ton, but... What's that? He probably has a dick ton of books written about him, but probably not.

Plato, Socrates. They wrote some. Aristoteles. Who do you take in a fight? Aristoteles or Socrates? Or no, it's Plato and Aristoteles. What? I'd beat the fuck out of Socrates. Yeah.

Socrates not involved. Plato, Aristotle, top leader. I think Socrates was annoying as hell because he uses the Socratic method. Exactly, dude. Very annoying. But why is this blah, blah, blah? It's like you're trying to make a point but you're just being annoying as fuck so i'm just gonna beat the shit out of you exactly i'm gonna

make him tap out just keep asking questions and questions it's a genius method though just keep asking people questions they'll talk them you'll they'll not make sense if you like ask three absolutely but what would be cooler being remembered like socrates is or making socrates tap out making him tap out but mentally mentally like i put his brain into sets of pretzel that he just smacks my knee and he's like let me go let me go but then i don't i snap his brain with logic and i watch him have to get surgery to put his brain back together. But then you also get him in an arm bar and crack his arm. So it's going the opposite way. No, he's eating butt from sunup to sundown.

Is this from a movie? Oh, yeah. It's from Talladega Nights where Sacha Baron Cohen has Will Ferrell in an arm bar and he's like do it. There's something about that saying I like crepes. Yeah. He just breaks his arm. He's like wait those little pancakes you can serve on them?

They're delicious. Say I like crepes. Oh fuck. I mean there's so many movies. If you go back to, like, 2090s and you watch them, I just die laughing the whole time. Oh, yeah. I don't have that anymore.

Although, Air, I was laughing out loud. Really? Oh, yeah. But I think that's pretty normal as you get older. You just stop liking stuff. You see stuff, you suss out what isn't real, dude. You want to see see Lincoln Park in concert that's an older band

right that's true takes you back to the time I'm not trying to make you sad dude I saw the killers and it was awesome it took me back dude dude I've seen wrinkles in my eyes no but men look better with wrinkles dude you look wise dude

but keep it sharp cause our career depends on it dude yeah so much sun dude Dude, you look wise, dude. I've always looked... But keep it sharp, because our career depends on it. Dude, yeah. Yeah. So much sun, dude. I don't think sun's bad. Rob Machado looks good. That's what I'm saying, dude. Although, I do have a thing on my eye now.

I have surfer's eye. Yeah. And I don't even surf, bro. What is that? Dude, you're just in character. That's sick. I have like a pterygium or something. That's not quite it.

But I have like a little... It looks like a little pimple on my eye. Why are they called surfer's eye? Because surfers get it from surfing so much. That's so rad. I think I might have that. You don't have that? You wear sunglasses.

If you wear sunglasses, you don't get it. No, I don't wear sunglasses. Why not? You don't wear, you used to wear sunglasses. Yeah, I don't know. Dude, be real, bro. You wear sunglasses. No, I haven't worn them.

I don't know if that's real or not, dude. When did you stop, though? Because last I checked, you had a pair dude A little while back now Quit using vagaries dude I yeah you can't see any kind of Sorry dude Joe I heard

Yeah you guys are wasting I'm so drunk off this three sips of hazy that I had Dude drink it dude I don't even want it We're vibing whatever when you go back to Chicago you turn you go back to being super Italian you're wearing like a Kenga hat and you're like yeah let me get the gabagool yeah I have one of those hats why don't you do that with us yeah why are you different with us dude I can uh we can do gabagool

your buddy Johnny Bag of Donuts he texted us was like, you'll never see Joe like this. And it was you and him. You guys ride a strip club just smacking women on the butts. Well, he was mad because he ran out of his bag of donuts. They're gone now. Yeah, that's got to be a sad day when he gets to the bottom of the bag. Yeah, it is. I saw his Snapchat that day.

Joe was blowing coke into a stripper's ass. Yeah, and I was like, I never get that Joe out here. He's always so chivalrous and treating people with respect. I'd like to see him be himself i guess all right as fluid as a concept as we've discovered that is yeah i mean we can i heard you actually do show people your penis in chicago oh what are you serious i heard you get off the full strangers yeah and you got to get tackled by security yeah at o'hare you got that that WMD. Oh, yeah, they come he flies in a midway He goes all the way to the massive dick just and grabs both ends of his cocks. I can just see the mid shaft Yeah, I heard that you're at the portillo's by O'Hare. He'll show your cock in the bathroom.

Oh, yeah. Dude, we just want to go hang out, strippers and blow, slap some ass with you, dude. What do you guys think about this Tucker Carlson thing? Dude. I think... That he's on Zins? Is he on Zimbabwe's?

Guy does Zimbabwe's left and right, dude. Oh, for real? Can't be mad at that, dude. Just packing them in, dude. Hey, that cuts across both sides of the aisle. I'm as lib as they get, and'll be chewing on those fucks dude so he got i've never done one of those i'm trying to make this switch i don't really actually do things that much but i'm trying to get i'm thinking i'll go zins and then i'll go patch and then hopefully i'll be off the nicotine oh thank you for being real after that dude i couldn't handle it i couldn't handle just like

living under that false mask dude i was like fuck but here's the thing about being real like you're a different person with every person you're with regardless that's a great point dude and is it fake or is it real or is it just that person's effect on you you speak for yourself dude people are like diamonds dude we're multifaceted you know what i'm saying dude we're real dude you think you're realer than me bro yeah you are not realer than me, dude. Dude. Real off? Yep, real off.

Let's go. Is it a real off? Time for a real off. Yeah. Ask us a cue, guys. Here's how we play, okay? Either of you ever committed a hit and run in the state of California? I did, and I left a note, though, and I gave them my phone number.

They never reached out. That's real. I didn't. Oh, dude, that one time i did one time i i was i didn't cause the hit and run but i pulled off the road a little bit an accident happened because the person behind me couldn't stop in time and they hit the car in front and i did keep going really no one was hurt yeah but that's not a true hit and run but i i caused the hit and run or i caused the hit and stay because I ran You know the way you drive? Cause whenever I drive like behind you I just see you on your phone Yeah I do

You do that and you pull off and you crash and you just I wasn't on my phone that time But I was driving with a bunch of bros And singing music loudly Dude JT rips at driving with his knees dude He's just got vape in one hand and his phone in the other I am the worst driver in history I've been dude the yeah

Wilson have you ever been in a hit and run? No. That's why I'm realer than you. Exactly, dude. Yeah. Exactly, bro. I'm on my phone while I'm driving, sending full-on texts. You got T-boned, right?

Yes. What's the sound you make when you get T-boned? I don't know. Yeah, it was when I was Ubering. Such a piece of shit asshole in Santa Monica. Really? I didn't know that. Driver side was when I was Ubering. Such a piece of shit asshole in Santa Monica. Really? I didn't know that. Driver side or passenger side?

It was years ago. They hit the passenger side. How fast? Not fast because it was at a four-way stop sign. Thank God. Like, they rolled the stop sign, so I don't mean they were maybe going like 15. Damn, dude. Yeah.

Shit. Oh, dude, you know what know what no you know what bro bro we should do this again on the pod it was such a hit the first time i know what time you weren't real fuck dude yeah i don't know what that's about never mind dude i do want to say on the record because people have been messaging me about this and it's tangential to the thought i just had but yeah i probably did overreact to coven i'm sorry guys dude that was real it's okay man yeah we didn't know all the information dude no i was i think i was right to be that afraid for the first like three to four months but then i should have slowly taken my foot a little bit off the gas, and then I think I kept it up for a year and a half,

which was probably a little too hardcore. Yeah, but what's the fallout? Why do you even need to apologize? Who did it affect? I think I just need to own it because I was publicly being like, you guys should be doing it. I was telling people how to live. Oh, okay, okay.

Yeah. You were doing your own thing. I was doing my own thing. No, I should have moved in with my mom. That was the best three months of my life it like recuperated my brain bro she made me food all the time she told me how handsome i was i only left when i was trying to get laid it was perfect i had boundaries i miss it i miss the control that's what i mean i miss the lockdowns i miss having all that control, there's something about disruption that like, like the writer's strike.

And I'm like, ooh, disruption. I don't know. There's something about it. There's a clarifying energy to it. Yeah. You're like, there's something where. Well, that's a good disruption, not COVID. That's a bit.

I know. I know. I know. I hear you. But I'm just saying like. Chad liked COVID, dude. That's the thing. Like the real Chad did.

He loved COVID. I love COVID, dude. Let him. He's talking, man. Let him go. I leaked from the lab, dude. That's the thing. Like the real Chad did? Dude. He loved COVID, dude. I love COVID, dude. He's talking, man. Let him go. I leaked from the lab, bro. I went in there. I was on that. I did think it was from a lab.

Sorry. Yeah. They have that protective glass. I just took a crowbar to it. Mission Impossible 2 did. Nice. We were stressed, bro. We needed a break from chilling too much.

Yeah. I mean, look. It was crazy. I needed to move into my mom's because my life is pretty easy but i needed it to be even easier well yeah i mean i i did enjoy my time with my family um gaming with the bros i mean i mean that that experts all the time that first month it got me addicted to xbox thank god the first month or two of lockdown is like that was pretty sick dude ruled well i mean it was bad obviously at the beginning it felt like it almost felt like uh it felt like you were playing a game yeah it was like okay yeah i'll stay in for a little bit

yeah it's like it's like you were like sick from school and then yeah yeah and then it just got sad yeah then you look at stats, dude. You look at the numbers. It's the happiest I ever was, dude. Yeah. I was so hot. Shut up. So I think...

Why is that bad? He's being real, dude. Yeah, by the time we got to summer... I know why it's bad because I left you. Sorry, go ahead. By the time you got to summer... Yeah, remember what was supposed to be done by July 4th and then it fucking wasn't? Yeah.

What are you doing? Give me your hand. Dude, would it ruin July 4th? Because, Chad, you love to go full send on July 4th and then it fucking wasn't yeah what are you doing give me your hand dude wouldn't ruin july 4th because chad you love to go full send on july 4 dude oh dude i have tubes in my mouth and my butt yes just of uh bruise just bud light platinums just straight from in down the gullet out your ass back in yeah it's a beautiful thing to watch straight from the factory yeah they just hook it up highest percentage possible warm don't't bother cooling it down just hurry up no just get in there exactly put it in my bloodstream so sick i'm ready to get and the thing is you're responsible because you go off roading in the morning before you get your buzz on you're like someone to go off-roading it's gonna be sick then you go butt tubing yeah yeah i just spray mud you know find some kooks out there who are definitely from the imperial

emerald empire yeah mistitled section of the world the imperial California part yeah I just spray them with mud I'm like

you guys aren't even belong here and that's butt mud yeah with butt mud dude we should we gotta answer we're

butt mud's a good name for a band six minutes no I have plenty of time. What time is it? We got to answer some cues. All right. I never want to leave, and that's me being real.

I have like more than that. That's awesome. I have at least a half hour. I haven't even drank any beer, though. Dude, I'm a sipper, dude. Shit, dude. He's a good call. Who drank more?

Dude, JT's the king of sipping. You drank double what I did, dude. Oh, wow, really? I'm a big sipper. I'll order a beer and not finish it. Yeah, you'll take like one sip. Because I want to look like I'm in a painting.

Beautiful. That's beautiful. Really? Is that really beautiful? What type of painting are we talking about? Hopper. Yes.

Dude, I was thinking Edward Hopper. Of course. Because you like his take on loneliness. I do. I think it's very American. Yes, it is.

What are you listening to? Loneliness is a very American emotion. Do you think if he painted today, people would be on their cell phones? Yes, they absolutely would. A little like succession. If you updated that painting, here's the thing. All right. Here's the thing.

I can never, art is subjective. I can never fault you for enjoying people on their cell phones. But when I take in my art, I like a little bit of a departure from my everyday. I like a departure. That's why I like a sword and sandal. About 150 years. I'd rather take it more like 75 years, circa 1945. That is your favorite.

We're getting the W. But I like a sword and sandal. And like, I was talking to our buddy Greg about this. He had a good point. He's like, succession in Game of Thrones deals a lot of the same stuff. It's displacing power and all that. But I just like the dressings that are put on the Game of Thrones deals a lot of the same stuff. It's displacing power and all that but I just like the

dressings that are put on the game with like the dragons and the swords as opposed to cell phones and suits Hey, I'm gonna I did yuck your yums, so I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that I was just trying to say there's potency in the in the there is no teeth that is and it's relatable Motifs dude dude fucking mode thing it's very true yeah by the way you want to be an artist's muse sorry no oh that's a good question throw it to t-bone i think chad would be a great muse he'd be a good muse he is inspire art you do inspire art yeah i mean if you think about social media you are amused to people like people who follow you daily use you for inspiration probably for their art as well dude yeah don't amuse people up non-stop

i would not want to go to a muse concert though we get it dude do you think you know we talk i think when people think of muses it's typically a feminine role yes or or uh like a pretty boys role yes but there's not a lot of just regular dudes who are musing joe would be a great muse i'd love to see the art inspired by joe Yeah, I could be a muse. For who? Like Hulk Hogan or something? Yeah. Like who's a good... I've been my girlfriend's muse a couple times. Really?

Yeah, she's in fashion. She loves to draw her designs. Does she draw you like one of her Frenchies? Oh, totally. But I did, you know, your favorite movie, The Mangina. Thank you. It's beautiful. Dude, nice.

Can I ever see that? Yeah. But you don't have to. It's beautiful. Dude. Nice. Um, will you ever, can I ever see that? Yeah. Yeah. You don't have to. It's the background on my phone. That'd be cool to see that. Dude,

that's amazing. She's your girlfriend. Yeah. Dude. Yeah. To being real. If I'm being real, I saw most of your apps.

Yeah. Um, okay. But you know, one time I came home and I like, she was just hanging on the couch and i just kind of came in eating a fudgesicle and i was like you horny tonight and that inspired this like beautiful sequin dress that's fucking beautiful yeah it's like it's like really like spaghetti

straps and just like just a fantastic piece that's amazing yeah and. And she designed that all based on your... You should have seen my fat Aunt Glenda. She had lasagna straps. Papardelle. The whole pan. It was the whole pan. Mr. Papadorgio.

She passed the diabetes. First her feet. Lasagna straps. Bros, if we want to do Q's, I think we got to go cans on. Cans. Cans. And then I'm going to list off all the topics.

And we shall decide. All right. Best movie theater. Let's go operate. Farting and sleep follow up. First impression of Aaron. Future skater's beef. Slim gym breath. Stimulant's dick. Stinky co-worker.

Weather mood. I like stimulant dick. Alright, here we go. What do you think? Yeah, sure. That one's good. What up, bro? Cam from sure, that one's good. What up, bros? No, I wasn't. Cam from Cleveland. This is Cam from Cleveland.

He's talking about stimulants, dick. I'm stoked to be on, but I had a quick question, probably more so for John Thomas. I'm getting put on some stimulants for my ADHD. I'm a 26-year-old man. And my only remembrance of really taking Adderall and stuff in college was I couldn't get my dong going. Just minuscule pecker. Pretty discouraging.

And as a man, I'm in a happy relationship right now. And I want to keep giving at least mediocre thanks so jc how do you keep that that that bank up and vital um and please stokers everyone uh yeah so when i was doing out of role it was prescribed but from a like a back alley doctor who was just trying to make money and I was abusing it. And I had difficulty getting hard. Full candor, I would take Viagra and Cialis

to offset that. But you're doing a number on your heart with that sort of thing because you're doubling up on the blood pump. I wouldn't worry about it, man. If the doctor thinks you need it and you feel like you need it and you think it's beneficial for your life, there's more than one way to be intimate.

I know you were being humble and saying you're giving mediocre love. I already know you're much more than that. I know you're attentive, you're thoughtful, you're spontaneous. I mean, look, baby, give her some massages, touch her, talk to her. And then on the day, you don't need the Adderall on the weekends, I'm hoping, guessing, I don't know. On your off days, go to work and you'll save it up but the thing is adderall really kicked up my horniness so i was a jacking it a lot more but um you might not have that because i'm uh i have a compulsion that way and so stimulants add to it i uh i don't know i would

go trial and error see see how it goes. And if you take it in the morning, you might be good by the evening, too. It wears off. I was just pounding it around the clock. So I never got a great honest assessment on how my dick worked on it. But it does make it smaller sometimes. You ever seen that? Whoa.

Yeah. Really? The Adderall, if you take enough of it, it shrinks it up. It sucks all the blood out of it. And it's the most pathetic your dick will look, which I loved because I felt very pathetic at the time. So it matched my mindset. I don't know anything about anything like that.

I would take Adderall and my dick would look like a ring pop. Really? Mm-hmm. What flavor do you think? Cherry. Nice. One thing I do too, when I would take a lot of Adderall is I would just eat a crap ton of oysters.

Just get that copper in you. And this guy needs to eat a crap ton of pussy. And I think that's his solution. That's exactly right. I was going to say, dart away, my bro. Do you think that maybe the doctor accidentally spilled Adderall on my penis when I was born? When he was circumcising me?

He spilt it on there. It's like a Ninja Turtle scenario. I want you to pull it out right now. Dude, I need to be real and pull my penis out. Dude, I need to be real and pull my penis out in a bank. I just need to go into a bank and just pull my penis out and be like, officer, I'm being real.

Money's fake. This whole system is fake. Everything's fake. I'm going real. Money's fake. Dude, yeah, man. This whole system's fake. Yeah, man. What is that? Everything's fake. I'm going to go into a B of A. Especially the bank, dude. And I'm going to drop trial, dude.

The bedrock of consumer capitalism, you know? What's up? Where we put all of our value and meaning, but our values as well. Exactly, dude. Compromised. And then you come in there naked and blatant. Drop trial. Straight up, bro.

That's like the sequel to Heat. Meat. Stay trowel. Straight up, bro. That's like the sequel to Heat. Meat. Stay in your seat. And then it's a sick ass, you know, well shot Michael Mann style dodge game. I'm not here for your eyes.

I'm here for the bank's eyes. Just flashing towards the camera. Security guard looks at me. He goes, look, you pull your dick out in banks. I'm a guy who stops guys from pulling their dicks out in banks.

If I see you coming around the corner with your dick out and it's between you and some kid's eyeballs that might see it, I'm sorry buddy, but you are going down. I say, hey look, this is a bank. Shouldn't be kids in here. Everyone's out. You gotta be 18 to open an account. I'm on all accounts. My dick's allowed to be out as far as I'm

concerned. Should this guy get on Adderall? If it's prescribed, I mean, you know know i don't know it sounds like he's been prescribed by a doctor i know so listen to the our buddy does adderall and he's great on it and he's made some babies give you his initials oh he's on adderall yeah really that was so real dude jake's a real guy. Jake, can you bleep out his name in the edit? Thank you. It's real.

Because me, well, I'll take out of all. Headphones are on backwards. Why does that matter? Wait, you got me on my socks are backwards too. The R is on the left ear. I'm hearing perfect, bro. Sorry, go ahead. You know your head's on backwards.

And it's up your ass. His are backwards, but yours are on correctly up your ass His are backwards Yours are on correctly Yeah they are Yours are correct Wrestle dude This is real Wrestle dude This is

It's just a hug It's just a hug It's beautiful to see that dude No no kisses It's beautiful to see that No kissing Alright I don't want to fight with you

Yeah we're not fighting Alright that's right We just talk like this Yeah This is your guys' love language. Dude, it is fun. Sometimes people will hear us on the phone, and we just yell at each other,

and then we always go, love you. It's very sweet. All right, sorry. Joe is great to have a phone call with. Joe is a good... If I'm in line or something like that, and I'm having a phone call, and people are like,

this guy's kind of being annoying, I go, let me put this on speaker so you can hear the voice at the other end of this line, and immediately they respect my phone call dude that's when people i've been going to the dog park recently love it you know people approach you and try to rip you like this guy comes up to me he's like what do you do i'm like comedian he's like are you funny oh i start laughing i start laughing and he's like why is that funny and i'm like because it's a ridiculous question and i'm like what do you do i'm a coach and a hypnotherapist oh my god

and not a sports coach no no life coach oh my who's gone and he's like he's like i could hypnotize you what he's like come over i'll hypnotize you now What? He's like, come over. I'll hypnotize you. Now when I go to the dog park and I see this dude, I take my dog on a walk until he leaves. We're all cruising tomorrow with you to the dog park. That guy probably doesn't even have a dog. He just hangs out there, dude. Dude, that's what I'm thinking.

Get this guy out. I got a hypnotizing technique. It's called jab cross hook, dude. Yes, dude. Thank you called jab cross hook, dude. Yes, dude. Thank you. Takes one second, bro. I don't even take the time to learn his name. Dude, I don't like it.

If you call yourself a coach, there better be pads involved. Thank you. Or a field of some sort. A goal or a net. Yeah, I'm a coach. Or a court where once you're away from it, you're done coaching, dude. Yeah, you're not a coach. yeah i'm a coach or a court or once you're away from it you're done coaching dude well what kind of coach thinks it's a like smart idea to ask a comedian if he's funny yeah be a little smarter

yeah to me as soon as he asked me that i'm like oh you're a dumbass and he's letting people hypnotize them i don't trust and it's the it's the easiest thing to ask it's the like most i'm not thinking question to ask. Are you funny? Well, I guess if I thought I wasn't funny, I wouldn't be a fucking comedian, would I? Sorry, guys. I know they don't like the comedy talk on here. Next time you see him, tell him to get a job. I'm annoyed by too many podcasts talking about it, but we got to talk about it.

Dude, and then if I were to be like, are you funny? I'm like, yeah, I'm hilarious. Say that. You are hilarious. And then the the worst goes tell me a joke yeah come to a show dude yeah tell me a joke why don't you fucking yeah you a coach give me a play why don't you help our numbers on chatting jt go deep we could use it brother yeah why don't you watch our show watch our show watch it all the way through and why don't you tell the people in Bangladesh to watch it too? You fucking motherfucking man. No one in Bangladesh watched it, dude.

They all skipped it. We didn't even scratch the international market, man. You fucking motherfuckers. Well, they didn't know how to translate it. My family in Colombia was like, we don't understand any of these words. We needed to help. Yeah. Fuck.

It's gibberish in English. Fuck. There's no stoke in chinese dude there is no stoke in china no proud to be an american dude you know what else i thought about today that's like super fucking cool this is a trick bro let's go when someone's like do you drink a lot already they got you on your heels right you're like oh i don't know yeah and they go how many drinks do you have in a week that's a tough question whatever you answer they're gonna either think you're lying or it's too many therapist question that's what they ask I think you should always go back to

that same week and just figure out a drink on Wednesday I had a drink on Sunday yeah keep it tight to the past week if you try to macro it out sounds like you're trying to deceive right good call and then they see you thinking and it looks like you're trying to lie yeah you're just trying to be real trying fuck man that's the thing can you be real dude isn't in a safe environment i don't even know who i am that's right i'm trying to i'm figuring out new shit about myself all the time you should know who you are yeah dude man's greatest gift is his ability to continually learn, dude. And that's about the world and that's about me.

Yeah. So that's all I'm trying to do, dude. I'm going to learn new stuff about me, dude. And woman's greatest gift is to learn from us. That's why we got these red curtains, baby, because we're the Red Pill Podcast. Baby, if you're listening to this,

I was kidding. Babe, I love you. I'm going to do the dishes when I get home, I promise. Don't be a bitch, dude. No, I won't. Well, I'm going to do the dishes, but I'm going to do them for me. Don't be a fucking bitch. I'm doing the dishes for me, man, because it brings me value.

Because I put it on the calendar, and this is the most optimal time for me to do the dishes at. That's a good point. That's a good point. That's a good point. That's a good point. Babe, I will walk the dog. I will walk the dog and go through an array of training exercises. 6 a.m., no one's out. It's optimal learning time for the animal.

That's the voice you take on when they want you to do something at a specific moment, but you want to be in control, so you tell them you'll do it later. That's perfect, dude. Just go to that register. Honey, did you get the car checked for oil? Of course I did. I'm going Wednesday. I made the appointment, but if I would have gone the other day, I needed to get gas.

It would have thrown everything off, so I filled up the tank. I'm going Wednesday. Why is Wednesday the optimal day in the week? It's midweek. People are busy at work. I can get in and out of the lube quickly. I'm going to go during my lunch hour. Do you have a specific dealership you like to go to? Yeah. I like to go to

over there in Lankersham next to Van Nuys. It's the auto capital of the world. T-Keys on Van Nuys. Ever heard of it? You sound like Cooper Light. Do I sound like God? No, my buddy Cooper. You do sound like God, dude. That'd be my God voice.

God. Dude, that guy's always wearing a tactical vest. Dude, it's... Can I read my brother's survival kit in case of an apocalypse? Yeah, absolutely. It's a great call. Yeah. 3,500 silver eagles, 25 gold eagles, 24 half-ounce gold eagles, 24... Wait, what are they?

What's a gold eagle? What's a gold eagle? What's a gold eagle? These are bullets Oh Dude what's the Yeah That's how you know We're not gunned

Yeah we're already dead I literally thought They were pins I was like wait I thought it was gold bullion Like hard gold And then it comes They call them eagles

Oh maybe It's just kind of workout Maybe it is gold for I don't know But anything 10,000 rounds 9mm 10,000 rounds 556 10 000 rounds 308 night vision thermal plate carrier ar hunting rival glock 17 17 six months freeze

dried food a couple barrels of potable water 300k and you are hedged and you're hedged you're hedged dude that's so badass not absolutely you're not alive you're hedged, dude. That's so badass. You're not alive. You're hedged. You're prepared for survival. Don't get cocky. There's still a lot of work to be done. There's a plan that needs to be executed. But your support system is in place. During the apocalypse, pull up to my brother's house. He's got all that shit.

I pull up in like a Tesla. Oh, dude. Where are you going to charge that? Wait, so 10,000 rounds of 9mm going to charge that? Yeah. Wait, so 10,000 rounds of 9mm? Yeah, yeah. That's so many bullets. So is part of that that he thinks bullets will have extra value?

So some of that's for bartering? Dude, these are all good questions. And I can't answer because I don't know. But maybe it's for his children. He's trading the 9 for bacon strips? He's going to go. What he's going to do is he's going to break and he's going to steal a lot of guys' wives. He's going to take all their wives. He's going to go to's gonna steal A lot of guys wives He's gonna take all their wives

He's gonna go to his bunker And then he's gonna make kids And those kids Are gonna need guns To make him more new wives That's true His whole plan Is to have a lot of wives

Dude that'd be funny If during the apocalypse You're part of the team That's in charge Of making more kids And he's like You go fuck right now Exactly dude

You're wasting time Look I'm the reproductive expert I'm good at fucking you know I've been in a lot of threes I've been in 12 threesomes so yes I think I'm qualified job done did you could spread you see I would love to I would love I would love for you to be Reaper reproductive expert on my post I want to have as many kids as possible you're thinking Lee because I want to I want you know it is I want to have this is real I want to I want to have as many kids as possible. That's kingly. Because I want to, you know what it is?

I want to have, this is real. I want to influence a lot of lives. I want at the end of my life when I die, there's a bunch of, it's like Mr. Holland's opus. Like people are at my funeral and they're like, he had a big impact on me. Yes. We are the notes you write. Yeah. Yes.

But I want them to go on and do their own thing. But I just want to be a part of it. I love that. What do you think about that, Joe? Yeah, that's a nice thought to have. I like that. It's a good sentiment. Joe's exactly right.

Because you know how you can live forever? It's idea. You plant that idea, your philosophy in a good one. Then it will go on through generations. I think Marcus Aurelius said it. We have two deaths. When we die and then when the people who loved us die. I think you will have a large impact on lives of many generations.

I don't know. It could go either way. Tell me that. It could go either way. That's real, dude. Can I tell you something? For those listening, JT just flexed. That's real.

That was real. That's some real shit. Bro, we should rebrand this podcast The Realist. Your brother needs to have... What's he going to do for entertainment? I guess shoot rounds at cans. Shoot people. Movies are about people who are going to be doing

what his brother is going to be doing. He's going to be living the entertainment. He's going to shoot people who are unprepared. Me, dude. It's a mercy killing. It's a George and Lenny thing. It's like, let me kill you so the real band of hooligans doesn't get to you, because they'll tear you limb to limb. I'm just going to put two in the chest, one in the head,

Tom Cruise in collateral style. He's going to be in a gray suit. He's going to look sleek. And he's going to be pop, pop, pop. Where are you going to charge that? Yeah, you get so mad at your generator, you think I'm going to waste gas on your electric car. Where are you going to charge? he totally would say that too oh fuck that's hilarious should we jump into a beefs babes and legends yeah because we're at 5 30

chad who's your beef of the week dude my beef of the week and this is a big one i and i think you guys are going to relate to this one. People who end their sentence with, my guy. Oh. It's a big thing. Yeah, it's weak. Yeah, bro. I'll give some examples.

Sixth sense, not a great first pick, my guy. Oh. What's with the hat, my guy? Yeah, I'm going to go no on this one, my guy um yeah i'm gonna go no on this one my guy anyone who says my guy is a douche all right and if you're a guy who types my guy in the comments you're a douche and i want you to know that and i want you to look yourself deep in your own eyes in the mirror and say i'm a douche and I say my guy because I'm the only guy who likes me. Yes. I love you. Yeah, it was good.

Yeah, you can't be saying my guy, dude. No. Any time someone says my guy, they're being snarky and, you know. Yes. And I'm going to be like, are you going to charge that? Yeah. Exactly. Are you going to charge that, my guy?

Yeah. Exactly. Where are you going to charge that, my guy? Yeah, like if your friend was like in your arms and you were losing him in the eternal sense, he was dying, you wouldn't be like, my guy. You'd be like, my brother. Yeah. My bro. Yeah, you're in a foxhole. Maybe my guy's in a way of saying, nice going, dipshit.

Yeah, it is. That's what we're saying. Yeah. But can you imagine if you were dying? Let's say you're in a war and he's like, you shouldn't have entered the line of fire, my guy. I'd be like, dude, let me just die before you say that stupid shit. Dude, could you imagine if you're getting married to your wife and you say your vows and you say, I do, my guy. Or if she said it.

Yeah, yeah. Or if she said it said I just got chills down my back oh yeah come on babe actually that's kind of sweet like you're my guy you know what my my my guy that you're my guy is different yeah you're my guy is as good as it gets but my guy no you just I do my guy I do my guy no that's bad. I mean, you said it nicely. You said it nicely.

You said it as well as you can say it. Yeah. But that's not how you said it. But I do know what you mean. Like, oh, you're my guy. But you have to have your. I do. You're my guy.

I don't. You're not a my guy guy. No, you're not. I don't say any trendy. My guy. No, I don't say any trendy. My guy. Joe does not use any lingo from anyone that's post-90.

Yeah. You got to be. Yeah. Yeah, that's groovy. Tubular, dude. Yeah, groovy is an old word. Tubular, dude. Sometimes you get. AJT, we're going to go rip on some sweet waves today my guy

we got pretty radical last night didn't we my guys totally stony fellas totally stony i got a hankering for something wild sound likeed like that kid in Little Rascals or something. Oh, the kid who's like, this is my frog. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I hate that kid. Dude, that movie's got all dick jokes in it. That movie's all dick jokes.

It's a sweet movie. Alfalfa's whole haircut's a dick joke. Spanky, dude. Weird. Yeah, weird. We watched it together. We watched Little Giants at Rift, and then we watched Little Rascals, and we were like, dude, this is kind of too pervy.

And I think it was Penelope Sfioras or something. I got her name wrong, but it's the lady who did Wayne's World. It's a killer. Oh, it is? And she did that really cool movie, History of Western Civilization, about rock concerts or something. Oh, yeah. I remember you told me that.

Yes. She's got a good- Dude, that movie's pretty dark. Want to talk about real? The movie's a little bit too real. But then again, they're being fake performative. But yeah, it's dark. Actually, I watched Death of Western Civilization, civilization la punk rock scene in the 80s declined western oh there it is

yeah you know who's real dude anyone's out there talking s aaron's real dude aaron's never been fake a moment dude that's true yeah dude aaron's the man my guy my guy joe how does it make you feel if i say nice dick my guy be real that's not bad yeah you're being real yeah if he if he doesn't even know talking about my dick he doesn't even know you don't sense the sarcasm like dude i thought you had a huge dick you don't know I've never seen Joe's dick I've never seen it You can flip this on it's head That coach guy at the dog park

Call him say my guy a lot And do that He'll not like you then Or whenever you see him now Very gentle What's up coach Call him coach And then when you're asking about

like his uh hypno bullshit which i've done be like uh go how's the squad how's the team looking yeah just talk to him in pure like sports lingo oh sorry sorry no no you go then when he tells you he's like a life coach and like oh no no, I actually hang out at like a church on Sundays and get people that come out. It'd be like, oh, you don't coach like a sport. Oh, interesting,

my guy. Yeah. You could be like, oh, dude, oh, there's not like, it's not even like soccer or anything like that.

Yeah, dude, fuck this dude. You're not even like a fencing coach. Yeah. So when someone's like depressed and you're trying to deal with that, like what kind of offense do you run?

Like what kind of player are you calling to get in there and help them out? Dude, that's good. Exactly. Fuck that. Do a pick and roll. Where are the x's and o's i um another thing too he's like i told him i was like dude i was like my guy i didn't i have a tough time getting hypnotized he's like you're very controlling huh bro this guy's trying to like you're not

controlling at all no you're the least controlling guy ever all the time yeah dude you got like three appointments with gurus this weekend this guy doesn't yeah you try new shit i'm drinking pee i'm eating shit you suck your ass yeah like legit yeah you've done that little hop the bone of fetus i get in there yeah this guy doesn't know shit dude you know why he had a douchey haircut too oh have you ever drank pee because some some people do that. I drink pee every day. No. Is that real? I'm being, I'm being, I was being real there.

Joe's real. Joe's always real. No, I've heard of people that do it. Would you drink pee if a girl peed on you? What? Would you let a girl pee on you? Dude, that sounds hot. Yeah, probably.

Dude. Let's go. I was real, dude. Nah, actually, no. You're crazy, dude. probably two actually no you pieces dude hey guys watch your eardrums on that one sorry sorry sorry totally let it chickpea on me dude I know dude I know I know I'm totally well I know dude you would dude yes I know Red pill Dude, not even if you got stung by a sea jelly Oh yeah, for sure Dude, dude, dude Dude, let me paint you a scenario Dude, you're fucking in the Bahamas

Yeah, for sure, dude You're a little lady off of fucking Bahama Mama, dude Turks and Caicos You get stung by a sea jelly, maybe a Portuguese Manowar You're fucking paralyzed, dude dude you're drowning you could die some fucking babe with big old triple E's pulled out of the water dude she's like gotta take a leak on you do you not let her dude you wouldn't let her hold on

do you not let her he would let her he would let her alright cool cool cool let's go dude Joe who's your beef of the week just checking my beef of the week is barbacoa. Oh.

A real beef. Yeah. You know, in honor of Cinco de Mayo, love a good shredded beef. Oh, I thought your beef was with that beef. Yeah, I was expecting a little more animosity, dude. No, I like barbacoa. It's delicious. That's sweet.

That's nice. Great beef. Goes great on your tacos Or your burritos It's fantastic You can have it on nachos If you want That's awesome

Dude my beef of the week Is coming after Striders Go ahead baby Ooh What? My beef of the week Is Southwest Airlines Yeah

Bro I mean They've been getting Put through the ringer But I just flew them dude Easiest flight you could take I had a boner for this flight. I was like Burbank to SF, dude. It's the best flight in the world.

Bro, you're up, you're down. And you're on a regular plane, too. It's a jet, but you're up and down. It's 737, dude. I got my early line thing, like the A group, so I got an ILC exit row fired up, dude. Both ways delayed because they're like, ohLC exit row fired up, dude. Both ways delayed. Because they're like, oh, our plane's missing a part. On the way there and then on the way back.

These planes don't have the parts. Yeah, where are the parts at? Where are these parts coming in from? That's a little scary. And then it's double scary because it's a mechanical thing. It's not like, okay, weather, waiting to clear. Okay, weather. And it doesn't feel like a plane part is something you just like take whole and just like stick in bro like isn't

there some screwing and some wiring and maybe even some welding that needs to take place for it to be secure yeah one of them was the wheel what they go dude this was an early flight they go oh yeah we need a new wheel now and these guys literally just go up bring it they had to fly in a wheel they're like yeah the wheel's 35 minutes out i think they flew it from lax and then they don't have wheels in sf why don't here's the thing no this was in burbank oh this was in burbank that one dude yeah why don't you spare wheels at all these airports bro and how come you don't burbank's barely got coffee though that is true bro that's a good call They do have the Gai Fieri restaurant That place puts a lot of salt on their eggs

Yeah they I actually opted for overnight oats cause of that I'll tell you do not trust anything That's coming off the fire So classic airline beef I mean right down the middle But dude you travel a lot I'm jet setting a lot now You live an itinerant lifestyle

As do I You never know what city I'm jet-setting a lot now, dude. You can't, you live an itinerant lifestyle, as do I. Yeah, I'm charisma. You never know what city I'm going to be in, dude. Dude, my beef of the week is I had plans to go out on Saturday night after our shows, Joe. I wanted to go out. I was excited to go out. I hadn't gone out on Friday. I had a lovely weekend down there.

But I was like, you know what? I want to experience San Diego. We had a good run of shows. Let's have some fun. Run into friend now i love seeing an old friend oh yeah but this guy cornered me and he didn't ask me one question he didn't ask me two questions i lost track he might have asked me 43 fucking questions and then sometimes after i answered a question he was sarcastic which i know a lot of people are cool with yeah i demand complete sincerity in all conversation unless i'm the one being sarcastic it's a little unfair i gotta work on it and then when we were done talking i was done for the evening i could barely perform i had to go straight to bed afterwards

that was before the show? It was before the show. He took my hip meter. If I'm in Street Fighter, I walked out with a full bar of health. Each question was like a low jab kick straight to my knee. And by the end of it, I was wobbly. He could see I was wobbly. And then he put me away with being like, oh, you know, my new girlfriend, her stepson doesn't like it when we hold hands.

I was like, I didn't ask for any of this i remember i remember that i think maybe next time you guys gotta be like hey man let's let's talk after the show we should have done that i should have done that but you couldn't get a word in my beef is with people in general who just you wanted to just be a quick hello my my energy is is fragile now you know what i mean i gotta safeguard it like it's fort knox and this guy broke in and he took all the gold conversation should just be 10 seconds you good yeah just what up how can you how good do you have that many questions for someone no i don't i i could never i love you guys i could never ask you 43 questions in a row yeah no 43 that's like yeah you know it's four glocks worth oh yeah that's not that's that's way more rounds than you need that was torture he waterboarded you did chat yeah yeah sorry go baby no i got nothing who's your babe my babe is hold

on face id work show me what my babe is oh fuck the baby's the one i can't think of so you know what daddy's gonna go with uh my baby of the week is dude quesadillas dude i love quesadillas and you know what my girlfriend was like what do you want for dinner tonight and i was gonna go with the traditional steak salad. Let's keep it tight. Let's keep it light. And not put up a fight. And then I was like, you know what, babe?

Let's do quesadillas. And we had quesadillas and I ate them so quick. There's more left. I'm going to eat more when I get home. I mean, it's cheese. Anything with melted cheese well we're talking steak or uh we had chicken but steak would be preferred yes it's the best and you know what's not do you ever do this on your quesadilla put a little cheese in

the pan towards the very end basically when it's already done and just crisp a little cheese i love crispy cheese i love crispy dude sometimes it's sometimes if if I'm trying to keep it high and tight, I'll just put cheese in the pan. Yeah, yeah. Have a grilled cheese without the bread. Oh, I love that. It's crunchy, too. I like crunchy cheese. Yeah, I don't know about that.

Crunchy cheese. What do you not know? I don't know. I like Joe being real here. I mean, put something in it. You are real. Yeah, you are the king of real. You might be the realest real deal motherfucker ever, dude.

Yeah. Look at you, Johnson. Joe, who's your baby of the week? I'm sticking with the Cinco de Mayo theme myself. For me, it's enchiladas. If I'm going to sit down at a Mexican restaurant, enchiladas are my go-to. I love them. Particularly with shredded chicken.

Yes. Those are my favorite kind of enchiladas. And crunchy cheese. No. Enchiladas with shredded chicken. Particularly three. I want three. I hope a place doesn't have two. I want three. I want three. I hope a place doesn't have two. I want three.

And then I want the lettuce on the side. I want the red sauce on top. I want the sour cream on top. Dolloped. Dolloped on there. And then I want the option to put the lettuce on. And then I want rice and beans on the side as well. Black or to go with the refried?

With one tortilla chip in the beans. Very straightforward description of your average enchilada order. We should go to like Casa Vega or go to like a El Coyote. Yeah. Oh, El Coyote's a good scene. Get some Marks.

I would love to do that. El Compadre's pretty good too. Oh, baby. Put it on the books. Let's go. Dog is 25th. We go. That's when Metallica's coming. That's what you gotta do now. Oh, dude.

They are? Yeah. Why are you going? That's the day. I wanna go. That's the day. Where are they playing? Enchiladas and Metallica. Oh, I'd go. Yeah. Dude, get in the pit after some enchiladas. Yes. Fart. No, dude. You have to. You really have to, yeah. But yeah, I do think we should

get that on the books because I've been itching to get hammered and i think a margarita night getting hammered at a dinner with your boys and having the ladies there too or maybe we just do it boys yeah it's a fun time you're sitting down boys yeah let's go boys and cocks let's go boys cocks i'm not saying it's a nice time strider who's your baby of the week baby of the week's gotta be my freaking dank ass fiance dude uh we're staying in tonight and we're making we're doing a little remix on cinco de mayo we're gonna try tofu taco recipe dude you know now yeah i mean you know joe's joe's sound is real and uh we're gonna see how it goes but i'm fired up here's the thing i just like cooking together and having something nice sound like you're in pain

i mean dude it's like think about it you don't need to have carne asada which is great and proven meat or a chicken pastora which is like really excellent but it's gonna be fun we're gonna try some tofu on the tacos you'll once you have the tacos and you see how happy she is you'll be stoked for sure dude 100 and jt you nailed it on the head dude that's what it's about the experience of enjoying it also if i don't really like like the tofu tacos we're gonna have chips and dip on the side also i'll be a little bit lighter so i'll bone better i would have about if we decide to bone tonight better for you i wouldn't turn i would have about before i before you eat those i don't know but i'm not like a

fucking environmentalist before you eat those tofu tacos i would recommend about six to seven pacificos oh coat the belly i go sifco and i don't want to upset chad i go sifco over rona whoa i know dom torretto yeah yeah i think pacifico is the best uh that's my favorite mexican beer ditto it's great ditto dude at the comedy store sorry really quick we serve soul that one's pretty good too it's good look sol which is good. That one's good. S-O-L, which is sun. That's the best if you're playing, like, pickup soccer. That's my preferred beer for afterwards. For sure.

Palota. Dude, my baby of the week is Philip Roth, one of the great novelists of the 20th century. He wrote my favorite book of all time, American Pastoral. I'm dipping into another book of his. Poor noise complaint. I relate to it hard. Is that about Dave? No.

Oh. So, it's actually about a young boy you can't stop masturbating so i get it but um dude i'm what i'm on page 18 i know this guy's like high lit i'm on page 18 this sentence gonna hit hard for us and for all who think like us i was wholly incapable of keeping my paws from my dong once it started to climb up my belly whoa for my money the greatest writer of the past hundo used the word dong i love that i rest my case yeah there's what year did that come out i think in like he coined the word dong in that context because if he did he's a beast i think 67 dude i love it you go back dude you go back in

time people been having the same thoughts he's been saying dong dude since 67 dude since my dong was a dong and another dude's dong true story chad who's your legend of the week my legend of the week you know this is coming i believe may 10th last week if you're listening now it was may the 4th May the 4th. May the 4th be with you all. I'm a big Star Wars fan. Aaron, are you a big Star Wars guy? Yeah.

So my legend of the week has got to be the lightsaber duel between Anakin and Obi-Wan. Revenge of the Sith. Yeah, it's fire. By far the coolest one, I think. It's fire. I mean, I saw AV Club ranked them. I think they made it three or four.

I'm like, you idiots. It's number one. What'd they put number one? I don't even know. Maybe the last one. Oh, dude, you know what they put number one? Frigging Darth Maul with Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn. Oh, I thought that's the one you were picking.

That is the best one. Darth Maul and Qui-Gon Jinn? Yeah, that one's the best. No, dude. That one's sick. Because Darth Maul has the double side. That one's sick. He's got the double side and they're flipping. They picking. That is the best one. Darth Maul and Qui-Gon Jinn? Yeah, that one's the best. No, dude. That one's sick because Darth Maul has the double side. He's got the double side and they're flipping. They couldn't flip in the first one. Bro.

Bro. No, the movie blows, but that fight is legit. No, dude. But it's not my time. It's not my time. Dude. I'll do it during my legend. Go ahead.

Go ahead. Sorry, dude. Sorry. Qui-Gon Jinn? He was cool. Liam Neeson. Yeah, Liam Neeson is cool, but it's the worst name on earth. Well, I'm talking about the lightsaber fight, not his parents.

No, just everything about it was just horseshit. Dude, when he's all chill, when he sits down between the things, he's breathing. It's very Bruce Lee of him. Yeah, you know. Oh, that is pretty sick when they do that. Stay calm in between the fight. But Anakin turning more evil as he goes along with his eyes are turning colors, and they're running through lava, and then he just gets burnt alive.

He becomes Vader after the end gets burnt alive it becomes Vader after the end of that it becomes Vader and there's that awesome line where he's like only a Sith deals in absolutes

he's like from my vantage point you have become evil yes exactly the worst dialogue ever maybe the worst dialogue ever from my point of view the Jedi are evil

that's literally what he says if Qui-Gon Jinn was dialogue it would be that dialogue AI wrote that dude yeah dude yeah for real it sounds like it

it's so bad you turned her against me. And then he's like, we could do, he's like, I will do what I must for my empire. Your empire

don't make me kill you. Exactly, dude. Exactly, dude. Only a Sith deals in absolutes. I will do what I must. You will try. It's over, Anakin. I have the high ground.

It's over, Anakin. I have the high ground. You underestimate my power. That's a great impression, dude. That's a great impression, dude. That's a great impression, dude. Dude, you just freaking handed it to us. Yeah, that was a lot of catharsis. Dude, that was beautiful, dude.

Thanks, man. Nice. Joe, legend. Legend of the week is tacos. Sorry. The original Mexican food. You know, the straight up taco is uh just legendary you can get them anywhere you know they have trucks all over the streets of los angeles you can you can get them at any you know it's the it's the original uh you know it's a go-to. They're always delicious.

Even at Taco Bell sometimes, I'll just get the regular tacos. Oh, yeah. You can get tacos with just onion and cilantro, or you could go lettuce, sour cream, tomato if you want. Wherever you go, you can do tacos anyway. You go Del or you go T-Bell? Oh, I go T-Bell. Yeah, same. That's what's up, dude. Yeah, fucking good yeah i fucking love tacos so nice strider dude my legend of the week's

gotta be i was actually supposed to go to a bonfire dude for one of my boys b-day parties and i just missed bonfires i was like so my legend of the week is just bonfires dude just cruising out you have a friend now? Is he in his 30s? Yeah. He's having a bonfire. That's my buddy Phil, dude. Dude, here's also what he did, dude.

Threw himself a party, dude. Because bonfires generally, you did them in high school because we didn't have a place to party. And it was open because it was public property. He's a good neighbor. He's like, dude, I want to keep my neighbors up and I want to really get after it. It's like, I want to get a little extra litty, dude. Thing is, though, in L.A. County, you county you got to go far dude we actually had to go out of la county i think we had to like technically be in ventura so i had to pull an adult move i

was like dude i can't make it dude but it was just sick dude that's being out there dude the eternal bonfire flame we should do that for somebody you know there's like the eternal flame yeah we should do that for like a west coast legend but the eternal bonfire dude that's that dude dude yeah i love that we just got to find the right person it's a good call maybe it's just like tomb of unknown when we combine both ideas like this is the unknown bro just yeah like a sick chiller yeah and then there's like the changing of the hoodies maybe crazy Cody crazy Cody dude yeah crazy Cody for real that you're literally homeless man he was gonna be a pro surfer but he got like addicted to like speed or Jack dude I've ever seen he was so ripped naturally just he used to sleep on those

he'd sleep on those green electrical boxes he'd just sleep on those things mm-hmm prime position yeah dude my legend of the week is this singer lewis capaldi beautiful voice i went to his concert on wednesday at the greek and um got there right on time got good parking that's the best part that's nice to an extent but then dude he's a really beautiful performer he's fucking hilarious he does like not quite stand-up but it's stand-up like he's doing bits and then he'll just go into these really sad beautiful love songs and his voice is so powerful the contrast really just you're in awe of him and then um i had no idea

i guess there's a documentary out about him on netflix that's really great but he's dealing with tourette's and he'll have um like uh some i don't really call it an episode like he'll he'll have, like, some, what do they call it, an episode? Like, he'll be having the effects of Tourette's when he's up there. And he powers through. And it's really powerful and beautiful. And, I don't know, everything together, his humor, his honesty, his voice, it's just one of the better concerts I've ever been to. So I'm a huge, huge fan.

Yeah, is he the, he's young? Yeah. And he's, like, a lot, is he the, he's young? Yeah. And he's like a lot of followers on Instagram, right? Okay, yeah, I think he follows me. Yeah, he follows us. Yeah. That's awesome. He likes, I DM'd him some really sentimental things because I was so blown away by the show.

That's awesome. Does he have like a string band behind him or? She's like a rock band. But it's like, you've probably heard, his songs are huge. You've probably heard some of them on the radio and stuff. Fuck yeah. They're beautiful, beautiful songs. He seems like a great guy and the show was incredible.

That's epic. Greek's awesome too. What a venue. I haven't been to the Greek. Dude, you got there. Oh, it's the best. I got to get to the Greek. It's the best venue in LA.

I want to go there. Is it? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I hear. Because you get to the Greek. Let's get Chad to the Greek, dude. It's the best venue in LA. I want to go there. Is it? Yeah. Yeah, that's what I hear. Because you're in the woods and you see trees behind you. You don't feel like you're in the city. Like how many? 5,000?

Yeah, something like that. Dude, it's right up the street from me, bro. Dude, I want to go to Rock. I just want to go Rock out. Oh, and dude, actually, I'm going to say it on air. Surprise for Aaron. Yeah. You're getting Jimmy Eats World tickets because they're going to be there in like a month.

I already have them. Cool. See how real Aaron is, dude? Me trying to look like a good guy. I just got my legs cut out from under me. Oh, that's sweet, but I already have them. Aaron goes, duh, dude. I thought you were going to say you already bought them.

I know. See, I waited because I told my girlfriend. I was like, oh, Jameet's World is going to be here. I'm going to get tickets for Aaron. And then I literally said to my girlfriend, he probably already has them and he won't take them. And then true to form, Aaron. True to form. Amazing.

I got them in the pre-sale. Yeah, you're a beast, dude. Do they have like an orchestra behind them on this one? No, no, no. No, it's just normal. No, I saw something on there, dude. They're playing with another band. Yeah.

Chad, what's your quote of the week? My quote of the week is Darth Vader to Obi-Wan. When I left you, I was but the learner. Now I am the master. Nice. Nice. Thanks. Joe. but the lunar now i am the master nice nice thanks joe uh my quote of the week is uh i like tacos and i uh i gotta go yeah you're almost out of time we're gonna we're not gonna do phrase of the week we're almost done yeah no that's my phrase or my quote of the week yeah uh strider what's yours

i saw the killers last night So it's going to be from the killers It's going to say Don't you want to come with me Don't you want to feel my bones On your bones Where did you see them Dude at this

In San Francisco Oh that was I'll tell you all about it It was fun dude My quote of the week You know I'd mangle it So I'm just going to let one of the greatest monologists Of all time

And I say of all time a lot but I mean it brother I mean it every time all the time Mike Tyson Spin it Two punches that sound like one You know how magnificent your speed have to be for that You don't even know that about fighting do you That didn't even come to your mind

to make two punches sound like one, the ultimate knockout puncher. I'm a fucking student of war. I know all the warriors from Charlemagne, Achilles, the number one warrior of all warriors. From then, Alexander, Napoleon, I know them all. I read them all, I studied them all. I know the art of fighting, I know the art of war,

that's all I ever studied. That's why I'm them all, I studied them all. I know the art of fight, I know the art of war. That's all I ever studied. That's why I'm so feared. That's why they feared me when I was in the ring. I was annihilated, that's all I was born for. And now those days are gone, it's empty, I'm nothing. I'm working on the art of humbleness. Can you believe in me? That's the reason why I'm crying

because I'm not that person no more. And I miss them. Because sometimes I feel like a bitch. Because I don't want that person to come out. Because if he comes out, hell is coming with him. Wow. Dude, the range, bro. The range and the rawness.

That was real, dude. That was real, dude. You had to bring it home. That was real. I'm looking on you out of humbleness. Can you be with me? When he askedeness can you be with me when he asked can you be with me dude oh my god wow because i feel like a bitch sometimes i feel like a bitch joe thank you for joining us yeah thanks a lot this is great being back here dude thanks for having me dude great to have the four horsemen of the chillpocalypse riding

together once again, dude. Thanks a lot, guys. Wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom-wom What to do and where to go When you need someone to guide you Such that half the world's beside you Go free Go free Let's go deep I'm going deep I'm going deep We'll go in deep Try to take deep