Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 298 - Steph Tolev

Episode Date: July 5, 2023

Today we are joined by Steph Tolev. From opening for Bill Burr to moving to LA from Canada. Steph breaks down her life story through comedy. She teaches us how to be nice to women and why golden retrievers are the best! Find out more about Steph: https://www.instagram.com/stephtolev/?hl=en Call us, leave a 60 sec voicemail with your issue or question: 323-418-2019(Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice) Check us out on tour!  We've got shows in Indiana and IRVINE next! https://www.chadandjt.com Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/

What is up, Stokers? Today on this episode, we got the amazing, hilarious Steph Tolev. You might have seen her on Netflix. You might have seen her on all over social media. She's hilarious. We had an excellent time. I know you guys are going to dig it, but first, we are on tour. Next week, we're going to be in Fort Wayne, Indiana. What up, Indiana? Fort Wayne, if you're in the area, if you're in Indiana Indiana come out to the show we got three shows Friday and Saturday and it's gonna be epic so much fun we do stand-up a Q&A session lots of fun lots of bonding do not miss these shows if you're in the area get your tickets at chadjt.com we're also brought to you by our legendary sponsor the farmer's dog what up farmer's dog guys I love

farmer's dog so much I'm actually looking at my dog right now because she loves farmer's dog. What up, farmer's dog? Guys, I love farmer's dog so much. I'm actually looking at my dog right now because she loves farmer's dog. And she's like, did you just say farmer's dog? And I'm like, yeah, you heard farmer's dog, right? And you love it, right, puppy? That's an affirmative. Guys, it's recommended by vets, nutritionally balanced, made from human grade ingredients in safe, clean kitchens. This is fresh, healthy dog food. Listeners get 50% off your first box by going to thefarmersdog.com. Go to thefarmersdog.com for 50% off your first box.

That's thefarmersdog.com for 50% off your first box. All right, let's start the show. What's up, guys? We're talking about our dogs. Both have golden retrievers. Yes, English cream golden retrievers. English cream, the only one to get. But yours is a miniature, correct? Yes. Yes, so how big is she going to get? I thought she only one to get but yours is a miniature

correct yes yes so how big is she gonna get i thought she was gonna get a lot bigger like 60 pounds i think she's gonna be around like 35 40 oh tiny it's like a little puppy yeah she's like 34 right now she's the cutest thing ever she really is i literally like live vicariously through your stories just watching because i remember susan being a puppy you know how old susan now almost four oh fun she's a big fat slob she had stye in her eye yesterday thought it was of Vicarious Theater Stories, just watching, because I remember Susan being a puppy now. How old's Susan now? Almost four. Oh, fun. She's a big fat slob. She had a stye in her eye yesterday. Thought it was, I thought it was maybe herpes.

I thought it was something bad, and I rushed to the hospital. I was pointing. Yeah, Chad. Have you gone crazy over the vet stuff yet? She has one little thing, I rushed to the vet, like it's a stye. I'm like, I know dogs got styes.

She got UTI early on. I was freaking out. Does she have a big pussy? My dog does. Yeah, she has one little thing a rush of the vet like it's a sty i'm like i know dogs got size she got uti early on i was freaking out did she have a big pussy my dog does yeah she has big lips yes no this is a very common thing with english creams uh susan has a hood labia yeah yeah same thing yeah oh my god i think it's an an overbred situation and she kept an uti and was she crying they do well as a little peter she wasn't crying she's just peeing everywhere yeah but like uh that's what the vet said she's like your dog has beef curtains yeah I'm said beef curtains yeah I heard hooded labia oh yeah man I like was like what and then she's like she's got a big vagina and I started laughing and she's like why you laughing I'm like this is my joke already I'm like I'm a comedian and I say I have big I have a big pussy

so it's a hilarious little side-by-side of your two dogs who do you guys think which one has the fatter pussy let Let's do a photo of it. You know what? I might. I have photos of my dog lying in her back all the time. Because I was freaking. I've never done this before. You know what?

Do you know Greg Santos? Yeah, good guy. His dog, Bowie, biggest pussy I've ever seen in my life. Really? You can see it from the back when it's walking. Wow.

It's like a Moe's Death lyric. Ass so fat, you can see it from the front. It is. Let's see see if i have it let's see oh no this is hiding and you got a nice one this is sick we should text these to our uh editor jake too to make sure we can and let's get the dogs permission before we throw them up get the real big lips oh i know i have one of her on her back somewhere i mean it's got to be i don't know i don't know if i can look i don't know if i can look susan in the eye after this yes you can you can always look susan this is nice you guys are scrolling forward to it'd be weird if it was the first one that i yeah you know what

it's one of my first hearted yeah from this morning is it a favorite album oh god there's a lot of other trash i need to get off this phone yeah let's see that english cream yeah it's mostly my cans right now that was disgusting disgusting. I'm sorry guys. Look at this beef. Oh yeah. The bottom lip. Yeah. No, no, no.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let me get mine. Where is it? Oh, here we go. Here we go.

Here's hers. That's a pussy? Yeah. Is it your first time seeing it? It looks like a... No, but hers is way bigger. Hers looks dark. Whoa, that is hooded.

That's like a human pussy. It is. I mean, I don't know. I've never seen one, but... Have you ever seen a human pussy i mean i don't know i've never seen one but have you ever seen a human pussy no yours because that's a young prepubescent one chris would be rock hard if he saw that right now does that guy have a problem or something no he's a really good guy uh i think i mentioned him on every podcast i do i'm waiting for the trolls to come after me you know what's weird is i posted a story of that because i was like what's going on because she was peeing everywhere and he responded he's like nice no he didn't yeah and like a shaka are you joking no i honestly believe you

that would be so funny yeah he's like bro that's sick, where'd you get that? Can I have her DM? What's her handle? Yeah. I'll create one for you. You can DM. It's just me. I'm like, what's up, Chris? From your dog's account. Yeah, send me a pic.

And I'm like, Lola. We should do that. Has anyone ever tried to do that to him yet? What? We could. Pose as somebody else. Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure they've tried to hit him from every angle.

Yeah. Yeah. And he's tried to hit them from every angle. Yeah. Yeah. And he's tried to hit them from... Multiple angles as well. Yeah. The lower ones, the younger angles. Enough about him. In your experience, do you think comedians are hornier than your average Joe?

No, I just think we talk about it more. Right. Because we're disgusting pigs. What line of work is the horniest? I've been seeing TikToks that say cops and firemen are the horniest. I've been trying to fuck a fire cops and firemen are the horniest. I've been trying to fuck a fireman for years now. It hasn't happened.

Have you lit anything on fire trying to speed that up? No. Should I try to do that then? Yeah, torture house and just see who comes over. I can't do dogs now. That'd be hot. Yeah, they'd come over. You're like, the whole thing's on fire. But we got a minute.

I try to go by the one, the firefighting place. What's it called? The fire hall. The one in Silver Lake, the Echo Park one. Sometimes they hang out there and I try to like walk by and are those like

hipster firefighters yeah and they never they're a little spinlier and they have like interesting facial hair mustaches I like the big

I like the big mustache on a man that is handsome by their table around yeah if they're looking over just like okay

a round of kombucha so while you're sitting on the stoop here no you sit at the bar And you tell the bar The waitress Whatever What bar

They're sitting outside the stoop Oh I thought this was a bar No at a bar I'd go right up there And suck all their asses I'd go right in there Oh okay I thought the bar was called

Fire hall No no no It's like the actual fire station You can maybe bring a cooler of beers Hey Yeah and then Or he talks to them about their Dalmatians. Yeah.

Getting into a little doggy talk. It's great with my vet, too. He just told me he hates dogs. I'm very upset by it. Oh, you hate dogs? I can't believe he has a girlfriend. Yeah, I don't like dogs that much. You don't?

I don't hate them. I think they have too much station, and especially the culture here, but the culture at large. And not to get on my high horse here, but everyone's like, you guys will like this people are like oh oh you got her you got a breeded dog when there's all these rescues that are gonna put be put down I'm like these people they dedicate so much energy to

protecting dogs mm-hmm there's humans suffering out there humans suffering here's the thing humans suck that's the thing. Humans suck. That's the thing. People think humans suck. Dogs aren't that much better. Dogs are savages. That's actually a good point. I'll bring, I'll be like, I've become more kind of, I used to love all dogs.

Yeah, because now you're in the pits with it. But now they threaten Lola. Oh, now you're in the pits with it. And I'll be like, that's a piece of shit. That's a piece. But most of them are sweet. I think it's the owner, though. I think it's mostly the owner.

Is it mostly the owner? Wait, have you ever had, you've never grown up with a dog? I did, I grew up with multiple dogs. And you still hate dogs? I love those guys. This is bizarre behavior. Well, look, I take the dog, dog by dog. I don't just across the board love all dogs.

I come in with a little bit of defense because I know they already have too much support. And you do this with people too? But I can be one over. Yeah, I'm like that with people. Yeah, I kind of feel the same about people too. It might be cheap cynicism. At my core, you know I love everything.

But yeah, I think dogs are just, I worked at an office and dogs would rip it up. They'd be shredding the phones and knocking shit over and shitting where they shouldn't. And then the owner would always come back, oh, you know, Billy Boy never acts like that. I'm like, he does that every day. And to the human thing, I'm like, well, how about I bring my drug addict cousin in here and he'll do all the same stuff and how would you guys handle that?

Well, you should have done that. You should have proven your point. I did, I brought him in, he stole the printer. Do you ever go, do you take your dog to the dog park? I do, but she's very timid and she gets kind of like sometimes preyed on because she's very... Oh, really? I've been taking her to the dog park, but going off your point, it's like people will...

You didn't say he liked your point. Going off your point. Yeah, but even that felt nice. People have dogs. I remember this guy was there. His dog just attacks another dog you know and the guy's like hey watch your dog and the guy tried to fight the other guy i'm like dude your dog was just attacking people yeah get that he wasn't watching it yes yeah but that's the owner that's like that's

the i think that's the one but the dog did attack another dog to be fair though if you have a dog park an enclosed space and you're like goize. Is that the most natural thing? I think it's what we do every night. We go into a comedy club, and we're like, go, get in there. Talk to people. Make them laugh. And we're like, oh, who do we want to talk? Do you ever go to a comedy party, and you're like, I don't know anybody in here, and you

try to mingle? That's a dog park. Right. You're trying to lock eyes with somebody. They're looking at everybody else. You're like, what am I doing here? It's important to socialize. A drinks they're sniffing some buds their drinks are they're sniffing butts are our drinks yeah right that's their lubricant yeah so they're

sniffing up that's what gets what do you think makes a good smelly butt on a dog and also if ukraine wins this war against russia do they have to give us our guns back i'm gonna answer the first one uh the first part of the question yeah uh i i sometimes think size susan has a very large anus and vagina and vagina like mother like daughter and she likes a lot of gmos in her diet yeah she like lots of dogs like that butt she gets right oh really yeah she has a real big asshole. Nice. She likes it. She kind of likes getting sniffed. Oh, I bet, yeah. Have you had your butt sniffed?

No. I've been showing my girlfriend my butt more. Yeah, don't you guys show your butts all the time? I have a rule, though. If a girl licks your butt, you've got to take her to a musical. That's the payment? That's chivalry. What about a concert?

What if they don't like musicals? Don't all women like musicals? No, I'd rather go see a band than Joseph and the Music Technicolor Dreamcoat. No, no, it's a musical. We're going to a musical. I love musicals. They're both for me. Yeah, this is for you.

The Butt-Licking and Mamma Mia. I'm sorry. I think eating ass and then seeing Hamilton, that's one of the great American pastimes. Yeah, what a double day. Yeah, that's all the time. What if you take, during intermission, you eat the ass? Wow. I mean, now we're talking.

Now we're really in the balcony seating. What about during? I don't want her to have to get on her knees during a, you know, when she's in a dress, so I'll get on a stepping ladder so she can stay on her feet. Pull down and open up. That's a gentleman. That's nice. I'd take that extra step. You know, I's in a dress, so I'll get on a stepping ladder. Yeah, yeah, stay on her feet down and open up That's a gentleman. Yeah, that's nice. I take that extra step. Yeah, you know, I would say during that Mamma Mia. Yeah

Here I go again Can you keep it down? You're at the wrong musical I can't not forget you eating butt They're very upset with you. Please sing the right theme song. I had my butt eaten recently recently that's why it's on my mind congratulations how'd it go yeah it was good he really liked it that's all i think he like buzzing not mine personally but in general yeah well we don't know so whose idea was the butt oh his right yeah he brought it up before we even went back to his really so he's a yeah he was really into the butt. Dinner?

So you guys were at dinner or something? No, I met him at a bar, and I kind of... Yeah, I met him at a bar. So you guys are having some old fashions, and he's just like, by the way... He was a stranger that I met at a bar in Miami. But I guess... Oh, Miami, that's where it happens.

Yeah, that checks out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's where it happens. Yeah. How did he deliver it? Well, okay, it was very interesting, because he, I was staying at somebody's place and he was staying at a hotel with his best friend. And he said, you have two options. Well, that's hot.

One, you come back to my house, you come into my hotel room and you fuck me and my friend. Or two, I go back to where you're staying and I eat your ass and suck your toes. And I was like, those are my only two options. Um, there was only two options. And then I chose the not toe sucking one. Cause I've never had my toes. I panicked and the butt stuff.

You never know when your butts was a clean, but I'm like, how clean is a body? I mean, so I chose the other option. Oh, you did. I chose a threesome option.

And then, yeah. And his one friend wasn't really into it and then he just sat on the floor. It was a whole thing. He sat on the floor? Oh, so you got the best of both. I got the best of both.

Then he ended up, he did in fact eat the butt and suck the toes. Had you seen what the friend looked like? Yes, he showed me a photo and then he sent a photo to him. Okay.

So we started fooling around and then... The friend just kind of... Yeah, he just kind of left. He didn't have the hardest time. That's an underestimated thing about the threesome. It takes a lot of like soul energy. I'll tell you what a thre the horsepower that's an underestimated thing about the threes it takes a lot of like soul energy i'll tell you what threesome it's an odd man out

there needs to be four right i think three is not enough and i think i i'll tell you what there's too much going on yeah it's already when you already flew around with somebody first time you never there's no rhythm you're up here you're down there everything's off and then there's two more hands i don't have any hands i had a priest in high school so the problem with porn is not that it shows too much it's that it shows too little a. I had a priest in high school who said the problem with porn is not that it shows too much, it's that it shows too little. A priest said that to you in high school? Father Vincent.

Father Vincent, good guy. Shout out to Father Vincent. He had a beehive. Is this like a hairstyle or is it an actual beehive? No, he had a beehive connected to his classroom. Oh, wow.

All right, so back to the buddy. No, no, I think this is more interesting just trying to throw in this priest with the beehive and the wait do you guys not eat butts or suck toes i eat butts i'll do whatever whatever's on the menu whatever's on the menu yeah extensive menu or is it like a you know i don't mind going i don't mind going to a place that's like you know they do what they do and they do it how they like it and it's just like five or six items but you know it's going to be good but i also don't mind going to a place that's like, you know, they do what they do and they do it how they like it and it's just like five or six items, but you know it's going to be good. But I also don't mind going to a Cheesecake Factory where you could flick through that thing all day and never get exhausted.

Okay, good. I'm a big butt guy. Big butt guy. He talks about it a lot. More butt than anything else? Wait for the butt? Mr. Butt. Yeah, I'm the ass man.

You're the ass man. Cosmo Kramer. You're the original ass man. That's what was inspiring. Mr. Butt. Yeah, I'm just, you know, I'm the ass man. You're the ass man. Cosmo Kramer. You're the original ass man. That's what was inspired. I was five. Yeah, I tried sucking toes in high school. And it was just salty. Yeah.

You know? Yeah, third eye blind. Let me taste the salt of your skin. Was that about toes? Yeah. I've never heard anyone in person quote a Third Eye Blind song. Stephen Merchant. I think he was valedictorian at Berkeley.

I'm going to keep throwing in facts. You know a lot of interesting facts over here. So, right. Okay, so your facts are a lot. But that guy's pretty smart too. I don't know what they call valedictorians across the pond, but he probably got some notice.

Have you ever gotten a, yeah, that's what it is. Same dude. Have you ever gotten a butt proposition? Is that multiple times in your life? No. Yeah. Cause it sounded like you took it in stride. I took it in stride cause it's whatever. Uh, no, I, I've never gotten other butt propositions.

I think you need to, I like, I like knowing though. I like knowing when there's going to be butt stuff happening so you can to I like knowing though. I like knowing when there's going to be butt stuff happening so you can really get prepared. Yeah. I think women are more big on

like hygiene prep too before like guys like we don't care. You could come home from like you know

swamp diving and we'd be like let's get in there. But women are like let me take a shower. Yeah. I also have a very large nose I think I smell things more so that affects i think when i am fooling around with somebody i have to really i went to a guy's house actually yesterday and um his room and his

bathroom very clean and i'm like oh let's see the rest of your apartment he's like no no he's like no my brother's a slob and i was like I must. I must see the rest of the apartment now. Whew. Rough? It was rough. It was like a Taco Bell bag ripped open from the side. I'm like, don't they come open at the top? Like a raccoon.

Bizarre. Change all over. Soiled. Wow. Flies. A lot of flies. So many flies. That's depressing.

Was that kind of erotic? No, really. I was like, oh, my God. Like a dead carcass in the corner. if it was reversed if that was his bedroom i think i would have left and i walked in and been like i can't go through this because then he showed me his brother's bedroom and it was horrendous like cat litter like litter all over the ground no bed sheets no fucking nothing like everything a stained mattress did you see the brother no but he's like he's my brother looks a lot like me and i was like that'd be how there's have you have you noticed any large-scale changes in men's sexual approach since we kind of had our uh like uh awakening your awakening i think it's gotten

okay can i let me i let me ask two men this question sure i've gone on two first dates with guys the first one um three and a half hours ended in him giving me a long hug then he stood in front of me and i was like you kiss me or what he's like ah no i see i have a friend vibe happening here i was like get the fuck out of my face and then sunday night i went on another date with a guy who i have been on like texting and i've known him now for five months go for a nice dinner he pays pays for dinner, walks in my car. Another awkward hug. No kiss.

Now, I'm taking this as they're not interested in me at all. Because that's, I guess what I'm asking is, do you normally kiss women you like on the first date? I, well, the first guy's saying he's getting the friend vibe. I'd say that's dead in the water. Yeah. Oh, that's that. Oh, no, I blocked him and I that's dead in the water. Yeah. Oh, that's that. Oh, no.

I blocked him and I deleted the app. But, I don't know. That was that. Oh, no, no. You didn't take it personally. I'm not an idiot. I'm like that one. But then the second one, I was like, I commented.

I was like, okay, do you not? And he's like, I don't know. I don't go on a lot of dates. I'm not sure what the etiquette is. I'm like, the etiquette in my head is you kiss the person if you want to kiss them and if you don't want to kiss them then i think it's friend vibe i think it goes both ways i think i i would go for the kiss on first dates nice uh but also i think a lot of guys are scared now and they've become timid and i think it's i think it's could be also it could be like like the cultural kind of things that are scared of being too forward

and being perceived as aggressive. And then also I think men are kind of generally becoming less manly. Yes. Okay. But what do you think on this? One, I want to say I regret calling it an awakening. I think I could have found a better word.

Two, I think... Also Third Eye Blind Song. Yeah. The Awakening. Man, Steve Merchant. Nobody riffs like that guy. I think either the guy's not into it or he's scared. Either way, I think that's going to be too much work for you. Yes. So I would

cut ties with both of them. I am not scared to kiss on a first date but i i learned that it's actually if you do like the person it's better to wait to the second date because uh sometimes when you get all that energy out on the first date there's not much left for the follow-up okay okay these are both two and i want to say I am afraid of women but I'm not afraid to try to kiss them on a date if I get that vibe I feel like there was a vibe I don't know maybe and then but then I come and then me going you know good kiss me is obviously severely awkward and that's ruining the moment I

don't mind that you're calling him out I did he didn't like that speaking up to your awakening of the day this I think is hilarious the man with the dirty house that i had sex with who i've fooled around before um i did i have sex with him because i was mad at the guy that kissed me yeah look there was a lot going on anyways we were fooling around i could tell he wanted to get kind of like more dirty and then he was like i feel like you guys don't talk about sexual stuff a lot so you guys are looking at me very scared but he was i'm terrified he was about to come and he's like on my heels he's like get on your knees and i was like oh get on my knees and he's like if that's okay with you and i was like yes it's okay i wouldn't have like he just it was like it was

hot and then he immediately like panicked that i was gonna like me to him or something so he was just like if that's okay you don't have to you don't want i was like no i want to i was not gonna not do it but i was like no i think that's right i'll do stuff like that i'll get aggressive and then i'll be like and then i'll check in and be like is that cool I think it is nice but I think also it kind of ruined it and then I kind of laughed right so I was laughing as he was like no but it wasn't but wasn't the wasn't the laughter like fun for the two of you well no because he's about to jizz I don't guess do you like laughing right when you're about to jizz? No, but I don't mind having a little, yeah.

Mix it up. One time I was dirty talking with someone on the phone and I was pretending to slap their butt and I was doing like Foley effects on my stomach and then we both just started laughing. Well, that's because that's bizarre. Well, I think I was a full effort player trying to make it real.

And then it just, you know, you miss sometimes, you miss you miss well that's a full you're really good anyway and I think you know you need to have a little bit of compassion for this guy who's out on the ledge taking big chances sexually not knowing how it's gonna land and that's a very vulnerable place for him to be so if he stumbles a little bit out there when he's the man on wire you know help it stabilize and he'll show you a beautiful dance. I did. And I thought it was very cute after. Like, I laughed and I was, like, still smiling in my car about it.

No, I wasn't mad at him, but I just think, like, you know, and also I've, like, fooled around with him before. This wasn't the first time. Right, right. You guys already had some rapport. Yeah, we already had some rapport. So I wasn't, like, a stranger saying that. So I would have done it anyways, but just the way he immediately got, like, so panicked.

It was cute. He sounds adorable. I like this guy he's fine he's too young he's too young 27 not that young but what do you notice the difference between the younger fellas and the older fellas what can you break it down i think i can just have a better conversation with the older fellas sure it's it's more of an adult thing there's more 27 it's just a bit do you like how spry they are though the younger guys some of the older guys are spry yeah i've been with some older guys that are up there yeah 60 up there really one 60 year old gets how is a 60 year old i mean can't kiss that was a problem really which i was at 60 that's that was

see that's the biggest problem this is also why i wanted to kiss this guy on this first date because i i think kissing is a big thing in a relationship and if you kiss somebody and it's not like you don't immediately get that like then i'm like what's the point yeah you can't teach someone to kiss and i'm not saying maybe i'm a bad kisser but when you have that with somebody 60 year old was like two eels but you don't see a lot of old people kissing when i do see old people kissing in movies, even like former Notorious Cocksman, they look weird kissing. Like the only old guy I've seen kiss in a way where I was like, that looks right was Al Pacino in Heat.

But if you watch Jack Nicholson kiss in his later movies, Mark Wahlberg in some way, Mark Wahlberg stopped kissing on camera. Tommy Cruise in later stuff. They look real. Why did he stop kissing? I just think it's, you kind of lose those muscles those are some of the first muscles to atrophy as you age are they yeah you're kissing muscles and motor function just straight down the tube not a guy's taking shots right now i'm being playful but i do believe what i'm saying i do believe what i'm

saying because i was i was like because that would make this, the 60 year old more, that makes sense. Yeah. Because how can you not kiss? I was like, there's no way you can't not kiss. What was the, all tongue,

no lips? All lips, no tongue. That's what happens. That's what happens to old guys. Just like, like fish lips. Do you lose function

of the tongue? Maybe. Watch Steve Martin and it's complicated. It's all lips. Yeah. I've all lips. Yeah. I've been noticing this shit. You are really paying attention to men kissing.

Well, I care. Interesting. About everything. Wow. Dogs too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So have you seen dogs kiss? What's your opinion on that?

That's interesting. I mean, I've seen the dog I love, Gigi, when she kisses me. Yeah, she's cute. She's an adorable little one. They're good at it they are good at it do you kiss lola on the lips oh yeah that's awesome step into that dude now i see i'm gonna stop you there i don't do i don't do lip kisses you know i do top ahead a lot of top ahead yeah nuzzling in the top of her little tiny egg head and the top of the nose yeah and the side i

never lip on lip she eats her her big fat all the time i lick her face you lick her face i'm kidding i don't know what to believe with youtube but with ukraine do you think we're gonna get those guns back i didn't even know something was happening with ukraine so i feel stupid not knowing this are you hip to like the the news no no i'm not do not. Do I look like I am? Yeah. Well, God damn it. I got to change my haircut. Then I thought I gave off the vibe that I'm a stupid idiot.

And that's what I go with. I'm dumb. I don't know a lot about stuff. I try, like if I read too much of the news, I get very depressed. I probably should, but it's very, I don't like it. So what do you take in to feel good?

A lot of Law & Order SVU. That's my main. The best. I was watching it before I came here today & Order SVU. That's my main. The best. I was watching it before I came here today. Nice. And then I pet my dog. Dogs. That's where I get my fucking jizz.

It's the best. It is. Life jizz. My life jizz is from my dog. You squeeze him. Squeeze him. Snuggle him. Whenever I'm upset.

And they know when you're upset. Yeah. They can really read it. Sometimes I'll be laying on the couch and then she'll come lay on my head. It's the best thing ever. Lay on your head. Yeah. You don't know what we're talking about.

I have a dog now. You have a dog now? I co-parent a dog now. You live together with a dog? Mm-hmm. You do and you walk the dog? I feed the dog. You don't have to walk it too much because it's like 10 pounds.

But we snuggle a good chunk of the day you snuggle with a dog yeah do you need to pose the dog on your phone i think i do i don't know what the dog looks like you never seen gg before you guys don't know those dogs no she knows he knows my he knows my dog i know you guys are fake friends this is a fake friendship he knows my dog this is an internet oh look this is me giving her a bath. Oh, that's sweet. You do like dogs. See? Aw. That's sweet. Aw, that is cute.

Okay, see? She's in the sink. Oh, my God. She's just so tiny in the sink. Yeah, she's so cute. Oh, my God. She's in the sink. Oh, yeah. She's an adorable one.

Look at you giving her a little sink. You got to give her the antimicrobial. You like dogs. You got to give her the antimicrobial. See, look at this. You're acting like a Mr. Top Guy. You're the full head massage. Yeah, I was trying to be tough.

But I don't like other dogs still. Other dogs still, no. Here's the thing. I love my dog so much. I don't know if I would love my own kids more than the dog. Can't you be more like the dog? Yeah, well, the dog doesn't make mistakes like the way humans do. Yeah.

Have you chosen your dog over hanging out with friends yet? Oh, yeah. Well, I'm kind of, you know, kind of a hermit anyways. Okay. Outside of work, yeah. Because Susan has become my, ah, I got to let the dog out. She's fine for hours on end, but I'll be like, if I'm ever anywhere and you see me go, I got the dog out,

it's a big fucking line. I just want to get the hell out of there yeah i gotta go when she was a puppy too i was like if i can't bring her to a show i wouldn't go i'm like sorry do you go out much uh no i don't i think she's got her butt eaten in miami all right yeah but i was on two i was on the road i go out on the road when i after shows yeah when i'm in town i'm i'm i do my shows and i come home and i wake up and i do my fucking shit every day it's the same shit yeah what's a typical day for you yeah so i see the day what i do for fun i was like i don't have fun typical day up edit a video take the dog out work out edit more videos cut fucking clips shows home same thing over the videos you're editing that

stand up yeah so i have to go through my fucking clips, find only crowd work shit, cut that. I edit it all myself. I put all the subtitles on myself. Yeah. Post on all fucking forms of social media. Do the whole fucking thing. Book my podcast guests. It's a lot. How do you feel about posting

material? Do you ever post material? I don't because I'm trying to do an hour special right now right and i don't want to waste that and then and then i don't know i i should probably because i'll probably get better views because some but sometimes like i'm sure you guys like some clips randomly go viral so you don't know what's gonna go viral anyways yeah it's interesting with the clips it's very interesting it's fun though it's fun putting them out there i was i was afraid to do it i also thought it was like i didn't like a lot of them so i was like why would i want to do that but then i was like

well if they're yours you might like them we're kind of like the dog thing yeah and then um i only started doing it over the last month and it's it's really been motivating i'm like pushing harder now and trying to write more and have more stuff to put out there my crowd work blows so i was going to ask you what's the key to that just doing it just fucking doing it i dedicate at least 20 minutes to every set on the road really yeah wow do you split it up or you go 20 yeah i try doing at least 15 off the top just because it's fresh and then during the set i have certain jokes now that go into crowd work stuff like i ask a question and then i can i can pull at least three or four people

out of those and then I can go into so I have like three jokes I can do that so I can add on ten minutes with that but yeah I try to do my goal on the road

is to do half hour crowd half hour jokes who do you think is the best crowd worker right now Ian Begg oh interesting Ian Begg or Rick Ingram

I think are the two I remember watching Rick Ingram at the store both Ian and Rick I think are like the hardest people to follow at the store. Because I like doing crowd work after them, and they're like, no, we've seen it. The crowd's kind of like that, there's no meat on that bone anymore. But there is, because everyone's going to ask, even if you ask the same question, you're still going to get to the answer. Every comic has a different way of doing it.

But I also started in improv, so I think that's why I'm used to... In Canada? Yeah. Which is like, would you contend the best improv place? No. doing it but i also started in improv so i think that's why i'm used to like in canada yeah which is like would you contend the best improv place no no west of istanbul yeah west of istanbul yeah but and i don't know i think i don't know i think i think from toronto i think toronto has a very very good comedy scene in general a lot of alt comics come out of there. John Doerr, for example. That's funny. Hilarious. What the, and that, so I saw your, I saw on Netflix on the Friends Who Kill.

And that, your clip, like, I watched it so many times. I thought it was so funny with the battle robes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What led to that? How'd you get on that? That, I think that was a ref at a show and then i just put that in i mean just like oh like oh that this show in general yeah did you like did you you opened for bill right yeah this is all happened because of bill right so bill um literally saw a video of mine on instagram uh during the pandemic where i was making fun of new yorkers

yeah uh and then he like reposted it i was like what the fuck where i was making fun of new yorkers yeah uh and then he like reposted it i was like what the is going on i think 500 new followers next morning i'm like the is happening it's all my birthday remember and i was like okay happy birthday to me and then i saw that he was following me i'm like it's not him wilfred i'm like this is not bill bar yeah and then i like waited the whole day and i'm like i finally was like it so i just dm'd him like hey thanks so much for sharing my clip when he writes back he's like oh my god you had me dying over here like he quoted it i was like, fuck it. So I just DM'd him. I'm like, hey, thanks so much for sharing my clip. And he writes back. He's like, oh my God, you had me dying over here. Like he quoted it.

I was like, the fuck? And then I hearted it. I was like, thank you. And I'm like, put your phone away. Don't go cuckoo. Insert DM-ing number. Because I did the Ringers show with him on Comedy Central. Oh, right, right.

He didn't pick me for that. I think the producer picked me for that. So he was interviewing like 20 comics a day. It was like a really quick thing. And I looked super different and whatever. So I'm like, I think he'd forgotten about that yeah and then so after this dm-ing the next day uh he messaged me later that night he's like hey would you like to open with me on the road i was like i'm being franked and he's like give me your phone number and i was like and then i sent my phone number and then he immediately was like hey he's like

i'm busy right now working on a movie but i'll get you some dates and then two and a half weeks after that i was taking susan on a hike up Griffith. And my manager's like, are you sitting down? And I was like, do I have to? She's like, I think you should. So I went back into the car and I sat down. I'm like, what the fuck's going on? I thought she was firing me.

I'm like, my manager's going to fire me. I'm dog shit. And then she's like, you're doing a special for Netflix on Bill Burr's presents. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. And then I found out after that Bill was kind of like, yeah, I want to. Netflix was like, what? fuck are you talking about? Yeah, and then I found out after that, Bill was kind of like, yeah, I want to, and Netflix was like, what?

And Bill's like, I want to have a do it. And they're like, oh, and Bill's like, no, no, she's doing it. And I was like, Bill's very in my corner. It's very nice. That's awesome. He just did my podcast here a couple weeks ago, last week.

And then, yeah, he cast me in his movie. Yeah. He wrote me in his movie. I play myself. I think I saw, is it one scene or i saw one scene yes i'm in the one scene yeah you saw a scene you saw it i saw it yeah what the heck i didn't see it well mike showed us we were like in his office one day oh okay yeah yeah it was just like because it was like yeah he just shows like that one thing it's great yeah i'm very excited

for that to come out yeah yeah and then um yeah that's and then yeah i've opened from a couple times and what's that like opening for bill insane yeah it's fucking crazy and then when yeah that's and then yeah i've opened from a couple times and what's that like opening for bill insane yeah it's fucking crazy and then when i was so i opened for him in so he i did the netflix thing it was very fun and then i like messaged him because he was doing toronto and toronto is my hometown he's doing like this where the uh the leafs and the rappers play i'm like fuck it i'm just gonna ask like if you don't have an open in toronto i'm gonna be there anyways which i was gonna be there i'm like i would it would i would just going to ask. I'm like, if you don't have an Oprah in Toronto, I'm going to be there anyways, which I was going to be there. I'm like, I would love to open for you. I was like, of course, let's do it.

I was like, my hometown, my home thing. So it was like so much more a bigger deal for me. And then the next day, like after the first night was like crazy. And he like texted me the next morning. He's like, do you want to go to the Hockey Hall of Fame with me? And I was like, yes, Bill. I want to go to the Hockey Hall of Fame.

I know nothing about hockey. I'm like, what the fuck do I care about hockey? I'm just going to be walking around with my Iron Maiden t-shirt while he's like, this guy is good at hockey. And I'm like, yeah do i care about hockey i'm just gonna be walking with my iron maiden t-shirt while he's like this guy is good at hockey and i'm like yeah i didn't know anything yeah he knew every statistic i was like and then we got a picture of the stanley cup together yeah it was hilarious he was so nice i took him to like i walked around this like area with it was really cool he's so cool it's crazy

he seems like a great guy yeah he's a really nice man that's awesome so that and that's how yeah that's how the netflix thing and that really changed my career yeah that's so really nice man that's awesome and that's how I got the Netflix thing and that really fucking changed my career yeah that's so cool yeah that your set I think your set

you had the standout set in that for sure I think I had the most insane set I think I think I came out like a fucking psychopath

and they kept in a riff they kept in a crowd a crowd riff from it no it was great and then Bill quoted it and I was like that was it

we were in Arizona I was like he watches your clips. We were in Arizona. I was like, you gotta watch it. He watches your clips more than anybody's. That's psychotic. No, it's true. Then you're like, stop, please. She loves dogs. No, I always crack up.

But yeah, the dog stuff, I had to skip. If there's any dog stuff, I gotta move on. I don't post much about my dog. We post on our stories about the dogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not posting main stuff. Right. Susan and Lola have their own accounts.

Could you do an hour about dogs? No. Cool. I don't think so. I have at least 10 on her right now, but I try not to do it because I feel like it's getting old. She's old now. She's four. I was doing it at the beginning.

No, I'm not judging. And then people judge, judge though because we clearly purchased our animals oh yeah people in this state in particular get very upset they don't like it and i get it i'm going to adopt my next dog i tell everyone this but do all those people adopt humans too i should say this yeah yeah i also have to get you want. Don't adopt dogs either. They don't foster dogs either. So it's like, what the heck are we doing here?

Don't get mad at me when you have no animals. If you're not a perfect person, stay out of my life. And those dogs have to go somewhere. Yes, they do. Are you just going to

leave them out to dry? Because they're bred? What the heck? Also, a lot of goldens, and this is how I look at this, parents get the, and goldens are very hyper as puppies. So they're too crazy and the parents if they have young kids they can't deal with it so

those dogs get sent right to the shelters yeah and here we are and now i'm saving susan yeah save susan you save a little yeah we went to it we did a thing for the la's the for the city one time we went to an animal shelter to like do a promotional video for it and we got to see all the dogs there birds there cats there they had a pretty widespread of species and i remember seeing a lot of the dogs i mean like now you know i didn't think of them but i'm thinking of now i bet you a lot of those dogs are dead oh that's horrendous i didn't know what i was gonna say i just started talking i was like where is this going? I'm very sad now. No, I want to adopt a Pippa for Susan.

She loves Pippals. That's okay. What's your dog's favorite kind of dog? I'm getting off this. I can't. It's too depressing. She loves everyone. Likes every dog?

Yeah. Susan's like a full lesbian when it comes to Pippals. She licks their whole mouth. Really? She's perverse. Lola jumps on every dog. Like, which is why I get nervous at the dog park because she's like right in between the small and the large.

So she'll get the large one and then she'll just jump on people, any dog. And then they just play with it. I think she's so sweet though. I don't think they would attack her. Yeah. Goldens are the sweetest. They're the sweetest.

They don't. That's one thing about goldens. You know, they're not going're not gonna attack i mean i do have a bad golden story though oh you do uh-huh my parents friends years ago it was like nine i think and their baby was like two and it would always like feed the dog so one day was just like picking up the kibbles and like whatever and the golden snapped and like ripped her face off and she had to get like a graph from her ass really wow i know so it's like when people say golden's it's like wait so what was she doing like just in like in the dog's food and i guess the dog was just like old and just like snapped one day baby would always do it and then one day the dog was like i've had enough wow did they end up getting rid

of the dog so you're allowed to do that if your dog acts up it's the owner's choice if it lives or not i think so but there's also there's an acting up and there's a mauling a face off like it wasn't like a bite and that's it like sometimes sometimes like i've been bit by dogs before it's been one bite and i'm like i'm not gonna sue the dog would you ever put your dog down there's no way in hell i'd move to the woods yeah i would if my dog did something i would be like all right you want to kill her i'm going to the Like if the state came to your door and was like, I would move back to Canada.

That's a great movie. You on the run with your dog, the state's chasing after you. Homeward bound, Bulgarian fucking return. You know, SWAT comes into like the motel room. They're like,

we just missed him. There's still some dander here. And then, yeah, yeah, it means he was crawling to the fucking top of the motel. El Camino just bombing,

yeah. Yeah, there's no way. Now you know how attached you are to your dog. Would you not take a bullet for this dog? I would die for Gigi. You know what it is, too? It's like, I thought Gigi ran away one day, and I thought it was my fault.

I think I was a little stoned. And I thought, I noticed that the gardener had left the gate open, and then I was in the other room, and I freaked out that I let the dog out and that the gate was still open. And she had earwax in her ears so she couldn't hear me if I called for her and I just spontaneously was like, the dog

and then I sprinted outside and I was like, my girlfriend loves this dog so much. If I don't find the dog, I'm doing Hari Kari in the living room and I'm just killing myself because I'm not going to deal with the, I can't deal with the fallout, bro.

Do you think she'd break up with you? I, it'd almost be better if she did because if we stayed together i'd be living in uh like branding dog yeah it would we i don't know if it'd be our manchester by the sea i don't know if we could get past it we'd be irrevocably changed in a sad way. Where was Gigi? Under the bed. Oh, really? Just being adorable. Just being the cutest little thing in the world.

See, that's one of the Golden's. Yeah. They don't really go anywhere. Yeah. She gets curious. She says she would never go anywhere. She gets curious. When she's up north or in the woods, she'll roam off,

but she never goes out where I can't see her. She got outside the gate once. We can't have dogs after this, but she got outside the gate once we can have dogs after but she got out the gate once the dog lovers are gonna love it and i ran out but she thinks i want to play oh so she gets outside so she's like oh are we playing now i'm like yeah freak out yeah have you dated someone who didn't like your dog no and i would not i literally put it could you tell if they were faking it yes so I like literally If I bring a guy home And it's like I can tell it's gonna be like a one night stand

If he comes in And doesn't immediately get on his knees And pet my dog I will not suck this man's dick And I will not have sex with him Do you tell them But you don't tell them that That's kind of your test

No no I don't tell them that But I'm like It is such a fucking turn off And because it's a golden retriever If you come in and see a golden retriever Like all excited to see you And you don't go Oh my god and like pet the dog for a second i'm like something's wrong but like tony soprano sociopaths they love dogs they love animals is that a thing yeah so yeah my ex-sociopath and he loves susan really i think yeah

interesting i know i didn't realize that i thought they didn't like dogs is that psychos some some murder fucks start on animals and practice what they're later going to do to humans. But I think a lot of sociopaths... Like sociopath narcissists, I think they like dogs. Yeah, sociopath narcissists, that's what it is. They love dogs.

Because I think the dogs love them. The dogs look to them like they're the god that they feel like they are. Oh. So really, guy comes in in there he's kind of just wait and see with the dog i think he can trust him if a guy came in and he might deserve just didn't even pet at all i'd be like no no that just turned off wouldn't it not be for me i don't well not for you because you fucking clearly i don't know yeah if i if i um I don't know yeah if I if I um

gal came over and didn't like my pet non-issue see you? I'd be weirded out especially with a golden and I clearly have dog mom in my fucking profile I have a hat with me says I'm a dog mom

and there's like three photos of me with a dog so I'm very obvious my brother and sister-in-law they don't like dogs because my brother's allergic okay and so they came into my place and the dog's like she's a puppy she's just like jumping all over you know and they're just like oh i was like how can you not like this dog it's crazy i brought my puppy do you know brent weinbach sure i brought my puppy. Do you know Brent Weinbach? Sure. I brought my puppy to a show, and I was holding the puppy, and I saw his face.

He just went like this, frowned at it, and I was like, what the hell is that? He goes, I go, you don't think this is the cutest dog ever? He goes, no, I don't like puppies. How the hell? Hilarious guy, by the way. Oh, he's hilarious. That's really funny. I used to think he was cute when I had sex with him. Not anymore.

Turn me off. He is anymore. Turn me off. He is cute. Turn me off. Don't you think him being that against puppies is actually... It's crazy. That's what I'm saying. It's funny. It's nuts.

It's absolutely nuts. I don't like puppies. He's just nothing. A golden retriever puppy is the cutest puppy in the world. Yeah, that's insane. That's a talented judge, I think. That's hilarious. We have talked a lot about dogs.

I don't know. Is there a theme on this podcast? Was I supposed to come on with no it's just a ramble okay yeah going deep are we going deep is there anything else you want to did you have anything you wanted to talk about no i don't know i didn't sometimes there's like a theme there's like a question that you ask and i was like stoke we like to be positive i was thinking of that on the way here people will say that like after, after shows, sometimes people are like, I really appreciate that you guys are always so positive on the podcast. I don't feel like a particularly positive person. I think you guys are. But I appreciate it.

I think he's very positive, but I appreciate hearing it. It's nice. No, but I was thinking on the way here, I was like, what makes me really happy or, like, what stokes me? And I would say this is so stupid, but, like, when I find a good parking spot, I'm pretty fucking stoked. It changes my whole fucking night. It's a little thing.

Yeah, especially on the menu. If you're going into Hollywood and you've got to park somewhere, I mean, that could be a 30-minute ordeal. It can. And then you can be in a spot where you're in a bad spot, and there's a lot of homeless people around there, and it's a whole thing. You get one nice spot. You don't have homeless people. No, actually, I'm only bringing this up because the other day in hollywood i was at the mama shelter and then the second the sun went down i went out with my friend to get our cars and we were like and there's three guys in

the middle of the road with these crazy dogs they're like where are you going where's your car and i was like get in my car get in my car so i did like she i got in her car and she's driving to my car that's not like a horror movie no it actually was. It went from like sun up to like a different fucking place. And my friend- The purge. It was. And my friend got chased with a hatchet in that same area, right off Selma. So I don't get scary at night.

These are just things that are happening now. People are getting chased with hatchets. This was actually pre-pandemic, the hatchet chasing. Wow. She got chased with a hatchet? Another girl, yeah. Got chased with a hatchet down Selma and no one helped her. She was screaming at the top of her lungs.

Oh yeah. And there was people who just watched? Two people. She said there's a couple that walked by. She finally got to ama, and no one helped her. She was screaming at the top of her lungs. Oh, yeah. And there was people who just watched? Two people. She said, there's a couple that walked by. She finally got to a taco stand, and they finally helped her. What's that phenomenon, like the Kitty Genovese phenomenon,

where all these people are watching someone get murdered, and no one called the cops because they figured someone else would? Yeah, that's scary. I'm always scared that's going to happen. Yeah, it's an interesting thing that humans have. If I hear screaming or something,

I called the cops maybe two months ago. There was a man in the middle of the 105, like standing with a bucket and like jeans. I was like, this guy's not well. So I called the cop. He's a homeless man in the middle of the intersection, the middle of the highway. And the cop's like, rip jeans, dirty shirt.

And I was like, yeah. I'm like, yeah, we got the call. I was like, you're welcome. Why are you annoyed that people are trying to save this man's life? Sure. Like, what the heck is this? Yeah, they should be like, kind of. Thank you.

Or they should also be like, that's so nice that you also called. People care. Yes, people care that they don't want this guy to fucking die. Like, yeah, I'm not saying anything to the homeless people, but this was, that was scary. Do you have a good, like, danger instinct? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah.

My peripheral, I see all your hyper see everything I'm so hyper vigilant do you know the West Edmonton Mall yeah biggest mall in Canada baseball maybe North America is it bigger than Mall of America is it oh shit I know that is a fact a Ron good big mall head good I years ago when i was like 14 we saw my friend's purse got stolen and i remember seeing a weird guy yeah and i remember being like i i know exactly what it looked like so we went to the like mall security and i explained him to a tee that they found the guy the guy was like what does he look like and i was like blue eyes two shoe laces

nikes he had a shirt tucked in a little bit he had his buttons were off like i hit every detail and the guy was like what the like it was crazy what'd the guy do he sold my friend's purse oh they found the purse he did empty all the stuff out but we did find the purse have you have you ever been in serious like in like any kind of uh have you been like in what's it called what's uh mugged have you ever been in like a situation like that not mugged but i've been close to the market anyway but i was almost raped and it was like very dangerous and i got out of it i got a bit but not like by being like hyper uh vigilant but i've been in situations where there's been like big brawls and fights and i've no no mugging do you carry weapons with you a mace i keep like peppers right that's on my car have you used a

mace no never yet but i'm like i'm ready. I got stuck in an alley in downtown like three weeks ago. So have you been in downtown recently? Yeah. It feels like you're in the Matrix. You know in the Matrix when they're in like the subway? It's bad. So it feels like that down there. Beautiful.

And then so I go to this parking garage and like it's all looks like abandoned i'm doing a show like a block away so i go in this parking garage it looks abandoned but i'm like this is the only place i can park so i go up there there's someone working there i'm like what do you like what's going on here and then so i park i go to the elevator the elevator is closed so i go to the stairwell the first floor is blocked off and so i forget i took like another stairway and basically i just got funneled into this alley and it was fenced off and there's like human shit everywhere and i just start running for the other side i'm like i hope there's a door i hope there's a door because I'm stuck in an alley in downtown

so now I keep Mace in my car because I don't want to be in a situation where I'm just like who knows I was chased

coming out of Pershing Square I used to run a show at the Escondido if you've ever been there it's like right off Skid Row

and I got up Pershing Square and this guy's like give me your money and I was like what and I turned around and he like had a really big limp and i was like i cannot run this guy he really he ran he ran after me three blocks and i really fucking sprinted into the bar and he followed me into the bar then i like was screaming when i got into the bar and then security guard got him out it's terrifying jesus fucking scary as hell oh

yeah every time i go in the i do not take the red line subway when i first moved here i went down there and this guy started screaming at me trying to get my cell phone and i like ran off ran got an uber another time i got so scared this couple's like come here and i'm like he's like come here man he's like i can tell you're scared just sit with us i was like okay like and i saw a guy a guy punch a woman in the face uh the hollywood stop hollywood um uh western are there any parts of town that you don't go to yeah the downtown downtown i i avoid downtown all costs it freaks me out but i live in east hollywood so it's not the best it's nice though it's better than downtown skid row is fucked up scary when you were

you're from canada when you were there were people like america is like a sketchier more dangerous place or does it feel like they were yes they were very right what surprised you about america uh how dirty it is thank you like like like the streets in general like canada have you been to canada no i've heard good things i've been to whistler well which is squeaky clean yeah like that's the most streets there's no garbage on the streets there's no gum stuck everywhere like there's like i'm not saying of't have homeless people and it's not perfect up there but I've never felt scared the way I do down here

ever in Canada. How long have you been in LA? Eight years now. Eight years. And you came straight from Canada? Yeah, I came straight out of here, yeah. And I was like a city girl. I lived close to downtown.

I took the subway all the time by myself. Never scared on the subway there once. And then I got here and I was like, what the fuck is going on? Do you think,

in a lot of these situations too, it sounds like bystanders aren't doing much that's the thing yeah in canada people will enter intercede yes and also our subways are manned by people like i know they are new york there's no people at these subways it's a free-for-all you can go down there you just pay you can jump the fucking thing it's like anyone's roaming around on there yeah you have to pay a person in toronto to get on the subway so every every top is you can't just roam in and lloyd around on there do you uh do you want to stay in la or do you have plans to i don't i think i have to stay in la now right but i'm like i i would not want to live in here like i'd live in like denver like denver's super nice or austin's cool miami i will never go back to to Miami for the remainder of my life.

Why? I do not like Florida. It's a great place. It's great? Are you from Florida? My parents got married there. Both of them live there. I go a lot.

You like it. I love it. But there's ass men down there. Yeah, the ass men. He's actually great ass men. He lives in Germany. A lot of guys who really appreciate butts down there. Yeah.

It's true. Everyone's got a big butt down there they got some grande culos yeah big butts big boobs a lot of a lot of stuff a lot of work being done a lot of work a lot of transactional sex not like at the level of like my job is that i am a sex worker but like hey i'm with this person for this reason this person's with me but everyone's very obvious about it. And I like that. I like the transparency. Okay. I don't hate that. I just. What you see is what you get in Miami.

And it's fake, but you're seeing it real. I also don't like the hot sea. I like how we have cold water. You don't like warm water? I like cooling off. Interesting. There's no cooling off in that sea. I've had that before in Florida where you're burning up and then you get into the water.

You're like, I'm still hot. Yeah, you'm still hot. But on balance, I think it's a pro. Maybe if it's cooler in the air or something. I like going in the seat down here. It refreshes you. Do you guys surf? You guys are sea people. I watch him surf. I love to watch.

He has binoculars and everything. I was like, this is so creepy. Just vaping on the beach, watching you smoke. He has a picnic a picnic he's eating a sandwich he asked me for my vape sometimes when he's in the water i just gotta huck that thing yeah yeah throw the long ball in george yeah what's your opinion on matthew mcconaughey what do you mean what's my is do i need an opinion on this man no he's fine i don't know. Why? Is he a big beach guy? Is he surfing or something? No.

Is he in the news? He used to serve. Is he the one selling the guns to Ukraine? What's going on? He used to serve. Oh, he used to serve. Okay. Yeah.

Serving's hard. A lot of upper body strength. Have you tried? Yeah. Yeah. It's tough. Very hard. Different muscles.

You know, we went wakeboarding on Saturday. Dude, this was going to be my legend. You were going to be my legend for this. Yeah. Well, not to get into it, but I was sore. I was was sore for two days i took a beating out there dude yeah i gotta tell you this guy loves one of my favorite traits about him he loves to get flipped around oh yeah like on are you spinning on the wakeboard any kind of flipping around roller coasters tubing wakeboard i like if i could get a big strongman to come in here and just give him a chuck,

he'd be like, chuck me again. And he would get chucked. He would quit after the strongman. The strongman would say, I'm done chucking you. And he'd be like, give me some more chucks. Have you gone on a barrel and rolled down a hill? No, I wouldn't do that. I would really like that.

You know what I'd be great at? If I were in like WWE, but I was like, my persona was like, I have no wrestling skills. I just like to get tossed. Shane McMahon. He took the biggest bumps. Really? He could be Shane McMahon. Dude, yeah.

And that was cool because he was the owner's son. So he like volunteered to be like a crash test dummy. Dude. Yeah, with you and this guy. Yeah. That'd be fun. I'll do my legend now too. We rent a boat.

We're on the lake. Lake boating the greatest experience in the world what lake is this? Winnebago Wisconsin good lake

oh Wisconsin it was so fun and we had our guy Jake with us he's a great guy he was playing music we're out there he's riding the wakeboard

backwards like it's got the fins on the right he pops up first try Shred City Shred City you riding the wake

going in and out? Oh, yeah. He was doing it. Was it a professional wakeboarding boat? It was designed for it. We're going to hot 30 at least. I had you up to that. Dude, I would pump you.

We were almost at 40 a couple of times. I'd look at the speedometer and I'd be like, we're going. Next time we're going to do single ski and I'm wearing a Speedo. Oh, wow. There you go. Yeah. What do you think about the single ski? I single ski. You do? You do? Yeah. Really really but i had to get up on two and drop one that's the

classic way to do it girl i grew up in a lake my parents have a cottage my parents have a cottage oh that's it's the best i can't wakeboard though i tried couldn't do it i i love single skiing but now i'm like i'm so old that i literally do it just just to prove that i can do it every year but i that's important loop and i'm like, go home, go home, go home. Because my lower back is like seizing and I'm like, I am white knuckling. Like I can't, whenever I bring a guy up to the cottage, I'm like, take me in one loop and show off that I can ski and then bring me back. But I'm like, I can't walk after that.

But that's a big thing. Just proving it. I'm going side to side. I'm cutting. I'm not cutting rug. I'm not like going down low. Like we have some very good skiers and they're like, we've got a barefoot skiers, which is fucking crazy.

We were dying laughing about barefooting. Where the way you get up is you're on your back yeah and then you gotta like barrel to your feet and then you're just riding on your feet yeah it's crazy it's fucking nuts that was gonna be my baby of the week actually was barefoot skiing i i think it's one of the coolest things people do it is why you're just in the water and some people do like crazy like flips and they're spinning and one foot two foot joe black friend of mine he used to barefoot from dana point to catalina there was a race barefoot across the ocean oh god see that i was gonna ask when you were saying you're wakeboarding i'm like i think i fell off or if i fell down skiing i went actually

skiing in dubai me and hamid weinberg oh you you did? Yes, we went. And I was like, oh, I'll drop a ski. No way. It was the boats from the fucking cruise ships. And I'm out there with two skis. I'm like, I can't do one. I'm going to die. Were there cruise ships around? You were in the ocean?

We were in the ocean. And I was like, I don't go too far. Sorry. That seems far. Yeah, I don't think I do that. I was like, Catalina seems like, is it like a four-hour ferry? Joe Black used to do that. Joe Black has no feet.

He just has bones now. There's no skin. Going over swell. Yeah, there's like whales out there ferry. Joe Black used to do that. Joe Black has no feet. He just has bones now. There's no skin. Going over swell. Yeah, there's like whales out there too. And there's sharks. That's why the ocean would scare me. You could hit a humpback. He's just riding the humpback. Speaking of, have you guys heard about this Titanic like tourist thing?

It's stuck. It's stuck? Well, it's lost. They're dead. Yeah. There's no way. I think that's one of the most horrific deaths of all time. It's stuck? Well, it's lost. They're dead. Yeah. Yeah. There's no way. Go ahead. You. I was thinking, I think that's one of the most horrific deaths of all time.

Brutal. It's bad. Because you know you're dead. You suffocate. But also, getting in that thing to begin with, it's a fucking tube. Yeah.

You couldn't be in that on land. Yeah. It's an elevator. And it's the classic tour guide thing where you ask them the question, where you're like, hey, this is safe right there. I've done it a thousand times.

And you're just this unlucky fuck who's on the thousand and one and you but you know someone made a post about like men will go all the way to the bottom of like the titanic in a submarine rather than go to therapy and that that bothered me i don't like that whole instead of going to therapy bit also how the hell do they know these guys went to therapy these guys they're saying they didn't go to therapy and this is like proof that i'm like guys go to therapy and then also do that like you go to therapy for talking you go do that so you feel like you don't need as much therapy yeah i don't think therapists will be like don't go look at the titanic they'll be like follow your dreams they'd say that's great yeah good therapists will tell you to go do that and

that the danger is just part of it i didn't realize how close the titanic was to canada i think newfoundland i didn't realize it was that close i thought it was way out there more like in the middle yes but i'm also i i watched because tick tock's going crazy on the stuff right now and i like went to bed in a weird headspace last night watching all this stuff just thinking people in the sea dead it's up yeah all the bodies in there well no like i mean like the people right now are trapped up too because there's only hours of of oxygen so that's an even worse death where you're just like like all of a sudden you're not kidding that's the thing is you're suffocating with everyone yes why do we cover our dead when they die publicly they're not covering that oh you

mean cover this oh like why do we physically cover them like don, don't look. Don't see it. Isn't it to, like, honor them? Like, not honor them, but to, it's because you don't want, you don't want people to see them in that state. I think it's more for us. I think we're afraid to see it. Right. And I think we'd almost be honoring them more to leave them there for a little bit. Right. Well, not that they die horrendously.

Like, who knows what's going to happen? Like, what do you look like after you've. Yeah. Like. Had a stroke or something. Yeah, or like, they ran out of air. I don't know. Well, that's going to happen? What do you look like after you've had a stroke or something? Yeah, or like you ran out of air. I don't know. Well, that's what they do in India. It's like people are kind of dead on the road.

But death is much more normalized there. I think that's like a part of everyday life. Yeah, that's cool. Have you ever heard about Frog Baby? No. Frog Baby was this baby that was born in Indonesia, I believe, and it looked like a frog and it died, but they worshipped it, so they carried it all around town in this little tub and it was like a frog. And it died, but they worshipped it, so they carried it all around town in this little tub, and it was dead.

Wow. It was a human baby that looked like a frog? Yeah. I saw the Pope when the Pope died, and they put him behind the glass. They have this thing, I forget what they call it, but they're like, he's eternal. And so they basically say that these people are so pure

that their bodies don't rot. I would contend he looked like he'd been dead a couple months. But I saw him. Oh, you saw him in like he'd been dead a couple months. Yeah. But I saw him. Yeah. Oh, you saw him in real life? Yeah, they had his body there and me and my brother were like,

no, he looks like he's rotting. Yeah. But you kind of played into it a little bit. You're like, no, he looks great. In Nepal, I like. Whoa. It is. That's a human baby?

I mean, well. Ish? Ish? Who am I to say? The problem is too that he looks like a comic in Toronto so I always send it to my friends.

So I found it really quickly. Who are the big Canadian heroes? Heroes? Like if we got- John Candy, Mike Myers, Jim Carrey, Martin Short, Andrea Martin, Catherine O'Hara. It's all the Canadians. Alanis Morissette. Oh, she's from Canada.

She's Canadian. I got the big one. Justin Bieber, Drake. Chad. I'm a big Bieber fan. Chad Kroger. You know Chad Kroger. I always forget about them.

Yeah. Nickelback. He's my dad. Neil Young. Tragically hip. Apparently The Weeknd is Canadian. Oh, yeah. The Weeknd is Canadian.

I forgot about that. Oh, let's talk about The Idol. I'm kind of digging it. It's bad, but I like laughing at it, and it's fun. I need to get back into it. Have you watched it? No. I'd rather watch a train wreck like that than some boring-ass show about people who don't

do nothing that's on every other thing. You know who's loving it? Who? Kevin. Kevin loves it? Oh, yeah. Yeah, because it's out there. It's bold, and it's ridiculous.

But some of it's actually genuinely good. The problem is The Weeknd doesn't have any Zangali charisma like all that sexual energy in his music does not come through on screen right he kind of has like a sheepish voice and and he doesn't feel like it's not like jack nicholson or someone who's got like that kind of weird devil sex thing going on but i like the show i like it i laugh hysterically watching it it was really fun here's my thing is I was watching it with my girlfriend

but she was getting insecure because of Lily Rose Depp but I was like she's like she's like are you getting turned on by this

but I was like how old is she is she young or something 25 but I was like you look like Lily Rose Depp they look alike

that's what I thought was interesting about it yeah so shouldn't she like that then that's what I was thinking interesting about it yeah so shouldn't she like that then that's what I was thinking yeah yeah

because if it was someone who looked like radically different than her yeah like if you were going nutty if it was Tia Carrera perfect do you

do your girlfriends get jealous when you guys are on the road because I'm sure you guys get hit on a lot on the road but you're very open about having girlfriends correct

yeah a lot of our material is about our partners, too. Yeah, which is nice. Yeah, that's why I don't get hit on as much as I would like to, though. Yeah. That's why, yeah. I think I used to.

There's a lot of dudes at the shows, too. Is there? Yeah, it's a lot of dudes. The dudes roll deep. Go ahead. They have very pretty girlfriends, but they're together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is actually a good topic for the podcast.

Tell dudes how to get laid. Tell dudes how to get laid. Tell dudes how to get laid? My voice just cracked. Yeah, you're hitting puberty right now. Yeah, I'm hitting puberty. I'm 23. She was at first. She was like kind of.

But then I was like, I just fucking drink Diet Coke. Yeah, I seem like you guys seem like, you know, I i think most a majority of comedians cheat on the road and i'm saying this from a place where i know most comedians cheat on the road uh we i can sincerely say we do not and that uh no and also because you guys again talk about and because you travel together and stuff i think it's that's a big part of it too is that like he's such a good dude like i i would not want to as and like the main reason is i love my girlfriend she's also pregnant i'm not gonna cheat on my pregnant girlfriend and uh or any girlfriend but definitely not my pregnant girlfriend and uh and she's not very jealous

she's super which also actually i think i have that contrarian brain where if she was being really jealous and like already treating me like i was cheating i might have more of an instinct to do it but she's so trusting there's no like it's like well she doesn't even care and then yeah and then so i'm not gonna do it and then but he's such a good guy if i did that on there i wouldn't i would as worried as i would be about hurting her which is the biggest part i'd also be like i don, I wouldn't want to act like that in front of Chad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's nice. I would feel, like, very ashamed. Same.

Yeah. That's nice. Yeah. Because I know a lot of comics take their wedding rings off or they don't really mention their wives when they do their act and I was like,

what are we doing here? Or they get bluntly caught making out with other people in parking lots when other comics can see them. You know. Not gonna say anything, but I just heard that.

Dude, I do get it like i hate being like moralizing but like sometimes when i'll see like a comic or that i'm a fan of and they're and they talk about how much they love their partner but then i'll hear the scuttlebutt through like the grapevine that dude dude is doing the slam slam yeah with poon poon that's not his i hope they don't say it like that, but yeah. Sure. But I get a little disappointed. I'm like, oh, dude.

Because not only are you cheating on your partner, which isn't cool, but you're also misrepresenting who you are to people at large. And that bugs me as well. And especially if you're a very famous comedian, you're doing it in a way where you're like, you know, other people know this and they know that you're with somebody. So it's like, it's almost more offensive to do it when the person that's doing it with you knows you have a girlfriend and sees you post with them all the time.

Yeah. Instagram and stuff. Well, that's interesting too. Like, does, yeah, because if I do get hit on, I'm like, you know I have a partner. So like, what is going on psychologically is that just like a competitive thing i think it's just like a fame thing i think when people are famous people just kind of go crazy for that oh that's nice they think i'm famous

well after you do a show and also women i take that back women when they see men kill on stage they they get really turned on it's a big turn on for women. Right. I think more to see a guy, a guy who's funny, like, you know, it's a turn on. Right.

Do you think, do you think, he doesn't even know if he gets hit on. It's really funny. Like girls like him, you know, and afterwards,

a girl was hitting on you and he doesn't flirt back, but he'll just be like, who, when? I got in trouble with him one time. Why? She's like, I knew that girl was trouble with him one time. He's like, you... I knew that girl was hitting on you.

Yeah, well, it's someone from college. I'm like, what's up? I knew her, yeah. And then she's like, you want to go to the bar? I'm like, oh, yeah, whatever. And then she's like, she was hitting on you. I'm like, I don't fucking... You're like, I just want to get a drink.

No, but he genuinely doesn't know. It's not an act. Like, he'll seriously be like, who, when? Like, totally flabbergasted. That's so funny. I'm just trying to drink Diet Coke. That's it. Just trying to drink your Diet Coke.

Yeah. Should we get into some cues? Yeah. Guys, I'm interrupting this podcast to let you know once again that we are brought to you by... Well, we're on tour. We got lots of dates coming up.

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let's get back to the show. It's hard for me to ask you this, but for the listeners out there, what can the fellas do? Because we do get a lot of listeners who have trouble meeting gals. Okay. I'll put it like that. How can guys get to a place where they're building chemistry with a female? Building chemistry with a female. I regret saying female at the end. Okay.

Strangers or like someone they've matched with online or what are we talking here? All fronts. Yeah. Let's start with strangers at a bar. Yeah. That's the sexiest way to do it. Strangers at a bar. that's okay at a bar that's hot okay i think a normal way is to literally if you see something you find attractive don't do that

long lurking staring thing for a while we're like making eyes for like too long do a couple glances if you get the glance back i think it's okay to go up like hi blah blah blah i'd love to buy you a drink i still think it's a classic nice time out already big t what if you're not getting the eyes can you still approach i think you can still approach and i think right away once you go and read the body language you're like hey how's it going and she's like didn't get the fuck out of there that's it but if they're like hey how are you like if they if they engage back immediately i think at this point i think shoot your fucking shot so the big thing is shoot your shot and then read the room.

Read the room first. Read body language. Read body language. Get a sense of like okay am I getting green lights or is this a big red? Yes. If it's a big red get the hell out of there. And also just being like a normal guy like asking for a drink, asking to buy a drink, something like that. You're not going in being like do you want to fuck?

That's psychotic. Go in normal. Oh you shouldn't do that. No. go in normal i i when i was in my my 20s i would try to be really honest with people for a while and after dates even if we had cam and we were like smooching a bit and it felt like it was heading that direction sometimes they'd be like what do you want to do now i'd be like i'd love to go back to your place and have sex and in my experience in my experience big t big t there even though people even though people say they want honesty it works zero i felt good about myself no that's too much but then if you tell someone let's go back to your place and watch uh i was gonna say 30 for 30 not 30 for 30 our planet

let's go back to your place and watch our planet then there's a higher likelihood that you'll end up at that thing that i mentioned earlier yeah and i think i think let them invite you back right yeah let's have let's have them invite let's have yeah you get invited back it's saying let's go back to your place let's have them go why don't you come back to my place right but i think i think because of online i knew that but i'm saying right yeah yeah i think it's online dating more people are scared to do this public approach now and i i like i know friends who've met that bars i miss the public approach what do you think about what it's like a lot of people be like you got to be persistent you know what do you think about the persistence is it just creepy

always yeah i think there's again a limit to persistence like especially okay i'll use an example it's like people dming me if i some guy dms me he says something nice i dm back and there's a little and if I just stop communicating and I hurt something once and I leave it and then you keep messaging and there's absolutely no reply that's stop it

that's that's we're not doing presents but but if there's like back and forth and there's like asking questions I think if people ask questions back

then that's a sign that they're interested questions back yeah that's a huge one questions they keep the conversation going yes if I'm talking to somebody on Bumble and I say something and they ask a question they just reply keep the conversation going. Yes, if I'm talking to somebody on Bumble

and I say something and they ask a question, they just reply when we're back. I unmatch them. I'm like, well, we're done here. I'm not doing this. I think we got a lot of sincere listeners, and I love that. But I think they come in with an open heart,

and maybe they're communicating that in a too effusive a way early on. Okay. Like they're being too forward? What do you mean? Like it's date two, and it's like hey i really like you no don't no no back that up back that up that's gotta be backed up i think girls

like compliments and they like being you know nice things but don't come in and get specific with the compliments right like notice things notice things compliment their looks compliment their hair if they wear a different dress you haven't seen before something like saying they look pretty way she points at the menu. Well, that's getting a little too specific. That's weird, huh? Yeah, that's odd. But if you saw that in a rom-com,

if you saw that in a rom-com, and the right guy was saying it, there might be some magic there. I don't know. I like the way she pointed at French dip. I like the way you pointed French dips on the menu. Boom, Billy Crystal? Maybe some girls like that, sure i'm they're out there i'm very curious to see how your girlfriend is with you yeah i i don't know i'll get when i was single when i was single i played it very i was

faking it but i played it very cool he's good he's he's got cojones too yeah i played it very cool like i wouldn't i would be like she'd text me and be like do you want to hang out I'd wait like a day and be like sure no that that I think is too much it works but that's the sad part

it works it does girls like because if you text too much it's like this guy who's fucking up my ass but then you don't text at all they're like

oh and now I hear from him three days later so it's like you always get a response they're a little frustrated but it's the push and pull that actually leads to something and I didn't like it

but that's just what works I also think it depends some people like that I'm too old for games now so I want to be like are we didn't like it, but that's just what works. I also think it depends. Some people like that. I'm too old for games now. So I want to be like, are we doing this? I don't think that's true

because I'll talk to people, like I have friends' parents who are splitting up and are dating now. And it's the same story. I hear the same story from like 55 year olds where I'll hear like a friend's mom be like,

yeah, this guy just won't stop bothering me. But this other guy, I don't know. I'm upset at him. I can't like put a finger down. I'm like, I know which one you're going to go for. And it's the guy who's playing fast and loose with it. And it still happens.

It still happens. I think it's also just, it's the person that you think you have the most chemistry with. That's it. And oftentimes, that's the person who's kind of, you know, giving you the bob and weave. Giving you the bob and weave. You seem like you know more. That's it. that's it that's it i yeah i don't it's it's it is it's tough out there i will say it's very hard especially if you're your fans in the city i don't know how to help you well no one wants to get hit on at bars

in la everyone's just there to like post a story and and hang out with the people they already know i think so it's it's tough out there. Yeah, I've tried. I've tried approaching at bars out here. No. It's tough. But smaller towns, right? Smaller towns. Also, like, smaller towns, Tinder's way better.

Guys actually match with you and immediately say, hey, what's up? What's going on? Like, here it's like, I'll have matches and I never hear from any of these people. So I don't know what to tell you. Flakes. Flakes.

Flaky. Flaky flakes. Flaky flakes. And then if a guy loves someone, how long should he wait before he drops it? I don't know. I said I love you in my last relationship first, and I regretted that immediately. I said it three months in.

That's a good amount of time. Yeah, I think three months in is good. I thought you said three minutes. Three minutes in, and I think that's good and normal, and I think you all should do that. I think three, yeah, I went three months. But you regretted it still? Yeah, because he didn't say it back oh really that's tough he waited like he said it five days after i did it oh but he still said it he said it but like you know when you say it the first time you want to hear it back because then you think that you're a fucking loser for saying it it's the worst feeling when

you say it and then they're like, and you're like, oh. That's literally what it was. But they might have walls up too. The walls are, yeah, the walls are tricky. And I was at the improv too and I had to go on stage after.

Oh, so it was at the improv. Oh yeah, I was at the improv sitting at the bar and I was like, it was just a moment where I heard him like

saying nice things to me to another like comic and then we started talking again and we were like, just like literally eating nachos. Was he a comic? No. Thank God.

Yeah, what's your policy on that i like dating comics i think it's very hard because you have to be the same level because if one person gets jealous the other person that's very very competitive uh but i think it works because you know each other's schedules you understand where you i don't know another and I like funny guys so and I think comics can date me because it's easier for them to find me funny

not a raging psychopath another frequent refrain what if a guy's heartbroken over a gal let it go or try to win her back I mean

that's that's kind of circumstantial isn't it I don't know I mean if it ended badly get her back

yeah get her back. If she kicked you out of the house and said never come back again, go back. No, I feel like you can kind of read the room when it's over. It's over. You might still be hung up, but if she's moved on and already fucking five other guys, it's done. I think five. Yeah. Staying busy on these streets.

Put a number up there. I have a line that I think would work to get her back. I want to eat butt and suck toes. Just that. It might work. You got one option. You got one option. You got one option.

The other option is you don't get me anymore. Option B, don't respond. Yeah. Stay away from me forever. This is it. I think that's romantic. It is. It's very cute.

All right, should we do Beefs, Babes It is. It's very cute. All right. Should we do beefs, babes, and legends? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Do you know this part of the podcast? We can do a beef of the week. It's something we're upset at, babe of the week, something we're stoked on, legend of the week, same deal, something we're stoked on.

Okay. A lot of stoke. We can kick it off first so you can get the grip on it. Chad, who's your beef of the week? My beef of the week, I have something the week i have something here but i'm kind of like i don't even know my beef of the week fuck now i want to change because what i had i don't like it okay is that your beef not liking your beef yeah my beef is that i'm running out of beefs you're never a beefy guy never a beefy guy should we do away with the beef no because it's it's often the juiciest stuff

that's that is where the passion you have really good beefs because you don't get mad a lot so it's nice to hear it yeah that's it my beef my beef of the week you know what i'm gonna just be honest my beef of the week is the vape i'm back on the vape it's not your fault it's i'm an enabler no it's not it's it's my girlfriend and i we do this thing where we like crave it so i was on it before last weekend okay cool we crave it and then we're like let's get one and then throw it away tomorrow morning but then we never do that yeah and so now i've been on it for like two weeks and this thing it's just the fucking devil's dick that i just can't let go of you know because i'll get away from it for like dude i had like seven or eight months last year cruising and then just you know the barbs get right back in you know what because i'm not really doing that much because i like i don't know because

i like whenever i drink it's just like too much so i'm like oh that my vice will be vaping here and there but then it gets too much and i can't sleep so that's what's going on back on the vape sorry guys okay yeah he's still on the vape oh yeah i just hit it i do that all the time my friends will be talking about their addiction struggles and whatever they're talking about being addicted to i'll do we've had so many people on the podcast who are like that's when i gave up booze for the last time i know i'm gonna do that's like that's like rogan i remember rogan was talking like russell brand or something about addiction he's like i don't really understand alcoholism like have some weed um my beef of the week is with people saying dudes will do this instead of therapy like dude a lot of that stuff that they're saying dudes will do instead of therapy is as good as

therapy and I love therapy I've been doing therapy forever I love talking about my shit but just as helpful and about the same price is a boat day with your dogs you know is a fantasy football trip somewhere with the homies is a you know racquetball tossing axes climbing a mountain um turning around on the mountain driving something fast just going fast okay i'm a big proponent going fast i think it does and being in a situation where you're you could get hurt like that does a lot of stuff you talk about in therapy is what you're afraid of a good way to get past fear is to put yourself in situations where you're a little afraid and i don't i don't

like people picking on that because i think it really is helpful and it really bugs me when you're faster and flow okay yeah you are i know no you are oh thank you man yeah i really i'm peaceful yeah i feel at peace. And I love therapy. I'm not saying don't, you know, work out the traumas and don't talk about the things you're afraid to talk about. But, you know, there's a time for talking and there's a time for moving. And you got to move too.

All things in balance, bro. My beef? I've been on this crazy diet. Well, not crazy, but like a regimented diet for seven weeks and it's an eight week program my beef is when you get on a diet you gotta stay on it forever

that's it at this age I'm 38 if I go off for a week that's it it's all coming back on so it's like you gotta

my beef is you gotta be happy with your body cause it's never you're never gonna be it's hard it's very hard to do that but i'm like it's just annoying because i went off i've been drinking a little bit i'm not supposed

to be on this diet and i haven't lost the amount i'm supposed to lose and i'm like let's that's it but but you have lost i've lost i've tightened i haven't lost weight i've lost like maybe three pounds or four but i've tightened definitely my body a little bit but i'm like the amount i have to go through to get to where i am like i'm working out non-stop i'm eating so fucking clean i'm counting every little macro i fucking put on my body but i'm like i know the second it's summer hits and it's beer time and i'm at the fucking cottage i'm like it's all coming back on so i'm like i'm just mentally already like well i gotta be on the diet for the rest of my life or i'm never gonna be the size i want to be which is just it's frustrating i struggle with that too i wonder sometimes i think i'm in my happiest when i like i accept that it's just

always going to be frustrating like that's just it i guess like can i make the frustration fun but it's often not fun is it ever fun no it's not fun it's also like being a gal in hollywood you're i'm constantly like i'm too big i'm like seeing all these other fucking women like i literally had to unfollow a lot of like my hot friends i got that with dude i can't it's not it's not as hard for us dudes and people don't comment on it at even close to the scale that y'all get. It's crazy. But I got to unfollow some hottie dudes too. It's nothing against them.

I'm just so self-conscious that I can't look at this. And I'm like, God bless. It must be nice to have that body. I don't know. But they're probably, are they suffering too? I think everyone is.

That's the thing. I think even like really thin hot people are still like working even harder than we are. And like, because they have to like work out nonstop. Do you do, do you audition? Do you do like self tapes? Whenever I look at a self tape, I'm like, that's why I'm hardest on myself. Cause I'm like, I look like I need to fucking, you know what I mean?

Well, also my self tapes are like gargoyle woman next door. So it's like, I'm like, I feel like shit. It's literally like my, my agent, I had to drop my my commercial agent because the last audition was for obese woman and i was like i can't do this yeah i can't fucking do this anymore he's like do you want to work or not i'm like if i'm obese i don't want to work then yeah that's not sorry that's that's not good and you're not that and it's not good to put that in and then you're reinforcing like that's that's a tough part with this whole thing is like they'll be hey, we'll give you a lot if you do this, but you doing this will destroy how you think of yourself and also make it, other people will say you are that thing too.

It's a tough juggle. But that's, yeah, that's my beef. That's a good beef. Not dying forever. That's it. That's a good beef. Do you think getting work done though can make people happier? Like, yeah, I get botox done and

it makes me much happier yeah i think i think there's like a thing where people are like oh if you do that like that means you have like negative self-belief i'm like you're also taking action though no i'm taking action always feels better oh i want to do lipo so bad i looked it up for a very long time but apparently people are frowning upon that i might get hair transplant who's frowning on that where why right here

oh in there at the plugs from the back to the front I think you should do it I think you look beautiful you look beautiful now but go for it

go crazy you get one life go for it apparently turkey's where to go yeah I saw you know he was talking about it

and I saw I was like it always looked so gross to me you see those fucking those photos and I watched

the video on it I was like it looks legit no no it actually it actually grows from your head now they're not just like doing this weird thing where you can see you see those fucking photos. And I watched a video on it. I was like, that's legit. No, it actually grows from your head now. They're not just like doing this weird thing where you can see like the lines. Yeah.

Like they're putting them in and it grows out like a normal hair. Yeah, it's crazy. And guys we know, normal guys are doing it. Oh, so many guys.

And then like every A-lister, you're like, what the hell? How you still got that fucking full head of hair? His whole head is that. Coolest guy. He did that? You've never seen his head?

Coolest guy ever in the NBA. Yeah, but it's a lot of. Yeah, he was going back and now he's all the way toest guy. He did that? You've never seen his head? Coolest guy ever in the NBA. Yeah, but it's a lot of... Yeah, he was going back, and now he's all the way to the front. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's not all the way to the front, but he's closer. He's strong.

Yeah. Yeah, he's closer to the front. And then I was even thinking about that with Michael Jackson, like the most extreme example. Maybe not that bad that he got all that work done. No, he got scary. scary yeah but you get one life what are you gonna do keep the same face the whole time that's a good point mix it up well he turned his face turned into a mask so he looked bizarre yeah we all can agree he didn't look good

but i like the conviction to just go for it sure Sure. Took a lot of balls. He never hesitated. He just went for it. You know, everyone in his life was like, don't do it. He's like, I know what makes me happy. He did a lot of things that made him happy and not a lot of other people happy. Yeah, you know, getting the anesthesia every night and the other stuff. No. I'm going to draw the line there.

What do you do next week? I'm getting a 10th chin. Yeah. He's like, you know, it's nice, but there's not enough of a butthole in there. Yeah, he got a real big butthole. He did? Big butthole chin?

He did that good. I mean, maybe he always had, no, I feel like he didn't have that as a kid. That's like that classic thing about the boat paradox and philosophy. Like if you replace every piece of wood on a boat, is it still the same boat? Is Michael Jackson still at his core Michael Jackson

or do you become a different person if you get that much done? I think you became a different person. Maybe, yeah, I don't know. He got weird. Is that a beat? Yeah, a legend. I was going to make him my legend.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. God. Am I being, yeah, sorry. No, no, you're good, you're good. Chad, who's your baby of the week? I've been trying to, I'm starting to play out clips too and i was watching i was like i need to i need to up my fashion game so my girlfriend took me shopping and uh it was great so it was fun okay

she's my babe because we went shopping and uh we just had a blast and i was like i was like oh i'm really stepping it up here i'm caring more about my look i think that's cool okay i'm getting like cooler shirts you know i'm i'm like embracing my 30s like i've tried to look like a 15 year old my whole life wearing vans and tees you know right now i'm rocking our merch but now i'm trying to look like i'm in my 30s which i'm pretty proud of myself for because my dad when i came out to la he's like you got to go j crew and i'm like i'm not a fucking nerd you know beat it go back to the hospital and no i love you dad. But now I'm embracing it. I think I'm proud of myself.

Okay. I think I'm growing up. My babe of the week. Look, I've been talking about it a lot. It's the lake. Oh, yeah. I love a lake. The lake's good.

Lake Winnebago. That's it. Took 40 minutes to drive just the length of it. Who's your babe? I'm going to say Bill Burr. Bill did my podcast last week, and it was very good. He put me in a very good mood. It was very nice of him to do.

My podcast is called Staff Infection. It's very disgusting. It's about body stuff, and I can't believe he... And he's a very nice man. Did he... Were you... Are you nervous talking to him? I was for the pod. Or have you overcome that i'm whenever i see him like

out like i see if you get nervous i don't care but like for some reason the podcast i got nervous because i was like yeah i know it's about gross stuff and i felt bad i didn't give enough warning what the podcast is about so i was like worried that he'd be like why the fuck did i say yes to this yeah and then i had a nightmare the night before that when i got uh here he was gonna eat and not be able to do the podcast and we wouldn't want to do it and as soon as he got here i was like oh sorry i didn't mind if i ate the sandwich quickly and i was like my dream's coming true my name is coming true and i was like i kept waking up all night thinking he's gonna bail me it's so stupid but i was a little bit normally no but it went well yeah yeah yeah that's cool yeah nervous and excited your body doesn't know the difference yeah

yeah it was nice he said nice things That's it Chad who's your legend? Dude my legend is We went wakeboarding But my legend is the tube There's nothing better than tubing You looked really cute out there You get whipped around I got whipped so hard by him That I skidded across the water

Just one person in the tube You didn't do a double up tube? We went with Jake our son Okay okay Yeah he's our editor He's editing this podcast right now. Jake was a beast. He really didn't want to do it,

and we gently encouraged him. Okay. Just super gently, but we were like, you got to do it. Because nothing's more fun than being in a tube with like two or three people and then all getting knocked out. That's fun as hell.

We got knocked out. I got knocked off. He stayed on. Oh, okay. But, I mean, it's so fun. I don't know if there's anything more fun than the tube. No, honestly, the tube is very fun. The tube, like I'm talking about in all of earth.

I think it's the most fun thing you can do. But you haven't had a bad wipeout where you go so high that when you fall back in the water, your bathing suit goes so far up your ass, it bleeds. Whoa. I had that. Wow. It went in and water went up my ass because i was i flew so fucking high and when i came down my legs i saw my ass bled i was young too i was like 12 and i was like

dad why is my bum my bum bum bleeding he's like we might have no doctors your dad sounds like a cool guy yeah yeah he was very concerned because it was really bleeding and i was quite young and he's like this is not good yeah but i still tube after that i still tube i'm gonna tube this summer you get to when are you going to the lake i'm going in august for a whole month oh that's sick i know do you do stand-up while you're out there uh yeah there is one show i'm doing that's like cottage adjacent but you are you kind of trying to just take a month off yeah yeah oh that's that'll be good for the i'll still be posting clips in the mind yeah but i will still be yeah decompress from all of it.

That's smart. My legend of the week? Chat on the tube. Wow. It was fun. It was just really fun. And also, this is my other legend, when we're on tour, I think I was staying in my room and just working out and going to get lunch, which is good. That's good

stuff, but it's just maintenance. You gotta get out and go explore a little bit and see what all these places have to offer yeah I mean you suggested it and the day of I was kind of like I was like I was like a little bit kind of like I want to like work out and stuff no we did it most fun day ever yeah it's totally so much together yeah I'm like oh we had enough time together but it's work it's nice to have those fun days. And we work so much together that I'm like, oh, well, we had enough time together, but it's work. It's nice to just do something like fun and be like. Just have fun.

Yeah, not comedy related, but just to remember that you're good friends and there's fun to be had out there. Yeah, exactly. That's really huge because you're doing the other stuff and it takes up all your bandwidth. And also a human being. You forget that we need to do this.

That's why, yeah, it's. My legend is very braggy, but I have to say it. What happened? My legend this week is I went on a private jet. I opened for Tim Dillon. Not my money. Tim Dillon flew three comics on a private jet. Oh, I saw that.

To San Fran and back in one night. And it was fucking crazy. That's awesome. It was, I don't, like like i would never be able to afford one of my own i don't know how i ever can fly again normally wow it's unbelievable yeah and then you don't have to go through the terminals nothing you get there you get driven to your car you're up in seconds you no fucking there's no bumps you can barely it's like quiet you it was insane it was nuts and yeah because what's

the shitty part about flying is all the other people all the people all the fucking rigmarole they're going to the security getting a water i took a full bottle of water in my bag oopsies having a sip of water no no issues wow yeah yeah because if you're i've been on like flights that were kind of empty it's not that taxing on you when there's no one else on the when you don't have to people when you don't have to slide by someone, you're not shoulder to shoulder with two Mondo-sized strangers. It's not too bad. Yeah, and I will say, it changed my whole. I was like, this is the coolest thing I'll ever do.

And it was wild. That's awesome. Yeah. That's it. Also, Legends of the Week, can I tack on? Yeah. The two youngsters who rented us the boat. Solid kids.

Good kids. Solid Wisconsin kids. Yeah. Solid. Good kids. Solid Wisconsin kids. Solid. Good kids. Good, solid. They think the new running back at Wisconsin is going to be as good as Jonathan Taylor, Melvin Gordon, or Ron Dane.

That's a young man. Doesn't know his stuff, but still adorable. Chad, what's your quote of the week? My quote of the week comes from Mars Attacks. Have you seen Mars Attacks? No. You haven't? Oh, you've got to see it.

It's about Martians. Yes, I know the movie is. I've just never seen it. I'm aware of what Mars Attacks. Okay. This is from President Dale, played by Jack Nicholson. I want the people to know that they still have two out of three branches of the government working for them. And that ain't bad.

That's it. Okay. My quote of the week is, I saw this on someone's Instagram story today. Break often. Not like porcelain, but like waves. Nice. Do I have a quote of the week?

Yes. Could it be a meme that I got that made me laugh so fucking hard? I know this is so cheesy, but I don't think I've ever laughed harder at a meme in my entire fucking life uh hacker i have all your passwords me oh my god thank you what are they and it's kermit with a phone see it's funny have you seen the kermit one where he shows his dick i i am obsessed with kermit the frog and all his memes they all make make me laugh. The one where he gets soaked with water and he is on the rock. He's like, that's my favorite one. I send that to every reaction.

It wasn't a good quote, but I didn't know why I'd have quotes. No, that's good. We got one more. We don't tell people ahead of time because we don't want to give homework. Okay. Well, the quote, I would have needed the homework. Right. Yeah, maybe we should give a heads up on the quote.

Yeah. I panicked with the quote I would have, you know, needed the homework. Right. Yeah, maybe we should give a heads up on the quote. Yeah. I panicked with the quote. But you just never know. But then I guess we worry if we tell people that, they'll like sour on the whole operation. Like, I don't want to do work. It's not work. It's a quote.

It's fine. We got through it. Yeah. Chet, what's your, so this is our phrase of the week for getting after it. Okay, okay. This is more of a thing. This is like a short short succinct collection of words that will send people off with a boost okay just any kind of thing you could say picture party

setting everyone's looking to you to kind of galvanize them what do you say in that moment kiss on the first date nice okay dude let's clear the wake okay still really boat heavy for you and lake heavy you're still really on that's the theme this week yeah yeah I mean I've done almost 300 of these so yeah yeah yeah I'm running out of ideas yeah yeah yeah I just do random movie quotes where I'm like

I have nothing I just enjoyed it yeah yeah yeah yeah you know okay my phrase of the week for getting after it is... Very serious. Yeah, I'm pondering. Keep pondering. Keep pondering.

That's nice. Thanks. That's awesome. That's good. Steph, what a delight. Thanks for having me. Thank you Steph what a delight thanks for having me thank you for coming thank you for having me

it was a pleasure latest we've ever done a podcast so it's good ever? yeah yeah we're yeah we're zipping

we're zooming come do mine you guys will do mine next you said September right? alright let's do it let's do it keep it clear

keep it open alright later I was like how does this end? where is he going? All right. Let's do it. Let's do it. Keep it clear. Keep it open. All right, later. I was like, how does this end? Where is he going? Keep it clear. Keep it loose. I'm like, this is... If you need advice

These guys are really nice You wanna know What to do Where to go When you need someone to guide you Starts to happen, throws beside you Go free Go free

Let's go deep Go go in deep Cat and dame deep Let's go deep We're going deep We're driving deep