Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 304 - Kevin "Shmole Lawyer" Fard Joins

Episode Date: August 16, 2023

Today's episode is a Wild one. Kevin is a man of many talents. He starts the show off with an amazing acoustic riff. We experiment with some bits. Kevin gets mad at JT for the way he treated the seals on Catalina Island. Then Kevin answers your calls about the law!   Come see us on Tour!Tickets on http://www.chadandjt.com Call us, leave a 60 sec voicemail with your issue or question: 323-418-2019or write in to chadgoesdeeppodccast(at)gmail.com(Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice) Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/ Episode Sponsered by:BlueChew: Get your first month FREE  using code: godeep at Https://www. Bluechew.com Rumpl: The Best Blankets!  Get 10% off your first order  using code: godeep  https://www.Rumpl.com/godeep Helix Sleep: 20% off  all mattress orders +2 free pillows  https://www.helixsleep.com/godeep  Code HELIXPARTNER20 Liquid IV: 20% off  Anything you orderhttps://www/liquidiv.com Code godeep

Guys, we have a banger of an episode. This is a long, fun episode with the Schmoldaddy, huh? Yeah, we just did it. It was so much fun. Kevin's still here. He's drawing dicks in the background. And guys, we're so stoked to have you on board. First, we got Irvine coming up. Irvine Improv. We gotta sell it out. It's our hometown show. Dude, September 28th? We're coming home. Let's make it two. We're coming home.

Let's make it two. I mean, tickets are going fast for that one. Oh yeah, if we sell out one, we can sell out the second. We can do another one.'re coming home. Let's make it two. I mean, tickets are going fast for that one. Oh yeah, if we sell out one, we can sell out the second. We can do another one. Oh, that'd be a lot of fun.

Yeah, let's do two. Yeah, tickets are going fast for that one, for real. I like doing two shows in a night. You're always hot around the second one, I feel like.

Absolutely. So guys, get your tickets at ChanJT.com. Also check this site for more dates. We're also brought to you by a new sponsor, Blue Chew. What up, Blue Chew?

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the gal's like busy or doesn't want to do it or whatever and then you're stuck with the boner all night but you can have some good solo jam sessions still never let a boner go to waste we're also brought to you by Rumpel Rumpel's on a mission to introduce the world to better blankets. Guys, they have the original puffy blanket.

So nice. They made that? Yeah, it's like eco-friendly, durable materials, cool dudes who made it, great outdoor gear. Were old blankets not eco-friendly? Not like this, dude. It's different. Not made by cool dudes that look super sick. They're ultra packable. It's water and stain resistant. Guys, go to rumple.com slash go deep and enter code go deep at checkout to get 10% off your

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That's 20% off anything you order when you use promo code GODEEP at liquidiv.com. Start the show. Let's go. You're going to have to be patient for this one. But are you already, you want to kick off with you playing? Yeah. You don't want us talking? okay yeah well you're gonna you're gonna put this in there huh you don't want me to open the podcast i'll give you something to open oh with the podcast

but but so you want us to shut it down now and just let you play yeah we'll do it live yeah so start the pot with you just playing yeah okay cool whatever you want to get ready yeah i mean i think we're good so so no no talking all right i mean this bit you've exhausted this bit all right you ready sorry i snorted that was lame i'm sorry i snorted that was lame okay are you guys ready go baby Okay Are you ready I'm ready Cause you were You did get a bit You were nervous I wasn't nervous

You said we could cut it Huh Go We ready I'm You're doing the bit now I mean I'm not doing the bit I wanna start

Dude Suck me off baby Let's go Alright And we're doing a We're not It's not gonna be part of it. We're going to do, it's a Joe's, it's a Joe's dong song.

Yeah. But that's not, it's going to start with the song. You are now doing the bit more than I was doing the bit. I'm pretty good at doing bits. Are we ready? Yeah. Okay. Aaron, we're ready.

Why are you laughing at that i don't know so aaron can you cut to me and Chad listening too? I'm home. Da da da dong dong da da da dong dong Joe's dong is so long Da da dong Dong is dong It's dark It's dark Joe's Dung Remember when you saw Joe's Dung And it growled in the sun A groan And growled in the sun A grown

Joe's Crazy Dong And then it was tall as the trees Can't climb it for me I'll grow on Joe's Crazy Dong I screwed up a couple times there. That's what it's... Let's applaud you.

Let's applaud you. It was long, yeah. Yeah. Like Joe's dong. It was long. know that was fantastic I'm not a musician I can't I can't perfect everything so I screwed up a couple times but I think I swear to god I didn't notice I just thought it was super super long you guys liked it oh yeah it was long what is that like an insult is this another bit no is that when you it's Pink Floyd it was long. Is that like an insult? Is this another bit? No, it was just long. It's Pink Floyd.

It's long. There's a buildup. Oh, I love Pink Floyd. Do you? I do. I love Pink Floyd. But most of their songs are long. It's great.

Okay. Remind me of other long songs. You should do Joe's dong, but for brick in the wall. Because his dong is technically a brick that you throw in the wall. Although I know brick in the wall is about building the wall. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. Here's another brick in the wall.

Maybe we need to start the podcast with the pre-bit and then go into that. I don't know if we can lead in with that. You want to leave the bit at the beginning in before the song, but you wanted to start the podcast with the pre-bit and then go into that i don't know if we can lead in with that you want to leave the bit at the beginning in before the song but you wanted to start with the song i mean that was assuming that i could perfect the song but no one knows the song is not perfected because people only know your version of it from how you played it yeah but what if we got some people that are you know huge pink floyd fans or just like normal pink floyd fans i'm gonna get i'm gonna get roasted you think even the normal fans are going to come down on you? They're going to come down on me. I don't know how you can be you and be this gun shy

about what people are going to think about you. I get shy when I'm playing the guitar. I don't get shy on stage, but I get a little nervous when I'm playing the guitar. It's fair, dude. It's vulnerable. I think if you get roasted, that's good though. Yeah.

I should take the roast. That's good. And you love getting roasted and then you roast back. That's like part of your charm. Yeah. Is that part of my charm? Sure. roast good and you love getting roasted and then you roast back that's like part of your charm yeah is that part of my charm sure you getting roast would be way better than just no comments at all is that right yeah yeah you want you want to rile people up this is a show baby you want to have an effect yeah you either want people to be like wow kevin is amazing or wow he blows yeah

you don't want the middle i'm sorry uh j, I'm not making too much eye contact with you because Chad's shirt is so loud. Thank you. Are you peacocking? I'm trying to be more loud with my shirts. Is he peacocking? Yeah. You're peacocking?

Yeah. It depends, right? He is a tropical peacock by nature. Is that a Hawaiian shirt? Can you peacock if you are born a peacock? Because I think Chad's just naturally a peacock oh because i think chad's just naturally a peacock so it's not are you talking yeah kind of my understanding is that peacocking is uh you have to specifically you have to intend i read the game yeah i was gifted the game you

meant you mean that people know that book no by a dude what did you say by god why is aaron laughing i don't know that if that's funny is that a is it a burn are you burning me again it's literally the opposite oh so you're complimenting me i don't take compliments well yeah i assume everything's a burn dude i don't know but i'm on my heels now no a guy friend gifted me the game that's an insult right like you're gonna need this book yeah yeah probably but you know at that point i think when you're in high school did you get into high school right it wasn't after the fact no i got it in college yeah that's a little bit of an insult because in high school everyone's kind of accepting that like we don't have game and we want game

so it was actually kind of like it wasn't weird to give it to your buddies it was more like hey man i got the but it's like getting the cheat codes to a video game it's like here let me share it with you i was oh but i was openly didn't have game i wasn't ashamed of that but the problem is great book have you guys discussed this book people people don't know what this book is anymore table at one point great book the the suggestions were a little odd because it was like okay you got a peacock you got to neg the girls and all that where i'm okay i'm on board i'm on board and then step number three now do a magic trick that was the crazy part so i always have to what am i like yeah that's in there you always have to do magic okay and so so to be able

to have this stuff for a magic trick you had to wear a fanny pack so built into rule three was also oh i don't even remember that is this for real yeah you got because you got to do magic trick you need like you need cards you need stuff you need shit but it's a great book so like when you go to the club you're wearing tight jeans and like you know a banana republic there's no room for magic like a top hat and shit too and they wouldn't let you into like a club with i think they were going to sleep like not great places yeah because like you can't go to like a great no they're going to the den i think they were living in a house like right above the comedy store and they were going to the den and doing magic i think yeah mark hayes is one of the guys

in the book he's in the book he's in the book we didn't know i didn't know that yeah yeah it's as a guy just hanging out at the den he's mark hayes yeah mark hayes is a comic we know that um he's done magic on you slings dick he slings dick he on you, right? No, he does magic? Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, but it's without the stuff. Oh. He is magic. I can do one magic card trick. You'll guess what number you're thinking right off the bat.

Really? I think you're thinking of the number seven. Why'd you do a Mexican accent? That's what came out. Hey, ladies, I think your name is number seven kev when did you get he's irish for the first time when did i get laid i was uh i was late i was uh 21 oh nice nice yeah who was she uh just a random uh i met her at just a one-off a one-off do you do magic and at the time she was old at the time,

I thought she was much older. Now she's younger than I am now, but how old is she? I think so. In the morning I woke up and I saw her, uh, like her ID was on the couch and I, uh,

uh, I picked it up. I look, I think she was like 33 or 34 and I was like, Oh fuck, get out of the mouth, dude. But,

uh, how'd you do? Did you bust early? Wait, can we stop though? But can you look at me? and I was like, oh, fuck, get out of the mouth, dude. How'd you do? Did you bust early? Wait, can we stop, though? But can you look at me? I don't know if you can hear it on the phone, but I have a really intense podcast stance right now.

Do you guys like this? Mm-hmm. Here, have a magic mic. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's great. Yeah, we're sponsored by these guys, and they make this drink that makes your brain state of the art. Is it going to help me bust? So what do you do?

This is like putting, I was going gonna say premium gas into a tesla but oh is this an ad on electric so maybe it is like that do more stress less what matcha it gives matcha adaptogens it's an alternative what is this uh the joe rogan experience they're paying us oh okay it's uh nootropics gonna make your brain to make your brain healthier. Nootropics? Okay. Yeah. And it's going to give you an alternative to caffeine so you don't get the jitters. And am I supposed to drink this right now? If you want to, but it'll be good for us. Okay. It's got vitamin D and vitamin C.

Now, am I supposed to chug it like a shot, or am I supposed to just sip it and enjoy the taste? Whichever you prefer. All right. So, when did you get your first girlfriend? You know, I had, I think my current wife was my actual first girlfriend i had like things that i wouldn't say were fully committed i also i gotta say something now too because the way you made that sound it's gonna sound like you weren't a man about town but i had a kick in

fourth of july party one time kevin rolls through two of my super cute friends who were real chill girls oh we're battling over they were fighting they were fighting like literally arguing about who had divs on kev yeah but that was that was that was very confusing i mean uh clearly these girls just met me for the first time because this has never happened lovely ladies yeah very nice very nice girls cool girls yeah and they were like, Kevin's mine. And everyone was like, Kevin's mine. I've never seen them fight like that. Really?

I didn't know that. I mean, they were bridesmaids. And they're married now. But they were bridesmaids at each other's wedding. Wow. I heard that later. No, they weren't married at the time. And then you throw Kevin into the mix, and it's like the claws were out, dude.

I didn't witness any fighting. And so I didn't notice anything or know of anything until i think you told me later but i don't think they'd ever seen a guy wear two bowling shirts why does aaron only laugh at you i don't get i don't get your jokes two bowling shirts is that funny yeah was i wearing a bowling shirt i don't know't know. I'm just here to hang out, dude. That was a... Was that too much intense energy? No, you're good. It's fun.

I'm trying to get you back in the real world here. Energy is good energy. Hell yeah, man. Bring me back. How's your baby? They're good, man. They're so cute. I love them to death. It's so fun. Before we get into your babies, you want me to try this first? Yeah, man. Drink it.

Ugh. death oh wait so fun before we get into your babies you want me to try this first yeah man drink it that's delicious somebody find me a woman so i can bust nice magic mind cut it cut that clip see kevin we were at a mic last week and uh how's your bus game dude i'm because you're talking about busting a lot you still can't believe you still do. You're like too... I think you... This is me complimenting myself because I know we do a lot of things together, but I think you might be too famous to do open mics. To do open mics? Yeah.

You haven't been to the open mics that we're doing. There's no fame bump there. No one's laughing? Well, nobody's... Are people like when you go up, they're not going oh my god is that are they no it's and i don't mean it as an insult because it's really a testament to your work ethic and oh yeah like drive to like keep doing things and to keep getting better but like you'll be doing shows with like you know right bill burr at night and then and then you're still just working on it

smacking around it the fourth keeps him humble you just like the vibe there the hang i like the hang i like i like work on new material that's nice yeah it is a good place for that right where it's not gonna like uh well and it and it's if if a joke works there i mean i know there's the there's the argument that you know no one laughs so it's more detrimental but i think if you get people laughing at a joke there then it's pretty tried and true you know it's a jewel yeah it is true wait so what happened now i have to be there because i don't get booked that much so if i if i don't do these then i i sort of feel like i i'm sort of off the thing so i'm i'm there i'm there just to feel alive staying regimented which one are you guys hitting fourth wall fourth wall yeah yeah that's

pretty much the only one i'm not gonna i'm not gonna go around town i'm just well it's a different scene now it's different it's all way different yeah yeah the world changed not always for the better but we uh you're talking about busting oh i'm still in the bus position i haven't busted yet today but there's always time how many times do you bust in a day although my mom's uh at our house right now so i don't try to bust yeah i don't try to bust when my mom and my baby are the next room over she there to visit harrison fard yeah that might be his name might not i think you've said his podcast his name on the podcast whose name harrison farts you know you know your audience is uh quite gullible You know when we did Some shows

Wait don't do this Let me tell you something We did some shows okay I have a bit It's like a 12 minute bit About my son's cock Just 12 minutes of cock Pure cock material.

And after the show, I get multiple. That should be the name of your special. 12 minutes? I could go on probably. I have a long. 12 minutes?

I have a long bit about his cock. Kevin, that should be the name of your special, pure cock material. Pure cock material. I don't think like. Material's not all cock, but most of my baby material is about his cock.

I don't know what that says about me, but I do extensive amounts of material about my little baby's cock. Okay? And I get off stage, and a couple of your fans come up next to me, and they're all, so, like, do you really have a son? Or, like, is that is that like a bit like is he is he like i know i know it's weird but it's really weird because if i'm you're saying i made up i made up a kid and then made and then yeah only did cock material about the kid about a made-up kid how fucked up do you think i am just i'm just focusing on his cock slightly more fucked

up than you actually are it it could be described as fucked up right now but i am just i'm just focusing on his slightly more fucked up than you actually are it could be described as fucked up right now but i get what you mean that is so much weirder though to be like okay i'm gonna pretend i have a son and then do 12 minutes on his pretend dick yeah that is crazy but they think the same thing about they don't think strider's wife is real yeah and they don't think your son's name is harrison fard they think that's a bit for the podcast pretty good bit isn't it pretty good bit i'm pretty good at bits also good at busting huh or is that a bit yeah it could be i could be really hard to say that's a bit that you bust.

I bust. Do you make cock jokes when you're in bed with your wife? I make cock jokes all day long, 24-7. Well, yeah, say the thing that you whisper to your wife sometimes when you guys are making whoopee. Don't you go like, ugh? Sometimes I like to go like, you know, okay, so can we, somebody be Stephanie.

Who wants to be Stephanie? Whoever wants to. Okay. Oh, Kevin. No, she doesn't do that. Okay. Completely. Just you have to be completely silent like you're not enjoying it, okay?

And this is not a dig at my wife. I've been actually trying to work on this. Like, this is not a dig at. I don't think anyone's taking it that way, brother. Keep cooking. Like, most women that I've been with, completely silent. Not having fun at all. Yeah, you've never made a woman moan, right? yeah i'm working i'm working on this but it's true i i've never had like a

screamer you know ah ah oh kevin oh daddy nothing i'm pretty good at that though but you know why a lot of that when women do that is is that they're feeling pleasure yeah no woman has been feeling pleasure for me oh oh oh the small cock brothers are going to be uh lecturing me on pleasure that's not a bad name the small brothers that's not bad never had i can see that on a marquee i have never had a woman excited like now and the fucked up thing about it is i've never even had a woman that maybe she hasn't been excited that hasn't even decided that she needs to fake it for me to gain my approval. Right. But a lot of women, I think, just don't.

They're very shy. They don't want to do that. It's a trust thing. I'm saying there's either two options, and I'm comfortable with both. One, I don't have the goods to give a woman to truly satisfy a woman. That's very possible, okay? That's very possible. Or I'm just getting very respectable women who don't, are secure,

they don't need to moan or do all that. They're feeling the pleasure inside of them, and they don't need my approval. I genuinely think it's the latter. Thank you. Do you think it could be also that you're such an alpha, you're so dominant, Ed, that they think if they moan, you'll mock them? I do think that's part of it, too.

Yeah, well... Because you would. You think I would mock them for moaning? Yeah. Because I can moan better? I didn't know that's why, but I figured you'd have some kind of super stupid reason. Here, okay, get... Can you do your moan? Do your moan better i didn't know that's why but i figured you'd have some kind of super stupid here okay get can you do your moan you're my woman right now what's your position what position are

we in missionary oh wait shouldn't i be the woman shouldn't you be banging me wait okay you bang me because i'm moaning oh it's a good point i thought i thought i was gonna be your wife for a second had no we're let's take away my wife. It's just me and you. Okay. You remember that dark mirror? That dark mirror. Is it dark mirror? Black mirror.

Black mirror. It was close. The episode where the two guys are playing video games and then they started fucking each other. All right. So let's. It's kind of hard to. Yeah.

You want me in missionary? Yeah. Do you want my hand? Do you want me to be full on? What do you call it? Starfish? Yeah. Yeah it kevin oh daddy yeah you like that oh i love it oh I'm gonna bust. I'm gonna bust on my tits. That was good.

That was really good. That was really good. I do like that. Do you need a cigarette? How you doing with your wife? You need a cigarette? I think we all need to take... Before we do that, let's take five seconds. I'm tired.

Yeah, yeah. Are you tired? I feel like something happened. Yeah, let's take five seconds. Can I take a drink? Yeah, yeah. Let's just relax. Actually, people listen to this at work.

You know what the best thing to take after boning? They're getting an experience for sure. What I like to take after I have somebody bust a load all over me is Magic Mind. Dude, hell yeah. We could cut that where you take half a shot of Magic Mind and then just cut to him moaning. Ooh, I can feel those nootropics

in my balls. Kevin, that was really good. Thank you. Like you were transported. It was I don't know if I'd say it was like Daniel Day-Lewis but it was like commitment was know if i'd say it was like daniel day lewis but it was like commitment was fucking gigantic thank you i don't know it just naturally have you done that for women you are like intimate with like no that you'd like oh but i've so i i've had two two thoughts on this the first one was i thought it would be hilarious wouldn't it be hilarious if

you're just hooking up with a girl for the first time? Like, you never, so it's like a one-night stand. And you're in her completely normal, completely normal. And right when you're about to bust, you start doing, and she can't do anything at that point because you're mid-bust. Yeah, my brother. You're busting. My brother used to say, my brother used to want to do a bit. Like, I guess that's like a sex bit.

My brother wanted to do a sex bit. Where, you know, in like pornosnos where they do the really exaggerated squirting my brother wanted to do something where he's like making out getting into the girl his pants come down and they're dry on me and then he wanted to aggressively rub a pretend clit. Like a squirt. And go, ah! Like he had a pussy? Like he had a pussy. Pretend a squirt everywhere. And, yeah, so I get it.

Yeah. Yeah, I think that's funny. I do. I lost my train of thought because I'm thinking your brother with a fake clit. Let's see. Did he ever do it? No, no, no. Where would you get that?

Would you have to order that on Amazon? You know, I think that's one of those things where every time you're like, would this be funny? And then you're actually like making out with someone. You're like, poor girl. Like, I don't think I'm going to, you know, pretend that I have a clit and a skid everywhere. It's funny in theory. Like you talk to her for three hours.

You learned about her major, you major, her background, her family. And then, yeah, you got to do it. He did it a bunch. Girls don't. He did it a lot. That's good. Girls, now I'm not going to overgeneralize here because I don't speak for all women. Well, people are taking this serious.

I don't think they like bits during sex. No, yeah. If it's early on, yeah. With my wife, I like to make like a oh yeah like that before we start and she cuts it off she doesn't let me i thought it's like isn't it sexy man yeah and you like go up to her ear and go oh like i thought that could bring it up but she just cuts it off right is she still in the mood after you do that? She's not in the mood to begin with

And that really drops off the mood Have you ever tried just going straight sexy Kev? No bits Sexy Kev no bits Yeah I try that and she gets fucking weirded out by that too Because like why are you all sexy? Well what's that look like? It looks fake

Well do it You look so beautiful tonight i love you it's good but it's good but your eyes are can you look at the can we get his eyes on camera when he says it should i wait which yeah that one yeah you get right down the barrel you are so beautiful i love you more than anything in the world. Kiss me, please. Can we just kiss? Can we just snuggle for a little bit? You're a weird guy, man. Some wires got tripped up in you early, huh?

I'm fucked up. But you had like a very normal life, right? You're like a normal guy. Yeah, we're weird. I'm a weirdo, though. Some people are just weird. My dad was weird. A lot of Persian guys are weird.

Your dad was weird? Yeah. How so? I'm a weirdo though Some people are just weird My dad was weird A lot of Persian guys are weird Your dad was weird? Yeah How so? He was more like You know He would like Do like corny stuff But like he would

Yeah my dad was a weirdo He um Like he would walk around The grocery His favorite thing was To hang out in grocery stores Just like he would walk around The grocery store

I get that I like going to the grocery store Yeah And then he would He would be like One of those guys When he's checking out He'd be like Is this free. And then he'd be like one of those guys when he's checking out, he'd be

like, is this free? And then he'd wink at the cashier for like nine minutes. Is this free? And then that kind of stuff. Like dad jokes. Yeah, dad jokes. But he was weird. Persian guys are weird. I'm going to generalize over. I'm not going to over generalize here.

Most Persian guys are fucking weirdos. Who do I know? You? Am is it would you consider him to be normal i don't think but i don't think both of y'all are weird in different ways you guys are different dudes yeah and different than the norm but i i would think that's more because of not because you're persianist but because you went into the into comedy i've been weird my whole fucking life so a lot of people i see going to comedy and they're you know sort of normal people and they're trying to do like a math equation i've been weird and i'm just being weird do you have a do you i don't i don't think you do but so when one of

those like good college normies come into stand up and they're like really trying to like be studious about it does that do you want to like like moan in their ear no i just uh and this is a different style this isn't an insult to comedians and i i certainly shouldn't be insulting comedians you know so i think there's sort of two types of comedians there are comedians that are just i i'm not going to call myself funny but weird just weird people and weird or funny that are just naturally like and weird or funny that are just naturally like that they've been that their whole life and then there's the nerds that come in and figure it out like the mathematical formula and then

there's the nerds that are secretly funny and then do that there those people are the best yeah well yeah and the people who can get 4.0 s but are also weirdos. That's a... And I'm not... Yeah, I'm not saying one is better than the other. And obviously, a lot of the other find a way to become successful. But I'm just a fucking weirdo.

And whether I'm going to fail eventually at this or not is not – I'm still the weirdo. I think you're just coming into your prime. I think you're lighting it up tonight. Is this it? This is your prime. This is your peak. Knock on wood. I thought you were going to say your dad would pretend to bust all over the produce.

No, he didn't. Maybe he wanted to. He wasn't – Maybe he wanted to. He wasn't. Those are different times. I also have to say, when he was describing his father's antics, if I was connecting the dots, they were far afield. Like his dad made a joke. Kevin's Kevin.

Kevin's jacking off in one of the aisles It's like One is not like the other I think there is a genetic component to it though Because my sister also Well yeah maybe your dad was your Oh man yeah I just got a fucking spiky headache But was your dad doing it He wasn't

In your face like I am We're a different kind of weird Yeah you're a brutalist. I'm intense. I'm intense, too. That's what connects us is I'm very intense. I'm going to make you uncomfortable and see where your line is. And then I'm not going to open up because if I get intense with you and I come up to you and I just make like a –

I'm not going to come up to you. But if I just make a joke, off-color joke, and I see you get all tense, that's what I do with my friend's girlfriend. I call that the test. I just be weird in front of them, and if they got all tensed up, no, no, no. You need the girl that's chill, and she's going to, you know.

What's your sister like? My sister is very, it's a lot of, she likes load humor too. Whoa! Oh, she does? If you're just hanging out, my sister's going to be funnier than me. She's going to drop loads on you? Huh? She's going to drop loads?

She likes to talk about cock, loads, all that kind of stuff. Whoa! I think it's genetic. Do you feel like she was talking about it so much growing up that you didn't feel like you got your opportunity? No, I think we both. Did she Bogart the load talk? She did not talk about loads when so much growing up that you didn't feel like you got your opportunity no i think we both did she bogart the load talk she did not talk about loads when we were growing up i think we both just came into our loads separately but i think it's genetic who likes loads more that's a good question i think you would have to do like a load off or a test or

quiz that'd be a good second yeah A load off. Like those space bar things they used to do in high school to see if you're racist. Yeah. But my family, we like cock talk. Not my mom. My mom doesn't have,

and so that's why I think it's, my dad was weird, I'm weird, my sister's weird, but my mom doesn't have that gene. Right, but it's a dominant gene. Your dad had the big stereotype on him.

Yeah, I think it just, it dominated your mom's like blue eye recessive shit. Yeah. He basically had a load load which is a load that's obsessed with loads and you'll do it in front of anyone like at at the show in sacramento you were asking to see who would blow my dad oh yeah yeah yeah um i'm no i'm trying to in my mind i'm trying to think about it yeah what happened there oh okay i've been like short-circuited i was trying to go back to it your dad was there

your dad was there and then you're oh no no no i was trying to go back sorry sorry i'm trying to remember it yeah your dad was there and then your principal was there or something yeah okay and my preschool teacher your dad your dad. They all turned out. Dad's a doctor, single man, sitting in there? No. Not single? No. Well, I didn't know that.

I didn't have that information. Was he there? You know. His wife wasn't there, though. I think it's a valid question. You know, people want to know who's going to suck off your dad. Yeah. I did talk to my stepdad, too.

I mean, I didn't, I wasn't opposed to it. My stepdad was there i asked him how many times he uh waxed off in a week and he answered that's interesting so is your stepdad into the load talk i mean no he's not a load guy but he'll take it so is your mom is your mom is do you think your mom's attracted to a type though Do you think your mom's attracted to a type, though? No, because my stepdad is different than my normal dad. Okay, so here's a scenario.

Let's say your stepdad is with your mom in the house. You're visiting, and you and your sister are upstairs, and you're doing a load talk, and you're fake busting on her. You're like, uh, uh. Is your mom like to your stepdad, Kevin's busting a load on his sister right now what no and let me clarify what my sister's more cock centered is that normal that sounded that was crazy what so were you imagining me like fake busting on my sister busting no we don't do that about who mom. So his mom is like explaining

what's happening to her stepdad so he's like Kevin is fake busting a load on his sister right now. Oh yeah that one was a little confusing but no. No but the fake part's critical. Yeah yeah oh yeah not not for real busting. Right. No. I think we said fake the first time right no i didn't oh you meant real busting no no i meant fake no no we it's so powerful we don't go up into a room and fake bust we it's all out in the open it's theater in the family yeah okay this isn't a hey you want to hear a crazy thing like that dude i guess my brother was kissing his buddy Trevor a lot at our fantasy football thing last year it's just 12 guys at a house now hold on they were drunk kissing to you know be fun okay and then and then uh I go I

don't know where my brother learned that from it wasn't from watching me and my buddy Andrew kiss even when no one was around yeah make it a joke yeah then my buddy Joe goes one of my favorite memories i was at asu and i was introducing my buddies from philly to the boys from back home and they looked over and andrew and jt were kissing oh damn is that so you think that's a jeanette did you ask your dad if he kissed other no i don't think so i think it's a uh you know what why did you just go into a new york accent there because i'm into it here's the thing i think it's a you know what it was is when i saw the porn it made me realize everybody's a little bit of everything so i'm not going to go out into the

world and pretend to be one thing even if i'm not the other thing i'm just going to be all things because we all are hmm interesting but what's the real reason no I swear to God that's it I swear to God that's it because I haven't really done it since okay so for me it's like it's like a bygone era but do you only kiss your friends that you think are hot would you kiss an ugly friend I'm attracted to all my friends I think they're all hot oh yeah I wouldn't be friends with them if i didn't think they were hot would you kiss joe yes i've tried several times yeah he doesn't he's not it's not his style but that's what cracks me up about the guy and he oh don't you dare try to kiss this guy no you don't want to you know

what you guys have lost a lot of energy since i started talking about kissing guys no i'm listening you lost a lot of energy especially this one right about kissing guys. No, I'm listening. You lost a lot of energy, especially this one right here. I'm just thinking about it. He shuts down. We want to let... And actually, now that we're on this, this is good to talk about. You guys both got mad at me when we were shooting the Netflix show, because when we were humping on Catalina, you guys both talked to the director and said I was humping wrong.

We didn't tell on you. We told you. And then the director had to pull me aside and be like, ah, mate, mate. Yeah, but I think that's the, I don't think we- The fellas say you're not humping right, and I had to be like, oh really? Well, it was a little bit aggressive, like you were really giving it to the seal.

But I have a different style. No, it wasn't aggressive, it was weird. It was like, it was too intimate. It was intense and real, it was real. Cause I don't fake it, cause I never fake it. You never fake it with a seal? No, when I hump, I hump for real. That's real. Because I don't fake it. Because I never fake it. You never fake it with a seal? No. When I hump, I hump for real. That's what makes me hump all the time.

Because if I hump fake then, I might hump fake when it matters. Let me tell you something about seals, okay? And Old Ben specifically. Go, baby. He wants it hard. He doesn't want this sensual bullshit. You don't know that. I don't know that? You don't know if he wants the same thing. I mean, pulling the

Chad card on me? You don't think I know what Old Ben likes I mean Pulling the Chad card on me It transported me To a not so cool place Yeah it just happened when I was talking about kissing my bro This guy We were just Busting loads on the seal And you get in there and you're like yeah you fucking To be wild and crazy guys

You guys have like a narrow Tolerance on it It's like if I don't hump or kiss Dudes the way you guys have a narrow tolerable. I think Ben was a prankster. It's like if I don't hump or kiss dudes the way you guys think is the way to do it, all of a sudden I'm peeing in the Cheerios. Well, we felt like we were in the room with you with a chick and you were being intimate. That's how I pretend hump. So if we were in a threesome, you would just be all sensual like that? I would hope so.

Actually, that wasn't a good hypothetical. Yeah, is that bad all sensual like that i would hope so actually that wasn't a good uh yeah is that bad even yeah but is that even bad i'm saying when we're when we're filming three fucking a seal three weighing the seal three weighing the seal even a guy came off the street and he was just actually he got like nervous but at the beginning he was like raw dogging the seal oh but it wasn't it wasn't my fault that guy wanted to bail no he got nervous he didn't get nervous because of you yeah he got nervous i think he got camera shy he got camera shy if you guys don't know what we're talking about when we're filming if anybody even does anybody even care i think the people who listen to the podcast watch the show yeah so we were filming so we were um

three-waying old ben which is the seal and there was this guy with his shirt off it's like but like just buff guy like the son of catalina he was basically he was like a local ledge yeah and talk about peacocking this guy wants to be part of everything you could tell he was just one of those guys so when he saw cameras he's like oh i want to get on he was finding a way to like get on the show even though he doesn't know what it is and so he's like okay like what should i do and we were fucking the seal so he said hey man come on we'll just film it because we're filming a live right and we'll just come and join in and we're all we're all he didn't i don't think he knew like exactly what we're doing we're all okay fuck this seal and he sort of started and then didn't he sort of like

just get really nervous and shy he got he got scared then he he was cool about it but he's like i can't do it i can't do it well i think he realized that he would be humping on tv he got three pumps in he he pumped funny too i think we kept his little nugget yeah but that's the key pumping funny yeah pumping well that's the key for you it's i think it's funny that i pump serious and i think you gotta pump funny i think it's funny to pump serious but can you demonstrate your yeah i didn't want to because the people are listening to this and watching it we got to find like a seal all right watch okay these two these two guys can i can i make fun of how you guys hump yeah these guys come in it's all it's it's it's all tom fuller it's all right sorry i think kevin doesn't agree with me that

that's how they hump that's my best approximation i do make good seal noises but i don't make seal noises when i'm humping this year all right i'm sorry that was my best that was the best i could do all right when i hump when i hump i go like this. I go, oh, fuck. That feels good. Already instantly uncomfortable. Instantly fucking uncomfortable. You know this is a comedy show. Is this something we haven't heard from Netflix? Here's the thing. It's funny that I make you guys react.

That's funny. Yeah, but you can't. It doesn't capture on camera. I think it came through nice. I liked it. It didn't show like an argument. And I'll tell you this, he might have just been pacifying me because he didn't want me to be a grump grump.

But our very esteemed director was like, I think it's funny when JT hump serious. He has a different hump style. And maybe it's maybe it's a British thing. Maybe I hump British. Yeah, I think it's, I don't know. I'm just, me and Chad are the one, like. Look, I don't like bumming Chad out. Like when I see his shoulders droop, you know, it makes me bum.

I'm not bummed. I'm not bummed. I'm just thinking about different pump styles, different hump styles. Chad, it's okay to. Different ways to bust. It's okay to put your foot down. Now, this wasn't like you guys were in the writer's room scripting out Kevin's. Yeah, but it's also okay. I totally the writer's room scripting out, Kevin's going to get everybody to fuck a seal.

I totally agree it's okay to put your foot down. I don't think the humping thing is the time to put your foot down on the hump. I mean. But you take the artistry of humping, you feel like it's one thing. When we saw old Ben for the first time, we pictured ourselves on him. Like, this is how it's going to be. It wasn't written down at what it was just natural i'm sorry for that if i if i you know kind of no threw off the hump on old ben and that was

like a a pinnacle moment i'm serious what you didn't throw us it that's okay it was fine on film and we're not criticizing you there but it just the just the basic discussion i don't think what about when I threw up the serious mangina up on the hillside? The mangina was... Oh, that was beautiful. The mangina was not only a good move, it was an epic move.

Because remember, we were all like, we should moon, and I thought, this is going to be stupid if we all moon like the thing. Yeah, it's low stakes if it's a moon. And then JT's all, no, no, no, no.

What if I mangina? Right, and then I was serious about the mangina. And it's that same energy that allows me to mangina with that kind of intensity and that kind of courage. That's the same thing that makes me hump the way I hump. It's all part of the same thing, man. Is it? It's Draymond Green.

What do you think, Chad? I think I felt different energies, I got to be honest during your mangina right but what I'm saying is look there's eight guys in the Eagles everybody plays their instrument we did the mangina and then we're like we were eating dinner that night like after we film this is gonna like this is gonna revolutionize the credits to be you know it goes doodoo netflix and then it comes opening scene is just your mangina i think that would have been powerful i was honestly expecting that to be an actual like if you go

to catalina right now yeah it would be a statue no no it would be on you know when you're buying uh what do you call them? The postcards or whatever? Yeah. I thought, okay. A luau. Again, you're wiki-whacked. Like, hi from Catalina. Well, you've been turning to Chad for reinforcement on your side of things.

I'd like to go to an outside voice. We should call Dan. Aaron. Oh, yeah, we should call Dan. Aaron, how do you fuck seals? I mean, if I'm doing it, I should call it in. Aaron, how do you fuck seals? I mean, if I'm doing it, I'm doing it funny. And can you demonstrate?

Oh, wait, let's say that again. If you're doing it, you're doing it funny. So what's not funny? What style would not be funny to you? Probably too serious. Okay, so can you give us like... Hey look, Aaron, is that how you feel? I'll take the L on it.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So Aaron, is that how you feel? I'll take the L on it, I'm sorry So Aaron, you think it's better if I hump like I'm not an expert on this the way that you guys are though Well Aaron, can you give us Can you fake hump for us and we can just hear it Can we hear it? Come on Aaron So Aaron, if you were going to hump

Wouldn't you hump true to yourself? Whatever that is, whether it be funny Whether it be real But whether it be real. But it would be funny. But you're not doing it. Now, no. Have you ever? I mean, you got it.

You might. You got. I mean. Let's say you win the softball championship and you hump the trophy. Ooh. All right. Now we're talking. All right.

Picture that and hump the trophy. Yeah. All right. Now we're talking. All right. Picture that and hump the trophy. Yeah. Uh-huh. Woo. And he's just being shy, though. That's not being you. That wasn't far from me. Yeah, but that's because he's being shy.

He's not an improver. He's a shy humper. I like it. I thought there was something. Okay, so here's my thing. Let me ask. Let me ask. Aaron, when you're pumping your wife, are you shy?

Easy, dude. Aaron, did I offend you there? He's my thing. Let me ask. Let me ask. Aaron, when you're pumping your wife, are you shy? Easy, dude. Aaron, did I offend you there? He's off camera. Aaron, when you bust, are you a loud buster? Are you a confident buster? Or are you a shy buster? I'm pretty shy. Okay.

So here's my thing. Here's my thing. And this is real. And this is part of what I think makes the whole, this is what compels me in a lot of this stuff. Now, while Aaron's hump there might not have been hilarious, it gave a new note to all of this humping. I heard Aaron in that hump, and that's what I'm drawn to is authenticity.

So when I see you guys hump, I know it's authentic to you. When I see myself hump, I know it's authentic to me. When I heard Aaron be shy there during his hump, I heard Aaron, and that's what I want to hear in a hump is I want to hear you. I want to hear the notes that you play. Well, let me, let me,

let me just pull up a scenario for you. Let's say you're with your boys. You're in the football locker room and you know how like, I'm serious. So, so, you know, like guys in the show,

they'd be like, to like their friends. Yeah. So you go up to like one of your buddies and you'll be like fuck that feels good yeah that actually is funny so yeah thank you no no no no exactly dude and it's but if that's if you're intent no no no plenty of evidence to back up no no hold on yeah if if your intent when you're doing that is to be like funny, like everybody's going, oh. But you're not saying that. You're saying this is how you truly feel.

You're not doing it to be like. That's what makes it funny. Is that I do it like it actually feels. So everyone's like. So then there's that level to it where people go, he might not be joking. And that's what makes it so provocative. Do you think that picked up on camera? I don't know. But I'm not saying that's't know but i'm not saying that's my fault i'm not saying it was but i'm not saying it isn't my fault i'm not saying let's say that again okay i'm in the locker room i'm you know i'm ross

yeah yeah ross come here dude how'd you get so pretty you know you're the prettiest girl i've ever seen no come on don't be mad come here come on just give me a taste in front of why do you sound like sylvester saloon i don't know i'm just doing i'm rolling i'm rolling i'm rolling or look look look like yeah just like just all right let's get to insertion you're inserting it's okay i will i'm like okay watch see if you're laughing i don't know what i feel man yeah that's what i don't know what I feel, man. Yeah, that's what I'm telling you. I don't know what I'm feeling right now, dude.

That's what I was trying to do to people. I'm not saying that can't be funny. I want to confuse them a bit. Yeah, but you're not saying, you're not trying to confuse. You were just being like, that's how you feel passionately. You're not like pranking us by being weird and sensual. I think I am a little bit. Are you?

I think I did. Your whole speech there was, this is how you feel. This is you. But that's, now you're pranking us? But doing that as theater blurs the line between what's real.

And then if they think it's real, then they all of a sudden don't know how to make heads or tails of it. And that's a new provocative feeling for them that could make them laugh harder. Can I be honest with you? No. This is all flying over my head

because I'm thinking about Aaron shy busting. Just shy and just busting. Look, we might have gone. I do feel like we've gone so deep in this that we've lost. Like, we're so deep under the water, we don't know where the surface is. And we might need to just swim to the top and pop up because we might be in kind of such a deep theoretical hump land that that we've lost our vortex yeah yeah exactly yeah let's let's uh let's level out yeah because wasn't this

supposed to be oh we're doing the legal stuff on the back end okay but first we were you know yeah okay because because you know because we brought you in to give legal advice to people guys i'm interrupting this podcast so you know once we got Irvine Improv coming up September 28th. Get your tickets right now. We're also brought to you by the new sponsor, Blue Chew, the best boner pills in the biz. JT, you want to bring the heat in the bedroom, huh? Always, and I think it's good to be extra hard.

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nationwide at costco or get 20 off when you go liquidiv.com and use code go deep at checkout that's 20 off anything you order when you use promo code go tb at liquidiv.com all right let's get back to the show all right so we stopped down we took a couple minutes to breathe after that freaking super intense hump debate i think that was some of the realest shit we've ever done on the pod chev you're in the you're in jt yeah you're blocking me doug sorry homie um now but now we're we're ready we're ready to rock we're gonna do we had stokers right in for legal advice and uh we're gonna get into it but are you ready oh i'm ready oh let me um let me do a little disclaimer here for those of you who don't know I am a lawyer but I don't know shit so this is in a these are just my opinions I'm not trying to give anybody any legal advice

but you are a lawyer I am a lawyer and And if you're listening, I do know more about these topics than you probably. But I'm not trying to be an expert here. Don't take this as advice. Entertainment purposes. This is for entertainment purposes. But you know the law. You passed the bar. You've won most of your cases.

You're a guy. Some would say I am competent. But I just did moan on camera and uh but what a powerful juxtaposition man it is a juxtaposition you know and i've you know that's just the way i am and uh you know if you don't like that suck it was that a good disclaimer yeah that was a good disclaimer yeah it was that a good disclaimer yeah

that was a good disclaimer yeah it was good so the other thing is just because you ask a question on here doesn't mean dad is your attorney there's no attorney client relationship here these are just things we have to we have to say for the purposes of it

I'm not advertising for services here I really don't give a shit if you want me to be your attorney or not. Okay? So this isn't legal advertising. I'm just opining on your questions. If your question is really personal, I might just say fuck you because I want to answer it in a general way.

Okay? Now, I assume most of these questions, I haven't heard them, but it's going to be some stupid scenario. So I might just say I'm not going to answer that. If I don't know, I not going to answer that if i don't know i'm going to be honest about it i'm going to say i don't answer i don't know the answer to that because unlike a lot of fuckers out there on the internet right now and on tiktok and instagram who aren't even lawyers they know the law now everybody knows the law right hmm yeah everybody knows the law so i was just trying to chat i was watching his doggy cam you watching the doggy cam when I'm giving my... Actually, that's a good time to watch it.

I'm nervous about her. What's going on? She's just being in the... She's usually sleeping. What's she doing? Do you think she's okay? Yeah, she's fine. Are you sure?

Yeah, she's fine. Do you look like she's panting? Do you have the air conditioner on? No. But you're in Culver City, I guess. Yeah, I mean, it's 73 there. Oh, okay. It's 73 in there? Yeah. Yeah, you're in culver city i guess yeah i mean it's 73 there oh okay it's 73 in there yeah yeah you're fine she just maybe heard something yeah is this good pod right now yeah okay don't worry about it okay and i oh i brought my legal notepad so i can take notes you want to see my note right now so i'm drawing a chad taking a load

and it says bust and bust that's sort of what my notepad would look like if i'm just imagine i'm in law school or in court this is what sort of my legal patent looks like I'm just imagining I'm in law school or in court. This is what sort of my legal patent looks like. Ready? Yep. All right. Yo, what up, Kevin?

What up, Chad and Jakey? Question. So I got like, I want to say like 16 parking tickets from this parking lot that I used to park in. And they sent me a bunch of letters to my house. And well, they sent it to my mom's house because that's where I used to park in and they sent me a bunch of letters to my house and what I said it's my mom's house because the part used to live and then my homies house because I registered a car there and then I finally made my house I've got like all these people have sent me photos and their tickets were like four months stay in a parking there but I had a subscription the whole time and they I like i moved my tag from one car to the other and i was like don't tell me if it's not okay turns out they were just sending these

tickets in the mail and so it's at a parking collection service i was wondering if they could like really bone me or if i'm like kind of good to just keep them in a drawer anyway thanks even though you're small bye fuck you buddy what was the last part he had a subscription what was he talking about i think he had a parking pass he had a parking pass this is like a like a college campus or something something like that and what was his he had 16 parking tickets and he wants to know if he's going to be boned yeah like is he going to get in trouble for those? If he doesn't pay them? I think so. I don't fucking

know. What kind of, is it through the college? Is it, you know, a parking ticket is, let's go over parking tickets, okay? Parking tickets are the lowest of the low, okay? Daddy doesn't deal with parking tickets. Or he tries not to deal with them. Sometimes I have an idiot comment come up to me and ask me a question

about a parking ticket. You know what I say? What? I try to give legal advice because I feel pity on them. But you know what I want to say? What? Fuck you. Why are you coming up to me with this parking shit?

You never come up to me and say, hey, Kevin, you want to do my show? You're talking to me about a parking ticket? Damn. Interesting. Was that, that was me getting too personal with the answer. No, no, I love it. There's no wrong answer yeah parking ticket um so parking tickets are what would you call there i think they're there's a few types of crimes right there's a felony that's the highest type of uh

or the most serious type of crime then there's a misdemeanor and then there's infractions which are like your speeding tickets and stuff and i I don't know if a parking ticket, I don't even think it's an infraction. I think it's even below that, or it's on the level with that or below that. And parking tickets are usually run by either like a college campus or a city or something like that. And you don't have the right to go to court

on any of these things. They're just purely fines. Sometimes they'll dole them out to a collection agency if you don't um if you don't pay them uh sometimes those collection agencies won't do anything sometimes they could file a small claim suit against you or sometimes the uh there's some kind of municipal code or something that allows them to, you know, seize your car or put a boot on your car or something like that. In your particular situation, I don't know what's going to happen.

So you're saying if he doesn't just wait, they won't just disappear? I don't know. Something's probably going to happen. I don't know. Could or could not happen so your legal advice would be pay your parking tickets my legal i'm not giving legal advice but um i don't know what's gonna happen he could not pay them and nothing could happen or he could pay them and it could be resolved so it's his it's his own risk. However much risk he wants to take.

And he looks like he likes to take a lot of risk. So he could wait for the boot and deal with it at that point. Or he could try to maybe call the collection agency and see if he can negotiate it down. I don't really know. It's good. No, it's good advice. Let's get into the next one. Guy sounds sort of like...

Wait, he sounds like what? Yeah, I got a question for Kevin Small Lawyer. Yeah, he sounds like what? Sounds sort of like a dick. Yeah, I got a question for Kevin Small Lawyer. You thought that... Yeah, he sounds like a dick. I want him to come to 16 parking tickets. Now, can I step back a little bit? I was being too aggressive there.

I don't think I needed to call him a dick right there. I think I was just angry because he'd go, oh, you're a schmo. Like, that's a bad thing. Yeah. I thought you liked it. I do like it, but... He gets old, though, right?

Do you know what I don't like? The tone? No, I don't like. No, that guy's fine. He's cool. He actually sounds like he's probably chilled a party with Smokey Joyner or something like that. Yeah. Don't take offense of that.

I was maybe just crabby. You're talking about parking tickets. I don't like dealing with this kind of low-level bullshit. And I do deal with a lot of low-level bullshit. But parking tickets, speeding tickets, that gets daddy all riled up. All right, well let's see if this next one's like, you know, higher stakes stuff.

Yeah, I got a question for Kevin Small Lawyer. This happened like a year ago, but I just kind of want to know like, what could happen? I pissed on a chick's car because she was blocking my driveway one night and I was pissed. They were trying to press charges. I just denied it.

But like what would have happened if I hypothetically did pee on the car? Interesting. Thank you. You pissed on a chick's car. I mean, I'm assuming if you piss on a chick's car, your piss isn't going to take away the... It's not going to damage the car, right? It's just piss, right? Yeah, I don't think it's going to stop the car from running.

So, if you pissed on her car just one night, one thing I'm thinking of that she could do is... And she probably wouldn't win in this scenario, but she could do is uh and she probably wouldn't win in this scenario but she could i've i had a case where uh the guy threw coffee on his neighbor's car and she got tried to get that was one of a few things but that was part of the basis for a restraining order because she was saying like it she had to go get it detailed and clean and it cost this much or whatever and it was harassment and stuff but um i guess the question is when you pissed on her car how did how did she know you pissed on her car were you on like a ring camera are we going to see you on tiktok um uh was it just

one time was it a multiple occurrence um did there was there's did the piss residue stay on that's true it's a hard thing to prove but let's say they did have provable evidence what would be the crime punishment for so there's two things one she could try to get a restraining order against you you could get her theoretically now if you apply for a job can they see that someone has a restraining order against you how public is that information i don't know if i i not 100% sure about restraining orders, if they can come on your job application. I know, right now for criminal convictions, an employer can only see your criminal convictions on your record. So if you get arrested, but you get the case dismissed, or what we call diverted, which will eventually dismiss it, the in employers are not supposed to be able to see that unless they're like a government agency or something like that. As far as a restraining order, I honestly don't know.

If you get a restraining order, I think you go into the system called CLETS. CLETS. And then usually it's only used by law enforcement if they're going to come do that. I guess theoretically, if she filed a police report, if you're in LA or any big city,

they're not going to do anything about that. Like you pissed on a chick's car. I bet most of the cops in there have pissed on a chick's car before. I've never heard of this. In high school, I had a friend who pissed on a chick. Like he pissed on this girl's leg.

He just whipped it out and pissed on her. And was she aware? i think she was but pissing on i'm trying to think most cops have pissed on a chick's car no i mean i'm just no it's interesting i i what i'm thinking i think it's probably not i'm trying to imagine this scenario no no uh you're right i'm trying to imagine a scenario where you walk into the police station and say this guy pissed on my car and uh seeing if anything will come out of that and i don't think anything will come out of that as far as an investigation got a question for the small so i i i think you're you're safe um i mean if you get a call from an investigator uh you know that would be interesting but um some uh thing to know is if you do get a call from an investigator, that would be interesting. But something to know is if you do get a call randomly from a police officer or anything like that,

you have a right to remain silent. And that means you don't have to talk to the police under any circumstances if they call you or they're investigating anything like that. So if you were to get a random call, hey, this girl's car got pissed on. We're trying to see if you remember that. You don't have to talk to them, make any statement like that so if you were to get a random call hey we're just you know this girl's car got pissed on we're trying to see you remember that you don't have to talk to make any statement like that and if you don't and they don't have video of that or something then um if it's just like he said she said car piss then i don't really think anything's gonna happen with it i'm trying to think of what crime this would be i guess vandalizing vandalism but vandalism one requirement i believe is that there

has to be some kind of damage so that was a question did the piss damage the car i guess you could say i had to clean the piss off and that cost a certain amount of money so they could charge you for the car wash yeah that could be the rest drinking monster energy all day yeah and it was just a huge piss yeah big mondo so i think you're right monster affects paint too if you piss monster that'll guarana taurine that affects paint okay well then if that if that's the case you better buddy you better uh you better watch out because she's coming for you no i i think you're fine and i that would fall under like a vandalism or if there was other people witnessing, it could be like, you know,

I've had a few of these, like the pissing in public. I forgot what they call it. Like, I forgot what they call it. I got one of those at the waste management golf tournament in Phoenix, which it has a different name now, I think. Yeah. But yeah, they almost made me, Arizona's tough on that stuff.

They were like, oh, this could be a sex offender thing. I was like, what? Do you have a boner? And, like, there was. But as far as pissing on somebody's car, that's actually pretty, you know, at least you didn't pee the part. Could you sue for emotional damage?

I don't think you have any what's called emotional distress or tort damage because you're pissing on the person's property. If, like, the person I know that got pissed on. Tort. Tort reform, like the hot coffee situation that got pissed on tort that reform like like the hot coffee situation in McDonald's so it's something like that torts are basically crimes what usually they're encapsulated when you're like injured or something yeah or is including physical injuries and emotional distress damages

and stuff like that am I talking a cool like legal voice right now where I'm talking fast but I'm talking lightly? Yeah, no, it's clear. It's lucid. It's very informative. Thank you. This one's a good question. Yo, got a question for the Shmuel. This happened January 2020. Okay.

Watching the playoffs game between the Titans and the Patriots. It's halftime. Ordered some chicken katsu from the Hawaiian spot down the street. Nice. Went to go pick up my order on my bike, block away from my house. Okay. Dude turns left right into me, hits me, takes me out. Fuck. I immediately pop up, get a picture of his plates, but he speeds off.

Damn. Call 911, get picked up by the ambulance, backboarded, all that shit, taken to the hospital. Okay. I fortunately got to watch the rest of the game at the hospital that was pretty sick um police report all that comes back with uh you know we couldn't find the guy or whatever even though i gave him the plates uh fast forward i see the guy riding my bike home one day Fast forward, I see the guy riding my bike home one day, and turns out he's my neighbor right down the street. I call the detective. They get on it, and they issue a warrant, but it's a standing warrant, and the dude is still out free.

It's pretty frustrating to know where the dude lives and also have this case out but they're not doing anything about it also on top of it the lawyers won't help me because I wasn't super injured I didn't break any bones but I fucked up my back and haven't slept great sense can't sleep on my side like I used to. Pretty whack. And yeah, so what do you think I should do? Okay, so we're dealing with two areas of the law now. We're dealing with criminal law and we're dealing with the torts that we're talking about, personal injuries. So which one do you guys want to start off with?

Whatever you feel is most important. Okay, let's talk about the criminal law. This is a classic hit and run. talk about the criminal law this is a classic hit and run um now this is under uh you know the the difficulty with a hit and run is for any crime you're gonna have to um you're gonna have to prove that that person was the person that hit you okay um and with a lot of hit and runs identifying who was driving the car can be difficult um so a lot of time in the hit and runs a lot of hit and runs, identifying who is driving the car can be difficult. So a lot of time in the hit and runs, a detective will call the person that owns the car and say, hey, we want to talk to you about it. And if you're stupid enough to talk to them about it, you'll get an admission that you were driving the car.

You're doing something like that. So that could be a potential issue with any criminal charges being filed against that person because they just might have a difficulty proving you're driving the car. criminal charges being filed against that person because they just might have a difficulty proving you're driving the car like you know if you get a red light ticket and you're stupid enough to go into the court and um they show your they had you know they'll show your picture on the face and if you're if it's not you driving the car they'll dismiss it right right you with me okay so yeah that's my guess is either that's the hold up or they just don't care about it. I don't know. Which happens that my car got stolen and then I got it back and I knew who stole it. I had like concrete evidence because he left his shit in my car and they wouldn't arrest the guy.

They just didn't care because at the end of the day, it wasn't a big deal. Yeah, they don't really care. And so that's that. Now on the tort side, this is what we call negligence. Unless he intentionally hit you with it doesn't sound like so uh negligence is uh the the basic principle is everybody when they're doing most things has a duty of care towards other people um so if you're a driver when you're driving on the road you have a duty of care to drive in a reasonable manner as not to like violate traffic laws or run over people on bikes and stuff like that the other

thing is he was making a left turn so let's say that the guy wasn't biking he was in a another car usually when you're making a left turn you're supposed to look out for it so that person who is found negligent or owes the duty of care and they breached that duty of care is usually found liable so uh it sounds like he had a pretty good case in that end and also it's usually good when you're in a bike or your pedestrian you get hit by a car right and he went to the hospital he has some damages but the main thing on these cases am i getting too boring here no it's good legal the main thing with the damages is uh lawyers usually aren't going to take your case unless you have damages okay so somebody could be negligent but if you have no injuries your damages really aren't shit.

And it doesn't justify a lawyer's time. A comedian buddy of ours, you know what he did? He got hit by a car and realized he wasn't going to make any jing off of it. He got back surgery that he didn't really need to, like, make it worth it for lawyers. Probably wasn't worth it. No, he got, like, half a mil off of it. Oh, so he thought it was worth it. It worked.

It worked. He got, like, back surgery thought it was worth it. It worked. It worked. He got like back surgery he didn't need. Yeah. And like, but I don't know what the long-term fuck up of it could be. Back surgery is scary shit. But he's living the dream right now. He's got a badass apartment. He moved and he's like really happy.

Damn, dude. Well, I mean, that's one angle to take on it. Good for him. He was ballsy. It was for who it was. Do you know who it was? No. Really? Yeah. What? pick on it for him he was ballsy it was a whisper who was do you know who it was no really yeah he got hit by a car and then just got back surgery to like what was the back surgery i don't i forget what it was exactly but i remember like i was like that's insane i was

like was friends with his roommate i went over there to hang out yeah i he comes walking out of his room like hunched over yeah and like hobbling i'm like what's up dude yeah i got that back surgery oh my god jesus christ he was on the med for like but dude he's living the dream he's happy as shit now so it worked out yeah but this guy it sounds like he unless he wants to get the back surgery it sounds like he's saying he's injured um you need to prove those injuries so if he's been going to the uh if you're just been toughing it out it makes it difficult because there's no medical bills

and there's no like, there's no doctor's notes or any medical reports to, you know, substantiate the pain you're going through. But if you've been going to the doctor, I'd say just keep looking for a lawyer. You could find a lawyer

that might find it worthwhile unless it's just like literally you went to the hospital. Doesn't this one upset you though that this guy got fucked so hard that this guy like look if somebody called me and told me what happened i would have any i just went to the hospital for this i would have taken i would take the case right but i don't know what's going on why he can't find a lawyer so maybe it just isn isn't now. But you think he's got a case? It sounds like he has a case for negligence. I don't know this, but he said.

I mean, the guy drove off. That must hurt the negligence of it, right? Like in a good way. Or help the negligence of it, rather. Whether the guy drove off or not, it looks worse, but that doesn't factor into the negligence. Doesn't change what the incident was. But it doesn't look good.

It is hidden. We just went over. Were you not listening not paying attention you're just talking fast but i'm talking fast act smart yeah but the run you are smart but the run is the run doesn't make the hit worse the hit and run is in the factual scenario when you're making a demand but the hit is what matters more than the run yeah the hit matters more than the run as far as the negligence copy the the run matters more as far as criminal.

And just a shameful piece of shit that would do that. Yeah. To run. On the negligence part. To run after you hit. It's fucked up. But it looks like he's getting away with it, huh? That's what bothers me.

My brother heard this one earlier and he was like, dude, it's so fucked up, man. My brother wanted to refer to his buddy, Jimmy, who's a lawyer. Like, I feel like this one's really going to like, it galvanizes a party. They're like, oh, people can just fall through the cracks of the system and not get justice. Just because he doesn't have a lawyer taking on his case. He has a guy's license plate. Usually with the license plate, there's a, I don't know if he's found out who the guy is yet.

It sounds like he did. You can see guys riding his bike? You can still find out if the guy has insurance. You can make a claim with his insurance if he had insurance. If he didn't have insurance, you might have insurance. Underinsured Motors, that covers it. So you still can make a claim yourself without a lawyer if you can't find it. So don't give up on this buddy.

And you're going to feel better one day. Maybe in the meantime, maybe try busting a little more. Hey, man, busting is good for the back. Busting is good for the back. Two more. You got two more on you? Oh, I could go all night. All right, two more voicemails. All right, so this question is for the Schmoll.

Thanks. Kev, I got a quick question for you. I started a business with my brother. Yeah. We did no contracts, no nothing. I just supplied all of the cash, the entire thing. And shit went fucking south. And at that point, I bailed.

And I had full control of the bank account. I wrote myself a check for my initial investment, and I walked out the front door. Went to cash the check. Check got fucking declined because he had put a freeze on the bank account. My question for you is, do I have legal ground to sue him for the amount of money that I invested? I've got no contract. I've got no paperwork. I've got nothing.

I am kind of at a loss. So at that point, I approached him, and I was like, hey, man, pay me. I'm irritated about this. So he set up a contract that he was going to pay me monthly um he paid me for about three months and then gave up and uh has not made any payments in about nine months so my question is what leg do i have to stand on. So, let me... I sort of tuned out, but he started a business with his brother. Yeah.

He put up all the cash for the business. No contract and put up all the cash. But then he said he tried to write a check and his brother froze out the cash. That's where I got lost. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. So, it must have been he put all the money, I guess, into a dual account. A dual account? That's what it must have been. And his brother froze it and wouldn't he put all the money i guess into a dual account a dual

account that's what it must have been and his brother froze it and wouldn't let him get the money out and so basically his brother stole them what what is he alleging the brother did with the money uh he's keeping it and he's in charge of the money and then his brother was going to compensate him monthly like was going to put him on some kind of installment plan for it. The implication is he blew the money on like strippers and coke. For sure. Okay. That sounds like that guy. So the first thing,

first thing, and he already alluded to this, he had no contract. If you're going to get into business with anybody, including family, and you're going to start a business, you want to always put things in writing, either a partnership agreement or some other kind of.

How informal can the writing be? Like, could it be on a yellow legal pad it could be on a yellow legal pad but nowadays you got like legal zoom you guys could literally just go up and pay like well it's like a hundred bucks so there's no excuse for not having no excuse and especially i mean if your brother's going to do something like this there had to be indications that he was a probably a fuck up before that and you need to be a little more careful with your money on

uh with him so he doesn't need to be lectured on that he knows he made a mistake by not making a contract and then the second part is he said he made a separate contract with him i don't know so it made it seem like it his brother made it's turning into like a loan or something and his brother's paying him back from that or something and he stopped paying him back. I guess you could... So first for the first thing, even though there's no contract on the business formation,

you can still prove a contract. It's called an oral contract. Can you guys repeat that for me? Oral contract. Yeah. And oral contract is still could be... be i mean depending on the laws of your state i think there's still a way to prove a contract through um other evidence beside that contract like you put all this money into his account maybe there's text messages exchanged

between you guys that could constitute a contract like hey let's start a business okay i need you know twenty thousand dollars oh yeah just put into the bank account or here's my control of the bank you know all those things so there could be the existence of a contract even though you don't have it in writing initially the second part is i don't know what the fuck's on that other one but i guess that could theoretically if there is proper consideration i'm not going to explain to you guys what that is because it's going to go too far but i'm going to keep talking really fast um if there if there's can if it's a legit contract i guess you could try to enforce that you would have to sue him for both of those things um and i don't it sounds like this does he even have the other part is you know you can sue anybody for anything but if he's already blown all the money um then you're sort of so so if so

if you put the paper against him and like all right i'm suing you he could just be like all right i'm getting sued i'm just gonna go to jamaica for a week and burn through this cash i mean you could get it i mean you could get a judgment against anybody you want but if he doesn't have any money he's just gonna be in judgment and then what are you gonna do you gonna you can you can try to collect from him you can hire collection agencies sounds like this guy doesn't have a job to take from his paycheck and you're saying a property and with the he said she said or he said he said that's harder to prove but i mean if if you have some kind of text messages or if you're putting the money into the account and he has no explanation there must have been text i mean i'm assuming what he's going to say is he's going to be like no he loaned me the money to you know how effective are text correspondence in court

um i mean if that's it could be very strong evidence have you used text before in court i have had things where i've dealt with text i actually had a case where um the accuser uh you know on like i message you can delete text i didn't even know that until this case but you can take an individual text so take your it's a recent conversation right this was like five six years ago this deletes on both phones yeah you can delete text on both phones oh on both phones yeah watch i'll do it right now with you it's great it's like new oh well what she did is she deleted i wish that was there like years ago i would have seen myself she deleted it on her end presented to the court and we had the original text messages. So I just showed that to her.

Wow. And that deletes on his end. Yeah. There's nothing. Ooh, that's, that's John unsent a message though. Oh,

it says he unsent a message. Yeah. But I think also if you send four, there might not be any real trace of it. Interesting. You know, if there's an oral agreement and there's no case law or anything in the state where he's in that says you can't, there should be some kind of common law or something that says the oral contract. So you could prove it in those two things.

I don't know how much money is involved. If it's like $5,000, but usually when you start a business, it's usually like $50,000, fifty thousand a hundred thousand so i hope you didn't give all that money um to his brother yeah we don't know how much jane it was it could have been life-changing so yeah that's gonna be an awkward thing um what was his question though does he have any legal grounds i think he does i think i mean depending on how much money i the problem is uh to get a lawyer you're gonna have to pay hourly probably on this they're not going to take this on contingency. So if you can muster up the money for a lawyer and, you know, it sucks because it's your brother, but it looks like your brother fucked you over.

Or you can tell your mommy. Have you tried telling your mommy? Dude, honestly, that's not bad advice to bring the parents into it and just be like, hey, bro-bro stole stole my cash i think he needs to suffer some consequences like um i'm still maybe he doesn't get the boat after dad croaks i'm so confused how the brother gained control of the money yeah that was a little fidgeted about all right business account a joint business account or whatever we'll write in again all right last cue. You ready?

Yeah. Hey, what's going on? This is a question for the schmool, Kevin. I just started law school last week, and I've gotten the vibe that everyone there is taking this pretty serious. And I'm kind of not a serious guy in terms of I like to have fun and joke around. I was wondering if you had any ideas on how maybe we can spice things up inside of the law school and make this a little bit more enjoyable for everyone. So thank you, Shamal, for answering my question.

Oh, he didn't even finish. That's a long piss. He didn't even finish. Was his question how he can how to make more spiced up more spice he doesn't people are taking it too serious right he doesn't need to worry about that you're talking to daddy here okay um i'm more fun than you i know he was taking a piss there you sound fun uh he's probably more fun than me isn't he this guy no no he sounds cool no shit dude he really intimidated you by peeing during the question no no i was impressed by it not not that he was pissing during it but that the stream the length of lasted but didn't

it sound like it was dribbling the whole time it was a tinkle honestly to me it sounded like he had a i i'm calling him out right now you're thinking he's faking it he had a glass of water and he was doing a little a little bit bit okay well i i'm gonna i i hope he's not doing it you fucking pussy let's give him the benefit of the doubt. That was too much. Okay. So you don't even make law school more fun. It's going to be plenty of fun as far as people are going to be stressed out at night, especially your first year.

It's like your first year of college. You're going to be meeting everybody. People are going to be fucking and sucking all over the place. You know, a little slap, slap, slap. You're going to go out to the bars and the clubs on the weekend but you're gonna still study okay so what you need to do is you have to study a lot in law school there's a lot of work involved in it but there's a lot of pleasure too okay so you don't need to make it more fun um be yourself keep pissing um you know uh and you'll be fine um are you saying you got sucked a lot in high school

high school or law school law school i think it sucked a lot i got sucked you got sucked but and i'm not even talking about my experience like it's sort of like you're so you're in such a stressed out environment and it's so competitive and everybody's you know all up against it and so you know it sort of becomes like that high school thing where you're only surrounded by these people. So some people are going to start dating. Some people are going to start banging. There's going to be drama.

It's going to be a whole thing. So he'll have plenty of fun. Don't worry about that. Right now, just focus on your studies. Try to do good. But even if you – Who gives a fuck? But how's he going to change the tempo in the classroom when people are trying to be extra studious and serious,

as you would expect with a lawyer? You don't need to change the tempo in the classroom. You can be serious in the classroom, and then on the weekends, you guys are going to have fun. Right. So that's where he'll thrive. Just like... Is in off hours.

When Daddy goes to court, I'm all... I'm serious, okay okay there's no jokes okay daddy is serious but when i step out of that courtroom we're talking cock well that that's that's one thing i find cool about serious jokey people is when they enter in serious mode it's usually they're talking about loads but then when they get serious yeah you know i'm like wow they have dimensions they have dimensions they have different sides to them they have a serious side they talk fast like you you see how fast i'm talking when i i just i just can see it joe's dong just swirling around your mind yeah but i'm talking fast and i'm talking monotone

and that's how you do it using Using words like contingency and muster. I listen to some of these podcasts. That's sort of how you have to talk. Like NPR. Yeah. And Kevin, as a world-class provocateur, what's the most you've ever antagonized your opposition in court? And what was the reaction you got?

I think I already told this story. Well, first of all, I'm a generally annoying guy too. So if I, when i walk in and annoying i walk into court i and i tell this to my clients i'm all i'm fucking annoying so like when i'm talking when i'm uh crossing a cop i'm very annoying and that you can tell i get pissed off oh really same thing with like usually when uh if i have something that i think is reasonable and i'm negotiating with a prosecutor talking to them and I don't think they're being reasonable, I am annoyed.

You just get, I just give this guy what he wants. Look, I can't do that. I'll present him to the prosecutor. I apologize. Okay, what kind of case do we have? Like, okay, let's set up a scenario. Okay, let's say,

let's say Chad's my client, okay? Yeah. And he's been arrested because he was hanging around a dumpster, okay? Getting sucked. Getting sucked and he was trying to suck, but the problem is he can't bust okay and so it makes him very vulnerable because he's out there getting sucked

for so long and he can't bust so hands up what are you doing back there i'm just trying to get sucked oh yeah i can't bust you can't bust i can't bust well guess what we're doing guys i can't bust no what we take him to I can't bust What? We take him to the fucking pen Oh don't do that man Get your fucking hands up I haven't even busted yet Get your fucking hands up Oh come on man

Oh you'll be busting No When I'm taking you You're gonna bust Trust me buddy I want to talk to my lawyer Nobody's ever not busted I want to call Kevin Schmard the lawyer

Oh you want that guy Fuck this shit I'm getting out of here Cause I don't want to deal with That fucking guy Oh that was awesome Kevin you saved me oh wait we're still in court now we're in court am i up wait what are we doing now well no so let's transition so he got arrested oh sorry we were really into this yeah no it's just off now you're his lawyer

now i'm the prosecutor. Okay. Now we're... Oh, so you're the prosecutor. Yeah, now we're negotiating. Yeah, I pin you for a prosecutor. All right, so now you're going to be just sitting at... So what happens is when you go into court,

the prosecutor is sitting on one side of the table, and then usually the other side of the table is the public defender. You guys sit at the same table? No, we don't sit at the... There's one long table, okay? Oh, because in movies it's different. They're separate tables. That's why I'm surprised.

Sometimes they're separate. No, in all movies they're separate tables. In LA and Southern California, usually it's like one long table. Every John Grisham book, the tables, they got a lot of empty space between them. I don't know what to tell you, bitch, but... In LA it's one long table?

It's usually one long. It would be like this, and then it's partitioned. Wow. Sometimes it's two tables. You know what? I'm not really paying attention to how many tables there are. It's fine. It's fine.

Let's keep kicking. Let's keep kicking. Okay. So the prosecutor will be sitting there, okay? Yeah. And then the public defender will be on there just when you come in the morning. Sure. Or when they're calling calendar. yeah and then um the public defender will be on there just when you come in the morning sure uh

you know when they're calling calendar now this is the first thing you gotta uh there's two types of prosecutors okay so when i'm the uh defense attorney um i'm walking in court i'm not already set up like the public defender there because i just have usually one case that i'm going in on um and the prosecutor is sitting with all their cases so So they're there all day, just running through cases. Yeah, they're there in the morning because they have the whole calendar. There's one prosecutor assigned to every courtroom and they usually handle the calendar. So they're just putting people away

or punishing people from 8 to 5 or whatever the hours are. Yeah. I got a hair right here and it's... Yeah, I see it. Yeah, your hair is everywhere. Screaming infidelities okay so the prosecutor's sitting right here with their calendar the first thing you need to do is you need to talk to the prosecutor about your case sometimes you need to get the police report

sometimes you need to talk to them about the deal so you can't call your case up in front of the judge you talk to the goddamn prosecutor and this is how you tell if the prosecutor's a dick or not okay now this is when uh the judge is not on the bench okay so there's no judge in there you can talk freely in the court or anything like that some prosecutors they'll see you and you'll sort of stand next to them and they'll oh hi hey what's up what case do you have okay that person is not a piece of shit okay but then you have the prosecutors that they sit there they know you're standing right there and they just sit on their phone or they're just typing and you,

I sort of get closer to them and get closer to them to see if they'll say anything. And they don't say anything. And you, you can start up and they don't look at it, but they know you're there. You know, somebody's right there.

They know you're there and they don't, a lot of them, they just don't fucking talk to you and they just make you wait for like 10 minutes and that gets daddy's fucking juices flowing and i go okay if you want to be fucking annoying i'm gonna be fucking annoying and i'm just gonna be pestering at you but um that's you that's you sort of have to take a chill now so you think they're being that way because they want to beat you in the case or because they just think they're hot shit and they don't got to deal with people i don't even

know if it's just hot shit i think there's just something wrong with them as a person i think this isn't just them being a prosecutor this is they're doing this kind of stuff and in their normal life because i could only imagine if i'm i have all the cases and somebody comes up to me and i see them hey hey what's up what case do you have that's it mm-hmm that's not that hard wait what case do you have right let's try it okay okay I'm right staying right Excuse me No? What? I'm here

I have a case Nice, yeah, good Okay Okay, then I'll start pacing around Okay, then I'm going to act really annoyed I'm going to start showing it with my body language And then I'll look at another attorney How long have you been waiting around, okay? Then I'm going to act really annoyed. I'm going to start showing it with my body language. And then I'll look at another attorney.

How long have you been waiting here, buddy? I'll go, oh, fuck, I haven't talked to her either because there's usually a few of us there. Then I'll start talking shit about it. I'll go sit down and I'll, you know, you're the other defense attorney. So how long have you been waiting for your case to be called? 30 minutes, dude. Do you do this with everybody?

Looks like it, yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. I have looks like it yeah yeah okay i have a murder case too you have a murder case yeah nice i have a dumpster sucking case guy got sucked out behind a dumpster wow you got dumpster sucking i saw that and i saw that in the paper okay that's quite a score you saw that in the paper you saw the dumpsters that made the front page that's a big score man how'd you land that case i'm the attorney for all the guys that gets i hang out by the dumpsters some guys are the attorney for the rappers that you hear about i'm the i'm the guy i'm the dumpster attorney kevin fard yeah that's me heard about you in fact i put all my billboards right above

the dumpsters yeah so if you're getting sucked off you can't you know like when you're coming through out of lax and you see the uber accident lawyer you see that like their billboards right above the dumpsters yeah so if you're getting sucked off you can't you know like when you're coming through out of lax and you see the uber accident lawyer you see that like their billboards for the uber and accident lift lawyers yeah so the uber drivers can see that if they get into an accident i'm above all the dumpsters in town you and you have such a great detail on your ads you have a jizz stain getting sucked off yeah get caught getting sucked off and it's a huge jizz stain yeah so it's like people know right when they it catches the eye you know the ones that say on the highway says injured question mark that's all they have to say yeah sucked off sucked sucked sucked sucked that was me out of character nice Nice. Hey, I have a murder case.

They're calling my client the next Jeffrey Dahmer. Some call my client the next fuck Ted Bundy of sucking. All right, we got a little off track with that improv. What were you talking about? That's all I had to say about, you know, you're sort of... That's how you tell if they're a dick or not. That's how you tell if they're a dick. So do you talk to them first and try to broker a deal so that you can go into the case with something on the table no the first thing you'll do is you'll get the

police report and then usually you'll get like ask for like an opening offer so this is the offer that they're going to start out with for your client to take the deal then you got to read through the police report and then you usually will just continue the court case out so you can get your discovery anything videos or anything that you have and you go for there and then sometimes you'll the next time you come to court or you'll i'll email them but a lot of times when you email the district attorney or a city attorney in this town they don't respond to your emails so you got to email them again and you're going to email them again and you got to email them. So you got to email them again, and you got to email them again, and you got to email them again, and you got to email them again. Excuse me, did you get my fucking

email? That's got to drive you crazy. It drives you crazy. That shit pisses me off. And there's a problem right now because in the courts and the prosecutor's office and everything, there's a big shortage. So they're swamped. They got all these cases. The cops aren't arresting less swamped they got all these cases the cops aren't

arresting less people they got all these cases there's less district attorneys there's less judges prosecutors prosecutors and judges it's just the courthouses are just shit shows right now sometimes you go into a courtroom it's a new judge every time it's a fucking mess it's a new judge every time you just because the the court they call it an orphan court you know they don't have enough judges to fill out why why is that i don't know i don't know the judges thing maybe there's not enough funding for judges and so what's the is there what are like the downstream ramifications of having an orphan court like does it lead to worse outcomes for people it leads to less predictable outcomes because i can't go into court and say, okay, this is this judge.

Right, you can't game plan or scout the judge because next time I'm going to have a different judge. Right. Yeah. That's tough. So you can't do your job as well because you're like, I don't know who I'm playing against. Yeah, and sometimes it's a good thing maybe to get a new judge in there,

you know. If it's a bad judge ordinarily. Yeah, that's true. It could work out. All right, should we keep kicking? Yeah. I just got to say, Kev, this kind of makes me want to be a lawyer. Whoa.

Huh? You think you can be a lawyer? Yeah. Okay. Here's the first test. Yeah. Welcome to my firm. I see you applied for an internship.

Mm-hmm. What are you going to do to get an internship at this prestigious? Quick timeout. Quick timeout. Oh. I think I know where this is going. Keep going. What was your question?

You want an intern at this firm? You know what an internship at this firm gets you? You intern at this firm, you can make partner in five years. You're making a lot of money. But what are you going to do to stand out from the crowd everybody's applying harvard yale all the students they want an internship at this firm you're in hollywood bitch more specifically century city you heard a caa i own the building that they're in.

I'm the law firm. How about this? To all the stars. Do you want to be a star lawyer? How about this? How about I suck you off behind a dumpster? Go on. And I'll make you bust in under five minutes.

Where's he going to bust? Where are you going to bust? No, you got to know. No, I was asking the question that I was going to answer. Start over. Start over. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Do you know where you're going to start?

No, no, start over. You want to join my firm. What are you going to do to stand out from the crowd? How about this? See that row of dumpsters behind the building? I see them in my mind 24-7. How about I suck you off behind those dumpsters? Oh, yeah?

Am I going to bust? You're going to bust in under two seconds. That's how good I am. Is that the best you can do two seconds i'm like a dyson vacuum and you will bust all over my face oh yeah let me tell you something i swear to god shades of shades of the firm with tom cruise i'm feeling it let me tell you something my young man. You got me stuttering there, and that means you got me off my toes.

You're going to be a good lawyer. You're going to be an excellent lawyer. Welcome to the firm. Whoa, he's hired. All right, now, hold on. Go get me some coffee, bitch. Yeah. You're my secretary.

Can I try to say I'm going to suck your dick too? Wait, but okay. Let's set up that scenario. Are you in law school? Same deal, same deal. Okay. No, no, no, no, no, no. Welcome.

I see you want to be an intern at this firm. You know this is one of the most prestigious firms in all the land yes sir in the world yes sir so what are you gonna do to separate yourself from the pack i'm gonna suck your dick go on i'm gonna make you come so fast i swear to god all i want to do is make you come as fast as I can and I want to make you come as fast as you'll ever come and look at me look at me I want to look at you while you come look at me look at me see you think it's funny too yeah but that wasn't as crude that wasn't that was a way that was the same vibe he was using for that that wasn't the we're not right i didn't i didn't weird it out

yeah we were i was trying to i was trying to make it serious oh so you weren't kind of serious there well because i started off serious but with humping it's different yeah this is serious this is law stuff this isn't a fucking this is. No, this is serious. This is law stuff. This isn't a fucking... This is a law firm. This isn't a comedy show. Right, right. This is real life. This is esteemed graduates of Harvard Law.

Dude, it's interesting. These aren't just suck jobs from any old jabroni. So, like, okay, that's very interesting. So, the scene that we're just debating about was us humping a seal. But if we were humping the statue of, like of Clarence Darrow, like a great lawyer, would you guys have humped different? No, because that's comedy. This is real life.

Is this improv a shtick, or is this like we're in a drama right now? I got to say, you got me in a place where i don't know exactly this is a drama this is real we went to the legal questions we're way past the schtick on netflix i mean i mean the the image of you locking eyes with kevin as he busts one one uh that that's not comedy that's but but one it made him laugh one criticism i would have because he was imagining it like he was tickled by it the way you're gonna tickle his cock yeah now let's ask aaron a question aaron wait wait aaron's my partner i want to know i want to know who aaron aaron i'm asking you for advice who should i hire between those these two interns i think jt whoa whoa i did not expect that genuinely thank you aaron aaron what's the

work hard for you don't think i can suck i think you can i just felt like i i JT more. Oh. So would you say believability is tantamount to meaning? In a drama. Yeah, in a drama, yeah. Which it was. I'm not a big fan of comedy. You don't have to say that twice. You roasted me, dude. All right.

Guys, let's... Should we try to have Kevin apply for a job? Yeah. You be the boss. You be the boss. Well, welcome to the firm. Thank you. And I just want to say thank you for giving...

Yes, daddy? Interesting. Oh, I see that you've applied. Mm hmm. We have graduates from Harvard. Only Harvard. You ever seen the show Suits? I've seen the show Suits and I'll watch it again if you want to.

And I must say. Let me. This law firm is based off the show suits. Now, you want that kind of prestige, right? You want the top cases. You want the top dollar. You want the Lamborghini. You want the secretary like this man over here.

Yeah. Look at him. Now, what are you going to do? I've seen your resume it's okay there's hundreds of you i could choose from right now what are you gonna do to earn a spot at this law firm that's interesting you asked i already knew you like suits i know everything about you daddy and that's why I brought a wig And a woman's suit and I'm gonna dress up like Meghan Markle and I'm gonna

Suck you Like you're Prince Harry And uh You're gonna bust Kevin we're in a drama Uh notes Call first No cause you didn't mean it

you don't mean it and also you called him daddy in your second line this is not this is a application this is a job um interview for a prestigious job you're gonna call your boss daddy come on man let's go again mr fard welcome to the firm. Thank you, sir. Are you willing to do what it takes to earn a spot at this firm? This is the most prestigious firm in all of Beverly Hills. Are you willing to do what it takes to earn a spot at this law firm?

I am willing, and I've been waiting for this moment my entire life. What are you willing to do? I'm willing to do anything and everything. And that involves your cock in my mouth. Is my cock in your mouth a laughing matter mr fard only because loads loads make me giggle you can't do it dude you can't act in drama bro bro that was crazy i'm glad we got that on camera that tension where he just had to say loads. His brain just was like... I created this whole

scene. I created everything. You're a good director. You're a good director. That's no doubt about it. You painted a scene and we all busted inside of it. Alright, should we get to the last kicker, boys? Yes, sir. Chad, what is your beef of the week? Before

we start, I had a... Can we do a... I brought a guest. Go. Go. Hi. Hi, JT. I heard you're a new daddy!

Yes, that's true, Elmo. Yeah! You want me to suck you? Sure, Elmo. I'd love that. Oh wait, I had actually... I was going to do a new father quiz with Elmo. Should we do that? Yeah, let's do it. Because new father quiz with Elmo. Oh, yeah. Should we do that? Yeah, let's do it.

Let's do it. Because you're a new father. Have you taught? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I talked about it. I took a new father's quiz and I got 100% on it. Oh, nice. I'm nervous.

That's cool. It's Elmo. You should get one of these. Let's hear your Elmo. Can you do an Elmo? Yeah, let me see. Let me get the of these. Let's hear your Elmo. Can you do an Elmo? Yeah, let me see. Let me get the thing first. Hey, what's up, guys?

I'm Tickle Me Elmo. It's me. Hey, Chad. Good to see you, dude. My guy. Hey, Kevo. How you been, bro? I've been great.

Hey, that's what I like to hear, man. You know I'm always rooting for you, right? Kevin, look at me. I'm looking at you. You know you're my guy, right? I hope I am. All right, you are my guy. Why do you hope?

Don't hope. Believe. Believe and achieve. That's Elmo. I mean, I think it was funny, but the kid's not going to like it because the voice is too low. Fuck, dude. I'll work on it.

You failed, dumbass. You got to talk high like this. I'm Elmo. I'm Elmo. Dude, I think this is just one of those pods that when someone listens to it, they're like, man, this is just me and my friends. Oh, no.

Oh, no. I'm listening to the chat in JT pod, and I've been listening from the beginning. And this small guy, he just talks too much. And he's talking over them. And I don't like this. No, no, no, no, no. I have complaints about the podcast. Okay, let's do it.

Let's do it. Let's do it. Oh, no. The guest is bringing bits to the show and not just sitting back. All right. They're into it. They're into it. JT, how long should you let your newborn cry before responding?

I think they're supposed to have an hour or two of unexplained crying a day, so I'm going to go with probably five to ten minutes. No! You're supposed to pick him up right away and console him because he's just a baby and he doesn't understand that yet. That's true. You can't hold him too much. I have him. Failed the first question! Next! How many

times a day does an average newborn eat? Eat? Every two to four hours. I go every three hours. That's acceptable. Thank you. What's the standard on vice and how long after childbirth you should wait until you and your partner can have sex? I haven't even checked that.

I'm going to guess six weeks. Good job. I bet you've really been studying that, you pervert. Now you want to put your dick in her? All right, that was too much. Okay. All right. Have we exhausted this bit?

No, this is fine. Oh, you like it. Yeah, I want to know. What's the number one never leave home without an item you should bring for an afternoon in the park with your six-month-old? Man, we're kind of far away from that, but that's a good question. I'm going to say... Your cell phone, a burp cloth,

the video camera, a diaper, or sand toys? I mean diaper. Yeah. When can you start reading to your baby? Right away. Yeah, of course. It's not going to harm the baby if you talk to him with a book. But the baby might not be interested in all the stupid books that you're reading right now.

So you should probably read like a children's book. Don't read him like Graham Greene. Yeah, the baby's not that interested. like Graham Green or something like that. Yeah. Maybe he's not that interested in the tax cuts. Nobody cares about your books. What's Um, let's see.

Umberto Eco. What's the safest plane in the car for your newborn to ride? Oh, good question. I mean, backseat car seat, right? Like back left? Yeah, that's good enough. What's the correct answer?

Just the back? Yeah, you don't want them where the airbag is. Yeah, no shit. You're doing good, John. You're JT. You're doing good. Don't worry them where the airbag is. Yeah, no shit. You're doing good, John. You're JT. You're doing good. Don't worry.

You're good father. Yeah, and I'm still John in your phone? Oh, yeah. That's crazy, dog. Yeah. What should you always bring when your wife breastfeeds? What should I always bring? Is there options or just no? A, a glass of water b a video camera c

her favorite beer or the tv remote uh a or d yeah a glass of water I feel like this is starting to fall flat well dude I gotta be honest like do you want me to suck you off to spruce this up or something yes I'm glad I'm doing well on it I thought it would be a bit more difficult oh

Chad you're a great father may I call you daddy Chad oh you're gonna make me cum Oh, fuck yeah. May I call you Daddy, Chad? Oh, you're going to make me cum. Chad, you want to bust? Do you like busting? Okay. Keep kicking.

Keep pushing. We're getting late. Here's the last one. All right, go ahead. What's the safest position for babies to sleep? On their back. Yeah. I learned a lot, actually, from this.

Yeah, well, it scared me at first because they like to go onto their side because it's kind of like being in the fetal position. But if you Google it, it's dangerous because the fear is they'll go onto their stomach and then it's easy for them to suffocate and they don't have the strength to get off their stomach. That's scary. So I would push them to the edge of the bassinet, which is mesh, so there's no fear there, so that they couldn't turn to their desired side.

And then you also don't want them on their side too much because it could flatten their head a bit too. Oh, it's still kind of... It's still shaping their dome. So if they're prone to one side, you've got to flip the head to the other side. But you want them on their back. But then my brother today was funny

because I gorge them with with uh milk and formula and you know they spit up after they're done so you're supposed to keep them upright for like 20 to let them digest it it's so cute to watch them digest yeah but then uh you put them on their back my brother was worried about them spitting that way but i think it's hard to choke on liquid right the way it goes chad you would know about choking on liquid. Is that correct? Oh, no way, dude. We picked it up after the Elmo thing. I think my Elmo voice is pretty good, though, right? Kevin, I got to tell you, dude.

Like, truly, if someone's listening to this, you come in with a Pink Floyd song. Then you do the hump philosophy. You did your whole backstory on how you lost your virginity. You talked about where your predilection for come thought comes from. Then you went into straight legal talk and then you did the Elmo character. I mean, you've checked like 15.

I'm a, I'm a Jack of all trades. Jack. And I'll Jack you. Oh, and I'll, I won't trade And I'll trade. I won't trade you.

In any trade. For a jack. Do you shave the top part of your mustache to give it more shape? Sometimes I get, oh, yeah. So usually I'll shave like right. I don't think I did it now, but sometimes I'll shave like this part, right? You see the shorter part? Mm-hmm.

And sometimes I'll get right up here. Yeah. Yeah, but I do give it some. You're trying to get some beard advice aren't you yeah that beard yeah you like that beard you know my advice is just uh shave the beard more than the mustache no let's i've told joe to do this i give joe um advice on you know looks and stuff let the let the mustache be a little longer than the beer yeah it is three and five yeah it lets the mustache sort of pop out and it looks pretty nice okay we can get let's get to your stuff all right my beef my beef is dude so yeah you know i have a little disappointed

this didn't shake out the way we thought you know we probably could have put a little bit more effort into it a little more consistency but during covid kevin and i you know we're passionate teabaggers and we at least i truly thought that we could get a good twitch going that's just teabagging and i just don't think that there's the same passion in the country for te-bagging as we had i thought there was an audience for it right so like when people watch gamers stream generally they want the gamers to be compelling but almost as important they want them to really rip shit at the game yeah if we're t-bagging and we're also getting like 30 kills if you guys were like dr disrespect or slighten or or or the other dude they play with,

it might be picking up more steam. That's one thing I lacked is I was bad at the game. And you don't have fat. Or you can be like a really hot gal. And you guys don't have fat bogus. And you need to do this eight hours a day every day. Well, dude, that's the crazy thing. Jake, our main man who runs all of our shit.

What up, Jake Ledge? He'll be like, yeah, dude, that's the crazy, like our Jake, our main man who like runs all of our shit. What up Jake ledge? He'll be like, yeah, dude, like you should get on Twitch. You just got to do like, you know, like eight hours a day. And like the biggest guy on there, I don't know if like I'll, I'll misremember this and sound old, but he was like, oh yeah, Kai Senator, whatever his name is. He's like, he got big. Cause he was twitching for 10 hours during one day and a mouse ran through the stream and scared him.

And that's how i got big and the clip did like 100 million views or something really and i'm like so oh so i just have to be on there long enough for something crazy bizarre and just non-predictable to happen i'm like that's not you know i can't i can't do that yeah it's just not my brain but mass respect to the people who do it well i think i think too with guys like that which i think we did bring a lot of enthusiasm to teabagging but we had a loyal following of like six to seven people yeah shout out to um dog genitals dog genitals yeah oh nice name you know the thing might be you guys just because the clips do well when it's just you guys going like you like um that's good right yeah i think i think i think the clips

so maybe you guys got to play together and then just bag each other do it no do like a highlight reel of the bags and like put like badass like eminem lose yourself music behind it yeah and then just have you guys bagging for like a minute it might not be the stream but there's stuff from the stream that might work right and the technology is sort of annoying. And just highlight what you're best at, which is the bagging. Yeah. I mean, it's really annoying to do streaming on like an Xbox, getting all the equipment to record and stuff. It's so much easier on a computer.

Well, how bad do you want it? That would be my question. How bad do you want it? I mean, it's clear that we both probably, you know, if if you're saying because you guys want it to come easy you guys want people to love you guys bagging but you guys don't want to put in the hard work yeah i'm not yeah and i that's why we're not we we enjoy it when we do well do you love it yeah then fight for it huh that's good advice i mean i've really played call of duty too yeah the problem i'm like two iterations the problem now is getting in on the call of duty

nobody's playing call of duty anymore they blew it well my homies are back my friends went back they said it's better they said the new map isn't as good as like verdansk but now we're living way in the past but they're saying it's better than uh whatever came after caldera but they let people stop

getting addicted and um that's the thing. We got off. Kev, watch out. You're in JT's shot again. I miss it, dude. I miss Verdansk. It was heavy COVID times, too. We had Rebirth Island and all that. We had more time.

He didn't have a lady. He didn't have a dog. Remember lockdown? It was fun. Yeah. Competitive side of me died. I was like like no one's doing shit just relax yeah started jacking off again kevin who's your beef the week uh chad you know why oh i know why i'm gonna explain it to the people so kevin and i we took some time while we were in san francisco to make a video there's statues of seals in san francisco a lot of statues of seals and we spent probably i was in san francisco with you guys yeah yeah you weren't we spent

we spent probably about four hours making a compilation of us getting sucked off by the different statues of seals and kevin we did a lot of takes too we did a lot we didn't have dan with us so we had to do it ourselves and kevin made a compilation video and i said collab with me on it and he collabed and accepted. The engagement wasn't there, so I unshared it. And that's not what upset me. So we had the time of our lives getting sucked off by all these seals. You could see the joy on our faces. We did have a good time. We were even at one point, there were seals on the bottom.

It was a row of seals. So we got sucked off, and then we'd run up the stairs and get a row of seals so we got sucked off and then we run up the stairs and like get a shot we're running down the stairs and just it was a it was a whole you know we thought okay this is fun we did this uh on a show and so we thought okay we can do it again and we had fun and we were back in the hotel room and we were giggling we were like making a little video cut up of it and we were giggling and having fun with it and nobody was gung-ho about posting it i wasn't like i understood you know this i don't know how many people are gonna like this some people might find it funny but some people might not like my wife and um but tom was all post it and uh, you know, collab with me.

Either way, I posted it. I sent the collab to him. And I didn't think twice about it. If he didn't join up on it, I didn't really care. I understand. And it wasn't really any big deal at all. But then I wake up in the morning, okay? And I see that i think i saw okay

by that point he had collabed with it but the video starts getting some heat okay and from some of your fans and uh uh so i was fighting back with them they're all this is fucking stupid what do you do one one person this is the first person i've ever blocked i've never blocked anybody that's not not a bot he's he really pissed me off. He wrote, what kind of audience are you trying to curate by this kind of content? And I'm all, I'm not trying to go after

anybody. I'm just getting sucked off. I'm the wrong guy. I'm clearly not trying like, I'm not like, oh, well, this steel sucking video is going to go after this kind of as i i blocked the fuck if you're if you're a fan of the show fuck you i blocked you you stay blocked okay i have like fucking a thousand followers i don't care about that but it seems

like the people have gotten to you a bit no no on that way i think it's i've taken it personally because it's a seal sucking video and we were really but that's not i was so i was in the heat of it okay i was in the heat of it i texted uh chad and i'm all hey chad dude we're getting some fucking blowback in this but it's okay like i'm at well i'm fucking going back on them and then like literally like like 10 minutes later you look at it and i'm the only person on the video now and he i don't care if he undid it because you know you're i need to keep my image good and i can't be being seen sucking seals even though we did that on the show um what hurt me was that he didn't text me and go hey like

i'm gonna have to get off this video because i would have even if he wanted to delete the video i i wasn't like i wasn't like oh this video needs to stay on i was just like if he would have texted me and said hey man instead of like ghosting and just just just doing that he should have said hey i gotta get off this video there's too much to my you're playing it like you're a lot more nonchalant about it all than you were was i begging you to collab with me but you weren't like oh i don't care i don't need to post it i don't you wanted we were happy i was happy posting it but i'm talking about the collab part i wasn't begging you to collab you true you got me there you got you asked me to collab i sent you the invite you never did i never said anything

it might you know i i thought you wouldn't notice i i also think there's something to to like people would be like hey you should be straightforward and like always talk to someone about something and i do agree that is is the more ideal version of things. But sometimes you're like, hey, man, I don't want to fight about this, but I just don't want to be in on it. So I'm just going to do the quiet dip. But there was no fight to be had. I didn't even ask him to collab. I was texting him.

I was all, we're in heat. What should we do? I was in battle. I was in war. I mean more macro. Not even y'all's situation. But sometimes people are like, hey, what do you do if you're annoyed with someone? It's like, Oh, go up to that person and be like, Hey, this is totally different.

But like, go up to someone and be like, Hey, I'm annoyed with you. You're doing something that's bothering me. I'm like, that doesn't work a lot. Sometimes you have to like, be a little weird to that person, give them a little space, like kind of avoid them, wait for them to be like, Hey, what's going to like, make them kind of feel something. And then they'll be like, Hey, what's going like make them kind of feel something and then they'll be like hey what's going on and then you can be honest and vulnerable with them but sometimes it takes some like it takes some maneuvering to even get to that point yeah but in this situation i

didn't do anything we were both getting sucked he asked me to we both agreed to post it he specifically requested me to collab and then he just bailed you're right you're right so it's not like you fucked up dog it's not like you fucked up dog it's not like i was like you didn't fuck up a little bit i was like i was like when are you gonna collab on this when are you gonna collab chad come on come on you gotta get on this video chad i wasn't doing any of that i was at war with these fuckers there's like only it was like two people but i was at i usually don't respond but i hear you i hear you hey i'll go next my beef of the week is also chad Chad But it's a hilarious beef

Dude Chad's so funny You were drunk right Chad was partying you saw Sebastian Is that coming up later No So you saw Sebastian Probably the hardest I've laughed is watching Sebastian in the OR Just an incredible performer

Man of scalco So you're in Reno right with yourco and so you're up in uh you're in reno right with your lady and then you're like hey bro i might go to vegas to see sebastian again i'm like oh chad's fired up that's awesome man i'm like yeah see fucking stand up that's the fucking best dude and then you text me and schreider on a group thread you're like bro i'm going to vegas like what what action do you guys want to put down i I'm like, dude, this is fun energy, man. I'm like, let's go. I'm like, hey, put down a hundo on the Steelers to win the AFC North. Strider's like, yo, put a hundred.

You and Strider have a new funny bit where you guys are Jaguars fans. You guys are like, put a hundred on the Jaguars to win the AFC South. Then Jared texts me a bunch of expletives. He's like, dude, I'm going to be too fucking stupid to do this. How do I bet?

I'm like, oh, you got to go to like a, I'm like, he's probably drunk. I'm like, you got to go to a sports book. Go to the sports book at the casino. They'll throw the action down or they'll help you out. And then he's like, he's like, all right. Well, like I'm at terminal C. And then I go, where are you?

He goes, I'm getting my connecting flight in Vegas. I'm like, I don't think it's a sports book. I go, bro, I don't think it's a sports book. And then Strider's like, dude, I think it's only slots at the airport. They go, oh, fuck it, dude. And then he just sent a bunch of funny memes, and that was the end of it. There should be a sports book in the airport. There should be, yeah.

There should be. That's true, yeah. Because you'd want to get that action in before you dip. Yeah. Daddy got lit up on mimosas. Dude, it was making me laugh for like hours, though. I was cracking up just you and the... Dude, I almost missed the flight because I was like,

babe, I'm going to go find some tequilas. Because it was like 10.30, so everything was shut down. So I'm like to the guy at KFC, I'm like, dude, where can I get some margaritas? And he's like, Terminal B. I'm like i'm like to the i'm like to the guy like kfc i'm like dude where can i get some margaritas and he's like terminal b i'm like all right chief and so i'm like babe i'll be back i'm going on a crusade and so i go and i couldn't find my way back i got three margaritas i'm like i'm like i don't know where i am and she's like well they're boarding they're about to shut the door so i had to throw out the tequilas.

Oh, no, dude. I chugged one, almost threw up, and then I ran to the plane. That's a hell of an adventure. Yeah. That was fun. I guess my beef is with Vegas for not having a sports book at McCarran. Dude, yeah. I did put 15 bucks in a slot, but I lost it all.

That's cute. All right, Chad, who's your babe of the week? My babe is... Dude tahoe lake tahoe oh daddy loves lake tahoe lake tahoe is beautiful it's awesome the most beautiful it's the most oh yeah the mountains the lake that you in the mountains and then there's this beautiful lake it's i think it's clearer than it's ever been right now alpine lake yeah work keep tahoe blue yeah dude um i mean if you haven't been to tahoe check it out winter and summer i've never been to tahoe you've never been to tahoe no i was supposed to go once for a bachelor party couldn't go because we went to arizona to do stand-up that time right and then i was supposed to go for my brother's bachelor party and then they had fires up there so we had to pivot to palm springs right right well dude you gotta check it out

sometime take the family tahoe is the is there's everything to do there there's the casinos and then i miss my buddy joe's bachelor party there because we were doing stand-up gigs in new york you need to get there you need to get there asap i gotta go so big bachelor party thing but sorry about you guys were cooking. Take the babies. No, I was done, but yeah, take the family. Well, because it's a good balance, right? You got the lakes and then you got the casinos, right? You got lakes, casinos, hiking.

I'm going to go backpacking up there next month. It sounds like he kind of has it all. You can go on a boat. The only thing is I was told that it's kind of tough to water ski or wakeboard on because there's um the water i mean you can only really do in the morning it's a little rocky time is glassy oh interesting yeah that's kind of tough i know it's fun to just go yeah that if you get lake house you want to be able to wakeboard non-stop that's that that kind of diminishes the appeal this lake is special it's beauty it's a beauty it's not just a lake it's it's a beauty it's in one of the few like just majestic alpine and you think i'm psyched driving a boat on the lake

dude this guy driving a boat on the lake you had his bachelor party in bear dude he was like were you we got one of those pontoon boats he was loving life bro well we were all having some fun on that boat um but it was yeah you're on coke right no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Your friends were great, dude. Brad's the man. Yeah, yeah. We could talk about that Bill Wayne song, Mona Lisa. Who? On what? Nothing. Talking about a song? Oh, it's like a personal thing? He was just DJing.

I was like, oh, he's hitting hits. That was fun. Yeah, so Big Bear is good because it's like close to Los Angeles. But, I mean, Lake Tahoe is like Big Bear on just everything's amplified steroids the lake is giant because Bears got like four or five restaurants Tahoe's probably got like 20 yeah and it's just

I find it to be a great place but I used to go there when I was little we'd drive up there I took it for granted as a kid you know you just Tahoe but then I went again that's what really is like my dad would take me there and I took it for granted I was like, you know, you just Tahoe. But then I went again. That's what really is like, my dad would take me there and I took it for granted. I was like, oh, we're going to Tahoe again? I don't want to fuck.

You know, but then you go there as an adult where you can really appreciate things. I have great memories. You know, when you go to the casinos or if you went to Vegas when you were a kid, they have those big ass arcades. Yeah. It looks stupid now, but, and then the slots. I have that like subconsciously from when like when i'm little if i hear that i like that noise yeah you get nostalgic kind of little and a rat tattoo he

transports you back to a moment oh yeah oh yeah public tahoe who's your baby of the week so do we have babe and a legend or just a babe both both, both, both. Okay. Well, I just got back from Mexico, so I'll... You were in Mexico? I was in Mexico. I just got back last night or yesterday afternoon. What were you doing? I was in Puerto Vallarta on a little vacation. Sometimes I like to bust south of the border,

spread my busts internationally, bust. Did you take Harrison down there? No. My mom came and she took care of harrison while we went down uh it's the it's the low season there which means it's hot and humid but we just chilled um had some margaritas um some tacos e um but it's puerto vallarta it's a have you been never oh yeah it's nice it's also nice because it's like

the main gay area and so it's like the West Hollywood of Mexico so everything's very nice everybody's very friendly a lot of hot dudes

that's hot that fires me up yeah and um yeah so I'm gonna I'm gonna give it to Puerto Valletta. Sweet.

Dude, my baby of the week, been reflecting on fatherhood quite a bit. I got to give it up to my other boy, Chad. Chad D. Chad D. went to my junior high. He came in as an eighth grader. He was the best basketball player, I think, in the county. He was also like two years older than everybody else. No, like a year older than everybody else.

He'd been homeschooled up until that point bro he rolls in dude is like big large handsome and just chill as fuck dude the man like just like you didn't feel like you were hanging out with another eighth grader you felt like you're hanging out with like a college senior he was like that chill and uh just like funny and cool and like ripped at basketball and then i he was homeschooled up to that point, but he wasn't like, you know, homeschool kids are weird. He wasn't weird at all. Like he was socially so at ease, not even trying to be cool. Just was like, yeah, I don't care if I'm cool.

And we were all like, that makes you the man. And I asked him what it was like being homeschooled. He's like, dude, it was the best. I just study for an hour in the morning, then just go play golf. Oh, that's awesome. And so he goes to a different high school than me, but we stay tight. He becomes a good basketball player. He gets a girlfriend.

And I didn't remember this, but I guess he tells my brother. My brother was asking about having a girlfriend. He's a very respectful dude, but we're high schoolers, so he talked a little crazy. He's like, oh, yeah, dude, I just love busting in my chick. No condom. Nice. All right. Well, you guess what happens?

He knocks her up. Kids 15, 16, when he knocks her up, or sophomores in my chick. No condom. Nice. All right. Well, you guess what happens? He knocks her up. Kids 15, 16 when he knocks her up. We're sophomores in high school. I think a lot of people would have been like scared, you know, felt like the best decision was to not go through with it. I'm not saying it's a bad thing if you don't go through with it, but he was like, no, I'll just step up and be a dad. We had like a party for him at our house.

We're like, Chad's becoming a dad. But in my head'm like this is like sad like you're gonna miss out on your basketball career like he wasn't gonna go pro but he could have played pretty probably pretty high level college and uh he was like no dude i'm stoked like i love her i think i can i'll be a good dad dude they have the kid he gets a scholarship to a good basketball school, but not a great one. But he goes, makes a part of the deal that he can bring his, his now wife and his kid plays four years, plays well, gets his degree,

leaves, gets a great job at Lowe's, moves to North Carolina with his girl. Now they have like a family of five. He runs like 10 different Lowe's. Oh wow. He's crushing it on all fronts. Dude, that's awesome.

And he never, at least not, we were good friends. At least to me, he never complained about anything. He was like, hey, it's what happened. I'll just do it. And he just did it. He was just a man from the jump.

I haven't talked to him in a long time. Chad, I hope you are well. You were a man from the jump, and you remained a man throughout all of it. So God bless you brother what an inspiration probably has a huge dong too he probably did dude i would bet family of big dongers good good inspiring story he was the man dude he was so chill he was just like 16 he's like yeah i guess i'm having a kid it's all good he's like it's all good like well just make it work i was like good um chad who's your legend of the week?

My legend of the week is, and hopefully this can turn a corner in our relationship, it's your sack. Oh. It's Kevin's sack. I mean, it has seen countless warriors on the battlefield who have been downed. And it has covered their eyes, covered their faces, dipped in and out like a McNugget in buffalo sauce. My sack has PTSD. I've seen so many dead soldiers. Yeah, it's touched the ugliest parts of life.

It goes away. Well, it's just, it's been a great source of joy for me for years now okay and fun fact i showed him t-bagging oh i didn't know that yeah he showed me and basically it was like it was dead inside of me and then he's all you want a t-bag we've talked about this before right no we were playing halo and i was like dude you got a teabag him and then i i heard from uh you were living in hollywood at the time i heard from you know where i was in culver just because i didn't play video before the pandemic like i didn't play video games i played video game like i played halo sporadically in college but that's just because some of my friends had it. The last video game system I had before that

was like the PlayStation 1 when I was like 12 or something. And then I just, I lost interest in video games. I didn't play it at all. I never owned a system or anything. And then like as the pandemic was starting, I was just in Best Buy and there was like one Xbox there. And I'm like, are things gonna shut down? Are they not gonna shut down? I should probably just buy this Xbox just in best buy and there was like one xbox there and i'm all are things going to shut down are they're not going to shut down i should probably just buy this xbox just in

case then we're randomly playing halo and he's all why don't we start teabagging and then i'm all t-bill oh oh oh oh oh my god i love video games and that's uh it's a story of how we started to bust our sacks on people it's the perfect convergence of player and part yeah but i mean i don't know if he never brought that up then that's a lot of bags that we would have missed over these past few years my wife might have been happy but not. Now, when you were thinking about a potential partner, did you gauge their, not just tolerance, but their affinity for the bag, for the load, for all the miscellaneous-

What are you talking about, partner? That you like? Like you're- My wife or my bagging partner? No, no, your romantic partner. Did I take into consideration bagging? Or did you like- Well, I wasn into consideration bagging or they're like that they did you like well i wasn't even bagging until like a year no but you'd like loads and stuff

did you want a gal who was like she would have to be comfortable with that because i don't i'm not like i'm not faking myself for like that would be hell you know just you're pretending you're somebody else i agree so she was already well aware of the load fake it either i gotta be myself i'm already a comedian at that i mean she when she met me you know it was already part of the agreement and i'm talking about loads 24 7 so she just has to be a very patient tolerant person it wasn't like i was just hello honey how are you doing today ew loads that guy was disgusting you hear that guy talking about loads at dinner? And then we got married and I'm all,

You know what I did today? Because I'm really into busting. I was in the bathroom and she was in the bedroom and I slammed open the door and I looked her in the eye, and I just went, bust. And she's all, why did you bust through the door and say bust to me? And I'm all, exactly.

Dude. I haven't got her into the busting. Last day, we were in the airport. Sorry, we were coming through customs yesterday, and there was all these people, crowd. I'm all, dude, we got to bust through this crowd this crowd we gotta bust through these kids we gotta bust here we gotta bust there and then she started saying bust she got into it oh yeah she likes saying bust he sent me videos of him watching the idol with his uh i don't you know if you haven't seen it

it has a lot of nudity a lot of sexual i'm a big fan. I wasn't a fan of The Weeknd. Sorry to cut you off. He was terrible in it. The Weeknd's bad. Sometimes I start it before we're getting intimate. I'll turn on The Weeknd. Oh, the music's great. Yeah, his music's perfect for that.

No, no. I'll just turn on his just normal music because I didn't really listen to it before. Yeah, it's good. But now with the context of his character from that show, I can get into it. And I like to get become the weekend oh so that's like i'll go up to her and i'll go you're thinking too much i do that too i call my character smell dress because i think his character looks like he smelled and so i was gonna come on but i cut i cut you out opening yourself up to all the things you could be

smelling okay i cut you off though so he would send me videos of him watching the idol with his wife and to be like some sexual scene you know and you just hear him in the background go oh oh oh and his wife be like shut this show off it's perverted yeah but she wanted to watch it she wanted to watch it in the first place but i mean i so i was like okay we'll watch this stupid show and she fingers herself like 10 times in the first like five episodes oh yeah not my wife yeah no definitely not her and then she's all like so i every time what i mean we're basically watching a porn so i start going oh oh yeah and she she's all you're ruining the fucking show but she kept

wanting to watch it it is that kind of show that yeah do you think they're getting a season two no no no i wish dude i'd rather a million of those shows than some of the other boring shit that comes out you think if the weekend wasn't doing all that shit in that show that would be interesting at all i think if they had a better actor play the weekend part it would have been a great show i think the show was actually really good i think he was just such a bad actor and he was fun to watch in a oh my god i can't believe how bad this guy is at it i think it was more the story i think you're being a little too harsh on the weekend like no i thought random club like i thought it was interesting but if he would have been a cooler guy if it would have been michael b jordan playing that part or just someone who had a bit more uh believability i i

think it could have worked really well but i think it still works in that he's such a train wreck you're like wow it's just like goofy funny to watch this guy try that but it was i don't i don't think i would have enjoyed the show if if if the weekend wasn't in there just doing that shit that's true it added it it played to a different sensibility for sure all right um my uh legend of the week gotta be my partner my my girlfriend um bro given birth carrying the child for nine months that's tough enough but then given birth that tough. And then the after part is tough. We make out like bandits in the reproductive gambit. It's crazy.

And I don't know. She's just been such a soldier throughout all of it. She's so loving towards me, towards the kids. I just really admire what she sacrificed for all of us. So thank you, honey. It means a lot to me and the kiddos. We love you. Does she listen to the pod?

She does. Oh, wow. She does listen. She's going to hear that, and she's going to be very happy with that. I hope so, yeah. She deserves it. Yeah.

That's very nice of you. What the hell is the pod for? Not to be kind. But that uh what she's going through is is she walking yet or yeah she's moving around but yeah dude it was i mean physically holy shit now you got to take care of the fucking kids that's the other thing you get thrown into the deep end they just send you home but you know we had two they just sent us home have you bonded with your kids yet i didn't bond until my kid was like laughing you know what i i've bonded about it i've i bonded really quickly and i had a friend who's a dad and his kids are like high school he's like oh don't expect the first few

months to be like as meaningful as you want them to be so i had low expectations and maybe that was helpful but i feel very you're more emotional so you're bonding early yeah i feel very connected to them but i can't wait for the next part but i'm i already feel like these are my fucking dudes and i love them but they're still the the first like three months they're no there's little globs but they're so funny the faces and their eyes and all their shit it's hilarious wait till they uh start laughing it might take a little longer for yours to laugh than mine because you know daddy is you know i'm on i if i can't get them to laugh i'll bring you over yeah yeah bring me over they're gonna laugh because they naturally just laugh at anything.

But I think mine... But I might be doing things wrong and you can come over and hump correctly and show them how it's done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Bring Elmo over. Yeah, bring over the guitar, the Elmo. Yeah. Oh, I can bring over the guitar and sing for them.

They got to have music in their life. You're like Carrot Top. Is that a compliment? I mean, it's just a comparison. you guys bring a lot of shit to things he's a he's a cool cat he's great he's the man you know he was on that plane when that woman started screaming then we don't know oh he was on the one where the lady was like he says he was on that plane when she's all that guy's not fucking real that lady's kind of believable i kind of believe that it's not clear that she was talking about him but it's i find it weird that he was on that flight oh you think it was carrot top related well if there's anybody you're gonna say that's not real wouldn't you say

if the carrot top sitting in the back of the plane no he's not a reptilian bro but wouldn't he be yeah he's he's he he seems like he's been made fake but he seems like he was real but he would be first class right carrot top would be first class i right? Carrot Top would be first class. I hope so. He's been working his ass off for a long time. On a flight to Orlando. Dude, I mean, he's... That guy's loaded. He's doing weekend gigs in Vegas. Does he do nightly in Vegas? I think so.

I don't think... It's close to that. It's like a regular schedule, though. Yeah. He's like five nights a week or something like that. He's at the Luxor. I haven't seen him, but I would like to see him. My dad, I try to stay... At the Luxor? I try to stay at the Luxor. I haven't seen him, but I would like to see him. My dad and I tried to stay.

At the Luxor? I tried to stay at the Luxor when I was a kid. I convinced my parents, because my dad had a trade show out there, to go to Excalibur and then Luxor. And my dad and both went, we're not staying here. Yeah, of course. My dad was like, him and my mom. What did you say? We ended up staying mgm mg okay yeah

close enough this was decades ago chad who's your what's your part of the week i had a legend oh did i skip you bro you skipped me oh that's that's the first time i've come prepared bad form bad form it's the first time who's your legend my legend because i thought because we're speaking of legal stuff it's a legal podcast my legend of the week is afro man you remember yeah the rapper afro man of course incredible one of the most talented rappers that's i some of his that album that he had you house raided he lives in some tiny town in ohio i don't know why he lives out there but he just lives in this tiny town in ohio the cops somehow got this bullshit warrant to search his home for like kidnapping and i think

like drugs and all this other stuff which he wasn't charged with is clearly all bullshit we don't know how that they got you know judges just sign warrants just willy-nilly and when they came to search his house he wasn't home and they uh they didn't just like gently come into the house they like busted down his door um and did all this shit and uh he um he caught it on his like uh ring cam and uh uh i think i'm telling this story too slow but he caught all the cops raiding his house on the ring cam and there was this one obese cop and the cop like put down his gun for a second to look at like a some lemon pound cake on his table um and then so he made a bunch of songs about the cops and basically like making fun of this cop and trying to get like donations for his like uh

door that they kicked down and stuff like that and now the cops have sued him for making songs about them when they raided his house uh most likely illegally raided his house and they're suing him for like uh using their likeness because he put like the fat cop on a shirt and says like do you want pound cake or something like that so i i'm just saying afro man and he's fighting the good fight he has the acl with aclu with him out there um i was reading the the briefs and everything on it um but basically the cops are suing afro man for invasion of privacy when they invaded his house and he's using the pictures of them inside his house and they're saying he invaded their privacy oh this is good when they're in his house it's the biggest bullshit lawsuit it's it must they just don't like that they got made to

look like asses because yeah this hilarious invasion of privacy and then they're suing him for like using his their likeness because they're putting he's putting their picture um on the you know on his merchandise and stuff um so i'm wishing uh i just want to send out good vibes to afro man out there um and um keep fighting the good fight. It's a bullshit lawsuit. I think it's got, it's, you know, they're rating his high.

I think it's like, how are they even justified in suing him? They couldn't do it in like California because there's something called like anti-slap laws. Not about jacking off. You think anti-slap laws are about that. It's not about that. anti-slap laws are about that it's not about that anti-slap laws are basically

you can't sue anybody for engaging in a like a first amendment protected activity that's a nice nipple so it's more difficult to do that here because you can get things like attorney's fees and stuff like that we're all getting tired right now I don't want to continue talking about this case anymore.

But Afro Man is the legend of the week. Yeah. Nice. Well, going off that, for my quote, I went to the players' ball last year, and guess who was there? Afro Man. Oh, really? ball last year and guess who was there afro man oh really and he i didn't speak with him but uh this one guy and this meant a lot to me as i was leaving this one guy who was there he's like he looks at me and he's like you have a good night player and that meant a lot to me that was oh wow

yeah game recognized game. Kev, what's your quote of the week? For the audio listeners. Bust. I didn't prepare for that one. Bust. So I'm just going to say bust. Mine is from the movie biker boys and uh me and my brother were talking about it today because he's like when

are you going to show your kids the movie biker boys because that was that was a regular one huge cute me and the homies and me and my bro really and then uh and i've been catching a lot of heat because i don't want to tell them i don't want to do santa claus i don't want my kids to learn about santa claus we're not going to do santa we're going to do christmas but we're not going to do santa claus because i just think there's so much real stuff to teach them about why make the fantasy more compelling than what's real and then my brother i've been getting heat people People have been messaging me, video messages. They're all cool. They're like, bro,

you got to tell them about Santa Claus. I'm like, dog, to quote biker boys, biker boys, we make our own rules. So my phrase of the week what's up what's up dudes

what's up well you can hear a mouse piss on cotton in here what's up I mean what you want our thoughts on that

look I know where Chad's at I don't really care about santa claus but yeah i think you're overthinking it who cares but then who cares the other way exactly who cares that's what i'm saying so just like go with the flow at the moment i'm not not doing that i think you are you're saying from the get go I don't want him to see Santa Because he's gonna do this to him Probably he's not gonna do shit to him You know you might be right that people might be interpreting what I'm saying that way

But honestly if my kids are like yo we want to believe in Santa I'll roll that way You think they'll phrase it that way? I hope so What if you create something else for them What if you create something else for them to believe in Make it fun. Like the atom?

Yeah. You mean like the atom? Yeah. Okay. So you're going to dress up like an atom? Yeah. You could do that. Yeah, man.

Electron can be in two places at once right that's quantum mechanics possibly yeah isn't that as wonderful no come on well what if you made it jolly what if you made the electron jolly fat and gray bearded if it was jolly fat and gray bearded and gave me presents yes i'd be like that's a fucking cool ass atom that's what i'm saying let's update it cool electron let's update the program if you can be if you're gonna be an atom chad would be great black hole because he's endlessly deep and you penetrate it yeah i'm talking about like penetration but when you come into my black hole

time ceases to exist it's a big divide y'all y'all are claws heads dude you're a claw's head imagine watching jingle all the way and being like who the fuck is that guy i know you love santa more than most though yeah i love i love wonder i love you know the imagination i love being like man i wonder what he's doing in the north pole right now he's probably have to be santa claus if you have a big brood of kiddos which i do predict like if i'm being the grinch when it comes to this are you not bringing the brood around on christmas because you think i might like bust up the fun dude if I brought them

around and you were like yo Santa's not real it's fist it's what? it's fist you gonna hit me? well I know who can take a good fist just come in and take my shirt off

just punch me. You told my kids about Santa, you piece of shit. Dude, I would get it. I would respect it. I would respect it, for real. I'll take that hit. It's not my place. What were you going to say?

A fisting thing? Oh, I was just going to say, if you're going to be fisting, Black Hole would be a good guy to have over there. Because he can take a fist. Chet, what's your phrase that we're forgetting after i mean i mean i i've posted this clip i think it's just so funny but you know it's kind of immature but it's a point of view of obi-wan sorry my memory obi-wan in revengevenge of the Sith he's getting into a hiding spot in Padme's ship and someone made a meme where POV you're about to unleash

a holy bowel movement in the airplane bathroom and it's just Obi-Wan getting in there I can't stop laughing I think it's so funny so yeah that's my phrase I'll be forgetting sorry oh man okay kevin um

don't let anybody ever tell you you're not good enough to suck them off. You are just as important as anybody else in this world. In your mouth will take you places.

For real? That you could never believe, but not in like a weird, like in a, like this is your decision kind of thing. So get after it. I didn't come prepared with that i thought the quote no but you know what's cool about that was a brand new voice thank you so like in terms of painting that full you know mosaic of who you are on this podcast did we talk about sucking too

much on this no don't no i'm getting yeah i mean at hour three i'm getting self-conscious. I mean, at hour three. I'm getting self-conscious. That's been a new dimension to you, too. You've second- I'm like, yeah. The schmole never second guesses, and this has been your episode of reflection. Because I feel like it's funny. There's a dark night of the soul in religious texts, and this is kind of that for your loads.

I feel like it's funny, but, you know. Dude, my phrase of the week for getting after it is um i say this to my kiddos when they're crying i go uh it's all right it's all right it's all right he moves in mysterious ways or if i'm talking to the girl it's all right right. It's all right. It's all right. She moves in mysterious ways. It's all right. Who's that by? What is that?

Oh, it's you too. Yeah, you too. Bono. Bono. I saw Bono once. Errol. Real quick. I saw him in the Capitol when I was interning in the u.s capital you did that

oh the u.s capital in college i interned for a congressman i was in dc strider did that oh he did you guys haven't chatted about that no no he did that sophomore year of high school summer oh he was a page he was a page yeah i was like an intern when i was in college that's like more official shit yeah but we're both sucking people off speaking of that but uh i was so it's under there's an underground area and uh i saw this this big mass of people and then you see this guy and he has so we're we're like 30 feet underground and he's wearing his sunglasses underground that's all i i'm not a good storyteller i need to work on that storytelling but yeah i think we're all just beat, bro.

Yeah. But I love what we're doing. Is this like a three-hour podcast? Almost. This might be behind the Honors Home one. This might be the longest one we've ever done. Nothing wrong with that. People like long podcasts.

It'll be a fun listen for sure. Yeah. We don't have to end either. No, we're tired. Aaron's got to go home. Aaron has to go bust. Aaron, you quit first, dude. Aaron, do you want to take us out on a hump? Oh, yeah.

Oh, I like that. I like that. That was pretty good, dude. Sign us off. If you need advice These guys are really nice You wanna know What to do

Where to go When you need someone to guide you Starts to have the girls beside you Go and see Go and see I have the girls beside you Going deep Going deep Lots of teeth I'm going deep

I'm getting dainty