Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 321 -Kevin "Shmole Santa" Fard

Episode Date: December 15, 2023

Today, we are joined by Kevin Fard the Shmole Santa. Kevin as always starts the show with a nice Jam sesh. The twists and turns in this crazy episode are unreal. The Shmole daddy kev takes the fellas on rollercoaster of a pod.  Grab some NEW dank merch here:https://shop.chadandjt.com/ Come see us on Tour! http://www.chadandjt.com Call us, leave a 60 sec voicemail with your issue or question: 323-418-2019or write in to chadgoesdeeppodccast(at)gmail.com(Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice) Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/ Episode Sponsored by Draftkings Casino: Signup now with Promo Code: deep --  Play 5$ and get 100$ in casino credit.  casino.draftkings.com

I have a ball sack, can I put it in your mouth? Please, babe, my ball sack, can I stick it on your face? I've got a ball sack And I need to drop my bag Are we going? Yeah. Oh, yeah? Are we going? Yeah.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Yeah. So if it's, um, if there's no balls in the sack, what are they sticking in the other person? Is it just skin in the other person's mouth? Are you talking about, like, what I was doing? I have no, I have a ball sack, but I have no balls. Is that what you're talking about?

Yeah, but then after that, you talked about putting your ball sack in someone else's mouth. I was meaning like, I have a ball sack, but as a man, I don't have balls. Okay. I have a ball sack. I should have known that. But I got no balls So I'm like What made you think of that?

I was just singing We're just warming up Oh that was all improvised? Yeah Whoa So that's not something you've been feeling lately? I just felt it Well I feel that all the time.

That you have a ball sack with no balls. I have a ball sack. But I got no balls. It actually just means whatever it means. What does it mean to you? I didn't know. You thought it was like I have an empty sack. I thought it was literal.

I had testicular cancer. Like that? Like it got removed? I thought it was more of like a birth defect. Are people born without balls? Probably. It could be that. I interpreted the metaphorical

castration of man by technology. That could be it too. And that's the sort of thing about songwriting is, you know, it could have meanings, different meanings for everybody. And that's the beauty of... I heard the dude from Semisonic, he said when he writes a song and each line has two meanings, that's when he knows it's going to be a hit. Well, this one has like three meanings. Yeah yeah what do we have on our hands here well what does it mean to you uh i already explained it i did yeah it's like i i have a sack but i don't have any balls so that's why i need a let me put it on your chin make me feel like a man again I gotta stack my teabag right on your face

Oh, okay. I like that. Something like that. So you felt like you hadn't asserted your dominance lately. Yeah. It felt triumphant. Yeah. Which is a good way for it to go.

Let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me beg. Let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me beg. Let me teabag you, baby. Let me teabag. Let me teabag. Are you feeling that? I felt that, dude. I love that. Like that, like. I want that out of my way. Like kind of a Kiedis thing?

Yeah. I mean, I'm no songwriter here, but I think we're writing a song right now. Oh, you don't consider yourself a songwriter? I mean, I'm no songwriter here, but I think we're writing a song right now. Oh, you don't consider yourself a songwriter? I mean, not professionally. I guess I don't hear a lot of other people writing songs about bag. Well, you're creating a new genre. Yeah. So that just came to me. That was good.

Just warming up. You're creating a new dongera. Oh, yeah. All right, well, I feel like I can get the... Your voice is getting stronger as you go. Yeah. I had a cough, and I lost my voice. It wasn't great to begin with, but...

Who's your biggest inspiration? Regarding what? Singing, your lyrics, style Oh I don't know, I liked, growing up I liked Tenacious D That was a good influence To me, it sounded like some Dave Matthews in there Dave Matthews? Oh. Dave Matthews?

Oh, Dave Matthews is incredible, yeah. He's great. Hey, Dong Matthews? Yeah, Dong Matthews. All right, guys, I think... I haven't seen you in a while, man. Yeah? How's Harrison?

Who's Harrison? Your son. Oh, my son's name is uh stew what are you talking about huh you've said on here before that his name's harrison oh oh yeah yeah yeah yeah let's go with the joke okay it's harrison no dude don't do that you're being crazy because people do that yes people joke okay it's harrison no dude don't do that you're being crazy because people do that yes people do think it's a bit oh but it's not a bit no it's okay yeah his name's harrison that's smart yeah i'm impressed so it's harrison

yeah Yeah. I mean, this is, you guys got to, it feels like we're. Am I interviewing you too much? It feels like I was in my ball sack song and it was going smooth and it just dropped. And I think that's maybe my fault too. We can keep it casual. We can do it. Yeah.

While I have the guitar, should I just put the guitar? I don't think we're going to top the ball sax song. Should I even do the dong song? Fuck, man. I don't know. Should I even do the dong song? I'm kind of letting you steer. You're letting Daddy steer? I mean, we could talk about, you know, you're pointing out dumpsters to me outside.

Yeah, there's a nice dumpster. Jake, we're at Jake's apartment here, which is actually surprising. I thought we were coming to downtown and we're going to be in this little old studio, just a little shithole, but this is a nice... Is this even considered a studio? There's like two rooms, but there are just no doors. It's a junior. Yeah.

Junior one bedroom. Junior one bedroom. It's very nice. I was expecting to be... The setup's solid. Just laying in a pile of Jake's loads. You are. Jake? We in your loads? You can tell us.

I'm comfortable with it. Are you spread eagle on this couch? No, I haven't spread eagle on it. Not recently. That was a good song, man. I haven't spread eagle on it. Not recently. Oh, well. That was a good song, man. I brought you guys some Christmas gifts. Oh, hell yeah. They're advent calendars. Oh, that's so nice, man. Thank you.

So you can have chocolates as you count down to Christmas. Appreciate it, dude. Well, you're not the only one who brought gifts. Oh, damn. You brought gifts? Yeah. You're gonna still accept your gift, right? Guys, are we doing a podcast right now? It doesn't feel like a podcast. Well, this is a new setup.

It feels like we're just sitting down on a fucking couch. Is this what you're doing? It is a new setup. It does feel a little bit weird. Is it the setup? Do you think it's the setup? No, I thought... I thought...

Should we just cut the whole first part out? No. No. All right. I think it's, I think it's nice. All right. I think you're freaking out. Well, I had a plan.

I had bits planned. I had. Do you want to do the bits? Well, I was going to be Santa. I was going to come in and it's Santa. I was going to ho, ho, ho. And then I, outside. Do you sometimes feel like people have stopped you

from being yourself when in fact no one has stopped you no i just felt like that we after the ball sack song we just dropped off do the next bit i was gonna do the bit but this guy over here came in with a santa hat i was i didn't know you were going to wear a Santa hat. Exactly. That's the interesting part. We both separately decided to wear Santa hats today and be Daddy Santa. Are you also being Daddy Santa?

That was not my intention. I just wanted to be Junior. You know, I'm kind of your sub. Is everyone who wears that thing Santa? I never thought of it that way Well I came with my I came bearing my bag That to me just feels festive

If you're going to be Santa you got to wear the coat and stuff Yeah But I was going to be Daddy Santa Thanks for rocking with me on that Yeah and I was going to Show you guys my bag Let's do it I was going to bear my bag you guys my bag let's do it I was gonna

bear my bag I don't have to be daddy Santa no you can be we can be both daddy Santa I don't wanna be daddy Santa I just wanna be Santa no stop being

stop being so down on yourself you can be I get we can both be daddy Santa okay I'm daddy but you have to accept your gift before you give

of course of course is this say thank you thank you so is Okay, I'm daddy, but you have to accept your gift before you give. Of course, of course. Is this a... Say thank you. Thank you? So is... This is one of those chocolate things? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right. Well, I came with gifts, too. I was going to do a whole thing. Ho, ho, ho, who's got your nice... I was going to teabag you. I was going to put my bag on you. Don't tell us what you're going to do. Just do it.

I was going to... I bag on you Don't tell us what you're going to do just do it I didn't know what set up If there was ever an appropriate time to do it It's probably now during the podcast Okay Not to be you know Can I walk in? Yeah walk in I'll accept it

Ho ho ho Merry Christmas! I'm Daddy Santa! Now you might be asking yourself, Hey Daddy Santa, where's your bag bearing gifts? Well I got news for you. My bag is right here. Now let's find out if you guys have been naughty or nice. Let's start with you, Chad. Have you been naughty or nice? I've been trying to be nice. I think maybe I've been naughty a couple of times, but overall nice. And what about you, JT? I've been pretty naughty. You've been naughty? Well, you know what naughty boys get.

What? The bag. What's the bag? My nutsack. Where? Where do I get it, Santa? In your mouth. Is that where you want to put it? Yeah, like on your chin. Why don't you put it there it, Santa? In your mouth? Is that where you want to put it?

Yeah, like on your chin. Why don't you put it there then, Santa? Well, that's what Daddy Santa was planning on doing. Well, then do it, Daddy Santa. Stop talking and start doing it. Daddy. All right, you're going to have to lay down. Daddy Santa, I haven't told you.

I've been naughty too. Both of you lay down. I haven't told you I've been naughty too. Both of you lay down. Oh, this is sounding like a sexual podcast now, right? Yeah. Yeah, probably. Okay, both of you lay down.

No, next to each other. Next to each other. Head to head? I don't think we need all the, you know. All right, Jake, are you going to get this? We're getting it. Do I have permission to? Hop on your couch. Yeah, that's probably covered in your loads anyways Okay oh yeah oh fuck yeah oh oh yeah

how was that that could that could go viral that could go viral or or uh it just could demonetize us yeah do you demonetize what do you guys feel about that i don't think it'll get demonetized by like you it could demonetize us but not by anyone official how did you how did you guys feel about that though uh jt did the thing again where he made it um very sexual right and uh no I do that mistake a lot where what do you do

well cause like Kevin will be like hey I'm gonna like hump you in the face and cum in your mouth and then my brain goes okay well that's what he means and then so I just start

talking to him like someone who's gonna do that right but then he says it's not funny unless I also do like like if I if I don't match his energy then I'm I'm I'm shifting it into something we not funny unless I also do like a, like if I, if, unless if I don't

match his energy, then I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm shifting it into something weirder. I just meant like teabag, like sort of more like a call of duty halo teabag. And so in this instance, you were, you were trying to take it realistically. I don't think, no, when I was laying down, I just was like a receiver. I mean the execution. You mean the banter? The banter sort of turned it into well here let's try it you know what you show me how to do it okay watch this yeah but i don't

to be honest watch this give me the hat when i was t-bagging i don't know how i can i don't know even if you were doing it perfectly i don't know if my execution wow that's a you're being a real leader it's funny was that even funny no serious business serious i think it's a setup guys i feel you feel off i feel off no you know what it is dude dude this is what it is you're you're you're expecting pushback but we're actually letting you be yourself 100 and that's scary to you no it's because even before i was i i see what you're saying and that's a very uh intellectual answer that you're trying to put out there but i just feel like thanks it's it's off um not you might be right you might be right you might be right i think it might just be is it because i'm

sandwiched between you guys is it a a new space? Am I adapting? I don't know. Is this good pod? No, you know what? I think it is good pod, but I think we got to push on beyond that and try to make it normal. Okay. I mean, I, I, I like it.

It's different. And there's a lot of, it's for sure different. There's a lot of dead air. No, there's dead air, but that's interesting. I like it. Yeah. I do think we, you don't want to put too much pressure on yourself to have to like fill the site fill the silence yeah okay i i like i like the awkwardness personally i think it's you like it i think it's a little bit wacky and i think it's different

okay but let's just yeah did you have any other characters uh well i we could uh i didn't have any other characters planned okay i was gonna do a joe's dong song but i feel like we started off with the ball sack song and we don't maybe we end with a song yeah we'll we'll end we'll do the the dong song well what's what's been going on in your life man i really haven't seen you in a couple months how are you uh i've just been sick for a fucking month That sucks dude And not like I had some kind of sickness But we don't know I think it was RSV

Because Harry had RSV It wasn't COVID it wasn't flu A friend of mine showed up to something With his kid having RSV I was like dude what's going on here And I think I just had a little sickness And then I think you know how sometimes you get an infection afterwards and then you just get a cough for like months and then in between it i got like sick again i might have got something else having a that's having a

fucking kid have you your kids aren't in daycare yet they're not getting sick yet yeah does he get you sick all the time he gets sick a lot but i i usually don't have it where it's like a full month did you just call him harrison who exactly that's how good i am i can just pop right back into it dude i was thinking about your bachelor party the other day that was fun that was a fun bachelor party we had a good time we did have a good time when you were driving that pontoon boat out on the water you're driving pontoon boats out on the water i planned a good time. When you were driving that pontoon boat out on the water? Driving pontoon boats out on the water. I planned a good bachelor party. I planned my own bachelor party.

Wait, did I? Yeah. Did you plan your wedding too? I did. No, but I planned my bachelor party, but then I delegated tasks to the people appropriate for each task. Do you remember when you got mad at me for meditating? Yeah.

Oh, you want to tell that story? I don't think I got mad at you for meditating. No, you were cool about it. He comes into the bathroom and I'm meditating. He goes, yeah, just stop meditating at my bachelor party. What are you going to use the room to

beat off after the strippers? That was my plan. So we got this giant. Yeah, it was a kook. It was a cabin in Big Bear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And in the summer, you can just get really good prices there. So it was a big mansion.

It was sick. It was like a mansion, basically. It was like 12 rooms. Yeah. And I, of course, course the bachelor had the uh the the main bedroom and it was huge it had its own giant bathroom with a bathtub with uh jets and my plan was like you know at the end of the night i was going to go back into that room and i was going to drill myself to exhaustion. And it would be great.

I would maybe drill myself in the bathtub or whatever. And then earlier in the evening, I just walked into the room to get something. And I see JT meditating. He's either in the bath or just got out of the bath. And I'm like, dude, you were in the bath or just got out of the bath and I'm like dude you were in the bath I was gonna stroke myself in there and you were just meditating like in the bath I can't go in there and stroke myself in there now you ruined you you ruined the stroke experience

you don't just go in and take a bath that's true but he did I mean he did the meditating was fine um so so your plan was have the strippers and then you were gonna beat off after that yeah of course my bath was like look it was a it was a definite faux pas on my part but my bath was like 12 hours before the strippers got there i don't think i was i don't think i was it ruined i wasn't hip to his plan yeah so so it was way before the strippers got there yeah oh yeah it wasn't... I wasn't hip to his plan. Oh, so it was way before the strippers got there? Yeah. Oh yeah, he wasn't meditating during the strippers. He ruined the ambiance for your

later beat-off session. Well, I looked at the bathtub in a different light. Right. Because you never know with these things if they even washed it beforehand. And now they might not have washed it, and now JT definitely was stroking himself in there. I mean, he's saying meditating, but... You beat off in the bathtub? I it and now JT definitely was stroking himself in there I mean he's saying meditating but you

beat off in the bathtub I I have envisioned it I've like empty huh like empty no run the jets oh you put in the jet I wanted to like do sort of a you float or you would tell us JT did did they have bubbles like did have jets on it yeah it did that must be nice that must have been nice do you insert into the jet i wouldn't insert into the jet but that's a good idea are you talking about like a jet pussy yeah like so instead of the next to the jets you put sort of like a you know like a flashlight yeah put it in there And you can fuck it Yeah

Can you just invent something That's really smart Dude imagine if Imagine if you I would love to bust to that Yeah dude Imagine if you're Airbnb'ing And they're like

Not only is this a Six bedroom mansion Right on the lake But we also have Jets And they're molded In the shape of Asa Akira's b-hole

The only thing that Bums me out about it Is I'd love it if like The Jakku had like Six portable pusses And then everybody Could insert the shape of Asa Akira's b-hole. The only thing that bums me out about it is I'd love it if the Jakku had like six portable pusses and then everybody could insert. But I wish we could all make eye contact. I almost wish that they

were in the middle of the Jakku. So we could all be like Oh dude! And then it's almost like a battle to see who busts last. And you could have different categories like Pornhub. You could have like a circle jerk situation. You could have like MIL categories. Like Pornhub, you can have like...

Sort of like a circle jerk situation? Yeah, you could have like MILF, you could have like Cougar, you could have GILF, DILF. Oh, yeah. For what it feels like, for what the grip is. Yeah.

So like DILF is like a... A guy that does a lot of squats. Yeah. And are we calling this Jet Pussy? Is that the name? Jet Pussy. Jet Pussy. I think so.

Is that tough to market? Maybe Jet Clint? I mean, if you start worrying about what other people are going to think, you stop being an artist. Right. Jet Tacos? Well, what are they called? They're called jets, right? The little bubbles? Things you fuck? No, but the jets are the little things that blow up.

Oh, I know the name. Those are jets. I know the name. So it jets. I know the name. So it just has to be a play on jets. A jet pussy. What about this? Wet jets. I love the delivery.

The way you cocked was like, made me. You know, because. Fuck it. It's like wet. Yeah, yeah. Like a wet jet. Sorison's going to daycare now yeah my kid is uh he is going to daycare he's actually been going for a while and so is he making friends and stuff oh yeah he has a lot of friends

he's probably the coolest kid in the daycare to be honest i believe that he dances does he does he that's fun what do you guys dance you like neil diamond and stuff no i put on a louis prima you don't know who louis prima is vaguely jesus christ play it play it louis prima is one of the most he's probably in my opinion the best like all-around musician, performer of all time. Wow. He had it all. He came up in the 30s. He was like a musician. What do you call it? You know that song?

The scooby-doo-bye? Like scat? No, bwam. The scooby-doo-bop? Like Scat? No, not Scat. I mean, he played the trumpet, but in the 30s, he was one of those. Oh, a big band? Yeah, very successful in that. And then in the 50s, he moved to Vegas, and he had a lounge act. And you probably know some of his songs. I've been just Louie Prima

I'll tell you which video to watch. Fuck. Yeah, does Harrison like it? Oh, he dances immediately You can't not dance to it. Keep going down. Yeah. Yeah play a Louie Prima Yeah, that one, you you know the just a gigolo and he has the thing where Keeley Smith is the his The singer the woman on the side, and she plays this deadpan thing. Oh, yeah. Turn it up, turn it up, turn it up.

Watch him move around. Whoa. Whoa. So this is what we danced to. Why did they... What was that? It's like an act. So imagine you're in Vegas at like 2 a.m. Was that intentional?

Yeah, where she plays like deadpan where she sort of doesn't like him. The choreography on the Eskimo kisses, do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, that was really cool. So how did you discover him? Are you into Vegas lounge singers? Well, I did go through a phase of Sinatra, all that and stuff. But I feel like everybody should know who he is. singers um well i i did go through a phase of like sinatra all that and stuff but he's i mean

i feel like everybody should know who he is you know some of the songs you just don't know like that you've heard that song before um why do you think he's been kind of lost to time it's just because it's it's a long time ago people don't know who's your favorite do you have a favorite artist of all time I mean if I Louis Prima's

there and then I think we've talked about Crosby, Stills, Nash Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young you know the Beatles is obvious, but I just vibe. I just vibe with Crosby, Stills, and Nash. Is there a contemporary? Do you listen to music from 2023? I try, but it's difficult.

I try to listen to the rap. I just can't get into the... I can't do the rap either. I like the Snoop Dogg and all that old school stuff. Stuff we grew up on. But I can't get into it. I know everybody's always singing the lyrics and stuff like that. I can't get into it.

I can't get into anything. I don't like anything right now. I kind of live that way. I kind of live in the past. Yeah, I think there was a point. I'm certain that it was from 1960. There's a period from 1967, 68 to 1973. That's just the period when the best stuff came out.

It was just the peak of creativity, I think. Do you see any young dudes talking cock that you think really have it? Young dudes talking cock? What do you mean? Like comedians? Dong talk. Dong talk. Like your specialty.

That's a good question. Have you gone to an open mic and just seen someone just... No. You know what I i like these guys you know uh what are what's their name the friday beers guys there yeah there's this one guy who does like um oh chet and the entrepreneur yeah that guy yeah that guy does a lot of good dong shit i think they really are the best at it yeah dick pills yeah what's that guy yeah that guy does a lot of good dong shit i think they really are the best at it yeah dick pills yeah what's that guy's name give him a i think he's i think that's chet the guy with the the long hair i think that's chet he's in a business suit yeah that guy's funny i like that guy yeah what's roy stupont is that the name yeah have you even watched porn man it's a quote

don't know those are good those are good videos how's your porn viewing porn let me tell you about porn okay don't you still feel like the energy is sort of yeah it's a little awkward but okay i think just roll with it okay think of it like you're on mushrooms what would make you feel more safe i don't know it's not about safety i'm just do you feel weird being sandwiched i think maybe it's the same am i usually not sandwiched it's brand new it is brand new. It is brand new. I feel a little off as well. You know what? I feel like you guys are interviewing me.

Yeah. And you don't need to interview daddy. Why are you interviewing me? I'm not trying to, I guess I'm just trying to do. You're just trying to have a conversation? Yeah. Yeah.

But that, I'm not good with conversations. You can't just talk to me. So what should we do? Dude, I don't know. Okay, we'll figure it out. Let's regroup. We're talking about porn, right?

Yep. I mean, dude, well, I don't know if you guys heard this, that... I might be off it. Maybe it's me. That grandma's gilf porn is kind of the top of the list. Oh, really? This year, yeah. I watch a lot of, I have two classes of porn.

I'm a big 80s porn guy. Can you like Bush? Taboo, I've watched some of the taboos. That's when incest was like the top. Oh, really? Yeah, well, it's supposed to be that. Yeah, I've seen those. It's theater. I've seen those well it's supposed to be uh that yeah i i i've seen those it's theater i've seen those it's theater but i'm more just the 80s uh the women in the 80s porns they're just

i feel we're more naturally beautiful okay now you got a big bush but you know if you don't like bush i guess you don't want that but there's's a, just like with the music, I think there's a period, like, I think it's like 83. Now I'm going to sound like a psychopath here. But it's like 1982, 1983 is when the video got clear enough where it was good. Before that, I feel like the video is too grainy. And it was before the shift to Gonzo where there wasn't a kind of reality bend to it. Yeah. I mean, the ones in the 80s had their own music like there would be their own songs a lot of valley stuff so i can watch a porn and see a street a few blocks from me um a fun thing to do is to

just go on the whatever site you use and just type in the year just a year in the 80s so maybe the year that you were born so you can go on porn hub and like search like 83 just yeah just type in 1983 or 1989 1987 and just a million videos from that year will pop up and uh there are a lot of uh someone should do like a history book where they tell the history of culture through porn in different eras and i'm sure there's things in fashion or in like city design that would be indicative of what it was like. The only thing I can't do is when Ron Jeremy's in the

porn, I can't take it seriously when he's in there taking aside all the shit he's going through right now. It's just Did he die? No. He was convicted. He's convicted. So he's in jail. Actually, I don't know if he was convicted because I think he was found not competent to stand trial.

So I think he's just in a facility now. Oh, wow. He used to come around the comedy store a lot. I remember that. It's a sad end. A lot of those porn guys have rough endings. I mean, so all the people that I watched in the 80s, yeah, they didn't...

I kind of wanted to interview Jenna Presley. She was a former porn star. Now she's married to a pastor in San Diego and works at a church. Oh, interesting. I was curious about all that. Yeah. And then the contemporary stuff that I watch, I like to watch a lot of like a mother stepdaughter.

Yeah. Because it's like a potpourri. You get, you know. I've got a really good one in that vein that I could send to you. Like a mother-stepdaughter? Yeah. Because it's like a potpourri. You get, you know, a milf? I've got a really good one in that vein that I could send to you. Like a specific video? Yeah, it's mom and stepdaughter. Oh, okay. But just one video?

Yeah, there's one that I, because that's not really my thing, but I found one that I liked, and I'll send it to you. I felt very vulnerable saying that. I found one that I liked. Jake was disgusted by it but this girl she made pancakes with her butt what do you mean can you describe that so she like put she like squirted in the pancake batter into her butt okay then she farted it out and then she did the same with like blueberries and and and did you it's really hot did you stroke yourself all the comments were like this is

horrific but i liked it what did they look edible i would have eaten it did you laugh while you were coming uh i mean i was smiling dude that's the most important thing i was smiling i was like this is novel she seems very sweet and um you know it's it looked delicious it was one pancake but she's like breakfast is served and and then i came and actually i did the podcast right after that oh and uh you did the podcast in your refractory period yeah nice you and stephanie been on any fun dates lately i think we i'm trying to think usually not just because it's it's just you can't go out yeah I know it's tough because you have a fucking kid

but do you guys have like a go to person who looks after him or anything yeah her mom lives nearby so we can get her to come by if we really need it but I mean to be honest I don't think we were going on any

fun dates before. We're not really fun date people. Are you a fun date person? Yeah, probably. I did go on a fun date with, but not with her. Um,

last weekend, me and my buddy, Matt went to Koreatown. I like to do this thing where, uh, uh, I get like high. I take a giant edible thing where I get like high, I take a giant edible and then I go into Koreatown.

And if you go to certain spots, you feel like you're actually in Korea. Totally. Like some of those malls that you go inside of where all the stores are, like you don't even recognize the products. It's a totally different like consumer experience. Is it hilarious?

It's not hilarious. No, it's just the vibe. We went to this place. I don't even know what it's called. Dan Sung Ha or Dan Sung Sa. Whatever it is. It's in a little strip mall area, but then you go in and inside, there's just wood with graffiti all over it.

You sit down. We just got beer and so wood with graffiti all over it. You sit down. We just got beer and soju and just started drinking it. And then you order like, it's not Korean barbecue, but you order like little strips of meat and stuff like that. And you just sit there and like. Were you guys cooking it yourself? That stuff? No, no, no.

It wasn't Korean barbecue. You just sit there, you drink and you eat that sounds the food that they give you and you just get into it it is really cool because like i was in la for like four years before i experienced it and then i was working at a job where they had me go pick up some food from there when i went in there i was like dude where am i i'm the culture shift koreatown at night complete well it's probably the closest I don't think there's any other area that you can feel like you're in another country. Besides maybe some areas you feel like you're in Mexico. But Koreatown is huge.

And at night, all the lights go off. And Daddy likes Korean food, too. Yeah, it might be off. But I feel like places close to Santa Ana can feel like Mexico. You can get that experience. And then Koreatown, then I'm trying to think. In California, or what about SF? SF has some places where you can.

Yeah, but they're a little smaller. Koreatown is just giant. It's an entire portion of downtown, and everything is just at night. People do it for the karaoke. That's where they most often go there for. Yeah, they like the karaoke, but I'm telling you, there's some spots where you just go get food. Not the Korean.

Everybody talks about Korean barbecue, but there's just places with just Korean food that aren't just the Korean barbecue experience, and those are some of the places. We went there when we were doing Pokey reviews that video that was shot with grady oh yeah is that the place you're talking about kind of yeah that one wasn't as like deeply immersive but it was a similar vibe there's a yeah i've been to korea town ages there's a place the best soup and my one of the best soups i've ever had is, I think it's called Hanbat Sulan Tong or something like that, or Banhot Sulan Tong.

The soup is called Sulan Tong or however you say it. And they take ox tail bones and they just boil it in water for hours and it creates this milky broth. Sort of like, it looks like just, just load. Just imagine just a soup that's just looks like a giant load and they give you the soup. It has a beef in it or you can get the one with like the intestines and the stomach and all that. Both of them are good.

And then you put your own salt in it. You have a side of kimchi and you just eat that soup. And that's literally like the only thing they serve there. And I used to go there like when I lived down in Hollywood, I used to go there like once a week. You should write a Yelp review. I did. I think I wrote a Yelp review for them.

You did? I did. Did you mention that it looks like cum in the review? No. Well, that feels a little disingenuousuous i feel like they wouldn't like that though just imagine you're sipping on a giant load it looks like load that sounds but you did do so you write yelp reviews do you are they always positive or do you ever like uh give someone the business uh i i don't think i've only wrote like four yelp reviews and i don't think I've written a negative one. I'm not one of those.

I've wanted to and then I just go, eh, I'm not going to do it. No, I respect that. Yeah. It's just contributing negativity to the world. If you don't like it, just don't go. Yeah. Then if you guys ever want to have a night

where you're in Korea, let me know. That sounds like fun. I'm super down. But you got to take at least 10 milligrams of an edible. What about mushrooms? If you want it. The problem is, I don't know if I want to go. You don't want to be around people?

No, no, no, no. I'm just concerned. I like these places. And, you know, if you can control yourself on the shrooms that's fine I would take like just like a little bit more than a microdose oh okay

if that's your vibe and you want to get like a nice cross take I'm not trying to take like an 8 I think silly but respectful is the goal yeah but and the other thing if you can just sit down on the mushrooms, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, but I think I like it. I got a little high today. Yeah, you did? Mm-hmm. How was that? I didn't have much to do today. I ran some errands and stuff, and then I got high. It was cool.

Yeah. Nice. Played some FIFA with my brother. We went on a tear. We won like six games in a row. We were beating the shit out of people. Oh, nice. We were just doing like tiki-taka passing and it was like just tapping goals nice just busting strangers online oh yeah bust yeah i've

been busting on the the call of new call of duty oh yeah what do you i played it for the first time the last couple nights yeah yeah i mean it's it's fine i didn't play for a good like two two three months boys are hyped on this new one people are saying it's like a total return I mean, it's fine. I didn't play for a good two, three months. Boys are hyped on this new one. People are saying it's like a total return to form, that it's like Verdansk all over again. I don't think the map's that great, but the gameplay is really good. It feels like the movement's a little better.

I honestly can't tell. If you suck so much, you can't really tell that much but i i remember call d the second one i was so excited for it i think it came out last year so excited for it played it i was turned off immediately it was rough i didn't i didn't even attempt to play more than this one's this one's more like what we started on that's i mean the early days covid for dance days, that was

one of the best times of my life. It's just amazing. I wish I could go on like a time portal and just go You can't. You just gotta remember it in your head. You can't

go back in time. Why not? time is already happening time is on a line going in a direction you don't think it's a flat circle?

you might be able to go forward in time by going through the whole event horizon. But you can't go back. That's just not how physics work. If you could go

back in time to one moment in your life and change it, which moment would that be? Oh, and change it. Or relive it. If you want to change it, I would just go back to like 12 years ago when I was doing an open mic and there was this big Bitcoin machine.

You remember those big Bitcoin ATMs? Yeah, yeah. I remember that. At Carmel Lounge. In a bar. Dude, there's one at Carmel Lounge. Is that the one in Korea, like on Beverly? Yeah.

Yeah. There was a big bar and it had this thing and And I would have bought a shitload of Bitcoin. And I'd be rich. Wait, at the one that Jacob Bonney and Cooney used to host? Yeah. Oh, wait, but hold on. Because then if I go back, it sounds like douchey if I want to go get money. No, I would kill bad people.

Who would you kill? We got to kill Hitler. And then who else um saddam hussein do i get to kill multiple people i can just hop bin laden yeah i kill bin laden who else do you want me to kill i'll kill all of them but i guess if i could tell you a moment in time i was actually thinking about this today that I could just go back to and watch, I know exactly where it is. Which one? It's a live performance.

It's going to sound boring, but Crosby, Stills, and Nash. Recording with Tom Jones. Have you seen that video? Oh, no. That sounds pretty interesting. It was on the Tom Jones show, and they had Tom Jones sing the lead of one of their songs and all of them are high off their minds. What did they do?

Helpless for what it's worth? It's called Long Time Gone or Long Time Coming. Have you, Tom Jones, Presley Stills and Nash? This will be good. Oh yeah. Now watch this shit. Tom Jones. Oh, this is from back in the day.

Tom Jones is a beast. Neil Young's there. Whoa. Oh yeah. You know, I only know Tom Jones as an old man. I've never seen him when he was there Whoa Oh yeah You know I only know Tom Jones as an old man I've never seen him when he was young Oh yeah this guy's awesome There's Crosby

He's the craziest right He had the most 70s and 80s Things yeah Went a little downhill from him You know this is kind of like hack to bring up, but you've watched The Last Waltz on VHS where you can see the cocaine on Neil Young's nostril. Yeah, yeah.

But one of the greatest, easily the greatest concert documentary I've ever seen. Yeah, the songs are incredible. Yeah. I would wreck that to anybody. The Last Waltz, also the David Crosby's documentary is a great one. I tried to watch the Tom Wolfe documentary the other night about the writer.

Boring. Yeah. Dude, I tried to watch the new Murshahala Ali. Julia Roberts? Julia Roberts from The Guided Mr. Robot. That movie was tough to get through. Way too long. All the dialogue was like

10 extra lines of dialogue where they didn't say what they could have easily said and by the end of the movie I was like dude that all should have been squished into 20 minutes and then the rest of the movie should have happened well I made it cause I went to bed but I made it I got about 40 minutes in first like 20 minutes I looked at my girlfriend I was like

this shit is whack I was like don't you think this is at my girlfriend i was like this is like this shit is whack i was like don't you think this is whack and then it was like kind of i was like kind of like oh something interesting might be happening but then i went to bed they the characters do this weird thing where they never tell each other what they could easily say because they but they never explain why they feel like they have to hide it right they're just like yes of course yeah well i have my reasons for that yeah and then like but they sound like they're lying and you're like we'll just tell them the truth yeah and then uh it was it produced by

obama yeah i found that out like three days later that's kind of why i watched because everyone's like this was produced by obama i get why he did it it's very prestigious it's like ethan hawk and julia robertson it's about like big subject matter and things that we could maybe change. Cause I know he's into that, but what a weird, I don't like, I don't like it. Produced by the second actor,

third act. Yeah, no, I don't know why he's doing all that. Yeah. It seems like you go, you should do that first and then be president. Yeah.

You're like, what are you going to do after, after you're president? I want to produce. It feels a little like slutty. Yeah. It's you know uh i was also you know i felt insecure watching um ethan hawk's character because he's kind of like chill but he's like a pushover a little bit and i thought and i was probably just putting this on my girlfriend but i thought she was giving me the side i like this is what you would do oh dude i would yeah and i was like i was like kind of like it is kind of what i would do but back off oh like when he lets them crash

there at the house yeah yeah so basically for those of you who haven't seen it like maher shalali is like you know they're at a place in like the hamptons and he's like actually this is my place that you guys are renting out and he's's like, something happened in the city, so kind of stay here. And Julia Roberts is like, no, I don't feel comfortable. And Ethan Hawke's like, it's chill, it's chill. And I think I'd be that guy. But he's not really portrayed that positively. No, I think you're supposed to be like, why is he doing that?

Yeah. That's what I do. That that's always tough when you're watching something and the character has your weaknesses yeah and you're with your lady yeah it dude you know what was strong of you to not change the channel because sometimes i'll just click the tv why don't you like it just because this movie sucks huh yeah yeah ew let's watch uh let's watch moneyball so kev have you done anything what's new i don't even know what the fuck you guys were talking about to be honest okay so i um i uh before that i actually i did write down some topics oh cool to potentially discuss yeah pitch them um

the first one is okay let me ask you a question jt how many uh veins do you have in your dong i'm gonna guess uh i don't want you to guess i'm gonna say nine but you just made that up the point I'm getting at is you don't know right you don't go oh I have nine veins in my dong you just threw that out of your head right

yes how many veins do I have in my dong on the outside of your dong when you have a nice just tiny erection. In the whole shaft? I don't mean how many veins do you have in your penis. I mean how many of them are bursting out on the outside edge of your, yeah.

The nerve endings? Not nerve endings. Oh, like the veins. Like the veins you see. On the outside. Right. Describe them to me. me you can't don't even try you can't describe the veins on your dong you don't know jake guys i'm interrupting this podcast let you know once again or actually for the first time this pod that we were brought to you by draft kings what up draft kings freaking casino unwrap the

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Let's get back to the show. Don't you lie in front of me. You don't know. Two of them go straight up. The other one goes sideways to the right a little bit. I believe him, Kev. Wow. Those sound like facts.

Well, that's impressive. Cut that out. I have one big fat one. That would be cool if you just had one fat thing. My friend, when we were in junior high, his parents found his camera, and there was a photo of a hard cock on it, and his parents were like, what the fuck is this? And he was like, oh, that's JT's dick.

He just blamed it on me. Really? So I came over, and they were like, why did you take a photo of your cock on it? I was like, I didn't fucking do that. And then me and my brother looked at it and my brother defending me was like my brother doesn't have that vein on his dick dude so you win the argument and he got me out of trouble so no but so then it turned out it was the kid had taken a photo of his own cock and was your brother

knows your cock veins yeah yeah but your veins only really show when you're hard yeah that's interesting interesting do you know how many he has my brother yeah no but i'd know if there was one i can't say off the top how many he does have yeah but i could tell you by looking which ones he doesn't have that would be a good uh crime like maybe an exoneration of like somebody accused of a crime and there's like a picture of a cock and you have to ID it. No, that's not the cock. The veins. I think I would know my brother's bellend. I'd be like, no, he doesn't have that weird scar tissue in the bellend. So are you circumcised? Yes. My point is that why isn't there more of an emphasis on the veins on your cock? And here's why I think of it, because you've seen a dildo, right?

Like a massive dildo. What do you see on all these dildos? You see fat veins going on them, don't you? They're fat veins on these dildos. Why do they put the veins on the dildos? They put the veins on the dildos. Why do they put the veins on the dildos? They put the veins on the dildos so it's pleasure. Is it pleasure? I think so. I mean, it's adding to the pleasure because it's like a smooth surface.

Different gradients. It's ribbed. What? Ribbed for your pleasure. That isn't mimicking veins. But nobody brags about their veins. Nobody says, oh, I got like six fucking fat veins on my cock. Because what if you have a small cock and then you had so do you think we've oversimplified like dick value to size

too much yeah why aren't people bragging about their veins yeah a guy could be like yeah it's small but it's veiny but it's veiny you're gonna get a different experience there it's ripped for your pleasure you know honestly most of the time when I hear people talking about veins, they're making fun of them. I haven't heard it as a positive. I'm surprised you've heard anybody talk about veins. I haven't heard anybody even make fun of veins. That is like an insult, like a big veiny.

Oh, I guess it's like, it's really like a big veiny cock. If you saw any friend's penis and it was very veiny, I feel like it would be something to make fun of. You know what big veins mean? I'm not a, daddy's not a doctor here. But a lot of blood. A lot of blood flow. Healthy. Probably harder. That's really good. You know what big veins mean? I'm not a... Daddy's not a doctor here. But a lot of blood. A lot of blood flow. Healthy.

Probably harder. That's really good. You know what ladies like? Hard... To be harder, I think. I think that's what the ladies like. Have you asked Stephanie? About her preference towards veins?

Yeah. No, I can't say this shit to her. She shuts me off right away. So you're not dating her? Stop talking about... Talk. You're like, don't those have veins? I can't run this bit by her so you can't date stop talking about talk i can't i can't run this bit by her i can't run this bit by her damn have you ever just come to her though like full appeal and be like babe i have to talk to you about this no because i did

to be honest i didn't have to talk to her about this i saved it for the pod guys that's what's thanks wait so what's going on legally what you working on uh i had a here hold on though so dildos why don't you know that okay those are my notes i have other topics oh did you want to go i'm sorry did i come so i'm sorry i i came i came with bits i came with bits what were you what was your question do you have another thing on there that you want to do before yeah but we can do that it's not that it's not that uh what is it interesting what were you asking me legal stuff how's the legal stuff i just had a um i just lost an appeal he did yeah he just i thought i should win i thought it was right and i lost it what was the case it was a it was it was over like a license suspension on a dui but i appealed it uh because the stop was

illegal it was an illegal stop and not only was an illegal stop i uh i had the officer testify and i asked him all these questions about the stop and you know what his answer was i don't know so it was uh basically... What was the stop illegal? Legality was over the description of the stop. It's basically weaving within your lane and touching the lane lines. So basically, when you drove here, you probably weaved within the lane like a tiny bit. And your wheel might have touched the lane line like for a millisecond that doesn't necessarily mean you're drunk or it's even legal for the cop to pull you

over for any reason so in this case um the cop just said my client was weaving within his lanes and he touched the lane line and then in another report he wrote he was weaving with his lane to touch the lane line uh you know, once or twice. But there's case law that says in these type of cases, the officer needs to describe, you know, sort of like more particularity about the weaving. Like, for example, how long did he weave for? Was he weaving for a full mile? Did he just weave once for a millisecond? Or, you know, how many times did he touch the lane how far over the lane did the tire go on you know all of these details and it's actually just constitutional just basic constitutional principles that you have to

articulate with specificity uh the specific details about why you're pulling somebody over so you know the adjust cause to pull him over no because he he wasn't able to describe it and then so that's why i uh subpoenaed him to testify and usually when you speed him to testify and i say well how long is he weaving for you know usually the cops even if they don't know they're sort of trained to just sort of make something up so they'll be like oh probably like a i deserved to be weaving for a mile but this cop was a rookie okay he was on the job for six months he didn't he wasn't trained to make that up yet was it almost better that he didn't make something up was that harder to argue against or did you feel like no because no because once he said i don't remember

i said oh so you don't remember how long he was weaving you don't remember how many times he touched the lane line you don't remember how far the tire went over the lane line. And so obviously in my rational brain, I said, uh, well, that means that you, since you don't remember the facts about why you stopped him,

then the stop is illegal because you can't describe it. And you're saying you can't describe it. And, uh, it's difficult. DU dui cases it might sound weird but they're very very difficult they're one of the hard some of the hardest cases because it's so unpopular it's like so politically unpopular i don't like duis either i think i think duis are bad too but the judges become in my opinion just become scared to even rule on them

because they don't want to be the judge to for example dismiss something and then that person go get a DUI later and kill somebody. That's not how you're supposed to... Is DUI recidivism really high? Not

my clients. Obviously, there are a lot of people who get a DUI and then they just keep drinking. I don't know the statistics off the top of my head, but regardless of that, this is, uh, this is just about an illegal stop. Did the judge say why he didn't accept the appeal? Yeah. He said, oh, well the, the cop, um, uh, yeah, they just, they just, it was like a vague, really bullshit, like, well, I believe the cop is credible, so he pulled him over because he thought it was a DUI, which is not the law.

So he pulled him over. Did he have alcohol in his system? Yes. What did he blow? It doesn't matter what he blew. No, I know. Stop was illegal. What did he blow but it doesn't matter what no i know i haven't just stopped was illegal what did he what did he blow yeah so uh you know it it would end up if you get past the illegal stop

the um that's not admissible anymore no no so how the law works basically is it's called the fruit of the poisonous tree doctrine so if the basis of the stop is illegal or the basis of the search is illegal, they call, you can't use the, what's called the fruit of the poisonous tree. Oh, so, uh, that's a good terminology.

I think that it's, it's still, it's gets you, it still gets you worked up. Cause some people can't, you can't separate it. They go, Oh,

well it's a DUI. And that's sort of what's going on in the, that's what you have to fight with. Uh, even, even with a judge, like I know you think a DUI is bad, but we're talking about the constitution here. Yeah, can I go massive extrapolation?

Do you feel like in America right now, there's less respect towards the rules and obligations of law because we're just living in such like frenetic and like slip sliding times? Not with this type of you're talking about with the case I'm describing I'm talking about the whole world just feels like we're just getting rid of the rules and we're saying it takes priority whatever's happened now and we're not sticking to whatever doctrine we have or whatever legalities we have it's just get your shit done now

there's a fucking guy saying he wants to be a dictator and everybody just thinks it's a joke he just said I want to be a dictator for one day. I think we want that. I think we think a benevolent dictator I would not categorize them but I think some people think of them that way.

I think people would take that right now. I think the dumb people want somebody to just rule over them but then they're crying about freedom too. No, I'm pro-demo but I think there probably have been periods, like I'm just being fun for talk, like i do think there's been periods of time where maybe uh some kind of totalitarian leader might have been better for the short term like if you look at like human nature is sort of but i prefer democracy and i don't want that and i vote the way i vote

human nature wants uh it's easy you're going avengers you're going the first avengers where he's like does it not feel better to be ruled when they're on their knee and he's like is this not your natural place but then Captain America's like I once saw a man in Germany who told us to bow we didn't get along over history isn't dictatorship the norm

yeah though that's quite true I mean more often than not I see what you're saying I feel like a lot of people right now feel like the entire government itself. Is a poisonous tree. Yeah, is kind of bought and paid for, and they're not for the people. Yeah, but I mean, so they think it takes like an insurgent leader who will overhaul the whole thing and make it new. Drain the swamp.

Yeah. whole thing and make it new drain the swamp yeah but that's all just people who've never thought of it the process before in the first place just saying that stuff now and now interested no i think i think america is worth protecting as it as as it could be not as it is and i think we should stick up for the the values that we were founded on and i'll run on that i think the assholes glendale city city council i'm running no the assholes not now but soon the assholes have run amok okay you don't go up there and say i want to be a dictator i look i didn't like it from the start brother fuck and i'm not here to alienate any listeners and i don't want to piss off you're a goddamn dictator jake goes but i

you want a dictator no wait so so let's let's circle back did we go too political there yeah probably we can leave it it's fun okay i'm not saying anything i'm not saying anything you're saying something i'm saying you're saying something having a dictatorship here that's okay you can say that you can say that brother what you talk now you can't say you don't want no you left-wing radical we don't like dick if you said you were for a dictator that would get huge numbers for the pod what dictator yeah oh we said before dictator yeah and look people are just gonna think we don't know what we're talking about

they're probably right to a certain extent but that's okay we have to say who we are i'm sorry but but but i'm sorry i know why but to get to the case to get to the case was the cop that you question was he charming do you think that's part of it um he was more just like he's a rookie cop because i kind of like that he said i don't know that to me that's appealing that i think helped a little bit because they're like oh well he is credible in the fact that he's admitting he doesn't know and that yeah they that's what they're used and that's what the judge sort of uses in his decision. But at the same time- The judge was like, I've never heard a cop say that.

Yeah. Yeah. How refreshing. But at the same time, it's like, okay, but he's saying he doesn't know the facts that you're supposed to need to justify the thought. And so to make a massive extrapolation, do you think that's an issue in America right now where charm is a sugar on a pill and we don't even care what's in the pill? We just want the sugar.

I'm victim to that. Guilty as charged. You got a sweet tooth. Yeah. Someone charms me. I wish I was a little more charming. I don't have charm. People like you.

People like you. People don't like me. I like you. Huh? I like you. Chad likes me. Bro, we talked about your set at irvine oh that was uh you know that was a rough that was a rough but you didn't take a you didn't take a back step

oh no no no i uh i saw what was happening when joe was up there at the beginning and then i uh you know if i'm gonna if i'm gonna bomb into the bomb. Yeah. My dad asked about you. He's like. Oh, like how I was doing? Well, yeah. He's like, who's the guy who tried to get someone in the audience to blow me? I was like, that's Kevin. Oh, I taught, I had a conversation with your dad after the show.

Yeah. No. So he didn't connect. He didn't connect the dots before that. I mean, you know, he's 76. Dude, I had to lie to you. What? Because you came up to me before your set and you said, hey, are you going to talk about

how your stepdad bones your mom? And I was going to look at you and say, what the hell are you talking about? But then I realized if I said, no, I'm not going to talk about it, that you were then going to go talk about it yourself. So you ruined my set? And then you were being respectful because you're a nice guy. You were being like, hey, man, this is the choice cut. If you want it, you can it you can cook it and eat it and so i lied and said yes i am going to talk about it and i didn't talk about it yeah i gotta get these crowd work things in i don't have any followers

and that's the other thing with the with the irvine thing i was all i should just go up there and do all crowd work and get stupid fucking little crowd work bullshit bits. And then maybe I'll get a post to video. And then I decided to do material and that didn't work. And then I just started yelling at everybody. And I didn't have the fucking stepdad boning your mom fucking material. I think you should. I thought you were going to go with it.

When my stepdad was in Sacramento when we were doing the show, I asked him how many times he jacked off a week. I don't know why I didn't want you talking about my stepdad fucking my mom. Your stepdad's a cool guy. He's awesome. I love him, and I'm glad they're happy. But I was just being a tight ass. I truly think, Kevin, I think when you're yelling at the audience,

I think you should post that because it's so different. I see what you're saying but jake sent me the clip and i i did not find it postable i i mean i would post it but you i know you like it because you're a comic and you have like a sense of humor but um you know the worst part about those kind of shows is like i don't know like strider or what somebody had a friend and you know like after the show he's all dude i was fucking laughing so hard i got that so i think i was was i talking about like 80s i must i was talking about porn about some milfs a lot i was talking about music i got yeah i got that the only so so he liked it and jt's mom liked the milf material too she told me because she thought she she thought we were like you know she related to

yeah she related to it oh and another milf came up to me and uh related to it the best part of irvine wasn't even the show i like that material yeah it really spoke to me yeah maybe you're the milf comic oh i was because we're in orange county so i'm like i gotta talk about milfs in orange county yeah and you're the crowd was unusually high in like older women and it wasn't just a bunch of young dudes that's our crap older women you know people think matt rife has that crowd yeah let's try and jt yeah so uh but the best part of i remember of that show was after the show when... Was it... Was there co-workers?

Oh, Kennedy's? Was it... Yeah, but was it... Were those Kennedy's co-workers? Clients. Clients. Client. Those were her clients.

So she brought some clients to the show, and they were very attractive. What would you call them? Cougars? Yeah. And Joe, our friend Joe, has a, I would call it a over 40 fetish. Yeah, he's a- Over 50, older woman fetish. If he was a porn brand he would be the milf hunter he was in big vaginas

he was locked in conversation with them he was really working hard I've been at bars with Joe when he's getting after it and he's a good talker he's really engaging and he's got a good way of connecting

but he didn't connect. And that's coming from... Me and Joe have actually been on double dates. You have? Double dates and stuff. Really? I haven't told this story. Oh, yeah, I know that.

I feel like I've... I don't think I've ever heard this one, actually. No, this is fresh for the pod. Back in my single days... No, I think I've told this. I've had to have told this. No, you haven't. About me and Joe double dating on Tinder?

We haven't heard it. I swear you've heard it. Okay, I'll tell it again. So, it would be a double date on Tinder because you get a date on Tinder, and then the girl sometimes would go like... So, one time Joe said, Oh, I got a good date on Tinder, but she's bringing her friend. She's going out to the bar with her friend.

You remember the pikey? Yeah, yeah. Good spot. That was Joe's favorite. So I go to the bar with Joe to wing for him. There's the girl Joe's with, and I'm just there strictly to wing. But the other girl is like a linebacker for the Bears. Like she's that, she she's huge i'm not even

making a i'm not fat shaming here she was um she's jacked she yeah um and i was oh i winged i i talked to her the whole night i did it um so good and uh in fact so good that i was insulted i wasn't even trying i didn't even try i wasn't trying anything with her. I had no intention of doing anything with her. But she clearly still didn't seem interested. She didn't seem interested at all. I put in all this work. I'm not even trying to bone you or get your number or anything.

But she clearly, even if I was to go for that, she was not interested. I think I might have been too small or something. Do you think she could tell that you were faking it? wasn't faking it i was in there for joe and guess what happened that night joe got it joe pounded there it is dude that's being a dude though bro that's being a guy you're a good guy now let's reverse it okay let's my tinder date okay we go to the same bar the pikey girl brings her friend so i said joe come on down uh pay it forward these girls were much more attractive um and then the girl at some point during the night so joe's off to a good start at some point during the night. So Joe's off to a good start. At some point during the night, the other girl, I think she said she had a boyfriend or something. Something.

But then Joe just starts drinking and drinking and drinking until he's just like incoherent. Slapola. And I'm trying to talk to this girl. And Joe's like this. And the other girl's like, you know, this guy's falling. So the date had to end. He became a liability. So I went home.

I had to jack off. I mean, that's a huge betrayal. Actually, that's crazy. I don't expect that. Joe's such a good soldier. No, he just got a little tipsy. Should I call him and should we clear the air on this thing? Yeah.

Yeah. Because that's pretty bad. I think she mentioned she had a boyfriend and she was hot bad I think it's she mentioned she had a boyfriend and she was she was hot I think it sort of broke Joe

the letdown of it was just it was a big fall it just went off the deep end it's a long way down should we not call him should I call him

I mean she's probably working yeah he'll pick up quick sometimes if he's working I almost got coffee with him today. Oh, and Joe did... I should say this to the Stokers.

Joe did come see his godchildren after the Four Horsemen podcast. He came over that night. Oh, should I tell another Joe story? And he looks beautiful with the kids. He's a natural. Please leave. Damn.

Should we do another Joe one? I only want to hear it if Joe's like a champ in it no it's actually he was talking to a prostitute and he didn't know it was a prostitute in Vegas that's happened with another one of my buddies where two girls were like hey let's hang out and he was like man he checks your internet

actually that did when I was like first went to Vegas that happened to us and we thought but we figured it out pretty fast she was like she's like yeah it's 500 for the night what no it was at my what you remember at the seas at my wedding when we first came you remember there's a vegas will fool you that way too yeah but it was that's where it happened to my friend too was in vegas it was at the the lobby bar at caesar's and it was like when everybody was coming into a wedding so we were sitting at like a little couch

it was like me um uh like if you remember red band brian and then uh like uh and then just like stephanie's family like her cousins and her aunts and stuff and then joe sits at the bar clearly a prostitute goes up and it says joe's having a fucking intense conversation with her he has no idea it's a prostitute he comes over with her sits like right next to stephanie's cousin and continues like this conversation with this prostitute and we're all i just like said we're all like laughing it was hilarious that's nice and i i don't think he might have picked it up later i mean we might have told him but i couldn't make it to the wedding but i heard it was the greatest it was super fun yeah and joe joe was your kind of de facto best man right

yeah we didn't have best man and when but yeah we had a joe uh joe did the speech he was very uh preparing for it yeah i mean he did as bad as good it was a tough room because it was there's a lot of it was in the caesars a lot of ambient noise and whatnot yeah because it was in the shops you know the forum shops so it's just you're hearing all this noise echoing in there so it would be um yeah we were on like the second level and it was like very open air it's not a place where you would want to do a set but i think he did as good as you could I enjoyed it thoroughly I enjoyed it too should we do some legal questions and then

hop into the end? I just have one question, it's not legal but can I say something? I think when we start talking about Dong you think it's better? it sort of meshed a little, you remember it was a little lol at the beginning and I was feeling uncomfortable? I think we've done a good job of going...

Yeah. I think it's been really fun. Me too. It's been like a heartbeat. It goes up when it's dong and then it dips, but that's natural. I was thinking, too, because a lot of people... You get feedback and stuff.

A lot of people feel like it's like a hang with your buddies. Oh, okay. And I do feel like this really will feel like that. You know what I mean? Is that what they want? They want a like this really will feel like that you know what i mean is that what they want they want to hang i think they like that vibe yeah you like that let's stick on the dong here is that the cue yeah what up jt and any other savants of stoke that are in the studio today uh first off congrats on the sex, JP. Hope the youngsters aren't causing you too much trouble back at home. But anyway,

me and the boys ripped a little beach trip last week, and while we're sitting on the beach having a discuss, we're talking about the proper way to piss in the ocean. I always thought it was acceptable just to just piss your shorts, man. But apparently, there was a split

decision in the group. A couple of us whip out our dongs right out in the waves, dude. And I personally thought that was diabolical. So I just want to let you guys hear your insight on what's the proper way to take a piss in the ocean, you know? Good question. So proper way to piss in the ocean, do you whip out your hog or do you keep it in your board shorts

so he's talking about like when you're just in the white wash just walking around sounds like it yeah I feel like if you whip out your dong aren't there like children around possibly you gotta go deep into the ocean and piss piss in the ocean and just let the salt water

I don't think there's a wrong way to do it I think however you feel good't think there's a wrong way to do it i think however you feel good what if there's kids though no well that's that's different if you got it you can pull your dick out but you got to be in deep enough water where children won't see it right if you're in disney's castaway key you want to be closed for sure um but i've never seen somebody piss like i've been to the ocean a lot i've never seen anybody just without dong yeah i don't even i don't even want to be like oh really but like part of me is like are your boys really doing that or are they just trying to be like top dog in the crew yeah i've never seen someone whip out hog um are we calling are

we calling uh are we calling bullshit on this there's a sniff of it but I don't want to be too cynical me personally I go in the boardies I let the salt water take care of it I just go if I'm wearing a wetsuit I go in the wetsuit I have seen my buddy Chance

he unzipped his wetsuit he deuced in the water? yeah on his board no but uh it actually did get on robbie's board you know get like floats and stuff yeah i've never unzipped in the it would be because the zippers like tucked in all up we were in santa cruz at four mile and it's like a huge walk back to like any kind of civilization so is and we're like dude just you know just do this out here so dude yeah it's crazy with like surfing like where do you deuce where do you not i uh i was surfing

one time and i just you know had a fat california burrito and then I ended up you know pulling off my wetsuit pulling off my booties pulling off my cap and um just fucking took a fat donkey shit straight on a dolphin's head dude nice just

total like collateral damn yeah dude you got in a blowhole a little bit huh yeah I stuffed him up and then like he was just like you know

he's like shaking it off and stuff and I was just like yeah so like you know he's like shaking it off and stuff and i was just like yeah so like you know deuce but like carefully but that's natural dude you're in the osh where's he go yeah where's he go he got in your way hey jake can we google if dolphins deuce real quick yeah of course they deuce and they use echolocation right you got to feel that yeah he could have probably heard my donkey deuce i actually got deuced on while surfing other cetaceans including all species of whale and porpoises remove waste from their body in

one way or another either through vomiting or pooping however pooping is the most common of the two and dolphins are not exempted from the act dolphin poops leave the body of dolphins in a brown liquid form no shit yeah i didn't know there were some uh cetaceans that they vom to get rid of it. That's interesting waste protocol. Do dolphins squint when they're pushing? You're quiet, Kev. Oh, I'm just picturing it. Kev, when we were doing that whole deuce talk,

did it go to a territory that like for you wasn't as rich as Dong um you know you want my honest opinion yeah man I didn't believe you guys I didn't feel like

you didn't believe that Chance took a deuce in FOMO? I took Chance took a deuce, but like I was, I thought you meant he took a deuce like in the lineup. Hey dude, that's valid. And then you described that. That's valid critique. And then JT was trying to improv and went into this whole dolphin arena.

And I just like, oh, I mean. It felt a little. I mean. It's like hard to believe. It was like, it was like not believable. And then like, I didn't, you know, when you shit on the dolphin, I didn't really find that to be funny either. If we took this to court, you think we could win an appeal?

No. Unless you had the judge. Maybe. Can I point something out though? And perhaps this is me wallowing in self-pity or sensitivity rather but like so i agree with you that wasn't believable but then what was your beef with my humping oh no because i described it i don't believe your hump no but i was saying if you did not hear me said, even if you did the thing perfectly,

I don't think my execution was good either. And I don't think I could have prevented it. But our earlier debate from the previous podcast. Are you talking about humping on the show? Yeah. You think humping real is bad. But you think duking on dolphins needs to be real. No, that's a physical act.

You were just talking about making up a story about shitting on a dolphin. Ah, okay. So if I was doing that. That might, see, there you go. Now he's happy. Look at his smile. See? Yeah.

If you would have like acted out shitting on a dolphin. Is there a dolphin in your butt? If you, if it would have got into that realm, maybe it would have been fun. Now we're having fun. Yeah. All right. So let's do that. Wait, can you do that again? Yeah, hold on.

Dude, I got a dumb bad man. Oh, it just got in the water. Oh, there's a dolphin right there. Oh, no. Dude, you just crapped in that dolphin. That was better. That was better? Yeah.

All right, good, man. Wait, and then you see the dolphin's blowhole you get an idea dude start fucking i thought you were gonna start fucking dude oh i'm not even improv okay what was i supposed to do well i said oh and you see the dolphin's hole the blowhole you want me to have sex with it yeah hold on guys because you just dropped a deuce now you're nice and free you're gonna fuck the dolphin i want you to fuck the dolphin yes and okay this is why my uh improv uh teacher didn't like me bro i can't even picture can i can i act out ass and one-on-one yeah go can i act out okay this I act out? Okay.

This is me deucing in the ocean. But you're just in the ocean? Just you? No, we're all together. I'm your buddy and he's the dolphin. Are we in the lineup on our boards? We're in the lineup on our boards. It's double overhead. Northwest swell.

Four mile Santa Cruz. I'm talking this north of Santa Cruz Where it's a little bit remote Now just us We don't have any Competitive guys There's some rogues out but like 2 or 3 We're in our own thing Dude Cap nice wave

Thanks man Oh What's going on buddy Oh man my tummy Dude, cap, nice wave Thanks, man Oh, oh What's going on, buddy? Oh, man, my tummy That just hit me like a friggin' Zeus's lightning bolt Dude, the swell is the best it's been all year You can't go back in, man The set of the day is coming, but I got to deuce

Dude, I think you just got to do it. Oh, there's a dolphin. There's a dolphin. Shit, dolphins are in the lineup, too. Fucking crap in its blowhole. Hold on. Let me unzip. Dude, undo me.

Undo me. Oh, you're going to shit in its blowhole? Yeah. Oh, dude. You got to commit, dude. Commit, bro. Commit. Commit, dude. You got to commit, dude. Commit, bro. Commit. Commit, bro.

No, dude, that ain't it, bro. Come on. Come on, step up, dog. Shit. Shit like your life depends on it, brother. I'm just so scared. The biggest wave in my life is coming. Get it out.

Get it out. That was good. That last push was real that was real i believed it kevin so like are you guys thinking like private school or public school oh public school public are you in a good district huh i am in a good oh we actually have a very good elementary school in our district smart um but i i don't feel like even if we could pay for private school i don't i'm scared of private dude the private schools in orange county are absurd with how much they charge like so they were expensive when i was a kid and like jt you went to private school right i know yeah no i'm calling it up but like it wasn't as it wasn't as ridiculous back then it would be like for high school it was like a couple grand a year which is insane but now

it dude some of these high schools in orange county 20 grand a year 30 grand a year it's insane and then for some of the elementary schools some of them are running five five figures i live next to like harvard westlake and that's gotta be crazy though right well it's not even a consideration it's insane no but then so so if you live in orange county and you want to put three kids through private school and then pay for college you're literally getting into like it's like a million dollars the public schools are fine no i'm dude we're stoked i'm on burbank our kids are gonna be solid we interviewed your dad right now or your mom and said was that a good investment putting jt in uh in private schools or should we just have put him into local public schools like where would the public school have been if you went i would have gone to a capo probably that sounds like a nice capo that sounds like a nice school was it a nice school yeah it

was solid yeah we didn't need to get to go to private school no i tried to go to capo my dad actually put on my high school application to santa margaret that i didn't want to go to school there and i gave this big dramatic speech as to why and then my dad grabbed me by the neck and made me walk in there and say i did want to go to school you know what's killing us is is daycare it's fucking expensive yeah it's insane right and then everybody wants fucking tax cuts but they take away the credits for the child care i don't know how people are it's insane it's like it's four or five hundred dollars a week for one kid it's so crazy for one kid how many hours do you get out of that he's there like eight to five nine to five that's

good but it's good it's good but if you have multiple kids i don't know what you do there's people doing daycare on my street like there's just a house that's like hey we'll take your kids for a while but i'm a little skeptical of putting them there when they're babies because no the people the people are cool they charge you but not as much as like a uh like a llc type of daycare but um they have like three-year-olds running around who can just like reach in the cribs and stuff and i'm like i don't want it's too big of a age disparity right now yeah okay because i don't know are they uh are they rolling over yet they're dude they're this close like the boy people think i'm psychotic that i call him the boy and the girl but the boy yesterday was like flopping and oh dude then today i was shadow boxing him from he loves it really he

smiles huge yeah me and him are gonna be hitting the mitts in the in the garage for sure that's cool what's this that's for your kids i i gotta say kevin of everyone you've been the most uh generous and the most involved in terms of giving me solid advice and helping me out with uh stuff that's useful for one thing it's nobody getting you anything. You got me the books. No, you sent me other things too. You've been more helpful than that. Okay. Those are, you don't, you don't have to let, oh yeah, yeah. It's, oh, you want to open it. It's eggs. It's like a fake egg carton and then you can open up the eggs. I don't know if they're going to be, they're there yet. It might be a few months away. They're using their hands, but they can't, they can grip a book.

They can grip a pacifier. Put them the carton put him back but you know what they do like the colors they're stimulated by things so i'll just pop them open and they'll get it they'll be tickled by that and i saw my niece today too she's so cute right a gift for little girl in the world whoa dude she's gonna love that wait so kevin do you like it because it's a mushroom but it also looks like a dong? It's the best of both worlds. This is such a good toy. Thank you, man.

Wow. Because when Kevin gave it to you, he gave it to you like it was his penis. Dude, it looks like my penis. Look at that. I actually took a picture. Garf likes it. I took a picture of. I'll show you later.

When you look at Harrison, is he number one in your life or are you still number one I got you a back scratcher it's good when you're stroking yourself do you look at do you look at Harrison as number one in your life now or are you still top priority no my kid is more important than me

my dog's more important than me you put Garf above you? I put Garf above me the gee I call him you're an inspiration it goes more important than me. My dog's more important than me. You put Garf above you? I put Garf above me. The Guy, I call him. You're an inspiration. Yeah. It goes... No, I was going to make a joke, but... Make a joke?

No, I was going to make a wife joke, but we don't have to do that. It sounds insensitive. All right. I respect that. Oh, yeah. Jake, are I respect that. Oh, yeah. Jake, are we getting that? Oh, yeah.

Nice. So what you do is you smack the, like, I'm Lola. No, smack me. Oh. And then she's like. Oh. You want to try? sure sure why not yeah one in room oh do you want kevin can do it to you okay so no you have to like you're a dog your dog doesn't stick out their tongue

oh they do that no yeah they do you're right is this not the best um gift ever yeah dude thank you i've always wanted to cock slap my dog all right yeah hey now you can do it free of charge i had another topic we could talk about i would like to do just try since at the end try out the dong song just so you can cut it if it's not good. Well, come on. That's not the right attitude, man. I think we're all pretty excited for this.

Maybe we should close it now. How are you guys feeling? You want to close it now? Let's close it. Close it? Okay. Yeah, yeah. This has been fun.

I like this. I think we had a great time, man. I think we got goofy and weird. My goal with Kevin, Kevin, I always want them to get the full picture of Kevin. It's the dong and it's the the values and they run parallel i mean i'm gonna be honest with you i didn't really start vibing until the vein dong vein you saved us bro you know i didn't i i just thought as a topic but i think that has like is is that a should i should i try that as a bit now it seemed like i was getting really into it i was really passionate about it. Dude, yeah, you should totally try it as a bit.

I don't think dong veins could be a, you know. Okay. This is a Joe's Dong song. I'll try to sing it and not cough. guitar solo Big dong police Arrest Joe's dong It's far too girthy It's making me start to question My ability to please the opposite sex

Huge dunk police Arrest Joe's daddy Dropped one load Now I'm feeling insecure I bought a boner enhancement pill This is what I get This is what I get This is what I get This is what I get from my tiny choke Just for a minute there I saw Joe's dong

I saw Joe's dong Yeah, for a minute there I saw Joe's dong I saw Joe's dong. I saw Joe's dong. Okay, let's end it there. That's your best one. Just for a minute there, I saw Joe's dong.

I saw Joe's dong. That was beautiful. Dude, I got to say, I think that's my favorite because that's one of my favorite songs. I never, ever. Associated with cock? I don't think anyone did. And that's the best. I think that's the best.

Maybe just for me, I think that's the best one. What song is that? Karma Police by Radiohead. I'll do a Hooba Stank song next time. The Reason? No, so Chad knows the song. And the penis is yours. I found a penis for me. You like to...

To please who I used to see. A penis for all of her days. And the penis is hers. I've got a song. That's good. I've got a song. Okay. Cut Joe's dong into pieces.

It's still a huge cock, yeah. Suffocation. Suffocation. No penetration. No breathing. No breathing. Stuffing. suffocation suffocation penetration not breathing stuffing don't give a fuck if i bust bleeding now bust bust don't give a fuck if he rips me apart strong kev thanks for coming on man yeah you feel good huh you feel good yeah yeah yeah i'm i'm you know you look like you still got something left huh no i

maybe just we'll just at the end of the song maybe just end it you want to cut this huh that? That does look like a cock, though. Look at that. If you need advice These guys are really nice You want to know What to do Where to go

When you need someone to guard you Starts to have the girls beside you Go free Go free Let's go free Go easy Go easy Go with me, try to take it you you you you