Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 342 - Strider Wilson T-Darts the Hotline

Episode Date: May 15, 2024

Today we are joined by the most requested guest in Going Deep history, Strider "T-Dart" Wilson. We start off the pod getting the vibes right, JT showcases some music he has been listening to recently. Then of course some dong talk followed by housing market talk. Is it even possible for younger people to buy houses these days? We open up the hotline and a crazed man, who is into his neighbors wives, calls into to see if his past actions are chill. Followed by one of our most STOKE inducing calls yet when our DAWG Jordan calls in. Also, our newest VIP FreshPairOfPants calls in to say whaddup after applying pressure in the chat about Striders fashion choices. IF YOU ENJOYED THE POD HIT THAT LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE or LEAVE A COMMENT!  We are streaming the BTS, Fully unedited version of the pod on Twitch, if you want to chat with us while we're recording, follow here: https://www.twitch.tv/chadandjtgodeep Grab some dank merch here:https://shop.chadandjt.com/ Come see us on Tour! Ventura is the NEXT STOP, PLUS 8 other DATES!http://www.chadandjt.com If you need advice and want to chat with us, TEXT us with your issue or question at 323-418-2019 and we will add you to the list! (Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice) Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/

What up legends, welcome to the pod. We got a hot, hot, hot podcast for you guys with Strider Wilson who's not here right now, but he will be in the episode. Also, we're streaming these on Twitch. Dude, Twitch is so fun. We got the chat going. You can be live with us. We'll interact with you. Chat and JT go deep on Twitch. It is so fun. Hop on that Twitch and who knows, if you're cool enough you might get a VIPip badge in the chat which that's pretty sick it's amazing bro to be vip in anything but especially something as like ilu is this that fires me up also we got some shows coming up we're gonna be in ventura this weekend at the ventura music hall we're gonna be in jersey city next week and atlantic city first times there so stoked for that and then we got seattle

and portland oregon so stoked for those on top of that in june we're going to be in philly and we're going to be in boston the boston show is almost like it's really well sold so hop on that if you want to get ticks. Yep. They're going fast. We do well in BS. And then San Diego, which is going to be a hot, hot one. I think that's June 27th to the 29th.

We got a full weekend at the American Comedy Co. That place rips. That place is a kill box, dude. Yeah, dude. Kill box. And we want you guys to enjoy this pod. So get your ticket at chatandjt.com. Then tune in. And you want to say to enjoy this pod. So get your ticket at chatandjt.com, then tune in.

And you want to say anything? I do. And you're going to have to bleep this, Jake. But my giveaways are on vacation. And also, if you want to call in to the podcast, the number is 323-418-2019. Leave a voicemail, text it to jake know what your ish is and then we will hit you up on the pod and rectify you have a great voice you like that yeah it sounds so nice all right let's start the pod dude that sounds good good once we get through the intros can i play you guys some songs to get your feedback on it at the top of the pod yeah okay cool music you made yeah beautiful yeah you guys are gonna love it

beautiful dude i started playing guitar these are your beats dude oh it's guitar nice i want you guys to listen to my guitar songs better or worse guy who wants you to listen to guitar or guy who wants you to listen to his beats um guitars worse really whoa because i think beats are easy are we going yeah i think beats are easier and uh i think it's less intimate yeah because with the guitar he's playing and he's looking at you so true play if he starts singing too oh bro yeah if your buddy starts singing in his voice is bad oh baby baby it's a wild world here's the thing and the guys that he's like starts and stops eight times wait hold on fuck well that's not one right hold on just wait okay hold on you're like oh my god dude you know live drums though we heard someone playing drums in public

that's assault oh dude yeah it can be so loud i so loud the balls it takes to play guitar and be like i want to play guitar and sing it takes a lot of nuts are those the horniest guys in the world guys who learn to play guitar so they can get laid yeah i'm like i just stayed home beat off yeah beating off take a guitar lesson i learn any tabs you already you can already strum your own guitar thank you dude yeah play your own flute exactly dude pipe instrument is that type so you were saying that you you didn't think guys who play guitar at high school were arguing about this in Arlington. But it was a very nuanced argument. So you can't just say stuff like that.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. But I'm trying to open it up. It was a whole debate. Like if you're in a band, that's cool. Like you're in a band and stuff, that's cool. But if this is like the classic Animal House thing when like belushi smashes the guitar right we were talking about this dude who walked around playing guitar and i'm like that's not cool he needed to get bullied he did he i mean he did

get bullied yeah but harder what'd you guys do swirly no we didn't do enough he played he kept we would just like be like dude what are you doing stuff like that picked on him they said like rude things to him we had a friend's dad had a funny comment he said uh he said little boys uh write songs about girls real men fuck them so true dude is that play-doh that's amazing dude that's amazing one in the same that's so good dude the greeks had it right chair flyer is stoked that you're here strider what up chair flyer dude i love that my week is made as well dude dude and let's fucking twist our nips and fire this thing off we already got some guitar riffs up top and we are deep into may sun's peeking out stoke is high boners erect let's go dude amen let's go we start off each pod with a with an erection you got that's what we do yeah that's the secret of

the biz exactly you talk to any dj 100 VJ. That's why they have a booth. Any jock. Yeah. Yeah. Hide their wood. So, what's new? My jacket, dude. See how sick this thing is? Do we not do the intros?

Oh, I guess because we just started talking. Right. Should I do the intros? Yeah, hit them. guess because we just started talking i was right should i do the intros yeah hit them uh well let's freaking pour some enchimima on my ass and slap my neighbor what's going on stokers of stoke nation this is chad kroger coming in with the going deep with chad jt podcast i'm here with my compadre john thomas what up what up boom clapper stokers and we're here with the tech god at mr ll bean strider wilson dude freaking what up dude stoked to be here dude so you're an ll bean guy yeah new jacket with that

outdoorsy brand not an outdoorsy guy poser but i saw this i like this color it's called time like the spice that you cook with or the herb t-h-y-m-e time and it's a sick little bomber style jacket you know i love ww deuce so i was like this is pretty sick watch masters of the air and my birthday's around the corner so i'm like i'm gonna treat myself do you use time often when cooking yes yeah i think we do have a few recipes that we use some time in yeah in fact we had a reload on it frequently so i think so yeah but. But not like. It's not a papri.

Yeah. It's not something I'm throwing in there all the time. But if it calls for it. It's not a G powder. No, this is no G pow. No, no, no. Not even cumin, dude. Not even garam masala, dude.

Cumin is next level. Cumin's legit. And that one's a little more like finicky. Yeah. You know more, dude. You are cooking some dank ass dishes, dude. What did I eat this morning? Elk.

You ate elk this morning? Straight elk. Ground elk. Where'd you even get that? Rogan's house? The market. I got something hot on Rogan that I've been waiting to uncork. Whoa. Some gauze? No, just like a narrative about history. the market i got something hot on rogan that i've been waiting to uncork whoa so goss no i'm just

like a narrative about history through the prism of rogues wow give it to us but i did i would you eat this morning i haven't eaten yet you haven't oh you're fasting yeah i usually eat around like one one or two and then what time do you stop eating like 11 11 30 at night yeah okay sick oh you eat late yeah well my girlfriend gets home at like nine and she'll make dinner or we'll order but uh last night i had steak artichoke broccolini uh she makes this onion and mushroom kind of saute and um and then some uh cookies and dough ice cream oh it's beautiful oh dude that's so nice followed by some butt did you eat the uh did you eat the ice cream in the same place you ate the steak or did you move um it's the same place okay straight out of the carton that's nice

sometimes you you were thinking maybe you ate your dinner at the table then you moved the ice cream over to the couch and enjoyed a little show yeah and then and then we had a little tiff because i didn't like baby reindeer oh yeah you know my dank ass wife hated it one episode but your lady was liking it kennedy was liking it she'd already seen it but she wanted me to see it oh it's a bummer it's a bummer and i uh i just check your phone or something what you check your phone she's like she's like do you she can tell when i don't when she can tell when i don't like she's like do you like it i'm like i didn't no and uh she then you know because we just finished masters of air she's like well we

watched your world war ii thing what about baby i was like i'll watch it let's watch my mental i'll watch this thing but i was like do you want me to be honest or do you want me to lie and say i was enjoying it honest smart honest open communication yeah yeah it's the move what were you gonna ask sorry i was is it too uncomfortable for you yeah i just i don't like she was like you don't like sad stuff you don't like uncomfortable stuff you have a very narrow thing that you like yeah like disneyland pf chang's and hot action in your film and war yeah i like war but i think that's all very cool i i think those are all good things yeah i i don't know i i i well one thing and this is actually if i'm being like

truthful one thing i didn't like is that he's an inspiring comedian i don't like people trying to make it in the entertainment industry watching that in a show or a movie it makes me uncomfortable especially if they're bad at it because then it makes me i'm like is that what i'm doing i i just don't even like to like that you said the same thing about don't think twice when the burbiggs movie came out yeah yeah bum me out um yeah but it's a good movie that's a good movie i do like them both good yeah but i get that it's a little close to home and then yeah and as someone who has had many big women become totally infatuated with them to the point of stalking and total harassment yeah i could see why you'd also not want to relive that like babe this is my life exactly this is my life yeah i yeah i'm getting blown up on email right now

i'm called baby ostrich um so yeah i don't know i i i i do enjoy a nice thriller same uh but uh i i don't like i don't like people being you like i don't like creepiness you like when men hurt women in entertainment yes yeah i like i like you know my favorite movie is enough with jennifer lopez kiss the girls you're a big yeah kiss the girl i was i wasn't a big fan of the ending of enough i thought it should have gone the other way yep yeah big time big complaint of yours yeah well she'd only been training for like a month yeah billy campbell's a tank yeah yeah so i was like i was like this is not realistic at all he would have taken her you've got a good you've got buffalo bill yeah you walked out i walked out i was like this movie's bullshit this stupid. This is some movie magic horse shit.

Yeah, what does the chat think about? So some people are agreeing with me. Okay, I like that. Did you finish Baby Reindeer? Have you started it? Watched 13 minutes of the first episode. Gave up. You know, I watched 15 minutes of it and stopped watching two.

Of what? Baby Reindeer. You didn't finish? I started it. Haven't gone back gone back now really so you guys don't like it either i i i liked it i just yeah i guess i didn't like it i i didn't think it was bad i just didn't want to watch it so right i'm in the same boat as you exactly that's probably called not liking something yeah right but i respect it i'm like cool it's just not for me yeah i guess i i don't i think a lot of people in the culture like the people being weird kind of genre people being creepy or people acting stalker i don't know you know what i'm saying those things always sell that's true i also

think with his there i i found out what the twist was at the end and it is intensely vulnerable. It is, I know people overuse this term. Yeah. It did feel brave to me. Right. People think it's like a really brave show. Yeah, because he kind of makes himself look bad. It's intense stuff that he's going through and then it's not just that relationship. He has another kind of crazy predatory relationship

that's in the show. Yeah. And it's, he went through something challenging and he talks about it very honestly. I guess my girlfriend, you know, predatory relationship that's in the show yeah and it's uh he went through something challenging and he talks about it very honestly well i think i asked my girl my girlfriend you know as most girls do loves murder stuff and i was i was like you know just like why do you love why do you love and she's like i like to get inside their head in case so i'm aware of like what murderers are thinking so i can be on my on my toes that's how my favorite murder frames their thing is that they're saying stay they're like call tag sign off is like uh stay safe out there

spookaloos or whatever yeah don't get murdered oh don't get don't get murdered yeah so it's yeah my wife and i used to listen to that a lot i did see challengers treanor has too many clothes on dude come on bro this is my new jacket dude yeah who said that it's only because it's juxtaposed to chad and jt in shorts i'll do but fresh pair of pants is sort of the fashionista of the oh you are right you are right i've never seen fresh pair of pants wearing the same pair of pants so true so true dude can i play you guys some songs that are bang that are so you know like you guys notice country music's most popular music

it's banging right now yeah it's kind of become the monoculture can you play uh that shabooey song Here comes the two to the three to the four. Tell them bring another round. We need plenty more. Who's stepping on the table? She don't need a dance floor. Dude, shaboosie, shaboosie. I'm going to listen to it on my drive to work today. That was sick.

And then when you play that Morgan Whalen song that's right in the top right, recommended. Dude, if you want to hear a fun fact, this valet who used to work with me, he dates Morgan whalen's he's married to morgan whalen's baby mama oh that's who all these songs are about he's got like a million songs and also he got in trouble recently for a he was at a nashville bar and he threw a stool off the top floor outside that was like right around when the wedding was people say he was upset about them getting married probably this is all goss speculation and he decks someone i with the chair yeah no i think it almost hit a cop i think it landed oh i don't know no they almost hit a cop and i think i think it maybe almost like did bounce into him and that's why he got in extra trouble but uh this is his hit right now i had some help it ain't like i can

make this kind of mess all by myself don't act like you ain't helped me pull that bottle off That's good, Jake. That was sick. Yeah, I don't think it's as good as the last one. It's not. And you know what? The video, I would have just listened to the song and even see that video. But I was thinking, because we were picking on Morgan Whalen's Last Night, talking about how basic it was.

Yeah. And just, it's so earworm-y. But then I listened to Wild Thing randomly, and I was like, that's like the most basic song. The one that we just listened to before? No, Wild Thing, the old rock song. Wild Thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I was like, I think the best songs are so dumb. Simple. And that'll last forever. Like, that Morgan Whalen Last Night song, i think that'll make sense to people 10 million years from now for sure like yeah last night he was hammered yeah exactly it's very brass tacks and how it gets the message across simple as king they say about peggy goo the dj she's like crushing it right now very hot uh and she's uh they're like yeah that's one part of it but also her songs are the beats are pretty basic and it's just something you can bop to and i think uh i think simplicity is king true true yeah it's funny because when you listen to

like the a day in the life by the beatles you're like, whoa, it's like two separate songs combined. And I'm like, that's so inventive. But is it as good as Last Night by Morgan Whelan? No, dude. Exactly. Yeah, if you guys don't mind, can I play you a prior guest's new song real quick? Oh, yeah. Wheeler Walker?

I listened to it this morning. It's pretty good. Jake's got a country music voice right there, dude. expecting you to finish on her ass sorry that you found out from a student in your class that's nice it's nice that spoke to me it's beautiful beautiful appreciation for the lack of metaphor um i want to point something out fresh pair of pants says that the beatles are overrated whoa is that what is that where we're at no i mean this guy said i'm wearing too many clothes i'm wearing a shirt t-shirt jeans with a jack i mean i i you know i i know fresh pair of pants is coming in with hot takes

but you can't discredit fresh pair of pants true this guy wears a new pair of pants is coming in with hot takes but you can't discredit fresh pair of pants true okay where's the new pair of pants every day okay here's the thing keep it in your lanes pair of pants stick to the fashion stay out of the music text stick to fashion you're a beatles guy i'm a stones over a beatles guy if that's like the debate but i mean the beatles are amazing yeah what so why do you like the stones more because it has a little more cock i think so i just yeah i like the riffs a little bit more i mean dude i love be the beatles i love them both but if gun to my head and i gotta choose i've been watching the doc the apple tv one about them it's wonderful paul mccartney saint oh yeah what did he do that's so nice well john's just on

heroin and bringing his wife to every recording paul's like all right man let's let's write the freaking song and uh john's being like uh kind of mischievous and paul just um i had heard that the reason everyone when we were growing up thought john was the more creative of the two is because yon winter the guy who wrote ran rolling stone kind of pushed that narrative because he liked john more but this doc kind of flips it back and makes it seem like paul was kind of more of the the engine he also wrote he also wore those little tiny glasses you're like this guy looks like he like makes watches or something and then paul and then paul's kind of looks like it's like a normal average guy

and yeah and john's kind of playing this creative looking dude so you think it's the visual of it i think that play he filled in the the image of the rebel artist a little bit big time yeah paul does look like a substitute teacher yeah yeah exactly yes he does he does disrespect well no um i like those that music though country yeah dude it's fun bro yeah country's on top i like the stories they tell you know yeah how was uh how are things with the wife dank dude just fucking chilling dude everything's good any new updates to the place well we're hot we're hunting for a different spot actually now we're on the market do they say what driving for dollars except we don't have dollars to purchase anything so we're driving for pennies to rent something um so you're gonna stay renting

you think yeah and we can't afford anything not in california to put a down payment on or anything like that um even if we get mommy's help um it's just crazy but uh so yeah we'd be renting too and maybe like we would put buy something if we went to san diego because that's eventually where we want to end up when you're looking at a space what room has the most importance for you drill factory i need to know in the space right now we want one extra bedroom for a little more space and when i see that little half bedroom or even a half bath that really excites me now i'll call up the listing immediately and say hey can i come can i come view this yeah i'll even say i won't even say

the last part can i come can i come can i can i come and they'll be like what what oh view this and to the surprise of many it's not the extra bed the kitchen oh yeah that's where you drew that's exactly right if there's a nice island i'd like to splay my entire body down on the island, really ground myself. And if it's granite and it feels cool on my back, cool on my back while rocking a hot piece of wood on my front. Do you drill fruit? No, I don't get any objects or anything. I'm really good with my dexterous. I'm just a craftsman.

You're ambidextrous with your general? Yeah, I'm not going, call me by my name, bone in a peach, chalamet style or american pie style i'm not i'm not using any object you're using both if i had a big enough d piece yeah but i don't need that oh so i'll use both hands but at one at a time you kind of go like this yeah if i needed to do it would be like one like a pinky and like a couple fingers but i wish i wish i could do that but it's you know it's like putting lipstick on a pig where do you bust typically um straight up into the air could you guys guess the countries with the 10 highest home ownership rates whoa oh wait before you so you bust straight up into the air yeah and it just goes well sometimes i don't know where it will go so when you're when you're straight up into the air? Yeah, and it just goes way out. I don't know where it will go.

So when you're dressing up the drill factory and you go to Pier 1 Imports, how do you dress it up? Oh, a credenza. I mean, it depends what room, like kitchen, you know, if the kitchen's ready to go, stool, or, you know, if it's going to be in a living space, got to have a denza. You got to have a dank denza. You got a stool, maybe a thing for your knives.

It's just nice to know everything is in its place. place yeah they don't report this information sorry sorry uh yeah we're switching off from jacking off to home ownership yeah which which country do you think has the highest home ownership rate in the world highest home ownership rate and some of the information is not up to date but it doesn't look like there's germany deviation germany is not in the top damn 40 ish it's very surprising according to like my american head i think uh australia australia is not in the top like 40 50 ish damn okay indonesia uh i'm gonna start saying if indonesia is pretty high indonesia is at 84 percent which puts them at about looks like roughly 14th they don't have the numbers so i'm just guessing off damn number one china 96 percent number two laos 95.9 number three romania 95.3 number four

kazakhstan number five slovakia whoa china really at 96 homeownership rate as of 2020 yeah but they lie that's true blue hunter says china is legit usa is at a 65.9 percent puts us looks like roughly like 35th i'm sure that's going down too it's crazy timber you know what that might have been that was wikipedia but now i'm seeing a different one that i guess i was thinking about it because it's been such a topic of conversation and i was like when did it become like the norm in america that we all thought that would happen home ownership that's a good question i mean i maybe i think it was pretty like in like the 50s and 60s it's like it was sort of you could that was the home ownership was the goal and it was pretty like in like the 50s and 60s. It's like it was sort of you could.

That was the message. Home ownership was the goal. And it was pretty. It was the American dream. Yeah. Yeah. It was pretty easy to do. And now.

Yeah. Now it's crazy. I mean, I was watching a movie. Oh, God. From the 70s. The guy was a assistant manager of a grocery store. Had a house. full family and stuff and it's it's just uh yeah the it's crazy how how much more expensive the cost of living is now

yeah um yeah i saw a tweet today said maybe the problem is that it makes people richer when other people are poor fuck home ownership just like the way the system works in general right but yeah probably are you watching hoop you know what dude i haven't really been paying attention to be honest like i love i watch highlights you know the anthony edwards stuff and uh i was telling a co-worker yesterday i was like this is the least Like, I love, I watch highlights, you know, the Anthony Edwards stuff. And I was telling a coworker yesterday, I was like, this is the least amount of basketball I've ever watched in my life this year. Why do you think that is? Dude, I'm just kind of annoyed with when the, dude, the free throws at the end of games. Like, football in the last two minutes ramps up.

It becomes a different game. And yes, they do start and stop every play. But like. But two minute, oh up it becomes a different game and yes they do start and stop every play but like but two minute oh it speeds up no huddle yeah it's so much more fun and then basketball it's like foul game great watch a guy shoot some free throws i'm like this is horrendous dude and it's kind of always been like that but i i don't know i don't know maybe like i can't really tell you the ways the game has evolved but it has and i don't and i don't know. I don't know. Maybe like, I can't really tell you the ways the game has evolved, but it has. And I don't, and I don't like it that much.

I don't know. Sound older. Yeah, exactly. I know. And it's not even a defense thing. I just don't know. Now the T-wolves are playing D.

They're pretty ferocious out there. They look good. But I, do you know what I was thinking? They should play advantage in basketball. I saw you post that. Yeah, like soccer style. Yeah.

Yeah. Or, dude, maybe change a free throw to a spot foul. Like, wherever you get fouled at, you just shoot it real quick, and then the ball's live. Jalen Rose used to talk about that. He'd be like, dude, free throws are whack. Like, how come you get fouled, you get free points? Yeah.

But they need the deterrent so that it's not just a bruiser all day i know i know it's a tough thing to fix someone smarter than me has to figure it out but it becomes less watchable did i watch baseball highlights dude maybe because we're just in that time sort of in that time of year fucking the nfl schedule came out that's sick rogers is playing the niners week one did you guys see that is he really yeah i did not see that i think he's gonna be ready he'll be ready but they're saying the reason they did that is because they don't know if he's gonna last a full season so they're like get him a prime time game out of the gate really yeah we saw some uh we played in a golf tournament together yeah that was sick dude saw will ferrell we saw some athletes we saw will ferrell dude wearing an ikea

bucket hat yeah i didn't see much of cat williams did you guys see him at all some a lot i saw him smoking a fat jay in the parking lot oh yeah we saw that yeah yeah it was sick that was i was like worth the price of admission was he by himself he was with a buddy just chilling like by the car like putting his clubs away and then just had a jay going i was like, that's rad. If he would have offered you a rip. Would have had to have taken it. Would have had to have. Andrew Whitworth was there.

Might be the most impressive human I've ever seen in person. Dude, his shoulders. Massive, dude. And he's like cut now because he doesn't need that lineman body. And hearing him hit a golf ball dog explodes off the club the club head explodes and he eschewed the cart on the way back to the clubhouse i just saw him power walking up the hill i was like 5 000 years ago there used to be villagers watching him come up the hill yes yes dude i was like 5 000 years ago there used to be villagers watching him come up the hill dude have you seen that clip on there's this clip on social media where it's like a strongman competition like an older veteran strongman's talking he's like man

you know the guys are six eight four hundred pounds now and the guy interviewing was like yeah did you ever think you'd see that he goes yes a long time ago there were guys that were 35 feet tall and weighed 700 pounds he's like but no one wants to talk about it and he goes on this huge tangent about how there used to be giant men and they're like very deep in the earth but no one talks about it and then the guy's like cool but they're doing some other cool lifts aren't they it's incredible dude yeah it's incredible it's so fucking good, dude. I love that when an interview goes off the rails. There was the one where Sage Steele was doing an interview

at a celebrity basketball game with the other guy who won was the lead singer from Arcade Fire. And he just started talking about healthcare in America. Oh, dude. That's always the best. And she's conservative. So she was like hey bro we're just here to talk about basketball she shut it down quick you guys think caleb williams is gonna

do well oh nice i think he will you know very few quarterbacks have a good o-line but dude the talent that williams has around him bro i i'd like to see the bears do well same you haven't been so bad for so long long it feels intimate for us right because we've tracked maurice's relationship to it over the years yeah i just like seeing chicago teams do well i think chicago teams it seems like the sports town to me it's a good yeah they deserve to do well um i think i agree like so so Chicago over Boston, would those be the two finalists? Chicago, yeah. Get Boston out of here.

Get Philly out of here. I lean more towards Chicago maybe because the Bears haven't, you know, the Patriots had that huge run. Yeah, I'm done with the Patriots. But I do love Boston. But Chicago just seems a little bit more, i don't know it's that midwestern yes they they deserve it i think the middle of the country they're america they have good hot dogs they have portillos they need good sports teams it's where you go to drink beer

yep i mean is there any better place to drink beer than chicago i don't think so no it has the most micro breweries of any city did you know does it even more than san diego surprising wow no i did know that fuck dude fuck dude damn italian beef from chitown yeah dude joe has that italian beef if you guys went vegetarian what would you eat all the time chips dude i make a lot of dank meals with my wife dude we'll make luteal phase ramen pretty legit dude what's luteal it's um a woman's cycle oh and you know there's meals that can help deter uh the negative side effects of that so we'll make a luteal hold on let me change my face real quick.

Yeah, wait, get your face. Exactly, dude. Exactly. Wait, what was your first face though? I just never heard you say those words. Dude, I learned that three days ago, bro. And it fired me up. You said it like you knew it. Exactly, dude.

I took it to the... You know, I practice it in the mirror. I was in the showers. The luteal fix. You're like when someone gets medication, you're a hyper responder. Big time. Oh, very active. Yeah, dude.

Anesthesia, I'm out, dude. Doctor has to give me other stuff to wake me up. Those new words, they just go right into the system. Get them in, get them in. Wait, so I'm sorry. You're talking about the luteal? So, dude, tons of dank meals. So, this is lute luteal less salty because ramen's too salty if you get it out you can control the salt that you put in there limit that soy um a lot of dank dishes do chickpeas bro pack with protein

aka garbanzo bean kind of you can do a lot of creative shit with that yeah and then dude italian food bro you got a billion billion things you can do with italian food 100 and i don't we don't fuck around with that wannabe meat stuff or anything like that we'll just use the vegetables i was gonna go there because you're very wary of tech meat tech meat oh yeah i don't trust them for a second no bill gates telling me what meat to eat not gonna happen bro no i'm on to you bill you want meat to eat. Not going to happen, bro. I'm on to you, Bill. You want me to eat crickets? Hey, dude, Windows 90 late.

I want to see Bill Gates bench 135. If he could, would you? If he could bench 135? No, I'm not. If he could bench 200. That's a lot. Do you know that only like 1% of humanity can even get 225 up really one percent saw that on instagram so it's true in which country the world the world wow bro the

world no wonder we think we're so sick here and you know bill gates you know what bill gates is trying to do he's trying to bring that down to zero yeah he wants his numbers to drop his whole existence is uh he's conspiring against the jocks okay he's the ultimate nerd he's trying to take down the jocks and you know those of us who are woke enough can see it like me i have clear vision of what he's trying to do has zuck and bezos beefing up changed your outlook on them no i think they're i think they're what they're doing okay what they're doing is they are destroying the jock right they're like i'm the nerd i'm gonna destroy the jock i'm gonna you know make everyone have bitch tits because we're all eating crickets and then they come in once everyone is weak once everyone is weak they come in and they get jacked

and then they can dominate now because they have both the money the tech and the muscles that's what they're doing the holy we have to combat that by eating bull testicles fuck smart although dude crickets are packed with protein crickets are horse shit i'm notickets are horse shit. I'm not eating crickets. And I'm not going into this fucking dystopian. Yeah. Do they jump high? You don't look at it. Okay, you are what you eat.

You are what you eat. Yeah, a cow walks around like this. Yeah, but you know what he has? But I love steak. I'm just playing devil's advocate. He has big nuts and he has. Okay, a male cow. I've never, yeah, I didn't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When you go to the grocery store do you ask for if this is a male or female cut of steak a hundred i don't eat female meat yeah it's disrespectful to the to the mother yeah that's that's more for a luteal meal dude wait so like yeah what animal do you think we're not eating now that will be popular to eat in 15 years non-insect category what animal we're not eating now that'll be um gorilla oh if that's on the menu i might have to pull the trigger dude well i heard it actually in china like well there's that indiana j Jones scene where they like. The monkey? The monkey head.

It's outlawed, but people still do it. When I was in China for a summer. Yeah. Do you know? Dude, it's pretty grotesque how you eat a monkey. It's like terrible. I don't even want to talk about it. Yeah, I don't know if I'd want to eat a monkey, actually.

Well, yeah, not like if you had to see the body of it, but if they just brought it out to you on the dish. No, bro, bro. That's not how they do it. Dude, the fucking monkey, its head is under the table and the brain the brain yeah no i'm not down for that serve it like that and then you eat the brain that's what you eat you eat the monkey brain well there's got to be other ways bro no is that it dude dude is that it's monkey brain or bust exactly or bust yeah yeah there's the other meat the meat's not that good let's just get racist here they do seem to go funky with the grub in a way

that doesn't make sense to my american brain who is this them the chinese i'm yes well because like the i'm just totally out of my zone here but i i just mean from me from where i'm from which is not there i'm like isn't because isn't that where i might get this wrong this might be japan but isn't that where the shark fin soup is from too that's a good question i'm not sure what country you haven't tried bat bro i guess i i would and you know what i'm okay but i'm okay with it now i changed i'm open to it i'll eat monkey brain booyah booyah go with us to the world wow yeah you better do is this live dude you fucking better dude this is this is live and uh i gotta

just you know what i gotta stay cool i gotta stay cool yeah that was yeah this that was uh but i love that progressive evolution you just had it live on the that was nice i changed i was once a hateful person was it mostly life doesn't work for me was it internal or was it external factors or internal factors and is one better than the other bro 100 internal it had nothing to do with anyone else it just had to do with like coming to to my culinary relativity let's go if i say a word it could get me out of trouble so that's what i've been cooking dude that's awesome dude the luteals i love luteal you guys almost let me go there dude for a second where were you guys talking about the chinese yeah uh it's not your fault you know what i've

come to terms with that it's not on you well honestly well you might have beef because of what you got at pf chang's have you talked about that on the pod yet i haven't thank you thank you for bringing it up yeah this was absurd yeah we might have we might have just done an accidental investigation into pf chang's uh food sourcing we went there and i'm on a diet and so i told them i was gluten allergic so i didn't want anything fried on my grub and so i was like just give me straight grilled chicken and then the manager came out it was like are you sure you don't want us to like sauce it up or do some kind of kung pao action i said no no no sensitive is my stomach's very

sensitive let's just do grilled chicken and rice and then they brought me unmarinated unseasoned like tyson chicken fried nuggets yeah and that's when we realized their chicken comes that way so they can't give you grilled chicken yeah it comes pre-fried tyson style and that's all they got and they didn't want me to know but you know persistence is a key to good investigation they're busted dude pf chang's i always held them in such high esteem oh yeah i'm a kid i got those lettuce cups yeah and i only went there when i was like 12 and i was like pf chang's that is like la creme de la creme it was if you want to get if you want to impress a lady if you want to do you know high level dining you go to pf chang's and pf chang's in arlington virginia axed all of that now it's a chipotle that's even worse

than chipotle dude are you saying it's a wahoos no wahoos wahoos has blown me up but i do appreciate the people that run it's a notch above the chipotes But the fact that you can't get... What's below Chipot's? Pollo Loco. Maybe a Baja Fresh now? Yeah, Pollo Loco. Fresh used to be good, though. Used to be great. It's kind of the same story. You know, they are very...

They came into the game at the same time, and they're both kind of getting demoted at the same time. PF Bangs. I respect that. I do respect that. Fresh Pair of Pants. Are you in the chat? What's your take on PF Changs? He's the authority here. No, wait on this guy. It's not fashion. It you in the chat? What's your take on P.F. Chang's?

He's the authority. No, wait on this guy. It's not fashion. It would be nice to see where he's at on it. What's he got to take on the uniform? Oh, he was the P.F. Bangs guy. Oh. P.F. Bangs.

Okay, this guy's back. You know, I changed my mind, actually. P.F. Chang's, it bangs. You just needed a friend, dog, and you got one in Fresh P. It's marketing, dude. Fresh P.P. Dude, I love Fresh Pair of Pants. bangs you just needed a friend dog and you got one in fresh pee it's marketing dude fresh pee pee dude i love fresh pants what about i will say that the arlington pf changs did have what looked to me like a pimp yeah yeah yeah that leveled it up that was cool

that was cool he was the it was us and then him that was the only people in there around six o'clock for dinner i like that he was eating by himself like he just needed a moment to himself before getting these hoes back in line yep yep he's like let me fuel up real quick and then go yell at some hoes dude bus drivers in here fuck you are you know how like saying pimp used to be cool yeah like what up yeah yeah like dude that's pimp yeah so pimp what like a job occupation do you think will in the future be a hyper compliment yeah bro that's mechanic oh that's pretty sick that's that's mechanic yeah fuck dude i i what up gamer what up gamer dude i think plumbers are sick i love plumbers but i do

think it could be kind of like dude that takes kind of plumber bro yeah just because it's associated with ass yep yep and shitter and shitter yeah and it's bogged down and stuff you know it's a clog take you're not thinking things aren't flowing i guess i i was kind of hoping it'd be criminal though oh okay so like a criminal thing dude what up heister dude dude that's so heist that's so heist that's so heist crew boss is already in the vernacular yeah yeah yeah um dude this chicken is hitman oh dude assassin dude this chicken is contract killer, bro. Dude.

What about what up, slumlord? Yeah, dude. What do you do? It's a slumlord of you, dude. You're a slumlord. That's slumlording. A kid with the clutch said, that's so information security analyst. Amazing, dude.

You guys want to rip a call? Yeah. By the way, Jake, how are you doing? How's your life going? Everything's been pretty good. Can't really complain. I'm trying to think. Oh, I played a lot of golf this weekend, was good it's good to get out I went to

that same course that we went to oh yeah of course is fun I like that one yeah it's nice it's just hidden away in the mountains and it's pretty chill so it's good vibe for me do you play with other dudes but yeah you go there well I try to challenge people for money most of the time yeah how uh how uh you see that lady have you seen that from the walk in the park no update on the lady i've only gone one other time um and it was a bit different timing of the day so who knows maybe she has a routine but no no more info on the lady so you so you how do you find people to play for money at the course do you just walk up to people and you're like 50 bucks yeah or i'll put it on my story and i'm like

yo any and then i get a couple dms my friend alex played with me on saturday that shit was pretty good uh but we only play like a couple bucks a hole you know we're not going like crazy money it's just fun to kind of put have a little action in the game totally sick so and then if uh especially at that course i know quite a few of the people there because i played there so much so you know the guys who are kind of down to you know gamble or get some action going you just approach them say hey man you playing with anybody if they are can i jump in with you or i don't know sweet yeah it sounds like fun yeah it's fun it's uh nice to get away from the computer for a little bit you know so i'm trying to get outside more so walks and golf gotta get out of nature dude i mean it was pretty crazy we

got to play the riviera dude that was that was sick having a caddy dude he shaves at least 10 strokes off your game totally oh dude for sure he's like yeah just put it right there and you're like thanks yeah how i read the green is so off i'd be like three feet the opposite of the hole he's like no up here and then make the ball die here and then it rolls in you're like this is incredible it's incredible the speed was it was very fast green it was fast i want that guy to be in every facet of my life dude around just giving me advice oh that's interesting a life caddy yeah it'd be nice ernesto ernesto what a beast and they should be like dressed like caddies yeah dude just cruising around yeah why are we limiting caddies to just that market dude they get they gotta they help dudes

out big time. You're in Vegas. You're like, I think I'm going to pull like 400 out of the ATM. He's like, well, this is a 150 hole. Yeah.

Exactly, exactly. He's like, you're a little down. Let's save that for tomorrow. Look, you know, we still got to come back. Have you called your wife? No, you should probably call your wife.

Before you drill, drill, call your wife. Yeah, exactly. Maybe when your friend gives you good advice that's so catty oh that's nice dude that's so catty of you should we hop on a call oh let's go dude since listening to the uh play date guys my brain works that way more it's fun they're hilarious yeah hey Dugard how's it going JT par here with Strider and Chad yeah how's it going doing well man what's going on with you

not much is this right this is where I go into what I messaged you guys about or what's up yeah let's hear it dog okay so I had a move-in party in a new apartment, and this married couple was invited that I knew through a mutual friend. Halfway through the night, this 33-year-old wife with six-month-old twins starts play wrestling with me. The wife? Sorry? Yeah, the wife starts wrestling around with me. You know, like, play wrestling around? Mm-hmm. starts wrestling around with me you know like play wrestling around and uh she started she pinned me down on my back she started straddling me started to do that rub around deal you know like on my wiener oh and

later that night i walk into my bedroom and her and her husband are under my covers he's passed out snoring what? and Shortly I found myself munching on her fucking box Well, he's still sleeping Hit a few minutes later. I noticed there is there's an anaconda-sized fucking dick looking right into my soul whoa he's soft though was he soft he's sleeping seven inches he's sleeping yeah whoa so what'd you do

well after verifying that he was still asleep i respectively you know got me some more kanani broth i was gonna say you should have blown him if he was awake dude so how did you decide to go straight for licking her box well i mean she was still awake and the chemistry just felt right you know what i'm saying? No, no. This is a married couple. But I understand this buildup that you've set here, but it's treacherous waters you're swimming in here. Are they a swingers couple?

I don't think so. I don't know. They had six-month-old twins at the time. So you were munching this guy's wife's box right next to him while he was sleeping. What if he woke up? Well, I mean, we were all drunk. He was wiped out. So what happened afterwards? Well, I mean, after I got done eating her box,

I was trying not to look at his wiener, you know? It was hard not to. But did they spend the night? Yeah, I ended up, after I deposited my kids in there, I just let them have the bed to themselves, and I slept on the floor. And then what was it like in the morning? They were gone when I got up have you spoken to him since um he knows about it i actually just saw him out of riley's auto parts store for the first time in like four years like three weeks ago and i damn your shit my pants because i know that he knows how do you how do you know he knows because a mutual friend that we have uh works for this this farmer guy and he said that he knows for sure works his wife told him works for a farmer's guy

the farmer is the husband he's like the husband but i guess his wife told him when he got drunk one night. This guy's a cop. He's a cop. Wait, so on top of munching box, you porked her? Yeah, I porked her. This guy's funny. But he's being legit. I wasn't going to say this part,

but it actually gets crazier. I had a fiancé at the time, and I don't know where she was at during this when all this happened, but I found out a couple months later that she was pregnant. So in the back of my notepad, I had a bunch of math written out to see if it was like potentially my kid with the due date and all this shit well she's like has ocd and whatnot so she was like going through my notebook and just ripping out pages of shit that was unnecessary that's need thrown away

and she gets to the last page of this fucking notebook and i'm sitting there on the couch watching tv and i can just see her looking at all the numbers and shit like that. And she turns around and looks at me, and my heart just fucking dropped. How old are you? And then that's how she... How old are you? It's pretty messed up. Oh, his phone broke. Oh, shit.

What'd you say? I said it's pretty messed up. How old are you? I'm 25 now, but at the time I was 22. So your girlfriend, your fiance at the time, found out about

this wife that you had relations with? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, she found out because she went through my notebook. And what's're saying? Yeah, she found out. She found out because she went through my notebook. And what's your question? Oh, I don't know if I have a question. Yeah, do you just want to tell us?

Yeah, how did this? Wait, so you. Oh, because the reason you're calling now is because you just saw the guy at O'Reilly Auto Parts after a long time of not seeing them. I mean, yeah, that's part of it. I honestly didn't know I was supposed to have a question. I was just telling you guys a good story. Disagree.

Have you ever considered buying a fresh pair of pants? Pants? We should have known this was going to go off the rails when he threw a housewarming for an apartment he's renting dude uh so what do you guys have a question i have a couple are you ready oh i guess uh do you think about this question I have a couple are you ready do you think about this guy's dick a lot I mean honestly not really

except when I think about porking his wife I guess which you're stoked on I wouldn't say I'm stoked but you sound stoked i mean it's a it's a nice story that i'll be able to tell my son someday i guess but you're gonna tell your son this story i'm just gonna leave out that it was his mom damn dude oh wait because the other lady got pregnant so you think you might be parent to their kid um i don't know for sure it's within a 40-day period of i don't know for fucking sure

so if that is your but i i have a son with uh my fiance i was at the time. So you didn't get married? No. Nope. She did. I don't know why, but... So how many kids do you have total? I only have one kid.

I know it for sure. And then you think you might be dead to this other kid, but it's probably the guy who was passed out with the big dong. I hope so. I mean, I'm not going to ask him to get a DNA check, but. Have you seen what the kid looks like? Yeah, it's like, golly, by now it's like three years old. I mean, I don it's hard to tell we both have blue eyes me and the other dude um do that's a good question I don't know

what should I do no what do you do professionally oh I have a remodeling business that's a good job that's cool um would you buy at O'Reilly Auto Parts?

I would just buy an oil for my truck. Sick. Have you slept with any people in relationships since this person? Oh my god. Okay, so I have one. I have a story that might be crazier.

You guys honestly aren't going to believe so i have no i'm not eight six um i was sleeping with this other dude's wife and he ended up they were partying at my actual house and her and i ended up having uh sex in my bed while her husband was sleeping on my couch. And then this went on for a couple of weeks, and he ended up finding out that she was coming over to my house. Well, she lets him in the house because he's banging on my door, and we were porking at 7.30 in the morning, and I was fucked up. And I should have just went out the back door.

Instead, I hid in my closet naked. I still had a boner and whatnot. Well, he's rummaging through the house, fucking throwing shit around. Well, he picks me up underneath this blanket, throws me across my room. He's a big old dude. I'm not real big. And beats the shit out of me. Like broke out a lot of my teeth and whatnot.

It was a big deal for my little town oh yeah i could imagine um why do you keep having over the couple no no that that's a coincidence i'm pretty sure i haven't i haven't slept with anyone else is why but in both instances the guy was there for the initial time yeah yeah i guess it's just a weird coincidence yeah um so this guy beat the shit out of you have you seen him since he beat the shit out of you or her no i i've seen her but i haven't seen him how how was it when you saw her again it was weird i mean it was pretty awkward i ain't gonna lie dude you know that you shouldn't bone dude's wives right

I ain't gonna lie did you know that you shouldn't bone dudes wives right morally yeah why do you do it yeah no no I'm not like I haven't done it it was just a coincidence but you did do it I did good yeah I feel bad I don't think you feel that bad feel that bad yeah um what was your name again gert it's not gonna be on public is it yes it is it's a podcast yeah oh is this it's not this isn't live is it yeah it is oh shit do you do well with women who aren't married oh I do very well with women that aren't married yeah it was just I think it was kind of a freak deal you know getting people over at your house drinking and

shit kind of you know heads out golly I didn't know this was my bad team yes you did it kind of you know, heads out. Golly, I didn't know this was my bad team. Yes, you did. But through an editing. But like... Alright, well we're going to let you go, man.

Thank you for all the interesting conversation. Good luck, bro. Yeah, you bet. That guy was a character, man. Yeah. I can't believe you guys kept that call going that long we've gone long in the last couple yeah it's uh it's hard to tell like when i'm screening these people how legit they are i don't know i mean well i will say this i do think like fool behind the curtain i do think they amp it up but we've actually met some of the people

who have called in and sounded outlandish and the stories were actually legit really it's just that they they know that they're self-aware they kind of know what's funny about it yeah and they kind of lean into it but like the military guy whose girl got deployed he came to uh he's the man he came to our arlington show i saw that guy yeah that's why yeah you know maybe you're right maybe that's like because like what cued me on it was like when he's like at the o'reilly auto parts i'm like he's just making up details now but also maybe that's that's true but the way he said o'reilly and then funny then you asked him what he did he couldn't answer yeah i think some people just know that their lives are funny yeah it's like when i remember

what like our buddy stole my car and i've always been and then we had a clash about it at angels and airwaves concert it's funny i say it like it's a joke but that is the truth of the sequence of events yeah so i think some people are like oh i did just break up with a girl who's getting deployed and maybe they do feel bad but there's also the part of them that's like seen stories before and it's like that's a good one yeah i don't know it's wild yeah maybe that is true i mean i hope he made it up i hope that he didn't bang these guys wives and while they're sleeping and all this stuff the first guy definitely knew about it though the guy that was lying in bed yeah probably yeah that's his that couple that's what they do

can you imagine waking up to that someone munching my partner's box with two yeah but good for that guy though he has a huge hog yeah that's cool the sleeping dude's fat hog i thought for a second he meant when he said the penis was looking straight at him i thought the guy had like uh an erotic directional phallic where like it would his boner would point in the direction of what he was attracted to oh yes like a compass cock exactly compass cock so like if you're if you're like in a bar and you see a bunch of pretty gals but your your hard one goes or guys and your hard one goes like left pant leg you know that the person you're attracted to is over to the left good call fun fact about mine it always points north oh towards your own mouth yeah yeah so uh it's it's always it's it literally is a compass cock yeah yeah people like are we

lost i'm like hold on let me just let me get horny real quick north is that way it's tough because if you're in the woods you have to figure out let me get horny and we got to get out of here but it's tough to be horny when lost it's tough it's tough to be horny when lost it's tough when you're in a blair witch situation yeah if there's a witch yeah uh i've used it too uh big wave surfing because sometimes you get so discombobulated you get shoved down into the water and you don't know which way is up and you know you gotta just get a boner in that moment yeah or you're like you're in an alone situation out in the woods you're 30 days without proper shelter food and then your whole group is like hey we need to know which way is north to get out of here and you're like

i don't know if i can get rocked up right now i'm so malnourished yeah and then they have to start doing things to get you there yeah i'm talking foot massage but play under the ball carriage dirty talk two tongues on the shaft all sorts of mean-spirited dirty talk just geared to your kink i mean 30 days 30 days malnourished is it's tough yeah you gotta rock up you gotta you gotta work it and i'll be harsh on people too i'll be like dude you're not you i have standards here and you're not you're not working it hard because a flaccid like a half chub could send you in the wrong direction oh it's dangerous i mean imagine if you're in the donner party yeah you're trying to cross the sierras and you're cannibalizing your own crew uh you know hopefully i don't know that's what happens when you don't have a compass cock yeah famous last words swallowing my dong won't give you compass doc cock i think you're gonna say famous last words i'll give you something to feast on

people in the donner party were done they're like just don't eat my cock just leave my dick mr donner don't do it dude i want to be just afraid you won't have it on the other side great style um oh man should we hop in another one oh what up what up what up dude what up dude no fucking way this is crazy what up dude talk to us bro what ails dude i'm sorry for my voice i'm a little under the weather right now so i've been uh my voice is kind of it's kind of killer right now sounds sounds freaking all the listeners you know yeah it sounds masculine as f sounds like you got a compass yeah dude don't do me like that the most dude i know kind of dude hyping me up right now dude sounds like you're pointing true north brother i heard all that that uh that compass dong i gotta say mine hangs left mine points a little to the left so you're going you're going west you're going west huh you're meant to live at

the beach yeah that's right you know what it is because i'm trying to point to the west coast you know yeah west is best west is best baby yeah uh you want me to just uh should i just like cut to the chase with what with my uh with my situation what ails you brother my problem or whatever um so basically i'm going to this wedding and uh the day before my birthday in october in the fall season i'm going to this wedding uh one of my best friends since high school um but the problem is she's uh she's like a mutual friend of me and uh and my very toxic ex uh so we dated for probably like i went like seven or eight years like a long ass like we're high school sweethearts from like way back when you know like we started dating we were like 14 15 years old um ended ended real bad probably like in our like mid-20s 27 now i've been

with uh the same girl for like like five years now which is not really like the problem like mid twenties, 27. Now I've been with, uh, the same girl for like, like five years now, which is not really like the problem. Like, I'm not calling in for like advice on like any of that type shit, but like we're going in and like, you know, I'm just ready. Like, I don't know. Hold on. Let me just start over real quick. I'm sorry. My dudes. Um, you're good, man. Basically. Well basically we're going to the wedding and like the last time we interacted with

my ex was uh like probably like a year or two ago we saw for the same mutual uh the same mutual friend had a birthday party and she was on some crazy shit she was like uh she was like oh like you know um you know like he's no good and blah blah blah and like i can't believe like you know you're with this guy she was being like fake nice to her like for the first hour to the party and she gets some drinks in her and then she's like oh like you know like you know you're with this guy she was being like fake nice to her like for the first hour to the party and she gets some drinks in her and then she's like oh like you know like you know you got to watch out for him and like you know blah blah blah um but she was like kind of like a manipulative girl from like way back from what i remember from from this relationship um and like you know like i'm all cool on it now like i can be the bigger person going into it. I feel like into this wedding, but you know, my girl's all like, Oh, like I'm ready to

throw hands with her one more time. Like, you know, if she brings up some, like, you know, she's confrontational or whatever. Um, but I don't know. I mean, I guess I don't really have like, no, it's just a tough situation or anything like that. But like, I just want to know like how I should carry myself into the situation she's dating this dude now definite beefcake for sure i got no beef with this guy um you know but at the same time like i'll throw down i'll fight this dude i don't give a fuck i'll fight dirty you know like whatever i'm not losing good but uh i like but i'm also

like i don't want to be the center of attention at my friend's wedding you know what i mean like it's mostly supposed to be about the friend. It's like, you know, like it's her big day kind of thing. I don't want it to be like a big beef, be a big beef between me and my ex and all that. But I don't know. What are you, bro, saying? I think you're thinking too much about that. This is prison mentality.

Okay. You get the first blow in. Right when you see this dude, you knock him out. Let them know who's boss. Chad, 100%. Can I add a quick addendum too? Just an add-on? Hit me.

At the same moment that you're clocking home, boy, your girlfriend, who's ride or die, needs to be punching your ex-girlfriend too. Two for two special. Knock them both out, then let the wedding commence. Yeah, exactly. Just take it to them, little ground and pound. Not enough to kill them, but just enough to let them know that yeah exactly just take it to them little ground and pound not enough to kill them but just enough to let them know that they don't ever want to do

that again oh bro simultaneous knockout you're saying as soon as we walk in yeah prison mentality do you want to be the bitch bro i'm definitely i'm no bitch dude i'll go knock out you know what why don't i do one better instead of knocking out this dude knock out the biggest dude there come in come in come at the boyfriend be like your next buddy yeah you know we're on deck bro blame him for the violence you had to inflict on the biggest dude you like beat the shit out of the big soon be like you did this yeah you forced my hand to go there bro yeah yeah and they'd be like next time it might be someone even closer to you yeah then you knock out the dad giving away the bride do you own a pit bull if you do if you don't get one bring it to the wedding demand that your pit bull be invited

and allowed to the wedding say it's your emotional support dog it helps you channel your rage at fucking pussies so you can knock them out dude and then you just knock out and honestly after you knock out that big alpha and this guy who has it coming you point at everyone you get on the mic you take it and you go any other bitches looking to get knocked here and look at every single dude right in the eye bro i i think i might have to oh this is this is killer advice i gotta say i gotta say you know you guys put me on uh some real good shit here i feel like also kind of beta to go to someone else's wedding true i think you should show up and marry your girlfriend there in front of everyone

you think we should go like already married or i should like not my ceremony at this wedding i think right before their ceremony starts you bring someone who just looks like an innocent friend it's actually a priest you've already done all the legwork to get it set up and then he marries you guys right before they get married and then you consummate the marriage during their ceremony but while everyone's watching. So they're having their thing up front. You're having your thing at the back. On top of the knocked out dude.

On top of the dude you knocked out. Consummation on top of the dude that you had to denunciate. You make the father of the bride marry you guys. You make him get down on one knee. You even propose. Don't even propose yet. You make him propose for you to your wife, dude. And then you do the first dance with the father like you're the bride,

but you make him act like a woman while you dance. Yeah, make him put the veil on. And honestly, dude, you make him take a garter off of his legs. Yeah. Make him take a garter off of his leg and say, be sexy about it, though. And then when they say, you may kiss the bride, you kiss the dad. You mama Hemingway the dad. Yeah.

Are you writing this down? Dude, honestly, yeah. And seriously, kick everyone out who's not a MILF. You can tell because your jugs are bigger. How would my bride feel about that though i guess i guess what do you mean you're the alpha no she's with you because you don't do shit like that yeah you're the alpha who's the boss let me ask you that question who's the boss exactly oh so what's up dude you are and i want you to andy elliott that was really disappointing can

you ask him who the boss is again and have him say something who's the boss bro i'm the boss bro you're the boss and then i want you to go there and i want you to shame one of the doughier guys there be like take your shirt off do you care about yourself? Do you work on yourself? Dude. No, I guess no big shade, but that's going to be most of this fucking wedding, my guy. I'm not going to lie to you. It's tough. This fucking wedding. Right.

And do a lot of stuff that we said is going to be tough to pull off. So as just a backup plan, like you make sure that this couple that is getting married, they take your last name. Oh, yeah. That's going to be a given, I feel like, at this point. He's going into a tough sit. He's got a crazy ex. He does. She's bringing wild energy. I'm not worried about the other guy,

but I think you just got to come in amped up. Can we get a big rough from all of us? Can we just dog rough real quick? You ready? Can you rough, buddy? I'm getting warmed up dude dude can i can i can i what that kind of wolf can i do a wolf yeah yeah here we go what are you gonna do to see that girl you a rabid dog yeah and dude here's the thing dude look be nice dude lead with empathy bro

party on the dance floor all day shake a hand just squeeze you squeeze his hand you shake it you say how you doing good to see you and you don't fucking see in the rest of the night you tell her hey look we were young we had to watch each other grow up that's hard for everyone it's all forgiven it's all in the past now give me a yeah exactly and then you go there you tell everyone you sold a thousand cars last year exactly dude exactly it's all love we don't have time to look back and regret the mistakes that we were born to make we're just here to fucking get after it and rough rough on some fucking muff muff and dude you said it already it's about it's not their day it's the it's the it's the

couple's day it's the couple's day if your girlfriend xe is gonna be all nutso but gutso on someone else's day good riddance to bad bitchiness yeah dude and you know what all you gotta control is your maintain your relationship you're not gonna control these others in the pocket make sure you and your current lady are dialed in are they locked in yeah you yeah you guys gotta be locked in are you locked in i'm so dialed. Have you guys cooked a luteal meal together? Cook a fucking luteal meal. All jokes aside,

this will be my dang fiance. Let's go. That's what I mean. Dude, that's all that matters. He never once questioned them together in this. They're on the United Front. She's ready to fight. Take care of your pride. You're a lion. You know the scene in Hangover when Mike Tyson

punches Zach Galifianakis? I'm willing to knock this guy out like that. Absolutely. Just straight one punch and he's down on the floor. Can we call your fiance and can she rough on phone with us? Is she down to work? No, she's working right now, bro.

Here's the thing. I think we could call her, though, for a second take a 10 take a 10 tell her to call her boss can i get a vape break you guys vape oh i mean i mean no i just want to try you know what no no no matt back to the lady art yeah yeah we could try yeah you're right it's your lady sorry we just got so amped bro dude yeah fake her out say hey babe i just crashed the car to be honest i to be honest i feel like i did have like you know the answer like before i called you guys i just want some like you know some reassurance i already know she's like she's on some crazy type shit i feel like i know that's going into the scenario you know there's there's no question that we're going to, like, outclass them, you know, like. Exactly.

Or I don't question that, like, I don't question that, like, my girl will throw hands, like, if she has to. And I will throw hands, too. I'll fuck this dude up, you know, right out the gate. Yes, you will. Just like you guys are saying. Yes, you will, bro. Like, that's not really the part. That's not really the part that bothers me, you know.

Like, I don't really care. Like, if I got to, like, if I got to throw hands, I got to throw hands. That's kind of always what it's been about. You know what I mean? That's the life you've chosen. Every situation I go into, the dentist, waiting in line at Chipotle, if i gotta throw hands i gotta throw hands it's kind of always what it's been about you know what i mean that's the life you've chosen every situation i go into the dentist waiting in line at chipotle i'll fucking throw it could pop off at any second at any wedding that's ever happened i'll go to someone else's wedding throw him hearts are running hot wait dude what's the most that's the way you gotta think bro that's the way you gotta think

i walk through like day to day whatever i'm walking my dog down the fucking street i'm like who the fuck is this dude but are you just as, but are you as quick as you are to punch? Are you just as quick to kiss? Whoa. To get my, my, um, my girlfriend you're talking about? Dude, those you love, those you love, those who need it, those who earn it. Oh, bro. Yes.

Nothing, nothing but love. You kiss. My friends and family. You know what I mean? But do you kiss with passion? I would fucking take a bullet For anyone that's No more violence do you kiss

Type circle type shit Do you kiss with passion When you kiss Is it like I kiss with passion bro Good I was agreeing to say I want you to answer these more

Don't even get me going on the fucking bathroom bro Come on now Good. I was reading this ad. I want you to answer these more. Don't even get me going on the fucking bathroom, bro. Come on now. How many cars are you going to sell this year? How many cars are you going to sell, bro? Fucking go. How many cars are you going to sell this year, bro? No lie, bro. You kind of hit the nail on the head.

I'm in real estate, bro. Oh, bro. Eat what you kill. Eat what you kill. Eat what you kill. Look, I want you to say this. If you're my competitor, I'm going to bankrupt your ass. Exactly. Dude, you serving fucking cucumber sandwiches at those fucking house warmings?

Cutting up triangles and shit? I'm going to tell you right now, I have, I have, on what Chad just said, I have no competitors, bro. And that's how I got to walk away. Let's go. Apex, bro. And that's how I got to watch. Let's go. Apex, bro. He's killed all the others. If we're in the same field type thing, that's cool and all.

It's cool that you, if you help sell houses, I sell houses, that's cool. But you're not really my fucking competitor, bro. Here's the thing, dude. You know what I mean? Other motherfuckers out there. We're not on the same fucking level, dog.

These other motherfuckers, dude, they're selling houses. You're selling homes you're selling homes i sell homes i want you to say this i want you to say when you tell me some fucking love dog for this home i want you seriously i might need your services combination of polaric energies i was looking for when you knock this dude out i want you to yell out to everyone, my dick points west. Yeah. Brother,

I feel like it's a super alpha move to go out there and say that, but I'm just going to show up and just brick the fuck up. Good dude, bro. See Alice, the weekend. No doubt in anyone's mind

which way my dick is pointing, dog. There it is, bro. Don't be afraid to supercharge it. Wait, dude, one quickie on the whole thing. Most toxic thing your ex ever did hit us with it most toxic thing bro she's uh she's a big gas lighter i mean she's a big big cheater and that's a very like i don't know like you know i'm not gonna pry too much like your guys private lives and all that but

like i feel like you know this was a bummer it's like oh the cheater becomes a lot more um what's the word i'm looking for like um they get nasty because they feel bad about the telltale heart yep yeah yeah yeah exactly like they're looking for all these signs because they know the fucking signs because they're on that you know what i mean oh so she was on top of you like oh she thought you were cheating like why are you hanging out with this person why are you hanging out with that person why are you going out why are you doing this you want to catch a thief don't manipulate oh no find someone who who points out a thief bro you know what here's the thing you're so much better off and you've leveled up

so hard since you said later to this person who just doesn't want to grow up as a person i think you walk into this wedding just head held high look at what you've done dude look what you've come out of the rubble of this fucking i'm fired up right now dude so sick oh dude i'm so fucking fired up right now dog let's go i gotta fucking pump bro not not to be not to be on some some some middle-aged type shit but like i got a fucking mortgage since we moved on bro let's go to paperwork. You've got paperwork. Where's she at on that? She's not ready for that. You've got automated payments.

You're always on time. Bro, you've got a mortgage. You've got a dick that points west. You've got a luteal meal coming up. I've got to call it right there, though. I'm not on time. Look at the accountability. Okay, that's honest. Did I break my mic?

That's very honest, dude. Good, good, good, good. Hey, but you should set up those automated payments. Can I get a did i break my mic honest that's very honest dude good good good good hey we should set up a shout out my homie that put me on the pods yeah so shout him out bro shout out shout out jake shout out all jakes are legends bro shout out jake bro let's go yeah put me in the pod yeah he worked at he hired me at vans back in the like years back bro when i was going through all this. Let's go. He was fucking there, bro. He put me on, you guys. Here we are fucking today, bro. Look at where we are, baby.

Look at where we are, man. Dude, bring this energy into the day. I want you to sell home. Exactly, dude. I'm not going to lie. I might have subconsciously just called to, like, hide myself out for this wedding. Yeah, you might have consciously done that shit, too, lie. I might have subconsciously just called to like hire myself up for this wedding. Yeah. You know what I mean?

You might have consciously done that shit too, bro. You might be operating on two different wavelengths headed in the same fucking direction. Fucking Congress. Three miles left, bro. Like a dick. Yeah, bro. I'm not going to lie, bro.

Yeah, bro. I'm not going to lie, bro. I'm kind of hyped to propose to my girl now, I feel like. Yeah! Let's get married! Let's go! Let's go! Put on some Jagged Edge.

Let's get married, bro. Dude, hey, when you propose... Oh, it's about that time. It's about that time, dog. Yes, sir. Are you going to be her dad's ass after you propose? You better. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Say, I'm the man in the house. Dude, Nikki Glaser just said... Everyone's like... Dude, fuck yeah. I'm going to walk into the fucking wedding, i'm just gonna be married dude dude let's let's just break up right now call fucking whack whack this dude with my dong he's like dude is that dong headed west send us a photo of you above his knocked out body. Yeah, dude. Fucking put a postcard on that body. I went out west, dude. You're taking a whiz on him.

Don't try to put me out, bro, because I'll actually do it, dude. I'll actually send you that photo. That fucking mushroom stamp you're going to put on his forehead is a forever stamp, dude. I know when I throw something like that in front of you that you're going to just pick it right up and make it real, dude. Let's go, dude. Dude. I'm pumped. All right, dude.

We love you, man. You're the man, bro right dude we love you man you're the man bro bust a fat load dude yeah good talking to you guys bro love you dude love you bro that's what it's all about that is pretty much all of it to dude speaking about the right time with cialis dude let's go one time i popped a cialis you know how they say it's ready for the right time but i was wrestling my dad and i got so fucking pumped up i popped a cialis you know they say it's ready for the right time but i was wrestling my dad and i got so fucking pumped up i popped wood while beating my dad's ass so what was unique about it that was the right time for me usually you'd think it's like an intimate time right but it was me dominating another dude right that got me horny isn't that normally me dominating other

dudes gets me horny true every time i game i've got a full erection dude did your dad notice he did he was actually proud of me yeah he's like yeah it was like one of the first times we'd said i love you in a long time he's like i love you i was like i love you yeah sick and my dad had wood i was gonna ask he didn't even pop cialis and he's 70 plus and he's like thank you for the gift of this wood he had wood yeah and he hadn't gotten pop cialis and he's 70 plus and he's like thank you for the gift of this wood he had wood yeah and he hadn't gotten wood in like five six years damn yeah man bro so i gave my dad a boner from pinning his ass that's a great gift you gave him thank you dude damn bro you popped a boner yeah you and your dad popped simultaneous boners and you know what i did after that what sold three cars nice escalades so you knew your dad wanted to have a talk so you're like this is the time

papa cialis how long do you maintain that boner after almost four hours almost four right up to the point where i got it i'm like picking up the phone calling my doctor and then i'm like is it gonna go away is it gonna fucking go away and then it does so i take it right up to the brink so three hours 58 minutes who do you guys think is gonna win the ai race china china you don't think google's got it with their generative stuff i mean i just want i just picked that up i have heard that we're pretty far ahead ai wise i think we're good man i hope that we can as a niche but i just hope that the goodness proliferates dude that's not an alpha thought sorry i just switched gears no go baby i know i was gonna say hey but you got to be ready you got to be of the mindset whoa that china's this arm posture is brand new dog dude look at

this dude look how i'm talking right now dude it's like you're holding two rocket launchers well here's the thing this is how you actually properly when you're from huntington beach the proper pronunciation of china is china that's how you pronounce china and china fucking china it's actually a move in in um jiu-jitsu that you train china china this feels more like stand-up bro bro did you get your mixed marshmallows crossy don't fire up oh bro you want poppy anyway you got to be thinking china's gonna win dude because that this way you're you're dialed and pushing the ball forward you never rest on your laurels what would i was just gonna

say chat gpt announced a new uh program yesterday it's like siri but the the robot is having a legit conversation with you whoa can we test it out uh it's not released yet but i can show you a video just give me a second this is like the walking phoenix movie type shit yeah it's actually uh kind of scary i watched it yesterday and was pretty scared but i'll show you have you guys seen the ai voice stuff where they make where it's with lebron and it's him predicting things from history it's so funny yeah i told jesus you know judas doesn't look good you just look like you're about to betray you that's amazing wow she is the face of ai i like that's what i imagine the robot looks like the model can also see the

whole world around us that is absolutely okay does she not have an accent that's a little disappointing no she did she did oh she did good yeah hello there how's it going it's going really well today i'd really like your help solving a math problem i'm all ears what math problem can i help you tackle today it could be a little better i'm gonna write write down your equation on a sheet of paper and I'll show you. And then I'd love your help working me through it. But importantly, don't tell me the solution. Just help give me hints along the way. This guy says Stokke's talking to a chick. Okay, I see it.

No, I didn't show you yet. Just give me help along the way. One second. Whoops. I got too excited. I'm ready when you are. Is she flirting with me? Yep. See that? She sounds into it. She's set an emotion, dude.

So, ChatGPT, what equation did I write down there? Ah, I see it now. You wrote down 3x plus 1 equals 4 yep exactly so what's the first step i should take to solve this pause it the this guy's making a very common mistake that i see men make all the time he's too interested yeah yeah like if you really want to engage with the ai lady and make her want to engage with you you need to pull back a little bit because everyone's gonna be talking at her true so are you saying he should write the equation and then be like do you want to see it

yeah just leave it with her yeah and it's his what's his goal here does he want that equation to get solved or does he want to bang the robot? Well, I think he's definitely trying to do the latter. Yeah. And the way in is through the superficial conversation, but underneath it, there's the deeper desire. Correct. That's the subtext. Why does anyone do math?

Correct. To pork. Thank you. And if he did the math on his approach, it would come up error. How long, at what version of ChatGPT do you think ChatGPT will be able to bust loads? I hear they're already doing it in China, dude. They're busting loads, virtual loads in China. Virtual? Wow.

Damn. Do you guys think short jokes are more common now than they were 10 years ago oh like stand-up style like like set up punch tile no picking picking on short people oh oh yeah i totally misinterpreted that too um i don't know i think so all the only short joke i know about is the guy is the one from patten oswalt right where he's like if is it patten oswalt where's like if you beat up a small person then you become one right that's the only that's the only one i really know of that you've ever heard here's the thing what else i just figured this out can i just lay this i don't think i've

heard any other ones can i lay this knowledge on you all right so as we've progressed in society we've said hey you can't make fun of this group you can't make fun of that group you can't make fun of this blah blah blah but there's one group that we can all still make fun of and it's uncancellable short people i i agree and i the the thing i know is i think that's right i think it just moves around who we're allowed to pick on and that's history it always happens yeah it's like it's not fashionable to pick on these people's cool but i think part of it is rogan right oh this is this what you were going to say because he's short i think in 2021 they flew that plane that said rogan is five three and because they saw his influence getting up there and they're like how do we attack this guy they're like he's hyper

masculine we got to undercut that he's short and it's crazy it was a liberal who probably flew that thing yeah and since then i think the jokes i looked it up on lexus nexus since 2021 when that flew there's been a 34 increase in posts about height related insults whoa so yeah you have the data i irs'd us thank you yes i did i did i irs'd me i led you into that wow um a good hunter sets a trap you're correct very well done that was fucking alpha of you dude respect uh do it again and i'm gonna have to beat your dad's ass but dude i would i would no you could beat up my dad maybe um that's interesting yeah dude think you know thinking back on it and i was like okay what are their short jokes of napoleon classic stuff there's a whole complex name well that patent joke is great it's funny but it didn't suit my argument because it's

about 20 years old smart of you to completely deflect very well done you're you're operating at a very high level strider i don't you yeah yeah you try to get more bees with honey huh what is it i heard while we were in arlington that you know you guys were waiting in the lobby for me yeah and jt was like where's chad and he said he'll be here shortly i know what what what was that all about i had a rip on you dude because you kept us waiting in the lobby and dude instantly i knew he meant it as a dig because there was a vibration in the way he said shortly he said he'll be here short exactly i said he'll be here like he always is shortly he's demented though do you think it'll come full circle we'll be like that's mean people

shouldn't do that i see you deflecting fuck that was a tall move shit bitch Nice play on height of words. Yeah, how are you going to feel when tall guys become pariahs? I might inch away to a safe space. Fuck. Well, you know what they say about the tall poppies. Hmm. You know what they say about the tall poppies. Hmm. You know what they say about a big tree? Fall falls on shorter ones.

That would be crazy way to die is if you were fighting with some of those 35 feet people that strong men talk about. And one of them got their throaty slit and then he just fell on you. Yeah, be a bust. And then you're like, dude, it wasn't even my main fight and i got just shrapnel killed like that be the terrible i'd hate that never saw it coming or is that a blessing how would you rather fight a war with swords or ars you do fists ars it's fun to shoot an ar but it's also fun to wield a sword depends how pissed off i am like if someone was like came and like ganked people from my village and like took my wife i'd want to like take swords and go back and like literally get that guy the people that did that

but if it's a war that like i get like drafted into and shit ww do season ar crazy do you ever find out your draft order i think you do uh you mean like when they did like in vietnam so when they do a military draft it's like the nba draft the number one person drafted is the best possible soldier according to scouting so it but i gotta imagine it hurts your feeling if your pick number like two million yeah like if you come out of college and you're pretty sick and you're like really fast yeah exactly and you're looking like a really good soldier yeah you want to go high and then you could get sucked you could get drafted to the wrong team like the air force cool like my dad was not embarrassed that he wasn't drafted for vietnam and i'm like they they didn't think you had any potential as a soldier they just yeah let you go straight to free agency and they're lucky my dad didn't sign with the

viacom yeah yeah exactly he could have yeah he loves viacom he does my dad's always like man it was the shit over there before we got involved we had a lot of fun that's what happened in jury duty i went to jury duty they didn't even consider me i was like really i was like you summoned me not even for consideration was that your first time being summoned first summon i was stoked i was like let's you know i'm ready to juror it up and they looked at me and they're like pretty wizardly yeah they're like uh they're like we don't think you understand justice bro what was the case double homicide right double homicide crossing guard and a pediatrician dude yeah this guy murked like a pediatrician and the kid and they were arguing over who keeps kids safer yeah and i thought i thought the guy was

innocent yeah it's messed up i was arguing for no jail time yeah dude let him go they're not gonna do it again they're both yeah i thought he's a nice guy he's charming we've all driven a gun drunk for sure yeah yeah have you done jury duty never nor have i dude kevin when i was like to kevin i was like i got a summons i was like i don't have to go do i he got so pissed he's like this is your duty it's your civic duty dude this is your civic if you love the greeks it is the proper way of to do a democracy yeah yeah do you do you love the greeks i love the greeks that's awesome i love feta cheese and i love anal and you love olive oil yeah

oh greeks love did they invent that they love anal anal oh the greeks loved anal i i i knew that but did they invent it oh or is it an ottoman thing yeah it could have been the no the ottomans were later were later it was definitely i think it was the business there was people there though right there was yeah you could you would be thinking of like the how would i submit the babylonian maybe the assyrians yeah you get a nice cover with those gardens yeah babylonians i think babylonians babylonians were heavy into b-hole the ancient greeks weren't the only people to have had a mania for portraying sex acts in clay northern peru the much of culture production of pottery exploded archaeologists have unearthed 10 000 pots the vessel baffled

scholars who try to tackle their subject matter here's why there's so much anal sex that's a good sentence very nice why so the anal sex wait wait stop uh the anal sex might be a way of the need to make sense of new political power structures say that again anal sex might be a way of the need to make sense of new political power structures yep that's what i've been trying to tell my girlfriend for a long time good i've never done anal and i i really i it's crazy i'm super perverted i like to bust a lot i have no uh real interest in it i'm pretty vanilla when it comes to uh to whole yeah i think i'm comfortable with the main one not to hierarchy it no no i mean hey and i'm not yucking anyone's yums enjoy yourself

you know on which on which side however you want to do it but i'm also with you i've never done anal and i really have never done anal you pussy that's crazy what are you doing all the time wait i didn't you let me finish my sentence psych dude you didn't fucking let me finish my sentence dude man fuck dude you scared me for a second there bro yeah dude you let me finish my dad wrestling story dude yeah dude i remember being 17 and talking about making out with a girl and like and doing some digit stuff i was like 19 i was older 19 or 20 yeah 21 okay i was 22 yeah i was 22 no i was 22 seriously i think i was making myself cooler so i'm trying to be more honest i was 22 and i made out and did some digit stuff i guess i went to the gym and the guys were doing locker room talk and i was like yeah i met girl met a girl. It was nice. We made out. We did some digit stuff

and all the guys laughed at me and they're like, you fingered her? I can't remember the last time I fingered a girl and didn't have sex with her. Oh, dude. Dude, there was the worst dude.

I don't want to say his name, but remember the dude, the quarterback guy that would work out every once in a while? Frank? He had a name that was different letters, but it was like... name yeah an initial oh yeah yeah sure sure that guy was the worst bro i remember telling like a story similar to you

like my little virgin tail like yeah made out on the beach it was amazing blah blah he's like whatever dude when you made out on the beach was super cool it's cool i remember that part yeah and then this guy was like yeah did i get a finger in my butt during bjs i'm like dude you're like like geez there was a lot of flexing on and there wasn't a lot of nuance to their stories like if you said oh i had this romantic experience and we really connected and it kind of had a cinematic backdrop that didn't do it for them they're like we need pnv to at all give you any kind of love and to check it off the it was very like mechanical they're like did you fuck did you fuck her yeah if you did it i don't like you exactly dude

it was hilarious man i remember my first shocker whoa dude yeah bro dude so sick man i was in college and there's you're such a butthole guy huge i love that and what you saw that's because that's because you're from san francisco yeah dude actually i didn't mean that as a gay joke no that is the micro that's that's how my parents brought me up i just i should have said sacramento because i just meant it was funny to think that being from somewhere means you like butthole stuff and then i totally forgot about the cultural thing there it is exactly it's microclimates you need to be able

to get your vitamin d whenever you can yeah my brother had a good business idea for you guys where he said boxers that you can wear but you just can you know how boxers have a front that you pee out of but a little thing that's you can just move the flap and sun your butthole anywhere with in public without having to even you know let it shine in yeah you could just be in a park let the sun you could bet your kids little league game dude tonic dolphin i knew you're on my side bro oh nicky glazer is talking about stimulating the prostate have you guys ever tried that i've never been that deep in there that was like what movie was that when stifler does that he makes that really does that great noise volcanic bust that sounds nice

have you guys heard the song bbl drizzy yet no it's a distramental so in the i'm so sorry to bring this up again and jake don't get hot in the kendrick drake beef he told this one producer who's involved metro he's like go play some drums he came back with a diss track that's just a drum beat and now it's gone crazy viral on tiktok and people dance to it it's very well and like it's literally no lyrics you can just hear it's just a beat and it's uh and he there's some lyrics that says bbl drizzy drizzy's drake's nickname and bbl is brazilian butt lift they're making fun of him because he's had plastic surgery done she gonna suck me he works in entertainment you gotta get some... Oh, this is a separate statement he made, but equally colorful.

Do you want to say it? Uh, no. Oh, that's class, dude. Yeah. Oh, my God. Jesus. Wait, go... Oh, this is Jake trying to subtly assassinate him rather than play the song.

Jake, you're twisted. Wait, who's Metro Boomin'? He's the booming he's the producer who made the original track that future and kendrick were on the disc drake okay and then so drake went at him and said at the end of his first verse and his first diss track was like just go go make some drums and then he came back and made drums that made fun of drake wow oh uh i'll play it yeah play it it's just uh it's so good it holds no credibility now but yeah i'll play it oh i love when jake gets hot about it we better cut stuff out dude

jake if you saw drizzy right now what would you say to him if i if i saw him yeah i would just i don't know i just feel like yeah i admire you i've listened to your music my whole life you know can i get a pic nice type's good i'd say what are you talking about eh this is from freaking what would you say i'd probably be like um it's a canadian joke i'd be like dude uh you want to like go get a beer yeah nice you gotta you gotta play it cool you can't come across as a fan i came in a little hot there you can't you can't come across as a fan i came in a little hot there you can't you can't come across as a fan you gotta be like whatever yeah and so now he's like paying people to do the best lyrics to this song so this track is everywhere

wow it's a nice little beat it's more i thought it was just gonna be like drums but it's a little more produced it's a full thing yeah without the that's cool this is smart dude dude if you're a conspiracy theory dude you're like dude this is smart of them to have this beef everyone's talking about it there's probably they're like they're playing aren't they playing the diss tracks like on the radio so you think they're making money off you think it's a government psyop to keep our mind off global wars total government inside job to you know they're distracting us from everything that's really happening dude the economy dude you're listening to this in your freaking iphone that

you bought from steve jobs dude or your freaking android that you bought from fucking the dork bill gates and you're but and you're paying $17 for one egg at the grocery store. Totally distracting. Let me lay something on you, bros, all right? The Montana boys, government psyop. Installed by the government. Why? Because they changed the nuclear codes at exactly the same time when he and Kristen

Cavallari started making out smart a lot of the nukes are in montana they're in montana smart how do i get to be a part of one of these psyops you apply bro you need to look hot and cowboy garb i can do it yes you can you got a great look for a cowboy i i got a photo of me on a horse and you can i never really put out dude you guys too much dude you got you got it you got to flaunt that mantel toe you got going on right there oh yeah look at that mantel toe that's a thoroughbred right there dude look at this by the way how your fucking kids dude oh dude they're little bitches bro no i feel bad i don't know how to talk about it you know wittgenstein said where if one cannot speak one must be silent and i feel that it's of such

significance that i prefer to keep it offline but i will say they are adorable and watching them grow has been hugely rewarding but other than that i want to say nothing of them i love it i love it i love it i had to wipe my dog's butt this morning yeah she was scooting and booting i'm like what's going on oh there's a little doody over there just wipe that up i had to take a dingleberry off of sunny yeah yeah fat dingle i mean it's changed my relationship to poop and stuff i used to be grossed out by farts and now i find them whatever yeah you just did like a whole fucking 30 minute conversation of a guy shitting his pants oh that's right change for me yeah you're past it well you got to change their dypes and if you're going to be

freaking out about poo it's going to be a hard life yeah immersion therapy i think it works that's my personal experience i would never tell someone else to have to do it but if you don't do it you're not going to get better that's right that's right uh we're we're at about 145 you want to take one last call with fresh pair of pants or you guys oh fresh but we can talk to fresh pair of pants right now yeah if you want otherwise we can wrap it up it's up to you guys. I'm curious what he sounds like. I'm almost nervous that he won't be as...

But that's the wrong attitude. Yeah. He could be amazing. He could be even cooler than his handle. The mystery sometimes, though. What kind of pants are you wearing right now? I'm wearing... I'm free-balling some gym shorts right now.

That sounds like a nice move. It's a nice move. I knew I'd like this guy. Exactly. It's how I sleep. Under Armour? No, some Target brand. Probably Mossimo.

Respective. That makes me mossy, bro. Dude, that's Lori Loughlin's husband. Guy's got a fat hog. For sure. Maybe. Maybe. Fresh Pair Pants is the authority true fresh pair what's what's good

dude what's going on what ails you nothing man um i'm just getting done with work but um wanted to ask some advice so my dad is uh he's only like 52 so he had us pretty young. He got his retirement out of the military, and now he's just working. He's too young to retire fully, but he's getting a full paycheck just sitting on ass from the military. But he's working some shitty corporate job, and he's just stressed as hell, just wondering how to kind of push him towards full retirement because he really doesn't need to work and he's at that point where the guy in his 50s doesn't need that much stress and that's kind of affecting him visiting me and the kids and my wife and all that so just yeah just wanted to see what what y'all think i think uh

it's i think it's tough to make people to like i think he he has to come around and see see that this isn't beneficial for him so yeah i hear you i think you got to go to his workplace and knock out his boss yeah his boss's name's woody i met him before he's not a good guy yeah put a freaking snake in his boots and by that i mean your hog and then took a leak in them yeah dude you gotta you need to convince your dad to get a sicker gig like did he just work at fucking trader joe's you get to wear a hawaiian shirt dog you you can get your groceries there and say what up he can talk to people if he's a talker guy i don't know maybe that he's not an extrovert like that but why does he want to wear a suit dude what what do they sell this company

is it even cars is even selling cars no man it's uh it's real estate so he's in charge of maintenance for apartment complexes not that sexy he gets shit done though because he's got a military background but your dad's a military guy he likes having a function i think you gotta you can't just tell him not to do something you have to replace it with something that's equally as purposeful i think um it would be tough for me to just give up yeah to like if someone's like hey just give up stand up and podcast or what all this you gotta do something you gotta do something and you know i think without getting too personal my dad got sick and i think part of what's kept my dad alive longer than a lot of the predictions is that

he's busy as hell and he has a lot of stuff that seems stressful but actually you know gives him some weight yeah i think i think it's um the main thing is you don't want your dad to be stressed i think i think pushing him towards i think it's making him see like hey all for you having a job and and having a purpose and all that but i think you could get a cooler job yeah dirt bike that's gonna hurt his dad's feeling snowmobile instructor but it's hilarious and very brass tacks i do like yeah yeah i mean he's about making as much money as possible i guess but yeah he's just it stresses him out. It's affecting his mood. He's not jumping on Call of Duty anymore.

Did your dad used to sticks? Oh, yeah. If he's not gaming, then he's got to quit. You played Call of Duty with your dad? Yeah, me, my dad, my brother. Rebirth? That is one of the cutest things I've ever heard. Just Rebirth. Trios, bro? So you're dropping

fully loaded right now with your number one loadout? Yeah, I guess. They might have switched that format, but yeah, dude, do you play? It was two nights ago.

I was on. Okay, dude, well then what's going on? Do you don't play Rebirth fully loaded? I think you got to get your dad a fresh pair of pants. Yeah, dude.

Exactly, dude. Exactly, bro. dad a fresh pair of pants yeah dude exactly dude exactly bro he wears he just wears wranglers oh that sounds awesome yeah how's your is your dad good at call of duty no he's like at a point two katie does he's he's he's straight dead weight, but it's fun talking shit. Is he good on comms? Yeah. Very good. Good. He'll talk shit, but he can't do shit out. Just have him put freaking proxies in his loadout.

Tell him to watch some ladders. Get a good SMG. There you go. So you're like, do you send out the text on the group thread? Like, hey, you pussies ready to drop? Yep. Oh, yeah. i wait till the kids go to bed and uh pretty much yeah roll roll myself in my office and play hell yeah okay what if to

get your dad to quit the job you start a call of duty competitive team that plays in tournaments with your family and you guys for your fourth guy you get a ringer smart and you can say this is a money-making opportunity we need to commit ourselves to this if we want to see real growth. And that literally could be a money-making opportunity. I've seen Chad play. I've seen Chad play. Chad bags. He bags. That's right. Yeah. Yeah, drop sack, dude. Dude, yeah,

your dad should be a streamer. Dude, honestly, bro, maybe OnlyFans. Tell your dad to go into business for himself. Put on a Hawaiian shirt, no pants, and have your dad spread his butt. Set up a Twitch stream for your dad called whatever his military occupation was,

like former sergeant, whatever, and then just have him game and suck and have people talk shit to him and film that shit and then monetize the fuck out of it, dude. Cut clips, put them on Insta, put them on TikTok. And military garb yeah dressed up as the colonel in camera but a thong underwear and then a reverse mirror so you could see his

butt yeah haven't i'm a pervert have him talk shit like a drill sergeant be like you couldn't suck a golf ball out of a garden hose yeah get a full character on it yeah as he's bagging a noob yep you call it reporting for duty dude and just to scratch my pretentiousness, once in a while, once during the shoot, have him call it the military-industrial complex and really go into how bureaucracy just gets in the way of effective leadership. Smart.

All great ideas, but yeah. Nikki Glazer thinks it's a good idea, too. Thank you. Does your dad have any hobbies besides the cod he's kind of like me where like he hyper focuses on shit and buys expensive shit for it but then he gets over it like in two weeks um so right now his thing's buying a boat but he's been talking about that for years but in regards to regular hobbies no it's just right now it's just work those are freaking money pit they just depreciate so fast yeah he's scared about was that a boat uh best day the thing is to always have a friend with a boat you can just

pay for gas correct the day you buy it and the day you sell it. Those are the best days. Well, fresh pair of pants. It was great chatting with you. You're as cool as I expected. Maybe even cooler. Maybe cooler. Yeah, honestly, dude, this was good to lift the veil.

Yeah. Appreciate it. I met y'all in Greenville, South Carolina. One of my favorite cities. Beautiful city, beautiful place to live. Great place to raise a family. My wife was the pregnant one and I was talking to Joe at the meet and greet and

JP kind of was just like dude you got to get out of the way. There's other people behind you. You know what? I was hustling people along that night. I was very stoned so my patience was low. I hear you man. And that was the second show. But I'm sorry. I do remember that. I was not as friendly as I could have been. No that's cool. I hear you, man. And that was the second show. But I'm sorry, I do remember that. I was not as friendly as I could have been.

No, that's cool. I get it. Fresh pair of pee. I think you should continue to be an authority in the chat. And if you keep at it, you could become a mod. Hell yeah. See if I got that time, but yeah. We could also give him a VIP badge if you want yeah we could give you a virtual badge this is our first one we're doing it might be dude fresh pair of p

we call them vipers bro let's go dude i'd be honored are you military i was what uh what I was I got out after 9 years I was Air Force I worked on F-16s badass dude thank you for your service man appreciate you hey send us your call of duty stuff and we'll teabag your dad

sounds good later later brother cool thanks y'all appreciate it i'll bag his dad yeah yeah of course of course it's a good guy bag a colonel point two dude i'll i'll fucking just drop in on him dude that's like a few good men only thing better than uh is getting oral sex from a superior officer of course i'm a colonel now so yeah gotta wait till they put stars on a bird. Just getting a sack on my face. But for us, it's tea bagging.

You want my sack on your face! You need my sack on your face! I sleep 300 yards away from a thousand guys who are trained to put their sacks on my face. Yeah, every night you go to sleep. Wow, this was fun guys good shit good stuff guys

strata thanks for coming on as always the best fucking love hanging with my boys dude guys uh chat thanks for coming in guys we stream these on twitch so check out chat and jt go deep on twitch come check us out and

uh we'll be in Ventura this weekend. Come see the show. If you're in the Ventura area, come say what up. We love you. Love you. Good night. If you need advice, these guys are really nice.