Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 353 - Kevin "The Schmole" Fard

Episode Date: July 31, 2024

Today we are joined by The Schmole, Kevin Fard. He starts off the pod with a brand new Dong Song. We ride that energy into an impromptu DRAFT of a subject that Kevin LOVES, leave your winner in the comments section. A man calls in feeling froggy and The Schmole leaps into action putting him back into the pond.  Our chat VIP, CreamJeans calls in about a potential new lover and wants feedback from the bros. We end with a rare female caller who is on bad terms with her snitch roommate. This may be one of the wildest eps we've ever recorded.  Bros Before Joes SHOW AT THE COMEDY STORE TONIGHT (AUG 14th) here: https://www.showclix.com/event/joes-august14th We are streaming the BTS, Fully unedited version of the pod on Twitch, if you want to chat with us while we're recording, follow here: https://www.twitch.tv/chadandjtgodeep Grab some dank merch here:https://shop.chadandjt.com/ If you need advice and want to chat with us, TEXT us with your issue or question at 323-418-2019 and we will add you to the list! (Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice) Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/

Well I saw Joe's dawn, missed a season of the Dixie, I was oh so alone, I thought I didn't exist and I wish my dad could have shed in on this moment staring at that big fat hog and wondering when he's gonna stroke it and I have small loans and I don't know what to do and should I drink some water to help me shoot my goo and I bang your mom every time I close my eyes and hope that your big fat fucking dong doesn't swing through that door. Hello. How are you?

Have you been all right? Have you seen Joe's dong? Oh, it must be long. It must be long. Dong dong dong dong dong. Dong dong dong dong dong dong dong. Ooh, da. Encore. When you started going, dude, I got chills. And it almost felt like Joe's hog appeared. What's's up guys welcome to the podcast we have

Kevin the Schmolen and we also have a show coming up on August 14th at the Comedy Store the Belly Room Bros Before Joe's me JT Strider, Joe, Kevin, Andrea Jin, Robbie Hoffman, George Perez, get your tickets at Chad and JT.com. Also make sure you like and subscribe, comment on this, it helps boost the podcast out to other people. Also we live stream these on Twitch, twitch.tv slash Chad and JT go deep. Follow that so you can see live recordings and anything you want to say? Let's start the show. I'm Diva Daddy. How's it going?

Oh, the big double D. Wait, so what's up? I'm feeling good. But before we start, can I ask you a question? Does anybody have a lollipop? Because I feel like I need to suck something right now. I mean, I got something you can suck. Oh yeah? What's that? JT's dog. Nice. Blow my fat cock until it comes in your fucking face bitch. That's what I like to hear. When was the last time you sucked? When was the last time I didn't suck? When was the last time you had a fat hairy cock all slobbered, dockered in your fucking mouth? I shave all the cocks before I let them enter into this orifice. I wax them. I don't shave them, I wax them.

Yeah, I shit. You're a dirty dog, aren't you? Yeah, you a filthy boy. Where you from? You biting, you biting the hairs off? Where you from? You knowing on dick all morning? You a hungry boy? Yeah, I like that accent. What about you, Chad?

You can get a little accent here. Where I'm from? I'm from what you want, boy. I'm a guy who eat dick. You want me to shoot my goo in your mouth, boy? Oh, I want to see how far you can shoot that goo. You shoot my goo and you'll be whole. We got to go out there and be concentrated.

We got to be focused. We got to make these dicks come. If we ain't making these dicks come, then then somebody else gonna come in and do our job for us Now one out of young boy growing up in Narnes That's where I'm from in the bayou that where I'm from the The dicks are always hard. We used to go out on the fan boat and we go over to the local bar Yeah, people be drinking me and we go into the tree verse. We suck everybody dick to everybody come Yeah, in fact in my family we didn't even need the fans to be operating because we were busting so much the

Gust from the bus just power the air through and that Gators the Gator love Gators love loads You know, they don't know a gay or gay with all juice. Hey Gators can survive on the road Okay, they get all that calcium from you calcium go for your bones if you're bone Go for your bone up Kevin you're a lawyer Are you working on interesting cases I got I got some cases what's going on in the corner? I don't know Didn't judges you ever give you a hard time. I can't talk about my interesting cases. Unfortunately, I hate to be you have your

What is it does a law for that right? There's something I could technically talk about the cases, but I don't know if uh, If you saw your lawyer do what he just did for the last two minutes, and then he talked about your case That is interesting. Has a client yet seen you sing dong songs? If they have, I don't know about it. They probably at home just just watching it. Just let me ask you a question.

If your lawyer could sing dong songs, does that make him a does that make him a bad lawyer? It just means you're a lawyer. No, I make your lawyer- He's a fucking beast. That make your lawyer wrench on me. That make your lawyer man many, many, many different hats. And the more hats you wear, the better he gonna wear each one of them.

You're wearing a hat right now. You had an accent sort of losing it. Yeah, you're losing the accent. Yeah, but. I went more African American on it. Yeah. I don't even know if you're going to any race. I don't even know what that is.

Sometimes when I'm stuck in a character. When I do. Cause I'm from the Bayou, I'm from New Orleans. When I do my Southern character, I imagine I'm a. A football coach. A DA. Yeah, you gotta be a coach.

You gotta be a coach. You boys gotta come out there, you gotta be ready. I sort of look like Fred Thompson. Oh, I love that. A big bald white man. Dude, pull up a photo of Fred Thompson from... Oh, he's from... He was a setter.

He was in a lot of good movies. And he ran for president too. He did. What was this movie? I saw him in a lot of good movies. And he ran for president too. He did. I saw him in a movie with like, Clint Eastwood recently from like. Yeah, I think he's in Clear and Present Danger. He's in G.I. Jane. He's in a, he was an interesting guy.

Now, I don't think he talked with his dialect. No, he didn't have a heavy accent like that, but he looked like he would. Yeah. So that's who I'm picturing in my head when I'm... Great. My dad loved that guy. He's dead. When did he die? About 10 years ago. That's when we lost Fred. Yeah, we lost him. He went the place we're all going. Nowhere. How do you like these glasses? Are you going for like a How do you like these glasses? Are you going for like a Oasis thing? I just saw this shit in the closet on my wife's side and I said, I can rock that shit.

And I did it. Did I do it? You look like you're on Oasis. You look like you play in the band. You look like you have a point of being and fucking bunch of phony friends make your makeup up so you go on stage and you do a fucking bunch of shit songs that make your makeup up so you go on your stage and you do a fucking bunch of shit songs that are fucking knockoffs of fucking bad shit. Well they're just a band man. Well I know but like you play like shit you fucking act like a fucking wanker.

Do you watch Presumed Innocent? Chad, how come you don't get in the RMProv? I get lost. You get lost? I like listening. I don't think there's even much. It's goofball central. I haven't watched Presumed Innocent.

I'm hearing incredible things. I've heard it's must watch TV. Oh, I like it. I can approve it as a lawyer. It's not like some of the stuff. So you're watching it? Some of the stuff is over the top, but Jake Gyllenhaal is always on point, hot. And he's good.

He's good. There's a guy in it that's, some of the acting is distracting. Talking about accents, there's like a British guy in the show, and I think he's trying to do a, I don't know, I think he made up an accent which guy the He's one of the DA's I think he was on he was on one of the shows Jake pull up the cast dude

Let's get eyeballs on this guy. He He was a TV show presumed innocent He was on one of those girl shows on Netflix as my wife knew who he was. Which guy? Which guy? I think O.T. Oh, that guy? He's British? I think he's British. I don't know, but- I don't think that guy was on Girls. How's Peter Sarsgaard? He's a good actor.

Oh, he's great. So the show is good. Jake Gyllenhaal. And he's married to Jake Gyllenhaal's sister in real life. But the person- Is he really? Yeah, he's married to Maggie Gyllenhaal. They've been friends and family for years. I love Peter Sarsgaard. I think the person who takes the cake in the show is Bill,

that guy, Bill Camp. Dude, Bill Camp's a beast. The Knight of, man, that guy can bring it. He was in The Knight of too. And Queen's Gambit. That guy is good. Yeah, yeah, I enjoyed the show. What was The Knight of again?

It was that really good Riz Ahmed show. Oh yeah. Richard Price wrote it. Yeah, that. It was badass. It went a little off the rails at. Richard Price wrote it. Yeah, that was bad ass. It went a little off the rails at the end, but the first couple episodes were nutcrackers. Dude, Bill Camp did this thing in The Queen's Gambit

where his character gets photographed for teaching her how to play chess. And he plays the photo in a weird way and you're like, what was that? And then you realize that's the first time he's ever been photographed. Oh wow. But he made that clear in his body language.

Wow. That's acting, Kevin, and you can't do that. Yeah, but I can suck off the producer and get the same role. That's all it takes. That's all it takes, huh? So you've sucked a lot of big swinging dicks, a lot of the most powerful people in a lot

of big industries, you've blown them. Obviously not because what have you seen me in recently? Yeah, you're right. So you're not sucking big producer dick. That's hard too though to say no. It is hard to say no, you know, but you gotta have some standards. If you see, if one's presented to you though,

how quick do you suck? I think it depends on the role. What do you think? Like if I was gonna be Maximus in Gladiator. Let's say, let's say you were gonna be in Presumed Innocent as one of the- Jake Gyllenhaal? No, not Jake Gyllenhaal. Probably as Jake Gyllenhaal.

Not as Jake Gyllenhaal. I would be Jake Gyllenhaal. As Sarsgaard. So you- Oh, yeah, I'd blow Sarsgaard for that. Would you suck off Ridley Scott? Oh, yeah. Dude, I would just straight up do that just to like, not even being funny. Just I have so much respect for him as a filmmaker.

I think he's probably top 10 all time. Who do you think is number one? Oh, good question. I think, you know, I'm an American, so I'm not going to go with like any of the the French New Wave guys. And I'm a modernist, so I'm not going to go with Orson or or Ford or Wilder or any of the older cats. I got to give it up for for Spielberg and Scorsese

would probably be my top two. Of the two though. I go Spielberg. You'd suck off Spielberg or Scorsese, okay. No, I'd rather suck off Martin Scorsese. Oh, okay. He'd be a good suck. Yeah, he's a great guy.

He has some stories. Would you want him to tell you stories while you're sucking? Yeah, he's like, so I had to. Robert De Niro comes in, and Robert De Niro, he's got his own vision on the part, but he wants to do it fast. Making him sound kind of like Quentin Tarantino. He is a little bit like that, though.

Do him coming. Oh, OK. And then now I'm going to now I'm going to come. Look, OK, so for cinema, the whole idea is to get as much information in the frame as possible. So you have the actors there, but then what's telling you what world you're in? So this is 1930s New York City, and we're talking about gang life where it's integrated with the immigrants That is a huge amount of information that I'm trying to get across in a single frame

So I went back to some of the old grades. I went back to Ford I went back and looked at the way he composed things in the searchers and then I was like, okay, okay, okay Okay, okay. Okay. Okay. That's good. That's good. Okay. Well, let's do that one more time. Let's get that show Okay, does it I was Dude. I was in it. I was in it and you stopped. Oh really? I got nervous. I think you bust.

Yeah, okay. I got shot. Let me get back in there. So there it is. There it is. We're getting everything in the frame. Everything's in the frame. Everything's in the frame.

Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! And sing. That is how he busts. Do you think it goes like that? It's cut. And then the whole crew goes, we got it.

He goes, let's try it. That's a wrap. Let's try it. Let's try it. Run it again. Run it again. Let's do it again. He's old, he can't recharge like that.

He used to date his actresses. He dated Alia Lana Douglas. I'd want to talk to him about the last Waltz. Oh yeah, man. So people said him and Robbie Roberson were in love with each other. Like? I think it was platonic, but Robertson were in love with each other. Like, I think it was platonic,

but that they were like obsessed with each other. Oh, that is the music documentary. It's not even a documentary, it's just a concert. Olivia Wilde. God, what is she, like nine feet tall? That's his wife? Oh wait, no, that's Olivia Wilde. Best Scorsese film.

Yeah, what's your guys' favorite Scorsese film? I mean, that, that's Waltz. I mean, I guess it doesn't count asese film. Yeah, what's your guys' favorite Scorsese film? I mean, that, that, Last Waltz, I mean, I guess it doesn't count as a film. No, it does. You can do one of his docs. I like... They're all so good, man. Look at this.

I know. I think you gotta go with... All these young kids saying the departed. No, you gotta go with, how am I even forgetting one of them? He didn't direct these ones, those ones aren't him. What, good? Not to be a snob, but don't go too many rows down. You gotta go with Goodfellas.

Yeah, that's an amazing one. You can't go wrong with that one, and Casino is. Casino. I think those two. Taxi Driver is amazing. It is. It's not as much fun for me to watch as a No, it's not. Goodfellas. It's not rewatchable. But it has more to say about like humanity. It's not rewatchable for me. But when I did watch it, I don't think Departed is better than Goodfellas.

Yeah, there's no way. Sorry. That's young people say that stuff. Sorry, Jiz Muffin. But we can put Jiz Muffin. That's a cold take. I like the name, but. Casino is really good. Jiz Muffin is a good suck though. Casino's good, but I think Goodfellas is better than Casino, but I really like Casino. And that's how people received Casino.

They felt like it was kind of a knockoff of Goodfellas. Right. But I don't know, the world is really cool in Vegas and I think it's a little more entertaining scene for scene than Goodfellas. Right. But I don't know, the world is really cool in Vegas and I think it's a little more entertaining scene for scene than Goodfellas. I'm gonna do this. I'm going Goodfellas and then I'm going Last Waltz. That's brave, that's different, that's unique, that's you.

And I know a lot of you motherfuckers haven't even seen it, but it's the band, then they bring on Neil Young, Joni Mitchell, who do they have? They have everybody. They have... Bob Dylan. Bob Dylan. The Staples. Who's that guy that I can't think of his name,

that is short. Is Van Morrison in it? That's what I was thinking of, Van Morrison. Is Neil Diamond in it? I think he might be in it. I think Neil, I think there's so many... Well then most famously, if you have the VHS, you can see Neil Young in the last waltz when he comes out, has cocaine

on his nostrils. Oh, they're all, you can see the whole band. They're hopped up. They're doing it in San Francisco. Oh, what a fucking, what a fucking, what a fucking concert. Yeah, when they sing the weight and the staple singer comes on on it. Oh That's about as beautiful as music gets what Do you guys think wolf of Wall Street is overrated no way like great movie That's one of the best that scene when he's on like the uppers Hmm when he's on like the uppers and they're all they're all fucked up on the pills I think it's one of the I I think it's in the top 10. I almost picked it as one of my favorite comedies

when we did our comedy trap. That guy. I think it is like scene for scene. Jonah Hill's performance too. Oh yeah, yeah. Is unbelievable. Do you wanna get socked in the face? And when he's explaining why they shouldn't hire

small people to work the party and why they should, he's like, we should be nice to them cause they talk. Yeah. He goes to little gossips. That guy had a moment after that movie. I remember the real Wolf of Wall Street. I remember seeing him at like roast battle. Yeah, Belford. Put him back in the conversation. Well, he'll post on like TikTok reactions of him reacting to scenes from the movie. He's like, so here's the thing about this, this really did happen. I mean, it is mostly real, right? Yeah, I think so. But yeah, he's a,

it's weird to me that he gives, I don't mean to be like a holy roller. It's weird to me that he gives business advice now. And I'm like, but you're- You're a criminal. You're a criminal, like you went to jail for bad business ethics. He's like, but I know how to sell.

He's like, but I know how to sell. I'm like, yeah, but you're like a liar. Look, I'm no better than him. Dude, he could- I sell things. He could be though, he could be kind of the godfather of the Andy Elliot's of the world. Dude, he's totally that.

Yeah. I know, so I own a lot. I'm so mixed up on it. I know, so I owe him a lot. I'm so mixed up on it. Wonder if, do you think he was a good suck in prison? Good question. Fresh pair of pants is on top of it. I don't think he's a good suck, if I'm being honest.

I don't think Belfort's a good sucker. I don't think he, he couldn't suck to save his life. Yeah, he's so greedy as a lover. Which he was honest about in the movie. Kevin, have you been teabagging lately? I've actually been witnessing my son teabag on his own. I'm not even teaching him. Already?

Is he even two? I said to a video, he's just bagging stuff. Is he even two yet? He bagged a water fountain. It's like, you know those water fountains that shoot up from the ground? He went over the water fountain. It's like, you know those water fountains that shoot up from the ground? He went over the water fountain. Oh, Kubrick might be the best.

Sorry, Chad. Yeah, he's bagging. Well, so how big are his nuts? Well, I mean, his nuts aren't out. But his nuts are. Your son walks around with his clothes on in the house? There's a tie. Yeah.

You don't let him walk around naked? No, then he just, if he's naked for a second, he'll piss on everything. Yeah, but it's kind of worth it for him to feel powerful and liberated. Is that what you're doing? Yeah, no, my kids are naked all the time. But they can't walk yet? No, they can walk.

They can walk? Oh, they both can walk, yeah. Oh, yeah? Yeah. And they're just naked? They're very advanced, they're very smart. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah. How old are they now? Almost one in a week. Okay, and they're walking? And can I tell you something else, Kevin? They are walking. I'll show you video. Hot shot. Later.

He sounds pretty proud. Here's the other thing. That gift you gave them, those eggs? Yeah, they like them. They fucking love them. Huge head. Yeah, they like those eggs. Before I left, my lady was like, hey, tell Kevin the kids really like the eggs.

And I said, Kevin gave us the eggs? She was like, yeah. Daddy knows what he's doing. They play with them all the time. They're these eggs, you break them apart and they have shapes and then you put them back together. It's color coded. Soon they're gonna actually like real eggs

if they don't already. Like eating them? Eating eggs. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. The boy had five ounces of steak last week. No way. One sitting, I just kept shredding it.

Damn dude, he's gonna be pissed. See, you like steak, he likes steak. I like dropping sack, he likes dropping sack. You must've loved that first time you saw him drop sack. He was like, oh, that's my boy. I think he bagged my wife the first time I saw him. How'd your lady react to him bagging? Oh, she can't get mad at it.

She can't get mad at it because she loves him. Chad, what did you think about John John Florence flaming out today at the Olympics? Dude, I didn't know, I haven't been following at all. What is, did he fuck up? I just saw it in the chat, but I did see Gabriel Medina had an epic photo from the Olympics. I saw the photo,

but I haven't kept up with any of it. You guys haven't even commented on my shirt. What does it say? Oh, Team USA. US Olympic team. That's bad ass, dude. I love the USA. I'm a participate in the front stroke.

Dude, let's get into some politics too, man. Do you guys get fired up when you hear the national anthem? Oh, yeah. Isn't it the best? Hold on one second. I'm going to interrupt you on that because I saw a comment and he made a good point. I'm surrounded by feet here. Look at this. It's just barefoot and barefoot. I'm the only one. We're comfortable. Is that you should be there.

Is that what this is now? We're comfortable. OK, yeah, you should be barefoot. We're not formal in here. No, no, I'm keeping the shoes on. They look cool. Kev, I don't know if I've ever seen your feet.

Huh? I don't know if I've ever seen your feet. You don't want to see my feet. Yeah, pull your feet out. What are you embarrassed of? Oh, no, I've had my feet out before on this. I've ever seen your feet. Huh? I don't know if I've ever seen your feet. You don't want to see my feet. Yeah, pull your feet out. What are you embarrassed of? Oh no, I've had my feet out before on this. I've never seen Kevin's feet. No, you've seen my feet. And even that one time when we were on the water

in Big Bear, you kept your shoes on on the boat. Yeah, I kept those shoes on. Dude, do you have a wiki feet page? I do, yeah. You do, really? 12 stars. No, I don't know. Let's look it up.

Please have one. That'd be sick. Yeah, boy. Oh, dude. Let, dude. Oh, look at that rating. Yeah, dude, you got good feet. Guys, get some more. Whoa, dude. Is this AI or is there a guy posting feet? Dude, Jizmuffin, Jizmuffin, I would like for you to come on. Kevin, why don't you get on here on WikiFeet? Yeah, dude. Oh, this is your profile? You posted these? I didn't post them.

Someone else did it for me. Somebody's probably cranking, thinking about my little stems. I guess I'm not there yet in my career where people are posting. You know you've made it when you got a WikiFeet account, I guess. I mean, it's only five photos of my feet.

What about you, Chad? Oh, dude, one of the photos is when we took Hoppe with Troy. That was a crazy day. My grandma died that day. Remember she died when we were trippin'? Dude, that was wild. Hoppe. Dude, I, last time we did Hoppe though,

it was sick on the show. Oh, really fun. It's a great drug. Yeah. I shouldn't say that. But like, I've had a good time both times we did. Try Scorsese. Let's see if he has wiki feet Dude, there's there's both the Nickelback guy and me in there. I've only done it twice. Oh, yeah. Wait, that's not him

Is that just a guy named Martin Scorsese? Oh, it is him. Oh, he has nice feet. Whoa Marty Marty, it's time to party. Nice. Dude, he looks loaded in that photo. Click that again How many ludes did he do that day? He is loaded. Oh my God, Marty's living the dream. Yeah. Just not a big donut. Is that his pool? I think that's his vacation pool.

Like when he goes to Montauk. It looks like Hamptons. Yeah, totally. Me and Chad, we can see a Hamptons backyard from a mile away. I love the Hamptons. Dude, the Hamptons are sick. I've only visited once and wasn't there

for a substantial amount of time. Is it awesome? I mean, I've only been there for a little bit, but I love the vibe. But I went to Nantucket. We're both back in Nantucket. I do love East Coast summer vibe. It gets me pretty randy.

My brother and dad are in Nantucket right now. Are they really? Yeah. Are you jelly? Yeah. Yeah, I'm jealous. Yeah, you should be jealous. I'm having fun. Are they rocking pastel right now? I think they're wearing the full outfits.

They got some fancy ice cream out there that everybody goes to get. Oh, dude. They're pulling it all day. But you know, how could I be jealous when I'm with you two sex monsters? Oh, dude. Thank you. But you know, I'd be feeling a lot better if Kevin pulled the boys out. Just for the record. Pull your feet out, Kevin. Okay, I'm doing it because just for the record, my feet are out all day.

They're out all day. That's what you say, but they're wearing shoes. I wear my flip-flops all day and daddy puts on some good pair of shoes. You even complimented my shoes when you came in. If a foot's naked in the woods but no one hears it, is it even naked? Yeah, why are you getting defensive about your feet, Kev? That's so true. I heard that too.

You want me to take them off? Yeah. Can we get some music or something? So you want me to take him off? Yeah. Can we get some like music or something? Yeah, give me- Kevin, if you take off your shoes, I'll give you a sec. I'll get Kevin's guitar. I don't want to play right now. I know too many chords.

Ooh. Oh, good choice, Jay. I think your chat has a foot fetish. And I'm going to indulge. He has a butthole fetish. So far off, dude. Yeah, I have a butthole fetish. That's pretty funny.

Yeah I got a pretty, I got a vagina fetish. I just love vagina. Can I go cross-legged too? It's kind of freaky for people. Oh, he's being demure. You're being demure. Do you feel better now? Oh, those are nice, dude. I just love vagina. Can I go cross like a tree? It's kind of freaky for people. Yeah. Oh, he's being demure. You're being demure.

Do you feel better now? Oh, those are nice, dude. Thank you. Dude, honestly, I thought you'd have hairier feet. Dude, put them up to the camera so you'll get wiki feet profile. Yeah, throw them up, dude. We want you on the wiki feet. Guys, will someone set up a wiki feet for Kevin the Schmoll?

Dude, Jizz Muffin just jizz on his muffin. Hell yeah, dude. Dude, your feet aren't as hairy as I thought they'd be. Thank you. You don't like hairy feet, aren't as hairy as I thought they'd be. Thank you You don't like hairy feet do you? No, I don't mind it. I just you know, I guess I shouldn't have judged by like a I'm gonna be honest with you guys. Yeah, your hairy elsewhere. I feel I Feel relaxed. I feel cooler. I feel the breeze on my feet. Were we talking about the Olympics? Yeah Okay, good. So John John flamed out. That's what someone said. Were we talking about the Olympics? Yeah. Okay, good.

So John John flamed out. That's what someone said. We got to get the news. What, who is, what sport? Oh, surfing. Okay. Were they doing this in Fiji or where? Oh wow, Florence and Colapinto eliminated, dude.

Are those both Americans? I mean, Griffin's from San Clemente. Tiahupo. Oh, I remember seeing him. Yeah. Damn. So who's winning? I think Medina, right?

All the comments were saying Medina is going to get the gold. That'd be sick for Medina. Although Medina, you know, he's kind of not well liked. When we met up with some dudes who were in the industry, they told us that they were harder on the Brazilian guys, but they said it was because those guys were harder on us. Yeah, I think you're in the women's. Tahiti, yeah.

Nice. Okay. Toledo, yeah he won. Round three. Oh, Colapenta, he lost to a Frenchman, dude. Pon freaking jord, man. Oh, Jack Robinson beat John John, wow. So we got Medina winning, Jack Robinson, K Voss, John DoRue, Ari Navarro. I could listen to you say those names all day.

Ethan Ewing. That's awesome. Ethan Ewing. Dude, are there no more Americans? Wow, that is a pretty massive boner killer. You guys let us down, dude. Yes, we're all out. So it's Brazilian on, oh wow.

That's crazy. They're making the French go against the French. Wow. The Aussie go against the Aussie and the Brazilian go, that's kind of weird. Make them go against each other. Yeah, that's kind of rude. Yeah, let the countries get a shot at double podium. That seems like a weird making countries go against each other. That's not chill. I've been watching the beach volleyball. I love watching beach volleyball. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, because you like the asses, don't you? I like the booty, but I just like watching the game as well. What are you watching?

Peacock? Is that on Peacock? Yeah, I see it from Hulu. So I think I'm getting it on ESPN and stuff. OK. Oh, there's some on Hulu too. I've been looking. I just go, I didn't see any surfing.

I saw fencing today. Oh, dude. Wait, so where are they surfing? Tahiti. They don't surf in France. Yeah, that's what I was wondering about. Is Tahiti a French colony? Oh, French Polynesia.

Oh, that makes sense. That, that could be. You know, I was wondering why they chose Tahiti and now it's French Polynesia. Okay. That's why. Oh, you guys are fucking smart. Look at how you connected those dots.

Dude, add to you, bro. Thanks, Kevin. I mean, the Olympics are in Paris. Thanks, Kevin. Kevin, thank you, dude. Kevin. Oh, yeah. Dude, this is interesting on the, this is a good question from Mahi.

On the US team, there's a super blonde girl and her partner, I don't know if it's just because the girl's so tall, but I think she's one of the shorter beach volleyball players I've seen. Like she looks like she's like five two or something. Whoa. Which is sick, but like for beach volleyball,

you just don't expect it. No, that one was the one that was very pop, Misty Mae. Yeah, right there, the third one over. You remember Misty Mae? Yeah, she was shorter, wasn't she? Carrie Walsh and Misty May. Yeah, right there. The third one over. You remember Misty May? Yeah. She was shorter. Kerry Walsh and Misty May. Well, yeah, you always have one person who digs

and they're the shorter one and they hit like roll shots and then you got your big blocker swinger. We should go. We should go to one of these weekends and play just beach volleyball with just hop in a game. I do that. I love that. Let's do it. Where do you want to put? Should we go down to like South Bay, I love that, let's do it. What do you wanna put, should we go down to like South Bay for it?

Yeah, let's go South Bay or Long Beach. Yeah, let's go to Manhattan Beach, that's where it is. That's where it goes down. So Kevin, so you suck, but do you eat? Good question. Only between sucks. So you do rusty trombones? Oh wait, do I eat? So for you, Kevin. Iones? Oh wait do I eat? So I thought you were

asking if I eat like food. For Kevin the process of sucking is most important. The eating of the ass is more of an amuse-bouche. Oh no no no I don't I don't unfortunately I'm I don't judge you for it but I don't. An amuse-bouche? I feel like sucking is something where you have to do it on an empty stomach and I don't... In a moose-boosh? I feel like sucking is something where you have to do it on an empty stomach and I don't get food involved in it. No, but I'm saying, he's saying, do you eat butt? No. Fair enough.

Have you ever? I don't think I've ever, no, I haven't eaten before. I've smelled. And I've decided I'm not gonna eat. Should we do an impromptu draft right now? Although, yeah, I've never had anybody not going to eat. Should we do an impromptu draft right now? Although I've never had anybody ask me to either. So it's been easy. All right, we're going to do an impromptu draft right now and this is going to go huge.

This is the actually we might have to do this again one time. Like legit with the full prep. Are you guys ready? Yeah. Top three ways to say dong. Is dong one of the options? Because you just put it in the title. Yeah, yeah, you can say dong is one of the options.

Are you ready? You mean, are you looking for a synonym? A dong synonym? Yeah, odds are even. One, two, three, shoot. You gotta go last because you went so slow. All right, paper, rock, scissors, shoot. Oh, I gotta go first.

Holy fuck. All right, top three ways to say a dong. No, let's exclude dong. Well, you just get dong. Let's exclude dong. Okay, all right. Number one, with a bullet, I'm going anatomically. I'm going anatomically, I'm going anatomically correct, I'm going with penis. All right.

Wait, so we each get three choices? The reason I went with penis is I love the versatility. No matter what age you are from five to 50 to 100, if you say penis people know what you're talking about and the more you say penis the more you want to laugh so I could go on talking about a penis for a while and every time I think about how I said it I get a smile on my face this guy fucking this is it this is your first choice penis that's my first your first choice is penis penis is the standard no it's not because the standard is cock no wait well is the standard. No it's not because the standard is cock. No wait well your pick's coming up. Damn it. Your pick's coming up.

You can tell this guy's never drafted dicks in his life. Don't worry I'm not gonna take it. You know why? You know why? Because my first pick is hog. Whoa. My first pick is hog and I'll tell you why my first pick is hog. Because, you know, cock is a little bit too harsh. Yeah, that's way too aggressive. It's aggressive. Hog floats right in the middle. It can be funny, but also you can talk to a lady and be like, let me unwhale my hog.

You can, I say that, you don't say that? You can insert it into sexy talk. You know, you're like, all right, I'm about to insert my hog into your Vagene. This all seems oddly specific to you. I don't know anyone else who's throwing this rhythm. Well, you gotta make it personal, right? That's real.

I mean, call my girlfriend right now and she'll be like, when's the hog coming? I'm like, T minus 56 minutes. Jake, put cock on the board. Put cock on the board. We all know cock is. Cock is funny, but you can't say cock in front of women. Oh, you can say cock in front of women. Cock is way too aggressive. It's not aggressive. First of all, cock is like glass breaking. It shatters. First of all, it's too much. It's too much. Okay. It's too much. Would you want a hog? Let's say we went to the farm and we brought a hog in here or a fucking rooster. A hog is way better. It makes bacon.

You're gonna eat the cock? Yeah. Okay, by that rationale, we bring a hog in here, we bring a rooster, and we bring a penis. I'm saying you're choosing the cock. I mean, yeah, it makes eggs. Cock, cock, cock, cock, say it 10 times. Cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, hog, hog, hog, hog, hog, penis, penis. Cock is the standard bear. No, you keep saying penis because you knew it cracked you up.

I mean, to be fair, if Kevin doesn't win this contest. It's a huge lie. I'm not going to win this contest. You might never be able to show your head again. This is where you win the contest. Well, the audience is going to choose. Oh, I'm not gonna win this contest. You might never be able to show your head again. This is your win the contest. Well, the audience is gonna choose. Oh, your audience chooses? Yeah, they're penis forward.

They're biased. Well, don't give up yet, man. Come on, play like a beaker. I mean, I think I won. You guys blew it on that. Well, no, we got two more picks. Yeah, we got two more picks. Yeah, and you're next.

It's snake style. Oh, it's like a fantasy draft. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I could have. It's snake style. Oh, it's like a fantasy draft. Yeah, exactly. Oh, you I could have chose snake, snake style. But I'm not. I'm not. But snake is there's a lot of things for. I mean, look, you already messed up your list. So do whatever you want. All right. Give me a second. Give me a second. Let me meditate.

I'm Googling. Are you Googling? You can Google. Yeah, for this one, because it's impromptu. I don't need a Google. I don't need Google for this. Let me see what you got. Did you? Oh, there's some good ones. Did you look up a thesaurus? I found some really good ones. No, get the fuck out of here, man. Chad, let me see. No. That was a test for me. I don't need it. No, don't do that, Jake. Don't do that, Jake. Sorry, man. It's getting violent out here. that Jake? Sorry man. It's getting violent out here. Look I think penis was a fucking rock solid numero uno. It's it's not fun. It's the Cadillac. It's not fun.

It's meat and potatoes mom-and-pop penis. I'm going with Johnson. Nice dude. Nice very strong. Very strong. It's fun. It's somebody's name. Little vanilla. But I like saying it. I like saying, you want to touch my Johnson? It's just funny. Johnson. It's pretty good. And then what's the backstory here? Why did there's a guy named Johnson? He got his, he got cock named after him. This might be my favorite draft ever. Dude, we're cooking. We might have to go four or five.

Hey, we're gonna go five on this. Think about it. Think about it. Why do they call it a Johnson? Why do they call it a Johnson? Who's Johnson? Yeah, okay, let me look up the origin. There had to be a guy named John, it's your Johnson.

Why is it your Kevin, your Chad? Dwayne, dude. Your Dwayne. Yeah it your Kevin? Your Chad? Dwayne dude. Your Dwayne. Yeah, your Dwayne. Your Dwayne Johnson. Slang. Jizz Muffin, you do get credit for this. Jizz Muffin started this. According to one theory, the slang euphemism originated with the name of a large railroad brake lever. Lexicographer Eric Partridge thought it was more likely an abbreviated version of Dr. Johnson, a one-time synonym for penis that Partridge sometimes said might be based on the assumption that there was no one Dr. Johnson. Okay, so it's either it was a railroad break or it was a joke about a doctor. One of your guys said he's happy to contribute Johnson.

I didn't see your comment buddy. I'm not giving you credit but I want you to vote for me. Because we're getting a lot of history here. I'd like to know the etymology of all these. Okay, is my turn? Get it baby. There's a lot of pressure on you here cuz hog was wild. I like it could be for your turn I know you're not gonna use it, but I just wanted to comment. I like sweet meat. That's a pretty fun one

Assuming you're not gonna go. I mean it doesn't have brought. Okay, mine's kind of from left field, but it's my favorite insult And I think it really accurately describes the sexual function of the dong. It's fuckstick. Fuckstick. Is that one word? Okay. Fuckstick. So you say, hey dude, you're a fuckstick. It's really good. You know, you guys are doing really fun ones, but you guys aren't speaking enough to the populace into what's said on the regular. What?

Is that the game? I thought it was just best words for cock. When people say penis, you're like, oh, you're a tight ass. Are we doing- No way. Not when I say penis. People are like, this guy's a wild card. No, and dude, when I go to the doctor, he's like, what about that hog?

I lost the plot. Week? For best penis nicknames you got, or dong nicknames you got, hog and fuckstick. You're way off the fucking res bro. I got it. Alright JT, it's your turn right? Alright go, because I've already won. I got, no no, I got a rock solid next one coming in.

I'm coming in in good old fashioned. Like I'm just a traditional guy. And this is something that we've heard said for ages. It doesn't alienate. It's lovable. It's relatable. And it's true to how it hangs. I'm going with schlong.

Damn it. Damn it. Schlong is so good, dude. That was my schlong. I had schlong. Get jealous, boys. Get jealous. First of all I had shlong! Yeah, get jealous, boys! Get jealous! First of all, let's just say the competition

is between me and JT. Chad, you're out of this. What? Did I won the first round? Shlong was, I was going for shlong, I wanted shlong so bad. And then, say it, shlong. Shlong, it just sounds like what it is.

Shlong. It hangs that way. And you know, it's something like an uncle says when he's like in the urinal with you. You should have gone Shlong. How did you? I didn't even have this thesaurus. When I saw Shlong, I was all, oh my God. Yeah, Shlong is incredible.

I feel like this isn't the best list either, Chad. I think you picked the wrong thesaurus. Man, I really fucked up, huh? But I still stand by fuckstick. Is this your Google? What is this? All right. Man, I really fucked up, huh? But I still stand by fuckstick. Is this your Google? What is this? All right, well, I gotta do one more. I mean, we're going five, but I gotta do one more.

You know what? I'm going with one that I got two fun ones, but I need one for when you're hard or one when you're trying to make a point to people when you're saying, hey, I'm a big guy and I carry a big heavy hammer. Damn it! That was my pick! That's a good one. When you when and there's something ironic about it like I've been at a

party and said everyone look at my hammer because because it's not a hammer you know? Yeah no you're right. Thanks. Yeah hammer's a good pick. Yeah. Yeah, hammer's a good pick. Hammer time. Can I have my phone back? I'm not. You don't have a phone? My phone's over there. I was trying to be professional. Okay, I got one. No, you don't. Wait. You're going off the dome. Oh, wait. Oh, you don't have three. Yeah, yeah. I'm going off the dome and this one is just cool baby. I mean when you hear someone refer their dong like this you're like man that guy has a nice one and he's also a cool dude. When you're talking about your rod.

Oh I like rod. That was a nice setup on it too. Dude, you like that? Yeah, cause you made it, you gave it a face. Yeah, Rod, dude. Like Rod's a guy, but he's part of a dick. Penis Schlonghammer. I mean, dude, that's pretty rock star list, dude. Penis Schlonghammer, I know it, dude. I'm like, it's all gold brands. It's all legacy brands.

God, I can't believe you got schlong. I was about to end it. You know what? This is like how I always bloat on sports cause I'm getting too granular. You guys are such like cock connoisseurs that you guys are going with some of the deepest, most, you know, exotic flavors imaginable.

Right, right, right, right. But you brought, Rod is more- Rod is good, dude. Rod's undeniable. Rod in the third round. That's a get. Aaron would cream off that. We should call Aaron. I'm just hanging with my daughter.

Yeah, let me take. Hold on. We got to judge our cock. Is it only three? Are we doing three or five? Maybe four. Should we do four? Yeah. Yeah, let's do four. Should we do four? Yeah. Yeah, let's do four. Hey, Jake, what do you think the odds are we get demonetized on this one?

Yeah, probably pretty good. But can you guys put on your- I didn't know that was on the table. That's crazy. Just take the hit. Take the hit. Oh yeah, we do every time you're on, Kev. No worries.

Can you put on the headphones so you can hear yourself? Sometimes you're like yelling and it's peeking through, you know what I mean? Talking to... Yeah, those two. That way you can kind of monitor how you sound, you know? Did we fuck up the sound for this episode? No, you're just, sometimes you're really loud when you scream. You're getting excited, man.

When you speak to me, I'm like, that was a big moment. This is the draft of our lives. Yeah, there you go. Now you can monitor yourself a little bit. Oh yeah, that was a big moment. This is the draft of our lives. Yeah, there you go. Now you can monitor yourself a little bit. Oh yeah, I like hearing myself better. All right, pick Kevin. You got two picks here, Kevin. You're taking us home.

I'm gonna go sausage. Great pick, dude. Huge get in the third round. God damn, that's good. I kinda already had my sausage pick with Schlong. I feel like they're part of the same phylum, but that's a beaut, dude. So what made you go sausage?

You know, I hear it a lot. It's fun to say. It makes sense anatomically. It is a sausage, essentially. You gotta go sausage. And in the third round, I think sausage is good. It's by far the best pick that was left in whatever thesaurus he had too. Hog, fuckstick and rod. Dude, you should just bow out. If anybody gives you the win they're just a simping for you. They're just I need some simps. All right, dude

I got I got a pick and I can't believe this is still on the table But this is a staple of dong name dick Great, oh fuck good steel. There you go. Look at that list. Yeah hog fuck stick rod Because if you flipped your list and your list went dick, rod, fuckstick, hog. Wow, dude.

I can't believe we didn't even think of dick. Damn it. Oh, I definitely thought it. But once I had penis, I couldn't do dick too. I'd be too. Yeah, you'd be too vanilla. Yeah. Oh, I got mine.

Am I next or is JT? I'm up and I'm taking us home. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Don't you dare do what I'm gonna do. You're gone. I'm done. Oh, you know what, dude? I gotta go with the golden oldie. I gotta go with one that it's the first one. It's the one that is your bed. I'm going with Weiner. First one, it's the one that is your bedrock. I'm going with Weiner. Okay, Weiner is good.

Okay, am I rounding? Oh, go, why Weiner? I mean, Weiner is just, it's fun. It's what you say and, you know, before you have the confidence to say cock, dick and penis, you know, which is more like when he gets a junior high. Like you're not saying cock when you're 10. Yeah. You're saying wiener.

You're saying wiener. Or ween. And when are you really into penises? When you're 35, but also when you're a kid. Yeah, wiener is hilarious. Yeah, so I'm going wiener, I just think, and look guys, I don't wanna get pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered.

Can I get weenie out of that too? No,enie no no no no I'm gonna give it to him no I'm giving you weenie do a slash weenie oh good question when you're it might be too personal but when you're in lady with your bed how do you refer to your piece I think I say I think I say dick hmm fucking you with that good dick. I say, uh, I say, um, I'm very polite, but I'm like, do you want to see the fuck stick? What do you say, Kev?

I think I either say- Oh, tallywhackers are classic. Oh, wow, dude. Yeah. Yeah, I say dick. You want to do one more? I have one more. Oh. Oh, Kevin, you were supposed to get two Wait, I Have one more right you guys all have four. Yeah, but we skipped you. It doesn't matter. I'm going pecker baby pecker No, I maybe needed to get spicier with my last one, but I'm happy overall.

I mean, I can't believe, before we do judging, I can't believe you have Weiner and Weenie. Weiner slash Weenie? No, they're sort of the same, just give them it. All right, I don't think it's that great of a pick anyways. You don't think Weiner's a little bit stronger than Pecker? I think Pecker is strong. But which word do you think it's used more in conversation? I think, yeah, if you're talking about like, you know,

10-year-olds, then yeah, Weiner. That's what I'm talking about, 10-year-olds. I'm not talking about 10-year-olds in my list about Cox. Well, who's saying Pecker? Pecker, everybody's saying Pecker. No one's saying Pecker. Pecker's so 1965.

Yeah, Pecker's like if you're an accountant. Yeah, well, the accountants get to talk about Cox, too. Packers, like if you're an accountant. Yeah. Well, the accountants get to talk about No disrespect to all the CPAs out there. I love what you guys do. So we have one more? No, I think we're done. We're done?

Did Aaron get back to you? Oh yeah, let's see. Oh, Python, dude. Python is a good honorable mention. Look guys, remember this was on the fly. And then... What do you guys prepare for your draft? Yeah, football coaches who also teach drivers

that call it pecker. Piss missile. Dude, thank you for that. I've never heard piss missile. Dude, wrench? Wrench is good. Wrench is solid. That's in the...

That's like the PG-13 version of cock. What about third arm? Is that one? JT, looks like Wrench is good. Wrench is solid. That's in the, that's like the PG-13 version of cock. What about third arm? Is that one? JT, looks like you won, dude. Oh, hell yeah. Kev, you got dead last. Yeah, but these guys are all simp- I'm not even an expert.

These guys are all- I just care. It's my new word now. They're simping for you. Jay, can we call Aaron? I mean, that's ridiculous. I got 8%. I got one vote, come on.

Well, you didn't bring it, dude. What do you wanna happen? You can't bring it with you two. You guys, your chat is weak. Oh! Chat is weak, I'm calling you out. He's going after the people, I don't mind it. Don't tell them who won.

And they can fight, bro. Be careful, these guys are sweet. Don't tell them who won. No, no, we do it totally or none. Ew. Hey, Ron. We got a big list for you, dude. Oh boy. It's best nicknames for your dong. Best words to describe a dong. There's only three of us. We did, so there's 12 picks total. It's me, Chad and Kev. Right on. So, so somebody's first pick was just penis. Yeah, somebody's pick was penis for their thing. Yeah, that's true. It's probably clarifying that that's not so much a nickname as a medical term.

Okay, let's see. Got some good stuff here, guys. Do you want to read out the list? Sure. My child's asleep. We've got penis, schlong, hammer, wiener, slash weenie. Thanks. We've got hog, fuck stick, rod, dick. Thank you.

We've got cock, Johnson, sausage and pecker. I'm not going to belabor it. Let's see. It's one of those things where it's like the one, the first pick is not the best, but the rest are good. Um, I'm going to rule in favor of third place. I Just got nervous, I hate to do this but penis long hammer. Whoa Yeah, was it just cuz of my penis pick? No, don't tell me It's not a nickname Just let him let him do no. it was just best other words for Dong. No, there's no influence. He chose you as third, Aaron LeMun.

I know, I know, but I'm just saying that- We'll talk about it later. Get to the next one. I think... I do like fuckstick. Hog is classic But that's gonna be my second The chat was simping for them so hard they had me at third I had like two votes

so hard. They had me at third. I had like two votes. I thought I had you for second there. You do have a good list. Cock, Johnson, Sausage, and Packer is good. I'm number one. You know what? I do feel that Kevin Gagnus all is right in the world. Kevin, this is the draft for you to win. You deserve it. This is the draft. Look, when Aaron was just, didn't know who did the things, it was a, it was a, I feel like if you guys had my list, you guys would have got first. You should be ashamed of yourself, chat. You guys are, you guys are, this is pathetic. You guys are scared. You're on the chat, you're anonymous. Your names are like, like, come guzzler.

And you can't just, you can't just say I'm the best. There is a chance people like the other list. You can't rule that out. I will say that fuckstick was funnier when he read it out. But, and schlong is. Schlong, hammer, and wiener. I was jealous of schlong. Schlong is undeniable.

And hammer's awesome and wiener's good. But. And honestly, I understand why people are upset about penis. But if you get away from the slang term and just what's the best word for a dong? I think penis is top of the list Aaron. Can you can you imagine? Can you believe they both passed on cock for their first pick? I Can't exactly you think cocks the number one overall pick cock. I'm not saying it's number one overall What's your number one Aaron? What's like your favorite one? Word to single word. Who wins the single word?

Single word. Maybe we'll give you guys a single word. I think dick's probably number one overall. I think schlong is my favorite I'd give the single word to schlong. Yeah, but the world doesn't run on schlong The world runs on dick. The world does run on schlong. You gotta look at like how invaluable of a commodity is it? Okay, so Aaron who gets the prize for the best single? Like what is standing out to you that you just can't get out of you? Shalom's a view. Probably Hog. Probably Hog.

Yeah! There you go, Chad. Hog, yeah, Hog lives another day. And you know what, dude? I'm stoked on my fuckstick pick I think it was really good dude I like fuckstick I think a lot of people are just saying it would have been there in round four well here's the thing you the more you think about it the funnier it is what is it just fun to say a fuckstick literally yeah it's

growing on me and I say it in your fucksticks grown on me and I say it in bed. Chad, your fuckstick's grown on me. And I say it in bed. I want more of it. I say, babe, I'll text you. I'll be like, oh, you want the fuckstick tonight? Aaron, we brought you into the deep end here, pal. You handled it with typical grace and discernment. We appreciate you, man. Thank you so much. Yeah. Yeah, thank you, Aaron. I love you. Love you, man. All right. Love you, Aaron. All right. Yeah, thank you, Aaron. I love you. Love you, man. Love you, Aaron. Love you too, guys. All right. Love you, man.

What a call to get. You need a... He was ready. He answered the call. He answered the call. Should we do two calls? Yeah. Let's call somebody else. Before we got to do honor, we'll mention skin flute. Skin flute. I like skin flute.

But that's two words. I'm a little opposed to the two word ones. Yeah, it's two words. One-eyed monster. They're all great. But that's two words. I'm a little opposed to the two word ones. Yeah, one-eyed monster. They're all great. Is fuckstick two words? No, fuckstick's one word. Fuckstick's one word. Okay. Who are we calling though? Let's call like a female. I think that ship has sailed. Oh, we're not calling anybody else? Okay. Let's call Jake. Let's call your mom. Hey, how's it going? Hey man, how are you?

Good, good. How you doing? Good? Good, good. What's your name? It's Mike. Mike. Oh, this is a caller. Before we get into what Ayl's Mike,

Mike, do you have a favorite term for Dick? Personally, I like Rod. Nice, man. That was on one of our lists. Or are you watching the stream right now? Have you seen what we were doing or no? No, we haven't. Oh, okay.

No, no, nevermind. So you just came out with Rod without him. You just came out with Rod, okay. That's sick. That. Oh, okay. So you just came out with Rod without him? You just came out with Rod, okay. That's sick. That's sick, dude. Sorry. No, no, it's great.

Don't apologize. It was on Chad's list. It was Chad's number three pick. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah, you're the man, dude. And to just come out with Rod at the gate like that, like that's pretty off the dome. I can tell you're a good guy. Super affirming.

Oh, thank you. I mean, it's a good name too. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Rod's Rod. I'm gonna name my son Rod. Yeah. Or Fuckstick. There you go.

What ails you, brother? Nothing really ails me, but I have a scenario I was thinking. I was wondering if you guys could. I wanted to put you guys in a scenario. Is that okay? Yeah, bring us there. And dopey. All right, okay.

All right, so here's a scenario. Okay, so you've been seeing this girl, this super hot girl for a couple dates, okay? What the fuck? And for this, and now you're taking her over to your brother's house for dinner. Him and his wife are making you guys a nice dinner. And everything goes well. But after dinner, when everyone's cleaning up, there's this

fly buzzing around the table. And your date swaps the fly out of the air and eats it. But the only one who saw this was your brother and he's just staring there in shock for like five minutes like you can't believe it everyone else was just like acting normal you know thinking everything is fine anyways he finally composes himself and he tries to tell you but you don't believe him she ate a fly get Get out of here. So you get mad and you guys leave. Anyways, you're back at her place. Things are getting hot and heavy in her apartment, right? She asks you if you want to go to the bedroom. You're down. she says, go right ahead in, I'll be right in after you.

So you go in, and the room is just filled with aquariums. All right. Oh, sorry, keep going. Sorry, the room is full of aquariums filled with frogs, and it's just riveting everywhere. She comes in and she says, you know We all come from frogs So what do you do

Is this the thing you guys do on your show this is new but I love it Oh, it's new. Is this like they make up a no, this is brand new I I say I say you fuck the frog Oh, it's new. Is this like they make up a no, this is brand new. I Say I say you fuck the frog. Yeah. Yeah, I said well ribbit ribbit. You want to hop on this fuckstick? Nice I I pull out my fat two-foot bong and I say guess I'm a frog and I rip it, rip it. Oh, dude. And then because when I'm baked, I'm more down. That's sick. Kev, what do you do? I told you what I do.

I take that frog and I fuck it. Was there a frog in the room? Did I miss something? Oh, I didn't, yeah. Yeah, the room is filled with aquariums that are full of frogs. Okay, yeah. So what's going on?

There's hundreds of frogs. But like yeah. So what's going on? There's hundreds of frogs. But like what's going on in your life? Like my life? Wait, can I stop? Metaphorical person's life. Slow down. Are we going on? Stop. I'm talking to them.

I'm talking to them. What's going on in your life? What's going on? Uh, not a whole lot. Just chilling. Have you hooked up with a frog? No. Do you hooked up with a frog? No. Do you have a girlfriend? I do actually, yeah. That's awesome. What's her name?

Can I tell you something? Him having a girlfriend made all of this more normal. If he was a single guy and he did that whole thing, I'd be like, are you okay? But now he's a guy with a girlfriend who did this and I'm like, oh, he's just a fun guy Yeah, if he was single, he'd be Travis Bickle. Yeah, exactly. But now he's got a girlfriend. I'm like, oh dude come over sometime Yeah, you're a fun dude. Girlfriend like frogs? Vinny Vince. What are you 6'5 over there? Kev? No, I'm 5'9 and a half. Bro, but that half is huge, dude. You carry a monster. So is Antoine Dupont.

That's enough for five minutes. The best rugby player in the world is that height. How were you in? Where did you come up with this scenario? Honestly, it's an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Really? Yeah, man. Is that a joke?

This guy sounds like a lot of the wackos I talk about. Is this guy messing with me? No, no, it's getting creepy. Yeah, now it's getting weird, dude. Dude, bro, you had my trust. I don't know if I can vote for you, dude. Wait, so what do you do professionally? I am a courier.

Which is a fancy word for delivery driver. Nice. That's nice. Do you listen to the pod when you're delivering? Oh, yeah. What do you deliver? Now, have you ever been to drop something off at someone's house and they're like, you've got the specs they're looking for and they say, come on in and you're like, wait, I can't

do this. I got a lady. Yeah, that's one time actually. Oh yeah. Keep going? Yeah, this one I want to hear. There's actually just an old lady who gave me some snacks. Oh.

So you ate. I thought you were going to say she fondled your rod, dude. Well, he said snacks. I think that's slang for you bang her. No. Well, that's slang for you bang her. No. Oh, well that's probably the right move, dude. I respect that. Did you, uh, have you ever literally delivered a big sausage pizza? What do you do? No, but I used to deliver donairs.

Oh, did you deliver bonairs? Do you ever deliver a don't go in there? Because you tried to do some butt stuff. Wrong hole. Did you ever deliver wrong hole? So your name was Mike? Yeah. All right. I know you guys are like going along with this but can I ask him a real question? Sure, I guess what the fuck was that up top. I don't know. I'm still confused. What are you talking about?

The fraud what's the scenario thing? Why don't you just tell this tell us a Tell us something that's ailing you right now. Tell us something about your real life What's going on in your head that you needed to make that frog story? I want to know that. Tell us something interesting. It's a Monday night. I'm just trying to have some fun. Am I coming on too strong? No, but it's like us prank calling someone. He's doing that to us. Oh, OK. Yeah. No, it's not a prank call. Well, you know what I mean. It's an episode. You're being playful. I genuinely wanted to know what other people would do in that situation. All right. Well, listen, don't get sensitive. All right? I wasn't trying to... Robert, Robert, Robert.

Okay, I came on too strong, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to miscategorize you, brother. I love you, dude. I'm sorry, man. Mike, you're my guy. I mean, Robert just tried to jump out the window like an idiot, and then he just fucking hung out the window and talked to her for five minutes, talking about how he was going to get ice cream.

Who's Robert? Mike's taking us for a ride. Mike, you're a wild dude, bro. But if we're in the bike riders and you want in on this gang, you're gonna have to prove your fucking, you know loyalty You're gonna have to put in some work brother All right, you don't get to wear the stripes. You got to wear it all the time, too Don't take it off when the call's over. But do you have a legal question? I don't mean to get pissed but I'm serious You don't want me to get pissed, but I'm serious.

Do you have a legal question? Well, my boss, he canceled our benefits randomly one time just to save some money. You deserve it. You deserve it. I don't think you should have benefits. What are you so mad about, dude? I'm still a little irked about the cock draft to be honest with you. I'm sorry. I'm putting you on. You won. I know. I'm sorry, Mike, to be putting this on you but you know, we had a cock draft over here and you know. I knew you were still mad. Chapp was making some questionable. I'll be your lightning rod. I'll be your lightning rod. Oh. Rod, he said rod again. Yeah, that was good. Okay. All right,

Mike, let's leave on a good note like that. Love you, man. Have a good night, dude. Thanks for calling You know, you really shouldn't be mad you gotta be mad at jake jake's the one who screens the calls Yeah, I didn't I I wasn't in the I wasn't prepared to get like into that I saw what you guys were doing getting into you know, rolling with it. The call was good And it got kevin mad, which was entertaining Yeah, but I mean, you know, I'm gonna take the fall on that. I apologize, SkyGod. Are you gonna be mad about this Dong draft for the rest of the night? For longer. I just, no, no, I wasn't, but I just wasn't prepared for SkyDog's-

That's gonna be a can around his tail for a long time, and tail's not a pun for dick. Well, let me, I'm gonna apologize to SkyGod, because that guy, I remember him playing with us on Twitch a couple times You got smoked in the dick draft and he can't let it go Daddy took you to the woodshed and showed you had a nickname cock. Yeah, you know what? I picked it there cuz it's low-hanging Dongle berry fruit. That's right. I don't know cock balls cock balls

Kevin when I screen these calls you never really know what you're gonna get, you know? I thought we were doing legal questions. Sometimes you just gotta roll with it. Well, I try to get legal questions, but people are staying out of legal trouble. Oh. Well, I thought- It's a good thing. It's a really good thing.

I thought these people like asked for advice about things that happened. I didn't know we do scenarios. Yeah, most of the time they do, but sometimes you just, you know, you gotta fucking roll with it. But I like it, because dude, I'm with you, but I also like I get the blinders, like you're like, look man, I answer, I give life advice, I do not, I do not do scenarios.

Look, he was, I even like, I don't do scenarios. He was talking in like a sexual voice too. That was a funny way to set up, he's like, But that's like your style. Yeah, but I thought he was gonna get like, That's like, That was a funny way to set up. But that's like your style. Yeah, but I thought he was gonna get like, I thought it was gonna get better than that. You just looked in the mirror and you said, I don't like what I see.

Some people, you know, he just, I think he just, the scenario bombed. And, you know, it could have, you know, I don't know. I don't know. You know, that's you know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know neither.

You know, that's the thing, I don't know. I've been in this neighborhood for so long. Some of these scenarios, I ain't ready for them. Everything's changing so fast. Before the next call. You remember when we were kids, it was six shooters. Now everything's a 17 clip. I remember when we were kids,

we used to go back behind the dumpsters and get sucked off by those. That's where I was headed brother you beat me to it every time we used to get a lot ahead. Who sucked us off? Those street people. The street people. Street walkers. You know people judge them but they were good people. Those guys were those guys were. We gotta look out we gotta look out for the house in this community because they top a pair of us. Yeah. Who's looking for them. You know, I forgot about a lot of them. You remember the dumpster on fifth I moved on I went to college remember the dumpster on fifth half I got my degree the dumpster behind the Bloomingdale still there probably making people happy

Oh, I guess I was only done with that dumpster I get remember when we got sucked off together by that. Well, you never stopped going I used to have to go your mom used to call my house and say, where's Kev? And I'd say, I'd go get him. And he'd be mid-bust. Mid-bust. You remember the guy that used to suck us off? We called him The Mouth?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I remember that guy. You know, his real name was Lawrence. Lawrence? Yeah. Oh, he got that personal with you.

He never got that personal with me. You must have. No, I ended up running into him. He fixed my tires and did an alignment for me. Oh yeah, the multi-talented guy. Yeah, that's a good guy. Good people. Man for all seasons.

Good people back East. I used to season his mouth. Yeah, don't get a hat on. Wait, was that Boston or what did I just do? No, we're just street guys. We're street guys. Hey, uh, I don't want to, I don't mean to, I don't mean to get political guys, but you got Jake as a pretty nice couch.

Pretty nice couch to fuck. Have you fucked a couch? I haven't fucked a couch. I get get why that's political now. Jake have you fucked any couches? Because this looks like a fuckable couch. Did you pick it out because you wanted to fuck this couch Jake? No. Actually that couch was handed down to me by my... I'm gonna stay away from the creases on this bad boy because I'm getting an inkling. If I was to fuck a couch, this couch is very comfortable. I don't fuck the couch, no. Is that too political? I don't know, you guys, is that too political? Couch fucking? No. Should we take a call? Yeah, let's do it. I'm not judging that at all.

I'm disappointed in the lowbrow nature of political conversation in general across the board. You want to know my thoughts on it though? Yeah. I think he should have, you know, I'm disappointed in the lowbrow nature of political conversation in general across the board. You want to know my thoughts on it though? Yeah. I think he should have, you know, I know some good men who fucked couches when they were... Yeah, I don't think it's negative. But they're coming at him with more like they I think people are trying to say he did the nookie cookie thing in college now, too. I think... Oh, he looks like he has that look.

To me, all that stuff is a boon for his campaign What shows me to the couch fucking and it's like one of those things that guy if the people are saying you're a couch Fucker and it sticks you have to lean into the couch I just I liked it more when like the couch like when it used to be like hey Rod Stewart's got a gerbil up his ass or he swallowed ten pints of jizz and they had a pump his stomach But now it's all gone until like the people who might be president and call me old fashioned. I like thinking they didn't do that stuff. Even though I know they do. I like to keeping,

I like keeping politics a little Stepford cleaned up nice. Everybody knows a guy who knows a guy who fucked a couch. Family members have fucked a couch. Your friends have fucked couches. You know, you think that's true, but you meet a lot of people who don't know people who plow leather I'm just saying let's just saying just uh, that's what I've learned traveling this country if I'm advising it I'm saying you people you go out there door to door and you don't apologize for your couch fucking Because it's not look

Yeah, I'm about this thing about this. Imagine a dick draft with Clinton, George Bush, Obama and Joe Biden. I don't know if, does Trump wanna be on there? I don't know. Is that too many with Trump too? Five guys drafting? We're talking about their dicks? It's dick names, dick names.

We're not far away from it. Look, here's the thing. Hog is the best one. I can't do it. I've been saying for a long time, hog is number one. Now, listen, a lot of these guys, they don't even have a real pecker. They don't even have a real cock.

They shouldn't be using words like that. They don't even have it. Me, I've got a majestic hog. Are they doing a polling on the couch fucking? They're all, oh yeah, yeah. Like internal polling. Oh yeah, yeah, everybody. Fucking couches, sticks.

Okay, so like 83% of people in our chat said they would vote for a guy who effed his couch. But I think that's the wrong question. Would you vote for a guy who lies about not fucking a couch? Ask that Good call because he's not admitting to the couch fucking and we all know he did it We have a very important next caller nice he goes by the name of cream jeans Wow, that was a name of my first band. Yo.

Dude. Cream jeans. He heard us in the lab. Yeah, dude. Tell us your scenario, dude. What's going on, cream jeans? What fucking reptiles are you gonna talk about? Give us that sultry, creamy voice.

Let's hear it. What's up, friends? How's it going? Yeah, dude. We're all wearing jeans here. You guys saying creamy and dream doing? Yeah, dude. We're all wearing jeans here, but we're waiting for the cream. You guys staying creamy and dreamy? Yeah.

Hell yeah. What's going on, man? What ails you? Yo, what up? Yo, just first and foremost, I just want to say, I just want to say it's an honor to be able to speak to the Sevantha Stove talking about Chad, talking about Sean Thomas. Major shout out to Jake on the stick, just holding it down like absolute savage every week beast bro

And hey Kevin, what I did Jeans cringy you're even cooler than I expected Cream jeans is the king, dude? Presidente let's do a poll. What'd you vote for cream jeans? The cream jeans you were you ever banged a couch Never banged a couch bro Couch never never never stood me. Maybe my loins,. Maybe your couch isn't hot enough. I know, dude.

I don't know if it's the upholstery or what, man, but I've never done it. Never done it. JT, what are you doing? You fucking a leather couch or a suede couch? Me? I'm not pounding leather either. You're not pounding leather? No, on suede, we don't let that in the house.

It's an allergen. So what couch are you fucking? Man, for me, it was my teddy bear growing up and then I never went back. No, I'm saying you're fucking a couch. What couch are you fucking? I'm saying you're fucking a couch. You have to choose. I don't know. Maybe we got to go down to Ashley furniture and... See what appeals.

I'll see what it is. Did they let you test it out like trying ice cream flavors? Oh yeah, did we just miss that? We missed that. JT just said he fucked his teddy bear. It's big bro, it's like five footer. Dude, cream jeans, 93% of the chat says they'd vote for you. That's huge.

Oh, bro, love you guys so much. Legends. Shout out to the chat. Cream jeans, what ails you though, dude? for you. That's huge. Love you guys so much. Legends. Shout out to the chat. Cream jeans, what ails you though, dude? What ails me, bro? Well, I mean, speaking of fucking, I mean, we're talking about fucking couches, but this is a fucking situation, man.

Or it's about fucking, I should say. And I've got to give a preemptive apology to JT just because, you know, it is a quandary about hooking up. So I don't want to think, I don't know, that I'm like pussy bragging or anything here. But, um, so like my, my switch begins like with a three year dry spell, man. Um, COVID hit dude, I just got real focused on work. I actually moved to Mexico for a little bit. Long story short, three year dry spell. Anyway, it was just recently matched up with this girl on the apps and she's 24, super chill,

been getting along, everything's been going good. But she revealed to me that she's a virgin bros. So I'm not sure how to handle that. I know JT was a little bit late in the game to get in there, but I'm not sure how to handle that. I know I know JT was a little bit late in the game to To get in there, but I'm not sure am I making too much of a big deal about it I don't know if like, you know, I'm older. I'm in my early 30s. I'm 31 So I don't want to you know, I don't want to did you ask her why she picked you? Um, besides the fact that you're the cream-jean kind that you bring it every time?

I mean I think it was just based off of like first physical attraction just because the apps obviously it's like kind of like visual first and then got to know each other later and everything just kind of gelled and I think that's why. But yeah but yeah, here's, here's the thing is that like, um, so the deed has been done, uh, the, but now it's getting a little like, it's getting a little sketchy with like the Clingage. So, well, yeah. So you're worried, you're worried since you're her first, that she's going to feel a level of attachment to you. That's beyond what you're able to reciprocate right now.

So what I think you need to do is just talk to her about it. And look, she might tell you what you want to hear and she might not be able to understand her own subconscious motivations and she'll just keep going for you even though she says she doesn't care. And that's something you got to suss out on your own, but just talk to her about it. Hey, just so you know, here's where I'm at. I really like you But I don't see this developing as quickly or ever in the direction that you're feeling I don't know wait how you feel about it, but you know what I mean like yeah Yeah, absolutely. Like no, I'd like to definitely like like taking some space like in my communicated to this girl though Like I just want to like keep things casual for now get to know each other for a little bit

I mean because we just started like chill maybe like a month and a half ago So it's like she's already getting time like serious pretty quick. What does she look like? She's she's cute dude, she's 24. I mean young yeah Younger than I thought I'd be a little full to be honest around here blonde hair um Brown hair dude What what? Has she done anything? Brown hair, short. What's freaking you out?

Is it just that you found out she's a virgin, which obviously I understand why that would raise some antennas for you because you're like, oh my God, I'm her first and she waited a long time. Does that mean she has like real, you know, long-term vision for us or is she doing stuff now that's clingy? She's doing stuff now that's clingy but it's also you know it's also like a third mixture like a trifecta if you will of like there's like a little bit of like guilt like I'm not sure if it's like maybe because I'm older I just feel like I'm like gross like how old or if I'm like 31 and she's

24 so there's you know seven-year age gap so she not even being that clingy you just feel weird about it because now you know this thing and it's making you reassess the whole hookup it probably yeah she wouldn't have told me it probably wouldn't ever cross my mind I wouldn't be worried about it oh well then just proceed as if things are normal and then wait for talk to her honestly and say hey It kind of scared me that you were a virgin when we hooked up But you know you don't handle that you don't want to you don't want to like date her

Is that what is that? We try? Yeah, right? Yeah, like, you know, it's it's been it's been a little bit more about like being out of the game for three years You know since cove it and then you trying to get back into the game. So this is like, well, there's a 24 year old that wants to bang you. That's you're in the game. I'm back in the game. I'm back in the game, dude. So yeah, dude, I just don't want to like, you know, I'm not, I wasn't really like looking to like settle down right out, right out of the game. Would you, would you, would you want to date her if she hadn't have been a virgin when you guys first hooked up? Still kind of like I don't know I take a long time to kind of determine those things

I like to spend like at least a couple months with someone before I like to really like put a label on I mean Is she proposing to you? It sounds like you're What is she doing? That's so bad. It sounds like she just like like bro you should go to the Olympics for overthinking it dude I'm gonna stroke myself to this scenario I shouldn't have taken that shot bro I just got caught up in it dude just roast me bro no dude not like I'm right there with you don't have it's not we can be tag teams on the team. No, dude. No, the thing that really, uh, sketched me out was, uh, so she is, she is a Latina woman. Yeah. She has a, you said she has a big booty.

Yeah. Yeah. He was first attracted to her ass. You weren't listening. The ass was the first thing and he's all ass and then isn't that what you said? I am an ass man. Yes indeed. But no dude, she was legit saying that like She's already like talking about having kids and stuff with me and stuff. Whoa. Right, right, right. Damn. Kids are the best, man. That was the major red flag.

That was the red flag on the field for me. But is she having a serious discussion with you, or she made it, said it jokingly? Jokingly, but she was, I was just like, you know, like I know for myself that I'm not ready to be a father yet, for sure. Like, you know, I've self-evaluated that. Come on, baby.

More than a few times. What, you want me to sack up? No, you know, I've self-evaluated that. Come on, baby. More than a few times. You want me to sack up? No, you know, pun intended? No, I just mean, I can tell you got the stuff. Oh, you got, I got the stuff? Look, if me and Kevin can do it. You want to send Jake a picture of her so we can assess the situation? No, come on.

No, dude, I can't dox her out like that. No, we're not doing that. You want my honest you want my honest Advice Yeah, dude, of course, of course If you like her continue to date her if you don't like her just talk to her and then just not don't date her anymore So yeah, all right. Yeah, just don't want to break her heart man. Oh Yeah, but you're you bet. Yeah. Yeah, she just don't want to break her heart, man. Aww, yeah, I bet you're...

You're really? Yeah, yeah, she's not gonna get over you. She sounds like a spicy Latino with a big ass. She'll move on. I think Kevin nailed that. You think you're that great? You just had a three year slump? You know what, dude? He's gonna break up with her and he's gonna call her...

Set her free. He's gonna break up with her, he's gonna call her in six months and say I made a mistake. We know a guy who we know we know we know a guy who's looking for a girl. Joe? Maurice? Oh yeah. Big booty. He can handle a big ass. Yeah man, Kev's right. You just gotta break up with her dude.

It sounds like you don't like her because at most guys it's like, oh that's oh This hot 24 year old with a huge ass wants to fuck me. She wants to have babies with me. Boo hoo. That's why you were saying you were pussy bragging at the top. Yeah you weren't you are pussy bragging you shouldn't do that anymore. Oh man. Stop pussy bragging. You gotta, Kev's pissed about it.. Yeah, I'm pissed off about something else, but I mean... I mean... No, yeah, I just feel like, you know, just her being so young and stuff, but it's just weird that like she wants to move forward so quickly like that.

So I just felt like, you know, had to give a little bit of... Just to just have a conversation with her and say like, I really like you and then, but you know, the baby talk is a little too soon but or just break up with her. What if she's down for her frenies with Benny situation? See now, don't do that to her. Dream jeans man. Yeah. Jeans, I just had to ask. We have no sympathy for you. No. You took her, what do you call it? Her V cardcard. What's less creepy? Yeah, her V-card. If you like saying flower or cherries, that's creepy. No, that's not good. She obviously, she likes you, but she's hot and she can do better, so let her do better. Yeah, you started off strong with me. Now we're ending strong against you. K-Dog throwing up the smoke, dude.

What up, dog? I'm pissed off about the cock draft. So don't take it personally. Dog. I'll love the K-Dog. It's tough breaking up with someone, but it is the, in this instance, like Kevin said, if you're not into her,

it's the more noble thing to do. And so that's the man thing to do is to man up and You know live with the fact that you hurt someone but that you let him off with less hurt than they could have suffered. Otherwise Yeah, for sure. I guess this is because it's like her first time and everything It's like I just wanted to be able to look back in like 20 years and be like, you know That guy was a total piece of shit You got a better shot at that if you break up with her than if you string her along for a long time. I think he was trying to self deprecate there, but he did too much pussy bragging.

It didn't work. Yeah, bro, I'm getting so much pussy, bro. It's been three years and I haven't gotten any. Finally get some, bro. You got to you got to rain on my parade, dude. I feel you. No, well, hey, man, look, you both got more. I want you to continue to bang her. In your future. She'll be OK, man. You'll be OK. She'll be dude. I feel you. No, well, hey, man. Look, you both got more heartbreak in your future. She'll be okay, man. You'll be okay, she'll be okay. It's all right.

And you're a good guy. She won't think you're a piece of shit. And it's okay if you don't like her, like just after me. It's okay. I would be upfront with her. You don't have to marry every girl. Even if she lost her virginity, dude, if you're not feeling it, just be honest with her. Yeah, that'd be a good stroke, Sesh. She's in my spank bank. I'm telling you, I already have her pictured in my... She's up there.

Short hair, big ass, Latina. Hey, cream jeans? Keep calling. I'll refer her to Joe, man. Keep calling, brother. Yeah. Yeah, refer her to Joe. Yeah, Joe will make her forget, or maybe not.

For real, I'll be here to stay in touch, y'all. Dude, you're the man, Cream Jeans. Thanks for calling in. Yeah, always chase your dreams and always Creamy Jeans. What up? Peace out. Love y'all. Love you, brother.

Great sign off. Nice. Maybe if she just played her this call, then it'd make it a little easier for her to just move on. Yeah. That's a good call. Yeah. She'd send it to her.

I don't know how much time you guys got, but there was one chick in chat who said she wanted to call in when Kevin asked for chicks. Do we get a chick? Yeah. Do we give her a call? Do we see what it's about? I mean, this is a rare idea. Yeah, let's do it. We gotta do it. Dude, we got a chick? Do we give her a call? Do we see what it's about? I mean, this is a rare idea. Yeah, let's do it.

We got it, dude. Yeah, let's do it. Have you all ever called in? Yeah, we've had a girl call in before. Nice. And we handled it well. We were gentlemen. Nice.

We gave good advice, but it was similar to advice we would give even to a guy. And we said we were cool, but we were the same. Now, just to clarify, I did screen the call, but, you know. You don't know if it's a, it could be a catfish type of situation. Yeah, it may go south. Okay, well, let's give them a chance.

If it's a dude, I'ma lose it. When I was single, I had no range limit on my dating profile. Yeah, what? I would drive 80 miles. What chick is watching your live stream? Hello. Hello. Whoa. Hello. Be cool, be cool. 80 miles. What chick is watching your uh your live stream? Oh Hey, what's up? How are you? How's it going? Salutations. How are you guys? It's cool to call in. We're just fucking chilling and shit

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, nothing This is bub kiss babe from the chat I remember you it's good to see you again. What's your scenario? Thanks for calling in. So. Yeah, I also just wanted to say, Kevin, you had a fire list, so don't feel so bad. Thank you, did you vote for me?

No, don't do that. I totally did, I actually did. Thank you, see? I'm in line, thank you. No, I've been fan of you guys for a bit, so. Oh, thanks. Appreciate me. Thanks for a bit, so appreciate me. Thanks for tuning in, thanks for calling in. Thank you for listening.

Yeah, and it was super cool to meet Jake at the San Diego event. Oh, you met Jake? Yeah, we chatted at the merch table. Nice. But you didn't meet Chad and JT here? So we met at the San Diego perennium signing event. Oh, that was a great day. Lot of fun.

Yeah, that was super cool. Nice. We had a nice chat about The Crown, the TV show. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Nice. That was deep into The Crown. The Crown's the best.

I wish I could re-watch that. Good. So is anything ailing you? Yeah. Actually I have an interesting neighbor situation. So yeah, I've got these neighbors. We live in a duplex. And they are a little bit of snitches.

I had a subleaser and they told the landlord. I was out and I had a medical issue and I had to leave for a number of months and so I had someone stay in my spot. It's wicked expensive in San Diego. And they went and they told the landlord, this is a little while back. And my whole thing is like it's just a little bit awkward now and I'm not really sure what to do and like how to handle it. And it turns out that these neighbors are also swingers. We are the only people who share the unit. And my whole thing is you can't be swingers and

snitches. Like you have to choose one. You can't. Well, you gotta now, sounds it's not a legal question but I think it's sort of bordering on it. Suppose it is bordering legal. Suppose so. So, do you rent from the same landlord? I sure do. Okay. and then it's your neighbor. My roommate, myself, and them, just four of us in this house. It's one floor is our unit and the other floor is theirs. Who did you... And before we get into that, the legal side of it, do you hear the swinging? Like, do you hear people fucking?

Because I feel like swingers are screamers. Like, they're in it for, right? They're in it for the experience. So they're like over the top, right? Right, they want to get the money's worth and they want to play the part. Shh, shh, shh. Well, I suppose they don't do it here very often,

but there has been a time where a girl came and thought that I was my neighbor and was like, oh, are you so and so? And I was like, nope, they're upstairs. And then we did hear them after that. Oh, was it loud or was it like faint? Faint, faint. I just want these people to be kind and respectful. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, that's a dick move. I think you gotta, but how do we get kindness and respect?

I think we gotta ask a question. I think we gotta make kindness and respect happen. So what I would do is I would bait and switch them. I would have one of your friends who's good at seduction, meet them at the grocery store they go to, say she wants to swing with them, but for her to do that, she needs to crash at their place for a week. When she's staying there, call the landlord and say that they illegally

have someone staying at their place. You guys are geniuses. Oh my God. I want to hear more about this. And then as they're getting in trouble, they'll also be horny. Yeah. I think that's fantastic.

I think plan B, if I may, send Joe in to swing with them. And you know, it could go either way. It could be that they're so great. Yeah, send Joe in. He's got a huge dick. Yeah, because Joe has a monster rod. Do you think Joe would be good at swinging though? He's not no, yes, and he'll be bad at swinging But he'll be good at giving the wife the best night of her life and the guy will never recover the rocker

Yeah, I mean this could be you could be planting an insidious seed. Yeah literally literally Then what if they make on me like what if they find out Because like I said, they're swingers and snitches. I don't think they would, but you know. Yeah, you just got to tell Joe just to go up and be like, hey, do you swing? And then not to be like, yeah, bupkis babe sent me. Yeah, so that, I think that is the, you got to call them while Joe's pounding and be like, there's swinging going on. But then that's hard to prove the swinging.

How many people do you need it to be a swing? If Joe's just banging your neighbor, that's just banging. You need a whole group of people. I would call it like two couples together was what it was. Oh, so Joe needs a girlfriend to go there. So I don't really know how this works. Yeah, everyone has different rules for how they play. I do think swingers too can sometimes be very like rule based people.

Like they're like, we only swing with these kind of people. We have to have this kind of, they make it very like legislative the way they get down. Have you considered pivoting off that? Doing religious things at your place to kind of throw off the sexy vibe. Actually, why part of why we got like in trouble, not to totally get into it, but they didn't like that my subleaser

was having Shabbat dinners in the backyard. And they were like super quiet, very low key. So they're anti-Semitic swingers? That's what you were wondering. The plot thickens. My subleaser, she was like just doing these like really low-key like shabbats in the backyard Friday night kind of deal. And I was like that sounds nice, but they didn't like it. Yeah

I see in the chat swinging is illegal or not illegal. I mean, if you're hosting a swingers party, I don't know if it's technically illegal. I think the law is nuisance. So if you're creating a nuisance, your neighbors or the people that surround you have a right to what's called quiet enjoyment.

Okay, that's the legal term of art. Quiet enjoyment. It doesn't literally, I guess you could literally mean, it means quiet enjoyment, but that is the word. And so if you're fucking loudly and multiple people are fucking loudly a lot. That's genius. Just keep calling the cops that they're boning too loud. But yeah, you can't regulate boning per se, but maybe a swingers party. My wife, she called in and was like, there's literally a fuck mountain next door.

Yeah. But if you're operating like a swingers bitch. And the chairlift's running on 2X. Are these people, I'm imagining swingers are usually not hot. Am I? No, they're hot. They're actually really hot. Okay. What's a little bit insulting is that,

and honestly I've never asked you to swing. They've never asked you to swing? But it's a little insulting. So now we're really getting to the heart of it. Oh, you wanna swing. Yeah. Oh, you wanna swing. You wanna swing in here.

Or you don't wanna swing, but you at least wanna be like- You wanna be invited into the party. You want them to look at you and like wonder, like should we invite her, should we not? You want them to be like that. Do you have a boyfriend? I want them to ask. Okay, so I used to live here with my partner

and he left, we split, and so I have a roommate now. And we were convinced for so long that they wanted to hook up with him because they used to come over whenever I wasn't home and just spend all of this time with my former partner and they have been not as kind to me since he's left. Yeah and they wanted they wanted him and they haven't given you the same interest and you're like I'm not chop-liver like why don't they want to get out of my guns? Jake has informed us that you are very attractive. Oh my Jake.

I think he has a little crush on you or something, but we got a little note. I don't know why he wrote that and I'm not going to say that, but it's ridiculous why you can't be invited to the swinger party. I thought swinging is about fucking. It is. And to be honest, I don't know much about swinging, but I think I thought they're usually like unattractive. So wouldn't you want to up the attractiveness to get the stereotype? And they're they're very good looking for sure.

But they're not for me because they're my neighbors and they're not nice. Yeah, but like I would say my number one rule is like So let me ask you if something's gonna happen you have to be nice. That's my number one. Yeah, they sound like d. If something's going to happen, you have to be nice. That's my number one. Yeah, they sound like dicks. Because you can count on kindness. But maybe I think you got to just flirt with them and get the power. Put them on their heels a little bit. These swingers, they think they're the coolest, edgiest people in the building and they feel like they've put you in your place.

They won't even have you have like multicultural subletters. I think you got to find a way to say, Hey, look, like you might have to out swing them. Wait, maybe I should join one of those apps and they'll like see me on the app. This is some intrigue. This will keep you busy. I mean, I think it's a summer of bubkis babe got her groove back. Damn, I was just in San Diego. I could have investigated this. Yeah, I could have knocked on their door, done a little legal investigation.

Dude, yeah, you should. Oh, I know you should do it. You should you should quote unquote, you should quote, you should quote unquote serve them, right? But when they're like, what am I getting served? It's Joe's dick. Yeah yeah I could have brought Joe down and well what Joe a lawyer yeah yeah he is of sorts he does research he's an adjudicator he does research yeah it's fancy but wait you're a legend bubkiss thank you for calling in thank you for

bringing the gal energy. Would you go on a date with Joe? Would you go on a date with Joe? With who? With Joe? You don't know Joe? I don't know who this person is, but maybe. Okay, then.

Okay. Well, then we'll let Jake set it up. Let's let her escape. Thank you so much. Thank you for calling in. Thanks, Bubkiss. Appreciate you, dude. Have a great night. You too.

Yo, Kev, what the fuck? Yeah, that was insane. Come on, bro. I'm giving you some inside info here and you just want to put it on blast? Hey man. Hey man, we're, we're, we're entertaining. We're entertaining, man. We're trying to be fun. Yeah, she's super cool and I'm glad she called in. Thanks for calling. Well done, well done, Jay. I feel good about this episode. I think that was a lot of fun. There's a lot to it. Yeah. Yeah, Kev, you always bring it, man. We didn't get any legal. That was sort of a legal question.

Yeah. Yeah. Next time we'll give more. We didn't have a big runway for this one. Next time we'll give it a week or two and we'll really pile up the legal advice. Yeah. Do you feel like you haven't kind of gotten all your energy out? It looks like you're still a loaded gun. What do you want to say? No, I think Jake, I mean, we put it out there and it's fine.

You know, it's a compliment. You don't have to be mad at daddy. What? I thought Jake was mad at daddy. Oh. No, I'm not mad to be bad at daddy What Jake was? You know, I'm still thinking about the the cock draft Okay, so we gave it we gave it I think we I think we gave good stuff here and yeah we did we did a song We talked about fucking couches. We had a female caller.

It was great. Yeah. You should feel good, man. You're great. What are you doing? I think you honestly know what it is. When we're at the studio, you're sitting up're you have to you're forced to be engaged here we're like but I think I think it is that's the vibe of the pun I know it is if I'm not I'm not kind of thing I'm not criticizing it I'm just telling you

me I'm sort of getting a little relaxed and I'm usually right you're like in between energies you don't know if you're Kevin who's on or the other Kevin that I haven't met. You know, I'm feet are exposed. You know, but we did it. He's been doing, he did this last time he came on. Remember, he like got a... The couch messes with him.

Yeah, he spirals a bit. Maybe I just want to, maybe I just want to fuck the couch. Who knows? Maybe that's... Also, Kevin,vin was the first episode we ever did on this couch. Oh, yeah. Yeah He took the couch's v-card. Oh Oh, hey speaking of that All right. Well kevin. Thanks for stopping. Oh, do you want to

Might as well promote the show while we're here. Yep. Did you you do it dude, you do it. Alright, August 14th will be the second, that's right, the second Bros Before Joe's show at the Comedy Store. It's in the Belly Room. It's August 14th. It's a Wednesday night at 10.30. We know it's sometimes tough to get out there, but the last show, we appreciate everybody that came out. We sold it out and we're going to attempt to keep doing that but everybody

come on out we have a couple special things in between we're doing Jeopardy with the recent nine-time Jeopardy champion and we're gonna bring him in and we're gonna do Call of Duty Jeopardy and Dongsongs. What else are we doing? We might have a couple other things in between. Who do we have booked? We have Robbie Hoffman, George Perez, Andrea Jin. Yep.

Great lineup. Isaac is the Jeopardy champion and he'll be doing some comedy too. I think I'm gonna bring in Amir to do a dong song with me. Oh nice. And do an original. And... You've been, the people should know you and Joe were the main drivers behind the show and you guys have been putting a ton of creative energy into it and the first one was a smash. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, come hang out with all coming coming on the whole, the whole squad. We'll make sure we'll make sure to take our shoes off. Come on out, guys. Come on.