Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 427 - "I Shave my WHOLE BODY" with Samuel Orson

Episode Date: February 20, 2026

Today we are joined by an absolute legend, Sam Orson - Our friend and comic who has recently found success with POV stand up comedy after spending years as a musician. Sam opens up about how he full shaves his whole body and has been doing it since he was 6. We take some EPIC calls from the stoke hotline. TWO BROS call in needing more T - is wrestling the best source for this? Also, a disturbed wife calls in about her husbands homemade bidet and the bros get heated over whether its chill or not.   MORE OF SAM HERE: https://www.instagram.com/samuelorson/?hl=en CHECK OUT OUR NEW YOUTUBE SERIES: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkxsXCzRgw0YnogF0Q-t8o0devtOBPQTZ We are live streaming a fully unedited version of the pod on Twitch, if you want to chat with us while we're recording, follow here: https://www.twitch.tv/chadandjtgodeep Grab some dank merch here:https://appreeshapparel.com/ Come see us on Tour! Get your tix - http://www.chadandjt.com TEXT OR CALL the hotline with your issue or question: 323-418-2019(Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice) Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/ Thanks to our Sponsors: BLUECHEW - GET ROCK HARD TODAY WITH THE BEST WINGMAN, Bluechew. Visit https://www.bluechew.com and use code GODEEP for 10% off!  MOMENTOUS: High Quality Supplements - get 35% off today - Go to https://www.livemomentous.com  And use promo code “godeep” at checkout . PRODUCTION & EDITS BY: Jake Rohret

This is my experience. When you're a teen and you grow up and they're like drugs are the worst thing you could ever do. If you ever do drugs, you'll lose your mind instantly and you'll become a psycho. That was my thought. And then you like are around them and you try some of them and you're like, oh, they're not even that bad at all. This is it? And then you're just, and then you just get into this world where you're like, you just want to be hardcore. There's a lot of cachet in it when you're young.

Like the guy who like does drugs is kind of like, there's one of them who's like one of the cool. There's like the football player's really cool. And then there's a really cool party guy who like breaks the lawn and stuff like that. Yeah. But the really cool football guys can probably have going to have a better future. Oh yeah. So like the really cool drug guy, I'm always like, it doesn't have a great expiration on it.

Like you want to maybe shed that identity faster. Yeah. It's not a good path. Yeah. But I think it's a big thing too because I was the same way in our high school where they're like, I remember the teacher like grabbed an apple and he's like, if you smoke weed, you smash. the apple was like your brain this is your brain not

how strong was this guy he was his name was uh wrestling coach or so he was for a while he taught he taught the uh the holocaust class he was like uh he was like the football coach that taught the holocaust class wow what a beast and uh yeah so he was like if you smoke weed you can go schizophrenic you this is your brain turns to fucking applesauce or

whatever yeah and so you're like oh holy shit and then you smoke weed you go well that wasn't even bad at all yeah heroin's probably not even that bad then like if they're saying this is bad. Yeah, they're lying about that. They're probably lying about this. Yeah. Yeah, fearmongering doesn't work. They should be more measuring and be like, look, if you smoke a lot of weed now, you'll probably end up at best, lower management. You'll have a lot of bosses and you won't be able to afford to go on vacations. And then you'd be like, oh, fuck, man. That's actually really scary. Yeah, it's like, moralistic, yeah. That's hilarious. Yeah, that's a, dude, you should come back. We got JT to come in here. He's like, look, yeah,

you probably, you know, best you could do is maybe the Gulf Coast. for like a weekend once every couple years and it's going to be a couple day trip no one's going to like where you're staying it's going to just be fresh the whole time you're just so stressed about money you can't even enjoy it every time your kid asks for something you're going to be shaking a little bit then you're going to smoke more weed it's just a bad mutually reinforcing cycle man you're going to you're going to peek and then you know you're going to look back on the glory days and then you're going to try to smoke weed again it's not even going to feel the same and you're going to be like man what is there to life and then you'll probably kill yourself

yeah your wife will probably leave you for somebody who's more educated it's just going to hurt man Don't do it. Yeah. So maybe just wait to do it. Wait, so you partied hard in, like, college and stuff? Yeah, I'm sober. And I was, I went to AA. I did all the AANA stuff.

But I was like, this was like after college. College is pretty traditional, you know, just partied like everyone else. And then after everybody kind of got jobs and figured it out. And I was like, I had a startup that I left and then was just playing in bands. And that's when I was like slowly, because I had like, during the day, I didn't really have much to do. So I'd like, party a bunch and it would be like the thing where yeah it's tough and you don't have a structured day no struggle and i'm like now that i'm like sober like oh i crave that and i need it if like anything

any like if i have my plan for the day if it changes slightly i like like like fucking to spas out right now because this is not how i thought it was going to go but yeah and i just feel you know bad for my parents looking back because i would do like that kind of shit where they would call and i'd be like so you couldn't even talk really and i'd have like these 20 minute conversations with them when i'd be like just rambling Not like talking like a like a muttering. Like this, shit like that. And like they're like what is wrong?

And they couldn't do anything. You know, what are they going to do? Your parents are religious, right? Yeah, we're all Mormon. Right. So that's a big deviation from the norm there. Big dee. I mean, technically there's a lot of that, you know, at the end of the day,

Mormons are kind of just like another group of people. But so it does happen. And a lot of my, you know, family members who do decide to go down that path, have a hard time with it. You know, I don't, you know, people always ask. ask if I have something to do with it really, I have no idea if it really does or not, if it was just... You're hardwiring or...

Yeah, and people were... At the end of the day, too, it was like... People think it's like from some sort of trauma or something, but it's really like, oh, I liked the way it felt and it was fun, and then it kind of deteriorated. I think a lot of the time, when you go to AA, you hear, like, I feel like people try and justify it in some way about their past or their mindset or one thing I always hated, which never made it sense to me is people would get in my face and be like, alcoholics are built differently. There's like this certain chemical in your gut that when you drink it, it makes you

crave it more. And I'm like, I don't know if that's even true at all. Like that doesn't like we have like a special inside. Yeah, I have kind of a similar issue with a lot of, because I think recovery really works. Yeah. But sometimes when there's like grand unifying theories, I'm always like kind of resistant to that where they're like either there's like the core wound one where it's like, look, something happened to you across the wires and this is how you mend that. And I'm like, I don't think that's maybe that's me, but I don't think it's that guy. Oh yeah, for sure. There's always exceptions to everything, I guess. Man.

Guys, we're here today with Sam Orson. Yeah, we've been rolling for a while. Oh, shit. We're here with the Sam Morrison. Oh, I just said it was a joke. Dude, part of the reason, and part of the reason I wanted to have you on, we've been buddies for a while. Yeah, yeah.

You're a great guy, hilarious guy. Super talented guy. You mentioned you do music. You like rip at the piano. We talked one time about like your theater performances and like the visuals that you would put on during the shows. It's like super intricate. You have like a successful white collar.

You're kind of good at everything. And then you got these videos blowing up on the internet right now. We're finally. Yeah, we're finally getting some motion boys. You got some critical mask going. And I heard about them not from following you. Jake brought them up to me last time we did a podcast. And I didn't know they were yours.

And so Jake was like, yo, there's this dude online who does these videos who's like, I'm recording these for my own safety. Yeah, yeah. That's him, dude. Really? I didn't know that. This is him. That's fine.

So one of the things I love about that, too, is I don't like I like being anonymous kind of and like all the stuff I do I don't really like being seen so something like this is hilarious because you're very handsome that's such a handsome guy

that's such a handsome guy thing to do like all the bands I played and I always had these intricate masks because you can never know what I was and I like Tom Hardy always wearing something and covering these movies because obviously I'm thankful

for people who like what I do but like I'm kind of like a private guy and I don't like the idea of being stopped or like I don't I like people to know, like, the stuff I'm working on and the stuff I'm proud of. But you don't want to be famous as a person. Yeah, not necessarily.

It just, uh, it creates just like a lot of stress for me. So I'm much rather like something like this where I can have the camera pointing away from me and people just like what it is. It's like, oh, this is way nicer because I just, you know, I don't like being stopped in the grocery store. Obviously, I'm, you know, happy when it happens. And like, we did a spot the other night and there was like some people that came up to me after. and they're like, we're a fan of your videos. We looked on your, you know, your tagged photos to see where you're performing. Because I usually don't like posting the spots I'm performing if it's only like five to

10 minutes because to get people to come out who maybe don't go to comedy that often. And they're like, oh, we want to come see you. And then I just do like five to ten minutes. I feel like I'd rather, I want you to come to like the 45 minute sets or whatever. But like they were seeking it out and they were like big fans of what it was. and they're like, I thought you were going to be like way younger. Because I think, because all the fans, like if you look at the people, they're like 16 to like 21. That's great, dude.

You can age with the demo. I think that's beautiful. But then I'm like a 35 year old unc that's just like way older than they would ever anticipate. Sure. They're 5 year old unc. Dude, I'm so unc. It's crazy. But I'm also like probably the youngest guy in L.A.

when it comes down to it, like in terms of like the 16 to 21 year old group of people. those are my guys. Yeah. Whenever I do a show and it's like, oh, that's the age group. I'm like, I'm about to fucking crush. Yeah, yeah. And anytime it's like a little bit older, sometimes they love it and sometimes like it doesn't quite,

they're not quite sure what's going on. But the younger kids are the best because they just get it right away and they're down to be silly. I don't need to make some strong political points or anything like that. I can just goof off and they love it. And have you always had this kind of desire to stay anonymous? Like, was there something that? that spark that stress about being seen?

No, I mean, not specifically. It's just, I just like, um... It's because you're Mormon. It could not be. It always comes back to that, doesn't it? It always comes back to being Mormon, no, but it's a... And you're also very jacked, so are you worried that people are going to critique your physique? Always, dude.

Yeah. But I wasn't always, when I was drinking, I was this same height and I was 135 pounds. So I was like 75 pounds lighter than I am now. So, if you don't mind me saying, you're still not that. heavy considering how tall and jacked you are. I know. I know. So it's,

too, fucking spiraling. Spirling. Spirling right now. You sent me a text after the podcast. You're like, you rude bitch. You fuck my shit up.

No, but that's like a mental thing that like is hard for me because when I, when I lose weight or I'm getting skinnier, I associate it at that time in my life. So if I'm like, lose your way of getting skinny. I'm like, oh,

you're a drug addict again. You're like going back to the, even though it's not really true. And it might be like a little bit of a, you're French. disorder or whatever but always trying to get bigger

just to like kind of like move past that because it was so funny too when I was like super skinny I would like look in the mirror and be like you look fucking awesome dude you look so good and I was like you can see

every single one of my ribs and like just looked like a disgusting like Matthew McConaughey and the AIDS movie yeah exactly like that AIDS movie is a better title AIDS movie

and that AIDS movie man but I think just being anonymous I think it's just like I'm a very uh private guy and I just like having like those areas in my life life separate like I was even with these videos coming up like I've a lot of people will say the same thing like oh you got to find someone to get your face in there and it's like I don't really want that you know no it's like John Wilson too has had great success just doing it from like his POV yeah yeah there's something artistically interesting about it. It's nice too.

And then it's also, you know, kind of like at that point, there's no question like, oh, people like this guy because he's funny and he's good at what he is. There's none of the, you know, oh, he's a tall guy. So people just like him because. You don't want people to think that it's, you don't want it to do well because of your looks. So this is a great way to like be like, this is good because it's good. Yeah. And I always, you know, felt that way.

I just, but that's always something that comes up, not just, you know, with me, but with a lot of, especially like, you know, girls, like, you know, like, girls, people only like her because she's hot or whatever, like, right. And so to completely remove that, just, um, just puts all the focus on whatever you're making to, you know, just, I don't know, make it as authentic as possible. Yeah, and I just, I just like keeping my, my shit private. Like, I don't talk, you know, a lot of comedians will, get really personal with personal stories and stuff like that. And I appreciate that when I see it. But I'm like, oh, there's no way I could ever do that. Like, I'm never going to do that to my, I'm never going to talk about my family on stage. Because one, I feel like they're also private.

And that's like, they didn't sign up for it. They didn't sign up for this. You know, they don't want me to talk about this kind of stuff. So anytime I do talk about like personal stuff or life stuff, I kind of throw it through like a surreal metaphorical lens. So it's like still like the true story. And it's like the truth behind what I'm talking about is real. but it's completely masked and something else that's like, um,

just more surreal, more fun and more goofy. Yeah, you gave me, you gave me a lift home from the story one time and I remember you told me, you were like, I don't really want comedy to be to be my main thing because then I would have to like, make compromises and how I do comedy.

Like you like having it be a passion rather than a profession to an extent. Yeah. And I think that changed after I was doing music for a while because when I was younger, I had it in my head. I don't even know when it came, but like, oh, I have to be a rock star. Otherwise, I have to be like the world's biggest rock star. Otherwise, you know, my life is meaningless. And then, you know, I held myself to like that weird standard.

And then it like just like after I got a little bit further along, I'm like, oh, like this lifestyle and what I'm doing. I don't even really like doing this. Why am I like forcing myself to do this? So that's kind of like the approach I took with comedy, which is like a little bit more chill. of I like doing this. The main reason I like doing it is because the people and it's fun to hang out with the diversity of like,

I'm not just talking about, you know, like racial diversity, but there's so many different types of like thinkers and ways people see the world. And like I think for the most part, comedians are a group of people who can hang around people who see the world like very differently

and not freak out about it. You know, they can be in the same room and they can be on the same shows. And that's something that was really appealing to me. So for me, like with comedy like I love it and I'm having you know some decent success with it but at any point in my life I'm like oh I am not enjoying this anymore like I have like no problem being like I'm not gonna do it anymore then yeah you know that's cool and that's what I see with a lot of you know not just

comics but artists who have been doing it for 15 20 years and you can tell it's like hey your life is like complete shit now and like you're unhappy and this thing that you know say you love is actually like ruining your life. Lay off me, dude. Like it's, I know, like, it's,

you spend a lot of time in it, but like, you can always, you can pull the, you can pull the shoot. Yeah. And it really does not take that much time to like, reconfigure to your life.

Yeah. Something that will actually make you happy. Because, yeah. I feel like people will just like jam whatever, you know, dream they had as a kid, like,

down their own throat for. Yeah, because if you say it's all or nothing in this thing, it's really hard to say, okay, it was nothing. That's a hard. Yeah. And that's not, yeah, it's a hard.

And I just swallowed that with music, you know. Yeah. It's nice for athletes almost where it's like, you have to be done. You can't delude yourself. It's like, bro, you're 40. You're not going to make the NBA. Dude, I was so deletion.

You got a pop in ACL. My dad's a tall guy. My dad played college ball. And I remember, I was like, this is after I graduated college. My backup plan legitimately was to play in the NBA. I had never played high school basketball. never played basketball seriously, but I'll just start like hooping like seriously and then I'll just go play in the NBA if like things go really bad for me. That's all like delusional like my

mindset was back then. What kind of rock band was it? This was like I played in a few. So I'd play drums and other people's bands and they were usually like psych indie bands. And then in my own project, it was called shit ghost. I still do music underneath it. But it's a, that's more of like a psychedelic art rock. You played it for me. It's really cool. It's, it's, it's, it's, trippy yeah it's like kind of like 80s shoe gaysy talking heads style music um but very very artsy like it's supposed to be like kind of a show and like speaking like the theatrics of it like so me and my the drummer who was a good friend from high school we you know we had these masks that we would wear and then we'd also have like contortionists on stage we'd have like the aerialists um we'd have like all

the it was kind of it was very very wookey at some points too we'd have like the jugglers and the hula hoopers. But the contortionist was always the coolest part because we had some of these slower ballad songs and he would like just get up on the center of the stage

and like bend his head back and like put his face right in front of his nuts like this. Oh, that's awesome. And it was like... Kevin, our buddy Kevin would love that. Why? He'd try to suck his own dick or something like that.

Oh, he would love that. Yeah, yeah, I know Kevin. Kevin's so funny. But yeah, it's also when I, you see that you get, you realize because as a kid you're like oh, like sucking your own dick, that's like a total fantasy.

you like that's not something that really has it's only something that happens in your dreams and right after it happens you wake up but then you see like if you work hard at it like just about anybody can can do it he was telling me i couldn't do it because like the way my body i'm too tall and like the way just your structure structure would make it very difficult do you have a lot of dreams like that uh not anymore man uh not so not so many i mean i i i'm a big lucid dreamer i get i get into that pretty serious way i set my i set my alarm for uh it's probably bugs audrey so bad but like six a. Yeah.

I don't wake up till like seven, but I'll set it like 545, six and then I hit the snooze like six times. Yeah. Because when you're in that zone, those 10 minutes where you fall back asleep, it's just like you're wide awake and whatever's going on.

Yeah. It doesn't, and you need kind of like a rolling start. It's hard to get up right at the first alarm. Yeah. I was, you know, I tried that for a little bit where I was like,

oh, I can put my phone and like on the other side of the room and wake up and go over there. And I'm just like, this is so like, I'll throw, I throw, if I, if I, this is like how bad of a structure I need. If I wake up at a different time that I'm used to, like 30 minutes earlier, I'll throw up for like the first like 15 minutes of the day. You'll throw up?

Like my body is like so confused about what's happening. Interesting. So like that's one of those things like, I'll use with the comedy and like I'm not like a road. Like I can't be like waking up in different time zones every day. Like it just does not sit well with me like even even physically like it makes me like legit. it's sick to mess up with like the structure that I like my body like rejects it. And you you, one thing I like, but you very clear boundaries too. And one of my favorite things he told me is that if he's a part, if you had a party or

whatever it is, when it hits 11, you're out. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Hard out. That kind of happened last night too. And I try and so I try and set these expectations with people before I go. So it's not a problem. Especially like if I'm with my girlfriend and we are going somewhere together.

and you know you guys know Audrey she likes to talk to people I say okay here's super social here's the thing and I'll say this at 10 a.m. in the morning when they're doing the morning you know debrief I go okay we're going to this party tonight 11 o'clock is when I'm when I'm leaving for sure and then almost every single time 11 o'clock comes around and so he goes oh it's do you want to stay for like 15 it's like it's 11 o'clock we said 11 o'clock we're out and we're moving and uh so it kind of happened like last night it was like oh I was like like 1045 is when we're leaving. 10.45 it's time to go.

And then, you know, we're trying to walk out of there and just saying goodbye to every single person. And I'm just like... She doesn't do Irish goodbyes. She can't do it like I can. I just walk right out. Yeah. And it's just...

Yeah, but I feel like if you set that expectation to people beforehand, there's no like... Because I don't want them to feel bad. They're like, oh, I'm not having a good time. I'm out. So if I tell them, like, in the morning, like, oh, yeah, I'm going to come tonight. I'm leaving at 11.

I only have so much fun juice now too But I went to Jack Fink's birthday And I don't really go out that much But I went out to his party And I was having a good time for like 45 minutes And then I just felt Everything go out of my body

And I was like talking to someone I like I was talking to like Chimbor and I was like I just gotta get the fuck out of here I didn't think about anyone I just went Oh yeah see I love I can't do that anymore Of like the It's like being in like a social prison That we create for ourselves

There's nothing keeping you there There's nothing that's like you have to stay here. There's no like actual prison, but there's like this feeling when you're like with a group of people, you can be like in the green room. You could be like at a party where it's like, oh, I want to go. But like you're like, I have to stay. I have to wait for a commercial. I have to wait for a little in the conversation.

No, you don't. You can just get up and go. That's the thing when you're real. Like when you're in high school or like college age, you're not allowed to leave. There's some voice in your head that's like, well, I'm not having a good time. And I kind of look like I'm not having a good time. but I have to stay. And then, I don't know, once you get to like 33 or something, you're like, I can leave.

Yeah. Yeah, some people probably have it earlier. Some people probably have later. For me, that was my jury. Yeah, and that's one thing I've like, I'm much more happy with as I got older is just that like, the ability to set boundaries and have people like, I think people respect them for the most part. Like, no, there's no peer pressure anymore when you're 35, really. And if your friends are peer pressureing you at 35, like what? They have probably like a serious problem that needs to be a drink.

Yeah. If your friend's like, oh, do you want to smoke this cigarette? Like, no, I don't want to. Dude, you got to smoke. I've been smoking some cigarettes once in a while. You see me smoke. Yeah, you cheefing it right out. That's kind of how I celebrate.

Like, where was that? I had a show on Saturday. And it like went well and I was happy. And it was just a good day overall. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to smoke a cigarette today. That's kind of my thing. Oh, that's awesome.

Yeah. I like it more than the vape right now. Yeah. I, you know, I've never, I never, I don't think I've ever, I've smoked a cigarette or two, but I've never really like. I think they're nastier than the vape. Right. Like, because they smell.

But you get the, how's your, how's the buzz? I think the hits harder. Like, I think it hits harder. Yeah. It feels more potent to me. Yeah. But, like, you can smoke the vape in the car. I smoked a cigarette in my car.

Oh, that's crazy. And, like, it stunk for like two days. I didn't want to drive. I was like, I can't bring my kids in this. I got the car cleaned and stuff. But it was like, Spend $500 Get into a car

Detoxone. Dude, it was bad. I took paper towels and soaked them and soap and like clean the areas. I had to clean and they're like

you got to clean everything. You got to clean everything you touched that it was cigarette hands. So I cleaned like the steering wheel. Damn. Clearing the door. Yeah.

It was a same. And I didn't want, she'll listen to this but she didn't know. But like my fiance like she would not have been pretty so like I had to do it like sneaky too. I was like,

yeah. She got in the car to like take the kids somewhere. Yeah. It smelled like cigarette. I was going to be so embarrassed. So I just was being a fiend and I didn't even think about it.

And then when I got home, I went back in the car. I was like, holy shit, this stinks like my parents' car when I was a kid. I was like, I got to clean.

And when I was a kid, all my friends would come into my parents' car and be like, what the hell is that smell? Like everybody would like kind of talk trash. Yeah, it's like just as bad when you like eat McDonald's in your car.

Yeah, when you get into someone's car and they just have a bunch of a, my friend. It'll last like three or four days. Like if you leave like, if you leave a flay of fish like box in the back of your car

you're like actually fucked for about a week and a half. Yeah. I was in junior college and my friend Holly was giving me a ride home and I got in her car and in the front seat was just like four days worth of fast food on the ground and I was like hilarious. You're not doing great. It makes like the whole car. I'd have like the sepia tone like on the

wind shield and stuff like that. Yeah. Smoking inside the car that was always like. It's a no no. Yeah, I had friends in like 20, 2019 who would smoke sick cigarettes in their apartment still and it's like dude this is disgusting crazy you're smoking siggs inside that's the nice thing about the vape it's got the versatility yeah you can do it you

can do it at the airport oh yeah hit the stall yeah I'll hit the stall there's the stall yeah you when you gave me that vape when it went down because you just buy a vape and then use it for one night whatever and throw it away you're like oh hold on to it I'm like okay I'll just keep it my car for like a little bit and like I'll just maybe smoke it when I'm driving and then it'd be like one of those things I wake up in the morning I go I think I left something like in my car or something like that your brain was tricking you to like get back out there like I think I left like my glasses in my car or something like that go down there I hit this real quick

and all of a sudden I go just like why you going down your car like get ready 20 minutes to like I just think I've been leaving stuff that is true I was like trying to be a nice guy like I was like oh it seems a good guy I let him use my vape and then I'm like I'm not thinking in my head like am I putting his life on a negative trajectory I gave it to somebody else After like after like a couple weeks Yeah I get rid of this thing

Have you guys been watching The Winter Olympics? A little bit A little bit Stolstein Alene goo Yeah She got the silver

It's crazy she's American Going for China But they paid her like 30 mil good for her They paid her 30 million I think they came out It was like in that range It might be less It's in the millions

Snowboarder What is she? She's skier She got two silver and then we had one girl I think her name shiver she's like our all-time greatest alpine skier along with Lindsay Vaughn

she hadn't won the golden forever and her last event her last chance she got the gold on slalom Oh that's sick And she had great answers about it Where she was like I had to accept that if I failed People wouldn't understand why I failed In a sport where you lose more than you win

So I just gave it away And like I'm just so stoked to win But I won because I was ready to lose It was like a good counterintuitive thing. Oh, Michaela Shivrin, that's her name. Thank you, chat. I've been watching a lot of curling. Curling's on like more than anything. Because they, I think, I don't know if this is the first time they're doing three-man curling and five-man curling. So I'm like, we don't need that much curling. There's a ton of curling. I've been watching, you know, some of the luge. I was watching the luge skeleton. I think I would

crush it. Just skeleton. Who would be good at that? Face down on the face-down. I think I would love it. I think I'd be so stoked to do. But even that like bobsledding too. Dude, that is crazy looking. It looks like they're just holding on for your dear life. Like I don't, like, I'm just I'm sure there's a ton of athleticism required

to do it well. But I don't know, dude. It just looks like a blast. It does look, it's, yeah, it does look like the devil's just get in, you're just like, all right, hang on. Yeah, I know. It's like, what are you supposed to do? We have a friend that was an Olympic ball.

You know, Colin, Yeah, he was a bobsledder. He was a bobsledder. Yeah. And he's built like a horse, man. Did he win any medals? I don't know if he was in the Olympics or he was like training for it or not, but, um, you know, he's still, I mean, he looks crazy. Yeah, because he's from Lake Placid, right?

I think so, yeah. Yeah. Because I was like asking me, I was like, where are, where, where can you learn, like, Lake Placid for sure? I don't know where else you can learn. It's, it's one of those things where they say, you know, summer Olympics or public school, winter Olympics or private school. Yeah.

You know, it's only, where do you find these things? things I have no idea. I think there's only two tracks in the U.S. I read. That's it? I think it's like Lake Placin and maybe there's one in Utah. Let's look it up. I'm sure there's one in Utah because of the Olympics, but the funny thing with the curling one too is when I was looking into it, I didn't realize they call it like a gentleman's

sports, so there's no refs. Oh, yeah. Even in the Olympics, they're like calling their own, it's like a, you know, calling their own shit, which is like that for curling? Yeah. And that's why there was that double tap controversy. There's like some beef. But it's still like you're supposed to call your own.

like your own fouls basically which is create like in something like the Olympics it seems like a yeah this guy yeah he was dropping F bombs that was fun yeah don't to fuck off

so what's the scandal he went past the line no and by the way he let it go and then he touched it again with his finger it can't be like that cannot have it

oh wow yeah I think he was in the wrong but he did a good job of being like indignant curling looks like a blast though can imagine like I'd love to do it

like a getting a crew together and do some curling. I did, I had the opportunity to curl once. Did you really? Yeah. Where were you? Wyoming?

Switzerland. Oh, and I was too jet lagged. Oh, really? That's hilarious. I'm pretty sure that each of those stones is like $15,000 also. Yeah. Yeah, they're not like it.

It's not like something you get from Gart Sports. Dude, good ref. I used to love going to Garstores. They do a business. The Garst Brothers? Was that the name of it? I think it was Gar Sports and maybe Guard Brothers. and they had the big balls out in front.

They might have switched from Guard Brothers and Garbers. Dude, I used to love going in there. They always had the best gun section, dude. Dude, you can look at the guns and you can play like some mini golf or something? Yeah. You just go in there. Oh, yeah. Sir, can I see the Glock 40?

You're like, yeah, just keep your finger off the trigger. This thing's so sick, dude. Yeah, a full set cost $15,000. Olympic set. Dude, good. Did you know that already? Are you guessing? No, no, I saw a video about it.

I was like, damn, bro. I'd guess, I'd guess like $60, maybe. Dude, we should do two-man luge. I would love to do that. Where does the guy in the top do? Do we know what the guy in the top does? He just holds on for dear life. He just sets himself and plays.

He's the girlfriend in the back of a motorcycle. Yeah. The Pillion. Why do they have two-man luge? Dude, why? Also, two men, why we stop him there? Faster, faster, faster, faster. There should be left, left, left.

Don't touch, don't touch, don't touch. There should be an event at how many guys you can stack on top of each other, and that's like how many points you get. If you get 40 guys, and you make it down, you get 40 points. Look at it. I figure the Chinese would be really good at that.

Wait, that's what the event looks like. Yeah. You just lay on top of each other. Yeah, look at that guy. He's just like holding on. You can't even see where you're going. So you probably want the guys to be almost the exact same size, right?

Or you want one bigger guy and one smaller guy? Yeah. I'm curious what the ideal arrangement is. Like a jockey. You can train at a water park. move along kids I'm training for the Olympics get to the back just too grown man

you just yeah just some 300 pound guy and then some horse jockey the larger guy goes on bottom smaller guy goes on top yeah I mean dude if you live in Park City I would totally get my kids in like bobsledding and stuff you're gonna be an Olympian

they should do a double it's like long snapping in football it's a good like pipeline to like high levels of success yeah yeah they should do doubles but it's skeleton and Luzmix so you're 69 all the way down. Yeah, and that rules out like you can't take your mouth off the other guy's

practice. Look at his technique. How were you able to blow him the entire time you were going down the run? It's like, we work on it all day. Just got to clear my throat. He knows not to push too deep. And then, yeah, we took turn three and we just knew we were in business. Dude, can you imagine if Joe did the luge?

He'd probably get disqualified because his hog would just pull him all the way down. Well, that was the long ski jumpers were they're injecting their, their dinks, I think. Are they? The rumor was. Because the more... Why? Because you can see it for vanity or for... Because you can get...

The more you weigh, the bigger suit you can get, the bigger suit you get, the more drag you have in the air and the longer you'll float. So they opted for making the bulge bigger? Yeah. It seems a... The good type of... Seems like a smart idea. Yeah, can you just go for the quads?

That's like the position I make when I like really... need to make myself come as fast as possible. Yeah, that is. You just lock the knees and look like a ski jumper. Yeah. You gotta have like the, your quads need to be like as tight as possible to come when you're like 35 years old. Dude, can we pull up Clibo?

I'm obsessed with this guy. I think so. K-L-A-E-O, I think. This guy, dude. What does he do? He's the cross-country skier. Oh, is he the one of the Norwegian? Yeah.

I think he's going to get six golds. He is in. an absolute, he might be the most insane athlete I've ever seen. Like his V-O-2 max has to be like 150. Dude, he goes- What's V-O-2 max mean? Like your maximum aerobic output. I think that's what it is. But he can like sprint uphill on skis and be like running 12 miles an hour.

Have you watched him? Didn't you do that? When you're skiing, I thought I saw a story of you like climbing up the mountain. Yeah, yeah, skinning up. The other they call it? Yeah. You put skins on the bottom of your skis. so they grip so you can you can ski your way up it's awesome sounds miserable my god it is miserable

my sister's like i'm gonna go with you we're gonna get at crowscanities you do you quads burn after oh my quads are on fire my beat i burn like 700 calories that's a time yeah but my sister's like you're like i want to go with you and she thought we were gonna like chat it up and we get like a third of the way done and she was like this is the worst thing I've ever done. Would you do that instead of another marathon would you do like a big cross-country ski thing?

Yeah. But I guess how would you prep for that? The speed skaters do a lot of rollerblading. Yeah, I could go to San Monica and do that. I would love to cross-country ski. Like Jetta Leardman? Yeah. Dude, how about those

I love it? Those Netherlands speed skaters. I mean, the feeling you feel when pretty lady. man. It's pretty insane. The feeling you feel when you get to the top, whoa, to the top of the mountain. It's insane. This is Jake Paul's

girlfriend or fiancé? I think they're engaged. I don't know. They're all, and Femkeekak is also really pretty too. Femkeekak? Yeah, she's the 500 champ. Dude, what a name. Yeah, they're very impressive. Where's she from? Oh, Dutch.

Yeah. Where's? They're all Dutch. They're all Dutch. Oh, wow. The Dutch are like the best at it. But we got a guy now Stoles who like uses their style who's like the best American speed skater ever. Sick.

But he didn't get the gold in 1500. It was a bummer. But he's still a legend. Dude, look at his, can you look up his quads? Watch this, dude. Oh. Yeah, the second photo, second to right here. Wow.

Saquan Park. I could never have a bad day in my life if my legs look like that. Isn't that great? He's only 180 pounds. That's how big his quads are. Oh, my God. Horse legs. Stud.

I remember I was living in Utah in the 2002 Olympics, and there was this like really pretty, I don't know her name, but she was like a redheaded figure skater. See if you can find it. Just do 2002 redhead figure skater Olympics. But I had such a big crush on her. When I found out she was married,

I started crying. And I was like, couldn't handle it. My dad had like, calm me down. Oh, oh, that's it. You know that's a thing? Stendell syndrome. When you fall in love with like someone in a piece of art or something like that. Oh,

she was very real. Some guys feel it like very powerfully. With that guy in the bottom, the second row. That's who she's married to the right. I don't know if that's who she was married to. Oh, he's a stud. I had the biggest, I thought she was like the hottest girl in the entire frigging world.

They were married? I don't know who she was married. I don't know if they're usually married to like their ski partners, but she was married to somebody else. That seems complicated. I had a big thing for those hairlines too, like that kind of hairline that like covers like basically the whole face. the proceeding

the preceding hairline that just like why do you like that I don't know I think maybe it's it's biological if I go if I have kids with someone who has a hairline like this my kids are gonna

yeah I like this thing solid flow solid flow well into their 60s yeah her oh my god I had the same thing with big heads on a woman like big heads I loved like a big solid head

who's an example people I dated in popular culture Maybe one. Alana Mayer, maybe, the rugby player. Rugby player. No, it's with an eye. There it is.

Yeah, she's got a big solid head. Okay. Well, I hope I'm not being disrespectful. Hey, don't laugh at her. No, no, no, no. Whoa. That is huge. Crazy reference, too.

You pull the reference so quick, I know that you've had, like, in the bank before. No, you probably have a spot. I just went through the Rolodex. Yeah. Top crush. She's got a big head. She's strong. I was,

I'll keep going. I was really into the girls who have like the skin that's like super close to the skull. You know what? So it's like you can see. You can see their bone structure. You can see the exact shape of the oh yeah.

The school for some reason I found that fascinating. I think like Olivia Wilde was like that maybe. Oh yeah. She's very strong features. Where it's just like everything. Like there's, like no space between the skin and the skull the cheek bones look up Dorean Yates wow yeah he has this more than anyone uh look up like when he's buff like the second to

top top oh yeah like when he's not when he's like to the right of that to the right of that yeah they're right there on the right wow oh magging he said he would get he said he would get his body fat fat so low it hurt to walk he had no fat pads on his feet wow yeah that's oh he's just on bone yeah that's what he says jeez you like no water in your system either. I'm sure your kidneys are about to fucking die. I had kidney stones one time, so I'm very careful about stings. Did you have to

pass it? How'd that? Well, I got him. I got him a zapped. And I thought, sorry I didn't know this. I thought, oh, I'm going to get my kidney stone zapped and that's going to be it. Yeah. But then you have to pass them after that. So you had to pee it out. Then you had to pee them out and they're big. And the worst part of it was... What they do

when they zapped them? Well, they break them up. So it was like a big, like, 10 millimeter kidney stone. They break it up. So it smaller and they had to pass the smaller ones but the worst part about it is they put a catheter inside of you. I don't know if you ever had it's basically like a stick is like an iPhone cord and it goes out your dick up into your kidneys

and I was researching it beforehand and everyone's like that's it goes all the way up your day. It goes into your kidney. Oh. So to make sure it doesn't close up or something and I was doing research beforehand and everybody was like don't let them put the catheter in. Tell them not to do it It hurts so bad. It's the worst part. And so before I'm going under, oh, there's another funny story about it before I was going under, too.

But I was asking, I'm like, hey, please don't put the catheter. And please don't put the catheter in. And they'll say, you know, we'll do what we can do. And also I've gone to a few surgeries the past like a couple years and going under. I love going under. It's one of the funest things ever. Yeah. And apparently I just like start lying my ass off right before I'm about to go under.

Because I remember getting a card from the Kaiser people, very nice people. and I was like after the surgery like three days after the surgery I don't know what I was saying but they go hope the surgery went well congrats have fun on your tour with Rogan so I think they're like you're a comedian I think at some point I was like yeah I'm like opening for Joe Rogan

I'm going to be pretty soon and I was like what the fuck was I talking about they probably do it so full of shit why not dude are they able to put the catheter in while you're awake or do they only put them while you sleep because I don't even think I could handle that. No.

I mean, it was when I was just, I don't know if they can. I'm sure they can. They obviously can, but it would be super painful. But so then I called them like, I had to get this thing taken out. And they just basically pull it out. Oh. And so they're like, you can. So I go there and my dude, it is not only like the most like painful thing.

It's like such a weird sensation that you've never felt before. Just this like. Yeah, it's like this, probably this thick. Oh. coming out of you and it's just coming slow and it's like touching all the insides that they've never been touched

and it's just like oh that dude that was the worst that was the worst part wait and how did you get it how do you get a kidney stone um one of its diet and um not drinking enough water

I think you know what I think it was from um well not drinking enough water and also I was taking all these weight gain supplements oh that's tough on your kidneys and they have so much random shit in there too like just like dextrose and like all this random shit and I was taking

it's for a long time to gain weight and I think that was like a huge. Oh man, I didn't know you were that concentrated on weight gain. I wouldn't have made the car earlier if I knew it was like a legit thing. No, no, no, no, it's fine. I mean, that's back when I was, you know, trying to. You're a stud, man. Trying to put some more weight on too.

But the weight gain stuff too, that was, you know, I've chilled out a little bit because I'm like, I feel like better now. And, uh, dude, trying to gain weight, I would just feel like shit like 100% of the time. Yeah. Like drinking these shakes, trying to eat 5,000 calories a day, always tired, being bloated, like, just like the worst shits you've ever seen this. Yeah, your hormones might work better at whatever your weight is right now. And you look like you're, I mean, you got to be like low teens body fat percentage.

Like you seem like you're in good shape. I probably like, yeah, around 14, 15. Yeah, it's perfect. That's ideal. Don't they say that's where your like hormones function the best? Because I think once you get too low, then that's when you start getting like. You're out of it. You don't have enough nutrition going on.

Yeah, exactly. I don't really know what I'm talking about I just don't want to get the kidney stone so I just drink a little thing of lemon water every morning Smart smart smart but yeah the dehydration I think is the main thing and also even even nowadays I'm like a salt fiend I eat so much sodium I just love that shit are you doing any of the uh what are those packets called like liquid ID is element yeah element where are those our boy got us on him but then like a month after he had me on him he's like oh yeah they got lead in him I'm like, well, does any way, there's no way there's lead in them. I know. I mean, maybe not.

I mean, they're still being sold like crazy. I guess the supplement industry, they're just, it's so, it's not regulated. So. If you're deep in that stuff. I mean, we went to a health food restaurant, all of us when we were on a shoot about a week ago and we all had tummy aches afterwards. So I don't know. Like every one of us. There's like five of us all have different health backgrounds and stuff.

And all five of us were like, we feel like shit right now. Yeah. We just bogged down by beef tallow. But that's supposed to be better for you, right? Yeah, I get, but I don't know. Maybe like, we're just used to the other stuff. In large quantities. Maybe it's just thick.

Yeah. I think it's just thick. And it was expensive as hell and didn't taste that good. So I was like, this is a tough mix, bro. Santa Cruz, you guys follow Santa Cruz. That's his restaurant we went to. Sorry, bro. I like him and I like your stuff.

I can do it. We might have got a bad batch or something. I need to start following this guy. What is his name? Santa Cruz what? Medicinal. Yeah, he's like, uh, he's kind of the man.

right now of the uh chill bro health he's like in the bro sphere for health but he's like a little more mellow than the other guys Santa Cruz medicinal and he's like natty and stuff yeah there's just so much shit out there man I'm like I still eat McDonald's three four times a week and if I'm like for me if I'm just like I'm more focused right now and it's like can I get the macro nutrients in and then I can focus on this the tiny or tiny stuff like Donald Trump dude he's still like virile as hell. And he says he's funny. He says if you work out your body only has so much energy

lifetime. So like why are you going to lose hit points working out? Save it for other stuff. I mean that's obviously bullshit but I do believe it. Whatever works like dude my dad got pancreatic cancer is like basically a death sentence and he had good medical care. But I do think part of what has kept him

alive almost 10 years now is that he kept smoking cigarettes and he kept eating ice cream sandwiches every day. He did not change one thing about how he lived his life. He's like, this works for me. I'm going, and I was scared. I was like, dad, stop.

Like, you're going to die. And I was like, is it just about going out the way you've been doing it your whole time? He's like, yeah, it is that. And I was like, all right, if that's what you want to do. But it's turned out to be beneficial for him. He's got a high will to live. Yeah, and like, I don't know. There's just something about like his body's like, hey, we're used to this.

Don't switch it up now. And he's like, yeah, yeah, let's just keep it going. I don't, I mean, obviously that's not rude in in any kind of action. study, but it worked for him. Dude, honestly, there's like so many studies out there at this point. It's just like, then we just find like something that works for me. And they're going to spin on it. Like now that, you know, everyone's saying there's microplastics in us, then a study

came out that said like the microscope they were using to study the microplastics may not have been powerful enough and it might have been confusing fat molecules with microplastics. So there might not be microplastics. And I'm like, well, people have changed their whole lives based off that data. Yeah. Are we just going to flip back the other way? Well, and then they're going to come out like 10 years later.

Like, you need to be getting more microplastics in your system. That's the problem is we haven't been getting enough. Back in the day, they were actually getting way more microplastics in their system. And that's why, you know, so it's just like, I don't even know, man. If I'm looking good and I'm feeling good, I think I'll, you know. And we're probably not going to live forever. So what do you really fighting for at the end of the day? I think I'll make it to at least 100.

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Well, have you guys been paying attention to clavicular? Dude. Good for you, man. That's good. Just so, you know, I've been, I'm not even joking. I've been on him for like four years. Bro, let's go. For a long, back when he had like 800 followers

and was always getting banned because it was just like the most fascinating thing to watch this guy obsessed over this thing so much. I found it so interesting. He has gotten a lot more handsome. Yeah, and it's just, um... His language is hilarious. It's so funny and it's so...

I just watched him on the Adam Freeland podcast. The way he interacts with people is just so... He's so funny, but he's like so... He's dead serious. He's dry. Yeah. He, I mean, dude, we got to, this is my beef of the week. We got to get Pierce Morgan fired.

Oh, dude, he's so, what he did? He's being cooked by, like, all these, like, 16-year-old kids. He brings on clavicular and he brings on Nick Fuentes. Oh, yeah. And they just destroy him because all he does, he does like this, like, really weak feeling moralizing to them. Where he's like, you said this nasty thing about people. Maybe you want to be here right now and apologize. Yeah.

And then they just go, I'm not going to apologize. You're actually a piece of shit. That's all that happens in the interview. That was such an interesting thing with that too because it's like showing like what's changing now is like this old way of controlling people. They're like, oh, we're going to control people with shame. Yes.

And then like so they try and do that. They bring like these people on and try and make them feel bad. And they go, how does that make you feel? They go, I don't care. Not what are you going to do. And then they're like, so that doesn't make you feel bad? You don't feel bad for that? But they go, no.

And literally there's so much cachet right now and not having shame. They could bring on like a serial killer. they'd be like, do you feel bad for killing 12 people? He'd be like, no, I don't. And young people would be like, let's go! You should have, fuck you, but it's true. When you watch it, he does come across worse in all these interviews. It's like, because he's also disingenuous.

Like, Clevicular kind of poned him where he's like, do you want to apologize for being in the club when Hale Hitler was playing, like that whole thing? And then Clevigar goes, no, I didn't play it. I didn't think it was funny. I'm not going to apologize. And he goes, do you want to apologize for being in the Epstein Files and being friends with just Elaine Maxwell?

And then Chris Morgan's like, no, actually I don't. He goes, well, there you go. That's based of you. And then they move on and you're like, you're like, on that's based of you. Yeah, I'm like, I'm fucking clavicular side, dude. That's hilarious. Yeah. So clavicular, his whole thing is like, he's looks maxing.

Yeah, he came up. So he's like, he like does meth to be skinny. He says he's going to like extend his jaw. He might make himself taller with that. He does meth to be skinny? That's what he says. Who knows if he's on truth? But he, he, there is a good lingo that has like evolved out of like his whole.

whole POV where people like gesture maxing where you're like trying to be funny in public. Right, right, right. Having a cortisol spike, like when something stressful happens around you and people can tell. Yeah. It's all like mapped out really well to like social interactions and stuff. Yeah, the cell ones might sell where you add cell to the end of something.

So like if you like going to dinner with your girlfriend, you like a dinner cell. You hear dinner cell? Yeah. I feel like you like, uh, like in cell kind of thing. Yeah. Oh, you're going to go play bowling and minigolf. What are you?

and some sort of activity cell. Like that's the funniest one. It's so funny. See, it's undeniably like the funniest shit ever. I think that's why it's... All my boys are doing it. It's all over our text threads.

So I think ultimately that's what people are missing about stuff like this. They're like, oh, what's causing like this thing to take off? Is it because young men are sad and they're lonely? I'm sure that might be it for like a small majority of people. But for the wide majority of people, it's,

oh, this is like so funny and so entertaining. And that's why it's catching on. Most of the people who are talking like this or watching this kind of stuff, aren't watching it because, you know, they're going to bone smash. They're watching it because... And he doesn't even really...

I was reading about it. I don't think he really does it hard enough to be called bones. I don't mean to be a Puritan about this, but I guess you got to like really crack the bone to bone smash. I mean, if you might know better. If you look at some of the videos when he was like 16 doing it... He was doing it hard?

He has like this big metal ball and he's just like... Oh, so he is doing it? His whole face is like swirl and shut. So what's the idea behind it? Jesus. He's sterilizing? himself at age 14? I think he says there's this thing called...

No, they're saying, because he did steroids at 14 tests or something. There's this thing called, like, Wolf's Law. He says where if you damage a bone, it grows back stronger and, like, more robust than it was before. And then they use, like, fighters as evidence because their, like, heads tend to get bigger and, like, more... Interesting. The structure's more demonstrative as a goal of it.

Mr. Beast just said, if you could invest in one content creator right now, it would be clavicular. Really? It's huge. I mean, he's making so much money. He's, like, the biggest thing in the... He's everywhere. He's a streamer.

And it's been posting online for, like, a year. So that's crazy to go from like just living in your grandparents house to like biggest guy in the world running people over with your truck. He's a streamer? Yeah, and it doesn't feel new. It's kind of like he's kind of like if he took the book the game, which was so big when we were young. Yeah. And then you had it filtered through like a Patrick Bateman character. Okay.

That's kind of like the meld. Interesting. What he was funny? I mean, there was a meme like a long time ago of like some guy flexing in the mirror. his grandma like taking the photo have you guys seen that one no dude like clavicular grandma mirror or something we were contractually obligated to cover this too i'm sorry to the listeners who are just totally like that maxed out of you ever seen that so that was him and people didn't know that was like him post it like 2019 uh maybe that i don't know when that was actually but like

looking for looks maxing advice so he posts shit like this to like reddit or these online forums And like, hey, grandma, can you come in and take a photo of this real quick so I can post it to my friends online? Like, that's the vibe. And the pure shamelessness of the looks maxing is also what makes it so funny of like, I'm wearing lifts right now. When I take off my lifts, I make sure around my apartment, I set up these vantage points. So it's like, oh, maybe you have a couple books over here. So you bring a girl back and you take your shoes off, you immediately stand on the books, so you're higher. And then throughout the apartment.

on your way to the bedroom, you have like four or five of these vantage points set. So it's like maybe she looks away for a second and then you kind of scurry to the next one. And now you're still elevated that so that they don't catch you. Right. It's a good way to live. Yeah. That's a funny thing. You think he's joking?

You think he's joking? He's not joking. Like even in this life. Yeah. It's good commitment to the bit. Wait, did you listen to Alex Jones on PBD? No. Was he on there recently?

Yeah. No, I bet. Patrick Bed David. Oh. Yeah. Look, I'm a numbers guy. So here's the thing. I mean, he's very entertaining.

Alex Jones? Yeah. He was ripping. Talking about Epstein stuff? Yeah, he was big on that. He said spirit cookies means blood. He thinks they're all doing satanic stuff with the Epstein stuff, which is on the table. He was covering Epstein.

Yeah. So he covered that. He talked about why Trump didn't want to get into it, basically because he thought it'd be bad for the economy. And he is like, and he thinks everybody was in on it. And he thinks he was like an intelligent. But then he was like kind of. He went to, he thinks Candice is being too conspiratorial about the Charlie Kirk stuff.

Yeah. He's like, yeah, she's, she's gone megalomaniacal. She's lost it. I like Candace, but, but that's just not the case. She's just grasping in straws right now. Yeah. Well, she's saying that Charlie Kirk's a literal time traveler. Yeah, like she's gone that far.

Is she really? Yeah. Like he's from like a different time and he's came back to this. She said he had like an effect on lights. Like when he would walk around, lights would flicker and stuff. Um, it's. Yeah. I'll tell you though, if you listen to her say it, it sounds convinced.

She's such a good talker and she looks so good on camera. You're like, oh, this trick's making sense. I mean, Alex Jones, if Alex Jones is like, hey, you need to calm down. You're kind of going, you're just stepping over a line right now that I don't want to step grow up. Hey, you're like, oh, fuck. That's what was cracking me up. Yeah.

And he almost seemed a little, not like upset, but you could tell there was a part of him that he was like, wait, so I got sued for defamation for Sandy Hook. And I didn't even say it was a conspiracy. I brought two guys on for like five interviews and then they misconstrued it during the deposition and said that I said it. And the judge didn't even let us go into a secondary hearing. And then Candace, and no one's going to bring,

like he's like, I think he feels like a little, like he's getting treated unfairly. Like, why isn't she going down for defamation when he did? Yeah. I mean, he, when I first heard Alex Jones, I was like, have you listened to Infowars? Like, like, I've never seen that, but I've seen clips.

I've seen the one clip. We are transmitting live from Austin, Texas. And then, like, he'll have his commercials come on. He's like, bone broth. This will keep you healthy when the corporations are. Like, every commercial is incredible. It's a whole other world. It's a whole, like, just, it was so funny.

You go to the website to say, what is he selling? And it's all like Patriot pills. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Patriot vitamin C, Patriot magnesium. And it's just like, it's all it is. Dude, I'm really upset. I was thinking about this on the drive, but I'm really upset about this.

The politicization of, like, consumer culture where I was listening to an episode of, like, Tucker Carlson with Ray Dalio. And he was plugging a phone company that's against abortion. He's like the only, he's like, he's like the only phone company in America that's against abortion.

And then you're like, when you listen to like, I'll listen to like Ezra Klein or something, you know, and they'll be like, it'd be like an ice cream company that's like ethically sourced. and loves gay people. I'm like, bro, can we just get the company that makes the best dishwashers?

This coffee is made by veterans for veterans. Exactly. Dude. Like, dude, does it taste good? They don't even talk about like if it works. They're just like, they're like, we'll sell you a phone and we hate abortion. This steak comes from cows who love Ronald Reagan.

They love Reagan. Do you guys ever go on true social to see what Trump's posting? I used to. I do. Everyone smiles to use the web version of it and first of all it's like nine ads

per whatever tweet and all the ads are is literally any consumer product you can think of any of them Patriot Couches we have tables tables for

Patriots Americans and that's all it adds like those are the entire ads it's any anything Patriot skateboards you know Yeah and that's all it is

and it's like I think the left did it first, but now it's gone. Now the right's whole hog on it. Oh, yeah. Completely. Because like in the 2010s, it was like Coca-Cola would always do like, they do like a BLM commercial or like a year Peloton instructor would be like, Tony, why like, you know, it's a big LGBT Q thing or something. He's like, this is weird. But now it's like gone.

It's just across the board. Well, the, um, anti-immigrant speakers. Did you want to listen to music? listen to us. We're American made with no Honduras, no Nicaragans, no Mexicans. Listen to our speakers, brother. Dude, it's like the vapes are like, this vape is made in America. I went to Texas and we only have American vapes.

I'm like, this is the worst vape of ever. So, it's famous. We tried one. It's horrible. And it's big. It says it on big block letters. Made in America. Yeah, it tastes like shit.

He's a gasoline or something. I, uh, um, do you see, uh, Trump's true social about Bill Marr? Uh, yes. It was, I couldn't stop laughing. Oh, here we go. Yeah, maybe, maybe go to all. Bill Maher's funny because, like, you never know who he's trying to, he's the one guy where I'm like, I don't see him being captured by his audience. Because I never know who he's trying to appeal to.

He's like, Bill Maher came to dinner. The guy had no confidence. Like, the way he takes him down, he's like, the guy had zero confidence. so nervous. And I will say he's more talented than, you know, CNN. He's more talented than Colbert, but he's not very talented. The fact that he's blasting off these like, what is that, like 500 words? Stream of consciousness.

Oh, yeah, he's like, he never mentioned that Soleimani, dead, outback daddy, dead. Loosed inflation in years. He's no different than Kimmel Fallon or Colbert, but I must admit, slightly more talented. Anyway, Beaumar is a highly overrated, lightweight. You know,

it's funny, we're like talking about media we've consumed. It's so long. He consumed so much media. He's the president. He's typing this out. He should be on like,

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visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information, and we thank Bluechew for sponsoring the podcast. Hey, what's up, dude? This is Carl. I'm here with my buddy, Kyle. He's got a good question that I want you guys to listen to and discuss with us because it's a huge question.

Yeah, it's a little conundrum going out in our friend group. We're just entering some pretty soft and peaceful times. There's not a lot of physical altercation. No one's shooting double-like takedowns, no one's putting in a headlock. Just kind of curious how we you know get to the point where we're kind of arguing with each other a little bit get more physical yeah we want to ultimately uh boost the stoke of the boys by making us

a bit more aggressive to each other you know to kind of build up uh testosterone or tea as some would say and just overall boosts dope within the frame group so would love your advice would love you uh stoke lord to tell us how to proceed along this path peace so for clarity they want to start getting more argumentative to boost tea they're not wrestling enough They want to beat the shit out of each other. You're not physically rough housing enough. Dude, I love where you guys are coming from. I think what you're really chasing isn't even a boost in tea.

It's a boost in connection. When you're grappling with your bros, that's intimacy. And when you know who can take down who, and you know that the guy who can take you down shows mercy on you, that builds trust, that builds camaraderie. I think the thing you got to do is you got to risk it. Look, yes, one of your friends could blow an ACL. injuries are going to happen as you get older

but if you stay ready you ain't got to get ready you got to keep wrestling all the time when you're in a room you get behind the guy you just try and do a little a little like hip slip take down on them and you just you never stop grabbing each other well

they're talking about boosting tea what you got to just go first of all go right to the source start blasting test and that will probably solve this issue that you're having of being more aggressive with the friends. And you also, I don't know how old you guys are, but ideally in one of these scenarios, there's usually like a girl that is like usually, you know,

oh, this is our friend. She's a girl we've known her for a long time. She's just a friend, but really everybody is like trying to impress her. So I don't know if you have one of those that you need to get back in the mix, but there needs to be some like... Consequences.

Yeah. There needs to be snizz consequences. Like, oh, if you get taken down in front of, you know... Not in front of Lindsay, dude. you're taking down in front of Lindsay, that's like unacceptable. But if you take somebody down in front of Lindsay, then you've displayed animal superiority. Exactly. So you'd probably want to get some sort of, first of all, start blasting testosterone,

probably 800 milligrams a week. If that's not working, pin 200 milligrams of trend. And that should probably get you right up there. And then you got you got to find a Stacy too. But dude, be responsible too. Because if you're going to tell them to juice and to fuck. in front of a chick, they need to be taking precautions.

I'm talking about 90-90 hip stretches. I'm talking about lateral banded steps. I'm talking about glute bridges. I'm talking about dead bugs. Every night, have your body greased and lubricated so you're ready for combat the next day. You don't want to just get in there creaky, creaky, you know, and fall apart.

It's the long game, baby. Maybe start a prank channel too, and wait until that slowly gets out of hand into just full-blown violence. Dude, you should be streaming all of this, too. Oh, yeah, you should always be streaming. There was a guy, I was doing Jiu-Jitsu at 10th Planet. There was this kid in there.

I won't say his name. He strangled me nine times in the three-minute roll. By the end, but he's like, thanks for being on my stream, man. I was at the grocery store. Some guy came up to me. He's like, I saw you get choked out on so-and-so. Did you know you're on the stream before that? No, no idea.

He was like trying moves out on me. Wow. Ragdoll. Yeah. I'm a freaking Trader Joe's on aisle 7 and some guy comes up to me. He's like, yeah, it's fun watching you get ragdoll, dude. No, he had an audience that boost your tea? No, no, because I was, his tea got boosted. I was in the, he was taken for me. It was zero-sum tea stuff and he was, he was borrowing heavily. But you know, I feel good about some other stuff, so I'm not sweating it. You know, more of a boy tie guy anyways. You're a striker. I'm a striker. I'm a striker for sure.

So when you're blasting tea, do you shot right in the butt? I've never done it. I don't know. But that's what I hear, but or quads. Yeah. The good spots to do it. Yeah, the meaty area. Yeah, maybe not even just do tea.

Maybe also, you know, put some HGH in there. Maybe some anavar. You want that hardening effect. You know, it's a good strength booster too. A good stack like that's a good place to start before you get really serious. Yeah, or go to infowars.com and get some Patriot Pills. I'm sure that'll do something. Or go to, yeah, go to the,

the gas station to find the sketchiest pill you can find take three of those with a bang energy and I'm sure it's going to make you feel like some sort of an animal. You know,

Schmoking Gange mentioned this and I think he hit the nail right on the head. You got to start slapping your balls as a group around the campfire

have some steak over the campfire no smores just meat and you guys are slapping balls together ideally in the nude. Yeah,

and if you're slapping your balls together hard enough according to wolf's law they'll grow. Yep. Some big old balls. Ball slapping, dude.

What's the... What's that guy? How is pulled out? That was our buddy Troy. He taught us how to slap our nuts. Dude, it hurts. What's the health benefits of this? Booster stuff.

Really? Yeah. It's an ancient Chinese practice, so... There we go. I'm not sure how this is going to help us find our cause, but I trust the process. It's going to call. Clear the channels. And the third eye is going to beam up.

You're going to get the transmission down from God. You're going to go out and create exactly what the people need. Heal the people. Hell you. I'll try it. I'll try again. I got it. Breathe.

Read. Ha! Ha! This guy probably sold this tech startup back like five years ago for billions of dollars. Now this is what he does. Cut the tail. So you bring the energy up into the kidneys. I was kind of light with it.

I need to work on my technique. But that's too much. Just try and need them. Oh, you're not slapping them on it. I know, I just said that. I just said that. I've seen these

Yeah, this is 2021. I didn't know what I was doing. Hell yeah. No one was going to as hard as Troy. I mean, look at him. Damn. Yeah, slapping balls. You know, Nick?

Dude, do you guys think, hey, not to go political again, but do you guys think they were eating people on Epstein Island. 100% dude. I think it could be a diversion. They always hit people to satanic panic when stuff like this comes out to distract.

It could be a thing though. Here's a quick thought experiment though because I was trying to wrap my head around this. So say, because people were always like, oh, if you saw that happening, why didn't you say something? Imagine you're on this island and you see this happening.

You see people eating kids. You see people, you know, doing all this crazy shit, the most powerful people in the world. And you see that. Even if you don't participate in it, are you going to be like, oh, you know what? These people that are killing people and getting away with it, I'm probably going to go, I'm going to go tell on you right now. Right.

Right. If you saw that, if I saw that, I would probably keep my mouth shut. What are you supposed to do? What do it? Okay. Let's say all those people that are eating kids like the Clintons, Bill Gates, whoever it is. They get an email from like, hey, man, great weekend. How do you respond?

Right. How do you respond? How do you respond? Bill Clinton and be like, yeah, dude. You're a polite guy. Yeah, it was great. Yeah, it was great. And then you feel bad.

You're like, hopefully it stops there. He's like, do it again next weekend. And then you're like, oh, shit, man. The former president's asking me to eat kids. I never thought I'd find myself in this situation. Oh, my God. Yeah, I don't even know what you. I probably...

That is true, though, where people are like, you should have said something. It's like, well, if you put yourself, like, through the real movie of it, like, it's like eyes wide shut, right? Yeah. Like, no one expects the Tom Cruise character at the end of Eyes Wide Shut to, like,

once he realizes they can get to him at home and like how powerful these people are you you don't think he's going to go to like the NYPD and be like hey I need to pull the roof back on this thing yeah like it is but I don't know but I guess I don't hold people as accountable for not like turning these people in but I guess the people who participate oh yeah oh yeah for sure that's where I'm like you didn't have to do that have you listen to Richard Avery on Rogan no He's, uh, he's all in on the conspiracies. I was not expecting that on the podcast.

Oh, the writer. Yeah. Roger Avery. Yeah. Was he just on? Uh, I saw the clip where he was talking about eyes wide shut. He's talking flat earth. He's like, look, he's like, here's the thing, Joe.

Experientially, the earth is flat. Experientially. Whoa. Yeah, he's, uh, he's, uh, he's, I. I was not expecting. I thought he was going to talk about movies. I mean, I think he wrote the Bruce Willis section of Pulp Fiction or something like that. Yeah.

So he's cool. He had great opinions on movies. It was hilarious. And then he's like, by the way, the earth is flat. And they were eating kids, no question. And I was like, damn. I don't know. Have you guys read the Epstein?

Have you actually read the files? I go through on this website at night. I think it's, is it jmail.com. And it's these people who put all the Epstein files into like a Gmail interface. So you can look through the Epstein files like you're in his inbox. And it makes like searching for them like a little bit more like intuitive. Wow. So you can go to it and you just like, you know, you type in pizza and like all the pizza emails come up.

If you type in, you type in. Jerky. Elon. Jerky. Whatever you want to type in. it all will come up there. So it just makes, because you know,

they just dump him on you. It's kind of hard to search for that kind of stuff. Yeah. So it just makes you like a little bit more fun to kind of poke through, see who he's emailing, see what they're talking about.

I mean, most of it's pretty boring stuff, but, and the spelling's not that good. Yeah, that's what I'm like, how bad, like,

what I can't figure it out is the, uh, I don't know what kind of phony yet or what, but the constant equals mark that, that's in like everything. And it's like, that's not really a thing that's like, we still my,

phone like it's something you hit by accident so do you think it's maybe some kind of like code or like is it something that when they're releasing them they're they're they're just like i don't know but it doesn't feel right when you like yes it's some kind of like just processing error yeah but the way the way they like email like billionaires that's like one thing i've learned from this is like i need to start emailing like that like a little bit more to get like a little bit more like power you know that's a good that's a good takeaway i'm not emailing enough Oh, it's not proofreading your shit and just send it off like you're busy as shit. Like, oh, I think that's a powerful thing.

I think when you're the top of the food chain, you can make mistakes and everyone's like, oh, they're just so busy and they have so much swag. They just don't care. But like, if I hired someone and they kept misspelling things, I'd be like, what do you doing? Oh, no, it's something you do to somebody who's your equal to try and establish like, dominance. Just so you know, I've been here paying me a little bit longer than you. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, totally. What does you say? Large, this guy said it. Apparently the constant equals is due to the, the large amounts of PD. Is that PDFs being transferred? I think he genuinely means PDFs there and doesn't mean it as a... Yeah, that is confusing, though, because it's...

Should we listen to another voicemail? Hey, guys. I am a California listener who lives in a faraway country. And I have an important question. I hope you don't play this on the fucking podcast because I sound really high. I'm not. I have a question for you guys. I really need your take because it's about poop and shit.

And so I have a husband, love him dearly, and he is really into having a clean asshole. And, you know, I recently discovered, like, first of all, he's not a guy that farts. He's not a guy that, you know, takes big, smelly dumps. Like, he's fucking clean, okay? He's clean and proper. But I noticed recently that every time he does. go for a shit. I don't smell anything, but I always hear the fucking showers start to run right after. And, and, you know, I just sort of thought like, oh, maybe he's wetting the toilet paper.

I don't know. And then one day, our daughter was like asking me, mom, can you wipe my butt? And I'm like, yeah, sure. And then, so I go to wipe her butt. And she's like, you know, dad's heard the best way to clean your butt is like, is in the shower. And I was like, oh, yeah. I mean, I guess. And then I basically realized that. My husband has been using our shower, our bathtub, as of a day, basically. So, like, he shits, and then he sits his ass over the side of the tub, and he washes off his ass in the bathtub where I bathe myself every night and my kids every night. And, you know, I just don't, I don't know what to think.

Like, first of all, does anyone need to have such a clean asshole? Like, he's never asked me to rim him. So, like, is he just waiting, you know, for the day? I just decide, hey, I need a bite of your ass. Or, like, you know, I just think, like, when I'm taking bath, am I just soaking in his shit flakes? Like, that's all I can think about now. And I don't want to shame him, you know? I don't, I want him to be proud of this clean asshole, but also, like, is it hygienic to use your bathtub as a fucking bidet.

Okay. So I'm. Yeah. This, this, this is clearly coming from a woman who has not experienced. the opposite side of this where it's a man with the dirtiest asshole you've ever seen in your entire life, this is like a

steak is too juicy situation. Like this is a good situation to be in. I also do this. Every time? It's on a case by case basis, but usually at least once or twice a day probably. Once or twice a day.

You go over the edge and you just let the water run down? I just I just take all the clothes off, hop in real quick, and just turn it on the, you know, the jet setting and get in there. It's just the best. Do you get your whole body wet or do you just aim it up your ass? I just aim it directly up the ass. Do you have like a removable handle or do you, okay, so you just put that in your ass? No, I don't put that. You make it sound like I put the handle like way deep. No, I mean, you, you aim it. You aim it. It's essentially just, it's, you know, you don't have a bidet, but you're just using this as.

But you wipe before you go in. Yeah. Yeah. But wiping never gets everything, dude. That's like caveman. No, I'm not disagree with that. I just want to know how much particulate we're bringing into the shower. Well, it all goes down the drain.

But some of it's landing on the, like the, what do you call it, the cast iron? So, yeah, but here's the thing. It's either doing that right after you dig a shit or it's doing that same thing next time you get in the shower. still there anyway, same thing's happening. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, but not to get too technical. I do feel like your boxers are probably absorbing a good percentage of it before you transition to the shower. Oh, that's a nightmare scenario as well.

But here's, if your boxers are doing the heavy lifting, that is, that's a problem. I like, I like what you're doing. I think it's optimal. But aren't you asking a lot of, the people you live with. What do you mean? I think if you're going to have that technique, and I respect it,

you should have two showers. One for the people who clean their butt that way and one for the people who don't. But do you think they're dropping as many shit particulates into the tub as you are? I think, yeah. It's the exact same thing. Because you're saying,

you're saying that your boxers are doing the heavy lifting. Not that I didn't say the heavy lifting. You said, play the tapes. You said the heavy lifting. Well, no, no. That I misspoke. The wiping. The wiping is doing the heavy lifting.

Yes, yes. The wiping is doing the heavy lifting. And then after the wiping, I think the boxers are doing some debris absorption. The JT files. What am I? I'm not the one. The JT files. I'm not the one taking dumps and other people.

people's tubs. No, I mean, here's, here's my thing on it. Are you soaping? No. Does soap follow the wash? It's just water. It's just water. You're on the hot seat, brother. I didn't not expect this to be on the hot seat. First of all, I thought this is a completely normal thing. I thought this chick was crazy. I don't think I was the crazy one. Did you, did you hear the message that the chick was crazy? No, she made her, she made her self seem like she was crazy at the beginning. She was like, I don't want to, you know. No, I, I, I think it's, uh, just get a bidet.

Totally. I mean, that's obvious. That's like the easiest solution for everything we're talking about right now is get, get the bidet, but, but you do have a clean. I mean, look, as a result of what you're doing, you have a cleaner, but I would be more inclined to rim you than, you know, chatter Jake right now or myself because we're not being as thorough in the, butt rinsing. But there's externalities

to that. And the family is suffering. Yeah, and I'll think you one step further, one thing I do. I shave the ass crack too. You do? Completely bald down there. Because you don't want any... Exactly. Do-do getting stuck in the hair, exactly. Is that irritating, though? When you first

start doing it, it's... How itchy is that? Your body gets used to it after a while, but I remember the first time I did it, I was like a freshman in college. The whole, like, the ass cracker, the whole all inside. He's doing the whole thing.

You need to breathe that. Like a razor? Like a Mach 3? Jolette? Yeah, exactly. You're going down there with a blade. Yes. Good.

So you don't want it, shifting through hair. That's disgusting. That's like what bears do. But so you have a lot of like shame when it comes to hair. Oh, that's interesting you say that.

Because yeah, I've been shaving my entire body since I was a little kid. And my dad, remember my dad being like, you know, since I found a razor, I was always like shaving my arms. So you shave your arms? Yeah. God, that's, my whole body. My whole body is like, you're like a dolphin. Dolphin. I, I've always had this aversion of body here. And I remember my dad being like, it was like a big conversation like when I was like six being like, like you've got to stop like

shaving. You were shaving your whole body at six. Yeah, as soon as I found like my parents razor in the bathroom. I just, I got to get it. What kind of hair did you have at six? Just peach fuzz, you know, whatever. But I didn't want it on there. There's no, I can know, like, what's the reason to have this on here? There's no reason to have this. on here. It just kind of makes everything look a little bit different. I want everything to look the same. So I would shave it all off.

Then my dad's like, you know, hey, people are going to think you're gay if you keep shipping the soft. And so he's like, in Utah, there's this amusement part called Lagoon. And he goes, if you don't shave your body for six months, I'll take you to Lagoon. You know, who can ride the roller coaster. Did you make it? I think incentive works better than punishment. I think I did.

And then, uh, immediately we have cannonball. Oh, that's awesome. They got the wild mouse there. They got the samurai. That's well worth it. It's like a, it's in Salt Lake, Utah, or a town like right outside Salt Lake, but it's a really fun one. The Colossus, the Wild Mouse. Have you seen Cannonball?

I don't know what Cannonball is. It's the tower. You know, we had a cannibal. Sorry. Is that a lagoon? That must be, I haven't gone there since that one was installed if that was. That looks great. But yes, back to your point.

It does, when I first shave. it. It was chafing really bad. And this was during Hempfest in Seattle. This was back when I would smoke. And so we got, you know, we took a bunch of bond groups in the car or whatever. And then, you know, I'm walking on Hempfest. It's in Seattle. It happened to be like over 100 degrees that day. It was crazy hot.

And I'm like walking around. I'm like, oh, my God, like it feels like my ass is like bleeding or something. But, you know, it's hot outside. I'm just sweating and you're high. You're freaking yourself out. And then I, you know, like, let me just check real quick. I reach my hand back there. And I take it out. And it's like just covered in blood.

Whoa. Covered in blood. Oh, man. Just chafing. Jeez. So you got to get that. It probably takes a few months to get, you know, that all. But you kept doing it after that.

And now it's smooth. Yeah. And then now it's just so much cleaner. You've perfected to practice. Yeah. Someone in the chat said something true. You should be sponsored by Manscaped. Like, I feel like you could be their number one person.

Yeah, yeah, just for the completely, uh, yeah, I had actually had Nair reach out to me one time. Nair is tough. I'd neared my chest one time. I don't like that process. You smell the burning and stuff. And it takes, it's,

they're like, oh, it's easier. It's like, actually it's way more messy and it takes way longer. And you ruin a towel. Like,

and your whole apartment smells like shit. My buddy, dude, uh, A bomb before 4th of July neared his arms. He always did stuff like, kind of wrong.

He left it on too long. And then, uh, burn? I come to pick him up in the morning. He's like, I can't go, bro.

I feel like a lobster. And he's just burned all over. He's like, I'm gonna look like a freak. And I was like, crushing it, but I was like, and then I had another, to the original thing about the butthole cleaning, I had a friend growing up, he spent the night at our house all the time, I won't out him by name, his name's bleep that. And he would go into my shower and he'd bring

a sock and he'd wipe his butt with the sock. And I wouldn't know he was doing it, but I'd go into my shower later and there'd just be a sock in there that was covered in doo-do residue. Really? Yeah. Oh my God. Oh, wait. Ew. He didn't wash it?

Uh, the sock. Yeah. He would be wet, but it would, it'd be like, oh, wow. That's, yeah. He would go in there, like it was like a glove and use this sock. Interesting. Like a puppet. Right.

Right. That's too far. That's. But that's interesting. You think it's too far. I thought you'd be like, excited by that. The what? The sock, because doesn't that seem like the cleanest version?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the aftermath of what you have to deal with is negates in the shower. There is a limit. Oh, yeah, there's obviously, there has to be a limit. Like when people are using like the reusable diapers or some shit like that.

Have you thought about that with your kids? No, I didn't even know reusable. Oh, yeah, because you clean them so it's not as wasteful. Yeah. No, that would have been tough. That's not really, yeah. I respect the people who do that, but no, that was something I was, I was totally content to be wasteful on. My kids are potty trained now, though, which is pretty awesome.

I, uh, so when I. guys love you when I was here when I was hearing the voicemail though I was kind of like my first thought was let him do his thing if he wants a clean butt that's fine it's better than I was I heard my sister-in-law told me about her friend who her husband leaves shit stains on the sheets oh that's cr that's gnarly see and so that's what I'm talking about she has no let him do his thing yeah yeah with him let him do his thing you know Let him take dumps in the bed. Let him, yeah, shit stains.

The guy works hard. Come on. Yeah, apparently he's like a very successful guy. He is. He's doing a big million dollar deals. Oh, yeah. Even shit stains in the bed. Nobody's perfect.

People take dumps in bed. But yeah, I think, I think, like, I guess there's like doo-doo in the tub, you know, coming down. Yeah, if he's wiping first, I think if he's wiping first, then I don't think that's any different than when people shower. But I think you should be using it. soap. So the soap cleans it. I think maybe that's the she needs to tell him to use soap. Or he could just

because it's also the kids are bathing in there and the way you bath kids is like they're sitting down in there. They're in duke. So they're going to pick up more residue than an adult that was just on their feet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't think about the kids. That's the game changer. I think you don't want to stop your husband from having a clean butt and from living the way that makes them happy. But I would just be like, yo dude,

you got to like bleach the tub once a week and you got to pour soap on the bottom when you're done. I would be in I would feel bad doing this soon but I'm like you got to add some time to this thing to make sure we don't and because it's true you're probably not in more feces but it does mentally feel like you're in more feces so you got to account for that I bet if she if she came home with a big thing of soap for him that'd make them closer meet him where he's at yeah I think I mean this guy he seems like he just wants to be clean I don't think he's expecting a big rim. If you've been married this long, you know, why hasn't she rimmed him? And why hasn't he asked? He's probably embarrassed. Or you know, he's been setting it up.

He wants you to rim him. It's obvious. Yeah. And she seems like a super cool lady. Right. She sounded pretty too. She should rim him. But he should ask. He should ask. That's true. If he wants to be rimmed this badly. Closed mouth doesn't get fed. Yeah, he's prepping every day. Yeah, squeaky wheel gets the grease. Like, you know, he, Make him ask. And you're not rimming him just because you're the wife and that's your wifely duty. I can tell from the way this guy lives, he's a great guy. So that's why he deserves that rimming.

Yeah. And I do too, babe. Is Audrey okay with you doing your butt that way? Yeah, I think so. No, so no, that's clean. I don't know if she knows, but. that was the perfect answer you lied to me you never asked

I didn't think I had to do you consider yourself one-liner guy no I do one-line I do one-line well if you see my set I'm not doing one-liners a whole time I write them all the time to like and usually I have them as like part of bigger bits they'll be like in between stuff yeah and I always like to take bigger bits and see if I can distill like three or four minutes down to a one-liner

to make sure like the story is like cohesive If you can distill it down to a one-liner, I think you have a good bit, and then you can expand on it, but I'm not like a Mitch Hedberg, just ripping one-ease the whole time. What up, Stokers? Didn't realize this was a hotline. Currently dropping logs, but I've been writing down some one-liners

and could really appreciate your feedback. Okay, here's the first one. Even the sweetest cookies still needs salt. I think this one's pretty versatile. that you can use in a couple different scenarios. All right. Second one. You're already on the Titanic,

you may as well grab a life jacket. Like, you know, you're already going down. Save yourself while you can. Pretty self-explan. Last one here. Let's see. This guy's taking a shit. Hmm.

I already know how to use this one, but Santa's got to deliver the presents before getting the milk and cookies. I don't know. It might not make any. any sense at all, but let me know. No, they were all good, like, aphorisms, but, um, and he seems like an awesome guy, but though, I would not consider those one-liners.

No, like jokes? Yeah, well, to me a one-liner is a joke. It's like, uh, like a Mitch Hedberg joke or something. Yeah, there's no, these are more like, uh, it's like advice. Like a saying, yeah. Yeah. What was the cookie, cookie one? Even a little cookie needs a little salt or something?

Even the sweetest cookie needs a little salt. Yeah, like you need balance, I guess. Yeah, but just guy, just so you know, that one has been around for like generations and generations. Like that's not like an original thought, even in the slightest. That's like the very first one of the one-liners ever written was like. He's like treat others the way you wanted to treat it. I like your heads at. I don't know if there's a way to punch them up because there's no punch lines in there.

Maybe take them to the open mic and see how they do. I like that. Give them some advice. The Santa one makes sense. I haven't heard that one before. You got to deliver the presents before you get the cookies. That's, you know, that's a, you know, you got to go to your girlfriend's sister's wedding before you can get rimmed, basically. It's like the sentiment there.

You got to do maximum output before you get the dopamine spike. I'm going to sound like such a right winger on this one, but I was reading the Tucker. Hello? Hey, bro. Yo, what is up? What's up, Doug? How are you? man.

Dude, legendary. Holy shit. This is real life. Hell yeah. It's happening, brother. Wait. In a way, maybe. Brew, tell us what's cooking, man.

So what's going on? Can you break it down for the audience? What's your conundrum? So I'm a newly single dad. Got a two and a half year old boy. Congrats. And, dude, my stoke levels are slowly deteriorating. I'm having a year-long

bad lugs bout. dude, I just need some inspiration. Well, you sound like a great guy, man. What happened with the gal? So, you know, things were getting a little dicey. She found some things. She found some things. It was just a whole lot of, you know, a whole lot of cool stuff.

Were you cheating on her? Were you doing drugs or something? What would she find? So a little bit of a situation where, you know, I've found some things. Oh, you found some things. Yeah, and then in the process, if I was trying to work on things, she found some things. Called things off, you tell me. So you guys were both fooling around on each other?

Yeah, it was a little more like I was extremely heartbroken after seeing all that. And I was like, fucking, I'm a fool doing it. Right. Epic fail. Did not go as planned. When you say you have a two year and a half-year-old son, is that with this girl? Yeah, yeah. Okay.

How's the son? doing is he is he uh talking oh dude he's he's goaded bro i mean counting the 20s to 20s that's very good 20's very good and is he speaking in more than like three-word sentences oh dude complete sentences oh so developmentally he's crushing it crush it dude his his emotional intelligence is just insane i mean we were sitting there listening to some tool the other day and he goes dad are you happy and i was like no dear Right. He could sense your bummer. Yeah. Well, that's tough, man.

I mean, you know, you got to honor yourself, but you also want to make sure you're keeping yourself together. So the little guy's absorbing the best possible energy. Exactly, bro. What stuff? Dude, I'm like a baseline positive guy. Like, my mom. We can hear it. I lost my dad when I was young and she, like, never had a frown.

You know what I mean? Like, it was just always kind of like super positive lights and positive energy. You know, that's kind of like. my baseline, but dude, it's slowly withering. You know what I mean? Well, are you doing stuff that gets you stoked? Well, dude, so I was, but like I said,

I'm on a generational bad luck spout. You know, lost my job of the last year. What did you do? End up having to leave it. Had to go to a job hand way less. Ended up getting fired from that job. You know, it's just been a crazy, like, dude, literally the second

that I bought, like, a brand new skin on Marvel, arrivals, my computer broke. You know? So it's like, and that's just like one little thing out of the hundreds that have been going wrong. I mean, dude, I had two job interviews the other day

called to like say, hey, I'm on the way and they're like, yeah, that's not a that position doesn't even exist. What space are you in? Like, what the fuck? What do you do? What do you do? Oh, so I'm a pool guy now.

Is that what you... I've done a lot of different stuff, you know? And are those the jobs you've been applying for with pool guy? So I'm just applying for like third shift stuff right now so I can have like a second job Second source of income because being a pool guy in the winter is like not paying the bills. You know what I mean? Sure. But yeah, I'm just trying to find different ways to crush you and I'm fucking like dude.

Every time I get like an interview, I'm like, let's go. And then the interview cancels and I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah. Hey, well, here's the thing. you're still out there and you're doing it and you're trying it. And I think it's going to work out at some point. Finding a job is like one of the hardest things to do. You know, it's not easy.

So that is going to like work out if you keep positive and you keep trying. It takes so long to figure something like that out. What would you say like of your mental level is fixated on your ex? Is that, are you mentally over that or is that still consuming a lot of your... Oh, brother. I mean, this is like a back and forth war of attrition at this point. I mean, it's like one day, you know, hate each other's guys the next day. You know, just want to be around each other.

Oh, that sucks. Are you guys still banging? You know what I mean? It's like the worst. Wait, are you guys, are you guys still banging? Dude, yeah, bro. Oh, all right. Look, dude, we got a lot of mess.

You can't get out of the rut because you're not getting out of the rut. You keep doing the stuff that's keeping you in the same mix. And then you're telling yourself, and you have had some genuine bad luck, but you're telling yourself, you're on this generational bad run. If you keep telling yourself that, you're going to look for confirmation of that.

And it's going to keep happening. True. I think we got to go, you can't go no contact with your baby mama. But I think we go. That's the hardest part. I think it's tough, man. I think we go no sexual contact with anybody for a couple months.

I've been on that wave link. It's just like every once a month, maybe, you know, once every two months, you know, once every two months, it'll hit me up. But you got to take contrary action. Whatever's not working right now. If you keep doing the same thing, it's going to keep not working. I mean, who knows, man, it's life. You just got to try everything.

But I would take contrary action and just do the opposite of everything you're doing for a little bit and see how that goes. And then just do stuff that gets you stoked. Do you have something you like to do? Dude, so, you know, I actually have been talking my boy about this. And, you know, I've started working out and I've started like trying to eat better trying to like get back into like shows.

You know what I mean? Because like I've just been kind of super consumed with the game and then my kid, you know what I mean? But yeah, man, I mean, I've just really since my computer broke, I've just kind of been working out and chilling dog, trying to find my Zen again, you know. I think you've got to do something weird. I think you got to sign up.

They do these damn. I went to one with my, with my fiance. The instructor was odd. But your mom can help out and watch the kid. Maybe you go to, I think you sign up for like a meringue a class. And you do that for a couple months. I genuinely believe if you do that, stuff will start looking up in a couple months. Is that crazy?

Rangay? Yeah. No, I think you got to try new things. I'm just curious how to get you out of the, like, the, get you out of generational, or not, or the bad luck spell, you know,

I think, I think, I literally put in my two-week notice in one of my jobs and they just fired me. Yeah, but I think it's, it's all work related shit, you know what I mean?

So it's like, yeah. Like a constant, like something like, hold on, hold on, let chat, let chat,

let chat get you here. Well, yeah, I just think, uh, it's like that confirmation bias. I'm, I'm sure who said that,

but I think it's, if you keep spinning in the negative, it seems like you're going to stay in the negative. So I think you need to try a different class or I don't know what to do because you are in a conundrum. I live in the middle of the woods. Like I live in rural Georgia. There's like one stoplight in my town. I think you know what? I think it is.

I think you're wrapped up in the material world. And I get it. There's a lot of pressure. You got to provide for your child. It's expensive. But I think you need to get out in nature. I think you need to kind of, I think you need to climb a tree.

I think you need to get on a rope swing. You're in Georgia. They have rope swings there, right? Yeah, there's got to be something around here. I think you need to get back in nature and the present. You know, do a big hike, climb a mountain. Should we do some manifest? Yeah.

I'm not even big on this, but I think you could use a dollop. Should we do a quad mantra of good things happen to me for 20 seconds? Yeah, and try this while jacking off too. Right now? Yeah, I think it'll help them. Yeah, if you want to crank in front of us, if that will help, yeah. Dude, I had like a three-month session where I was so depressed. I wouldn't even do it, bro.

Oh, that's sad. No, you should never be so sad you can't crank. Dude, I know. I think you should change your perspective a little bit because you said you put in your two weeks then you got fired. Did you get some kind of severance? Yeah. Bro, no, not at all. Dude,

and the company I was working for was all like Jehovah's Witness. It was just like a weird, it was just a weird vibe, bro. They're very charming up top. Yeah. All right. Do you want to get better? Bro, more than anything.

I believe him. Sounds like a good guy. Brew. All right. We're going to do it for 20 seconds. You ready? Yep. I'm ready. Good things happen to me. Good things happen to me. Good things happen to me. Good things happen to me. Good things happen to me. Good things happen to me. Good things happen to me. Good things happen to me. Good things happen to me. Good things happen to me. Good things happen to me. Good things happen to me. Good things happen to me. Good things happen to me. It's 20. Good things happen.

And dude, my number, you can call me anytime. My number's, uh, I, I don't know, but yeah, you can buzz me anytime, brother. Yeah, I know you don't know who I am, but the, uh, I went through, you guys, I don't even know if you guys know I was divorced.

I didn't know that. I don't talk about it too much, but I was, and I got divorced when I was kind of young, um, a little bit older than you. And I recall being in this exact same position. And I think,

what you're doing you are you know we just did that mantra you are staying positive you are still trying I think that's super important I think just there's no way around this what is going to it's just it takes time it really just does take time and once it starts flipping around it'll it'll change but you just just hang in there while it sucks and just you know it is gonna suck and there's no way around that but time is gonna help and you know we talked about it's you you are in a little bit different of a situation you do have a kid with this with this woman so that makes it you know like you said impossible to go no contact but if if you are able to

mentally set those boundaries whatever you're comfortable i'm not here to tell you what those should be um but i'd probably stray away from any sexual relations but if you are to if you set those boundaries and you stick to them i think sticking to the the boundaries that you set when you're in a good mindset and you go if i stick with these it's going to help me if you stick with those it's going to compound and slowly help you heal much quicker than the constant falling back and forth. But I don't think there's going to be one magic solution. Just this. It's good advice.

You're crushing it, man. Like a framework. He needs a framework. The boundaries. Because that will also help you feel like you have these small wins. If you have this boundary where, oh, I'm not going to have, you know, sex with this person. And then they inquire about it. And then you say, no, that's going to feel like a big win.

And then, you know, it's going to be hard in the moment, but you're going to wake up the next day feeling like, oh, I want to keep this going. And once you start having these little wins build and build and build, the thought of like knocking those down or taking an L becomes less and less of an option because you're like, look how far I've come. And it's going to become easier and easier. And then you compound that with time and it's going to it's going to hill a lot of stuff. And, you know, obviously I'm not trying to discount anything that you're saying at all. but this people go through this stuff you know it's normal and they make it they make it through it to the other side and it it does suck while you're in it but try and set those boundaries and stick to them and take those little wins and then um you know as time goes by it's going to it's going to compound

and you know things can flip really quick i mean you'd be surprised like it's uh you know this was like five years ago for me when this happened and it feels like forever ago and once it switches it's It's going to be just like something that you don't even, you know, your new life is going to be so much better. It's a distant chapter. Yeah, it's a distant chapter. And, you know, I'm sure you've gone through other hard shit and you're going to get through this just like you got through that other stuff. And it sucks. But just give a time and you have a positive attitude.

And the most important thing I'm seeing from you is like you're still trying. You're still out there. And as long as, you know, you seem like a hardworking guy. I don't know you. Yeah, he's still applying. You're still going for the job. That's good, man. Yeah.

Right. You're going to be totally fine. Just, you know, be comfortable with it sucking for a while and then... He's like Keanu and John Wick when his house just got blown up. Right now, you're picking up the pieces and it's going to take some time, but you're going to kill the Russians. I was going to say something similar. I got to go get my dog bag, bro. I was going to go get.

I was going to say you remind me of Nelson Mandela when he was in a pony cell on Robin Island. Yeah. Dude. bro this high praise he had very little he could control very little but he found a way to stay strong because he was the master of my fate

I am the captain of my soul hell yeah bro this is a personal calculation dude my stoke is already increased all right yeah call back another time and brew hang in there be well don't have sex with her love you man

love you guys bro bye brother It's a good place to end. Yeah. He's a nice guy. Sam, you crushed that, man. It was so awesome having you on, dude.

Yeah, you're the man. Yeah, I was happy to. It's a blast. Yeah, if you want to check me out on Samuel Orson, I got some new videos coming out. I'm going to try some other variations of the recording for my safety.

Have a few that I'm going to try. I just did about five minutes of stand-up to the postmates robots in my area last night that I'm going to post. Do you feel, are you feeling a little pressure now that they're cooking to? We're going to like... Well, I'm cooking and I also want to just come up with like alternative ways so it's not always doing the open bike to kind of keep evolving it. So you're going to see that one of the postmates robot coming up. I'm going to be doing a series where I just go to like, you know, a mall and hang out in the elevator.

When people get in, I'll start ripping one-liners to them. I'm going to be going to karaoke this weekend. And, you know, I'm going to put on my favorite song. And instead of singing it, I'm going to rip one-liners over the backing track to the whole audience. I'm going to try some new things just to keep it fresh. and also not, you know, annoy all the open micers in the area that like, oh, here comes Sam

he's going to fucking record our shit again.