Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 429 - FOR THE LOVE OF HOG | Joe Marrese & Kevin Fard

Episode Date: March 4, 2026

In today's episode, we are joined by KING HOG Joe Marrese and TOP DONG Kevin Fard. The Shmole starts the pod talking about how much brain power he's spent thinking about Joe’s legendary shaft. Is it 10x his own? The bros also talk desert trips, Chad's bachelor party, and whether it will be stripper friendly (Either way KEV is going.) This is a chiller of an ep.  CHECK OUT OUR NEW YOUTUBE SERIES: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkxsXCzRgw0YnogF0Q-t8o0devtOBPQTZ We are live streaming a fully unedited version of the pod on Twitch, if you want to chat with us while we're recording, follow here: https://www.twitch.tv/chadandjtgodeep Grab some dank merch here:https://appreeshapparel.com/ Come see us on Tour! Get your tix - http://www.chadandjt.com TEXT OR CALL the hotline with your issue or question: 323-418-2019(Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice) Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/ Thanks to our Sponsors: HIMS: The Best Hair Loss solutions for men. Go to https://www.hims.com/godeep  and get started today with an online consult with a professional. PRODUCTION & EDITS BY: Jake Rohret

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Shaft and raft. Graft. Graft. Graff and shaft graft and raft. Did you do a triple rhyme? I didn't mean to wear these sweatpants, but there was a laundry mishap. at the building. It took you a while, but now you're catching my...

It was a rough morning. Because they had to shut the water off to fix leaks, and I had laundry in the washing machine, so it stopped mid-cycle. And so I had to pull soaking wet clothes out of the machine, and now they're just sitting in the hamper soaking wet. Coincidentally, this is the same outfit Joe's wears to strip clubs. Yeah, it's my jack-off pants.

No underwear. What's your local, what's the machine in your building charging? 225 or 250 if you want extra, if you want the heavy cycle. Yeah, I go heavy loads. Yeah, you do, I bet you do. Yeah. Joe, when you were at a deli and you see like a whole, a big roll of salami, yeah, I've seen those.

Does that sexy? Yeah, is it remind you of your cock? Yeah, because it's thick and big and fat. Do you refer to it as a salami? Like, come on, baby, suck on my salami? No, but we should bring that back. I used to play hide the salami back in the day. What's that?

You hide your dong something? Can you explain? Yeah. Oh. Your dong hides in vaginas. Oh. Oh. Ha ha ha ha.

Do you? And then somebody has to go find it. Oh, who finds it? Usually me. You find your. own dong in a vaj? But don't you already know it's there? Yeah, but then you pull it out and it's like, oh, there it is.

Oh. Oh, wait, it's gone again. Have you ever pulled your pants down and how many gasps have you ever experienced? Like, oh, my goodness. Yeah, that has happened. What happened? I don't know. Yeah, just like that kind of were like, oh, wow.

or something like that. You know there's laundromats in LA that charge $6.50 for a load? No way. That doesn't seem like, that seems unreasonable. It's crazy. And people are going there. I guess. It's got to be one of those giant machines where you can do like three loads at once or something.

Yeah, it's for a 40-pound wash. Well, yeah. Do you have to check on your dong when you fly? Because you know, like a bag over 50 pounds. You know, you have to pay an extra fee. They try to get me to check it, but I say it's got to come with. I got to keep an eye on this thing. It might not be a checked issue, but you know, the, I think a bigger fear you might have

is that they're going to eventually start charging you for an extra seat. Yeah. For your dog. You know how like with oversized people, everybody complain, a lot of people complain. And some people are self-conscious and they end up buying an extra seat. Do you imagine that one day you'll just have to buy a seat for your shaft? Yeah, I hope, I mean, Southwest, they might try and do that someday I can see. Have you ever been, you know, pre-coitus?

And like, what's your kind of, before you pull down your pants, do you ask like, are you ready? Oh, like a consent? Do you ask for consent? Do you ask for consent? Like a warning? A warning. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, you want to give a warning.

Do you get, so you give. So you give a warning of your shaft size. Or you never surprised them? Well, yeah, I do like that song. Just go, y'all ready for this? And then I do. Dunna. Did you guys know?

This is a little. Ready. Yeah. Did you guys, this is a little movie factoid. You know, the first scene in Star Wars New Hope when the big ship crosses it, like, takes up the entire screen and you're just, wow. that was at George Lucas got that idea when he sucked off Joe whoa because the Dong took up his whole field of vision oh I didn't know that

interesting is that on is that on Wackapedia yeah the Wackopedia Joe what um the people want to know and I don't even have to look at the chat they're asking about what's what's the vein situation on your shaft. Do we have large veins? Are there numerous? There's a At different times

there's different veins I feel like But yeah there's yeah there's some going vein action. Do you have different veins? Well yeah I mean I there's the main one But yeah I think there's a There's a main vein I think there's a posse of veins

Yeah what is that vein called? Yeah, I think they just call it the main vein Is that your new nickname, the main vein? You're circumcised, right? Yeah. Did the doctor have to use a machete? Yeah, it was more of a guillotine. Oh.

You chopped your whole head off and still that big. When they chopped it off, it grew bigger? Is it like, yeah. It's like when you shave your hair and it grows in thicker? It's the ventral vein. Yes, I heard that term. What are the other veins called? ventral

The dorsal veins. How are your dorsal veins? Do they, are they numerous? Is it like these? Yeah. I think it's the top part of the dog. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, that one's strong. Yeah. You know, because they make dildos. Yeah, vibrators don't have veins,

but dildos have veins. Yeah, I've seen that. I don't know if you can get like extra, I mean, I've never seen that. Somebody told me about it. Yeah.

Someone brought up a good point. We never talk about your bag. Yeah, that is a good point. Yeah, I mean, it's a solid bag. Yeah, I don't know. You snutsack? Did I guess tell you guys that the little baby, he had a huge, huge sack? Your son.

Did I say that? Did I tell you guys that on the last. Congress? Giant. Just giant bag. Really? I don't know if the nards are big. But even, like, when my mom saw him for the first time,

she's all decked that kid has a giant sack. That happened to my cousin Lucas when he was born. Yeah. Huge nuts. Oh no, Bradley. You happened to my cousin Bradley when he was born. Yeah. How were they now?

I think they came back down to size. Yeah. It's some kind of like temporary swelling. Yeah, actually, I didn't cry on the first one's birth, but this one I cried. When I saw the sack, yeah. That's awesome. When you saw the sack? Yeah, when I saw the sack.

It's the first time I cried. Because you were just so proud? Well, I was just like, how did that sack? You know, small dong, small sack here. And how did I produce even one of the two? It's pretty impressive. Yeah, it must come from your wife's side. Yeah.

I haven't seen her dad's sack, but it could be. Does he read as someone who's impressive? Yeah, I mean, he could have, yeah, he's one of those he could. Right. One of those he could. It's his play. Yeah. But my wife is half Asian too.

But I don't know what the sack is. Is she? I don't know the sack. I don't know how Asian sacks are. Do you guys know how Asian sacks are? Smooth. Smooth? Yeah.

It's smooth. Nice. Is this the podcast? Persian sacks are hairy generally. I think that's, I think that'll be the episode. When do you guys play the song, you do that off script or off camera or whatever? Yeah. Like their intro song.

Oh. Jake throws that in. Yeah, it's called a post It's called editing Joe Yeah, I've heard of editing Yeah It's a good idea to do that You want to hear it now

What I do you know? No, I just didn't know If we started or not Oh, we've been cooking Or if this is like pre-chatter Like hey, let's warm up Let's let's get into it Let's get everybody greased up

Joe, do you feel Do you feel like we're focusing on you too much Or you're focusing on your Johnson? No, I like being focused on me. I bet you do. You know, I'm here, so it's good to do it. Got my dirty, dirty sweatpants on.

I don't know what's on them. There could be mustard. There could be other items. Jizz? Could be laundry detergent. It's not jizz. Anything but jizz. There could be other liquids.

Joe, what are your thoughts on the current events? Pick any of them? We want to know what you think. They want to know what you think. Like the weather is really nice. That's what you're talking about. I'm not talking about that. I think the weather is great.

Thank you for the nice bulge comment. Appreciate that. Bulges are good. It's good to have a, we need a good bulge in the world. It's not a current event? The battle of the bulge, that was about. That's not current. Different guys as bulges.

It was crazy that they would fight over such a thing. Um, but I could, what I could see. Notice you got uncomfortable there and you went straight back to your cock. Is that what you normally do? Yeah. You get uncomfortable. You just shift the conversation back to your large penis. Well, I mean, of everyone here, Joe, did you not?

Who do you think cares more about the current events? You or Joe. Oh, I thought you were saying who cares more about his cock. Oh, yeah. That's actually a better question. Who cares more about Joe's cock? Joe or you? Well, the reason to ask about current events

is because I would like to hear some a refreshing take on the current events. Oh, that's fair. But it doesn't answer the question. Oh, okay, ask it again? Who cares more about Joe's cock? Joe or you? Ooh.

Well, we would hope he cares more about his cock, but I think I put in more work on his cock than he has. Yeah, I think he has. Yeah, Kevin has put in the work. I mean, if we're talking about more brain power spent on a penis, I think I've spent more brain power on Joe's penis than my own penis.

By how much? Oh, by, what do we measure it by? Brain power. Time spent. Time spent? Oh, probably 10x. Wow. Yeah, that kind of brain power.

I don't think about my, uh, one's dong is great. I don't think about my member that much. Certainly not as much as Joe's member. I've never written a song about my, my member. Do you think about Joe's penis every other day, Every day. Every day. Multiple times a day.

Yeah, with all these songs, I would have to be daily thought. I would think on the... It has to be in your... It's like in my... Can you understand? It's like in... It has to be in your consciousness, subconscious. It has to be in you.

Yes. Okay? To make great art, you have to be inside of it. Yeah, I mean, him and a mirror, all the songs they've come up with. Think of how many they didn't like. Like, they, you know, there's a process to these songs. Right. How many got thrown away, like, yeah?

tissue that picks up jazz. Joe, how often do you think about Kevin thinking about your penis? I haven't. I guess I should more,

but I don't mind it. You don't think about me thinking about your penis? I don't think about you thinking about it. No, I haven't really, I haven't thought of it. But yeah, I guess

What do you, do you think about other people thinking about your penis? No, I guess I don't. I maybe should. but at the same time if people want to whatever thoughts are going to come in people's head I'm not going to control so it's not going to

it's not going to worry me if people want to think about it they can and I have no problems with it JT and Chad what brain time energy are you spending on Joe's penis because I imagine it's not it's not less than your own penises as well I think it's more I'm 10x what are you at

10x 10 times more 10 times more than you think about your own shaft I'd say mine's around there I just wonder about it you know I think I like I the way I wonder about God I'd say it's equal to the way I wonder about Joe's

You know what we need to do We need to go out to the desert or a cabin And it's going to sound a little That was profound Thanks It's going to be a little... Yeah, you kind of just... Unusual that...

Oh, sorry. I was getting into your vibe. I was going to say, we need to get out into nature. We need to get Joe just fully nude. Okay. I don't know if... Listen to me.

Heavy dose. Okay. Heavy dose of some golden teacher or something. Some doors. And then it's just going to be right there. And then I feel like we're going to figure something out. Yeah. So...

Wait. What do you mean? He can you figure some out and draw it or? No, you got to... And he has to be hard the whole time. Yeah, you're going to have to be hard the whole time. I'm not getting it hard in front of you guys. Well, we're not going to dictate...

We don't dictate that, right? Yeah, and Joe, how long can you stay hard? That's a good question. I mean, I could... Until the job gets done. What if we got a gilf to fluff you? Yeah. Oh, Joe likes gilfs.

I mean, gilfs now? Is that what? Did I graduate to that? No, I just... Well, Joe, I suppose. It was 55 you could be a grandma. No, because gilfs, I think, have more wisdom. And I think you want the wisdom of a gilf.

I do. I do appreciate wisdom. You like older women, don't you? Yeah, I can. I mean, I guess more so when I was a little bit younger. But now, at 42, it's like, how old are we talking? Because it's like... Well, how old are?

almost. How old are we talking? Because I would say my late 20s, early 30s, I was like, oh, yeah, a 50 year old sounds great, but now a 50 year old's like almost my same generation. But it's not as exotic because it's just like. It's like almost peer, those are my peers now. Maybe like a 70 year old. Would you bang a 70 year old Joe?

If she was fit? Probably. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, I do like them fit. Like Susan Saran. I love... Oh, yeah. She'd be a great fluff of you, Joe.

I love them in the gym. Yeah, Joe likes muscular women. And she's been complaining about being blacklisted from Hollywood, so this could be a good job you could get there. Okay. She's 79. Unbelievable. 79?

I don't know that. Oh, my God. Joe, could you imagine? Look at that. 79. Wow. Look at those. But, but...

Bompetes. Is that a current photo right there? Yeah. That's wild. She's really 79. Damn. I guess that makes sense Because if she was in like

Bull Durham in what 87 So that's about 40 years ago Yeah wow That's almost 40 years But she was a little older in that Than I thought she was I would guess she was like 32 in that

I guess she was a little bit older So my bachelor party Is coming up in two months Oh Kevin Are you gonna jack off In the house In fact I was gonna bring this up in the group chat

but I'm not going to be imposing but if there's a way I can get my own room I would love there's nothing better than a you know because we're going to be having some fun and there's nothing better at night since we don't have our own hotel rooms for me to just just crank it

so if other people want to go in the rooms and share it together and bro out I would be I would love to jack off multiple times I think we're all fired up for the bachelor party I don't think anyone's like looking to share a room I think we're all hoping to get our own room. Yeah. And I guess that I'll just, it's your bachelor party. If I'm sharing a room with somebody else, I'm sharing a room with somebody else.

If you jacking off means that you'll have more fun, then I want that for you. In fact, I think at my bachelor party, I had the master bedroom, and J.T. came and he slept on my bed. And he might have, I don't know if he did, but he took a bath in my master bath that I was going to jack off in. I walked in and he was meditating in my like jacuzzi tub in my bath. This is a big, so I might, this is a big like controversial thing. I don't think it's controversial.

I'm not upset with him about it, but I might have to. There was other mitigating circumstances too. Wait, where was that? Was I? Big bear. Was I there?

No, you couldn't make it. Oh yeah. I feel like. Oh yeah. I might have been out of town. But from the comedian side, it was like,

me and Ari. And then, uh, and, uh, and, uh, one other guy. Yeah,

Joe and chat could have, You guys had like babies. Who's the guy you played softball with? He's a good guy. There was one other company. Doug Dixon. Oh, Doug. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think this Bachelor party is not going to be comic heavy either, right? It's just me and a few others. You guys, Strider. Yeah, I think that there's all the comics.

I still, I'm, I'm non committed at the moment. No, yeah. I gathered that. I want to be there. No, I hear you. I really would love to come. I just, um. Just a little too fancy.

I just got a promotion with that comes with a significant decrease in income. Joe got past. Everybody applaud Joe got past at the comedy store. It's a very rare situation to be in in life. I hear you, brother.

So I'm still trying to figure out if I'm going to be broke soon or if I'm going to have regular, I don't know. It's just I'm in a weird spot. Well, he's coming. He's coming to your wedding, though, so that's the important thing. Yeah, I mean, I'll for sure be coming to your wedding.

Yeah, there's that pressure, that's 100%. I understand, but I think if you do come... I would love to come because I love Scottsdale. Yeah, and we'd love to... It's such a good time. And Joe would be great in a circle of your... I think. Oh, I mean, he would...

Oh, yeah, there are... Joe loves milfs in Scottsdale. It's where you want to be. Yeah. Do you guys hear that some guy exposed the members of the... exclusive club. What's the club called JT? Bohemian Grove.

Bohemian Grove. Bohemian Grove. So a guy exposed a bunch of the members. Conan's on that list. And Alex Jones, actually, he had a video where he basically exposed it. And they're worshipping a god.

It says it's a campground. Yeah. And it looks like an owl, but it's actually... Yeah, it's in California. Yeah, it looks like the northern California. Redwoods. Yeah, 2,200 names exposed. Who, uh, who else is on that list?

Is there, do you see the list, Jake? I'm curious who's in Bohemian Grove. Do you guys think they're up to nefarious activities? What do you mean? They just go out in the woods and... Yeah. Daddy goes out in the woods. Well, people think that it's the Illuminati.

Oh. Yeah, I think in the, uh, when Alex Jones went behind the scenes there, they were like standing in costume and mask and there was like a burning effigy. so the vibes were a little bit hard to relate to. Yeah, Conan, Jimmy Buffett. Clint Eastwood? Yeah, that's from like 20 years ago. Clarence Thomas.

Interesting. Henry Kissinger. Eric Schmidt. Actually, one of our wealthy friends, is that a weird sentence? No. The guy hired us to do comedy for him. He's a good guy, and I'll ask him business stuff sometimes. If you're listening, What Up Dog?

his buddy at his birthday that we performed at his buddy was like dude i go to behemian grove oh really and i was like what's it like is it like you know all the people who have their hands on the levers of power there like is it creepy he's like dude it's just like a really good hang really yeah he made it seem like a complete non yeah Conan o'brien non factor in terms of like the world order he was like it's just rich people like getting together and partying if you got invited would you go uh yeah I'd be funny or serious? That's always the... Whatever you're interesting.

Okay, I'll be funny. Yeah, I'd go. I want my hand on the wheel of power. I'd do better with it than the people in charge right now. Okay. What's the serious version of that? No, I don't think I'd go. I just think...

It's just because then people will say, oh, you went to the thing and, like, you're cooked forever. Yeah. It's not worth it. You guys need to come backpacking. with me. Yeah, Kevin does do that. That seems fun.

Kevin, I do want to do mushrooms with you still. We can do them in Scott's do. I don't know if I want to do a hero's dose, though. I only do heroes doses. Yeah, I've been hearing about the heroes dose. Allegedly, if I was going to do it, I would do a hero's dose. I wouldn't do a microdose on it. Why do they call it a hero's dose?

Do you like save people from burning buildings when you do it? No, you're on the ground. Heroes dose, you don't move around that much. How much it's five grams? Yeah, or just, I mean, if you do five grams. I don't even think you need to do five grams for the to be considered a hero's dose, but do you get scared on a hero's dose? The hero, I've never, um, are you taking eighth? I would think once you get to the eight, I've, I've heard, I've actually heard like studies on there, there's, there's a point where they, they,

it doesn't get more potent. So there's only a certain amount that your body can sort of absorb and digest. So if you do, but I was listening to this one podcast, they were doing it scientifically on people to just see how their reactions were. And they were giving them five grams. And, but the conclusion was everybody either had a good trip or a bad trip,

but then when they woke up in the morning, even the ones with the bad trip had positive, uh, there's a cleansing quality to it. About that, so. Have you ever had like spiritual, uh, experiences?

I wouldn't call anything spiritual. I haven't done ayahuasca or anything like that, so. Oh, I thought you can get that from mushrooms. When you did Molly, it sounded like you came close to a spiritual experience. When you did in Vegas that one time? I wouldn't say Molly is a spiritual experience.

I feel like it's more just like, you're just happy and nice to people. You are very nice when you're on drugs. I'm a very, yeah. It's a good quality. Yeah, it's the other way. Some people are like, oh, I don't want to party with this guy. But when you party, I'm like, whoa, yeah.

Yeah, people actually like me better. Interesting thing. What did you think of this Colin Gray situation? Who? The Georgia dad. whose son did his school shooting, and they just convicted the dad of manslaughter and murder. Because he bought him the gun.

He bought him the gun, and there was warning signs and he didn't take the gun away. I saw some of his testimony. He's like, well, he's on watching call duty. Or he was playing call of duty.

And then there's all, well, it's like a bonding experience where he wants to just get him a, he wanted to get him off the video games. And he was like, oh, he'll relate to this.

It is, it is interesting. I'm assuming they're going to appeal it. Didn't they, didn't they get a conviction in like, Michigan. Yeah, this is the second time it's happened. They're clearly trying to like make an example of these

people, right? We discussed this the last podcast around. We did? Not, we discussed legal stuff about, you know, manslaughter versus Oh yeah, with driving. Yeah. And I think this is sort of like you're doing something what was this guy, I didn't, I don't know

too much about this case. Was the son like did he knowingly have conditions like mental? health issues. He had like panic disorder and he had some anti-social behavior. But the dad, I mean, I don't know the details that well, but the dad was like, look, I didn't think he was going to like, I know he had plans to go hurt people. Did the dad buy him a gun? Wait, what was it, go back? What was he convicted of? Invol? Let's see. Convicted of second degree, he was convicted of both? Yeah. The jury only deliberated for like two hours. Okay. There must have been some damning

evidence in there, huh? Yeah, I wonder. I think of his negligence. If it's just like your son's weird and you get him a gun and it's for hunting, versus like, you know that he's threatened to, like, kill people or do dangerous things and you get him the gun, I think that's sort of where the line is. I'm not to, especially something out of California, I'm not too, I don't have a very strong opinion on it because it's sort of this, like, gray area.

Yeah, but I think cases like this should be, you would think that would be actually more difficult to prove. Yeah, stay right here, Jake. They keep saying there was multiple signs, but they're, at least the superficial news coverage doesn't get into what those were. Yeah, and I don't know if like, I don't know what happened in the trial because where was this, Georgia? Yeah. The culture is a lot different there and, you know, it's not. The other one was in Michigan. It's not unusual for people to have

guns or get their kids guns. So I wonder what other evidence came in to get the jury to convict him so fast. You probably want to know what other evidence they had. Do you think it'll slow down school shootings?

What? I don't know. The deterrence effect on like parents getting their kids guns? Yeah, I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. if there's deterrence, if you know your kid's like a weirdo, I don't know why you need to get him a gun.

Okay, here's the, do you guys want to hear the stuff? Yeah, this is all very funny, so I think. Law enforcement had previously investigated the teenage son for making online threats to shoot up a school. And the dad bought him a rifle after that. And then the son had to stay. Wait, wait, say that again. He made online threats to shoot up the school.

And then the dad bought him a gun afterwards. So that's where we're saying like, it was it just he was a little weird or he had like specific like information hey you know this kid has made death threats and then you put the gun in his and then the son had a shrine to the parkland school shoot and then they could show that the dad bought him a gun yeah but did they have evidence that the dad knew he had did he live with them shrine um was it a secret shrine to the parkland shoot that's what it says did the kid get killed i think the kid went to jail as well Damn.

So that's probably what swayed the jury. You know what? When I first read about the case, I was like, this is crazy. You can't put him in jail for that. But after reading those details, I see where people are coming from. Yeah, see, I only saw just a minute of his testimony. And he was talking about, you're trying to put it on call of duty, I think. But he said he was making it more like a bonding experience where he was getting this gun for hunting.

or at least that's what his defense was. I, I, yeah, I think the dad is an idiot, but I don't know if that's going to, I guess it'll make parents be more careful, but I don't know if that's really going to deter school shootings. Guys, this podcast is brought to you by the Legends at Hymns. We all know how tough it is to talk about your flow, especially if you're getting up there in age

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Do you want to think of a funnier one, or do you have a funny take on this? You could make it funny. I don't know. I mean, 14, when it happened, 8th grade, I was just trying not to have wet dreams. Some could say Joe's dad could be charged for loading his son with that. Cannon and his band. Yeah, I mean, I've been packing

for years. Yeah, I haven't had any... And you were trying not to have wet dreams? Nobody's involuntary, you know, I haven't... True, why not just have the wet dream? They're so great. I don't think I never had one. I was too weird.

You never finished in your sleep? You never had, like, when you were like 14, you never woke up with a... No, I wish. It sounds so good. You never had, that's kind of like a right of passage through... When it does happen, it's... Is it awesome?

It's amazing. Yeah, because in all my horny dreams, like, I never penetrate. You don't finish. I wake up right before I start to do the deed. But I thought everybody, when the guys, when they go through puberty, that happens. It's just like, it's like, the jizz is like, hey, I've arrived. You know, that's, you missed out. I know.

That's the big jiz reveals. Is there like a lucid dreaming where you could, like, give yourself wet dreams? Yeah, if anyone's going to figure that. It's probably kind of that. Oh, that's chat, GBT. I think if you don't, if you don't bust for an extent. Well, Joe would know. Joe, how long did you go without busting, assuming you're not lying about it?

You remember when you weren't busting? Oh, last year. Yeah, I did it for, yeah, I was very clear-headed. I went about a month. Oh, okay. I think if you go over a month, they say God will jack you off at night. So you need to just not bust and you will get busted. Can I ask chat GPT once?

Yeah, go. How long do you need to? retain your jiz. When you're having a wet dream, you're not touching yourself though, right? It's all just brain. It's mental. Wow. Yeah. That's so cool. Yeah. That's why they say God. That's why actually people started believing in God.

Okay. Good. Hey, chat, GPT. How can I give myself wet dreams? It's not really something you can force on command. Yeah. Wet dreams or nocturnal emissions are natural and often happens spontaneously. If you're trying to encourage a

dreams you could try thinking about romantic or sensual thoughts before sleep or reading something that sets that mood. But honestly, it's just a natural bodily process and not everyone experiences them regularly. I already look at butthole a lot before I go to bed. And I do jack off, but maybe if I just don't jack off for a month, do you think that will lead to a nocturnal emission? Abstaining for a while can sometimes increase the likelihood. Yeah. But it's still not guaranteed. Everyone's body reacts differently. The best approach is just to...

Well, thanks for me. Yeah, I think you would have to abstain from whacking it for a while and then it could I would think it could for sure happen. I wanted her to go, we'll close your eyes right now and then just start talking dirty to you. Yeah, her and see if she can make you bust. Yeah, if you went like two months without busting and you're having a really lucid sex dream.

I think it's going to spill. So unfortunately, the only way to get it is to not jack off. I think the seed will spill several months. Maybe I'll try that. Now, I'll let you guys know. I'll text you guys if it happens. Yeah. And when you've had wet dreams, you're like doing the deed?

I mean, it happened when I was, really? Yeah, I don't remember. I just remember it happened once. It happened once when I was going through puberty. And like in your sleep where you're like, oh, oh. And I think it all. almost happened once when I was awake. Do you remember when like Skinimax and stuff,

when you had cable, it was like you just switched the channels and then like Cinemax and Skinimax were just blurry. Like so they were still on your TV screen. Yeah. Yeah. But they were blurry. There was a way where you could change the channel. And then if you change it right at the right time,

it would sort of stop on one channel and be more clear. And I saw like like half a titty and half like a sack once. And I almost buzzed. Nice, half a sack. Yeah. I remember there was this comedian who he had this joke where he said a, yeah, even in my dreams. He goes, in my dreams, I was having sex and I was wearing a condom. That's deep-seated responsibility.

Yeah, that's my joke. It's a great joke. Yeah, it's a fun one. But yeah, no, I heard you do that at Molo. Wow, you remember the place? You remember Molo? What was that at coffee shop? I think it was Ali Zisfine show at Molo.

Or some kind of like restaurant? Yeah, it was a Mexican restaurant. I used to run a show there upstairs. Wow. In Silver Lake. Yeah, I don't remember some of these places we used to go to, but there was a lot of them. It's, I think it's M-A-L-O. I don't know, did it close down?

I think it might have. I think he just found it there. It was a great little spot. And they had two rooms upstairs, and sometimes they'd be running a show in each room. So you'd walk over like five feet across the hall and you'd be like, who's got a better show? I did some of my first shows there ever. They ran some good ones.

Oh yeah, was that on sunset? Yeah. Yeah, I could picture it now. Yeah, there was a showroom downstairs and upstairs. Yeah, I did Tammy Joe Deerean show there. I just sat next to her on a plane. Oh, really? Yeah.

Nice. Is she still booking shows? No, she's working at like CAA now. Really? Yeah, we sat next to each other flying. home from Aspen. Nice. Oh, wow.

That's random. Chat, can we get back to your bachelor party? I think this might be a good time to plan it. I'm thinking of someone else. It wasn't her. Yeah, maybe we need to do some planning here. Here's my big thing.

So I'm talking to my brothers about it. I was like, you know, a big thing I want to do beard eye and like maybe beer palm. Oh, yeah, a little drinking. games, yeah. Less is more. I like drinking games. Less is more. Yeah. Less activities outdoors.

We're not we're not chicks going out there with a tassel. Yeah. And less is more. What's wrong with some drinking games? No, that's at the house. That's what I mean. Yeah. Oh, so you're into that. Don't be concerned about we need a plan like five fucking activities outside of the house every day. Are you going to get, do you like, are you looking at Max party or what's your ideal

siege? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so you want to rip and roar all throughout. Yeah, I think he will. I don't want to. Okay. I don't want to like, then there it is. I don't want to touch on something, you know, that you don't, what's the stripper situation? Are they off limits as far as strip clubs?

I was talking to my brothers that we may go, I mean, they can certainly come over. Oh, I love the way you said that. They can certainly come over. I, uh, yeah, we were talking about, you know, for dinner, like first, first night, steak dinner. and I think you recommend a good restaurant. Oh yeah, that's a very good restaurant. There's not, I've done my research because I usually go to, I usually go to spring training there every year.

For some reason, I'm going this year. Yeah, last time we went to Phoenix, you brought us to the good pizza place. Yeah, that place is awesome. Yeah, so that place is pretty reliable. So, um, yeah, I think beer games,

Friday, steak dinner, maybe we go out to bars or a strip club. And somebody wanted to golf. and that, yeah, May golf Saturday morning and then more drinking games and then maybe just stay at the house. You gotta stay at the house. When is it?

March, like, or May 1st? May 1st, yeah. But are you gonna drive there again? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, beautiful. You guys driving? No, you're gonna fly. Yeah.

And you gotta bring your clubs with too. Yeah. Yeah, Strider was saying he was gonna rent sticks. We got to figure out the location and see what the rental situation is. Yeah, I mean, I'm like, if I'm being totally honest, I'm like kind of 50-50 on golf. Yeah, let's not do it. Yeah, golf's kind of a lot.

You got to remember, we're not 20 years old anymore, so you're going to be, you're going to need some rest. And that's why the house is a good place to do most of this stuff. Yeah. And then just, you know, go out. Yeah, because golfing. And you can go out and do bars and stuff too. Golfing with that many guys is going to be like a five, five and a half hour thing. Especially if you're really hung over from the night before.

Like, if you push it to the hill. you don't want to be all banged up on the course and you're hurting. It could be fun to just have beers on the course though. Yeah, that is true. It's a lot of fun. You get in a good group and you're just ripping them. Yeah.

I do like drinking playing golf because, you know, I'm not going to do good anyways, so you might as well be freaking drunk for it. Yeah. Joe, if you come, will you dance with the strippers? And what I mean by that is... Dance with them?

I mean, take your cock out. I'm not a big strippers guy. Will you be a stripper? Ooh, like a crap outfit? Yeah, I'll be the stripper. If I come. I just thought of an idea. Should we see if we have anybody

that was willing to sponsor Joe's trip to your bachelor party? But Joe would have to do something to earn it. Like a sponsorship. He's got to show us his dick. Well, he has to do something. If Joe can't just get a free ride to your bachelor's, party so he has to like you know do something as far as the life of the party or walk around in a thong i mean i guarantee it and then we could throw it out there go fund me if i if i walk around

in a thong the whole time yeah i mean we're just throwing it out there to to the stokers and i mean i think my ass is looking good these days i think my ass would get like a 10 out of 10 A Scottsdale chick. And a 10 out of 10 Scottsdale chick is like a 20 out of 10 anywhere else. I mean, by far, the hottest people in the world of in Scottsdale. What if you got to bang a 10 out of 10 Scottsdale chick in front of all of us? Oh, yeah. Like a cuck situation?

Like a little eyes wide open. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, I think I could get on board. A couple of Chad's friends are, what if Chad's brothers are, you know, full cucking? it, stroking themselves during it. Yeah, I mean, that could be... Big shout out to Mark and Bill.

That would be funny that would be funny if we don't tell anyone else that that's what's happening. And we're like, guys, we have the strippers are here. Just Joe fucking someone. You know what I told my wife? It's got to be in the daytime. I like this kind of stuff in the daytime.

I told my wife, I said, we don't know how, what... I don't know what Chad's deal with this. It's a bachelor party, so there should be some stripper him involved but you know sometimes the the fiancee doesn't like or whatever so it's either going to be stripper friendly or i'm going to have to just you know what he's sleep or i know i was thinking like i can get a contingent i can i can get a contingent and we'll just go later fellas yeah yeah we went to

actually i went to my bachelor my brother you guys you don't know yeah we're meeting you for the first time and you're like, guys, it's been real, but I got to hit the strip. Yeah, it is. Yeah. I feel like they know what they know. It's a hot moment. Where's Kevin? He'll be back tomorrow.

Chad, your buddy's very honest. Yeah. I'm just a traditionalist. But I, no, I'll go with you. I'll go with you to strip. I'm not a big strip club guy, but I'll have a ball going with you. You know what I did? I went to my brother-in-law's bachelor when he was married my sister.

I might like it now even. I went to his bachelor party in, is that. actually in Scottsdale as well because we it was a spring training bachelor party and uh me and my buddy went um just to go and he was with us like his because he's older than us and stuff like that and they're all and they just went to sleep but i'm all we're at a bachelor party so i forced my friend to come and we just just went to this you know and it wasn't even fun like this there's this the strip club in scotsdale and you know not a good it wasn't even a good time yeah i don't even you know i'm not like a you know you just you just want to check the box i feel like it's a tradition like you

You have to, either have to come there or you go there. And yeah. Yeah, like did you even go on a bachelor party trip if you didn't get strippers? Yeah, so it's good to hear, it's good to hear that we might see chat go, uh, Chad go ape wild, maybe, maybe barf. Do you think you might barf? You know what I'm going to set up is? I'm going to do IVs for Saturday.

Yeah. Yeah. Are you going to do shots? What shots we do? I'll do tequila. I do yeas. We do Jaeger. Do you really?

Yeah. You do that now? Yeah. You do it at the naughty pig? Yeah, they have a Yeager Raider. Do you Yeager bombs? No, no Jaeger bombs. We're too old.

Yeah, I find when you do a bomb, it things go south. We just do chilled Yeager shots. Such an iconic bottle. Yeah. It's delicious. It tastes like black licorish, right? I haven't had it. Yeah, I kind of.

I mean, not quite. It's not that strong. It's what Metallica used to drink. It's good. I still laughing yeah I'll do a shot of Yager with a beer

I was doing Joe fuck this girl I was doing during the player's during the bear's run I was doing I was doing rally shots of Yeager yeah

Joe can you switch up the position no no we could I mean that would be fun if we took our goal for your bachelor party was to get Joe a lady so we go out, you know, in the Scottsdale

they have that open air bar place where just all the people are, and the other bachelor parties. I like open air, you can see everybody, it's nice. But I feel like we actually might be too old. For that. Did we go, like when we were doing the Tempey improv, we took a cab out there just to watch

people, just to walk out. Yeah, which people watched one to a couple different bars, got some pizza. It was fun. I don't even know. I think the move is to go hard at the bars in the daytime. That's where it's at. That's fun. The day drinking bar scene. I mean, day drinking. If I had to gauge room, I think I'm going to take Friday night easy because I don't like being hurt on the second night. But go hard during the day though Friday.

And then go hard on the second day. Yeah. No, but you're going to go hard Friday in the day. I think I'm going to go hard Saturday. You know, I'm just easy all the way Friday. Even on the cruise. Kind of a bitch move. In our last, in our last fantasy draft, I pick one day and I like, I sprint the whole day.

But I can't, I'm soft. I can do two days in a row. Dude, what I can do too? What if Joe bangs a stripper? Sorry to the... I'm not doing that. Sorry to the listeners, man. I know that's soft-ass shit.

No, I'm apologizing for myself. Okay. Joe bangs one of the strippers? I want him to bang a stripper, to be honest. Why? That'd be awesome. Weren't you having a texting correspondence with one of the greatest female porn stars? I don't want to talk about that. Okay, never mind.

Can you tell us off Mike? Yeah, I can tell you off. Was it flirtatious? or just friendly? Yeah, I'd say mostly friendly, but... But did you stroke yourself in the DMs? Did she reach out to you? Is she texting you?

No, I mean, we're not in... We're not in talks anymore, but... But it was fun, though, yeah. We'll tell the people what happened. We don't give enough value to a little correspondence. Like, sometimes just a little rhythm back and forth with someone exciting. Yeah.

It's a nice thing. Yeah, it was just nice. I met her at the comedy store. It was just, it was cool. She was, she's very nice. And, yeah, nothing happened. Can you tell me who it is? I'm not necessarily sure if I wanted it.

I'll tell you after. I'll tell him not because I want to get his reaction on camera. Yeah, see, you might not. You know what happened? Joe told me who it was. Chad, do it again, but act crazy when I say it. Are you serious? Yeah.

Holy shit. Joe, are you kidding me? Yeah, see, I don't want to. Leave both then. Don't. I'm not to say that because I don't want to. Joe told me who it is, and I was all, like, I don't know who this is, but when J.T. gets here, ask him, and then he tells J.T. J.C. is already, oh, she's great.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, I, I know who she was, too. I mean, no, I mean, J.T. told me who it was. I didn't know. I didn't know who it was. Yeah, yeah. I've never seen any of that. I don't watch that. Yeah. Oh, after, we did a podcast where we were talking, was it the one we talked to the porn star who's now, uh, she's not like a union person? Oh yeah, Alana Evans.

But we're talking about another porn star, and she was sort of goth. And I never heard of her before, but you guys were really, like, pumping her up. I guess she was popular, like 20 years. Oh, Bella Donna, because we ran into her one time. So I tried to like. You ran into her? I didn't. That's overstating.

I saw her at the Westwood Whole Foods one time. Oh, you did. Yeah. Oh, nice. Yeah, I ran into her like we're old friends. Yeah. Yeah, I was getting a burrito. And then it was me strider.

The wet. She's like at the salad bar. Yeah. She was just cruising her. We're like, holy shit. That sounds like a good story. Hey, you know, a new Arawan just opened up. Yeah.

I'm going to be scouting talent over there. Did West Hollywood? West Hollywood already has an Arawan. Now it has two? Yeah, there's one on, it's, uh, on Santa Monica, right by that shake shack. Hey, Joe, I think if you stopped eating at Aeroon, you might be able to go to Chad's bachelor party. I don't go there.

I don't, I used to, I went there years ago when I had a lot more money. I go there. I go there. I go there. This was the first time I was there and forever. I just went by there because it was new. JT bought me some $30 strawberries from there. Well, because we'd been talking about it for a while

and we were like, are they really that good? So we had Harrison do a blind testing on the strawberries. And he liked the cheaper ones more. That's hilarious. They were fine. They weren't worth the money. Just like a bushel of strawberries is $30? Just a normal carton.

Yeah, like a little. Yeah, they had some special strawberry that they were doing there. And me and Kever, like, is it really that good? Yeah, it's like Japanese. No, it wasn't that that he got. but he couldn't find that or something. That's like 100 bucks or something, right? Someone got me that one.

It doesn't even taste that good. Yeah. The Driscoll ones are the best. But you know what? Okay, so they do sell Driscoll at like upscale grocery stores and they market crazy up. Like if you get them at Aaron one, they're like six bucks more expensive than if you get them at like smart and final. But is it just trying to understand it? Does Driscoll give their better product to the upscale?

store or is it just all the same driscoll i imagine it's all the same it's insane i think but the the ones you got from aro-on that were like 30 dollars like if you had to choose between both i'd probably choose those ones just they were a little right i could imagine like if you're using it in a high-end restaurant and you need it like every specific flavor every strawberry has to be consistent for the dessert it might be worth that but if you're just eating them organic i'm assuming yeah i think so I mean, big hit in the Maha community right now on the glyphosate. What's glyphosate? What's glyphosate?

What are you even doing? It's destroying the topsoil. It's giving us monohomogeneous vegetation. It's terrible. It's linked to, it's actually serious. It is bad. It's destroying our gut flora. It's a link to a ton of cancers.

I think lymphoma is maybe the big one. I've been seeing a lot of beef tallow on the, aisles when I go to stores now. That's big. I've been saying about beef tallow. Yeah, what does that mean? I've heard of that beef tallow. You got a, you got, when you're eating French fries, I guess you got to fry it in beef tallow

and they'll make you slightly less fat. No, I eat plant-based. No beef tallow for me. You have to watch the documentary now about Chicago because it's like you. It's about this. It's called Chicago? Yeah, I forget the exact name, but yeah. Joe, when was last time you had an Italian?

And beef. Oh. Gotta be at least two years. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, it's wild. Not portillos. When's your next Chicago trip?

I don't know. Probably some time in the summer. Yeah. Joe, you know they got a portillo's in Mesa next to the Cubs spring training. Yeah, there's one out there. Or it's a tempier. I think it's a tempier or Mesa or Mesa. Yeah, Mesa's where the Cubs Stadium is.

Should we go there and taunt? Taunt Joe. We'll all go there. I'll get, I'll get fries. Do you're coming now? Okay. What? Do you hate portillas? No, I don't hate it. I would eat. I just don't eat it.

You could get a milk shake. Oh, that looks good. I always loved it. Jesus, shove that in my peehole. How is your diet these days? Do you find it tough to maintain or are you just kind of cruising? No, I'm cruising. I feel amazing. So it's great.

Yeah, I don't deviate. it's uh it's been uh life changing honestly that's awesome it's incredible and i feel great my dick's still big you look great your skin looks really good yeah the dick hasn't lost any weight yeah no and people all have nice skin thank you i've probably got the red of your skin here chad always has great complexion oh thanks i got the how do you avoid any sun damage what do you attribute that to good mindset no but if you eat healthy too your skin is going to be healthy in the sun won't burn it. I haven't been eating that healthy lately.

I kind of eat whatever. Yeah, I'm running a lot. Yeah, you do enough physical activity, though. Joe, what are your thoughts on the war? This is going to be hilarious topic. Joe, have you ever banged a Persian woman? That's a really good question. I want to say yes.

But you want to, right? I mean, I don't know if she, if I knew that she, she was like sometimes when you meet people just for a short period of time you don't get into hey what your nationality talk so I want to say yes okay they're beautiful

I mean Joe they're really yeah yeah and yeah I'm definitely open to it now Joe if I had picture me if I had long hair if I had long hair would you bang me yes sir just picture me as a woman now please ask me again I'll kiss you right now do you still have like these eyelashes

you still have the thick stash you still have the you still have the thick stash Yeah, but on my vaj. All right, then, yes. Yeah. Keva, how are our Persian friends feeling? How are Persian friends feeling? What does that mean?

About the war. About the war? I don't speak for all Persians, but it's happiness to see these motherfuckers get blown up. But, you know, I'm Persian, but I'm also American and it's sort of like, also there is a constitution and you want some kind of explanation and it's it's a little I think it's a little unreasonable just because I like

you know the oppressors being blown up that not everybody is Iranian and Persian and you know the country should have some say and whether or not they want to go to war but that fucking dictator was a piece of shit and there's nothing but joy in that situation but again it's there's at least in my mind there's this duality because you're

generally I'm a little biased because you know I haven't met like 95% of my family yeah so I haven't met any grandparents I've never met and I've met one of my first cousins like in Norway um and he's also exiled so this this dictatorship has basically destroyed my family a bunch of family like well or isolated at least my part uh of it. So I don't even know, I don't have that kind of life experience and it's just

it's because of these motherfuckers, these, that claim to speak to God and do all. So there's a whole pent-up rage, but, you know, you know, that doesn't, that doesn't mean the whole country

shouldn't have a clear idea of what, you know, when you're going to war. Can you explain? So are you not able to go into Iran or you don't go because it's unsafe? Yeah, I could theoretically go. But when they see my tattoos that show like a protest,

yeah, it's generally not. I could theoretically go, but in those kind of countries, you just never know. And so like Amir... Especially since I fucked seals. Right. Yeah. And so Amir's dad is there, right?

Did Amir grow up there? No, he grew up in Georgia. Yeah. He grew up in Georgia. His dad moved back. His dad moved back. Okay. And does Amir visit his dad?

No. I don't think so. No, he doesn't go. So you could go, but like, for example, my dad, when he moved here, he moved here before the rebel in the early 70s. Yeah. He never went back to Iran after that. So his whole life from the early 70s, he never went back.

One of my uncles that's here, he went back once in like 1980, got stuck there for a little bit. He said, fuck that. He never got to meet a lot of your family. Yeah. So I know some of my cousins through just like Instagram now where we message each other. That's nice. It's a whole different.

Like I have a cousin who was, you know, they basically kidnapped her and threw her. Like it's a whole different experience. A lot of one of my cousins, I guess, was telling us that just she wasn't even political and just a bunch of her friends died just in the protest last month where they're just mowing people down on the street, you know? It's horrible. Yeah, and I'm over here talking about Joe's cock. Yeah.

Yeah. We do have some things we should be grateful for. Have you gone to any of the, like, celebrations, like in L.A.? No, in Westwood. No, I didn't go into it. You know, I'm still like, okay, the motherfucker's dead, but the regime's still there. So we don't even know. It's a relief that that guy is dead, but, you know, there's a whole bunch of grifters that

might want to I don't know anybody who tells you they know what's fucking going to happen it is doesn't know there's a lot of people

that like they didn't even know anything about Iran and now you see them on the podcast and like they're all experts on Iran and war you know

yeah you know so who who fucking knows yeah but it's it's been a weird you know you know I can't even because of that regime

I've never been able to to jack off to my own people if that makes sense you know Joe Joe you're Italian so you just type in

Italian porn and there's just a whole library of just great Italian porn if you're Latino Latino porn black white Asian there's all this porn you can type in person

or write of porn there's nothing there's nothing that's that's whackable wow because it's all just like grainy shit you know it's not I've never even I've never met

most of my family and I can't even I can't even experience that side of it too. I mean it's not the same country but that's why it was such a big deal when Mia Khalifa started doing porn. Yeah but it's not again it's not for Persian or not we're different. It's not the same. She's Lebanese.

It's just not the same. People will hopefully can you imagine. Can you imagine? Yeah hopefully you get it. There should be porn represented in all walks of life. Joe you watch Italian porn? That's some pretty good porn. I've never...

Oh, there's some great porn stars. Specifically, but now that you've mentioned it... Especially if you like more classic type of 80s and 90s porn, there's some really good porn. A lot of nun porn, too. Like, where there'll be like nuns in a monastery. Yeah, I don't know that. You do a lot of religion stuff. What do you mean?

Like, you'd like to kind of pull back the distance between sexuality and religion. You would say that, but I'm just saying an Italian. It's just... No, but I'm saying that because even in the text thread with Chad's Bachelor party, you'll often bring up like, hey, I know we're all men of God, but we got to jack off. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm just trying to be, you know, I'm just trying to entertain the folks in the group chat. I guess the reason I bring up to is because you mentioned it when you were talking about Iran.

Is it because of Khomeini? Like, are you so annoyed by leadership associating themselves with God as a way to oppress people? I mean, that could be like subconscious when, you know, your life or, it's not even my life. I'm lucky to be here. But it's like your existence, because I would have grown up there if it wasn't for it. And it's somebody up there claiming he's talking to God

and then he's just killing and repressing people and making everybody's fucking life miserable. So I don't think it helps. You know, it doesn't help me with looking at religion positively. But at the same time, I don't think, you know, I also just just, don't believe the stories.

So I think even without that context, I don't think I would be going to church every Sunday. Yeah. Do you think if Joe went into Iran before he died, the dictator, if he would arrest Joe for having a big cock? Yeah, that could be... That could be seen as a spy in the cock.

Or yeah, maybe it's disrespectful. They might just arrest the cock. They have special handcuffs for, His cock. Leave the cock alone. That'd be... No, Joe has Middle Eastern in him. Joe, right?

Somebody in your family did a test. Yeah, you do look a little Middle East. I mean, I think my... Yeah, my parents did 23 and me at some point. Somebody, I think there was some... Weren't you not that Italian? He's Sicilian, so that mixes with Middle Eastern. Did he come back?

You were like 10% Italian? I got to ask my dad again. There was a lot of Greek there. It was mostly Greek and Italian. That's a good combo for a big show. And then, yeah, I believe the other was like Middle Eastern and I I forget what else, but... But my mom said Arabs have giant shafts.

Your mom said that? Yeah, she said, I don't know how she knows, but she said Arabs. So he might have... Yeah, he might have some... What did your mom say that? Yeah. What was happening?

Hmm? When did your mom say that to you? Just, I don't know what the context of it was, but she did mention that Arabs have big shafts. Did she say exactly like that? I don't know why we were talking. We don't usually talk about cock. Yeah, with your mom.

I would say so. Not with my mom. My sister, we talk about... about cock. How did it come up? Yeah, that makes more sense. I honestly don't know, but that's what, dig a little bit, dig a little bit.

That's what stuck in my mind. Did she use the word shaft? No, she said, I don't know what she, like maybe penis. Oh, so she meant the whole penis or did she just mean the part absent the head? What are you talking about balls? The shaft. I'm pretty sure she was focused on shaft. And I don't know, maybe it's something growing up in that's something known.

Like maybe if you grow up in the Middle East, it's known that Arabs have big penises. I didn't know that. Yeah, I didn't know that. It makes me feel connected to them. Like, oh, we do have a lot in common. Well, there's more, it's more, uh, Iran's more mixed, but some of the Arab countries are more, you know, you've heard if it's, if you come from a climate where it's more hot and desert climate, your, um, appendages, I have a bit about this. So I'm not going to go to my bit, but the appendages sort of are longer. Interesting.

So that might be, I don't know. If Arab, I don't know if you have a lot of Arab stoke. but if they could send in their penis size. It's our sixth largest contingent. So I mean, Joe, your cock might not even be Italian. You might have an Arab cock. It could be. Yeah.

That's fine. I'm cool with that. Amir claims to have a big penis, but, um, I think he does. Oh, you know what? He does. He does. Oh, yeah. He's always told me that, that he has a big schlong.

Yeah, he has brought it up. Yeah, he's brought it up a couple times. And then brought up. Me and him and Chad went into the wall. in Santa Monica and our boxers. And you remember because afterwards he was freaking out. He got sick from the water. Oh, and you saw some, uh, you saw an outline?

His thing was a heavy outline. Wow. It was bulbous because his boxers were all wet. We didn't have swim trunks. So you could see like, and like I didn't even have a thing. And his was like, it looked like a moose knuckle just sitting in there. Good for him. Joe, does that make you feel a little jealous or do you think you're still bigger than it?

Well, he might be bigger than Joe. No. I'll put it down right now. Amir Kiberi, the man from Santa Monica, might have a bigger dick than you, Joe Marisi. You might have to have a slung off. Yeah, but I mean, I don't know. We might not have a shlong off. What's that like to know that your top spot might get murked?

Well, I don't know. There hasn't been any kind of other verification. Like, I have that whole condom story. You've never seen your, you know, that's a condom story. But you attributed. You told me the condom story. Yeah. And then we have one woman that you slept with who said yes.

JT, I have another confirmation. Oh, your buddy Pete next to him at the Dresden, right? Oh, yeah, that's another confirmation. Brad said he saw your cock at the Dresden. I don't want guys looking at me at the Dresden. They were taking a piss and he was looking at.

Who's the other one? What's the other evidence? There needs to be the wall thing. Didn't we were talking and somebody was at the at the bar with you and some woman was stroking your cock under the bar and then your outline of your cock was seen. Okay.

Who saw it? And kids don't give like details? I don't know. Joe, I'm trying to support you here. Yeah, no, I do appreciate it. Yeah, but oh yeah, I don't think Amir has these kind of story. Are you saying Brad is lying and he didn't see your cock in the dressing in the dark? No, I think that's great. It's building my case.

Sue him for defamation for saying you have a big cock. And then when we go into discovery, you'll have to show us your dick. That happened. So, I mean, Amir needs more evidence like this. Like, I have all these credible stories from credible source and I've never I've been a big proponent of pushing the Joe as the biggest dick

mirroden I've been behind that story from the jump that happened didn't I send did you guys read the article I sent you there's a former NFL player and he's suing his ex-wife because she went on a podcast and said he had a huge cock oh yeah and he's he's suing her

for defamation I think for defam I don't know well I didn't read a complaint he's suing her for shut the fuck up bitch yeah he's saying you are destroying my life because I don't want people to know how big my cock was which is ridiculous

I don't think I've said this on the podcast Oh Matt Khalil Oh you know what my buddies buddies with that guy And uh Rino Flanagan's buddies with him Matt Kalil went to modern day I think he went to one of my rival high schools I think he blocked my brother

Like in football It might have been his brother Ryan Yeah, I guess he's got a huge dick Good for him All right You guys did you know Like if you try to In some states

If you try to watch porn You have to put your ID Into the computer Yeah, I've been hearing a lot about that Comedians are talking about it Yeah, I'm talking about it on stage too Okay I'm glad they're talking about it actually

It's gonna take all of us It's insane Have you ever done it? No I've thought about it I'm like I'm not doing that I'm not gonna It's crazy

Wasn't it Because if there's like a data leak Or something like that or a hack, like, there's a freaking photo your face, and then maybe they'll have it, like, connected to what you looked at next. It's insane. I don't mind talking about being a perfect, but I like being

in control of it. I don't want someone else to just, like... It's insane. It's just a couple states right now, right? It's not a lot of... 25? 25? Yeah. It's a lot of... You got Texas, Florida, Tennessee, Utah. You can get a VPN, but

you can't, like... There's still some blocks there. But you know what's crazy? you, this is like what I was trying to do in my bit. You can look, you don't need ID to look at the Epstein files. So you can literally read about like the most heinous crimes in history. They're like, oh, we don't mind if you're a kid. But like, if you just want to see some good wholesome big jugs and big dicks,

they're like, oh, you got to do a face scan and your ID. You're like, well, how's that making sense? Did you watch those depositions, Hillary Clinton? I watched clips of Hillary. And the Bill Clinton. It was just like, it was, if you're just looking at it as a lawyer and you're just like, I'm like waiting for questions that are she looks good she gives terrible speeches but I thought she was good in the deposition Joe how do you uh how do you think you would survive in that deposition

are you concerned they might depose you uh no I'm not concerned I I wouldn't be there um if I was there I would just be like all right yeah you got me it's like hey if you're there why are you there that's like that's how I am with jury duty like if I'm going to jury duty um I'm voting guilty. It's a perfect way. It's like, hey, buddy, why are you here? I've never had to go to court and be on a trial. What if Joe got arrested and you're going to change your fucking tune?

I'm not going to get arrested. Once the police state comes in? Yeah, first they came for the people who were on trial and I said nothing. And then they came for the people who didn't go to jury duty. And I said nothing. And then they came for Joe Marisi. And all I had was my fat cock. Watch they make fat cox legal

I mean I'm not yeah because that's very in conflict with Kevin who's a very pro the law type of person I mean I'll march every date for the cox Amen Big update for my older son He uh he got in trouble at school

Oh he pissed on he whipped it out and pissed on the playground Yeah But um So they had to tell us about it. But I wasn't upset. Because I feel like he wants to,

he wasn't doing it as like, hey, look at me. I think he's working on not peeing his pants. Okay. So he went out, hey, because I've been showing him in the shower, I told him hey, if you're in the shower, just pee in the hole. You can do that if you want, right?

Don't get around. Just have a good aim, pee in the hole in the drain. Oh. If he's in the shower, I told him he can do that. The way you did this was confusing. Yeah. So, yeah, I should cut the hands. He's peeing on the equipment, though?

What about the wood chips? There's plenty of wood chips he could pee in. Yeah, he doesn't know that yet, but we had to tell him. But I thought it was a good, because instead of, you know, being, when they're playing sometimes, they get so into playing, they'll just pee his pants instead of going to the teacher and going in the bathroom. So this time he peed on the playground. So now we just have to explain, good job.

You peed. and you didn't pee your pants, but next time, don't pee on the playground. Yeah. Yeah, kids are going to slip. Yeah, they might slip. How is it?

What did you think about when we went to Paw Patrol live? Oh, yeah, me and JT went to Paw Patrol Live. Did you notice there was a lot of dills there? Besides us, a lot of dilfs. I didn't notice, but normally I'm... Yeah, do you notice the other hot dads? Yeah, the hot dads. You didn't notice.

I'm competitive, but I didn't see it. Next to us or sitting, there's a hot dad next to us. Oh, there was one on our road. Yeah, he's a big guy, too. Yeah, we went in on Thousand Oaks. I don't know if we went in, you know, there should be, it's a good town. Well, the first thing you notice, like, how popular, this Paw Patrol shit, it's all he fucking talks about is Paw Patrol.

I want to watch Paw Patrol. That's funny, you guys were in Thousand Oaks because the show I did that night that in Valentine's Day was also in Thousand Oaks. I know. I was supposed to do it. I ditched because it was Valentine's Day. We go there. What is it like 60% sold? There was a lot of empty seats.

It made me feel like they really marked up the ticket. Yeah, it was expensive. We were like 120 a ticket. Pop Patrol was huge. It was, I think it was because it was Thousand Oaks, and they were doing two shows that weekend and then two in LA prop or the next. So I might just spread it out.

Yeah, it was awful, but I mean, and the kids weren't even that into it either. Like, Harrison was, my son Johnson was, he was watching, he was intent. But there was one point where this woman's head, was like in front of him and he couldn't even see and he was just watching her head and I was asking him like do you want to move do you want to see you can't see he's on no no no I'm fine so he was just staring at the back of her head JT's daughter wanted no part of it did she watch the show or she yeah I think it took her a while she was a little bit it was a little shocking at first because there's these humans in the outfits and they're really prancing and dancing yeah God bless them and they were just kind of like what the hell is happening. But then by the second act, I think they were, they kind of got it.

But if I had to rate the actual songs and, you know, the plot and the storyline, it was an awful, it was awful. Damn. Awful experience. Sorry to hear that. We stopped at Starbucks on afterwards. Kevin's the best guy to go to this thing with. Because every other parent there is kind of like fake having a good tongue.

You know what I mean? Yeah. They're all like, this is great, whatever. At one point, Kevin just puts Harry's head down, looks at me and my fiance, just goes, this is my fucking nightmare. Oh, God. But I was so glad to hear,

because that's what I'm thinking. So I was like, oh, fucking thank God, man, yeah. Yeah, there's some parents that will go up and they'll start, like, dancing. I danced a lot. Yeah, JT danced a lot and, you know, maybe if I was on like an edible or something, that's what you have to do.

Yeah, I think that would be good for you. Have you found that being on an. edible, you're a better parent. You know, I'm not... You're more engaged in, like, the games and stuff. As far as, like, the... Yeah, you know, Jesse Klein wrote a book, and she mentions that I'm a better mom

after, like, a glass of chardonnay. I do worry about the weed thing, though, just because I'm, like, already kind of... I'm already absent-minded. Like, I already make a lot of, like, little mistakes. I'm trying to think when's the last time I was, like, really baked in front of them. Yeah, I'm not saying for the normal day-to-day parenting,

but, like, for example, if your kid has, like, a... like, a game. he wants to play or a little activity. Kind of wait till they go to bed and then I get ripped. Yeah, maybe being drunk, I could see how that would be just, oh, I was a really just, well, ended on, I was at the, went to like a Fourth of July like fireworks this year and we're walking and this mom and her daughter were sitting on the bench and you just hear the daughter go, she must have been like four or five years old and she's all like, mommy, me.

Mommy, you're drunk again. And then the mom goes, the mom, she's like, you've been drinking again, haven't you? And then the mom goes, the mom goes, it's okay, it's four for July. Yeah, it's a good point. Yeah. Oh, fuck.

Leave mom along. No, no, it wasn't a, it was like, oh, that, that sucks. Like, as a kid, when you have to be like, Mommy, you're drunk again? Jesus. Kids see a lot. Kids are funny. They're clever, too. pick stuff up.

No. You know what movie they love? They love F1, Top Gun Maverick, and Blue Crush. Oh, yes, you want. We watched F1, I think he liked F1 too. F1's sick, dude. And they go, Brad Pitt, he's a good guy.

They know he's handsome. Where there's a lot of, like, action and racing stuff. Yeah, they love movement. Blue Crush is amazing. Blue Crush. I watched Girl Next Door Last Night. Oh, dude, how good is that? That's a good movie.

I haven't seen Eliza Cuthbert highlights on TikTok. How did she not become one of the biggest actress I don't know. She married like an NHL star. Yeah, Sean Avery, right? Yeah. She might have stopped acting.

Actually, it's someone else. She dated Sean Ever and then she married someone else, I think. Yeah. Is that Emil Hirsch in that one? Or is that a different movie? Yeah, Neil Hirsch. Yeah, he was in that. And he seemed like such a sweetie.

Yeah. Dude, she's gorgeous in that movie. Yeah, and then like the friends, one of the friends is, who's the guy, Tarantino, disrespected? Yeah, Eli. Yeah, Eli. Paul Dano. Paul DeMoney.

Yeah, Timothy Olphant is in. And then there's, um, he's the guy. Timothy Elephant. And then the other guy, like, it just, I mean, just, that era. The three legs of the tripod, man. Yeah, we're three legs. And he's like, and he's like, so you guys, he talks about, like, their first time hanging out.

And he's telling his friend, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, dude, he's like, he's like, gay. I would have banged her. Like that's funny, dude. Right with their nerds. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's nerds.

Dude, the soundtrack is amazing too. Yeah. When this year's love comes on. when he smooches are at the party and shafts the fucking jock. That is such a sick scene. It's just so like, just watch that movie. It just takes you back to like, can you imagine if you were in high school and like you're just making out with a chick like that.

Oh, man. Those were some good Euro trip was around that time. That's a good movie. The robot, you kicked my robot bowls. I watched one battle after another. What did you think? Oh, it was fucking great. Yeah.

fucking Sean Penn just doing this crazy-ass character. Leo is always, he's just, he's just good in his roles. And it's sort of like an unusual wacky movie. But I enjoyed, I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. They're kind of both being wacky and everything else in the movie is kind of serious. Yeah. Oh, Benicio's a little goofy too. It kind of like, it didn't do well box office was, right?

Oh, no. It was kind of having a come up, would you say? I think everyone who saw it really likes it and thinks it was like a really cool movie. But it costs like a, I think it costs like $180 million or something like that. It's his most expensive movie he's ever made. Well, just the salaries, did it probably for Benicio del Toro, Champagne, Leo. Yeah, it only made 72 million domestic on a, yeah, $100 to $30, $175 million budget. That's a good movie.

Thank God they made it. Yeah, I still got a scene at one. At least we got a cool movie. I think it's going to win best picture What are the movies better than that this year? I thought sinners was good Sinners was good I thought sentimental value is good

What about weapons? Weapons was good It's another one I still gotta see Yeah those were all good And sinners I haven't seen Marty Supreme yet I need to see good fortune Marty Supreme was it was fine

I think it's bad But it's not the Bob Dylan You gotta watch the Bob Have you seen the Bob Dylan movie? It's incredible Yeah yeah He's amazing He should have won for that

He totally should have. Yeah. No, yeah. That was the one. Adrian Brody just seems like such a cock. And that movie was weird and bad. I want to see Good Fortune. You saw that, right?

No, I haven't seen any yet. I've heard good things. All right. Should we call it? Yeah, it was fine. I think we did it. We covered almost everything. Yeah.

We did the dong. Mm-hmm. Kevin, do you want to take us out with, you know, maybe a prayer or sermon about shows dick? Yeah. Yeah, a little something, yeah. Can we do like a... Hello, but in a...

Duh, hum... Duh!