Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 439 - Selema Masekela Invites THE BROS to the cookout

Episode Date: May 13, 2026

Today we are joined by an absolute legend, SELEMA MASEKELA. He is the voice of the X GAMES and a talented surfer who has inspired many young chillers to chase their dreams. We dive deep into Selema's childhood at the beach and how his first surfboard changed his live. Selema also breaks down his NEW SHOW where he profiles extreme risk takers. Including riding a real bull in Texas and experiencing the adrenaline rush of a lifetime. He also gives us an incredible behind the scenes look of courtside reporting in the NBA during the Kobe/Shaq era including interviewing Lebron before he was drafted. He also gives the bros a REAL breakdown of Olympic Village. We end with maybe our wildest call yet - have the bros finally met a subject too gnar for podcast advice? WE LOVE SELEMA and hope you guys enjoyed this ep as much as we did! More about Selema here: https://www.instagram.com/selema/ CHECK OUT OUR NEW YOUTUBE SERIES: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkxsXCzRgw0YnogF0Q-t8o0devtOBPQTZWe are live streaming a fully unedited version of the pod on Twitch, if you want to chat with us while we're recording, follow here: https://www.twitch.tv/chadandjtgodeepGrab some dank merch here:https://appreeshapparel.com/Come see us on Tour! Get your tix - https://www.chadandjt.comTEXT OR CALL the hotline with your issue or question: 323-418-2019(Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice)Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/Thanks to our Sponsors:HIMS: The Best Hair Loss solutions for men. Go to https://www.hims.com/godeep and get started today with an online consult with a professional.PRODUCTION & EDITS BY: Jake RohretSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Take the stress out of shopping and find coverage that fits your life on your terms. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Best waves in San Diego are at a bottoms optional beach called blacks i love that i love blacks oh yeah we did uh the world's largest pernium sunny oh that's right you did yeah yeah you guys went legs up yeah always envious i'd prefer to permanently be in that position yeah you guys went legs up there so as a but as a kid when you'd go surfing there there'd be a lot of um bottoms optional people the t-shirts on and uh they'd be evaluating our young new wild male bodies with surfboards in hand sure you know just

Just putting it into the spank bank for later. Yeah, I think usually they'd wait until after we left. Sometimes they'd jog a little close. Or they'd give it a little touch just to see. Yeah, just to feel. Just a little scratch. Like they'd scratch right in the region and then look for a response from you. And so you just learned how to be.

As they coordinated limb with blood flow. Yes. You just learned how to be eyes ahead. Did you feel objectified? I felt observed. I think I was too young to realize I was being objectified. Without leading into my own predilections, did any part of you enjoy that? I was flattered.

For sure. But there was no raising of the staff. There was no subconscious blood flow released. Which if it had happened, and then I would have to, it would have answered, I would answered some questions that I didn't know I had. Well, this is the Going Deep with China JT podcast. We're here with Salema Masakela. Did I say that right?

You did. Well, well said. The ancestors are smiling on you. I'm, because sometimes people will say Salima, or they'll invent consonants that are not there, because they look at it, they're like,

ah, but you've, you said it with rhythm. And you know what, dude, I'm super fired up that you said the ancestors are psyched, and I want to say, what up?

As they're ensconced in the afterlife, I hope y'all are chilling up there. They are, they're pleased with you already. Nice. On the way here, I just tapped in, because I said I'm going to visit

a couple of, of unique whites. And they're like, are those the whites that do the skits in the parking lot? Usually involving black women who know how to take the right side of right position in a story? I said, yes, those are the whites. And they said in concert from above, we love them. And who are these unique whites?

You two. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Your modesty prevails, dude. Wow. Did you think we're, oh, dude. Unique whites.

I'm glad you noticed that, thank you. That tradition of the like the black lady savior in our bits. That evolved organically. Like we were just doing it and we were like, dude, these ladies are crushing it. And it was always good vibes. So we just, yeah, we've continued in harmony with them. Well, whether or not it was intended or not, I think that you I think that you are probably invited to more cookouts than you're aware of at present.

I would like to partake. Dude, you know, you were talking about subconsciously at the beach. If like, I don't know where I'm going with this, but I think follow yourself. When people observe you at the beach, you know, when they're wearing no bottoms and you're like subconsciously, how do I feel about that? You know, and you didn't know it's happening, but I think subconsciously, I was. like we should do these videos to get invited to cookouts. And I just realized that right now. Yeah.

Because you see the comments online, like he's invited to the cookout and you're like so happy for him. Yeah. And you're almost scared to say it. You're like, when is he going to be my time? Yeah. And it just happened. It's a very big deal for members of the black delegation to type that sentence. He's invited to the cookout.

it's not thrown around lightly. And you'll also see them get challenged by other members of the black delegation in the comments. It would be like, not so fast. Because sometimes when passes to the cookout are handed out without further evaluation, the boomerang comes around. And some whites prove themselves to be not so unique. But you are not those whites. I've made that mistake too where I got the invite to the cookout. And then I was like, well, who validated your invites from the cookout?

I was like, I'm going to need to hear from someone else. And they're like, dude, that's a terrible vibe. And I was like, I'm just trying to be careful, dude. I don't want to show up and people, you know, give me the hairy eyeball. And I'm like, you know, is it legit? No, it's smart to do your due diligence. Yes. For sure.

So take the, take the. But then don't, don't just go driving around looking for a cookout, identify one and be like, I'm here. That could be scary. Yeah, I'm glad you said that because I was about to go do that. We're rolling around in that fun, and we're like, where's the cookout? So saying like, so saying he's invited to the cookout is like almost like me commenting you rip.

Yes, perfect. Oh. Perfectly ex. Perfectly said. It's like saying you rip. But you rip doesn't mean let's go surfing together. Right. Or let's, you know, go get a shred sash.

Oh. In some, it's just, I observe you from over here. Keep doing what you're doing. Perhaps at some point we'll meet up, but not necessarily at this time. It's more a tip of the cap is like two sailors pass. Yes, there it is. Right on. But you don't just jump onto their boat and you're like, hey, where's my room?

Right. What's the galley cooking up? That'd be, yes. That's too much. Because we don't have enough life fest for that. I hate to bring us backwards because the conversation is evolving so beautifully. But I was curious because we ask everyone this who comes on. What was the most potentially embarrassing moment that you popped a boner in public?

Ooh. Church. Oh, dude. I've talked about this on prior episodes during Passion of the Christ. I was cuddling my friend because she was terrified and I ripped a wood. And it was one of the most powerful woods I've ever ripped. Would you say that the spirit was flowing through you in that moment? I think there was angel energy in me, but there was also demon energy.

I own both. But I think there is something about being in like a situation where it's not supposed to happen. Yes. That it makes it more. Maybe it's the devil tempting you, but it makes it more powerful. You know, we all have a shadow of spirit. What up? And I think you have to stand in your shadow to be able to really beam.

out light. And so sometimes that means inappropriate bone rich at what might feel like the wrong time, but also like it's the right time because now we're here. We're sitting in discomfort, which is important. And then I think it's like, what are you going to do with that? And what did you do? I tried to adjust. Because I remember it being like right before we were supposed to stand up and sing and i didn't understand i was like oh gosh it's time to sing and i i i have wood dude uh you know i'd like to just reframe this a little bit thank you i think that you're your rod you know saying what up of righteousness i think that's actually the spirit you know holy spirit saying i'm with you right now salema yes and so

I think, you know, you know, maybe some people in the congregation would have been like, you know, that's shameful. But I think true, true followers of the Lord would have been like, that's God. He is fully present. Dude, that's such a useless reframing. It's almost not important that you got a rod while in church. It's most important what it's pointing at. Right. Like it could be directional instruction from the dude on high.

Straight up. Whoa. Straight up. Straight up. Straight up. Straight up. That's what it was. Straight up.

Straight up. Straight up. And I want to be respectful of the religious folk who are listening. We mean this. Because right now the DMs are about to get lit up. Yeah. We're not trying to discredit any of you all. And I know there's other religions I wouldn't poke at.

So I mean this just as a good-hearted Christian man who has been through the rigmarole and is just saying these are things I experience. I hope it brings us all closer in congregation. Anyone who goes to church and has gone the church has had the, oh shit, I've got wood in the house of the Lord. And if not, I don't think you really went to church. Yeah. Yeah, then you've probably never been. Yeah. Two things.

I think how would you feel if Joel Osteen went to deliver a sermon and he had a fat tent? And he's like, this is prosperity gospel flowing. flowing through my rod the thing is he could probably pull that off he's talented he's I mean he's an orator for sure

and especially when he gets just that right amount of wave coming down the back it's so good it's I'm attracted to it I know he's full of shit but I'm like ah if he told me where to send the check Okay. Fuck a check. If he gave me a routing number, I'm calling my accountant and saying, please send. If he gave me his number, I'd send a photo of the tent.

Boom. He's Samson-like where like if his hair starts thinning, I think the flock will thin. Like, he needs a full quaff. I believe that he has pre-booked his visits to Turkey. One hondo. So that that never, ever happened. Sidebar about the inappropriate wood moments in my older age, or I should say in this median space of my journey in this body, I have begun to experience something called fatigue boners. Expand. Brand new. Brand new.

I get tired. I get wood. What? What the contradiction? Bro. I'm just giving you all a preview for where you'll be. I mean, one day it's going to happen to you. I'd like to have that issue.

One day you're going to be like, why is it that I am like nodding off, but I am at the fullest blood flow perhaps I've ever known? I believe, like woozy. I believe Dr. Gary Brecka said that fatigue boners come from compound lifts. That could be. Dude, I mean, I slam my guy more than Sugar Ray Leonard, you know, smack the speedbag. So if I don't inflate it with air myself, it's not rising. Well, I'm in, I'm, maybe I'm in the one percentile, but you are.

Dude, that's elite. I mean, to be completely candid, I think that's more of a brag than a complaint. Thank you. My doctor seems to think so as well. Respect. She. She says you're doing great. That's, dude, that's got to be, I mean, one of the best parts about going to see the doctor

is that you got free rein to just let it rip and say whatever you want. So you can just roll in. She's seen as a lady and be like, dude, I'm getting boners when I'm tired. And she's like, thank you for telling me. She's like, let's, let's unpack that. And nothing's, thank you for the safe space. It's the safest space. That brings us to our first sponsor, Douglas lubricant.

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Wow. Because I am a UTI deliverer. Wow. And I say that with great shame. You are. If you have sex with me, there's a long tail and it's painful. You're the Amazon man. Beyond emotional.

Like you're physically hurt. I love your vulnerability on this episode. And you as well, Salima. Yeah. I felt like I was in the lead there. And then he was like, he over, he, like, drafted me and said, ah. I do get competitive about, like, vulnerability exhibitionism.

Like, if someone's like, I did this embarrassing thing, I'm like, no. Yeah, I feel like I was at base camp and you just, you're just up there dancing at the summit now, being like, ah. You're right. And the question is, who's my Sherpa? Yeah, Douglas. Douglas Lou, dude. A Sherpa for your doad. And dude

We just wrote copy My most embarrassing Boner moment Lakinta in Tucson, Arizona I don't have to explain anymore Wow

That's a Yeah I don't even It sounds so heavy That's it It It smells like old towels That story you just told Yeah

Right dude there's a scent to it Well, okay, I'll expand a little bit further. I went for the free buffet, never miss it. You know, you guys on the pod now I'm a huge money guy. You know, I always take something free. I love a good deal. And I came in with a boner. And this business guy, they're there for a conference.

He's like, bro, at La Quinta. And I was like, I'm healthy. Hmm. How dare you shame my virility? Sir. Yeah. To see like, you know, I was a little bit. You in the polyester.

I was like, dude, like, like, if you want people to take your business seriously, you should be rocking wood. You should be. And then I've filled up my fruit loops. Powdered eggs and a boner. That's our slogan. I love it. Yeah. What else has been cracklecking, dude?

I've been trying not to get killed on the show that I've been doing. What's that? It's called the team ignition show. And I've been profiling risk takers all over the world. That's sick. Yeah. Australia. Like hedge fund guys?

Next season. Next season will be Wall Street and also crypto bros. Yeah, paying fast and loose with my 401K. Getting super, super loose, but no, like aerobatic plane flyers. Dude, I love that stuff. So I did that. I wrote a bull in Texas. You wrote it?

I wrote a bull three and a half seconds before ejection. That's rock solid. Somehow didn't die. How'd you fall? I felt like, like, it's on my IG, but I, like, ejected to the right and then kind of took it to the right knee and then my body somehow didn't break and then I rolled. Good thing you'd have a bone or then because I would have caught in the rope. You would have right angled it.

Yes. I would have got right angled it and I probably would have lost it. Dude, look at this. Yeah. Oh yeah, there he is. Whoa. Dude, you did great. Thank you.

That's what the cowgirl. You took like three legit leaps from it. I did. I did. And then in this part here, they're trying to talk to me. I'm just laughing, but laughing out of like, sort of like. Adrenaline. And I laughed out of adrenaline and laughed for two minutes.

Like couldn't, couldn't, could not stop. That's joyous though. It was joyous. Yeah, it was cleansed. And it was a feeling of a live when you've just looked at like when death has been whispering in your ear, I'm going to fuck you. that's what I heard right before I lived. Yeah. Well, so what was your pre-ride ritual with the bull?

Well, before that, they put me on some training mechanisms, but not like the kind at that place on sunset. Like, just like a saddle ranch thing. That just spins. Yeah, no, this was like a barrel on springs. And they teach you essentially like you. it's a lot of this yeah which I have experience in

laterally sometimes diagonally sure but not like sitting on an animal and so I just applied applied the styles that I use in my personal life to the bull but obviously are not

with a different intention different intent yeah you weren't trying to drill the bull no and deliver pled The interesting thing is that you've got to squeeze the bull from a place that I speak for myself and I think many other men. I don't want to, I'm not out here trying to like gender, shame any men who do know this feeling, but I don't know the feeling of like really engaging the entirety of my inner. Yeah, because those muscles, I ride horses and I get tired in here. Those ones.

And in a way, those are not feminine muscles, but muscles that women use more often. Yes. And I have respect. So much respect. I just want to say out to all of the women out there who are used to just like just, you know, giving that grip. That's so. What an inversion too? Because you're saying like riding a bull or riding a horse is basically like learning how to get fucked.

Yes. But it's like the most masculine thing you can do. Yes. You're strengthening your ketone muscles? Yes. I think I might have discovered the male kegles while riding the bull. That's awesome, man. I was sore for days after.

Not from the slam, but just from that grip. Yeah. And were the other bull riders just like legit legends? They were real. Actually, I was taught by a woman, bull rider. That's it. She was gnar. She'd broken herself 80 ways a Sunday.

and just was like, I can't wait to ride another bull. And then I went, and then I went to a rodeo. Was it sick? In Beaumont, Texas, which is like in the Gulf above Norlands, like four hours. It's in America technically, but I did not know where I was. It was different. And the rodeo was sick. I ate deep fried everything, including crocodile.

Sick. Was that good? Oh, crocodiles. It might be the closest meat to God. Chewy? Wow. It was not gamey at all. Really?

And, you know, people always want to be like, well, it tastes like chicken. No, it tasted like new meat. Yeah, it was like a new. It had his own flavor? Yeah, yeah. The closest thing I would say is like, like, the closest thing I could say it was like a little touch of swine. A little touch of swine. But does not quite as.

sinful. No. To keep the religiosity. Exactly. But it was beautiful. And that's like prehistoric too. Yes. Crocodiles have been here. Millions.

Since before the dinosaurs. Whoa. So you feel like you're chewing on dino. I mean, you know, if we want to get spiritual too, it's like, you know, when you eat something, you kind of take on its spiritual essence. So a crocodile, you're, you're getting ancient, ancient, ancient, ancient, ancient, ancient, ancient wisdom. Yeah.

It's almost like in rat tattooy when Antoni. when Anton Ego bites the dish and he goes back to childhood, but it transports us to like prehistoric, like single cellular existence. And you're like, holy fucking shit, where the fuck did I go? Yeah, you go to like a motherfucker. And then you got to eat like an Oreo to bring you back or something. Deep fried. You go to eukaryote consciousness.

Yeah. It felt like I got in touch with infinite wisdom. That's sick. Yeah, it was really great. What up, dude? So my Stoke seminar is coming. Two, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, and Ann Arbor, June 3rd, 4th, and 6th. And then JT and I will be in New Orleans on July 17th, Mobile, Alabama, July 18th, Irvine Improv, July 23rd, Dallas, Texas, July 24th,

Fort Worth, Texas, July 25th. Get your tickets at chat on JT.com. What up, dudes? Our next sponsor is MintMobil. And I don't know about you, but I like keeping my money where I can see it. And unfortunately, traditional big wireless carriers also seem to like keeping my money too. And after years of overpaying for wireless, I finally said, whatever to the crazy high wireless bills, bogus fees, and free perks that actually cost more in the long run. And I switched to Mint Mobile. And I'm so stoked. So what I'm trying to say is stop overpaying for wireless just because that's how it's always been. Mint exists purely to fix that. They're here to rescue you, with premium wireless plans starting at 15 Bones a month.

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New customer offer for three months only, the first three months, then full-price plan options available. Taxes and fees are extra. See Mint Mobile for details. Okay, later. Who else have you, like, partied with on the show that was like extra chill,

extra-sick, you know, extra adventurous. Cron Gracey? Dude, great fight. I love him, man. Rolled with him. ADCC champ. Yes.

Great run. Great run, incredible run. He submitted me with one hand and then he submitted me with both arms tied behind his back. Whoa. Yeah. And son of the ultimate jiu-jitsu legend, Hickson and Gracie. Yeah. And then he put me in a tournament with against like four white belts in the

Doge, which I was not on, that wasn't in this in the script. And so I had to fight for my life to get out of the out of out of the doge. Um, but it was awesome. Really, really fun. Is he out of Huntington? Where's he, where's he, where's he partying? He's was in Montana. Oh, sick. But now he's, uh, back in Los Angeles. This dude's breathing techniques. I've seen his dad do him in the water, like where their, their stomach goes all in. So the whole time during the fight, he's just, Interesting. But like all diaphragmic.

Yeah. And he just, I watched him take like everybody. He just, no breaks just for an hour, just like, submit, submit, submit, submit, submit. And he just goes into this trance with, with the breath. It was a true martial artist. True, true, true, true martial arts. You can watch him versus like Gary Tonin, I think is like the matchup at ADCC. It's so sick.

I think they had two. I think maybe he lost to, to, Gary and then came back two years later and smoked him. That's awesome. Yeah, it definitely made me want to get back in the jihits. I used to train a bunch. I've only done it like I do it on and off but never consistently. So I don't know nothing.

I just know I can get beat up by basically any man and girl on the planet. Yes. But that's helpful. It is. It's humble chess for the body is what I call. And people will be like, dude, it doesn't beat up your rig. You know, everybody knows it's a gentle art. It's not gentle.

No. Especially at my age, everything hurts the next day. Yeah. But it makes you, again, it's that feeling of alive. I can feel everything. Dude, there's that thing where the forearms on your chin and you're just getting pressed down and you're fighting back and you're like, dude, there's nothing. I can, you check the clock. There's two minutes left.

And you're like, I just have to accept. Accept. And then maybe like throw my hip in a different direction and see what happens. No, I literally say to my partner, I go, do what you want with me. Is that what you say to her? Do you say your wife? Wow. I say that to her too daily, even when we're not grappling.

But I'm talking specific to the mat when she pins me, what my wife pins me. Okay. That's cool. I think that's a healthy love exercise. She's got a strong top game. I'm not moving if she gets her hips on me. And then I just kind of just give up. Maybe that's a metaphor for you.

I did not know that the hips were involved in top game. But are they not? The more you know. Is it more the pelvis? Depends on what we're talking about when we say. the top game. Maybe it's regional. I fucked up. No, it's okay.

Maybe that's why I should do jiu-jitsu because I think I need to refine my mating techniques. Because if I don't see my fiancee for a while, my first request is, can you spread your cheeks? I get it, dude. And so maybe if I was like, hey, can you submit me? That would be, that would turn her on a little bit more. Yeah, because women like it when you're not so direct about it, when he dress it up

and more of a courtship. Yeah. Because I'll try to, you know, I'm trying to. They like when you maybe don't go straight for submission. Yeah. That's true. It's a process. I put myself in.

Well, stand up game first. I put myself in her shiz and I was like, if she, if I walked in the door and she's like, hey, spread your cheeks, I would be stoked. So I was like, I don't, I don't know. Like, it's pretty epic to me. But maybe, you know, I need to maybe put myself in her shoes a little bit more. I don't know. That last, I think the vulnerability mountain top just got reclined. Oh my gosh.

Dude, yeah. I didn't even know the mountain could go that high. Yeah. New summits. That's a brand new summit. Yeah, dude. I'm secretly competitive. Mountains grow, dude.

This mountain is growing. Because that's the top. Like, it is the most vulnerable part. You hope when you get home tonight, when you walk through that door, I hope that she looks you straight in the eye. Or actually says it to you as you're walking away, hey, I want you to go walk over there, bend over and spread those cheeks from me, Daddy. Daddy. That's the dream. Because if she says Daddy, how are you going to say no?

Dude. Dad. Yeah. And that's when you're like, trust tree. Dude, I'm so glad you're on this pod right now because I think you just leveled up my relationship. That's what I'm here for, man. When I get the call to come and deliver and sit with the unique whites, you know, I'm just, I'm going to give it all. Honored.

Dude, not to change subjects, but I don't know if you guys saw on the news, but the aliens are here. Government just released a bunch of files saying the aliens, they are here. and so I had a thought a lot of people are like what do we say to the aliens how do we properly introduce ourselves as a species to the aliens

and I in my head I thought since you're coming on here's what I think we should do take them to the X games yes why because aliens have anti-gravity technology and the X games

is the only place on earth where gravity is regularly disrespected. Bro. Think of the progression. Think of the unlimited progression that we could enter

with alien anti-gravity technology at the X-Gams. How many 900s with Tony Hawk do? Fuck. 2,600. And dude, it could, like, not even to make it adversarial, but just out of respect and competition, we could be like,

You throw in your best skater. We throw in our best skater and just go them head to head. Boom. And then like the aliens afterwards are like, dude, we didn't even know a biologic could endure those physics. And we're like, dude, this guy rips. Yeah. I think that that would really open up an intergalactic shred highway that we've been looking for.

That, I mean, someone could literally at that point, I could envision like someone just bled. lip sliding the fucking entire galaxy. Dude, maybe that's why the aliens are actually here. It's like, they just want to see if we can rip. And dude, then, like, we film the whole thing and the government tries to suppress it and we're like, dude, release the X files.

Yeah. Bang. Bang. And then maybe, like, just while they're here, because they have all the technology. All of it. I'm sure they have the, like, the anti-redaction technology

for sure that we're all looking for right now and they could probably bring some clarity yeah like they're like all right you teach us how to do a 1270 and we'll tell you who the perverts are bang every body literally wins and when I say everybody like all of the bodies dude I felt your emphasis on body there and it transcended the entity I'm familiar with.

Nice. You put heavy, like, it was there. Yeah, that's, it was like, like,

403 megahertz right there. That's what I was looking for. That's, that's what it was. Dude, imagine, imagine doing a, a blunt slide

on Saturn's rings. Ooh. I felt that, I felt that, I felt that so deep in my mitochondria. Powerhouse. Oh,

who. That was a cellular awakening, that vision. Thank you. Yeah, dude. Dude, not to pivot off topic again, but, you know, we were speaking on Huizu. There was a pretty massive UFC fight this weekend.

Sean Strickland got the dub against Chameh. And for the 185 middleweight title, do you watch UFC? I used to, but I think that Dana White's a dick. Yeah. So I kind of stopped. The personalities are quite outsized. And it's a, but it's a wrestling match for me because I enjoy the fights. So now I just kind of watch them when they're for free like six months later on ESPN.

I share a similar conflict. But Strickland got the dub. Now, Strickland is known for being a wild man. He'll let it rip on social media. He's a loose canon in interviews. He said they wouldn't put him on the White House card because he would call them out for the Epstein stuff. Right. He'll also get pretty, you know, racially uncomfortable with it at times.

But then after winning the fight, he hit a massive apology. And he was like, dude, whites, Muslims, blacks, everybody. I come out everybody too hard and I'm sorry. He was like, I go too far. I love everybody. And it had this effect in the room where all the bros I was with were like, dude, we love this guy. And there's a specific kind of dude, Shaila Buff, Sean Strickland, who's super reckless and chaotic in their life. But then they rip so hard at apologies that you almost like them more, even if they never did the bad thing in the first place.

Did I miss the Shia of Labuff's apology? Well, he'll just do a podcast and be like, look, I learned that I got demons in me. And if I don't own my demon, my demon's going to own me. And that's why I learned to be a husband. And that's why I want to work at Home Depot. And you're like, dude, I think I like this guy. And so I have a term that I'm coining for bros who go too far, but are so legit with talking about it that they reel you back in.

Contrition Riz. Whoa. I would say top three Shia Strickland, Lena Dunham. They got contritionaries like I've never seen. Well, Lena Dunham's on her own aisle of contrition. She puts her own spin on it and hers is less heavy on the contrish. Yeah. But still, there's like a self-awareness there where you're like, oh, I'm rocking with this.

And so I think contritioner is the most powerful of all the Rizzes. That's, is there merch? Should we? I'm going heavy with it in this app too. I'm trying to coin phrase. I hope that your trademark attorney is already on it because contrition Riz is strong. Thank you, brother. Dude, you just fired me up so much. I might get a DUI after this podcast so I can get that Riz. Just so you can Riz out. The most beloved people are not the people who don't muff up. It's the people who muff up

and then just rip at the muff up pullback. To your point, imagine a world in a world where people are competing for who could actually be the most sorry. That's wild. Like just trying to win at apology. Whoa. That would be a fun competition for real. Especially if you got to do the bad deeds beforehand and if you apologized well enough, we forgave you for the bad. deeds you could earn contrition Riz tickets yeah we're like these 12 people are gonna do horrible

shit and then in the end they'll all compete with who has the best apology and whoever wins the hunger games for fucking apologies oh my god what fucking district are you apologizing for dude who's the guy that shy away on the podcast John Bernthal so imagine like Putin on John Berthal's podcast He's like, I'm just so sorry. Yeah. Do you think I overdid it with, we over did it going into Ukraine. It was, we crossed lines international law.

Your law, maybe not my law, maybe not at benefiting me, but I am sorry. He'd have to write some checks though. For, dude, different. You know what? I don't think you're allowed to make monetary. No monetary contrition risen. No, because I think that's cheating. I think it's just got to be straight bars.

It's just got to be what you say. Because that's part of the contritionary is that you never actually do anything decent or act like a better person. You just talk about it. It's kind of performative but not really, but yes. Imagine Putin was like, you know, my sponsor said I need to apologize. Good Russian, dude. He's in a 12-step program. I realized I'm addicted to power.

And it's because my father, he put so much pressure on me as a young boy. Power, power, power. It got in my head. And I realized I was domed from the start. And if you men in this room are not careful, one day he will also violate NATO. Do you think I felt secure when I was on that horse with my shirt off? No, I felt naked and alone.

But I did it because of power. And my father, he was in my head. Dude, yes. Dude, I'm starting to like Putin. Yeah. Wow. Call him up. Dude, not to change the subj.

Um, um, Ugation. Surfers going to the gym is one of the most controversial topics of today. You lift and you shred. Hmm. What do you think about the purists who say that you should only shred your rig via the earth? I First of all, I didn't know that I was going to be cornered and put on the spot.

This feels like a gotcha question. Your team told us not to. crossed this line and we thought I'm pretty sure my publicist called ahead of time but dude, journalistic integrity. Whatever, dude, we're fucking here. So let's do it. So here's the fucking thing.

Dude, that's disrespectful, bro. You're crossing a line right now, man. I love you. All due respect. Go easy, brother. All right? Not just for me, it's for my peeps. I can't let you do us like that.

Here's the fucking thing, dude. It's like this. Like, when you're young, all you can really fucking even think about is the ocean dude like you don't wash yourself like you take pride in the fact that like the salt never leaves your body and like when a chick's like ew like what's that on your skin that what's that taste and you're just like it's mother ocean respect her respect me and that just becomes your cycle for a very long time you wake up and you are just you're so in tune with earth that what other fuel could you possibly need other than cereal, beer,

chicks, weed, and the ocean? And you can do that for a certain amount of time, but it's not sustainable for growth. And at a certain point, usually around your 30s, you're not ripping as hard as you thought you could when you just got out of bed. You're like, oh, I'm a little late to the lip. I couldn't get into that wave. What's happening? And that's when Mother Earth's like, I'm going to need you to show up with a little bit more. You can't just take me for granted anymore. What are you bringing to the table? And that means you got to start practicing on land and maybe even the gym. And so yeah, that's that's what it is. I'm an old person. I didn't start training for surfing until I was 40.

Because one day I was just like, why didn't I catch that wave? And why did that turn that I used to be able to do in my sleep suddenly feel like it's left me? And so I had to get involved in the investments of self on land. It's generational, bro. It's generational. It's generational.

And also now, if you are a world tour warhurst, look at that guy, doing the front side there in his late 40s right there. Is that on a fish? That's on a Rob Machado seaside fish. Yeah, boom. Rob's got a great tan. I would tell you what wave that's at.

Good hair too. Thank you. It's long, the follically challenged. I met Machado, I'm sorry. Yeah, thank you. I used to, you know, Machado only grew dreads because of me. Is that true? Yeah.

How about that picture that is the first, with my first surfboard, go up. Boom, right there. That's 16-year-old. old me. Whoa. Whoa. Look at that. Wow. With the box cut fade, got that surfboard from a kid around the corner from me. His dad gave it to me. I'm wearing shorts that my mom got at Sears because she couldn't afford surf shop shorts. And I was like, you got, you got me fucked up out here. Like, the bros are not respecting me. He had a drawstring cinch, but I didn't know any better. But that's how I started.

And, yeah, surfing changed my life. That's awesome, dude. Sure fucking did, dude. So, yeah, listen, here's the goddamn thing. If you guys want to fucking shit-talk the gym, bro, you're just sending yourself to an early grave of mid-lengths and long shreds, which is cool.

But if you want to continue to fucking rip what the capital R, get your ass into the movement dojoes. with weights. Dude, you navigated that minefield super well. Thank you. Because you work out. That's one of the reasons, yes. What up, dudes?

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Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral monocodal and finasteride. This weekend I had a just spectacular time absorbing some of our most fire cultural offerings. First I watched K-pop demon hunters. Maybe the greatest movie in history. Wow. Complex themes about owning. your demon, which just super resonated with me. The music is epic.

They won an Oscar for it. They deserve it. The song, this is what it sounds like. As the most beautiful lyrics I've ever heard, I cry every time I listen. Then I watched something else that is much maligned, but is actually super sick, the OKC Thunder. Now everyone says they foul bait and it's unethical basketball. What? But dude, if you watch that team, every dude can hoop.

I've never seen a team that deep, that skilled. And no one talks about it. All they talk about is the fouls, even though they were 17th in the league and free throws attempted, which they hit at an 82% clip, which just speaks to the skill. And dude, here's what we're living in right now.

It's because our economy is weak. People are applying that malaise to everything, and they're saying everything sucks. But actually, a lot of our shit rips, dude. And I grew up when people say stuff was better and a lot of shit was awesome. 90s movies, emo music.

But dude, I also watched the Pistons play the Spurs in the finals and that was a rock fight. Great teams, not aesthetically pleasing. I also watched Spurs Nets.

Also, not that aesthetically pleasing. But great teams. Tim Duncan was not appreciated in his time. SGA is like the new Duncan. And I'm calling this, my phrase for this is the OG delusion.

I love this. This is my midnight and paracification. of our culture right now. We got to appreciate what we've got right here. You got K-pop demon hunters. You got O K-C Thunder. This shit is sick.

And people do appreciate K-pop, but I'm just using that as an example of how shit it rips. Let's appreciate what we got now, dude. The OG delusion is robbing you of loving yourself, loving where you are right now. It is sick. You are sick. We're making sick stuff.

Can I just say that? that I am moved by your passion. That soapbox that you are on right now is a righteous one and it is full of truth. Thank you, dude. Because here's the thing. The rear view mirror is a lie. Objects may appear closer than they really fucking are. And everyone wants to look back and be like, no, it was no.

No. It's right now. presently. And when you speak about those OKC thunder, they're literally two, they're two NBA teams in one. There's a starting five and there's another starting five and they're all interchangeable. And they play both sides of the ball with such tenacious efficiency.

You're just mad that your team doesn't play defense as well. Because here's the goddamn thing. Go, baby. The referees are human beings. They are going to be moved by enthusiasm on either side of the ball. So yeah, they're not going to have as many fouls called on them because they're playing so much goddamn defense that how could it possibly, how could they just call it would fuck up the game?

They're taking advantage of the rhythm of the game. And they're smothering you with defense. in a way that is so cool and then offensively they put on a show when they get the ball back every dude can handle every dude can shoot every dude can pass what do you want like i watched chet go left on lebron and pull up from 18 and then i got my friends in the group chat saying this is garbage i'm like are we watching the same thing people used to to your to your point in your dissertation you mentioned the great tim duncan who dropped fucking 35 and 20 on you like this This face never did not any I got to cover him I was a sideline reporter the Western

Conference of the NBA for ESPN and ABC what a gift I got to sit in the rooms with Greg Popovich and explore his mind my king it was incredible and I got to watch Tim Duncan perform fucking art like NFT type fucking shit and bros would bash him and they would bash him and they would bash him like what do you mean This guy's out here fucking painting fucking shit that should be in the Louvre. And you're just mad that you can't afford it. So yes, to everything that you said about the Thunder. It's incredible.

Dude, that's so... And I love the comparison to the 90s spurs. Dude, I love that you covered Duncan and Pop? I covered Duncan and Pop. What a hollowed ground. I covered Kobe. and shack when they were together. Oh, man, the three-ring circus.

That was incredible. Kobe loved skateboarding. Really? My first game with, my first game was like a game between the Lakers and the Kings. And before the game even started, there was a knockdown, drag-out fight between both benches that went back into the tunnel. featuring Doug Christie and Shaq. And I had to run back into the tunnel.

It took like a half hour for shit to get sorted in the game to even start. I think I've heard, didn't Rick Fox throw a karate kick during this? Yeah, absolutely. I was in there with no cameras. I saw bodies getting thrown around. I saw police get thrown around. It was madness.

And then they came back to me and my producers. Mind you, my experience up to this point has been to the X games. Skaters aren't. doing that ain't nobody beating the shit out of each other at the top of the vert ramp you know what I mean

and throwing them into the flap on them and they said they're coming to you from Sports Center in 30 seconds like I go what do I do like tell them what happened so I just start talking and at a certain point

cultural reference of the time comes into my head and I said basically that they were throwing bows is what I I said and it kind of went viral in a weird way pre-social media, but that was my introduction. Wow. But it was incredible.

Kobe was hell of gracious with me. He would come to the X games and like bring his family. Yeah, I got to cover Tracy McGrady. I was covering the series in the playoffs when the magic were up 3-1. And I did the interview with T-Mack where he says, I'm just so excited that we're moving. on to the next round. Oh, no. And Detroit came back and spank that ass and won four one.

Four three. Dude, poor, bro. Because probably the most legit dude to never make it out of the first round. And he was a certified hoop. Bang like team act, as Jay-Z said. Yeah, it was, I did the first, I did the first interview at an NBA game with LeBron, like the first nationally televised interview with him at during that series. he was there to watch T-MAC,

and he hadn't even been drafted yet. And I saw him sitting with Rich Paul and company, and I just walked up to them, and I said, hey, LeBron, would you mind? I told my producer, like, I can get LeBron. They're like, what? Yeah. So T-Mack dunks on, I forget who he dunks on.

Dunks on somebody. Ben Wallace? Maybe it was Ben Wallace. Rashid? This was before Rashid. Yeah, before Rashid. No, Rashid was in the league at the time. But not on the...

But anyway, there was a T-Mack dunk, and they come back to me, and I'm getting the React from LeBron on the dunk and then starting to talk to him about what it's going to be like what he anticipates his career is going to be. It's a classic interview that ends up getting thrown around. Snapshot. It'll be in the 10th part of Broner.

It floats around on IG every once in a while. Like I'm sure when he retires, it'll go viral again. But there he is. Whoa. There it is. He wasn't bullshitting. There he is right there. That's awesome.

Do you ever pop wood during an interview? No, I've never Never never got a Okay, so who's T-Mack dunking on there You dunked on somebody Oh, oh, oh, it's on O'Kir, maybe. Mett Mett O'Kirr

Good shooter, yeah Did well with the jazz later Bang Whoa Yeah Memmett was tailor-made for today's league He really was Dude, T-Mack was

T-Mack was unbelievable If there's no Vince, it's T-Mack Look at that Wow When it comes to the Dunkeroo's Oh, you get you I can't can't even believe.

You're so stuck, dude. Look at me. I'm like, I'm just sitting here being like, what is my life? That's sick. A year ago, a year before I was, you know, I wasn't even on television. So did you envision this for yourself or like, did it just kind of fall into place? This kind of fell into place. Like, the whole X-Games thing came out of nowhere.

Not out of, I shouldn't say it out of nowhere. I used to like announce skate demos and like trade show vert ramps. Like I was the guy in the mic and I learned from this guy named Dave Duncan who like announced all the skate contest. And I just thought he was a hero. And so one, he kind of taught me the ways and then I would take turns at different events. And then that led to an opportunity at MTV and MTV Sports. music festival and then X Games was looking for they needed credible voices they were just using sticking ball dudes and they had seen me on MTV and they found me they found me at a at a

Vans triple crown of snowboarding contest and Breckenridge. Dude thank goodness they did that too because like when they cross-pollinate and they get the wrong announcer in a sport they're not familiar with yeah it's bad that throws off the vibes so heavy. off. And so we're watching the TV being with the volume off. You're stoked to see the thing that you love on television, but you're like, oh, these announcers are whatever. But this dude, Dave Duncan, he, he, he taught me the ways of the force. He's still like a classic skateboard announcer. Did anyone ever call him Duncan Dave? Yes. They called him many things. He's, he's, he's, that's, that's, there could be a whole doc documentary on Duncan. But anyway, um, they, ESPN brought me in. And,

They taught me the ways of the force. Like, I didn't know anything about being a broadcaster or a journalist or anything, but I was passionate about Shred. And so when I got my first gig as a sideline reporter at snowboarding, the athletes were opening up in a way they hadn't seen before. And they're like, oh, maybe we can, this, we can work with this. Wow. Did they bring you to campus on Bristol?

Yes. And was like, did Keith Olberman bring you in and say, bro. They brought me to campus and they put me through intense, intense. like Matrix style fucking learn they were plugging you in yeah like we plug the the Burman files the Olberman the dude the damper Stuart Scott they had this person called an ombudsman yes was like teach you journalical ambassador dude journalistic integrity and you're in there with Stuart Scott and Berman and all these people in these intense

and I'd go like every three or four months they'd fly you out to Bristol and you'd go to camp Sometimes in these in these these broadcasting camps for like these weekend seminars they throw up video of you doing it wrong. Really? You got to watch tape, dude. It's like a DB getting burned on a go route. You're watching tape in front of like the heaviest peers in the game and you're just and they're talking about what you did wrong.

Whoa. And then later in the seminar you might get lucky in a video of you might doing doing it right might come up. but anyone could get it. And so learning in that way, I just was like, it was the college that I never went to. And so I had got this crazy meteoric rise for two years.

And then during that two years, as X games is exploding, I went from a sideline reporter to doing play-by-play to becoming play-by-play and host of the whole thing. You had the cost of spot. Like it would open on you on the wide, and then it would push in, and it was like, welcome to the event.

big like ah like all with all the cameras and the whole deal it was sick i can think about it in my head like it was crazy right i would be sitting there when they'd go live and i would have to just like talk myself out of like completely freaking out because you're like i'm on abc's wild of sports right now what the fuck is happening and i'm about to talk about skateboarding this is i started off answering the phones at trans world skateboarding magazine seven years ago and now i'm doing this like this is insane and ESPN two years after I started, they got the license for the NBA. It had been on NBC at that whole time. And the guy who brought me into ESPN, this guy, Jamie Reynolds, he calls me up that summer

and he says, hey, are you a fan of the association? I go, Jamie Reynolds, are you talking about the National Basketball Association? Yes, I very much am. Well, there's a good chance that you're going to be the sideline reporter for the Western Conference of the NBA on ESPN and ABC. What the fuck are you talking about? Whoa. That's not what? Next thing you know, I'm on a bus like going to the press conference and I'm sitting alongside like some of the greats in basketball. I'm on a bus like with with, with, with, with, with, with,

with Bill Walton, he's sitting across from me going, Massacela, hmm. You know, I used to listen to a trumpeter, an incredible jazz trumpeter from South Africa named Hugh Massacela. Do you ever heard of him? I go, that's my father. Get out of here. Are you kidding me?

And then he tells everybody about what my dad means to music. And then Bill takes me under his wing. I end up on Bill's crew. And he shows me the waves of the force that season. Like, crap. And he's a legit Jedi. Like he's a Jedi.

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

would throw, Brent Musburger, Busberger would be, would be, doing the games, I'm doing sideline and his favorite thing to do. And with that, we're in our first,

our first foul, our first foul break. And we're gonna go down to my man, my main man, Sal Masakela. What do you got for me, buddy? And I'd be sitting in my,

ear going my musburger just threw to me. I think there's one where I literally pause like I can't speak because I'm trying to comprehend that this shit just happened. I'm like, snap out of it. Yeah, it was, uh, it was insane. It was the best year, best and worst year of my life. Professionally. I have a theory. I think because you're such a stoked individual, that this path just opened up for you. Because everyone's just so amped on, you know, obviously very talented, but everyone's also so amped on your vibe. They're like, this guy, we got to, we got to keep, we got to keep getting this guy. The Stoke speed run.

Yeah. My Stoke definitely outweighed my talent for a long time. My stoke definitely made up for my lack of experience and talent. And having like all-star stoke level allowed my talent to catch up over time. Dude, bro, I appreciate you being humble. But Salema, come on. Because to know how to do stoke and deliver stoke when it's early morning, late night, after travel, in a new environment with people who don't share your stoke, that is talent. Thank you.

I appreciate that. Because as someone who is moody, but people come to see the stoke, there are times where I am not able to conjure it in a way that is satisfying to their expectation. I get that 10,000 percent. So to deliver the stoke takes a lot a lot a lot. But the thing is about the stoke is, the stoke is about everyone around you. And so for me, it's always been about the people. Like when that camera comes on, when that red light comes on and it's go time to me, the thing that I always learned how to do early was to picture someone at home.

I would sometimes picture someone at home who's mad that the sport they actually are used to watching is on TV and I'm like, I'm going to get you. I'm going to get you. You don't even want to be here right now. Your kids are stoked, but I'm going to get your dad to be like, you know what, we want to go to this thing when it comes to town.

I got a question. This is for the dad. It says actually here that you also worked on the Olympics and at the FIFA World Cup. Yep. with the Olympics, was it mostly just like winner or winter Olympics or what were you covering there? I did

somebody's got to take some flones. Chad's going to do a key bump in the bathroom. You know, whatever you got to do to stay stoked. Do you break or do we keep going? Keep cooking. All right. This is what happens when I asked a super question. No, it's a right.

It's a good question. It's a great question. question but chad told you not to ask them i'm kidding i got uh the olympics i did the winter olympics and and the olympics which they don't call summer but it's summer olympics were you athens beijing or melbourne uh 2014 sochi russia i missed it i went earlier 2020 or i guess we'd call it 2021 due to COVID, Japan. Nice. So I did surfing, sideline reporting for, that was the first year of surfing in Japan.

Did it do it at Okinawa? No. It was outside of Tokyo like, I don't know, a three hour ride. Really good way. Yeah, we had big surf. It was windy and all over the place. But I think Itilo Ferreira ended up getting the gold that year. I like, he's an explosive dude.

Yeah, he's incredible. And then I ended up covering like boxing, Olympic weightlifting and a couple other things. That was super fun. And then at the Winter Olympics, I was doing human interest stories, which was awesome. Because this is the greatest thing about the Winter Olympics in Sochi. I knew that there were waves in the Black Sea. I had seen an article years before. where some dudes had gone surfing there in the Black Sea,

and I knew that in the wintertime they could get swell. So right from the very beginning, I was hammering my producers to be like, we got to find the surfers in Sochi. And they're like, no one's going to want to do that story. Like, we'll do other things. I'm like, you guys, trust me. If we go find the surfers, there's going to be something there.

And so there was this girl who was one of, our fixers. She was an interpreter for when we'd go out and shoot these pieces. And I'm in the van. I'm just like, she's just hammering the producer. And the girl's like, surfers, I know them. I know the surface. I take you. And we go and we meet this dude, Mishka, Mikael, who this dude literally made surfboards out of cutting refrigerator doors and getting the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the foam from inside refrigerator doors and gluing them up and then building his own little hot knife and off of YouTube learning how to laminate and shape surfboards and he had this whole like like we have surfline he had this wind thing we go to this list bay it's flat as a lake he's like

tomorrow three meters we go sure sure enough the next day we show up it took julia mancuso with me um this guy he's awesome And there it is. There's our piece right there. And we went surfing and we made it happen. It ended up being like one of the best pieces of that win Olympics. That's awesome. It was awesome. Julian McCushead just won a silver medal. And they were like, well, we need an athlete.

And I'm like, well, I know Julia Mancuso. They're like, no, you don't. I'm like, yes, I do. So I texted Julia. I'm like, you want to go surfing in the black seat tomorrow? She's like, yeah. And so, yeah, we made it happen. Dude, this question is somewhat granular and somewhat steeped in a negative framing. but do you ever feel like the narratives that come out of the Olympics are not representative of how it feels on the ground floor?

Like specific to Sochi, I remember there was so much reporting on how the food was bad and how the living quarters weren't up to snuff. Did you feel like that took on too much of the airtime or did that feel true to what the athletes were experiencing? That's a great question. And I think that there's a yes and no to it. Yes.

the the the Olympic village was basically like a paramount set like with false building like our hotel would they like the the the the the the the walls were still drying like at a certain point I remember the ceiling in our lobby just fell out and started leaking all over the place like it was real like that was a real thing they they they they they glued up that that village and people were experiencing all sorts of shit. However, um, it was awesome. And the people were just so fired up and it was such like a it's like the you're in a whole another culture right where like young dudes with barely any hair on their face are walking around with submachine guns. And you know like I experienced, all sorts of shit like I really loved it and then I also experienced like a there was a level of casual racism that I experienced there that to this day I still try to like work through like I would be walking around the street and people would be like chocolate man chocolate man come take picture

and not like that's not a rhetorical quote no come take picture right like I would sometimes walk by the military dudes and they'd point the gun and be like chocolate man come right and you i'm sure there's plenty of pictures on some some phone for the listener that's called racism yeah like so there was like there was it was all sorts of shit going on there but i had a great time all that being said but yes the the infrastructure was was insane so it was so it was fair to kind of have that be one of the It was definitely fair. I think my hotel had it best compared to what other people had until like that last week when finally the ceiling in the lobby just walked in.

It was just like a full street, like a full river falling out of the ceiling. Like, all right, well, we made it this long. And on a more positive note, Olympic Village, known for the intense virility, horniness, an amount of slam banging that goes on. Yes. Which is really nice from an international perspective. It's like, look at these countries coming together. Yes.

Competing. But then, you know, this dude's banging this person and they're from way different places. Well. Is that sick to see? Yes. I mean, I didn't get to witness actual bangage going international bangage, but I felt the vibes for sure at the events. In the building? In the building.

Like you'd go to these events. The walls like in Sochi. You'd go to these events where like the parties and the athletes, especially the ones who were done competing. spreading cheek world-class virility but you could feel the energy like like I was hanging out with the girls from the Canadian hockey team I'm not gonna name names but they were definitely ready to slam some stick on the ice if you know what I mean dude they're putting dip in between their toes yeah they were ready pox on net sticks on ice to go chuck it into the blue zone and it was yeah there was a lot of world-class

bangage for sure taking it but listen boys love to hear that. They're world-class athletes at the high, they're, all they do is high-perform. So are they going to do the deed average? Is that where they just like suddenly become mortals? No. Absolutely not. They're better at it.

So if they have the opportunity to get down and, and actually be in reflection for some world-class, like, exchange, you're going to go for that. For sure. Because mostly they're probably having to like, dip down a level and be with some just normies normies narfs some non-exmen level shit non-athletic real person I heard dad call his son-in-law that at the wedding so yeah do uh do curler's bang for sure I think curler they're probably the best at the digit stuff because like the fingering and the jacking's got to be top level yeah I was judging like the two-hand jays that they probably

engage in is sick but also you got to think about the mobility Think about the position that they get in when they, when they, can you imagine maybe like, throw that stone. Yeah, because they're able to get on one knee and slide on the ice. Imagine if you're just laying there and just slide into reception. Yeah, you see a curler just, he's just sliding into it like three miles per hour. Yeah. And just insert.

I don't want to name names, but Sean White said he was getting jade off by one of the Norwegian curlers. And while she was giving him the two-hand super jacked, her teammate was like, Hey, sigh, say, die, hey, die, hey, die. They're always together. They're always a team. They're always supporting each other. That's why it's all that story. That would feel good to have someone just throwing,

just letting you know, like, just little millimeters that you can adjust. Tweak the performance a little bit. To tweak the performance, for sure. Yeah, to have a coach on the floor. Sure, for sure. Dude, should we get into some listener calls? Let's do it. Hey, guys.

I have a serious question for you. I need some advice. I am married. I have a really great husband and just great life. And I was hanging out with my best friend. She's a girl. And we got pretty hammered. And we ended up poking up. And I'm kind of like, I'm not really sure what to do with this information. I've never cheated literally in my whole life. It didn't feel like cheating. There's no emotional, like, romance going on.

It was really just a moment of feeling, like, super comfortable with my best friend, super horny, and just, like, kind of wanted to try it with a girl. Me and my best friend are absolutely fine about it. We're like, it doesn't change anything. We're still besties. It just happens to be that we ate each other's pussy one day. Is that worth bringing to the marriage table? Because I feel like it's a big deal, but it's also not.

I don't know. I feel like this is going to get some harsh judgment. I just want to be real. Things happen. You know, girls just want girls sometimes. I don't know. It just happens. So yeah, what do you think?

What do I do? Do I bring this to the marriage table or do I just follow this forever and forget it ever happened? Thanks. Faces of death. Faces of death. Faces of death. Faces of death. Faces of death.

Okay. I don't want to be hard on you. I think there is something interesting here, though, where if I'm hearing you correctly, I'm hearing very little shame, very little regret. And I would even on a meta level say that calling into a podcast with dudes and mostly dude listeners, it almost sounded like you were trying to make us horny. And maybe that's just incidental to the story because it's a horny story and it did make me horny. But it sounds like you're really dining out on this experience. And that's awesome.

But also honesty is so important. And I don't want to encourage you to just tell your husband the truth and blow up your family, because I don't know your husband. I don't know how he'll take it. I would actually feel pretty conflicted, but mostly sad about it. I think the best thing you can do in this circumstance is bring it to your husband, not as an apology for something that's already happened, but say, hey, dude, how would you feel about having a threesome with my buddy? and then I would let your husband get a taste and make it the best experience of his life and then I think you know you can still carry some guilt after the fact

but you'll definitely be more imbalance dude I think you're spot on as soon as she started talking about doing this I was like you gotta do a threesome with the hubby um you could also you know I'm not saying you should do this but you could just like toss it into conversation be like how was your night Oh, you know, I hung out with Becky ate her pussy

and then we got McDonald's. Did you see however he responds to that? And don't make it sound like a big deal. Make it sound like something that just happens, you know? I'm like, oh, all girls eat each other's. It's like when you cheat a golf, you know what I mean? You're like, everybody cheats a golf. Yeah.

No, everyone shaves a stroke or two. He'd be like, you ate what? McDonald's. No, you ate what? I got number 10 chicken McDonald's meal. No, you ate what? Oh, Becky's Pussy? Yeah, we ate that before we watched

Wuthering Heights. I felt that story. You were so strong, dude. I had to dig so deep because it was rising but I was able to hold it back. What was rising? My staff.

The rod of righteousness. She's out here giving visuals. God was telling us pay attention. I was like, Like, anyway. I got to get another protein bar. It's a good thing that this chair has this flexion in it, which I'm grateful for. But here's the thing.

Was it Becky? I just thought that was her best friend saying, do you know the name? I don't know if she gave a name. Hey, guys. I have a serious question for you. I'm going to call her Susan. I'm going to call her Susan. Here's the thing, Susan.

According to the judicial laws of marriage that have been around for thousands of years, the only way that you're going to be able to absolve yourself, absolve yourself of the guilt and the shame that you have brought to your home is to bring it home. It's your duty. you have to bring her home and you have to present her to your partner and you don't get to say anything

about what happened ever you have to take that pain of your sin to the grave with you even if you do have the threesome with your husband and it's pleasurable you never get to reveal

your penance is that you have to walk with your sin cheaters guilt you have to live a fragmented reality yeah you you you don't you don't I don't want peace for you Susan no wow I want peace for for for him and maybe even for Becky your friend because she didn't sin but you you're selfish Susan and you are selfish girl you are so selfish and you like being bad don't you you're so so selfish you did because you wanted it and you weren't about anybody else and you know and you know it and that's why why you called him and that's why i need to teach you a lesson you need to call me you need to call me

so yeah that's um that's how i feel about that but that was tough and that was hard also i think for me in order to properly you know give a good answer i think maybe she might need to call back in and just give a play by play of how it went down was it like a 69 kind of ordeal did you guys you know, swap. Just let us know. Yeah. Yep. This is common, though.

It happens. I've, I've, I dated a woman who told me a story about casually a party that they were having, a wine Friday night, white wine evening that went quite left of where it's advertised in the, in the, in the girlfriend movie. I think they call that game night. Yeah. And apparently the four of them ended up all together. That's awesome. That's terrible.

In exchange with each other. And then just went back to being homies. Which I have to hand it to them. I don't think the pros are capable of that. No, I'm not blown a couple of my boys casually, but there is a little bit of an awkwardness the next day. I think for guys, it's more like we fist fight. Right.

And with gals, it's like, you know, some clam dive in, some licking on the slizz and then just, you know, fucking just eating pussy. As a card carrying cunnolinguist, that I think every man should be a cunning linguist. And when engaging in the cunolingus, yes. And the way I think women are here to show us the way to do that. But you should, honesty. Honesty. And there was a betrayal. I feel betrayed.

I think you'd be, you know, I think this is why women should be leaders. Mm-hmm. Because let's say we had two presidents, you know, Hillary Clinton and Margaret Thatcher. Hillary Clinton was like, you know, hey, I know we've had some difficulties, but I just ate the Iron Lady's pussy. It's no big deal. It's no big deal. Don't make a big deal about it. It was no big deal.

We're fine. Deal talks have not shifted. We're mature. We can move on. I don't even know if I should be telling the world this. We're not going to go to war over this. We're not going to go to war. Margaret Thatcher's like, just because she licks my pussy,

doesn't mean there's less pussy for everybody else to have eaten, all right? Eating pussy just grows the pie. Doesn't change the world economy. Dude, who is, oh, maybe when Hillary was running, if she had been on the debate be like, look, you know, I know Germany like, I'll go I'll go lick Merkel's pussy.

You know, Donald would not have anything to say to that. No. That would have, he would have actually, for the first time, been a little bit like, what do I do here? Because he can't be like, well, I'll eat her pussy. He can't. Because she wouldn't be,

because Melani would be like, what the hell? But I know Bill would be like, dude, hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Dude, Salema, thanks for joining us. Listen to me when I tell you this. I have been looking forward to coming back here for eight years. No. Is it eight years? Wow. Eight years?

Seven. Seven years? Wow. That checked us. Well, you know, with COVID, it feels like 10. but the time that I when I that was such a beautiful time that we had together and um to watch what you two have done and what you've built and the the bravery with which you you take your comedy out into the world to make the world better in and I think one of the most unique

in powerfully joyful ways, but you're making the world a better place with what you do, with what you do. And it's not everybody can do what y'all do. It's the reason why you just continue to ascend. So to get invited back, especially after just like at all of it, your stand-ups, the shows, Netflix, etc. I'm like, fuck yeah. I'm, I can't, I can't, I can't, can't believe I get to come back. So yeah, y'all are inspirational beyond comprehension. You're too kind, man. It's the truth. Listen, I live in Venice. I don't come downtown. Okay. This was a major trek and we don't take that for granted. I joyfully boarded the 10 East and I would have driven further east for you to. Dude, those are such kind words.

It means so much. I got to say you are the ultimate Stoke Lord. I mean, Watching you from an early age. And the fact that we get to have you on our podcast twice is something I never would even imagine for myself. That is crazy, dude. It is crazy. So. Stoke Lord Silema. You're the man.

Can we bequeat that title on you? I humbly and graciously accept. Yes. If you need advice.