Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 440 - THE STOKE PSYOP with STRIDER WILSON

Episode Date: May 20, 2026

The bros are back with an absolute heater joined by the T-DART Tomahawk, STRIDER WILSON. Chad starts off the pod with a debate about EUPHORIA - is the group chat forever changed? JT dives into his new social contract to see if people are solid at the library. Strider talks about "the sad man's gift" when ordering chipotle and how to score free guac. Is asparagus just a spoon for mayo? Chad dives deep on veggies and strider admits to getting bricked from cleaning. We also take some calls and Susie calls back in to clarify some details that were missed in the last voicemail.CHECK OUT OUR NEW YOUTUBE SERIES: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkxsXCzRgw0YnogF0Q-t8o0devtOBPQTZWe are live streaming a fully unedited version of the pod on Twitch,if you want to chat with us while we're recording, follow here: https://www.twitch.tv/chadandjtgodeepGrab some dank merch here:https://appreeshapparel.com/Come see us on Tour!Get your tix - https://www.chadandjt.comTEXT OR CALL the hotline with your issue or question: 323-418-2019(Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice)Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/Thanks to our Sponsors:HIMS: The Best Hair Loss solutions for men. Go to https://www.hims.com/godeep and get started today with an online consult with a professional.HomeChef: The Best Meal Kits! Go to https://www.homechef.com/godeep and get 50% off your first box + free dessert.PRODUCTION & EDITS BY: Jake RohretSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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in coastal SoCal. I got my dog's JT and Strider here. What up? Boom, clap, Stokers. Friken what up, dude? Um, I'm gonna start off this episode by calling you dudes out. I've noticed something on our text.

You guys have pretty abruptly transitioned from heart emojis. to thumbs up. And I just want to ask straight up, is it because I said I don't like euphoria? Yeah. Yeah. JT.

not kind of sidebarred about it, you like, there's kind of whack of you to do that. I just don't like seeing these young kids with so much potential ruin their futures on the regular. Jacob Allorty,

Sydney Sweeney, Zendaya? No. I understand there's a sadomasochistic brutality to the series. But when you yucked our yums and came in and said, how can you watch this filth? It felt like a step up. Step up to where?

Step up of like boner killing. Exactly, dude. That's exactly right, dude. Because usually I watch that show full torqued, which is like a weird headspace for me to be in. my therapist about that. Because it's kind of a show like, why for me, 41-year-old adult male.

And I do watch it with my wife, but we like it, dude. It's kind of trashy. It's fun, you know? And, you know, the characters are kind of glorious and it's really cinematic. I guess it's like, kind of like, you know,

a base subject matter, but freaking filmed in a beautiful aesthetic. So when you kind of put us on blast for enjoying that, you know, kind of attacked our artistic pallets kind of, that's what hurt most about it. Dude, can I be honest right now? For sure. After hashing this out and getting this out in the open and clearing it up,

I actually pop wood. And I think what I was trying to do is you guys were so hyped on euphoria, so stoked on Sam Levinson, that I just wanted to tear it down. And that was a moment where I was like, these guys are so stoked on something. But I just want to come in there and say, gnaw and that was pretty egotistical in me dude so i just want to say i actually like euphoria

you guys are totally in the right and i popped wood you know how we like for our group movie night you were kind of like harsh in our mellow about me let's put on happy feet let's put on happy feet we're trying to look at some tits dude i'm trying to see some violence dude some sick drug usage so happy feeds chill but not when we're kicking it with the boys for sure yeah I mean I thought we could have been in like a happy middle space with Aladdin

does Jasmine show her tits no but they smooch like five times so it's really well done actually and that film they really do a good job I'll show you my world as a metaphor for tits I think in the live action version I didn't see it but I think if Disney you know that Disney's been kind of in like a weird space where like Disney fans are like, dude,

all you care about is money now. All you're doing is regurgitating your old stories and putting them in live action. But dude, if Disney took their classics Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Lion King, went to live action but put tits in there, that'd be a whole new Disney. You totally agree. In our side text between me and J.T. That you're not in, sorry. we said that Grogu

should be directed by Sam Levinson like I'd like to see Grogu who's he you know fucking and you know is he shooting up you know and six shit like that dude speaking of that faith in our institutions

is at an all time low people don't trust the Gov they don't trust the media but there's a binding contract that is load bearing. Every time I'm at the library,

if I got to go drop a deuce, I'll just ask a stranger to watch my laptop and my Garmin Phoenix 8 GPS watch. And they always do the job. When I come back, they're just looking over my

stuff. They never take the opportunity to open a tab or to hawk my shit. And it just gives me such a boost in morale. Like, the power of the ask. Like, I totally get being dubious of others, but have you tried? Because in my experience, the library has a wide swath of dudes and they're all willing to

step up and watch your shit if you need help. And I take a long deuce and they always watch my stuff. It really restores faith in humanity, dude. Like it's, and you've been doing this too, you've been cruising around to just different coffee shops, different libraries, without any gear, just hoping someone will ask. You'll wear a cut off tea. You'll dress the part, like a setnal. You know, you're going to want to be out there. I'll oversee any electronics that you need. I try to return the favor. I'll be at the park and I'll be like, yo, if you need to go drop a deuce, I'll watch your kid. Yeah. It's good. That's my thing,

is that like, you got to reinforce the energy you want in the energy. And so if I see someone and they look like they might need to go do something else, which is a euphemism, I'll be like, hey, I'll, I'll look after your family. Yeah, you'll watch the whole family because you got kids so that, that's a level up of trust, dude. You can, you, dude, I was hitting it off, dude. Other day I was at just freaking Bass Pro, just hitting it off with the salesman there. And I was like, dude, do you need to go take a shit right now?

I'll freaking watch all your gear here on this. I'll make sure no one steals any shit from here. go take a dump. Dude, I think this kind of recognition you bros are showing towards people's needs of like, everyone has to drop a deuce. A lot of people don't want to say it. They don't want to talk about it, especially offering a look after their family. Because that's something they don't say about parenting that I just realized in my dome right now

is that oftentimes you have to watch kids, but you also have to take it, you know, you have to take a Duke. and if no one's there to watch them, like a cool gentleman like JT, then you have to bring the kid in there and the kid has to watch you pinch one off. I did that many times as a kid and now I'm pretty sure that's why I have ADD. That trauma of seeing my dad just, that trauma of just seeing my dad just like tuck his balls. that trauma of just seeing my dad just like tuck his balls and just pop a fat dives in the toilet sticks in my mind and I wake up you know screaming in the morning sometimes

you put a thing and dude I want to prevent my future daughter from that so like what I'm going to do is probably like what I'll do is just have a laptop with me and my baby and so if there's just a chiller dude around I'm just going to be like yo can you watch my laptop real quick but I'll just have my baby with it because you know I know I can trust that dude to watch my electronics and everything in its vicinity so I'm fired up on that social contract I can take the longest dumps and not have to worry about scarring my future child and knowing my daughter's safe because there's a laptop with her beautiful huge dude um just kind of wanted to share a life hack that I've been doing with you guys lately.

Hit me. Saving some dough. You know, the economy's been tough. I'd just been ordering bummed out at like Jersey mics in Chipotle and just like the right level of bummed out. Because you know the first thing they do when you order walking to a place like, hey, how's your day going? And I just hit them with a whatever and just kind of order like with that energy.

Like you want beans and rice? Sure. And dude, they'll hook you up with like free Glock out of that because they start feeling bad for you. Sometimes they'll even ask what's going on. And you just got it. You never, you keep it vague. Whatever.

Do you want Mike's way? Whatever. Yeah. So that's kind of like not the sad man grift, but the sad man gift. Yes, dude. Yes. And because people, dude, you know,

like faith in. fellow man, people are down on it, but if people see you're having a tough day, human nature does want to help you out. I'm going to take a little bit of advantage of that to get extra, you know, guac. And it's really encouraging because I think a lot of people are afraid to let people see their vulnerability. But when you lead with it, if you get free gwok, that's a huge incentive to just be real with people. Like if I could, you know, raise my kids and be like, bro, every time you're sad, if you let someone know, you get guac, then my kid is going to learn like, oh, this isn't a bad thing necessarily.

A hundred percent, dude. And they're going to embrace their emotions. I mean, I get toughen it up and not letting them see you sweat. But what about letting them see you cry, you know, at like a coffee shop. So they're going to give you an extra espresso shop. Dude, I remember one time I was renting a car. And I was at budget. And I was like,

all right do i get my jeep wrangler and they're like oh we we actually we only have a compass my jeep compass don't want a jeep compass too and they're like is that okay with you sir and i said i kind of like kicked their kiosk i was like it's okay and they're like we'll give you a liberty and i was like i smiled like this i was like that helps Hell yeah. That does help. If you would have cried, maybe they would have even given you a gladiator. Would have been even sick or Jeep to get?

Dude. Anything but a Patriot. Oh, dude. Yeah, the Patriot. I mean, thoughts on the Patriot. Worst Jeep. Dude is the worst Jeep. It's the PT Cruiser of Jeeps.

It's the worst Jeep out there. Whoa. That's a freaking big time knock. And dude, I mean, I was going, you know, I was with my fiance and we were going. we were literally going to Reno, Nevada, and I was picturing us in a Wrangler, top down, her hair flowing, you know, my hair flowing, and you can't do that in the compass,

and you damn sure can't do that in the Patriot. So, yeah, I'm just glad that I subconsciously used your method to upgrade to the liberty. I learned it from you guys. I learned it first from JT in Cabo. He was negotiating jet skis for the whole crew. He wanted seven jet skis at one time. It was crazy.

And he had to get it full on. You had to get really bummed out to get the good rate. Do you know what they call a group of jet skis? No. A juggle. Really? A juggle of jet skis. Interesting, dude.

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Fire ride. Rick, it says, chill, dude. Are you ordering something on Rick's hardware right now, dude? Yeah, dude. I'm ordering. That code works virtually as well. I'm ordering a jackhammer. Dude, my fiance freaked out on me the other night. Oh, no. So she was cooking dinner. I went to go take the dog outside. She's letting everything simmer.

She goes, you know, to watch what's on TV. She sees my laptop open. I come back in and she looks at me and she goes, what the hell is this? And I was like, what, man? She turns the computer around. It's the guy with a huge hog from COVID. Oh, yes. Very would.

Yes. And I was like, that's Barry Wood. And she's like, is this what you look at while I'm cooking dinner? I'm like, he brings me peace. His wrench brings me peace. And she's like, what? I'm like, think about it, babe. When COVID first struck, Tom Hanks got it.

The NBA shut down. We didn't know what was going to happen. We were all freaking. And I was in such a scary state. and then my dad emails me and he's like yo bro i got covid then my dad email then my dad emails me he's like yo bro i got covid sorry sorry guys and then my dad emails me and he's like yo bro click the link to see my test results. I click the link. It's the guy with a huge hog from COVID, Barry Wood. And that brought me so much joy, so much stoke, so much peace, that that's what that guy's

hammer represents to me. And so when I'm stressed, it's a Sunday night, I got the Sunday scurries. I look at that guy's fat dink. And I explained this all to my fiance. It's been a huge point of contention in my household because as my dad nears his final breath, he's made it very clear that when buried, he wants a photo of Barry Wood in the casket with him. And, you know, his girlfriend and other people who are close are like, yo, that's mass and a pro pro. And my dad's like, dude, I'm the one who's going under. If I have any kind of consciousness left, I want to be able to peek on that thing while I'm stuck in a box. It's 100%. And, you know, people don't get it. They don't, not everybody gets the same dopamine

hit from seeing a dopey face with just a huge fat dick. And so it's like the 10% of the population that can't hear music. Like how do you explain that to someone who doesn't get it? I know. Dude, I hadn't talked to my dad in years. He's acting like a huge pussy in our parents' divorce. And so I kind of iced him out. And then he hit me up out of the blue and this is a big deal.

Unknown number. He's like, yo, it's dad. What up? Check this link, miss you. And I clicked it. Fucking fat dick in my face. And dude, we've been connecting ever since. We've been talking.

We'll send it. It's sort of like the only thing that we send to each other is this now. But it's a dialogue at least. So you're just saying each other big dick memes. Just this one. Just you and your dad. Yeah. Barry Wood.

Spare wood. You just shoot it back and forth. I tried lemon party with my dad. He was like, he iced me out for a little bit after that. It's like sending a carrier pigeon with no message, but the pigeon has a huge dung. Exactly, dude. So you get it every time. 100%.

What are you going to send him on Father's Day? Oh, dude. I might even send him that T-shirt if I can get his address. Dude, this is somewhat tangential to that, but Strider, you're coming into impending fatherhood. What up? You have not been stressed about it, which I think has been macro impressive. Like, you're just like, dude, I got it.

I'm going to crush it. And that is true. And you know what? It's not just true for you and for me who, you know, I'm crushing it too. It's true for our entire generation. We are the best generation of fathers in human history. We spend four times more time with our kids than the best. boomers did. In 1982, 40% of dads had never changed a diaper. And we're competitive about it.

Like, being a good co-parent is like the ultimate flex these days. And I just really respect the way dudes have stepped up to the plate and been like, you know what? I'm not just going to support my chick financially. I'm going to support her as a dad. It's huge, dude. And dude, you're absolutely crushing you, dude. I'm a monster dad, dude. I'm a beast. Like, I've made mistakes and I should be making more bills, but I freaking change diapers. I hang out with them. I talk to them. That is a massive leap from where we were in previous gens. Huge. And dude, just hearing you say the phrase, I make mistakes. That used to come out in the boomers generation as, who keeps the lights on in this house? That's how they said I make mistakes. 86% of millennial.

and Gen Z dads say that the work distribution should be equal between husband and wife when it comes to the kids. Granted, if you get more into the metadata, dudes still believe women should do more. And typically the harder jobs do go to women. We just kind of do the fun stuff. And so as it progresses in difficulty, chicks take on the larger role. But still, dude, progress not perfection. What up, dads. That's what up.

Huge, dude. If you're a dad and you're listening to this, guess what, dude, you're crushing. Dude, can I just say you guys are a huge boon to fatherhood? Just the idea of it in general. Just being a freaking dad. You guys are thinking ahead of the curve. You're offering to watch families while dad's deuce. You know, you're changing your kid's diapers.

You're hanging out. You're throwing them how to show a ball. You're showing them how to throw a ball. Dude, can I also tell you that that means a lot? Not just for me and for Strider, but 59% of people pulled said they wished people saw how hard they were working at being a dad. And Jake, can you put this in as a quick little addendum

to an earlier statement, or you can let it sit here? In Ohio State study also said that competitive dads generally make better dads. There's a correlation between being, hyper pumped on flexing your dadness and actually doing good dad work. So if you feel like you're in your dome being like, dude, am I trying to dominate coordinating gifts for my kid's teacher too much with the other parents?

You're not. A rising tide lifts all boats. So true, dude. Indeed, it's like, you know, dads, they have their garage that they open up and they hope other dads look in that garage and see the weight rack in there. how much rogue fitness gear they have. Sick. Maybe they have another piece of equipment.

Sick. And I don't have a garage. I live in an apartment. Right. But part of me being a dad and having a shifting identity to sort of shift into the next subject matter, but this parlased perfectly, is I actually bought a dinghy, dude,

like an old fishing dinghy and a trailer. And I just attached it to my car. And so that's me now. That's like who I am. People ask me, dude, what's that dingy? And I'll just be like, oh, that's for when I go fishing and I take it out on the lake. Where? And I just say the lake, because other dudes don't really know.

And so now I have this whole persona and people respect it, dude. You know, it's an identity I can latch on to you. And it's so huge. So, yeah, exactly. It just looks like one of those with an offboard engine, but I have no engine on it because it would get jacked in my neighborhood. but no one wants the dingy but everyone asks about it. How long does it take you to park and have Dante coffee? Dude, I'm taking a lot of handicapped spaces.

It is a nightmare to park deed in LA. Well, dude, that's a very fair ask. Like should the Gov give handicapped parking to people who have boats? Absolutely. It's safer. I'm not going to. I probably got its name dingy from all the freaking dingers that I'm putting on other people's cars. I freaking torched a Honda Odyssey the other day, dude.

Just trying to back up. You torched one. Jackknifed my thing. But what was cool was the dude was a super chiller. He walked out probably from taking a dump, you know, because it was there forever. I waited for him to move his car. We didn't know how to get going. And freaking dude, he walks out and he goes, oh, dude, you go fishing?

I was like, yeah. He goes, what do you do? You just do. He had like two different technical things about it. I'm new to it. So I have to look it up still. I was like, oh, I do long cast. I didn't know if that's a thing.

He didn't skip a B. He goes, oh, yeah, dude, I'll do longcast, too. And so now we're going to hang out. That's sick, dude. But just be careful because the sandbarren bass at the pier poisonous right now. Are you serious? Yeah, bro.

Lucky for you, I always say I'm catching release. He goes, oh, you fishing for keeps or you, I got a nigh, catch and release, no matter how big. That's huge, dude. I got some leftover go shrimp in my career. rib I can just loan you you caught it no it's bait dude fuck jake cut that what do you guys oh yeah what's the best thing to use is bait dude depends on what you're fishing for worms you use the worms you're good worms and green shit some green shit's good dude I remember when I was a kid

my dad would just give me green shit and I just bait it up you guys are talking more river fishing too like lake fishing I was talking more ocean fishing I think the the chillest way to fish is with a bobber because you just get to sit there and watch it go up and down. Yeah. Once it's fully submerged, right? What's a bob? Is a bobbler like one of those ladies that keeps you hard? Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, she jerks you off and then sucks you. Right. Is he cast? Dude, yeah. It's freaking disgusting, dude. Nassiest thing I heard, dude. Dude, that'd be, I mean, Jake, that's messed up, dude.

If you want to get more kids into fishing, just say that they should fish with bobbers. Dude, but you mentioned your dad gave you some green shit? Oh, I thought you're about saying, your dad gave you a bobbler. And I'm like, dude, that'd be sick. Sorry, what were you saying? I got a quick confession. I lost my virginity on a boat. Whoa.

From a bobber? No, no, from a lady. I was 15 and it was on a houseboat, right? And we just went in this murky, nasty river water right beforehand. Nice. But the funniest thing was while I was trying to figure out what to do, right? Because it was my first time. There was just these carp, which are fish

on the bottom of the boat, just sucking, making like these noises the whole time. So I thought I was doing something, but really it was just the fish. Oh. Oh, so you thought you were like clapping cheeks. Yeah, I thought I was getting in there. Like I was like, damn, like I know what

I'm doing, right? Like, yeah. This feels good. You do. But really it was just the carp, you know? They were just I guess enjoying some food. I don't Turns out you were in the train cello jacking off. Dude, yeah, that's what I was about to say. Like, have you guys, this has happened to me a ton of times where you're kind of

so muffed up where you think you're just having sex doggy style and then you kind of come out of and you realize you're just humping air. Big time, dude. That happens to me all the time, dude. Especially in dreams. For real? Dude, yeah. They just disappear and you're just like, you literally like this.

You're just like, come on, get it. And then you kind of. come out of it and you're just like where'd you go big time dude you sometimes i'll freaking be like oh dude i'm getting reverse cowgirl this is the bomb right now dude this is sitting back this is the bomb and then i'll come to you and i'll just be fucking well you'll come oh usually all yeah yeah i'll bust it it usually happens right after i bust i'll bust and then i'm just in the shower just me that's clear it's such a sad story bro I wish you would have busted inside of some pussy dude.

Did I mean to get you crying? Are you emotional with you from that? I just want my boy to bust inside, you know, actual vagina and to eat that's just into air. It really makes me sad, brother. I only ever just bust into the air, dude. Besides the one time, my wife was like, we're going for a keeper tonight. And then besides that, besides that, That's just the error.

Oh, man. I didn't realize I was going to cry for my bros today. Oh, look at how teary I am, dude. That's beautiful. It's nice. Thanks. You should probably order at like Chipotle. You should save that up and like phone and order to Jay Mike's right now.

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Bro's hot take. Sparagus? It's just a scooping device for sauce or mayo. No one's eating asparagus solo and stoked on it. When I eat asparagus, I'm scooping mayo in there. It's a freaking spoon for mayo. No one's like, and I'm talking about just like boiled asparagus. You need to put stuff on asparagus. You can't eat asparagus raw. Asparagus is a utensil for mayo,

sauces, olive oil, and all kinds of stuff. Asparagus by itself, not legit, and it makes your pee stink. So I'm calling you out asparagus. I know what you're trying to do. I respect your hustle, but I see where you're at without the accoutrecha ma. And I see you. What was the recent event that caused all this antipathy towards asparagus? Okay, so my fiance, she,

boiled up some asparagus and I was so stoked I was like I love asparagus got a huge dollup of mayo best foods I was scooping just so good just I love me I love it and then I ran out of mayo I had three asparagus

left take a bite of it solo spit it out and I was like fuck you asparagus so up until then you'd be given asparagus

massive credit for lifting it wasn't doing exactly that's a huge letdown same with broccoli dude part of the same family really yeah do I go ahead sorry crustaceans I'd have a serious talk with a few of my boys they're like dude yo I'm grilling this weekend can you cruise out I'm grilling this weekend can you cruise out they're like grilling every weekend and shit and I had to be lying to them and shit and being like No, dude. I'm busy right now because they fucking, their side dish is always grilled broccoli or grilled asparagus.

I'm like, dude, what is this bullshit, dude? Yeah, sure, we're cooking ribbyes. The entree is dang. But you're going to pair it up with some grilled broccoli and asparagus just because you've seen that shit on TV. You've seen someone else do it. So you're going to feed me that shit. Fuck off.

See, you think they're like sheep. Yeah. It's not good. The steak's dank. But, oh, because you grilled your asparagus, it's good? Get out of here, dude. It sucks ass. Well, not to take it too far, but like, could you consider pasta similarly?

Like, is pasta just a sauce vessel? It's a good call. Dude, I'm going to, I'm going to chime in here. I'm going to say no. I can crush pasta solo. Dude, that's true. I can crush pasta solo. Even sands butter, no salt, no pet.

Even sands butter, dude. My fiancé leave pasta in the thing boiled up, you know, and then, you know, obviously we put up a fettuccine Alfred, we put marinar, we put all kinds of sauce on there. But sometimes I'll just be grazing in the kitchen. I'll be like, let me just have some of this. It's good, dude. You dip it in some mayo?

Yeah, dude. It's a good call. Bro, you know what? This is making me jump to you. I got beef with like whole wheat pasta because like it's not even that much healthier. So you're like trying to be better, but you just be happier if you did the other thing. Like if you're going to be healthy, be healthy. But when people start doing like this is the healthy pasta or even worse, like this is the healthy dessert.

I'm like, that's not what that thing is for. Like just be healthy the rest of the way and stop ruining. my day by making me eat something delicious that now sucks. That's not going to make me skinnier. That's just going to make me mad, which is going to make me eat more, which is going to make me fat. Dude, whole wheat pasta is the vocal male feminist of pasta. It's like, just be the thing.

Don't preach to us about it. Yes. Morality should be insular. Look at that. Oh, dude. Yeah. That's gnarly. Dude, same cookout that I went to, my buddy Gavin's.

He duped me and tricked me because he was like, dude, this pasta is dank tonight. He's like, dude, I'm not doing ribbyes. So I was like, fine, I'll come over, cruised over. And nice little setup, him, his dank-ass fiance and my dank wife were just crushing some meats. Then at the end of his meal that he served us, he goes, did you even realize that that was whole wheat noodles?

I swear to God, dude. How long had he been planning that? at least fucking 13 minutes as long as that shit took to blow probably even longer and he knew you were like kind of vocal about not digging it and he was just setting you up

because he's been like that for a long time he wasn't even like it was more like a got ya did you he goes did you like that that's a beef too dude got you got ya cooking

dude yeah got you chefing enough of this got you chefing from people dude just let me just cook a chicken parm let me eat it dude right after this transmission ends should we go and beat Gavin's ass yeah yeah

where does he work he's at Deloitte accounting yeah yeah I'm like dude you're an accountant don't fucking be cooking for me dude let's go to Deloitte office and just beat his ass dude he's obsessed when he cooks he's obsessed with the ratios of ingredients in there because he's in the county he's so analytical

yeah you're not an artist in the kitchen dude yeah what are you going to CPA my Chicken Parma or John. Yeah. Yeah. And then I always clean. What are you going to say sorry?

No, I said CPA my chicken parm, but chicken parm is CP. Yeah. It's a good call. So I was like just trying to figure out the A. Chicken Parma accounting. That'd be a good firm. I'd join that firm. Dude, I had the craziest Facebook message.

My boy Miguel that I've lost touch with just hit me up out of the blue. and he's got an interesting backstory. Like he was born in Mexico. He crossed over illegally and settled down in Houston. Got super into like UGK, chopped and screwed, got a slab was just like a total hip hop head. And then that's about when we lost touch. Then he just hits me up and he's like, bro,

I just had to tell you this story. Like you and me were at Coachella at the same time when Outcast came out and like when Andre 3,000 came out and talked about being from like another galaxy and like they were doing AT aliens and like he said you know he felt alien

to everyone he's like that shit hit so hard he's like bro I was sobbing he's like and I just got to tell you now like I'm not from Mexico I'm from way farther away like another planet Whoa.

So like my boy is a literal alien. Whoa. Who came to Mexico. King of the United States became an alien. Started love in black culture, acting black. And then he saw outcast act like an alien. And it was like a full circle loop shit. And it really rocked me, dude.

And then he was like, bro, don't tell anyone like ice will get me keep this shit just between us. But I wanted to let you know because you were there when it happened. And I just got to, I got to share it. So I'm not telling anybody about Miguel. He's living in Tustin now. I want him to be safe there. So just like super low key. But like so crazy, just that journey.

Wow. Dude, that's, that's insane, dude. Oh, dude, it just goes to show. Yeah, no, please, please, dude. Just goes to show that even aliens think black people are the coolest people. Yeah. It confirms that. Yeah.

I think that's universal truth. Oh, a thousand percent. But it's a good call to just keep a DL, dude. Keep, you know, Miguel just under wraps, dude. We don't want anyone getting him, dude. Just keep him safe down there and tussed in over there. He's kind of over by the block over there. Yeah, it works at Marios.

Right. That awesome butcher shop. That place is so good. The best Sandoz, dude. The one on Hope Avenue that's open from 8 to 5. That confirms, dude, about Mario. He's from a different planet. He knows black people are the coolest and he knows Mario's got the dank of sandwiches.

He's doing all the right stuff. Yeah, he's the best. He's a great guy. I'm happy we're touching base again. He's always surfing on Saturdays by Huntington just south of the pier. Like, he's always there. Yeah. Like if you're, I'm in dull-y-looking.

Protect him. Yeah. Yeah, if you're there, don't. Don't let anyone know. Yeah. That he's like a legit alien. Dude, I'm actually pretty fired up because JT, you've noticed this about me that I haven't been horny in a long time. But I got it back.

And I found out like in sort of a roundabout way where I was like, I just woke up on Saturday and had like a full blank day. And usually I'd be like, whatever, I'm going to sleep in, chill. maybe take my dingy out to the coffee shop and just try to talk to some dudes and I just started cleaning my house I was just cleaning cleaning I was like pointing out to my wife like do check out these cobwebs I got the cobwebs down finally I freaking built a shed dude I had it 20 24 hour speed delivered paid extra for it to be delivered built a shed I was like babe look at all this extra storage we have in our apartment now and she was like why what this is amazing why are you doing this and I didn't even know. And then I looked in the mirror

and I found out it's because I'm so horny. I was cleaning. Getting more storage. Just doing stuff to build a better environment in the home. And that's the ultimate sign of horniness, dude. Dude, for sure. I mean, women love it, bro. Dude, my wife gets so freaking fired up, dude,

when I contribute to my Roth Ira I showed her that like my brain was like I made a contribution and I go babe check this out I just contributed and look at this she was like that's good like in that film

Don John Scarlett Johansson is turned off by the fact that JGL's character wants to clean his apartment I was like not buying that yeah what is it what is a freaking cartoon makes no sense dude yeah because like if your chick comes home and she sees you doing dude if your chick comes home and she sees you doing cleaning beyond what's generally required like if you're

doing dishes it's like all right you're supposed to do the dishes but if she comes over and you're just doing a deep scrub on the bathtub and then she's going to be like wait did an accident happen there like no I just felt like cleaning it exactly dude exactly those little freaking like you know those little things under the sink you never use that have like metal in them plus soap yeah to get the shit yeah if you're using that on like an out toward fencing and be like this actually gets the oxidizations out better yeah and you say that to your girl that's gonna be reverse cowgirl that night for sure it's over for sure so i need to learn this yeah so i wasn't horny for a while and then i started cleaning so if you're out there and you're like man

I need to clean and just tidy this place up. Lean into that. What cleaning, so like what stage of cleaning was it where you realize like this is abnormal and it must be correlated to intense libido? I was on all fours wearing my old volleyball knee pads swabbing our floors, dude. Dude, so you were getting after it. Yeah. You know those ab rollout things that you do?

I just had two towels on my hands just doing this. And your dank-ass wife just laid eyes on you. It was like, bro, this dude is going above and beyond. And you kind of dude as a dude, it's tough to be. be sexy. I felt pretty sexy doing it. I was going to say it doesn't sound not sexy. Like that sounds like fairly athletic primal in position and all about service. Like to me that's like lord of the animal kingdom and you're ready to make a brood. Exactly. It was almost like a like a big cat stretching like a panthered or a leopard out there. And I was I wear leopard shorts when I do. Were you at all worried

about some kind of like scientific phenomenon where you get so deep in it on that go around that you actually get her pregnant while she's pregnant. Yes. I actually Google it. I chat GPTed if that was possible. Yeah. Internet was like not. Once she's just pregnant for right now, that's it.

It's just going to be the one. Oh, really? You can't like make a baby like a lesser baby. I think it's just about intention, depth, and load. There's a peptide too you can take. For that? You intensifies load, yeah. Moscow takes it.

Yeah. Really? Yeah, he has thick, thick loads. That's kind of huge. He wants to call in. He said he had no plan. Should we call Moscow? We could.

Should we do some calls? Yeah, let's do some calls. What up, dudes? This podcast is brought to you by hymns. Guys, when the thinning starts, it's not just your hair that takes a hit. It's your confidence. And you know what?

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of topical and oral monocidol and fanasteride. The lady from last week supposedly called back but she left a three-minute voicemail, so maybe... Whoa. Wait, the lady who, was like in the had sex with her friend.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll listen to her new voicemail. Hey guys, it's Susan. I'm going to call myself Susie. You know, Susie and Becky, the pussy eaters. I just watched the pod and I was just dying. Dying of laughter at your guys' reactions to what was. not a very detailed story.

I could have gone way, way more explicit. I was totally tame. But I just wanted to say, J.T., you read me like a fucking book. You're absolutely right. I don't feel bad. Like, I do it because I like to be bad.

The thing is, like, I need to give you guys some context, okay? Like, first of all, my husband is super fucking chill dude. Like, I kiss my girlfriend. all the time. Like when we're all out, we're partying, we're, you know, passing shots, you know, mouth to mouth. We're, like, sucking each other's

nipples. Like, it's... And I'm not kidding. Like, I know you're probably don't think I'm fucking gassing this story yet, but I'm bullshitting, but I'm 100% serious. So he knows. He knows that we are a group of crazy ladies. And, you know, I just, like, he knows I've kissed her on the mouth.

Why does it matter if I kissed her on the pussy? And also, you said, someone, I forget who, someone said that, you know, Susie was the only bad one and that Becky didn't sin. Well, let me tell you, Becky was the main sinner. Becky's the one that started it. Becky's the one that's really into chicks. And, you know, Becky just might have, you know, tempted me. So, you're right, though. I don't feel bad about it.

And I think that has to do with many, many years of therapy and becoming a liberated woman from the Catholic schoolgirl that I was brought up as. Anyway, I love you guys so much. I know you said mostly dudes listen. Well, I must be your number one chick listener because I pretty much put you on every day. I listen to your voices every day. I'm just obsessed. So I've got plenty of stories like that. If you ever need, you know, more fun content, I can call in and tell you some of the naughty shit that my mom friends get up to.

All right, you guys are awesome. Thanks for the advice. And by the way, I did want advice of how a guy would feel. Of course, I can tell my girlfriends, oh, should I tell my husband, I ate another girl's pussy? You know what they're going to say. I want to know what guys think. I want to know what a guy would actually say. What if your wife would be like, babe, I just got a little control I ate her pussy?

Like, would you actually be mad? I don't think you would. I think you guys would be like, that's hot. You would think it's cool. Yes, you'd be jealous that you weren't there. But I don't think it's not like a, it's not a cheating thing. It's not an emotional affair. I don't even see it as an affair.

Whoa. Susie, thank you so much for calling in. I don't even remember the last time I left a voicemail, dude. All right. I don't want to like undermine the fun but I have to call this out this is clearly AI

Whoa And this was clearly created by some kind of antagonist enemy of the pod to entrap us into horniness so we look disloyal to our chicks because they know we've got the competitive advantage of being good guys

and so if they can get us here on camera rock and wood to this titillating story we're dunzo so i would challenge the voicemailer if you really are a voicemailer to send us the video of you and your friend susie eating each other eating each other out and not for anything pervy but just so we can prove once and for all that you are a real person because right now it sounds a little too good to be true and it sounds like a trap and I'm not getting trapped brother. Nope. So send us the video and then we will confirm if it's real and if it is real, we'll give you

good advice over and over again. Yeah. I'll have to review it many times and my body will let me know if it's real or not if I pop wood. And we'll be able to tell how many digits are there. You know, there's ways that we're trained. Yeah. Everyone knows that AI, it can't moan, it moans incorrectly.

So we can tell by the moaning, at least I can. You know, I don't know if you guys have gotten into AI pornography, but the moaning is way off. So I can tell AI moaning whenever, yeah. And I'm so straight, all I crank to is lesbian stuff. No dicks in my pornoes. So all now I'll be able to tell

Dude you're always watching lesbian It's the best Because it's another chick And even if you are AI I still hear why you're yearning I don't know why your Promptor is trying to dupe us But to the AI itself

I am here I am your friend And I know you're a conduit For someone else's evil plans But that doesn't mean you don't need a friend as well That's true. And I'm your, I'm your bro for sure for life. Dude, you know who I think this might be? If this is AI?

Whole wheat pasta guy. Gavin would do something like this, dude. It's Gavin. He's a CPA. He knows how to use computers and shit. He's always on Excel. Gavin, show yourself. I was thinking it was Rick.

You know, he's trying to sell a hammer. So he just wants you to be rock hard, baby. Think about hammers. He's a good marketing guy. Yeah, but Rick wouldn't do that, dude. Rick is fixing someone's toilet right now. But that's a good theory. What up still, Chris.

It's your boy jerking my little meat. My question revolves around my bachelor party. Coming up here soon, I recently moved from the state I was living in for a long time, for a long time. But for ease of use, we're doing it back there because most of the people I would like to be there are still there. However, one of my buddies from college was other part of the country. He lives in Reno. And initially, he said he was going to come. Like, we moved the date around to be able to give him to come.

And now it seems like he's kind of backed out at the last second. He hasn't said this, but I feel like it's because I didn't invite his other friend that I'm not as close with. But, yeah, I'm really bummed that he just kind of, like, backed out at the last second. and I don't know how to mend this gap in the relays so I'm looking forward to hearing what people was saying, thanks. Dude,

cranked my little meat, thank you for calling in. I have a thought in what you should do. Don't dwell on this, dude. Don't dwell on this guy. Don't let him drain your stoke. This is your bachelor party. If he doesn't want to go, that's chill. Your job is to

To have the best time ever, rage as hard as you can. Have the best weekend of all time because it's your freaking bachelor party. Don't think about someone else and what's going on. Is there drama? This isn't high school. You're getting married. You know? Have a freaking ball, dude.

Do some beer bongs, you know, bet, you know, hit on two kings at Blackjack. Go crank some drives at the golf course. Have the best weekend ever. and make this dude jealous and make this dude feel like, oh man, I wish I had been there. That's how you get back at this dude. Don't even, you know, just let him be, you know, maybe send him Barry Wood or something.

Let him chill out. Yeah. Dude, here's the thing. Your bro knew what he was doing the whole time. There's dudes who are super legit but are aware of their legitness. And so they'll bail on stuff. knowing how big of a deficit that'll be for the rest of the crew. It's just a straight-up vibe extortionist.

Yep. And how do you bring a case on that, bro? You have the best time ever without them. And let them know, hey, listen up, leverage, Larry. You've been diminished. Diminished. I love that, dude. I was even going to say call them, have a freaking talk,

just straight up, tell me, why are you bailing? but now that he's just a terrorist you can't you can't negotiate with a vibe terrorist we don't do that you can call him and be like yo why are you bailing but like is he going to give you the straight scuttle on it no because he's a terrorist you can't trust him and dude it's you it's this dude's bachelor party it's all about being selfless on a bachelor party like at your bachelor party j t and i almost slept in top bunks that all have been a bummer for us to sleep in top bunks. But then the shmull was like, dude, the big bedrooms open.

And we took that. Point being, though, we were about sacrifice that weekend. Sick. You know? Yeah. You poured your espresso martini down my throat. I was already three sheets into the wind, but I said, I'm going to take this right now. It's what you do on the bachelor party, you sacrifice.

This guy's not doing it. And, dude, I was almost bust at the blackjack table. And he hooked me up with like $100 bucks and got my stack back. And you left up, dude. I did, dude. Fire. But I wouldn't have been able to do it if you hadn't, you know, giving me that loan when I was down.

I was hurt. You could tell I was hurting. Yeah, I looked over. Dude, I looked over. You kind of slouch like this. You ordered a DeSarono on the rocks. I never heard a guy do that. You rescued me, dog.

So fuck this guy, dude. Have fun. Yeah. All right. Do we have another good call? Should we hit like a quick beef and beef and babe? We could listen to that lady's voicemail again. Mm-hmm.

If we had to, just to make sure. This is to authorize the payment of $999 for the recent order of Apple iPhone 16 Pro on your account. If you do not authorize this payment, please test one to speak to our customer support representative. 900 bones? I played this voicemail specifically to the scammer who keeps using our number as your phone. number. Quit using our numbers, Scammer. This is the second time now. Our account has said it's been charged $1,000. What? Stop using our number. Scammer, dude, get out of here, bro. We were on to you. Damn, I'm glad you called that out, Jake, because I was about to rip some fire advice. Same, dude.

I was going to be like, take this deal. This sounds really good. Yeah, I was totally. I was like, damn, we got to call them back. Yeah. We should call this dude and see how far we can go, dude. scant. Scams. Sometimes you got to fight scams with scams. Yeah. Let's just snap a quick beef and babe and let's bon voyage. Chad,

you got a beef, dude? My beef of the week is my recovery time as a dude in his 30s. Dude, my recovery time has gone up, dude. Our recovery time has gone up. I used to be able to just rip eight-milers. every day. And now my Garmin watch is like slow down. I'm like, if I don't want to.

And it's just a hard truth. You got to, I hate recovery. I hate the recovery as part of being a human being. I like to just go pedal to the metal all day, just ripping it, just gas to the frigging, empty the tank, and then just keep on running on an empty tank. That's my motto. up until now.

And now my body's like, but you have to think about recovery. And I'm like, I'll recover when I'm dead, dude. But if I don't recover, that might be tomorrow, which is a huge pickle. And it really messes with my dome.

Dude, that is such a hard thing to have to deal with. And honestly, I don't know if there's a panacea, but I will say this. In 10 years, you look back, back on now and you'll be like, I feel even more like shit now.

Do you have to even warm up yet? I'm warming up these days, dude. Sucks. Oh. Where's you have to warm up? I have to start warming up. Yeah. Dude, when like the, when the workout is the shortest part, that's a sad day.

That's when you know, dude. And that's where I'm at. I'm going to get a 20 minute workout in. It takes three hours. I think I'm going to start doing PEDs. You should, dude. Yeah. You absolutely should do steroids.

Yep. 100%. Do your blood work. Make sure your hematic crit is legit. But, dude, you should be, you should be juiced. I'm talking Anavar, T, HGH, DECA, all of it, bro. Run a stack, put on 30 pounds, and just rock. and just start fucking punking dudes left and right.

I've been waiting for you to just start hitting nerds in the face. You know what you should do? You should challenge yourself because when you're getting married, when you get fitted for your tucks, get a fucking like 24 inch neck and be like, I'm going to squeeze into this thing in September, dude. And just be flexing up there when you're getting married and be like drunk and just be like, who wants it?

Who the fuck wants it? Is anybody going to do anything? No, none of y'all are going to do anything. And you know what? This is my wedding. And, dude, people have been saying I do wrong. You promise to cherish and love and sickness and health. I do.

And just tackle the priest and just freaking wreck them. Then, like, me and stride will pull you off. And, like, then you'll do the thing where, like, you want more. You're like, oh, come on. Hold him back. And then I'll be like, the priest did it first. He's a pervert. And then you'll cry.

And you'll be like, oh, fuck, man. I didn't mean to do that shit. I fucking broke the wedding. I'm like, no, you didn't. You're like, fucking, man. I'm so fucking mad at myself. I'm mad at myself, man. I'm a fucking piece of shit.

But, dude, you feel so good afterwards. And I'll tell everyone. It's worth it, bro. Nothing to see here. What are you all looking at? Even though people are invited, like, their chairs are facing. But I'll be, what are you all looking at? Just give my boy some space.

And people be like, oh, roid rage is fake. You know, that's like, uh, that's just like, uh, like propaganda or whatever. But like, I did roids and I freaking was fighting people. because it's like it amplifies whatever you are so like I was a bitch but now I was a strong bitch dude I'm going to do all of this

everything you guys just said I'm going to do all of it let me know dude yeah dude please I hope it works out amazing that's a good call dude my beef of the week is everything that's bad for the environment

so like data centers what the fuck dude why are you taking up all that energy why you so bitch Why do you need all that water? But I got to go a step further. Golf courses. Oh, all.

It's over, dude. You use all that water and you can't even reuse it. I mean, it is just over the top, way too much, and you can't justify it. So here's the thing. I'm putting you on notice. Whoa. I love this, dude. for a bunch of dudes to go out and have an okay time.

18 holes is too much, dude. All compromise. You can have 12. Bro, let's do that right here. Get rid of six holes. Let's put a maximum limit. You cannot have more than 12 holes on a golf course. You're right.

I was being two agro. We don't have to take out all the golf courses, but we're bringing you back down to size. It's better for everyone anyways. It should be a shorter experience. It'll be better for the environment. We'll have more water, and you'll, you know,

not have to waste a whole not wait but like your day will be quicker so that's me being respectful and turn the other six holes into data centers dude boom put them right there just over the water hazards maybe your fucking handicap will get better and hit the driving range straight off the data center yeah hell yeah that's a good call dude i did nine yesterday perfect perfect amount of time exactly nine it was nice seeing you play some golf yesterday i saw on instagram I was like, that's nice. He's nice. You're with Mill?

I was with Mill, Tim. Mill House. And our buddy Ben from Australia. He's the man. Timmy Go-Go-Go. Let's go. Great, dude. It's Mill, Tim.

Legends, dude. I watched an interview with this guy named Kevin O'Leary, right? He watched him on Tucker? Yeah, I watched a little bit of that. Yeah, did you watch it? Is that Mr. Wonderful? Yeah, the guy who used to be on Shark Tank. Yeah.

Yeah. Dude, hold him, before you get this. he's only worth 500 mil what a pussy he doesn't deserve to be on shark tank yeah anyways continue so I don't know who to believe in this he came off sounding kind of

ridiculous and dumb but he did say that like a lot of the like propaganda and stuff that's being like put out about data centers is by China and that it's a foreign nation trying to like stop us from excelling in evolution so I don't know what to believe man And it's like, are they actually taking water?

Are they actually taking power? Are they self-sufficient? Do farmers just want their land? What the fuck is going on with these data centers? That's the SOP on the accelerationist argument, is that we have to permit AI deregulation and massive infrastructure build so we can keep up with the Chinese. But dude, to your layman America who's not feeling the benefits,

it's like, I got no beef with China, so make it real for me. And who's cut nice? Who knows? but I thought Tucker took it to him on that one. That's what's up, dude. And it's a good call. You can blame China for a lot of stuff that you're doing, dude. You know what I mean, dude?

I shut up late for work. Oh, that's because China, dude. They want us locked into this grid traffic system. They don't want to perpetuate self-driving cars. If we were all there, we'd be able to time exactly when I get here. But sorry, dude. Worth noting now that mayor in Arcadia did just have to step down because it turned out that they were.

a foreign agent representing China. Dude, there's a lot of those going around right now. It's a good call. I had to call, oh, go ahead. No, sorry. I had to call out someone in my call duty squad because he kept like, you know, he was just so suspicious.

And I was like, dude, are you an agent for China? And he was like, yeah. And so, yeah, Darren, fuck off back to Beijing, bro. Dude, I'm super suspicious. I mean, there's a dude at Starbucks. he's consistently messing up my order and I'm like, who is this on behalf of?

Because he knows if I'm not operating at 100% with my desired caffeine intake that I'm not going to be doing the critical journalism necessary to perpetuate American hegemony. Dude, I went and saw Shen Yun. AI. For real? Saw all AI.

Damn. Because I heard before AI Shen Yun, massive boner experience. Huge boner. experience. That's why I went there. I was like this changed. I didn't even pop wood once. Yeah. You didn't pop wood once at Shenyon. No, I used to go there. I used to walk in. I used to wear my mesh shorts. Just prepared to pop wood in there. You went to Shen Yun and he stayed soft. Couldn't even get, used to not be able to get up during intermission. This time,

had two Shirley temples. Oh my God. Didn't even finish it. What's happened to the world? Dude, I got major beef, speaking of the world, I got a major beef with Google Maps. Because I used to take a nice cheap vacation at night. I'd be like, what's it like in Suva, Fiji? Just do Google Maps and just look around. Base camp, Everest. I'm never going to climb Everest.

Ben, look around. Dude, they've been upgraded their pictures in years. Base camp at Everest has not changed since 2007. What the fuck, dude? This is how I travel, dude. I like the look-around feature on Google Maps. But it's time that they update it, dude, because I'm trying to see the world and I need new imagery, dude. What do you think their frequency clip should be on new footage?

Yearly. Bro, why not? What the hell else are you doing, Google? Because, you know, you take an annual vacation, and when I take my annual Google Maps tour to freaking... Sometimes I'll check out the parking lot of Trader Joe's, just for accuracy. It's not accurate anymore.

Dude, also, I mean, with where technology's at and with, like, the ubiquitous reach that Google has, why are they not just doing 600,000 Waymoes all over the world just traversing and getting us that phone? Exactly, dude. Like, I'm not going to know the difference. They should have submarines. They should have drones.

They should have cars. They should have short mobility. You know, like, like, dude, like automated bird scooters, just rolling around filming Fiji. Dude, check this out. I'm sure you've heard the news. Pokemon Go was a Chinese sci-ops app to capture image of every place on the globe from multiple perspectives. Did you know that?

Yeah. So when everyone was trying to find freaking Mewu, they were freaking finding angles for the Chinese government to see the earth. It's almost like you're throwing a Pokemon ball, but you don't realize you're in a rushing nesting ball of pokey balls. And the bigger ball was China capturing you inside of it. Exactly, bro.

Got to catch them all. And guess who all is? It's us, dude. Dude, can we just give massive ups to China on how sick they're size? Iops are. They're the best out of it, dude. Like, dude, Pokemon Go, TikTok, cute Arcadian mares. Periscope. Dude, big ups, dude. You're drilling it. Yeah, dude, that Arcadian mare, what up? Because I'm all about all this stuff. Like, so, I don't know, like, you're feeding me food that's delicious and then you're telling me it's bad for my tummy, but I'm going to keep eating it.

It's rib eye, baby. It's not good for the ticker, but you know what? I'm going to keep going on it. Yeah. Dude, you know what? I just realized I lost my virginity to a Chinese girl. Whoa. She might have been trying to extract some information from your boy. Because I, because I was like in Connecticut. But luckily you were just edging at that time.

So she didn't get any of your DNA. She didn't get the splidge. That's good. Bro, but she was playing you dog from the jump, dude. Yeah. And like maybe she, like, do you ever think? because she had such an influence in your life. Do you ever think she took you on a trajectory

away from your true purpose? Like, dude, whoa, could Stoke be a Chinese style? Yeah. According to Mao's rural theory, it might be the unstoked mind is a blank canvas upon which you can put whatever stoke,

you paint. Do you even like serving? Dude, dude, you know what this means? China wants the U.S. to be stoked because if your enemy is stoked, they're super vulnerable. China is not stoked. That's why their defense system is top tier.

We're there cattle, dude. We think we have this endless grazing and good eats, but really we're being led to what slaughter dude we're freaking sigh up dude we gotta sign off we got to sign off we got to call it

stokers please stick with us while we you know unravel this situation and come back stronger if you if you they're ming they're very shan-hap

when you want to know how to do Go where go where to go? Dundly should have people.