Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 442 - THE FIRST NUT TIME MACHINE with Strider Wilson

Episode Date: June 3, 2026

The bros are back firing on all cylinders joined by the one, the only, the t-dart tornado, Strider Wilson. The squad dives into Strider's upcoming fatherhood era, Jeff Bezos possibly being untrustworthy and why reality TV is making dudes soft. Is a camera making these bros more feminine? Strider also talks about his latest run in at a coffee shop with a few younger bros who tested his chillness. Chad comes up with a billion dollar idea and instantly splits the ownership with the bros. CHECK OUT OUR NEW YOUTUBE SERIES: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkxsXCzRgw0YnogF0Q-t8o0devtOBPQTZWe are live streaming a fully unedited version of the pod on Twitch, if you want to chat with us while we're recording, follow here: https://www.twitch.tv/chadandjtgodeepGrab some dank merch here:https://appreeshapparel.com/Come see us on Tour! Get your tix - https://www.chadandjt.comTEXT OR CALL the hotline with your issue or question: 323-418-2019(Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice)Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/Thanks to our Sponsors:HIMS: The Best Hair Loss solutions for men. Go to https://www.hims.com/godeep and get started today with an online consult with a professional.CASH APP: Send, Receive, Invest & Manage Your Money on your phone with Cash App - sign up using code “secure10” send $5 and get a free $10! https://cash.app/PRODUCTION & EDITS BY: Jake RohretSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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compadry JT. What up, Stokers, boom clap. And then we got Strider Wilson, the tongue dart tyrant. Friken what up, dude. Thank you. honor to have you here dude unbelievably fired up to be here right now dude always a good time dude um do you uh

run some crusades on some some tea darting absolutely dude you know my wife's pregnant dude so um right now we're finding alternative means of love making and pleasure giving and receiving the teatart has never gone out of style my friend

good yeah i've found that sitting on my n64 rumble pack is pretty good for me. Oh, that gets right into your tent. You know, you can reach the, um, the, uh, prostate through your taint. Yeah. My wife plays, um, Tony Hawk Pro skater. She just hits the first level, you know, where they play, um, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Yeah, the hangar. So, it's pretty nice. And did you bust? I don't bust anymore, dude. I get pretty close to nutting, um, but I've stopped busting. I'm just being too focused right now, dude. Just dialing in. in this third trimester of the pregnancy.

Focused on what? Just really, you know, sometimes when I bust, I'll get so obsessed with it. And I just want to really just focus in on just nesting right now, I guess is this short answer of just making sure shit's set up, dialed in like I want a lot of sick shit from my wife and I come back to our crib after she gives birth and we bring our, you know, daughter into a chill place. So I want our place to be sick when she first sees it. So I've like, I've got a beer pong.

table set up. I've got a bevy of lava lamps right in the entry, so she's going to walk in. She's going to be like, this is tight. I'm going to have a few, you know, to sort of jeopardize authenticity. I will have a few crushed brew cans just to have sort of a party atmosphere. I think that's the best homeostasis and nest for her to come into. What is a lava lamp? Look, dude, I'm glad you guys asked. It's good to get, you know, a second set of eyes on stuff, you know. Is that a lava lamp? Whoa. How many of those you got right now?

Dozen. So sick. And where'd you snatch them at? Garage sale, my neighbor. Dude, your daughter's going to be so chill. She won't even need weed. Exactly, dude. I think it's a goal for a lot of parents is like

make your kids so chill that they only need to smoke weed. It's kind of what's great about having an older brother and older siblings. You know what I mean? She's the first oldest sibling. So if any siblings, siblings come next, she's going to be setting the tempo for the family. Leader. So it's important that she knows what's sick.

That's what's why you guys as uncles, it's going to be very chill for her. And I heard, I heard you talk to the Dula. Yeah. And the Dula's going to play, for when your wife gives birth, the Dula is going to play Tony Hawk, the soundtrack. Mm-hmm. And you guys picked, is it Superman, a goldfinger? Yes.

that's my favorite song that's exactly what I was did it did that's Superman isn't it yeah yeah yeah she's gonna do that a cappella during the birth it is it is not covered by insurance yeah I gotta throw like 500 bones for that oh dude I'm into the left

I'm not that it's making me cry dude if I were born to an acopella Superman oh man I don't even Dude, it's a huge thing. Like, if you look at your birthing list, we're at Kaiser, and it says music on there. It's like bring a music thing. Like, they recommend that you bring that.

It's like robes, food. And then the third thing is like a beats by Dre box. It says bring that. Like the vibe is important for the birth. Dude, that makes sense. Do you think that's more for your wife or do you think that's more for the OBGYN? It's a great call, dude. When we did speak with our OBGYN, and I mentioned.

Goldfinger, she got fired up to the lady doctor. She got very fired up. She's like, that's a good call. Do you know Jeney in the Dula program? I didn't even know her at that point. She goes, talk to Jene. Bro, and if anyone needs to have like, you know, those Midas Falanjis, it's an OBGYN. That's a great call.

Oh, dude. That's a great call. They're the first ones handling this freaking newborn. Bro. They have the gold finger. Dude. Fuck. Huge.

That's unbelievably sick, dude. That's poetic. Dude, it's nice. When your baby dropped, your babies dropped into the world, dude, were you playing? What were you playing, dude? Bro, I was napping, dude. Oh, you took a nice nap. I just slept.

Good call, charge up. For sure. And they woke me up and they were like, say what up? And I was like, dude, what? And they were like, name them. And I was like, bang, bong. Dude, you know it was pretty sick. Fucking, we toured the hospital today and shit.

and they show you your birth room wait jake cut my kids names from the podcast though that's a good call dude you want to protect that just bleep that china's listening we covered that in the last pod dude and there was a sick ass birth room and there's like a pull-out couch

and there's like a sick-ass bed like a medical bed is that a couch that you pull out on you don't get chicks pregnant again yeah I never slept on that couch is there a deep deposit couch that's exactly what it's for dude i asked i asked the nurse who was showing us the RN the resident nurse i was like if there are rubbers in here because it comes with diapers and baby wipes and shit like all sorts of shit snacks even and i'm like yo they're rubbers in here they're magnums

they said nah there's a pull-out couch though i was like all right that'll do that'll do that's so sick dude because technically i think scientifically technically you can get your You can have another kid in like fucking two months. So you don't necessarily need to pull out right away. Whoa. You could you could have like you could have six kids a year by that metric. Yeah, exactly. That's a good, exactly.

Wow. So I made a deal with my wife. I'm like as soon as that baby's out, let's get it one in. Because like we've kicked it off. It's been a while since we've had some good penetration. Well, and yeah. And the hospital is smart for having a pull-out couch. because, you know, they would just be overloaded with babies if people weren't.

If they had a couch that you bust where it's like, you know, you need to bust in this couch. And I mean by, you know, you got, you stay in. You know what I'm saying. Yeah. You're saying your lady caps you off when you're about to blast. Yeah. Dude, baby, the birth rate would go up. They kind of probably need to do that in Japan.

Birth rates are down. They should have a stay-in couch in Japan. bro for sure dude I think there's a birth rate crisis in America as well really oh yeah

which could have cataclysmic economic shocks for us in the future generations it's something that needs to be addressed but how do we incentivize the youth to bone dude dude I can tell you this

when I went on vacation with my family and my dad was like, Chad, you sleep on the pullout couch. Immediate rebellion went in. And I was like, no, I'm going to bust in a chick because he told me to do that. For sure. So I think we should all start telling our kids to pull out when they're in their rebellious phase and they'll just start busting. Dude, reverse psychology is so effective from parents. Like, I remember my parents would always at the dinner table be like school shooters are the best.

nobody rips harder and then in my head I was like it's probably pretty lame I bet yeah it's important to influence kids you know

I was thinking about the youth dude you know I work with a lot of young valets young men and back in our day dude too didn't get pussy they would write songs

and shit you know what I mean yeah they were longing dude now dude too don't get pussy they're just into longevity. They're like, oh, you don't want to have sex with me? That's fine.

I'm going to freaking just live forever and not get pussy forever. And so what? I'm going to become alpha and just live to 90, 190, probably. It's kind of messed up, dude. You know, I think the youth is misdirected now. I think we've got to try to, you know, instead of giving our kids like internet chat rooms and, you know, longevity techniques.

Because, you know, is it life, an unquestioned life worth living? I don't know. Maybe. I'll question that. But is a life where you've gotten no ass worth living? For sure, nah. And so why would you want to live it longer? So do you think like priests are gay?

Yeah, of course, all priests are gay. Wait, hold up, dude. Let me take that again. So do you think I'll get it. So do you think like priests are gay? Weird. Let's try it one more time. We'll leave it all in, but let's try more times for the clip.

Oh. So do you think like priests are gay? Yeah, all priests are gay for sure. You're saying there's not gay priests? No, I'm just wondering because he's, said like if you're not getting ass forever like why would you do that it's a good call yeah so maybe these young kids are maybe we're going to see an uptick in priests in the future i could probably predict that for sure get on one of those apps and put action on that chat what you got dude um

do you guys see that blue origin explosion no the jeff Bezos spaceship, Blue Origin, explosion. I put, yeah, this happened in Florida. His spaceship blew up. I put quotation marks around it because enough's enough, dude.

I'm gonna come out and say it on this pod. Jeff Bezos is AI. He's completely AI. What, he's a geek who wanted to sell books, and now he's a trillionaire? Get the heck out of here, dude. and now he's jacked

and lays pipe that's like an AI written story Chad Chipit wrote that story show me proof that Jeff Bezos actually exists has anyone ever seen him like he's just a trillionaire who's just jacked now laying pipe

I don't believe it and neither should you was he on this thing when it blew up that's what they said but he survived Dude, that's the hard problem of consciousness, is how would we even go about figuring out if he was AI? And then how would I figure out if I'm AI?

Wait. Like if consciousness is just a subjective experience of reality, that means my dog is conscious, which I want to be true. and I have a more layered consciousness from my perspective. So if Bezos is AI, what? I farted. So let's pontificate on this for...

Nice. Let's pontificate on this for a second. So you're trying to say that because consciousness is a subjective experience that only the subjective experience, that only the subjective, I can know my experience and perceive it as reality.

How do I know that it's not constructed by some supercomputer? And we're just in this cyclical event where supercomputers just create more supercomputers and create more consciousness. And we're just in this frigging kaleidoscope of AI things. And then Jeff Bezos is like the next step. that and he's just like a whoa no that's not what I was saying but whoa

that could also be true dude when you were saying that I was like this this would be the sickest uber rat I've ever been on but bro what if it was actually a wimmy ride because there's no because like

because then like you'd be talking to a to a machine and it's program but are we program too are we machines are you dude yeah am I

am I dude dude these freaking kids wearing jean shorts at the coffee shop come up to me because I came up to me because I came up up to the coffee shop a little hot they were talking and shit i was like you guys ready to order i said that are you guys ready to order that's good because dude the person on the register did not take

initiative of the situation nice and they looked at me and they looked and they saw me i needed my caffeine and they looked back at each other and they go he's just millennial coded what does that mean dude i think it means like your favorite s-and-l cast was like hater and christin-wig anti-sambore Yeah, they're the best. Then another one said for sure he's chopped. He called you chopped. I called me chopped. I thought it was a small dick thing. So how could they tell I have a small dick? I haven't even ordered my drink yet. Just decap. Extra foam. Yeah, because of it's afternoon then. Exactly, dude. This was my second cup. I want to get some zies that night. Was that shit mean, dude?

I think coated and chopped. You're coated, you're millennial coated, and yeah, I think it means you're an old guy with a chode. Were you wearing tight jeans? Yeah, dude. Yeah. I've been wearing my sister's jeans for years, dude. That's millennial coated, dude. But don't get me wrong, it's sick, and I love your tiny dick.

Yeah, me too, man. Thank you, dude. I was just frustrated. Why are you frustrated? They were taking too long, dude. Fucking talking and shit. Well, dude, you should have come back at them. You could be like, you could call them.

You could be like, listen, Unk is in line. And Unk's going to learn you a little bit. And be like, why don't you socially retarded idiots in a go go goon or something? Sorry. What should I do? No, no, what should I do? This sounds like, this sounds like you're on the right track. Do you like that?

I just don't know what to do. Okay, so if you wanted to get back at them, you could be like, why don't you terminally online antisocial retards go go goon or something? It's a bar. That's a good call. Sorry. What up, dudes?

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Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. Seamint Mobile for details. What up? Dude, I've come face to face with the feminizing effect of being on camera. Like John Berger said, that men do and women appear. So like our value comes from action

And women are oftentimes just objects of attention But that paradigm has shifted dude And that has never been more crystallized Than my boy Ian He's a roughneck from Wyoming Who lost his hand in a winch But then he went on a bravo reality show And now he's a huge fucking pussy

And it happened in one season dude. And like, I respect all movement. You know what I mean? Whatever you want to be that makes you happy, that's legit. But to see him on a reunion episode crying because his homie hooked up with another chick that he went on a date with two months earlier, I'm like, dog. That's not how you were when you were working with that gas. So I don't know.

Like, you know, we're speaking on it now. generational shifts I just think like we got to come up with a way that when bros are on camera we don't become huge pussies and it's hard

because like you're being observed and that's something that dudes didn't traditionally do unless they were doing shit but now you're just there and so like I'm trying to tell

I'm like, dude, you should do like one of those shows where you go like crabbing in Alaska. And he's like, oh, dude, no, I don't get as much pussy if I do that. And honestly, I've really connected with the guys on this show. And like, you know, they say we're going to film in like the Florida, Alabama coast. I'm like, dude, what is going on? And he's like, I don't know, dude. I'm going to the bleachers concert tonight. I'm like, dude, come on.

Snap. And he's like, yeah. They've got like, uh, they got like a green tea cookie or something dude green tea some something like that some like kind of artisanal I mean just the fact that there's cookies makes me want to throw up dude yeah I don't eat that shit on vacation no I don't eat that

my fiance would be like you want a cookie have like nice test exactly I'll take a steak so dude as you were as you were laying this out and I'm so sorry to hear about Ian. Is he a lost cause, dude? Here's what I think. Here's what I think is the solution, not just for Ian, but for all dudes. If you're trying to get romantic with women or if you're going through something like a breakup

or a divorce, cameras should be illegal. They should not be, like men should not be on camera legally. Yeah, it should be illegal to photograph men. illegal to photograph men if they're if they're having drama with a lady whether that be trying to you know trying to hook up trying to just get a date a breakup divorce stay off the camera deal with that in your room or a truck you know john wick his wife dies what does he go do he does donuts in an abandoned parking lot yeah But like should it just be illegal to photograph dude?

But here's the thing. I mean, we had dudes like Bruce Willis and Clint Eastwood. They never capitulated to the feminism. I think they did. When? Like, specifically for Bruce Willis, the Fifth Element. Specifically for... Fuck.

Clint Eastwood? The rookie. The Charlie Sheen movie from like 1989. Bro, yeah. That fucking movie, dude. Dude, you're right. All dude should not be on camera. I don't see Heartbreak Ridge, dude.

Yeah. I was like, that was the most interesting gay performance besides Milk. Was him in Heartbreak Ridge? Both tremendous physical transformations. Yeah. It's good acting. Is it okay to appreciate acting from a dude? No.

Dude, that's actually a fire call, and I get where you're coming from now. Whoa. Yeah, because you mentioned actors. Hmm. All right. If it's scripted, you can be on camera. No, dude. No, no, no.

No, no. At that point, it's a job. It's a job. You're doing. No, no, that was my view two minutes ago, but now no, dude should be on camera. Whoa. All right. Dude, respect.

Dude, I think, I wouldn't have gone there with it, but I respect that you did. Yeah, no dude's on camera. Just chicks. All chick movies. And I'm sorry. Females. Dude, I think we might be missing the point here. Yeah.

What's the point, dude? Because the thing is, dude, like, dude, too act on camera and get Oscars and shit, they also get ass and shit a lot. You know what I mean, dude? But then JT brings up a good point. Like, your boy is sort of, dude, when you're on a reality show that's not scripted,

then you're being told what to do like as yourself not as like a fictional dude that you're buying into which is art okay yeah you know what I just thought I think I think so it's like art is the difference maybe

art gets you asked yeah yeah what's their goal I guess someone said what about pro athletes but they're doing they're doing that's the thing yeah there's the thing dude And also, here's the thing, dude, I guess this is what it comes down to. Let me shoot. Did the dude say, yo, hey, real quick, film me right now.

Or did they just doing something? And someone was like, that's so sick. Dude. I got to film that right now. Dude, I got a fire. Because athletes, that's athletes. It's the second option, dude. Dude, I got a fire example, okay, of doing versus not doing on camera.

Doing. Will Smith and I am legend pull-ups, even though he was, what is he doing kipping he's kipping he's kipping but he's still the post out dude because the community would have been on you was he doing it weighted though was it weighted no no I mean he's going behind the neck

but but the fact that's more difficult that's extra challenge he's still doing a lot of respect was shown in the theater for sure uh Harrison ford Air Force 1 kills the Russians you know

basically you know he's he's America's daddy then we go to these variety roundtables actors on actors conversations will Smith talks about the reason he got into acting is because

you know he was basically a bitch in school and couldn't get chicks and then he got into acting and then Samuel Jackson laughs in his face and I was like that was an example of where he should not have been on camera yeah Harrison Ford I love Harrison Ford talked about how he struggled with depression all respect to your struggle

I didn't need to know that it's a good call dude you know the Native Americans were afraid of the camera because they said it would steal your soul sounds like you don't like these soul-bearing moments viewed through lens so

my question to you is are you part Native American dude I think so very sick dude I hope you're Comanche that'd be sick That'd be sick.

That is the sickest tribe. I recently watched that movie Prey. It's part of the Predator series. Did you guys watch that? No, I heard it was legit. It's very sick. And you watch that. It's badass.

Dude, this girl right here, badass. She's got her dog. Frickin human plus the dog is the Apex Predator. Wow. Very sick, dude. Oh, her plus the dog? Mm-hmm. I fucking gonna set this up in the hospital room

when my wife's giving birth. Quick horror story. for you guys. What happened, dude? I had a TaskRabbit cruise over to hang up some curtain rods. Some what? Some curtain rods.

Like drilling and shit. Anytime it's like tools become electronical, I'm out. I gotta bring in a dude. And he shows up. Solid rate. Dude speaks perfect English. You know?

A lot of times it's Eastern Euro dude or a Spanish speaking dude And it's kind of tough to translate you got to kind of do a lot of pointing and stuff This guy was like oh no yeah I'll put the rods there That sounds great excellent I'll be done in one hour And then I was like this is sick He goes hey but just make sure your wife watches Wow It's like what are you what the fuck?

What are you talking about? Yeah He starts drilling the rods dude and starts talking about how how easy this is how if you just watched a simple YouTube video you'd be able to do it how anyone can figure out how if you look at the rods it basically just says basically this guy's calling me a dumbass and not a real man in front of my lady in my house

and I think basically that's why going forward you got to get dudes who do not know how to speak your language and we'll fuck up the job a little bit and it's way more worth it bro I got a

counter proposal on how to handle that kind of situation because I've been outgunned when it comes to being handy and when dudes can feel that in you they always leverage it in front of your chick but what I'll do is like when they get into that kind of swarthy sexy talk and they're starting

to do the drilling I bust I'll say holy shit this guy's fucking hot and I'll pull out my dick and come and dude it it'd surprise you it kills the body. It just totally destroys the energy in the room. Like my wife totally freaked out.

The guy is like not that confident after I do that. In total reality, he's really freaked the fuck out. And he's trying to dip. And then I kind of get in his way. And I'm like, hey, bro, you want me to leave you a battery? He finished the job, you know? and then and he gets back to it

and then, you know, there's even the threat that I could go again, you know? But that's something you could try. Where does your load go? I just sit down on the floor. I was like, oh, dude, I'm sorry

that was hot, dude. Oh, dude, he dominated me. You freaking bull handy man. Dude, this is huge. So you're saying And if you pull out your dick and start cranking it, changes the tone of the room. Yeah. I'd say you kind of recommandere the energy as like, it goes like, he was like, he was

alpha, now you're fucking weirdo. That's the thing. What card are you going to play? Right. And like, so some people are like, that's a little gnarly. Like, you know, your wife's going to be freaked out. She's going to divorce you. No, she's not.

No, dude. That's a huge pain in the ass. Yeah, you know how many more task rabbits you'd have to hire in the place that she moves into? Exactly. A bevy of them. This is a great call, dude, because he's actually coming back. Because he turned out to be Czech and my wife's part checked. They were speaking Czech.

They were like laughing at me and shit. He's like, oh, you need to like reinstall. You need to take your toilet seat. Natsdravi. Yeah, yeah, dude, yeah, exactly. And I need to mount some bookshelves. So I'm going to, when he comes back, I want to be sitting in my ivory-cliner chair just like this. I'm gonna be like, yo, what up?

How's it going, Yuri? And just fucking be full torque jacking off while he does it? Just some logistical questions. Yeah. Just in case, you know, I anticipate having the same situation soon. Was your dick hard when he pulled it out, or was it soft and you kind of worked it to get it hard? I was like half. So you, okay, half, chub.

I was like stiff, but like, if you, if you. were going to put it in someone you'd be stuffing for a minute and so you were you super vocal when you're when you're j and i said holy shit this is fucking hot this guy's a fucking beast i can't help but i got a fucking nut so i was like full narrator buzzed and your wife was where she's four feet to my right she's holding a leveler I have my wife hold the leveler dude you know actually now is the perfect time too guys

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or whether it's for just like projects around the house it's impossible to get or given STD. So according to science, if you travel fast enough, you can go back in time. If you travel speed of light faster than the speed of light, you can go back in time. And I want to start a company, and I'm basically asking if you dudes want to invest right now, and maybe anyone on the pod list, and I want to start a company that takes you back in time to

your first bust. So you go back in time, experience your first bust. You can either stay there or come back here and just be like that was sick. But here's the thing is I think it'll catch on and I think it will have a lot of repeat customers because you can just keep going back to experience that first bust. That's a great idea. That's a huge idea, dude. I'd love to go back.

And the fact that you can go back again, my cue. And if you don't have the answers, that's totally okay. I'm in. I think idea is there. I'm excited to run it. Do I have to go somewhere to go back in time, or can I do it from wherever I'm at in the moment? And how long is the process?

I mean, I was thinking of setting up a kiosk at, like, Citywalk at Universal Studios. That's awesome. So you're just getting like this, like, you know, in like those water slides where they drop the floor. so it's like you get into this like kind of like pod and so you can you know so you go back and so and then it just shoots you through time you go back in time and time changes and it does something to your dick where it does something to your to your hog where it like makes it you know kind of like a pre-bust hog

and fills your balls up with you and fills your balls up with a bunch of jiz so it's like you you get back to that basically oh maybe maybe your hog goes in the traveling machine so your hog goes back in time and busts dude yeah amazing follow-up cue could i go back in time to the first time you busted dude are you for real right now i think that could be very cool yeah dude not to shark tank you But I think you're missing a huge, also supplemental business opportunity. Say you're on the city walk. You're with your family. You just left Buga to PEPA.

You're guts full. You're looking at your wife. You're looking at your two kids. You're like, there's no chance I'm going to fucking fuck tonight. Going back to the holiday in after this and we've got to do Universal again tomorrow. Exhausted. Sunburnt. And then there's a bust time machine.

That dude's liable to leave his kids and wife right there on the Universal City Walk. What are you going to then sell them? Oh, the kids and the wife? Dad just left to go experience his first nut. And you've got a mom and two kids chilling. Just giving some iPads. Okay, so you team up with Apple. I'm in.

As an investor at this point, I'm down. I want to come in for 5,000 bones and 50% ownership. Done. 5,000 bones is all the bones that I have. Done. Thank you. Do you want in on this? I want in for the same deal that Strider got.

So you both get 50%? Yes. The kids get iPads. What does the wife get, dude? Well, hold on, because if he says yes to this, then we own the whole company. What are you going to say? Wait.

I want the same deal that Strader got. 5,000 for 50%. Yeah. Done. Wait. You just made 10 grand, dude. Dude, I might be too dumb to vote. I don't know if other people have experienced this where, like,

I don't think I have the requisite domain knowledge to weigh in on some. of these subjects like dude i was trying to prep for today's ballot so to study up i just ripped a fat dose of iawaska and i was instantly transported back to the ballot booth in 2020 and i saw me filling it out and it was like prop 22 yes prop 23 yes and then i came back to the president and so i looked them up on Google, because I didn't remember voting on that stuff. And then I looked it up and like, Prop 22 was about Uber drivers having more flexibility in their schedule. So I was like, for sure.

But then I looked it up today. And Uber paid for that because they also put in the fine print that they wouldn't be able to add more worker protections going forward. And then Prop 23 was about they're needing to be an attending. nephrologist when people get dialysis? What? Why did I even vote on that, dude? And so I'm just saying, like,

what are all these things? And how can I, an ordinary dude, be expected to have domain knowledge on all of it? Like, I'd love to participate. It feels so good to be an American and vote. But, like, are we certain we know what we're voting? voting on most of the time. And then bros will use a voter guide

to tell you what to vote on. But who told you that's a good voter guide? And like, dude, you might know a lot about one subject. You know what I mean? So, like, maybe you're, like, super solid on the gig economy prop. But then, like, that doesn't mean you know about, like, tax allocations, you know? It's like you're a fire surfer. You rip it Black's Beach.

But that doesn't make you think you could just paddle into Ula, ought to, but we treat the whole ballot like it's one break. And so, like, after I took that fat dose, I was like, bro, maybe this year, I'm just going to skip a couple. So I only voted on like two out of the 30 things. Nice. That's a great call, dude. I think just straight up ballots overall, too many words.

You know what I mean? It's like, dude. first of all, just spell it out, dude. One thing, no more putting fine print, dude. Dude, if you put fucking little letters beneath big letters, already shouldn't be allowed on the ballot. Agreed. Just be fucking straightforward with us, dude.

You know what I mean? With the American people, dude. Average American person, dude, what do we like doing, dude? fucking just gaming, crushing tallboys, wind in our hair, listening to good ass tunes. If you're,

whatever your law is, if it's not easy enough to understand is that of being like, I like this wind in my hair or this breeze is picked up too much, I'm out, then it shouldn't be something we're voting on, dude.

Then it should be to the experts. But the problem is, who the fuck are these experts? And can I trust them? dude yeah i tried to become an expert it's very challenging yeah i bailed i tried to become an expert and i was like i told my dad my dad's like what are you doing today i'm like i mean become an expert in policy so i started watching all the news and my problem was everyone was so convincing Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I watched Megan Kelly. I was like, she's so hot. Then I watched AOC. I was like, she's so hot. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you're almost like, why couldn't they just get along and then we could do like something together? Yeah, I was just like, and my dad's like,

well, what did you learn from Megan Kelly? I'm like, she just got me horny. That's a real realization, though. And like, dude, super self-aware of you to know that in the moment, that like, wait a morning now. Yeah. That's very like fingers on the pulse. Totally.

Dude, I fucking started watching the news a lot recently. And the best part to me was the commercials. I bought some sick-ass night vision driving shades, the yellow shades. Bought those. So you're watching like the news on YouTube, huh? Mm-hmm. I bought some rare coins. And I got a Sky Rizzi prescription.

Sick. So it's got me ducked out that way. but as far as voting goes I still don't get it dude I mean dude too like you could be like looking at the candidates you're like oh okay it's like hinge or something where you're like you just get like five facts like this dude

like chess he worked in insurance he went to a good college okay this chick you know campaign for so and so she worked on the school board of education it's like okay these are good facts to know, but like, you still don't know who's going to be more fun to party with a duelipa concert.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Dude, that one thing I did do, though, is right after I watched Megan Kelly, I DM'd her and I was like, do you carry, I was like, do you carry ball clamps in your purse? Does she respond? No. It's probably busy. You know, the term candidate comes from Voltaire's Candide, which of course means open.

I think that going forward probably a good solution would be all Candide's should be on Twitch live streaming 24-7 and that's the future. The future that you they're on Twitch. Kisenet he should be running. Dude, what are some common red flags people should look out for when sending money to someone? Or like, have you guys ever fallen for a scam?

What happened there? What happened to you? This dude hit me up over text and was like, I need money now. And I was like, you got a dude. Well, dude, when you get the cash up, well, dude, when you get the cash app card, not only do you get access to a ton of perks and benefits, like exclusive early access to nationwide concert pre-sales or discounts on popular brands, but you also have extra security with the power to instantly lock or unlock your card

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What? Are they pranking you with all this? Dude, I think so. Discount and promotions provide by cash up a block ink brand. Visit cash. dot app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. Holy fuck, dude. You read all that in shades.

That was a lot. I mean going to the community pool in Glendale. A lot of Armenian bros. Puss it up. Track suits, sick gold chain necklaces, white shoes. And then I jumped in the pool with my wife. and they call me a clown for just jumping

for getting in the pool like as a dude so I guess like my question to you guys is it's like if you swim as a dude are you a clown I don't think so I mean I was

I was wearing my onesie zip up for Max Sun protection were you wearing that Ronald McDonald hair that you wear when you swim sometimes yeah I don't want to ruin any my good hats I don't mind ruining that

it provides a good sun protection. Do you have zinc all over your face again? Of course. If you rub it in, it doesn't work properly. You got to just let it go in, ghostify your face. And you wear that like red nose covering? Yeah, yeah.

Dermatologist was like he had to take off a pre-melanoma. He's like, dude, zinc is not enough. You need to cover this up with something. I mean, what else do you put on your nose? There's nothing else to wear on a nose. And you wear that striped body suit? Yeah, that's the suit I was talking about. it's my onesy and then you were for sure wearing goggles a thousand percent or contact lenses

I want chlorine in there it burns yeah I don't think those Armenian dudes were being personal so you think swimming's for clowns depends on how you do it dude 100 percent like I think you did take it in kind of a clownish direction with the aesthetic and the face paint and the Ronald mcdonald hair and the red nose covering and the pinstrap suit dude that's just me protecting myself from sun and saying... But that doesn't necessarily make you a cloud. Thank you. I was just checking.

Dude, I've been trying this method to pull myself out of any anxiety that comes my way. Because the world right now is tossing our emotional salad. Super Al-Nino. Straight of Hormuz. Euphoria. How do we combat this? How do we combat the forces just trying to penetrate our dunes? and make us just so bummed out and so nervous.

I call it the appreche method. Anything that comes my way, no matter what it is, apreech. George Washington was a perv, apiece. I have a mature hairline? Preach. Gas prices, $8? Preach. That's sick, dude.

Not straight up, bro. Dante says that my wieners nicely sized. Preach. Hubcat went flying off my car on the highway. Preach. That's going to be especially good for your wedding coming up because your dad was like he doesn't want you to use your guy's last name. Right, yeah, he wants me to take my wife's last name.

Yeah. I remember you were bumming on that for a while. Yeah, because I, you know. know, I went to have a dinner with my dad's spaghetti factory. I went to have a dinner with my dad's spaghetti factory. And I was like, dad, I'm getting married. And he's like, you can't take my last name. And I was like, but I do.

And he's like, when you get married, you're going to take her last name. You're going to take her middle name. Yeah. So I'm going to be Chad Carroll. Oh, dude, a litter age. That's a sick name, dude. Preach. Yeah, you know what?

And I looked at my dad. and I was like preach. That's perfect, dude. Dude, I want to give it up to my buddy Max. He's on hard times right now because he got a Dewey. Cops pulled him over. He was pretty buzzed in his car. I guess the cop was like being relatively chill.

It was like, yo, dude, I will let you off if you just get an Uber home. And then Max just straight up said, no, I'm driving. And, you know, I think a lot of people, in that moment would have just like listen to the cop taking the Uber right but in a way that's a form of lying and Max stuck to his guns he grabbed the Dewey

it's it's looking rough for him you know considering he's in the middle of a custody battle but that's Max you know if he says he's good he's good and uh yeah so Max I'm with you dog you played it straight to the end just like that dude on the Titanic this could be a huge

huge dub for Max, though, because correct me from Ron, but he's like, dude, I want to hang out with my kids that much. So he might catch a dub here and just sort of get to reinvent himself in a new state like Alaska or Canada.

So that's kind of a huge move. So if you're trying to ditch your family, maybe catching a DUIs the move. Dude, so yeah, you're almost saying like Max is creating this self-destructural. consequences to remove himself from his current reality. Exactly, dude.

He's part of the, he's like, if life's a tunnel, dude, what's easier to run back or just keep going through? Dude, that's straight up Ernest Becker, who's the dude who's in all the earnest movies. I fucking love that guy, dude. And he said you create the reality you need in order to discover yourself. Dot, dot, dot, be free of your fucking kids if they're being lame. that's kind of huge if that's what you want he manifests that

that's huge dude that reminds me this podcast is brought to you by Jeremy's bail bonds if you need to get a bail bond if you were recently arrested you're in the drunk tank a dooey

cop to doey you know maybe assault battery murder hit up Jeremy get your bail bond today and use code go deep let him know we sent you also a huge hack case you're looking for it you know you can catch a duly on a skateboard oh for real for real dude it's fucked up because if you're bombing a hill this is what i do is i just like to bomb hills

technically you can go over 18 miles per hour that's the DUI speed limit and of course i reach that hands behind the back shades on just bombing in my gravity board but the thing is is cost will pull you over and I like to get a little bit buzz before I do that you know liquid courage because it's a fat hill probably like a 17% grade is I always carry a fucking fucking fifth of smearing off in my backpack and as soon as the cop pulls you over

let him see you this is the thing let him see you you chug the smearin off and then fucking break it in front of them so he can't see you and he can't get you a DUI because then you just got fucked up oh you think I had to do

I was fine then. Now I'm fucked up. Oh, dude, that's smart. And then he can maybe get you on littering. Yeah. Dude, do you think when you're, when you become a father, your daughter's going to hear a lot of, you know, she's going to be like, where's dad?

And your wife's going to be like, he's bombing hills. Oh, yeah. Dude, when we were touring the hospital at Kaiser today, the campus on sunset, she was inside looking at all the stuff like the bedding and the birth chambers and shit I was looking at sick curbs good stairs I was in the parking structure pretty much the whole time being like I could fucking weave it's eight levels off sunset that's huge yeah and hopefully she goes into labor in the middle of the night so parking is like sparse and I can really get some good fucking S turns in

that geeks you out pretty hard huh it tickles me to think about it dude he's ripping those dude my fucking wife just fucking just fucking pushing and then I'm out there just pumping you know what I mean

bro you got you got those like owning your crop bro you got those oaklies that strap around your head oh there's a clutch yeah dude Oh, the ones from like the 96 games or whatever. Yeah, yeah, dude.

Those things were sick. Dude, you got those, you got those gloves with the pads on, with the, um, with the plastic on it so you can touch the ground as you turn. Oh, yeah. Jake, do you want to do your beef, dude? And then we'll each rip one and then we'll just say whatever. Yeah, yeah. All right.

So my beef of the week. Now, I want to preface this by saying, I have done. done this in the past. But my beef of the week is the I called it guy. Okay? This happens in sporting events or, you know, someone's

rise to fame. There's always someone after it happens that says, I called it. And in the moment, you know, like someone hits a grand slam and there's some guy behind me saying, I called it. I knew that would happen. I called it. Bro, you didn't call shit. You just make a shit ton of predictions.

One of them hits. and you say I called it. That's my beef of the week. Bro. That hit super close to home for me. And like I really got to think about my own life when you say that. Because Jake literally on my way here, I was like, I bet you Jake does a beef about the I called it guy. You texting me that.

I don't know. Dude, I was just in the zone. But dude, I got you, dude. I did know you were going to do that, dude. But that's a fire beef. Wait, JJ, did you, you called that. Yeah, I did. I predicted that shit. And then I was like, and then Jake will say it's like confirmation bias because I'm always calling shit.

But dude, I fucking, dude, I fucking called it, dude. I knew you were going to say that shit, bro. Did you always, you always say the thing about, dude, you always are on that guy. That fucking knew is coming, dude. You fucker, dude. How I thought about this was Jason. Williams, the old basketball player, his daughters in the college world series for softball, she hits a walk off home run. He's celebrating. Some random person comes up and is like,

let me get a picture, bro, I called it. It's like, bro, his daughter just hit a game winner, leave him alone. You didn't call shit. That's how let. What did Jason Williams do? He took the picture like a gentleman. Oh, nice guy. Yeah. He took the picture and just kept celebrating. A lot of courage there. I would have said, fuck you, you didn't call. it, you know. Dude, I sure, I knew Jason Williams was going to be white chocolate. That is true. I remember you saying that.

I was five. Yeah. And the thing is, dude, JT's always been fucking chock full of good calls like that. I called it with Jason Williams. I called not only that he would be white chocolate, but that he have a daughter who'd be good at softball. I don't know how I knew. I just, I was like, I could tell by his build and I looked up his wife and I was like, yeah, I should go play, she'd play second base?

Look that up Did you got to get on one of those apps You could be making bank with your good ass calls Dude Oh yeah JT you always calling it Dude remember the time he called it When um

When Taylor Swift got that MTV award And Kanye stepped in and he's like Beyonce had the best video of all time You called that She does play second base Dude Dude You called it

I called it, dude. Damn. You called it, dude. I did call that shit. Dude, do you remember that with Taylor Swift and Kanye? You called that? I called it. That's fire, though, Jake.

You got to call me out for that, dude. I knew you would, dude. You know how I know you called it? It's because as soon as that happened, you called me and you're like, dude, I called that. Dude, I remember fucking middle school September 2001. We're watching the news. JT is like

Dude Tower 2's Test Well bro He's on the speakerphone My whole family And my dad came out of the shower Fucking towel half on Did JT just call that

I go hold on Did you say North Tower JT And JT goes Yeah dude Bro if you look at the Fucking check the tapes If you look at the capture

Of the Grand Mosque in Saudi Arabia 1978 Push Towards Religious Fundamentalism After that The seeds were so dog 100% I knew it bro

100% I knew it dude no brainer I try to tell you too you call me up you're like oh dude the second tower's not going down I was like you stupid bitch

it's dropping dude that's the thing I try to call him to mock him I'm like listen to he was all like I'm just laughing because you didn't you didn't listen to JT when he told you

that the other trout he was so confident he called to him he was like oh yeah it's a bummer about the one I don't want to joke about this but yeah he was way

over confident about Tire Tew And I was like, dude, that thing's going down, bro. It's like, you got to wear that, dude. That's true. I fucked that up. Dude, I was trying to rub it in your face, but I was wrong. You had a good ass call on that.

You were dialed in. What do you say? I saw you guys off a few white claws in ATX, a creek in the cave. You all took questions and I asked about sunnion and you all clamped up a bit. Kind of killed my stoke, low key. No, dude, it wasn't because you asked about sunn't. and is because you asked us if you're allowed to just pant strangers so that they get some perineum sunning and we were like yo dog that's up to you we're not

going to deputize you to just be pants and randos even if it is for their own health benefits and then you got defensive and you were like yo i've been pantsing people for years you got no credibility to call me out like that and we were like dog we're not even trying to fight with you right now, bro. I'm just telling you straight up, I'm not going to tell you to pants strangers. Dude, exactly. Unless you've gone to medical school, done a full residency, probably are wearing your lab coat just for aesthetic reasons and the general understandability of the public. You shouldn't pants anyone unless you're a doctor. And our buddy Dylan got killed, pantsing people.

Yeah. Yeah, dude. He went up. He said he freaking straight up. He went into a constricted. instructions zone. And there was a dude fucking using a jackhammer, dudes on a bobcat. They were doing like a fucking whole new freeway overpass. And he just wanted to pants some dudes, get him some sun in the right places, you know? And he's like, yo, heads up.

Heads up. And all these guys took their hard heads off. He wasn't even wearing anything. Pants this dude. Boom. Just then. Fucking rebar. Came flying off of a...

The fucking thing, dude. The fucking thing, dude. The fucking... Yeah, it was like wires and shit and got his fucking head chopped off. Dude, this pot is dedicated to Dylan. You shouldn't just go into construction zones to pants, dudes, unless you're a doctor.

The fiance keeps watching off campus. She's watched it like 10 times. I'm like, why do you like it? She's like, Garrett's hot. And I'm like... I'm like, babe, I had no idea. you were so into hockey dudes. Like, you know how high I can Ollie.

You know? And she's like, she's like, no, just watch the show. You'll love it. And I was like, no. I'll stick to Miracle. Fuck this. And fuck Amazon. It's all the AI.

But then I started watching it, you know, just to like be chill. And dude, there's like tits in like every scene. And I was like, babe, this is the best show of all time. It's just these crazy college kids chasing puck and passion, and then they just fuck. Great call, babe. So after this, I'm going to surprise my fiance with hockey jersey, hockey skates, no pants. Dude.

Oh. Just splay yourself out on the bed for her? Yeah. Pucks on net, sticks on ice, chucking into the blues zone, dude. Yeah. Yeah, I'm getting even freaky. I'm going to be like, here's this hockey stick. Put it in my ass.

Dude, I want to hire a bunch of dudes for my wife and call them the penalty cocks. And just a bunch of dudes with fat rods are going to come over. Dude, all his dirty dog is giving me hockey stick growth. Oh. Oh, dude. Dudes, I have a babe and beef all rolled into one. I, um, I went to school with an ontice. autistic dude, super chill.

He used to call me like every day after school. We'd chat for a bit. He'd ask like super specific questions. Um, he always thought I was like hilarious. Like he just thought I was like a really cool dude. He'd even go back to my old school and like repeat jokes I said at school to like other people. It was like a little embarrassing, but it was like super flattering. And we stay in touch.

And he's like, he's a really nice guy. Um, but every time we're talking, he'll be asking me questions about. about me and then he'll start asking me questions about other bros I know and it gets to a point where I'm like are you like more into my bros than you're into me? Whoa. And so I guess I get like a little bit jealous and so I asked some of my bros and they're like yeah he hits me up too. Whoa.

And I guess there's no. way easy way to say this but like if we're opening it up like let's open it up and like I'm going to start actively pursuing new neurodivergent friends because I'm not I I feel a little bit um surprised I guess and so yeah I'm just saying daddy's back on the market that's huge because I mean the the telltale sign of a chill bro used to be classic car V8, smokes a sick, bangs chicks. But really it's if there's an autistic dude in your orbit who's like likes what you're up to.

And you've had that in spades, my dude, for years. He's my guy. You know? But if he asked me about Ferrari one more time, I'm going to get pissed. Yeah, he's kind of leveling up. he's kind of gotten what he needs he's gotten the information he needs from you he's actually been texting

me a little bit I don't appreciate what I'm sorry dude I had to come clean even the way you said level up so you feel like he could do better than me that was a biased opinion of mine I shouldn't have said it that way from his perspective

is what I mean he's leveled up just try to what you got dude speaking of like genius level shit um What made you say that, though? Dude, just being of, like, autistic kids who are a genius and shit. Why are you saying he's a genius now?

Because he's dumping me for other dudes. I mean, dude, like... He keep fucking punking me on this shit, dog. I mean, dude, he's a genius. He can fucking just see shit. Because he likes for all over me. That makes him a genius. No, dude, he's like good at numbers.

All right, fair enough, fair enough. He knows the numbers, dude. He sees it in The Matrix. My wife, dude, earlier I mentioned this task rabbit came over and just shook my world up, which you gave me a solid solve for, thank you. For sure. But I've already employed a solve of my own, dude. My wife, she sort of has lost faith in me when I wanted to, um,

When we were supposed to meet with our OBGYN, I was like, no, I wanted to hear what my Ollie sounds like in this parking structure because I had a good reverberation. I just wanted to hear that. So I missed the appointment. She's like, dude, you're not ready for this. You're not like, you know, are you even like a grownup? And that hurt my feelings and shit.

And so I got on the internet into a chat room with these like chalkful like in cells, dude, who of course are just giving me advice for like, like hey what's the best weaponry like who's the most alpha male like chicks don't deserve us is sort of the you know the vibe there but also when you do video chat with these guys they've got solved rubics cubes in their chat frame in their background and i'm like yo dude can i never mind your your social theories on like you know fucking whatever it is dude. Hypergamy.

Exactly. You guys are obsessed with hypergamy. Like, never mind hypergamy. Can I buy your Rubik's cubes from you?

So, dude, I bought like 30 solved Rubik's cubes and I just been placing them all around my wife's shit like in her yoga mat on her

in between her laptop like her laptop won't close because I'll put my solve Rubik's cube in there in her car in her cup holder on her side of the seat

in my car fucking dude I mailed her one to her own address from me. Like, oh, shit, I forgot that I did that. So that she gets restored faith in me in my mental prowess.

She's like, what's with all these rubicubes? And they're solved. That's incredible. Whoa. Dude, that is fire, bro. So it's huge. Dude, honestly, that's not a bad tactic to give back to the in-cell bros.

Yeah, dude. It keeps them, it keeps them, I've created a market for them to solve Rubik's cubes and then sell to me instead of like 3D print weaponry. No, but dude, what I'm saying is you're saying, and I agree, women are attracted to problem solving, you should tell the bros, dudes, you got all these Rubik's cubes, drop those in front of chicks. I should tell, that is even better, dude, eliminate the middleman.

Because sort of my problem solved, I'm going to jack off. in front of the tax rabbit. I don't need these Rubik's cubes anymore. They should just go to a coffee shop post up. Boom. It's the new Ferrari keychain. If you like solve puzzles in front of a chick, that's hot. Yes.

And these dudes have all these, they're fixing, they're doing like, you know, dork shit. Yes. But it's sick. And then be like, dude, go do that dork shit. But like finish it in front of a chick. Yes. Just patience.

She has belief in oneself. Because that's why you're doing it to your lady, right? 100%. 100%, dude. Whoa. I tried solving one on my own. Have you done a Rubik's Q? No.

I won't do it. It's just like a way for the government to hypnotize you into, you know, going along with whatever they want to do. Wait, so do you think the bros who you saw doing it or sciop and you? I mean, they do ask for a lot of my information. One of them wants my ID.

Like, I don't pay them in money. I pay them in like tasks. One of them was getting them a passport. I did that for him. Another one was taking a woman and child off of a freighter ship at the Long Beach port. And he says, don't make eye contact with him. just let them just put them in your car and then drop them off at an address I did that

drove them from Long Beach to Oregon but I got some six Rubik's cubes out of it have you been to Oregon?