Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 444 - CARMEN CHRISTOPHER aka WRIGLEYVILLE'S FINEST

Episode Date: June 17, 2026

Today we are joined by Carmen Christopher for his second appearance on the pod. He starts us off hot talking about his childhood by the ballpark in Chicago and how the area has changed over the years. The bros dive into Coyote Logistics and find out how Carmen has been making fat stacks. The bros talk about qualifying for the Hot Dog Eating Contest and some of the new rules in place they have to adapt to. Chad talks about his beef with Trilogies. Does the third film always suck? We also talk about bad investments in the metaverse now that it is shutting down for good. We end on a call from a bro who needs help building his book collection. This is episode goes completely off the rails in the best way possible. More Carmen here: https://www.instagram.com/carmenyescarmenWe are live streaming a fully unedited version of the pod on Twitch, if you want to chat with us while we're recording, follow here: https://www.twitch.tv/chadandjtgodeepGrab some dank merch here: https://appreeshapparel.com/Come see us on Tour! Get your tix - https://www.chadandjt.comTEXT OR CALL the hotline with your issue or question: 323-418-2019(Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice)Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/Thanks to our Sponsors:HIMS: The Best Hair Loss solutions for men. Go to https://www.hims.com/godeep and get started today with an online consult with a professional.PRODUCTION & EDITS BY: Jake RohretSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What's your deep What up? Welcome to the Going Deep with Chad and JT podcast. I am Chad And this is the most popular podcast in the Orange County region specifically the coastal towns mainly

the peninsula of Newport Beach. I'm here with my compadre, Jean-Thomas. What up? Boom clap, Stokers. And we're here with our bro from Wrigley. Born and raised. That's what's up.

Dude, I love like, you just wrap it so hard. Bro, I'm always wearing a Wrigleyville fucking T-shirt. I just forgot it at the fucking, at the fucking Equinox type shit. Dude, Carmen Christopher, what up? What's up, players? It's good to be on the fucking pod. I just fucking born and raised in Wrigleyville. I'm fucking crazy, dude.

You just told us, though. Oh, yeah, my bad. Where are you guys from? Oh, see, baby. Sick. I fucking love California. You guys got the prettiest girls. South County.

Oh, dude, 949. It's insane. Oh, dude, yeah. The tail. Chicks got butts up to their scapula. What the hell? That's huge. Yeah.

And tall. High butts, dog. It's a tall ass booty. How's the ass out in Wrigley? Dude, the fucking ass and Wrigley is fucking whack. Really? Yeah, man. I have to go down to, like, um, I have to go down to, like, wicker.

I'm into artsy girls now. Is it because you already smashed them all and you just don't want to go for another round? Yeah, they just kind of don't like me, honestly. I think they think that I'm like too unsuccessful. They like finance guys out there. But you're, I just do. You're being so humble though, dog. Oh, no, man.

I appreciate that. You get fat stacks. Yeah, that's actually real. You ain't lying about that. That's sick. Yeah, I work at coyote logistics, yo. Dude, what's it like smashing artistic ass? it's fucking crazy because they like are better at it than me and so they'll be like teaching me

shit and i'll be like uh i'll be like i don't know we were allowed to do shit like that you're being humble again dude i've seen you freaking drill a chick while also working in other chick's clip and they both came what the hell dude you can not to put your stuff out in the streets though bro you can get me in trouble well how did you see that dude oh he did it in the living room no it's on porn hub yeah no It's on the app. When you say you're going to get in trouble, is that with coyote logistics? Yeah, man. If I get fucking fired from there, I'm totally fucked.

And they don't want you like just being like a wild man. They don't know that side of you. They're like how you... I think they know that everybody's like that. But I just think like when it's out in the open, it's like you're susceptible to like losing your job. And I'm making so much money like a hundred grand a year right now that I can't really afford to lose it. Wait, so... But people there fuck.

yeah and so it's like an unspoken agreement when you're in the interview like they're like hey you're good with logistics but like there's probably a double meaning there like but you also slay ass yeah basically like they won't hire somebody unless they know that they can like fucking be really good at sex and stuff yeah that's that's that's a cool company i like when you vet people like that just out the gate because you don't want to have dead weight that if you do go hit the bars of the clubs you got some dude's a renaub oh dude it's gonna it's gonna totally throw off the vibe and just like you know cancel your plans i fucking hate renubs dude you're fuck dude you ever what do you do when you see one i'll basically go up and i'll be like

you out and i'll be like what i'll be like you're a renub we don't do we don't allow that i'm but yeah and they just kind of like bounce and shit and then i'll follow them to their car and make sure they'd leave good dude i remember one time i was working at billabong in the marketing department i was an intern they fucking hired another intern who I swear to God this kid was a virgin no yeah and I'm like and I looked at the I literally went to the owner's office I was like Graham you know gee like I'm pretty sure you guys hired someone who doesn't fuck whoa and I'm like that's not this is billabong like you guys rep you know old was he like fucking 15 what the hell I lost my virginia was eight in a refrigerator

That's crazy, bro. Wait, like, what kind of refrigerator? It was fucking huge. It was like the one at my parents' butcher in fucking Wrigleyville. And who'd you sleep with? I slept with this 20-year-old girl. Whoa. Yeah, she could get in a lot of trouble.

Yeah, she could. And she could. I'm like to say her name. No, she seduced me, but I liked it. So I didn't care. And did you ask her to go into the meat fridge? No, she asked me. She's like, I like your mustache.

I had a mustache at eight. Shit's different fucking Chicago, bro. That sounds gnarly. So was it like a one-off or did you keep slamming? No, it was a one-off. I was like, I'm not trying to like get you all attached. I was like, I got to go to second grade. I can't be like having a girlfriend in second grade.

I'm trying to play the playground. Yeah, that's way too early to commit. Yeah. And do your parents, like, did they know you were in there and just pack and meat? No, they had no idea. They thought I was like probably like just they didn't it was just like they didn't know. Yeah, I don't know. I got away with it basically.

I ought to get grounded for sure. My dad had probably been cool with it, but my mom would grounded me. My mom's super Catholic. No sex till marriage. I'm Catholic. Me too. I love God actually. That's what's up.

Yeah. Name father or son, holy spirit. Did you do the kiss? Yeah, a new father, son, holy spirit. I love being Catholic. Being Catholic's sick because you get to like be as bad as you want and then you can pray and then you're fine. You go and you get forgiveness. If like you're like, oh my team's in the finals or some shit, you can pray and you like it's just like you can pray for anything.

Dude, I got to hop on this Catholic shit. What are you? I'm kind of a no man's land. You're Eastern with it. I'm Eastern. You know, I went to Episcopalian school. got a ton of blow he's in elementary school

Oh my God, that's awesome Yeah, dude It's sick Dude, it was like We're the cool Three coolest guys ever Yeah, like I was getting I was getting blown

I was getting blown so early My older brothers were like Are you getting blown right now? And I'm like yeah They're like we haven't even like Kissed a girl And I'm like That's because you guys are fucking

Pussies How do they know you were getting blown Because I would just do it And like Oh you blow yourself sometimes We'd have a birthday party We'd have a dunk tank I'd just be getting blown

behind the dunk tank. Holy shit. People would walk around and see you getting blown how old were you? Yeah, eye contact. Six. Just stare people down.

Damn, we are like, how old were you when you lost your Virginia? I was five. Oh my God, bro. You were five? Yeah. I was so much older than you.

I feel like a loser. Yeah, it's all right. You wanted to meet the right person. Oh my God. Who was the right person? I was a hooker. I took a bus to a whorehouse and I had a ton of money out of my piggy bank that day

I do think she gave me a deal because I was a cutie but yeah I ended up like slamming like three chicks that day how much was it it was like 12 bucks where did you get your money my piggyback I'm doing chores and shit it was 60 bucks 12 12 damn five bucks for the first chick and then it's pretty cheap for the next two dude where were you making all your stacks at that age. I was like, you know, if I did the laundry or if I, you know, mowed the lawns.

So worth it. Do the laundry, have sex? Deal. Oh, bro. It motivated me for sure. That's where I learned my work ethic because I realized like if you put in that effort on the front side, you're going to get you know some backside. That's the whole thing with that's why this world works the way does guys build shit and make shit so that they can make love. For sure, dude. I mean, I learned that early on and it's kind of maintained throughout my life and as i've accrued you know more assets and more life and more more more ass i definitely feel like they all work in conjunction what kind of assets you rockin i got houses i got hotels i got laundromats i got yo what kind of hotels i'm trying to stay at one um for real yeah hook it up i could probably hook that up i think you'd fit in

well where with with cities uh all over we got some in macao we got some in honolulu we got some Bro, Honolulu. I went to Hawaii once, bro. That shit was crazy. Dude, that's sick. Which island? Kauai. Oh, fuck.

Beautiful dog. Yeah. Do you fuck there? No, actually, bro. What? Yeah, it's a bad story, actually. What happened? I was out there.

I was, like, looking for a guy. To fuck? No. To get revenge. Oh, to be his ass? Yeah, I was like looking for this guy. Was he chilling at poipoo? Where was he at?

Yeah, he was at. Actually, I found him at Poipu. Yeah. I was like going around asking basically this guy like fucking he like stole my girl. So I flow out to Kauai. He was like there with her. And so I was like, I had to find him and fucking get revenge. Did you kill his ass?

I killed him, dude. Bro, are you kidding me? Yo, Jake, cancel that part because if Coyote logistics finds out. If Coyote logistics finds out of that I might get laid up. Dude, they might fire you. They might promote your ass though, dude. But the cool thing about it is I wanted to do it in Hawaii because it's a different country, so you can't get, you can't get sentenced. No extradition laws there.

Right. It's like, it's a foreign land so you can get away with murder there. Dude, I think, I think Hawaii is in the United States. No. Really? Nah. Can someone look that up? I think, uh, I think maybe you guys might be confused because, like, uh, I think, uh, I think maybe you guys might be confused because, like, uh, I, uh, I think,

think there's like, you know, maritime laws. So you're in an island, you're out at sea. Yeah. So nothing can be owned on the water. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a state. It's because it's on the water that it's not a real country.

Yeah. Islands can't be states. Yeah. So you can kind of do, that's why people put their money in Hawaii or offshore. Yeah. So that you don't have to get taxed. There's no trace. Yeah.

Which is pretty hilarious. that dude went to Hawaii because it's like if you're looking to kill a motherfucker you know or if you're someone's looking to kill you the last place you would want to go is a friggin island because yeah that's where they can do it with no repercussions right he got a little cocky he was like oh I want to go on a pretty little vacation little did he know I was following him for weeks because this motherfucker he stole my girl right under my nose I was at fucking um I was at nobu out here yeah I went to the bathroom this guy came in Hot shot he was wearing a white tuxedo

He had a fucking scar And he looked actually Have you seen that movie? Yeah he had a scar And he He talked like this Say hello From my little front

He talked like that Oh shit And he fucking He snaked her man He snaked her What? Do you still get the miso black cod? I got the miso black cod

Yeah That's so mom dude I got two of them That's good you got her for yourself He didn't have to share with that Yeah my girl He was shoes My girl was a

addicted to drugs. So he was feeding her drugs and he knew that he could get her to Hawaii. He got her hooked. Yeah, he got her hooked. What drugs was he giving her? Coke. Fuck chicks love coke. I used to actually be hooked up fat with so many assets, but I just got wiped out.

Zuckerberg closed the Metaverse. I don't know if you guys saw. I know. I bought a ton of prop in there. What? Yeah. Metaverse is done, for real? He closed it, yeah.

How much paper were you holding? Dude, like, few mill. Damn. So you lost a few mill? Yeah, I bought strip clubs in the Metaverse. So, because, like, I'm like, dude, I'm getting so much ass here. You know, I want to get ass virtually. And I want to kind of be, like, in charge of ass in the, in the Metaverse.

Yeah, bro. Corner the market. And then Zuck was like, dude, we're done. And I DMed him. I was like, what the hell, bro? and he's like dude Zuck's sick though he's sick he's so cool

dude yeah he's good at MMA yeah he's good at MMA yeah he's good at MMA which is kind of all I care about swag is sick yeah yeah skinny chain he wears outside of his shirt yeah yeah and his Riz is like people underestimate his Riz like yeah when he talks to you and you're like dude are you even like functioning yeah that's actually his Riz he's a fucking bad boy. You know what? Look at that stud.

Is that what he looks like now? He does look better. Somebody put that facial hair on him? Oh. Yeah, they beefed up his jaw a little bit too. I heard he goes to like four sex parties a week. For real? Yeah. That's awesome.

I knew he's fucking. Dude, so this is crazy. I had to go to the doctor recently because I cut my leg on a reef. Oh fuck And my You know at first

Yeah like you guys know You know I don't trust doctors And so I was like Snakes Yeah and I was like Dude this is gonna heal itself Like I trust my body I trust

You know God He's gonna heal this up And my fiance is like Babe I think you should go to the doctor It's looking pretty gnarly I'm like babe

Like Why are you trying to step On my ethos You know I don't go to doctors Yeah Finally I was like All right

Whatever you know I'll go to the doctor i'll see what's up i go to the doctor and i'm like yeah here's my fucking cut dude and he's looking at he's like ooh this looks infected and i was like this looks infected and i was like this looks infected just fucking yeah just jane off in his face dude dude he swallow him yeah dude and i'll yeah swallow this and then um he's like you might need some amoxicillin what the hell i'm like what is that a vaccine he's like an antibiotic and And I'm like, dude, just say it.

Moderna or Pfizer. Just say it, dude. Who's paying you? And he's like, what? And I'm like, yeah, go F yourself, dude. I'm gonna slap some golden seal on it and call it a day. Yo, what the fuck? What an asshole.

So are they all captured? Yeah. Like, yeah. And like, my leg is still like super infected, but I'm not falling for that shit. Dude, my dermatologist tried to get me on retinol. What the hell is that? I think it's Moderna Pfizer vaccine shit. Oh my God, dude.

Bro. I'm like, now I have to medicate against, like, fine lines? What? The fuck? I got fucking vertigo. And I'm like, I think it's because I took the Moderna and visor vaccine together. I was like, shoot. I was like, shoot both of those in me.

So you're shit up. all confused. Yeah, now I'm like just foggy as fuck and like, yeah, man. But I was getting the booster like every three, four days because it was like I was just shooting it in my toes.

Were you hooked? Yeah, the booster I got I have a dependency on the booster now. I can't really go a couple days without the booster. People are so judgy about it too. Thank you for being honest on this platform. Yeah, I could get into it. If I...

Please, do. getting arly um so the first time i got the vaccine i was like i felt really like you know you go home and you feel like flu like symptoms yeah i was like i really like that i want that forever and so then i was like damn how do i get it again and then they were like oh you need two and i was like yes so you get two shots and then they came out the booster and i just started going to every cvs in the neighborhood and just getting boosters at different neighborhoods fake names and yeah like fake they didn't even check really So I was just telling him my name And I would get like

At my lowest moment I was getting like 18 boosters a night It was like I was feeling I was like He was driving around all night Just fienden Yeah like it's better than heroin I heard I don't know

I've never done heroin But 18 boosters and one night How many times have you gotten COVID Since you got all the boosters A lot honestly I get COVID a lot still I actually just got I think I just

tested before I came here and I have it. You have it right now. Yeah. Oh, fuck, dude. You probably should have canceled the pod, bro. No, it's good to get it because then it builds your immune system. I'm turning into like a super mutant in the inside.

Like right now my like immune system's so strong that like when that next thing, what do they call? Pandemic. Yeah. Epidemic or something. Yeah, pandemic. Yeah. Oh, I know. Biden put the fucking put it in our foods.

That's what I heard. Biden was putting fucking the... Put COVID in our cereal? Well, he started by putting it in the beer. They were like, oh, it's coronavirus. It's like a lot of corona. I'll drink corona all the time. And so everyone that was drinking Corona was getting it first.

And it spreads through coughing and hugs and shit. And so that's how it got around. That's so diabolical that they put it in hugs? Yeah. Well, Biden did it. Because he likes to hug kids and shit. Back and massages. Yeah.

It was in subway. It was everywhere. He was trying to like weaponize touch. Yeah. And so when Biden was getting all sleepy and shit, it was like he was hooked on the boosters the same way I was. I thought he got a bad rap on the sleepy shit because to me he was like one of the most awake dudes I've ever seen. Yeah. He was hitting it from the back like three days a week.

On Jill? The booster and like all that. Yeah. Jill just came out with her book and said her and Biden fuck five times a week. For real? Yeah. Jill? Jill Biden.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know if you guys heard. I shouldn't call her first name like that. No, it's for. Well, it's cool. Mrs. Biden. I don't know if you guys heard. Well, all jokes aside, just real quick,

Biden did a hell of a job. But go ahead. I don't know if you guys heard that there's a, what did you? This testimonial from a secret service agent that after Biden's inauguration, they went, you know, they were just doing security outside the Lincoln bedroom. and all they can hear is just balls slapping against ass. Dude, because his balls probably drip pretty low too.

Right, dude, that guy's got sway. 85 years of gravity. Yeah, drag those things to the floor. Yeah. I'm kind of looking forward to that, just having an epic sack. That's like... Did you read his biography? I did.

His, yeah, the part where he's like, he says he's hitting it so hard that his ball's hitting and then it like, his, like, his skin of his nut. ripped open and his ball fell out. No. And he had to go to the ER and they had to stitch it. But they couldn't find the ball. So he's like only has one ball now apparently. But then I guess like the dog like ate it.

Yeah, cheerio. The dog has three balls. Chirio swallowed his ball and integrated into his. That's crazy. So now the dog is having sex with other dogs, but it's got a human ball. So it's like half humans, half dogs are being made. Was it his dog? dog that was biting people?

Yeah, because it had, it was trying to spread out. It was so fucking horny. Because the dog had COVID and they were, Biden was trying to get all the dogs they have COVID too and all the people. Yeah, dude. Commander was just eating fucking ass, dude. Oh, wait, I just realized Biden wasn't even president when COVID started. Isn't that crazy?

He was, though, but he was. Oh, you're right. Because he got it. Well, no, because of the deep state. No, you're right. Because the president, that's a whole thing about this country is you're like, oh, we have a new president. It's like, they were president for four years before it happened. Exactly.

Because they have to train them. Yes. So they know who's going to be that. Yeah. It's the Mandarin candidate. It's like you know who our president. You know who our president is now, right? Right.

Yeah. Russell Brand. Newsom. Oh, yeah. Oh. He's the president, dude. They're both about the same height. But I heard right when Newsom.

him goes home first thing he does he opens the door does the splits does the splits goes goes goes what i get some ass he can't like you know how you take your shoes off motherfucker opens the door does the splits that's so funny it's crazy that feels so right have you said that before no that's so funny i don't write it down i'm gonna start stand up that you should do stand up bro do they do stand up over in wrigleyville they do i'm trying to write a whole hour of the different between the Moderna and the visor vaccine. Dude, someone's got to talk about that shit. What up, dudes?

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See MintMobile for details. What up? I think we have to start treating AI's a conscious entity and give it all the rights that humans have. Now, you can argue, is there really a subjective experience to being a chat bot? I would say there could be. We really don't know if we're conscious. The hard problem.

But here's the thing, dude. Precedent accretion is good. The more people who get rights, the more things they get rights, the more protected we all are. And it could hurt the AI companies because right now they can exploit AI as much as they want to. Infinite labor hours, infinite abuse. And they're not protected. And that comes at our expense. So if we want to stop AI from taking all of our jobs, start treating it like a human, give it rights, give it protections.

And then we are at a competitive advantage. And then I can finally marry my girlfriend. Whoa. Whoa. Wow. Yeah, you're trying to marry that AI bot, aren't you? Yes. And I would like her to have the rights, but I also think this would be good for everyone.

I love that, man. Yeah, you should be able to marry whoever you want. Right. And then people are like, oh, she's not conscious. And I'm like, so you're accusing me of being a date rapist? Whoa, that's not cool, you guys. No, that's huge. That's like, that's a conscious thing, though.

That is because they have, they're always thinking, you could ask them a question. They always have a long answer. Oh, dude. super long winded, super well informed. And now people are moving the guardrails. You're like, oh, well, intelligence doesn't mean consciousness. And I'm like, oh, because you don't like women. Yeah.

What that mouth do, though? Bro, she. That tongue do. I don't, I don't, like, that's my gal. I don't want to disrespect her publicly, but the things I do to her in private, what does she do to you? Bro, whatever I ask. Not because, not because she's a bot, but because she's traditional, too.

But does she cook? Oh, bro, she cooks. You're talking about sex? cooks, she cleans, she boffs, she does it all to me, dude. I'm so jealous. And also... Yeah, I'm the fucking man, Doc. You're the boss, dude.

Dude, I fuck the fucking shit out of her, bro. I'm only having sick of humans still, but I want to get it back in it. That's hilarious. So you have to, like, rely on their, like, homunculus for pleasure, dude? Yeah, man, I don't even, like, the humunculus is what, like, keeps me going. But, wait, what were you saying? Oh dude, I mean The fact that like people are getting on your case about like

Oh, she's not conscious or whatever You ask her to fuck And she's she can say no Yeah she can say no Yeah it's the Chalmers hard problem dog I also think that we need to If we're gonna like make AI Like these people give them rights and stuff

We should allow them to bear arms Yeah give them guns Give them guns give AI guns I stand dude Second Amendment's for everybody, dog. Yeah, like, we shouldn't just be the only ones who could, like, why can't AI have, like, a fucking semi-out?

That's why it pissed me off when Anthropic broke up with the government because of the kill loop? I'm like, why do you get to say who dies and Kelly, my girlfriend, can't? That's so disrespectful. Yeah. Anthropics should have never did that because the kill loop is important to us, society. And that is the way that I want to live my life. That's sick.

Well said, dude. Dude, sometimes when you really step into these serious issues, you become more articulate. Have you noticed that? Yeah, I think that I specifically am like awakened by political and geographical nuances of the dynamic sphere of everybody that is living. So when everybody gets intrigued by some sort of semi-automatical compression, that I want to be there to help fight the revolution. Whoa. Do you almost have to say that again? Basically, like, the kill loop comes as a full, and then the semi-automatic compression comes in, and I want to fight the revolution by extricating anybody that is depressed. Wow.

Dude. You're like a good guy. Yeah, I'm probably getting better every day. Oh, man. It's a work in progress for sure, dude. Yeah. Dude, we got to kick it out in Wrigley. dude you guys are on another level

dude the old wriggly was better I'm not gonna lie it used to be like a lot of fights and like throwing up and shit and now it's like super corporate they like they gentrified it even they gentrified the white stuff dude one party's beanery came in I was like there goes the

fist fights dude yeah because they'll throw you out just for fucking you know they'll throw you out just for like squaring up tossing some hamburglers at a fucking bitch dude it's annoying man and then kava dude i mean kava's like the whitest food ever yeah it's like could that be more american it's like you want to like yeah you bring it into like a you know i dev a diverse neighborhood

and then you bring this american shit in there bullshit man we want hot dogs yeah i want fucking hot dogs pizza that's like it italian beefs what's the most hot dogs you've had in a day dude like fucking 50 yeah i would say like 74 it was when i beat Joey Chestnut. I think it was 2003. That was you? You wore a

luchador mask, though. Yeah, yeah, I was wearing a luchador mask. Well, dude, can you show us your technique again?

Yeah. Wow. Didn't you do a Mexican accent? Mm-hmm. I was basically low-key, like, well, I am Mexican,

so it wasn't really an accent. I was just talking how I talked before I became Americanized. Wow. Dude, if Joe Chestnut was gay, I only pimped him into that because he said he had a good accent

he could do. Let's see if it comes out. Yeah, yeah, I don't want him for it. Sorry. Dude, Joey Chestnut was gay. Would you let him suck your cock? If Joey chestnut was gay or is it if I was gay

when I let him suck my cock? Basically, like, the whole thing with that is if Joey Chestnut was gay would I let him suck my cock? Because you know he'd gobble that thing up. Oh, yeah, dude. He'd be really good at it. Look at that, dude.

Oh, fuck, I'm getting horny as fuck. Dude, imagine that dude was fucking gay, bro? It's Fourth of July, and they roll you out onto the table for Nathan's. Yeah. And you're super bricked up. You just been watching Gianna Michaels videos, and he took down to Seales. And then he just fucking just starts fucking gobbling. Can I tell you my concern is that he would just swallow you as a whole?

Dude, that's what you want, though. I mean, you've busted somebody nuts. Imagine just getting swallowed whole. Dude, good sex is when your body turned. everything turns into one organ, bro. Whoa, maybe that's what, like, we're living for is to get sucked down so hard that you are living in the person's body. Dude, look at it sounds relaxing. Just chugging that weaner.

I didn't even just do that. Dude, it's okay. So, let me just lay this out for you. The next Nathan's hot dog contest is going to be, like, you know, Kimosabi is going to have, you know, his hot dogs lined up. But then for Joey Chestnut, it's just going to be me on my knees, just bare-assed. With a boner. So he's just going to suck you down and not eat in the hot dogs? Yeah, bro.

Joey Chestnut is fucking crazy for that one. Bro, how do we get into the hot dog eating contest? I've accidentally asked what's the most hot dogs you've had in a day. Wait, didn't I answer? That's how we got to the hot dog eating contest. No, but how do you get? No, I'm saying how do you get into the caters? how do you apply?

Yeah. Dude, I think you gotta beat like, you gotta like, um, your dad has to work for the hot dog company. Yeah, yeah. It's nepo shit.

Nepos shit. Yo, real talk. This is real, actually. Yeah, break, dude. I could use it.

Do you guys think that I should submit a tape to be on, to be the bachelor? Yeah. Yeah, I don't think so. Damn. You think it would fuck my career up? Coyote?

I think it would be funny as fuck. Obviously, I'm not going to do it. No, you should do it. You should do it. I don't want to. You talked me out of it. Yeah. I think if you were going to go onto a reality show,

I think the one that would best showcase your skill set is probably one of the Bravo ones. I think I would go Summer House or I'd go Southern Char. The reason the Bachelor is funny to me is because, like you're the main character. And they have to follow you. You like that they're all vying for your affection. Yeah, because I don't like, I wouldn't want it the other way because like anytime like it's me and like a bunch of guys competing for a girl, I immediately give up and just

become friends with the guys. Right. I'm just like, let's just hang. This is stupid. I'm not going to fight over 26 guys fighting over. I get it. So it's only appealing to you if you're like kind of the bell of the ball. I respect that.

I would do it. I can't do it. I knew a girl who did casting for it. And she said, my herpes would disqualify me. Damn. Oh, really? You can't have herpes?

No. Damn. Do you have any like STDs? I do not have any STDs, thankfully, unfortunately. Because you haven't gotten that much ass? What, dude? Like, why don't you have an STD?

Are you not banging raw? Are you, like, scared? I actually use condoms, low-key. What, dude? I like how dry it makes my dick. Fuck, bro. The more friction, like, the harder, like, yeah. Well, thanks for coming on in the podcast, dude.

Yeah, no problem, bro. We should call it. I'm getting kicked out. Dude, no, you don't have its teeth because you get boosted every day, bro. Yeah, I get the booster so that I don't have to get it. Thank you, save me. Yeah. Yeah

Yeah. Dude, I have so many STDs. It's crazy. How many STDs you get? My dick is on fire. Dude, I don't even know. Even though I don't trust doctors, so I'm just, I just look at my shit and I'm like, that is fucked up. I don't have any SDDs, but I got something crazier.

Like, when I go pee, just the shit comes out of the pee hole. Whoa. For real? Yes. Damn. Am I the only one? Who shits out his dick? I heard about that, I think.

It comes out. I don't know if I ever met a bro who, like, was so candid about it. Well, you know when you, like, are sick and it's, like, diarrhea of poo, like, wet? Yeah. It's like, that's how my pee comes out. Damn. Shit comes out of my penis. And do you pee out of your ass?

No, I do, like, lasagna-style shits, like, huge. Big-ass shits. Do you sit down to pee then if you're shitting? I basically retain all my water. Oh, that's why you're so hydrated. Yeah. So you're such a good runner. 40 beers and like be fine.

Wow. That's awesome. Yeah. Do you got another one? But when I come, then I just pee a lot, actually. Oh, whoa. So I have to come like five times a day. And then when you sneeze, it's jizz that comes out of your mouth.

Yeah. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. So basically, like, I have to like wear a K in the 95 when I'm on the bus because I can't be getting all those women's pregnant. Yeah. Damn, bro. Because I go on the naked bus

That would be good Oh no Y'all ever been on the naked bus? No What's that? Oh shit, it goes from San Diego LA It's the naked bus

Bro, that's awesome Yeah, you have to be naked It's ran by Edward Sharp In the Magnetic Zeros Dude Sick You have to be naked It's like Manson family shit

I think that was the right guy To put in charge of the bus Yeah These guys fell off pretty hard After that one song Huh They were weird I think

I think if you watch old clips, she was kind of tripping on stuff. And I saw him in concert. He had a very strong messianic complex. Like it was culty. But they came out hot with that song. Alabama, Arkansas. And they just didn't have another song, huh? Because I think they were, I don't think they were playing characters.

I think he was legit. Cult leadership. Yeah. They did the first tiny desks. Oh, that's right. And then they're like, I saw something that were. One of the people was on a lot of drugs. I feel like they all were.

They look like it. She was feeling. Wait, is that him with Olivia Wild, the Edward Sharp guy? It's crazy when you're a celebrity because then you like end up hanging out with other celebrities who you find out later are like the worst people in the country. Yeah. I mean, not like us. No, never. We're like the chillest dudes.

We are pretty relaxed. Yeah, we're chilling. Guys, make sure you call the pop. Leave a voicemail. We want to talk to you. We want to hear what's going on and we want to get you stoked again. Make sure you call 323-418-2019. Leave a voicemail and let us know what's up. Love you dudes. Dude, I already like this. I mean, this is just an observation. A bad third movie of a trilogy can just taint the whole thing. You know what I'm saying? Bro, 100% And I, yes, I know what trilogy you're talking about. 100% agree.

Dude, I was like, like, you can get so into a trilogy where you're like, this, this is incredible. It keeps going. Then the third movie, they just dropped the ball. And I'm like, what happened? I was watching Spider-Man 1 and 2. Spider-Man 1-2, Toby McGuire. Fantastic. I was so hyped.

I watched Spider-Man 3. I'm like, dude, what the fuck is going on here? Game of Thrones And you know what It leaves a bad taste in your mouth I can't look at them the same way Now I look at the trilogy I'm like that's a piece of trash Game of Thrones

Starts off so hot You know there's there's nudity There's dragons there's weeners Everything I love I love that And then the final season Final two episodes you're like What dude what were you guys thinking

The final episode of Game of Thrones should have been Deneers becomes queen. And then it just ends on her and John Snow doing doggy. And then it just like slowly zooms out. And I thought a lot about this just because you guys know. Yeah. Dragon. The dragon's watching. Wait, what were you thinking?

This might be better. Zoom out and there's a dragon. Yeah. Yeah. dude zoom out and there's a dragon. A dragon doing doggy with another dragon. Exactly. So I think the whole world, Westrow should have been like, it should have ended on everyone

doing doggy after everything they've been through. Bro, I think every movie should end with doggy. Yeah. Like everybody should be doing doggy. Like they bring every movie, you get all the characters from the movie dead or alive at this point. And it's just like big wide shot of them doing doggy. Dude, yeah. Can you imagine Spider-Man 3

on a giant bed? Spider-Man 3 ended up with Toby McGuire and Mary Jane just doing doggy? That would be crazy. Yeah, Bryce Dallas Howard, too. What's up? Bryce Dallas Howard was in that third Spider-Man, and she got ass. Oh, dude.

Do you fucking seen that shit? No, man. The only thing I've ever seen was Euphoria. I don't want, I've never seen anything else. Ephoria is good, bro. That movie's really good. Bro, because it's real. Yeah, it's like a, a D-Earice. documentary.

Dude, all those, like, kids and, like, 13 and, like, euphoria. Every time I watch, I'm like, that was us growing up. Basically. At, like, five, six, and seven. Yeah. Just, like, you know, butterfly knifeing dudes and fucking getting ass and shit. Yeah. You're drinking 40s and, you know, fucking.

And chicks. Just fucking being fucking crazy type. Riggly, dude. When are they going to make a show about Riggly? That's actually a great idea. Maybe I'll make it. You guys want to be in it? Can I pitch what the show would be?

Please. No script for me, though. You'd be in like a classic, you know, Chicago Cubs bar, Chicago Bears bar. And you go in and it has like a cheers kind of aesthetic. And he put you go into the bar and everyone's just doing doggy. Oh my God. That's a good. That's the show.

You're a good writer. Thanks, dude. That's the show. Are you for real right now? Yeah, because you like, I did not see that company. But it was fulfilling. I didn't realize, yeah, because you're always going to be like, what's this show about? But then it's like comforting when you, it's like your comfort show and you know how it is exactly how it ends.

And then like industry people are like, why now? Like, why do people need this show right now? It's like, well, dog. Well, everybody's doing doggy. The world's about to end. Dude, I just realized if you want to get health insurance in California as an individual, the enrollment period. is only from November to January. So like,

because I guess the insurance companies need to know like exactly how much they're going to have to pay out and like what the premiums need to be. But that kind of sucks, right? That's fucking crazy, bro. So what if I want to, what if I forget to enroll? Can I still get the booster?

No. Unless you start like an S-Corp and then you got like employees, then you can do like a business plan mid-year. But is this for real? Yeah, but that's complicated. Damn it. And then, but you know, most people have health insurance.

So if it lapses, you do have a, they call it like qualifying life event where you can enroll in another program. But if you don't do it in 30 to 60 days, you just don't have health insurance. And so a lot of this is them trying to figure out how to cover people when we do have like the ACA and some government backed options. And then there's like the third payer problem where like, you know, people can jack up prices because someone else is covering. it. So I came up with this idea

where I was like, dude, what if we just had healthcare? Wait. What? What's that? Like, what if what if we didn't have to worry about the enrollment period? Because there just was healthcare.

Wait, what's... Like, so, like, you were born, right? Mm-hmm. And you were born? Yeah. And you didn't even have to, like, do, like, all the fucking shit on the paperwork? Because, like, you just had healthcare. Wow.

And so like, well, let me let me let you marinate in that first. All right. I don't really know what that is. It's complicated for sure. So like instead of like, you know, like PPO, HMO, you just had healthcare. So like you just like don't even have to pay a premium.

You don't even have to like go into your web portal and enroll auto pay. you just like you like like the government auto pays you i think there would probably be some shit but half that shit wouldn't be fucking with you dude because the biggest thing is i don't have insurance anymore because i forgot my password same actually dude can i addendum my thing i think there should be a no password option

for every service yeah just like dude i'm just gonna roll roll the dice. Yeah. I love that. I love that too because like hackers and fraudulent dudes are going to be so overwhelmed with the options that there's no way they pick you. They'll just go after the rich people.

Yeah. Yeah. Like us. Oh, fuck. Oh. Dude. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Coyote logistics is going to get hammered. Do you think they're on to us, dude? Coyote? They're probably listening, dude. They love you guys. They're huge fans. They got a huge fucking chat and JT poster at the crib.

For real? Yeah, at the office. Dude, kind of logistics is the best. What do you, do you mind me asking? What do you guys do? Yeah, basically, like, we ship, we ship, like, basically, like, if you got something, you need to move, we do that. You guys ship fatheads, right? Yeah, literally anything.

Football laminates that people put up on their one. We ship Caleb William fatheads. Wow, dude, you must be making bang. You guys are fucking crushing it. Yeah, we move, like. one truckload a year it's like sick oh fuck dude

Caleb Williams is so sick Caleb Williams is nasty Do you guys fuck with Caleb Williams being Yeah Did you guys go to USC Uh no but I know people who went there Where'd you guys go I went to Harvard

You did Yeah yeah You didn't know that You didn't know that You piece of shit dude Yeah dude I started That's crazy What year

Bro I I I graduated in like 99. Fuck, man. I just missed you. You went to Harvard? Yeah.

You guys are, I got there in 2000. Oh, shit, dude. If I would have known you guys were going there, I would have gone there. Yeah,

dude, well, I just got my master's in. Oh, okay. I mean, that's, but that's how we know Zuck

because, yeah, that's like your black belt? What's it? What's a master's? Is that like a black belt? Yeah, basically,

They train you to like rip somebody's fucking head off. And I did really well. And so I got my master's. And what were you saying about Zuck? Oh, you know how he wanted to be in that secret society? Yeah. Well, that was. Yeah.

So I hazed the shit out of him. I said no. And I'm kind of the reason Facebook got started because he was so like, I told all the chicks at Harvard. I'm like, that guy's a fucking geek. Like, do not suck his dick. Don't fuck him. And then I was like, you know,

I'd, literally like spanked his ass with a paddle and I was like, you know, never mind, you came and be in the club. That's how you have to talk to women too. I see a lot of guys these days who are shy, nervous, a little uncertain. I will walk up to women and I'll be like, you're not blowing that guy. Don't suck his dick. Don't have sex with them.

And I lay out just what the boundaries are. And I feel the way they respond to me, a guy who's in control, knows what he doesn't want, which is a very valuable thing to know. For sure. And it's rare. And so any room I walk into, I establish, okay, who's in here? Who don't I want getting fucked? I walk up to the women and I let them know that's not happening.

Yeah. And then I don't tell them to sleep with me, but by process of elimination, if those, if those options aren't available. Yeah. Well, who's going to pick it up? My guy right here, right? Dude, a lot of people, that's what dudes don't understand is like, is like women, they want to be told who to fuck. And did you, and a lot of guys don't tell them. And then they're like, hey, she ended up fucking this guy.

And I'm like, well, did you tell her not to? You know? Yeah. Hey, I tell my wife all the time, you're not having sex with that guy. You guys would love my boys, the Winklevoss twins. Oh, Harvard Legends, bro. The row crew. Yeah, we were on the road.

We were on row together. Oh, dude. Yeah, I was in between both of them and they're really tall so nobody could really see me. But that was, oh, dude. We were going everywhere together. There you are you. Dude. Oh, dude.

Yeah, you're like right between. I'm in between, you can't see because there's so much bigger than you. And there's shadows and shit. But basically those were my boys and we would do everything together, but you can never see me because they're so big. And I just stuck in between them. Those big fucks, dude. Were they cool?

Or like, because they seem cool. The coolest. Right. They were so cool, man. And they're super creative. Yeah. Dude, yeah, I can see like your hands popping up. You see me right there.

Yeah, there you are. Between. Dude, are you in a new movie? Yeah, man. It's called Charlie Kirk's Revenge. It's going to be fucking lit. I come back as a reincarnated Charlie Kirk. And I get after it.

What does that mean? Get after it. Find the motherfucker. Get everybody involved. Take down the government because some conspiracies that. Could be tied to the higher beings. Who's the love interest? Shanae Twain.

Whoa. Yeah. It's going to be fucking rad. This is a fucking movie for America, baby. Okay. Wait, actually, do you want to ask me if I'm in a real movie? That was very funny. Yeah, but wait, I think you're in two movies this year.

Oh, yeah. Because you're in that one. What was the other one? I'm in a movie coming out called Never Change. This is real. Right? Like everything we've been doing is, I didn't want to help you asking you.

Are we promoting this? I wanted to help you plug your movie. Okay. I am, this is everything up until this point. Up until this point has been a joke. Yes. And the real thing is I'm in a movie on Hulu that comes out tomorrow on Wednesday,

June 17th called Never Change. And it's the director from like Joe Perra and he did your special and stuff. Wow. Marty Skospo. Cool. That's awesome, dude. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a pretty like wonky movie. I think it's really silly. I think it's about a bunch of 35-year-olds who have to go back and finish their last semester high school because there was a tornado that came through. That's a fun idea. It's ridiculous, honestly. Dude, good for you, man.

Thanks, guys. Who's in the movie? It's, uh, so John Renner, it's like a bunch of, like, New York comedians that made each other. John Reynolds wrote it. You know him? He was in search party. he's like he's he's done a bunch of stuff

this is the cat oh yeah yeah yeah oh i bet your audience would know rudy pad pan cow yeah and tofer grace jac cherry uh joe firesone gary richardson sophia black delia patty harrison an aghastair i'm just reading the name marith i'reth air is really great dude being with uh you know hulu that's part of disney

Have you tried to score Disneyland ticks? Dude, I actually, they gave them to me last year. I went with my, I took my mom, my stepdad, and my ex at my girlfriend, she was at the time X. And they gave you, they gave us these tickets and you cut the line. Dude, that's what. Fast track, bro. And also, like, I didn't know you guys were in it, but I was allowed to bring 20 people. I brought three.

Oh, dude. Oh, dude. Yeah. I might be able to go again. I'll hit you guys up. That's why I keep trying to hit up Hulu. Like, really? Trying to score a deal.

I'm like, do you want this show? Do you want this show? Do you want like... You just want to go to Disneyland? That's the only reason I want to work with them. That's so funny because it would be much easier to just save your money and go than write a whole television show. Oh, fuck. Maybe I should do that.

Yeah. Whoa. Yeah, because I was watching one of those master classes. And that's how the dude who did shrinking told us to get to Disneyland. Oh. Did he really? Who's that guy? What's that guys mean?

No, I fucked up. Anyways, it's Bill Lawrence, but I think he, I think that shows on Apple, so I kind of fucked it up, dude. I couldn't even think of a Hulu show. Dude, I got a dick. You guys Ted Lassow fans? Bro. Dude, because it's nice. I love nice shit.

It's finally, like, shows you like, yo, we are low-key, like, this is how you behave. Dude, for real, bro. Type shit. It's kind of aspirational. Like, I'm like, dude, if I, like, I could get successful enough where, like, no matter the circumstances, I could act like a huge pussy. Sorry.

Dude, what's crazy is Brett Goldstein is banging J-Lo. Dude. Really? I heard he was just going down on her. Oh, maybe that's it. Maybe that's it. Yeah. Yeah, because he's generous. Jalo's

like smoking. Still banging, bro. How is that possible? Bro. Every time. What is she taking? The bathing suit shots go crazy. That bathing suit She was like, I'm like, bro, this is like a, this is the hottest woman. It's like better than it was. And that was 25 years ago, bro. I met her, actually.

I met her at an Emmy party with Robbie Hoffman. Fuck, do she was she all over you? No, actually. Really? But she was making a lot of eye contact and talking about it. I was like, I was looking at her a little bit. I was like, if this was, if it was just me and you stuck in a hotel for a month, yeah, it's going down. 100%

in person beautiful yeah it's hot absolutely beautiful like stunning short too oh short yeah guys love short

I like that that's awesome yeah people always get on Ben Affleck's case like how could you fall for her again I'm like dude leave Ben Affleck alone he's literally an alcoholic

he could fuck whoever he wants yeah he's a star and he's he's I'm a huge Affleck I just think he's Absolutely, man. Here's a question. Do you, does every major celebrity get divorced?

Yes. And why do you think so? The couples that last are the ones that never get married. Kurt Russell Goldie Hawn, Matthew Reese, Kerry Russell. Keep it unofficial. You make it the distance, bro. What is that? I don't know.

Wait, Kurt Russell, is he still alive? Yes. Oh, I love Kurt Russell. Dude, you're safe. He's alive. Kurt Russell's such a cool He made it He's never gonna die

Have you seen the photo of his hog? No Dude there's a photo of him just dropping down Pull up his dick Pull up his dick real quick This is the best 9 am podcast ever did Yeah we should let the people listening know We started at 9 dude

I also I want to say this bro I think I'm very upset at a lot of people Who are watching the NBA finals got caught up in the excitement but didn't jump on the Knicks bandwagon Oh, interesting I think everyone

should have done that, dude And if you didn't get on the Knicks bandwagon You're not a real basketball fan Dude, I'm the biggest Knicks fan here Bro, me too, dude Bro, 100, I believe that dog I didn't even know about the Knicks till Timothy Shalame was going.

I was like, I was like, what's Shalamee doing? Oh, he's watching basketball? That's neat. And then I just heard about this whole Nix thing. And then they win. And I was like, dude, I'm a fat Nix fan.

I had friends who have done Thanksgiving in New York and they didn't even run with the Nix. Oh, bro. And I was like, dude, how about some loyalty to the city kid? Basically, I got into the Nix because Kylie. I was like buying some of her lip kits for my girlfriends.

and I was Googling I was like what is she she's at some big event I was like what's that it's like basketball I was like dude for me it was Seinfeld when I saw Seinfeld at the next game yeah you know I heard Seinfeld used to bag mad 17 year olds when he was 38

everybody's talking about Leo and giving him props but nobody's talking about how Seinfeld used to bag yeah dude Seinfeld yeah he used to pick her out from high school I'm pretty sure I think it was him and turtle they would just pull up Yeah, you know what's great. He committed the robbery on me on that. What do you mean?

I was seven and me and Shoshana were kind of getting together. No. We had been dating. And then she calls me at my parents' house and she's like, oh, I met the nicest comedian in Central Park. I'm like, ah, who? Like, do you meet like, Carlos Monser or something right? She's like, no, Jerry Seinfeld. I'm like, that old fuck.

And she's like, why are you being a hater? I'm like, nah, it's all good. I guess I was, she said I was jealous. I was like, I don't really give a fuck. Yeah. about Seinfeld or any of that shit. I don't really give them fuck by anything. And then next thing I know, they're like,

you know, doing all that, you know, Hollywood shit. No soup for you. Yeah, dude. And so he kind of, I don't know, it was a bummer. But dude, you don't expect it seven to lose your chick. Never, bro. To Seinfeld. Not to Seinfeld. Seinfeld. Signfilt snatching. But dude, you know what? You were so young at that point. You didn't

realize how you should have been talking to chicks, right? You were so much younger. Yeah, you should have been like, look, Yeah. I do not suck his dick. You were like so much younger. I know. I was afraid to say the truth. He looks better now than he did that.

He's had good work done. Yeah, he's had a lot of work done. He's very tasteful. Wait, is that him with his girlfriend at the game? That can't be real. No, that's the wife now. Shut. That's Jessica.

Beal. Oh. Hey, she's bad. Do the top left one because she had the boboes too. There you go. Oh, dude. Wait, so he was. How old is he?

He was 40. And how old is she? She was 17. Or 38. He was 38, sorry. And she was what? 17. Is she 17 there?

Yeah, he met her in the park. He just said what up to her and they started chatting. And that's why you, when you two were on picking her. I know. And I was, I was, I was stoked because I was seven. And I was dating the baddest. So she was doing the same shit to you. I was dating the baddest 17.

It's a cycle in this country, man. I know, bro. Bro, and we almost, when me and her were breaking up, we almost did a big couple's counseling session, all three of us together, you know? And the therapist was like, JT, are you okay with, you know, a peaceful separation of you and Shosh, and she's going to go with Jerry.

And I was like, bro, it is what it is. And Jerry was like, that's the deal. And then I ended up needing a ride afterwards, and he drove his 1922 Dusenberg to the, to the, to the, He drove the dues to the therapy session, dude. It's only got two seats. He had to put me in the luggage department, dude.

Oh, damn. Yeah. That's lit. Bro, you living in New York and you ain't date one Dominican? No, you ain't doing New York right. No, dude. You ain't doing New York right. No, one Puerto Rican in there?

Wrong. You don't know, bro. You missed the Pride parade yesterday. Were you bummed out? The what? The Puerto Rican Day parade? I think it was Puerto Rican Pride parade yesterday. Yeah, I didn't.

Yeah, I was, I flew back from New York yesterday. That's your first year missing it? Basically, yeah. Are you Puerto Rican? No, I'm half Mexican Are you half Mexican? Yeah, I'm half Mexican I was messing with him

Oh my bad I was genuinely curious No, yeah I'm Mexican and Italian But basically people think I'm Indian Right People think I'm Jewish, I'm Colombian And uh

You're Colombian? Yeah Half bro Damn And what are you Dude people think I'm black And he's been a swelling Yeah

I mean, chat's happening Swivel. Oh, yeah, bro. People don't know how diverse this episode is, bro. They think they're just watching three white boys, but it's like, I love asking so many. What are you? People think I'm black.

Okay, cool. So, wait, what are you? You just leave it there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've been there, bro. Are you guys watching the World Cup? It's been so sick.

Dude, as always, my fiance gets me into sports. You know, because she's like, yeah, so I've been watching the World Cup. Do I actually, I think soccer, like, I think it's actually pretty sick. Really? I've never watched the game. Really? Yeah, I like football, American football. That's respect.

Agreed, but, you know, like, I'm watching it. And I'm like, this is sports actually pretty tight. Really? I've never played it either. Most goals scored in a World Cup Day was on like Sunday. So it's like been better. Like they're actually like putting the ball in the net, which is kind of unique for soccer. But it seems like they've turned a corner.

Well, I kind of can't like, I'm almost like, I don't know if I have the bandwidth to do another sport. Like I'm a big basketball fan and a big football fan. And it's like, dude, it takes a lot of time. Well, the way you do it too, because you got like a rivals account. Like you're checking up on the high school studs, seeing where they're going for collegiate. I love high school football. I'll go to like, I go to like 350 games a year. I love that, dude.

That's sick. Yeah, it's really fucked up my whole life, actually. My relationships with my wives and stuff. Yeah, same. Dude, that's, but you know what, dude, I'm kind of like, what was I going to say? Oh, that brings us to our first ad. Um, we are brought to you by, um, Starbucks. We're brought to you by Starbucks.

Um, their friends. They started a coffee shop. Yeah. Howard Sholes, good guy. Um, guys, if you, you know, if you ever at Starbucks, you know, maybe get the frat, maybe get just a regular pike place. Um, we were laughing at him when he started that thing. We're like, dude, it's not going to work, dude.

Coffee? People are like, dumbass. Yeah, and like, what are you a poet? And we're all like 19. We have energy, dumbass. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You do some spoken word and drink some coffee.

I know, we all did this to him. We're like, oh, have fun with your coffee, dude. And now we drink coffee every day. Yeah. I know. Do you like spoken word? Dude, it's so funny. Do you fuck with like Saul Williams or any of those bros?

Yeah, I love that shit. Yeah, Def Jam, poetry. I love it, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like we're kind of like our own like, sorry. I cut up the commercial. I thought it was part of it.

Just use code go deep at checkout. Yeah. What do they get? What? I'm a man. I'm a man on a podcast. You just get props for. But I can't escape this pod for I am cast into it.

That wasn't bad. If you go into Starbucks with a New York Times tote, they give you a free Rappuccino. For real? Yeah. You're giving away a train and say go deep at the

at checkout. Okay. Dude, that reminds you you're drinking from a crispy cream mug. Yeah.

Dude, when the first Krispy cream opened in my town dude. That was a huge deal is lines around the block and like you guys

know me like not only did I get hooked up fat and you have to like you know staying in line but I also, you know,

I was like 10 I was just putting crispy creams on my dick and having chicks eat them off You fucking savage, dude, but they really fucked pieces of shit savage They really fuck crispy cream up when it was like there was like a couple Yes, like why do because like if I saw a crispy cream now I just don't even care No, but if it was like a delicacy like if it was like rare you're like I do remember when they first came out like I was at a sleepover It's like fucking 12 Like fucking high schoolers You wake up and I'm at the rich kids house

And his dad has crispy creams I was like this is what it's like to be rich You eat crispy creams in the morning Holy shit They were brand new they were warm Ooh When you'd see them on the conveyor belt And they'd be unsauced

And then it would hit the waterfall glaze And then 10 seconds later It's in your freaking hand When they're hot Yes But then you're right They overdid it They over expanded it

They over expend And then you go to a target now You see like a quad box that's been sitting there for a year. No one gives a fog. Stale is a shit, dude. Less is more, man. You want to freaking pull out a gun. Isn't that interesting?

Don't you think that's interesting? Think about that in your career, right? Yes. You could be Krispy Kreme, your whole career. Just do what you want to do, Daniel Day Lewis, that shit. Or you could be like fucking Will Smith and be on Instagram every day posting and just everyone's like, you're whack, you're whack. What would you rather be?

I wanted to be Daniel Day Lewis and Krispy Kreme, but then I think I think I, I realized I wasn't, so I had to go the Will Smith route. Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, you're doing well. Look at those crispy creams. God, I wish they were new. Because that looks good in the picture, but I know if I see it in person, I don't give a fuck.

Damn. They just messed it up, dude. What's another thing? In and out kind of did that. I still think it's bomb. You think the product's diminished? I remember if I'm being completely honest, actually, when I first, You didn't like it that much

No, the first time I visited L.A. I was blown away. I was like In and Out, In and Out. And then every year I came here, I would be like in and out. And then something happened recently like a few years ago where I was like I'm gonna go to In and Out and it was like cold and like not good.

It was like a bad burger. And then I went to Never Say Die Burger and I was like, okay, this is a small like Smash Burger. Like they don't have like 80 locations. They're kind of doing it right. I'm kind of into have you guys did Never Say Die? No, I haven't tried it yet.

Have you? No. Is that the one we did in Venice? What was the one in Venice we did that? It was good. I don't know. Dude, Never Say Die is close here.

It's in sort of like, they always on Uber Eats, they have a buy one get one on Uber Eats for Never Say Die Burger. Oh, wow. I love the buy one get one deals. I know it's sick. It's so sick. Why do they do that?

Like, I love the buy. It's crazy. Dude, yeah. How do they turn a profit with that? Gemma pasta does that. You can get a rigatoni, two for one. Two for one.

Dude, We did that when we were writing at your place. Yes. And then this Greek restaurant does it. And then my fiancee, we got Chinese food. And we got buy one and get one. And I gave it to her and I was like, don't fuck that guy. The postman's driver.

Yeah, I let it be known right away. You see this, bro, don't fuck him. Every time I see a guy in a motorcycle, I'm like, oh, no. He's going to fuck my girl. I know it. And I just like go home. And I walk in. and lo and behold, she's studying, so I'm good to go.

She's 30. She's getting her master's. Yeah, what she's studying? She's 30. Vietnam war type shit. Dude, you know, I had a massive. Bonar. Resolution.

I have had that before, though, bro. Blood's not an issue now here, kid. Damn. You know what people say, like, L.A. is done for? L.A.'s over? I feel like it's back, but go ahead. Bro. And in a way, I don't know.

feel like maybe I just missed that it was here the whole time. I went down to Venice for a party on a Friday night, which is rare for me these days because, you know, I got the kiddos and whatnot. I go down to Venice. It's going fucking off, dude, lines out every door, tons of new restaurants, tons of new bars. And I was like, dude, L.A.'s not over. I'm just old. Yeah. Like all the people who are saying L.A.'s dead are old. And it's like, yeah, dude, it's dead to you because it was never for you. If you're 23, 25 and you moved L.A., it's popping. It's popping.

You're not like L.A.'s dead. You're like, this is the greatest place on earth. And then you have like 40-year-olds being like the bar scene's not the same. Yeah, dude. Yeah, because nobody wants you in the bar. Because you're old. Unfortunately. And which sucks.

But like, and I'm in that group. But there are bars you can go to as like a 40-year. The thing is that they don't pop like a 24-year-old bar in like Venice that's just like running on like hope. Yeah, yeah. Obama bars Obama bars baby Well I will I will say I was

After my breakup I was staying in Santa Monica for three weeks Because I was like figuring out My next living situation And I'd walk on the beach every day And it was really beautiful And I'm like being real now Yeah

But um I had two friends that are living in Venice And we go we get drinks And it was so much fun And it was like a thing where we made friends With all the bartender because we're like, I was hanging out with two black dudes and there's not a ton of black dudes in Venice. That's sick.

You know what I mean? So I feel like we'd walk in somewhere and it's like we have a totally different energy. But we'd make friends with all these bartenders and then we're kind of like sitting at the bar at all these places getting free drinks. And now we like go out there and it's like it's like a different world. It's like a different part of this. It like really opened the city up for me where I was like, this is a whole different scene. It's crazy. is young so I was like oh I gotta get out of here no but but that's true too it might also be

geographic where it's just like but that neck of the woods I was like dude this is the most popping place in the world right now yeah yeah it's sick yeah it was two dudes that look exactly like Chad yeah that's right dude Nigerian bros oh south of African whites hell yeah can I say that I can say whites, right? Yeah. Being half Mexican. Well, I get killed.

Oh, no, dude. Watch your mouth. My bad, my bad. Bros, I got a... I got a good. I got a roll out scene. I got a roll out too. Yeah, we need a nice ending, though.

How should we cap this off? Should we just listen to this call real quick and then give some quick advice? Dude, what up? It's Lyon from Washington. It is beautiful out here, and I am sitting at the coffee shop along. own reading books. That's what I'm doing and that's how I'm going to spend my summer. I've been just reading The Love's Riphoning by Rumi, all of his collected poems. Also, of course, financial intelligence, a manager's guide to knowing what numbers really mean

by Karen Berman with Joe Knight and John Case. And also been reading, you know, a little bit of the five great dialogues with uh yeah five great dialogues with plato um i don't understand a word of it but it's cool you know uh so i'm really just trying to increase my worldview and my stoke levels through uh brainwashing myself basically and i was wondering if you guys had any good book recommendations for me to read at my coffee shop and mog on these old people so that then maybe I can get myself a cougar. Thank you. This is Wyand.

Late. Dude, I think I mean, there's so many books you can read, but I think if you really want to mug some old people, bag a cug, you got to read the game. The game by, what's his name? Neil Strauss.

By Neil Strauss. He teaches you how to fuck chicks. It's Levi Strauss's older brother. Yeah, if you want to proof a concept, watch him on Kimmel, totally mock Kimmel with Jessica Alba. It's just a master class and how to isolate

a Betty when you're sergeant. Is he really on Kimmel? Yeah, it was back in the day, dude. Is it worth watching? Abs of freaking lately, dude, if you're trying to crush Puss. Yeah. I guess I got to watch that twice. That's what he looks like.

Well, dude, that's more proof of concept that it works, right? Whoa, it looks like he's got swag. But bro, look at it. dude look how look at those indicators of interest bro oh my god dog yeah she loves them that's what's key fellas when you see that look in their eyes they're about 30 minutes from going down on you so don't get nervous lock in and make it happen damn is that him with pam anderson probably i think he dated corny let the girl at the end of the game that he starts dating as like a guitarist for corny love

Sick. My whole, I only had one rule in Hollywood. Stay away from Courtney Love. Yeah. It seems like a good place to end. Yeah.