Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 447 - Surf Lessons Are a Complete Scam

Episode Date: July 8, 2026

Today is another classic solo ep with just the bros. Chad starts off the ep by coming clean, after teaching surf lessons for years he has finally realized you can't actually teach someone how to surf. JT takes a deep dive into the contradiction with elon wanting people to become robots but isn't a fan of his kids recent actions. We also take some dank calls - A bro from SF has an issue with his lady decorating "his" apartment and a bro who has a major ish with his buddy's GF. IF YOU ENJOYED THIS EP LEAVE A LIKE OR COMMENT! IT HELPS ALOT! We are live streaming a fully unedited version of the pod on Twitch, if you want to chat with us while we're recording, follow here: https://www.twitch.tv/chadandjtgodeepGrab some dank merch here: https://appreeshapparel.com/Come see us on Tour!Get your tix - https://www.chadandjt.comTEXT OR CALL the hotline with your issue or question: 323-418-2019(Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice)Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/Thanks to our Sponsors:HomeChef: The Best Meal Kits! Go to https://www.homechef.com/godeep and get 50% off your first box + free dessert.PRODUCTION & EDITS BY: Jake RohretSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, I'm Andrew Santino. And I'm Bobby Lee. And we made something completely insane. We took celebrities, we put them in my mom's basement. We throw trivia at them, we hit them with absurd challenges, and then just when they think they know what's happening, we blow to a whole ting a pot. Nobody knows the rules. We barely know the rules.

It's chaos. It's comedy. It's the Bad Game Show. New episodes drop every Wednesday. Watch on the Bad Friends' YouTube channel. Or on the Bad Game Show feed on Spotify video. Follow, subscribe, watch. Share, play along. Have fun! We'll slap the lotion on my thigh.

It's summer baby and daddy's in town. Welcome to the most popular podcast in the SoCal region. I am Chad. This is my compadre. Jean-Thomas, what up? Boom clap, Stokers. And we are here transmitting live from downtown Los Angeles. The setting.

of one of the first scenes in training day. That's sick. The diner. Bro. Is that where Denzel says lick her license? So you got to lick her license? Is she a lesbian? So I ask you

to tell me an interesting story, more interesting the news, and the best thing you've got is a drunk stop. And you didn't even tap that ass? It was a bad impression. I didn't even know you were doing an impression. I thought that was Denzel Washington. Are you for real right now?

Yeah. Man. Ha ha. So you tapping that ass, huh? You thought that was Denzel. She got a lick of license? I got you. Dude, what's cool about Denzel,

something that I've been trying to emulate and I've actually been doing, is you'll see in one of those first scenes in training day, he just crosses the street without looking both ways, which we tell kids, you know, look both ways, make sure there's no cars coming. But if you've got Riz, if you got ORA, cars will stop. 100%. So I've been, you know, every time I see a street and I need to cross it, I don't look.

I just cross. And in my mind, I'm like, either I've got it or I don't. If I've got it, the cars will stop. If I don't, let's just call it and move on to the next life. 100% because you could get reincarnated as a sicker dude yeah as a black dude oh my god wouldn't that be sick

the most legit thing ever yeah I fantasize about that that'd be so sick but moving on guys you got some tour dates coming at you we want to see you there first we got my one man show my stoke seminar this Saturday in Los Angeles at Jam and the Van 8 p.m. Then we've got New Orleans next Thursday at the Howland Wolf,

July 17th, then Mobile, Alabama, the next day, July 18th at the Crescent Theater. Then we got my Stoke seminar is back in San Diego, July 22nd. And then we got the Irvine Improv, July 23rd. And then we're going to be in Dallas, July 24th, and Fort Worth, Texas, July 25th. Bros. Before Joe's, July 30th. And then I'm going to be. be at the Fringe Festival in Edinburgh. If you're in Scotland, come see a show. I'm doing 15 shows at the Fringe Fest. And then we're doing Phoenix. I'm doing my Stoke Seminar on Phoenix on September 17th. Then Boston, October 15th. Austin, October 16th. JT and I will be at the San Jose Improv October 29th. And Napa, November 13th. Get your tickets at chattingjit.com.

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What? You can't teach someone how to surf. You can't teach someone how to surf. Now a lot of people are like, but dude, you were a surf instructor. What did you do all day? I was making out with chicks. And they're like, but what's your job? Your job is not to teach someone how to surf.

Your job is to make some German girls California fantasy come true. And so, you know, people are like, hey, do you want to give me a surf lesson? I'd be like, oh, for sure, it'd be like some dude. And we'd get out there and he's like, what do I do? And I'm like, pop up. And he's like, what else beyond that? I'm like, dude, you don't want the rest of the life. lesson because the rest of the lesson involves heavy petting and tongue action yeah teaching

someone how to surf that's ridiculous i know it's like what you want we want me to teach you to get in touch with the osh that's up to you you either got it or you don't yeah you get out there my job is to facilitate putting you in touch with the osh get the wet suit on tell you to pop up push your board in the rest is on you so I'm basically setting up the whole thing where it's like once you start going the gods decide and you know but then you know if it was like a European chick I'd be like pop up she'd stand up we'd start making out it's a good lesson it's a good lesson right so you know it's basically like you know Everyone loves Baywatch.

Baywatch is coming back. That's your job. Your job is to create the Baywatch experience. So, yeah, that's just a definitive statement I wanted to start off with. You know, a lot of people are like, hey, I heard he used to teach surfing. I'm like, yeah, if you want to call it that. I was basically a jiggleau in a wetsuit. Dude, you've been encouraging me to be more open about my origins.

Mm-hmm. So despite the fact that I'm turning 40, I am and will always be a rich kid. And the only tough thing about being a rich kid is like people don't think you've been through tough times. But like you go through tough times. You just go through them in exotic places. Like my parents had a gnarly divorce. But I found out at the Bahamas Atlantis Resort. And people are like, yeah, that sounds like a good trip.

did you jet ski? And I'm like, yeah, well, of course I jet ski. I rip on a jet ski. That's actually how most rich kids die is going too fast on things. Like my cousin Evan died snowmobiling. So people don't even feel bad. They're just like, yeah, he sounds like an idiot. I'm like, actually, he was an engineer.

He just liked to grip it and rip it. So how about you lead with empathy next time? It's a full-blown epidemic, dude. Just rich kids ripping it with no governor. I've lost so many friends to huckin' knack-knacks, hitting the side of sport fishing boats, charging class five rapids with no proper training. When you live without consequence, you don't realize death. 100%.

That's like, you remember our buddy, Bongo, you know, his dad invented the, his dad invented the slurpy he tried to acid drop the Grand Canyon and it's like dude like respect your Cajonais but I don't think you can really acid he didn't even have a ramp

he'd gotten out of so many detentions you know and there was that time he was supposed to get a Dewey and his dad called in a favor to the sheriff and I just think in his mind he was like my dad will figure out a way to make it so that I don't fall all the way into the Grand Canyon.

But there's no call you can make for that. And, yeah, it's, and I think, too, when you're a rich kid, it's like, there's no consequence, and you're kind of looking for a way to let people know that you're still gnarly, that you can still be gnarly. But almost always it can end up in tragedy, like the time Tyler, uh, tried to do a can-can over his house. And we're like, yeah, dude, you could probably do a can-can over a starter home. But over your dad's house?

I mean, that's like... It had a wing. It had a wing. It had a pool house. I'm like, are you going to do the pool house too? And just can-can straight into the chimney. Instant death. Rest in peace.

Yeah. So, yeah, dude, I think, yeah. Yeah, sometimes I think, you know, if I grew up in a tougher, more hard Scrabble way would I be as prone to just pulling my dong out in public Or is it where like

Even the threat of having to register as a sex offender Isn't that gnarly to me Because I'm not trying to get a regular W2 kind of gig So I can just you know Drop Trow Pull Schlong Hit the Pave

Yeah But I think you know I think that everything happens for a reason and I think that you were put on this earth with your given set of circumstances because, you know, your creator wanted you to whip out your hog. For sure.

And you also, like, you can't change your karma. The best you can do is accept it. So I do think God put me here to flash dong. Yeah. And like to your point, too it's like you know just because you're surrounded by material wealth doesn't mean you don't go through challenges like you know i remember that one time you pulled out your hog in in uh high school and you know some ladies said some disparaging comments she did she's like it's small

it wouldn't make me come and i was like that's pretty unnecessary are you saying that because i grew up privileged and she's like no i'm saying that because you have a small dick and i was like but would you say that to a poor guy with a small dick exactly and she said she would she's objective about weiner size she said she is but here's the thing dude i mean that you know that experience as tough as it was in the moment to to to be told that you can't make you know tiffany squirt Tiffany slawson Tiffany slosson squirt is like It's tough to hear, but it's also made you the man that you are. It's character building.

And I did make her squirt. Yeah. It was my buddy, but I procured the situation. Right. Yeah, Randy. Yeah, he's a good guy. What up, Randy? Dude, Randy, shout to Randy.

He's got a huge cock. Big Dong. But yeah, dude, I think, you know, people can look at every situation, every which way and judge and be like, well, you have. had it so easy. I mean, it's like, no, but, you know, everyone has their own set of challenges. Everyone has their own stuff they got to work through. And, you know, yeah, you may have a little more cash in the bank via pops. But, you know, like you said, went through a divorce in the Bahamas.

You know, for me, I was told I have ADD while on a skiing trip in Sun Valley. Dude. Yeah. There's a POW day. We were doing backcountry. Got a call for my doctor. He's like, you have ADD. And I was like, oh, crap.

But you know what? I psyched myself up and I did some fat S turns. Dude, way to persevere, bro. Thank you, man. Because life is like being up at the top of, you know, the bridge or gondola. And it might be a whiteout and you might not see the moguls, but you still got to get down. Yeah.

So you can get the hot chocolate. Exactly. Dude, what a good, what a good way to look at it. Pow Day, yeah. Oh. Dude, there's a reason. Pow means both tons of snow and prisoner of war. Because both have to go through trials and tribulations.

You've got to shred that, POW, and a prisoner of war has to shred his, his you know Vietnamese prison cell so I think that's something that a lot people need to think about what else is up dude oh dude so

here's something I've been you know the Instagram explore page it doesn't lie about what you're looking at if you're on Instagram if you go to someone's explorer page

they can show you oh look at my Instagram and they'll scroll through and it'll be like you know, I'll be like, oh, you like to, you know, watch tutorials on golf swings. But the explore page, that shows what you're really looking at. So my fiance, I gave her my phone and she was, you know, I was like, check out this Instagram thing. She accidentally clicks on the explore page.

And it's just roller coasters. Just POV roller coasters. And she's like, what is this? oh yeah I like to watch roller coasters like POV front row and then she's like who is that I'm like that's Disney Debbie she told us that

Pirates of the Caribbean can be closed for the next couple months and I think she's expecting to see ass but she's like so you just like to watch roller coasters and I was like

yeah like thrills babe and it's brought us like so much closer. Are rollercoasters like trains? Extreme trains. So is that like extreme autism? Yes. That's so sick. Yeah, dude. I just like to have, I'm an autistic vert guy. That's so sick. Dude, I like to, I like to just do 90 degree drops because I'm autistic, bro. That's like the best kind of get diagnosed with where it's like hey you got the autism where you hug it. Yeah. Dude that that is like um yeah I got ADD I've got autism too and uh they're like you're

autistic and I'm like to yeah dude yeah you're so autistic little bipolar yeah yeah yeah oh dude just one up me bro no I didn't mean it like that dog I'm not trying to flex I was trying to like no no yeah respect your bipolar I have a personality dissociated of a disorder. Dog, you fucker, dude. You piece of shit. Dude, I seem chill, but I'll fucking blow up on you. Dude.

Yeah, I'm a little BPD too. Yeah, for sure. Dude, yeah, that's the like that time I just destroyed the drywall, ass clowns college house. Little schizzo disassociative as well. Yeah, disozo. Wow, dude. You're a little schizo?

A little schizo. Yeah. Dude, yeah, I'm autistic. I have personally dissociative. I have psychosis. I have... Bad dreams. Bad dreams.

Bad dreams, bro. That's the toughest shit. Yeah. And it all kind of... And it all manifests in just a love for like hucking it. If you have like extra psychology, but it's all in service of hucking it, then that's a superpower. Yeah.

Like you're literally touched by air. Yeah. So every time I go back to my psychiatrist and he labels me with the new malady, I'm just like, dude, this is only helping me gain more altitude. Yeah. So keep it coming, bro. Because I'm just trying to get freaking fat air. Dude, 100%.

Like I went to this base jump place in Moab. And you're supposed to do it tandem. You know, because I've never been, I've never taken any instructions. I don't know how to do it. Yeah. You know, to me, I'm like, you just jump and pull the rip. And so I get there and they're like, all right, you're going to have, you know, Derek, he's going to be tied to you. So he's going to show you how to base jump.

And I'm like, Derek, I'll respect. You know, base jump or instructors, I feel like you're similar to surf instructors where, you know, you're mostly just making out with chicks. First off, I'm not interested in making out. Also, I'm psychotic, autistic. guy. So, I got this. And do you get, you know what? What?

I fucking ripped it. There it is, bro. Just jumped off, ripped that rip and just, I was like, just, you know, I was like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible 20, where he's just, you know. Just carving. Yeah.

So, yeah, that was sick. Look at that. Dude, this is a slight pivot. Elon, Musk had a falling out with one of his kids because they went trans. And he attributed it to the woke mind virus that he thinks has captured a lot of the modern world. But then, and Elon doesn't like it. But then he also wants to get us all narrowlinked and to help us merge with tech so that we're cyborgs.

But isn't that trans? Yeah. So he's basically like, if you're a dude, don't be a chick. If you're a chick, don't be a dude. But if you're either, you should be a robot. And I'm like, that sounds way woke. Like if I found out my kids were at school and they're like, this is about this robot becoming in love with this robot,

but they were people first. Like if my kids were at school and they were like, hey, little Timmy, we want you to become little iron. giant i'd be like dude what is this education i didn't agree to this and are these robots fucking dude that's a you got to bring this up with elon i do think there's like a little bit of a hypocrisy there a massive hypocrisy he's like hey you can you like you can't you can't you can't switch gender but you can switch into a machine it's like well okay what kind of what kind of surgery does that entail?

There's like the neurolink that, you know, but, you know, does it stop there? Do you get robot arms? Do you get a robot wiener? Do you get robot legs? Like, where does it stop? I don't know. And he's probably down to put those chips into youngsters, too. So it's like he's kind of doing species conversion therapy, which to me is more heavy dates

than gender. Dude, if Neurrelink goes public and he's trying to. to maximize that IPO? He's going to do it to kids for sure. When these companies go public, they don't stop. They're trying to get the whole world. They got to maximize profit.

Yeah. And they got to, you know, validate these sky high stock prices. I also want to say this. I'm gay and I'm down to become a robot. Okay.

So before anybody comes at me in the comments and is like, hey, this is this phobic, this is that phobic. I have no phobia. I'm literally afraid of nothing. I'm down to fuck anything. So you think about why it's bugging you before you start telling me what's up with me because I'm, as we said, gay bipolar and sick as hell.

I love to hook hair. Have you fornicated with a machine yet? I've come pretty close. I've had a... I haven't like penetrated, but I've had Grock write me some pretty tasty erotica. I'll give it a scenario and I'll say, hey, end this with a bang. Mm-hmm. And I'll crank to that.

But I'm going to stop cranking pretty soon. I used a fleshlight to chat GPT. Whoa. And I was just like, I was just asking it for, you know, I was like, hey, I'm feeling kind of like disconnected, like a little unmotivated. And could you kind of give me some encouraging words? And it's like, oh, yeah, of course. You know, think about where you're at right now. Think about, you know, what you like to do.

Think about your family. And the whole time I was just cranking my rod. Dude. So it's kind of like I fuck chap GPT. That's a sick pull. Yeah. That makes me kind of jealous, honestly. Yeah.

And I was kind of, you know, if we really want to get into like weirdness, I was kind of thinking about putting a fleshlight in a way. Waymo and just be like, hey, can you take me to Staples Center or Crypto Arena and just banging the shit out of it? That's a fire call. Yeah. Thanks. I'm surprised more people aren't doing that because that seems like a pretty cool way to

travel. Yeah, I guess like does Waymo have, like, do they have cameras in there or they have like the, because you know Waymo is not actually autonomous. There's just like a bunch of guys in India with joysticks. Do they have like What up Mumbai? The guy come on. They're like, are you jacking off?

Hey. I can't really do the accent. I can only do, hey. That's the only Indian accent I can do. Hey. Hey. Hey. So yeah, that's a, yeah.

I'm a. super autistic guy that likes to, you know, fuck Waymo's. There's a lot of us out there, dude. You're in good company. Thanks, man. Chat, is the, is the chat, do you guys fuck Waymo? We're like Gameo. Yeah, exactly.

Chat and GJT. Shivhim says, I don't think I'll ever be able to stop cranking hog. Well, at least you accept that about yourself, dude. Cream jeans is deeply closeted. Okay. Wow, these guys are really lighting up the chat. Oh man. So Mari Wawi says he doesn't mean to harsh the absolutely immaculate vibes we have going,

but he lost someone very close to him last week. I'm sorry to hear that. Any advice for raising you're stoked during this era of grieving? I think maybe takes some time. some time in solitude to cherish the memories you have with that person. You know, kind of a, you know, I'm sure you'll have some kind of celebration of life, but take your own time to celebrate your life with them and celebrate the life that they lived. And, you know, you're alone, have a conversation with them, tell them how much you love them.

And take some time to feel your grief, you know. Take some time to grief. feel your feelings. And then get an e-bike and do a fat wheelie. That was beautiful. Thanks. Crush that, dude. Oh, thanks, dude.

Rest and power, brother. 100p. Dude, not to pivot again, but I, uh, dude, you know what's, I love getting older. No way. I love getting older. That's awesome. Little things fire you up when you're older. You know, when you're younger, you're kind of just, you know, I cherish my time in college.

I was, I was present, I was partying, I was, you know, having the best time. But I think maybe the time after college, maybe like the 20s, you're kind of just so, you know, you're enjoying life, but you're kind of like, I need to like, you're angsty. You're angsty, you're anxious. You feel a lot of angst. You don't have time. You got to set it up. You got to set it up. You feel like you.

you got to create a whole future for yourself. You don't know what's coming. You know, you feel like you got the whole weight of the world coming at you and the whole weight of your future coming at you. And, but now that I'm getting older, like I just, I enjoy the simple things. Being in a field, being in a park, hanging with my dog, getting a boner. I'm so fired up when I get a boner now. because it feels like when I get morning wood, I rejoice.

It feels like the whole world is attacking our tea, Monsanto, microplastics, the view. And no matter how hard we try, sunning our ass, squats, watching 300, the whole world seems like it's just trying to make us soft. and so it feels like you're in this perpetual battle with your dink and you go to sleep one night and you're like this could be the last night then you wake up with morning wood and your weiner speaks to you it's like i made it through the night player it's like dude you're like rocky you keep taking hits but you get back up and I'm just so fired up on that and I you know I

I um I just love getting a boner and I I wear it proudly now I pitch my tent I show it to the world I was I was visiting my dad the other weekend he wakes me up he's like our tea time is soon and I wake up and I've got a boner

I get straight out of bed I'm wearing boxers but I got a fat tent. He's like, are you rocking wood? I'm like, yeah. He's like, way to go, son. And I'm like, you raised me right. Look at this thing. He just nodded. So, yeah, I think it's getting older, it's the little things. You appreciate the simplicity, the, you know, watching a dog run, being at the ocean, having a boner. I think that's so profound. It's like in youth, we have this burden of potential that creates expectations that can basically never be satisfied.

And as that sun sets into age and reality, it is the smaller persistent victories that actually bring us meaning. Yeah. it's the uh because i think when you get older too you realize you think that realizing your dreams like making your dreams a reality is going to bring you ultimate enlightenment happiness and don't get me wrong pursuing your dreams making your dreams of reality is awesome it's something that i'm still in the pursuit of every day but i know also in my dome like that's not the key to to being happy every day. I can be happy regardless of the circumstance.

I can be stoked regardless of the circumstances. Because I'm alive. I'm at a park. Observing nature. I've got a boner. You see a dog running. You're like, that's awesome. You talk with a neighbor for five minutes.

You know, just connecting with a human. It's sick. Yeah, it's almost like, you think these pursuits will give you this permanent status that will coincide with boosted self-esteem, but nothing's going to give you the self-esteem that a durable boner gives you. Exactly. And that's also going to give you more status. Yeah, exactly.

It's like we're trying to reach it out there. we're like the ultimate happiness status self-esteem is out there when really it's down below it's already in you yeah dude it's kind of funny to me that artists are tripping so hard on AI like I actually think my regular bros like dudes who just you know operate a bar and Bondurant or make wine, they're not as worried about AI. And you hear a lot about it. Like, it's going to replace all of us. I don't even know if that's necessarily reflected in the jobs report.

I think the reason we hear so much about it is because artists put out the most content and they're most worried because that's actually the one job AI can do better. I think AI is gonna probably already is better at making movies, better at making books, better at making music. And so we're all like, dude, you better cut it out because it's us that's getting replaced. And I think most people are like, dude, honestly, it's sick if it's a person, but if the song bops, I'm going to listen. And so, like, I don't think, like, obviously we got to, like, work on it and be conscious of,

is it taking away from our humanity and whatnot? Is it replacing too many people in the workforce? All those big-ass questions. But overall, like, if you're, like, a regular dude, don't trip. If you're, like, a dude who wanted to be special, like, making stuff, just be comfortable being a regular dude. and fuck AI like not fuck AI

but literally fuck yeah yeah just have sex with it yeah like just be comfortable having sex with it yeah just start boning AI yeah just start boning it

I hope that was inspiring Jake have you dabbled an AI erotica I have seen a couple not like intentionally but uh they come up in the same feed as normal stuff sometimes. But then I usually realize it's AI pretty quickly

and it's hard to bust, you know? It's like, I don't know. I mean, it looks good, but then like I miss the connection, you know? I don't know, I need to maybe, I don't know, think about it a little bit less when I'm cranking it, you know? Hell yeah, dude. JT what do you think is one piece of legislation that will fix America right now do you want me to have an answer if you want um you know I'm big on housing so I'd

probably just say up zoning streamlining the building of houses making it more cost effective so we can ramp up supply and bring down the overall cost of homes the average cost of homes that's awesome right it down Congress. Would you rather never go outside again or get a sex change operation? A sex change operation. Yeah, give me that pussy. Yeah.

Let's see what the other half lives like. Dude, yeah, you do the operation, then you go to Yosemite. That's a sick day, dude. That is a sick day for sure. Why are you in Yosemite? It's like, dude, check it out. You show him your, you know, you show him your twat. Dude, I do want to officially announce it after that that I am running for city council again in the city of Burbank.

And I have an articulate-aided platform. I am going to boost funding for our schools simultaneously making our classes smaller. I'm going to increase housing supply without adding more housing around your neighborhood. I am going to invest in theater making us the Broadway of the West while simultaneously maintaining our relationship with legacy media companies and expanding our tax credits so more TV production happens in our town. And I'm going to keep the old vibe while completely revamping it into a new vibe. And I'm going to get a dedicated lane for the BRT. so we've got multi-so and I'm going to get a dedicated lane for the BRT. So it'll be a future forward city when it comes to transportation,

but it's not going to add any traffic on olive. Essentially, I'll be fixing everything, creating no new issues, and making everything better for every single person. Vote par, 26, Burbank. And if you're one of those people who's like, you can't do everything, that's just pie in the sky promises. Well, guess what? That's how you win elections. So just vote for me and I'll do it.

I'll literally fix everything. I'll find the right people to blame. And everything will be better for you. Would you describe yourself as a capitalist socialist? Yes. I'm running on a full free market socialist agenda where all economic, planning will come from the city. It will be central, but also we'll have a total free market with zero friction,

where you can self-determine your own financial freedom and future. And we will have totally free healthcare, but you'll also have a lot of choice and what doctors you see. There will be no weights. And we'll still have state-of-the-art R&D and specialists. dude fire campaign I'm pumped for your run I messed up the first time I ran

because I kept it kind of granular and realistic and that just does not work so this time I'm like telling you I'm gonna promise you everything and I'm gonna deliver I love that thank you um yeah actually it feels good to say

I'm kind of fired up on my own campaign now I love your campaign thank you I'm gonna I'm gonna like sneak into a polling place and vote for you. I'm in a different city, but I'm going to, I'm going to vote. That's sick, dude. And I'm also going to defund the police, but I'm also simultaneously going to make our streets safer and add more protection via city officials that carry guns and protect the law. Right. So you're

going to defund them, but you're going to give them, like, bigger guns? Yes, we're going to demilitarize them, but they are going to get bigger guns as well. I love that. That's the kind of police force you want. It's like because it's satisfied. We're not calling them that though. Oh, that's the kind of neighborhood protection agency you want. Thank you.

The NPA. Like they're not funded. So and, you know, they're going to be highly prosecuted if they're mistreating citizens, but they also have kind of a National Guard vibe. Yeah, they're not going to be unionized anymore. There will definitely be city oversight where if, If they muff up, they're in trouble, and they're going to be super diverse, but they're going to be totally kidded out with state-of-the-art military weapons.

But they will not be cops. So, like, do you see them, like, being defunded guys with Humvees and 50 cows? Yes. I like that. Why haven't we thought of that? People don't want to do the hard work. They just want to, you know, take kickbacks and steal. I won't do that ever.

I'm just going to fix everything. Are you going to go on, like, Rogan? Are you going to go on Bill Maher? Are you, like, what's your plan? Yes. Respected voices that cannot be swayed by the moment. And, you know, Bill Maher's just a man. And he likes to have sex, too.

He fucks. Yeah. And he smokes weed. He smokes weed. That's one of the Bill Maher is always like, I love to have sex. And I'm like, well, thank you for putting that image in my head, Bill. My only issue with Bill has always been that his monologue jokes suck. Right.

But I wouldn't be good at monologue jokes either. Jesus Christ. I haven't watched Bill Marr in a minute, dude. Yeah, what's up with that? Why haven't you been watching? I'm jealous of him. That's freaking big of you to admit that, though. Yeah.

I'm just jealous, dude. Look at him. That big swinging dick. That alpha. The hell for dog. I'm going to look exactly like that at 70. If I can keep it as swaggered out as him, I'll be pretty psyched. I just wish I wrote more books.

He writes books. Does he? Yeah, that's how he first popped, I think, was when he was a young club comic. He wrote a novel about it. Really? Yeah, he's a well-educated dude, too. I think. So that's what got him, like, that's what.

I think he was already, I think he probably already got Carson or something, but I do think that kind of differentiated him from the rest. Right, right, right. Is that he just kind of learned it. He went to one of the ivies. I think he went to like Penn or Brown. Can you see where he went to college? Cornell.

Cornell. Damn. I suck, dude. I don't even know where Billmore went to college. A lot of people come to this podcast to learn more about Billmore. We're kind of like the Bill Maher fan club. That's a good podcast. Dude, we might pivot, yeah.

We should start a podcast. She's reviewing Bill Maher episodes. Yeah. That would be really fun. Dude, the latest Bill Maher, he was bringing it. Let's just do that for a couple weeks at least. This is review the latest Bill Maher episode of his pod. Bill Maher Tonight.

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So I was looking through old pictures of us, right? And what came to me was our old aim screen names. AOL instant messenger, your old screen names. And mine was, Peahawk Baller 12 which because my school was the without doxing myself too much obviously I wondered what your guys'

first screen names were and how did you come up with them? Mine was a little baller 69. I had 69 in mine too. What was yours? Sexymon 69. Was it? Sexymon. Sexymon?

Because Pokemon. was really popular at the time so was digimon. Smart. Yeah, mine was I was just like, yeah, I was just like a little kid who could ball that loved to do 69. I've created my brother's first

screen name and I made it paintball and ladies. And that's now the name of my S corp. I still rock it. I never turned my back on that. Dude, the best on AIM is when he'd ask out a girl, you know?

I remember I asked out. Paint palm ladies is just so funny. Yeah, I was, I can't believe I bestowed that to someone. I should have kept it for myself. It's so good, dude. When he just sitting on a gold mind. Was he just crushing it? Dude, he was racking up so many chicks.

He's getting so many invites to parties. And I was like, bro, I freaking, I concocted that for you. You feed it back to the main man. Let me get some of it. And he knows the letter N, not the full. and you know it's a Z at the end of ladies Payball ladies Productions

That's where we're at, dude I freaking file that with the IRS Dude With a Z right? Yeah I mean I've been bad on my taxes lately But they see that shit They know I'm the man

Yeah hilarious Guys we want to hear you on the podcast call in leave us a voicemail give us your cues 3234182019 give us a call we love you I want to hear from you what up there guys Chad JT Jake hope y'all are doing extra creamy like our boys jeans I am kicking it in the work track on my lunch break right now I was just watching the pod commenting some stupid ridiculous stuff for y'all Thank you.

Recently, I've been living in the same apartment in San Francisco. I love it. It's sick. Got a sick view in the ocean right next to Golden Gate Park. It's a super great spot. I've been there for about five years. It's just different roommates. I've stayed.

It's always been dudes to the place, a bit of a mess. Not a mess, but, you know, two dudes living in a house five years. It's going to get a little grimy. But a roommate just moved out. My girlfriend of just about three years moved in. And she works from home and works a very cushy doesn't do much job. So she's been kind of rearranging the place. And it's kind of taken my man away a little bit whenever I get home.

And she has hung up a ton of pictures or she has built the IKEA furniture, stuff like that. Because I'm at work, you know, I'm out here, I'm cutting down trees, I'm keeping our highways safe, manly manship. That's what's up. You know? But when I get home and I see that she's done all of the work at home, manly man stuff, it makes my, it turns my penis inside out. Because I feel like I should be doing it. And it's not like she minds. She's home all day.

She's very sweet about it. But, you know, as I'm about it, I don't know if that's like tawny masculinity or what, but hopefully y'all can give me some advice on what to do about the bitch because she's rebuilding the apartment by herself. And I feel like I could be doing more, but I'm out here listening to your stupid podcast in this work truck. I love you guys. Yeah, I love that. I love that call right up until the end. You really, you really kicked us in the dick there, dude. Yeah.

Appreciate it, dude. You know, dude, I do get it where it's like, we're all open mind and we're like, hey, you should do whatever makes you happy and that's sick. But maybe the deeper concern is that if she's doing all of that stuff and you perceive her attraction to you being based on your masculinity, well, then you're worried that even though this is making her happier, it's actually diminishing her attraction to you. And that's why you want to do that stuff, which is probably why you referenced your penis feeling inside out. And inside out is a good movie to ref.

I don't know what the remedy is, but I think awareness around it is helpful. What I would do is just say that to her. I would talk to her and be like, yo, babe, it is so legit how handy you are. It makes me love you even more. And it makes me trust you as a teammate that no matter how gnarly stuff gets, I know you can handle yourself in a very functional way. But for me to feel like the sexual dynamo I want to be that can fulfill you in all those ways, I kind of got to do some of this stuff. So I'm not asking you to stop. I'm just asking you to leave a little space for me to get my man juice going.

Yeah, I totally agree. I was thinking like if she could line it up in a way where she provides the setup, but he does the manly part. Right, the nail. The nail. So she provides, you know, it's hanging up, hanging up pictures and stuff. It's like she marks it and she's got it all laid out for him. And she, you know, just do a little bit of like kind of roleplay.

Be like, hey, babe, can you come hang up this? photo can you come you know uh can you come uh what's it called when you put the tv mount the tv she's got it all set up for you so she's still doing the work that she wants to do but then she sees him using the tools and being a man and then you just might have to do extra stuff dude like one day just bring home an elk yeah bring home some uh bring home some uh bring home some meat for her and break it down in front of her like she's like do you really have to do that in the middle of the apartment and you're like yeah it's the only way if it gets exposed to the heat or to the sun it'll go bad just lay out the guts yeah i think field dress a moose uh in the kitchen

i think that would be pretty sick yeah i was gonna say uh in iowa a lot of like hunters they go to the taxidermist right and get like a fat fucking deer that they just you know put a nice arrow through and usually like chicks they aren't huge fans of that but then when you put it up on the wall like I don't know it kind of shows that

you know fucking you're ripping a little bit like you're a man then they are fans of it yeah exactly eventually she said she didn't hang up the taxidermy coyote or porcupine that he had whoa wait are we so was that beef nips on the Yeah.

Dude, what a beef? So she's like doing manly shit, but she's also doing like some chick shit too. She's just kind of dominating you. I think you got to put up the porcupine and the coyote. And then have a wheelbarrow sex. So that's where she's on both hands and you're holding her legs like a wheelbarrow and then just, you know,

and then you're just packing the concrete. Fuck me, mama like a wagon wheel Fuck me, mama every way you feel Ooh, mama fuck me You're welcome at is horseshit, dude Is it literally horseshit? So I think there's more to this too. He's disagreeing with the aesthetic direction of the home

Dude, if your chick is changing your house And trying to make it look like hers You gotta fight with her about that every day. It always works. I know with my wife she's like, hey, I want to put this picture up. I'm like, fuck no, you're not doing that. We're not putting that

picture up. She's like, I want to paint this wall. I'm like, no, dude. And it works for me. We're freaking super happy. Chicks love it when you take control of the interior design of the house. Let them know it's your place, dude.

They're like, hey, fold your clothes in your closet. You're like, I don't do that shit. I'll wash the dishes when I want. My chick just freaking gets it. She's like, dude, what a dude beast. Yeah. I can't talk shit to this guy. So sick.

Dude, you know what, too? She'll hang up photos from IKEA. Maybe it'll be like a bridge or like a sailboat. But I want you to get a bunch of posters. I want you to get a entourage poster. Yep. I want you to get a fight club poster. I want you to get an old school poster.

an old school poster. I want you to get an old school the movie. And then I want you to get a poster of, um, Marco Robbie just looking hot as fuck. Oh. And then a poster of, uh, maybe a Jessica Simpson magazine cover,

circa 2003 where she's using a Swiffer. And, you know, just post those all over the apartment. And she'll be like, where do these? And you're like, what?

Yeah, it's called culture. And then, dude, if you have a full-sized fridge, why? Tell her you're getting rid of that and get two mini-fridges and stack them on top of each other. Mm-hmm. And then put your clothes in a big pile and, uh, wrestler in it. Yeah, you got to wrestle your chick more too. But like, you know, not like, and a, uh, chill. And then have a, have 69 where you're on top.

Let her feel your weight, brother. This is good stuff. Yeah. Yep. Dudes, what's happening? This is Scoop. I had my wedding a couple weekends ago, and my one grooms, though, was being a total renaub with his, like, super lame girlfriend. But they were, like, outside, like, fighting the whole time while I was inside trying to, like, get him to dance to teach me out of Dougie.

and he was like outside like just you know being lame as hell um and then like two weeks later he proposed her and i just found out that like his mom hates this chick and like everyone hates this chick and like he's like losing friends because of it um and i think like the best solution is like solution by combat to where like when we were in high school i had a real issue with this guy in the way that he was like being with like one of his girlfriends and like I was just like yo dude let's fucking box in uh in our friend dylan's garage and uh and we did and you know i beat his ass and uh i you know not to brag or anything but uh but i beat his ass and um and after that i feel like our relationship was a lot better and i feel like now as like 27 year old like

we need to do that again but i don't know how to like organize all the bros to get get It's a one central location now that we're like, you know, all around in different parts of different states and stuff. So if I could just have some help with, like, organizing an impromptu fight night with me and this renaub to set him straight, I think that what he needs more than anything right now is a good ass kicking. And yeah, I think more than anything, I just need help with not as much the prep for the fight. but just like the organization of it. Thanks, dudes. Look forward to hearing your wise, stoke advice.

You came to the right place. Yeah, dude, you got to fuck this guy up. It's the only way he's going to learn his lesson. I mean, he's getting married to this chick. She's a total bitch. He's a bitch when he's with her. They're making each other worse, basically. God bless them both.

But they need to be apart. I think these situations, I bet like 100% on them. I'll just fuck up my buddy and be like, now you're breaking up with your girlfriend. And, dude, all these guys have gone on to live way better lives. They've all thanked me long term. You know, I'm 38, so I'm a bit more mature than you. I'll still fuck up my friends, you know.

That's why you stay ready. You ain't got to get ready. But yeah, you do have to knock the shit out of him because otherwise he's going to marry this chick. And you can't let that happen. Like, this is your life. So you got to beat his ass. Don't disfigure him permanently, but, you know, I'd stick to the body primarily, but you got to put him down.

I think if you want to get everyone together, I think you've got to go pretty extreme with it, especially these days. So what I think you should do is fake your own death and organize your own funeral. Yes. And so that'll get everyone there because they'll be like, oh, oh, God. What was his name, Jake? Billy I think it was like something it was Scoop

Scoop like oh dude Scoop died um we got to go out and like you know pay our respects to him he shows up expecting to like grieve over you

but you're just there in boxing shorts shirtless and you fuck him up dude that's so epic everyone's crying and we miss Scoop so much and here like don't miss me

because I old miss bang bang bang bang bang bang and then you just grab him he's like in a tux you're like break up with her break up with her right now sorry Kelly it's over good job is done if the guy's like why would you do all this you know and you're just like because your girlfriend's a bitch yeah you just got to lay it down one more time because she sucks it's probably the call we've gotten the most over 10 years is what do I do about my friend and his shitty girlfriend? And my answer is always the same. Beat his ass and fix the problem. Because a lot of these people, they say they want a solution for it, but they're really just airing out their frustration,

which I don't know. That's good, I guess, but at a certain point, this is real, but the best thing ever, we were, after we did Delaware, we had a show at the laugh factory and these bros came up to me And they're like, hey, dude, our friend's got a bitch girlfriend. Like, all that sucks. They're like, we think we're going to set up recorders all over the apartment to catch her saying stupid shit, play it back for him. I was like, guys, you can't do that. I was like, to defeat a bad person, you can't become worse than that bad person.

And they're like, for sure. And then one of the dudes DM me later that night and said, JT, really appreciate the support. We set up the recording devices. We're going live tomorrow. Is some of the headphones It record? They're just like sitting there with like Boom operators

They're in disguise that Dress like a bush And in a boomer I imagine how much Like audio you have to listen to To find like one bad thing Right It's probably just ten hours of her

Like vacuuming or like singing or something Yeah Dude we got it You fall in love with her. Yeah, yeah. You're taking it dumb. J.D. appreciate the advice.

We said the recording devices were going live to our. Yeah, I was like, oh, dude. Not what I. God bless. Oh, man, that's funny. This is a text in if you want to read it real quick. I have a question.

I have a single. 30-year-old guy looking for a vacation destination with single women. I want to make my PTO count. Bonus points for something that has true all-inclusive situation. I'd love to pay for a package up front and have zero planning and extra expenses, just boning. I heard you guys talk about all kinds of resorts in Vegas and Cabo. I've never been to either.

I like how cruise ships are all-inclusive resorts, have a shared space with social people looking for a good time. The only issue is I don't want any corny-ass, millennial polyamorous hipster sex nerds from Reddit. I really don't want swingers in their 50s to 70s and neon mesh t-shirts trying to get me to fuck their wife. I don't want to say the name of the resort and how people look at me like I'm a pervert. It goes on for a while.

Dude, I swear to God, go on the workaholics cruise. It's a little bit of that millennial hipster polyamorous vibe, but I think you're going to have to touch that a bit. I would go on a I'm being genuine 100% the real deal I would go on one of these artist centric cruises

I was amazed at how cool all the people were dude I mean if there's there's tons of them dude go on the Creed cruise go on the third eye blind cruise yes go on the Google dolls cruise

I mean dude you're gonna fuck Dude, fucking on a cruise is awesome because you bone and then you hit the buffet. And you're on the water. And dude, you can make her moan out to the osh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And the sea sirens will reward you with calm waters. Dude, this guy's going to fuck. I can feel it.

Poseidon beckons, brother. Dude, this guy, well, I wish he told us his name. Best Tropical Destinations to Bone, Nassau. I'm with you too. The cruise was sick too because the food was free. Yeah. So we'd hit the buffet every day three times a day and just load up on like beef patties and rice. It was kind of the dream.

Yeah. And it's kind of like you can, it's, you can, you can play the part of being a provider, even though the cruise is the provider. Right. So let's say, you know, you bang her silly. She's comatose after you just friggin. took her to town and she's like oh oh and you're like just lay there bib i'll go get us breakfast and then you go come back and she's like where'd you get that i had to milk a goat to get it bro you hit it twice and then bring her an omelette yeah so sick dude outrageous dude king shit

dude just just fuck her silly bro just dude get on the cruise meet a hot chick owner, see her a couple times a year, but have some regulated pieces where you live. I'm just saying how I feel, dude, but that's what's up. And dude, I don't think you should be so judgmental of the 50 to 70 year old kind of cuck situation. I think you could learn a lot from that. You know, you could get pointers from the cuck. Yeah, I didn't like him hating on the cuck like that.

Because the cuck's actually kind of in control of the situation. I've been in plenty of sense. situations where, you know. The cuck wasn't a good guy. The cuck was a great guy, yeah. Randy, shout out. Bill. Randy with a big dick that likes to get cucked.

People are like full of uniqueness. Yeah, Bill, this guy, Bill, he sold me renters insurance. And I'm like, dude, thanks for hooking it up. He's like, yeah, by the way, you know, I'm a kid. he's like you know by the way I'm a cuck so if you want to bang my wife while I watched I was like y'all give it a go and he really boosted my confidence so it's part of the policy all right I think we cap it there boys