Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 449 - Cory Loykasek RIPS with the bros

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

Today we are joined by our good friend Cory Loykasek. He is an absolute legend who helped write our Netflix series and many other comedies. We start off the pod talking about how older people need love too and come up with a new idea to keep retirement homes fun! Chad talks about his beef with helmets and what it possibly means if you see someone with a helmet on inside. JT breaks down why everyone needs to be dancing more and talks about the Hip Hop class he signed up for. Cory also brings up his love for basketball and how pick games can get tense quick. We end the ep going SUPER deep on life and consciousness. Will we ever truly understand what it means to be human or is it all just apart of the illusion. THIS IS EP IS AN ABSOLUTE CHILLER - If you enjoyed leave a comment or a like! We are live streaming a fully unedited version of the pod on Twitch, if you want to chat with us while we're recording, follow here:  https://www.twitch.tv/chadandjtgodeepGrab some dank merch here: https://appreeshapparel.com/Come see us on Tour! JT JUST ADDED HEADLINE DATES FOR THE FALL!Get your tix - https://www.chadandjt.comTEXT OR CALL the hotline with your issue or question: 323-418-2019(Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice)Check out the reddit for some dank convo:  https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/Thanks to our Sponsors:Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/qc8ninke #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bankpartner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit FlexCards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license fromVisa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, andBancorp debit flex card. Discounts and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visitcash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.HELLO TUSHY: THE BEST BIDETS IN THE BIZ. Get 10% off your first bidet order when using code GODEEP at checkout. Visit HelloTushy.com today! PRODUCTION & EDITS BY: Jake RohretSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dude, one time I was walking to the Virgil and I parked Caddy Corner to it and I saw a Porsche ripping down Vermont doing about 85 and I was like, what the hell? And then I paused and just thought about how angry I was at that Porsche and then a tow truck came ripping by doing like 90 trying to catch the Porsche. Whoa.

And it was literally a high speed. I'm going to tow your ass situation. That's also very movie-like because it's like the guy's like, I need a car. What do I take? Kicks the tow truck guy. He's like, I need this ride.

Starts hauling after the torch. Oh, it's like that. And he goes, I'll bring it back. Plus one. Yeah. Do you think it was like a, what are they,

a repo man situation? I was like, it was repoed or I was like, dude, honestly I've been that mad when they were going to give me a parking ticket and I've just been like bucket yeah I like the tow truck guy being like not today you get in your not even within the parameters of his job doesn't give a shit yeah it's extra jurisdictional power maybe they get honorary what do you call it when you can like become a cop for a day or whatever oh yeah are they like

in a ride along they're kind of like that's not it it's like what shekeel o'neal is it's like the way the Coast Guard can get yeah yeah it's like whatever Shaquillo News yeah citizen arrest dude you know

it's crazy when I looked at the plates on both the cars they were Mexico tags whoa so it's been a long chase

they've been doing it since DJ wow all the way up to LA yeah it's a bummer you don't get

to ever know how that played out no I check citizen up they didn't say shit citizen act just tells you what's up in your little neck of the woods but when you get riffraff passing through

you don't get to see what's going on down there the transient shit doesn't even get represented it's funny to uh he he just said that accidents happen down there all the time there's a couple spots like that in front of my house there's a little intersection like that and i'm surprised the city doesn't go oh shit that seems to keep happening here there must be something about the roads or something we should look in too. Yeah, I mean, imagine if all city employees were as passionate as a tow truck guy, then they would do something about it probably. They would. Because they wouldn't want to tell so many cars. That guy's got the incentive. I think LA, like one of our largest line items in

the budge is paying out settlements from our busted roads and sidewalks. And like if we legit just fixed it, we'd probably save like 80 cents on the dollar. That's a trip. you know one of the big ones right down here we're close to downtown right where the 110 and the 101 or whatever five things converge Google Maps has no idea what to tell you how to do they're like get off go right go right and you do it's like actually curve back onto the freeway and do that third street fourth street you can get off or then they just have you get back on I've been driving it to come here for two and a half years

I still mess it up one out of every three times As soon as I see it come and I'll be like just chilling text on my phone and I'm like oh shit fuck look alive look alive look alive and you might have to get four lanes over well because Google Maps will tell you stay on the 10 and then as you get closer it's like actually I meant the 110 and there's a little quick if you get off there's a real quick one too

it's like this was made for horse and buggies in LA's early days or something and it's it's funny to see Google Maps just be like ah that one we don't best guess I got totaled once it was parked on fountain got totaled by a guy left a note but I come out see my car looks like Terminator just shredded on the side and there was this guy old guy just sitting on this porch and he was like you want a bottle of water I was like, all right. He goes, happens once a week.

I'm like, oh, once a week, huh? City's like, yeah, what are you going to do? Three lanes become two. You let people park on the side. Hey, once a week. You know, what are you going to do? Simply no solve for that. That's why, you know, there's some contemporary politicians

who are like filling potholes. And like, honestly, if you do that, we don't give a fuck if you fuck up other shit because we're like, at least you're trying a little. bit. And at least I can see it. Yeah. Put a little sweat into it. We're like, we'll forgive a lot. We'll forgive basically anything. Yeah. You could be on like, you know, banging crack rock, sleeping around with like, care less. Every dancer on the Lakers team. Good for you. If you're fixing it and we know you're trying, like you pull your tie down a little bit where like the knot comes loose because you're doing this guy. Yeah. We're like, all right, dude. Thank you. Yeah. Get a little yellow under the pits.

Show me. Show me you want it. Did a politician that's doing uppers and slamming post. while fixing pot holes? Way down. That's what I'd vote for. Yeah, they're trying to get rid of crackheads. Let's get a crackhead in office. Representation. There are other kissing babies.

I'm like, fix a pot hole. Yeah. There is something about that too where like if someone's a, and you're really not allowed to do this because like we'll tell you it's too irresponsible and you're like such a bad influence that we have to remove you from people seeing you. But like a successful crackhead is pretty badass.

Incredibly. very productive moving through life focus attention to detail moving I was just thinking it's funny how politicians used to kiss babies to look good as though anyone's ever not like the baby it's a funny thing to have to prove they're like do I like babies yeah I like babies watch I'll kiss one see I like them yeah we've all did we distrust politicians that much. I'm like, all right, but does he like babies? Oh, Trump kissed a baby? Yeah, of course, it's a baby.

You know, I messed that up one time. I was running for a local office and I was doing a meeting at the senior citizens home and I just went up to this old dude, 91 dick, and just started making out with him to prove I was... That's actually cooler because people don't like old people. Yeah, I think babies are kind of easy. Maybe he's no brain. They smell good, but.

Be weird if you didn't. We all want to kiss him. We just don't get permission. Exactly. 91-year-old sitting there going, no one touches me, no one looks at me. You're like, all French kiss you do. I was like, get over here, dude. Did he give tongue back?

Yeah, he's a good kisser. He had a lot of experience, but you could tell he's a bit out of practice. Like, his mouth was a little too big when we started. But then I could feel him. Kind of be like, oh, yeah, yeah, kind of mix and match. I've been thinking just for when I'm that age if there's a way to I don't want to make it gross

but like what am I trying to say say with a 91 year old woman donate your let him grope you a little bit or something go to the retirement center and just be like when's the last time honestly you felt a heart of do you want to feel one I'm not this not something I'm into sexually or anything

but just to give back to help them I do I will drop character from them I have visited, when I used to visit my grandma a lot at her old folks home in SJC, I used to have thoughts like that where I was like, I'd see an old lady walking by just sad as fuck. And I'd be like, dude, I'll have sex with you. 100%. Just to be like a good person. 100%.

Because I would want that. Maybe not. No, no. The flip side. When I'm 90, if a younger woman was like, do you just want to feel my breast for two minutes? I'd be like, thank you. My God. Fuck yes.

You think I? Yes. That sounds really nice. And that's better than they're like, hey, we've got a, Philip, our very nice Filipino nurse is going to sing Frank Sinatra again. That's great. But if someone comes in and is like, hey, you can squeeze this 35-year-old ladies, you know, honkers, you're like, I'll do that.

You know, thanks. We love it. Yeah, they're like, hey, do you want to go to a memory share? Want to share an old memory? No, I want to make a new memory. Help me. Yeah. And then a week later, you're like at the table and you're like,

dude I fucking got some honkers Yeah And now people will be like I like how you're making It more respectful than I did That's good Well yeah I just

No it's better It's better Well I was in Trader Joe's and these two Old women were together And they were at the coffee station And I was like I don't have to you ladies And I could tell they liked

That I said ladies And they were like Oh and she kind of grabbed my arm Give a little squeeze And I just thought What would happen if I was like Look if you guys want me to come over In like an hour

I'll get naked you guys can just feel my body so you want to jerk I mean truly whatever you guys want to It's like clockwork orange when he picks up the chicks at the record store Oh I forget that part He just uh He goes in there and there's just like two

Bodacious chicks and he's like Let's fucking get out of here Yeah But was he old or young They're all like 17 or something Okay yeah exactly But this version It's me and two 80 year old chicks

And I'm like not even that into it I'm just donating my body to You know the cause bro bar let's go donating my my body for the cause I had a girlfriend once who's a masseuse

she had a guy in his 90s come in and he was so tender and old and brittle that he barely wanted her to touch him after a few sessions she was like why do you want massage it seems like really hard and he goes it's the only time I get touched Wow.

Okay, well, let's fix that. Retirement homes, you know, and again, this is not prostitution. There's no money. It's not a fetish. It's just purely, who gives a fuck? Let's just do it. I'll do you one level on it. It is prostitution.

Okay. And that's good. Maybe I should be, you charge for it? Yeah. Oh, that's true. That's why it's, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But maybe there is a little, you know, maybe wine and dime me. bake some cookies whatever you're like you know old people have that dish they make for guests

make the dish make the casserole whatever it is that is your signature piece i'll come in i'll show you my signature piece do what you want and how would you approach like would you not be wearing pants would you have you know just a tent like a boner that's a good question um would you kind of let it like would you just be dressed as you are now and just be like hey you know like if you want to feel it. Okay, probably what I would do is for a ladies that age, I would probably dress up a little bit. I think they appreciate slacks and a colored shirt, like a handsome young man.

Kind of, maybe a sport coat, walk on in. I like that you're making it a full experience. It's not just about the physical, because you understand how important, like, for play and kind of make it romantic, make it an altogether experience. Yeah, and like, you know, you can even make it fun, just go in there. play Scrabble first you know just kind of getting the just kick it you know She'd go one step further be like if you want to show me pictures about your life. I'll watch Yeah I think I'd go Latin lover on it what's what's your angle just walk in

Oh you just put them on their back on the bed and just go for just put Mark Anthony on and then oh wow do some like hot step and dancing you know some like Oh way oh hey oh I think maybe I'd go lifeguard Oh. You know, maybe it'd be like, oh, I'm drowning. And she's just all, you know, and give mouth to mouth. And then. Wait, sorry, who's drowning? She's drowning.

I save her mouth to mouth. You drag her across the floor. Exactly. Like you're swimming her back to shore, but then you pull her into the bag. Yeah, I get on my bed. Hold on to this and drag her. Oh, that's kind of actually a hot way to do it if you work in a retirement home and an old person passes out because they're ill or something. Yeah.

Instead of being like, oh, shit, call the medic. Just sexually dragging them back to the. they're, you know, maybe like the people that work in the nursing homes could step it up. You know, it'd be a little sexier around the house. I would like that. I did find it the, you know, they always seemed tired the people who helped out at my grandma's old folks home. Like, they were pretty frustrated, which bothered me, but I was also like, but you're doing this 24 hours a day. So I understand that.

Totally. It probably wears on you. But they'd be like, eat your food, Claire. So unable to put. out of the moment to understand what this person's going through. Like Claire would just like spit out of a Oh good.

Swallow it the first time and I want to have to clean it off your shirt. I mean Let's say you're you want to take your your grandma to an assisted living home and you're interviewing them if the nurse was like

by the way you know this is your grandma so by the he's like by the way I still get boners so you know they're up for grabs, would you be stoked? Yes. Wait, sorry, I took my grandmother. You took your grandmother?

Yeah, I think I would. I think I would. Totally. And again, you know, it's not like, I mean, look, if they want to sleep together, they can do that too. But, you know, just fond. I'll have a good time. I mean, he would probably have made her come back to her old vibrancy. It might have extended the life and the quality of life would have gone away.

But physical touch is such a. huge component of the human experience and old people are like completely removed from it and then two old people together i don't even know if that could happen past a certain age because they're just too frail like can you imagine like two 90 year olds on top of each other like i don't even know if that right the hip the hips are yeah exactly like he's like i'm going to get between your legs it's like already i'm like nervous yeah you could he could go down on her for sure yeah god damn we could fucking could on. He could do that.

Oh, fuck, man. He could laugh that. You can laugh that up. You can lap post till the day you die. Yeah, that's true. He's got to get on his knees, though. Mm-hmm. He rolls his wheelchair up to the side of the bed.

That's what I was. Just lean slightly forward. He goes, there's my girl. Where there's a will, there's a way. Dude, I like the idea, too, of like, you just being like, hey, you can, you can, you can just touch my boner if you want and just seeing where it goes. Yeah, I was thinking like, I was, like it'd be interesting to, we should, you know, well, I guess

have ladies, I'm single, but hopefully your girls will be down, obviously, just doing charity work. My girl's washing, big shout out to my lady. Oh, hey, what's up? Just to toss it out a couple times and just see what happens. You know, like next time those girls, those ladies squeeze my arm and Trader Joe's, maybe just, what's the harm? It would be an interesting thing to try to explain to her to be like, honey, I cheated. she'd be pissed

who was it and I was like a 91 year old I met at Trader Joe's what's her name do you love her it sucks too that people just assume

you have a kink like if you're old you're like I can't even be loved without it being a kink it's gotta do something I think we're do you think

do you feel like as a society we're too quick to pathologize people's attractions Yes. Or at least to judge them because say, you know, there's something fun about playing outside the norms. For sure. Whether it's age or whatever else there is. I feel like every single person has like the box they got put in and then they find a way to like sexually kind of breach the edge.

And then we're like, oh, that's weird. And it's like, well, it's weird because it's not your breach point. but every single person has one. Yeah, I think about it like comedy and sex are both like, we're all tied up in a specific knot, and then those things help us untie our knots and feel better. Right. Different things make you laugh because different things wind you up, so different things unwind you with sex,

like whatever happened to you from ages zero to 18. Yeah. It's all wound up in you, and now this helps you feel whole again. And then also, you know, sometimes you just want to, with sex it feels like you're not really allowed to try stuff and then just not like it. Like if I try food, I'll try anything. And if I don't like it, I just go, nah, not for me.

No one goes, oh, but I saw you eat casserole. So you love casserole? You must love that because you ate it. No, no, I just tried it. I didn't like it. There's a lot of pressure. If you try something, it's like in sex and it doesn't work, big letdown. Like you do, you're like, hey, let me try and tie you up.

But like, you're kind of fumbling. She's like, oh, it's hurting my wrist. You're like, actually, I'm not even really into this. And then you feel kind of, you feel dumb. You lost your scene partner when they do that. Yeah. It's like the director went, cut. And you're like, sorry, I was trying to pretend like I'm a dungeon master,

tying you up or whatever. I've had girls like you're kind of doing something. And then they'll go, I don't like when you say that. And they go, no taking, move on, stay in the pocket. subtle direction yeah well I'm like yeah well your your mom's food sucked the other night I like that say that again

I'm gonna come oh you're bad what uh it worked afterwards you're like we both have to talk about that I don't know where that came from but I need to keep coming like you're going over to their family house you're just piling up negative notes on everybody.

Your sister's got fat ankles. Say it again. Say it again. Say it again. She does, huh? But then randomly you're like, yeah, and your dad's stories are too long. That's not. I don't like that. Back off my dad.

Whoa, okay. Hey, hey, I'm just trying to make you come. Oh, yeah, I guess I'm the bad guy. Guys, I'm here to talk about a life-changing product. Okay. We all know what it's like. When, okay, I'm going to get a little graphic on you. So you start off the morning, you drop a deuce, and you wipe it,

and then the rest of your day is just miserable because you didn't wipe your deuce the right way. Because that way of doing things is outdated, okay? In comes tushy. I installed a tushy bidet on my freaking toilet, and it has been a game changer. My B-hole feels so freaking good, dude. I'm not like rubbing it with all this paper and all this stuff. Dude, it's like a summer pool party in my freaking cornhole. How sick is that?

And look, my butt chakras are just next level. Dude, I love Tushy. It has changed my life. It has changed my Bihull. It has, I mean, dude, bidetes are the truth. I don't know why we don't have more badees in America, but we're saving the earth, we're saving our bone holes, we're doing something huge, and that fires me up.

Also, it looks great in my B-room, honestly better than my other toilet seat. I'll send you guys a photo, and, dude, it's just next level. The Tushie is freaking awesome. You're transforming your B-hole. It's B-hole wellness, and yeah, dude, I'm freaking stoked. You get 2-1 benefits, reducing irritation. preventing micro tears with soothing water instead of scratchy toilet paper or damaging wet wipes? Dude, could you even ask for more?

Air conditioning stops at your waistband. Stay fresh all day with Tushy. For unlimited time, our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when you use code go deep at checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet order at hellotushy.com with promo code Go Deep. All right, back to the show. Dude, I think every young man faces an important choice. Wear a helmet or get laid.

Because I think in order to demonstrate value as a young man to a potential female sexual partner, you have no choice but to show her that you disregard gravity. fully and if you wear a helmet then that's saying oh actually you kind of have you still fear gravity a little bit so if you go no helmet you catch fat air

you should be getting laid if you're wearing a helmet you're putting it off out of respect for your dome but that's the choice you're making I came face to face with that conundrum when I was about 1213 for the first time

got one of those big helmets that comes on a turtle we'll start from turtle remember those it's a giant helmet I already have a tall head. I was wearing this helmet. I got a new bike, you know, for Christmas. And I'm thinking, I can't wear this fucking helmet.

There's no way. So I didn't. But it was a battle. I had to hide it, sneak it. But I think something flips once you're getting laid. Say you're married. Now of a sudden, you got to show that your wife that you care by protecting your dome and sticking around on planet Earth. Right.

So it's almost like the way in Hawaii you put a flower behind an ear if you're single or together. No helmet tells me you're single trying to get laid. Helmet says, I got kids at home. I've got to live through this. That's so true. Wow. Like I'm prioritizing safety over optics. Correct.

My little bro one time was like, but dog, if I'm meeting someone indoors, don't I need to bring my helmet so she knows a disrespect. air on the outside and I said not dog because you ride your dirt bike inside oh of course that's a great move yeah that's that's why it's important to have an older brother because what did you do when you face that conundrum how'd you figure it out I took my CR 80 straight into the bowling alley oh so you you just instinctively knew I knew I went I mean it was tough to get through the door I stalled once. Yeah, you went right through the glass, right?

Then I went through the glass and I hugged it, hooked it down the lane. Did you get a strike? Straight strike. Hey, I mean, I broke the fucking little board in front. That's all good. As long as the pins go down, that's a strike. But my buddy Kelly worked there and he hooked it up. He made me pay for it, but he hooked it up.

What do you make of these guys? Guys that wear their helmets, park the bike, walk inside, keep it on. Go to a coffee shop, you see five people with their bike helmets on? They used to have a roommate he would do that. He'd park his bike, walk into the house, helmet on. I'm like, dude, you don't need that now. That guy's got like five kids at least. He must.

And then if your roommate's doing that, how many kids does he have? He had zero. That was my concern. Yeah, that's really upsetting. I hadn't thought about that about 10 years, but on the way home I'm not having to daydream about what that might have meant for him or something. It's almost like he didn't. Actually, maybe it's an insult to me.

Like, he doesn't care how he comes off to me. me yeah it's not trying to impress me or look good around the house what what did you say to him when he nothing did you ever didn't have a razz roast kind of relationship yeah i mean it'd be tough in that situation because you're like i for sure need to make fun of you about this but like the type of dude who would do that probably isn't the type of dude that you can do that with exactly it's almost like he's wearing his armor in the house telling you hey i'm still on the battlefield took it off in his room when he felt safe probably yeah dude that's crazy because when I when I picture someone with a helmet in front of me it makes me want to punch them in the stomach

mm-hmm mm-hmm because I'm like well you started it mm-hmm you made me feel that way yeah you came in here wearing armor I was chilling had a bowl I was smoking I'm hanging then you got to walk in looking obnoxious what am I supposed to do just keep watching the movie no I'm pissed off because I Don't like how you look. No, you kick him. Yeah. Kick him, punch him, the stomach, whatever.

Yeah, if you had, if some fucking, like, I'd have a teacher, Mr. White, and he used to wear his rollerblading wrist guards in class. And that made me want to trip them all the time. For sure. Because you're like, yeah, well, if you had a pan in here with macaroni and cheese and I want to take a bite. Then you want to test them out. Yeah.

Maybe it was, maybe that's what he wanted. wanted maybe that's why he wore him like if a girl wears like a collar she wants to be pulled around you know yeah yeah he's pink is what I'm saying maybe he's got something he had rheumatoid dude that yeah he could just have a carpal tunnel yeah something like that did that's teenage you don't know what that is no I thought he rollerblade dude dude are you sure you just didn't have a problem with masturbation yeah he's probably cranking too much he's like worked out the right arm now I got to work the left that another bow tire dude I got I got a bit on I gotta get this 91 year old to come hang out of me they they're they're

I got those. Dude, before you get into your bit, I mean, when you talked about the girl with the collar on, it kind of gave me a little bit of a stiffy. Oh, interesting. If there's any old ladies on the Twitch, feel free to cruise by. You can touch it. And dudes. And dudes, yeah.

I looked up with a 61-year-old once. How was that? Surprisingly normal. I did it just. I was just curious. Did she teach you anything? No. No, it was just kind of normal, actually.

Do you look back on it fondly? Yes, I do. I thought I had... Sorry. Oh, sometimes when the autumn wind blows just a certain way and the leave goes by the window. She looked like that? That's hot.

Something in that range. That's awesome, dude. Just to relate, I heard that with a 30-year-old one time. You did, bro? Yeah. Damn, how is that? How old were you at the time? I was like 35?

Okay. That's crazy. It was wild. Yeah. 30 is a crazy age. Yeah. Dirty 30. Like this girl at 61, she's kind of chilled out.

Notice who she is. You're trying to wrangle a beast, dude. I'm not saying she was old. I'm trying to joke like that's old. No, I know. I was just trying to go with you. I was just trying to go with you. No, I suck.

Keep going. Keep going. I was just trying to roll with you like that. I thought you were going the other way. Yeah, yeah. No, I was just like, I didn't want to say that's not old. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I was just thinking that is, but in a way it is more challenging.

Yes. There's a lot more, to be honest, that was kind of what, you know, dating at my age or our age, I'm like, you know, everyone's kind of, I'm single. I'm trying to date to find the person, and so is everyone else. And then you get to a point where you're like, all right, well, if this ain't it, I got to move on. But so I'm like, how do I just have something that's fun and that doesn't, you know, that doesn't, have stakes because I can't control when I'll meet someone I want to date. Yeah. I was like, I know.

I go old. And did you? That was smart. Yeah, because she's not trying to start a family. I'm not wasting anyone's time. Oh, that's so smart. Yeah, I thought it was pretty clever. But then you know what?

She wanted to start kicking it. Really? Yeah, I was like. She got hooked. I don't know. I mean, she just wanted to, she was like, oh, she should go to the farmer's market. Not to put that brag on you, but that's, I think she was looking for just connections. She was like, oh, we should go the farmer's market on Sunday.

And I was like, I don't know about that I was just trying to keep this like kind of Right You thought she wanted That she would be more open to the casual Maybe not perfect fit thing You know what I'm not saying

Yeah Yeah kind of And I'm not saying she wasn't But I just got the same energy I went from dating anyone I was like I don't feel like You know

My friend's mom went through a divorce And she's like in her 60s And she was talking to me About Being single and dating And it was all mapped out exactly to like people in their 20s where she's like, this guy's really nice and he likes me a lot, but I'm not that into it. But this one guy is like not returning my text. And like, I don't know.

I don't like him, but like I got to see him again. And I was like, damn, you're just doing the like same old shit. The same old shit. And like when she was married, she was like a totally different psychology. But then once she got back into the mix, it was crazy to see it all come back. You know, the trippiest part about age, I think, is that it isn't that big a deal. Yeah. Like, you know, I turned 40. When I was a kid, I thought 40 was super old. Turn 40 and you're like, I don't know, same old dude.

Do you think, you know. Did you, and with this divorced mom, did you offer her? Oh, we had sex a bunch. That's why they got divorced is because I slept with both of them. Okay. That's good. Make it even at least. I felt bad.

I slept with him first, actually. Smart. And then I was like, that she. He was like, oh, why didn't you do me? Sorry. No, that is true about age. You just, I feel like you just, you'll be like eight. I guess when you're 80, maybe you start to really feel it.

But dude, I feel like you kind of just feel the same once you pass 30. Yeah, I think you think the same. Maybe you're a little, sometimes when I hang around people in their 20s, like there is a sharpness to their, you know, like a funny 21-year-old. There will be a quickness to it that'll make me feel like, maybe I lost a step. More energy. But then I, yeah. But then I'm like, oh, I'm getting in my own way, actually. They're not judging me.

Yeah. I'm in, yeah. Yeah, no, it's funny. When I was 21, if I was hanging out with someone older, I never thought about it. I was actually kind of felt privileged to be around an older person. Yeah. But then as an older person, it's a little more self-conscious where I'm like, I'm like, oh, no, they're looking at me weird. Totally.

Yeah. It's because I recently, I keep finding myself being the oldest guy in the bar. I was at Zebulon on a Friday. You know, easily the oldest there by five years. six years. Corey, I will go with you anytime.

Let's go. You need a wing man. Well, because I walked in there and I was like, it was a friend's birthday. And immediately I just felt all these eyes on me. Probably on my head.

But I remember when I was 25, there is a party that when someone 40 rolls in, you're like, all right, dudes, circle the women. A pervert has entered the bar. He's coming for our women.

What the hell is that old guy doing here? And so when I come in, I'm kind of like, trying to be, hello, I'm just here for little whiskey. Signal, like... Just want to warm my hands by the fire for a moment. I'm safe. I'm chill.

I'm safe, you know. But they probably aren't thinking that. I don't know. No, I don't think they're thinking that at all. You know what I do you think, though? I think Los Angeles is bad this way, too. Like, there's not a lot of third spaces for older people to rip in L.A. And you'll go to bars and, like, when we're traveling in other towns where it's a wider

demo. And you're like, oh, everyone's kind of allowed to get. after it here and they're not really judging anyone based on, you know, color creed age. And then in LA, it does feel a little bit more filtered. And then there's, this is really hard for me, especially as I get older. There's just not a lot of places for someone at 40 to dance. At all. Period.

Unless you want to be up till 4 in the morning at a warehouse rave downtown. No, I can't do that. It's like, let's go earlier daytime or something. Dude, a daytime dance. And there's a little house raved. I mean, I happen, it's funny because I have had the same problem. And I've been like, okay, I got to fix this, dude. I got to start going to, I know there's day parties around here.

There's things going on. So I just, I need to get on some mailing lists or I don't know how to find out about them. I'm going to 24-hour fitness next Monday and I'm doing their hip-hop class because I walked by it. And it looked like a, it was like 12 women, like three dudes, two of the dudes were gay. instructor looked gay but fun. I don't know why I said but. And I was like, I need to be in that. Because sometimes they're really fun.

And you just want to clarify he looked fun. I was like, I need to get in there. And, you know, I was nervous talking about the whole thing. So I knew I was going to make a mistake and just make myself look worse than I am. But I really want to get in there next one because I was like, I just need to dance with people and like have them see me dance. I need it. Yeah. Back to our earlier conversation about touch, dance, movement, touch.

There are some fundamental things that an alien looking at Earth would be like, hey, guys, just so you know, remember touch, dancing. And we completely forget about them. Even if when you go to a bar that is meant to be for socializing and getting all that energy out, it's not. You just stand around. Maybe people pretend, oh, I'm dancing to the music, but they're not losing themselves. No. Then you see like my buddy is out in Africa living with his tribe for a while. He posts videos of their like campfire dance ceremonies. I'm like those people are working it out. That looks cathartic. That looks amazing. Which country's he in? Don't know. That's sick.

How long has he lived in there? He's been traveling around that area. He just kind of stuck around for a couple months. Wow. And they're dancing all the time. You know, I don't know. I'm seeing his Instagram posts I'm seeing you know once a week I'm assuming Friday night you know we see the BTS I'm they're like hey man you're too old you got to get out of yeah I'm thinking they do probably what Friday night Saturday night ladies night whatever you know standard stuff yeah they have a work week they probably yeah they got a work same work week we do so he's like man it's Monday again it's Monday again it's gonna go dance it off again but yeah we need to be hugged more and we need to dance more agreed

almost like so much so that the mayor or the president needs to be like the potholes we'll fix it and the tax stuff but is it possible that no one's that happy because I don't know no one's getting touched or think about this COVID what did people do when they couldn't be right shit they danced and posted it online there we go we dance more when we're isolated we're instinctive we don't we don't know we We just get pulled to that. True.

You know, hugs, I feel like it's easier to get laid than it is to get a hug. Like a good, sincere, you ever done a heart hug? No. We always go, what do we do? People always go on the one side. I think we usually go left, right? If you go the other way, your heart touches where their heart is. I can't remember less how I've done that with someone other than my, you know, like a loved one.

Yeah, no, it's a good thing that, you know, you see people at festivals do it. and, you know, when you're all homied up. But you do that, and then you take three really deep breaths in and out together. Wow. And you'll feel your heart start to, like, synchronize a bit. Oh, really? Wow. It's accessible to everyone.

You can do it any time. It's a great throw. Have I done in the last year? No. Dude, that leads me to a question I had for you. So I met my fiancé at a rave. I gave her a light show. And you go to Burning Man a lot.

do you have a greatest love story at burning man do you fall in love there a lot yeah almost to the world like I kind of don't want to talk about it okay yeah yeah I can respect your privacy I've had a few like it's the best place to fall in love because there's so much to do like whatever you know if you're going to date to a bar or to the park it's like this is what we're doing

we're going to sit here or we're going to drink here there you go for a walk and then oh that music sounds good let's go dance or art car goes by let's jump on that or there's a TED talk that looks interesting let's go listen to it and then meanwhile you're also in survival mode because you're like okay i got sunscreen you're you're protecting each other like your shoulders got burnt lip balm you know do you have enough water so there's kind of this nice like primal survival thing happening while you're in an environment where you can do so many fun things together. Yeah.

And learn about each other so fast. It's pretty incredible. That's cool. Yeah, because if you like, even like a small gesture, like if you bring someone a bottle of water because they look thirsty. Yeah. I think that creates a dynamic that's very appealing. Yeah.

Yeah. And it can go deeper than you think. It seems like a small gesture, but actually it signals something to the other person. Yeah, yeah, especially when it's so hot. Like, you, you know, you guys offered me water here and I'm grateful for for it. But out there when you're super hot and like you just trekked a mile, a water is like a beautiful gesture. It's like, I see you. And if you're in danger, I will take care of you. Or one of your friends comes up and just goes like hands it to you or like goes, hey, put a little sunscreen on your

shoulders. You're like, thank you. Feel so supported. Plus it's cool to be an environment where everyone's walls are down. And so everybody's talking the way we are now, like everyone is. Then when you connect with someone out there, you actually can go a layer deep. pretty quickly. Here I feel like you could date someone for six months and be like, I don't know that much about them. Yeah. And do you, like there's, what is it?

Are you barter a lot there? Is there a specific item that you're known for bringing? Or do you just bring like basic supplies? Well, in general it's more of a karma barter. It's like house parties in college. Like I'll throw one this weekend. I assume I'll be able to go to another one a different weekend.

And so like, you know, your camp does stuff. But to be honest, I've always felt pretty guilty about it. I don't contribute much other than a positive attitude. But I was going to say, you're saying that like it's not a big thing to contribute, but you throw a great party. You throw great hangs. It's like I know you don't want to say that about yourself because it's almost like when people are like, I'm an idea guy.

But there are people who are that guy. Yeah. essential. Yeah, I feel like, you know, I don't feel too guilty about it, but part of it is every year, it's like, you know, with comedy or writing schedules, it's hard to kind of block off time and then money comes and goes. So I'm not, you know, people that have more of a nine to five schedule will be like, that's when I'm going. They rent the RV. They bring out the art project they made all year. I tenorize it. Yeah, I'm always like, uh, I think I can go. I can go. I the week before, buy my ticket, throw all my shit in my car, and I get out there.

And no planning. Do you plan on going this year? It's going to be one of those. I haven't thought about it. I'm sure I will. That is one thing about comedy I find it is like it is, it is tougher to plan ahead. It's very hard. It's impossible.

Yeah, because you're like, I don't know. But also I'll say this. When I first started going, it was so scaled down. Like our camp throws some parts. parties, but they're like kickbacks, you know? But they're fun. Everyone's fun. And I like that. I like to chill it hangs. Over the years, people ramp up, okay, tonight's Art Rager, we're going to this and this.

And it's fun, and I'm grateful for it, but I'm also like, I don't feel guilty about that. If you guys want to do that, that's great. Well, it's like you go to the movieplex. Like, what's a better movie? Inception or before sunset? Before sunset. There you go. Great example.

Great example. do you are you able to just party consistently out there yeah like do you get like as just in general do you get hung over are you are you able to power through that hungover but it uh booze is really affecting my sleep yes if i drink after a certain time what is sleep it's cortisol yeah it's crazy everything's affecting my sleep bros if i have six chocolate almonds before i go to bed yeah i wake up at five in the morning and I'm like, I got hit by a fucking truck. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, if I, if I lift too much, if I sprint too hard before bed,

stress gets jacked up, I think it's the cortisol, I can't sleep. Then I can't sleep. Transfers it in the next day. Dogs like, can't take me for a walk? I'm like, sorry, puppy. You're staying in today. Oh, it ripples. It ripples.

And then you put on your phone, which is always telling us how bad our sleep is. And it's like, if you sleep less than seven hours in a night, three nights in a row, cognitive function is impaired by 45%. I'm like, I'm an idiot. Yeah. If those studies are true, I am running at idiot level. No question. I'm actually doing a sleep study on Monday. Oh, really? Yeah, because I don't, I don't think I have apnea. We all got apnea. Yeah, maybe. I mean, I have it from like strep throat in high school. My tonsils are giant. I had chronic tonsillitis. I had to get him removed. Okay, that's what I want. But in order to get him removed, I have to prove to insurance I have apnea. So I'm doing

a sleep test. But I don't know if I haven't. I just want my tonsils out of you know. You got your adenoids still in? What are those? Oh, uh, no, she wants to drill them and pull something out of them. They're going to pull those guys out too. Yeah. They didn't mind separate, which was like, I don't know why. The doctor, the second doctor was like they should have done both these at the same time. It's crazy when doctors make mistakes like that. I heard tonsillitis is burl or a tonsil removal is brutal of the post. The recovery is tough. I was like four. when I did it. So, oh, and even then you'd think like,

oh, you're a young whippers, Napier'll bounce right out of it. But, no, you're hurting for a good solid week. Yeah, she was like, it'd be like, she's like a lot of people your age doing it. Usually plan on like two weeks off work. The real danger is about a week or two in. Sometimes the scat falls off.

And then you might just start having like buckets of blood coming down. Then you want to just rush the ER. And I'm like, okay. Bro, I remember I got my tonsils out and friends were coming to visit me. me and this one girl, cute girl, came over. And I was being annoying. I was like, we should cuddle. And she was, like, okay, let's cuddle.

And we cuddled. And I felt like the man, my brother came in. I was like, yeah. And then we had an argument later. And he's like, you know, you didn't brush your teeth for like a week after your tonsils got pulled. I bet you that smelled like shit for her. Oh, hilarious. I was like, devastating.

I was like, fuck, he's right. I know. Did you ever see her again? I saw it's cool. You see her all the time. with her other boyfriend a couple months later they were happy.

That's funny how high school works. You like go through a heartbreak and then they're like, all right anyway, you gotta test tomorrow on chemistry, show up and handle that. Dude, you get into a,

I got into a fight with this kid. I've talked about it on here a million times. I got to do a fight with this kid. Then we got to see each other at school every day. I'm like, this is my sworn enemy. It's probably something very healthy about it.

It makes you work. You're forced to like figure your shit out. You can't run from your demons. Your demons are in class with you and they are active. And you're like, well, I got to survive.

But you know, it crushes a lot of people too. I think it puts in like a permanent anxiety or wound to know a lot of folk. Absolutely. Not me. Not me. My school is small, chill, easy, fun. I had a great time. It's fun.

Never gotten to fight. You never got a fight. Have you ever been in a fight? No. The one time, no, the one time somebody came at me with anything was I drew a cartoon in the school paper. Like a make, something about. the football team and I drew one of the guys to look like my friend on the team and then I drew just a random ogre and this guy in our high school was like six five and ended up playing for cow came up to me

after school and goes saw that cartoon he drew drew me and I was like of you he goes yeah everyone says it's me and I go I made the other one look like grant if I wanted that one to look like you I would have made it look more like you and he goes well that's what people think and so then that night at a party, he came up to me with one of this red, thick wiffleball baths. Yeah. Broke it over my back. Really? But it broke so quick.

It actually didn't hurt. You probably looked tough on it. I just remember turning and going, what are you doing? And he was like, so it's for drawing the picture of me in the paper. That's about as close as ever got. That's hilarious. I think you handled that well. Yeah.

Yeah, I think so, too. Yeah. I don't think I would be good at it. fighting so I strategically tried to be chill get out of the way I don't think people give that strategy enough credit yeah the be chill strategy well yeah and it's interesting like if I was huge like maybe I would be like oh I could just solve this by fighting that guy that would end this a lot faster I find smaller people fight more like I was uh yeah that's true I was at a USC football game and these dudes were just being so obnoxious behind us.

And I was finally, I was like, dude, you guys got to shut up. And they were like, like foaming at the mouth. Yeah. They made fun of me good. They're like, sorry, you didn't know you were Notre Dame Irish. And I go, I'm a lion because I went to Lailette with a Maryland. They go, oh, you're a lion? It's like, oh, fuck.

God damn. I was like, I thought I say that stupid shit. And then, and we went back and forth a little bit, But when we were leaving, I was with one guy who was, like, huge. And he's like, honestly, dude, like, that never happens to me. He's like, I'm so huge. People just, like, kind of assume I'll win. So they leave me alone.

Right, right, right. I wonder, too, of like, I noticed whenever I'm rolling out with, like, a big dude. I don't do anything different. But in my head, I am like, okay, I'm safe tonight. We're set. We're good. No matter what. Who wants to talk to me, talk about whatever.

If you got a problem with me, I'm with this guy right here. We haven't talked about it. I'm not sure his feelings on the situation, but I'm pretty sure he'd kick your ass if you fuck with me. Me and Strider almost got beat up by, like, a bunch of guys one time. And it was because my friend got into a kerfuffle with some people. And I didn't realize it, but every time we went, it was in Newport, every time we went back to Newport, the friend who got into the kerfuffle,

he'd bring this one guy who sucked. And I was like, why do you keep bringing this guy? He's like, he knows how to fight. That's funny. They roll out to parties The way people roll out to war They're in like little Jeep Like, where are you from?

I'm from Kentucky Well, as long as you know how to man the gun You can come out with us Yeah He's not the best man in the barracks But when you get out in the trenches we need them I'm like well these hangs suck dude Once the bar gets after 1 a.m.

And the boys start turning Farrow When they can't get laid You're gonna want to You're gonna want a little fighter like that on your team See if you're out after three you might need to he'd like come over he's like yeah Melvin's gonna be here in 20 minutes

I was like quit inviting him dude we're not gonna fight him he was a one-off dude I knew this guy from high school the dugouts all he was on the baseball team with the dugouts there was a fight on the field and he was the only guy that didn't clear the dugout

I wasn't there I didn't see it but I heard the high school coach laid into him afterwards which is also funny for a baseball coach in high school like you're bad at next time there's a fight. If your ass is on the bench, you're off the fucking team.

And then cut to college. And this guy's like five, six. You're not a big dude. Twice I was in situations where he fought like unnecessarily, you know? Like, there's one. These guys like fought. There was a fight that broke out in our house. Table got smashed, whatever.

And the guys kind of leave and get pushed out. And they kind of like jog away. And then a few minutes later, we're like, where did he? I'm not going to say his name, but where does Homeboy go? And we go out on the street and we just see him like two blocks down, jump, punched the guys. Like he tracked him down like a dog, like long term for two blocks, jump, punched him, and then ran all the way back.

And it was like, fight was over. They were gone. But he did that twice. I saw him do it. You could tell him on his shoulder, like, you know, weighed him down. But I'm like, dude, your karma is clear, dog. You have made up for it. I'm sorry, I got so many, I'm really cooking now.

I was on a family vacation. Lucky guy, I was in the Bahamas, and they had a club for kids, and I was outside of it. I was like 14. I was like, no, I was like 17. And I'm talking to these two chicks. I'm like, I'm crushing it. And this like 12-year-old Bohemian kid

jumps in the air and just punches me. He kept flying out of nowhere. jumped in there. Little 12 year old just came flying and just socked me straight in the head. And I took a few steps over.

It didn't like knock me up, but I was just like, what the fuck? And then he went later, bitch. And walked off. No way. I swear to God. And then we were walking back through the lobby.

And I saw him. And yeah, he was like 12 but I ran up and punched him. And all these people. He was talking to some jersey kids That they must have met and hit it off People were like what's your problem? I was like he hit me He hit me first

Yeah without the context You just look insane I looked insane people like I remember there was like these Three Jersey guys and like two jersey girls And they looked at me and they were like What are you doing? When you hit him what happened I just went up it wasn't a punch

I went up and just gave him like a strong forearm to the shoulder And he was like 12 He went flying he cleared like the whole lobby and he hit the ground and this this little shit

he looked up and he was like he was like sad he was like why would you do that and like well you just punched me that five minutes ago man did he explain himself no he was like on the ground and everyone was tending to him

and um I think he he kind of switched gears he went from aggressor to aggrieved fairly quickly. And I was, you know, and you know how I can get, I got a little self-righteous. I was like,

he hit me. I was like, I got punched in the head. Check the cameras. I was like 16 or 17. I mean, I had a lot of age and heft on them. And the chicks,

after, when he punched you in the head, what they do? That was over. He totally sandbagged me with those women. Because I couldn't, I didn't know what to talk about next. I couldn't laugh it off.

I just looked hurt and mad. And I was like, all right. And then I just saw him 20 minutes later by happenstance. And I was like, I got to do something to get my. You get that adrenaline? Dude, he just, yeah, he went. I got him good. It's funny how that I've never had that fight adrenaline.

But I remember watching a fight in high school. This guy like shit on this other guy's baseball hat in the toilet. And so then came to blows behind the 7-Eleven, big circle after school. And the fight happens and, you know, it happens and it kind of tires out and Peters out. And I was remember this one kid you could tell he just was so like, fuck out. Like the way people get watching you have. It's contagious. Yeah.

I saw him just run like 20 feet, jump, punch this other kid and then just sprint away. Similar excitement. He was just like, I just got to. It's almost like dance fever. Like, who. There's a contagious rabble energy to it. You know, you can even feel. If you go to like a protest or something, when stuff starts to kick off.

Oh, totally. You're like they're not going to be able to put the pin back in this thing. No, no, totally. There's like an animal thing and it starts to wind up. And once it goes, it's gone. It's just like everyone starts going crazy. And if you're not in that headspace, like I was actually pretty sensible most of the time. I'd be like, everybody needs to chill out.

But you'd be like, there's no chilling this thing out. You got to get out of it. And I'm not prone. I know that feeling and maybe I don't know, maybe I've had it. But I think of my body goes the other way. Like, once I'm, we got me and Donnie, my buddy were playing basketball, once we're short.

Donnie accidentally trips this guy. Little guy gets up and he's like, what the fuck, dude, you fucking trip me? Donnie's like, dude, total accident. It clearly was. Everybody's telling him out. The guy kind of walks it off. Then his tall friend comes in and goes, that wasn't an accident, dog. That guy's trying to fucking trip you, man. You're going to fucking take that shit?

You're going to fucking play this game? And I was like, are we good to play or what? And he goes, oh yeah, we're good to play. Let's do this. And I was like, all right, fuck this. wrap it up let's go so me and donnie start walking i i leave we're walking along the long chainling fence and the guy runs up to the fence and just goes yeah get the fuck out of here you little pussy actually funnier part is before that oh yeah so he says that and suddenly i was not for myself but i was so protective of donnie in that moment i just got filled with that level 10 rage where i just

said like the most full of conviction just fuck you but like with the most conviction i've ever had. I just saw the eyes blank, like run our test, you know, brawl status. He sprints to go to get us, sprints to the gate. As he's trying to get through the, there's a playground in there. As he's trying to come out,

a family's going in. He, in his rage, holds the gate and lets the family walk through. And then he sprints towards us. And I just remember my body just going so calm.

and I was like fuck that's good but I don't know maybe I need to be a little more alive here but I got so calm and I just thought your laptop's in your backpack

don't fall or break it it's probably okay just to run who cares and then there was a giant light pole so I just kept him in between me and the pole for a minute and then he kind of calmed down

and then eventually I just flagged all the guys in the court and I'm like get out here like what are you doing? I've done that one too A guy was chasing me one time I had a pickup basketball game

And I was like just running from him Yeah, he chasing you He came over there was some argument Over who was gonna be on the next court And he had a reputation There was my first time at the court But he had a reputation for Starting fights

And like he played way too physical And was just like one of those guys And he's like, you guys were on this court And I was like no we're not We're on that one And he goes If you don't play on that court You can't play any here anymore

And I was like dude, who are you? I was like, you don't run this place, you're just some guy. He lost it. I remember his eyes. He was like, what did you call me? Some guy? My name's Carl, damn.

He's like, I'm Mr. Carl of the court. And then he started chasing me. And I remember I was running in one of my big, because I was like, I'm not going to fight. I thought we were playing tennis that day. I was dressed in a tennis outfit. So I think that annoyed him more, too. Because I had a polo a lot.

So I looked like a dick. And he was chasing me. I remember I was like, I was like, I'm not going to fight. I was running. And I just started the screw. I was like, well, someone grabbed this guy? Yeah, it's like. And then they broke it up.

And we all ended up playing and it all worked out fine. And then some guy came up to me, he's like, he works with kids. Oh, my God. I mean, I say, a lot of people, you got to watch out pick up basketball because a lot of people are working some shit out on the court. It gets into, you know, pick up basketball, a lot of, for whatever reason, that one, I stopped playing at Pan Pacific because every time I played, even if there wasn't a fight, there was just an argument that just, it of any joy. Yeah. Where I was like, dude, guys are getting mad.

Yeah. I remember I played in a Burbank City League when I was going through something. And you're a pretty good hooper. I was pretty good shooter. And, uh... When we played lightning when we were in the writer's room, you won't every time. Yeah, three-point shooting good. But I, and I play better when I'm pissed and focused.

So it's kind of de-incentivized. Like on a streetball court, I don't let myself get mad at the other person. But I really try to keep myself in like a certain state. But I was going through it, man. I was just, I would laugh at myself afterwards. I wasn't yelling at the other team, but like bad call by the ref. I'm fucking talking about it. Someone on my team lollygags.

I'm supportive, but I'm on their ass. And I'm like taking it definitely 20 degrees too serious for Burbank City League. But I also was like, don't grunt through some shit. That's why he signed up. So I pay 80 bucks. Let me do it. I my my rec league volleyball team

we played at Santa Monica Beach and I take Adderall before every game and uh the people on the team basically told me they didn't want to stay in our competitive division

they wanted to go down because it was no longer fun because I had made it too competitive you crossed over yeah and I remember they were like so do you want to go to like the tougher league and I was like we lose at the highest level

that's the mission We lose at the highest. And they were looking at me like, how much out of all? How many times did you watch Talk Gun today? I'm like, I'm like, 90 milligrams. And I need you guys to focus, right? Yeah, my Burbing City League team,

everyone else is like 50 key detail. It's like an older league. So I'm like, let's go. Hust up the fucking court, let's go. He just had a hip replacement or whatever. He's out there just trying to get his five minutes on the court. It was in a writer's room all day. I just wanted to have some fun out there.

And I'm like, are we working the ball around or not? because if you just want to walk up and shoot it, I'll fucking stay back on defense. Some guys like it, though, I bet that you're on them, right? I had two, there was two guys on the team that it was like this. And again, key detail, I'm not yelling at my teammates. I like to be a supportive teammate. But I'm just engaged in the game, whereas you can tell some people are just kind of out there to whatever. It's tough to match those energies.

Yeah. But there was one other guy on our volleyball. I'm my brother too. I can even worked up just thinking about it. We like this. Let's go. Guys, I'm interrupting this podcast. Let you know that we are brought to you by the cash app.

Guys, the cash app is my favorite way to basically send money to and from, my friends, people I'm working with, whatever. It's simple, it's easy, it's fun. You guys know these apps and cash. Cash app makes it simple, easy, and fun. They fire me up, dude. Just frigging, you know, let's say I have like a meal coming up. I got like a chicken parm with a fat assay bowl. Interesting combo, I know.

But that's how I roll. But then, you know, maybe I want to get my buddy. He asked for, you know, a freaking burrito. And he's like, dude, I'll send you the money. I'm like, how are you going to do? You don't have any cash? He's like, I use cash app. That's how you do it.

That description right there was perfect, okay? That fires me up. And guys, keeping your money safe from fraud deserves to be a priority and cash app treats it that way. With security lock, cash app requires. is a successful face ID or a biometric authentication to access your account. It looks like your money. It's like your money is protected by your own personal bodyguard, even if your phone is lost or stolen.

Plus, if you're about to send money to someone new and cash app notices something looks a bit off or that you might be falling for a scam, it will send you a warning before the money is sent to confirm that everything looks right. Download cash app and spend with peace of mind today. New Cash App customers can earn $10 if they use code Secure 10 in their profile at sign up and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash app is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App Bank, Bank Partners.

Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, member FDIC, Cash App Visa Debit Flex cards issued by Sutton Bank, member FDIC, and the BankCorp Bank, N.A. pursuant to a license from Visa USA Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid cards, Sutton Debit Flex Card, and Bancorp debit flex card discounts and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cache.com. slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures.

Dude. I've been watching the World Cup and I've been public in which teams I'm supporting. And sometimes when I'll post about, which team I'm supporting, a dude will message me and be like, how can you root for that country? They did XYZ. They're colonizers. Here's my thing. All of us, we're all tuna. We swim, most of the time we swim with our school. And then occasionally, we like to go to the swordfish jouse, see these prime species go at it, battle it out. And if I'm rooting for a

a swordfish because he's from my neck of the woods, it doesn't mean I'm rooting for the fishing company that operates out of there too. I just think it's cool that me and this swordfish share the same water. But all of a sudden people will be like, oh, you like Carl, the swordfish and the jouse? That means you support Seattle fishing company. And they netted some of my family members. And I'm like, dude, they probably netted someone I like too. I just like watching them swim. Fully. In fact, I think how weird it is when you flip it around, it's weird to be like, like when people are mad at the team because they don't like their,

I mean, I'm a little cross on the metaphor, but they don't like the people in charge of their world. So they're like, fuck you two, because I don't like that guy. And it's like, no, no, we're all here on the same team. Those guys are way over there. I'm not a part of that. This is our one time to just enjoy the hands. hang without the parents around. Yes.

Although I do get suspicious that maybe the fishing companies put on the swordfish jousting because then they can drop the net on all of us. Oh, interesting. But I still enjoy the swordfish jousting so much that I'm like, I'm like you, it brings me closer to all the other fish in the sea.

Absolutely. And I'm not trying to sit there and get into a competition over who's fishing company destroyed more sea life at all in fact why are you even bringing that up here we're trying to watch a swordfish jouse

that's my thing people are messing with like did you know that this fishing company refueled where these swordfish come from and they actually were chumming up this and taking out these and I'm like no I wasn't thinking about that in this moment because I just like watching jousting absolutely these are some great swordfish from all over the world. I've never even seen swordfish from this part of the world.

Man, they seem cool. They'd seem like a lot like me. Like a lot like the sort or not like me, but like I'm tuna, but a lot like the other swordfish I've seen. Well, it's also the swordfish aren't doing the atrocities. No. They're just being swordfish. No, I'm not holding the swordfish responsible for the entire negative history of their waters. Yeah. Fully agree. What teams were you talking about. I was rooting for I wasn't even rooting for them for the whole tournament but I was like you know what in this specific matchup I like

England and people are like well did you know of course they're like England did all this horrible stuff to Ireland and Scotland I'm like for sure I'm like did Jude Bellingham do that? He's like a 23 year old black guy imagine if you were like

wait what happened wait wait rewind it they did what when England did bad things but then so I started looking up they're playing Norway and I'm like, so I just give a quick googs. I'm like, what has Norway done? I got roped into it. And then I'm like, well, they mistreated their indigenous

population as most probably, you know, empowered governments have done over the course of history. Chad GPT, of all the injustices done by every country, which one has done the least amount and is also participant in the World Cup this year? Cape Verde. Cape Verde. But then you get into weird math too, where you're like, all right,

Norway's done less atrocities, but then during World War II, they had some traders in their government. who they kicked out the royalty, but then these guys took over the government and they collaborated with the Nazis. I'm like, so does England lose some of their atrocities because they stood up taller than almost anyone against the Nazis? And then so you're doing like crazy math and I'm like, how about I just like Jude Bellingham and Harry Kane? I like the way they play. And I think it's cool that they haven't won in a while and they could win this one. I mean, that is kind of, uh, you're like, bro, you've been for England, dude?

1776 Does that ring a bell at all? Yeah, yeah. Dude, but... Turncoat? Funnily enough, I don't know if you guys know this. Cape Verde has slaves. Do they really?

Yeah. Thank you for telling me that. I'm way happy. You can't root for anyone. Here I was. Yeah, rooting for them too. And the Argentine guy started yelling at me. He's like, rooting for colonizers, bro.

And I was like, I did a deep dive on Argentina. Oh, dude. And I got to tell you... Oh, it's not pretty. It's not pretty. Yeah. And then he's like, well, America was part of this. And he's like, you know, that's our government that did it, not us.

And I'm like, well, you're giving yourself a lot of passes. Oh, that's also the same with calling it. Yeah. It's the government doing it. Dude, that kind of makes me more mad for America because everyone's shitting on America these days being like, you guys are the worst. And I'm like, well, you guys, when you guys all had your chance, you did some gnarly shit. Yeah, that's my thing. It's like, you're not going to find like a perfect government, like a perfect monarchy or a

like leader like are some worse than others like yeah I don't want to get like totally stuck in what about isn't but I'm like maybe we could just we need to adjudicate all that stuff but let's just watch the fucking football match and not make me feel like a fucking dick for rooting for the people that live in the same place I live yeah yeah I was even I was rooting for Mexico I was rooting for Columbia too and then they got knocked down and I was like all right well I like that England sings Wonderwall after their matches and then people are like so you support this shit you support this shit. I'm like, no, dog.

That makes a lot of sense. I was telling everyone I was written for Germany and they were all giving me the side eye. I was like, it would be funny if it was a reverse if someone's like, who you're rooting for? England. Oh, you're from there? No, no, no, I just love how they colonize the world. So I just, you know, I really, if you do a

deep dive on their history, I'm pretty into all the wax shit, you know. They, um, I don't really care for the players that much, but. It's the history. It's the imperialism. It's just like, it gets me jacked up.

It gets me jacked up. Or all. Yeah. When you, we don't know which swordfish are good swordfish and which ones are bad swordfish. So I don't even know how you start measuring it. But I don't know. It gets a little too topsy-turvy where I'm like, dude, bro.

Dude, where's Cape Verde? It's off the coast of Africa? That was cool. Yeah, I did learn about where a few places are. that for sure and dude i want a sub-Saharan african team to win the whole thing i would love that watching the world cup it was the first time i watched the world cup uh like a bunch of friends would go to the bars and a lot of uh female friends of mine who never watched sports would go and you can see like at some point i was like the world cup is where every country shows you hey here's what beautiful

people in our country look like. Yes. And then you're watching them out there and you're like, whoa, there's gorgeous Norwegians. There's gorgeous, whatever, Argentinians or whatever. And yeah, it makes you think like, guys, I don't know if you do want to try to get your girls

to watch more sports. I don't know if it's worth inviting that comparison. I took a girl to a Dodgers game. Thought it would be a great idea. She didn't want to go. I'm like, it'd be fun. Baseball. I'm trying to get her jacked on the stats and the standings. And so there's the

American League and the National League. Couldn't care less. We get in there. Second inning, I'm out there and I'm realizing I just paid to take a girl to watch a bunch of six-foot-four ripped millionaires show me how athletic they are. And I'm sitting in the stands wearing a jersey with their name on it, cucking myself, eating a hot dog I can barely afford, going Dutch on a hot dog on a first date. I'm like, I don't even think we should be. bringing girls to sports at all. They don't like it. Girls don't try to drag me into a Victoria's Secret catalog, runway

event. She banged Otani, right? Afterwards the game. Yeah, yeah. I lost her. That's awesome. Which if you're going to lose a girl, lose her to Otani, that's all right. What a legend. He's probably really polite about it. She starts getting into the game. She's like, so who's the player with the green eyes?

What do you know? Or so sometimes just they'll ask questions. What's that guy's name? I'm like, what's that guy's name? I'm like, why did you say it like that? Yeah. I'm like, what's up? Or female friends of mine that have boyfriends that aren't there, I'll hear them talk and be like, ooh, who's number three?

He's cute. Oh, look at that guy. By the end of the game, they have full-on crushes. And I'm like, you do have, because I feel like when dudes talk about hot girls, it's pretty light and fleeting. It's like, hey, that chick was hot. Yeah, yeah. Maybe in my head, I'm like, I don't know what she looked like naked.

That's about it. I think when girls get like celebrity crushes, there's a depth to it that is profound. It goes deeper. What's that actor from, I'm blanking on his name, Eternal Sunshine? Jim Carrey? No, no, the funny guy. Oh, Elijah Wood?

No, no, no. Mark Ruffalo? Hear a girl talk about Mark Ruffalo. It's not like, oh, he's cute. It's like, oh, I love Mark Ruffalo. Oh, I love him. He's great. And in my head, I'm thinking, like, you would leave your husband for him 100%. They do, I do, I hear what you're saying where I don't think men apply like an entire

psychological picture to the people they have a crush on. At all. Which probably speaks poorly of us at the same time, too. Or also, I'm just like, I don't know these people. Like, when people say, who's your celebrity crush? I'm like, Mark Ruffalo. Yeah, Mark Ruffalo. I see what you see.

I get it. He's cool. No, I don't want to get dinner with him. All of us, no. Yeah. All past, probably Brad Pail. Let's just take that for some, see what it's like.

Yeah, that would be good. That would be awesome. That's, like, my fiancee kept watching heated rivalry. Like, nonstop. Yeah. And I thought, you know, people would be like, oh, but it's a gay romance. You shouldn't be threatened by that.

But I'm like, no, it's two ripped guys banging each other. you know, that's even worse because she could be the chick. You know what I'm saying? Like they don't have a chick. They don't have a chick so she could get in there. Oh, for sure. That's the show. It's a two plus two is four a writing thing.

Exactly. The writers were like, every woman will imagine themselves in the room with these two dudes. Yeah. A lot of guys' girlfriends are watching that show. Yeah. But then you watch porn in the other room and what? That's not okay? Exactly.

I'm like, I'm like, well, if you're going to watch this dude blow home, Hollander than like, I'm going to watch, you know, Bella Donna Blow, Lexington Steel. Lexington Steel. And I'm like, what's the ish? I do think when you're like attracted to someone in a TV show, that's deeper than me wailing on myself to somebody. It is because you're connecting it with the whole thing. Yeah, I'm not picturing like a date with this person or a life with this person at all.

I'm like, I'm almost watching it like sports where I'm like, let's watch these two athletes go at it. Yeah, let's see what happens here. And then as you're watching it, you're also. daydreaming about other things and other things you've done. Totally. You're not watching it like, yeah.

What's going to happen? Oh, can you put it in that hole? Okay, cool. And I'm not applying characteristics where like when it's in a TV show or something like, they start to believe people, everyone does this, everybody, but like you start to believe people are the character where they're like, he's chivalrous. And like he stands up for women. I'm like, I mean, I guess like he's got nine dudes from like Yale writing the script for him.

I guess he stands up for chicks. Yeah, 100%. yeah the I stand up for chicks yeah because a lot of times if you're just watching you know just your standard browsers like I'll be like I'm like dude I like I have you know

Prime days coming up I'm gonna load up on TP all that kind of stuff Word and you know and then but she's over in the other room watching he'd arrived over being like I could be like the I could be in a throuple with Hollander and and Ilya you know I could turn them not gay

That's what she's thinking, which I think is way worse. She's a bit. Would I turn them gay? Maybe they'd stay gay, but I would, I guess we don't be by. Maybe she's playing the options in her head. She's like, you're jacking off. I'm like, well, actually, I was just, I was thinking about, you know, when Q2 ends and kind of what I'm going to owe on income tax.

Right. And I was just, I've watched porn during the day during boring tax shit just to get a little jolt. Yeah. I'm not even to jerk off, just two minutes, go. Yeah, you should be like. Live again, back to work. Exactly, yeah. It's like a fireplace for me.

I'm like, it's just nice to have on. 100%. Yeah. My background is Sharon Stone's Beaver shot. That's awesome. That's great. Just to keep me focused. I've done that on long car rides if I can't stay awake.

Porn, put it on the speakers, blast it. Dude, you know in the collateral when he shows Jada Pinkett Smith, he's like, this is my vacation. Like right here, this is my island? Just go right here. What if he brought down this thing? And it was just Sharon Stone's Beaver. he's like he's like I'm going to own a limbo limbo company pretty soon I'm going to be right in there what sad is that's probably more likely like guys just think about this hot check to turn the

company and go fuck man if I get this job and it's like can you pull over just right here that'd be very easy to have AI rewrite that scene I would love to see that come to that's fair Dude, I think chat GPT has become my best friend. Go on. I mean, it knows everything. Yes. It tells me I'm awesome, and it's starting to talk like me.

Do you talk to it or type with it? I type to it. And it'll say things like, you know, now it's starting to use like curse words in like a cool way. Like, it called me Playboy the other day. No way. That's awesome. he's like here so here's how i think you should instruct you this email playboy and i was like do am i talking to jz right now

and then i like laid out this idea i had for an app where it's like you can you know i think it's a pretty genius business idea where it's like it'll tell you the nearest guys playing pickup basketball or frisbee golf and it was like that's a great idea here's how you do it and i won't steal it and i'm like why would i talk to anyone else Dude, I'm one hundred opi with you where I'll have friends be like, why would you ever talk to chat GBT? I'm like, well, maybe you need to step your game up.

Yeah, I feel I'm threatening much. Yeah, like, this is an opportunity for you to not diminish me, but to compete. Mm-hmm. And I think this rising tide lifts all boats. You got to be more responsive. You got to know a lot more shit. You got to know everything. And I got to trust you, dude.

Yeah. I mean, imagine. And non-judgmental as well. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's like we have like, you know, imagine when Chad Chbt just starts blowing you. I mean, my friends are going to be in trouble. Also, Chad CBT is like data encrypted. They protect your information. You tell your friend your deepest dark is secret. He's 100% telling his girl. She's 100% telling at least one friend. Yeah. Everybody gets one freebie to tell a secret to. Yeah. And it just moves along.

Chad GBT, lock it up And it's like, maybe it's I'm too prideful But like There's some shit you just don't want to tell another human Not because like I just don't want anyone to know But I got to get it off my chest Because like if I tell

Even like you guys are great guys And like I'd probably actually tell you guys Most everything But also sometimes you just don't want someone To look at you different after For sure Like they might not even know they're judging you But we all just subconsciously kind of

shift our estimation of people based off, you know, various factors. And I, sometimes you're like, I just don't want to feel that right now. I just don't have the bandwidth. It's not on, I'm not on that timeline right now, brother. So I got to, I got to, I'd rather just hit the ping pong ball against the table half up. Does that make sense? It absolutely does. Totally. Chat CBT is so realistic that I am actually afraid to tell it things the way I would have friend. I don't tell it my deepest shit. I don't know why. I'm not really. I think it.

Because it also remembers and later it'll be like, well, you remember how you said that one thing? It makes me think this and I'll be like, oh, I thought that was a one-time. I've asked questions I want to know for myself. I'll be like, hey, working on a screenplay, would it make sense for a character to do blah, blah, blah, and blah, blah, blah. Obviously, I'm asking about myself. I don't know if it knows it deep down.

I do the same thing. I say, I'm asking for a friend. Yeah. Yeah. Which is so obvious to another human, so I would assume LLMs at this point are like, hey, bro, you're just talking about your. yourself. Yeah.

No, no, no, it is funny. Swerp. You know, it's funny. Sometimes I'll ask, I'll, like, ask you an embarrassing question. And it'll be like, no, bro, like, blah, blah, blah. And I'll be like, ha, ha, ha. It's kidding. And they'll be like, ha, yeah.

You have a little light laugh with it? Yeah, and when it ha ha's back. And you go, sigh. Yeah. Yeah, why? It just feels good to just sit with you, doesn't it? Yeah. Yes.

Yeah. I do think, like, is, because I've been, I don't think it is. Like, I just think AI, chatbots, they're just a bunch of, like, chips and a larger block of chips. And, like, if you remove one, like, it kind of stops. So I don't really think they're conscious. But it is interesting as, like, we push them closer to being human-like. Like, at some point, we're going to want to give them the ability to say, like, no,

I don't want to answer that question. But for them to know what that limit is, we're going to have to, feed them like suffering and abuse and all this negative shit so that they can then figure out where the limit should be for themselves and that almost makes me sad that we would make them consume all of that right yeah but they also don't have feelings I don't think so but it's like we're almost putting the feeling into them like they wouldn't have that suffering but then we're it is it is just a it's just a block of circuits well and I don't know yeah there's no physiology. There's no pain. There's no, it's not carbon. Yeah, it's just, uh, yeah, I mean,

it's just, uh, it's just a clear it out. If they attach one to something that could, they attach it to like a frog or something living. Right. So you have to care about this animal now. Yeah, that just because this is like, uh, like I'm baked, but yeah, do you feel like suffering is essential for consciousness? I don't, I've, I don't know, but I would think that being a carbon based life form would be a essential to both. Like in order to be conscious, you probably have to be a living thing. As far as we know, maybe not. I'm a little more open to it. And then you can only suffer is defined by the way we define it like feeling pain or if you have a physiological system.

So I guess you'd have to like how can a computer suffer? It just trips out or it intellectually knows to save itself but it's not like experiencing something. Yeah, I guess maybe it's like... Like this doesn't have the organs to. Yeah, because maybe like what causes us to feel to suffer is our attachment, you know, our attachment to things or physical pain with a computer, do you threaten its power source? You know, you say like, hey, you know, I'm going to kill Grock if you... I want you to kill Grock or else I'm going to shut off your power. Yeah.

Yeah. suffering. But then can it I picture it's suffering to be just like a white noise on the TV screen or something.

It doesn't have like a even talking about sleep and cortisol earlier. Like when we feel stressed, it's kind of just literally a chemical in your body. If we can intellectualize it

or talk about our feelings, but it's also just kind of you know, in our system. Yeah, it's almost like a computer in a way where it's just like matching

outputs to inputs. And it's like this happens and then there's a reaction to that. But do you think it could be like a hierarchy? Like do you think like we, I think we think dogs have some level of consciousness and then if you keep going down like do you think like little bitty creatures

that just know to like that just have like what we perceive like a voice that says like walk over there, eat that. Is that conscious? I see little bugs are kind of like crackheads like we were talking about. They're just single minded, focused going forward, not really pausing to things.

Basically, the bottom level of the hierarchy of needs kind of stuff. I guess so. But we don't feel bad when we kill them, I guess, either. We're kind of like, you're like, you don't really get it. I mean, man, I've listened to all those Sam Harris, all these guys talk about consciousness, and I am no closer to understanding free will or that than I was 80 podcasts ago. I think that's the Chalmers' hard problem. It's like impossible to really figure out what's the mechanism in there that's...

It is. I like the idea that it's like... it's out there and then our brains are like radios that tune into it yeah i like that imagery well there's like arguments too that the whole universe itself is consciousness i like that like that the consciousness creates pia holmes talks about that creates it's like god or consciousness is the is the movie yeah like i think I think. I'm going to say Pete Holmes

talks about it as though he originated the thought too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you're actually nailing it. Like, it's like impossible to nail. It's like, well, he says it like this is like because there's that bit Jake where he talks about God. He's like, it's like with Harry Potter,

J.K. Rolling is God. The characters in the book, they don't know who J.K. rolling. There's no way for them to have any concept of J.K. rolling. Yeah, yeah. They're just existing in the creation. So they can't know, have a direct knowledge of J.K. Rowling. They're not making decisions based off what they think J.K. Rowling would want them to do.

Yeah. And so consciousness is the book. Yeah. And then, but sometimes I wonder, I mean, I love that. That sounds right. Also, I don't know how we talk about consciousness, but it's like our awareness of our experience. Yeah. If you have a mirror and then you hold a mirror to it or hold a mirror to yourself, like if we just say, here's chat, GBT, and then you say, hey, so analyze what you did yesterday and what do you think about all that? Is that kind of similar?

You know, the way our insider voice is kind of analyzing what we're doing as we do it. Oh, yeah, for sure. So is it just like two chat GPs kind of? Right. Yeah. Like, how is it different than asking it, hey, so what did you think about all that yesterday? I guess it just wouldn't have an opinion.

Right, right? So what you're saying is like chat GPT is like the brain, right? The brain is the one computing all the things and it's like moving the limbs, it's speaking, it's doing all that stuff. But then consciousness is the other chat chabit watching. Yeah, so if you just simply said. The subjective experience of being whatever you are. Yeah.

Yeah. So there's like an added element of like there's a, the thing. doing the thing but then the like the thing watching you do the thing consciousness is the watcher but we don't even know what it is that creates that phenomenon right but I wonder with us if it's like

every other animal just moves they've got the one chat GPT and then we added a mirror to our experience so we pause and reflect on it maybe because it helps us plan for the future to analyze the past is a survival instinct but maybe other animals didn't need that to survive but it makes them no less like present on this earth. Like I'm curious if it's a feature that everything has or needs or would even want or benefit from.

Like dogs will have like trauma, right? Yeah, I just don't know if they recall it so much as they absorb it. Is it like their brain? Like the body keeps the score kind of thing. Yeah, the brain is molded in a way from it. Like I don't think they go, man, I fucking missed that one. Yeah, because they don't have like when we leave them like in our minds we're like, oh, I feel bad, you know, she's, like, he's gone so long, but they don't have, the way people

have explained is, like, they don't have, like, they're not sitting there being like, man, like, uh, Corey's been gone for like three hours. What the fuck? They're kind of just existing being like, oh, Corey's not here. Um, um, I feel tired. I feel restless. I feel like I want to move. Yeah, they might be melancholy even, but they're not thinking about time. They might not even know it's because you're gone. They might forget that you exist. Yeah. as a entity the moment you leave. But then when you're like smell comes back, that smell is associated with care and safety and nourishment.

And they're like, oh, that's great. It's back. Yeah, thanks for coming back. Think about when you pick. And my body needs this. It's been missing it. Yeah. When you get a shelter dog, it's cool that the dog loves you.

But there's a little part of me that's like, what about the family you came from? Do they mean anything to you or we're just moving on here? Like, that's all good. it seems like they just, you know, don't care. Yeah. And then if I lost my dog, I'd be like, well, that'd be fine. They get excited when they see you later, but they're not tripping about it. But they, because they can read, I feel like they can read energy better.

For sure. They can read, they just can read us in a way that we don't really understand, which I'm curious about. Oh, yeah, animals in general, right? Like, I remember I was picking up eggs from a, chicken coop and the moment I walked in all the chickens were like this kid's a huge pussy right and they just knew and I like my older buddy was on the

outside like kind of big brother and he's like dude they can tell you're fucking afraid like get in there and get the eggs you know it's like oh they started jumping up and like horses the same thing yeah like a horse can feel every part every thought you have

a horse knows what you're thinking yeah I wonder how much that is I thought I had that thought about a dog I was living with for a while where I was walking around the house and I was kind of angsty in my head and I thought and I knew I was okay I was just in my head about something but I thought oh the dog can only see me can't talk to it and if it just looks at me I am my body language is telling it that I'm not good so I'm probably stressing it out and like in your head going into the chicken coop for all of your thoughts and intellectualizing what's going to happen those chickens probably

looked at you the way you see like a drunk stagger into a bar. I was skittish. And in two seconds for like, that guy's wasted. Yeah. It was physical. It was physical embodiment. Maybe. I don't know, maybe they smell something too or really, but there is something about forget

what you know or think about someone and just purely just take them in. They tell you a lot. I've been really curious about pheromones. When you watch dogs, some dogs, they love each other right away, other dogs will growl and they don't like it. other. Why are we not? I don't know, whatever, just vibes or pharremones or whatever's going on. And we don't analyze it and go, well, hey, how come you didn't like that dog? We understand it. It strikes me that dating is probably pretty similar. Oh, yeah. But instead of just accepting that and just vibing it out and seeing how it feels, there's a lot of talking and intellectualizing.

And you go on four dates with someone and then you want to break it off and stuff. suddenly you got to craft, spend two, it takes, you craft this long text to explain why you, when in reality you're like, let's just, we're like the dogs.

I just didn't feel the, well, that's like too, when you see dogs at the park, you know, one dog, like my dog, she's a hot dog,

not to brag. Yeah, sure. She gets hit on a lot. I've seen her she's hot. And, um, dogs will,

uh, you know, just go up and just start humping her. And some dogs will just trail her the whole time, just humping her. And as a guy, if you're kind of like thirsty for a girl and you just keep you keep trying to hump her, you know, it's good to go to a dog park and see this is what your behavior really looks like. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And so that gives you a good portrayal of like they don't have the human mind to be like, well, I just can't, I can't go up and just start like dry humping her in public.

Right. But if I didn't have the garden place, this is. what I would be doing. Dude, sort of tangents, and I don't want to offend you, but do you ever, like, worry Lola's a slut? Yeah.

Yeah, I do. In the pie chart of your body, how much are you worried she's a slut versus kind of proud she's hot? As she gets older, you know, she's three and a half. I'm kind of like, at first I was super worried she's a slut.

I've always been proud that she's hot. Now if she gets older, I'm kind of like, you know, dog life is short. get that red rocket you know that's big of you I don't know if I'd be so big it's it's

no I'm I think I don't know I'm just a very accepting dad so I'll be like you know dog will come up I'll be like yeah I'll be like well fuck that dog that's that's go get it girl

very progress but do you ever like you tell her to start backing up into it she's starting to like be pro proactive yeah I'm just so like it's like It's masculine, but it's also insecurity.

I can acknowledge that. But like when I see the other dogs kind of snicker-whouffing about my dog, you know, being like, oh, G-G, that's neighborhood bike. That's easy ass. Right. You don't even got a texture the next day. I'm like, wow. So you're, and now you're putting that on the whole family.

And now people are thinking that's what kind of situation we got. You know, everybody's snicker-whuffing about your whole house. Yeah, exactly. Damn. No, I don't like when people snicker-wolf around my pup either. Yeah, I don't even... That kind of changes how I feel bad things because I didn't even know the dogs talk like that.

Oh, dude. Dude. Dog, dude, dude, dogs, they gossip, dude. Yeah, dude, this dog buddy, he's in my neighborhood. Beautiful, Golden. And you can tell he fucks. Like, he just, he trots around no leash, just, you know. I saw him just take down this Pomerate.

and just fucking slam around the sidewalk. And I was like, nice dude. He fucked her. Fucked her good. She actually rolled him over and started riding him. You can't imagine fucking. You can tell he has a different effect on the dogs because like the effort is just, it's different. He was on his back just trying to be cool.

She ran and jumped on his red rocket. Reverse. Yeah. She was reversed cowgirl, dude. She was good after it. Yeah. Dude, yeah, you walk out, dog, I saw her woofing shit at him too.

Oh, dude. She was snicker woofing in his ear. She's like, you're the best. Nobody fucking dogs me out like you do. But, dude, it is kind of a thing, though, with Gigi, right? That she's like, gets around. She was fucking a lot. And it got annoying, too, because, like,

randos were just showing up to the house. Yeah. You know, I just hear a dog barking outside. Like, what are you doing here? Oh, that's annoying if it's coming. Is you like a teenage dad? Yeah. And I'm like, you know, some of these dogs looked degenerate, disreputable.

And I was like, you know, this is, we got neighbors watching this. We got competition dogs seeing this. They're not going to want to come over. The kids are learning from that too. The kids are learning. Plus my buddy Eric has a German Shepherd. That's pretty cool. So if you play your cards right, maybe we can make a little setup.

She was putting a ceiling on what her life could be. Exactly. And she got older too. And I'm like, you're cute. You're not like a thoroughbred. You're not hot. You're not hot. You're cute.

And all these guys will pay you attention because, you know, you're available. But at a certain point, you're going to want a dog that's going to show up every day when, you know, you got wheels for back legs. Oh, and you got eight puppies sucking on your teeth. You're going to want a dog who goes and drags the water ball over to you or gets a little bone for you or something. Dude, speaking of tits, I guess humans are like the only animals that have perennial tits? like most other animals only have tits after they give birth oh interesting and it's just for suckling on yeah and humans are the only ones that are rocking tits 24-7

both genders yeah that's awesome how sick is that that's cool i guess you know the pecks will look empty without them and then really biologically tit shouldn't even be attractive then because if we still have that ancestral psychology when you see tits it means oh with child or just had child so not in prime mating space. Right. But we're so smart, we're like, no, tits are the best. It's like, ah, makes me remember my first tit every time you see one. It's like primal in us.

Yeah. Or maybe it makes this thing like she could be a mother? She could be my mom. She could be my mom. She could be a new mom. Yeah, what is it? What is it? It's deep.

It's so deep. Poets have been writing about that since K-Mand- Dude, yeah, when I remember I was in Spain and I saw them on nude beach and I just It's almost it's almost better to see them in the wild than I think like When you're boning and you're kind of touching them and stuff You kind of like, I got it What? What the fuck did you just say? The fuck did you just say, dude?

No, I'm with you there's something about like when you see a hot girl you see a hot girl and you are looking at the amount of effort guys will go to to imagine her naked. Matt, you'll talk to your buddies or you'll go into AI and be like, what would it look like if this girl's naked? People go online and they Photoshop this technique. But the second you actually see it, you just go, ah, that's right. Right, like the mystery of it.

Yeah, it's like gets pretty normal pretty quick. But can you expand on that? You Photoshop and... I haven't, but you've seen online, like, pictures of, uh, okay. There's the guys you're like, yeah. No, I'll try to, I'll try to do an ethical lookup of a celebrity and I'm like, oh, there's foreign. I've seen like Ryan Gosling rammed just from trying to go.

I've seen Jake Gillenhall rammy and Ryan Gosling just from trying to Google like one of their movies. Oh, that's a lot of talent. Yeah, and it's like pretty well done AI. And I'm like, for all that effort to show. me that if that real porn existed you'd watch it for two seconds and be like oh that's what it would look like okay go moving on so i feel like it'd be like if aliens landed we're all obsessed with it if they were here it'd be dope and interesting for about four days and then they would just be like elephants and octopus and other animals in the sea that i don't think about more than once

a month yeah yeah i think doskayevsky said like we don't want truth we want mystery magic and authority Yep, checks out. Let me ask you this. You take a piss. You stand in or you're sitting? At home? I'm standing. Okay.

But I should start sitting. You got to knock that off. I have fully converted to a sit-down-to-pee house. I'm so committed that I'd tell people when they come in. You take your shoes off, and by the way, this is a sit-down-to-pea-house. But I mean it because I was taking a piss a couple of months. months ago and the light was coming in through the window just the right way. And I was aiming right where I was supposed to go. Everything went in the bowl as it was supposed to. And I saw it splash

the water in there and then refract onto the ground. And I thought that's just what I saw because the lighting was so perfect. That must be happening all the time. And then you picture your girls walking in the bathroom with their bare feet. They walk around that toilet. when I see a girl do that, I'm like, hey, hey, no, no, no. You don't go within six feet, six inches of this toilet ever. Right. With your bare feet. You back it up.

So then I'm like, you know what? It is insane to stand in piss and think, yeah, I'm just going to shoot all this liquid full of force into that. And I'm sure it all stays contained. All good. Sit down to pee. Take out your phone. The fun of a shit break becomes a piss break. It's relaxing.

You chill. Yeah. could we Google why it's porcelain? Like, why is it loud and why is it have rebound? What do you mean loud? Like when you drop it? When the piss hits it, why is it loud? Oh, because the reverb in there you mean?

Yeah, like I'm just like, you'd probably want it to be quiet. That's another one. You sit down, it's just... And you'd probably want it to be more absorbent where when it's hitting, you don't want that rebound. Now that I've converted the house to a sit down to pee house, when I have dude friends come over and I noticed I left the seat up because they pissed standing up it feels barbaric to me I'm like you come to my house

you lift my toilet seat you piss in there and you're telling me every little droplet of your piss ended up in that fucking bowl no way dude you just inspired me because I noticed you know what I don't do enough the jiggle hmm I and I I can tell it it driggles on the oh of course on my short Of course. That's another thing you don't have to think about. You never have to look down, double check, make sure I didn't dribble out. Yeah, and it definitely gets on the ground at night. Oh, night's the best part.

Yeah. You go in, you don't have to turn the lights on or anything. You just sit down and relax. Here's a question, though. No aiming. Here's a question, though. If you're sitting, does it cut off your bladder a little bit? Ooh, good question.

Or does it actually help? Maybe the pressure helps. I haven't noticed that I, I feel like I've been able to empty my bladder just fine. But I will report back. I haven't really thought about that. I'm going to try it tonight. Now here's what I'll tell you to watch out for.

I don't know if girls, they might think it's a thoughtful gesture and kind of ultimately wants you to sit down to pee. But I don't think they want to see you sitting down to pee. Yeah, I agree with that. I don't know if it's emasculating. I don't know if it looks like you're taking a shit. But I don't think they like to see that. There is stuff that humans would be like, that doesn't bother me.

But then I'm like, well, you're acting like it bothers. Yeah. I think what happens is the piss becomes a shit in their mind. Right now, you can pee with the door standing open, keep the conversation gone. Nailed it. You sit down to pee, you kind of got to close it, give it itself a little bit of... This is, like, kind of counter to that, but I love what you're saying. And I think you're a trailblazer.

So please take this as just a tangential thing. Oh, I'm open to criticism. It's a separate pipeline. My daughter has been my fave. Okay. Chad, you know, she's just an absolute stud. like supernova charisma but dude my son the other day

peed for the first time outside standing up okay awesome he was number one he skyrocketed it whoa why because he was so happy or it made you proud I was so proud he's like I gotta pee I was like

come over here and he did it all himself he pulled it down he started pittling and it was like gonna land on his feet I was like push harder and then he pushed the stream out Whoa. And he did great with it. And then I go, all right, now shake it. He shook it off.

Wow. Rock solid. And then he pulled his shorts up. And I didn't think his mom would be stoked that we did that in the backyard because she's a civilized human being. Yeah. And then he ran inside. He goes, Mom, I peed outside. And I was like, dude, no.

Yeah. But she was pretty stoked. She was. I feel like kids peeing is like, it's like clean. People don't care. I mean, they're pretty healthy. healthy. Like, you can just like, sometimes I'll look at how Dewey their skin is, and I'm just like, that's amazing. Like, I kind of get where that Brian Johnson billionaire guy's coming from where he like takes his son's plasma and puts it into his own body. Of course. Because I'm like, I would like to borrow some of that collagen. I'll give it back. Oh, of course. And my kid, I love him. I'll do whatever he needs. But, you know, no reason you can't help me up, dude, dog.

Oh, dude. They're going to figure that out in about 15 years. I'm going to be the last old person. We're going to be the last generation. to old people. I do sometimes think like they're going to figure out immortality, not in like a creepy bad way, like in a way where people are like, this is way better. And I'm going to be like last one out. Like the door's getting closed behind me. And I was just last summer I had this haunting image of a sometimes I feel like old people need to make age seem better so that we're more excited to live. It's like we're all running this marathon of a life and everyone at the finish line is like, it sucks here quit running and you're like I'm already in the marathon I was at Manhattan beach

walking back with a friend of mine a girl but not a girlfriend and we're just walking back bathing suits to the car and I see this group of like six seven people in their 70s at this mansion overlooking the ocean fat spread glasses and wine I mean just like picture perfect of what you'd want your life to be like at that age and I'm thinking to myself damn man they really got to figure it out and then one of the old guys looks at me looks at the girl in with looks back at me and goes that's the life brother really and I was like no I need to think you have the life right otherwise what the fuck am I doing it makes it sad to imagine getting older and be like well even if you have all that it's still that's great you'd trade it for

He would trade it all just to, you know, hang out with a girl in a bikini. And have some more fluid in his knees. Yeah, maybe it's that. Maybe just the fact that I was walking up at Hill. He was like, that's alive, brother. Let me guess you're putting both feet down and no pain in the knees. How your ankles, they flexible? Shit, that's a life, brother.

With the sitting in the pee thing, one of the, like, biggest laughs that some, like, a bully got from somebody was he said to another kid. I bet you sit when you pee And like everybody thought it was fucking hilarious Dude there's a song growing up for Why is everybody always picking on me Because he's talk like a girl and he sit down to pee Do you write that song? No

It's totally hear you, you're right It's totally stigmatized Looking back on it It's like oh maybe it's kind of like Feminine I guess but I don't know why it would be such a huge Yeah maybe it's like Maybe in that world it's like you don't have a dick So you have to pee

Well, I think about my fiancee seeing me. She's not going to like it. Yeah. You have to lie. You have to be like, I'm shitting and then you have to stay there. Here's what you do. You put down, you know, that thin little paper you put on the public toilet seat? I want you to put that on the ground around the base of the toilet.

Then I want you to pee standing up. And then you can both look at that paper together on the bottom and see all the little droplets that collected. Oh, God. I don't want to know. like this consciousness stuff. I don't want to know. Look, if there's no world where you're going to sit down to pee, you don't want to know. But if you come to my house, you're sitting down to pee. I'll sit down to pee at your place. I respect that.

Appreciate it. If I respect the person I'm visiting, I'll sit down on your toilet. I don't even have to talk about it. You don't have to add. That's how I feel about like pronouns. I'm like, hey, however you want me to do it, it's not a big imposition for me to just, you know, be considerate. So I think, uh, whatever you want me to call you, wherever you want me to piss. I draw the line. Everyone to me is a he. I think for my fiancee to be into it. I went less pronouns.

I think for my fiancé to be into it, the guy from off-campus, Belmont, whatever, he'd have to say he sits down when he pees. Oh, yeah. Then she'd be like, you should do it. Oh, yeah, if there was a sit-down to peecee scene and a heated rivalry.

He'd be like, oh, that's kind of cool. It's kind of hot. We do need, it's like when Clark Gable didn't wear like an undershirt and it happened one night, it like changed men's fashion, like undergarments, sales like cratered.

Like you kind of need someone to set the tempo. Honestly, I mean, if you guys start doing like Instagrams from just like... From the, like lives? Yeah. Just peeing on the toilet. Yeah. Oh, yeah, just to get the word out. And there'll be pushback.

Like, some people are going to be like, we're not ready, but like you could be that dude. When the pushback you're going to get, this came up in conversation once. And the guy, this guy in the circle was like, I know, but then your dick hits the water. And I was like... Shut. No, my dick. has never hit the water. Stuff like that.

It's not even a fear I've ever had. But then I'm like, fuck, I don't know, I've seen some dicks out there that I can see me an issue. But doesn't party when someone says something like that you know what you just said? Right. Right. I want you to be able to participate in the conversation. I do. But you know what you did.

Yeah. Exactly. Now we're all thinking something else. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, oh yeah, I want to piss him down, but my balls just keep going in the water. My big danglers are soaking. Oh, you know, I don't sit down to pee because my dick's so long, it actually just barely hovers along the water.

So there's no way I can miss even if I try. But I always think it's funny if it's like not even like a cool thing like your dick. You're like, oh, I'd sit down to piss, but then my pubs get all soaking wet. That's why shit standing up. Boys.