Going Deep with Chad and JT - EP 451 - Strider Wilson enters DAD MODE like a BEAST!

Episode Date: August 5, 2026

Today we are joined by the Strider Wilson aka The Diaper Beast. We start off the pod talking about Car Salesmen and the best GUY to go to. Did Chad introduce THE GUY to everyone who claims its "their guy" or is this all just a Huntington misunderstanding? Then we dive into Striders first few weeks as a NEW DAD. He talks about playing classic movies for his newborn and the waterworks of PURE JOY. The bros then breakdown the best way to ORDER LIKE A BEAST. We end talking about our adventure in one of our newest favorite SoCal cities. Is Anaheim secretly ELITE? We had a great time! If you enjoyed this ep - leave a like or a comment! We are live streaming a fully unedited version of the pod on Twitch, if you want to chat with us while we're recording, follow here: https://www.twitch.tv/chadandjtgodeepGrab some dank merch here: https://appreeshapparel.com/Come see us on Tour! JT JUST ADDED HEADLINE DATES FOR THE FALL!Get your tix - https://www.chadandjt.comTEXT OR CALL the hotline with your issue or question: 323-418-2019(Start with where you're from and name for best possible advice)Check out the reddit for some dank convo: https://www.reddit.com/r/ChadGoesDeep/Thanks to our Sponsors:HomeChef: The Best Meal Kits! Go to https://www.homechef.com/godeep and get 50% off your first box + free dessert.HIMS: The Best Hair Loss solutions. Go to https://www.hims.com/godeep and get started today with an online consult with a professional.PRODUCTION & EDITS BY: Jake RohretSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

But I don't know, is that a smart car to get? Because the parts, they just don't make a lot of them. Toyota's the car. I'm going to, you guys got Toyota's. Oh, yeah, I got to link you up. Yeah, please. I'll put you in touch with him. Bro, I can you listen.

I think he listens to the pod. Let's shout him out, dude. Dude, I might have a better Toyota guy than you, though, do you? Oh, are you? Are you kidding me? I got a sick Toyota guy. What, dude? Yeah, dude.

He's your Toyota's at Huntington, dude. My boy, Cam, dude. Is it your guy at Huntington? Yeah, my boy's at Huntington. My boy's at Huntington, too. Who do you know? Do you know, Bucky? Well, yeah, I met Bucky.

Yeah, bro. But he's my guy. But here's the thing. Bucky's my boy. Who got you in touch with the Huntington guys? Yeah, he says he's, no, no. It's my, it's my hookup. Dude, can I tell you?

Got you in. That's true. He hooked me up with the guy. I forgot you did that. Yeah. Fuck, dude. Yeah. Wow.

Wow. Wow. That's like a little paw, dude, to like claim you got the guy and you got the guy from your guy. Dude, that's a good call. I thought I got him for my brother. But then I gave him to my brother actually because then he got his Toyota there. Oh, wow. Holy shit, dude.

We're in a whole tangled Toyota. So you're still the. Yeah, and I'm salty about this right now. Dude, that's my bad. He's the guy. Dude, I friggin, you know, stick my neck out for you. I appreciate you looking out for me, though. I stick my neck out for you.

I'm like, I want to get my boy a rave. Dude, you're good. You hook go to the good deal on a RAV. I'm looking for it. I got below MSRP. Dude, we can have a whole. crew, we could go in a V formation and Ravs. We could be in a Ravs, dude. That's going to be the new Rivian. It's a practical car, dude. I'm telling you, I got the hybrid. I'm loving it, dude. It's good safety

standards. It's not flashy, but it gets the job done. I don't take great care of cars too. So I don't want like a, I don't know, I want some just practical, straightforward and we'll run for like 100,000 miles, no issues. That's Toyota. That's a Yoda, dude. I'm coming off that key seven, dude. That thing was a disaster. I had to put oil in it every week. My mom got naughty. She gave it away after like six months. She's like, this thing keeps breaking down. That's what happens.

It was in the shop all the time. So, yeah, I'm looking forward to just like, you know those Toyotas. They just go, man. They got great standing. They run forever. They drive smooth, good gas mileage. And when you get the lease, you get like free, free oil changes for a year, free tire rotations. And then, um.

That's nice. I mean, I'm a Ford guy too, built Ford Tough. I've been driving fords. You know, I started off with the escape hybrid. Remember that? Shout out. Yeah, now I got my Ranger, love the Ranger. A lot of good times in both.

Dude, I'm all about it. I want to get you in a Tacoma, dude. Tacoma would be sick. I would not complain about a Tacoma. But, dude, you know what I really want to get? Supra. Oh, my God. Dude, the dealership I go to in Glendale,

they have like an old school super in there. It says not for sale on that. bro not for sale it's just sick it's just in there they know it's too sick dude that imagine imagine having three kids and that supra oh my god dude and nos and nos dude you would never be late for middle school drop off dude when are you gonna show your daughter fast and the furious already did that's what i've been doing just nonstop i skip tokyo drift though dude dude you're gonna be a great dad thank you dude wait so so you've been showing her the original, too fast, of course.

Fast. If you just in chronological order? Because my, you know, when I potentially have a kid, I'm picturing just the original on loop. Yes. So he, she can have it just ingrained and, you know, before they can even speak. It's like they already know the script. This is very smart, dude, because what I'm doing is actually pretty much what you're

saying. I'm putting the original on loop. But right now, my dank daughter's only three weeks. Their field of vision is like a lot of black and whites, and they see a lot of contrasts. So I've actually experiencing the fast and the furious and black and white. And it's a whole new art house aesthetic to the film. I really highly recommend.

Wow. Yeah, it's really beautiful. I'm pretty sure I think her first word might be family. Or Corona. You know what her first sentence most likely will be? Bullshit, asshole, no one likes the tuna here. You knew that. But dude, you know what?

I hope her first sentences? Hey, Ted, kiss my shoes. Dude, every time I... You got no engines, do we? Do we? They're in the warehouse, man. They're in the warehouse, man! Dude, it's a great film.

It's his family filmed, dude. I mean, it's a beautiful thing to watch. The roller coasters opening up. Oh, I saw that. It looks cool. And it's the Tolucaa Lake residents are pissed. Have you seen that? No, what are they saying? You can hear screams just nonstop.

Like, it sounds like a murder scene over there. Oh, that's going to be frustrating. And then all these people are like, don't move in near an amusement park. Toluca Lake's a nice neighborhood. I could get how those people would feel like a little bit. It's, you know, anti-roller coaster. It's crazy because Toluca Lake is like right in the center of shit of L.A. It's like nestled off the 101, heart of the valley, Ventura's right there. They're literally universal's in its backyard. But somehow it's the quietest little neighborhood.

I don't know how they do it. Yeah. I do like Toluca Lake a lot. Steve Carell lives there. Does he really? Dude, good guy. There's a sick ass. That's what one of my neighbors told me.

In this background, you can see the golf course. That's lakeside. That's a dank-ass golf course, dude. Oh, yeah, it's supposed to be really nice. Santino belongs there. Santino's a good golfer. Yeah, he can play. It's the party course.

Oh, yeah. Someone was telling us those stories. Yeah, I played there one time when I first moved to LA, my buddy Jack, ass clown. His dad was a member. I think his dad lives in Maui now. But we played. And then the guy ahead of us was Carlton. Oh, yeah, Alfonso Rivera.

Yeah. Yeah, some of the caddy, when we had a caddy at that golf tournament we played and he was telling us like, people would be golfing at Lakeside and like Molly will be popping out of their pockets. What? Yeah. I mean, he might have been amping it up to, because we were like getting, like just pumped on the story but it did sound pretty wild dude sorry i've been on my phone too i left me and my fiance we dropped our kids off together at school today it's their birthday so we dropped off popsicles and we had to go get pizza and then but it was we're driving the minivan and when we got

home she hopped out to hop in the other car and i drove here but i didn't have keys oh yeah bro so i was driving without keys happens at valet bro so i just had to call uh an ooze and to, so she can throw the keys in and bring them to me so I can get somewhere from here. That's a smart. Sorry, I'm on my phone, stokers, but I need car keys at some point. Wow. Yeah, you're going to have to. I run a tight sketch today.

Dude, speaking of your van, what is that? Are you running a Sienna? Honda Odyssey. Okay, that's a nice vehicle. It's sick. I just want to get another one. I was like, maybe we just run two of them, but then I heard about this Toyota hookup, and I was like, look, I'll go where it's easy, baby.

Well, the Sienna's sick if you want another van, dude. Yeah. that's true good check that there was something I liked about having two of the exact same minivans

it's kind of tight it's like your heist team yeah exactly you're rolling in you same color maybe I'll check yeah we're both gonna just run murdered out black

sick that's fucking sick I love the Odyssey I love rolling around in that thing it's like the Sicario when you're going in the carpool dude that aerial shot have you guys

know through there oh yeah I'm gonna cross on the border so tight welcome to Juarez pull your weapon out pull your weapon out red color

Three cars back on the left. Move. Do you want to die? No one needs to die today. Get us more here. Get us more here. He's so good in that. Is that a Western?

Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, dude, these guys, like, with Euphoria was supposed to be like a Western season three? Get out of here, dude. Not buying it. Not buying it. But is Heller High Water a Western? Yeah.

Takes place in Texas, dude. Heller High Water is one of the best movies I've ever. seen. It's the best movie. Dude, if you're a fucking dude who's got like a fucking dick and likes beers and shit and you haven't seen Heller High Water, what are you doing, dude? Dude, Chris Pine's so hot. Yeah, he's a stud. He's got a new movie out that's supposed to be good.

What's Ben Foster's best performance, do you think, on film? I think it's Heller Highwater, but he's been good in a lot of stuff. I mean, 310 to Yuma, I think he's good. It's great. It's a bit pitched up for me. Alpha Dog? Dude, when he's doing... No, I think he's too much in that.

But that's where he kind of showed people that he could do that thing. But dude, when he's doing doggy and alpha dog, that was sick. I mean, that's what made me a fan. Dude, I also was watching History of Violence and I like to relax. My wife was laughing so much. She's like, you went to bed last night. You said you were going to watch a movie.

And she turns the TV on and it's history of violence. And it was like right after the staircase scene. Yeah. So she's like, I know what you watched. And I was like, yeah, well, I was saving the full frontal robe scene from when I fired up the TV next. She's calling me out, dude, but like I relax to these films. But I was watching History of Violence. It's very much a play.

It's like a terrible movie. Yeah, yeah. I don't understand why it's so weird. I can never wrap my head around it. And then you'll read reviews and they're like, it's such an insightful look at like the double life of like Americans with like suburbian violence. I'm like, I'm not getting any of that.

Everyone's amming it up. It's very basic. And you're right. It's like a play, but like for kids or something. Dude. where people are like saying their intentions or like saying what's going on. I don't get it at all.

And dude, I thought in the final, like with William Hurt, the actor, he's bad in it. He got a best supporting actor nom for it. And people are like, he's in it for five minutes and he's amazing. I'm like, he's terrible. Dude, he's bad. And he's a great actor,

but he's like, Billy, you left a lot of upset people when you left. And then he does the flip around. He's like, you can help me, Billy. You can die. And then he's like, well, yeah, dude, it's so corny. It's so bad. Yeah, I don't get it.

The action is cool. It is, oh, you know what I think this is what's good about it? Is that it is so cheesy. And then when the violence hits, it's so violent. Yeah. And so that's supposed to be what's like interesting about it is like how we all act like like we're these friendly people. But then when it gets real and primal, I'm actually talking myself back into it.

But then when it gets real and primal, how gnarly it can get. But I still think it sucks because the line readings are just so stale and stiff. And like, we used to do the sun when the sun's like, are you laughing now? Oh, yeah. beats up the bully. You're like, what are you doing? I was also like, the son's going to get beat up by that bully. Yeah.

This is not going to win, dude. The staircase scene, though, with the donning. That's a good scene. And that speaks to the primleness of it. It's like, you know, she's turned on by the violence or whatever, I guess. Yeah. So I've been watching that. Yeah.

Haven't shown my dang daughter that one yet. Dude, so that's a David Cronenberg movie. And he does a lot of, like, body horror. I read Lena Donham's memoir intense. Really? I would say the back half of the book is just about illnesses she endured. It's called Fame Six, so that's kind of part of the deal. But just like, I mean, there'll be like three chapters in a row where she's like, I had

endomyotroosis. It was given me lesions on like my uterus. And they were just all over. I was just littered with the lesions on my uterus. They pulled them out. They pulled out like 20 lesions. They found like a tumor that was like compressing my spine. I had to like walk with a walker.

But I was so sad over my breakup with Jack. Then I ended up letting this drug addict I went to high school with, like, have sex with me. And even though it was painful and it was tearing the stitches from my uterine surgery, like I still let them do it to me because like I just had to feel something. I had to feel it. And I'm like, and then she has to like go back to the hospital because she's like bleeding from it and stuff. And you're like, what the fuck is happening, dude? Whoa.

It was like Cronieberg. It was more because it was real. Yeah. But it was like. That was not in the. Brittany book. I've actually found with most female celebrity memoirs, they kind of do go there at a certain point.

Like Jessica Simpson's had a little bit of that. Demi Moore's had some of that. I'm like... She did have that abortion story, I guess. Yeah, I was like, y'all's coozes go through a rough time. It's tough for to have a... Like, you think about like this, like, what's a female vagina doctor called? God.

A guy, I know. What's a male penis doctor called? Urologist. See, I knew you would know, but that's why I was throwing it to him. Do it again. Do it again. Sorry. I didn't know a urologist though.

Because my neighbor was a urologist because he worked on my nuts. I was too fine. I'm too excited to be out right now, dude. I was going to say, because I did do with Chigas in the car and he didn't know what a urologist. And I feel like 90% of people know a gyno and only 10% of people know a urologist.

Yeah. Yeah. I've had my nuts worked on twice. I did think you would know it too because of the torsion. Yeah. But you gave me a second there where it felt better. And then it's tough to have a vagina, dude. That's what I'm saying.

I think it's a lot tougher because we never go the urologist women go to the gyno all the time here's i you know i was talking my fiance about this because she was asking me what it's like having a shlong because to that to her she's like the idea of having something out is so weird yeah so it's exposed i think there i think there's kind of like we deal with it with having like you know just a dick and balls out all the time that you got a maneuver around it can be tough to do crunches especially like bicycle crunches i don't know how they do that in hot yoga because my nuts just move side to side. I'm like, this is painful.

So it's like, I'm like, what's it like having a vagina? And she's like, you don't even really notice it until you got to go through all that stuff. Till you got to do the period stuff, till you got to like go to the gyno, get the pap smear. Until you become a grown up and it gets like real. Yeah. But there's, I think there's moments in between. Right. So they get more.

Oh, that's kind of interesting. So like for the first 13 years of life, it's easier having a vagina. And it's actually harder having balls because we're getting hit there all the time. And like you spend like, you know, maybe 13% of your childhood just on the ground writhing in pain. Yeah. And then, but then we get to a point where like, all right, well, we're not playing with sticks with the neighborhood kids anymore. And then women, they go through like, hey, you're getting into mating season. And that's when they got to deal with the blood and the UTIs and the yeast infections and just a lot.

You got to think you got to think about all that stuff. I think it's also thinking about like if there's like an odor or something. I think a lot of girls get self-conscious about that. But then dude, I think, I feel like balls smell terrible. But the lucky part about being a guy is we don't think about it. No. Like I bet you any time a woman's gone down on any of us, she was like, this is terrible. And also, and also.

She was like, you know, he's a nice guy. He listens to me. That was a pretty good. salad we had. Also, it doesn't like, I don't know if it, you know, if there's like something going on, it can emanate. With the vagina? Yeah.

Yeah. And with, with balls, I think it, for the most part, is pretty contained. I don't know about that. You don't think, I don't. I do think, I do hear you. I remember, like, laying on a girl's lap one time in the dark room in high school. And I was like, damn, girl, you're like, Cooter is like ripping from here. And I've had girls I've gone down on where I was like, this is tough.

I don't know if we can make this work long term because you're using natural soap and it's not working. Oh yeah, I do. But I bet you if you went down on more dudes you would be like, this is... Yeah, probably.

Like, imagine going down on... And let's blank his name. Who's like a sweaty guy we did comedy with growing up? Oh, shit, dude. Who's the guy with the... Imagine blowing... No, I don't want to. Believe his name, but leave him.

The rest of it. Okay, okay, let me put myself in this scenario. Where are we at? Are we at the Hollywood Hotel? You guys just did hotel together. It's the fourth mic of the day. He hasn't been home in a couple hours. So you know he's been, it's the middle of August.

He's walking between Hollywood Hotel, Marties. We're capping off the night at the Uhoo room. At the U-Hoo room. Yeah, and he's like, man, I've hit five mics today. I've just been walking all over Hollywood and Burbank. And then you guys hit it off like, you know, you used to. And then you go into his, uh, you get it. you give him a good tag

and he gave him a good tag and then he'd go back into his van he's like I need head bad and then do you think do you think it smells as bad as a stanky cooter I'd say

here's the distinction here's distinction I mean yeah this is good and there's no disrespect towards women I love women I love the vagina yes but I do think like there's something about

when there's a you know when the pH is off. Yes. When there is stuff going on in there that's kind of out of their control yeast infection, things like that, I think it's able to, because it's a cavity, it's able to really emanate an odor that can penetrate, you know, it's like, it's like a skunk, you know, it's a fair point. The whole neighborhood. And I get what you're saying, it's because it's a cave. It's a cave. Because it can go in there and kind of. There's more bacteria and brew on. brew on itself.

Yeah. Whereas like a penis sometimes feels like a rock out in the ocean. Yeah, like a sweaty armpit, sweaty balls and stuff. Like when you get near that, it's going to suck. I assume. Especially the guy we're talking about. Great guys. But it's not going to be nuclear.

Yeah. You're saying with a woman it could be nuclear. There's potential for nuclear fallout. And to all the women listeners, I love you. Yeah. I think you'll be. No, hey, dude, I think a lot of people are going to agree with you. And a lot of guys are going to be like, thank you, Chad, for saying it.

Yeah, I didn't have him one to say that forever. Yeah, God bless you. You didn't back down to like, you know, the whatever. And you said it like it is. I remember one time I was, there's this girl I had a crush on. And I went to go visit her in New York. She was living in New York City. I went to like, I was staying with my brother.

I went to go like have lunch with her. And she was sitting like crisscross applesauce. And it just. Like this? She was sitting like this at lunch? No, no, no, I went to go visit an air place. Oh, nice. And you were getting it from there.

I was like six feet away. And it was like, you know, it was like in the episode of Seinfeld when Kramer opens the door to the red light, it just hit you like a missile. That's why in New York people, they got to go to Martha's Vineyard. They got to go to the Hampt because of that. Exactly. That's why. Did you get a break? They got to escape that.

The waft. Yeah. They have good breeze there, so it goes up to the Atlantic. And here's a question for you. You go on a date with someone and they sit in a chair of pretzel leg. Are you just getting up and leaving? Are you sticking around to find out what's going on? Guy or girl? Oh, whoa. Either. I mean, it's odd. Yeah, keep going.

You go, you're like, hey, let's go get lunch, soup and salad place. Wait, so like if someone... Yeah. Sits in their chair at lunch. Like this? In a restaurant. And they do that. I'm out.

Damn. I'm gone. What don't you trust about it? I'd rather have them stand the whole time. But what... Is it too floppy? You know, I think it's too pseudo-eastern psychology for me. So you think they're trying to look enlightened?

Yeah. and I don't like that. But you know, I mean, and let's, I think that's a great clip, so I'm not trying to step on it. But I sit like that most of the time. We've had lunch together a million times. And yeah, and I also, do you like, okay, but what bothers you more? But I always bring up topics. I'm like, what, what bothers you more when I sit like this or when I sit like this?

Oh, okay. This is a great question. This used to bother me, but now I respect this position more than anything in the world. So when I, because growing up, this is how I would like chill most of the time. Yes. Boxers with a colored shirt on chilling like this. That was your outfit, dude. Dude, you'd walk over JTB fucking reading Christopher Hitchens, probably just post-beat,

sitting on his bed like this and he go, what up, dude? You want to go shoot some hips? I'm like, yeah, let's go outside now. And dude, he'd just be like that. And I'm like, you just hang out like that? It's so uncomfortable. But dude, I respect this position so much now because your hip mobility and your ankle mobility

I think it's more of my quads I think I have tight hips but yeah maybe when I was younger maybe not I'm dude I respect the shit out of this position but you don't like this one no

so would you have an issue going oh hey look at that yeah I don't like this if we were eating right now I'd be very upset would you have an issue going to Tibet

no if you do that in Tibet it's when in Rome do as the Romans do you should be sitting like that I'm saying we're at lunch you have a problem with Americans who have never been in Tibet that are doing it at the cheesecake

factory. That's it. What are you doing? Yeah. So how should how should Americans sit? Legs spread. Everyone should be man spreading, sitting back and chilling, you know. And women too? I get that. I mean, look, I do a lot of soft as shit. You got to call me out. Yeah. I don't mind that. Women should man spread more. Yeah. What else should women do? That's what that's what Bray Brown says. Hold space. Man spread. Dude, you know what? This just, women always talk about man spreading.

Mm-hmm. And it's like as if, you know, it's an issue, especially around the subway. But dude, chicks should just man spread back. Yes. And they should take up your space. Yes. So there's a battle going on. I think they do in their own ways, too.

They don't spread, but like, you ever notice like they'll kind of clets around? They'll be like, oh, like, And they'll do a little bit of that. Dude, they'll put a bag next to them. Yeah, exactly. They'll take their umbrella and be, like, moving in a lot. And you're like, you're actually kind of... You're invading my space.

You give me a lot to think about. And now I'm like kind of... How do beasts sit? Oh, full spread. Full spread eagle. Whoa. I've never seen you sit like that. I like that a lot, actually.

So I'm trying to... It's very intimidating because you got long, like, praying mantis limbs. Yes. Full spread. It looks like you could stick one of those feet right in my neck. And then, Whoever's sitting next to you, you put your arm around them immediately and you just let them know I got you.

I'm a protector. How do you accentuate the bulge? It's tough because I have such a small, tiny bulge, but I'll wear a baseball cup. But say you have a big dick right now. Oh, if I have a big cock? Yeah. I'd Al Bundy it. I would just sort of just put one hand in there.

Like when, you know, Al Bundy used to do that. Yeah, of course. Just put one hand in there and just let people know. And every once in all, someone walks by and you know how you kind of make eye contact and say hi. Don't say hi, just make eye kind of. Interesting. Right back up. Look down.

Let them know that that's where your cock is. And then just kind of... And so when someone says like, you're sitting down, the waiter comes up, hey, man, take your order? Ignore them. Right off the bat. You never answer the waiter when he first comes up to you. And do you look at your cock first and then looks straight ahead? Just keep looking on my cock.

Be the waiter. Come up. Try to take them order. Hey, um, hey, welcome to. Cheesecake Factory May I take your order? Oh, that's good. Would you like to hear our specials

or can I start you off with a beverage, maybe a water? So the chicken parm and a Diet Coke? And so you don't look at the waiter when you order, you just tell them, bone in rib eye. Well done, I want to be able to break it in half with my hands.

And plus I want the brown bread only, not the white bread. Oh, good call. Will that be all? Do you like any appetizers? Can you turn up the AC in here? It's not cold enough. Beasts like it chilly.

You got it. Also, you see these $5 bills that I've laid out on the table. There's four or five here. That's 20 bucks. That's for you to lose. That's minus one for not getting my steak ready soon enough. Fifteen bucks is your tip right now currently. That's awesome.

And did the way he sip the drink. Tell beast's orders Now So you can't bring an outside beverage into the restaurant You Can't bring an outside beverage into the restaurant Is what you mean? Is that what you said?

I heard You can't bring an outside beverage Into the restaurant Well I think I was referring to I was referring to you You No What I was saying that sends

I was No customers cannot bring outside beverages And it's I'm not a customer. I'm an owner. Of this establishment? No, but I own other establishments. I own my car. Not outright. It's a lease.

So you don't own your car. So you don't own it. There was the savvy play to lease it. Sir, I'm the manager here. What's going on? Excellent. Happy to level up. You've been excused. Wait, no, let him stay. Let him stay. We're working together. I want you to learn something.

You say you manage this place? Yes. What's the thermostat set out currently? 71 degrees. Got to go down to 69. One, it's funny. Two, it's more comfortable. All right, we can do that for you, sir.

You're the only one in the restaurant. Thank you very much. Dismissed. Guys, we all know that when you're looking in the mirror and you see that hairline, sometimes you're like, is it creeping back? Is there a recession going on? What's going on with my dome? What can I do?

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Prescription required. Individual results may vary see website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. Wait, do you remember when my cousin, I got like a really alpha masculine cousin Alejandro, a Colombian guy? but he grew up in like Panama he was like the greatest guy but he was like very intense and like when he was 13 his girlfriend from a different school cheated on him so he stole a uniform from that school rode his dirt bike over at lunch and beat the shit out of the kid

and like he had a crush on my friend sister and he went up to him he's like Andrew I will marry your sister Maggie you will give a short blessing but one time we all went he was the greatest but one time we all went to cheesecake factory together no we were at yard house yeah can you do the impression of him is the best He was like maybe 19. We were all like 21. Yeah, he was like 19. But he was way more like masculine.

And then I'll be the waiter. There's like eight of us at the table. She walks up. She's like, is there anything else I can get for you guys? Beer. He just got to yell at him. Without looking at her, he goes,

beer. And just held his hand up. And we're like, Alejandro. And shit. The best part is the yardhouse. They're like called like 150 beers on tap. Yeah.

It's like you need to specify what beer you want. But he doesn't know. He's 19. He's like just a beer. And none of us were drinking. It was lunch. No, he was so funny. Yeah, but he was like that guy. Yeah, dude.

He had a very unalloyed masculinity to him. But dude, he was so funny too because, like, I think the Winter Olympics were going on or something at that time. And so he would do an impression of like a Norwegian guy. And he'd be like, I'm from Norway, the Goli. He would like, do this Norway voice? Yeah. He's a sweet guy. I think he does like graphic design for Nike now.

Really? Yeah, he was like smart, too. Guys like that all surprise you. Dude, when I hear graphic design, my brain can't, I don't know what that is. Yeah, what is it? What is it? I think you're on a computer and I think you're doing like mockups. I always picture a car like a Bugatti, like Bugatti lines on it.

Yeah. Yeah. Like smooth. Like someone graphic designed this. That's a graphic design. Amir can do it. Kiberi can do it. He teaches himself all that stuff.

It is a skill. Yeah, for sure. AIs. Fuck. Wipe them out. Yeah. Really? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he did. Amir did say, like, he was working at Fox, and they were doing a lot of the, like, promo stuff. And I think they took out his whole department. It's a bummer. I think, I think graphic designers were, like, the first to really get hit. Makes sense. That's like what AI's best at right now is you can just ask it to do, like, what Kevin does and stuff, just do a mockup of something. It's a buzz cute. Just puts Chad's dad in aloe outfits all the time.

Dude. Honestly, it's one of my favorite things. It's so funny. What? Just make AI photos of. Strider being jacked. It's so funny he said to me. The Joe ones are really funny too.

Oh, the Joe ones are so good. Yeah, with the sunglasses. Yeah, Joe and Hinchcliff on a yacht. The fuck yeah. Joe. He's funny. He's in America right now, JFL. Yeah, dude.

Dude, that's amazing, bro. Him playing Koi being like, by the way, boys, can't say anything. Aaron was a little hurt. Aaron was? Yeah, he's like, he lied to me. Yeah, you didn't tell anyone. Yeah, you're not supposed to, I guess, or do they say that? Yeah.

I think it's weird when Joe lies. Because you can't picture Joe ever lying. He's so like, uh... Yeah, Joe, what are you doing the end of July? Yeah, nothing. Mm-hmm. Actually, I'm going to JFL. I'm new face.

That, you know what? I couldn't tell you, dude. The not telling people thing that, I was talking to Kevin and Amir about this, the industry makes you, like, do that shit. Yeah. They want things to be like, if you tell anyone, we will take away your show.

We will take away your spot. Do not tell it. And it's so, when you look back, in the moment, it's because you want it so bad, you're like, you're like, dude, I can't. If anyone, you like have nightmares about it, about, like, getting out and you're just getting like. When we had the Netflix show, we were very freaked out about it. And you look back on it, I'm like, so stupid. Like, what do they get? You, like, tell people that you have a show.

What are they going to do? I know, Neibone put it into us because he was like, hey, like, one of our other guys, like, kind of blabbed about his show and he was in big trouble. And it was almost like that story parents tell where they're like, oh, yeah, my friend had a firework and blew his finger. off it's all live but it scares you straight yeah they really uh they're like the the secrecy is yeah like what were they going to do to joe if you told us and like joe you told everyone before we made our big announcement you know so you can't go now you only get nine minutes instead of 10 it's like dude you feel yeah and you're not allowed to talk about sports yes they start canceling no sports men or beer in any of your sense yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm excited hopefully

he got sucked when he was over there I know he did say we were asking dude he's not the type just saying in text comedy sent yeah the girl made him he's like dude don't tell anyone I blew you yeah I didn't keep his secret until late August her list out of who she blew

with JFL yeah it's all the dudes on the Comedy Central special that's cool Comedy Central coming back with some people sick yeah like to see just more people doing so dude we had a pretty sick day yesterday Anaheim hired us to

yeah like do a YouTube videos about the city and they wanted it to like show off other parts of it besides Disneyland. And at first I was like, oh, it's just a gig. You know, they're giving us a nice paycheck. I was like, I'll bring good energy. But honestly, about halfway through the day, I was like, this is kind of the sickest. It's a great city. It's a great city.

And it's got so much good stuff. Like, I'm not even, I'm kind of being a mark for myself, but like, dude, we had barbecue at, what was it? Smoke Queen. Smoke Queen. Unbelievable. That's what I call my wife. It's like Asian.

And dude, we realized pretty quick, we didn't have the food vocabulary. Dude, Guy Fierry is a genius. He's a genius. I don't know. He comes up with it. I mean, I guess he's been in food as a life. But I started Googling food stuff to say. Like, I was like, oh, it's good bark on that brisket.

Whoa. Nice jiggle. You got to jiggle it, you know, because that's how you know if it's cooked to the right time. But it was like the food was unbelievable. And then we went to this place, Adventure Lagoon, that had an obstacle course. Sick as hell. Dude, it was a lagoon.

It was like a man-made water park. Yeah, this obstacle course was sick. Yeah, blow up obstacle course. Dude, the obstacle course is insane. That's amazing. It's sick, dude. It's so sick. I want to have my birthday there.

That'd be too, yeah. Dude, this is incredible. I'm doing my honeymoon there. The water's like a perfect temperature. Dude, go to the Adventure Lagoon. Yeah, I'm like, babe. Yeah, I'm going to cancel the trip. Spora, snora.

Yeah. Cancel the trip. We're going to Anaheim for Disney. The Adventure Lagoon. And dude, you know what, too? Like, I was running out so many words to say about taste for food. Like, Chad, how's this taste to you? I'm like, oh, man, it's like an explosion in my mouth.

It's just like fireworks of the flavor. That one was good. I like when you said fireworks in your mouth. It's like fireworks. You know, like, actually you like try to find it in the moment. Because you're like, the food was really good. So it was like kind of, it wasn't, you didn't have to like fake it. It's like, has this. it has this taste

you're like oh it that other flavor just slides in it's just so and then the churros the churros were awesome don churros those are the best churros I'm a churots I'm a churro guy they were insane but dude but it's also hard to like he's like how are the churos and you're like it's really gooey in the center

and then they're like take another bite how is it I'm like the goo the goo is good yeah you just want to say like honestly I just every time it's really fucking good Yeah. That should be like, dude, it's fucking great. It's really fucking great.

I could eat like three of these. The shit tastes good, dude. Heime, dude, at Don Churros. Dude, his family's been like in the Churro game since since his grandparents for like 60 years. His brother moved there to Mexico, Halisco, I think he said, when he was eight to like learn the process. It's like, it comes through, dude. You're like, these are so bombed. They're better than the, he says Disneyland employees voted them the best place to get

sure is. Because I was going to say that Trilat Disneyland is pretty fired. He was flexed and he was like an article came out and Disneyland employee said they actually come to us. Let's go, dude. And dude, oh, we went to this Tiki Bar Strongwater. That was great too.

And this, what I loved about all these businesses, it really kind of shows you like when people really care about what they do, like it just, it takes their business to another level. Like this lady and maybe her husband, I forget her name, I forget her name, but they built this tiki bar.

I think it was Yin, right? But I might have it wrong. Something like that. And then the, yeah, oh, Robert Adams. Ying. Ying, sorry, I'm so sorry. Yeah, and so they built it like you're in the bottom of a sunken ship.

And it has a speakeasy vibe. So it's like, there's like skulls and it's like, it's like wooded in. And they build all their own decorations and design all their own decorations. Yeah. And then there's a speakeasy in the back that's like the captain's quarters. Unbelievable. They have like details like. double red light means the captain is dead.

It was awesome. I called my fiance on the way home and I was like, she's like, how was it? I was like, dude is so funny. Exactly what you said. I was like, every person we talked to, I'm like, why did you start working here? They're like, I just love the food so much. I love making people happy with it. And it was very life affirming where I was like, oh man, there's just nice people who want

to do nice things for people. At the bakery too, Okuyama Koba. Like the same thing. You're like, why did you start working here? He's like, I just thought they were like the best croissants I've ever had and I just left giving new people making them happy i was like you're a good fucking guy yeah started crying on dude it's like hey in the morning i'm like what the fuck you do you're thinking i want to feel like you do you go to another place you go you go to that obstacle course they're like i have to work here they have

my family yeah we need to do as much in-depth interviews there yeah the left coach just like shut up get out of the water dude dude that's amazing yeah it was fun dude tiki bars are so fun dude going out with the crew at it to a tiki bar good call yeah there drinks for bomb dude Yeah, yeah, dude. Rum infused drinks, dude. Get some Bacardi 151, dude. Did we had a flaming, flaming beverage. Yeah, he was doing the flame dance.

Yeah. It was like the serpent's grass and just, like I was expecting like a little flaming cup. Dude, he fucking, it was like a fireball. It was insane. Yeah. Sick. Yeah. Dude, I love Anaheim.

Yeah, it's usually a city that you just drive through. You don't think of, Disneyland. That's it. You know, Disneyland's here? Oh, interesting. I do Anahm, the VIV Hotel was sick. Nice. Oh yeah, I've seen that one right off the freeway.

It's nice. It looks a good job. It's a sick roof. With Anaheim, they're like, best view in Anaheim. It's just the five is right for a little. Yeah, exactly. I'll say this, the hotel did a good job on sound insulation because you couldn't hear from the rooms. I was like, what did you do?

Volleyball teams were there. They were doing the under 17 nationalists. I'd see kids. I'm like, you're the Libera. You look like a foot shorter than everybody else. It was like middle blocker for sure. The American Sports Center is right there. You reminded me you and your homies growing up.

100% dude, that was me. They're tall, dude. It's insane. Big, long, Gumby boys. But you know, they're just bringing the roof on people. Dude, they're just roofing dudes penetrating the net, dude. Freaking, just, you know, perfect timing there and just bouncing balls to the rafters. I saw the middle blocker.

I'm like, Strider would have brought the roof on you, dude. You got those quickups. You got some, dude, how's your reading skills up at the net, dude? Can you read the block? Because it's the premier skill of the game, especially for a middle blocker. Can you even? you can jump high, great, dude, but what's going to give you the edge is you're re-blocking? Do you remember when I freaking blocked you at Tom Hulls Beach, dude?

Yes. Because there was like a little mound I like popped off him. It's insane. But dude. And remember you got up? No, because I was like this as the ball's coming down. I've never seen you hustle so hard because you knew I was going to go bananas. And you were like, you're like, please don't let this thing hit ground.

Fuck. And then I was like, ah. Oh, man. I got you. That was good. You blocked me huge. I got you. Did you just hit it straight down on it?

me. Yeah, it was like it went straight down and then like it bounced back over. I was like, no way. I should have just gone roll shot back deep line, but I want it authoritative. I got greedy, dude. I got egotistical and I paid for it. I wasn't even above the net, dude. You just brought it straight down on me. And I just put my hands up. Volleyball's the best. It's so fun, dude. Well, you're not coming to the draft, but I'm going to get a net for the draft. Oh, when's the draft happened? August 27th. And I'm going out a day early, so I'm going to be in Austin for like three days. I'm excited. So you have any Stokers out in Austin. Let me know.

Dude, they have like a computer arcade. I think we might haweys it up. Fine. And do like a land party. Are you doing shows a day early in Austin? I don't know. I got something booked out there in like November, but I don't think I'm going to do anything. I was thinking about it, but I don't know.

It seems like a lot of effort. You seen a neurologist? What's going on, dude? No, I have a stand-up date out there and like the nice number. Yeah, yeah. That's what you mean, right? Yeah. Dude, you should hit up the mothership.

Yeah, I'll probably go in there, see all my boys. dude just go do calm me hit the green room it all goes it sounds chill in the green rooms you hit the green room you're like fuck yeah put on a tack vest and just do stand-up

dude so sick dude heard you got heard the whole audience is in those fucking you know those parasitin sex tape night vision goggles dude you watch stand-up in night vision

you never know you breached the stage oh dude for a second i thought you're saying that the parasilton goggles are like you wear goggles and it's just her sex tape. Oh, that'd be tight. That'd be tight. Like an oculus of that came out?

I downloaded it down because awesome. Oh, same. Of course. With Rick Solomon. Yeah. Oh, Rick Solomon, yeah. What a beast. It was always so frustrating because you couldn't see anything.

No, it was like someone was having sex in Osama bin Laden's cave or something. Yeah. And you're like, God damn, I'd really like to see this. Yeah. She was, she still is, but beautiful. Oh, dude. Very unique look. Yeah.

Back in the day. at valet one of the valets fricking snagged a j out of her Ferrari dude she had four pre-rolls just posted up in her teal blue Ferrari's like yeah I just snagged one whoa damn dude he doesn't work there anymore

wait she just had four sitting there in a chart pre-rolls dude that's a dewey waiting to happen bro it's California dude dude you know what that is that's hot that is hot sure wait strata I know I know you're keeping it you know fairly respectful and distant but can we how's the process been of being a new daddy? Dude it's amazing. It's exhausting.

But dude, it's awesome. Like, dude, my wife's a beast. Dude, childbirth. Whoa. That's a freaking roller coaster. What did you say? So you said before we were on Mike that they told you what the the spread was and you started. Oh, yeah, do you? So, yeah, like, you basically, you get contractions that can go for, like, when someone's like, I was in labor for 30 hours, it doesn't mean you're usually pushing for 30 hours, like in the movies when you're like, okay, push.

That can go for like four hours. It can be more than that. But you're having contractions for, like, 10 plus, like overnight, you know what I mean? So my dank-ass wife's just posted up having contractions, not fun. And I'm just there playing Xbox. And I set it up on the TV. That, dude, I had it set up. Were you playing Cod?

I was playing GTA. You're playing GTA, the new one? Yeah, like I said, I was getting one of the hookers in GTA. Are you worried? Yeah. People don't get irony, dude. They're going to think, yeah. So, but then they come in in the morning.

It's Saturday, except 7-11 was my Dank Daughter's B-Day. and uh fucking the nurse comes in she's like dude you're 10 centimeters let's meet your daughter water works immediately but then i'm a dumb ass you push for like four hours after that so but yeah it was amazing dude that's nice though no it's amazing my wife's a freaking soldier um baby came out huge long course and uh yeah dude then then they let you go home with this little thing you're like what how isn't that the craziest part and they don't give you much in shes that you don't give you much instruction or anything. They're just like, all right, well, like, I think they help you in the car the first time maybe. No, dude, it was like a 22-year-old nurse that wheeled out my dang wife. And I had the

car seat and everything, but like, they didn't even really check. They're just like, you're going to give you a pamphlet and be like, hey, here are the 12 things to look for in the first week. Here are common mistakes people make. Here's how you like wash a bottle or here's how you set up the car. And then it's like, no, they literally, they're just like, yeah, we did our job. We delivered the child. Now do your job. Go ahead. Yeah. And then. it's a learning curve but it's a steep one because you got to figure it the fuck out and yeah we're still figuring it out but like feed them every three hours you know the baby will cry it's it's either got to it's either overtired which is a tough one gassy which is another tough one or they're

just hungry and you just feed them feed them burp them fucking change their dikees do are you talking to it yeah yeah i just freaking tell her all sorts of sick shit dude i tell her i'm an absolute beast dude i tell her dude your dad's a beast i tell her dude your dad can dunk dude and did i tell I tell her, dude, I'm the boss. You lie to her? I saw a photo of you in the... What about Dunkin? Get out of here, dude.

I saw a photo of you in the delivery room. You were wearing your tack glasses. Yeah. I was wearing these the whole time. And you were wearing steel toe boots? 100%. And I was naked. Wow.

Yeah. And I've been wearing diapers now at home, dude. In solidarity with my kid. Just shitting in my pants. So you're ready for skin to skin. I was so ready for skin to skin. Give me the baby now. Dude, the golden hour days, as they call it?

Let's go. What's the golden hour? That's like where you do your skin to skin, you know, you really get that bonding with your child. What's the benefit? It's the only time the hospital leaves you alone. What does skin to skin do? What do they say is the benefit of it? Fucking do you just pretty much get you dialed?

What is it good for? It's like pair bonding and like attachment stuff and like helping them feel secure, which helps them with like sleep and regulating their emotions. Exactly. Dialed. But it's funny. Everyone talks about how important skin to skin is. They'll be like, oh, it's more important than even like the breastfeeding.

itself like in terms of like but it's true i don't even know if most people can nail down with the the specifics i'm gonna look at up right now and then uh dude they try to latch the baby real quick dude and then you know milk doesn't come in for a few days but you get some of that colostrum which is gold dude put that stuff into protein shake i was like babe can you save me some of that people do that mix out with my korea team bodybuilders will be talking about that stuff for sure so it's sick it's such a funny word colostrum and you never hear it until uh but it sounds like If a jacked dude comes up and he's like, and you're like, dude, what do you do to get so jacked? And it's like, of course, they lift weights.

They dedicate their whole life to this. And there's like a few things that you might be able to copy. And part of that is just what you put in your body. And if a jackd dude says the word colostrum to you, you're like, yeah, I'm going to order that shit off the internet now. Let me get some of that shit from Thailand. Regulates their heart rate, breathing and temperature. Your body literally calibrates theirs, stabilizes blood sugar, reduces stress hormones, better sleep, less crying, supports immune system development through your skin's microbiome, boosts weight gain in newborns.

Wow. I mean, come on, brother. I mean, it's huge. It does help them calm down. Like, when the baby's gassy and shit, I'll just ditch the lid, put the baby on me, dude, and just kind of breathe and chill. You hug someone for a while. You both take an exhale at the same time.

You kind of sink up your systems. Yeah. Baby needs that. Baby needs it. Yeah, exactly. How's sunny doing? Dude, great. At first, he was, he's just very interested, but now he's so cute, dude.

He comes up and licks her little foot. Really? Sniper lick. It's so cute. Oh, that's sweet. Yeah, he knows that she's part of the pack, dude. Yeah, I just have to get my keys. I'll be...

Oh, yeah, dude, don't even trip. Don't even trip. Figuring out what you want to eat every day is tough. It's a mental burden that we don't talk about enough. You got to go to the grocery store. You got to get cumin. You got to get all these different ingredients. You've got to find the right salt.

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wedding is going to be a milestone of stoke for me. I'm like, dude, it's going to be nice. Get the baby dialed in by then and just rage. Dude, be in the desert. Grandma's coming out to help with the baby so we can rage. Fantastic. Huge. But what's been huge, dude, is all the single bros,

I'm hitting up a lot of the single boys, dude, in our crew. And just having them babysit at night because, dude, chicks love babies, dude. And so I'll just be like, yeah, bro, take my daughter out, take her to the club. and they've just been taking my daughter out, you know, covering her ears, but going to the club, getting bottle service. And, dude, they're saying that, dude,

it's been a great summer for pussy for them so far. For real? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's sick, dude. Yeah. So if any of your, so just like heads up,

like, if you're a single dude and you're looking to Sarge this summer and you're looking to score and you're having a tough time opening up you know, sets of chicks, especially at the club, because it's tough to hear, like, it's tough to have a one-liner. Let the baby be your opener

because, dude, people are going to come up concerned, hey, why do you have a baby here? Oh, dude, I'm just babysitting from my boy. Dude, that's next level game. I mean, that's really when you want to step it up a notch and you really want to just start, when you hear about the top dogs who just slay nonstop.

Yeah. Who are just automatic, just in pound town, ready to rock. You bring a baby into the mix. And where do you, and you're saying, where do they put the baby when they're,

you know, slam puss? When they actually start fucking, you have to have the baby in the room with you just because, you know, that you want to just make sure they're monitored.

Right. So you just swaddle them. Put them like kind of in the corner in a bassinet. Yeah, yeah. And then just go to town in the bed. Yeah. You know.

So maybe, maybe some of our single boys they could hook up like a, trip to like the win or like the encore bring a baby um and just slay some bringing a baby to Vegas is probably a great call you know post up go to a pool party you know what I mean just make sure you're not in direct sunlight or at least the baby's shielded and has like some good AC maybe maybe some misters yeah and then yeah dude there's going to be chicks are going to be interested in that that's a great way to open conversation yeah they're going to come up and talk why is this baby here

Your frame in terms of like when you meet new pussy, the frame is going to be so epic because I mean, dude, the frame is the frame is going to be like unreal. Absolutely, dude. And I mean, you could be, because what do they call it? I mean, it's peacocking to a degree, but it's elevated peacocking because this is your wingman now. And your wingman is usually a great wingman is a face, a looker. You know, a dude who's Jack and he's a good rig. But he also might snipe some puss from you. You don't have to worry about your babe, a baby going off and, you know. Right. And they physically also can't go anywhere.

Yeah. So you don't have like your wingman being like it's late, you know, like I want to go to bed. It's like they're, you strap him in that baby Bjorn. It's like they're strapped to you literally. So like you got your wingman in cockpit with you. 100%. You, you know, you meet some chicks. Go back to the hotel room, swaddle, plow, repeat. Exactly.

And I really appreciate it as a new father because my boys, you know, whoever it is wants to come by, my boy Chili, dude. My fucking Bo Derek did. Dude, even De Adrian hit us up, dude, from back in the day. I haven't seen that guy in a while and he's been on a freaking he's been on a dry spell so he's like dude

I really need to babysit your kid for sure my wife and I want to catch some extra Zs tonight we're tired so he actually he took the baby to Scottsdale oh yeah

it's for Coogs yeah he's been getting mauled by Coogs out there in old town and how's the baby doing baby's great baby's chilling dude yeah he's well fed you know

his bottle skills are great I mean puts a whole new meeting to bottle service I guess yeah absolutely So, you know, my wife will just FedEx some breast milk out. Mm-hmm. And so she's on board with the mission. Yeah, we want to catch a few extra Zs.

It's tough, dude, you know? And it takes a village. It takes a village. A lot of people think it's grandmas. Not single horny guys that really look after your kid. Yeah, absolutely. That's a great way to get a babysitter without having to, like, you know, you really got to fork out some cash if you want, you know, a top-notch babysitter, but that's a good life hack.

maybe for the audience. Like, dude, if you're a new father, hit up one of your single boys. Oh, it's the most... You're not taking that dent. Yeah, exactly, because a babysitter is going to put a huge ding in your wallet. But my friends are so horny and desperate for Puss. Dude, they honestly have donated to her 529 account just to get the okay to nanny. And then they're flying my baby to Scottsdale.

They're paying for all, you know, if they have to combo feed, they're paying for their own bottles and they're, you know, paying for room and board. Not to mention, they send us some DoorDash gift cards. I said, thank you. That's unreal.

Yeah. Wow. So I'm sleeping like a baby. Dude, I got to admit I was worried about you because I know how much you love to sleep, but you figured it out, dude. You don't need a nanny,

you need a manny, dude. One of your bros. If you were single, dude, I think you'd be great at it. Oh, dude. I'm just picturing myself, dude, if I was, if I was, you know, 27 again, just had a baby strap to me,

swimming in it. 100%. Dude, Jake, Jake, you should watch his kid. Oh, yeah, dude, Jake. Joe, if you want a manny. Yeah, I'm down. Jake, you looking to watch a baby and slam some pus? I'll try it.

I'm never really done babysitting myself. This is a great setup, too, because you don't need any experience, dude. You just, if they cry, change your diaper. feed them a little bit, you know. Oh, that sounds easy to know. Super easy. Only thing you got to manage is just like, you know, making sure the mood's set for whatever chick you bring over here to slam. Dude, Jake, maybe just take it for a test run too. Maybe just strap on the baby Bjorn and then

hit Kava and see if you get any play. It's a great call, dude. People are sleeping on the amount of talent that's just roaming around Kava. Every time I go in there, I'm like, this pussy's insane, dude. Kava is Chipotle for chicks. It's Mediterranean. You know what I mean? You go in there. Honestly, I just whip my shirt off every time I order at Kava and just set the tempo. And yeah, it's a great place to meet chicks. That's where I figured it out.

I was holding my baby. And dude, chicks wouldn't stop talking to me. Wouldn't stop hitting on me. Oh, you made that? Oh, dude, you're an effective boner? Yeah, yeah. But dude, I'm chilling. I got my wife.

So that's why I hand it off to the boy. So Jake, yeah, dude, you want to go. go hit sweet green cava whatever maybe panera bread by a hospital meet a nurse or something like that take my baby is it kind of like dudes who have dogs

like you know it attracts kind of if dude who have dogs is checkers and having a baby's chest yeah oh okay so it's like a much it's much more potent sophisticated you know like you gotta know what you're doing like if you got a dog you're gonna get a chick's digits.

If you've got a baby, you're going to get a chick's hand in marriage, dude. And Jake, if you hit up Kava, give me some pita chips. And Satsiki. Satsiki. Is that how you say that word? I never even knew.

I just, I figure it's Greek, so you just dropped the tea. It's a great call. Greeks don't use teas. Never. Except for Socrates. this is kind of the opposite of what you're saying. But in the dating game right now, I kind of, when I see a chick with a kid,

is it bad that I'm like, you know? Yeah, you can still make your own. Yeah, I don't know. So I should probably just date this chick that has a nine-year-old. Well, like, oh, nine's interesting. I mean, you have to got them through their teen years. Yeah, I guess if it was like a 15-year-old and he, like, could play ball, maybe I would be down, but at my age, like, you know, they either have like nine-year-olds or like.

But dude, think of like you could show that kid like such, some sick streams. Dude, I mean, God forbid my wife ever leveled up, met a dude a little taller than me, slightly bigger dick, funnier, got with him, one of my greatest fears. But say that she met that dude, probably like Hernandez from high school, he was just such chill dude it'd be it'd be him and i'd be honored but if she did that and left me the chick i'd be like aiming to get would be like probably a mom with like a 35 year old kid because then that's my that's a friend not only do i get now a sophisticated older lady to beege me up but now i got a dude i can freaking chill with and hit the sticks with yeah even like you just date the 35 year old dude and then you

just like F the mom on the side. That's great if I had the sexual prowess for that. You for sure, dude? You think I've got the sexual prowess? Well, it's the same thing you're doing. You're just doing it the other way. That's a good call. I think you have the sexual prowess for it.

Do you think you have the sexual prowess for it? I don't know, dude. I doubt myself really a lot sexually. Dude, you're telling me, you're sitting there right there in those shades. Tell me you can't bang a son. and a mom. That's a good call. You know, I think dudes doubt their sexual prowess

because dudes doubt their sexual prowess once they get into a relationship. Yeah. But if you were single, you'd be like, yeah, I can freaking slay and play for ever, dude. It's like,

it's like my grocery store, my pavilions. I got that shit memorized, dude. I know exactly where the lean beef is. I know exactly where the eggs I like already. exactly where the baby carrots are. That's because that's what I feed my dog. But then if I go to a new pavilion... Oh, you guys both mix your dog food solo?

Yeah. That's nice. I do both. I get canned sometimes, too. But that's nice you guys do that. You, you like put it together, right? Yeah. That's very nice.

My dog eats better than I do. Oh, dude, that's like a... That's like a thing that I'm... I'm just calling you. I got to call to you. Dude, both your mom just texted me and said, you up? Yeah, yeah, how's it going? It's good.

This looks assistant, or Zoom is going to be five minutes late. Okay, cool. Oh, sick. I'm not on this in with you guys. It's separate? Separate, yeah, yeah. Okay, nice. But did, you can sit in the back with your shades?

Do you want to be on it? Yeah, can just hang out? Yeah, Cruz. Cruise to the Zoom. Dude, that's, like, the baller thing to do is, like, even if you're, like, some of your homies aren't on a specific meeting you're going to, bring them. Like, let them roll.

have them on the Zoom. It's a good call, dude. I'll send every Zoom meeting I have. I send the link to all my boys. I think it's a good move. It's so true because some people have a funny background or like, look, dude, I'm in the Bahamas right now. It's like, no, this is my boy, Devin.

And he's going to be smoking a Jay in the background the whole time. And he's at his own house. And they can just watch you work. They can just be like, oh, dude, do you check me out when I go through this shit. You're going to have a chance. I'm going to talk about all sorts of interesting stuff and, like, break it down in a super clean way. Dude, you're such an.

good-ass communicator on a Zoom too. You know what? That means a lot. You are too, man. Thanks. I'm gonna... Hey, you too, bro. Thanks, dude.

Let's all Zoom together. It is fun to Zoom and just hang out. It is nice. Yeah, especially when you're, you know, you're busy, so it's like a good way to see you. It's true. During COVID, we would do that at Zoom and hang out, have a beer with one of my boys.

Dude, I had a... This is different, But like, I was watching Barbie with my kids. Great movie. Great a Gerwig genius. And my daughter was laying on me. And it was getting to one of the sentimental moments. And I turned to her.

And I felt like a really good dad. And I turned to her. I was like, you know, you got to stand up for you and your girls, right? And she looked at me and she said, dad, no. And I was like, yeah. Because if I'm like the one who's telling her to be a feminist, it's not going to work. like I think part of it, I think part of the appeal is that they're choosing it because also they're teaching you how to be better.

So I almost like if I want her to go that route and be like raw, raw and strong and like all about the feminism, I almost got to be like, yeah, I was dealing with this broad over at, you know, Handymark. And she was just giving me an earful just yap, yep, yep. And then she's going to be like, uh-uh, dad. That's not how you talk about women. She was just doing her job and you can't handle. that's how you got to go but if i'm sitting there like you know like lean in and yes she can take up space take up i think she's going to be like man shut the fuck up i'm going trad wife i'm moving to the south i'm just popping out kids and i'm i love being in the kitchen because they're they're just

going to kind of zag on you so i i can't overdo it no i mean i felt it genuinely in the moment but i got to be wary because you know what you like is not going to be what's cool I know. It's a bummer that it's that way. It is a little weird. Yeah. It is, it is tough. But it's, but it's always been true. Like if my dad would have been like all the time, like super progressive, I would have been like, make the fuck out of you, dude. Dude, maybe that's why the younger generation is like, it's things are cyclical. Like it kind of swings the other way because they're annoyed. Yes. And whatever your parents are, you're seeing the hypocrisies, you're seeing the limitations. And you're like, no, no, we can do this better.

And here's how you fix it. But I think we're smart enough. We can kind of. We got to be bad guys. We can set the trap a little bit, though. But you don't have got to be totally bad. You're just set the trap. Yes.

Or we can be all the way bad. Depends. It's a funny way to justify. I was about to give myself the green light. Yeah, exactly. My wife's like, hey, what do you want for dinner tonight? I'm like, I don't know. What are you making?

Yeah. And then my wife's like, what do you mean you were banging horrors in Vegas? I'm like, you mean helping our family, helping our daughter. to realize that's not what she wants for her life it's a work trip for me i was unwinding do you understand no now she knows about it now she's seen that she's like i'm not going to do that she's going to marry a steady eddie because i did that dirt for her that's why we got to ride motorcycles so she'll think they're lame yes and then she won't date a guy who has a motorcycle because that's dangerous and rip glenhancer but absolutely we're getting on the bikes dude let's go maybe that's why genetically men have mid-like

crises. Because then your daughters and your kids get to see, oh, cool, you bought a Corvette, which is a nice car. It's cool. It's right. But then, you know, your daughter's going to be like, that's lame. And guess what? I don't want my daughter in a Corvette. It's a death trap. Exactly. Also, why is dad rage so funny to people? Like, because I think it's because we know dads can't get all the way mad. Like, you were showing me the video, what's hilarious, of people just filming their dads on the shitters. They, they explore the bathroom and they describe, like the mirror in the design and then the dead just like you're filming me i'm crapping and it's like the funniest thing in the world but there's something like i used to do it to my dad all the time just

like mess with him and just like watch him come close to blown his top and why why do we love that so much do you is it because we is it because we know the tiger won't really bite us yeah yeah i think so i think so because you know you're safe you know that that's your dad that's your you know their duty you know that you can trust that their number one duties to protect you yeah it's like mike tyson then you're like right i might be terrified isn't it isn't it part of being a dad just being frustrated all the time yeah i think i think it's like that's like when you it sounds it seems like when you become a dad you're signing yourself up for a life of frustration yeah and so when you poke that bear you can see it come out. Like they're, they're just bubbling up all the time. So when you poke it, you just see it

burst a little bit. Yeah. And you can tell they're like trying to keep it together. And then it's like, oh, let's, and then it's like funny that dad's like always so frustrated. Yeah. Mom anger, I don't. Oh, scary. It's not funny. No. Yeah. I mean, I used to mess with my mom a lot too, but it was like, uh, her going like nuts wasn't as, yeah. It didn't bring me as much glee as my dad being like, like, JT, come on. Yeah, JT. Come on. Yeah, J. JT JT come on stop stop J T I'm serious all right cut it out get will you relax Jesus fucking Christ and then I'd be like because I'd be like putting them in like a crucifix and like trying to choke him out and like my brother would and then my dad would

be like not punching me like trying to wrestle to get out of it but I'd be going like full and my brother would just be videotaping it was the background on my brother's phone was me putting my dad in a crucifix and my dad in like agony and we would like go to lunch with his friends but look at this I put my dad in a crucifix and then That's funny. Yeah, isn't there like something about like like mothers are nurturing like sweet and dads are supposed to be kind of like the they can,

the traditional thing is like they're the authority figure. They're kind of like the king. And so when you make fun of the king and you see him break down, it's funnier. Yeah, it's good for the whole court where everyone's like the jester takes the air out of him and then everyone's like, oh, we can all breathe a little bit easier. Yeah. So when you film your dad just taking a crap.

it's hilarious yeah yeah and it's it's always it's always like because there is like you said there's so much subtext of like shit that dads have to swallow like literally all i'm doing is picking up shit right now my dog shit my baby shit everyone's shit yeah picking it up and uh so it's never about like the thing that actually gets them mad which is funny because like the thing that gets them mad is like just order the fucking chicken buckets yeah right that's hilarious now but what that actually get upset about like the actual duty stuff so it's like pun intended but you're going to like off shoot it to yeah when other stuff doesn't work that's when the frustration comes up yeah wait so do you do you feel like a dad yet in your head no sometimes i look at it i'm like dude this is crazy like like i'll wake up at night like

i'm holding my daughter at 1 a.m last night i'm like you're real i'm like this is real and then like she'll be sleeping in there and like breathe like peacefully finally sleeping also and then like the baby's crying and making all these weird noises and then like finally peaceful sleeping, and I'm like, are you dead? So then I just sit there and look at it for like 10 minutes. And I still say it, like, look and like, I don't poke it. I put my hand, like, see if like there's air coming out. And then I put my hand gently on her, like, oh, okay, yeah, she's breathing.

I'm like, it's insane. But then you're going to wake them up again. Dude, I know. I'm like, just don't wake up. And I swear it's comical, dude. I swear every time I lay down, like literally lay down, put my head down, rest. It's like two seconds later. Yeah. It's amazing, dude.

Sometimes, dude, it's like one time my fiance came into the living room, I was watching the kids for a couple hours. This was like three months ago. And both kids were literally in front of each other, like terrorizing each other, crying, ripping at each other and I was on the couch. She's just like, dude, she's like, are you going to do anything? I'm like, no, I am going to do it.

But like my body needs like 10 more seconds of this before I can break up the mayhem. Dude, that's what I really, really, to that because even now I'll gamble. Like, oh, I don't want to get out of bed. So the babies kind of wake up and they kind of grunt and shit all night long.

But they might go back down. Yeah, they might go down. So I'm just like, maybe that's not for real. And then like, it's like three huge wailing cries and it's my turn to help the kid. And then your lady's like, hey, are you going to go do that? Of course, of course. But the cries don't bother me.

Like, you used to say that and I'm like, it is very annoying to hear the cry. There's a certain cry where I'm like, all right, I got to address this. but like certain, like for a level of crying in the background, I'm like, I don't care. Like I'm just going to let that kid cry. I think it's evolution. I think there's something built into men where the cries don't affect us as deeply as they do mothers.

Because mothers, like carry it. They feel it like it wounds them very deeply. But I can like, they can be crying, especially when they were babies. And I'd just be like, it was just background noise to me. I mean, I would fix the problem. But it wasn't like. You check the diaper. But I wasn't like, oh my God, are you okay.

I was more like, okay, this is what they do. They cry. all right, I'm not taking it to, like, personal. No. Yeah. Just, you know, burp them, whatever. And then, yeah, try to, try, I'll try to sleep through it. I'm like, that's not for real.

Well, because they do cry. All the time. Yeah. You want to, as long as they're, the doctor would tell us the same thing. They're like, if they're fed, if they pooped, if you burped them, it's like, okay to let them go for a while. But it's hard for people to hear that. And I get it.

And, you know. And it does wake you up. Like, it also like, yeah, like, it's going to be funny. Is she sleeping in bed with you guys? No, not in our bed. She has a little crib and she's swaddled. Okay, nice. Yeah. How's the swaddle?

Hates it, but I got to do it. Really? It does not like the swaddle. Did you guys do the Velcro one or did you the foam one? We did the Velcro. Velcro. Dude, this baby wants her freaking arm. This baby wants to move, bro.

She likes to, she wants her hands up here. She likes to move. I even try to sleep sack where it's like that. Yeah. She did not want to be confined. Oh, that's kind of cool. So I got a really weight. You kind of respect that though.

I like it. But I got a really feed her and wait for her to really relax and then get right here and then real quick get her in there. And if I get lucky. I think we got to wrap it up. Okay. Pun intended, dude. Yeah, we got to swaddle this pod because. Wait, Chad, I got one more question for you.

When you hear, like, you came over to my house the other night. And when he came in, I was giving my kids a bath and they were both screaming on me saying I want mom. It was like the worst advertisement for parenthood. Then I came out. I was like, I'll be out of five minutes. Yeah, yeah. And then you hear all this stuff. Do you, does this all make you more want to have a kid or less want to have a kid?

I mean, can I be honest? Yeah. I don't want to have a kid at all. I did. Why would I sign myself up for this? Exactly, dude, exactly. It sounds awful. It is.

It's torture. And dude, I mean, the way I am, the way I worry about my dog, I'm like, dude, if I had... Yeah, because you're better with your, you care, you worry more about your dog when we're on the road than, like, I do about my dog. Like, you're an amazing dog parent. Like, I love that dog so much. And I, I, so I'm like, with a kid, I'm like, I don't even know if I could handle. Like, it's just, I, I'm, that's why he'll be a good dad, though. Dude, you'll be great.

Yeah, I don't know. It's such a good dad. Yeah. I just, like, I present show, but my mind is always just gone. I'm the same way, bro. Yeah. Your Yellowstone, baby. You're beautiful, but under there, it's a geyser.

Yeah. And that's a beautiful thing. And that is obviously going to be the strength for you as a dad. Oh. But I appreciate your candor. I like that. Yeah. No, dude, I'm the same way, bro.

Dude, dude, same way, bro. Dude, I literally broke down bawling. The first night we came home, I, like, had a breakdown. Like, I was fucking crying. My wife came out. She's like, you can do this. I was like, thank you. We got this.

Because it was just worry. Also, it was like, I'm such a bitch too. Like, literally my wife pushed out the baby, like, did everything. Yeah. And she was just a rock, dude. And then I'm like, oh, my God, dude. I don't know how I'm like, do this. And then there's this thing.

You know, and I just got overwhelmed. I bet you felt good for her to see you being so. vulnerable about it, unreal. Dude, 100% and it's brought us so much closer together.

Yeah. Your dank-ass aunte, it will, and you know, if you guys, you don't have to have kids at all or whatever you do. Of course,

yeah. And dude, it's gonna fucking be really tough. But it is, it is pretty amazing. And I've never met anyone who has a kid

who regrets it. No, yeah. I mean, when I spend time with my nieces and nephews, you have my, like, like the joy.

They're very cute. Yeah. It's, it's, They're good kids. And we need chill people to have kids, dude. Yeah. Dude, dude, because the thing like you said with the trad wife and all that stuff,

it's a lot of these schmoles having kids, dude. Chillers need to have kids to balance society with fucking dope people, dude. Your kid will be chill, dude. The chat wants to know strides. Do you have a song you sing to your kiddo to help him go to sleep? Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. Oh, okay. I actually didn't know the second lyric up above the world so high like a diamond in the sky.

twinkle twinkle little star i didn't even know that i had to like i like you had to look up the lyrics and i was singing it with my wife and she's like do you not know this song i was like no