Going Deep with Chad and JT - Ep. 65 - Howie Mandel Joins

Episode Date: April 10, 2019

What up stokers, we have a very special episode for you guys as we have Howie Mandel joining the stoke nation. We dive into his life story, career, epic pranks, romance and much more. Dive on in!

What's your dream? Going deep Trying to change it It's recording, right? Hey guys How are you doing? We're so excited to have you Oh, I'm excited to be had

Guys, we're talking to Howie Mandel right now Hi, how's your day going? I don't know, isn this is the first thing of the day for us oh have you been up early uh preparing for this yes the day is hasn't it's not going yet this isn't my this is like my breakfast this is like i just woke up so i don't know well i hope we're appetizing now it's just uncomfortable i I'm sorry. No, don't apologize. Yeah, but my day, so far my day is fantastic. This is the best day ever. You were with your, were those your children, grandchildren?

No, just my wife set up a play date. With just random kids? Yes. No, that was, yes, my grandchild. Oh, that's nice. I was with my grandchild, one of my grandchildren. Yes. I'm old, is that what you're saying?

No, not at all you look great i was actually shocked when i found out you were like in your 60s i am in my 60s yeah i would have put you younger thank you glowing yeah yeah i have a glow we got you in my this will help with your glow we got you a green drink from arowan it's i love arowan it's got now why do you have i noticed that you have like each of you have one under the table. It's sort of our main... Like, why is it under the table? We couldn't find coasters.

Yeah. Oh, really? We respect glass. You know, this is not our parents' house. You could... It's okay. Oh, thank you. Is this real?

I'll have this. Yeah, please do. Can we have this during the... Yeah, it's like a customary on the pond. Wow, this is my favorite podcast. You know, the thing is that most podcasts don't... This is me shaking my green drink. What is this?

It's just greens. It says lemon, apple, ginger. No grapefruit, right? No grapefruit. Good. Dandelion. Are you allergic to grapefruit? No.

I just can't have it. You don't like it no i'm just not allowed somebody said you're not allowed to and i'm like yeah i'm allergic to grapefruit but this is this is cool but i don't you podcasts usually don't serve refreshments like it's just it's talk and go but this is come in talk about your day which hasn't even started. Yeah, ours is a full-service experience. And you always do this? Yes. It's not just for the Jews?

No. Juice for the Jews. It's for every denomination. Wow. Well, I don't share. Are you practicing? You got to twist that thing. Top?

Not as a basketball player, as a Jewish person. Am I a practicing Jew? I can help you. I know you have your own. No, there we go. Oh, there we go. There we go. All right.

So my juice is all. All right. The ASMR crowd is loving this. That's good. It's good, right? It's really good. You get a spike of energy every time you take a sip. Nope.

No. Not yet. I mean, maybe it's going to come, but I've been saying, am I supposed to feel it? You're already so spiked, you're impervious to it. Right, because I've had a fantastic day so far. All right. Yeah, I was watching you with your grandchild, and I took it in for a moment. It was a lovely scene.

What was I doing? You were just watching them watch TV. Yeah. But it was picturesque. what was i doing you were just watching them watch tv yeah but it was picturesque it was like a norman rockwell painting i live i'm all about my grandchildren had i known how cool that was going to be i would have done it a lot sooner how many do you have grandchildren yeah two two two yes i'm told and you've been married for 40 incredible it is incredible. What do you attribute that long-term stability to? She will tell you.

I'm not here a lot. Okay. And when she says the more that I'm not around, the more she loves me. Like the less is more, less me is more more love she likes to think about you no out of sight out of mind out of love i tour a lot i do stand-up comedy and tour a lot and i work a lot and she doesn't come with me and she says that's good attraction grows in space is that right i don't know you want to that is a good let's take a call can we take calls we don't normally do that so it might take no i don't mean phone calls

i can have somebody in the other room do like cat calls and different little like uh mo duck calls and things like that. What's a moose call? It's a sound that... Attracts moose? Yeah. Or meese? I don't think meese is the plural of... I don't think so either. Moose. Unless meese is another thing.

What is the plural? Just moose? Moose. Moose is? No, moose. Moose is the plural? I think it's the singular and the plural. There's a gaggle of moose. There it is. No, moose. Moose is the plural? I think it's the singular and the plural. There's a gaggle of moose.

There it is. No, that's geese. Of all those Yellowstone animals, moose kill the most. More than your mountain lions or your elk or bears. Two of those are like traditional predators, but moose are more territorial. They kill more people than the other ones. I love the fact that at some point, somebody's going to stop me on the street and said, I

heard you on that podcast. Is it true that moose kill more than any of the other predators in the Yellowstone ecosystem? Are there moose in Yellowstone? Yeah, for sure. For sure. Because I'm from Canada and it's very prevalent in my country but i didn't know that there's moose down here oh yeah i might be down here yeah yeah how many 25 000 wow all right yeah we're cooking i think we are should we start at the beginning in canada

you were kind of a uh enfant terrible in a, right? It's French for not acting nice. Yeah. I don't know that I was. I got diagnosed later, but everything I've ever been punished for, expelled for, gotten in trouble for is what I seem to get paid for. But I have a real, like now I'm in therapy,

so I have a real, I have horrible ADHD and anxiety and OCD. I've got almost the whole alphabet. So I was not one that could come in at 9 a.m. and sit there till 3 p.m. and even hear what was being said at the front of the class. So I took it upon myself to cope, and the way I coped was considered bad behavior. What was some of that bad behavior?

I just had fun. I just wanted to laugh. So I would hire, during lunch, I'd hire a contractor to give a bid on putting an addition onto the library and didn't tell anybody. I didn't have any friends to tell anyway. And then sit in math class and watch a guy out in the field measuring and then watching the principal go out to the guy measuring. You couldn't hear what was being said, but then you'd see the principal

go back and the contractor leave. And then you'd hear over the PA system could Howard Mandel please come down to the office and then I went down to the office and then the principal would say did you hire a contractor to put an addition onto the library and um because I had given my name and I told him no no I was getting bids I was getting three bids i'm a lot i'm not irresponsible so then he said wait here and then he called my parents and my parents uh came in and then it was just fun for me to sit there well he explained to my parents that um that i hired a contractor to put an addition as if my parents were supposed to say you know we told him never never to put an addition yeah like when does that even come up you know comedians say if you could just make one person laugh you're doing your job and i did that my whole life except the one person was me yeah so

i didn't have you know i saw do you know candid cameras yeah of course that's why i like what you guys do you know kind of a hidden agenda when you show up someplace and most people don't know what's going on but I saw my parents always I've talked about this many times but my parents loved comedy and they used to listen to comedy albums when I was just a baby and I hear them laughing and I walk in and want to didn't understand what anything was anything about anything that was being talked about from a comedian I didn't have any perspective as a two-year-old. And then they'd be watching The Tonight Show, and I didn't know what the stand-up was talking about.

I didn't even know what a mother-in-law was. You know, I'm four or five. The first recollection I have of joining in the laughter was I saw Candid Camera, Alan Funt. He's the guy who started all this Hidden Agenda stuff. It actually started on the radio. Yeah, you know that? I heard you.

Oh, you heard it. So I won't tell this story. No, do it again, please. Yeah? Yeah. I sat down. I heard you. Oh, you heard it. So I won't tell this story. No, do it again, please. Yeah? Yeah. I sat down. My parents were watching Alan Funt, and he explained to me. I was five years old.

He explained to everybody in the audience, we're going to have, as you just said, we're going to hire these people who are going to think they're going to be receptionists. And I'm telling them as the boss that they can't miss one phone call. And every time the phone rings, they must answer it, and then I leave. But look, at the bottom of the desk, we've tied tied a rope and the rope goes through the wall into another room so every time she goes to reach for the phone I'm going to pull the rope and the desk is going to go away and you're going to see and the fact that he explained that just like you're listening to this on a podcast the fact that he was able to explain that I felt like I was part of this big

surprise party I just waited in anticipation. The girl sat down. The phone rang when she went to reach for it. He pulled the rope that went away. Her jaw dropped, and I was in hysterics, and my parents were in hysterics. And I realized that, first of all, I love that feeling of laughter. I love that feeling of laughing with everybody. But I still didn't grasp the idea that this was for a television show that had an audience and that he explained it to me.

I just thought, I want to recapture that again. awkward weird put myself into positions that were you know could have been any scene from candid camera except i didn't tell one other person that i had hired a contractor it was just me i did it through the yellow pages so why is that fun you know i missed you know it almost teeters on like sociopathic i think it does but that's why i was diagnosed later on i was trying to make myself not sociopathic no sociopathic means you don't have any sense of empathy. I do have empathy. But I was just entertaining myself without thinking, oh, I should, you know, it might be funnier

if I told you two guys at two o'clock, look out the window, there's going to be a contractor. That's almost, that's funnier. And that's as a professional and as an adult, I figured that out now, but I didn't, I just did it because it's a goof. You know, it's always just in the moment. And then everybody just thought,

nobody thought, hey, Howie Mandel is so funny. They just thought I'm the most disgusting, weirdest, insane person. I couldn't date. I didn't have any friends. I was four foot 11. I was 89 pounds. I have a picture.

Yeah, your wrestling photo. That's me. I look like a little girl. You're still jack I have a picture. Yeah, your wrestling photo. That's me. I look like a little girl. You're still jacked, but you're jacked in the photo. Jacked for a 12-year-old little girl. Yeah, for sure. And your flow is amazing. Yeah, and your flow is really impressive.

Thank you very much. At that time, we used a Flow B. Do you know what the Flow B is? No. Do you remember? They sold this thing that you attach to the vacuum cleaner. It's like a Wayne's World, you know, the Flowbee is? No. Do you remember? You guys, they sold this thing that you attach to the vacuum cleaner. It's like a Wayne's World, you know, the suck cut? Yeah.

Similar. Is that a Flowbee? That Garth does on his head? Yeah, the suck cut. Yeah, we bought one of those. You did? Yeah, dude. For real, not to be funny.

Yeah. Did it work? That was my first haircut. Well, you tell me. Does that work? I mean, dude, I got to say it did. The fact that you're even saying dude, most people didn't know i was a dude you know i was four for 11 i weighed 90 pounds my mom used to drive me places and guys used to whistle and honk and my mom would roll

down the window and go it's a guy this is my son and the only way that i got to meet girls because nobody would talk to me as a which is stupid i don't know i'm telling you but i will tell you is i used to go into the ladies bathroom and just brush my hair in the mirror because they thought i was a girl but that started conversation well that's weird you couldn't get away with that today i'd see a girl and then i'd go oh what are you doing here and they'd go what do you mean i go this is not the men's room? Oh, my God. And that would start a conversation. So when did you first have sex then?

I'm going to do it tomorrow. Whoa. Well, congrats. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Are you doing any kind of warm-up before? You got candles set up or anything?

No, I just got some lotion and tissue. Oh, great. Yeah. Self-sufficient. I appreciate that. All right. So were your parents worried when you got kicked out of high school and you didn't get your... GED.

GED or your diploma? I think my parents were worried from the moment they said, it's a boy. I don't remember them with any other they were always anxious and worried about you but me yes i got thrown out of school at 17 and i started a retail business and then carpet sales right yeah and i'm colorblind my decisions in life are not always uh they don't really make sense but i didn't think about that but but i was colorblind but it's worked out so well for you. It has. So did you always have that kind of internal certainty that it was going to work out or did you just not care?

Or like, how did you, I don't think like that. How do you think working out? That's the thing. I don't, you know, and it's in the moment I live in the now.

And then I feel like very blessed and lucky that I ended up here, but I didn't I didn't have a goal I didn't set out to be in show business I didn't know that I was a comedian I ended up on by accident on a dramatic show in the 80s St. Elsewhere with Denzel Washington I didn't know I was an actor I didn't know I was a game show host I didn't know I was a game show host. I didn't know I was a Saturday morning cartoon, Bobby's World. I didn't know I was a voice of other cartoons and movies. Gremlin. Gizmo.

Cuckoo McGuire. And that's so iconic. Yeah, I mean, I had no idea what it was, but I just stand in a room. This is, you know. I have trouble believing that because it's so hard to be successful in any walk of life. No, it's hard to plan to be successful it's success is easy i i feel like with what you do it's like i heard you on other podcasts say that you sort of you do what you

love to do and you have you enjoy yourself you have fun and the fact that you're i think the fact that you're having fun all the time that's's contagious, and that's what sort of... I don't think there's any plan. Yeah. And I think you can... There's so much in this world that we're not in control of that Nike, I live by Nike's rule, and that's just do it. Yeah, you got the book right there.

But somebody bought that from me because I always say, just do it. But that's the point. The point is that instinctually, the things that work out bad are the things that you really plan and overthink. And if you're two buddies that just end up fucking around and then recording it

and then something that you did goes viral and then you're a team and then it becomes a tv show and then you sell it and you're on a podcast it's not like you could call out and if you try to aim that way i don't know that you're so not in control we don't have enough control you don't have control but if you give in to not having control it's this revolving world that doors are always open. So I just wander through every door. I wander. You say, let's do a podcast.

Okay. Yeah. You're up for it. I'm up for just, I'm here, so I'm up for it. And that's how my whole life is. That's kind of like with us, like Paul Walker statue or house parties. Like, we didn't foresee the nation you know like we also want a paul walker statue it's like we just love paul walker because we love his hair and his tan and yeah

and his altruistic the way he looked in real life when he was alive or you're talking about his hair and his tan on the statue both we intend because i think the statue is a little he's got a different complexion than he did in life well the statue we considered putting human i think the statue is a little he's got a different complexion than he did in life well the statue we considered putting human hair on the statue to give it the texture that his actual you know that's closer to what he actually had right but it just looked weird so on like the later versions that we have it does have a little bit of the greek hairstyle right they see like an antiquity sculpture but i think it's going to work really nicely and and be a good it's going to honor him and what his do was you see what you're doing though that's the point the point is that whether he is honored by it or whether it turns out to be

everything you thought it would be just going to take chances and do it you're just doing it yeah you're just doing it you're just doing it's Yeah. You're just doing it. You're just doing it. It's Paul Walker statue. Yeah. That's it. Will it be successful? Will people like it? Will it be an honor to him and the whole family? It doesn't matter.

Just do it. Just do it. Because if you don't and you overthink it, a lot of things could go wrong. I mean, even specifically with a Paul Walker statue. What do you think could go wrong well like they don't make his dong big enough i just talking about all the stuff that he was talking about like even complexion or hair like hair texture and complexion man to even picture that it could go wrong don't't think about it. Just do it. Yeah, sorry. Just make it a bronze.

If we don't like it, we can always topple it and put up a new one. For sure. So you have so much stuff that you've done over your career. I'd like to go through some of it. You seem almost bored in your eyes. I'm going to say that. No, no, I'm not bored in my eyes. It's just early in the morning.

And I love that you're looking so deeply into my eyes. I go for a hard eye contact no i know but and and you're able to read my um emotions through my eyes yeah so we should just do like uh because nobody's done this on a podcast but just a staring contest i'm down but i'm gonna i'm gonna keep talking as we do this staring contest. No, no. Please? I think it should be, no, just a quiet staring contest. Deep in the connect. For maybe no more than 10 minutes. But for the next 10 minutes, people who are,

I don't know where you're listening to this, in a car or maybe on some sort of device or your iPhone, just know we're staring deeply at each other. Do you ever find it hard to be a comedian and be a boss now no is the answer uh no i'm not but i'm not really uh i don't think of myself as a boss i think of myself i get people to work with to help me do whatever it is that I want to do. So I feel like I have this. It's a good spirit decor in here.

I mean that genuinely. It's a good vibe. You use a lot of French. Yeah, I've polished up. Charlie Rose uses a lot of it. I think I borrowed it from him. Yeah, because look how it's worked for him. Yeah, that's probably not the best reference.

He had a menage. Yes, that's French for two of his coworkers. Yeah, that guy was not doing it right. No. But his interviews are great. That's how he got the menage. So, like, St. Elsewhere, you're working with the, you know, it's like one of the prestige dramas of that era. And, like, Bruce Paltrow, is that his name?

Yeah, Bruce is Gwyneth's dad. Gwyneth Paltrow's dad. I've known Gwyneth since she was like 10. Did you know she, could you see that she was going to be an Oscar winning actress or not? Yes. Oh, you could?

Yeah, yeah. I could look at most 10 year olds and know exactly what they're going to achieve, what they're going to, and how people are going to perceive them and what awards they'll win what accolades they'll you know acquire and i can get within i'd say twenty thousand dollars of their income bracket wow you're so uniquely gifted once somebody turns 10 do you tell her that when she

was 10 like look no you're gonna be in seven it's like when i did deal or no deal and i knew megan marco was gonna be a duchess right i knew that yeah right away when she opened the case i went oh my god does that almost make life boring that you know what's gonna come to pass you know that i'm being facetious i don't know anything i don't even know i know and so am i i'm playing along too the problem was that i stopped playing before you did yeah but i like that I don't perceive that as a problem. It's not a problem. I'm just trying to. But just because you're playing doesn't mean

I can't play with myself. It's almost like we were playing tennis and then you just dropped the racket and just went and we're like, no, now we're playing basketball. I'm just going to get some green juice. So you're on St. Elsewhere. And so did you know Denzel Washington was going to be Denzel Washington? No. Denzel Washington was in a up until that point, you know Denzel Washington was going to be Denzel Washington? No. Denzel Washington was in a, up until that point, you know, besides doing theater and stuff, I knew he was in a movie comedy.

And the comedy is called Carbon Copy. I never even heard of that. Go get a, look at a clip of Carbon Copy. It's not the best comedy. So I would have never known that he was going to be the Oscar-winning serious actor. But during the time of our show, he ended up doing A Soldier's Story,

and he also got an Academy nomination for it. Probably. So you did Carson like 22 times. Which is the last show where somebody could show up once and then become a star. They say Joe Rogan is that now. The Joe Rogan experience is the new Carson. Really? I've heard people toss that out.

Really? So somebody gets hurt on Joe Rogan, somebody totally unknown, and then they end up with their own film career? Well, that's like with Theo Vaughn. I mean mean he's always been known but when he won joe rogan a couple times that's he got a huge spike yeah well i know theo you know i did a show yeah i did a camera show with you he did deal with it with me on tbs for three years but he's really funny yeah he's a funny guy he's one of my favorites but i

saw you shook carson's hand when he came out i know people must fixate on you like when you do shake hands i was shaking hands at that time that was in the 80s you know i haven't shaken a hand in probably 20 years so i haven't done the tonight show for i mean i've done the tonight show the jimmy fallon show i hadn't hadn't Johnny Carson left in 92, 91. So that's round when I stopped shaking hands. Do you, do you have like a pre, especially for like the tonight show, like a preset ritual, like just to like get yourself in the mind space?

No, that's a good question though. But because I have OCD, my whole life and world is filled with rituals. Yeah. So it has nothing to do with The Tonight Show. It has nothing to do with a podcast. I'm just busy from the moment I wake up,

going through patterns and rituals and thought patterns. And that's why I'm heavily medicated. So this is your break right now. This is kind of easy because I don't have to. I'm just answering questions. And most of them are about me. so I'm pretty familiar with the answers. What are you medicated on? I don't say my medications, but I have a lot of them.

I'm on Seroquel. I'm bipolar. I know. Are you? Yeah. Okay. But here's why I don't say. Because somebody who is a fan of, and I love that you say it openly and i say i'm you know i have mental health issues

openly but sometimes if you say the medication and people say oh i like him and i want to be like him and they make their doctor you know and i think that you know what i tell everybody you know go talk to everybody about it and do whatever and whatever you do and whether it's medication, hypnosis, breathing exercises, exercise, you know, diet, whatever you do,

you know, just be open to, if it doesn't work, try something else, try something else. But I don't want to recommend a medication or have you because you, you think you like the way I seem to be coping. I don't want you to take it for that reason.

Yeah. Like someone thinks they could become you if they just have like your cocktail. Or they feel like in this moment, you know, they, they're listening to you and you seem to really have it in this moment when they see you on camera, you're really funny. You really have it together. They look up to you guys. They want to be, and they, and you said you're bipolar and they go, I'm also bipolar. And sometimes and sometimes you know suicidal and angry and i know what to take i'm gonna go and you go to the doctor and you say i heard he takes this give me this give me this the doctor will probably prescribe it it may not work for you you shouldn't

be listening to yeah that's crazy it's almost like my brand becomes the things like the elements i'm defining myself by and then that could almost make it appealing to someone who listens to it. Right, but you have to talk about the fact that you're bipolar. I have to talk about the fact that I'm depressed and anxious and have OCD. I think that's the same thing as saying I have crooked teeth and I need to go get a bite plate or Invisalign. That's the same. But you remove the stigma from dental health right like from mental health the way we do from dental health

but i don't think it's our place to tell people how we're treating it except for the fact that we are getting it treated do you use any other methods to cope like like uh breathing exercises or stuff like that i do breathing i breathe breathe almost the entire day in and out. But I could use those and meditation and things I try. But mostly it's just distraction and laughter. And that's what I was doing in school is just making myself laugh. It wasn't about trying to be popular. It wasn't just to distract. When it's

hard in my mind and I can't focus, then there happens to be a yellow pages in front of me. I call a contractor and say, come to my school and we're adding 20 feet onto the library. That's a coping skill. It ended up being a career, but it's really just a coping skill when i was a kid i i think i was a worrier uh not so much now but i would just speak in movie quotes i think that was sort of my coping because comedy as well i'd watch seinfeld on repeat i'd watch old school on repeat just these comedy i would just watch them over and over and then i was like in college people just knew me as the guy who just spoke in movie quotes all the time because they just made me laugh so i just laughed to myself i didn't know that yeah so you know what's weird i knew that i knew that about how i i know i just had

a feeling that's the you felt it the type of person that he was yeah yeah speaking of movie funny to think of that as like a type of guy yeah that's the movie quote guy like that guy knows stepbrothers there's one at every school yeah but if he never says more like more than It's funny to think of that as a type of guy. That's the movie quote guy. That guy knows Step Brothers. There's one at every school. But if he never says more than three words that you haven't heard broadcast somewhere, that's kind of an interesting... Right? He had none of his own dialogue.

And he'd do entire scenes. It would be monologues and stuff. Did they fit the predicament that you were in in life like just going into a scene to the moment yeah not all the time you know just break out and do less grossman from tropic thunder people be like why are you so angry i'm like you know i'm just hit it do it less gross yeah he's like all right let me get this straight 100 million oh wait i got a better idea instead of 100 million how about i send you a hobo's dick cheese i love that you prepared to do that and i thought you were going to be more in the character like

the voice was going to change your facial expression it's just the setup look at how joyful he is three minutes look at how happy three minutes set up to it's just the setup look at how joyful he is look at how happy three minutes set up to it was just you remembering two lines from the movie i just saying hobos dick cheese is uh brings me more joy i know but it's like so like that if i was gonna say you got to see what he did during the podcast wait give me a minute all right all right wait wait hobo's dick cheese i mean that's the extent that was amazing i know that wasn't all the preparation that goes into nothing is just that's what i found more fascinating than your your quote thank you yeah it's my. But that's what I'm saying.

You were processing nothing. Yeah. Like you knew what you were going to say. So what was the mindset? What did you prepare to do? Like the voice didn't sound like him. Do you do voices? Do you do impressions?

I'll do voices. He's a little bit better at those. I think I was thinking more of the cadence because I love Tom so much that I don't want to to he's a deity in scientology i know are you building another statue maybe beside the paul well you know what if the paul doesn't work out you can make it look we're building a spaceship for tom yeah better than the one he has already way better yeah that was a comma you know people do air quotes yeah i think i do yeah so what i did there was a space like nobody was talking so i just put some punctuation where we stopped and then we'll continue and i just did a comma instead of air quotes i like punctuation and i love air

punctuation but how did you learn punctuation when you dropped out of school at like i didn't drop out of school they dropped me what do you mean you didn't know punctuation before 16 i still grade out as like an eighth grader in terms of my grandma so my contention is this at this point in my life everything you learn up to fourth grade is useful everything add subtract multiply divide read punctuation pictures and my colors after that i don't use anything unless there's a specific skill i don't think you need to get an education is that a bad thing it's a horrible thing to say oh well i'm truly believe like if you have a passion for engineering then you need to go to school and go to college and learn to be an engineer a hard science if you need a science if you want to be a mathematician go to school but you listen i have one daughter's got a phd the other one's got a

master's and she is she's a I mean, I believe in higher education, but they really knew what they wanted to do and they went after it and that's what you have to do. From about four to 12th grade, I don't know that there's anything that I learned there that I use today. I've found more of my education, the stuff that I i found useful comes from youtube today like after college that's when i was like oh i love learning because in college i was like a philosophy major my dad's like what are you gonna do with that i'm like i'm gonna monetize my college self that's what i told my dad i love that and that's what happened yeah youtube should be spelt you tube they'd like the university of tube yeah oh nice See what I'm saying?

Yeah. Did you ground your kids ever? Because you were always in trouble, so I'm curious to see how, like, if you're... Yeah, I was a really... And you could ask my kids. A lot of them are here. Yes, I was very... People wouldn't know that, but I was the disciplinarian in the family.

And my wife was a lot easier on them than I was. And I was pretty conservative too. And I didn't allow them to come see my show until they were 18. I saw it when I was a preteen. Well, you're not supposed to. In Vegas. You were great.

Well, thank you, but you're not supposed to. The first stand-up show I ever saw. I know, but it wasn't child fare, especially for a 13-year-old. It's not like AGT or deal or no deal my language is uh your parents took you they would show me movies about like molesters when i was like seven my mom was like why are you showing them this but i was like they need to know maybe you're not bipolar maybe this is just a rough upbringing wrong movie i love you mom and

dad but sometimes i ponder that yeah that's what i think. No, but, well, I didn't allow them to see me, and I didn't allow them to, you know, I was probably the only parent that if they told me they were going somewhere, I needed to talk to that parent and make sure that they were all going to be supervised. And I can't tell you how many times, I'll tell you one little, I was nuts, and I would always go through their

drawers when they were at school just to make sure everything was safe and i'll never forget that i went into my daughter's my daughter's at school and i went into a drawer and i found she had a little film case you know from remember when uh you put film into still cameras. Yeah, those little canisters. Those little canister. She had one in her room, and I opened it up, and it was filled with pot. Whoa. Whoa.

So I went into my blood. The fattest bowl of your life. No, no, no. Listen to this. So I got really upset, got in my car, raced down to the high school. She was in high school. I got into the

office and I said, where is Jackie Mandel right now? And they said, well, she's in history class. And where is that? It's room 214. And I just took off. And I can hear the people in the office, you know, you can't, sir, you can't, you can't, please. And they're chasing me. And I went up the stairs and I went down the hall and I got to the stairs, and I went down the hall, and I got to the history room, and I look in the window, and the class is like taking a test, and I can see my daughter in the second thing, I just opened the door, and I pointed at her, and I went, Jackie, you come with me, she goes, what are you doing, dad, what are you doing, and she's embarrassed, I could see the, her face turns bright red, and I grab her by the arm and I pull her down the hall.

And I pull her. She goes, what are you doing? I go, you will see, young lady. You will see. And then we go down the stairs and across the thing. And the people at the office are yelling, sir, you can't take her out. You got to sign her out. I go, I don't have to do anything.

And I drove her home. And I said, you will see, young lady. And I walked her into her room. And I handed her to the canister. And I opened it up. And I put it in front of her, and I go, what the hell is this? And she said, it's my fish food. And I said, okay, got to get you back to school.

And we got back in the car, and we drove all the way back, and I put her back in the class. She didn't talk to me for almost a year. Why was she smoking fish food? Since you love pranks and stuff, were your kids ever suspicious? If you were trying to be a disciplinarian, were they like, are you messing with me?

Did you ever pants your son? Or did you prank them? By accident. So I did it by accident. So I'll tell you what I did. I don't know. It's in my book, this story. Don't Touch it by accident. So I'll tell you what I did. Look, this is, I don't know if, it's in my book, this story, but. Don't Touch Me by Howie Mandel. Pick it up, guys.

Yeah. It was a New York Times bestseller. Anyway, I, he was younger and my wife called me from the road. She was freaked out. He had a lump on his chest. Oh, no. And we were freaked. So we went home and we took him to the doctor. And as it turns out,

it was just a growth. It wasn't cancerous. It was just a growth that was coming off his bone. But he saw, he was young, he was probably in fifth grade or sixth grade. And he saw how worried we were. And I took him to his room that night when he was going to go to bed. And he goes, Dad, what was it? I go, it's nothing. What you have, it's just on your bone. It's called a boner. Anyway, we get a call the next day from the school.

My wife gets a call. And I didn't know it was from the school. And I hear her yell, Howie, come here. And I go, what happened? She goes, the school is is upset he told all the teachers and he went to the office and i i called the office and i go well what's wrong why is he in the nurse's office he is telling us he has a boner i go so what are you gonna do about it anyway we got in trouble with the school what are you gonna do about it yeah so he had to leave that school

we we had to you like hypnotized him into thinking he had a boner he didn't know the word it was like fifth grade where do you not know like how he knows I learned it yeah like

probably fifth grade third grade second grade while you were looking at I was over molesting yeah I was precocious no but your parents

didn't care about what they were teaching or saying no it was wide open yeah I guess full optics yeah this was normal

yeah well sub subnormal. But so that wasn't, those kind of practical jokes. My mom's going to be devastated. Why? That you said our childhood was weird. Well, I. She loves you.

And I love your mother. I think your mother had no control over how badly your father ran the family. Okay, good. Okay. Yeah. So I made it better. Then the other thing was bigger fan were you close to uncles or anything yeah okay the parents were great but sometimes they don't

know what the uncles are doing there it is so you're like uh you're a judge now on america's got talent or been a judge on right now i'm a guest on a podcast but yes i love how in the moment you are that's how in the moment I am. Yeah. Uh, we auditioned for America's Got Talent. I know. And I wanted to send your tape in and I love your tape.

They had already, I'm being honest with you. They'd already, you're late, but not for the, you were auditioning. The tape that I'm talking about was cause they already finished. Yes.

And what happened was we lost one day of shooting so they were cutting acts that were already on that's nice to hear simon got sick one day oh he got sick yeah because he what would he have i don't know cold flu do you hang with simon at all i've i go to his house i've gone to his house we're friends do you guys party yeah does he party he parties crazy really for real well i'll tell you what he parties with he goes do you like go-karting i said yeah he go-karts wait okay he said i said yeah he goes you want to race i go okay so he calls somebody that works for him they deliver these go-karts we're shooting in pasadena they delivered like six go-karts never used the the most amazing go-karts in the world

they went at least 80 miles an hour and then he called the cops to close off the streets and on the streets of pasadena i almost died on the streets of pasadena, I almost died, on the streets of Pasadena, he go-kart raced with me for nothing just because he wanted to play. It's good to be Simon Cowell. I feel like he's one of those guys who's like on TV, sort of like a stern guy,

but then in real life. No, he's like a seven-year-old. Yeah. He's just having fun with all of it. He just has fun. And he's actually much more sensitive than you see because if he's just having fun with all of you he just has fun and and he is he's actually uh much more sensitive than you see because if somebody if he's aware that somebody got hurt by some of his judgment or if it's an animal or a kid when as soon as we go to commercial he jumps up on stage

and makes sure that that person's okay and not offended and you know he's a he's a good guy and he's become a good friend is it ever hard like on deal or no deal or on america's got talent to see people like have their dreams extinguished or to see people like make the wrong decision on like a suitcase and like lose money that could that's the hardest thing you know and not only is that hard you know and devastating to see somebody who had an opportunity and then the opportunity kind of went through their yeah their fingertips but more than that it's a combination of empathy of feeling really bad and also feeling sometimes mad because when somebody tells me that you know

i'll say tell me about yourself you know i'm a single mother i have three children. I've never had insurance, medical insurance. I don't own a home. And then I say, the banker's offer is $55,000. And without even a thought, they go, no deal. I go, $55,000 is probably a couple times, at least a couple times what you make a year. That's a guarantee. As soon as I say the amount, that's the guarantee. I know there's an opportunity that maybe the millions coming up, but just the fact that when you're in that position that she told me she's in, why are you taking the risk? So that's sometimes hard for me. And I end up talking to them like i talk to my own children and that's why even my cadence on the show i go okay here is the offer fifty

thousand dollars and i say it like that not for drama i want you to hear the state fifty thousand dollars and if you say no to that you got to open up another three cases yes the million's still there but you could open up the million i don't say that because i'm not allowed to sway them but it kills me so my real skill on deal or no deal is not to throttle somebody to say and then on agt to answer your question by the same token you see somebody who's talented or has an opportunity or has that one minute on stage and you realize like what choice did you make sometimes it's just their choice you could see that if they would have done something different maybe things would have changed so sometimes when it when i feel that they controlled their own destiny and they and it's obvious in front of me that they've made the

wrong decision that's heartbreaking yeah is there a it's like super cynical me but is there also ever like a voice in your head though that's like like when someone makes the wrong choice we're like oh but this is going to make for really good drama or television i i because as we've pointed out because i live in the moment i don't say this is going to be good television and try to make it more dramatic or fight with somebody or point out the fact that they made a bad choice for good sometimes after the fact where i just feel bad somebody will console me and tell me well you, the good news is it's probably good television. And I go up.

To be honest with you, I would trade that person having a better experience than one moment of good television. That's nice. Did you ever, like, when you first started doing AGT, were you kind of, like, nervous? Like, am I going to be able to judge correctly right more than that that's so true yeah yes but you know my judgment you know judging is subjective or objective you know and i could tell you whether i like it whether i understand listen i'm not a fan of opera but i understand that there's a whole audience for opera you know i, and that some people are really good at it.

And if the note is flat, I can hear that it's flat. You know, if the note is right on and loud and a soprano, that actually hurts me. But I get it that you can hold that note. But the thing about… And talent kind of sticks out. But here was my thing. You know, all my life, that didn't exist when I started.

So when I started and made a conscious decision to be in this business, when I show up on stage, I was trying to make people laugh. When I showed up on St. Elsewhere, I was trying to remember my lines and be true to whatever that character is.

Or if I'm making voices, it was to do the voices. When I got AGT, it was the first time like I didn't have to recite a line. I voices it was to do the voices when I got AGT it was the first time like I didn't have to recite a line I didn't have to do a joke I didn't have to but maybe my opinion would not be the same as all the people especially when I started the show we used to travel it more so I would be in Dallas and that would be a local Dallas choir or a kid and I'd go you know I don't like that or I didn't get that and then

two three thousand people in the room would be booing me yeah that was what was hard because anybody who's gotten to this business has gotten in to be accepted yeah you know and I'm just saying that I didn't like that song or I didn't feel I feel like you could have done more and they're just killing me the audience is I just had to get used to just acting as if you know this is my 10th year on the show for four years it's 14th year in existence for four years i watched it on tv is i got to get into my own little bubble and pretend that i am you know on my couch at home and do it exactly the same way and when you're on your couch at home and you're watching somebody you know you you'll go with no qualms this sucks like that's not even that's totally off tune that's just not or it's

a juggler who's mixed missing every ball you know what are you doing like did you not practice or did nerves get to you you know so those are the kind of things you say i just try to be comfortable in my own skin where i am and not be concerned about entertaining the people that are sitting behind me. It's hard. It's hard to do. But the beauty is I have my, I'm still doing over 100 live dates a year.

I get that fix of that live entertainment where you show up and I'll try to entertain you. I produce, so I get to make shows. It was hard. It was a big adjustment. But after 10 years, I just sit there and do my job. Right. All right.

Thank you so much for... Is this it? No, no, it's not. But I think we're going into the next phase of the podcast, which is... Is there a costume change? No. Okay. I usually put on a robe so we're this this is phase two this is phase two where we know that it's got a lot of cameras yeah we have so many shots now we got a wide and we got two close-ups so it's gonna cut really nicely together not one camera's facing at me

oh i'm not in this i i got a quick before we die i got a quick question so you um you do you're into real estate producing stand up judging on egt is there something that is your favorite thing to do out of all those i like doing everything for shorts amount for for a short amount i don't have a good attention span. So the point is, like, I'm really enjoying this podcast. You are? I am. But at a certain point, I'm going to get bored of it,

and then I'm going to enjoy the beginning of the next meeting. No, you won't get bored. We'll keep you excited. Okay, but I don't know. What was good is I'm not bored yet, and yet you're moving into phase two before I get bored and before I get tired of it. I don't know what phase two of this podcast is.

Is it called phase two? It's the warm liquid goo phase. It's the first time we've called it that. I also stole it from Austin Powers. Speaking in quotes, you dirty dog. I didn't even see it happen. You didn't see my process before. Because you know he didn't even wind up to that.

I did the process. I did it secretly. You're building up for a while without me noticing, you dirty dog. This guy, you keep checking all the cameras. How much checking could be done? Like how much change is there between? Jay, this is our editor, Jay. A lot of people don't think Jay exists.

They don't? Yeah, people in our fan community think Jay is a fake person. Because he's on the other side of the camera. and on the other side of the mic and he doesn't when you talk to him have you told him don't talk no he talks a ton but not on your podcast first time he's helped us on the podcast because we're remote today we normally record at a studio in burbank and we try to make it seem like he doesn't exist yeah we don't want you don't want people probably cut this from the pod yeah we don't want him stealing the spotlight but actually people will think we're talking to a fake jay there's like nothing we can do to convince there is a guy well i'll tell you

there's a guy here jay that's who we're talking to yeah do you sometimes wish that you because you're in like the pranks and all that kind of stuff and now we have like youtube and instagram do you sometimes wish that you had come up in this era of digital media so you could like broadcast that more it's fascinating to me you know yes and no i again it all goes back to thinking i don't think back as much as i don't think forward but i would have a lot of fun yeah you know i'm not saying it was harder but it was the timing was good. But when I came out here, you just had to get to the comedy store, the improv, and every network was there.

You were seen, and you got a job, and you made money. But it's harder today because we were talking about Johnny Carson before. That could launch you if you can get on that show. And I got launched actually from the Young Comedian special. Jerry Seinfeld, Richard Lewis. You did your research i did yeah so i i watched it it's great okay so i did my i did my first stand up there and i got launched there isn't a place i mean you say joe rogan but but i don't know that there is a place that where you're guaranteed i knew that if i can get spots at the comedy store i promise you you would be a working comic if I can get spots at the comedy store, I promise you, you would be a working comic

if you can get spots at the comedy store. I promise you that if you can get on The Tonight Show, you're going to make a living that year. You are, as a stand-up comic, you will make a living that year. There's no place like that now. So the opportunities are endless now digitally. In there.

It just happens. But the beauty is that everybody's got that kind of that equal playing field. Yeah. You could sit at home alone in your underpants on your bed and become the biggest viral sensation ever. Was it competitive at the store? Crazy. At the comic store? Crazy competitive.

But at that time, that was like the mid to late 70s. Letterman, Leno, Pryor. How'd you get spots? On an amateur night. I got, you know, I went up on a dare in Toronto and then I was out here doing business. Are you leaving? Are we leaving?

I've never... This is turning into like a Christian Bale from Terminator. No, it's really funny. How come you can't talk? It's fucking distracting. No, it's not even distracting. I just find I've never, there's a lot of... All right, so we've teased it.

Let's get into phase two of the pod. Warm liquid goo. Which is, we answer questions from the Stokers. Stokers are people who listen to the podcast. I know, I follow you. Cool. First question. What's up, Sultans of Stoke?

Gonna start with one of my favorite fun facts. Did you know Ajax was a Greek warrior known as the strongest warrior in all of Greece? And one of the slogans for Ajax dish cleaner is stronger than Greece? Got a good chuckle out of that one and thought you would too. That is funny. Okay. Do you want me to answer it? That's not the question.

That's just a factoid that he threw in at the top. I thought when you talk about cleaning, because I'm such a germaphobe any cleaning product that you bring up is i thought that was specifically for me no no okay didn't move on got a good chuckle out of that one and thought you would too anyways i'm about to end my time in college and my stoke tank is running low any advice for keeping the stoke in the future i am moving to san diego after a blissful four years in hawaii and don't think that i am equipped for a san diego winter i know that sounds like a weak problem but after four years of non-stop board shorts the idea of a neoprene wetsuit is bumming me out cloudy skies and below 70 degrees weather is not ideal what are some what are some out of the sun activities

i can pursue to reach optimum levels of stoke so what can he do inside i thought this was a lot so what does the ajax have to do with that question i just think he thought we would appreciate that fact it's a good fact i think it's a good well so he he part he imparted some wisdom at the top because we try to and then because he gave us that he wants something back just something he wants to know he wants some ideas of what to do inside because it's too cold in san diego for him outside yes but i would imagine if he's doing board shorts and now he's talking about neoprene then he's he's talking about he's a surfer yes okay so aren't you supposed to just pee if you that's a good move go out pee in your

wetsuit you can pee more yeah drink lots of water if it's really cold then i would shit myself in a wetsuit and that's like a that's like a cuddly blanket because it'll right i heard pat gadoskis did that in iceland whoa what movie is that from um i was just this surfer pat gadoskis he's sponsored by vans he's one of the gadoskis they're they're always frothing like always stoked so um i heard he just laid one down in iceland in the in in the suit does it come up the neck like does it if you shit in a wetsuit my buddy jimmy told me about a guy you know who yeah he he went through his arm through his arm

just came through the suit those are some good options and also try the California burrito yeah really good in San Diego okay sour cream I don't think we answered this question though you don't think so all right next question sup Chad and JT I've been hung up on a girl for a while and I would love to hear your thoughts on my situation she's a total babe but

she has an old family friend and we grew up together so i never really saw her in a romantic way in high school she started dating one of my best friends mike but she and i remained close and talked on the reg as time went on i felt myself growing jealous of my dog and developed strong feelings for this girl fast forward to a few weeks ago we were in college and my school played hers in basketball. So she came in for the game while she's still dating my buddy. She was giving off serious flirtatious vibes and drunkenly said, I wish you had asked me out in high school.

I was taken aback by this and wasn't sure how to respond. The night went on and nothing came of it. I really liked this girl, but out of respect for my dog, I've been apprehensive to pursue anything. Was this, was this just a drunken blurb or should I look further into it? Long message, I'm sorry, but I need some insight.

Love the pod and Chad. Fuck Toby. Oh, nice. Wait, did he... Are they still dating? Yes. Yeah. Well, I think that...

It's hard. If I was him, I'd go to San Diego for the winter because there's so much to do inside to get his mind off of that woman i think he's just gotta because she's staying actions speak louder than words what he heard are words and the actions are she's fucking your friend that's action even though she said i wish i would have dated you so san diego inside love i love that yeah you gotta listen not listen to what they say but watch what they do yeah actions speak louder than words yeah i think it's gone as far as it should he needs to accept that something should remain. Yeah, move on. Yeah. An old family friend?

Does that mean she's been a family friend for a long time? Or is she an old woman who happens to be a friend of the family? Maybe ask him. I think it was the former. Okay. But kids these days, you know, with porn and whatnot. Actually, it leads into the next question. What up, Chad and JT?

You guys never fail to bring the stoke. So I've been crushing the next question. What up, Chad and JT? You guys never fail to bring the stoke. So I've been crushing on this babe. There's a catch, though. It's my mom's best friend, and she's my mom's age, 50. I know there are sparks, though. How do I ask her out? I'm 18, by the way, and super mature,

and I'm an aspiring entrepreneur. Thanks, dudes. Okay. Just, well, I always say actions speak louder than words. I've heard you say that. Yeah, I always say that. I say it a lot. So what action would you recommend to this young gent?

What I would do is I'd rub her down with oil, and if she responds, then you know that you have the go-ahead. What about his mom? No, don't rub your mother down with oil. No. Because, no. I'm not saying do do that. I'm saying, is it going to hurt the mom's feelings

if he pursues her friend? I'm thinking. The truth is... I appreciate that. I don't think you you pursue i think you rub the mom's friend down with oil if she doesn't respond then the mom's not going to get mad the friend doesn't get mad because all you're doing is rubbing her down with oil it's that you can so set up a tanning session be like look i'm going to be tanning thursday at noon come join me um i'm making grilled cheese no no no that's not a good to me no just i don't think you get that that

you're making her go someplace i'm saying it's not a date next time you see her just what i would do is i would just carry oil with me next time you you see her, even if your mother's there, rub her down with oil. Just how he, what? Are we sure she wants to be rubbed down with oil? No, that's the point. That's how you, without using, that's action speaking louder than words. If she goes, get your hands off of me. There's, what are you doing doing don't put oil on me i'm sitting here having a tea with your mother then problem solved how did you meet your wife i oiled i oiled her i were you 20 when you got married no older way older i was i've been married for 40 years so that's for 24 okay how'd you oil like How'd you approach the oiling town? I actually took her out on a date

The truth is I was on a double date And she was with my friend No way You committed the robbery? I did Is that what you call it? Yes

The robbery It's kind of like two questions ago It's like two questions ago But she never said I wish you would have asked me out in high school. Because I wasn't in high school anymore. And I was thrown out. How did you know she was into you and not the friend? She wasn't into me.

I was into her. So I kept asking her out. She kept saying no. And then finally when she said yes. Maybe she's still not into me. I can't tell. I will ask. Maybe you should try the oil test again.

Was your boy pissed? Yes. The truth is he's not my friend anymore because of that. No way, really? Yeah. Well, obviously it was worth it though, right? No, he came back from wherever he was and he came to me and he said to me, I'll never forget this. He goes, I think Terry's going out with somebody else.

Got to help me find this fucker. And I said, I will. I will. I'm going to help. I'm going to ask around. That was the last time I spoke to my friend. Dude. But I'm still asking.

Right. Dude. I should call him now. Say, got it. Figured it out. So was there a moment where you're like, I care more about the potential here than about this dude? You're like a mind reader.

Yeah. That's my whole, I just. Did an assessment at the scene? He wasn't a good friend. He was just somebody that was a friend. It wasn't like my pal. But he turned to you to find the guy. That's something you ask a pretty close friend, right?

Well, he figured I would know. He was right. He was right. I'd know. But i didn't tell him i'm gonna tell him now you made me feel guilty i'm gonna call no no don't don't call him tomorrow let's leave the dogs maybe call him up and be like look i older down she was down and so that's how it happened thank you what's up chad and dt my name isvin, but you can call me Rick. Anyways, I'm in a bit of a bind. I stole my mom's car to go to Derek's spring break kickoff bash, but I got it stuck in mud.

How should I get to the party? Not how should I deal with my mom. How should I get to the party? Yeah, and we got this last night. Oh, too late? Maybe it's like a weekend-long thing. Uber? Uber's good.

Yeah, you could Uber. Lyft? I thought a tow truck, because then you kill two birds with one stone. You get the mom's car sitch fixed, and you get a ride to the party. And tow truck drivers are pretty cool. Are they? Oh, typically, yeah. I don't know them.

I crashed my car coming back from Coachella, and my tow truck driver was a total dude, great guy. Yeah. I went to Dave & Buster's the other day, and they had a deal or no deal machine. Some kids are playing it, probably 11, and they're right in the middle of the part where the banker's offering you like 70 tickets. So I go behind and I go, take the deal.

And the kid goes, no. And I go, take the deal. I know how to play this. And the kid goes, no. And I go, take the deal. And the kid just, I guess I scared him. He pressed deal. And he took the 70 tickets.

And then they opened up his case. And his case had 200 tickets in it. And then he turned to me, he goes, dude, you know shit. Why did you make me lose this game? You don't know shit about this game. Get away from me, dude. And that was it. I was just there the other week.

It was fun. This is a great place. All right. What up, Chad and JT? So I've been talking to this girl. And by that, I mean, we go on dates and get funky in the bedroom. I don't know if it's long term, but she keeps the stoke meter high. Long story short, I got floored on a Tuesday and showed up to her apartment.

We probably had a subpar shag and passed out. But I know I was frustrated to deal with. To cap it off, I pissed on her bed floor. Not cool, Tequila. I thought we were friends. I can tell she's not super stoked about the piss. And it could put some stress on our budding romance. should i let the relationship fizzle or work it out also context i'm moving to cali sup for grad school in august jt you seem like you piss yourself more

than the average bear how would you deal with this situation thanks for bringing the steez on the pod well first of all how do you know for sure that she's upset about the piss on the floor like he's he's assuming you can't assume this may it doesn't necessarily have to be a negative does it it doesn't have to be but in my, it typically skews that way. Really? Yeah. And I actually don't pee myself that much, but thank you for the... Because I think that he should turn it into a positive thing. You know why I pissed all over your floor? Because like an alpha dog, I marked my spot.

You, young lady, are my territory. I pissed here. I don't want anybody else coming in and pissing around you so take ownership that's what you do you own everything you do do you worry about telling the stokers to pee on things how else do you say without words or out loud this is mine mine. How would you say that? I don't even know if I'd say that. Yeah.

You don't want to say that to a human being. So just if you piss on a woman's bed or on the floor in her room, I think it's a given she's yours. Yeah, maybe if she's like, she asks him about it, you know, she's like, I can't believe you just peed on my floor. He's like, oh, I peed on your floor? It's a good sign. You know, this is going to be a good relationship.

That's right. Always turn it, see the positive. You know, I was obviously hammered, but in my subconscious, I know that I care about you because I pissed on the floor. You know what it means? Urine love. Call me a pussy. I'd get her flowers and just drop a massive apology on her really yeah hey everyone's different what up stokers i have a major problem on my hold on

a lot of your listeners have problems but they're not real problems your listeners that's what our buddy Joe said. He's like, one time this guy, he was debating whether or not to send a photo of his body to some girl. And Joe's like, sounds like bragging to me. You're asking us if you should send a photo of your body because it looks good? Sounds like bragging. Right.

But they don't have another place to go to with these issues. And I think sometimes you're here for the people yeah you're helpful try to be what up sultans of stoke i only started listening to the podcast a few weeks ago but i've crushed through at least 20 episodes so far you have brought me into this wonderful world of stoke that was lacking from my life before your dank attitude towards life and how you see it has my newly found stoke levels higher than i thought was possible my stoke was non-existent for the last few years and now I try to use your mission statement as my own to live life to the fullest. You two absolute babes have made me look at life like an orange. I got to squeeze all the

juice out of. I would love to rage with you guys one day. But to my question, I've been with my girlfriend for a couple years and about a year ago I came to terms with my sexuality and accepted that I'm bisexual. But she doesn't know this. I've never told anyone and I don't want to be public with it because I feel because I only want to date girls and don't see myself with a guy other than boning. Though I feel like I should let my girlfriend know because I want her to know all of me and because I see myself marrying her. Though she's told me in the past she doesn't like bisexual guys. She doesn't have a problem with them. She just doesn't like the idea of marrying one or dating one. her friend is by and she doesn't

find him attractive because this so do i tell her just fly under the radar and do i tell other people because i've never looked at any of my bros in that way and never would and i just don't want my bros to think about me differently either you just said it you just said his name out loud he doesn't want to tell anybody. Oh, I'll cut that. Damn it. I'll cut that. We can cut that.

We edit a little bit. Do you? Yes. But he called into, he's so private, he called into a big podcast. Thank you for calling the podcast big. Isn't it? Yes. I was told this was, it's not a big, is this not a popular, am i on a popular podcast yeah yeah it's bigger than

any podcast i've ever done all right if this is a big if this is a big podcast and you've listened to it please approach me in the street and say hi nobody nobody has approached me did the stokers you see two guys who look like us with glasses and wigs on if we say if we say give howie a shout out they'll do it your instagram is going to be like what up howie do that dash stokers stokers stokers give howie a big shout out on instagram yeah instagram is fine at howie mandel give me a big what up or twitter or friendster my MySpace. Grindr. How's your MySpace doing? Not on Grindr. But I'm trying to.

Yeah, he is. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Back to the. Yeah, what should we do for this dude? I think that lying to your girlfriend is a good policy. Do you really feel that way? No. No, but she doesn't like. You want to keep her. do you really feel that way no no but I

she doesn't like you want to keep her you want to keep her but you're bi and you don't want her to say bi right yeah so

I'm trying to think of a solution if you think that she might find out does he think she might find out I don't think that's his concern how does he think she might find out i don't think that's how does he keep it a secret i think he doesn't feel good feeling like he's suppressing something and if he's going to be with this person he wants to share everything with them that's how he that's how he wants to marry her relationship yeah he wants to marry her yeah bone other men

no i don't even think he wants to bone other men i just don't think he wants to hide a part of himself from the person he's supposed to trust the most. All right. He should say, I'm about to open up to you. And when she goes, what is it? He should stand beside her bed and pee on the floor. See how she reacts to that.

If she reacts, if she handles that in a very calm, kind of adult way, then I think the coast is clear to tell her the rest of your secret do you have like proclivities that you keep inside that you like don't share no you share them i share everything i go I go to therapy. I don't have any secrets. I think people know that I'm fucked up. But that's okay. But it feels good, right, to get it out. It feels good.

We're only as dark as our secrets. I just try to remove, that's just part of humanity. If we're human, we all have issues and shades and sides that we don't show. and we all have issues and shades and sides that we don't show. And just judging from four Stoker letters in phase two of this podcast, I'm not the only one with issues. And this is making me, can I be honest with you? I know that a lot of Stokers have problems,

but they make me feel so good about my life. They really do. Well, you're a high functioning dude well honestly how long is this podcast i don't have to run i'm not saying i have to run but how long do you usually air for like hour 45 really wow time flies when you're having fun you're having fun no this seems like a long time oh no no i am that was the last question no no i want to hear more give me another stoker tell me i don't know what to do with that that's a nice i think he needs to be honest and he needs to find somebody who will accept him for everything he is yeah i agree and

i think that person's out there i i think he's also assuming how people will react react he's like he's like oh she to, and she might, you know, but, um, I'd give people the benefit of the doubt. Uh, now we're into phase three of the pod.

All right. This is past warm liquid goo. And then into, I can't think of the next one. How long have you been doing the podcast? No, I'm just, I'm just,

you know, I'm trying to use austin powers terms what's when he pees what's that called i don't know you could get in the character yeah take your time yeah just from another movie i just can't remember the quote but you know that you know not now i'm trying to eat. What is that? Oh, that's just a movie we took at my wedding. This is from my wedding movie. And somebody was trying to record my aunt giving us her blessings. And she told the cameraman, not now, she's trying to eat.

I got to check that out. All right. Do you have one? Howie, do you think KFC is still open? What's that from? Old school. Oh, wow. Will Ferrell.

He drilled it. I got you with it. You did. It's realistic because you were like, wait, is KFC still open? And I'm like, no, but. And if there's a defining moment, you either define the moment or the moment defines you. Yeah. Like a dog.

That's from Tin Cup with Kevin Costner. Wow. Written by the incredible Ron Shelton. All right. So we're in phase three now. All right. So we say who our legend of the week is, who our babe of the week is, and who our beef of the week is.

And we start with beef. Chad, who is your beef of the week? My beef of the week is with partly cloudy skies. Weather. Just make a decision decision either be sunny or cloudy i don't like partly cloudy skies because i like to tan it's one of my favorite activities um start stopping partly cloudy and just sort of decide whether or not you're going to be fully cloudy or not so i can make a good decision on what i'm going to do we're going to fix that dude. Do you have a beef of the week ready? Well, I didn't have one ready,

but staying in that theme from the news, you know what pisses me off? When they say on the news that the cops suspect foul play. I watch the news all the time, and they'll say, you know, an unidentified body was found decapitated in the dumpster behind the house. What other kind of play couldn't be planned? It couldn't be legal where you'll end up in a dumpster without a head. How can you suspect?

It is foul play. It's not even play. It's just foul. And there's no suspecting. It is. That's my beef. That was good. Dude, great beef.

So much passion. Well, it bothers me. Yeah. My beef of the week is with myself. Nice. I was on a date last night and I was talking about some of the sordid mistakes from my past nice i was on a date last night and i was talking about some of the sordid mistakes from my past you were on a date with yourself no i was on a date talking

about myself which i want to do and it made me remember when i was like i was super into like webcam porn and i used to do weird stuff with the uh the ladies and the thing that i don't regret the action i'm not ashamed of that, but I just regret that I, that at that time I didn't think enough of my potential in life, that that might not be something that I want to have out in the world as like a can around my tail forever. You know,

like that I, it's, it's not the action that bothered me. It's just that I didn't like think that my life could mean enough to not want that to be something that defines it wow so that's my beef it's deep and yeah i'm kind of like fathering myself from the past basically or fathering myself this happens on a date yeah we talked about it i'm gonna overshare so we got into it quick she was an overshare too so it was a good date is this a first date yeah the first date you talked about your porn your webcam porn yeah was it was it a

real date or was she on the camera someplace else no it was a real date i mean real date i mean were you in the same room is what i'm asking yeah yeah yeah oh yes face to face it was a what was money exchanged no no wow yeah i would never do that actually person how did you meet this person is what I'm asking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yes, face-to-face. It was a... Was money exchanged? No, no. Wow. Yeah, I would never do that, actually, person-to-person. How did you meet this person? Hinge. Mm-hmm.

Sounds like it became unhinged. It's wrong. I just don't know. That's like, I would imagine... I'm happy to not date, but the thing that scares me about dating, if I had to date was conversations because what do you talk about and you know not everybody like you guys has a podcast so they ask questions so i

don't know how fast i would get into is there going to be a second date is the question i think so yeah we had a nice time you're saying we had a nice time but she's not here to you had a nice time, but she's not here to... You had a nice time. Oh, for sure, yeah. You think she had a nice time? Yeah, she told me she did. You don't think she had a good time? I don't know. I believe she said,

this was nice, I had a nice time. We kissed. Not to reveal too much. Good night. You kissed goodbye. Yeah. Okay. So that's not, that's... Actions speak louder than words.

And that was goodbye. Howie, it's like you're rooting against this... I'm not rooting. But you're just saying I overshared. Yeah, and that's not a good way to start stuff. I'm saying that's an uncomfortable conversation to have right off the bat. What did she tell you?

What did she reveal about herself? Anything equal to that? Yeah. Tell us. I can't. Change her name. I can't. Is she going to listen?

She might. But it's not my truth to tell. Do you have her phone number? Of course. So let's dial her and we'll put her on speaker. I'll text her and see if she's cool with that. Okay, text her and see if she's cool with that okay so text her and see if she's cool she might be into it really another camera we now have nine cameras every time i look to jay there's like it's going to be pretty soon you're not going to see jay you're just going to see a ton of cameras with some nicely shaped eyebrows overlooking them.

You do your eyebrows, Jay. Jay worked with Scorsese before us. Jay does his eyebrows. Not Martin Scorsese, his brother Brian. Yeah. Jay, don't say anything. He's never said anything. Have you guys ever talked to him?

No. If you get a chance, why don't you tell him one camera would be enough jay just set up one camera and talk to us i'll text it to him that's how we interact is she around what does she do for a living are you actually texting yeah he should we got to get her on a speaker phone and talk i want to talk to her i want to talk to this lady i won't embarrass you no i, I understand. I trust you. Where is she? My brother gets on me about it.

He's like, you don't have to tell everybody everything. He doesn't say it in that tone. Does that sound like your brother? No, he's like, dude, you don't have to tell everybody everything. That doesn't even sound like it. Let's call your brother to see how close your voice is to your brother. I can get into it. I can quote him.

Huh? You want to be my brother? Yeah. Are you ready? Yeah. Dude, you don't have to tell anyone everything that sounds like that guy from the movie right doesn't it hey what up dude is she not answering i think she's i think she's busy it's delivered it says delivered it's delivered

all right well let's keep pushing though chad who is your babe of the week uh my babe of the week is brad pitt's mom in the movie troy uh achilles mom um you know i love that movie and uh not only for the sword play and the romance and all the you know the oceanside settings um but i just think she needs to get some recognition for you know she really sort of lays it down for him she's like i think she you know he goes to her for advice and she gives him full on here's what's gonna happen here's what you can do either you go and get glory but you'll die or you have a nice family with a nice woman pick and i think that's like an epic move from a mom you know that's like all he could have ever asked for not only that she's in the water picking seashells for a new seashell necklace for him. It's beautiful.

That's so nice, dude. Yeah. I love a seashell necklace from my mom. And I was like, damn. And he's just looking at her. He's like, I'm Brad Pitt, but in Achilles form. And she's like, yeah, that's what you got to do. And I was like, wow, that mom's a babe.

So, shut up. Yeah, the only way you could be more proud of your son than being Achilles is if he was Brad Pitt. Who's my babe? Who is your babe of the week? You know what? I also didn't think of this. But it's the female dog on Paw Patrol. Because she's, you could look it up.

Oh, is that her? No. What'd she say? It's my buddy who wants to weightlift later. Really? He asks to weightlift? We're just to weightlift later. Really? He asks to weightlift? We're just getting the time set. Really?

Yeah. He's a funny comic. Graham Rogers. Big dog workout today. And big shout out to a very funny comic, Bruce Gray, for giving us the mics to use today. Thanks, Bruce. You know what? Super funny, dude.

Are you going to do weightlifting today? Yeah. What are you working today? I think I'm going to do some chest and then some plyometrics. Plyometrics? Yeah. Anyway, I like the female dog on Paw Patrol. That's my babe of the week.

She's heroic, yet a team player, and just nice. And it's hard to find nice anymore. Especially in this day and age. Yeah. For sure. It's good stuff. Big dog, let's lift. Big dog, lift.

I don't have anybody that's ever... Dude, we should go lift together. Yeah. How often do you lift? Like three or four days a week. Really? Trying to do it more. Keep up with this dude.

You're a lifter? No, I just run. I run. You run? Yeah. I do it more. Keep up with this dude. You're a lifter? No, I just run. I run. You run? Yeah. I do sprints. But I do about three and a half miles of sprints. Oh, I do short runs too.

I do run at the beach though. That's fun. But not along the beach, just toward the water. It's a short sprint and then I'm wet. My babe of the week, I'll say my babe of the week is her. Give it to her. It was going to be Stephen Baldwin because of that funny video he put out

and I love Stephen Baldwin. Right. But she's my babe now. Hello? Okay, Nicole, here's the question. You went out, last night was your first date

with you two? I guess that's what you would call it. Well, how long into the date after meeting this guy did he tell you that he liked the webcam porn?

I want to say five minutes, but that could be inaccurate. I think it's around five to 15 minutes. Not even an hour? Not an hour for sure. It was the first ten minutes we really overshared. You too? Me too, and I don't remember what really overshared. You too? Me too. And I don't remember what I overshared.

Go ahead. Last time I had been to that bar, I was with this guy who was touching me too much. Who was what? It was something like that. She went to the bar with an Argentinian guy who was touching her too much. Oh, you were being touched too much. But just saying, I went on a date where the guy was a little too handsy and he goes oh yeah i have a story too i used to i used to play with myself while watching strange girls on webcams i would

spend over two thousand dollars a night and guys once in a while and guys once in a while so that's just like your story about your date with a guy that was a little handsy. Sounds like... It was an equivalent share, you know? Did you think it was equivalent? And let me ask you again, and I want to ask you because I want to see if his perception is the same as yours. Do you think you're going to see him again? 100%.

Oh, wow. He picked that up. All right. Nicole, wow. He picked that up. All right. Nicole, I'll call you later. He's got to go weightlift. I'm weightlifting in a bit. But thank you for letting us call you on the pod.

I really appreciate it. Oh, you're so welcome. Yeah, have a good day. It was good seeing you. Thank you, guys. Didn't see her. Chad, who is your legend of the week? Thanks, Nicole, for calling in. I'll go quick.

Legend of the week is Larry with the beach ball in Newport Beach, 4th of July. This guy came out. I was living in Newport Beach for like two months. This guy came out with a 12-foot in diameter beach ball, really set the tone for the whole neighborhood. And we had a killer, 4th of July. So Larry, what up? And he broke his wrist handling it.

Wow. Big balls, big times times go ahead um my legend of the week is Alec Baldwin just a beast man he's a great actor you know Glenn Gary Glenn Ross um the aviator it's complicated just a really charismatic performer that I love to watch on screen and then his podcast, Here's the Thing. He gets to be super pretentious on it, which I dig, because he really gets to stretch his chops. And he'll talk to Joseph Stiglitz, economist, on one episode,

Chris Rock on the next episode. I love the variety in guests. So Alec, keep doing what you're doing. And also he provides us with a lot of kind of dark entertainment, because he's got a need for negative excitement, where he's berating his daughter or getting into a fight on the street. So he's just an overall total provider of good, fun content. So thank you, Alec. Well, my legend of the week is Nicole. I feel that a woman that knows who she is and how emotionally unstable one can be is still willing to have a good time

with that uh emotional instability and a point why are you licking your hands while i'm talking to you sorry i got like i drank a protein shake and it's like i'm really sorry continue i just i'm talking about the girl you're dating and you're just licking all your fingers and your hands. I'm sorry. Keep talking about Nicole. Well, I would continue to talk about the licking through me. I'm really sorry. Yeah, it's gross. Did you notice?

I noticed what? I was listening. I wasn't looking over there. Well, I was looking this way and I said, your girl, Nicole. And then he's just licking. You were licking your hands and your fingers while I talk about the girl you dated once. All right. Last up.

What is your quote of the week, Chad? I think they're waiting for him. It's okay. Are you good? That was it. Maybe that's his quote. That was my quote. They're waiting for him.

That was your quote? Yeah, because it goes on the whole just do it thing. Do you have a quote of the week? I do. I think it was $112.47. That's a good quote. Yeah, I don't know if it's the cheapest quote, and I don't know if it's the best quote and I don't know if it's the best quote,

but it is my quote. What does she writing you now? No, I've just got my quote of the week. It's from Victor Frankel. He said, it's not your quote. No,

but it's not. It's oftentimes it's a quote that we pull from another source. He said, challenging the meaning of life is the truest expression of the state of being human. I love that. Thank you. i love that thank you i love that so we've learned a lot today and we've spent some quality time together it sounds like

your social life is really colorful okay and do you date are you dating too i have a girlfriend yeah does she know what does she know uh i might tell her tonight. I've been sitting on it. They're sweet. I like her a lot. She's really cool. How long have you guys been going out? In my mind, six months. In her mind, probably a week. That's great. Dude, this was so fun.

Howie, thank you so much for going on this journey with us. We'd love to come back. You know what's weird? When I go on this journey with you, I end up in the exact same place I started. Yeah. So that's the best kind of journey. We're at your office. Right.

Well, thank you. I'm going to give you four stars. Oh, thank you. Four out of four? What? Four out of four? Hit me up on Instagram. Oh, and your special's coming out.

It was on Showtime, and now it's coming out on other platforms. Yeah, Howie Mandel. Look for my stand-up comedy special. Howie Mandel presents Howie Mandel at the Howie Mandel Comedy Club. Who's your favorite comic all time? Pryor. Richard Pryor. He's the best.

Yeah. Stokers. That'll be episode six. I love that there's no... Oh, that's it? You're just dwindling it down to nothing. I like that. Is that how it ends? Is there a sting? Is there music?

What are you shooting now, Jay? Just you. Well, that's cameras looking at me. Yeah, we're going to have a theme song at the end. Oh, do you have a theme? Well, actually, he kind of pulls... Other people's music? Yeah.

I put an interesting fight or something at the end. I put Bill O'Reilly's Freak Out or an unknown song by this interesting musician, Arthur Russell, or an inspiring pregame pep talk from Aaron Donald just different kind of content at the end of it to send the Stokers out on a little like burst of energy I like that idea

thank you I like that alright well nice meeting y'all howie thank you so much for coming in dude so great thank you my pleasure buddy Stokers that'll be it for episode 65 of Going Deep in Chat JT yeah check out our patreon patreon.com slash chat goes deep see you guys next week thank you That'll be it for episode 65 of Going Deep in Challenge AT. Yeah. Check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash chadgoesdeep.

See you guys next week. Thank you. That was fun, man. Thank you. That was fun. You guys are good. Think for one fucking second. The fuck are you doing? Are you professional or not?

Yes, I am. Do I fucking walk around and rip that? No, shut the fuck up, Bruce. Do I what? No. No. Don't shut me up. Am I going to walk around and rip your fucking lights down in the middle of a scene?

Then why the fuck are you walking right through? Ah, da-da-da-da, like this in the background. What the fuck is it with you? What don't you fucking understand? What the fuck is it with you? What don't you fucking understand? You got any fucking idea about, hey, it's fucking distracting having somebody walking up behind Bryce in the middle of the fucking scene? Give me a fucking answer!