Good Guys - 5000 Calorie Thanksgiving

Episode Date: November 21, 2022

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The following podcast is a dear media production. I'm Josh Peck. And I'm Ben Safer. And we're the good guys. There's a lot of guys out there. And we're the good ones. Happy Thanksgiving week. Josh, how are you?

Happy Thanksgiving to the wonderful, do we have a name for our people? The good geysers. The good geysers. The good geysers. I'm a geyser. I like it. Our podcast has so much longevity. we could do this into our 70s and become the good geysers.

I think it's great. You know, now when people talk to me about the pod, I always qualify it with. I'm like, oh, are you a toaster? Because, you know, I'm like, listen, I don't have that big of an ego. And they go, yeah, but no, I'm all about the good guys. And I was like, wow, we are making waves. Yeah, it's almost like imposter syndrome. Like you want to give credit to where you've come from,

but you also at some point need to acknowledge that we're just the good guys, you know, maybe somebody found us by listening at a Panda Express and they heard it over the speakers when they were ordering their General Chows chicken. Do you say General Chows or General Sos? I see General Chows. It's interesting. How, though, does one go from, not to digress, too much? Please. How do you go to Chos when it's spelled T-S-O? Like, I get it. General Chose sounds better, or General Chow's sounds better, but isn't it General

So's... Does it sound better or is it just more racist? Is it? It does spelled T-S-O. It's spelled T-S-O and it's your hundred... First of all, it's not a real chicken. Nobody in China created this. This is an American creation for sure. It's like chicken teakamasa at Indian restaurants.

Like, that's Americanized. And delicious. Oh, God, is it good? Any kind of fried chicken and just like a nice sweet, like a pungent sauce? Please. Do you prefer a general chow's or a sesame chicken? I'm so glad we're finally getting into the real issues. I sometimes think sesame chicken is just general chow's chicken with sesame seeds.

Am I crazy? I think that if you're at a Panda Express, that's maybe what you'll get. But I've found that General Chow's chicken can sometimes. air on spicy. Yes. Depending on where you order it from, but sesame will always be sweet. And for me, I'm sweet as sugar. I'm always going sesame. The reality is, and I know I say that a lot, is that growing up in New York City, when you could go into a hole-in-the-wall Chinese restaurant, get a $5 plate of orange chicken, white rice, your choice of hot and sour, or what's it, egg drop soup, and an egg roll.

I mean, these Chinese restaurants are feeding America. They're feeding the youth of New York City. And they serve it all with a small side of diabetes, and I'm here for it. It is what it is. Give me chicken. Take my leg for the chicken. You know what would be interesting? If you could get, like, the same way that you have, like, a subscription, you know,

like those Pret cafes where they give you $20 for unlimited coffee for the month? Do you guys have those in L.A.? We have it at Panera. So imagine if it was free sesame chicken every day for the next 20 years, but in exchange, they get your foot. How many Americans do you think would take that deal? From ankle down? Are we talking ankle bone down?

What are we talking? Ankle bone down, they take your whole right foot. 20 years of free sesame chicken every day. Follow up. Can you install one of those cool carbon fiber foots that are better? than normal feet. Yeah, you could arguably upgrade your foot, but they're going to take your current foot. Oh, I'd give it to them all the way up to the knee if I can have a cool carbon fiber foot. Amen. I'm with you. I think it's a great marketing tactic. It is. Take my foot. I just, could you

resell the foot for the amount of money that was lost through the 20 years? I don't think it makes sense for the Chinese company, for the Chinese food companies. I have flat feet and heavy set ankles. I'm not going to miss his foot at all. They can keep it. What, what, what, take my feet. What are the top five, what, if you had to pick five foods, you're on a desert island and you can only have five foods, but they have to be generic. It can't be like, I want orange chicken from Panda Express. It just has to be chicken parm, you know, cereal. Like, what, what would be your five foods? Including sauces, like, does a sauce count as a food? Because to me, I need smoke turkey. I live in, die. I live in, by smoked turkey but if I don't have mayonnaise what's the smoke turkey dry I can't do that I

feel similarly about sushi I love sushi but without spicy mayonnaise it's naked so almost does does Mayo count as a food no let's let's say the accoutrement well let's say you can have one okay you have to pick four things and and a marquee sauce okay my marquee sauce is mayonnaise you can dress it up or down It's the most fantastic base period. Wow. I need it. Wow.

Then I would go smoke turkey. I would go eggs. It's going to be a farty island. Yeah, it is. It is. I would go sushi. And I would go with... It's a tough one.

It is because, like, you're thinking dishes, but then you're thinking versatility. eat, bread. So I can make my sandwiches with my turkey and my mayonnaise. What's your top, what's your top slice bread? You sourdough can, you more of a wheat, a wheat man. I really love like a nice hoagy. Wow.

Like a, like a hero roll. You go into a New York City corner deli. This is my order. smoke turkey American cheese American cheese lettuce onions onions pickles

sliced pickles mayonnaise on a nice hoagie is there anything more frustrating than asking for pickles on your sandwich and they tell you that they won't slice it and they chuck it in a bag you have a knife

cut it oh that's sick if they don't do that that's sick I just love that you love like an all-purpose flour white-ass roll hoagie roll, like a Kaiser roll. I love that. That's on brand.

I love it. I also love a rustic bread, though. I just don't come across rustic as much. I actually eat a lot of sprouted bread. Do you like Ezekiel? Do you ever have those? Sprouted bread? Yeah, sprouted bread is great for you. It's tasty, too. I enjoy it. It's good for the gut biome.

That's what I hear. What do you think about gut biome? You have a good gut? I think people have too much time on their hands and too much money in their pocket. That's what I think. I had a buddy the other day tell me, he's like, it turns out I have leaky gut. I said, turns out you are, you got bigger problems than your intestines.

I said, and they center in your brain, my friend. Don't blame your guts for nothing. I don't know where these things come from. Yeah, leaky gut. You know what? I just don't want to have all the things. Like, I have a friend who they have, like, adult ADHD that's, like, newly diagnosed. they have like all these different food allergies, skin things.

And I'm like, do you? Or did you just manifest this to be problematic? Is this person depressed? Well, that's, I think that should be a given. Because I think that if you randomly get, and this could be a very controversial statement, But if you randomly stumble upon adult ADHD, it would make me think that there's something else going on that's making you a bit scatterbrained, such as maybe a depression. What do you?

Or is that a thing? Does ADHD just pop up? I think it's one of those things that there's probably one or two percent of the people truly have it, and then the rest should just go on a run and actually try harder. What would you say, and of course no need to name names, of your friend group, of your close circle, how many of those people would you say are on Adderall? Now, quite few. Not a lot. No.

But at one point, a lot. I think that when you're in the high school college years, people tend to use and abuse those meds and say that they have ADHD and in reality, they just have too much work and Adderall helps you do work. Right now, I don't have many friends to take Adderall. Do you? Yeah, plenty. Hmm.

I think that in LA, people are using it to stay skinny and feel productive. Sounds like I should give it a try. It's the only thing I've ever wanted, really. I don't know why I'm not on it. Productivity and skinny. That's really how they should market it. We should come up, when we start really,

selling products and merch on the back of this podcast. It should be all, we should only sell things that we ourselves would never buy, like supplements. Get good guys fish oil. It's so good. We have a really great promo running on Seamoss, and I think you guys should really take advantage of it. I've seen it really help with my gut microbiome, and I think it would really help yours. Oh, God. I feel like we are desks. to start. Like, I'm just glad that this podcast is not getting huge during the renaissance of shit coins because I think we would have come up with a good guy's cryptocurrency and we'd be facing charges right now federally. Totally. We would have had Sam, what's his last name?

Thank you. Who's that guy? The FTX guy. FtX guy. Yeah. So do you know, do we have a news story about that? Because I imagine not everyone knows about that. Sam Bankman freed. ride. The first thing that I want to just confirm, I need to make sure, I need to see if he's Jewish or not. I think it's, well. Damn it, he is. Of course.

I know, that's why we're fueling Kanye. Damn it. Look at it. Damn it. This is what they think of us. This is what they think of us. Well, I don't claim Sam Bankman-Fried. And what he did,

I'll pull up a news story. Basically, the guy ran FTX, like one of the biggest, I believe, backers of cryptocurrency, period. There's the FTX arena that the Miami Heat were playing in. He was a core pillar of the crypto community, the king of crypto. And I think that the way that the story goes

is somebody looked to acquire his company. They were ready for acquisition, found all these problems, backed out, and then FTX went to zero. And all of a sudden, they were missing a billion dollars from their balance sheet. And nobody's seen him since. So he's just on the lamb?

I think he is. I'm just going to Google that, though. Sam, where is he? Where is Sam Bankman-Fried? Just your find a friend pops up? He's in your closet? Sam Bankman-Freed can't stay off Twitter. All right, he's been on Twitter.

How is someone on Twitter and they can't find him? I don't know. I don't know enough. We should, we can, we can speculate, but I really don't know enough. All I have to say is, as Jews, we don't claim them. We don't claim him. We don't claim him. We don't claim David Berkowitz, aka the son of Sam. We don't claim Harvey Weinstein. No, none of them. None of them. I claim none of the bad Jews. Only the good Jews.

Only the good Jews. We don't claim Jew. We don't claim any of the bad Jews. None. What if you had to disappear and leave? the States forever. Where do you think you'd go? Am I not looking to be found? Ever. And you can never come home. Never come home. If I can never come home, then I need to go somewhere that has a beach but also has a city, right?

Like it can't just be a remote island because you'll get bored. Oh, where would I go? I don't know. Do you know where you'd go? I mean, I like to say Vancouver, but I think I'd be found there. Vancouver. Like the the police show up at my door. I'm like, how'd you find me?

They're like, you're 90 minutes from Seattle, dummy. Way to go, you. Honestly, they should use that cliff as help for the tourism board of Vancouver. I don't think anybody has ever been asked if you could go to one place forever, live forever and not be found where do you go, Vancouver. Where do they speak English? there, Australia, I guess, but I feel like that would probably burn out quick and London.

I like the idea of Australia. I'll move there. It seems cool. I've never been. Have you been? I haven't been. I worked at Chris Hemsworth. So far.

Yeah, it's the same thing. You know what's interesting is, I know I tell these stories, but when I worked with the U.S. Marshals, when I was doing the short-lived Turner and Hooch, I remember them saying, like, here's the thing. people run and that's our bread and butter right we are human hunters like the the most wanted list that's us we cover the most wanted list they're like if you run and you successfully get out of the country the only people that stay free are the ones who never contact their families never come back so they're like if you're willing to start a whole new life and by the way never touch technology again because the moment you get a phone, the moment you go on the internet, we'll find you.

You can maybe elude us, but the problem is that nobody can keep it up. They disappear for six or seven years and then they get word that their mother's dying and they call their mom or something and we get you. And I was like, yeah, you do. He's like, we have unlimited resources and all the time in the world. He's like, we'll get you or you'll just die before we get you. crazy, huh? What really is the issue, though, of if somebody starts a completely new life, they're

completely off the grid, they're not bothering anyone, what's really the difference? Because you're never going to be really Argentinian, Ben, you're going to be Ben from New York, who's the weird neighbor to these nice Argentinian people that live down the block. You know, you know they're going to be talking about you. What's he doing here? I'd never fit in. Why is he getting shipments of Russian daughters every other week? The man eats so much locks.

I can't get over it. They're like, what does this place? Zabars. Are you a big Black Friday guy? You know what? I'm a big sale guy. It's so funny, my wife got me a gift certificate to Nortcham years ago, and on the note, it said, enjoy this. please try to buy something not on sale.

That's funny. I live for an Amazon Prime Day. I like Black Friday, but I'll only do it on the internet. I would never lower myself to stand in line and camp outside of Best Buy. Yeah, so you're more of a Cyber Monday person. Indeed. Are you a Black Friday gal? I like Black Friday.

I do. Occasionally pop into a good Best Buy, see if there's anything, any good TVs. You just always end up buying something extra on Black Friday. But Black Friday, Cyber Monday, the best deal in town, Sprit Society is having their biggest sale of the year. So I can't divulge what that is yet, but it's going to be huge. And Ben. People should check that out.

Tell us more. Spritsociety.com. That's where we'd find it. That's where we'd find it. Great Black Friday sales, starting next Friday through Monday. Great sales. For an award-winning sparkling cocktail. And here's the truth.

Might be worth buying it retail so you can have it for Thanksgiving, right? Nothing puts down stuffing better than some peach sprits. I couldn't agree more. It's the perfect compliment to a gorgeous stuffing. That should be a new ad. And full disclosure. Somebody should be trying to eat stuffing. They're choking.

They're choking to death. And the only thing that saves their life, crack open a peat spritz. and all of a sudden the EMTs, you can go home. Can I audition for the part right now? Yes, you can. I wish this was a video podcast, nevertheless. Diane, it's so good to bring the family together every year. Josh, here, here, take this Pete, Sprit Society.

Take it, take it, take it. Oh, thank God. Wow, that's delicious. Sprit Society. saves lives tastes great do we just come up with your Super Bowl lad and seen oh I love it

oh I love it speaking of things though that I don't love I don't know if you saw this story in the news Milakunis revealed something very terrible about Ashton Ashton Ashton really terrible I saw this and I'm sick to my stomach Spill it I guess he trained for the marathon

loved it so much that he's training his kids for the 5K. You know how old his kids are? How old? Eight and five. Sick. Training for the marathon. Can you keep your problems to yourself, Ashton? We know you're running from something.

By the way, he's probably running from his kids. He's playing himself. He's running from his kids, and now he's going to have his kids come with him. It's like the guys that teach their wife to golf, thinking that they'll be able to golf more, when in reality they enjoy golf. because they're not golfing with their wife.

What I just realized in you talking is that Paige and I are like the reverse, Ashton Amila. I am the Russian Jew, wildly famous, and she is the Irish Catholic. I'm assuming he is. He's some form of white. And so that means, wow, our kids would get along.

Your kids would get along. I think that that would be a great networking operation. for the children. And I'm letting you know, though, that if Max starts running, we're through. It's okay, and I know you're just looking out for him as his surrogate godfather. Let me ask you this. When you and Claudia procreate, God willing, sooner than later, Bahu Hashem, Bishrat Hashem. Will you... Please God. What famous kids will you hope that they become friendly with, like Andy Cohen's kids in New York

City, who do you want them to baby down with? Oh, that's such a good question. Such a good question. Jay Z's kids? The question becomes, do I want them hanging out with famous people's kids? We know Claudia's answer. Yes, she's going to say yes. She's going to say yes.

Andy Cohen's kids would definitely be, look, and it seems to have it. Does he have two kids? I thought he had one. He has two now. Yeah, I think he just had a girl. Oh, wow. Congrats. I mean, nobody is more famous than our dear mutual friend, Brian Kelly, and his beautiful young son, Dean.

So Dean's an obvious one. Bless him. Dean's an obvious one. They'll be hanging out with Dean. He is so damn cute. I'm going to his farm next weekend to see Dean. Wow, what a cute baby. You've got to see that baby.

Are you coming in, not to digress? Are you coming in for the Points Guy Awards? Or you're not doing that anymore? Well, I haven't broached it yet. But hopefully he listened to the, he doesn't listen to the podcast. He's too rich and powerful. But if he did. No, by the way, he'll listen.

If we're talking about him, we're talking about the TPG Awards, I'll send it to him. I want to go. I definitely want to go. I'm a big points guy. I'm a big Brian Kelly person. I just want to, you know what? I want to come support. And I really want to do some of these podcasts in person so our listeners don't kill us for the audio quality.

Yeah, literally the amount of feedback that I got. It was only like seven people, so I didn't address it. They're like, Ben, can you stop breathing so heavily? I'm like, what do you want for me? I have a light cold. I'm slightly morbidly obese. I can't control the way that I breathe. Imagine giving that feedback to somebody.

You listen to a podcast and you take time out of your day to DM them. Ben, can you shut the fuck up? You're breathing too loud. Your book should be called morbidly obese adjacent. That's it. By the way, you're not. And you're also, here's the thing.

You're a Clydesdale of a man because you're six to. You're a, you know, a, a nice 240-ish, but 230? 250, okay. And, but have you seen this kid's free throw? You can get around the court, my friend. By the way, I am incredibly athletic. That being said, I could shave a couple of pounds.

I'm trying, I don't know if you can tell. My neck does definitely look a bit thinner, but my book would be called just a little morbidly obese. The problem with me is I'm 185 pounds, and maybe the least athletic person on earth. So it's totally wasted this spelt frame. Didn't you lose weight recently? You're looking really good.

Thank you, Ben. It was 20 years ago. Let me live. I'm just hearing words. Oh, my God. Josh, you know, you look really good. What are you doing? Um, nothing.

maintaining my frame. Yeah, the same thing I've been doing for 20 years. Is Max going to grow up? I mean, obviously he's going to grow up in an incredibly famous circle because you're an incredibly famous A-plus list actor. So who are he going to be friends with? Who are you guys hanging out with? Is he going to be in the ball pit with?

You know, his only famous friend as of now is Billy Stamos, John's son. And I think that's good for now. you know, he doesn't, like, we have some athlete friends, but they're a little bit, that's a different kind of famous, I feel like, than super pop-culturally famous. And it's okay. Like, we literally moved out of L.A. or, like, close to L.A., but out of the bubble so that he could go to, like, a normal public school that's, like, a really good public school. And I just wanted, I personally wanted to get away from the business. I love working in it, but I don't like living in it anymore. And I didn't, I didn't.

want that for Max either. And so yeah, I wonder, you know, the problem is, is that in LA, like, there's only five private schools that if you live in LA proper that you're going to go to. And it's like Crossroads, which is the West Side private school. That's Adam Levine. That's Jonah Hill. Those are those fancy kids. Then there's the Oakwood School, which is another private school in the valley where I'm from. Gross, I know. And that's like even more ritsy-titzy. I don't know, like, I'm telling you, there's so many, or Harvard Westlake, Campbell Hall, Campbell Hall where the Olson twins went. And so as soon as your kids are in that system, it's over, right?

Because they'll just never have normal friends again. How much is one of those? 60,000 a year. 60. 60. Wow, that's really, really sick. And that's for, that's non-religious. That's just a regular old secular private school.

Yes. Like if you, I think for elementary, from kindergarten to fifth, it's like in the 30s. And then every grade after that, by the time our kids go, it'll be 60. I think it's about like the high 40s, a low 50s now. Holy smokes. That is crazy. Jewish day school in the city runs you about 40. which is incredibly expensive,

but at least you're getting a dual curriculum for just a secular education. To me, that really is, that's crazy. And the idea now, I don't know how you feel about this, and maybe this should be a this or that, but college, unless you're trying to be a medical professional or a lawyer, I think you should go, but you don't need to go anywhere good.

Like even if you go somewhere bad and you try hard, you're going to learn all the things that you need to learn. The reason why an IV is important is if you want to be a doctor and you want to be a lawyer, you're going to get much further going to an Ivy. There's no question about that, right, or maybe even an engineer. But I'm sure the best engineers now are self-taught. Like, I don't know where Elon Musk went to school. Where did Elon Musk at school? Penn University of Pennsylvania. Well, in Ivy's good.

That's funny. You know, it's funny. I think we've done a this or that about college. I think a better this or that is us disagreeing about the value of religious teachings in school. Because I would say a Catholic school or Jewish day school, it's the same as going to Hogwarts, right? It's like, oh, is this potions? That's hilarious. You know, I see.

the value in that teaching, what I think Judeo-Christian values over the last couple thousand years, when used correctly, it just gives people a value system, which is positive, right? This idea instilling that this idea that there is something bigger than you, right, that you are not God, that maybe a God exists, but for sure you are not it. Because I see that people that are really wrapped up in themselves, I'm like, baby, you think you are the Messiah, the JC, but you are not controlling everything. That being said, it is really hard for me to, it's really hard for me to reconcile like some of the mumbo-jumbo. What do you think? I think that it would, I understand not being, not having gone to one,

you feeling that way 100%. Having lived through them, it taught me a different language. It taught me a different which is Hebrew. It taught me, and we still learned either Spanish or French or one of those, I tried to take Spanish, but it just never caught on for me. It was just too much for me. And then you learn, like you read Talmud and Torah, and you learn, like you study these books. And I do think that it gives you great values, but I think it also teaches you the question. That's why Jews ask so many damn questions all the time, and they're constantly poking and poking, because it's rooted in what we do where we question things that we've seen

and I think it teaches you how to think I don't know it's interesting could I have learned how to think not doing that maybe yeah but I like the reference of Hogwarts there definitely is some elements if only they taught you potions

that would be cool that's what they think they're teaching us at Jewish school that's what all the Gentiles think it's like those Jews in a potion class They're learning how to put a spell on the banks. Control the media. You know, it's, yeah, what was I going to say? It's a really, it's a really tough thing.

And I, oh, this is, you know, studying the Talmud and the Torah and whatnot, that's special, and I don't want to give it away, but Ari Shafir, because he grew up Orthodox, and now he's got this special called Jew because now he's totally secular and sort of without much religion. And he's like, he went to Yeshiva in Jerusalem. And he's like, I would study the Torah all day. And I would study these rules because these, for instances, would come up. And then we would study to find the answers so that if eventually we were rabbis and someone

came into our office, we could give them the correct answer. So, for instance, you're making soup. And we have to eat kosher. And there can be no pork in anything we eat because that's not kosher. He goes, say someone out of nowhere throws a piece of ham, a big ham bone, a big pig's foot in the soup. What do you do? Can you eat the soup? Is the soup effed?

It wasn't your fault. Your intention was good. You were making kosher soup. He goes, so the law is as long as it's only one 60th of the soup is pork-based. then it's still kosher soup, eat the soup. Any more than 160th, it's no longer kosher. And I'm like, probably would have been good to learn calculus,

but okay. That is incredibly specific. And I think it was also written during a time where people have a lot less to do. Now we have the benefit of podcasts, of TV, of entertainment. and I do think that maybe people got cut up a bit in the minutia because 160th pork does sound very specific

and I can't wait to watch that special because if that's what he's talking about then I'm going to crack up and I absolutely love that. Oh, you're going to love it. You're going to love it. Now, speaking of pork soup and Thanksgiving, I think we should go through a couple fun facts about Thanksgiving and I'd also love to hear what some of your highlights of a Thanksgiving is end or are.

Did you know that the average number of calories consumed on Thanksgiving is between 3,100 and 4,500 calories? Really? Does that seem like a lot to you or not? It feels like a lot. I always, I don't know about you. I love the idea of the Thanksgiving meal. I don't love the food at Thanksgiving.

Really? I think that stems from the fact. that I don't like carved turkey. There's. Say more. It's dry. Even when it's not dry, it's dry. Any bird that needs to be doused in gravy is too dry. You don't get served the steak and then say, here's a pot of boiling water,

pour it over the steaks so that it becomes soft. It's great. Great point. Great point. So if the Thanksgiving meal was made with a gorgeous bird, chicken, I love chicken, a roast chicken, so much moisture than a turkey. Maybe I'd like it more. But for me, this whole idea, the next day you're supposed to make this big turkey sandwich with roast turkey that's so dry that you're going to need a grab a spritz aside to stop from choking. It's not for me. What about you?

I couldn't agree with you more. I think the turkey is a waste. I have no interest. I, too, enjoy it on the sandwich. But anything more than that, the turkey can go live its life because I see no interest. I see no value in killing that poor turkey. I think it should be steak. Or, and I know this is a bit of dousing, a prime rib.

I think there are so many superior cuts of meat. I completely agree. If this is a holiday surrounding barbecue, surrounding steak, we basically take a combination of the 4th of July and Thanksgiving and push it into one gorgeous meal. I'm in. I would almost, and call me crazy, because it's all about the sides for me anyway.

I think more protein could be incorporated into the sides. Like if you did a turkey stuffing, where there's like little bits of turkey in the stuffing, or I don't know, you know, find a way to infuse protein. Have you ever had a cream of turkey soup? Fabulous. Fabulous. Yes.

Nobody makes that for Thanksgiving. You should make a cream of turkey soup, putting a little bit of corn. Oh, sounds amazing. Do you like the cranberry out of the can? Yes, I mean, at the end of the day, the cranberry is just not exciting to me at all. It's such a crazy concept that we eat gelatinized cranberry out of a can. It just comes in this block, and it's so gross, but I like it.

I think it's delicious. It's like eating jello. I think that, first of all, and this was another thing, I think they were asking Ina Garten, our queen, this question. When do you think Thanksgiving should start? Three or five? Ooh. Five. Wow. I'm a three guy all the way, forever and ever.

Three is a fine time, too. Those are very close time slots. I used to go to my cousin's house. They started at noon. That's crazy. That's sick. so that they could watch like the football like they could watch the lines game but like I want to watch the lines game alone I don't want to watch the lines game and be sitting it's interesting do you do Thanksgiving at pages and if so I know they're a big football family I'm assuming football is a big part of the day football is on all the time if we go out go there for

Monday night or Sunday night dinner there's football on in the background it's just assumed and everyone's respectful it doesn't take over the conversation but people are glancing, they want to see the play, the things, the jukes, the spins, the throws. I know sports. But it's, yeah, it is, that's, I would like to ask you that as well. So we're lucky in that page is this massive, beautiful family. And for me, it's just me and my mom. So it's always assumed we're going to do it with her parents and her family, which is beautiful.

because we never have that stress of like splitting our time. So they'll have my mom over. Her family's incredible, and they always host me and my mom. And what I have to now. I'm part of the family. I gave them two grandkids. But yeah. And we just, we have a great time.

And my mom is a real expert. She'll bring the hors d'oeuvres and the pies. So she'll bring a baked brie that'll knock your socks off. Hot brie and a puff paste. or she'll with a little apricot jam perhaps oh my god she'll bring pigs and blankets subrettes she'll have them flown in perhaps and then we're going sour cream apple pies from the little pie company in new york flown in because i'm doing well and this podcast has ads i think that we should start an only fans where your mom brings us warm brey in a puff

pastry and we fuck it no I was going to say we just make, I just find myself making similar noises to food as I do when I have sex. Same with when I cute it my ears. I just, I find the description of that brie in a puff pastry rather orgasmic. What do you? But we could also, we could also fuck the brie. Either works. How do you guys delegate family or holidays because you and Claudia both have a good size family?

Yeah, we end up just splitting. and it ultimately some get more one year, others get more the other year. The good news about having the Jewish holidays is you have a lot of things to celebrate. It's not just a Thanksgiving. It's a Thanksgiving. It's a Rosh Hashanah. It's a Yom Kippur. It's a Passover.

And all these typically have multiple days, right? So it really depends. Claudia and I usually go with her family on, like, larger trips surrounding some holidays. So normally Thanksgiving is with them. And we're in Utah. But because Olivia now has a newborn, we couldn't go to Utah. So I'm here. We'll probably do it all together, whoever's here.

But now that half of them are in Florida, half are here, I actually have no idea. Maybe I'll just go to, like, the local Chinese restaurant or something. Maybe I'll go to Mr. Chow. I'm sure Mr. Chow makes a great Thanksgiving. You know, that brings me to my next fun fact, which is, I swear I have one, which was 13% of Americans plan to get takeout from a restaurant or go out to eat for Thanksgiving. So you are part of that 13%. I guess I could be this year.

I'm not normally. I could be. I don't think I've ever done that. Have you done that? I have, we have done, because we're very boozy. My mom and I have done the four seasons brunch, Thanksgiving brunch. 100 or so a person. Nice.

Nice. It's great. It sounds honestly like a pretty good deal too. And you're surrounded by all these rich people who you know hate each other. And so just that feeling in the air of these wealthy people who are all sociopaths and probably can't stand their own children. It's really nice. It's a good thing to be around. during the holidays.

It is. I think it is. Now, this other stat was, I'm interested to hear your thoughts. The average amount hosts spend on Thanksgiving dinner, including food, drinks, and home decor is $392. That's got to be low. I'm torn. How big is this dinner?

I mean, I feel like a turkey alone for 10 to 12 people is going to cost you $150, no? Is that how much a turkey is going to? these days. I guess if you get the big, big bird, that 19 pound bird, 19 pounds, it's a heavy turkey. I don't know. I would have guessed that it would have been lower. It's a, you know, it kind of seems like a lot, doesn't it? Because the other things don't cost that much money, unless you're buying gorgeous bottles of wine. But otherwise, it's vegetables, it's pasta, it's turkey, yes. It's some wine. I'll tell you on my perfect table would be

stuffing, macaroni and cheese, green bean casserole, a nice maybe root vegetable medley that's clean, a nice clean vegetable to cut through. Fresh rolls, sweet butter, nice gravy, maybe a sweet potato, casserole, but I don't care. I think that's it. I don't, that's all I need to keep me really good.

What about you? That sounds delicious. I really like a sweet potato with marshmallow. Oh, yes. I'm a fan of that. I really like that. I really like a creamed spinach. I really like a creamed corn. I really like taking vegetables and stripping out all of the nutritional value. So I also like a glazed carrot where they've just been steeped in honey. and are pull apart. I like a lot. Sides are great. Sides are fantastic.

So good. I actually, a regular mashed potato. I like everything about the turkey. Typically the turkey is just, I have a friend though. Have you seen those deep fried turkeys?

Yeah, but I've never tried it and I want to. Neither have I. I have heard that they really lock in the moisture when you deep fry them. Because I've made this call. Some people are like, Ben, you're fucking crazy.

Turkey on Thanksgiving. It's the best. And then I have other people that are realists that will say, I agree. Sometimes it's rather dry. But if you deep fry it, it is out of this world. So we should deep fry a turkey. I agree. We'll make a YouTube video out of it.

Yeah, we should do that. I think that that would be a wonderful idea. Speaking of, do we have a Woodya Nuts moment for the week? Do you have anything? Oh, who, who, who. If you have one, go first. I think for my Woody and Nuts moment of the week, it's anybody, and I think this is slightly inspired by the chyrie of it all, but I feel like, and especially at every holiday dinner, so this is also going to broach advice, if you are the idiot that brings up anything slightly inflammatory or incendiary or another word that starts within, anything that is going to stir the pot at Thanksgiving, dinner, you, my friend, are an asshole. And unless you're, you're, you simply are aware and get off on the

fireworks of it all, like I feel, and we have one of my family and you know who you are, there's a contrarian in every family, somebody who just wants to sit there and disagree and stir it up. And my, my response to you is go get a life. Try an antidepressant, you know, Go find God and stop it because we're trying to have a nice time here. I want to have, that's the reason why I want to start to eat at three because I also want to eat again at six. And then I want to fall asleep in some kind of lounge chair and look like I'm watching football when in reality,

I wish we were watching the Golden Girls. So, what are you nuts? I love the Golden Girls. I actually have a, I have pajama pants that have four girls on them. Best. Fantastic. I have to find them. my what are you nuts

it's going to be about a person in particular my what are you nuts Mc Cannon 11th child I think it's the 11th woman or maybe it's like the 7th woman something like that

what are you nuts keep your pecker in your pants it's too much it's too much one day they're all going to meet each other it's going to be like I just can you imagine 11 children

with different women that's it it's just there's no more to say about it. It's insanity. Can you imagine that? Imagine how much work maxes. Imagine you had 11 pages and 11 maxes. Oh my God. That's literally what it is. How do you, you can't care about these kids. It's impossible. You have to make, like, the delusion has to be that he's serving some higher purpose that humanity needs more cannons in this world. Because having two kids and being fully, fully employed and fairly busy, it's hard enough to do all the things that are required of me being a good dad. But I feel like I accomplish it by the skin of my teeth.

Like for 11 kids, they're not getting the QT. They're not getting their quality time. There's no way. Impossible. Impossible. One of those kids is losing a tooth. and they're not getting any money from the dad tooth fairy, that's for sure. And how terrible do you think they feel?

I don't know how old those kids are, but how terrible do you think the moms feel all going to hang out with each other? Like, it's just such like a crazy thing to me, unless they all feel like they're serving a higher purpose, where he impregnates these women, and it's almost like polygamy, but it's not. It's like modern-day polygamy. It's just crazy to me.

Do you think they're all in a group chat? Has he ever been... Has he been married? Yeah, Mariah. Oh, yeah. True. Wow. What a woman.

We're getting into that time. We're getting into that time. I can't wait. Look, and all... It must be said, I, you know, Nick, another Nickelodeon kid. I've only had nice interactions with him. So, I'd probably tell this to his face. I'd be like, really, Nick?

All these kids. But nevertheless, I wish him the best and that's a lot of kids. It's a lot of kids. I've never met him before. I think it's worth also mentioning that I think it's nice to see that Pete Davidson has found a nice new local down-to-earth gal to date named M. Radikowski. Just a nice hometown sweetheart, somebody that he can date without anyone really.

putting it in the press. No, Pete Davidson's dating Emily Radikowski, right? The motto? The super famous model? That's what I've heard. Are we allowed? Do we have to say allegedly? Has a very cute son.

I don't know if you've seen her son, but he is absolutely adorable, like a year old. And yeah, Pete is the lady slayer. I don't know how else to put it. He literally just picks a model or picks a famous person.

that's come on we're living in a simulation it's not real that's the only way that this works this place isn't real none of this is real what we're doing right now isn't real these are the types of things where we just eventually accept it we're like oh yeah of course pizza like once you did kim like you did anybody you want and it's like we're funny he can't be that much funnier than us there's no way like there's like a bar of humor like he he can't be be that much funnier. Sure, he's funnier. I get it. He's not that much funnier. He might not be funnier. It might be the other things that are really winning that we don't have. Like an absolute just arm of a weener. Like, I've heard he is a, I've heard he is a true horsecock,

which I'm sorry. Like, maybe I'm just, maybe I just always hung around the wrong women. I don't know anybody that's like, ooh, I need you for your enormous Dick. Like, who is that woman? Like, where is she? I don't, like, I just, I've never heard that. I wonder if that's our, our wives and their lovely married contemporaries who are like, I guess we'll just continue to perpetuate the fallacy that we don't really care about

size to like Captain Small Dicks over there. It could be. I wonder, are they just making us feel better? I mean, I'm very average. I'm nothing to write home about, but I'm also. you know, I have no problem getting naked in a steam room. No, I'm average. I'm with you.

Naked in the steam room sounds great, but I'm certainly not going to poke out anybody's eye. Like, people can, people can, they're okay. They don't have to put it on any hardware, any glasses. But, damn. I would like, I would like my wife one day for me to disrobe and for her to go like, ooh, get away, get away from me with that. Oh, God, go get the ad bill. I'm broken, Josh.

You broke me. I just am thinking about the fact that my mom loves this podcast. And sometimes when we're talking about sex or shitting, she goes, is it mostly for boys, the podcast? And I know what she means. Oh, man, that's funny. That's funny. Well, I'm happy that she's listening.

I'm happy that she's listening. I'm hoping Pete and Emerita really, really have a nice time together. Well, I think in closing, for this unbelievable lap, Donald Trump has announced that he will be running in the 2024 election. So I think we should each take 60 seconds that if you or I were going to run in the 2024 election, what our main campaign ad would sound like. You want me to go first?

You go first. My fellow Americans, it's Josh from Drake and Josh. You go up with me. You know, I'm a good guy. I've made some bad movies. Listen, we've all made mistakes, but the reality is we got to stir up this country and we got to stir it up now. But also, it's pretty good. So we got to stir it up, but also appreciate that we live here, right?

And not some other countries. You know what I'm talking about. Right? So we're going to have a directive. We're going to be nicer to our neighbors. We're going to be nicer to our friends. Some people aren't going to be allowed to go on social media. I know that infringes on your First Amendment right,

but you know what? Someone needed to do it. Okay? We're going to work on the schools. We're going to work on infrastructure. We're going to get better mass transit. This traffic? It's crazy.

It's nuts. We're going to do free college. But you know what else we're going to do? Trade school, vocational schools. Your kid's going to be a plumber and you're going to be proud of him because he's going to make $130,000 a year and he's going to at least you. Alexis, God bless America. Excellent.

And go. My fellow, Americans, my fellow Americans, Ben Sopher, of Spurt Society, the Good Guys, Keto season, does a great Mrs. Dalfire impression. I'd be a great next president because of my commentary on the former New York mayor, Bill de Blasio, I have learned from his mistakes, and the first thing that we're doing is we're cleaning up America. Your streets, you're going to be able to lick them. Your oceans, you're going to be able to drink them. Unless you have an aversion to salt, we're not removing salt from the oceans.

We're just cleaning out the trash. That's step one. Step two, you know, I think that we should make more Chinese restaurants. I'm just going to double down on what we said before. There's far too few great Chinese restaurants. I'm going to add in more Chinese restaurants. I think that we need more fantastic bagel stores. It's going to be a lot about food.

I'm going to clean up your cities and I'm going to give you more access to... Five seconds. Food. You know, Subway, it's just not cutting it anymore. Let's get a great chain of sandwich shots. I'd vote for you. Thank you.

You know why? I think I'm so delusional. I think I could run for mayor of New York and win. I think you could. Especially. Is it worth it? Well, I think you'd win because you'd get a vote from people like me because you'd run under the guise of being a dem

when we both know you're a repub. No, we're centrist. We're right down the middle, you and me. I'm certainly running blue in this state, no question. Go in there. I know what's right. Run blue. I think I could win.

I think I could win. Should I do it? I'm taking this opportunity to announce my candidacy. Not yet. The mayor of New York. Let's get this pod bigger. Let's get HelloFresh to be a sponsor. to be a sponsor and then we'll talk about it.

Yeah, it's true. It's true. Fine. All right. We'll wait for that. And on that note, that folks is our show. That was a great show. Really great special.

What a really amazing episode this Thanksgiving week. We're giving thanks to all of you for listening, rating, subscribing, following. But really, I have a great time doing this podcast with you. And I'm thankful to the people that are listening that allow us to do this. podcast so yeah that's it for me any closing remarks from you I love doing this podcast with you thankful for you Ben thankful for your wife who really is the one that gave us a podcast and thank you thank you to our dear listeners have a wonderful Thanksgiving and let's really start to push those statistics up I want you to

take in five six thousand calories don't judge yourself love yourself