Good Guys - Back To School

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

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The following podcast is a dear media production. I'm Josh Peck. And I'm Ben Soffer. And we're the good guys. There's a lot of guys out there. And we're the good ones. Damn it. It's so good in person.

That one was amazing. Beautiful. Like, I didn't even know I was capable of it. I didn't think that we could talk at the same time. And it be possible. Like, I hear you saying, and we're the good guys. And me and we're the good guys. And I'm like, this can't work.

But it can. And it did. I've been trained for a long time in doing sync dialogue because I'm just a sitcom rat kid. Wow. And especially on Drake and Josh, but basically all sitcoms, you're always going to see that moment of like,

it can't be. No, no way. It was her. When you've got the double dialogue and you just, you hear those rhythms so much in your head that there's only one way to deliver. I didn't even think about that.

So you have experience with talking at the exact same time as somebody else while recording. So you have the confidence that we could get, through the intro. Meanwhile, I don't have that same shared experience. So I just, I was, I was a naysayer. Sometimes I have to remember how off my instincts are, because all my formative years were spent on a sitcom stage, especially in acting. Like, I remember, I went back to acting

class when I was like 29 years old, because I was like, something's not clicking here. I was like, I think you need to do a little work. And I was doing this comedy scene with her. And Obviously, I went there because I'm like, make me and Daniel Day Lewis, trying to get dramatic, trying to cry on demand. And I remember we did this comedy scene together, and I was like, sweetheart,

I don't need your help. This is my bread and butter. That's how I pay my bills. It's how I live, you know, a comfortable adjacent. And I remember she was like, no, like, she's like, your comedy instincts

are that of like a 70-year-old Jewish man. Which makes sense. It totally makes. That's a compliment to me. Same here. Yeah. But it's not in fashion.

She's like, you just have like a really old fashioned way of looking at comedy. And I'm like, fine. Make me better. Yeah. Make me Gen Z. But everything I want to do. And I can see it too. And other kid actors, like, you know, whomever.

Like, I just, I see how their instinct. Like, because everything about us is just like, need another take boss? It's rough Because everyone talks so much shit about kid actors Especially like don't work with child actors and animals And I'm like well thanks I think when I did that TV show Turner and Hooch with a dog I feel like that was like God's way of being like

You know people had to deal with you Yeah for 18 years What is it like working with a dog actor It's terrible It's terrible Is it even a dog actor or it's just a dog The only they are There are dog actors.

Yeah, but the dogs respectfully on Turner and Hooch, who were the greatest, like sometimes they couldn't even sit. And the director would turn to me and go, you know, my dog at home can sit. Yeah. And he's not a movie dog. Yeah. But nevertheless, what's great about animal actors when they don't do what they're supposed to is it's annoying, but you also don't have that hatred for them on top of like.

Totally. They don't want to be doing this. I always think about that with like the canine dogs. There's two ways to look at a canine security airport. dog. Either they feel that they were born to be a police dog, right? Or they're like, why the hell

do I have to do this? Why do I have to be the bomb sniffing dog? Why can't I be the lap dog? Why can't I be the one at home just chilling? Like, dogs are going to be dogs? Have we spoken about this on the podcast? We did recently, but I think it's worth mentioning and how come like I don't get to be the

agriculture dog? You ever notice that? Yeah. A lot chiller. They're not like German shepherds. They're like fun sweethearts. We're sniffing for apples. Yeah, it's fantastic. It's fantastic. So I assume that the actor dog, the actor dog's probably happy with their life. They're, right?

They get treated nicely, you'd think. The law says it can only work like half an hour at a time. Really? There were five hooches and one of me. They can only work a half an hour at a time. Basically, like, the moment they get tired, they get to go rest for a couple hours, and you bring in like dog two, dog three. And how do you know that a dog is tired?

from acting. Like, I can barely tell when Theo's, like, unless he just, like, went for a run. I don't know if you guys are doing, like, marathon scenes. Sure. Is he sprinting ever? I, unfortunately, I haven't seen the film.

I need to watch the movie. I'm going to watch it. I'm going to rate it. I'm going to review it. It's a TV show. I'm going to see it. I love it. How many episodes?

It was 12. That's it? One hours. Okay, good. I'm really excited. I will watch it on the plane. 12 full hours of programming. An hour per?

Why not? Wow. I'm excited. I'm great in a one hour for that. I'm going to watch it. I can't wait. Speaking of one hour shows, before we started the pod, you were mentioning that they're big,

are you a big law and order as for you guy? Love. Do you? Oh, love. What is it about it that you love? One, the theme song. Right. Do, do, da, da, da, da, da, da.

That's amazing. Wah, bah, wow. It's an unbelievable. just show. I really like the storylines. I don't like what the storylines are about because they're literally all just rape

and it's crazy shit. Right. But I'm very entertained. And I love the characters. And people go to sleep to it. Olivia Benson. She's fantastic. Mariska Hargatay.

Have you seen the love guru with Mike Myers? I haven't. No, you live. I'll watch her in Hoog. You watch that. Okay. Amazing, amazing movie.

And he uses Mariska Hargate as a, when he says goodbye to people. Marisha Hargatee. Oh, instead of like, Namaste. Yeah, hilarious. But you have to be in the mood for a really dumb movie, but hilarious. Elliot Stabler, fantastic. These are just like great, great characters and actors. I love it.

I'm amazed that a lot of people will tell me they go to bed to Lorner to Order SVU. And to your point, I mean, it's not exactly the most soothing content matter. No. to fall to sleep to? No, no. I wouldn't, unless you're in like the thick of like a USA marathon, right, like eight straight, you can't shut it off and then you fall asleep, it's not going to be my nighttime show. My nighttime show, honestly, has been overtaken by TikTok.

You scroll a lot of TikTok? I do, but I do have two go-to nighttime shows. Oh, what are they? I love that guy Fieri, those diners drive ins and dives. Love. Unbelievable. I just want someone to be honest in the food game and for a guy to go into one of these restaurants

try whatever their signature dishes and go not for me. Right? Right? Totally. He never does. No, never. Because it's hard like are you really going to like shit on their small business? That's probably what it is like he goes in. They're doing fine without him ever coming. So what's he going to do, ruin them? You should do it like at a Sabaro. I totally agree. Like a corporate, like just tycoon place that won't be hurt.

Yeah. If Guy Fierry doesn't like that food. He should go into an Olive Garden. Yes. Because truly, Olive Garden has stayed afloat too long. I don't care if people think unlimited breadsticks crap. The food is ass. When's the last time you went to an Olive Garden?

Ben, I'll fight you right here. Two years ago, Claudia and I went to an Olive Garden. Probably more than that three years ago. And it was not a nice time? No, my Fettuccini Alfredo was wet. Soaking wet. Wait, did you go to an Olive Garden in Times Square? Yes.

That's your first mistake. That was so horrendous. Nowhere in Times Square needs to do any version of good service because of every tourist in the world going there and they'll accept anything. You think that I just went to the worst Olive Garden? I recently, like two months ago, went to an Olive Garden with my little baby son Max in the Fox Hills Mall in like Los Angeles. And it was a time.

They were like, you know we make these soups daily? I said, here? They go, yeah, we're making them in the back. I said, I go to nicer places than this that don't make daily soup. I had pasta for visual soup. The best, by the way. It's a fantastic soup. You're telling me.

I'm telling you. No, I'm saying, not at Olive Garden in general. It's a fantastic soup. Such a good soup. Bread sticks. My son had a pizza. It was a really nice time. And the best part is I was walking to the bathroom and I see a guy look over at me and go,

am I tripping? It's like, what's Josh Beck doing at my local Olive Garden? I was like, I'm a man of the people. A man of the people. So that's why you like it. You were recognized. Well, yeah, I like anywhere I go where I get recognized. I do notice sometimes, too, like if I go to a place and they recognize me, it's 50, 50

of whether or not I'm going to get a free drink. And that's just the perks of being me. Wait, so you went to Olive Garden and your main entree was a soup. Soup salad breadsticks. Ah. Okay. Would you consider soup a meal? depends how hearty

I guess pasta Fazul do you say you say fizzul I say fizole Is that wrong pasta fesol

Fajol Fesol Fesol Pasta fajol Phajol Is it Are we gonna get canceled For doing

Italian accent Like in a borat voice For some reason Like Pasta fajol That was the worst Oh my God We need to cut that out

That's a second We're leaving it in Listen if we're gonna go down I want to go down together. Fast that's so reasonably acceptable. It is maybe the only soup that I could consider a meal. But I think my problem is I need diversification in my meals. I can't just order a soup.

You need a salad. You need an entree. I need an entree. I don't need an entree. Yeah, see, that's why you're skinny right now. You don't need an entree. Seriously. Don't say right now.

I've been skinny a while. That's why you're skinny for the last, how many years? That brings me to my What Are You Nuts moment? Because there are recently, and it's such a jerky thing because it annoys me now. Because the guy was like, yo, bro, you look great. You lost a lot of weight. I'm like 18 years ago. 18 years ago.

That's really, really funny. But I know they only see one version of me. They only see the one version of you. But I don't want to get off soups yet. You're in San Francisco in the Bay. area. It's overcast. It's always overcast. It's also the worst place in the world. Like, I'd rather be in Sing Sing than the San Francisco International Airport leave and see a yoga room. Like, just kill me before I go to a yoga room in an airport. I digress. Continue. Overcast. It's overcast. It's beautiful.

You were just accosted by some, you know, reasonably dangerous homeless person who wanted to, you know, talk your ear off about what's going on inside their mind. And you stop into a tavern. You get a nice bread bowl, a sourdough bread bowl with a hearty chowder, a New England clam chowder. Is this not heaven? Maybe you get Arnold Palmer. Maybe you get a Spritz. I mean, that's a nice meal.

Soup is the best. Yes. All of them. I love them. French onion soup is probably my favorite. Love it. I actually don't like it with the bread. I like it, just cheese and soup.

Love a French honey soup. I love a pasta fajol. I love a good hearty lentil, even a good garden vegetable. Yes. If we're maybe at a Second Avenue deli, I love a matzabal soup. A chicken soup. Have you heard creplach soup? Can we change in the name of this podcast to soups not bad, huh?

Soup's not bad. You have creplacht soup? You know creploc. For the people, it's a Jewish dumpling. Jewish dumpling filled with meat. But a massive, a softball. Dumbly. Unbelievable. Leave it to us Jews to really put our dumplings on steroids.

Oh, yeah. They're big dumplings. Yeah. And delicious. I forgot my favorite soup. Mushroom barley. Oh, my God. Is that the king's soup?

I can't get enough on mushroom barley, and I don't care who knows it. Mushroom barley is the king's soup. Yes. It's just I could eat it until I pass out. And it's funny to eat soup because you feel like you're in the middle ages. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes, totally agreed. Yeah, like you're having your gruel. Yeah. Yeah, and it's going to be a cold winter. Yeah, I want to make a soup over an open flame in the woods and just live off it. I've never not ironically said it's going to be a cold winter. Right? Yeah, for sure.

Like, it would be fun to worry in October, like, it's going to be a lot of frost this winter. It would be fun to just be afraid of the elements. We're too cozy. Way too cozy. Right? Yeah. I want my body to be tested. WTC.

Yeah. Way too cozy. Way too fucking cozy. Yeah, guys. First official ad read for good guys. And it's with Babel. Couldn't be more happy about that. Look, for most of us, learning a second language in high school or college, not exactly a high

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I don't think so. Look, right now, you can get up to 55% off your subscription when you go to babel.com slash good guys. That's babble.com slash good guys for up to 55% off your subscription. Babel, Language for Life. Do you watch Yellowstone? I did watch the first season. Great show and all I want to do is live there. Yeah, in Montana.

But by the way, I say great show. I didn't watch season two. So how much did I like it? Yeah, what does that say about? I'm not like addicted. I liked it. It was a good show. Yeah, well done.

I should really watch season two. You watch Yellowstone, I assume? Well, I've heard, I've seen a couple episodes, and you're right, it makes it look so stunning. And I've heard there's a huge, like, pilgrimage, like, there's this wave of people moving to Montana now because of the show. Yeah. But I wonder if they get there and they go, you could use a Lulu Lemon. Yeah. You know, I could use a cheesecake factory a little closer than Bozeman.

Yeah, yeah. Right? It's too far. And that's why I think more people live in, like, Colorado or Utah, because you don't get the same level of nature as my mind. Montana, it's pretty damn close. And you still have Denver. Yes. You know, so.

But yeah, Montana looks amazing. I'm also just a big fan of the woods. It's funny, though, we're saying, test the elements. I can't hunt. I'd rather starve to death than kill a deer and cold blood and eat its side. I can't do that. I'll cry. I'll eat the meat if somebody else hunts for me.

But I can't do the, I don't think I could look my meal in the face and say Sianara. You gotta look your meal in the face, I think. That's what they say. They say that if they say you've never really eaten meat until you've seen... Done it with Joe Rogge. Until you've used one of those big butcher knives. What is he? Is he a knife salesman now?

He sells knives too, right? He just has all dude. He's such a dude that he wears a fanny pack. Yeah, he's dude dude, like unironically. Big dude. And he keeps his testosterone replacement therapy and like his nunchucks in there. Yeah. Gotta love him.

Yeah, definitely. He's great. He's the best. Yeah. I'm a fan. I find it just, I just love the, the guest that he brings on. It's so interesting. He's like some of my favorite TikTok content.

Like I scroll by, I see like a 30 to 45 second where he brings on somebody that talks about the pyramids because I love that stuff. I'm like, how the hell did they get there? Right. Because like his Jews were told that the Jews built them and maybe. But I at least want to know what tech we don't know that the Jews used. to build them if we did in fact build them because they're just so symmetrical and perfect. And like when he brings on people like that, he like talks about like that stuff. Yeah.

I'm a fan of that. To your point, first of all, if the Jews really did build the pyramids, can you imagine the amount of kvetching what was going on while we were like, oh, it's so high. I wonder. What are we in Egypt? It's so hot. Can we have a water break, Pharaoh? This is Pharaoh.

He's so demanding. Do you think that the modern-day Jew is the kvetcher and maybe old-school Jews weren't kvetchers, but we've now become so comfortable that we kvetch? Or do you think it's always been, how many times can I say kvetch in one? Yeah, like, right? Like, yeah. I think most people think that like Woody Allen is the prototype Jew, which is too bad because we make badass Jews. We do.

We come in all shapes and forms. We do. And sizes and looks and from all different parts of the world. We do. Jews. We have a lot to offer. We do. We do.

Clip it. Put that on TikTok. We should. I'm sure it would do great. It's the first TikTok that gets negative likes. Yeah, literally. You don't know that people hate Jews until you go on TikTok and then you find out. Yeah.

Terrible. It's because TikTok's too global. That's what it is. It is. Nobody in these countries have even heard of Jews. What are the three videos that would show up the most on your TikTok feed if I went on your account right now? What a great question. Golf.

I get a lot of great just like these like guys like play a hole with me. I love them. They're fantastic. Cooking and recipes. Love them. Yes. And then there are these two guys. It's somewhere, I think it's either like, it's like nostalgia comedy, but these guys pop up all the time.

A rope is hanging from the ceiling and they have a hairbrush at the bottom of the rope. and they by the way a rope peggy from the ceiling that was a rough start oh my god I was like oh hairbrush

yeah that's funny whatever and they just like sing weird nostalgic songs into them and I find it hilarious it's like weird I showed you that Gary Vaynerchuk

video before it's just like comedy stuff so good yeah or like the Jewish boy man I always say Gary Vaynerchuk parody when I clarify not just not Gary

you just giving inspirational speeches. Listen, I love a Gary V take. Yeah, they're great. A hot Gary V take? Yeah, they're hot. What does your TikTok look like? In recipes, food.

I like, let's see, I like a lot of travel stuff, so it'll be like beautiful places or things like this. And then weirdly, what I can't get off my feed are like watch dealers in the Diamond District

trying to talk someone down on like a Rolex date just. Have you been searching for watches? No, I literally put not interested every time And it's all like Adam Sandler and uncut gems on my feed going like I could do eight grand but not a dollar more And I'm like enough I don't want to see like the intricacies of watch salesmanship

So weird So weird Yeah that's strange Maybe my wife's like whispering Rolex into my phone Must be Maybe yeah must be What? Tell me like my wife doesn't require like super you know fancy gifts like that i mean she likes a nice house

yeah but like you know i feel like there are some people and i won't gender it but like who who really want a statement like you gave me a four thousand dollar gift yeah right yeah for my birthday for for christmas whatever what are your thoughts on that are you that way what's a perfect gift for ben for me yeah maybe what's the perfect gift for you Claudia and for you to your wife For me, I could live without gifts. Yes. I don't need gifts. I don't like the pressure.

No, I just like, don't get me anything. I love you. Our life is great. If I need something, I'll get it. You can surprise me with something small that like means that you thought of me and that sweet, but I don't need anything personally. That's not my thing. Yes.

For me to Claudia, for the first 10 years of our relationship, I was a huge gift giver. Huge. How huge? I would spend a lot of money. like $4,000 bags, like a lot of money, a lot of money. And then we sort of came to a mutual, like we didn't even talk about it. It just like, I think the more you're when you're married, when you know that those things aren't like the most important. And if she wants a bag, she can have a bag.

Like, I think we just were like, let's just settle down. And once in like a, like let's make it special again. as opposed to let's make it routine that we're spending thousands and thousands of dollars on gifts. Let's make it for a, I don't know, five-year anniversary. It's something big or like, you know. Right. So was a huge expensive gift giver. Now I'm more of a sentimental gift giver.

Love that. Yeah. Because it is the theater of an expensive gift too, right? Like the gigantic Louis Vuitton box. Yeah. And then it's a bag. Within a bag. Yeah.

And it's, you know, the big ribbons and whatnot. Like, could you imagine if T.J. Max did that kind of wrapping? They should. That would really upsell me. You're right. Honestly, it is the unboxing experience that if these companies got it better, you're 100% right. I also, I love gift giving around non, like, around times where you're not expecting a gift. Like, I prefer to get Claudia presents or flowers or something on a Wednesday.

Like those are always the best moments when they're totally unexpected as opposed to a birthday and anniversary, a Valentine's Day, these like set days that we're supposed to give gifts. Yes. I prefer to be like the random gift giver. I love when you get gifted something and you realize your spouse would like it and you don't really want it. You can pass it on to them and go a great gift. A wonderful re-gift. And also with the assumption of like, we both know I got this for free. Yeah.

But I think this is quite enough for Hanukkah, no? Yeah. Like, this is not, yeah, this qualifies. That's great. I think it's great. I do too. I agree with you, though, about the gift thing once you've been together a while. My wife and I have been together 11 years, and we just moved into a beautiful new home

and my birthday's in three weeks, and I'm assuming nothing's coming. Yeah. And hers is in six weeks, and I hope that she doesn't assume that. She's going to want something. Yeah. But should we get into our Woody and Nuts moment of the week? We should. You know, my What Are You Nuts moment.

It's an interesting one. You know, I just had my second child. Beautiful shy. Yes. My little shy. So cute. Is he shy? Well, we'll see.

It's funny when I was telling my mom the names who are thinking about, she's, you know, typical Jewish mother. She's a kind of woman who sings with the piano player at Bloomingdale. The woman does not hold back. And, you know, shy, beautiful Hebrew name means gift. Gorgeous. How on topic? I'm just talking about them.

And so I love the name. And so my mom said, what names are you thinking about, honey? I said, well, my wife and I were thinking shy. And my wife being the great Jewish mother, she just goes, no good. Doesn't even try to sugarcoat it. She goes, no good. I go, why?

She goes, shy. It's going to get teased. You're shy. I just love that to my mom, the greatest in, is to be called shy. Shy. So, sorry, Ma. I won this one.

I have a beautiful Irish Catholic little boy named shy. Name shy. It's a beautiful name. It is. Thank you. I like it a lot. I like him too. And so I was thinking about this, you know, I, you know, we have the baby and I have my beautiful

son, Max, who's almost four. I don't like people who hype their kids that much. I just want to say when someone tells me how great their kid is, I want to say, say, in your opinion. In your opinion. It's just like, it's just so corny and trite. Like, let's assume we're all nuts for our kids. I'm nuts for my kids.

I can't get enough of them. Shai is already, you know, a genius, a Nobel Prize winner in my eyes. But, you know, I don't need to tell you that. I think you assume. Maybe I'll show you a picture for a second. But I just never want to be the guy who, who hipes, overhypes my kid. And if you are the person who overhypes your kid,

what are you nuts? What do you think about that? What are you nuts? I agree. Right. I agree. Yeah, nobody's ever going to love, like, you're going to love your kid more than I'm going to love your kid.

And I'm always, but I'm always going to be respectful. I'm like, it's fantastic. Great. But yeah, your child, you and your opinion. I'm with you. Right? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm with you. I'm debating my what are you nuts story because I have a regular story that I do want to tell. But I'm going to go. with a different what do you nuts and then we'll get into my separate story please my what are you nuts is i am in los angeles that's why we're able to film at this beautiful dear media studios and be together and of course spirit society's here while we're pointing to logos i pop into everybody's like you got to go to air one market you got to go sure right like building up air one like it's the greatest, unbelievable.

So I go to Air One. Air One, nowhere backwards. Really? You're welcome. Is that a thing? Is that their thing? Yeah. Oh, that makes it even worse. Like, what losers?

Like, are you serious? Wow. Oh, I can't believe I can see if I knew that. I never have gone in. I'm done. It's nowhere backwards. Oh, my God. All right.

I go in, first of all, it's a Whole Foods. Now? Maybe before Bezos spot Whole Foods. It's Whole Foods. Like it's in market. Yeah, fine. Old Whole Foods. Agreed. It's just a really, it's a really nice market. I go to get a smoothie.

There's no prices on the walls. Picked my smoothie. Got my smoothie. Guess how much my small smoothie was? $18. $17.17. That's sick. For a 12-ounce smoothie. What are you nuts?

That's absurd. It's fruit. How much, like, I just, I was, my mind was blown because in the city, you'll run into an expensive smoothie. But at least it's 24 ounces and maybe it's $14. Like juice press, I, like, shiver, I'm afraid to go in there. Because I know how expensive it is because I'm going to have to pay 14 for a big smoothie. Let's do the forensics on this smoothie, which should also be the name of this episode. The forensics on this smoothie?

Yeah. The forensics of a smoothie. What? Tell me what was in it and I'll tell you if they can defend the cost. Strawberry banana. Stop. No. There was no bee pollen? There was.

Sorry, it was like strawberry banana. Seamoss gel. Seamoss gel for recovery? Beauty. I get it, but I wasn't getting it for recovery. I was just getting a smoothie. Like it was just like I didn't realize that I had picked from a section of smoothies that are meant to increase your life expectancy. I wanted a smoothie.

But why are you getting it from heroin then? Go to Jamba Juice. Which, by the way, amazing place. I didn't know what Airworn was. Everybody said, go to Air One. I go to Air One. Lettown. It's because Jamba Juice is dessert.

Jamba Juice is so good. Oh, man, Jamba Juice. And they know my love for Jamba Juice, and they've sent me a lovely PR package. Really? What are you getting from in a Jamba Juice PR package? I'll break it down right now. Yeah.

$25 gift card, a glass little thermo. thing to maybe, I don't know, take a smoothie on the go. A hoodie by Nike Jamba Collap. Whoa. Yes, I think that was it. Whoa. A nice time.

What? Great hoodie. Great hoodie. Whicking fiber? Because everyone knows I get sweaty when I drink smoothies. Yeah. Wow. Oh my God.

Really high end. That sounds amazing. I get what you're saying. It's worth being frustrated about. I do think it's a little bit of the go-to to be upset that Air One is expensive, but I hear you. It's simply because I'm. I'm not from here. I just didn't know.

I was unaware. I thought, okay, my barometer for expensive is just not that, especially when I know that it's vegetables. Like, I go to a bagel store, and they charge me $25 for a bagel and locks. I'm going to say, oh, it's expensive, but locks is expensive. Sure. Is that the going rate on a smoked salmon bagel? No, it's not.

I'm saying I ran into a very expensive bagel locks and cream cheese. I say, oh, you know, there's probably, it's, Probably great locks. Locks is expensive. It's imported. The strawberry banana they probably got from the card outside. Yes. It's not an expensive thing.

We're in the... They are importing their strawberries and bananas. And there's seamoss gel. What is seamoss? They went to the sea and they gathered the... Is it like the kelp? Is that a... What is that?

I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. And by the way, it's probably not even in there. I didn't go to college. They're probably lying. They're probably lying. By the way, we're going to talk about college in a bit.

Should we start a debate? I do want to quickly tell a quick story. Please. So I'm in L.A. Last night I played basketball with our mutual friend, Cameron Fuller, gorgeous hair, fantastic blonde Jew, who we don't think is Jewish. Surfer Jew. Yeah, it's impossible. Yeah.

We go to play basketball. Before we play, we go to a steakhouse. What are you nuts? Yeah, that's what are you nuts? What? You stuffed yourself with cow before you went to go play full court? basketball. You hate yourself?

That was the fertiest free throw line ever. And I literally said to him, you know, I really want to keep it clean before we eat. So let's go to a steakhouse. And I finished my meal so full, but I ate like, I ate as clean as possible. I said, can I have a cup of black coffee? Because I wanted to take, I had an hour and 15 minutes before the game. Right. I wanted to be able to take a quick shit in the hour and 15 minutes that I had post meal pre-basket.

Okay. Of course, nothing in my life is easy. We're playing five minutes in. It's a public school. They rented the court. The bathrooms there are fucking revolting. Revolting. They don't have a lock on the bathroom door.

I guess they're afraid of like a homeless guy coming in and sleeping in there. Fair. No lock on the door. But I'm playing basketball five minutes in all of a sudden. I'm sweating. My belly is killing me. It's a wrong kind of sweat. I paused.

I paused the whole game I was like guys time out time out I'll be right back I sprinted to the bathroom again there's no door like there's a there's a door on the actual stall

but there's no door to the actual bathroom so and I am like oh my God in my whole life I've never ripped ass like this in my life like just like diarrhea fart diary fart diarrhea fart diary fart and somebody walks in

they hear me I know they're there I'm begging that they don't try to open the door because I'm nowhere near the door hinge and I can't lock the door. Did my business, washed my hands, went back and finished the game. I felt I needed to tell you that story. It was very traumatizing for me.

I'll never, ever again, go to a steakhouse before I play and I will never think that a cup of black coffee is the answer because it's not. I'm here to tell you. It's not. What a story. Yeah.

I'm a changed man. very humbling well since you brought up shitting I too have a story I would say much more embarrassing my wife by the way I have worse stories this is like two three four years

into a stating we go up north to her family's house who they live in the Bay Area her aunt beautiful aunt and uncle and the kids and everyone gets together extended family it's a nice time So every Christmas it becomes a routine that Josh brings screeners to Christmas because I am part of the Screen Actors Guild, big time actor here. I'm also in the Directors Guild.

So all the movies that are in contention for the Academy Awards, the Golden Globes, they would send me DVDs of everything. So I'd have every movie that was in theaters, everything everyone wanted to see. So everyone would be really excited. Josh is bringing the screeners. We're we going to watch first. Moneyball, you know? No problem, guys. Happy, you know what I'm saying?

You know, your wonderful niece, page. Staying a big shot, okay? I'm not going to AMC over here. So one day we're all watching, what was the movie? It was with Steve Carell and Channing Tatum where Steve Carell played like the creepy DuPont, the rich billionaire and Channing Tatum is a wrestler.

Foxcatcher. So we're watching Foxcatcher. Serious movie, quiet movie. We're all watching it. It's about 9 o'clock at night. I get bubble guts. I'm like, no problem. I'm going to go into a bathroom.

It's not close, but it's not far away from the action, right? There's about 12 to 14 of pages family members sitting 25 feet away from me. Now, I get into this bathroom, and I proceed to sit on the pot, and I fart. But it's just like a. It's mostly all fart, but it produces this sound. Okay. Hold on. Can you use the spreads? Yeah. It'll be good because it'll be product player.

This part brought to you by Spritz Society. And I'm like, oh, God, that was loud. And all I hear from the other room, about a second and a half goes by, and I just hear, oh. Oh, her cousin Charlie. And then follow him going, oh, it's followed by other family members going, Sh, Charlie, sh, like everyone heard what happened in there. And I had to literally finish, wash my hands, and just walk back in like nothing happened. Oh, my God.

It was awful. The O is hilarious. It is what it is. We all do it and yet it will always be embarrassing. It's embarrassing, yeah, because it smells. It's just terrible. It's so awful. Shitting is the worst.

Sitting is the worst. I'd rather puke than shit. I don't want any of it. I wish I didn't need to do any of it. I know, me too. I was going to say, I have another one, but we're going to save it. We'll talk about shitting again. I don't want to dump all my shitting stories.

That's good, right? I don't want to dump all my shooting stories into one episode. So we'll save it. We'll save it. I think we should get into. What do you want to get into? This or that? Oh, yes.

Our debate? Please. So our debate, because we're incredible debaters here, for this week, for our this or that statement, is going to be college. To go or not to go. Basically, it will be a one-minute opening statement from each of us. Two minutes of cross-talk. examination, 30 second closing argument.

I think because you didn't go, you should advocate for going. Yes. And because I went, I should advocate for not going. Love that. I'll go first. Ready and go. I think that 99% of the jobs currently out there do not require a college degree. I think that if you want to be a doctor, I think if you want to be a lawyer,

you should probably go to school, right? Because those are things that you need to learn. I would not want you operating on me in the hospital if you had not gone to school to become a doctor, right? But all of it, college to me, is meant to be a stepping stone towards even a higher education. If you plan on going to college

and then never going to any more school, what are you doing, honestly? And I did that, but I didn't need it, right? College really is just like it's a place to socialize. you learn some stuff, but in reality, I don't know. I just, I don't think that you need it for most jobs. If you're raised right, you have great parents and they teach you what you need to know, you can become a very bright, learn it person without it.

Thank you, Ben. Now for me. Agreed. Let's move out the, the jobs where you assume you would have to have schooling, doctor, lawyer, etc. The good jobs. A liberal arts education doesn't teach you liberal arts. It teaches you how to think.

And this is what the college experience is about. It's about dipping your toe into a bunch of different places, trying things, getting to understand the way in which you approach learning education. It forces you to be in groups. It allows you to have social experiences that you wouldn't normally have. I mean, when are you going to have a buzz ball, chase it with a four local and then do something that you never want to think about again until you go into really deep therapy later on in life right i mean we've all been there

how are you going to get your numbers up you know what i'm talking about random hookups so the reality is i think it's more about the experience and everyone having that experience would be good that's my i just went three seconds over i apologize now for two minutes of crosstalk i think then that if it's all about shared experience, that there's a way for it to be far less monetizable by the schools. Because what I found out recently is these endowment funds for these schools?

Sick. Sick. These are multi-billion dollar corporations where they give only a fraction of it truly back to the kids. Like, if Harvard wanted all of, I don't know if Harvard does this, maybe they do this. But if X.I.V.

wanted all of their kids to go to school for free, they easily could because of the size of their endowment. I think Harvard has like a $30 billion endowment. To get culture and fun and meet new people, diversify your experiences, hook up, have a great time, you can do that without it being a massively run corporation. I think for the most part these colleges are a bit of a scam. I agree.

I agree. And I love when you talk about your massive endowment. Yeah. But you know, the reality is, and I told you this before, my brother has this approach with his two kids. He lives in the wonderful state of Florida. Shout out Ron DeSantis. But he said to his kids, listen, you can go to any college in Florida that you want, any college. But you're going to go in-state so it's cheaper.

So it makes sense. Then you want to go get your master's doctorate somewhere fancy. Go for it. But you're going to get your base education at a good state school. Or if you get into the Ivy League, I'll pay for that. But you're not going to Vassar. You're not going to Duke. You're not going to Northwestern.

You're not going to a private school like USC, which is going to charge you 80,000 a year where the argument could be you're going to get a similar education at a state school. So I say, keep it state, keep it cheap, have the experience, get to know people. And at the very least, it's a nice framework. And you can always drop out. I love when people say, yeah, bro, I'm just going to get into my business because, you know, Bill Gates dropped out. And I'm like, yeah, out of Harvard. Totally.

He wasn't at City College. Right. Yeah. Who's going to Queens College? Yeah. Shout out Queens College. Shout out Queens. Shout out the borough of Queens.

Queens in general. Queens is great. What if, I know we're probably over across arc, but I just had an idea. What if state schools traded states? So the state schools for New York. traded with the state schools for California so that all of the kids in New York could experience California and all the kids in California could experience New York. Trade state.

Right? Because that's the only downfall with the state school. You're really not experiencing anything new. Ideally, if you're going on this four-year pilgrimage to learn about yourself, you might as well be somewhere cool. Like, that's why I was always, I never went abroad. It wasn't something that I could do because I wanted to be a dentist and all that stuff. It's just a long story.

It's such a regret. But my sister went to Florence, for example. And it's like, that's awesome. Like, you got to study for six months in Florence. Sick. Like, so that to me, like, if we could figure that out with the states, because I don't know, and a kid from New York doesn't want to go to school in Queens

when he lives in Manhattan. Right. He wants to go to school in Santa Barbara. And it not cost him an arm and a leg. Wouldn't it be funny if Rhode Island in California did that? Yeah. So basically the entire. state of Rhode Island is full of students and one school in California has all the Rhode Island

kids. By the way, underrated, unbelievable for the economy and tourism, if you just send a bunch of kids who are used to spending more money in California to Ohio, like where there's no, their price sensitivity goes completely out the window. It's very interesting. I like it. Wow. Closing argument, I will go 30 seconds. Yes, again, it's college. It doesn't really need a defense. We know higher education tends to be a good thing. And I think at the age of 18, where you really, for the most part, have no idea what the hell you're doing in life, having those four years of formative experience, having that slow access into life,

that slow entry point where you're not just punched in the face with here's the responsibility of an adult is a good thing. As long as you don't incur crippling debt by doing it, go to a state school. Thank you. I completely agree with you. Honestly, there's not much more of a closing statement for me. Don't overspend on school because truthfully, you just don't need to. Like, I think that when you really figure out what you want to do, go and take courses that are specific to that. But the whole, like, first two years is so fucking stupid.

And, like, to spend so much money on, like, I don't need to learn about, I don't know, anything that I learned about. I agree. Sociology. I don't need that shit. You're a sociopath. I don't need. Yeah. I'm not crazy enough.

You know my what, hold on. Marshall, how do we do it on time? Oh, look at us. Yeah, that was fantastic. Okay, great. So for our stories this week, Jamie Fox denied entry to Cardi B's party. Door guy begs to make good.

Party sources say Jamie decided to leave the party as he was being walked inside because he realized there wasn't an area for him. Sources say there were no hard feelings and Jamie handled the situation well. Look, that's a big fuck-up. Normally, I think celebrities just are, I don't know, they think that their shit don't stink. I'm here to tell you that Jamie Fox's shit doesn't stink. Not even close.

Jamie Fox can do whatever the hell he wants. If Jamie Fox shows up to your restaurant, you better give the guy a free meal. Clear it out. And as Jamie Fox, he's going to tip you $10,000. Like, he's going to make it well worth your while. roll out the red carpet for Jamie Fox wherever he is because he's Jamie Fox and there are like three of them

Jamie Fox is he's it right like he's maybe arguably the most talented person alive yeah yes and can do anything from drama to comedy to he's amazing so huge fuck up yeah and I don't blame him for being like no no no no no like you don't get to buy this back now like I'm Jamie Fox and on that alone

I need to go Yeah. That you didn't just, like, literally say, push. I mean, they should have ripped who was ever at a table out of their table and said, hey, Ricky, I know it's your night. Yeah. But you're not Jay Fox. No, no, no.

Especially you'd think it would be amazing for the establishment to have Jamie Fox there. But interesting, like, was the name of the place in the title of the article? I don't think so, but I think the fact it was Cardi B. The reality is it was Cardi B's birthday. it was probably a lot of big rollers taking up limited tables. So it's like, who do you kick out? Everyone for Jamie. Really?

Yeah. Unless it's like the only people like you couldn't, Jay-Z. But what have people paid? I get it. It's Jamie Fox. Give them back their money. Give them back their money. Oh, yeah.

And a free table next time. Right. Like it's worth it to have Jamie Fox on your side. I'd think, right? I've only heard good things. and my friend was in a movie with him where they were both in the military in the movie and so they were shooting in the desert

and there was a windstorm and sand was kicking up everywhere and it kept hitting Jamie in the face and he said, I feel like a salmon getting dusted right now with breadcrumbs. That's incredible. I was like, Jamie Fogg sounds fucking lit.

That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. How does one's brain even think of that? It's really cute. Oh my God, that's amazing. You want to do one more story? Should we do or should we go to advice? Yeah. Let's go to,

let's go straight to advice. I think. Actually, let me just read the headline because I think it's great and we spoke about SVU earlier. Yes. Chris Maloney reveals how his wife and kids feel about his Zaddy status. Chris Maloney, Elliot Stabler. If you look at him, the guy is absolutely ripped mid-60s. Good for him.

That's all. That's the whole story. I agree. And I just, yeah, he's a total Zaddy. Zaddy. Killing it. Killing it. And by the way, like,

there's something to be said for doing a character or show that long. Like Mariska Hargatay is crushing it so hard body karate, then maybe like once you get past 15 seasons, you don't stop. You either have to stop before or just do it to your death. Yeah, but she also can never be anything else, which is great. That's her. They bought, and you know what? She was paid handsomely for it.

Yeah. How much do you think she makes an episode with Law & Order? I would say half a mill. And they make 30 episodes a season? I would say half a mill to 750. They're probably doing 25 Epps a season. She's making 15 mil just on the books. But then in the residuals for a show like that that's sold across the world,

she's making mailbox money like you wouldn't believe. So these checks just show up in the mail one day and you're like, wow, that was great. They're gorgeous. Wow. So you just randomly get a check? Yeah, I mean, not anymore because the streamers don't have commercials. But until then, when you were on network, I'll tell you, I did an episode of the Big Bang Theory. guest star made a couple grand

I don't mean to brag no very nice you know lovely to make some money great to be on that show I've made like maybe five times as much over the last 10 years in residuals

wow than my salary that's amazing not bad right yeah I like that show they should bring it back just to bring me back on it

oh did they end it Big Bang yeah I think like five years ago who no cool cool okay so for the advice this week

we have a question from someone whose name I'm not going to say because she probably doesn't want me to do. How can you tell your crush has a crush on you as well? How can you tell if your crush has a crush on you as well? Yeah, I guess if the person you like likes you back. Hmm. How old are we talking here? If we're calling it a crush, do we assume that we're both like 14?

Let's go college age. College age. So how do I assume that somebody that I like likes me back? If they're not an asshole, they give you their time of day. They're really sweet. You probably have some good chemistry. You laugh at each other's jokes. That's big laughing at jokes.

Yeah. Like makes you feel like the funniest guy in the room. I think those are good indicators. If the guy's an asshole, then it's harder to tell because sometimes guys like intentionally play hard to get when they like a girl because they think that girls like the chase when some girls do like the chase. So really those girls that pretend that they like the chase when really they don't are doing a real disservice to all the other girls. That's not only a guy thing. I remember when I was like 22, there was a girl who was like always talking shit to me and I was like, she is very mean. Yeah, that's terrible.

And all of a sudden one night we were both little tipsy at a party and she wanted to kiss Josh Beck. And I was like, well, obviously we're going to do it. You're lovely looking. But I didn't appreciate how rude you are. Yeah. Oh, okay. So it's not only. So there's some mean girls and mean guys.

I like that you made this non-gender oriented. That's good. But I agree. I think a good gauge is also, I don't know how you are on text, but even the people I love, I'm texting you. I'm good for 20 minutes of texting back and forth, but it's exhausting. Max. Way max. Yeah.

But if a person that you like is texting, you're having a back and forth that's going on for hours, or you're texting all throughout the day, that someone thinks you're special. Yeah. Worth the text time. Yeah. When Claudine and I were first dating, we would text so much.

And I'm realizing that, like, what a different time of just, I couldn't text like that if I tried. I think in that time period in general, I was texting like a beast. Like I had full day-long conversations with my friends, with her. I can't even, right now,

you're lucky if you get two texts out of me a day. Yeah. I just, I can't do it. I'm, if I want to talk to you and it's important, I'm going to call you. You're a big, you showed me the voice note. Love a voice note. You're welcome. They're great. Yeah, you just like quick, get it across, meat and potatoes, take a listen.

It's done. I love it. I feel like meat and potatoes is cute, but we need to, you know, age it up a little. Totally. It's good salmon and Brussels. Totally. Meaning potatoes. So hardy.

a $17 smoothie, you know. So hearty. Did we give her advice? Think so. Okay, cool. Dude, this is so nice in person. Yeah, it's fantastic. I wish we could do it all the time.

It's so much easier. And I wish my selfish second child wasn't recently born so we could go eat. Yeah, Sam. Ugh, I'm starving. But that's our show. Thank you. Thank you all so much for joining us. Live in person.

Live! It's the good guys. Don't forget to rate, subscribe, and like us on all major platforms. Spotify. Apple. Stitcher. Iheart maybe.

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