Good Guys - Belly Button Trauma

Episode Date: April 18, 2024

We're back, live in your headphones with Gypsy Rose Blanchard’s 3rd husband Ben Soffer! So many things are what are ya nuts this week: the solar eclipse, self-assessing in the mirror, Coachella, intermittent fasting, and more! The guys share their favorite news stories, express their desire for more available smash burgers, fully convert Good Guys to a religious podcast, and answer your speakpipes! It's all in a days work, folks. Enjoy! Leave us a voicemail here! Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Sponsors: Sunday is available at Lowe’s, Target, and Walmart stores nationwide. Use code GOODGUYS20 for 20% off your custom lawn plan on getsunday.com Beistravel.com/goodguys for 15% off your first purchase Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following podcast is a dear media production. I'm Josh Peck and I'm Ben Sauffer and we're the good guys. There's a lot of guys out there. And we're the good ones. Mazel morons. Welcome back to the number one podcast in the world. We are here with Gypsy Rose Blanchard's third husband, Ben Soffer. Thank you so much for having me.

I'm a little bit scared. Like I've heard mixed reviews. But like she seems great and I don't know. Like I spoke to her like first ex-husband. and like we have some things in common. Like we did a muck bang together. And it was cool. And like, I don't know.

Like she's like kind of hot, but I don't know. The truth is prison is nowhere to start a relationship. I mean, it's not. But like that's really what drew me to her. Like I saw that batty. And I was just like, you know, maybe we can make it work. What I've noticed are that prison guard, prison jumpsuits are very close to scrubs. It'd be fun if they did like role playing.

Like, you know, they're in the mess hall or in the yard and they're like acting like they're on Grey's Anatomy. Am I still role playing by the way or am I out? Whatever you want, babe. No, I'm at a role play. Was I good? Can I get a gig? Okay, cool. Mazel morons.

Yeah, I do agree that the manufacturer of the scrub is probably also manufacturing that jumpsuit. And I'm trying to think what else. Prison jumpsuits? Prison jumpsuits by figs? Yeah. Yeah, that's good. What's another one of those companies? What's the name?

Cherokee. Yeah. Oh, wow. You're really in. Dixie. Isn't Dixie? Dix? Dickies.

Dickeys. Nice. We should get scrubs. But not scrubs. Dixies or Dixie Amelio is making work gear. She's making workwear. That's her and Charlie's new venture. And you know what?

Good for them. Good for them. Yeah. Sounds good to me. But yeah, they're all raking it in. You know who else is raking it in, Josh? What? The person who makes the glasses for the solar eclipse.

Vazmir, this solar eclipse. Is solar eclipse, what are you nuts? I think so. Same more. Same more. I think that the solar eclipse is nuts because it's advertised as this big thing, but not everybody can see it in the same way. But everybody in their mother is buying the glasses.

We're feeding this machine. I can't even imagine how much money the manufacturer of solar eclipse glasses makes this week. This is their, this is their Super Bowl. This is there. And are they any different from the IMAX 3D glasses? I really don't know. It's the same little paper, little film, but I do think that the solar eclipse is totally nuts.

And I'd rather just watch it on YouTube because I'm not going to catch the perfect glimpse. And if I did, you have people on TikTok telling me I'm going to burn my retinas. I'm not using these glasses all day long. I have an idea for a TikTok that I'm going to shoot after this where it's just me sitting with two gigantic bandages over my eyes. And it just would be going, the eclipse was incredible. Oh, that's good.

That's really good. Honestly, you should do it now before somebody else doesn't. I will. No, for sure. Good thing we record these in advance. Yeah, true, true, true, true. Very far in advance. Can you imagine.

The solar eclipse happened three years ago. Imagine the people who make the solar eclipse glasses, who will make a couple, hundred grand in one day trying to sell that to like shark tank like yeah hey sharks like this is an investment that's going to pay off once every 37 years it's kind of like insurance honestly like i'm sure that there are there are other fear mongering businesses that's what this is buy these glasses so we don't burn your retinas right or is it also so you can see it i never understood is it also because without it you just can't see it or is it purely to protect the retina well both right

Because if you're not looking at it, I don't think you're at risk of retinal failure. Sure. It's so you can watch and protect. Sure. It's like eye condoms. Yes. Yes. It's an eye condom.

Very nice. It's like a contact. The contact lens community should really get involved. There should be some kind of a film that goes on your contacts that does the same thing as the glasses. And then all of a sudden, they're rich too. I agree. What about Marshall?

Do you care about this eclipse? Well, we went out and looked at it. the team here at your media headquarters. And you know, you go out and then you're there for about 30 seconds. And you're like, we did it. The streets of New York are filled with finance bros. Just like, oh, thank God. They let me out of the building.

Like for the first time, they're like allowed by their boss to leave. And you just see all these people with suits lined up. It's completely nuts. Completely nuts. The streets. It's like the Pope is here. They should have sold the glasses with a matching paddict. Pagonia vest so all the financial bros could have felt like they were fully zooted.

They should have. Or Patagonia should just make the glasses. We should get into these glasses. You want to make solar eclipse glasses? We'll make them totally fabulous. Yes. They'll be great, right? Yeah, I love that idea.

Okay. We'll call him the good guy. We'll call him the good guy. Protects against retinal damage. The good glass. Damn it. Are you okay? I didn't think of that.

You're going to have it. You're going to need time to recover from that one. So good glass. So good. Sunday was started by two brothers who believed in better, better ingredients, better results, and better backyards made for living. Look, did you know that the American yard has some of the highest concentrations of pesticides? There are five times more pesticides used per acre on lawns compared to industrial farms.

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quick shout out to Columbia. The best blood test. I've, ever gotten in my life. Columbia the country, Columbia the University. What are we talking about? Columbia Doctors, the Doctor Association, Columbia, hospital, the people in New York, unbelievable. They're like the way that there's a Cedar Sinai, the hospital here, the doctors, Columbia doctors.

I went in, sat down, she pricked me. 45 seconds later, I was out of there. Wow, is that great. Amazing speed. And if for anybody that hasn't gotten blood work in quite some time, I'm a big proponent of blood work. You don't have to go to the doctor for anything else, but it's good to get blood work done. Just check. It can't hurt you. The prick hurts a little bit.

But just check. Make sure all your things are looking good. Yeah, I went to the doctor, new primary care. And it was fantastic. I'm not sharing who it is because I don't want to wait too long to get another appointment. But it was fantastic. I think that's a great idea. I, too, am a big fan of blood work.

I'm a big fan of phlebotomist. I don't care if that gets me canceled. And the thing is that there's a real art to it, right? Now I've noticed there's two primary phlebotomai at my doctors. Nice guys, both lovely, look great in scrubs. One of them, personality 10. Lobotomy skills, four. This is how you know that you got effed by someone who's not good,

if you have a bruise after. Now, granted, there was. a time in my life where I was so overweight where they could never find a vein so they'd have to go in my hand. And that's upsetting. Yes. Yes. Relatable. But the guy that we always have a nice shot, we talk, talk, talk. And if it hurts when they put it into your vein, they didn't do it right. And then you get a bruise after not good. There's this other guy, not much of a talker, but he is a 10 out of 10. I don't even know when the needle goes in my arm. And by the time it's out, it's like it never happened. or should I do a quick reveal.

For those watching on YouTube, and if you're not watching on YouTube, you're missing out. Should we see if I have a bruise? Yes. Ah! Oh my God. That tape, nothing.

Absolutely nothing. That's Columbia. Nothing. You're not getting that at Hunter College Medical Associates. Oh my God, there's barely even blood. Look at this.

Look at this. There's literally no blood. Oh, but she did use, I think, packing tape. The hairs on my arms are completely gone. Oh my God, but there's nothing. Wow, she is a dream. I love it. She is a dream.

But yeah, so that was the bruise that you saw. And just getting, you know, routine checkup. It was nice to go in and have far fewer complaints. We were talking about that because this is the first time I've seen him. And every other doctor that I've seen has only seen this severely obese been. I'm like, today I weighed in 235. Last time I was at a doctor, 290. So those are very, very different people going.

in and talking to the doctor. You're so right, because, you know, I see you through the lens of a Jewish mother. Like my mother used always say to me, I never saw you like that. Even when you were making the floorboards creek in the middle of the night when you had to go pay, I just saw a young Patrick Dempsey. And that's how I see you, Ben. I don't see any weight on you. But.

Until you see a picture. Well, I feel that way. But pictures tell a different story. I posted a clip of our wonderful groundbreaking Hillary Duff episode recently, and you were rounder, for sure. It's funny. I don't, in the moment, you definitely don't see your loved ones as larger, smaller, friends, et cetera.

You look back at pictures. Holy smokes. I literally, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. How fat I was. I just celebrated, as you know, my 32nd birthday. And the carousels of images pouring in. morbidly obese. I had no idea. I had no clue. I was just like walking around. I've used this term before.

I think I was shallow howling myself. I'd look at myself in the mirror. I'm like, holy crap, you look fit. You look great. You look insanely gorgeous when in reality, I was fat. Too fat. Too fat. Now speaking as a representative of the body dysmorphic crowd, I look at myself at 187 and go, you've really let yourself go, Josh, and you have no discipline. And that's a, to be a shallow howl, I wish, I dream. Yeah. No, I'm a complete shallow howl, which is good. But it's also, I'm wearing this, like, nice Ralph Lauren puffer.

It's the same puffer I was wearing at 290. And now it fits normally. And I'm just thinking myself, what did this look like? Did you ever call it a puffer on a puffer? Yeah. It was just like, skin tight, like gripping at the hips. Like I can't even imagine what I look like walking through the streets because now it fits.

Marshall, what do you think of yourself? Do you know that you are the dime that you are? That's a hard question to answer. No, I have a lot, a lot, some negative self-talk. But I think we all do, right, a little bit? I think so. But then sometimes I'm like, okay, good today. It goes up and down.

But you're still fit. You're really the whole package, Marshall. We're big fans of you here. Full package. Full package. Josh, you never look at yourself in the mirror and say, damn, I look good. I see evidence to the contrary of my negative self-talk to, quote Marshall,

that certainly there'll be moments where I'm like, well, I can see some ribs. Like, this is going in the right direction. Is that what you strive for protruding ribs? Oh, yeah. My goal dimensions are 6.4.130. Sorry, Marshall? No, I was going to say more.

Morning Skinny is the best feeling. And it's the best. Just sometimes like the best on Sunday. I don't know. I'm like, wow, this is good. But morning skinny only comes from like a night of, at least for me, eating nothing. Like I've never had like a beautiful dinner and then woken up and felt morning skinny. Like it's only like if I missed a meal rare or ate early.

But I don't know. Well, yeah, because you're also, you are, you have these. beautiful dinners. Like, unless I'm with you, I probably will have dinner with Max at five. If not, or he'll eat at five and I've probably had a gigantic lunch and I stopped eating at three because I know I'm going to fast anyway. And that's when you have that real, when you go to bed a little hungry, you go, tomorrow's going to be outstanding. Outstanding. Do the morons know about your intermittent fasting? Yeah, sure. We've talked. They know that, but they know the timeline of your fasting. Because I think you're the only person I know that has the true just ability to do the type of intermittent fasting that you do.

Well, you do it, but you just do it later, right? Like, I wake up. I do it later. I wake up at 5.30 to 6 a.m. every morning because that's when Max wakes up. So I'm hungry. And then I'm serving him breakfast at like 7.7.30. So I'm seeing all this beautiful food. Like if I could sleep in till 8.30 and then just drink like a black coffee and think about myself till noon, I could eat.

easily not eat till noon. Who are you describing? Not saying to do that. Not saying it's the exact timeline. Not you, of course. Not you. You selfish prick. Oh, that's good.

We're so aligned. But yeah, black coffee really does hold me together from a hunger perspective for at least three hours. Like it locks me in. I wake up in the morning now. I'm having my AG1 and I'm with the 32 ounces of water, a black coffee, and I am good until one. And I am tooting and pooping from nine to one.

It's perfect. Absolutely perfect. Getting it all out there, literally and figuratively. And then I'm ready for a good lunch. So I have some bad news. And Marshall, maybe you can look this up for us really quick. And we love AG1 here. What's the calorie count on one package of AG1?

You're a line. Health line. Are they a current sponsor, by the way? Well, if they're not, we're giving them free promo because we love them, they are the greatest. The greatest or greatest. True, true. True. But if they have calories, I'm out.

One scoop, 12 grams of AG1 provides 50 calories. Ouch. It's fine. Okay, so you won't see my ribs. Not AG1. Age 1 is a perfect supplement. It's great. I would just say that.

scientifically they say you cannot ingest more than 25 calories because that breaks your fast. Ah, that's interesting. So I would say just delay the AG1. That's very interesting. And perhaps, no, perhaps I could actually get more benefits because what I'm doing, AG1 gives me good energy. Coffee gives me good energy. But I'm putting them all together.

If I staggered them perhaps, I'd be invincible. Yes. So maybe I'm going to start nice 32 ounces of water, maybe a nice squeeze of lemon. Then my coffee. I love the drinking water in the morning. I'm parched in the morning. Chug my water, chug my coffee, agey one later in the day. Thoughts better?

I think that's a great idea. And the last thing I want to say about being overweight because I never talk about it is that recently a buddy of mine, shout out Sean Avery, who saw an old, old footage of me when I was a teenager at my biggest. And he goes, I had no idea how fat you were. Thanks, Sean. And he said this, and I think it describes it perfectly. He said, you looked like a fat person wearing a fat suit.

Oh, my. Oh, my. All I want you to know is I think you looked gorgeous. I really do. I think you looked gorgeous. And all I have to say is that if you weren't fat, you wouldn't be who you are today. You wouldn't.

You wouldn't. You wouldn't be funny. You'd be terrible. You'd be freaking miserable. Miserable. Fat people, we do definitely talk about this. And I'm sorry if you're skinny and you can't relate to this podcast at all. But there's something about having been fat and being fat that really prepares you for life in a different way.

You're like a vet. Yeah. Yeah. You are. Totally. We saw action. I'm sure the vets will love it. We are the same.

Stolen. Valor? What do you think, Marshall, is it a put off to the, I mean, I feel like we're talking about ourselves and our community because we are, we're very hard on, we joke hard about our past size and whatnot. Should we be more thoughtful? Oh, like loving yours. Well, it is hilarious.

Thank you. And the people are loving it. The Morns are loving it. We love you. Okay. Okay. So then we'll leave it. We'll keep talking about it.

Should we make hats? You know how like veterans. have like those little medals for all the things that they've done. This is fucked up. Like should we make like, this is dark. I'm reporting us. Should we make a medal for like each increment of like 20 pounds over weight? Like instead of a purple heart, the congested heart?

Like like the biggest metal you can possibly get is like gout or heart disease. Yeah, the gout badge. And you collect them. So I think it's worth getting into. to a couple fun articles that I've brought up recently. One is that Shake Shack announces free chicken sandwiches every Sunday in April and seemingly Shades Chick-fil-A. Shake Shack is serving up some freebies with the side of sass.

The fast food chain announced that it is handing out free fried chicken sandwiches every Sunday in April. And yeah, to grab the promo, customers must place a $10 minimum order at an in-store kiosk. Enter the code chicken sundae. So this is an unofficial plug, but what do we think about free chicken sandos? So you have to spend $10, but then you get a free chicken sandwich. That's right.

So I would need to be ordering something else and then I get an extra chicken sandwich. Or can the chicken sandwich be $10 and I get a free chicken sandwich? No, no, no. I think you've got to get two fries and a sodi. There's a small barrier to entry and then you get the free chicken. That's right. Love it. All in.

I think it's fantastic. Yeah, why not? Free stuff? Who doesn't love free stuff? especially free chicken. Free chicken. Shake shack is great. Base, base,

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Ooh. An off-menu shake-check item, which is their version of like a patty. melt. Boy, oh boy. Wow. And I don't need Shake Shack, but when I do, I'm going off the menu. I think I'm on Smashburger TikTok. Like, I've been seeing people making smash burgers, like with all, like the, you know, like the real smash burger when there's so much mandolin onion just like on top. I love that. And it's on that, like, nice flat top grill. That's flavor. Nice and, oh, unbelievable. So good. And you really only need to let them cook a real smash burger for like 15 seconds because it's so thin. That's right.

It gets, it gets perfectly cooked. That's, that is, I think that's my number one burger. I think a smash burger is my number one burger. Josh, what's your favorite burger?

I agree a smash burger is my number one burger. Although, and here's a big butt. We cannot celebrate smash burgers, square pizzas with the little curled up pepperonies. These foods have peaked. They are now, part of the lexicon. Give it up. You cannot celebrate a great smash burger. It's assumed we know

smash burgers are great. Don't put a photo of it out there. It's enough. Oh, oh, is it on a potato bun? Ooh. Who? Yes, we know. Smash burgers are great. We all have access to them. God bless America. But we don't have enough access to them, in my opinion, at the places where I'd like to have one. For example, you go to lovely restaurant, a hillstone. You go to maybe a steakhouse. You go to, it's always these bigger burgers. And I'm just saying a diner, always a big ass burger. I'm just saying, wouldn't it be nice to have a smash burger at that type of establishment

as opposed to needing to go to maybe a fast food chain? I hear you. You are heard. As our great clips editor Derek says, heard. but what I would say is I think there's a place in a time and I think that a smash burger at a Hillstone or a high-end place is not, it's not what I'm looking for. I do enjoy like a J.G. Mellon, old school, hearty burger with the nice fries.

I once went, I was, and this is very bougie of me, trust me, this is not usually like me. I was at the Ritz Carlton, I believe in Washington, D.C. That's right. No big deal. Wait, talk, Ben, because I didn't hear what you just... Oh, sorry, I was whistling. I whistled three times in a row. Okay. I get your rich call. Yeah. Oh, oh, sick. Okay. It probably picked it up on audio, but all I saw was you going like this.

It looks like you were trying to pick me up. So I was there at the Ritz. And I remember I was there doing like a press, junket for a movie and so I was like I'm treating myself me and my buddy Jeremy and we ordered they had $45 hamburgers which is something I would just never do but it was like the Kobe meat it was like aged cheddar there was foie gras on the burger and it was being like you you would think this would be on the border of too much good stuff but let me tell you it was right there and it it really rose to the occasion wow yeah I love a I love a good thin burger.

It's rare. JG's, you brought up one that I think is fantastic. The JG melon full burger really is a plus. Yes. A plus. For anybody that hasn't been, they should absolutely go. By the way,

I've never been. I've only seen it on Instagram. You haven't been? No, I've just seen them on IG. I thought you said that you had it. No, but I saw, I know what it looks like. Oh, okay. I lied.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, you lied. You just. They're great. They are excellent. They're excellent. Yeah. And feel free to add any to the list.

Marshall, Ben, jump in here. Here's what we cannot celebrate anymore. They are now officially normal. And I don't want to see it on your Instagram. A smash burger. A square pizza with those little peps. An asaibal or avocado toast. You're not special.

And I said it here first. Yeah. The avocado toast is definitely overdone. I'm trying to think of other TikTok trends that I've been seen recently. It's just too much. Martini. Espresso martini. Thank you so much.

How about breaking a poached egg on whatever you're eating? That's not special. No. It's just more protein. It's not. That's not. How do we feel about the onion volcano from like habachi? You know what?

I don't think of that as food. I think about it as a show. I think about the performing arts. Yeah. And I love a Benihana. And I'll always take a nice picture of that onion tower. I will. It's less of a popular thing, but I just have to say hot take, steak doesn't belong on salad.

Okay. Say a little more. Maybe again, it's just my TikTok. Maybe I'm just on this food talk and they are serving me up all these dishes. But I've been seeing people making full fillets, chopping them up and putting them in a salad. And I think it is a disservice to the cow, a disservice to the chef making the steak. and it just does not fit. You can't have hot meat, cold lettuce.

It just doesn't work. It doesn't work at all. I think, and I'm going to make this my best bite of the week because I can really enjoy a steak salad. I'm going to build one for you right now, and I want you, and listen, I can take it. It doesn't sound good, doesn't sound good. So we're talking about a hanger steak, a skirt steak,

something that was built that you're not going to like fill up a plate of skirt steak and have it. It's the accoutrement to more, right? It's the promise of more, a skirt steak, sure. A carneasada. So now you chopping that up beautiful, crisp on the ends, right? Perfect. Now let's build our salad, shall we? We're going with a leafy, perhaps a butter lettuce. You know what I'm saying? We're not going romaine too crisp, nice butter lettuce. Then we're going to roquefort, a blue cheese, something stinky yet, you know, like formidable, you know, like something that really has some weight to it. Then we're going to do a red pickled onion, freshly pickled, right? So then you're getting that acid to what? Cut through all the fat. You got faking the fat in the cheese. You got fat

and the steak. Then, right, you do a little bit, do a little bit of cherry tomatoes over there, fresh crack. Is that good, sir? I'll tell you. you when. I'll tell you when. Get that fresh pep. You throw a little bit of that steak on there, a beautiful blue cheese dressing. Come on. That's good times. That's good. That's probably the only steak salad. Oh, I'm sorry. And fresh sourdough made croutons. Do you prefer that over a crispy onion? I'm open to, I'm open to both. How about that? That's the only salad. That was the rebuttal. That's the only rebuttal. The only rebuttal is you take steak, you pair it with a stinky cheese, you put it in a nice lettuce, for sure. The iceberg, you're thinking maybe a wedge,

replace the bacon with the steak. I totally get it. People are getting too liberal. They're using wrong cuts of steak. I'm with you. A skirt steak, a hanger. No problem. A filet doesn't belong. I'm with you, though. That is a delicious bite. Should I get into my best bite of the week? Please. Also, Bougy, don't do this that often. Actually, I do. I do. You know, I shouldn't be, it's fine, right?

I shouldn't be ashamed. Never. Never. I eat well. I eat well. Yes, you do. For my birthday, my wife and I went to Chippriani for lunch. An impossible reservation.

Impossible. Had an unbelievable meal, capped off with the best slice of cake I've ever had in my life. Was there a meringue involved? It was a meringue. Yeah, it was. Yeah, fucking was. And it was 15 out of 10. This was custodied, yet light, soft, delicious, perfect.

Mm-hmm. It was perfect. So too often are our delicious cakes too decadent. I could have had the whole cake, and I swear I would have been able to run a marathon. It was so light. It's the meringue. It's airy. It's perfect.

It's always the meringue. It's the meringue. are fantastic. Marang is fantastic. Thoughts on the meringue? The meringue? I'm bullish on meringue. I'm going to say it here now. I'm bullish on meringue. I love it. I recently did a entire food muckbang trying most of the menu at Cheesecake Factory with my friends Jordan Oaken and Max Shapiro of the Air Jordan Food Podcast. And my friend Max Shapiro, who's a total foodie, who was in a lot of pain and distress from eating such commoner food that I love. like the factory.

He only does boozy stuff. But when our dessert moment came, he said, I think we should try the lemon meringue cheesecake. I said, honey and nuts. This is crazy. Let me tell you,

fresh fired lemon meringue. Unbelievable. The factory doesn't miss, but this was a bullseye. There's a difference, though, and this is why I asked it, between a freshly made meringue,

a meringue top, right on a cake versus the meringue like that thing that it's pre-made it looks like a little dollop it's hard when you bite it or am i think of something yes i know what you mean you know what i mean right those stink and i think that's what most people think when they think of meringue it's the meringue that you can buy at the grocery store no you only think that comes in this little chalky puck you only think that because it's parves so they have it at a lot of jewish events that's what it is no you think that marshal You think of meringue traditionally, right? I don't know, actually.

That's a vegan for you. I don't think of a dessert. This meringue, this par of meringue, Josh is 100% right. And for those that don't know, par of is just, it's not dairy, it's not meat, it's nothing. It's just nothing. You can have it with all meals. It doesn't conflict with Jewish dietary laws. Yes.

Par of, yeah, exactly. These marangs, you could. You could basically write on a chalkboard with them. That's right. You could take a bite and then you could use it to draw. It's that chalky and it's disgusting. But meringue on a cake, I'm so excited for this lemon meringue at Cheesecake Factory because I'm a big, big lemon fan in my desserts.

My dad makes an amazing little lemon square. Ooh, ooh. So good. Yeah. So good. First of all, you know, they just opened to Chipriani in L. and it's an impossible reds. Impossible.

Yeah. And the food looks incredible, but I think it's funny. And every food TikToker has been talking about, they have a side of rice there that is very plain. And I would just love to understand what Chipriani thinks about. They're just like very basic side of rice. My wife would love it.

Yeah? That would be her dream. If she could order rice and it came just plain white rice, she would love it. She would absolutely love it. Do you remember we're not going to name the restaurant because we don't talk negatively about restaurants here? That's right.

But do you remember when we went to a restaurant and they had a steak on the menu that was market price and how much that steak was? Oh, I remember. I can't get it out of my head. What was it in 800? Yeah, like in the sevens. It was bordering salt bay restaurant level prices. Marshall, have you ever heard of that in your life?

No. Again, steaks on the menu, right? What, Josh? They were like maybe 90. 80, like for the regular steak. Sure. It's sub a hundred. And then this special steak on the menu, $700. My jaw dropped.

But again, that's like ordering Aces Spades at the club. Like, if you love the taste of crystal, go to Costco, like a mensch, and go get a $220 bottle and pop it with your Cleveland 8 wife. And you know what? treat yourself because you just got that big job promotion. But like to go to a club and spend $1,200 in the same bottle that's 200 somewhere else, what are you trying to prove? Yeah, but you can't, the crystal is actually, it's even worse than the steak because the steak that you're going to have at this restaurant that will remain unnamed is going to be cooked far better than you would

have cooked it at home. Fair. The crystal is the same crystal, but it's technically in a less exciting environment. You're paying for the show. You are. You're paying for the show and you're paying you're paying for a bunch of people to come out in scannily clad outfits and sparklers with a little sign that says, happy birthday, Ted. Welcome to Marquis. You're an idiot. This isn't a write-off, Ted. Well, I have another article that I think is worth talking about, which is that, Jason Kelsey gets in the ring at WrestleMania 40 during surprise appearance. Jason Kelsey showed off his wrestling skills when he and former teammate, Lane Johnson jumped the ropes at WrestleMania.

Yeah, WrestleMania 40 attendees could be seen going wild for Kelsey and Johnson after the duo ripped a metal folding chair out of Dominic Mysterio's hands and slammed him into the corner of the ring. Damn, I want to be more famous. If WrestleMania called you, Josh. and said, Josh, we're going to need you to gain 250 pounds. No. But we're going to put you on WrestleMania for the whole season.

I'm out. I'm out for sure. No chance. I would have a really hard. If Martin Scorsese approached me the way he approached De Niro in the 80s and was like, Raging Bull, you're going to have to put on 80 pounds. That would really mess me up. And I'd probably do it, but I'm terrified to go.

even close to that. I'm just thinking here. Like, yeah, you need to be so famous, obviously, to be on WrestleMania, WWE, any of these. But you also need some kind of a hook. Like I look at Jason Kelsey. Yeah, he's famous. He's in the news, but he's also burly.

There's like something about him that I see in the ring. And I get it. I get it. He's big, burly, and hairy. I can't get in the ring. There's nothing. Even if I was 10 times more famous. There's nothing here.

I can't possibly do it. I need to be another 300 pounds, and then my tactic would be jumping off of that corner column and suffocating you in my belly button. That's right. Oh, man. Right? And the belly button she is going on there? Disgusting.

Yeah, no, so smelly. Belly buttons are the worst places on earth. Woo. Only, again, this is a big fat people thing. Only fat people have true trauma with their belly buttons. That's right. Because, honestly, it's not. It's the equator.

It goes down to the equator. You've never seen it. You've heard legend about it. It sits really, really, really deep, really deep. It's like the bottom of the earth is the belly button. And if you ever reach it, it hurts to poke, and it reeks. Oh, my God. I'm going to throw up.

Okay, so for our last article. Well, how much time do we have, Marshall? 40. We're at 40? Yeah. Okay, cool. So we'll do a speak pipe and then we'll do what are you nuts. Perfect.

Great. All right. So let's get into a speak pipe. Speak pipes are when people call in to get advice or ask us questions. It's super cute. And you can leave us your questions or really ask for advice. Make it good. Keep it brief.

Brevity. Brief. Speakpipe.com slash good guys. Let's get into this first one. It's super cute from KC. Hi, Ben and Josh. More on here. Toaster here. Love you guys. Thanks for all the giggles. You guys keep me saying during my workdays. Writing in or speaking in. Wanted to know some advice. I am dating the menciest, most wonderful Jewish man and wanting to convert eventually and wanted to know any advice from you, anything that I should know, anything I should be excited about. I mean, I I'm really looking forward to starting this journey and, you know, started. We hosted our first Shabbat dinner together a couple weeks ago, and it was wonderful.

And just wanted to know what you guys thought and what I should know when I embark on this journey. Love you guys. Thanks so much. Wow. Wow. We're really a religious podcast. I kind of love it. Like we're like Joel Olstein.

I know. We're like, should we be starting with a prayer? Yeah. Like every week. right now? Baruch, Baruch, Hadroni, I am Varach,

Baruch, I am Varachle Olamvaid. Don't do it. There's still time. Oh, no. What you need to know is, one, you sound like a wonderful girl. It takes, like,

some real chops to want to do that for somebody else. And if I was put in that position, I wouldn't want to switch fates. So congrats to you on that. I've heard that the conversion process is lengthy and very, very, very, very hard. So be prepared to basically go to school. It's not like they're in other religions. The conversion process, I'm pretty sure.

It's like, hey, I want to convert. And they're like, sure, we'll welcome you with us. It's a little bit harder. You have to learn about, like, all of the plights and just issues that we've had. The Tsaris, the McGillers. the party of the seas. They make sure you're prepared. And so it's a lot of work.

But then you'll probably come out more informed than 99% of Jews. That's what ends up happening. Like the converts who really go deep, they end up being the most knowledgeable. I completely agree with Ben. Don't do it. It takes two years roughly to convert officially. And it's a lot of work, a lot of schooling. You know what else takes two years?

and a lot of schooling, becoming a nurse. Become a nurse. You got all this time on your hands. Be a frontline worker. You know what I'm saying? You have a trade. You'll have access to opiates. You know, you can hoop them, sell them on the dark web.

Take a chance, ma'am. Like, what are you doing? You know what? Ben and I are the most Jewish guys on earth. You're Jewish. We bestow it upon you. And as you know, Ben, my beautiful Irish Catholic wife, page, She's more Jewish than me at this point.

She knows the prayers. She can make a killer brisket. I mean, you know what? We don't judge. She's in. No, I don't judge at all. Not at all. You're Jewish.

What was her name? Kayla. Jewish. That works. Yeah. That works. It works. You don't have to change.

I was just thinking to myself if it was like Jesus or something. Sure. Like we should change it. But Kayla, no problem at all. No problem at all. Right. Because Kayla is Gentile, but Kayla. is very Jewish.

Yeah. And Michaela is Jewish. Is it? It's just short. I'm sure she's Michaela. Michaela is Jewish? I think so. I don't know.

Okay. Well, thank you. I know Michael. Michael is Jewish. Yes, but then there's also like, I feel like some of those ultra-religious names have been sort of propagated by all faiths, right? Like Jacob, Joseph. Yeah.

Right? But I guess originally Hebrew. Yeah. Sure. Sure. Moses. Ben. I mean, I mean, Ben, Benny boy.

Ben, Benjamin. Joshua is a very religious name. What the battle at Jericho. Humble Brack. Very religious. Yes, you did. Thank you. Took over for Moses.

No big deal. You did. All right. Next one's from Becca. Ben and Josh. Love you guys. You guys literally make me cackle to the point where I pee my pants. I'm also pregnant.

So that's not surprising there. But I have a dilemma. I'm trying to pick out a boy name and I love Wilder and Waylon. I just think they're so beautiful and they're just of the earth and naturey and just gorgeous. What are your favorites?

Let me know. What are your favorite boy names? I am not opposed to any sort of biblical name. I think they're beautiful and strong. So what are your favorite boy names? Let me know. I feel really bad. Like I don't want to be mean.

No, no, no, you're not mean. Let's not, listen, she has, she has, she has her. You're not mean. I don't want to, I don't want to be mean, but that's never stopped me before. What are you nuts? Wilder and Waylon? These names are for crazies. No.

Shut up, Ben. That's mean. That's mean. No good. No good. Imagine this. Imagine Roll call, kindergarten. Is Wilder here?

No, he's at the park shooting a fox. No, it's too harsh. It's too harsh. No, no, no. Give him a chance. First of all, stop it. We have the most basic names on earth. Ben and Josh.

Agreed. We're too basic. We're too basic. I agree. Marshall has a fucking kick-ass name. Like, tough. Marshall. Like, names that can mean something else.

That's cool. Okay. Agreed. Wilder. Wilder is what happens when you go on spring break and a girl got a little too crazy. She went wilder. Okay, but okay, so those are her front runners, but she's asked us to give her some other options.

We don't have to fucking criticize. Okay, fine. Okay, fine. From babycenter.com here at the top boy names of 2023. Oh, yes. We have Noah, Liam, Oliver, Elijah, Mateo, Lucas, Levi, Leo, Ezra, Luca, Asher, to name a few. Wow. Interesting.

Look, if she likes wilder in wilderness, then she's not going to like any of the names that we just mentioned. She's looking. She's looking for like moose hunter or like something, something deeper. Nile. What are Nile? Nile's like from the nanny. Oh, Nile's hands good. Or Sheffield.

What about shrubbery? What about fern? What about this is my son, photosynthesis. This is my son, chlorophyll. You know what it is? It makes the plant screen. I think... Do you ever had a character and played a character with a really weird name?

Have I ever played a kid? Robe in Max Cable's big move because all I did was wear a robe around my big body. Robe. Yeah. I'm sorry. Just, I'm just out on the names that she picked. I'm out. Okay.

And she wants new names? Ben. Thank you for that. Ben, great. At least you'll be able to get a souvenir license plate wherever you go. I like, you know, I'm trying to think of those names have become popular. Like our good family friends have kids like name, you know, Hunter or Rider. These names have become popular. Ryder's a big one.

That's a big one. Also names like Wyatt or I'm just trying to think of like kind of. naturey old school like wow what about a gut what about augustus gus gus is fucking cool i think gus yeah yeah but full name augustus love that short gus gus is cool gus is cool gus is gus do gus gus i like it okay good we shout on the other ones we came to a good name and then middle name if you go with gus you got to give ben and josh a shout out so you go bosh or gen I guess this Jen, whatever her last name is. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I like it. Or bring back some old school names, Adolf, you know. Yeah, that's good. Stalin. That's good. Yeah. Yeah.

Morty. Kim Jong. Yeah. You could. You could. You could. Fidel. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fidel's a nice name. Vlad? Yeah. Vlad. Yeah. Vlad. That's a nice one. God.

All right. So should we get into our Woody and that's moment of the week? Please, yes. You want to go first? You want me to go first? I'm happy to go first. So from my Woody and Nuts moment of the week, I just have to say one thing officially. Hold on.

There's an article that has to do with it. Okay. Okay. For my What are you nuts moment of the week, Coachella, what are you nuts? It's over. It's over, guys. You missed. You missed it.

If Coachella is your thing now, music festivals in general are what are you nuts. But Coachella, it's just, it's so done. You cannot take an interesting photo in front of that, in front of that Ferris wheel. Sorry, hold on. Marshall, are you going to Coachella? No. Okay, got you, got you. We're good.

That was a close one, guys. Anyway, yeah, you cannot take an interesting photo outside that Ferris wheel. You cannot put together a cool enough outfit. I know you got into the Celsius party, Mazel. I know you're at some random food truck eating off the floor at 11 because you're still waiting for your ride out of the Indio polo grounds. It's done. You missed it.

And you know what? The popularity, the evidence, is behind me. Coachella, the iconic music festival held in the California desert, has raised eyebrows this year for all the wrong reasons, leading some to question long-term viability. In 2023, it was the first time in 11 years that the festival did not sell out both weekends. And this year, it has taken one whole month. to sell out the first weekend. I think I'm right.

I think you are right. There's also just so much more optionality with these festivals. There's so many cool ones happening. Stage coach, country music's fantastic. The weekend before, I don't think they're having problems

selling tickets. That's right. I don't think so. So yeah, it's out. Sianara, Coachella. My wedding at the moment of the week is the reinvention of the car door handle. We did not need to reinvent this.

And I thought that the problem, is exclusive to the Tesla. You go to a Tesla and to open the door handle, you push in, you pull out, right? Sure. Not intuitive whatsoever, right? And we're trying to make a car for the masses here. The handle pull out. The push in, open, pull out, not intuitive, not necessary. And I thought it started and stopped the Tesla's. And Tesla's were just like a cool, new, you know? No, it doesn't. Rangerover, push in, pull out. inside a new, I was just in an Uber, there was a Cadillac. It was a pull up from, like, like basically, like a, what the fuck is it called?

What is the, uh, window. What is that thing called? The button, window button. But, the button where you have to pull down to get the window to come down. There's a pull down to open the door. It's not a handle. It's a pull down and open. And all I have to say is, is what are you nuts?

This didn't need reinventing. We spent too much time, money, and energy, reinventing something that didn't need to be reinvented, as opposed to inventing something that did need to be invented or reinventing something that did need to be reinvented. Thank you. That's all. Don't reinvent the wheel. The wheel doesn't need to be reinvented. Yeah, they crushed it on the wheel.

Deal with it. Crushed. And by the way, people are going to reinvent the wheel. You'll see. You'll see. Will we? You'll see. Who knows?

Who knows? I thought the door handle was perfect. Take us home, man. I thought the door handle was perfect. Folks, as always, rate this podcast, five stars. If not, what are you nuts? Listen to us on Spotify, Apple. Watch us on YouTube on Josh's YouTube.

You never know. Sometimes we leave some little momentos, some Easter eggs, some crazy shit that you'll never hear in audio. Never. So maybe listen to it and then watch it and then watch it and then listen to it. Send our clips to a friend. We've been working hard on those clips. I'm sure you're loving them.

send them the little paper airplane to a friend, get them to watch the podcast. Mondays and Thursdays, we'll see you next time. See you next time. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.