Good Guys - Ben Almost Died?!
Episode Date: June 5, 2025Mazel Morons! This week, Ben recounts his self-inflicted near-death experience, Josh admits to full-body code-switching at Equinox, and together, we pitch insurance for EVERYTHING. Plus: we weigh in o...n the new Pope, unpack Jewish mob lore, and finally start The Sopranos 25 years late. What are ya nuts?! Love ya! Leave us a voicemail here! Follow us on Instagram and TikTok! Sponsors: Hero Bread is offering 10% off your order of their new recipe. Go to hero.co and use code GOODGUYS at checkout. Find exactly what you’re booking for on Booking.com Get your free LMNT Sample Pack with any purchase at drinklmnt.com/GOODGUYS Head to livemomentous.com and use code GOODGUYS for 35% off your first subscription Switch to Mint and new customers can get half off an Unlimited plan until February 2. To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, and get the plan shipped to your door for FREE, go to MINTMOBILE.com/goodguys Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
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The following podcast is a dear media production.
Two Jews, both big and tall, no subject, too small for the good guys.
A mother's dream, premium podcast team, make it your weekly routine, it's a good guys.
And if you don't give us five stars, what are you nuts?
What are you nuts?
Yeah, we're the good guys.
They're not the great guys.
We're just so good, good, good guys.
Benny and Joshy, Joshy and Benny, Knicks are down a game, and this is not good.
Benny and Joshy, I almost died this morning.
Benny and Joshy, the Knicks are also bad.
Benny and Joshy, Ben, I wasn't sure whether you were speaking in hyperbole or you were being serious.
It's hard to tell tone through text.
Josh, I almost died this morning.
Okay, say it.
And the worst part, and the worst part, it was 100% self-inflicted.
All right.
Say more or less and all the things.
I'm going to go into crisscross applesauce.
Okay.
Because I want to fucking gossip.
No, I want to yank to right now.
I have to like dig deep for my great, great storytelling.
Before that, can you tell the flexibility on my hip flexors?
Are you jealous and could you do this right now?
I'm not jealous at all.
Do you understand that my hips that way are like literally unbelievable?
I can't because of the shape of this.
You wish.
You wish you can't.
Really?
Really?
Wow.
Really?
Motherfucker?
And that's with, and that's literally with, like, this chair has, like,
arches on the side.
Yours is flat.
Okay, well, can you do this?
Yeah, Josh.
I can.
What about that?
I can't.
I can't miss.
I'll break something.
What about that?
No, but this is important.
This is important.
You're not a yogi or yogurt.
This is important.
Do you understand that I have, like, ballet level flexibility with my legs?
I can turn my feet all the way out.
Can you see?
Or no?
I think that's an anatomical issue.
I don't think that's a, I don't think that's an asset.
Oh, really?
What about this?
Is this an anatomical issue?
Is this, Josh?
This?
That's just called your splayed footed, which is a Jewish thing, which I have two.
I'm not criticizing you.
Look, look, I can literally go one in front, one behind.
That's peak flexibility.
Yeah, but then you walk like Donald Duck, which I do too, by the way.
We're knock knack and we walk like Donald Duck.
Or I could turn in my toes.
I could do it.
I've been trying to turn in my toes and pretending that I'm not knocked need for literally 33 years.
It's impossible.
Same here.
Hang on.
I digress, Josh.
I almost died this morning.
Okay, I'm ready.
Okay.
One other thing.
No, I'm kidding.
Before we get there, the Knicks really, it's terrible.
Like, what the fuck?
I went to the worst Nick game of my life, okay?
I spent, Josh, what do you think I spent game three tickets?
Nicks go up two nothing on the Celtics.
It's the hottest game in town.
I had no choice.
I had no choice.
God forbid the Knicks give me a ticket.
Okay?
I'm literally, God forbid.
They give me a ticket.
Josh comes to town.
They give us 13th row just because Josh is there.
They literally, they're putting these losers front row.
Losers.
Okay?
Let's break down the loser row because Celebrity Row was Timmy Shals, got to go 100%.
Who was it?
Benny Stills, Tracy Morg, Spike.
Spike Lee. Like, those guys deserve it. Who didn't deserve it? This, this, first of all,
first of all, this celebrity row, fine. I wasn't asking to be anywhere near court side,
anywhere near. Yes, the Timothy Shalame is the world. Eli Manning came with Justin Tuck,
okay, and his son. Mariska Hargate was there. Oh, please. The queen of New York. Yes, with,
what's his name? No, not Dick Wolf. Whatever. There was another Svee. Chris Maloney? I think so.
Oh, my God. Have you ever seen? Have you ever seen?
seen the keister on Chris Maloney?
Have you seen that touch?
Tight, tight, tight.
It's tight.
It's a bubble butt.
Oh my God.
If I go to the game, my God, was this a bloodbath?
How much do you think I spent?
Corner, 11th row.
100 section.
Corner, corner, lower bowl.
Sure, sure, sure.
11th throw.
A good, a fine seat.
A fine seat.
Near the home or the away tunnel?
Near the away tunnel.
Near the away tunnel.
11th closer in or further towards the aisle.
Right in the middle.
Smack dab.
Single ticket?
Two tickets.
Well, yeah, single ticket price.
I didn't go alone.
Single ticket price.
But you bought two at a time.
I bought two at a time.
That was a mistake.
I want to sit next to him.
What do you mean there was a mistake?
Meet up at the Sabaro in between quarters.
Yes, I bought two tickets at a time.
I wanted to go with a friend.
Big mistake. What do we think I spent?
At what time and what day did you buy them?
I should have bought them a week before. I saw tickets that I loved.
I ended up buying them two days before.
I'm going to guess you spent 1,200 a ticket.
1787. And when I tell you that was it.
Yes. And when I tell you that was a deal before tip, those same tickets were 2,900.
So I went into it. I'm feeling good. And everybody in the section, it's hilarious.
I guess the section had a surplus. The guy to my right, he's like, can you believe it?
I got these for 1900 before tip.
I'm like, hello, I got them for 1,700.
The guy in my left is like, I got them for 1450 last week.
And then the person all the way on the end was talking about how they spent almost three grand.
Okay, now you tell me this, because for me, I could never ever, if this was like they could win the championship that day.
Yes, yes.
I could justify it.
But I could, I couldn't, the joy of being there live would not be circumvented by me, the joy I would feel sitting on my couch with a perfect view of it.
having $1,700 in my pocket.
Yes, for me, I'm a very experienced driven spender.
There's nothing to me like being in the garden.
And why have money if I can't do things that make me happy?
That's it.
Some people like, you know, I don't wear a watch.
Some people like lavish watches.
Some people like lavish cars.
We'll get into it, Josh.
I did get a new lease.
New lease on life.
Wow.
I like spending money on trips, vacations, games.
And if it was up to me, if I had my druthers, like one day, it'll probably make you sick.
But like, I want season tickets, great season tickets where I'm not afraid to spend, like, I don't know, somewhere between $25,000 and $50,000 on the seats.
Like, I want good seats for the season.
I think you're, I might be wrong.
I think you're mistaken.
I think great seats you're saying like first 10 rows in the 100s?
First 10 rows in the 100s.
Nowhere near court side.
I'm talking.
It's probably right now.
if you can get them, they're about $400 a ticket for 41 games.
I would think for two games or for two seats, it would be closer to $100,000 for the next.
That was per ticket.
Right, right, right, right.
Because for the Lakers, like, my friend has four, but he buys it through his company
because they're always taking clients.
And it's four tickets for the season 250 foul for the year.
Yeah, that's pretty good.
That's pretty good.
You can write that off, though.
Taking him through the business, the move.
As long as you're entertaining.
As long as you're entertaining, it's half price.
There are no problems.
But Josh, I spent 1787 or 84, whatever I said, to watch them get fucking obliterated.
And all that I could think of, all that my brain could think of is, God, I wish there was ticket insurance.
I would have paid 10% more, Josh, to know that if they lost, if they ever went down by 30, I get half my money back.
And then the flip side, if they win by 20 or 30, I pay a little extra.
I'm locked in.
I have no problem.
Sitting there watching them, Josh,
I wanted to puke.
This was a terrible, terrible game.
What do you think of my ticket insurance idea?
What do you think of that?
By the way, genius idea,
almost as good as your time release,
melatonin and then caffeine on the end.
It's a brilliant idea.
But to your point,
just like insurance,
you don't have to pay,
you pay more in the beginning.
You don't pay more if they go up 20.
It's just,
then it was great.
But what you're buying the insurance of is the negative experience.
Correct.
That's brilliant.
Correct.
Yeah.
I'm buying the negative.
I was trying to figure out because it's a bit of a, there's, like, if you think
about the insurance business, all of the things that we insure against are not even
close to 9010.
They're like 99.9.9 to point one.
Right.
Which is why insurance works, because we all pay, let's say, for tornado insurance,
depending on where we live.
We're all deathly afraid of having a tornado.
The chances of us get our houses getting hit by a tornado, very, very slim.
But for that one person who had it, he's thankful that he had it.
For this ticket insurance thing, there are bad games.
They happen.
They happen more often than we would like to see.
So I was trying to figure out like, okay, I'll pay a little bit more if they win to sort
of balance out the equation.
But yeah, Josh, boy do I wish I had my 1700 back.
It'd be fun if you could do an insurance against bad experiences in general.
right? Like insurance against going to your mother-in-law's, you know?
Yes. Or like going to your racist uncle's house. Like if he brings up immigration five times or more, you get a thousand bucks.
You know, because your uncle's a scumback.
You go to the club and you know, you just like don't have as good a time as you wish you did.
Yes.
So subjective. I love it. Holiday insurance. I love it.
Okay. I mean, this also travel insurance would be great, Josh. You go to the
Dominican Republic. You spend a couple grand. You take the kids. You take page. All of a sudden,
it rains for a week. Travel insurance. Give me my money back. The great Brian Kelly, our points guy,
love, he always says, and I never do this, but he's totally right. He's like, I don't buy trip insurance
domestically. I do buy it internationally. And he's so right. Like, because those are expensive
tickets when you have to move like, you know, expensive international flights or what have you. And I'm like,
I got to start doing that. That's a good tip. That's why he's like, he's like, he's like,
He's the points guy.
Interesting.
Yeah.
I don't do it domestically because I find that all these airlines post-COVID, let me change for free.
So what am I doing?
They're saying pay an extra 200 bucks to change your flight.
I get to change it anyway.
Yeah, I guess if you had anything like a resort or something that you couldn't.
Yes.
Or like, you know, if you had an expensive hotel room that you had to cancel within 24 hours,
so you're going to have to eat the first night, I guess it would be good.
But most credit cards, I think, have domestic some sort of travel insurance anyway.
Yeah, there is something.
Now, there is.
For the Knicks game, I saw it.
you beforehand, or at least with a lovely TikTok you posted with your wife, you were wearing
a Nick's jersey, which is fine, I guess, even though grownups in sports jerseys.
Grown up, grownups should not wear sports jerseys. I completely agree. This is a one-time thing.
This is a one-time thing. It's unacceptable. But you also had on a chain, like flavor,
flave, Nick's shit. Did you wear that? $29 a dicks, baby. Boy, did I wear it with pride.
You're nuts. It was great. Oh, my God. It was heavy. It was. It was heavy. It was.
heavy. I didn't realize it. Once I got home, I had a hunchneck. Now how long I've worked to
eliminate this bump in my back, like fat man bump. Like, I don't want this fat man neck bump.
And the Flav Aflav Nix chain, honestly, it might have brought it back. I have to go to my
chiropractor. Ben, what happened? Flavaflav Nix chain. Wouldn't you know?
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Okay, so how did you almost die?
Oh, yeah, we want to talk about how I almost died?
Yes.
Okay, so there are pregnancy projects, right?
My wife will wake up and she'll say, hey, can you, I don't know,
reorganize this or take off these paintings or can you move this furniture?
And my pregnancy project, this one, my last one, was to move our, honestly, no joke, 300-pound Jonathan Adler bar, move it onto our terrace.
Okay?
I was going to Home Depot.
It was in an area that we no longer wanted it in.
We really don't use the bar.
And we wanted it on the terrace.
We have a second terrace that really we don't use Josh.
It's kind of like just a great area to be able to store some shit.
and I take all the liquor out of the bar,
probably takes it from,
it probably brings it down to like 250 pounds, let's say, okay?
I have a step up from my apartment to go over onto the terrace.
There's a step, a large step.
The door is elevated.
But I figure, you know, okay, I'm going to prop open the door.
I'm going to lean the bar up, push it over,
and then catch it on the other side and slowly just move it down.
I had pre-tarped the outside.
I went to Home Depot, got heavy-duty tarp,
put it on the floor.
My plan was to drag the bar over the tarp and then put the tarp on top.
Poolproof plan, no problem.
As long as I could get the bar onto the terrace.
I push it over.
I push it over.
And I come and I grab it on the other side.
And all of a sudden, Josh, this bar weighs far too much for me to hold.
And my back is against the rail of the terrace.
And I'm like, oh, my fucking God, oh my fucking God.
I'm either going to fall off the terrace or this 250 pound very expensive bar is going to
shatter on the floor.
So of course, the better problem would be a shattered bar versus my guts all over the floor.
But I'm committed.
I'm like, okay, I'm going to be able to do this.
I somehow willed the strength to just move it slightly.
And the corner of the bar hit the floor.
I was able to nudge it, moved it over, fully tarped it.
When I tell you, I don't know if I told this story with enough drama, I really almost fell over the railing.
I really almost died.
Ashunda.
That's it.
That's my story.
Now, is it?
You're going to ask, why didn't I ask for help?
I don't know.
Claudia has the same thing.
No, because I get that.
What I don't get is storing things outside.
Is it covered?
Yes, tarped.
Tarped on top, tarped on bottom.
So I took.
You're doing a full tarping.
I did a full tarping.
It is completely sealed in.
I can take a picture for you later.
completely sealed in a weatherproof tarp, it's perfect.
In a, I guess another option would have been to rent a storage unit,
have somebody come, you haul it out, put it in storage.
Because despite said tarp, and I believe said tarp does exist, Exhibit A,
I asked the great people of the state of New York,
and you judge, during these hot, hot, hot summers that are literally weeks away.
I'm talking 100, 105 degrees humidity.
Yes, yes.
And then before you know it, here comes winter.
Snow.
Big time snow.
Oh, yeah.
This thing, I would bet you within six months will no longer be, it will be a shadow of what you once thought it was.
It's going to be beat right up.
Why not just get rid of it?
They claim, according to the tarp company, that this is a weatherproof tarp.
There's a little snow icon on it and there's a heat icon on it.
They claim that this tarp is weather repellent.
Okay? This tarp is a great tarp. Why not just get rid of it, Josh? That's a good question. I could have gotten rid of it. I could have. But that's so much more involved than what I thought I was going to do, which was moving on to the terrace versus selling it, having somebody come or having somebody come. But let's be honest. Storage unit. With people of our celebrity, and right now I know people are turned off. I know they're feeling like we're elitist and we are. But we have real problems.
We do.
We're too famous to sell, Ben.
We're too.
You're going to have Joe Schmo off Facebook Marketplace come in and go like, oh,
yes.
Claudia, Baruch Hashem.
She's going to have a gun out.
You know your wife.
Yes.
She's going to be like, get this stranger out of my house.
So what do you do?
What do you do if you have an expensive piece?
Josh, this is an expensive bar.
You make your piece with the.
reality that with a little gorgeous Baruch Hashem Tatila running around and what will probably
be one or two more unless you move before then, you're going to have no place for this bar.
It's never coming back in the house.
It's never coming back in this house, that's for sure.
But it's a timeless, expensive enough piece that it would work really well in a future apartment.
All right.
All right.
I believe you.
I think it's going to get.
We didn't.
But you're going to pay this.
It's going to live on the terrace for the next one to three.
years. Yeah, it's a problem. It's a problem. It's a problem. And I immediately, the second I got it out
there, I'm like, fuck. Oh, I know. And for somebody to bring that thing back in and not die,
honestly, it'll stay with the apartment. We'll move. It'll just stay on the terrace. It's somebody
else's problem. Give your apart. Yeah, sell your apartment to Joey Kamasta. I'm selling a apartment
with nothing in it, but everything on the terrace. Okay? It's not furnished, but we're
Whatever's left on the terrace is yours.
Oh, perfect.
I love a terrorist moment.
I really almost died.
I don't think you understand.
It was horrifying.
It was fucking horrifying.
I believe you.
Did you almost die this weekend?
No, I did drive by a shooting, not a drive by shooting.
But I, um.
You drove by somebody who had already been shot?
Yeah, there's this beach on the way to my, the beach where I live called Doc
Weiler Beach, which is, there's just a lot of shenanigans.
That sounds like a place where you'd see.
you shooting.
Doc Wiler Beach?
There's a lot.
You're nuts.
Yeah, it sounds like my favorite rapper.
Like, you heard Doc Wiler's new EP?
Doc Wiler Beach.
I'm Doc Wiling.
But yeah, I saw, I was, I drove my kids, we went to the park because we love this park
in Marina Del Rey.
And then we're driving back.
It was like 7 o'clock at night.
And the thing about Doc Wiler is basically, which you never think about this, but
basically all beaches are closed at night.
Like at sundown, you really aren't.
and allowed on the beach. Sure. But this is a beach that allows for RVs and like bombfires,
like they have fire pits. And it's cool if you're down to maybe get shot. And but there's
always some shenanigans there, man. And yeah, as I was driving back, I saw that the entire
road was blocked off by police and that all the exit, I've never seen this, all the exits to
the parking lot, everyone was locked in by like cop cars. Like people were not allowed to
leave and I'm like, somebody got shot at Doc Waller.
I'm cracking over my head thinking like what happened.
Like, mad, give me your smores.
Yeah.
Totally.
Speaking of, and I open this up to you and the wonderful Olivia, are you familiar with the
phrase code switching?
Yes.
I'm not familiar.
Gen Z, Olivia, please expound on what this is code switching.
Code switching is when you are in a different environment and you change.
the way that you speak according to the environment or the people that you're around.
So like, for example, you would speak differently to your mother than you would,
your best friend.
Got it.
My, I don't think I've mentioned him on the podcast.
One of my best friends, his name is Matt.
I don't think you've met him.
Josh, he, we've been friends for, I don't know, 19 years.
The way that this guy code switches, he'll be having a conversation with me.
And then, like, he talks very normally, laughs.
He'll pick up the phone.
Hello.
I'm like, are you?
He gets like such a deep voice when he, whenever he's on the phone with some.
somebody that he doesn't know.
Hello.
Weird.
I mean, I do.
That's code switching, right?
Yeah, like I code switch when I'm ordering takeout just so they don't call me ma'am.
But, let me get the domain.
I was always, ma'am on takeout.
Always.
Maybe something changed recently.
I haven't gotten in a while, but like the first, I don't know, 30 years of life,
it was thank you so much for your order miss.
Me too.
Really?
Really?
Oh, yeah.
I'm ma'am all day.
But recently I did, I think I code switch and you guys can tell me whether or not I did.
I'm not sure.
But I was, so I'm in the sauna at the great equinoxes.
You know, I love.
And so we're all sitting in there.
And there's like these two tech pros in there.
And so we strike up a conversation.
And I'm like, oh, yeah.
You know, the thing with learn language models is that, you know, sometimes AI has hallucinations and it can be illusory.
So if it doesn't know the answer, it will sort of create an answer that isn't actually factual.
so that, because it wants to come up with any answer, right?
We're talking.
This is what the conversation is.
And so then the tech bros leave.
And I'm left there with this like, I would say late 40s, early 50s, Latin man in full tattoos.
And so he looks at him and he goes, how you doing?
And I look at him and go, I can't call it OG.
And I think I code switched.
You said to him, I can't call it OG.
What?
That is unbelievable.
I can't call it, Oji.
Oh my God, you code switch.
That's the funniest thing I've ever heard.
Oh, my God.
It would have been much better if one of the tech bros stayed in
until they could have seen it and looked at you and called you.
Like, what are you talking about?
I realized it because the look on this man's face.
it wasn't negative.
Like, I felt like he had a deep appreciation for like,
like, I could have been like, I can't call it, unc.
Like, you know, but like I gave, like, OG,
like that is a sign of respect.
For sure.
And he knew.
I mean, he was, you know.
I can't call it Big Ben.
Joshy Gangs, the OG.
I just love showing respect.
My wife always calls me on that.
She's like, stop it.
But it's funny.
Claudia kind of does that too.
I've told this story.
She loves calling people by their nicknames when she's not friends with that.
Oh, I love that.
And I think it's so weird.
She'll be like, yeah, you know CJ?
I'm like, I don't mean CJ.
You don't know him.
Like, you can't call him CJ.
Totally.
Like how I call Mr. Beast Jimmy.
Yeah, that's pretty cool.
I know.
I know.
What's his real name?
Jonathan?
No, his name's Jimmy.
Jimmy's not a full name.
Jim?
James.
James, that's it.
All right.
Jimmy.
Don't shoot, Doc Wiler, OG.
Don't shoot.
I find, like, it's such an endearing thing, and I'm willing to be called out on my code switching.
Like, whenever I meet someone who, like, speaks another language, I immediately, like, try, like, if I see someone, like, if I see someone,
like if I especially growing up in LA right like if I meet someone from Israel
Manishma comicera like you know what I'm saying it's just fun if I see
someone someone who's you know from Iran like Salam mercy you know it's just
fun it's cool if I see a Latin person you know I can't call it O G command
compa companion like it's fun it's fun to throw around a little bit of another
language. I completely agree.
Yes.
Merci.
Merci.
Thank you for my baguette.
Merci, Bacou.
No, but in Persian, too,
it's mercy.
It is?
Merci.
Interesting.
In Farsi.
I love it. Wow.
Listen, dog.
You know me.
I love like MMA.
I love you.
I see when I meet someone from Brazil and I go,
Bon die.
They go, what the fuck?
I go, I know Portuguese.
And then they speak to me in Portuguese
and I'm like, I got nothing.
No, it's nice to have.
have you have a couple of words and it's more than enough to be endearing.
I completely support this.
Thank you, man.
There's nothing wrong with it.
Nothing wrong with it.
It's a good name for a show, code switchers.
It is for sure.
I think it's super offensive, but.
It is.
You put somebody like undercover.
It's like punked but not funny.
It's just like a white guy like doing incredibly.
racist things trying to convince other races that he is of their race.
It's so good.
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Do you find that will you act a certain way sometimes and Claudia might look at you?
Like if you're in a situation with someone or in an environment where Claudia will look at you and be like,
who are you?
Like, and I want to be like, I am this, just not around you.
For sure.
For sure.
This is me.
This is me.
But she like, she like, she's become accustomed to it.
Like, I use the word brother a lot.
Everyone is my brother.
Like, for sure.
I'm like, yeah, what's up, brother?
And she like, in the beginning, she was like brother.
And like, she's like, oh, yeah, homie brother dog.
Good to see you.
Homey Brother dog.
Like she would like rip me for it.
But now she just knows.
was like, this is me.
Like, I'm a big, not bro.
Like, hey, bro.
Honestly, bro, I consider too curt.
Like, if you say, hey, bro, it's not enough.
That's right.
I need brother.
How are you, brother?
It's great to see you, brother.
And that's my thing.
That's not around her.
Our wives have, and Olivia, feel free to jump in here.
Like, I want to be like, Paige, you think you're the only one getting icked out here?
Like, I know I give you the ick constantly.
I'm like, hun, I guess.
I get it plenty.
I get plenty from you.
I need an example.
Whenever she gets excited around other girls or like is trying to be like overly friendly with other girls like, oh my God, so cute.
I'm like, that's funny.
You know?
Yes.
I do.
I do.
I absolutely do.
You give an example so I'm not the only one in trouble.
I'm trying to think.
I'm trying to think.
Olivia, you know, does Ethan ever give you the egg?
I'm sure not.
I know Ethan's perfect.
He's perfect.
He's beautiful.
He's everything.
But he does sometimes, like, when his hair gets too long, he puts it, like, if he's
going to the gym or something, he'll just, like, throw it back as best he can.
And I hope he doesn't listen to this.
But sometimes, like, I just talked him into getting a headband before he gets his haircut.
Because, like, I can't handle this little half-up, half-down situation for much longer.
And it's temporary.
Like, whenever he's got.
it in, but I can't handle it.
I can't handle it.
Totally.
She never gives me the ick, but she does ask me to do outrageous things, and she does
outrageous things.
Like, I've spoken with this before.
I guess this is an ick.
She's a sweeper.
And what that means is I will come home and everything I love will be in the trash.
Like, she just, she'll, and pregnancy has made her the sweepers worst, like this, the, the, the final
boss of sweepers.
Right.
Like, like, she just.
Just anything that she sees that she no longer connects with, gone, Josh, gone.
Wow.
I guess that's an ick, like coming home and just like all of my socks are gone.
Like, I liked them.
What, they were like a little bit dirty.
I liked them.
They were cozy.
They were finally soft.
I know.
That doesn't really count, but I get it.
Okay.
I have nothing out.
I have nothing.
Way to go.
Way to leave me out here all alone, Ben.
I mean, my wife has no ick.
Yeah, cool.
Anyway, should we get to some stories because there's a new Pope, baby?
Yeah, there is.
And he's from Villanova and he's fucking rad.
And he's also from Chicago.
And he is going to convert me to Christianity.
Only if the Knicks win the championship.
Definitely.
He's like Peter Progressive over there and I like it.
I love it.
There is something weird about an American Pope.
Like, I can't explain it.
Like, the Pope feels very biblical, even though they're all just like,
it's kind of like when you found out the Picasso.
like lived in the 1970s, at least in my head,
like Picasso's like 1600s.
It's like the Pope, really?
Like the Pope was born like around the same time as my dad.
That's the Pope.
Yeah, I mean, how old is your dad?
My dad is 65.
He's four years older than your dad.
Crazy.
My dad could have been the Pope.
Would have been a kick-ass.
Imagine that.
Can you imagine that if my dad was the Pope?
The white smoke would just come out of his skin.
kitchen.
He's just like burning a steak.
They're like Bruce,
Papus Bruce, what do you pick for your pope name?
And he goes, I'm not going to miss an opportunity for branding.
I'm going to be Pope Bruce Sofer Catering LLC.
Some people have to say it every time.
That's funny.
What is, okay, so what is this guy's real name?
It provost, but it's Pope Leo, but that,
Prevost is his last name.
And you just make it up.
Like, do you fully make it up?
Like, I don't know if we've spoken to this, but like in college, this is a very, like,
everybody has this exact same experience.
You sit down the first day of any class and you have some of the Asian students that
came in.
They are not from this country.
Let's say Chinese.
And they read their given name and they will immediately say, no, please just call me Chris.
And I've asked them before.
I'm like, how do you, where does that come from?
Jason, Chris, Stephanie.
They're like, we just pick these names based on characters that we loved in movies.
You think that's the same with the Pope?
Well, I mean, what I will say specifically about that, it was funny.
There is a comedian who does a bit about this, so I want to honor them.
I just forget their name.
But I was talking.
This is not my bid, is what I'm saying.
I was at the doctor the other day for my horrible TMJ that our audience seems to not be able
to help me with.
Please, my DMs are open.
I will take any TMJ suggestions.
and I go to the doctor, my lovely just, you know, primary care.
And she goes, I'm going to give you a, you know, physical therapy wreck.
And she's like, and also we have like UCLA has like an East West type center with acupuncture and whatnot.
She's like there's actually this amazing doctor who does practices Chinese medicine.
And she's like, their name is a bit hard to pronounce.
But they're fabulous.
And I said, isn't it amazing?
And this is the bit of like these.
people who like immigrate to this country do such incredible things like work so darn hard or so
massively educated all to be called Barry. Yeah. Yeah. Like literally. Yes. It's like, like I want to be like,
no, no, no, what is your full, like, let me do the work. Let me honor you by doing a little bit of work to
learn how to properly say your name. You are also absolutely not stealing a bit from any comic. This is
ubiquitous. Right. With anybody that went to undergrad anywhere. Like this happens. If you went to a school
that had other people in it that aren't just you,
then you 100% have experienced a very, very long Chinese name being cut to Stephanie.
It's not cool.
No, but it's their choice.
It's their choice.
They don't come in and say, call me by my name.
They want to be called Stephanie because they want to fit in, Josh.
But do you think it's that or they probably don't want to be,
there's probably that.
There's also a desire of like, how many times can you correct someone?
Like, if you have a weird spelling and you like get your latte,
from Starbucks, how many times you're going to be like, actually like it's, you know,
it's Katie with a with a C.
You know what I mean?
Yes.
I also love just like how scared both of us are to try to say one Chinese name.
We won't.
We won't do it.
Yeah.
I'm trying to think of if I, yeah, all my friend, like my, one of my close friends who's
Chinese is Jeremy.
Like, and I don't, I think that's just his name.
He could just be Jeremy.
Yeah.
If he's born here, he could just be.
Jeremy. So true. But maybe not. Maybe he's some name that I won't try and say. My friend Len, who is an
immigrant from Moldova, which is formerly the Soviet Union, but it was, you know, the wonderful
Moldavian people, he always told me that when he moved here when he was five, much like they
did this at Ellis Island, but his name is Ljonia or Leonid, which is a Russian name. It's sick
name. But when he got here, they offered to anglo-size his name. And they, they were to anglo-size his name.
They gave him options and it was like Leo and Liam like just all in the L family.
And he just kind of picked Len, which I think is sick.
Len's a great name.
Great name.
Sick name.
So I think it's like that.
I don't know if it's random.
I just think they kind of like give you things that are close to it.
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Is Lennon the Mafia,
or is his family mafia,
adjacent. Like Russian mob? Yeah. Well, we're Jews too. You know what I'm saying? So it's like,
no, we're, we're, by the way, Jews are we're mobsters. We don't talk about that enough.
We were fucking mobsters. Claudia and I are deep in season one of the Sopranos, which we are
loving. Hesh. Loving Hesh. Legend. I want to spin off just about Hesh. So this is
your first time watching The Sopranos? Correct. Say more.
Okay. So you've seen the Sopranos. I know you've seen, you've seen nothing.
You've seen it beginning to end.
I've seen beginning to end every episode, three or four times.
I don't know what it was about the Sopranos. We've tried to start it a bunch over the years.
And three, the first three times, we like stopped in the middle of the pilot.
And I don't know why. We just didn't like it.
And now we're on like episode 13 or whatever of season one.
And we are just, I'm obsessed. I love it. I love it. I love it. I keep calling her pussy.
I guess I think it's a big pussy.
I'm like, yeah, big pussy.
For those that don't know, that's a character, okay?
I'm not being mean to my wife.
That's a character.
But I'm loving it.
I'm a little bit confused.
I wish that Tony Soprano wasn't cheating with hookers.
There's something about that that feels off.
He's such like a family man that like also would like murder someone.
But I just feel like the cheating takes him into like another orbit where I don't
understand Tony Soprano, if that makes sense.
But right now, Uncle June is still the head.
It seems like Tony's going to kill Uncle June at some point because Uncle June is trying
to kill Tony.
But, yeah, I don't know anything.
There were no spoilers for me.
And it's just a great show.
Hearing you theorize about it 20 years later is like hearing someone go, so I'm watching
Star Wars.
I think, I think Vader is Luke's dad.
And how amazing is it?
I like, there are people that would spoil these things for themselves.
I have no interest in spoiling anything for myself.
I will read nothing.
I will hear nothing.
I don't know anything.
I literally am coming into a completely clean.
And it is a wonderful show.
Wonderful show.
It's beyond.
You have to understand too, right?
Like you're watching it now, 25 years later,
in an environment where we've had Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Last of Us,
like some of the great television of the last like two decades.
And you're appreciating it already.
It's like one of the greatest shows, right?
25 years later.
Right. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. And Josh, last night for Mother's Day, I took my mom to Carbone and let me tell you, I thought that I was sitting at Artie Bucco's. It was, it's literally the way that he captured the mobster energy. I thought, I was like, I'm Tony Soprano. This is Artie Bucco. And I'm here eating my gorgeous spicy rigatoni.
But imagine how the, so you're, it withstands the test of time 25 years later. Imagine how the world stops.
when it came on in 2000 or whenever it came on.
I can't even imagine.
Also, that kid, I forget his son's name.
AJ.
That's my son.
This is a gorgeous, chubby, happy.
At least now, this is a good boy.
Love him.
He should have been cast in the, he looks like he should be cast in the sandlot or heavyweights.
Did you know that Jamie Lynn Sigler, a Jew, Meadow, Jewish.
Yes.
And by the way, ravishing, like a beautiful, God, she has.
is just matured. So she's a mother and I don't want to say anything out of turning her, but she's
a lovely looking person. She is. She's especially in Entourage, which is where I knew her from
Entourage before I knew her as Meadow Soprano, which is hilarious. They would always say,
oh, Meadow Soprano. I'm like, oh, yeah, sure, whatever. Yeah, Jamie Lynn Siegler is amazing.
Fun fact, if you squint really, really, really, really close. I am a background actor in the
pilot of the Sopranos at A. You're not. Yeah. Shut up. Yeah, dude. I was on
set for the pilot. What? I was like, what is this show about a choir? No, I'm not. Now I have to go watch
the pilot again. You can't, you can, you probably can't even see me. Like, I think you see like my
shoulder. You were in the Sopranos. Yeah, dude, I was there like with Polly Walnuts eating lunch.
Just like, why didn't they give you a bigger role? Why weren't you Tony's son? I know. I was like 10.
I was like, I guess it was nine or two. That would have been great. Imagine you as, you could have been
Hesha, son. It would have been great, but I will say, other than Edie Falco, I guess, I mean,
it is such a generation defining show. It's really hard to see any of those people outside of that show,
right? Oh, of course. No, they were made for that show. They were made for that show. I don't know.
Did James Gandalfini do anything else before he died? Yes. Yes. I don't know. I don't know.
Yeah. I have no idea. But Gandalfini had a huge career before.
Yeah. Gandalfini was like the dude. And he was so good after.
that as well and he was on Broadway and I told you my Gandalfini's story.
I think you did. You can tell it again. Nah. Yeah, man. He was the dude. And then, okay, so you're
enjoying this. How do we get on to this? The Pope? What I will say is, you were going to read a
story about the Pope and then I immediately interrupted you and you never read it.
Well, I will say this too, to your point, like he's like them sleeping with their gumars.
Like every man on that show cheats on their wife and has a gumar for every.
every season. I'm not ruining anything for you, but it ain't just hookers. It's Gumars nonstop
for the entire show. And like that is, that's a fascinating thing too. And I know I'm spoiling
this, but I don't care. And I think great shows do this. And if you look at the parallels between
Breaking Bad and Sopranos. From episode one, they go, this person is despicable. Walter White
kills those fools that are trying to hold up his RV. Like, he locks him in there and basically
He poisons them in episode one.
So basically what it's telling you from episode one is on the grand scheme of things,
this guy is going to have to die.
But what a ride this is going to be for the next eight seasons.
Totally.
And that's great writing, right?
It's taking a villain and making you love them.
So Tony, you're telling me Tony dies?
No, no.
No, he doesn't die.
You know he doesn't die because no one knows what happens to him.
But you know there's a version of like, that's the urban lore, is that he's got to die.
You never know what happens to them.
I would never ruin it.
I understand.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
No.
It's an amazing show, amazing writing.
I'm loving it.
And it's literally in my backyard.
It's like, it takes place a half hour from New York City.
Half hour.
It's where my family's from.
Short Hills.
Caldwell.
Caldwell.
West Orange.
There's some,
and some Montclair and that part of Jersey.
It's so interesting.
It's also so Jewish.
Like, those areas are so Jewish,
but they were also so Italian.
mobstery, but I guess they were also Jewish mobstery coming back to Hirsch.
You've never, have you ever seen the movie Bugsy?
No.
Oh my God.
You know about the great Jewish gangsters?
I do.
I do.
Yes.
Yes.
And I have to watch it.
So that's about, that's about Jewish gangsters.
It's about Bugsy Siegel who started Vegas.
Okay.
All right.
So I'm going to watch Bugsy because I love that shit.
I love it.
And we need to tell more Jewish mob stories, but clearly I just haven't seen them and they've told
them Bugsy.
I love it.
I don't know.
I'm sure that you picked up.
on this, Josh, obviously in the first season of the Sopranos, they, they talk a lot.
They talk terribly about everybody, but they do talk terribly about the Jews.
And I love the way that they do it.
It was clearly, it's like, they're also like pro-Jewish while using slurs.
I can't explain it.
It's the perfect, just like middle ground where it's not offensive.
It's exciting.
You know what I mean?
Like, yeah, it's like when Pates calls me a hook nose in bed.
Oh, I was thinking about that too because Pige and I, and by that I mean just me, like the name Meyer for a kid.
Love, love.
Meyer Lansky?
Meyer Lansky, great Jewish mobster.
And so I was thinking about the fact that if, in fact, we have a third boy, we really missed out on the great three Jewish gangsters were Bugsy Siegel, Mickey Cohen, and Meyer Lansky.
Can you imagine having three fucking boys
named Mugsy
Mier and Mickey
That's ill
Sick
Sick
You give them the middle names
Bugsy Siegel Peck
Myer Lansky Peck
So good
And like they're mathletes
They're fucking nerds
So good
They're in this like
And now
Meyer Lansky Peck
In the sound of music
Go
No
Fucking nerds
Fucking nerds.
And now I'm being called up to the Bima, Mickey Cohen, Peck.
Well, the Pope, what's exciting about the Pope is that what's great to know about the
Pope is that last thing on the Sopranos, literally after, I don't know, the first couple episodes,
the next time I was out walking around, I had to just pick up like two grand in cash.
So I now just have two grand and cash in my pocket.
Just in case you never know.
You never know, Josh.
You never know who you're going to need to pay.
I'm cutting that out, bro, because everyone knows you're a fucking mark.
Like, they're going to see you on the Upper East Side.
I have no money.
I have no money.
They know you're not going to put up a fight.
I know you're right.
I'm a mark.
Shit, I have to toughen up.
Yeah.
Do you know that I used to wear a pinky ring?
Love that.
I should bring it back.
Olivia should eat?
Would that help toughen me up?
I don't know.
about that.
I don't know about that.
She's like, Ben, nothing in the world could possibly toughen you up.
That's an interesting one.
The thing about the Pope, though, is that it's amazing to see that you can eventually
one day become Pope and still have a loser brother.
Like, this is not good for the Pope.
Like, his brother is a liability.
Yeah, he's Chaddy McChatterstein.
Oh.
I saw something.
He's like, I can, I can attach.
that the Pope was never, ever a Chicago Cubs fan ever.
I don't know where that came from.
He's a diehard White Sox fan.
Maybe Mom was a Cubs fan, but he's a diehard White Sox fan.
It's like, can the Pope live for a minute?
Dude, the Pope needs to distance.
I'm talking some, like, can you, that's funny, right?
Like, what would be funny would be if it turned out Jesus had a brother that they kept out of the New Testament, right?
Yeah.
Because they were like, Artie, his brother was just like.
around Bethlehem talking all that shit.
Shut up,
a liability.
He's like Jackson Mahomes.
A liability.
The Jackson Mahomes of Bethlehem.
That's what he is.
That's what he is.
Like just shut it and let your brother be cool.
Yes.
Like stop it.
Stop dancing on TikTok popes, brother.
Yes.
Just relish in it.
Should we get to one speak pipe before we go?
Yes.
All right, if you want to leave us a message, get advice from us.
Don't give us here, what do you nuts is?
We don't like them.
Go to speakpipe.com slash good guys.
And here's one from somebody good.
I need to get an intern.
This one's from Anonymous.
Hey, good guys.
I don't know if this has already been talked about on the pod.
And if it already has, maybe it should be brought up again if Ben is still doing this.
what are you nuts for, you know, just taking out your contacts everywhere and leaving them all over the apartment?
My husband does those too.
And I'm constantly stepping on them, finding them in the kitchen, finding them on our baby.
I also wear daily contacts and I simply throw them in the trash before I go to bed and put on my glasses.
What is so hard about that routine?
What am I not understanding why you guys do this?
Thanks. Love you guys.
Okay. First and foremost, we have to talk about the fact that you found contacts in your
baby. Choking hazard, okay? I don't like that at all. I don't know if you've noticed in the last
couple of episodes. If you're only listening on audio, throw it on YouTube as well. You know,
you could just have them both playing at the same time, double the views. I've been wearing
glasses. I've been wearing glasses a lot. My eyes, I think it might be just like seasonal allergies.
They've been getting very dry, so the contacts have been bothering me. But yes, when I would wear my
contacts, I would get in bed after a long day. I'd remember, oh, my contacts are still in, pluck them out,
pluck them out, put them on my nightstand. Is that,
appropriate? No. I should 100% remember when I brush my teeth, wash my face, take them out, put
them in, get in bed. I'm only human. What do you want from me? That said, your husband,
leaving his contacts on your baby? This is a different problem. I don't even, I don't even understand
how that can possibly happen. How can the contact, how can use context land on a baby, Josh? I'll let you
put them there. But don't you have yours all like rigamaralling around the apartment? Doesn't
Claudia get upset with you? And then you have your child and they're crawling. And
they're exploring and then all of a sudden, you know, there's a near-sighted contact on their eyelash.
Okay, it's possible.
I know.
So you're saying I'm him.
You're saying I'm listening to this and I'm judging this man when this man is really me.
And really, I should be judging myself.
It's like in the Sopranos when Tony thinks that he sees the Italian dental student.
He thinks he sees her when she doesn't exist.
It is purely his subconscious.
Yes.
Okay.
Sure.
to our Woody You Nuts?
Yeah.
Our Woody Nuts moment of the week are our gripes with people, places, and things both big and small, whatever, sticking in your craw.
Mine is holiday posts on social media.
It becomes a soup of all the same crap.
And yeah, we get it.
We know it.
Christmas is Christmas.
We assume you're with your family.
I don't need it.
I don't need it at all.
I get it.
You're at Coachella.
You have a mother.
It's Christmas.
New Year's.
Oh, champagne.
What are you nuts?
Who cares?
I would generally agree.
What I will say, though, is that if you have a mother like me who, if you don't post for her,
she's deeply offended, that's why I post.
But like Paige and I don't like, Paige started this in the last year or two where she doesn't
post for me on Father's Day.
So I said, I'm not going to post for you on Mother's Day then.
And I prefer it.
My What Eanuts, Josh is also Mother's Day related.
We went on a booze cruise cruise.
on the Hudson. What are you nuts? This was, this was Josh. This was such a mistake.
Yeah. I said, I let my sister take the reins. I took dinner. We had a gorgeous dinner at
Carbone. This was a plus back room, beautiful table. My parents had never been. The first time
that you're at Carbone, it's like you're meeting Jesus himself. Unbelievable. The booze cruise before,
Josh. Oh my God. This boat, I thought we were going to die. It was like a 200-year-old boat. So
dirty, so disgusting. Unlimited mimosis. I went to take one sip. I had so much acid in my throat.
One sip. I don't know where this orange juice came from the most acidic orange juice in the whole
world. They only served, Josh, shrimp in mashed potatoes. So much bacon, just like a whole. I have
no idea where we were, Josh. I have no idea where we were. Couple that with the Hudson.
No booze cruises in New York. Do that when you're somewhere beautiful. The New York waters are not
beautiful. This is a Woodya Nuts. So good. Insane. I'm going to send you pictures. I couldn't post
them. That's crazy. But I'll send you these pictures. Come have shrimp and bacon on the circle line.
Yes. It was called, I forget the name of it. I'm going to send you a video of my parents
dancing to ludicrous. You have no idea. My mom, my mom, I look to my right. My mom is alone
dancing with six women she's never met. God, but we, she's such a good time, Ava. She's a queen.
Folks, you know what else is a queen? You for giving this five stars. Otherwise, what are you nuts?
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