Good Guys - Ben Is 35 and Has Never Had a Pimple

Episode Date: October 5, 2026

Mazel Morons! Welcome back to another episode of Good Guys. On today’s episode, we discuss the idea of living the dream and gratitude, buying our wives boutique clothing, shopping at H Mart, and Ben’s Jewish dad’s basketball league.  Then, Josh’s cruise with Good Morning America’s Sam Champion, Ben’s first pimple, and tipping culture. What are ya nuts?! Love ya! Write us! Send your messages to [e-mail]  Follow us on Instagram and TikTok!  Sponsors: Nutrafol — Get $10 off your first month's subscription plus free shipping when you visit nutrafol.com and enter promo code GOODGUYS10. Little Spoon — Give them meals + snacks that are actually right for where kids are developmentally—balanced, intentional and made to support real growth. Go to littlespoon.com/GOODGUYS and enter code GOODGUYS for 30% off your first order. Wayfair — Join Wayfair Rewards today to get five percent back on every purchase. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. Granola — You can try it totally free. Head to granola.ai/goodguys. Whatnot — Download Whatnot today and get $20 off your first purchase. Search Whatnot in the app store, sign up, and start finding the best deals on the products you love. Terms apply. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Produced by Dear Media. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following podcast is a dear media production. Two Jews, both big and tall, no subject, too small for the good guys. A mother's dream, premium podcast team, make it your weekly routine, it's a good guys. And if you don't give us five stars, what are you nuts? What are you nuts? Yeah, we're the good guys. They're not the great guys. We're just so good a good guy.

back to the good guys podcast ben you know what i realized i'm living the dream it's just not my dream but it's someone's dream someone who could is better at settling it's your dream too i'm just thinking that i was like i'm definitely living someone's dream i just have bigger dreams i think i forget i think i i probably saw in a tic-tock i was going to say i read it somewhere But it's like, if you asked the 10-year-old version of you what they wanted, I think they'd be pretty happy. Do I have a dad? Yeah, okay.

That's a gripe. No, no, no. I feel that. That's a gripe. I am, you know, I was so moved. That's a bone to pick. I know that you'll feel the same way and I'd love to hear your thoughts. I was so moved and not like we need any more reason to love the great Miss Pat who,

Pam, her PR person, the great Pam, we love you, and we are dying for Miss Pat to come back. I see her everywhere, but not on good guys. We love this queen. She is our greatest treasure. She said something so beautiful, it really moved me. And we know where Miss Pat came from and all the challenges she overcame. And now she is a TV and comedy dynamo and is crushing it and so successful. And she was on a podcast and she was kind of welling up.

And she said, you know, these are happy tears. She's like, because I'm happy, you know, I'm okay. And she said, I told God, I said, if you got another blessing, give it to someone else. Because I'm okay. I have enough. And I was like, do I feel that? Like, I'm so blessed. You know, I'm so lucky.

Yeah. Yeah. No, that's beautiful. It was, it's very, I think we spoke about it in our. our Yonki Poor episode a couple of weeks ago. But like, what do I want more of the same? Yeah. Like, I really do.

I really do. Like, I want for nothing. When you want for things, you just like, just be grateful. I, uh, look in. I don't want to turn into a preacher, but I just like know that there's something that somebody, everybody that's listening to this podcast, I know that there's something that they should be grateful for. I know it.

I'm not saying that everybody's life is perfect. I'm not saying that we're not unbelievably privileged. I'm not saying that me myself is not unbelievably privileged. I do think, though, that everybody has something to be grateful for, and if they want to choose the things that maybe are worse in their life, I'm Mel Robbins, Josh. You're not a preacher. You're a rabbi, okay?

I'm Mel. And I'm your hype man. Like, you would do your little soliloquy, and I'd be behind you going, I'll be going, Wechheim, Bolich, B'H B'H,

let's go. I mean, you, you know me like few know me. I am a very grateful person. You are? I'm very grateful. I don't just say this shit. I mean it.

And I think it leads to happier life. You are. And in the same respect, you will be like, and yeah, I've got a fucking Hermes bag, bitch, that's why I love you. You're a dichotomy. You're grateful and you're

also like, I'm also grateful for the things I deserve like a, you know, like a calf skin, you know, I don't know underwear. I don't know. My wife wants it. I'm going to find a way to fucking get it for her. Okay. That's called being a man. Yeah. That's called being a man. I wish my wife wanted more

just like down, like I just wish my wife was like just had a little long island in her. Just so, you know, she wants these things. They're so bespoke. There's such one-offs. Page, please. Can't you just want Louis Vuitton? Can't I just get you a nice coach bag?

You can just take it? No, I'm kidding. Is she a boutique shopper? Does she like a boutique? She loves, you know, she, okay. Her Holy Grail is the Roe. She loves, you know, Mary Kate and Ashley Olson, and their couture fashion line, you know,

where one garment could be $3,000. But it's stunning, and it's something you will have for your entire life. Sure. So she loves the real- Until your dry cleaner loses it, but sure. Totally, or until you sweat into your $1,200, don't think of on a jacket. I love when a salesman's like,

but you'll have it forever. No, I won't. Right. I'm going to forget that I own this in a year. Maybe. I'll forget me. I'll forget that I own this tomorrow. Okay, I'm buying the sweatshirt for tonight.

We live for the night. And then after that, who knows? I was literally looking at the Gucci Graveyard. I was really sick. I was really sick. I have anybody want a Gucci sweatshirt? No problem. I'll send one, whoever, one fat fatty that wants a double XL Gucci sweatshirt.

You send me a DM. It's yours. Okay? It's yours. You're going to get a DM. The graveyard. Well, look, there are timeless pieces by these. high-end couture places and then there are the most garish.

I'm a Russian oligarch who's here staying at the Aria Hotel. And I'm here to eat. I want to have Smith and Valensky. That's all I've ever bought in, by the way. Whatever he's buying, that's all I've ever bought. Yeah. Like if you bought a cross-body bag that was $1,400 from Gucci, you might regret it. But like there are things.

If you buy a pair of Gucci, you might regret it. loafers, you'll probably have them forever if you get classic beautiful loafers that are so comfortable. But it depends on how, uh, how heavy you, you, how heavy your feet are. Josh. It depends. If you are, uh, what they designed it for, maybe five eight, one hundred and sixty five pounds and you're wearing your driver, for sure, you'll have them forever.

If you are 250, six one, squeezing your fat, fat, foot into a leather loafer? He got a year. Yeah, you might have to go to the Tom's outlet. You should go to the Tom's outlet. Todd's. Todd's. Tods. Tods. The Tom's outlet.

The Tons outlet is just are free. Literally, they're free. Yeah. These are the models that the kids have, or you said, no, we don't want them. They just give you plastic bottles. So, like, tape these to your feet. That'll be a dollar. Yeah, there are times, like my wife, when we were in New York for our unbelievable live

podcast in May, there was, there has been a bag that my wife has wanted from Eve St. Laurent for five years, six years. And it was pricey, but it wasn't like prohibitively. It wasn't something that it wasn't over $5,000, right, even though anything that's over, you know, a couple hundred dollars for a bag is of course in extravagance. It goes without saying, leave me alone. But she had wanted this thing for years, so much so that she couldn't, and she searched for it, she couldn't find it. She also wasn't comfortable with how much it costs. And so she made one. She literally bought the fabric, studied how it was constructed. She's obviously gone to fashion school, and she made a pretty good dupe. Some call it bootlegging. Pages on Canal Street. But we were in New York.

We went to Eve St. Laurent right by 57th Street and we walk in and there was this incredible salesperson and she just mentioned offhandedly, she said, there's no way you have this, right? And he had it. And it was one. And it was like the only one. It was like really meant to be. And I was like you must. You must. My mom is very like she's an artist. Before I was born, she was a painter. She's insane paintings. Went to FIT trained artists. she makes everything, like jean jackets, bags, you name it. You can't shop for this woman. As a result, it's impossible. When you are that creative, it is, I feel for you. It's very, very difficult, very hard. My mom recently has become a little bit of a label snob, so it's become easier.

But she used to not be. And so you'd get her something with a Louis Vuitton. and it's not cool enough for her. It doesn't have a butterfly on it or it doesn't have like, they like these like creative things. I don't know, these creative things. It makes it much harder to shop for.

Oh, so true. Much harder, much harder. It's so true. So just give Paige a gift card to What Not. Have her go on. She can find something fantastic on What Not. What is that like Mr. Porter? Is that like the real real?

What Not is a fantastic sponsor of ours. And let me tell you, Josh. This is a place. You go on there. You can find anything you want. It is live shopping from, sellers that are creating anything. Like, I'm sure that there's somebody making gorgeous handbags.

There's literally a guy on there, Josh, who got an entire bluefin tuna filleted and is selling the Toro live, sending it to your house. No. Yeah. Pockegon cards, whatever you want, whatnot. It's, I think Patriot actually really like it. Ooh, I love that. This episode of The Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Nutraful.

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Dot com slash Good Guys with code Good Guys. That's Little Spoon, L-I-T-L-T-L-L-E-S-P-O-O-N. dot com slash Good Guys with code Good Guys for 30% off your first order. Can we do a best bite of the week? Oh, please. What do you got? So yesterday, and I do this sometimes because I just start craving these things. So in Venice, we have a place called Mitsua.

It's a Japanese market, and they have a Japanese food court that is connected to it, with a ramen place, an udon place, a tempura place, and like a Katsu place. So here's when I go. I'm crazy. So I go into the supermarket first, and I buy a beautiful bed of uni. right because I start craving the SUNY but I don't like you know there's such a markup but you can get it on the little wood box you're getting maybe what would be about eight pieces of suit of uni sushi worth 20 20 20 bucks okay wow 20 bucks for the straight udon it's a steel ooni so I get the uni and then what I do is I get some spicy pollock row this is a high-end fish pollock you heard of this pauling Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to think.

Okay, spicy pollock row. It's like super small caviar beads. But it's like the salmon caviar, but it's smaller. And it's got like a bite to it. It's so good. Then I go and I go get a nice from the food court. I get a nice bowl of rice with they have a little bit of salmon on there and some salmon row on there. I throw the uni on top.

And then I throw a little bit of the spicy poke row. I mean, I know this is not for everyone, but for a palate like yours, you can appreciate this, no? This is for everyone, by the way. If you haven't been to a Japanese grocery store, you are missing out. In the city, most popular one is H-Mart. Oh, I love H-Mart. The fish is so fresh, so good, and to what you just said, so affordable. Like, you think you're going out for sushi.

It's going to be a million dollars. Yeah, that's because they're marking it up. These Japanese grocery stores, I don't know if they're not making money or if they're just getting it at such bulk that they can try. The prices are fantastic. And the fish, delicious, delicious fish. And you can walk out of there with a kupi mayo too, maybe a little bit of, what's that delicious song? Ponsu. Where else can you buy ponsu, Josh?

You can't. Now where. They have sweet soy sauce. They have dark soy sauce. They have eel sauce. Josh, I like that you brought this up. I have a bone to pick with dark soy sauce. Okay.

It's too dark. It's too much. I don't know if you've ever, I think the, I think the problem is I've only ever had dark soy sauce by accident. Okay. I thought I was buying regular soy sauce and I bought dark. And all of a sudden, the stir fry that you're making is black. Like, it literally, it turns the chicken black. Got it.

But it has such a deep haunting flavor. You know, it's like that movie obsession. Yes. If you're seeking it out, maybe it's better. Maybe it's better. But if you're not looking for it and it comes and smacks you in the face, no good. Yeah. No good.

I'm trying to think my best bite of the week. Oh, buta-bada-ba-ba-ba-what have I eaten this week. That was really, really, really, really delicious. Tuna at the turn. Anything, any, anything. Really. Really freaking good. What was delicious this week?

Anything from a Lawa, from a gas station, from a sheets, perhaps. That was awesome. I, this is going to be so lame. So lame. I did have the best watermelon of my life last night. I did. From Florida? Yes, Publix.

Yeah, of course. Pre-cut. And by the way, normally I wouldn't go pre-cut fruit. I think it's lazy. and it's typically less fresh. Sure. But look, I went and I bought this watermelon. This is the best watermelon I've ever had.

You know when you get a watermelon that is perfectly crunchy, there's none of that mush, deliciously sweet. This was probably not my best bite of the week. I get it, though. But it was really, really good, really good watermelon. And I ate it after I did my Jewish 40s Monday night basketball game. Josh, this was hydrating. This was hydrating.

How is this Jewish basketball game going? So this is my first game back since before the summer. I'm in great, the good news, great physical shape. We know. I'm running up and down. I'm playing defense. I'm getting rebounds. I'm playing well.

I shot a little bit too much for a guy that's a little bit rusty. Okay. I felt, I got home, I said to Claude. This wasn't my night. This wasn't my night. Sure. Probably went over the course of six games five for 30. Okay.

I took a lot of shots, a lot of shots, and they just weren't falling. They weren't bad shots. Some were bad. Some were a little bit too deep. You know, honestly, you'd pull up on the court, I sound like chat, and you'd watch and you'd say, Ben, those are too deep. Who do you think you are? Steph Curry?

And the answer is, yes. Sometimes I just get a little ahead of myself. but the league in general, it makes me feel like I'm 16 years old. Like, I think that's the other thing with just like an active lifestyle here. Like 34 to 45-year-old fathers at 8 o'clock at night are playing basketball outside. Like, that's fun. And that just doesn't happen. At least in New York, it doesn't happen.

I don't know if it happens in L.A., but it doesn't happen. Like there's no There's no communal, healthy outdoor activity. In New York, it would be like, let's go to a bar. And it's like,

I don't want to fucking go to a bar with you, bro. What am I going to a bar for? I don't want to do that. I want to play basketball. I want to, like, it's, for me,

it's so fun. Isn't it amazing how we reward ourselves with things that hurt us? Like a cheap day, like a smoke, a drug, a drink. Like, leave us in a deficit.

And we're like, I deserve to hurt. That's what we're really saying. Yeah, it's very interesting that you say that. Like when I am, if Claudia has, I don't know, she's like playing mahjong in a friend's house or something. I'm like, oh, this is my time to order pad tie. And to some pad tie won't seem like it's a bad thing. For me, it's a 3,000 calorie heavy oil meal that I know will not make me feel good.

Hmm. It shouldn't be. It doesn't have to be that way. But for me, it's a meal that's not going to make me feel good. You're right. It's a pad tie and it's a pad CU. That's a pad see you and a beautiful spring rolls. Honestly, Josh, that's my best bite of the week.

I had it right before I got to Florida. I love it. Oh, my God. There are two amazing, amazing tie places on the Upper East Side. One is called uptie and one is called TEP. They're a block away from each other and they are outstanding. Outstanding. Now, aren't they missing?

an opportunity for uptie to be uptown and for downtie to be downtown and then mid-tie? Yes, Josh. They are. Okay. They just want to make sure. They are. Absolutely. You put one on the west side.

It's called cross-tie. I love that. Me too. I mean, how does Steph Curry not have a sponsorship with Thailand? Could you imagine Steph Yellow Curry? You know, Steph Red Curry. Steph Red Curry. Yes.

I love it. He should have a chain of Thai restaurants. He absolutely should. No question. No question. I don't mean to brag, but did you see that I was recently on a cruise? No? You don't know this?

What cruise were you on? Celebrity? Norwegian. He heard of it? I heard of it. My God, you went for the big guns. That's right. Norwegian, Norway.

Okay. By the way, no affiliation I asked. Is that what are you doing on a Norwegian cruise? I know how to treat myself, okay? I did an incredible partnership with them. This is not paid for. This is a added, what do you call it? Added value.

This podcast solely exists for added value. This is not an ad. Planet Fitness is the best. I'm not being paid. It's added value. Not an ad. I don't have my head in a cookie jar. Oh, my God.

Speaking of which, remind me, not an ad. I want to talk about Volvo after your Norwegian cruise line. Good. Think of a couple other brands you want to talk about. I'm down. I'm down to clown, Papa. Well, it's worth it. It was such a, it was not a one-off thing.

this was like a big thing. And so, you know, they were like, we are debuting this new thing on our island. We're opening up this great water park. We'd love for you and your family to go. And I said, great. I would love to go. I've never been on a cruise.

And so they were like, it'll be you and your whole family. But unfortunately, it fell right at the beginning of September when Max was back in school. And obviously it would be hard because Meyer, you know, hasn't flown yet. And we had to take off from beautiful Miami, Florida. heard of it. So we basically just said, you know, Paige, my beautiful wife had the idea of she was like, look, you've taken Max on a couple amazing little father-son trips. Shy, our middle son, who's

almost four, has never had it. Bring shy, make it the two of you. It'll be incredible. Let me tell you, we first, we flew down to Florida. Then we embarked. We embarked on the ship. It's not a boat. Boats hang off ships. Okay. This was a ship. This was a vest. all right the Norwegian getaway okay and it was unbelievable so we go shy and I shine I had an amazing time we almost broke up halfway through the trip but other than that we had a wonderful time he me and him don't get along no we do get along I think the trouble is we're so alike but I boy do I love that boy and he makes me so happy and and it was so special

And I've never, have you been on a cruise? No, no, I haven't. It's the bomb. I would love to. It's the bomb.com. And I literally, last night, Claudia and I are rewatching the nanny. They just went on a cruise. Fran was trying to get away from Mr. Sheffield, and he said, no, we're all coming on that cruise.

And let me tell you, I turned to Claudia, I'm like, cruises look fucking lit. I mean, they're doing the mongo, all you can eat. They're having a great time. You're by the pool on the ocean. Yeah. Infinity pool. Who needs it? You're in the ocean on a pool, in a pool.

Let me tell you something. A lot of people have reservations about going on a cruise. And all I have to say is it's like being with a man. Try it. Sorry. I think it's the Titanic's fault. I think that there are just some people that just, and pirates.

Pirates in the Titanic. Those are the two things that are fighting against the cruise industry. There's no pirates near Nassau. Please. You don't know the Nassau pirates? That sounds like they're... You don't know the Florida Toads? That sounds like they're WMBA teams.

The Nassau pirates. And their center has a hook for a hand. right here right here it gets deplated I have to go through like 30 balls a game this is no longer added value it's

it seems you oh my God so Spoo! Pass me the Rock! No, don't! So many TV timeouts! Somebody called Wilson. Fuck! Oh my God, that's so funny.

Well, it was a great time. The best part was that we, and you'll love this because he's a New York hero, we show up, Tuesday, we landed the Great Stirrup K, and they're, they're, they're, bailing their new water park. They're like, we're doing this, this sort of partnership with Good Morning America. And who was there with me going on the water slides, jumping off high stuff? Sam Champion. Heard of them?

Wow. The Sam Champion. You want to talk about a Mench? This man, first of all, he's in his 60s. He looks gorgeous. He was so handsome. But he was a total Mench. And so I spent the day with Sam Champion.

And here was the best part. At one point for the show, he had to go on this water slide that had, it was a tandem water slide. So you needed two people to go on the raft, but it had a weight limit. So what they would do is they would weigh you. Is this your worst nightmare? Yes. Yes. So it was really brilliant, right?

Public weight? Like a public weight. So you step on this scale and it just has a light attached to it. You don't see the weight. And you either get a green or red. You just see you're good or no good. That's right. So Sam's like, I don't want to, you know, I want to go on it with someone, Josh,

where you go on it with me? I said, yeah, absolutely. And he said nicely, he was like, you know, there's a weight limit on it. He's like, so it's 400 pounds total. And I, and he said, and I'm 207. And I said, first of all, you don't look it. But I said, okay, well, that should work because I'm 190. He goes, you better hope so.

I was scared. I was nervous. But we got on that. 400. So I would have to go with a teenager. It'd have to be me and a teen. Sure. That's who could ride.

Who else is below 160? I think Josh is of this morning. I'm at 238. Wow. That's a nice wait for me. That's a nice wait for me. You look amazing. That's a nice way for me.

Yeah. Thank you for not commenting. I don't know if you can see this pimple. I can't. No one can. Okay, good. Yeah, no, the pimple's not even there. What pimple?

No, it's not there. It's not there. It's not like my wife squeezed the shit out of it right before I got here. It's not there. No. Does your wife do that to you? She loves to. Yeah, she loves it.

My wife has gone as far as, and this will just be my waddy nuts. I'll just do it early. Okay. My wife has gone as far as to buy a toolkit, a dermatological toolkit. Oh, yeah, yeah. I know those. She has the tools for the tools for the. the blackheads. She is the tools for everything. And let me tell you, I never, ever, ever had a

pimple, ever. My skin, we've discussed this. You say it's what are you nuts. I agree. Eventually, I should be doing something preventative. But in my 34, almost 35 years on this earth, I don't have a skin care routine. And I really do not get pimples. It's very rare. Unless my wife pops a black head, then the day after, boop, bimple. She's embedding dirt in my skin. Okay. First of all, you've missed the window on preventative. It's over?

Because you're 35. So you just should have. It's over. It is so, and I agree with you, and I'll tell you why, you lead me to my next story. I was the same as you. It is so flipping easy to jump out, spray little keels in your hand,

pop, blah, blah, ba, ba. with a little retinol anti-aging. I'm telling you it will pay dividends. You are still at the age where you don't show wear and tear, and you're going to wake up at like 37 and be like, what the hell? Why do I look old? And you can mitigate that with a very easy little intervention routine starting now.

Great. I'm in. I will be doing that. You can do it. I will be doing it. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Wayfair. Folks, I love Wayfair. Wayfair forever, literally forever, from my first apartment to now. Wayfair is it if you're looking for classy, high quality, wonderful items, anything. But at a little bit of a bargain,

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I am a walking Woody and Nuts. I know you've never had a cavity before, right? No, no cavities. Do you floss? Yes. Every day? Yes, every night. Wow.

I didn't. I didn't for a really long time. I didn't. There are a couple of things, not to hijack, whatever you were about to say. There are a couple of things that recently, within the last two years, I've started to do. The first thing, which if you think that you have bad breath, if you think that the counter, If you think that the way to counteract bad breath is to brush your teeth more, you're wrong. It is 100% scraping your tongue.

If you don't scrape your tongue, your breath smells. I brush my tongue. Scrape it. I've done that before, but I take with the toothpaste and I do a vigorous brushing. And then I do a mouthwash. I just don't think it comes off. The film. When I scrape my tongue down with that aluminum rod,

let me tell you the amount of just fucking disgusting gunk that pops out of the bottom. It's disgusting. It's candida. It's disgusting. It's thrush. And then yes, if all that you need to do one time is floss and then smell the thing that you just flossed and you're going to floss every day. I was adamant anti-flosser since way back. You know me.

I was, I was too, Josh. You have a water pick or you use a, use the picks. You don't use the strings. You string? I string. Wow. I just, I recently, I got, uh, I went in and got a teeth cleaning and she said, you know, you have a cavity developing in between the teeth.

She's like, but you can save it if you floss. She's like, otherwise I promise you. She showed me in the x-ray. She's like, this is starting, but if you really floss it, you might be able to save it. She's like, I can't promise. She's like, what's your floss routine, right? Like I said, and I don't lie to the. oral hygienists or the dentist I go what floss routine I don't I was like it

hurts it sucks I just use a motorized toothbrush and I do fill up sonic hair the shit out of my mouth she goes okay because it hurts and I would bleed but you know what three days in I started I was like this is easy what an idiot I just had to get over like three annoying days now I'm popping it in and out I'm get the best oral health care routine you'd ever see. But I fought it. Why do people lie to health care professionals? First of all, I think if you're an oral hygienist and you're guilty people, get out of here.

Like, get over yourself. Totally. It's not for you to guilt me. Like, I'm paying you for a service. It's not going to make you do it more if you make him feel guilty. But why do people lie? They go to the doctor. Do you smoke?

No. Right. Why? Why are you lying? You should never lie to that. They're the ones you should be honest with. Look, like, do you drink? No.

Why are you lying, alcoholic jam? Yeah, your reason your liver looks like ass is not a coincidence. Tell the doctor. Your liver. That's why you went. Your liver looks like kimchi, Diane. By the way, according to Gary Brecker, who I know you think is snake oil salesman, he probably is. He says we should be eating kimchi every morning.

That's like saying he thinks you should drink. Like, this is not new information. Yes, pickled things are good for your gut biome. We know this. Kimchi every morning, Josh. Why not? That can't hurt. Happy's gloss, kimchi.

I am all in favor of any of these Gary Brecketype suggesting things that are low cost and are anciently true. We have known that probiotics exist in these kind of pickled things for millennials. What I don't like is when they sell you hydrogenized water. from a machine that costs thousands of dollars that is extreme bullshit. I completely agree. That ain't it. That ain't it.

No, that ain't it. But kimchi and a medium rare steak and a couple of eggs. Beautiful. And half an avocado, this is the king's breakfast. I can get behind. Is that, are you eating that? No, no. But I am.

Another thing that I have switched up in my routine, Josh. And I know this is a little bit the antithesis of you. you and your sort of six-hour window. I feel much better now that I eat and then I have coffee. Every day I'm waking up. I'm having three to four scrambled eggs. And then I'm a half hour later having my coffee. Okay.

And I feel much better than I did when I was waking up having my coffee, not eating until 12 or 1. Those couple of eggs, that's the only thing that I have between when I whenever I wake up, 6 a.m. and noon or one, when I try to have something to eat for lunch. But those couple eggs, they're making me feel good. I say, why not? Yeah, they're making me feel good. I support it, babe.

And also, coffee's so acidic to take on an empty stomach. Although, I've heard a little baking soda in the coffee really cuts the acid. That is very interesting. I'm down to try it. I'm full of them. I am full of them. Do you want some wild crazy stories? I'd love some crazy stories,

and then I got some moron mail on tap that'll make your hair stand up. Page 6, Andy Cohen reveals what he pays a babysitter to watch his two kids, and Jeff Lewis isn't impressed. Andy Cohen revealed he pays his babysitter $30 an hour to watch his two kids, a rate his longtime friend, Jeff Lewis, called,

Cheap. The Bear Discussed Cohen's child care costs a Monday's episode of Andy Cohen Live. Cheap. Very cheap. For sure. And I don't know why, why would you ever, there are just like a couple of things

that I would never negotiate. Like the people who are watching your children while you're not there. And you're Andy Cohen. You're flush. You're doing excellent. Like, right. I think $30 an hour,

especially in New York, which might sound very expensive to some, $30 an hour is pretty standard. Maybe it's a little bit high. And that's for one kid. It's two kids, right. And that's for one. Like, at two kids,

yeah, I mean, two kids, it's double the work. Here's my question, though. You got to include dinner, right? You got to include a meal. You got to get a pizza. I think that, again, people might call them crazy for this philosophy, but, like, again, they're watching your children. Yeah, you should fucking feed them.

Yeah, they, but nobody, they're going to be mean if they're hungry. They're going to yell at your kid. They're starving. I mean, when I'm hungry. I give carbonsch. I mean, obviously we have a beautiful person who's been helping us with all our kids since they were born. But like, it's like, me, Casa, babe, like, whatever you want. 100%.

Like, help yourself to anything. I say to her, you know, when she comes over in the morning, I go, I made steak last night. Help get in there. I know how she likes it. Yeah. Yeah. I'll go as far as to say, I'll make you a steak right now. Yes.

I'll go and I'll go to the butcher and pay. Pick up a steak. I'll say, do you like New Jersey Mikes? Do you want New Jersey Michaels for lunch? And she'll be like, yes. Jersey Mikes, delicious. We're going to go to the East Coast? We can go to the New Jersey Michaels right now.

Yeah, we can gold-belly it. Gold-belly it in. Mike's way. Oh, Mike's way. Who, you know, who knows how crazy Mike's getting? I don't know. People are nuts. Speaking of nuts, you want a little moron mail?

Please. Folks, good. Guys podcast one at gmail.com. Keep writing in. We'll keep reading them. I have a I have a bunch. Josh, this is, this is a terrible story. Okay. Tell me. Hi, good guys. The other day at work, I went out and got a meatball sub for lunch. I'm working out of town, so I've never been to this place before and let me tell you this sandwich was incredible. I got back to the office with the other half of my meatball sub, which I carefully set aside for dinner. My coworker immediately commented on how good it smelled. So in what I can only describe as a moment of profound generosity, I offered her the other

half. What I thought was an act of kindness quickly turned into an act of betrayal, not even a minute later. I saw her throw the wrapper away. I said something along the lines of, wow, you ate that fast. It must have been really good. She looked at me and said, oh, I didn't need any of the bread or toppings, just the meatballs. She took a perfectly good meatball sub, bread, sauce, cheese, toppings, the whole beautiful ecosystem and surgically removed the meatballs like she was harvesting organs, massacred it. Josh. Wow. You tell somebody that you just discovered the sandwich of your life.

Yeah. You generously offer the other half to a coworker. It's the equivalent of watching somebody. There's one slice of pizza left. I know you've seen this amongst dieters. There's one slice of pizza left. Somebody takes it and they just eat the cheese. Yeah.

It's not good. It's not right. No. Absolutely not. You want half a meatball sub? You eat it the way that it was intended. That's right. Otherwise, you get your own sub.

Yeah. It's, you know, we're talking about things that are like, these things are of high value, right? There's a scarcity to it, right? If there's 20 pies, do what you will. You know, take it in the back room and have your way with it. but there's one slice left, half of my sandwich, and you're discarding, you know, a huge portion of it. And by the way, I'm that asshole because I very, I very rarely will have bread with my things. I don't think I've had a burger, a full burger on bread in years.

But by the way, you would never then ask somebody for half their burger. No. Ever. Like you're, you would, you would order the burger the way that you wanted. You would go to the meatball subplace and just order a sandwich. side of meatballs. I just love how I have justified that because I remove the bread that I can also instead have on cheese, bacon, and blue cheese on my, and I'm like, I am so keto right now. Meanwhile, I've probably jacked up the calories double. You have, but there's just something about it.

I don't know with, I'm this, I'm the same way. I feel 100 times better if I eat it that way. 100%. Maybe I'm fatter, but I feel better. You feel much better. There's something about the bread that just weighs me down. And I don't eat that. And you wash it down with a couple sweet potato fries because that's the good potatoes. Sweet potatoes are so good. That's like a gift to your glycemic index. I love sweet potatoes.

They're so unbelievably delicious. I've been protein maxing lately. We'll talk about that another time. Josh, QR codes are out of control. Hey, Josh and Ben, I was at our local mall when I noticed something extremely stupid. I approached the door and saw a QR code. When I looked closer, it said, scan here for mall hours. What do you nuts?

Why not just put the hours on the door? But no, now I have to pull out my phone and take a picture and scan it to get the hours. I find this completely absurd love the pod. That's not a good use of QR codes. No, QR codes are nuts. I don't like QR code menus for that matter. They're terrible. Print it out, lazy.

Print it out. That's right. Print it out. It's not right. What I do like, though, QR code for your bill? Genius. Genius. Why is that good? Why is that good?

Because then I don't have to wait for the waiter. Scan and pay leave. Yes. That's it. Scan the QR code for your bill. I pay on my phone, Apple pay, click, click, click out of here. Boom. Are you a big tipper like me?

I'm a big tipper. I know you are. I know you're a whale. You're a shark. I'm the biggest tipper. I'm the biggest tipper. No one's ever tipped like me. You're a whale.

Because sometimes you're a constellation baby, you're the big tipper. You're tipper gore. You're married to Al. Because sometimes when they now bring you the machine and you do it in front of them, so you tap and then it gives you the choice, you know, 15, 20, 25%. So if I'm going 25% over above, I kind of cheat it. I cheat it. I cheat it. At the way, I go, can you believe what I'm doing here?

It's funny. You see this? Jimbo fucking money bags. You're welcome. The thing is, I'm a big tipper, but I don't tip on the total. I tip on the subtotal. I don't know how I feel about that bed. Maybe you shouldn't tell me that.

You don't think so? Even though I'm leaving like 30%, I'm a big, I leave very nice tips. But sometimes they whip out that thing. and I'm just like, I'm going to give you 30% when, especially if it's a big bill, it's different. If we're talking a small bill, it's two people, whatever. If it's six people and the sales tax in New York is 8%, no? Well, sales tax is sales tax. I mean, not in New York.

It's that everywhere. But I don't think so. I think it all kind of, I think, well, I'm just saying general, unless it's like a brand, state that doesn't have sales tax. But it varies. Like New York's particularly high. Isn't it just like it's, isn't it about eight to nine percent everywhere? Like, I don't think, I don't think so.

But let's ask chat, my boy. I know some places don't have it like on retail goods and certain things. That's why you go to frickin' Oregon to buy a TV. And Jersey for any jewelry. Right. In Montana, they don't have tax on when you buy a car. But I think. you kind of, I don't know, I have weird things too, right?

Like if I, if the bill is double because of alcohol, I'm not going to, I'm going to give much closer to 20% because I just feel like, you know, if six drinks wound up adding, you know, $150 to the bill or 200, I just go like, that was like, you brought that in one round. Like, I don't know if I should tip on things like that that were so crazy. So obviously I'm still doing 20-ish percent. but like if it's, you know, I'm probably not going to go so over. So I get it. I have my own little caveats too, maybe.

I was going to say, I also think that that's because, and I feel this, you're tipping on things you didn't even order, which stinks. If you were drinking, I think you'd feel differently about tipping on drinks. But it's the same way. I'll go out to a group dinner. I haven't had this in a while. But the guy at the end is ordering the lobster, the, the lops. lobster for three in a clams casino.

And it's like, hey, bud, can you fucking chill out? Sure. But then I also don't like this either. Like recently I was out with my cousins and they were in L.A. And Paige wasn't feeling great, wasn't up to it. So it was like three couples in me that went out for this anniversary dinner. And then the bill came and I just put my card in. They were like, no, no, no, Josh.

It's just you. And I said, I ate. I was like, it's okay. Like, just treat me like pages here. It's fine. Like I also don't like I didn't want them to pick me up just because I was their solo, you know? I don't drink either. I am happy that they did that though.

That is the respectful move. It was nice. It is. Because the alternative is tough. They're not going to itemize it down to, you're not going to pay a seventh. No, no, no. I was like, just treat me like I'm with page. You and Paige.

Yeah, you were going to be a fourth. That's right. Which is also the right move on your part to offer. But they're in the right to. decline and pick you up. So everybody was right. Everybody was right. That honestly was handled perfectly.

It sounds like you were out with a bunch of ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, gorgeous. My beautiful, my wonderful cousins, Darren and Nicole, Baroque Hashem. Happy anniversary. And they invited me with their wonderful friends. And they wound up picking me up. And I, you know, I would have loved to, I would have loved to pay my way. Darren and Nicole.

All right, Josh, we have one more because we have seven ads coming up in this upcoming episode. So we have one more. Listen, we're going to have to wax the people. Holy shit, we are gouging. Seven ads and 19 YouTube ads. That's right. This one's seven and Thursday was only four. I wish that they just like balanced it out.

Here's the thing though. If we continue to get this many ads, we're going to add an episode. That's it. Totally. You want three? You want three? Comment. You want three?

Put a review. And don't you dare ever give us anything other than five stars? Don't give us one star and say, I love you guys, but here's some criticism. Does that grind my gears? People are sick. Sick. Sick in the head. Yeah.

Josh, speaking of sick in the head, has PC culture gone too far? Yes. Good guys, I need to know. Has PC culture officially gone too far? I've lost 70 fucking pounds. I went from 290 to 220. What is this? What did I write this?

And not one person has said a word. Nothing. Radio silence. Listen, I get it. We're not supposed to comment on people's bodies anymore, but I lost the weight of an entire fourth grader. I've worked my ass off. Literally, there is significantly less of my ass.

I'm not asking for a standing ovation. I don't need a medal, but would it kill one person to say, holy shit, dude, you look great. At this point, I'm about to gain the 70 pounds back just so somebody acknowledges the transformation. I mean, look, you're asking me. I wish people would tell me less. Because I got to be like, it was 20 years ago.

Move on. I was thinking, as this person wrote it, I think you just need better friends. Like, PC culture, like, if you lost 70 pounds, it's not not PC for somebody to tell you, you look amazing. You got a Woody and Nuts? No, I don't. I have a what are you nuts for you making me feel like I was out of pocket

as the children say. I'm just grinding your ears, which I do so rarely. I'm not a ball buster. Okay? Well, I don't bust balls. You're not a ball buster. You are very confident in your feelings about things.

And as am I. Okay. I think it really, you know, the recipe for whatever our magic is, I don't know. You can't find this recipe. It's not in a cookbook. I completely agree. And it's certainly not at Carat Express, which is where I was before this.

Do you have Carat Express? They rebranded it to carrot. You've Carat Express in Los Angeles? No, what is this? Rich People's Things? No, this is delicious. I got a salmon, beautiful miso salmon bowl. It's a delicious lunch place, okay?

I love it. You're like, no, it's not a rich thing. I got this wonderful foie gras caviar moose. It was only a $45 takeout lunch. It was nothing. Love it, love it. It was nothing. And this woman.

and she's in front of me in line. She's like, are you going to go? I'm like, no, you're in front of me. You go. She gets up to the front of the line. She, something's clearly wrong with her. She turns to the cashier and she's like, I'm not ready yet. I'm not ready yet.

I'm like, okay, no problem. She backs away. I go, I order my thing. I then proceed. I'm listening to her place her order. She goes to the guy, you got any smoothies with mango in it? He's like, yeah, we have this smoothie, whatever. She's like, I'll take one of those.

You know, I'm trying to get more. protein. You think that the tuna has more protein or the chicken has more protein? Oh, God. He's like, I think that the tuna probably has more protein. She's like, but what's more tasty? Tuna or chicken? Is the tuna tasteier or is the chicken tastier? He's like, you know, I really like the chicken. What are you nuts? Just order. Just order. And I get it. You probably like took a fistful of drugs before you came in there. There was something very off about this woman. No question. That's it. Just Uber Eats. Sit at home.

I don't know. It's nuts, Josh. Totally nuts. You're torturing this poor cashier. He doesn't know if there's more protein in the tuna or chicken. He shouldn't. He shouldn't know. Okay?

Don't make him know. It's not his job. Don't make him know. That's it. A quick story before we go. Hidden Valley is turning its ranch black for Halloween. Hidden Valley is getting into Halloween spirit this year by taking its iconic ranch to the dark side.

The brand is launching limited edition Spooky Ranch, a jet black version of Hidden Valley original ranch, made specifically for haunting your pizza, wings, and whatever else deserves a dunk this Halloween. Yeah, I gotta, I gotta get it. It's kind of genius. I love it. What do you think they're using squid ink? Maybe, or maybe just like an artificial dog?

Like, just black dye? I don't know how they're turning it black. I don't know how I feel about it. Would it have been better if it was red? Like blood? Blood? Is black spooky? I like that you got to roll the dice to see it's either way past its expiration or it's Halloween.

Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Black ranch. Yeah, I want to roll the dice with my condiments. I'm down for Black Ranch. The more I think about it, the more I'm excited about it. I'm going to throw it on a tender. I'm going to throw it on a cucumber.

I'm going to throw it on my pizza. Black Ranch, you just blew my mind. From foodbeast.com, I just wanted to say this headline, We Vina Max croquettas with hot dogs and beer. I don't want to read the article. I just wanted to say that. Folks, this episode's five stars. Otherwise, what are you nuts?

Listen to us every Monday and Thursday. Watch us on Spotify, the video. It's gorgeous. It's absolutely gorgeous. I put the Monday and Thursday earlier. So I'm going to say again Mondays and Thursdays, folks, we will see you. I'm talking to you next time.