Good Guys - Diabetic Pregaming?!

Episode Date: September 12, 2024

Hey there, Morons! It's Week Two of Slender September and the guys are back with another episode. Today, we're diving into the horrors of self checkout, when it's acceptable to wear shorts, the beauty of LaGuardia, CHEATERS, and a shocking update on the 1000-Lb. Sisters. Plus, the guys answer your Speakpipes! You better tune in... or what are ya NUTS?!  Leave us a voicemail here! Sponsors: Upgrade your closet with Quince. Go to Quince.com/goodguys for free shipping and 365-day returns on your order. Hero Bread is offering 10% off your order of their new recipe. Go to hero.co and use code GOODGUYS24 at checkout. Go to Ro.Co/GOOD + Sign up today and you'll pay just $99 for your first month - and $145 a month after that. Medication costs are separate. To get this new customer offer and your new 3-month unlimited wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com/goodguys Visit LandRoverUSA.com to configure your Range Rover Evoque Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following podcast is a dear media production. I'm Josh Peck and I'm Ben Soffer and we're the good guys. There's a lot of guys out there and we're the good ones. Mawks and Morans, welcome back to the Good Guys podcast. I'm sitting here with a guy whose pronouns are, oh boy, it's Ben Safer. Sorry. Am I going to get canceled for that? No, it's good.

It is good and Josh, you are looking fantastic. We said on the last episode that we had to start this episode with 25, straight minutes talking about the problems with self-checkout. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, and we wouldn't be true to our word if we didn't do that. Instead of 25 minutes, maybe we'll spend five, okay? Five, I think it's an appropriate amount of time, but this is a big problem. It's sweeping the nation.

I recently had a terrible experience at Stop and Shop. Share it, babe. Share it, you don't wear it. Shop, stop and shop is a fantastic grocer, okay? Fantastic grocer. They have a great selection. fresh baked breads. It's a great, great place.

The self-checkout, though, it's terrible because it works off of the weighted system. I don't know if you've seen these. You scan an item. So fucked up, so fucked up, Ben. You scan an item, and then you have to put it in a certain area for it to weigh exactly what they thought it should weigh.

Otherwise, there's an error in the system. They think that you're shoplifting. They freeze the self-checkout, and somebody has to come with their key card and swipe it to all. unlock your session. And this is too much. This is too much because what I like to do, the whole point of self-checkout is you have a couple items, right? So perhaps I scanned my avocado and I scanned my broom, but I'm still holding them both. I didn't put them down on this thing.

I didn't put it down because I'm taking them both to go. I'm just going to swipe my credit card and leave. Or I went in for my Gaia herbs, my herbal remedy for my cold. I'm shopping for strange things. Look, this is self-checkout. Okay? This is self-checkout. Make it easy. First of all, last time I checked in my yearly taxes, I'm not getting a return called the you've checked yourself out tax. I'm not, I'm like in a rebate. Right? So all these big brands, all these supermarket brands, they're saving a pretty penny because I'm putting my sweat and my hard work into doing this. They're saving money on employees, on benefits on insurance i'm sure well i'm slaving away i'm just trying to buy some honey ned chiroes

and i don't know what else i get maybe some condoms just kidding but like you know what i mean like yeah i do i do and it it just it's it's a it's a prime example of we do not have good enough tech yet for this to exist one day something like this can exist when you're in those like markets in the airport or I think some of the Amazon places do it where if you have an Amazon account, you walk in, you take anything you want, you put in your basket and they bill you for it. Right. That's proper tech for this self-checkout system. If they could implement this tech, you walk in, maybe you swipe your credit card the second

you enter the store, you put everything in your basket, you leave, they send you a bill, no problem, no problem at all. But what they're doing essentially is the same thing, Josh, that irritates me about metropolitan cities and these big bus lanes. Because you know what the bus lane took, Josh? It took the regular lane. So now there's less regular lanes, one huge bus lane. At the same time, there are less checkout lanes and more self-checkout lanes because they're the same lane. One just converted from one to the other.

So now we have nowhere to regularly check out. So the lines are longer on the regular checkout. The self-checkout doesn't work. I'm done. I'm done. You know I'm anti-bus. Yes, you should be. Explain.

No, I'm not. You know I'm against mass transit. Yeah. That might be my what are you nuts, though, is for people who proudly say, and it really is 50-50 in New York when they go, oh, I don't take the train anymore. And I know, here he goes. You're going to tell me about how dangerous. dangerous it's become, I don't doubt it. But like in New York City to do anything other than the

train, depending on whether it's like disgusting rush hour and it's just going to be like you crammed in there like a sardine. But if you leave your house, if you don't have a typical work schedule like you and I, and it's 11 and you're uptown and can get downtown for 2.45, I mean, I just think there's nothing better than the subway. And if you don't take it and live in New York, it's a what are you nuts what if i offered you josh a smelly warm train it's not you from your house i'm just asking it took you from your house to dear media studios for two dollars and forty five cents would you drive or would you take that but here's the thing if i'm driving it costs for me dramatically less than an uber or a cab there yeah i would i would do it but i would certainly do

it 50-50 what i get on you would first of all it's not smelly and hot, like most of the trains are pretty like updated and fine. And they have good. No, no, no, no, no they are not. If you Google, here's what I was going to say to you. Here's the problem. I agree with you. The train system should be used.

And there's Wi-Fi now in all the tunnels. So you get, you get not Wi-Fi, but there's cell service in the tunnels. No, there is not. There's self-service in between. There's self-service when you hit, yes, when you hit a stop. But then when the train starts in your underground, you lose all service. Let me tell you the problem. If you Google train 1970, it was the new version of the train we're on today. That's the problem. The problem is that some of these lines, the NRW, 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3,

they're old. No, they're not. They're dirty. Yeah, they are. They are. They are. They're old and dirty. You live on the east side, so you're a 456 man. So this is getting very New York centric, y'all yo so you're out mobbing right on the 45s here right dog you know what I'm saying like so you're on the 456 that's always been an updated line when I think of the old interiors I think of the orange and yellow perforated seats you're on those long blue or like what is it like lilac bus seats you've got the automated now stopping at 50 nice street there's still 40.8 They're still 40 years old. NQR.

You know what I'm saying? NW. Yes. Free transfer to the Metro North. Yes. I've been on trains. Enough. I get it.

They're just nasty. How did we get here from self-checkout? Because we're men of the people, Ben, and this is what people. This is what we get torn apart about on Reddit is that we're elitist. We're coastal elites. We're not elite. There's gum on the bottom of my on cloud. And you know, it's funny.

You talked about the holidays that September is the new January and people are getting ready and excited about this time of year. Well, I have a friend in recovery and he talks about the holidays, but he calls it the Bermuda Triangle. That's right. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, right? It can get pretty emotional. And if you're a young person who likes to overdo it with drinking and dress in scannily

clad ways, Halloween. So I don't know. You know, it can be quite the stressful, difficult time for certain people. So I think, you know, it's a lot. We're coming into a very interesting part of the year. We are. We are. And on the Jewish calendar, calendar, on the Jewish calendar, Russia Shana is the new year.

And that is the first week of October. So, yes, many different things going on. Many. And I, for one, am excited to wear big, cozy sweaters. I don't ditch the shorts. What day do you ditch shorts? Oh, I guess you don't because you're, you're,

you're in a coast where you don't need to ditch shorts. But like, I ditch shorts, beginning of November. That's when I put them away. I don't believe in shorts. You know, what do you don't believe in shorts? I'm going to look something up.

I guess, I guess I, once you keep a busy. Actually, I guess I've only seen you in, well, you can people busy? This episode, of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by Range Rover.

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And that was when you took me hiking. I wasn't proud of it. Let me tell you. That was when you took me hiking and tried to have sex with me. That was, oh, you don't get turned on by a beautiful view. I do. And your huge, huge thighs. It's like, whoa.

Whoa, like tree trunks. No, Josh took me hiking and now I'm thinking about it. I'm remembering it vividly. That was the first time I ever saw your legs. You really don't normally wear shorts. You always wear pants. Let me know when I'm done rambling. Okay.

And then at some point I want to discuss your opinions on corduroy. Okay, I can't find it exactly, but I am down to talk about corduroy. I don't care who hears it. But Tom Ford says men don't belong in shorts unless they're going to, are coming from the pool. Where's Tom Ford from? He is the designer of Gucci, the designer of... Tom Ford, no, but I'm saying, where is he from?

Do we know? Washington. Oh, yeah? Oh, he's American? He is American, yeah. Okay. But I know he trained on, like, Saville Row in the UK, but... I respect what he's saying, but I have to disagree.

Also, open-toed shoes, he's vehemently against, and we have that in common. that I think I do agree with the open toad shoes. I live in shorts and I live in open toad shoes. He's from Texas. Okay. Thomas Carlyle Ford. I mean, did his parents know that he was going to be a fashion magnate or what with that name?

What a sick name. Sick. Thomas Carlyle Ford. Can you imagine anything in America? Can you imagine? Misha Carlisle Sofer. Yeah. No good.

He would be the head of Hebrew school. Carlisle, it's really, Carlisle's a strong name. Mish? This is Mish, Carlisle. He's got a very reputable Ponzi scheme. Oh, Carlisle, that is a strong name. Corderoi, Josh.

Not the bear, the fabric. Corderoi. Right. You remember the bear? The corduroy bear? Of course, I read that story. And my kids. They know corduroy, the bear?

Yeah, of course. It's a beautiful. Do you know the story? Yeah, I do. I do. I do. It's a fantastic story. He gets lost in the department store.

Yeah, I love it. I do wish that I could wear more corduroy. Corduroy is not for fat people. Let's start with that. If your BMI is over 28, you can't wear corduroy. More like a BMO. Yeah. But you can't.

But then I feel like it's also like the official clothing. of like fat professors. Yeah, but but they haven't put any... Have you ever met a corduroy with stretch? Maybe that's what it is. Maybe there's just no corduroy with stretch. It's always so tight. Like you can't,

you can't move corduroy. It's tight to the skin. There's also variations, right? There's a nice tight corduroy or there can be like a wider corduroy. And you just don't know. Yeah. I personally love corduroy. I had an orange corduroy shirt that was passed down to me from my father.

Wow. It sat in my closet until my wife threw it away while I was at work. And that shirt, I never got to wear it because I never fit into it. Bruce was sveled. He was sveled when he bought this shirt. The current Bruce couldn't buy corduroy. He'd tell you that himself. He couldn't wear corduroy.

His corduroy is a sveled man's game and it's gone. But I have, I wish, I'm not. there yet. Maybe at the end of September I can buy some corduroy. Do you think that for punishments that are for lower and not severe crimes, but like say, you know, shoplifting or something, then instead of jail time, you could just sentence someone to have to hike in corduroy. Yes. Right? Yeah. Yes. Or leather. Or leather. You have to hike an unbreathable fiber for the next two weeks. Oh my God. Corderoi socks. Awful. Hellish. Imagine

Imagine wearing a corduroy shirt. A corduroy phone? Like a long sleeve. Like there's no buttons. It's just on you. That's crazy. That's crazy. Yeah, you're being choked out by fiber.

Oh, terrible. Yeah. Those fibers, so, ugh. I don't like the thing. I don't like the thought of that at all. I just love that I compare myself to Tom Ford, but I literally have like the saddest, most dad basic. Like, I do have a dream.

And I don't know what it is. My whole life is contingent on getting a big check because I just don't feel comfortable doing anything until like I get a big check and then I like go do something. Or I make a little money and then I, it's very dumb. But the truth is I really want to get rid of every piece of clothing in my that I own. And I want someone to come in. My wife's a stylist. So like I mean she's she went to fashion school.

Like she could literally crush it for me and just buy me all new clothes. But like three pairs of pants. that I circulate and like 10 shirts, two jackets, three pairs of shoes, done. And like, you always look sharp. You do know that what you just spoke about is 1,000% within your budget today. I know. You're just not doing it. But let's add up the cost of what you just said, okay?

Throwing everything away is free. You'll invite Claudia to do it. It'll make her year to walk into your closet and throw it. and throw away everything you own would make her giddy. Because she, we call her the sweeper. When she's in sweep mode, anything can go out the window. Romeo could end up in the incinerator. Like when she's in sweep mode, you'll never see anything that you love again.

You'll invite her over. And now, so you said 10 shirts, right? Yeah. Even on the highest end, beautiful shirts, beautiful t-shirts, let's say 80 bucks a shirt, 800, okay? We said a couple pairs of shoes, 200 bucks a shoe. We're going the high end. That's 600. We're now at 1,400.

Jeans, 200 a pair. And by the way, page jeans would sponsor everything we just said for free. So let's say we actually paid. We're probably looking at just for maybe around $3,000 for everything minus, like, without like suits and stuff. So maybe five grand. Five grand and you're telling me your life would change. Can't do it. It's nuts.

Yes, you can. I know. We're doing it. I did listen I was hurt the other day when you did say that I was cheap did I say that during the Modi episode I said cheap around minute 1549 I don't I don't think I used the word cheap I must have used I don't remember I think I used cost conscious did you were kind about it but and then Modi you are you are cost conscious well because I have a bar in the best in the best way that wasn't I didn't mean it as an

insult no I know I didn't take it that way I'm just I'm saying it is silly way. But no, I, look, the people who love me most, you, my wife, like, you guys sort of have to give me that reality check of like, listen, like, it's not always cute with you being this frugal because, like, thankfully, like, I have a little bit of scratch saved up and I've, I've been very lucky to have that. But also, it's just like, otherwise you wind up living in this sort of holding pattern. And, you know, so, yeah, so I could look good today. But instead, I'm in pants. that I got for free from my show that I did. Best Fight Winns comes out on Roku next month.

And this Ficocta merch we came up with, which I love. I love this shirt. Love it, love it, love it. No, you're not even, here's the thing. You're not cost conscious. You're just like specific about the things that you'll spend money on. I think clothing is one thing that you just don't believe in spending money on.

I think that's it. For yourself. I think that you like spending money on food. I think you like spending money on food. money on travel, on cars, on bling. Bling. On pagers. You know what I'm saying?

I'm like, Cristal. Under Josh's shirt, he is a huge diamond lion. That he keeps suffering over his belly button at all times. I have a ruby nipple rings. Well, that's a thing,

right? Like, but you would, you, you, you, you, you, Stop spending all your money on extravagant toe rings.

Oh my God. I love my Pavay toe rings. But like, Josh, Daddy, we need food. No, son. I need my toe ring. I'm getting a two-carat diamond for my ring toe. Oh my God. It's so funny.

Do toes have the same name as fingers, like a pointer toe, a middle toe? It's an excellent question. Tell me about it. I just asked it. Excellent question because I recently googled. Why is my right ring toe numb? Gout. Is that what it is?

You know what it is? It's the see-it-soon from diabetes. It is, right? Yeah, it's the diabetic pre-party. Oh, God. You're diabetic pre-gaming. Title. Damn it.

Diabetic pre-gaming. So yes, I think pinky toe, ring toe, middle toe, pointer toe, big toe. Got it. By the way, all of them got really, like, fancy names. Big toe. Like, how lazy. But you brought it up. That is lazy.

Right? Big toe. Like, you brought it up in the last episode and it makes me think, like, I'm thinking of the optics of it. And then I think the practicality. For instance. when I stayed at the Marriott Courtyard in Long Island City. Now, hear me out. So I went, okay, I flew here first class.

I love flying, you know, nicely. Like, that means something to me. I go, I'm going to be with Ben all day. We're going to have a hell of a time. We're going to have a hell of a time. We're going to have a beautiful dinner together, right? So if I get a hotel in New York in Manhattan, it's going to cost me at a minimum $300,

but probably $400 or $500 a night. And yeah, I could go to a great hotel, but it's like, I'm not going to be able to use it. Because by the time I get back, it'll be 10 o'clock in night. I'm going to be dead dog tired, dead dog. And then I got to wake up at 6 a.m. Fight traffic leaving the city to go to LaGuardia. So I put my ego down. I embarrassingly say to you, you so kindly offer me a ride to my hotel.

I say, no, thank you. You're like, where are you staying in the Upper East Side? I'm like the Upper East, the Far East. Staying in Malaysia. Queens, the Bureau of Queens, you heard of it? Do you mind driving you the ferry? I'm staying at an Airbnb in Staten Island. I'm in a bug in, oh my God.

I rented a room in Jamaica, Jamaica, Queens. Listen, it was weird for the guys. guy at the desk at 11 o'clock at night when I checked in. They're like, oh shit, for real? I'm like, yeah, it's hard times out here. But I'm like, it's so instead I spent $1.79 for the night. And I miss all that traffic at 6 a.m. flying out of LaGuardia the next morning.

It makes perfect sense. It really does. But like Claudia would never do that. No, here's the thing. In and out for work, it makes sense. The city traffic is so bad. Staying near the airport really is a game changer because you get more sleep. Now, here's the tradeoff, and this is the way I approach it.

Quality sleep for me is very, very important. I think I am just, like, so sensitive from a health perspective. Like, if I sleep next to an air conditioner from the courtyard Marriott, I'm going to get a cold. Like, there's just something about those drippy air conditioners that just get me. And, like, I just won't get a good night's sleep. and then I'll take a six-hour flight home and I'll feel like dog shit for a month. So I'd rather spend an extra $200 bucks,

$300 to have a better bed. I'm a bed guy. I don't care about anything else. If the lights don't work, it doesn't matter if the bed is comfortable and the air conditioning won't make me sick. But I need the air conditioning on. You could say, oh, just turn it off.

I need it on because I need to sleep in the cold and I need to sleep in a nice bed. So those are my, those are the things that are important to me. But I understand a very big thing is cutting down travel time to the airport when you have an early flight. That 6 a.m. because it's LaGuardia, you get to wake up at a quarter to five and you're all good. Instead of if you're in Manhattan, you're waking up at 3.30. Not only do I feel seen, I feel heard, Ben.

And so I want to thank you for that. Good. Very good. This episode of The Good Guys podcast is brought to you by Mint Mobile. With big wireless providers, what you see is never what you get. Somewhere between the store and your first month's bill, the price you thought you were paying magically skyrockets. With Mint Mobile, you'll never have to worry about gotchas ever again. Gotcha. Oh, baby, that's never going to happen with Mint Mobile.

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That's mintmobile.com slash good guys. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash good guys. $45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 a month, new customers on first three-month plan only, speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plans, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions. apply. Seamint Mobile for details. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by Hero Bread. You know we love hero bread here at the Good God's podcast. You know we love Hero Bread in the Safer-Ashre celebrity home, okay? Because Hero Bread reinvented bread and buns. They reinvented tortillas. Everything is so unbelievably delicious, fluffy, the texture. Oh, it's fantastic. Like regular

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Here's what being symbiosexual means. A recent study conducted by researchers at Seattle University unveiled a new sexuality called symbiosexuality. An attraction to the energy, multidimensionality, and power shared between people in relationships. A person identifying with this feeling connects to the energy shared between a pre-existing couple. The study revealed that a large group of participants have felt a romantic and sexual attraction to a third person's synergy. The dynamic can often be seen in television shows and movies, such as Tiger King, Gossip Girl, and Challengers, which features a love triangle between actors Zendaya, Mike Faced, and Josh O'Connor. So you're attracted to somebody's energy? That's the idea.

A couple's energy. You're attracted to a couple's energy. couple's energy. Symbiosexual. Symbiosexual. I'm a symbiosexual because I'm attracted to a couple's energy. I'm so turned off to every couple I know. Okay. Say more.

I mean, in the sense of like, it's just like that old saying of whenever you're feeling bad about yourself or you're going through something, if you threw all your shit out in the middle of the room and everyone threw their shit in the middle of the room, you'd look at it and you'd want to keep your shit. Like, you wouldn't want someone else. else's life and problems. And similarly, even though there are couples I absolutely love, I have never looked at a couple and been like, I bet you it's all, it's all, you know, lollipops and rainbows over there.

They're just dealing with their own version of stuff. In classic me fashion, Claudia and I are rewatching Desperate Housewives. Classic. And the unbelievable show, I've seen it, this is probably my second full time through. And in a recent episode, because this is what this show is about, Susan Meyer says that, you know, you really never know your neighbors. You see your neighbors. You wave to them. They seem nice.

They come over for dinner. But you're never like in conversations in their house. You don't know the true depths of one's relationship, no matter how close to them you are. So I agree with that wholeheartedly, Josh. I agree with that wholeheartedly. That said, they brought up movies, right? and TV shows, like I certainly can look at a couple in a fantasy land. Like, you don't have real problems if you're in a TV show because it's fake.

Like, you could look at that and be symbisexual, Soto sexual, whatever the hell that term was. I just don't. It's just so funny. I remember a buddy of mine once lived in this town and their neighbors were really nice. And the husband and wife were like incredible, incredible people. But eventually he noticed that when the wife would come over, things would go missing. And so he said to the husband, finally, finally, finally was like, hey, Rick, can I talk to you? And he literally, the husband goes, what'd she take?

He was like, everything. Like, that's rough, man. That's rough. That's rough. That's definitely rough. Have you ever, I remember my buddy was dating this girl. We were young. We were like, couldn't have been older than like maybe 20 or 20.

21 and he was dating this girl and we liked her like the friend group liked her for a while and then we started to like her less and she specifically had like a bad relationship with one of our friends and like we had we weren't sure whether or not they had like kind of dated before our other friends started dating her or what but like there was something in that element where she just didn't like this guy cut to like a year into them dating our other buddy who she did not like goes yo my buddy works with, sorry, there's a lot of buddies here, but he was like, he was like, my friend works

at a hotel with the girl that's dating our friend. I'm trying to keep names out of it. All right, but you can, okay. You know their names are either Ren, Ben, Len, Sen. Exactly. So let's just call her Donna. So Donna

was mad at Zachary and she was dating Tommy. Okay? So Zachary goes, I have a friend who works at a hotel. He works with Donna. They've been kissing. And we go, shit, dude,

what do you mean? And he's like, bro, they're kissing. And we're like, kissing, kissing, and he's like, kissing, kiss and kissing. And he's like, but she hates me. And our buddy Tommy knows that she hates me. And like, if I bring this up, what do we do?

And so, of course, it fell on me. Joshy boy, the mediator, the connector. Right? like to go and tell our buddy like, yo, we heard this. But then I asked enough people and they were like, you can't tell them. And we were like, why? And they were like, because you don't have hard proof because the guy doesn't want to like come out and say it. So you don't have like irrefutable proof.

And it's coming from your other friend who she doesn't even like. And your buddy Tommy is like head over heels for this girl. So hopefully eventually an opportunity will present itself. when it's the right time to tell them. But right now, you just, you don't have enough proof and you can't just go up and blow up their relationship. Well, first of all, Ben, Olivia, weigh in. Agree, disagree.

Did I do the right thing by not saying anything at first? I think giving it a beat is wise. But ultimately, I think, you know, there's a certain point where there's a cutoff of like, okay, we just got to tell him or open up the conversation, you know, which it sounds like we're getting to that point. Or what if he, like, doubled down and they were, like, getting married? Then you got to like bring it out full stop.

Like we got to put the brakes on and like have a conversation about this. Ben, I'm kind of, if you asked me this even two years ago, I would have said you got to tell him. I'm a big, big, big proponent of minding your own fucking business. Like I like I really, really am because we just spoke about this where you just never know the true inner workings of a relationship. I'm not saying that this is the case. But perhaps this girl and this guy, your friends, are comfortable being in an open relationship. Maybe that's their thing. It was done at a hotel far away.

I don't know. And now all of a sudden, something that was very, like, private to them is now sort of blown up. They're embarrassed. I don't know. That's just, it's obviously a far leap. Maybe he is just, she is just a cheating scumbag. But I, it's a tough call. Like, if you really are a cheater,

it'll come at anyways. She'll find out. It doesn't have to be you who told, like you who is not a first party viewer of this. It almost becomes like rumor spreading, in my opinion. Like if I saw it with my own two eyes, and this is my best friend,

and I know my best friend is very truthful, monogamous, and I see his wife, schuppen some guy somewhere. Then, of course, I firsthand, run and tell him. Because I know everything about the inner work is of their relationship.

And I know that she's doing something that would really upset him. And he should know. But if it's like this like hearsay, whether it's true or not, I personally, I just mind my own business. So I'll tell you how it went down. And I agree. I didn't say anything. Months later, months later. But my buddy, Tommy, says, you want to go get some lunch?

We're walking. We're in Chinatown in New York. And he's like, yeah, man. I don't know, you know, me and Donna, it's just, we've been fighting a lot lately. I go, hmm. And, you know, it's just like, I don't know. Like, we just kind of got, like, different ambitions, different goals. And I'm like, hmm.

So I'm like, here it is. Here's the opening. Cracking the armor. So we sit down at the restaurant. We order a bunch of food. And I go, hey, I got to tell you something. I heard this thing. There's some evidence to support that it's true.

I didn't want to tell you right. way for all the reasons we just talked about, but I feel like you should know. And he looks at me and he's kind of shocked and heartbroken. And as I finished telling him, the food comes and it sits on the table and I'm starving. So I'm eating, right? And he's sitting there shell shocked. Yep. But now it's uncomfortable because you don't want to eat alone. No. Right? And he's like, you couldn't have told me before we ordered? And I'm like, but I love this place. So. So maybe in the end I was kind of selfish. So he's like there on the precipice and tears and I'm like, this fucking dim sum, huh?

You mind if I have some of yours? Yeah. No, it's great. No, and we still, we went Dutch, so we split. But I got doubled the portions. And was she cheating? Yeah, they broke up. Oh, she was.

And she was for sure cheating. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. She was. I understand. We kind of, we were. pretty sure of it when we found out, but the buddy who found out, she was not cool with.

So we already knew that was an uphill battle because he would have thought, oh, coming from him, he doesn't like her, can I even trust him? And it was, you know, when you're in that early six months to a year when you're first with someone, you've got such crazy blinders on. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by Rob Body. Now, as a good guy's listener, you know, we are obsessed with our weight. We're obsessed with our weight. We're obsessed with your weight.

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before. Maybe Olivia, maybe you have an opinion. I can't possibly fathom why anybody would cheat. This is coming from a non-cheater, a non-cheater's perspective, why anybody in the world would cheat on somebody that they loved. Because if you love someone, I don't get how you cheat on them. Just leave. And it's not a problem. Like divorce them,

break up with them. Go and do whatever you want. But like this idea, it's like such self-destructive behavior. Nobody has ever cheated and it not come out that they cheated. And like I just, I never, I could never understand it.

Like if you actually love that person. Now I totally get it if you don't love that person. If you're on like a loveless thing, you couldn't give two shits about them. I still think the courteous thing is to break up with them. But if you actually loved someone, is it possible to cheat on them if you love them? Sure. Sorry, Olivia.

I do. I think that I agree with you. I think that if you are feeling, you know, drawn towards another person, that's telling you something, period. And I think that if you want to be respectful of the person that you're committed to, you should absolutely just like break up with them and do whatever you're going to do. But I think that you can love somebody and still make that decision. I just think it's an incredibly selfish decision.

You're not like keeping the person that you love at the forefront of your decision making. It seems at times impulsive. But I don't know. I don't think that that's necessarily true across the board. But I think it could be true in certain circumstances, of course. So a little bit of a nuanced take, I suppose. I think people cheat. It rarely has anything to do with the other person.

Exactly. Yeah. Because people like use hooking up and courting and the validation of someone willing to sleep with them and finding them attractive and all these things like it feeds their ego. It feeds unresolved traumas and issues and things that they grew up with and they never quite got right. And, you know, if you correlate your self-worth with people acknowledging and validating you as a sexual being or you as like a person that they would want to connect with in that way, then if you never heal those things or correct those things, then even if you're in a relationship with the best person, you're not going to be totally fulfilled, I think. I hear that and you also explain that very well. I just think that if you're like a total sex addict and like need it and you need it to feel.

That's a whole other thing too. That's separate, I think. But like if you need it, if you need the love of strangers to make you feel good about yourself, you can absolutely do that without being married or without having a girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever it is. Like I, I don't know. I guess I'm fortunate to not be in that situation, but like it just has always perplexed me that like, because Olivia brought up the right word, which is just so selfish. Like crazy. Like to to work through that level of stuff with yourself while leaving somebody else monogamous hanging in the wings is just nuts to me. What about I've never known more people to cheat than once I got married and had kids and knew other couples who were married with kids. I've seen a lot

more cheating in that arena than just when people were either boyfriend and girlfriend or married without kids. Wow. I haven't seen it yet. Maybe it's because it's, I'm sure it will come. I haven't seen it yet. And I've never seen any, and I've seen it blow up, but I've never seen a divorce come out of it. Really? Yep. Wow. That's LA, shallow bastard. It probably is. My God. Well, seriously. I know how people think is that they go, once it blows up, I think they kind of go, well, either we give this enough Nobody wants, nobody wants to co-parent. No one wants to get divorced. Nobody wants to split the finances.

No one wants to. I know that's like the most unromantic to your point, selfish thing people can think about. No, but you're, you know, you're right. It's a huge undertaking. They don't want to disrupt their life. No, no, no, especially when they were the one that was probably just hurt. So I was just hurt and I need to uproot my whole life.

I understand that. I understand that. That part I get. But don't you. Wow, we're so deep on this podcast. It's good. These morons, they can handle it. No, it's good.

It's very good. I'm sure they're like, am I listening to Dr. Phil? No, you are not. Listen to good guys. Let's find another avenue. We could use some more listeners. Totally. What do you think about, are you like me in that, obviously, my wife, I respect to the highest regard.

Like, I would never want to do anything to intentionally hurt her in any way ever. Her family, I respect to the highest regard. I would never want to do anything to intentionally hurt her. And obviously, I have children. so I would never want to disrespect them. First and foremost, the reason I don't fuck around is for me. I can't handle it. I would be so wrapped with guilt and having to look over my shoulder.

I just could never, I can never do it. And all those things combined is why, for me, being in, you know, monogamy. You know what I'm saying? It starts with monogamy. Yes. Agreed. Agreed. Is that the same for you, Ben?

Yes. And that's the name of this episode. If we were a bottom, bottom thousand podcasts, monogamy. I can hear people turning the station now. Do you know the next, next up on monogamy? Monagia you or monogamy? Is it monogam your fault? Menaga us.

Monagam us. Did you know that our sister podcast? The Thousand Pound Sisters. Well, the star of it, Amy Slatton, was seen leaving a zoo on a stretcher after a camel bite led to her drug arrest. Is that great? Read that again. Read that again. A Thousand Pound Sisters star Amy Slatton seen leaving zoo on stretcher after Camelby.

that led to drug arrest. Okay, wait, here we go. Thousand Pound Sister Star Amy Slatan was carried out of Tennessee Safari Park. Wow, that shouldn't exist on a stretcher after being hit by a camel, just moments before her arrest on Monday. Let's see. Let's get to it. The mom of two appeared distressed throughout the whole situation. And, okay, witnesses told the outlet that EMTs found her in the zoo's parking,

with a shirt wrapped around her arm. Slatton was subsequently arrested after authorities reportedly found psychedelic mushrooms and marijuana in her vehicle while having two kids in her car. It was no ordinary Labor Day in Crocket County, the Crocket County Sheriff's Department said deputies were requested to respond to safari park

where a guest was bitten by a camel. Upon arrival, deputies immediately were overtaken by suspicious odors coming from the guest's vehicle. You know, man, who doesn't want to take some magic mushrooms and take their kids to the safari park that that fucking narc giraffe what was it a camel totally what a narc ass camel i just want to know honestly what did she do to the camel what she'd you do to him camels i've never heard of anybody getting bit by a camel have you i don't know no of course not but you know i don't live that life i'm not he thought her arm was a nice

a lamb. A prime rib. Oh, man. I just see it coming out like coming over the side of the fence. And then just big eyes. Just a bite out of the arm. Oh, that's funny. Well, we'll do one speakpipe before we go.

If you want to leave us a message, get our advice. Go to speakpipe.com slash good guys and leave us a message. Keep it brief. Brevity is key. Here's one. Hey, good guys. I need help immediately. My next door neighbor recently told me he has feelings for me. Just some backstory. We are in a super tight-knit community. We're all best friends. There's about five families. We all have kids. We hang out every single day.

I just in my regular friendly self. And now my neighbor said he has feelings for me and would like to start a relationship. No, thank you. But he. also informed me that he is cheating on his wife with a co-worker and I'm assuming he shared that information so it would be more likely that I know he's interested in cheating already and I if I'm game I'm not game I hang out with his wife every day I hang out with his kids every day it is so awkward now I have no idea what to do I tell my husband and I don't know if that's going to cause more drama I have no insight on how to handle this please help wow yikes Yeah. And we just kind of spoke about this stuff too. So this situation, you 100% go and tell the wife.

That said, I think that's what this coward piece of shit wanted you to do for him. Like this guy doesn't have the ball. Like if you're telling your wife's best friend that you're cheating with somebody else and that you want a relationship with her, all that you want is for that girl to go and tell the wife. I don't see it in any other way. I think he's using her to get out of his marriage. Wow. Yeah, this guy sounds like a real scumbag. Yeah. Yeah, he does.

He does. He does. That's tough. Really tough. And with kids, it's just strange. Strange. I don't get it. But by the way, this is exactly what it is.

He's selfish and he doesn't love her. That's what it is. Word up. Clearly there's no love. Word up. No way to act. That's no way to act. That's no way to act.

Should we get to our What Are You Nuts? We should. Josh, would you like to go first? You want me to go first? Well, intro at our What Do You Nuts moment of the week is our gripes with people, places and things, big or small things that are sticking in our crock currently. Ben, if you don't mind going first, I haven't thought of mine yet. Yes, I will go first. Thank you.

A running list. I'm just figuring out which one I want. All right. So I am driving towards Long Island. And to get to Long Island, you're driving past LaGuardia Airport. And Josh, outside plastered on LaGuardia Airport, for everyone to see an enormous billboard reads, Best New Airport in the World. What are you nuts?

Best new airport in the world. That's like saying that you are the best looking guy in the room, like in the world of me and you. It's just like such like a tiny, like very specified best new. new airport in the world. First of all, it's a terrible airport. Very poor construction. It's beautiful, but poor construction. It takes you at least 15 minutes to get to every single gate.

But best new airport in the world, I just read it and I was like, what are you nuts? This is not an accolade. This is not something that you win. You don't win best new airport. You could win best airport, which clearly they didn't. And who are they being put up against? The whole thing just rub me the wrong way.

Love that. My Woody and Nuts is parties where you are required to wear a certain color white parties what do you nuts i don't have white jeans and i'm not buying them for your party don't don't tell me to wear for what what does this do i know this i know these hampton's parties these fanatics these huge parties you know these white these white parties listen did he always have a white party we all know what happened i am right say okay so no i'm not i'm not going to your white party in a backyard in North Hollywood. I'm sorry. I'm not, we're not, what are we talking about? We're eating hot dogs with cheese that's been injected into the middle. We're not classy.

And white shows all stains. What are you nuts? Don't give me requirements. That's true. That's true. That's true. Why don't we do a black party? I love wearing all black. It's so slimming. Yes. And we can all look like stage managers. Honestly, the white party is fatphobic. That's what it is. It is. That's what it is. You're going to ask my 1,000-pound twin sisters to wear all white after being bit by a camel and ingesting too many mushrooms. What do you have against her?

God. What's crazy is you know that's the only mushrooms they've ever eaten. Jesus, that's mean. It's the truth. And that folks is our show. Thank you so much for joining us. As always, rate us five stars. What are you nuts?

You can't get comedy like this anywhere else. Listen to us on Spotify, Apple, wherever you get your podcast, watch us on Josh's YouTube. Follow us on social, good guys on Instagram, good guys on TikTok, share our clips. They're funny. They're funny. And yeah, Mondays and Thursdays, folks, we will see you next time. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial.

financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.