Good Guys - Dinner at Jimmy Kimmel's

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

This week on The Good Guys, Josh and Ben discuss the soft hands of a male masseuse, their love of Costco, and their biggest fears surrounding elevators.  Hosted by Josh Peck and Ben Soffer. New episodes are dropping every Monday. Don't miss it - what are ya, nuts? See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm Josh Peck and I'm Ben Saffer and we're the good guys there there's a lot of guys out there and we're fuck what is it there's a lot of and we're the good ones damn it was a good one too it's only one line Ben I know I know it's the only line that needs to be rehearsed Lizzie our producer keep this all in okay I'm Josh Peck and I'm Ben Sopper and we're the good guys there's a lot of guys out there and we're We're the good ones. Gailed it.

Wow. Good for us. Good for us. I am schvitzing and I've been told by my wife that if I turn on the air conditioner when we're podcasting you get like a muffled sound so there's no air on. I'm schvitzing. I'm letting everybody know. I'm wearing no pants.

Neither am I. Prove it. Prove it. Look at the... Oh my God. By the way, we're going to need to use this video. We're going to need to use this video because these meaty, meaty, Jewish thighs.

Look at, I mean, these stems, no? They're gorgeous. Yeah, but pants are pants. I have a little, I have a little eczema on my thighs, so I'm not going to hide it from the viewers. Pants are so underrated. Even when people will always say shorts are pants, I always go shorts. I'll even wear shorts on a plane, but I get a lot of shit for that. Do you wear shorts on a plane or you can't do that?

I would not be against it. Why do people, is it because you'll have skin, to seat contact? Yeah, they pretend that you're not going right home to shower. Yes. Like you're basically burning your whole body when you get back anyways, turning to 100 degrees, right, soaking your skin, tons of body wash, shampoo. What's the difference?

What's the difference? What is there a better feeling that when you have to take like a properly long flight and you land and you check into your hotel and the rooms available and you get to that like really deeply scented hotel soap on your body and you rinse off just like the delta air from your soul, you feel like a million bucks. There is nothing better and there's nothing better than when you have a towel that fits properly. Claudia talks about this in her stand-up where she goes into, gets out of the shower, puts

on a towel, especially when you're in Los Angeles, towels tiny, right? When you go to a beautiful hotel, beautiful resort, they have a big, beautiful towel that'll fit a 900-pound man, you wrap it around yourself twice, that's the best. I feel the same way about spas. When they give you an appropriate-sized robe, I don't know if you're a big massage guy, but sometimes those robes can be rather snug. When you get a proper size robe or towel, it makes all the difference. It's a great topic, Benjamin. What's your feeling? I am a massage guy.

Do you have any objection to a male masseuse? I don't. I think that when I first started to get massages, I did. But if you really like massages and aren't just horny, then it really shouldn't matter. Like all these like macho guys, like women only. Like you don't even know. And by the way, the softest hands are that of a larger man

rubbing your back. It's fantastic. I have no problems whatsoever. Honestly, sometimes when the woman is too skinny and her fingers are rather bony, I'm gonna pass. I need some cushion on those hands. I wish I was massaging my own back. Do you have problems with it?

I wanna feel like there's bare paws going up and down my lumbar spine. Yes, I have no issue with a man. And in fact, when I'm worried that I might have an anatomical response as I, I am not a perfect person and perhaps my body might do something that was unexpected. I'm happy to know that with a male masseuse that's almost entirely impossible, unless he looks like John Stamos.

I was going to say that also is the fear. Like what if that response just happens? Right. Then like I think that might actually, you might have cracked the reason why some men are uncomfortable with a male masseuse. But the truth is, if you're getting the type of massage. I like you mentioned bare claws I like when the elbow is up and around my shoulder and it's pressing in and removing all the knots there's no time to get

a boner it's this isn't like a soft rub this is hard deep tissue I'm not looking for anything sentimental and while I did just say that about myself I do want to say these men who are so worried about getting excited during a massage grow up what do you what do you at 13 grow up grow up control your body what did you start Netflix is 13. Yeah. Get it together. Like what do you have you like what is this your bar mitz? So you're a 30 something man like we've all been desensitized with the infinite amount of pornography there's available on the internet and you're

getting turned on at a Burke Williams stop it. Stop it. What is a Burke Williams a classic spa in Los Angeles? It is it's kind of it's it's like where Johnny drama from entourage would go for a a spa day. It's quite basic but also popular because it's kind of awesome. I need a really, really great steam room to complete that experience. I don't know about you, but a massage isn't complete unless I leave feeling partially broken. I walk into a eucalyptus steam and all of a sudden I'm risen to heaven through that like borderline VIX vapor rub. My chest expands. I feel like a million bucks. I wonder if as Jews we love a schvitz so much because on a cellular level, our DNA thinks

it's back in the homeland. It's possible. It really is. It reminds them of the desert. And we all of a sudden are euphoric. It's possible. It's possible. Because, but when, and I don't mean to culturalize it or whatever, like because the Italians like a schvitz, culturally, like, but of people of that part of the world. But then again, like the Finnish love as sauna, you know, Norwegian people, like people Icelandic. So maybe I'm just completely speaking out of turn here. But amongst our Jews, it feels quite like a bonding experience. It is. It is. I'd also say that Jews are prone to allergies and sinus problems. And I think it just clears us up. You go in there, you're breathing good, you're feeling good.

That's at least why I like it. I breathe unbelievably in the steam room. I'm not a sauna guy. I never feel like the sauna is on. It always seems like there's something missing. You know, like the steam room, you can see the steam. The sauna, you can't see the heat. The steam is a ruse, my boy.

It's a ruse. It's, it, and you also can't sit in it long enough. Like a sauna, a good dry sauna, if you can lay down in that thing for 30 minutes. I mean, I've gone into Saundas that were so hot that when I take the locker key out of my pocket after, it burns me. Like the metal sears my hand, like a steak. Holy smokes. Yeah. It's not a good, not a great endorsement. I'm not going in there to get burned alive. Oh, I love it. I just want to be, I, I remember speaking of Burke Williams, there was a time in my life, Ben, and I'm not ashamed to admit it, where I had a membership.

to Burke Williams, which was $140 a month. Let me break down this membership, because they don't offer it anymore. It was too good. Sounds cheap. It was $140. They had five locations all over the Los Angeles area. I swear this is not a paid endorsement.

Again, they don't offer this anymore. A beautiful facility, a couple miles from my house, steam, sauna, showers, a hot tub, nice. Right? Now, the $140 a month, half of that went to a some sort of, what would you call it, a procedure, a session. Something you had to get a treatment, a treatment. So you could get a facial, a massage. So $80 of that, if you didn't use it towards something, you lost it, right? And the rest of it was just like a nice, you know, sort of hangout. So I would literally, and this is my 20s, I'm not married, no responsibility. I'd go work out around 3 o'clock. Then I would drive to Burke Williams, check in around 4.15. I knew the guy that worked there, Francisco.

He'd chop me up a nice crudete. Shout out Dr. Oz. And I would literally sit like a king for two plus hours, schvitzing, doing an ice plunge. Again, I'm sober, right? So, like, this is like this sort of free high I'm getting. And then around seven, I'd meet. someone for dinner. Is that not the life? Unbelievable. So Burke Williams, you didn't get massages.

You simply used the facilities. No, and I would get the monthly, because I'm not going to let the 80 go to waste. Yeah, I would put that towards, I'd get like a 50-minute Swedish or whatever. Fantastic. A membership to a spa. The reason they probably don't do that anymore is because they were probably losing money. There had to be some problem with it. Otherwise, I would do that in the city and say, six seconds. My biggest problem with an Equinox membership, for example, is I don't want to use the gym. So I'm going to go to the Equinox, pay for all this beautiful gym equipment, just to use the steamroom and the sauna and get a massage? No, I don't want the gym. I just want the steamroom sauna massage. Honestly, I think that this needs to be opened. I would, you know,

I was going to make fun of you, and then you made a compelling argument for something they should offer and I guess the reason they don't is because how do they police that? I don't know. You know? I don't know. Also because they make so much money off of getting people to sign up for gyms that they don't use. I want to know the percentage of people that pay $240 a month for Equinox and ever fucking go.

It's the reason I just canceled Soho House after four years. I've been paying quarterly for four fucking years for Soho House. Good for you. Trash. The food is trash. It's honestly, it's public. It's like a public school, but somehow everybody there has a membership, and you can never get a table. You can never sit anywhere.

So I finally canceled it. And the final straw, I've gone on attention here, but the final straw. No, tell us, Ben, we want to hear. With this Soho House membership, the day I turned 30, they didn't tell me, hiked up my membership price. Sure, maybe they told me that four years ago, the under 30 rate. You got to let somebody know when you turn 30. Are you comfortable with this being an extra two grand a year? Oh, no, I'm going to put it towards Burke Williams. Right. Or find an alternative. So I'm out. But let me tell you, the only membership I've had for the last 20 years that's

given me no stress is a Costco membership. And I can't, I can't promote it enough because yet again for $1.50, they've got the hot dog with the drink combo. And it's a hefty, it's a hefty Frank footer. They also just have the best everything. Everything. I love Costco. Nobody loves Costco more than my brother-in-law, Zach Shapiro. I don't think you've met him. They love him. They love Costco so much that I wanted them to name their daughter Kirkland. Imagine Kirkland Shapiro, isn't that a gorgeous name? But he gets everything from there. From blueberries and chicken to putters and golf balls, they have everything. The Kirkland brand is number one.

By the way, Kirkland, Washington, where Costco was started, that's where the Kirkland brand comes from. Have I said that before? I feel like I'm repeating myself. I've never heard that. We haven't spoken about Costco, by the way. I'm glad we're on it because I recently bought some TVs for my new home that I'm moving into soon, and it couldn't have been a better experience. And all of a sudden, this lovely girl in a red vest pops up out of nowhere in the electronic section.

because you know you're looking and you've got like a cornucopia of these gigantic televisions and you don't know there's a 65 inch for 400 bucks there's one for 3,000 I don't know what I need and she goes what what are you in the market for I say dear to be honest I don't know what I need I need I need you to tell me what I need she asked me a couple questions she gave me a very reasonable television not the best not the worst I can't say enough good things about her I don't remember her name but she was lovely. We don't do ads yet on this show, but I'm just saying this would have been the most beautiful organic advertisement for Costco. And I'm going to manifest it that we'd like a Costco partnership and I'd like Spritz aside to be sold in Costco. And me and you will go, what's better

than their croissants? I'll walk in there. We'll get two of those massive trays of croissants. We'll sit. We'll do some nice, I don't know what we're going to do besides eat the croissants, but I want to do something with Costco and croissants. I agree. And the only thing that that will turn you off to humanity more is watching samples being cooked and these vulture, sick, middle America people standing around this sample station like they're giving away bars of gold. Enough already. It's a chia seed cracker. Stop it.

You know, it's like maybe you'll get a sample. Maybe you won't. But your day will not be affected on the success of this. No, it won't. It won't be. That being said, I love a good sample. My favorite sample used to be, I now do my best as you know to keep kosher. My favorite sample used to be, you're in a mall, and there's one of those Chinese places,

and they have little past sesame chicken with a little skewer. Do you what I'm talking about? You get a little toothpick of sesame chicken. It makes your whole day. But I agree with you. I don't want a cheese seed or a cracker. I don't need to try any of that. But a piece of sesame chicken, that's a different story.

Now, when you say you try your best to keep kosher, and I don't want it to sound like I'm being critical because I respect it, what does that mean outside your house? Because we've had a bunch of wonderful meals before and they couldn't be further from kosher. Yes. So the history of my kosherd, which is the plural of koshert, is I'd say 17, 18 years old, I went full kosher. never like sniffing meat out of the house no meat and milk and none of that I've always eaten dairy I'm not a kosher dairy guy technically there are people that won't eat non-coher

dairy do you want areas a different the dairy is a different subject in case there's like two Jews that aren't I'm sorry in case there are two non-jews who somehow weirdly found this podcast on their way to like something that bar stool offers do you want to give like a quick, like the top, the headlines of what being kosher means? Yes. No shellfish, no non-cochure meat. The process of making meat kosher is it is the most humane way to kill an animal, and then it's blessed and overseen by a rabbi.

Kosher dairy is more nuanced, but a similar process. Obviously, the animal is alive, but it's, again, all about humanity. and no mixing milk and meat. Those are the... And no pork. Oh yeah, that's the biggest one. Thank you. Those are the biggest ones.

So it's important to me to keep kosher. It's been important since I started. I like it because it makes me think that there's something more important than me. And as a man that's always struggled with his weight, it's also nice to have things that you can't eat for a reason other than yourself, right? I can eat it. It's not only not healthy for me to eat a bacon cheese. but I just can't do it.

And having some self-control, I think, has stopped me from going from obese to morbidly obese and dying. So I think Kostru keeps me on the straight and narrow in that regard. But sometimes it's hard. It's just you suck into temptation. And now I'm at the point where it's like, all right, 90% of my time, I'm keeping kosher. But if I go to Peter Lugers, I really would love to have a state. or if I'm having a once every six month gorgeous meal with you I might want to

have a steak so you happen to have caught me on special occasion nights but ultimately I wish that I kept fully kosher and just people need to open more kosher restaurants the problem is there aren't enough there aren't enough good kosher steakhouses if there were more good kosher steak houses all we do is eat kosher steak and that is kosher in a nutshell I think you know you make a compelling argument and And I think it's an even better, more compelling argument towards, to your point, limiting oneself. Because you're right.

Like, I do the intermittent fasting. It kills me. It's so trendy. But I eat in an eight hour window. Why? Because I found myself waking up with my kid at 6 a.m. And I'm pouring like a pitcher of coffee mate into my coffee. When you get that French vanilla mixing with your coffee, there's just, there's no better taste in the morning.

And then, nine, 10 o'clock at night, I'm eating some cashews. I'm telling myself, grapes are healthy and not full of sugar. Like, I'm stuffing my big dumb head all day. And what you see is it's just like it doesn't seem like a lot of calories because it's a handful of this or it's a small meal of that. But it's now happened six or seven times throughout the day. And I wonder why I've got an extra 10 or 15 pounds I can't lose. So I agree with you. Restriction is good.

I wish that my biggest problem is that I had too many cashews and grapes. That is a... You've gone from relatable to unrelatable very quickly. You know, I'm lying. I'm actually quoting Howard Stern because that's what he eats when he cheats, and he's got a whole, you know, myriad of eating issues. Because I don't.

I don't. I mean, I eat dessert literally, probably every day. Some form of dessert, at least five days out of the week. So good. What's better than sugar? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I love a sour patch watermelon. Is that a delicious candy? Oh my gosh. I love a sour patch watermelon. What about when you really want to make it last so you suck on it and you get all like the hard sort of sour sugar on the outside, the exterior first?

Oh yeah. And you do that when you're trying to say to yourself that you're only going to have five of them and then you have the whole bag. I'm going to suck on it so it lasts long and then eat the whole thing. When there's, you know, and I don't, I think it's a vestige of the past now, especially when you have the whole bag. with COVID, but you know, when AMC for a while introduced those bulk candy bins, where you could take your disgusting hand and make a bet. When I can vacillate between a beautiful sour moment and then a chocolate peanut moment and then get a salty, buttery hit of popcorn, and then just wash it down with a diet beverage, that's heaven. That is taste heaven. I don't know why more movie theaters don't do, they're not more creative with their snack assortment.

Imagine you walk into a movie theater and there's like a Dylan's candy bar. Oh my God. You get a bag and you have all these freaking machines. You pull down the whopper. You pull down the sour patch. You know how much money they'd make? They could charge like $50 a pound. Yes.

They'd be making crazy money. You could have chocolate covered pretzels. gorgeous it's it's this is a whole subject matter that I can go crazy about first and foremost you're right and if you watch TikTok and you're on like the Japanese 7-Eleven side of TikTok that I am and you see the offerings what's possible in these gorgeous Asian countries these places outside of America where like fast food is done so much differently and it looks just so tasty and exotic but also and this has always been my issue and granted it's my

business so if people think I'm being negative I'm talking about something that will impact me movie theaters are going to be something of the past like I just don't see how they survive because if you look at the viewing experience over the last 40 years home viewing has gone from a black and white television to literally an 85 inch crystal clear unbelievable surround sound experience with the ability in which to stream something the moment you feel like watching it And the movie theater experiences slightly better snacks, maybe? Like, what is it?

It hasn't changed for 100 years if we really think about it. It needs to change to survive. And I don't think that I agree with you. Today's movie theaters, no good. The way that you probably have seen, like there's a company called I Pick. There are a few of these where you go in, you get a nice crispy rice with spicy tuna. And you get a, like, there's like sort of an experience. Again, I don't think that that's it, but I do think that there's this element, the same reason I don't think retail will end up dying, because people like to go and touch and socialize, even though one would say that Amazon has taken over and nobody will ever shop in retail. It's sort of a similar comparison. I think that there's still that wants to go to the movies as an activity, especially with a larger group, that I think there's something to be found there that hasn't been found yet.

Like over COVID, I don't know if you took advantage of this. We went to AMC, we paid $199 and we rented out the whole theater. We were at School of Rock. We invited 30 people, and it was the best. Like, you just, you're, again, buying a theater experience that 99.9999% of the country doesn't have. Like, yeah, you can have a gorgeous TV. I have a gorgeous TV. But I don't have a theater that fits 30.

Like, I think that if it becomes a little bit more privatized, and booked. I think there's something great there. I think it will be sort of subjugated or basically there will be two outposts. There will be big movie theaters that will mimic more of like a top golf. Like there's one in every city, but there's probably not more than two or three. And it'll be for Marvel movies and Top Gun sequels and things of that nature, like massive $100 million films.

And then there'll be little art house theaters where me and your grandmother goes and we watch, you know, like small indie movies. But I don't think we'll see like great $20 million comedies at the theater anymore. Agreed. It would be really cool if a Paramount Plus or a Netflix decided to brand movie theaters

and just use them as extra perks for their subscribers. like you pay $7 a month for Netflix, but you can also go to like a Netflix theater and watch a Netflix movie with a group of 100. You're not paying any more money. Like I think to your point, I agree that the movie theater business will not be a profitable endeavor anymore.

But I think that the idea of community is something that we're going to end up missing. So it would be cool if a streaming service did that. Well, I think it's time for our, what are your nuts moment of the, week and I think Ben I can guess from your IG story what what your moment is yeah last night was a terrible night I didn't know it either I got home from dinner had some sushi secchi which if you haven't had secchi god it's just fantastic there are three locations in the city the best spicy

mayonnaise on the planet oh really really good had no idea what I was in store for walked upstairs got Theo, put on his leash, walked downstairs, went around the block, he took a nice pee, got back up into the elevator, I live on 16, or at 14, 15, 15.

Stop! Frozen. In midair. Stuck in a fucking elevator. Who gets stuck in the elevator? I called Claudia. I'm like, I'm stuck in the elevator. She's like, that's so you.

Yeah, it is so me. Who gets stuck in an elevator? Nobody gets stuck in an elevator. I don't know. anyone who's been stuck in an elevator in literally 20 years. It just doesn't happen to people. I'm stuck in this elevator. I call my super. He comes up. He's literally, I'm stuck like an inch below the line on 15. He can talk to me from the floor. And he's like, should I go and shut off the elevator to see if it'll just power back on there? There are two things that go through my

head. The first is if you shut up the elevator, am I going to plunge to my death? And two, if I don't plunge to my death, regardless, you've just shut off the lights, and now I'm sitting in the dark. So please don't shut off the elevator, you big goon. No. I hate... What a... Is that horrible advice?

Ben, should I go and restart the elevator? I'm not sure if it's gonna work. That's not what you want to hear when you're stuck in an elevator and could free fall to the floor. I hate that for an elevator, it has the same approach for repair that my modem

does or my iPhone. Like, we're going to reset it. We're going to unplug it and plug it back in. This is an elevator. It's an elevator. It's an elevator. So no, don't do that. He says, okay, I'm going to call the mechanic.

Call us the mechanic, of course. There's one night guy, 40 blocks away. He'll be here when he's there. Guy finally comes 45 minutes later. Looks like the Grim Reaper. Gets me out. Me and Theo are freed. And, yeah, it was dark there for a minute.

but I did get out alive, and I'm not going to lie, I did Google, can you plunge to your death in an elevator if you're stuck? And it does seem like there are mechanisms in place that make that actually impossible. Yes. And that that free-falling idea is very much dramatized in the theater. But it was good to know that I wasn't going to plunge to my death, but it was really, really hot. That was like, I didn't realize that my,

elevator isn't air conditioned. Are elevators normally air conditioned? I feel like they usually have like a healthy sort of exhaust flow going on but you think that's maybe just because the lobby is typically air conditioned and you're not in there for that long because this was not air conditioned there was zero airflow I felt the sweat drops down my back Theo was very uncomfortable and all I got to say is what are you nuts what do you get stuck in an elevator? Did you My biggest fear of getting stuck in an elevator is I'm a peer. And especially, as we've talked about on the pod,

but especially knowing that you had just had a beautiful dinner, you probably knocked back a couple, I don't know, bubble waters, maybe an alcoholic beverage. I am so terrified because I know that if I got locked in, somewhere 30 to 45 minutes in, I'm going to have to pee in a corner and then I'm going to have to sit in my own pee. And then when they rescue me, I'm going to have to explain what this puddle is I'm sitting there.

And I'm not ready for that embarrassment. My mother-in-law won't take elevators for what happened to you. Like by the way, even in New York, even in New York, she'd walk 14 floors ideally before she'd take an elevator. Wow. Has she been stuck in an elevator or is there trauma or this is just like? I think so. Yeah.

Like real phobia and the few times where she's been bullied into an elevator or didn't have time to think about it, she was just in a group and we all just walked in, I'll like check in on her face and it's not it's not joyful oh my god terrified yeah we got to get her statistics because i was terrified for example flying and turbulence until i realized that nobody dies in a plane crash it's so small it's tiny i think the stat far more people die in car crashes than plane crashes and i'm sure that that many people less die in elevators nobody dies in an elevator Well, I think for my Woody Nuts moment, sticking with the elevator theme because you inspired me, and also sticking with the fact that for the last 35 years, I've lived in an apartment, much like you, Ben, were city boys, city guys, C-I-T-Y.

You remember that show City Guys from going up, or am I too old for you? Yeah, I don't remember it. Oh, man, it was like a Saturday morning, like more updated, Save by the Bell show, and it was C-I-T-Y, you can see why, these guys, the city guys. Wow, sounds amazing. It was good. Check it out. Can we bring it back? Maybe I do the reboot.

I've done a lot. I've done a lot of reboots. You are king of the reboot. Dude, I was just thinking about it, and I was like, I know there's one more, and I remembered it. So it's Turner and Hooch, how I met your father, Red Dawn, wait, there's another one. I Carly and Fuller House. I've done five reboots in my life. By the way.

Good for you. Reboots are where the cash is. They already have an audience. Apparently. Apparently. Yeah, I say that as if I book out reboots. It's not... Cache me, Ben. Okay, so from my What Are You Nuts moment, you know, I'm leaving my apartment building,

and I've lived here for six years, and you know, I just know elevator etiquette, that if we're neighbors and we live together, I'm going to need something in the elevator. And it doesn't have to be long, and you don't have to ask me how my life's going. But just, how are you? Or morning. Or take care. Or have a good night. Something.

Especially if I've got an adorable three-year-old at my side, who you really need to acknowledge. And I can't attack millennials or Gen Z people because I'll notice these adults, like grown men in their 40s and 50s, they don't acknowledge me. They don't acknowledge my kid. We've lived in the same building.

I've seen you around. We're cohabitating. Say hello, right? What are you nuts? Always say hello. I agree. Always say hello, especially with Max. You'd expect a always so cute, what's his name? Something. None of that. Let me tell you, if you're around me and you go to give my kid a pound, not in an aggressive way, but just like a sup little bud, you kind of go in and he and he pounded you back. Let me tell you, you have risen in my eyes. like that's a good guy oh yeah max is good with the pounds he likes a pound um he unfortunately

you might not want to initiate with him because he'll talk your ear off oh what a cuty what's your name max oh so let me tell you dude 100% we can't get him to stop talking we we try to tell each other my wife and I that it means he's extra smart but he just might be a I think he's an extra smart yenta. That's fair. I'll take it. All right. So in our stories this week, sticking with our incredibly masculine brand, there's actually a football story in the New York Post that has just enough gossip for us to cover. Ryan Fitzpatrick's Tom Brady anger goes well beyond mother effort theory. Tom Brady has been pissing off Ryan Fitzpatrick since the former court.

played for the bills over a decade ago. During an appearance on Barstool Sports, pardon my take, Fitzpatrick said Brady showed him zero respect during their matchups through the years. The XQB, who is now an analyst for Amazon's Thursday night football on Prime Video, not giving them a free shout out, Amazon come through for us, recalled facing Brady and the Patriots on a number of occasions during his stints with the Bill's Jets and Dolphins. I've told this story before, but he just pisses me off because you're in Buffalo, you're playing New England, they're kicking our ass every single year, they're beating us. I think that's it. I think he's just pissed. He's just pissed. All right. So yeah, he's just mad at

Tom Brady. Go for it, Ben. I just want to give some context for those who don't know who Ryan Fitzpatrick is. Ryan Fitzpatrick, enormous beard, always been a guy that has never been the guy, but if you call on him, he's solid. He's always been solid. Randomly went to Harvard, super smart. Wow. That's the context. Tom Brady, I mean, look, I love him. Tom Brady, the goat. Gorgeous, unbelievable at football.

Just the best. Now, if I was Ryan Fitzpatrick, I would also want attention from Tom Brady. So I think that this must be that. But it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. opponents, Tom Brady is a really strong competitor. He's not going to kick your ass and then walk up to you and say, sorry, I kicked your ass. Wouldn't that also be patronizing? Right. Like, there's a strange, I don't really understand, but I hope Ryan Fitzpatrick gets out of this, whatever he's trying to get out of it. Maybe it's some more visibility in the media. Maybe he realized that Tom Brady is being spoken about a lot. I don't know what his agenda is, but hopefully he figures it out.

I mean, but Ryan Fitzpatrick was never on the same team as him, obviously. He never backed up. Right. So he especially doesn't owe you anything. If you're not on the same team, you're competing against each other. You're all making millions of dollars, Tom Brady more millions. And like, this is a competitive sport at the highest level with the greatest to ever do it. Oh, I'm sorry.

Did I not check in on how you're doing, Ryan? And no disrespect to Ryan Fitzpatrick, but inevitably, I mean, you're dealing with a guy who's operating on such a high level that I would encourage you to stand back and watch how it's done. It's very weird. It's a very strange story, especially just because Ryan Fitzpatrick, I thought he was better than this, but he's not. Something must have happened that we don't know about. Something behind the scenes. It can't just be, oh, I'm so upset that Tom Brady beat me 40 to nothing nine years in a row and he didn't come over and say, sorry. It's a very weird thing for a guy that's a professional competitor. I just, and granted,

in most cases where I've gotten to work with like an actor who's like of that A-list, crazy, like recently I have a very small part in a movie with Matt Damon and Matt Damon proved to just be as lovely as one could have expected. But had he not been, but had he been just like a cordial professional, which I've certainly dealt with people of his level, that weren't exactly handing out hugs, but they showed up and did their job. I respected that too, because it's like, we're not politicians here. Inevitably, like, our job is to do our job. And whatever gets me home a little quicker, and in this case, you got home because

there was no overtime because you got beaten so badly. Mm-hmm. I mean, look, there are only a couple of guys like this. Like, I put him, I put Brady, I put Kobe. Like, these are fierce freaking competitors. The reason they were at the top of their game forever. is because they focus on winning and they focus on their craft.

They don't focus on anybody else. It's literally them. Right. Respect to Tom. I'm on Team Tom. Respect to Tom. Team TV 12. Team TB 12.

Respect to Ryan Fitzpatrick. I hope you crush it for Amazon. I hope Bezos pays you a lot. I don't mean to pick on you. You seem like a great guy. Yeah, but he won't pay him a lot. They just cheapos over there. Cheapos.

Damn it. We were supposed to, we almost got a sponsorship until I called it. Well, there that goes. I was hoping to maybe get a free prime membership out of it. Oh, yeah, Ben, we're really cheap. I'm going to rip up this million dollar contract. No. No, we'll still take it.

We'll still take it, Jeffrey. We love it. I also want to ride on Blue Origin with you and Pete Davidson. I'll take it. All right, so also, and this is even more topical, Will Smith has been banned from Saturday Night Live after the Chris Rock slap. Will Smith has lost a lot of comedian friends since attacking Chris Rock at the Oscars, and now he has lost the support of the cast of Saturday Night Live.

Smith will never, ever be invited back to S&L after what he did to Chris. The show is a temple for comedians, and no one wants him around anymore. Forget hosting, Will won't even be able to get a ticket to sit in the audience anymore. He's not welcome. That's from sources at S&L. What do we think? Well, I believe we spoke about it that night. That was fucking wild.

Wild. Like, wild. You cannot go on stage. I don't care if it's film. I don't care if it's national television. I don't care if it's anywhere. A comic is on stage. You do not touch them.

Touching them. Or even, I hate hecklers. People who heckle terrible as well. Leave these people alone to do their craft. If you don't agree with it, you shouldn't have come. Don't come next time. Because honestly, you're watching an artist at work, and it's the equivalent of watching Picasso paint and walking up to it

and smearing the shit in your hand on his painting. Leave his painting alone. Leave the comics alone. Let them be on stage and do their thing. That being said, I absolutely hate, one, S&L these days, and this is probably why. And two, I hate when you bring up something that no longer needs to be brought up. It's over.

It happened. It's done. If SNL wanted to take a very random stand, do it when he does it. Don't do it six months later because your ratings are tanking and you want to be in some random conversation. SNL these days is, I don't want to speak for you. I assume you agree. It's terrible. It's gone completely down the tubes.

The talent is just not where it once was. It's not funny. It's an overemphasis on these musical guests always. always, just be funny. They can't be funny anymore, so they need to bring up old dirt. So in summary, Will Smith, wrong. SNL, you're too late. Perfectly said.

And the only thing I was saying in addition to that is you're right, as far as I love when a nameless cast member from SNL will take a stance on someone far more famous than they'll ever be, such as when Elon Musk was hosting, and just as when Elon was hosting, and just some like nameless cast member goes, you know, throws out this huge objection to Elon being on the show. And what I wanted to say is this, listen, Elon is far from a perfect person. I don't know if I'm team Elon, but what I do know is that I'm team innovation. And what Elon has done in like a tenth of his life is more than any of us could ever dreamt of. And I just hope that he doesn't do something that sullies that sort of impact on the world over the next, you know, couple decades. But

regardless, it's like, bro, you're in one and a half sketches this week, and you're talking about Elon Musk? Stop it. Stay out of it. So weird. The only cast member, I actually, did you ever, are you friendly with Keenan Thompson? Did you guys ever overlap at Nick? Just in passing, maybe we've texts a little bit, but we've never really hung out.

Because I, I mean, I love him. I think that Keenan is the only, I think everyone would agree. He saves SNL. Time and time again, I'll just watch the Keenan show. I don't care. If nobody else is on, it doesn't matter to me because Keenan's there. And I was so happy that I saw that he hosted the Emmys this week. Did you see that on Sunday?

I did. And speaking of the Emmys, you know, your wife and the world was going crazy over this Jimmy Kimmel bit that he did when Quinta Brunson won her Emmy Award. And I guess he laid on the stage in what was, I mean, maybe. you can speak more to it then yeah i i think i fell asleep by this time but i briefly remember it being that he went up presented there was some uh it was a bit it was a shit it was a bit it was a bit with will arnett he died he was on he was on stage the entire time that this person who won a very important award to them was presenting emotionally that was what it was i believe you know i'm not

going to comment on, you know, my interactions with Jimmy and he's had me to his house before, so I'll qualify that as he's been incredibly lovely. And God, does he know how to hire a good chef? The food at these parties, unreal. What I'll speak to is as a performer is the tunnel vision of a bit. And especially as a comedian, and I see it. Because I do these college gigs where I'll go to these different colleges all over the country and they'll pay me nicely. And I'll go for anywhere to 500 to 2,000 kids. And I'll basically do like 30 minutes of stand up and 30 minutes of like a moderated Q&A. And I really want to make it great. And so I undersell it as in quotes lecture Q&A. And what it turns into sort of this ruckus, comedic, you know, because I just had these

stories throughout my life that I've told over the years that I know are going to do well. And it really is important to me for everyone to have a great time in that. to laugh. Now I've also done these things where they've said let's do a double headliner show. Let's have you and another actor come in. I go, no problem. Money's the same. Don't matter to me. A bag is a bag. And I see how much, how little these people care about, like they think they're so impressive that they're just answering the questions or not putting much into it. I went to Syracuse. University and had someone who worked at the university say, we had a major A-list actor come here, much different than you, Josh, but a major A-list actor, come here, do a Q&A and fall asleep halfway

through. That's how uncommitted they were. So all of that is to say, I know what it is for a comedian who feels like at every opportunity it's necessary to over-deliver and give a memorable moment and this is a prime example of that tunnel vision gone awry and not really taking the temperature of the audience and what was happening. Because I now know that I have a degree of separation to a beautiful home-cooked dinner from Jimmy Kimmel's chef, I'm not going to speak ill of him. I'm sure that whatever he did, he didn't mean to do. That being said, I agree with you. Jokes are funny until they take over somebody else's spotlight, and then they're just inconsiderate.

Totally. You're right. Such a fear. And I've totally fallen victim to that before, and I'm just like, why, Josh? Why can't you just be enough? And the problem is, especially with award shows, you know, they always say that hosting the Oscars is the worst job ever, because by the time you're a third of the way through,

you're in a room full of losers. because four out of five people lose every award. So now you're just standing there in front of people who are waiting to go eat because they haven't eaten for three months in anticipation of this. So, yeah, I just think award shows in general, those, you know, where they're held, they're not built for comedy, and everybody's on their phone and checking out, you know, how they looked on getting images of their red carpet walk. But most importantly, I think it's time for the good guys to give some good advice.

I was going to say, speaking of having eaten in three months, it's pretty apropos to this question that I got, which I think we can both weigh in on one more of a success story, if you will, than the other. But advice on starting a diet. Josh, considering you have found success from being larger to being smaller, I'll let you tee off, as they say. Well, look, I think that one thing we have to know for sure is that the entire world is struggling with weight and body image and that it's not just people like you and I, Ben, who tend to be a little thicker in the thigh section, but pretty prolific, I must say. I'm still reeling from seeing your beautiful quads. My wife comes from a beautifully athletic, genetically gifted family, and I see that her and, her,

and her siblings all worry about their consumption, what they're eating, how they look, how things are fitting. So what I would say is first, be easy on yourself. You know, we spend so much time with that saboteur, that radio K-Fuck in our head, as I like to call it, you know, that wakes up a couple minutes before you do every morning and tells you all the reasons why you're not enough. So Ben and I are here to tell you that you are enough

and that sometimes being sick and tired and completely over it is a great place to start. So if that's where you are right now, I'd say you're in a perfect place, even though I know that it can be slightly painful. Ben? That was wonderful advice. All that I will say is I've lost 50 to 60 pounds twice, so I know how to lose it. I'm currently down 10 on this new journey. Nice.

And the way that I've always done it is, I think, something that you do now, Josh. You intermittent fast. I do. That's a program. Pick a program. Do the program. Because in the end of the day, anything that you do

that isn't eating breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacking, ice cream night, binge eating, taking a piece of cheesecake and going in the closet, anything that you do besides that, you're going to end up losing weight.

It's really just consistency. That's why people, there's the keto diets and the keto seasons. But everybody knows the keto season. It's just a lifestyle. You don't have to be on the keto diet, to be keto season, it's just anything you want. But if you pick the keto diet, if you pick Atkins, if you pick weight watchers, if you pick eating salads, more fish, more chicken, you're going to lose weight.

As long as you're consistent and you don't eat too much food. It's all portions. I found it's portion control. If you want to lose weight, calories in, calories out. You don't have to go to the gym, but if you don't go to the gym, he can't eat as much. So I don't go to the gym. So when I want to lose weight, I eat less food. I need to eat like 1,400 calories a day.

I'm really hungry, and I lose weight. And that's it. And if I wanted to eat 2,000 calories, I should have gone to the gym, gotten on the treadmill, and burned 600, so I could have had a pint of ice cream. That's it. That's my advice. I just love, I really want to think about the businesses

that we're going to be able to create off the success, on the shoulders of this once-in-a-lifetime podcast. and the idea of us having a diet called keto season where we become the face the way my dear Oprah is the face of Weight Watchers gets me really excited. We're doing it. It's a lifestyle, baby. Ketis season.

But I'm a little, but I think keto season needs, it needs to be keto season one word, almost as though we're creating a new word, but that it's not a typical keto diet because I'm not a keto guy. I got to be honest. I'm more vegan, vegetarian, leaning, you know, intermittent fasting, that's what's best for my diet because I don't want to feel

no matter how much steak you offer me, how many hard-boiled day, I don't know what these keto people do, you know, they love so much dairy, it's sick, it's crazy, but like I'm always going to want a piece of bread and some ice cream. And I found the way I do it, if I do mostly veggies, not too much protein, you know, and a little bit of dessert here and there, six days a week. I can find a balance. And to your point, balance, moderation, what's right for you? That's why keto season turned from a diet into a lifestyle. Because the diet ultimately fails.

You accept yourself, right, for the failures. And you realize that keto season is fun to say. So it becomes just whatever it is. I can't wait. I just want to, when I'm in New York, I'm going to record a bunch of these episodes. And then I want to go with you, maybe we do a bang bang. Have you heard of a bang bang? Is that like a muck bang?

Close. It's when you go, I mean, we could film it. It's when you go to two restaurants for one meal. I want to do your famous sushi place, even the spicy mayo place that you just talked about. Granted, we'll be farty, but hopefully we don't get locked in your elevator. And then go to Carbone. Oh, it always ends at Carbone. Or begins. No, I can't get you a reservation. No, I can't. Stop asking me.

It's terrible. Too many people. If you rate this podcast five stars and leave a comment, maybe once a year we'll pick one person from the comments and we'll take you to Carbone with the good guys. It's possible that could happen. You can find us at podcast, at podcast, at Apple, at Spotify, at somebody else is going to need to tell me

where else this podcast is being streamed. My mom's Facebook page. Facebook. You got to go on Facebook to find it illegally on Josh's mom's page. But yes, five stars. That's what we need. Go, listen, rate every Monday. The Good Guys.

New episodes. We'll see you next week. I'm here on the job site with Dale, who's a framing contractor. Hey, good morning. Dale traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance for all his business vehicles. We're here where he needs us most.

Yep, they sure are. We make it easy for him to save on all his insurance needs, all in one place, with coverage that fits his business and bottom line. Oh, I shouldn't have looked down. It's all right. We're so far up here. Look at me. Take a deep breath.

Oh, I'm good. So good. Get a commercial auto insurance quote today at Geico.com and see how much you could save. It feels good to Geico.