Good Guys - FREE CHRISLEY

Episode Date: November 28, 2022

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The following podcast is a dear media production. I'm Josh Peck and I'm Ben Safer and we're the good guys. There's a lot of guys out there and we're the good ones. So Josh, our episodes release on Mondays but we're recording before Thanksgiving but the episode comes out after Thanksgiving so I'm really feeling like I'm stuck in a vortex and I don't really know where we are. All I have to say is happy Cyber Monday everyone. Happy Cyber Monday and because you brought that up, Sprit Society is running a fantastic deal sitewide 25% off spritsociety.com.

Tell us more, Ben. Is there anything else to tell? That's really it. It's just sitewide, 25% off. It's a gorgeous deal. You go Spritsociety.com. And yeah, you can stock up for the holidays on just God's beverage. It really is a beverage given straight to us from the man upstairs. Free shipping or no free shipping? It's beverages, which is heavy. So I imagine you have to, you got to charge. We're giving free shipping, baby. No, you are? All cyber Monday long. My God.

I mean, I haven't seen this level of philanthropy since, I mean, I don't know when. It is true philanthropy. It is. Sprit Society.com. No code necessary. 25% off site wide. Now, listen, even with the best products, there's always a negative side to consumerism, right? What are you going to do when there's the first spritz-related death?

Hear me out. She's! Someone is on a yacht party in Monaco. They've been drinking not only sprits, a wide variety of beverages, but unfortunately, the final drink they are drinking is a peach spritz, because we all know it's the best flavor, even though I never tried it. And they slip, they fall off the yacht.

Unfortunately, the Spritz stays in their hand. And as we all know, Spritz is not a flotation device. And they sadly fall to their demise. What then? What do you do? I have two words for you, Josh. Insurance policy. That's it.

I'm a policyholder. People should act responsibly, but God forbid they don't. As long as it wasn't the juice that did it to them, which it can't be God's juice. If it was them in Italy, slipped, tripped, fell, dead insurance policy. Can we talk, because I think the minutia of like formulating a beverage is interesting. Could you have dialed up or down? Because what's it, about 6% you said?

Yes. So could you have dialed up or down the alcohol content? It's an excellent question. So the wine comes to us. uncarbonated to still wine at around 12%. So our beverage formulator will insert enough carbonated water to sparkle the beverage, but also level out the ABV level to get it to 6%. So yes, we can adjust it any which way we want.

The only way we can adjust it is up. If it's at 12 and your base wine is at 12, you can't go higher than 12. But if we wanted to get it to 3%, or 2% or 1%, just more water, less wine. Now, if you kept it at 12%, would it just have to be no bubbles? It would just have to be no bubbles or a larger can, or because it's percentage by ounce. So to get an 8.4 ounce can to be 6% alcohol, you need X amount of 12% wine, X amount of water, X amount of juice. and blend it into a gorgeous sparkling cocktail. Award winning, I should say.

Now, most importantly, me as a guy almost 15 years sober, Baruch Hashem, is there a lane for me to sell or put my face on an alcoholic beverage? Because we all know, the only thing I prize more than my sobriety is money. I think so. I think that the same way that not everything is for everyone, It doesn't mean that it wouldn't be for you if you could.

Like, for example, I do my best to keep kosher. It doesn't mean I wouldn't promote a butcher box, right? So true. Shout out butcher box. Because it's a fantastic meat assortment for the man that does not care. And if I was in that man's shoes, Josh, if I was in that man's shoes, a butcher box would be for me. The same way that you can say to a man's shoes, Josh, if I was in that man's shoes, if I was in that man's shoes, if I was in

a friend. I know that you love drinking and I think perhaps you're drinking things that just don't taste as good as I imagine Sprit Society does. So I'm going to endorse Sprit Society to the person who does in fact drink. I'm just going to say that if me going public with my sobriety journey has kneecap me for a Budweiser Super Bowl ad, I'm drinking. I think you should, we've now let them know. I think that's a great, that's a great feature. future ad, Josh takes his first sip of alcohol in 15 years and breaks his sobriety for a Budweiser Super Bowl commercial. Maybe I do it on the commercial.

Or like the commercial is you're fast asleep and one of your friends walks up to you, you're snoring, mouth open, pours Budweiser down your throat and that's your first sip. Anheiser Bush sponsors a commercial slash live stream of me in front of a delicious can of Budweiser. Is that Budweiser Anheuser Bush? Something like this. No, it is. No, it is. You know your liquor conglomerates,

beer conglomers. Or Coors Light. I'm down to clown. We love the silver bullet. And they do a quick sort of qualifier, Josh Peck, Soberman for 15 years, breaking a sobriety for the first time with our beverage available in all stores.

I take a sip, and the first thing I is, I've wasted so much time. I mean, that to me, incredible. Budweiser, your first sip, and then in very little letters, after being sober for 15 years. We're like Budweiser, sponsoring former alcoholics. Budweiser. Get off the wagon, would you? By the way, it's an incredibly untapped part of the market.

There are millions of Americans that aren't buying Budweiser that could be if they just chose to succumb to their past history of drinking problems. And I think it's an untapped market. So in full transparency, and I don't know what this makes me sound like, but in the early days of social media advertising, I know of at least two, possibly three, there's something was a hard alcohol one that I did where I did social media campaigns for two different beers and a hard liquor two of them I had to have the beer in my hand one of which I had to like look like I was ingesting it I put in Martinelli's but I and I was not publicly sober but I also had no like I'm like this isn't crypto this isn't a junk coin I don't know what changes if I don't don't actually drink. That is the perfect example. Far better than the example that I gave, even though the one that I gave,

I still think it's good. It's not a grift. I mean, I think... Did you see the Larry David commercial for FTCS? Oh, my God. Or didn't Matt Damon pump some... I'm just saying, believe me, Larry David doesn't know what FDX is. He doesn't know.

He doesn't care. You are essentially a human billboard. Tons of reach. Sometimes people buy your inventory that you really love. And sometimes, you know, it's just reach. Doesn't it go to show, though, that, like, there really is never enough? Like, Larry David, and I'm not undermining it because the man is genius, and I know that he worked his balls off for the one decade.

But it was one show. In the heyday, had he created Seinfeld in the 80s or created it, in 2015, that show just economically, you're not going to make that much from one show. You're going to make that much if you're Shonda Rimes and you're a goddamn powerhouse taking over television. But, you know, like my friend Phil Rosenthal, Larry David, like these are geniuses of the highest order. But even Phil will tell you that to have a successful sitcom in the 90s was a license to print money like we had never seen. So this guy, I mean, he, luck has already blessed this man. He needs this Sam, Sam Ghanif, Freed's money too. He needs, I mean,

how much could have FTCS paid him? I would assume a lot, like, because I'm totally with you. What would the number be to even get Larry David out of the house? To film a commercial. I think it's more than 10. You think so? 30. I think the guy, what do you think he has? A billion. Five, six hundred million? You think a billion. I would say between five hundred and a billion closer to like eight or nine hundred million. So considering the fact that he strikes me as a man that just wouldn't know how to spend

that kind of money if he tried, I think he's not getting up for less than 25 million for an FTX commercial. And I think that knowing now what we know about it's... FTX, it's possible that they would pay him $25 million to do something like that. Well, now what's coming out is that he offered Elon Musk $3 billion to help buy Twitter. Like he wanted in on the acquisition of Twitter. And Elon has publicly said, it's set off my bullshit meter because who has $3 billion of liquidity just sitting around? And when did he find that out?

I mean, I imagine over the last six months when he was about to buy. buy or when he made his initial offer. Damn it. Yeah. Damn it, you talk about the ability to insider trade. He knew it. Could have shorted the whole market. We'd be kings. I'm not.

God, I'm just, you know, every day I get older, I realize I'm just not smart enough to make the really big money. Yeah. It's, it seems like there's a lot of risk involved. I did hear recently, again, I'm not a financier. That's not what I, I do. It's not me at all. I did hear that because the government has very little money, right now you can get treasuries at 4% over the next six months. Just you didn't wash your hands

of it. You could put in however much money you want, 100 grand, and make $4,000 over the next six months just by keeping it with the government. I wish I better understood what treasuries are. I think it's just they hold it and I'm not going to expose myself here. You get a Shopify makes it easy to sell to anyone from anywhere. I should know I've been using Shopify for the last two years for Sprit Society. Whether your thing is vintage teas or recipes for ghee, start selling with Shopify and join the platform simplifying commerce for millions of your favorite businesses worldwide. With Shopify, you'll create an online store in your vibe,

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Well, you know, it's interesting that you started off with the incredible and it bears repeating Sprits Black Friday offer deal, I would say gift. You're really giving the people a gift. I agree.

So I thought that perhaps we could look at 10 things or 10 fun facts that you didn't know about Black Friday. And one of the things that I had always suspected and it infuriates me, it infuriates me, Ben. And I swear to God I'm going to get to it. Did you feel my neck crack? Holy smokes. I'm shocked that I can even still look at you. I just cracked it and like I sent a wave.

down to my tailbone. Really? Imagine if I just paralyzed myself on this podcast while cracking my neck. Wow. I would say podcasting is a top three job for people who are paralyzed. So true. So true. Look, a literal safety net.

Yeah, literally. Okay. We should, we should start a paralyzed or paraplegic podcast network. Should we do it? I can't believe I'm hearing. getting canceled as you're speaking. This is what it sounds like. I see it as an opportunity.

I'm just saying. I don't, I would never accuse sprits of this, but this I had always suspected that on Black Friday, some deals aren't really deals. A new study from Wallet Hub, you know, and who could dispute fucking Wallet Hub, a market research firm with a bad name, shows that 14% of products,

will have prices on Black Friday similar to their normal in-store costs, while 17% of items will be more expensive on the shopping holiday than they are on Amazon. So what's interesting about that is you would need to be using Black Friday to get a consumer that has never interacted with your product before. Right. I think it's a much bigger – those are probably enormous companies that just like – have the ability to acquire customers, spend a bunch of money on paid media, or take advantage of displays and stores.

Because if you're familiar with a brand, like if you're familiar with Sprit Society, you know how much it costs, and then you go for the Black Friday deal, and if it's more expensive, you're like, screw you. So that's very interesting, but I'm trying to think. I mean, I get hit with a TikTok ad every day for a company. If somebody, if a new company came to me and I liked it, and it said Black Friday deal from 100 to 80, and I didn't know that it's normally 80, I could buy it. It's interesting.

It's a lot to think about. Did you also know that more people die while shopping than in shark attacks, seven people have died and 98 have been injured in the U.S. while Black Friday shopping since 2006, according to news reports compiled by Black Friday death count. Stampeting crowds and angry violent shoppers are usually the reason, but in 2009, a shooting broke out at a Toys R Us. I mean, of all the places. And how many, does it say how many shark attacks? There are an average of 16 shark attacks in the U.S. each year with one fatal attack every two years.

Wow. The odds are really in your favor. So this is interesting, and I'd like to ask you a question. We haven't spoken too much about the deep sea, but I'm a big fan of the ocean. Love animals. Huge. I love that stuff.

I just sounded like Trump. Huge. I love that stuff. Huge, terrific. It's a great blue ocean. Why then are we so afraid of sharks and why forever have we been told that sharks are dangerous

and shark attacks and all this stuff? What are they trying to? to hide from us if once every two years in the U.S. there's a fatal shark attack. It's like one of those things, you know that meme where it's like, I always thought that as an adult, quicksand would be far bigger a problem than it is now. Like, I just, I just don't understand what really is going on in those oceans that they don't want us to find. It's, um, jaws, right? It's gotta be. It was fed to our, our parents watched jaws, and it scared the living,

daylights out of him because of great Semetic Autour Steven Spielberg love him, B'Hashem. And yeah, and he basically scared the shit out of everyone. Jaws. You're right. Absolutely. That's it. I mean,

it's that. The same reason we're afraid of sharks, in my humble opinion, is the same reason why people have an effed up view of romance because of Nicholas Sparks movies. Like, it's literally... And Porn Hub.

Oh, man. Totally. What a great website. Do you advertise Spritz on Porn Hub? I think we've spoken about this once. I don't, but I have heard that the cost per thousand impressions or CPMs on porn websites are dirt cheap. It is. I mean, it's an incredible, like, if you are the, do we even know.

the name of the CEO of Pornhub? Nope. Is that a guy who, that's still tough though, right? Because you know that guy is A, got to be incredibly smart, the inventor of Pornhub, and, like, caked up to the max, right? It's got to have a fair deal of money. And yet, you bring that guy home to Thanksgiving dinner, you're like, what are we going to tell my parents you do?

You can't. You can't. It's taboo. You can't. Is it weirder? Hmm. No, that was a dumb question. I was going to say, are you more embarrassed to say that he owns a drug empire or owns Porn Hub?

Definitely Porn Hub is better because it's not illegal. But I'd be more embarrassed if my son told me he was starting a podcast than if he had an only fan. Well, I think then... Any other Black Friday stuff? Otherwise, I have a wonderful story that I want to discuss. No, I do want to hear. Yeah, my final question to close that chapter is, do you have any friends who you think have been ruined by Porn Hub or just, like, access to pornography?

Hmm. I don't. That said, it's kind of hard to say, as a man who enjoys his porn. God, just think... It's kind of like... It's kind of like the blind leading the blind, you know? Like, I can't answer that. I can't.

I just... Like, I don't know. And then every once in a while, I'll stumble upon again a TikTok, and it'll say, your life would be better without porn. You know what you're missing. It's like... What it? I don't know.

You? Do you have any friends that have been... I don't know. their lives have been destroyed by porn. I just think, I think about your parents sometimes, like, listening to this podcast and thinking, like, he could have been a dentist. For sure. They're probably now, like, listening to this episode and searching, what is pornhub.com? And they are very, very upset.

Well, that's very, I only, I pray that your innocent view of your parents is true. So true. that they don't have it. They don't even know what it is. Of course they do. Damn, it's gross. It's gross. It's gross.

Okay, for me, my personal feeling about it, and this is, it applies to me, knowing, like, that I know addiction well, right? And I know that the things that I can't go near are things that people can enjoy and have a wonderful time with. That's me with porn. I can just enjoy it. I can limit it.

I find it to be game tape. I think I've learned a lot. I think a lot of people, lovers of my past, have benefited from me being dedicated to the art of pleasure. I remember the first time I lost my virginity, I wasn't sure I'd ever get to do it again, so I wanted to try everything I'd ever seen. And the woman said to me,

where did you learn this stuff? And I was like, ma'am, I've been practicing alone for many years. And I also, sometimes want to tell my wife like listen babe if i don't watch this i'm going to be bothering you way more so like you know be be grateful um yeah but i have friends i i certainly and they know who they are who like it it yeah it's posed a real issue like with their marriage with basically them just losing interest in their spouse because they're they're too into the other so that's a problem but i was going to say which is where I thought you were going,

there are some husband-wife duos that are very, very, very against porn. And some women that see porn is incredibly, incredibly taboo and would forbid their husband would need to hide it or would need to be a huge problem. That to me, I probably have friends that have that problem, but I don't have any friends who would prefer porn than actually be with their wife.

that seems like just very strange to me. Like one is a video, one is physical. It's like a, I don't know. Maybe it's just because I don't have the sickness, but. Sounds like CrossFit couples would be upset over that. But most importantly, tell me the story you have. So I'm sure that you heard this. Have you ever seen the show Chris Lee knows best?

Oh, of course. I'm a fan. I loved it. I love it. I still love it. But I'm sure that you heard this week that Todd and Julie Crisley will serve seven to 12 years in prison for bank fraud and tax evasion. Do you see this story? It's insane. So Todd will get 12 years in prison.

Julie will get seven. They were also both sentenced to three years supervised release to be completed after serving prison time. And apparently what they did was they would fake tax returns and bank statements to get huge loans from banks. And you wouldn't need to pay taxes on the loan, but they would just keep taking out loans with fake tax returns, not paying taxes. The craziest story I've ever heard. And just thinking about Todd Chrisley in prison. It was a great show. Probably, like, one, I don't know why. I gravitated towards it as a reality show. I thought it was amazing and I thought Todd Crissly was hilarious. He's so good. He's so effeminent. He was so, but sassy as hell. You fall in love with his family. And, I mean, this, how old is Todd Crisley? Like, early 50s?

Todd Crisley is 54 and Julie is 49. I would venture to say it's the worst time to be going away for a 12-year bid because like between 54 to like your early 60s, you're still kind of young. You get out at 66, there's no acting like you're young. It's over. It's terrible. It's terrible. It really is.

and they have younger kids too I thought that they only had I'm reading now they have a son Chase who's 26 Savannah who's 25 at least they're old enough they have another son who's 16 Grayson Grayson and then a 10 year old granddaughter Chloe

I don't remember who gave birth So they have extra kids They have a son who I believe is Chloe's father And they also have a daughter who wanted nothing to do with the show. Like she's been on here and there, but you can tell she's like, my parents are tax evaders, and I want no part of this. Wow, I'm still reading. In June, a jury found the Crisley's guilty of faking audits, bank statements,

and their personal finances to obtain 36 million in loans. That is. That is so much money for you not to think that anybody would ever catch on. What's the goal? I'm laughing because I'm so confused. Like if you want to steal a million dollars, maybe no one will catch you. 36 million? It's so sociopathic because they're such public people.

Like massively public humans. And it furthers my belief that. I don't trust you if you have veneers. Like the moment you change your teeth, you change everything. So do you trust Steve Harvey? I've never trusted Steve Harvey and I never will. And the man seems brutal. And I'd say that to his face.

He seems very like I would not want to get on his bad side. Me and you are going to be on opposite sides of this. Family feud to me, number one. I love Family Feud. I love it. Occasionally I'll just throw on Game Show Network. There will be a 10-episode run. Just watching Family Feud,

you see these morons give terrible answers, and everybody in a row says, Good answer, good answer. And Steve looks at them with that glaring look, makes fun of them. It's just such a perfect show. That being said, the show also does make you think

that Steve Harvey might be a bit of a narcissist. A bit. That he sets the show up like that where he just brings goons on to have terrible answers and then he makes fun of them and he seems like the smartest guy in the room

and everybody around them is idiots. You know, I just talked myself into being not a Steve Harvey fan. That's the power I have, Ben. You're welcome. No, I still love him. I still love him. And those veneers and that completely gorgeously bald head that's just so shiny.

Do you follow him on Instagram? The guy is constantly in gorgeous threads. Is it gorgeous? It all looks about one size too big, if we're being honest. Am I wrong? It's like, who wears a five-button suit? It's a little gaudy. It's a little...

I wouldn't wear a five-button suit. But I also couldn't button a suit. That's not like a crazy luxury to be able to button all five. My style influences, I want to look like a coach for a Premier League soccer team. Like, I want to be European chic. I want to look like I coach Real Madrid or Manchester United, you know? Yeah. Interesting.

How opinionated is Claudia with your fashion choices? She used to not be. Now she is. she's quite opinionated quite right she will definitely tell me when she does not like what I'm wearing you so my wife went to school for fashion and design

I believe her great gift is her ability in which to style so she walks his fine line of the Irish Catholic part of her is like screaming at her to just just be quiet you know it's a potatoes and don't say a word.

And then the other side of her is like, eat some potatoes and shut the hell up. And bury your feelings. You're an O'Brien. But the other side of her, like, literally, like, sometimes I'll wear things where I can see, like, it physically hurts her. how much she hates what I'm doing.

And that's okay. Like what's an example of that? You know, when we first met, I found a shirt that worked for me. And by that I mean that the fit model for this company had a similar, wonderfully thin, yet doughy in certain areas, body type to mine. And so it was though the shirts were built from

body now unfortunately they were V-neck lacos t-shirts so they had the alligator on them and otherwise they were just typical easy nice shirts my wife hated these I would also wear them with a G-star Japanese hard denim gene and maybe a Gucci loafer I looked like a douchebag and G-star her G-star makes a very underrated gene I've worn them quite some time, but I like G-Star. I thought they were wonderful fitting jeans. What kind of jeans do you wear now, Ben? Everyone's been asking. I wear page jeans for the most part. Do you wear page? Fan. I'm a fan. I like Paige. For a long time, I wore between G-Star and

Sevens for All Mankind. That was a gene that I used to enjoy. Page, I think, is a nice gene. What kind of underwear do you wear? underwear I wear I wear a I wear a I wear strictly Calvin Klein

Pima Cotton a boxer brief that I get a two pack from Nordstrom rack and it's in colors that I hate but I'm too cheap to get the black so I used to wear

strictly Calvin Klein Pima Cotton briefs forever. Yes. And I switched. Claudia got me

these under, this brand of underwear that I'm going to check. Oh, it's so funny. I'm right. No, right now I'm wearing Calvin Klein, so I must have accidentally

switched back. But I've been wearing this brand that she got me on Amazon and starts with a G. They're amazing. I'll get the name for next time. Hmm. Hopefully soon to be sponsors.

Goudion. Gourion. Something with a G. And I think it ends in an M. I think it ends in an M. This holiday season, if you're looking for a unique gift that inspires curiosity, traveling culture, give the gift of Babel. Babel is a language learning app that sold more than 10 million subscriptions. Look, we all want to learn another language. I live in Los Angeles, so you hear a lot of Spanish, but you also hear other stuff, French, and, you know, the occasional. Hebrew. Look, more importantly, I feel like I missed out. You know what? I didn't pay attention in Spanish class growing up and I'm pissed. I mean, granted, listen, I was on television, so what can you

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Right now, get up to 55% off your subscription when you go to babble.com slash good guys. That's babble.com slash good guys for up to 55% off your subscription. Babel, language for life. Did we talk about Pete Davidson and Emily Radikowsky last time? Radikowski.

We started, but I have a story about her as well, Or about them as well. Jump in? Well, I mean, now that they're dating, which is, it just, it's all so surprising. But Pete Davidson attends Friendsgiving with Emily Radikowski amid dating news. Pete Davidson attended a Friendsgiving dinner with Emily Radikowski amid rumors her dating. And Bumble's chief brand officer, Selby Drummond, shared an Instagram photo showing M. Rada and the Saturday Night Live alum. sitting at the table with a few other guests.

And page six also made sure to start this article with, she's thankful for that BDE. I hate myself for saying that. What do you think about it, Ben? I'm now remembering that we did speak about this, and we determined that we're living in a simulation and that nothing matters and that we can talk about it all we want. but it doesn't make any sense

because we had said I'm remembering it very clearly we're very funny far more funny than the average person and then we got into the fact that we probably have below average size schmex and that's where the disconnect came from okay that's fake news

and that's also the Mandela effect because you have just entered into the chat something that was not true we said we have very average Svances, not below average. Mandela, it's so interesting. Mandela, you're so right. Average.

Honestly, I think it's, mine might be above average. Me too, me too. I wanted to say that. I'm a grower, not a shower, though. So if you catch me in my undies, you might think, Ben, what's up? But if you see me after a lovely adult film, you might get your eye poked out. We did speak about this. I remember saying that last week, too.

Wow. I'm having like a weird. It's like flashbacks. It's strange. You are a grower, not a shower. And I am, as they say, I guess that'll do. That'll do. That'll do, donkey.

That'll do. Yeah, I, here's what I'm going to say, just from a very top line, me completely not knowing anything about that dinner. or Emerada and Pete Davidson. I'm guessing the food wasn't great, and I'm not sure the conversation was good even. I agree.

It couldn't have been good. And by the way, page six, I don't mean to attack your reporting, but there was no mention of what they bring. Like, do you think Emerita and Pete D brought something or they picked up? They didn't cook. They picked up, for sure.

They could have pulled like a Mrs. Doubtfire where they pretended to cook, but really they ordered from the fantastic Italian restaurant down the block and plated it. Totally. I don't think they cooked, though. Well, did you know, oh, can we do our Woody and Nuts moment? Yes, let's do our What are You Nuts? You tell me yours, and then I want to talk about Julia Fox, because I don't know if you saw this, but we'll come back to it.

Let's go to it. What nuts thing happened to you this week? You know, being a father is just a wealth of Woody and that's moment with these moments in the park. Because I am such a participatory father. I'm there at the park with Max. We went to our favorite basketball park that we call it because it's got a really short hoop where Max can dunk and feel like Larry Bird. And we have the best time. So my son's playing on this, like, you know, gigantic slide apparatus thing.

And I see these other kids playing in this. mother, this lioness, runs up. And her kid, by the way, it's like, couldn't be a hair over two and honestly too small for this park. Okay? Doesn't belong here. Nevertheless, she runs up, grabs her kid, and then says to another kid who was like just being a kid around that kid, she goes, can you please keep your hands to yourself? Right? And this kid is with nannies, right? And so the nannies, I see them clock this, but they're not the parent. So they're not going to go. Like if she said that to my kid, it would have been game over. Okay, fine. So I got my eye on this woman now. I'm like, please say something to my child. Please. Please. She doesn't. But I'm like, there's something wrong

with this woman. Then about 20 minutes later, I see her with her daughter, her other kid. The daughter goes, Mommy, I have to pee. This is Santa Monica, Ben. We're not in, like, some crappy park in the middle of nowhere. There's a beautiful bathroom 20 feet away. The woman says to her daughter, go pee in the bush. The daughter, three-year-old daughter, is now completely bottomless in a park with, like, definitely some weirdos in the exterior of the park, looking at this three-year-old who's crouching in a bush like we're at fucking Yosemite. I'm like, babe, we're on Wilshire.

What are you thinking? And her little girl is pissing in the park. What are you nuts? What are you nuts? It's terrible. That's crazy, right? Yeah, that's weird. Very strange.

Totally weird. Very strange. Sorry that happened to you. Mine is very different. I've never cooked a turkey before, but I volunteered to cook a turkey. My mom, the angel that she is, picked up the turkey for me,

dropped off the turkey for me. A raw turkey. I had no idea. Have you ever cooked a turkey? Never. Do you know that you need to... Turkey's come with the guts still in it. Right, because you use that for other things. I guess. I'm not using the neck, the gizzards, the heart or the liver.

I'm not using it. I'm getting rid of it and I'm just cooking the bird. What are you nuts? You're going to pay $80 for a turkey to then have me remove all of the guts? It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make any sense. It would be like going to... a habachi place. But I need to cook the food. No. You cook the food, just like you remove the guts, the neck, the gizzard, all that crap. Then I'll cook my bird. I just thought that was crazy. Short and sweet. Thanksgiving. We'll see how my turkey turns out. Is it in the oven currently? Nope. Tomorrow. I haven't started it yet. I mean to first think

What kind of turkey? What glaze? How long am I going to let it marinate? Do I baste it? Do I need to get one of those basing tools? You know, those injectors? I have a friend every year. He swears deep-fried turkey.

Number one way to do it. I think just from a sheer time perspective, because it's what, like 45 minutes for the whole bird, where otherwise you'd spend, what, five hours baking that thing? My dad told me that it is 20 minutes per pound. It's how long you cook that bird for. Ugh. No wonder it's dry.

So if this is a 20-pound bird that's 400 minutes or about eight hours. No wonder it's dry. I love that you said that. Just give me smoked turkey. Can you imagine if with all the beautiful sides, We were getting a nice rustic sourdough or like a beautiful Italian bread with like a nice deli mustard and mayo and all the fixing. And eating a delicious turkey sandwich, I mean, that would be heaven. Heaven.

What's your favorite quick serve sandwich restaurant? Quick serve sandwich restaurant and then favorite quick serve sandwich sandwich. When I say quick serve, I mean Jimmy Johns. Sure. Mike's subway I've been known to enjoy in New Jersey Mike's I also I mess with I would say

Jimmy Johns is quite good and a bit of a throwback Have you ever had Quiznos? Of course Quiz Notes makes a nice sub Also shout out the East Coast Blimpy remember that Of course they're tuna The tuna They had a great tuna.

I don't know what happened at Blimpy. What was your go-to order? What's your favorite sandwich? You have a favorite sandwich? So at Subway, because I don't really trust the protein, I just get a veggie delight. And then at Jimmy Johns, I'll do like a turkey, avocado and cheese, little lettuce.

So you didn't trust the protein at Subway before it was cool. You never trusted the protein at Subway. No. When I got turned on to Subway, the woman who turned me on to it was my sixth grade teacher, Miss Pratt, because there was a subway across the street from our school, and it was one of the only restaurants we were allowed to walk to at lunchtime. And being the big fat bastard that I was,

I was never going to be bringing food from home. I was always going to sneak five bucks and get a foot long and a combo, you know, drink and chip. And I had what she had. And she had a veggie delight. Yeah, shout out, Miss Pratt. Wow, Miss Pratt. Look at that veggie delight. What's your go-to?

My go-to was always Subway. I loved Subway. And I could not have been less afraid of their protein. I saw their protein as just unbelievable. I loved, on one hand, I would get Turkey, American. cheese, lettuce, onion, pickles, banana peppers, sweet peppers, honey mustard Chipotle. On the other side, if I was in the mood for tuna, I would get a gorgeous Italian herbs and cheese, little toasted cheese, tuna, lettuce onion pickle.

Wow. Good for you. And it never even worried me. Everybody was so blown away when these, this report came out. which by the way was buried by PR, that their tuna wasn't tuna. Right? We never heard of that again. No, that can't be real. I don't even care.

I'm saying if it wasn't tuna, I don't care. Like, the idea that whatever we're eating is worse for us than the tuna that Subway was getting, Tuna that is mass produced by Subway Must have Like mercury levels That's the reason why I don't think it actually could be tuna The mercury levels in their tuna Would probably be more deadly

Than whatever they're pretending is tuna You know what I mean? Preach It's just too crazy Like the amount of tuna that they need Guys, I never thought That I would be a meal delivery service person. I just was like, that ain't me. There's no way I'm going to like all the meals. There's no way I'm

going to eat them in time. And I love going out and, you know, just luxuriating over a nice lunch with someone that I kind of like. But the reality is Factor. I'm not kidding you. Change my mind. Look, with the bustling holiday season just around the corner, it's a perfect time to plan ahead with Factor, a ready to eat meal delivery service. They shop, prep, cook, and deliver your door so you can enjoy easy, chef-crafted, dietitian-approved meals during the holidays, minus the hassle. Plus, with 34 meals per week, including Gourmet Plus, keto, calorie smart, vegan, and veggie, and 36-plus weekly add-ons, you'll have plenty of nutritious, flavorful options to choose from.

Like, guys, I'm kind of a weekday vegan. I'm going to be honest, we all know about my high cholesterol. Shout out Crestor. And I try to eat vegan during the week. And so I went with the vegan and veggie option. First of all, they sent like this delicious veggie chili thing with this like cornbread fritter, fun, delicious. There was this yummy pasta. All of the meals ranged anywhere from like 400 to 600 calories and the macros were good.

They were super easy. And I know what you're thinking. There's no way that when I heat these up, they are. Nothing gets lost in the microwaveing of it all. It's like two minutes you're done. And granted, we all want to go out for a lot. nice lunch here and there, but you realize how much extra time you have when you don't have to think about it. You just pop a meal out of your refrigerator into your microwave and five minutes later,

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Well, did you know that Belgium has seized more cocaine than it can destroy? Speaking of good problems, officials at the port of Antwerp say they cannot incinerate, seize cocaine fast enough, and fear the backlog could be robbed from storage depots. The amount of cocaine being seized at the Belgian port of Antwerp is so massive. What are we talking about? What are we talking about? Last year, nearly 90 tons of cocaine. 90 tons was seized in Antwerp in all-time high.

That's wild. Antwerp is somewhere in Belgium. It better be. Otherwise, his article is way off. It's an interesting place. Antwerp. Antwerp. That's a lot of drugs.

And when I think of Belgium, I certainly don't think of Coke. Now I got to go to Belgium. Who knew? Yeah, I feel like Belgium certainly, I feel like that part of the world, like Belgium, Amsterdam, yeah, like Netherlands, Denmark, like people are getting lit. It's interesting. When I hear of those places, let's actually say it on three.

What do you think of when you think of those places? One, two, three, hot air balloons. Austin Powers. Sorry. I don't know why. think of hot air balloons. There's just something about that area that makes me think of them. Have you ever been to Amsterdam? No, I heard there's a lot of good weed. My mom went to Amsterdam once alone. I don't know what she did there. I don't know what she did there.

She went alone for five days. We didn't ask any questions. That's wild. See, I would be so scared because, like, you know the fat Jewish, Josh? Yes, I've heard of him. But are you friends with him? We're not. We've never met. I feel like you'd be. fast friends. Anyway, his mom had sex with Shell Silverstein in the 70s and that kind of revelation would really fuck me up. Wow. Shell. Legend.

Legend. Have you seen what he looks like? No, but it's like having sex with Mark Twain. Treat yourself and Google Shell so everyone listening. Google Shell Silverstein right now and look at the Clydesdale of a man we're talking about. Wow, gorgeous. I mean.

Wow. Holy smokes interesting that he was born in 1930 you know he's just one of those guys I assume Shal Silverstein was just far older do you know when Pablo Picasso was born like in the 1910s yeah even a little bit earlier than that

1881 I don't know why but he died in 1973 I just always felt that that was odd Picasso feels like a 1500s guy I don't know why. He just does. Right. No, I get that. But even like modern day, or even like when would you think

Rachmaninoff, the famous composer, when do you think he was alive? 1800s? No, like born in the 20s. Really? I think I want to say, let's see, Rachmaninoff, but

similarly, I think he's like a guy who died in the 70s. Let's see. Sergei Rachmaninov. Nah, I'm wrong. 1873, 1940. All right. He died in 1943 in Beverly Hills. One point to me? Definitely an upgrade from dying in wherever he came from. Totally. Is it? What? Yeah.

Do you hear this Julia Fox stuff? Tell me. Julia Fox, you know that her and Kanye dated, right? I do. Julia Fox says she was trying to distract Kanye West by dating him while he was harassing Kim Kardashian and clarified that they broke up as soon as he started publicly pleading for her back. Julia Fox claims that she dated Kanye West simply as a favor to Kim to get him off her back. Bullshit!

Nope. You know, the Julia Fox of it all just goes to show the limitless power of the human ego, right? Because she was like really good in uncut jams, uncut jams. And she's beautiful. She has like so much going for her. And like I feel like if she had just stayed quiet and not like this become this crazy public person always in in the news cycle and just like did good work as an actor. Like she could certainly be massively famous and rich, but like she had to take this lane because she wanted all eyes on her, right? Mm-hmm.

It's weird. Weird. Very weird. I mean, for certain people, I don't begrudge them because I'm like, yeah, you didn't have the option of being a real actor or whatever, right? Like, your talent was your ambition and your just like lack of insecurity that you could be in the spotlight like that. but I'm like, Julia, you had another lane. It could have gone differently. Like, how do you watch her in a movie now and not roll your eyes?

I mean, I'm not going to lie to you. I never saw Uncut Gems. You never saw Uncut Gems? It was just, there was just too much with the press and the, I just didn't. I don't know. I skipped it. Should I see it? I have to see it?

Oh, my God. Yeah, you have to see it. It's top five greatest Jewish superhero. ever in a movie. What do I have to see first? Because I got exposed for this last night. Do I have to see Uncut Gems first? Or do I have to see Titanic?

You never have to see Titanic. There you go. There you go. Claudia last night saw a show that we should see with Brian Kelly called Titanic, which is apparently just like a gay interpretation of Titanic with the Celine Dion soundtrack, just like being at the forefront of the entire show. Apparently, it's hilarious.

A wonderful off-Broadway production. So when you come to the city, Titanic. That I could be very into. Should we close our episode, whether this or that? We should. Should it be spending the holidays with your family, like your extended family, or only spending the holidays with your nuclear family, be it your partner, your partner, and your kids,

or traveling and going and being with your extended, perhaps troublesome family. And with all the Mishigas that comes with that. I think it's wonderful. Which side would you like to pick? I'll pick the knot. That you will not go to your in-laws, your extended family.

Yes. I was going to say it's not, are you talking in-laws? Are you talking like you going to a 20-person Thanksgiving dinner with your cousins? I would say on either side, whether it's your own family or your in-laws, because assuming that whoever is the part of that family has their own Mishigas that you're entering into. Like you're advocating for you and Page just spending time with you and Page, or you, Page, you, page, or you, Page. your mom and her family. No, me, Paige, and the kids. After you. So, by the way, and I'm not just saying this,

I love my in-laws. I love my family. So I'm just saying this. Because that's... You had a choice. You went first. Because I do feel passionate is that I feel like everyone is, feels overly pressured,

which is why traveling is so, gosh darn insane in December. And to be and to subject themselves because of like some like deep inherent guilt that was probably installed in them from their like less than capable, emotionally capable family growing up to like withstand this wave of discomfort of not fun conversation, of unnecessary stress. I think if everyone said, you know what, this is all made up. There is no new year.

It's all false things that we create to give ourselves pressure and stakes and stress and to feed goddamn capitalism and consumerism. I'm taking 10 more seconds. That you can not have to do all that stress, chill at home with your family, remove the stress, enter the love. Thank you. Go for a bit. It's interesting that you brought up capitalism.

And what I will say is that while capitalism lives in, and breathes and gosh darn it, I love it. Thanksgiving is a time where you take a break from capitalism, while feeding other capitalism, but you still take a break from capitalism in its largest form, to spend time with those closest to you. And I think that including others in that joyous celebration is necessary. You can't cook a 20-pound bird for two.

You can't make multiple sides for two. You just can't do it. In order to cook a true Thanksgiving meal, which we know, the only reason people do Thanksgiving is for the meal, you need to do it for more people. Also, while I don't do this, I think a potluck would be lovely. What are you going to do? Who's going to bring over your potluck? Who's going to bring over their mothers, grandmothers, beautiful carrot recipe?

No one's going to come over to your house, Josh, and give that to you. And fortunately enough for me, I have the opportunity at a potlock. So in closing, I think the more people, the merrier during this time where we should be giving thanks. Okay, open discussion for two minutes. First of all, I've never looked forward to a carrot recipe. Secondly, the problem is I just hate Thanksgiving food. I got to be honest with you.

It's just not my, it's just not it for me. It's not. It's not it. Like the stuffing, more often than not, it's dry. There's not enough cream corn. There's never enough cream corn. I just... You're so right.

You're so right, Ben. But we have to disagree for this to work. So I just have... It must... Imagine this. Your hearing reports. LaGuardia shut down. Five hour wait.

American Airlines had to cancel. 300 flights yesterday and 600 tomorrow. They just can't handle the stress. And you look at Claudia and go, babe, are we thinking general chow's chicken, sesame chicken, hold on, how about both? Let's do both, right? Get a nice spread Chinese food. You go to a movie or you just buy it day and date on VOD.

I know you guys are doing well and can afford that. And you just bypass all that stress. You call your beautiful family members. You say, listen, we'll come to Boka mid-January. The rates are going to dip, the airports are going to be empty, and we'll just enjoy each other then. You want to hear a crazy statistic? Please. 46 million turkeys are killed every Thanksgiving.

Crazy. Damn it, Peter. Peter wins again. We should just be having veggie delights and ordering in Sesame Chicken. But then I guess you're killing 146 chickens. Someone's got to die. Well, that leads us to our final. I guess that was my cross talk.

There's beautiful cross talk. You've got 30 seconds for your closing remarks. In closing, Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to watch football, hang out with family. But the food really needs to be re-looked at. I'm sorry, it needs to be re-looked at. The meal is not merely good enough. It can never be good enough because the turkey is being cooked for too long and is always dry. In closing, I take it all back.

My in-laws are the best. Page's family. I hit the lottery when I met you. Thank you for having me. And, yeah, I'm very lucky. That was beautiful. Yeah. Is she on the other end of the camera pointing a gun straight?

that for it. It's not a gun, but it's something that can hurt me. And that's our show. What a gorgeous episode. Pre-thanksgiving, even though really it's post- Thanksgiving, and we really don't know where we are or what time it is. But I know this is coming out on a lovely Monday morning. So everybody enjoy their Cyber Monday. As we spoke about, Deal of the Year, Sprit Society automatically 25% off on site, Sprit Society.com. Please rate, review and subscribe to this gorgeous podcast wherever you can do that Spotify Apple panda panda podcasts panda puffs my son's favorite cereal save the pandas give it a five-star review five out of five that helps you can listen to us on iPod Nano mini-discs CDs and also microcassette

I used to love my Nana. I did. It's the best. I did. I did. All right. Sayanara. Later.