Good Guys - Hibachi!

Episode Date: November 10, 2022

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The following podcast is a dear media production. I'm Josh Peck and I'm Ben Safer and we're the good guys. There's a lot of guys out there. And we're the good ones. Josh, how are you? Benjamin, so good. Are you recovering from the New York City Marathon? How are your legs?

It's interesting that you brought that up. I don't want to give away my what are you nuts too early, but perhaps you have a gripe with marathons. Just say it, Ben. Perhaps we just dive in. be the most Jewish thing I've ever heard. You teed it up so nicely. I don't understand marathons. I don't understand marathon runners.

And my what are you nuts is to the people who run them, run in them, sponsor them, are sponsored by them. This sounds like a curvy enthusiasm episode. and instead of running maybe just see a therapist because I think that if you're running the marathon you're running from something and perhaps it would be less it would be less painful on your joints just to talk out your problems with a professional versus running to avoid them Maybe New Balance should sponsor therapists. And then it would feel more like there'd be better flair and merchandising.

And people would be more inclined to choose therapy over running. I think that that is a very good idea. And if somebody at New Balance is listening, they should rip it off. And they should also sponsor us. But I'm just letting you know that if the New York City Marathon came and said, Ben, we want to give you a million dollars, I would absolutely say yes. Do you know that it's my dream to run a marathon, and I think I'm going to do it next year? It's your dream to run a marathon.

It's a dream. It's one of many dreams. Considering how well I know you and how little the marathon pays, it's not a dream of yours. No, fiscally, it's quite irresponsible. And as you know, I don't like to do anything that doesn't make me money. And yet still, you know, I moved down to the beach. And so I've been running four or five days a week. And there is, you know what's liberating about it?

A, you know that most people can't jog for more than five minutes. And if there's a zombie apocalypse, I'm ready to go. Like, I'm going to be okay for at least an hour. You're all getting eaten first. It's definitely good to be physically fit. I'm not against being physically fit, even though my physique might imply that I'm against being physically fit. I don't know what you're talking about. I think that it's great to be physically fit. I like a swim meat. I even like the idea of like an Ironman. I think that's cool. I think there's something to that with the

cycling and the, what is that? You swim, you cycle. Do you also run? You run a marathon. You cycle for 120 miles. remember we talked about this with our friend Cody Coe? Yeah, I do. I do. And where we got into those terrible bike seats and just what it does to your Gucci area. I do remember. If you remove the running, I like the Iron Man, because I think that's quite an accomplishment. To bike that much, to swim that much, rock climbing. Maybe you climb up a big, like I get the Mount Everest of it all.

I get that. Climbing for sport, totally get it. Running. I don't want to climb Mount Everest, but I do want to hang out at base camp. I think that's a Mitch Hadberg joke. But I really, because base camp seems like a party. People have had sex in base camp, right? On Everest, for sure.

They've canoodled. I think people have canoodled just about everywhere. On the space station? I think that people, yeah, maybe it's tough. The international space station. I think so I think they have if it exists

no I'm just kidding TikTok you watch enough TikTok and they're going to convince you that the earth is flat all the pictures from outer space are doctored and that all the pictures that we have of the moon are not real

yeah it's you know listen Kyrie you with this flat earth you with your documentaries you fucked it you fucked it by being absolutely and it just feels exceptionally like like don't you feel

like you knew kids like kairi growing up that just had to be the contrarian and never could admit when they were wrong they just like and and you just go i can't if this is the rules we're going to play by, I'm out, baby. I'm out. Yeah, I mean, the Kyrie of it all is just so annoying and I agree because it just feels like he is being a contrarian. You can admit that you posted a really, really dumb doc and it's over. Nobody cares. Right. People make mistakes, right? It was the doubling down and this narrative that, like, it, he, what he was, what he was talking about was arguably worse than what Kanye was talking about because he's implying that all Jews like me and you are not real at all. Like we are living just a complete lie and that you can't be Jewish unless you're

black and that the black people are the real Jews and that us Eastern European descending Jews are living a lie and we're satanic. It's just so ridiculous. I just so ridiculous. I just here's the thing. We do this podcast. I do ads on TikTok. I'm doing okay, but I'm not doing Kyrie well. And if I was doing Kyrie well, I got a sneaker with Nike.

That's dope. That's not a sneaker with A6. I don't mean to hate on A6, but we know Nike is the pinnacle. You're absolutely crushing at hard-body karate. There's so much fun shit to be done. I want to build a sauna in my house, but I don't because I'm fiscally responsible.

I'm Kyrie. I'm I'm devoting a whole room to a sauna and then some cold plunge, smoothie machine, an employee just to make the smoothies. But no, he's got to be on this Twitter, which, by the way, you know, our boy Elon Musk took over Twitter. It's getting weird out there. It is getting weird out there. It is, right? Fire. Does it feel weird?

Yeah, it's, it does feel weird. It's just, there's just a little bit too much communication from the top down. Like hearing that, and by the way, I am no Kathy Griffin fan. I just want to put that out there. And why is that? I don't find, I don't know, I just never found her so funny. There's nothing more than that. I just, she just was never my cup of tea.

That being said, publicly removing her Twitter because she bothered him at the same time when you're giving away verification to make money, the whole thing is just very strange. I just don't know where Twitter's going. I've never been a fan of Twitter, so I'm happy that Twitter's demise is coming. I also never had a popular Twitter handle, so it just never meant anything to me. I also always felt like the blue checkmark people on Twitter always felt like they were so much better than everybody else. Like if you had a blue checkmark on Twitter, you were a news correspondent. Meanwhile, on Instagram, anybody can be verified.

Oh, I disagree. Don't you find it to the opposite? I'll go on Twitter and it'll be like some collegiate athletes got a check. And I'll be like, listen, Randall, I know you were a great shortstop, but you're not so impressive. Like, get it together. Why do you have a check? I think that that's the same thing on Instagram.

I mean, maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I just think the Twitter of it all is fascinating. And you're right. And it does team me up for our first news article of the day, which is Jack Dorsey's source. Everyone at Twitter hates him now. In the league of legends of Silicon Valley, Jack Dorsey, the co-founder of Twitter

who stepped down as CEO a year ago this month has long had a reputation. It's a cool hippie with the beard who likes to go off and meditate in between dating models and fasting. Now, barely a week since his fellow... Shout out New York Post, you fucking wild kids. He sounds like...

What's his name? He sounds like Uncle Tony from heavyweights. Remember Ben Stiller's character? The best. Sounds just like him. Basically, they're saying that he was asleep at the wheel. He walked away from Twitter. He really didn't care about it. He gave it over to Elon Musk, who had it for $44 billion.

Elon came in and literally raided the place, like, cut a third of their staff within weeks of taking it over. And you know what? I totally agree. I don't know this Jack Dorsey, and I'm not against fasting. And Elon is problematic. for other reasons, but I'm like, if we're being honest, these layoffs probably should have happened over the last five years, but there was no one leading that company. So unfortunately, a guy like Elon comes in and he goes, nope, we're like cutting this now. Now, the way he's running

the company is a whole other thing. But I just think it's like, I feel bad for Twitter employees who had to have like a total absentee dad and then their stepdad's a dickhead. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I really just hate Twitter. I really hate Twitter. I've always hated Jack Dorsey. I felt like Twitter was an incredibly anti-Semitic place. I feel like you could always just say whatever you wanted

unless it was in support of Israel. And I was happy to see Elon buy it because I always felt like Elon was just a free thinker. But it seems like free thinkers the second that they get a little bit of power turn into everybody else. So it seems just to be an end. endless wheel and I think that they should just shut down Twitter. What's weird is this.

We know Elon and we know now that he runs Twitter, which is hard for our brain to understand. And not to get political, but I think it's similar with the Trump of it all, where it was like, we, you know, we want to believe that the government,

we want to believe that a massive company like that is run by a board of experts that are like away on some island running shit. And when it's like, no, it's Uncle Steve. or no, it's like Donnie, who owns the casino down the street. You're just like, Don, the whole country? Like, Elon, all of Twitter, it's hard for us to conceptualize, right? Yeah, it's a great call.

It really is. Those powers need to stay further away, and they feel a little bit more, I don't know. Like, you can believe that they have their shit together, even though they probably don't anyways. But good luck to Elon. Twitter's a tough place. Well, the only place tougher is Reddit, but Twitter's a tough place. I do want to stay in the sphere we're talking about today. And as we all know, there's no change that can be enacted unless you vote.

And today is Election Day for the midterm elections. And it brings me to my Woody and Nuts moment, which is if you're wearing an I voted sticker, like it's a purple heart. Not impressed. Not impressed. This thing, listen, I think we can all agree voting is your civic duty. It's important. It should go without saying you should do it.

But like, the virtue signaling of this sticker, it's not even cute. Like, it's red, white, and blue, which I get it, America voting. But, like, make it fun. Make it glow in the dark. Something. And to add on to that, what are you nuts on Instagram making a vote story filter? Why? It's just so lame.

I don't need to see. Like, who's clicking through 200 stories of people taking pictures of their stickers? That's right. That's exactly what it is. It's that picture that if you took it, it would sit on your phone and you'd never go back to it again. You know, when you're watching Fourth of July fireworks and you have that feeling like, oh, I need to record these fireworks. You're never going to go back and look at those. It's the same thing.

You take a picture of you and your mom. You guys just voted. You're never going to use that again. He took the picture. It goes away. Now Instagram has aggregated them into 200 of them for me to look at. I have no interest. You're right.

The voting sticker, even like, and this is no judgment on the vaccines, which I am vaxed as fuck. But like when people were putting it on Twitter, like Rita, double-vax, triple boosted, Pfizer. I'm like, really, that's your handle, Rita? Like, it defines you? I think that you need to get a T-shirt that says vaxed as fuck. Somebody needs to make that. V-A-F's really funny. V-A-F.

Going back to Elon Musk for a second, I'm just, as we're talking, I'm just thinking, imagine having $44 billion to purchase Twitter. You were talking about you wish that you had some money to put in a sauna. If there was one thing, you're that wealthy, one thing that you could add to your home, what would it be? Oh, a third floor. like an entire floor because our house is absolutely we recently moved in last month and I walk around because it's the first home I've ever owned first time I've lived in a house because

like you I'm a city boy I've only been in an apartment and I look at this place and it washes over me this idea of like wow I can't believe this but the only thing that would make it better would be a gigantic third floor for entertaining you more space for me for me I would love to make a separate room or a live-in chef, but that live-in chef, like, came from my favorite Chinese restaurant. Like, imagine not having, like, a live-in, just like classic American chef. Imagine having just an expert with the walk that could just come in at any moment. He lived in your home.

Pops in. That's what I want. I want to be rich enough that I can have a live-in. in Chinese chef. And they've got the habachi surface. So, you know, once to twice a month, we're doing habachi. Habachi, more than once to twice a month. Why not? Let's do it once a week. Every night. You can come over for haba-habachi for everyone. I'd do it for the entire building. They could all come over. It would be a great moment for us all to come together. Now, that's what I would do. If you have a personal chef and you have habachi on demand, that's the name of this episode,

Habachi on demand. You have a habanji on demand. At a certain point, you and the chef look at each other, and he goes, really, you want the onion volcano again? Do I really need to flip the egg into my hat again?

Again. Maybe it pushes him to up his game and to constantly be creating new tricks. It's possible. I love habachi. I actually, I went, we used to go to Benihana all the time. The problem is, after you go to Benihana too much, you realize it's absolutely disgusting. It's not good.

Like, it just has gone from a place of the Aoki's made, they really just revolutionize the way that Americans think of Fabace. It was a scene. It's sort of the way that travel used to be, right? You get on a plane, wear your suit, smoke your cigarette, ritzie, beautiful. and then all of a sudden commercial dead. Same exact thing happened to Benihana. Somebody needs to bring back true, amazing habachi at a scale like Benihana,

but that feels like no boo. And can it, you know, why just Asian? Can't habachi be, I don't know, make Italian food? Make a parmesan on that surface. It can be done. I know it can. 100%. What about a breakfast place that does Habachi?

They do it anyways. In the deli, they use the habachi grill to make the eggs and the egg and cheese, and they also use it underratedly to make the burgers. Right. They do everything on that grill. Yeah, a flat top grill. Waffle house style. Have you been to a Waffle House?

No, I haven't. Oh, I'm so sorry for you. What kind of food? It's, like, I mean, the waffles are incredible. It's like a, how do I say it? It's like a better southernish Denny's, but everything is done on a griddle. like that. I love Denny's.

I love the road. I want to get on the open road with you and just drive and eat. Yeah. Oh, I'm so down. Triple D. We got to get Guy Fieri involved and just hit all his spots. Wow, that would be unbelievable. Is that a sign?

I went to. Go for it. Where are you? I was in Orlando yesterday. Mazel. Very randomly. Mazel. In and out.

Flew in, flew out, had a meeting. And for lunch, we decided to eat at Chili's. Now, Chili's is an unbelievable establishment until you've ordered eaten and are leaving and filled with regret. So, it's not exactly the same way as I feel about Denny's, but there's just something in all of that food. I don't know what it is. It's so tangy and delicious, and then you leave and you want to die.

I'm finding that more and more, because I've always been a cheesecake factory queen. I'm a P.F. Chang's guy. and the love is lost a little bit. I'll never say no, and I'll never turn down some brown bread. But the reality is, it just doesn't quite hit like I remember it. It hurts, too.

You leave there in pain most of the time. Yeah. But P.F. Chang's, P.F. Chang's is a really solid spot. And Cheesecake Factory, too. But Cheesecake Factory's menu, I think, is just a little bit too intense. It's very, very long. You know what it is? I like too many options.

Cheesecake Factory is a corporatized Greek diner, right? Because it's 80 pages. They have every ethnicity of food. By the way, have you ever had like the orange chicken and rice from Cheesecake Factory? Because it fucking slaps, my friend. Wow. Honestly, Americans really know how to make orange chicken. It's just a fact.

It's sort of the same thing that they had at Chili's. I got that chicken. and the honey barbecue sauce. This is a total non-sequitur, but I'm thinking about Orlando. You know, when Bob Sagitt died, who I knew a little bit, and he was just a great man. And I shouldn't say a little bit. He was a friend, a good friend.

And we went to his memorial, and people like Chappelle and Jeff Ross and Tim Allen and just like people are roasting him in the best, like, memorializing way and it just was hysterical. I was actually impressed with Tim Allen's joke where he says, you know, I was actually in Orlando too when Bob passed away and I was at the Hyatt and all of a sudden I hear like Bob, Bob passed away. He passed away in his room at the Ritz Carlton and I immediately thought, why the fuck am I at the Hyatt?

Pretty good. That's good. It's pretty good. That is pretty good. Orlando's funny. You know, I got off. I think the only other time that I had been in Orlando was Disney World. I've never been there outside of Disney World.

And it looked a lot like Texas. It didn't look like Southern Florida. Orlando really just is not, I don't know, it was very rural. And I don't ever remember it being that way. But perhaps we move on to our next news story, if that's all right with you. I'm assuming that you've heard of. the passing of Aaron Carter what happened in between episodes.

I kind of wanted to talk about that because it goes into a little bit of, not a little bit, but growing up in the limelight as a celebrity actor, it really was just, to me, such a sad story, the more I learned about it.

They recently think that they found out the cause of death. They found compressed air at the death scene, which is that like Whippets? Is that what that is? Not that I have any experience. Whipits, so I've heard,

are laughing gas, which is what you get from the dentist. And it makes your voice super low. Computer duster, which is huffing, is some next level stuff. that I don't really even know what's in it that gets you utterly, you know, it, it hits you hard body karate. And they've actually, so I've heard, they've started to put in computer cleaner a, like,

a awful taste that comes out with the air. It's inert. You wouldn't notice it if you're using it for, for its intended purpose. But if you huff it, you're overcome by this disgusting taste. Just because people were like, how do we get these people to. stop, you know, abusing this. So he was huffing. Allegedly, right? I don't know.

Yeah, it says Aaron Carter was very clearly struggling with an addiction to huffing compressed air. And investigators found evidence of that at his death side. The whole story makes me incredibly sad because he was pushed into the limelight by his parents. You would know this better than me, but legally you need to put some money aside for your child. children, it would seem, from their acting careers, they not only spent all of his money, but also left him completely in debt so that when he stopped being the cute child actor and turned into a real human being that no longer wanted to act, he had nothing. And so his life was just miserable. And reading more and more about it, I don't know, I feel very

bad for him. I feel really bad too. You know, and plenty of people can say like, oh, well, you know, you saw it coming or it's been sort of this long road of sort of one bottom after the next, but regardless, right, because you leave in the wake. You're a family, you know, families who love you. I think you had a child. Like, it's just never, you never exit clean. And it's the great fallacy that every addict tells themselves. And I'm speaking from experience here, which is like, I'm only hurting myself. When in reality, like, you're literally, you become like nuclear and you radiate everyone who has the guts to keep loving you. And it's, it's really unfortunate. It's really unfortunate.

And I, you know, it's a hard thing for me because we all have these tough, you know, childhoods to a certain extent, not you. Beautiful kosher caterer, beautiful mother, very lucky. But many... Beautiful mother. Can't wait to meet her. Beautiful, ma'am. Please, you know, connect us. Let's do a group chat.

You know, when people like in my, you know, I had a challenging upbringing, I know the child star thing, but I always wrestled with this idea of like, yes, but we also have unprecedented access to help, right? Like, even if we have the worst of upbringing. It's like, then, you know, we're able. We have access to therapists. and counselors and people who can intervene and like a lot of support you can choose health right i remember when i played a u.s marshal in the one season of disney plus is turner and hooch i hung out with the u.s marshals

for a couple months and i remember our advisor scott i said to him once i said you know you're constantly hunting these people do you ever feel bad for them like is there anyone you ever go home at night and you're like wow like i you know i feel bad and he told me this story about this is a crazy story he's like you know there was this guy in the mid 90s that we had to arrest that we were hunting for a minute and he was trafficking marijuana which at that time in the 90s was like a big offense but of course now it would be like you know probably a misdemeanor at that and we arrested him and I knew he was going away for a really long time and he looked at me and as we're taking him to the car he says can I bring my hooked on bonics tapes with me

to jail. Like he didn't even know how to read. And he wanted to learn how to read while he was in jail, knowing that he was going to be in there for a long time. He's like, I got home that night and I cried. He's like, because I knew that this guy never had a chance, right? He came from a place where this was the only life he knew. He had no resource. And I was like, oh my God. So I wrestle with that with people in my position where it's like, you know, at a certain point, if you don't get help, like, I don't know. It's, it's tragic. It's tragic. Were you, uh, so sad. Were you a fan of his music growing up? Definitely. I love it. I'm trying to remember. What was the, what was the house party? What was that song? Um, how, uh, I keep thinking in the smart house song. Jump, jump, the house is

jumping. Jump, jump, jump. I feel like your wife right now. The house is jumping. You have a great voice. Who knew? Ben, I have so many talents. I should be more famous.

100%. 100%. And Smart House was a fantastic movie. Did you watch? This is a good question. Did you watch a lot of Disney Channel growing up, even though you were a Nickelodeon star? Did you feud about the network rivalry?

I like walking to a room and like Lacey McGuire's on. I'm like, turn that garbage off. Not in my house. Nick or bust. Put on Tyena. I, uh, no, I know. I did watch. Yeah, I watched a lot of Disney stuff.

I loved it. Yeah. What was your favorite Disney Channel original movie? Well, my first was Brink, and that was like, unreal. They can't see us because this is audio. My jaw just dropped. Nobody ever says Brink. Brink was my favorite movie, and I'm positive that if we both loved Brink,

then you also loved Johnny Tsunami. Johnny Tsunami, excellent. What was it, the Space Girl Xenon or whatever? That was good. That was good, too. Yeah. Motocrossed. Remember Modicross?

So good. My original screen named Motocrossed 0403. I was really cool. I was Mr. Money 86. Mr. Money 86. It's always been about the green. I know.

I mean, really. I mean, Kyrie and Kanye are listening to this pod going, you see, you see. Speaking of the green, it's worth talking about that everything we know on the Powerball Jackpot winner who took home $2.04 billion. The single winning ticket for the historic $2 billion

power ball jackpot was sold in fucking Alta Dina, California, like 15 miles from where I am. And it goes on to say that it was sold at Joe's Service Center It was a 292.92 million to one chance. Joe's service center is a gas station in L.A. County. And one other thing.

Oh, the winner has the option to take either a lump sum payout, which would amount to 997 mil. Or, I'm sorry, yes, it would be 997 million, and then after taxes, it's $758 million. Okay, first question, Ben, You own Joe's service center. What kind of, you know, waxing, Vig, a little bit of like good looking out? What are you expecting as the owner of that service center to get from the guy who won the lottery?

Ten million? Perfect. I think that's fair. By the way, if I won two billion dollars, I swear on my life I would give ten million dollars to the guy that sold me that. I wouldn't even think about it. I wouldn't even think about it. But quickly, shout out to the real winner, the freaking government. Nobody ever thinks about how much money they just made by getting it up to $2.2 billion.

They just made a billion. Right, because of the taxes. Because of the taxes, they collected all of our money, getting us all hyped, $2.2 billion. Keep buying, keep buying. And then they take 50% from our pocket. Holy shit, you're smart. I never thought of that. That's what the lottery is.

is a great game of pooling all our cash so that it's only $1 at a time by the American people to then give 50 cents on the dollar to Uncle Sam. Did you buy a ticket? No. Really? I'll never, no, I'll never buy lottery tickets. I'll never win. You'll never win. And I just hate the idea that I know, because I realized this.

I became woke on the lottery a long time ago. that the biggest scam ever is when the news starts talking about the lottery and the number keeps growing. And then everybody in their mother buys a hundred tickets. They're like, we're going to win. Keep buying. Keep buying. Keep buying. All that we're doing is loading up the government with cash.

Wow. I never considered that. You're right. It's a Ponzi scheme for Uncle Sam. Ponzi scheme for Uncle Sam is the lottery. That's unreal. And yet, there is no better. feeling. Last night, I bought $20 worth of tickets at the 7-Eleven, and I'm walking in my car going,

I can't believe how my life's going to change tonight. There's no better feeling than that, Ben. And I go, who am I giving money to? And it's going to be a lot of people. Claudia does the same thing. Whenever there's a big lottery, she always does. You know that episode of Friends where they all buy like 900 tickets and Phoebe takes it and brings it to the terrace and accidentally drops it. I don't know if you remember, but Claudia always buys a million lottery tickets. But yeah, we're never going to win.

And the reason we're never going to win, I don't know. Maybe it's the cousin of somebody that works for the government who wins. You'll never know a lottery winner. It just doesn't happen. Do you know that I'm such an egomaniac that the reason I know I won't win the lottery

is because it will undercut me becoming a famous actor. By the way, If you won the lottery, you could literally just buy a studio and cast yourself and become the most famous actor ever. I could. I think about that. But then your whole life is an asterisk season, right? Because inevitably, no matter how well you do, they go, yeah, but he won the fucking lottery, two billion.

That's also a great question. If you won the lottery, would you tell anyone? I would tell some very, very close friends. I mean, they would know, right? because they'd be like, why does Josh have Hovercraft shoes? But I think that, no, I would keep it as quiet as humanly possible. And there's like 11 states that allow you to stay anonymous. And then the rest you can't, which seems like, no, no, we want you to get murdered here in the great state of California.

Wow, I had no idea that there was legality around its closing if you won the lottery or not publicly, state by state. That is so weird and nuanced. Wow. Is New York one of those states? Do you know which states there are? Because if I won the lottery, I'm showing up to take my check in a big bear costume. Nobody's going to ever know it was me. Same here.

And I don't know. They'll just think that I did really well. They'll think that we sold for society for not one billion, but 20 billion. And no one will ever know where all my cash came from. I would also give away so much of it. Like, really, if I want $2 billion, everyone I know would be rich. Yeah, it says only 11 U.S. states, including New Jersey,

allow winners to remain anonymous. Under California public disclosure laws, as well as the information, as well as the total amount of winnings, are public information. Yeah, in California, you got a target on your back. Wow, that's terrible. Yeah, I would,

I, it would be ridiculous how generous I would become. And yet, like I have, you know, you and I have friends who have done dumb well. And I insist on paying on for things within, you know, I'm like, you're going to pick up the PJ always. Like this goes, I'm never, I can't reciprocate. But I'll pay for dinner. I'll get you not, you know, $250, $300, nor some gift card for your birthday. I got, you know, I have scratch like that. But, you know, I would imagine, like, at what price point does resentment go away that you're always paying for things?

Like, if I got a billion, I'm picking up every dinner from here to the end of time, right? I think it's 100% person by person. I think it's how you made it. And I think it's who you are as a human being. Because I know so many billionaires that are so freaking cheap. And I know, I'm acting like I know so many billionaires. I actually do know a good amount of billionaires. Some are so freaking cheap and some are so not cheap.

And I think it just has to do it the way that you're raised. And some people want to keep their money and some people want to spend their money. Some people want generational wealth. Some people want, I'm only here for a good time, not a long time. But yes, no amount of dinners can ever take away your billions of dollars. I would never let anybody pick up the bill ever again in my life. Well, that generational, the whole generation. generational wealth thing really makes me laugh.

Like, what is it? The softers are going to be the next Rockefellers? Like, the Pecks are going to be the Carnegie. It's like, who cares? Like, once you're gone, I have no interest in making sure that my name's on a bunch of buildings when I die. But because this episode is so money and, let's be honest, greed focused, I think it apropos that I have pulled up the top 20 richest celebrities in the world.

clocking in at number the first person is Jamie Gertz who I don't know how she's so famous or I'm sorry I don't even know who that is who's Jamie Gertz well I I don't know

she I mean I I know her as an actress and I don't want to be a decision how do you spell her how do you spell her name J-A-M I Is she an I-E No

Jamie Gertz I don't mean to be a disgusting male who needs to do better. But is there a chance she married, Rich? There's a zero percent chance that this woman who I have seen before is the richest. Oh, literally people ask, how did Jamie Gertz get so rich? Her marriage to L.A. billionaire, Tony Wrestler. Gotcha. who has assets of over $136 billion sick. Yeah, I have seen that one.

See, no, it's a flawed question if she's popping up. It needs to be something about self-made. Right. Well, Jerry Seinfeld clocks in at number two, 950. I would bet you he has over a billy, for sure. I'm sure he has over two, Bill. Those things are always wrong. They always only go off of things that they know.

And believe me, they don't know everything about Jerry's private investments. And he talked about a guy with access, seeing some private deal flow. I'm sure he's done incredibly well. Speaking of private investments, don't you love that when people with the lottery go? I would take the lump sum because I would want to invest it. I don't want the pay out. And I want to be like, Rick, you do mail fraud for a living. What do you know about investing?

Totally. Totally. Yeah, like all of a sudden you're going to be given a billion dollars and that's when you start getting smart. Like, it's the opposite. You didn't have to work for any of it and you were just given a billion dollars. I don't think you're going to start investing. No.

I don't think so. But a couple other high. highlights, Tom Hanks, 400 million. Tom Cruise, 570 million, and George Clooney, 500 Millie. De Niro, 500 Mill. By the way, both of those seem low to me. Clooney made close to that just off Casamigos.

What about his career as an actor? But didn't he have to split? Like, didn't they have to split it three ways, the Casamigos? They sold it for. for over a billion dollars the first time it was bought, and then it was repackaged. So they made a ton of money. And then De Niro, he owns Nobu.

Nobody ever talks about that. Right. I'm just saying, I don't think that these guys are richer than what they're leading on. Ritcher than what they're leading. It's fair. Should we do a this or that?

Should we do this or that? I think I, man, I just, it was on the tip of, my tongue and then apparated. What? I had a good one too. Damn it. I just, you know.

Was it about the lottery? I start yentine with you and I just, I lose it all. I get lost in your eyes, Ben. Oh my gosh. This or that. I don't know. You know, I'm sleep deprived

because both of my children have been sick. I don't know if you've heard this. You probably haven't because you're just young and free of responsibility. But there's this virus going around that's hitting kids hard called RSV. Have you heard of it? No, sounds terrible. Dude. What is it?

It's a respiratory virus that you and I as grown-ass men, strong ox, Jewish men. Yeah, we are. We kick RSV's ass. But these sad little infants, they're not so strong. No, they basically just go to school and the three-year-olds sneeze on each other all day

and they bring home the craziest diseases you've ever seen. And thank God. Shout out my pediatrician, who I'm not going to name here because you all can't have her. She's ours. She'll, like this woman,

this saint of a woman, granted, we pay for the service at the beginning of the year. There's a small retainer. but she texts me back at like 9.30 at night. I'm like, and to get a text back when your kid doesn't feel good from a medical professional, when I'm asking them, is it cool if I give them my asthma inhaler and for them to be like, hold the beat?

It's a gift from God, give from God. Now I need the name of the pediatrician. I don't even need to see one. I haven't found a good doctor since I left my pediatrician. I left my pediatrician late, age of 27, still with her, moved over to an internist, and they just, you know, they're like, yeah, we'll see you in five months. It's like, what if I'm sick? Nope, booked out.

Can't do it. Sorry, pal. Can't do it. Totally. And did you know that's completely appropriate that you can stay with your pediatrician? Like, you can be treated at a children's hospital up until 26. Crazy, huh? Interesting. Interesting. I didn't know that.

Just saying, if, you know, if Bellevue's ever booked up, go hit, you know, the children's hospital. I should. I should. I think, what is this big kid doing here? He's huge and hairy. You're like, yeah, I like Pokemon. Anyway, I have a sore throat. Oh, man. I feel like we need a good this or that moment, but I'm not. I'm completely devoid. I like they were doing it live.

Maybe we hold it. Maybe we hold it till next week. This has been an incredible app. I don't feel bad about this app. It has been great. I'm just thinking maybe we... We're the worst. We fucking suck.

It's no wonder... It's no wonder the toast has stopped talking about us. I think that we should do one. and I think that we should do a this or that on raising your kid one religion or not what about kids versus no kids great okay you go no kids perfect do you want to do the timer because I'm recording into my phone yes yes I will do the timer and the world is on fire this we know The world is on fire, not to mention all new people every 50 to 60 years.

Also, unless you're Beethoven, Barack Obama, or Isaac Newton, you won't be remembered. Also, why do we feel the need? Why do we feel this like instinctual nature thing to procreate something in our image? Listen, the reality is, this has been a failed experiment. It's all a simulation anyway. And the truth is, we're just handing off our... our problems to the next generation, hoard your assets, keep your luxuries to yourself, have brunch, and screw these kids.

It's ridiculous. We're just perpetuating a terrible, terrible cycle. You don't want to use your other 15 seconds? Here's what else I'll say. If you like sleep and you like money, don't have kids. I'm done. Okay. Good.

Very compelling. I will begin my one minute. To have children or not to have children, I certainly say that you should have children. Now, I don't have kids yet. I'm trying to time it properly. Everybody says, you know, you can't time it. But I think you can time these things. When I do have kids, I'm really looking forward to imprinting my values and my crazy thoughts on them.

Because, you know, you mention your light conspiracy theories to your wife. And she's like, Ben, you are freaking crazy. You mention them to your kids. and they think they're gospel, right? So I can go to these kids and say to them, you know, today I was in the shower, brushed my teeth. I brushed my teeth in the shower. I don't know if that's strange,

but brushed my teeth in the shower. And I thought to myself, you know, I've been using toothpaste my whole life. Why? Why am I using toothpaste? Colgate's a new company. What did they do before we had toothpaste, right? And I bring that up simply to say that I can impress my values,

and weird things on these kids. The minutes up, that was terrible. Damn it. It wasn't terrible. I know what you mean, but here's the reality. There's more assholes than ever. There's more annoying people because of social media, because of podcasts, and because of OnlyFans.

Speaking of, if my child came to me and said they want to have a podcast, I'd be like, I'm disowning you. If they said they have an OnlyFans, I'd be like, that's industrious, Slay Queen. But nevertheless, there's more assholes than ever. So even if you make a cool kid, they have to live in this world of complete animals. It's true. It's true.

All right. Cross talk. That was starting the cross talk. That was starting the cross talk. Sorry, it just jumped in. You know, you jumped in. There was no structure, but it's fine. I really butchered it.

I went in. I started talking about myself. I started talking about my weird feelings on toothpaste. But honestly, I'm excited for a kid to then, my kid to then go and tell his kids at the playground. You know? You shouldn't brush your teeth and then everybody has bad breath. So I think that if you have kids, you don't have kids. Totally up to you.

If you have them, please raise them right so that they don't turn into assholes. But they won't. Because I watched, they won't what? They won't raise them right because they don't have, because their coating is broken. Assholes make assholes. It's just how. And the only way the cycle stops is either they become drug addicts, they bought them out and they get into 12-step. program or they go to therapy or they go on some you know they're they're in vanderpump

rules and they have to keep it together to get another season they're on below deck last night i watched a very sad video of a couple of hunters poaching a lion in africa just what you literally watch the line climb up a tree scared for its life pulls the trigger dead how does that person exist. Who raised them? How do they have like, it just, it blows my mind

the amount of people that are just, we're just coexisting with that are such bad eggs everywhere. So you know what? I go to you. No kids.

Nobody should have any kids. We should just die out and we're done. I win? Leave it all to the dogs. You win. It's a simulation. Logan Paul and Jake Paul are probably like,

literally second in line to God and we we fucked it guys like guys we didn't we didn't we didn't play it play it right we didn't play our hand correctly no we probably played it decently though not we're somewhere middle we're somewhere middle rung but no we didn't yet so funny the Paul brothers you're w.WE no they're brilliant you're gonna see though Ben because you should have kids because you and Claudia are gonna make cute ass sweet wonderful children and they're gonna to come home when when the light turns on for you watching because there's people in your life now I'm sure we're like they're okay you know I don't dislike them but I couldn't spend more than a

couple hours with them and then those people have kids and they're worse and it's going to register for you that like oh boy yeah I'm going to have great kids oh man cute a little bit chubby Perfect. Happy. Funny. It's exciting. It's exciting. Closing remarks.

I'm going to have kids, but if you're mean, don't have kids. Acknowledge the fact that you're a mean person and you're miserable. And just let your bad attitude die out. Yeah. I would say, if you think you might not be awesome, sterilize yourself. Thank you. Thank you. What a great episode

And that's our show Thank you so much for tuning in folks On this Tuesday Actually Wednesday Wow I can't keep track of my days On this Wednesday new episode We'll come out on Monday again Apologies for the delay

We'll try not to make a habit of it But you know Kids are sick, times are tough Orlando Chili's happens Orlando's cold Oh Chili's Orlando's not chili It's actually very warm

But yes Orlando happens it is what it is so we'll try not to make it a habit the new episode will be out Monday and as always please rate subscribe find us anywhere you can find us panda air Spotify podify panda pods what's jz's music company

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