Good Guys - In Debt to the Tooth Fairy

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

Mazel, Morons! We're back with another juicy solo episode for your listening pleasure. Today the guys are unpacking the phenomenon of Hallo-WEEKEND, Ben's future as a narc, Josh's son's fear of ghosts (and being in DEBT) and how there's really no such thing as a free lunch. Not only that, we're revealing our weirdest nightmares and the secret ingredient to keep your dawgs barking. Plus, we answer YOUR Speakpipes about rescinding invitations and more! What, are you nuts?! Love ya! Leave us a voicemail here! Sponsors: Start earning points on rent you're already paying by going to joinbilt.com/GOODGUYS OpenPhone is offering 20% off of your first 6 months when you go to OpenPhone.com/GOODGUYS Exclusively for Good Guys listeners, NOBULL is offering 30% off your order. Visit www.nobullproject.com and use code GOODGUYS30. Visit carawayhome.com/GUYS10 to see all our favorite products AND take an additional 10% off your next purchase. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following podcast is a dear media production. I'm Josh Peck. And I'm Ben Soffer. And we're the good guys. There's a lot of guys out there. And we're the good ones. Mazel morons, welcome back to the Good Guys podcast. I'm sitting here with Millie Bobby Brown's yoga teacher.

It's Ben Soffer. Olivia liked that one. It's funny that you bring that up. Josh, yesterday I got a massage and the goal was opening up my hips. My hips are just locked in position. Are they still? Locked. Still.

Yeah. Still. What does that do for your lovemaking? It's an excellent question. It doesn't help. It doesn't help. Are you in pain when you're making love? What do you say?

Are you in pain when you're making love? It absolutely does, Josh. Thank you so much for asking. And I think that we really do it. No, I'm not. I'm not. I just like know that I could be like that's porn star, like porn star energy. And I just can't do it.

Like I have like the libido for it. I'm like, yeah. But no, I can't get there because like I'm geriatric. Yeah, I don't know if I'm going to cut this out, but I'm going to say it. I try to bring that energy to canoodling with my wife. And then she like is like, no, no, no. We're going to do it like respectable people who had two parents who love them. My favorite part of that us is we started this episode.

We said we're cutting nothing out within three, Within three minutes, we're cutting out two things. I'm moving that in. Okay, well, yeah. I, yeah. Look, by the way, I respect it. Lovemaking, lovemaking should be about love, Josh. It should.

It should. It's not always about the grounded pounds. That is so gross. You know what, gross? This is my Woody and Nuts, and it's coming in early. It really grosses me out when someone goes, this is my lover. Awful.

It is. Awful. Lover. Awful. Awful. We've definitely spoken about this before. Awful. I also hate the word partner.

Sorry. I just, sorry. No, Ben doesn't give a fuck. Sorry. This is my life partner. Get married, bozo. Like, you're like, you've been life partners for 20 years. Don't you want to take advantage of the tax break?

I also think that if you're dating in your 40s, like, you cannot have. have a boyfriend or girlfriend anymore. Just call them your spouse. Like, call them your husband or wife. No one's going to ask for receipts. No one's going to be like, can I see your certificate? No, just say that you're married. It's fine. That's right. You know what show I've been watching Josh lately? You ever watch only murders in the building? I ask that as I know you don't watch it because you don't watch any of this stuff. I don't watch it, but it's created by my good friend, Dan Fulgerman, who's one of the best in the biz. Just love him. He's a mensch and a genius. I love that show. I love that cast.

Martin Short is Bruce Soffer in the best way. Yes. In the best way. And the reason I thought of it is because Martin Short and Merrill Streep are this older love romance. They get married on the show. They are the cutest, fantastic. And all I have to say, if you're old, you can still get married. We don't need life partners.

Get hitched. Well, isn't the scuttle butt that they are dating in real life? Yes. Yes, they are. So hot. God, that is so hot. Can you imagine dating Merrill Streep? And at the same time, can you imagine dating Martin Short?

What a power couple. Martin Short comes in, shows up at Merrill's house, all 5'5 and Canadian. And it's like, you know they're going somewhere. They're going to, at minimum, a Houston's or a Hillstone. Minimum, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, of course. They're doing it all.

I just, maybe it's just his character, but they are going to a show. Ooh, they're taken in the town. You know they're not sitting at home doing nothing, Josh. They're going out. They're having a couple of martinis. They're doing it. They're doing it up. They're doing it up.

They're not in recovery. They're slinging a couple back, getting nice and loose. Slinging a couple back. They have open hips. They're going at it. Yes, they do. They probably do. They're fucking banging.

I'm cutting that out. Number four, put it to the list. I really appreciate. that you can watch and enjoy shows. I'm like getting worse and worse. Look, we also watch, you know this, we rewatch so many shows. We're currently rewatching Glee.

Oh my God. Like, I love that there's a part of you and Claudia, which are like the most sophisticated New Yorker. And then there's a part of you guys that would make sense in Kansas City. We literally, we love, we reserve the 830 to about 10. at night for like a nice 90 minutes of TV. The question is, what are we watching?

Right now we're watching because we finished only murders. We're watching Glee. And there's just something Claudia was born to be on Glee. Like she looks at Rachel Berry and she's like, I am you. Like this is us. We are simpatico. So she loves that show. And look, I always love a singing competition.

I love the voice. I love the Britain's got talent. I love an American idol. So when I watch Glee, I'm like, oh, these kids pretty good. That said, Mr. Schro. Schuster, no good. Interesting. Oh, and the great Sue Sylvester?

Unbelievable. You love Jane Lynch? Jane Lynch is a queen. She's also an only murders. I just have to say, I know we're doing less guests on this show, because you guys want less guests, but we need to have Jane Lynch. Don't give the people any credit.

We decided on our own based on how much you listen and don't listen. Okay, this was a complete solo decision. We won't be bullied. Nothing to do with you. Nothing to do with you. We decided on our own. That said, Jane Lynch. Please, I'm obsessed.

I'm obsessed with her. I get it. Jane Lynch, love her. Have you met her? I've never met Jane Lynch. No. Just saying she's on my list. Who's on your list?

Of what, guess? Just somebody that you love that maybe you haven't met. Even if Jane Lynch wanted to have dinner, I'd take dinner. I don't eat her on the podcast. I just love to meet her. That's a great point. You know, I love, in this. day and age, the problem with having a podcast is everyone you meet, you want to ask them for

something. And I think it's very powerful to not need nothing from no one. That's my goal in life. I want to be able. The other day, I was at my buddy's son's birthday, and he introduced me this lovely woman who runs and is like a big maher at Levi's. I love Levi's 501s. Perfect creation. All-American. Josh Peck, Levi's. Is that the one with all of the buttons up? Is that the one with all the buttons up? On the fly? Yeah. No, it's a zipper.

I think. It's a zipper. Okay. There's only one Levi's product that I can't do. It's the one with the five buttons. It was made for a skinny man. You're not a button fly king. No, five buttons, Josh.

Five buttons. It doesn't work for you. It's too much. It's four buttons too many. I used to be a solely buttonfly guy. I'm a buttonfly guy because I only wore G-stars, which was a good time in my life. great gene yeah great gene japanese denim who do i love who do i like what we're talking you love you love levies you love levies levi so i love levies so i love levies and so i meet this woman who's like a big

executive at levies and she's like oh you have to come by our like gifting thing and i just wanted to be like you know what it's just nice to meet you like i don't need them like but thank you and it's i'm a fan it's nice to meet you but of course instead i said when and where babe when and where I want to be able to say no. I've heard that George Clooney does not accept gifting. It's definitely a powerful move. And I will say, and this is going to seem unrelatable to folks who are like, you don't want to be gifted by brands. Like, no, they send crap.

They are trying to just weasel their way into something that they normally need to pay for, right? Which is going to be an advertisement from the incredibly famous Josh Peck. And I'm just saying, stop it. Just stop it. It's enough. You want my man's services? come up with the stone cold cash. Yes.

Okay? That's it. Come up with the stone cold cash. I want to see $100 bills. Okay? I don't want to see. Let me send you some free tea bags. We don't want your tea bags.

No, we can buy our own tea bags. Yes. Okay. It's enough. That said, I would take a $1,000 gift card to Levi's. Like, that's nice. But I bet you would, Ben. Who wouldn't?

That's a nice gift. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, I don't know. I don't want one pair of jeans. So I don't want one pair. Nope. I've got to add this to the list. Unrelatable, fuck.

People are going to be like, you rich assholes. Like, it's not even true. We're not even rich. We're rich for Louisville. We're so poor. No, we're fine. We're comfortable. We're comfortable, but we're not like, I mean, we're not those people.

The last time I saw you wear that shirt, Josh, was when we had Taylor Lawtoner on. Do you remember that? I didn't own this then, but I did get this for free from page. Shout out. What is wrong with your memory? I think I just, it looks like that gray shirt. Is that not gray?

It's green. It's like an olive. It's beautiful, Josh. God bless you. Thank you so much. I know it looks good. Okay, I won't tell you then. I won't tell you next time.

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Where are you going tonight? Tell me everything. I don't need to rush. I'm cool as a cucumber. We're good. No, we're here. It's okay. We got plenty of time. So Claudia has a new ambassadorship with a dog food brand. I forget the name, but this is the first event. You can do not. And she doesn't want to show up alone. So I will be there like the first man, first husband that I am supporting her. And it's all the way down town. Your social media is Doug Emhoff.

Sorry. Yeah. Like, like way to not know her all the way downtown, Josh. You know she doesn't go downtown. We're going all the way. We're talking lower than Chinatown. In Fidey? So it's far.

It's far. Yeah. in Fidei, it's far. So I just said, you know, if we can do this at a normal pace, no rush. No rush. Interesting. Can you tell that I'm sweating this room? Two thousand degrees. Oh, no, you've got some nice pit stains, which I have a, oh my God, it's terrible. I don't. I don't judge you for them. Dude, I'm a schvitzer. The other day, it was funny. I was reading this story to my son tonight, and it was this British book. And so they were talking about jumpers, right? Like, oh, little Ian and Jerry. wearing jumpers. And I was like, son, a jumper is a sweater, but it's just like a British term

for sweater. And he goes, oh, sweater. Like, when you take walks and then you come home and you've got that spot on the back of your shirt, you're calling me up for sweating. First of all, no, you dummy. But secondly, I was like, that is so classic that he notices that I always come home sweaty. Yeah, look, I'm honestly not even a huge sweater. There's just something about the material of the shirt and the warmth coming from the radiators. This is what happens in New York. Okay. This is a what do you nuts. The second, the second that it becomes October, they crank the heat in these old buildings, in these radiators. And then you're blessed with, we have, it's 75 today, Josh, 76 tomorrow, 78 the next day. We're blessed with weather. But if it's warm outside and the heat, and the heat, you're blessed with weather. But if it's warm outside and the heat is on, we're going to be schvitzin. We're going to be schvitzin. It's too hot, too hot. But it is what it is.

It's gorgeous outside. And I'll cool down. I'll be fine. And so you're going to go to this dog food event. And is this like, are we talking royal canine? Are we talking Alpo? Is Alpo still a thing? I think it's actually a new dog supplement company.

So it's not. God. It's not food. We're looking out for the dog's joints. We're looking out for their cognitive. I think so. We're looking out for their cholesterol levels. We could be giving them lines,

main. I'm really not sure. I will find out. I will report back. We are big, big fans of cognitive canine supplements. Are we doing cognitive? Are we giving the dogs chaga?

What are we giving the dogs? Agenation? We're going to find out. Oh my God. We're going to find out. We're going to find out. But yeah, all the way downtown. I just, Josh, I just got back from the beautiful state of Florida.

I was there for a week. And let me tell you something. Okay, I have a best bite of the week because it's important. Great. It's important. Meat market. Meat market in Boca Raton is a 12 out of 10. This was an unbelievable restaurant.

There's sushi. Fantastic. Kind of felt like a hillstone. I got a spinach artichoke dip out of this world. I had a stuffed artichoke. These are my favorite things. And then, Josh, ready for this? They had, I know you're going to be like, but sometimes you eat regular steak.

Yes, I do. My kosher is strange. They ate a kosher steak on the menu, Josh. And you didn't get it, did you? I did. I did. And it was probably slightly worse than if I had gotten just like the regular steak. But it was delicious.

It was delicious. And then I had a warm cookie on my way out. best bite of the week it was great that said florida weather was no buena that post hurricane it is still not great down there raining yucky no good but the food a plus i think and i open this up to the room i think a restaurant would be better off and this is me and i have spilkes as we know this is a word for ants in the pants i got to move i got to go i got to go i got to go my perfect job would be if I could do this podcast while walking. I'm serious. If we could record it where we would lose all of like the outside sounds or the sounds of a treadmill going, I would rather be

walking. I think dessert is a wasted part of dinner at a restaurant. I think it takes too long in many cases. I think it can literally elongate the sitting time 30 minutes to an hour, which is just unacceptable to me. For what? For what? An apple tart? For a, for a, for a, Facaque the hot lava cake. Let's go. So after a two-hour dinner, if they could say, would you like a dessert to go? We've got homemade donuts, homemade chocolate chip cookies.

We make our own sour gummies here. We have a what's a patisserie, you know, makes bakeries shit. We've got a gummerie where we can make a sort of gummies. You know what I'm saying? Like, give me something for the road. If we could do this podcast walking, Josh, we would be longer than Rogan. Because we're both the same in that regard. We can talk on the phone and talk on the phone and talk on the phone.

It would be a four-hour podcast. I don't know what we'd be talking about. It would be tangent after tangent after tension. But I think we should try it one time. Desert totally agreed, completely unnecessary. It also makes me feel like ass. I had a beautiful dinner. I had a beautiful dinner.

Filled myself with nourishment. I had a beautiful salad. I had a steak. I had some artichokes. And then all of a sudden, just load in 250 grams of shit. sugar and then I go home and I feel like crap. But I had a beautiful dinner. I'm done with dessert.

I'm done with it. I'm also done with dessert at night. I don't want to sleep on this chocolate lava cake. I don't want to. Stop offering it to me. If I say that I don't want dessert, say, hey, you know, I'd like some. No, be a friend. If I don't want dessert, you don't want dessert either.

I couldn't agree with you more. Now, what about tomorrow? We're recording this on October 30th. So tomorrow is Halloween. I have kids. I know what my day is going to look like and it's going to be incredible. What does your day look like as a person who's married and slightly, let's just say, beyond the age of like, let's go rage on Halloween. What does your Halloween look like, Ben?

Yes. And speaking of raging on Halloween, I have a quick story first. In New York City, the kids decided to celebrate Halloween last week, Josh. Last weekend was Halloween. I don't know why. I guess maybe because Halloween falls on a Thursday, they decided to celebrate the weekend before. Claudia and I, Saturday night, we fall asleep at 10.30, like kings, okay? Watch some only murders, watch some glee, shut off the TV in a deep slumber, deep rem. 1255, all of a sudden, I wake up.

Not from something I'm hearing, but from something I'm feeling, Josh. Mm-hmm, um-unz, um-s, um, through pulsing through my veins. There is a building next to my building where these kids are having a party on the roof. must have rented like literally club level speakers. You've never heard anything like this in your life pulsing through my veins from 1255 to 130. I'm literally looking at Claudia. I'm like, are we being, are we being interrogated? Like I felt like I was captured and they were interrogating me, uns, uns, uns, through my chest. It was so awful. So awful. Somebody must have called the cops because they kicked these lunatics out of here. I told this story to my dad. He said,

what are you such a narque? Like, when did you? What's wrong with you? I said, dad, you didn't feel it. If I could hear it. If they were playing meatloafs, I'd do anything for love. I would have sang along. But they're pulsing these deep beats, deep house beats through my veins.

It was terrible. So what am I doing? What am I doing tomorrow night, Josh? I'm having some candy. I'm doing nothing. Today I dressed up as Guy Fieri and I made a filet of fish with caviar on top. So I'll post a little video for some Halloween cheer. But other than that, nada.

It's funny. I just feel like I got a snapshot of you at 70 on the phone with the police doing the noise complaint going, hello, yes. No, they're club level speakers. It would be for a nightclub. That's how loud. You have no idea. You have no idea. It was unbearable.

And you know when you have those beats pulsing from me. I felt the beats for three hours after the music was off. I felt them, Josh. I slept with the beats. I once, when I was out hard charging, being a cliche, my drinking and other things life, I remember I was like 21. And I went to this club in L.A. And there was like this big Halloween party there.

And it was fantastic. And I'm throwing back, sucking down cranberry vodkas, you know. just living it up. I'm like, this is delicious. You don't even taste it. Like, and my UTIs clearing up. Anyway, so the girls know. And so I'm like, I'm having fun and then I'm drinking too much.

And then a buddy goes, hey, let's go to this other club. Like, even cooler, we're all going to go in. So we pile in the car and we go. And someone drives my car because clearly I'm not in any place to be driving. And so we all get out and we're about to walk into the club. and I feel this wave of heat come over me, and I start to throw up. And I'm throwing up in front of the valets.

They're like loving every minute of it. They're like, where's Drake? Now, I'll get here. She called Drake to help you, bro. And I'm just like throwing up. I'm just dead. And so I like somehow stumbled to Hollywood Boulevard, and I hail a cab thinking I'm in New York City.

No one hails a cab in Los Angeles. And I get into the cab and we're halfway home and I realize my car. My car is at the club. And I don't have, I don't have keys. And so I tell him turn around. And so I go back and I'm like, okay, what do I? Like, I got to sober up. I'm going to have to wait a couple hours.

So I go to Burger King and I walk through. I don't have a car now because the taxi has dropped me off. So everything is closed at Burger King except the drive-through. So I do the walk through the drive-thru. And I do like the double whopper. And I get the food. I eat it. And then I just proceeded to walk back and talk to the valets to like, by the way,

I don't have my keys either. So that was like a real, you know, God sense. And I proceed to talk to the valets for like three hours. And then finally, like, they come out of the club. They're like, where were you? I'm like, oh, no, it was great. I was in there. You just didn't see me.

They're like, why do you have whopper sauce in your face? I'm like, shut up, Chad. And they gave me my keys. And eventually I waited and sobered up and went home. But that was my Halloween. Pretty cute. I'm literally so upset that I didn't know, like, I left my keys at the club, Josh. Like, that makes me sad.

Like, I want to know him. him. I want to be with him. But Halloween, I normally love Halloween. We, Claudia and I were a duo. We dress up. We love it. Last year, we were Mr. Sheffield and Fran Fine. In the past, we were Dr. Phil and Danielle Burgoli. I don't know if you've seen those. We've been DJ Khalid and she was Assad Khaled. We do it up. Wow. That's amazing. We do it up and we love it. But yeah, this year, taking the year off. No Halloween for us, except actually the Toastel have already aired. we are doing every year on the toast they they dress up for Halloween and they are being Annie and what the hell is Annie's twin sister Lindsay Lohan's twin sister from the parent trap oh what is her name

halie Hallie Hallie and Annie and I'm being Aunt Jessie if you remember the uh oh Aunt Jesse very so I'll be Aunt Jessie and oh last year I was also Ina Garten I love dressing as a woman this is something that I've learned about myself Halloween I'm great I have to be Mrs. Dalfire. That's one that's on my list that I haven't been yet. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Carraway. Folks, you know that the Zavar household, in the Good Guys studio, in the Peck household, we love Carraway. They're non-poxic cookware.

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Yes. And like Lindsay Lohan was a national treasure and her Butler Martin was unbelievable. And Aunt Jesse and everybody and her rich ass dad. God, he was so rich. I'm going to show you a really funny picture. So my wife has a thing where she doesn't want to do anything for Halloween up until the morning of 31st and then all of us classic it's like sound the alarms what are we doing what are we dressing as and I'm like oh my god so she goes this was 10 years ago she's like I'm

gonna be like a funny like fitness influencer from you know Instagram or whatever right okay at this time I go okay and I was like well I don't want to I was like maybe I was just like I don't know like get I was shooting grandfathered at the time, right? So I'm doing this show, so I have access to an incredible makeup department who's very nice. And I'm just like, I said to the makeup department, I'm like, I'm not going to go. Like, can you give me something like, I don't know, like paint my face with something like silly or whatever? Now, I had done the year before, I had gone as a devil with John Stamos and like, it was cool because I just did the eyes. It was kind of sexy and cool. And it was like, perfect,

really perfect. Look at the photo here. Okay. And then the next year, I go to the middle. makeup department. I'm like, would you mind? Like, just like, whatever would take like 10 minutes. I don't, I don't want you to. They're like, oh, no, no, we'd love to. So generous, so nice. Let me show you what my wife wore to this party and what I fucking look like. Oh, my God.

I look like Eddie Munster. You look insane. She was like in a tube top. not a tube top, she was in a tank top on like a hoverboard with like, what was it, those detox teas that they used to sell on Instagram. And I literally look like Frankenstein. Like it's crazy. Wait, Josh, now I need to show you.

And we'll put up both of these pictures. I need to show you are Dr. Phil and Danielle Rogoli. Have you not seen that picture? No, I want it. Like, okay. Oh, that's unreal. Wow, that's really good. So good.

So good, right? That's really good. Oh, my God. What are you going to go, as Olivia? What are you in Ethan doing? Oh, my gosh. Well, I also was one of the young kids that went out last weekend. I dressed up as Charlie XX from the 360 music video.

She's got like red wine spilled on a tank top. It was kind of easy. So I was planning on doing that again tomorrow. But to be honest with you, I have always wanted to do Amelia Earhart and the Bermuda triangle. It's so easy to draw a little triangle on the T-shirt. So I think I'm going to talk a minute. into that tomorrow night for the WeHo Block Party.

I love it. I love it. My parents also used to dress up. I have to find these pictures. But one year they went as a pencil and a paint brush. So innocent. They are. They are sweet people.

But yeah, are you a fan of the ultra makeup? Like, were you ever like really? No. Like a, no, never. Not you. I don't know. I seriously, if I got off. offered a part. If the part was incredible, I probably would do it, but I wouldn't want to.

Like, I think it would have to be like on some Nolan level shit for me to do something where they were like, it's going to be three to four hours to make up every day for three months. Oh, that's awful. But like one day for Halloween, I think it's because you are in the business of being somebody else. But like for us regulars, like dressing up as somebody else for a day and playing a part is so fun. I love Halloween. That's why these hooligan listening to Deep House ruined it for me. That's not Halloween.

I don't know what the hell that is. Like some weird like ecstasy trip. That's not Halloween. That's not goblins and ghouls. That's not spooky season. That's like a load of crap. Like what are you doing? It's so...

It's so funny because Alexa, you know, from Amazon, the Amazon Alexa. My friend Alexa, mate, my personal assistant, Alexa. You know, my kids love Alexa all day. It's just like, Aexa, like, do this, Alexa. And so they did this fun thing for, what do you call it? They did this fun thing for Halloween where for the last month you could be like, Alexa, do you detect a ghost?

And then they'd be like, oh, there's a ghost in your office. Like, ooh. And so I first I messed up because I bought my kids both Halloween cards. I love off-brand holiday cards, right? Like, you wouldn't normally get a card for Halloween. No, I didn't even know that existed. I love it. It's cute.

And then, like, so my little guy, I got a cocoa melon Halloween card and my older son, I think like a Ninja Turtles one. And so I wrote, and I put a $2 bill in each, and I wrote, like, have a happy Halloween love, mom, dad, and Casper. And in parentheses, I wrote, I'm friendly. And my son read this fucking card and was like, who's Casper? And I'm like, friendly ghost. And he's like, I don't like that.

And he's like, this ghost sending me money? It was like the mob reached out to my son. It was like, here's a little bit of money. There might be a time where I need a favor from you. and I hope that you will remember this kind deed. So he was like, I don't want the money. I don't know who this Casper is. Leave me out of it.

So then, and my son, my older son, Max, is like pretty nonpluss. Like, he's not an emotional kid. He's, like, pretty wonderfully stoic. And so I did the thing with Alexa. I'm like, hey, Max, look at this. Like, Alexa, do you detect a ghost? And he was like, no, no. And he ran.

I've never seen him run like this. Basically, my son can't be alone anymore. I've completely ruined him. He was not scared of anything. Now he's terrified of ghosts. And I kept trying to tell him, oh, ghosts, I basically kept shrinking the lie, right? I was like, oh, ghosts are really friendly. Didn't work.

I was like, well, ghosts only come in October, the week of, or the month of Halloween. Doesn't work. So finally, we're laying in bed one night. And I go, hey, Max. He goes, yeah, I go, ghosts don't. exist and he goes, what do you mean? And I was like, they're like a character. They're like Super Mario, but they don't, they're not actually like in our life. They don't exist. He goes, well, I told my teacher about it. And I was like, what? He's like, and I told my friend Bennett

and my friend Olivia and my buddy Jack. He's like, what did you tell him? He's like, that this guy Casper won't leave me alone. He keeps trying to give me money. That's parenting. Oh my God. He's ruined. That's so good. I can just picture him like losing a tooth, putting his tooth under the pillow.

He gets $100 or $5,000, whatever. It's $2. He's like, oh, no, I don't want to be in debt. Yeah. Take it back. Take it back. Take it back. He like, he lifts up his pillow and goes,

no such thing is a free lunch. Just clothing your pillow. Pretty pragmatic. But it's so fun, dude. Like, I will say I think that the two greatest nights a year for a parent is Halloween night and Christmas Eve with your kids. And so tomorrow I'm so looking forward in the morning at my son's school, his elementary school, they're having a Halloween parade. So we're going to that with all the kids dressed up. Max is going as Michelangelo from Ninja Turtles.

And then Shy is going to be Elmo, which I guess there will be two Elmo's in the family. Won't there! So you're the Elmo from my nightmare. I'm going to kill you. La la la. La. It's coming in with a bugging. It looks like you're jerking off Big Bird.

Oh, man. La la la la. La. Oh my God. Menson, such a genius. And two assholes are totally disparaging his legacy. Oh, man. And then we're going to go trick-or-treating.

We go trick-or-treating tomorrow night. It's going to be fun. I'm going to eat so much of their candy. What? So this is the thing. You have exposed Max to the world of really special candies, right? Like, you'll bring home these, like, cool, intricate. Does he still like regular candy?

Is he a fan of the normies? Yes. And it's such a novelty. Like to him, you know, like for me, right, if you were like, oh, we have an organic lollipop or like some healthy gummies, I'm like, ooh, yes. But like for him to get given a twix or, you know, just like a random snickers, he's like, wow, this is exciting. This is huge. And what does trick or treating look like in Los Angeles? Like I, in the city, you'd go as a kid up and down buildings, honestly, an incredible.

amount of candy in a small place. You'd leave with hefty bags. What does it look like in LA? And are people nice? They're very nice. You have to basically because LA is so spread out, I imagine it be like Florida, maybe, you have to go to a neighborhood that's kind of all agreed that, you know, for four or five blocks, they're all going to be in on it. So you go like in L.A., there's Toluca Lake. There's parts of Beverly Hills. You find these residential pockets and you just go, you go ham. I live by the beach and so all the houses are really close together. So there are streets that are just like walk streets basically. They have them in Santa Monica and other beach towns. And so it's not open to cars, but basically everything gets dressed up and done up. It looks so cool. There's thousands of kids

running around grabbing different things. And it's really, it's, it's really an awesome time. It's just a pretty wild concept. Like, I've never met you before, but I'm going to knock on your door with my five-year-old and hope that you don't steal us and kill us. Like, maybe that's just the cynic in me. The more I think about trick-or-treating, too spooky. It is the cynic in you.

It is, if you think about it, there is not another single day in the, you know, entire calendar year where a stranger gives you something for free. Anything. Anything. Nothing. Totally. Nothing. Nothing. Not even the most, not on Christmas, not on Yom Kipper. Not on Easter. Not on a federal. Not on July 4th. Maybe you get a somebody that throw you a cold one if you're lucky. On Yom Kipper, they'll give you guilt. Yes. Now, growing up in the city, when we were like in the building I grew up with, or grew up in, there was a list downstairs and it had all the apartments that were going to give out candy. Is that what you had?

Yep, exactly. And we always, Claudia loves it. We always check our name off. She goes, buys a bunch of candy, fills up our big pumpkin bowl or whatever. And you know what? Some years, because we move in the city you move, we've had buildings where no kids come. And it's so sad. And we've had buildings where kids come in droves.

And she loves it. She is the trick-or-treat queen. She loves to be on the giving end of the candy. Yes. Loves it. Absolutely loves it. I know that your favorites, and by your favorites, I mean, you hate them. Big Justice.

Big A.J. and the Rizzler. Did you see that they were giving out Vitacococos? Nuts. They were giving out coconut water? Yep. Nuts. Well, good for them. I'm sure that's a massive brand deal.

I love, I literally, Josh, I'm sorry. I love the, I love the Rizler. I love him. Great. No, I love him. I love him. He went on Fallon and I'm just like, I love him. I'm wishing him the best, this eight-year-old. Well, did you hear that from losing teeth to free falling, these are the most common nightmares and how to cope with them? Talk about the witching hour. Losing teeth, falling from heights, being chased, those are some of the most common nightmares that plague sleepers. From a survey of 2,000 people conducted last year, the most common nightmare reported by just over 64%

of respondents was being chased or feeling lost. Other frequent nightmares include missing in an important event, waking up late paralysis, or your teeth falling out, or a house fire. Yikes. Dreams are typically a reaction to stress, medication, mental health conditions, or poor sleep. And experts suggest that the feeling of falling or dreaming of falling is a response to the body relaxing and falling asleep, which is often followed by the person's sudden jerking awake. I heard, I don't remember what it means, but if you lose your teeth in your dream,

it's bad news. It's a bad sign. Like that's bad. Yeah, what is it? I'm going to Google that. What does it mean if you lose your teeth? Yep, in a dream. Dreaming about losing your teeth often signifies feelings of insecurity,

stress, anxiety. No, no, no, there's something. Can relate. Uh, da, do, do. Um, in the Christian. Bible, the loss of teeth is often associated with loss, especially the loss of one's wisdom. Wow. That's deep.

I'm, I'm sure that now I'm going to get nightmares because I'm going to say that I haven't had a nightmare in a while, but I haven't had a nightmare in a while. Me either. And I'm thankful for that because they fucking suck. And probably like the worst dreams I've ever had. I've had like a dream of like a parent dying and you wake up and that was, that's like fucking awful. and then another, like, that I had like this recurring nightmare that like I never handed in my final and like I never graduated.

Like I don't know if that's like a relatable thing. But I like those were those were the only ones that I've really ever had. But I'm lucky that I haven't had them in a while. Josh, do have nightmares. I don't have nightmares. I do. I mean, I know that I do, but I never remember my dreams good or bad. And I dream.

I know that I'm dreaming, but I don't remember them. What about you, Olivia? I do from time to time. I actually had a really, like, I had a nightmare last week. That P Diddy was a guest on one of our podcasts, and I had to field all of the questions. That's so funny. From, like, and get him out of the building.

Wow. I'm just, I'm just saying. That was the, that was the, I was like, how did you get him out of, like, did he get a furlough or what? Like, we had to get him out of. out of here. I'm just saying P. Diddy, if you are looking to come on a podcast, we welcome

you. Oh my God. No. No. They wheel them in like Hannibal Lecter. Yeah. It was awful. I was so scared the whole time. That is terrifying. Yeah. But I would have like recurring nightmares about the test thing or like turning in a final. I've had that before like thinking I didn't graduate. But yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I would always like be in the backseat of a car and there's not a driver, which is crazy that Waymo is a thing now, but like that was my recurring nightmare as a child. Wow. I don't know what that says. No good. No good. I too don't remember my dreams, but I'm telling you, Josh, they're sweet.

They're lovely dreams. I believe you. I'm sure you've been in my dreams. Have I been in yours? Non-stop. And my day dreams. Yeah, I was just making sure that it wasn't just Len. You and Len,

you and Len, frolicing in a field. Hey, did you hear that one and three adults say they'd sign a sex NDA to keep Kinks a secret? We're naked and ashamed. A whopping 95% of sex havers participating in a spicy new survey admitted to being at least somewhat kinky, while more than 60% said they were too embarrassed

or worried to share their dirty desires with a partner. The findings presented by some app found that 51% of the 2000 respondent's quiz confessed to being afraid their other half would react badly and that they would possibly do an NDA if they could. Oh, sorry, 37% said they would happily sign an NDA before beginning a new relationship to ensure their secrets stay behind closed doors. Wow, I'm out.

Maybe it's just because I'm too old-fashioned. I'm out. I don't want it. It's weird. Yeah, I mean, maybe I'm not wild enough, but I just would be like, you know, what are you going to talk about me? That, you know, that I make you tell me that you're actually 50 when you're 35? like, so what?

Oh, I'm the weirdo. You know what I mean? It's not that crazy. I don't know. I have no idea. I have no idea. What? I walk around naked all the time.

So what? So what? I'm naked in the kitchen. I don't know. I just think like, do you walk around naked? No. And second question, how does walking around naked change when you have children? It doesn't exist.

And I, you know, sometimes, I will fall asleep in some form of undress at night. But last night my son, like, my son has a cough that when he doesn't feel good, he'll have a cough that reverberates around the house. Like, I could turn the alarm off because that cough will, they'll send help. They'll hear it from the corner store. And so whether it's a cough, whether my little guy, you know, needs something in the middle of the night, whether and it's,

It's a house, right? So you can't, like, if you hear something, you sort of have to go check, I'm rarely naked. I'm never naked at night. I can't sleep naked. That's nuts to me. I just don't get it. I don't get it. But, you know, I get out of the shower.

And you know, sometimes before I get dressed, I mozy around. You can catch me. Just, it's fine. Can you catch me, dude? I can just see you and you haven't completely dried off. So there's like a slight, there's a thin sheen of moisture over. your beautiful porcelain cheeks and you're running around like you're in a rom-com. Yep.

I'm never, I'm never perfectly dry. I don't know how to do it. How do you get perfectly dry? You're too tall for that. You're not getting crevices. You're anti-crevasis. And I can't reach my feet. So my feet are soaking wet.

Just traipsing water footmarks all over the hardwood. Like, oh my God. Oh, better. I don't know how we got here. Why don't we do one speak pipe and then we'll get to what do you nuts? Perfect. Yep. All right.

If you want to ask us a question, get some advice, go to speakpipe.com. Sush, good guys, keep it brief. Brevity is key. And maybe we will air your question on the air. This one's from Kennedy. Hey, good guys. I'm going to be as brief as possible, but this story is insane. So my best friend's best friend, her name is Tammy, recently lost her husband,

let's call him Sean. Both of them are not real names. Sean was diagnosed with a health condition about two months ago and then passed suddenly. Her and Sean have a little baby together who was one year's old, absolutely heartbreaking, came out of nowhere. Here's the kicker. The husband Sean was supposed to be an Italian wedding next year. Okay? One week after Sean passes, the lovely couple decides to tell the 26 year old widow Tammy that she has now no plus one because they rescinded her late husband's wedding invite

are we kidding me did we need more space in the villa like did they want a honeymoon upgrade I am genuinely so floored I think that they thought oh perfect like he passed away now we have like a room for so-and-so's sister's cousin

let's bring them Can you imagine they're like, yes, cholera. Like, I just, I just need to know, were they friends with Sean or were they friends with Tammy, Josh? Clearly, Sean. Okay, so then, I don't know. I don't even think Tammy would have gone anyways. What are they doing? Leave this woman alone.

Like, to rescind is nuts, totally nuts. To switch it to, yeah, you think that this woman recently widowed is going to travel to Italy to come to your wedding? alone. Like that's the part that's fucking insane. I couldn't agree more. Do less couple. Do less. She wasn't coming anyways. And what I would say is if you have a spouse who passes away, which is awful, this is one of the rare times where you as a couple go, let's say she does decide to come to the wedding. And not only that decides to use her plus one to bring a friend to give her some emotional support because she wanted to come to the wedding

because it was something that her husband really wanted to do. Let it go. Like that plate is already paid for. But I will say in all other scenarios and someone tried to pull this in my wedding and I was like, what are you nuts? Someone's wife or husband couldn't come and they were like, do you mind if I bring someone?

And I was like, I do. Yep. Like you can come, but if your wife's not going to come I'm like, no, you can't just bring some rando. Yes, which is honestly, probably what they were thinking. I don't know. It's definitely a little dicey, okay? There's somebody dies, like, give some grace.

But Tammy's going to bring Linda, and the couple doesn't know Linda, and now you have Linda and Tammy. They don't know Linda. It's dicey, Josh. It's dicey. That's why I'm saying this is a very specific thing where when someone is bereaved, maybe you roll the dice and go, they're going to bring a support friend.

Like, it's going to be odd, but we're going to have to suck it up because she just lost her partner. It's wild. That is, see, folks,

this is a speak pipe. This is excellent. Great job. Even if you made up Tammy and Sean, the name Tammy also shivers down my spine. I don't know if you know a Tammy. I don't want to know a Tammy. I don't want it.

What's Tammy short for, Tamiland? Nothing good. Tamara? Tammy's short for nothing good. Yeah. Tamika. I don't want to know her. I don't want to know Tammy. You got a Whatta You Nuts, Josh? Yes. Besides naming your daughter Tammy? My Tammy Peck, Teepee. My Woody and Nuts is kids sports. My son, God bless him. He plays on a he's five years old. He plays on a soccer league. This is, I don't need to say. It's all for fun. This is all fun. Right. Kids are having fun, but they're not. Because my son's team is garbage. We have lost every single game, and it's a blowout, everyone. Now, he played last year, and it was cute because he was, like, barely four, and him and his

little buddies, the way they would play. It was just like, it was so sweet, and you didn't expect much. But now, around five is when kids get coordinated, and we are not good. and I have now gotten to, if we're getting so blown out by halftime, I start suggesting a forfeit. I go, let's call it, guys. Like, come on, can we go? Like, are any of us having fun? And what are you nuts?

I'm telling you, if your kid's team is getting blown out and the game means nothing, forfeit. It should just be, it should be implied. If they're losing by more than five, we forfeit. Josh, I think that this one. on you. You need to be recruiting. I don't know if you've seen kicking and screaming, but you need to find that five-year-old Italian stallion, the future messy, and you got to bring him to Max's team. You need to revive them. I don't think, I don't know if it's happening. It's not looking good then. Okay. Well, my what are you nuts is electric cars again. Look, I'll drive them. Okay. They're fine.

The second that I need to charge them, we're not ready for these cars, folks. We're not ready. I get it. If you have a Tesla charger, oh, good for you. If you have a regular non-Tesla electric car and you're trying to charge it, here's what's going to happen. Okay, Josh, you're going to go. You're probably going to go to a shopping center.

You're going to plug in your car. You're going to wait 55 minutes in the fast charger for it to charge your car. It's going to cost you about 60 bucks. But what are you doing, Josh, during those 55 minutes, huh? you're going to your target and you're spending $300 because what do you do with 55 minutes? You're not supposed to sit in the car because apparently the raise they're going to mess with your brain. Okay. So I ended up spending $360 just to fill a tank.

What are you nuts? We're not ready. Or maybe it's me. What am I nuts? Do I have a spending problem? You might. Okay. Well, we all need to go.

Like, for instance, my supercharger in my town is right next to a Macy's. I love a Macy's. I love, love, love it. I go to the furniture section. I look at the home goods. I go buy the perfumes. I don't buy nothing. I just browse.

Just browse, babe. Macy's is a good place to browse. Target's not a good place to browse. You're not browsing at Target. You're putting these things in your car. You always need stuff at Target. Yeah, sure. You also need...

What do you buy from the Chippin' Jojo Collection? I'm buying anything. Anything I see. Oh, I need a new T's... TV. No, you don't. Put down the electronics, Ben. You don't need them. Take us home. Well, folks, if you were going to rate five stars, this episode certainly wasn't it. I'm just kidding. Five stars. Otherwise, what are you nuts? What are you here for? Support us. Five stars are get lost. Okay, listen to us on Spotify, Apple, wherever you get your podcast, watch us on Josh's YouTube.

You've got to see us interacting, laughing. We're having a great time. We've so much pizzazz. TikTok and Instagram. Watch our. clips, share our clips, okay? Mondays and Thursdays, folks, we will see you next time. Love you, booby. Love you. Bye. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.