Good Guys - Jared Freid and $2 Steve

Episode Date: August 10, 2026

Mazel Morons! Ben ran into Jared Freid outside the Dear Media studios, so we decided to have him on the show! We talk about dating disasters, prix fixe menus, and the time Jared got walked in on in a Dunkin’. Then, the tale of $2 Steve, awkward interactions, and getting served ads. What are ya nuts?! Love ya! Write us! Send your messages to [e-mail]  Follow us on Instagram and TikTok!  Sponsors: Go to IM8HEALTH.com/goodguys RIGHT NOW or click on the link in the description and use code goodguys for a Free Welcome Kit, five free travel sachets, plus ten percent off your order. Download the Bilt app and join the membership for where you live, at joinbilt.com/goodguys. Try QUO for free PLUS get 20% off your first 6 months when you go to Quo.com/goodguys. Unlock all the best summer memories with the Blended Pink Energy Drink from Starbucks. Download Whatnot today and get $20 off your first purchase. To shop the most wonderful deals for school, check out staples.com/GoodGuys. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Produced by Dear Media. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following podcast is a dear media production. Two Jews, both big and tall, no subject, too small for the good guys. A mother's dream, premium podcast team, make it your weekly routine, it's a good guys. And if you don't give us five stars, what are you nuts? What are you nuts? Yeah, we're the good guys. We're not the great guys. We're just so good guys.

The Good Guys, guys, guys, I ran into Jared Freed outside. I don't even know what, and I literally, I was like, you want to come up in podcasts?

He's like, hell yeah, I do. So now we're here. I literally sit outside of Dear Media Studios, just waiting for someone to go, come in.

We need a guess. We had a dropout. Jared, what are you doing here? That's like what I do. God, I can't believe I was duped and thinking it was a coincidence.

It was a coincidence. I literally, I just came in from the Hamptons. I see you. I'm like, oh my God. I'm on the phone with my brain. of my brother, I'm like, I'm like, Harry, shut the fuck up. I hang up on him.

Show business calling Harry Priority. It's exactly how it went. Oh, my God. Well, Jared, we love having you on the show. It's so great to see you. I love being on the show. This is family, Mishbukha. The thing is you and Josh, you haven't spent any time in person together, Josh. Jared is it. Oh, we have a little bit.

We have. When? He came to the show. He came to the show in L.A. Oh, I forgot. Okay. So you guys had that. We've pressed palms. This is just, this is, he's one of us, Josh. This is a mensch. This is a real old school, a new school mensch.

I appreciate it. And new school mench who is in a very serious relationship. Things have changed since the last time I was on the show. I'm sorry, ladies. Hands off the goods. And literally just in time. You wrote a book about dating. I wrote a book about dating.

Yeah, yeah, just in time. I'm like, well, here you go. I threw the book at them and I go, I'm off. I'm off to relationship. Yeah, the book is out. Walking Red Flag. But listen, I, I'm just, you love her. I love her.

I'm happy. It's, it's been like, again, this is like new terrain for me. You guys should, you know, I wish you guys had a book that I could read about like the first year. Are that getting trapped? No, trapped in a beautiful love that I feel cuddled by every day. I suck at the nipple of this relationship. I definitely. And let me tell you, it is the greatest thing ever.

I never really got to date. Like there wasn't really dating. I was 20. I know. The dating thing is a whole other thing. It's, you know, the book was all about making people feel better about dating to like let them laugh at it.

Feel seen, feel heard. And then the feedback, especially from women has been like unbelievable. Just like really what I wanted to hear. Like, hey, this was nice. It made me feel a lot less pressure.

It didn't feel as personal. It's real stories from my dating life of, you know, literally dating from 22 to 41 to 40. Like, like, you know, again, that sounds like to some people that use that against you as like I'm some sort of, you know, fuck up loser. But I'm like, no, I had, I was, I had a good life. I met really nice people. And this is kind of the struggles I went through of kind of committing and what was going through in a guy's mind.

So if you're wondering what's going on with a guy and what's going through his head, the book is for you. but I'm not here to sell. I'm here to talk to you guys. I'm not, I'm here to hang. I'm not here to sell. Did your new girlfriend read the book? There's stuff written about her in the book.

Because we dated two years ago, three years ago, and I had ended it. So a lot of it, you know, people are like, should I go back to someone I did it before? I'm like,

well, have them write a book first with all their feelings. Like, it's literally like there's stories about like regrets I had and like some of them were about things that we went.

through and we didn't speak for you know over two years and you know got back together and from then you know and I was like hey by the way I've written a book that includes stories about us and she's like well now I got to read it you know that's like the most horrifying thing you could ever hear from an is like oh my god I wrote a book about you know it's like this isn't the notebook yeah and I gave her the book and she read and she loved it you know and she was like there's three stories I was like yeah there's three things and I was like I was specifically thinking about you and us and kind of revising it and trying to figure out, you know, what was going on through my head and my feelings. And I'm proud of the book because it's all honest and it's all just,

and it's all jokes. Like it's stupid jokes. I go off and tangents. Like it's all food tangents. It's like stuff. How good is food? Well, I wanted to ask you guys, are you guys for or against a tasting menu meal. It's not a meal, but I'm for it. Josh. A tasting menu being like a prefix? Yes. You get invited. I say, hey guys, I met this chef. He's going to give us a nine-course tasting menu.

Misunderstood. I'm for it for sure. I thought that you meant like you just get a taste like tapas. No, this is like you sit down and they put a menu in front of you and they're like, I'm showing you my adventure. I'm taking you my adventure. I'm taking you through this. Is it what I want? No, but I'm not against it. Right.

Food is food. Are you happy with the night? Are you, would you prefer Al-a-Car? I prefer Al-a-Card. Yeah. Ben, would you say that? Like, I prefer, honestly, that way, at a new great restaurant. Because I do want to try everything.

And I do, I realize that that chef, he's cooking up that weird shit in his head that I would never think to order, but he's like, trust me, you'll love it. So in that context, for sure. If Cheesecake Factory was like, we have a prefix, I'd be like, get fuck. and bring over the chicken room and that's going the buffalo bites. Because you know that that's what you want. Right. I still know.

I certainly want the ability to order what I want. See, it's funny, this is the great part about this podcast. Like, Josh kind of represents the art of it all. Sure. And you're the hard, cold businessman. You know, you're like, I want to get to where I'm going. I want to have the meal I want. I want it.

No chance at. No. If it's bad, it's because I made the wrong decision. And Josh is like, this is like a nature versus nurture. Josh is like, give me your art. I'll put it inside of me. It's fascinating. I will go as far as to say when I see a prefix menu, I would rather pay more money to order slightly differently a la carte.

Like Avra, for example. Avra has a wonderful lunch special. I don't know. Sometimes it's like a Greek place. Sometimes they don't have the tuna tartar on the lunch special. I want the tuna tartar. But you'll add it in. Yeah.

Yeah. My fear with a with a prefix menu is that I'm not going to be full at the end. That's what that was my original fear. That's the real fear is like I'm going to walk out of here and be like, I can't believe I'm going to go for dinner again. That's the thing. I can't believe I'm thinking about this. That's the thing. They should make you put in your weight before you get to the restaurant for a great idea.

And then depending on how heavy you are is how many courses they give you. Thoughts? I love that. I love it. I think they should. You should have to give a yearbook. And so they could see what you were like in eighth grade and be like, this fat fuck's going to really want to put it away.

This guy's had a sad past. So if you want to come to my prefix restaurant, I need your yearbook to see what you look like in high school. And I need your weight. And then I would also add on to this. You get a choice of pasta, fries, or rice that I'll just bring out at the end. So you can just eat as much as you want. Correct. At the end, you know there's like a, like there's a big ball pit for you to fall into.

It's actually an idea. You ensure that they leave full. Right. This is very interesting. Right. I just want a finishing move that includes like a never-ending bucket of filler. Are we putting a bread basket at the wrong part of the meal? Genius.

Great. That's your absolutely right. I think we're putting the bread basket in the wrong part because I eat all of the bread. I'm full and I don't enjoy my meal. Right. Versus if you brought me the carbone bread basket at the end. No, you're absolutely right. And because the bread basket's purpose is a time buyer by the restaurant.

The restaurant is trying to get you going and to get you to not think about how long the meal is taking to make. Sure. But it's, but you're right. Like if it was at the end, if I had that pizza bread from carbone, I would go, oh, at least I know that's at the end and I won't. And if I'm like not enjoying something that's coming out, I can go, I got the pizza bread coming. But are you ordering less because you know the pizza bread is coming? What if it was a surprise? Like you know how the chef is like compliments of the chef and you go, what?

What if that was the big, then the surprise would get out? I still think I'm onto something, but it's nuanced. You are on to something. They would need something to come out in the beginning and the end because I do a little. The moose bush in the beginning, maybe they put you something like a little leg plan with a crustini or whatever, something light. I would love anything pickled. I like when at the at the deli when they bring out the like the color spectrum of pickles with the coleslaw, yeah.

By the way, you can one, this is a big gripe of mine, okay? Yeah. Stop serving me a health salad. Health salad, okay? Coleslaw, no mayo. I don't want it. Wait, that means that's a real thing. Yeah.

Second Avenue deli, you'll give you health salad. Ben's delicatessen. With a little vinegar? Is it a little vinegar? It's just pickled cabbage. I like that. No? In a different scenario.

I'm at the deli. I don't want that. No, I want full fat coleslaw with my full fat corned beef with my full fat Russian on my full fat fat right. I don't want you sneaking in something. I don't want you sneaking in something probiotic. Right. It is probiotic.

It is very. Yeah, get your kimchi ass out of here. Right, Jewish kimchi. It's Jewish kimchi. Yeah. That is what it is. It is Jewish kimchi. Would you rather the fries from a deli, steak fries from a deli?

Hot as hell, well done, or McDonald's fries just recently made and salted. McDonald's, it's not even a question. I don't like a fat fry. I like a big fat fry. Nice steak fry. I know. You guys, nature and nurture. No, we're crazy.

No, it's great. We're so similar. You guys are so different. You separate right at the moment. It's amazing. At one point in our lives, we both came near 300 pounds in a completely different path. Totally different ways. You went via McDonald's.

He went for a steak fry. Eating completely differently. See, and I'm like maybe the middle between you too because I will have a parking lot of McDonald's fry many times on my way home and hide for my parents. You want to hear a crazy story. I saw my mom this morning. I haven't seen her in one week. And like in very classic Jewish mother, we're at breakfast. And she brings like a baby book where she read the passage that she wrote about me when I was 16 months old.

I guess she was feeling sentimental. She hasn't seen me in one week. Okay. Okay. She's reading it to me. And she says that we were at a diner, Josh, and at 16 months, I flung my tuna fish on somebody else's table. And I turned to my mom and, like, you were feeding me tuna fish at 16 months. And that's why I have an affinity for tuna.

Not so crazy. I think, by the way, maybe not. Nature versus nurture, man. Are you giving your, had Max, has Max had? When did he first have tuna fish? You know, Max, when they're little, at that age, he loves salmon. We'd give him, like, you know, a little crumpled up salmon. Now he's seven and he's kind of reverse course.

That I get. That I get, Ruby will have salmon. I'm talking about tuna, mayo, like. Seems perfect for a kid. It's so, like, crumpled up. Am I crazy? It's chewed up. It's easy to chew.

I just think it's so. It is funny that she was like, this will be your favorite one day. Yeah. This is like, right, you were destined to this was, this wasn't an accident. None of this was an accident. One day you'll be talking about badly made tuna at the turn of a, of Chinatococ. Of the second most expensive Jewish country club on Long Island. One day this will all make sense.

One day this will all be yours, baby Betty. Now eat your derma. Tell Josh where your dad says. to get tuna and why? Oh no, I don't even know. This is a pop quiz. My dad, what did he say? It was disgusting.

He said, said the tuna is great. The people are terrible. Yes. The tuna bad people. Where? It was some market in Florida. The market in South Florida.

The tuna is amazing. The people are terrible. And he had that review just locked and loaded. Ben is like, what are you thinking of the tuna? There's one market. The people terrible. The tune.

amazing. Goodbye. Next. Next. Like, I would just love his, like, review show. Oh, my God. Just tearing everyone apart. Yeah, no, my parents are both entertaining and horrific at the same time. They're unbelievable people. Do you talk about Bobby Joe publicly or? We can't. He passed. We can. No, we can. No, we can. He is passed. The rest and peace, Bobby. I've already gotten messages that I should stop. I can't. Okay. We're not, we're not talking about Joe. Rest in peace. This was one hell of a man. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought. brought to you by our friends at Staples, folks. I love Staples. I've always loved Staples.

Staples is such a nostalgic place for me. I used to get my beautiful pencils for school with the little rubber eraser on the back. Those big rubber erasers, by the way, I would literally take thumbtacks and I'd turn them into people. I love Staples. I love everything that Staples has. And folks, it is still the most wonderful time of year at Staples because it's back to school season. And depending on where you live, school may be starting soon, starting. now or already underway, but folks, back to school never really happens in one clean, organized shopping trip. You're going to go.

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We did this. $2 Steve is now listening to this episode. I'm, tell Josh you at $2. Steve. Josh, I'm in a Delta Sky Club where most meetings amongst Jewish people happens. Okay.

I'm sitting in the Delta Sky Club. This young guy comes up to me. He looks like he would have gone to camp with any of us. He goes, Jared, my parents love you. And I go, thank you, man.

He goes, they just think you're hilarious. Can I get a picture? I'm like, yeah, no problem. All of a sudden, two older men from like a couch over, turn around. One of them goes, is he funny? And the guy, the kid looks at him and goes, yeah, he's funny. He goes, you know who $2 Steve is?

And he points at another old guy. And I'm like, no, I'm not familiar. All of a sudden, these two older Jewish guys come up to me as if they're going to shake me up in an alley. And they're like, they're like, you haven't heard of $2 Steve? I'm like, no, he goes, and then the kid is like, he's heard this speech a thousand times. He goes, this is my girlfriend's dad. I think they're now engaged and married or whatever. He goes, this is my girlfriend's dad.

We're all going on vacation together. And he goes, he gives out, he's known as $2 Steve. And then the guy, Steve, he goes, he goes, how many people in your family? I go, well, there's four of us, five of us, four, because I forgot to say my sister-in-law. I have to say that because she'll remind me of it. And I go four of us. He takes out four $2 bills and he goes, take it. Kindness.

He says some limerick about kindness. And I go, no, I don't need your money, dude. Like, I'm good. Like, I don't want this. He goes, take it. And then everyone else is like, this is what he does. You got to take it. And he gives me these four $2 bills.

I put him in my pocket and I made a video, a TikTok about it like on the way. I was like just the TikTok just being like, I don't understand about this weird thing with Jewish families where they'll talk to you like in the most aggressive term, but like be the nicest. Yeah. And it did feel like I was getting shaken up in an alley, like, you know, forced to have these $2.

And I talk about this and then I get all these messages. You just met $2.00. And now he's coming to my shows. He's sending me text messages. He sets me up at like the carbone. This guy's like, a heaven, an angel sent from heaven. And he just gives out to it. And you go look them up.

He's like in the music industry. He knows every musician. The text from him or like the night, my parents have never been as nice to me as $2 Steve as to me. Like this guy, he's like, you're worth it,

you're wonderful. I'm like, is this what a hug feels like? My parents just tell me how fat I got. Like, this is crazy. It's better than half dollar Richard. He's just throwing.

They help them. Helps me. You know JFK? Hey. This guy is the most amazing. guy and he came to the show and like he came with his like family and they're the nicest people and now it's just like this weird thing of like we all put ourselves out there there's people who have a connection to you through a podcast through Instagram through whatever it is and then suddenly

like you're part of their world they like just like come on in and now I'm giving he gave me a stack of two dollar bills and I was like dude I don't need it he goes you got to give him out it feels unbelievable the night of my show I'm sitting at a bar the moxie in Chelsea That's where I stay. They give me a deal. Go stay at the boxy and Chelsea if you're coming to New York. And I'm sitting at the bar

and it was Valentine's Day. I met your parents that night too. Your parents gave you Spotify chocolate. They gave me, they re-gifted me Spotify chocolates. That is so good. Ben's parents go here, here you go.

And it was like, I was like, this is the Christmas gift from Spotify two years ago. No, Jared. It's a chocolatier in Great Neck. I'm not lying. They're fabulous.

Right. And I, I'm holding this gift and then this woman is next to me she's like, what are you doing tonight? I go, I'm at, I just had a show,

I'm a comedian, she's like, I work in music. I start talking to this woman randomly and I go, and I like, all of a sudden I look at my bag and I have the stack of $2, I go, here you go.

And I gave her, I was $2 Steve all of a sudden and I gave it her and she was like, the look on her face, I got tingles. I was like, oh, now I get it.

Like, now I understand. She was like, it was like she was visited by a guardian angel. $2. are very interesting. Josh and I have spoken about this before. The power of the two, where do you think it sits monetarily?

Is it above the five? Is it? It's above the five because you had to go out of your way to like find the two. You can save so much money. Can you be a bad tipper and tip in twos? I'll give you a scenario. Okay. We're at the diner.

We spent 60. Okay. You should be tipping at bare minimum 12. Okay. We agree? bare minimum 60. I'm with you at 12. Bare minimum 12.

Yeah. What if I left you five twos? Five twos. I'd be like this guy, there's something off about him. Yeah. I would immediately be like this guy's got like some spectrum thing going on where he needs this for him. I would actually think I was doing you the favor because like this somehow worked into your

Like your version of like, I need to stay good with God so I can only do twos. I have another scenario because I agree with you. And you start giving more than one two, it starts to feel a little weird. Right. It's like touching the doorknob 17 times. Pizza delivery. Okay. Bare minimum five, right?

Bare minimum. Okay. Okay. You give it two. No, that's not right. It's not enough. Because it's the multiples that matters. I think like when you go five twos, at least I think.

I'm helping you through some weird mind shit. No, five twos is weird. Two twos? Two twos just give me a five. Like I'm like angry about it. It's like handing someone a trading card and being like, keep this. Right. What about should we start doing sacks of gold dollars?

What if you got a sack? I think right now where where Jews are at right now, we got to stay away from sacks of gold. We got to stay away from any shylock, you know, like, like imagery. Merchant of Venice. Yeah, we got to stay away from Merchant of Venice shit. You like $1, $1, Ben? The problem is there's a $2 Steve out there. But I give you gold coins. That's fun.

That's fun. Well, chocolate Ben. I'd rather chocolate Ben. Okay. Where you give out. Hershey bars? No, you give out little gelt. Gelt.

Sure. Okay, that's it. Gelt from chocolate Ben. The problem is chocolate Ben would only give you melted gelt. Chocolate Ben would forget that the gelt was in his pocket and it would be melted every time I gave it to you. And you would get stained. Chocolate pocket bed. Yes.

Very quickly. Beloved by his dry cleaner, hated by everyone else. That's so good. Yeah, these characters that we, you know, the thing is we are personalities, so we get in,

we're just like, so many characters are just like, we're magnets to characters. Yes. And so like the idea that like $2, like my dad all the time is like, this only happens. to you. And I'm like, I think because you put it out there, it just attracts that, you know?

Like if I left here and met Chocolate Steve and he gave me some chocolate and was like, this is what I do. I'd be like, of course. It wouldn't be weird. It wouldn't be weird. You know, absolutely wouldn't be weird. 100%. Talk to me about that watch. I complimented Josh. She's wearing what looks like a watermelon watch, green pink face. I was like, that's a beautiful Rolex. I get compliments on this watch all the time. It's from Mr. Eatwell. So go to, That's me. I got to look it up. It's me.

I'm mystery. It's a beautiful one. This guy's in Portland, Oregon. It got fed to me as an Instagram post. And then it took a while to get to me. You might a lot online, don't you? Well, I used to get really hammered. And then I'd wake up and I'd be like, what did I just spend my money on?

And so I was drunk at a bar in the West Village. And you know when an Instagram ad like haunts you, it keeps coming back? You look at it once. So this Instagram I kept coming back and back And I was at I was at the fuck I'm blanking on the name

Their own they own the Spaniard But the I haven't been there forever Because I haven't drank in over a year So like I'm there drinking a martini You know slumped over a martini And I ordered this And it's like it was like 400 bucks And now and I was like

I can't believe I spent that much money I felt like an idiot I woke up and then I was like It took like a month to get to me And I tried to come cancel it. And he's like, no, no, no, we're sending another. I was like dealing with, he was calling me on the phone, leaving me messages. Like, I was like, I don't want to talk to anyone. Like, just send it or don't. Finally gets to me, I get comments on this watch

everywhere I go. It's beautiful and it looks like a Rolex. It does. But then that's the thing. I'm not trying to be the guy who wants to wear Rolex. It's not, you know, like I get, you know, but the watch with men, like I think you guys, like some men like the watch thing, like, they are in. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, we had Modi on. Oh, Modi loves a watch. He's the king. I mean, he loves the watch.

I think him and Josh got in a fight about watches. Really? And, and. What was the fight about? This is the thing. A lot of people's like self-worth is built on the watch. He's also a watch guy. I don't remember what the fight was, but while you remember the fight.

You're not wearing one right now. No, because I have a really hard time because I don't like when people go, nice watch. Oh. It's hard. that, but I appreciate the collecting, but I think because I work, here's a little, little something about the watch game, okay? I work with an AED, authorized dealer, okay? I'm paying retail for these, and usually people only live in the markup because

Rolex and Patac and all these different companies, they want you to have to wait and buy pieces. And most people are like, if I want to watch, I want it tomorrow. I don't want to wait three years on a list or two years. Right. This is how you get the deals. So I was talking in pricing for retail, and he was talking in pricing for what it would normally cost you on 47th Street.

And we were just, he was like, I'm a big of watch guy. What you're like getting it for. 70 grand, Josh is like 42 times. Right. Well, this is a very interesting part. The watch conversation does devolve into this because it's like, you know, it's like, where did you get it? How would you get it?

No, I'm not the one that got screwed. you're the one getting a face. You know, this becomes about how you are as a consumer. You know, money is the most emotional thing. Like, you know, for that reason, I, you know, I didn't want to spend, I didn't have the money to spend. I was like I was, but I do want to try wearing a watch. I went to swatch.com and I started trying to get the automar.

Well, I started, this is years ago. Is it the same thing happening to me? I got served an ad, Josh. Yeah. For a swatch, Automar. I was like, oh, this looks beautiful, really cool. my god, it's only $180. I bought it right then and there.

Amazing. It shows up. It's just the band. It's a pack. Oh, it's just the band. Yeah, it's like, I think they're 800. Your Automar swatch in. Yeah.

So I now just have a rubber band. Because they came out with. I paid $184. Because they're all pocket watches. The whole thing was that they went. So I bought a band. You bought a band that would be fit onto the pocket watch that they came out with. So the Ottomar thing, I was like, I'll go on swatch.

My grandparents used to have swatches. They're kind of cool. They got some color. I wear black. I'll have a pop of color. Sure. And so I go on it, I'm like, they're a hundred bucks each. I got more comments on the swatch.

And every time someone says something, I have a box swatch that's like mint colored. And every time I get a comment on it, it's weird because every time I go, 100 bucks. Like, I have to tell them. Yeah, you're like that girl. So Jewish. Every single time you compliments a girl. you're like, oh, you look so beautiful. She's like, oh, thanks.

I got it for $4 at Marshall. Exactly. It is so, like I can't even make fun of that girl because I am that girl. You know, like I, you immediately get into prices. But then they started doing the automar thing. And I was like, great, now look it, I'm cool. I got the swatch. I've been doing swatches.

Then you can't get them. I'm like, all these people, I was, I liked the band before they became hip. Yeah. And now you can't go to their show. It's hard. The AP swatch collab sold out immediately. They did one with Omega sold out right away. This whole thing is like a real interesting hustle.

But I guess I'm a part of it now. I just got a beautiful watch from the 1916 company shout out. And yeah, it's great. Like I love it. I just every time I wear it, I scratch it a little and it kills me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think we are just the age that we like these things and the Internet's growing up with us? Like it's a weird coincidence.

that we're all getting served the same thing or going to golf clubs and going, I just want to golf. I just want to watch. Josh doesn't have that itch yet. You don't have that itch for golf? No, I got enough problems. I watched Jared with his $300 golf set

that he bought drunk in the middle of the night on Timo. Another one. Okay? I watched him have an eagle, 180 yards out, Josh. It went in the hole on a par five. They're $300 clubs. that he literally bought on Timu.

He's clearly an athlete. His brother works for the Chicago Bears. He's an athlete. It's unbelievable. Harry's the athlete. I'm like the loser brother who can't get it. Like my parents, that's all they do is like they ask me to do something. And then they'll tell everyone how I can't get anything done.

It's like they're a bit. So they'll go, they'll go get us into Hulu. Get us into the Hulu. And then as I'm doing it, they're like, he can't do anything. He can't even do anything. He can. I was like, why did you ask me to do this then? To embarrass me?

Is this like a humiliation? Oh, my God. Prank? Like, get me into the computer. I get locked out. This is, he can't do anything. They're like heckling me as I'm trying to help them. Speaking of your mom, I'm sorry to just make you tell stories.

Jared is the best storyteller, and I don't think enough people know that. You've got to see him live. You'll love this story. What a great show. Do you tell the Michael Chase story live? No, I haven't told that story. Can you tell that story? Will he get upset?

I know. I got to tell it with Chee because he tells it. It's so good. There's a story. I got to, I can't tell. I'm going to hold it because I. Hold it. As much as I would love it,

Chee tells it even better than me because he was visiting my house and my mom took him on a tour of our house. This was like 15 years ago. And it's funny because at the time he was doing like, he just got on like the Daily Show when the Daily Show was like, kind of cooking. And he was like the new guy there. And now he's as famous as it gets and like SNL and everything.

And it's funny that I'm like, I can't believe this story. It's an unbelievable story. Save it. Hold it. It's an amazing story, but just know there's an amazing story that somehow, some way somebody will end up finding out. I don't know. My mom has, doesn't have that thing where she, no embarrassment.

Like, and it's almost like amazing. And it's also like, I have to deal. with the embarrassment she doesn't feel. You know, like, I think, like, that's a lot of people with their moms, especially, like, Jewish mothers, where it's like, she's just honest and, and means no malice. And, like, I, so you talk about stand-up when I was, I tell a story about my mom asking this guy how his wife passed. And, and we're, like, sitting there.

And I'm like, are you out of your fucking mind? Like, and she's like, it's like, what? I want to know how she died. And now they're like having this open conversation with like, and like most people when you meet someone who's wife passed, you're like, we're sorry, we're sorry. And you run away. Like get me away from this person. I just don't want to feel awkward. My mom like just has none of that. Like I envy it because I wish I had. You don't have it. I don't know. You don't have it. I don't know. You don't wish that you had that. You don't wish that you, you don't wish that you, you want to exit that conversation. I know. That's most people. Actually, maybe I do wish that I didn't want to exit that conversation. That's interesting. I just, that's the thing. I like in my stomach, I have so much at the end of the day. I spend the whole day going, you said that to that person, you fucking idiot.

And I'm like, I envy the people that go to bed and go, what a great day. Yeah. Wee, we, we, we, we. And I'm like, how do you, how do you do that? You know, like? I do. I think we got to embrace the awkward. I've been in so many.

I remember one time I was at this award show. And a friend of mine, he was like, we're a pretty, well-known actress was talking to this pop star. You know this B. B. B. B. Rexa. You heard of this girl. B. B. Reksa. Yeah. What does she sing? She, I'm good. She's also very hot. I, I don't know. I can't picture her. She's, she's like independent. No, she's been, she's like the voice on a lot of, like,

club songs, right? Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. I know. Yes, yes. I know exactly who she is. She has a look that, like, draws me in. Like, you know, I think every guy has that look. they're like, that's it. There's the look. That's, and you go, it's just, you know, like, that's what makes, I smell a steak, I salivate. She is a look where I go, yeah, and no question. You got a super fan and Jared. That's like me, Elizabeth Hurley, at 60.

You know, at 20, not so interesting, but 60. Right. And you go, that's just it. Can't find this. Look at it. We're Googling her right now, right? Hot, right? I want a nice C-section scar.

But I, and I was there with my friend, and B.B. Rex, it comes up, and I guess they knew each other, and they were chatting. And I was kind of like, oh, good. This is my, like, I don't need to be a part of this. And Bibi, very nicely, looks at me and goes, like,

because I'm kind of slowly inching away. And Bibi goes, you can join the conversation. And I thought for a second, and I said, no. No. I, I have, for what? I have that. For what? I had that at a bar.

I don't think men like that. Like I was at a bar once. I remember I'm sitting there, again, slumped over a martini. And I remember there was a girl who was like waved at me across the bar and I go, hey. And she goes, you can come over here if you want.

And I was like, that's not how I'm approaching. No, no, I'm not going to go over like a little toddler. Thank you for inviting me over. I was all by myself. Like, no.

That's not how I go at this point, interaction over. I'm done. I don't want to be over. No, I have a date with the, the bridge that I'm going to jump off. Right.

I have one way I want to come over to you, and it's how I dreamt it up as me being a tough guy where I go, hey, what's up, baby girl? And that didn't happen. So now it's time for me to turn around and go to bed and eat a bunch of door dash. Hey, sugar tips. This episode of the Good Guys podcast

is brought to you by our friends at Quo. Folks, running a business means you're always reachable until you're not. And the moment you miss that call, that text, that follow up. A competitor is the one that picks up those pest competitors. editors. That's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo, spelled QUO, the business phone

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six months when you go to quo.co slash good guys. That's QUO.com slash good guys. This episode of The Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at whatnot. Folks, is there anything better than finding a good deal? You're going, you're browsing, you're looking, all of a sudden out of the corner of your eye. Oh, my God, it's the clearance section. You go into the clearance section and you find exactly what you're looking for. Okay? If you found it in the full price section, you would have bought it anyways, but you found it.

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deal? What-N-N-O-N-A-T-O-T-E-Wther today and get $20 off your first purchase. This episode is brought to you by Starbucks. Josh, I know I say this all the time. I'm Fair Weather Sally. I know. And by the way, I just made that up Fairweather Sally. I like that. This, Josh, this is the drink of the summer. It's my new favorite drink. It's the blended pink energy drink from Starbucks. And let me tell you, it is refreshing, it is creamy, it is delicious.

It's everything you need. It's so funny you bring up the Starbucks blended pink energy drink what I'm enjoying right now. Watch for the sip. Is this ASMR? Did you hear the after? I didn't put that on at all. And I've gone to 15 years of acting class. You'd think I'd be further in my career.

I digress. But this is so fruity. It's so refreshing. And you know what else is great? It's got a little boost of energy for on-the-go dads like Gus. Or if you're just on the go. We could always use a little boost of energy. And let me tell you with flavors of sweet strawberry and assailles.

I like my pronunciation. None of that a tie crap. Asa'i are blended with real pieces of strawberry, coconut milk and ice. Josh, even your vegan. wife can enjoy this. I love everything about this and it's really, it's giving summer. I feel like I'm not in a podcast studio right now. I feel like I'm at a pool. I just put in an order. I ordered, you ready for the order? I ordered a Caesar salad with grilled shrimp and a side of fries because I deserve it. Oh, oh my God. And don't forget your blended pink energy drink from Starbucks, folks, if you're

looking to switch up your order, this blended pink energy drink is it. I'm telling you, you won't regretted. It's a 10 out of 10. Order it on the app. The Starbucks blended pink energy drink. It's a drink of the summer. You'll love this because I am really becoming an old Jew. I swear this is verbatim

what happened the other day. I was walking into work and a girl goes, wow, Josh, you look great. And I literally responded like this. Ugh. Yeah. Yeah. That's how I can respond. I went, ugh. Like, because I

couldn't even accept her nice words. It was more about like, yeah, you think I look great, but what a mess I am. What do you say to a compliment? Are you, so I'm the same way. I compliments, n'uh. I just tell them like most recently that happened. Somebody said, Ben, you look really good. I'm like, I'm wearing black. Like you're seeing, yeah, what you're seeing is a facade? Right, right, right, right. This is all a fake. I'm not even happy. I just thought about killing myself seven seconds ago. I'm wearing black. Yeah, I, yeah. They're like, Ben, you're wearing white. No, I'm wearing black. It is all this like,

conversational stuff. And I think like, you know, Josh, you probably get the most variables in a day that anyone could get. Like, you've people that, like, know you from childhood and go and have their own experience with you that they're just ready to tell you something that you now have to react to. Like, that's got, like, it's just improv everywhere where, like, you know, you go, what do I even, what do I give to this person? Like, I almost like want to just, like, Like someone that you look good, I just want to be like, thank you. And then run away and just have it be done. You know, like.

Yeah. I don't, I'm always balancing like, how do I make this worthwhile for them while getting out of here as quick as possible? And you don't even say that from a, you know, someone could take that as like, that you're being cocky, but like, no, you just want this to be a, a ribbon on top of the box moment. Exactly. Where like they got the Josh Peck experience and they can go back to their.

friends and go, he was a nice guy. That's like all you want in the world. Exactly right. I don't know who's awkward. You're like, oh my God. Well, yeah, of course it was. You came up to me and told me, you know, how you used to watch my show when you were 15 years old. Like, you know, and you really have no idea. Like, it's not, like, we, it's Jews. It's so well-to-do Midwestern Christians. Josh, it's everyone. Right. Like, like, we go to, we go to, We go to dinner. We went to dinner in Queens. It was the valet guy.

It was the waiter. It's everyone. It's everyone. And he has to be so, like you have to always be nice. No, it's not even just be nice. Be energetic.

You know, like you can't even just be tired for that interaction. Like, yeah, I don't know. And we got screwed out of it. I haven't told the story in a while, but we got Corona Ices

at this beautiful place in Queens. And the guy giving us, the Ices was a fan. Yeah. And he's like, for you, free. You know what that did, Jared? Cost me 20 bucks and tips. The Ices, the Ices were $3.

Not fair. Not a good trade. The Ices were $3. No, no, no, that's not. Three bucks. What am I going to give you $3? No. It costs you $20.

Yeah, you know, it costs me the equivalent of six icees. Right. Now you're going to be so nice so that they go, what a tipper. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you have no choice. It is weird. You know, you wonder if like, this reach for an audience is a form of purgatory.

You know, where you go, I want people to like my stuff, but I want them to like it my way. Yeah. And then you go, but then they like it in a way they like it. And you have to go, that's how they like it. Like when someone comes up to me and they're like, oh my God, you do. What do you, like I, especially with the dating book. Well, and now I have a girlfriend. Well, what are you going to do now that you have a girlfriend?

You can't do your dating stick. I'm like, I'm a comedian. God damn it. Like you want to grab them by the lapels and go, that's not. who I am, you know? Right. Yeah, I do. I do. If I get another, you find a, found a job yet, joke from a 50 plus year old.

Like, that's like, no, seriously. And it's like, I'm actually like a very accomplished person with a lot of jobs. I'm doing, I'm doing a huge thing. I have a lot of jobs. Right. I have a lot of jobs. But then you have to like it back and go, they're just a nice person who really likes that one thing I do.

That really likes it. Yeah. Absolutely. You have a what are you nuts? What are you nuts? Or what are you nuts? Who are one of the week is our gripes with people places. and things with big and tall,

whatever, sticking in your crawl. You are a walking, what are you nuts. I know. I always have a what are you nuts. What is something that happened to you recently, maybe it was today,

you were like, oh my God, what are you nuts? I went to a Dunkin' Donuts. So I, everything starts at a Dunkin'Nuts. That's Woodya Nuts, by the way. Are you a Dunkin' Donuts fan?

No, Starbucks all day. Yeah, this is a New York Boston thing. Boston people love Dunkin' Donuts. I understand. It's like a part of my youth. Sure. Duncan Jones has fallen off. The minute they went to a... Franchise model. They did. They did. They did. These franchisees don't know how to run these

Dunkins. I'm sorry. I agree. And also to make things cheaper, you know, I love a brood hazelnut. I like when the bean, right? Yes, Hampton Coffee Co. It has the greatest to brood hazelnut ice coffee. So does Blackstone in the West Village. I think you're thinking of that's a bank. You're thinking Blue Stone Lane? No, Black.

Blackstone? Aren't they like... No, look up Oh, I'm thinking Black Rock. Yeah, I'm thinking Black Rock. West Village. You're thinking of Larry Fink. Black Rock, Blackstone.

It's probably called Black Seed? Not Black Seed. It's Blackstone on Christopher and Hudson. No, Black Rock. Oh, no, yeah. Blackstone. Christopher is Blackstone Roasters. Ray Dalio's company.

Yeah, this is such a Jewie conversation. Blackstone. Herb Rostone. No, Rosenstein is her. This is Blackstone. Yes, Nathan Weinberg was a higher up there. We could do literally a whole hour podcast of just taking one Jewish name trying to relate. Like I could go Blackstone from the, from camp.

We could. And then you could go Greenstein from. So I had to do. So the book, I said on the podcast that I would go do your book club if you bought 30 books in pre-sale. One person decided to do it. And it was like a family friend whose son listened to the podcast. And I was like, I got this text from the family friend. I haven't spoken to in years.

And it was like, heard you do a bookstore. And I'm like, and I'm like, and I'm like, oh my God. wish, you know, wish granted. This is like a genie wish gone wrong. She's like, I heard you do a book club. I got a book club. And I'm like, that's how I read the text. They were very nice.

And I go, and I go, well, well, you got to. And like, I'm trying to like, and all of us know. Like I was telling this to my girlfriend. I'm like, you know, my parents I consider like wild animals. Like I just have to tame these bulls that I have. You know, like, so I deal with Jewish parents, it's, to me it's fun, but it's me dancing with a bull. So when she's like, I heard you got to get 30 books

Heard you doing book clubs. I was like, you have to buy 30 books And then I'll try and make it Do your book club Near a show that might be on my calendar. She goes, literally the next text is a receipt for 30 books. She goes, done, when? I'm like, ah!

She goes, I see you're in Red Bank, New Jersey. We're in Summit. It's an hour away. That'll be it. I'm like, fuck, I got to do this now. So now I get, I fly to LaGuardia, I get a rental car, I drive an hour to Summit, New Jersey. I do the book club in her Pilates studio with 15 women. Like I'm like, I'm not sure if this is why I'm successful that I'm willing to do this.

Yes. Or why I'm not more successful that I'm doing this instead of other things. Both. It's both. So before I got there, knowing that I was doing this at a Pilates studio, which I had a blast. They were like the nicest. I couldn't have been, it was it was the, it was a sitcom, but it was also the most beautiful, heartwarming, amazing interaction with people. And I enjoyed every second of it. So I want to make sure I say that because I'm making fun of, do the idea of going

though, I was like sitting there. I'm like, you know, I have a Netflix special coming out. I'm sitting in this Pilates studio. You could look at it from another direction and be like, what the fuck are you doing? So I'm like, okay, before I get there, I had to take a dump. Because I just came from the airport. I flew in from Del Rey early in the morning, drove, and I'm like, let me find a bathroom before I go to the Pilates Book Club. There's a Dunkin' Donuts, point two miles away, in a gas station. I go to the Dunkin' Donuts, I pull in, I go straight to the bathroom to see if it's locked or not. Unlocked, walk in. It was a push-button turn lock. Are you familiar with the push-button turn lock? No. It's the one that's like, you can turn it,

but you can also push it. No. So you never know. It's like this weird, you know, three cup, you know, game of like, is it locked? Is it not? Sure. So I do the push button and then I open the door, check it. Okay, push button works.

Okay. I'm not having a comfy dump, but I'm also like, okay, I'm okay. Like I think this is locked. It was locked. But I'm still like 10%. Sure. I sit down, phone out. let's do the crossword.

I'm sitting there. All of a sudden, I hear the key going directly into the lock. I'm so sorry, and I'm going. I got to jump on this call. I'm so sorry. Go for it. Go for it.

I love you. We're finishing. We're finished. I love you. So sorry. Love you. Don't be sorry. Don't worry.

Continue. I put it. I hear the key going into the lock. I'm like, I'm in here. I'm in here. She comes in, looks at me. And it's the woman like, working at the Dunkin' Nose and I go, I'm sorry.

Like, I'm apologizing to her. I go, why didn't you knock first? And like, she shuts the door. There's a guy behind her with like the like reflector jacket on because he's working. He's trying to get in the bathroom. But no one checked it. All I ask is for one knock and anybody before you do the key. A terrible Woody are nuts.

I mean, no, I'm saying it's a terrible thing. That's a Woody a Nuts. Right. That's a good one. Oh, my God. A great Woody are nuts. Oh, my God. there's nothing worse.

It's a terrible experience being walked on when you're taking a dump. And then I have to walk into this thing. So now I'm, you know, cutting it off. I go into the Pilates studio. Half dumped. Half dumped. Oh, you swallowed her.

Yeah, because I'm not going to go there. And also I can't use the bathroom at the 15-person book club. No, you can't. Because they'll all be in the inside being like, where'd he go? Isn't he here? Yeah, he's in the bathroom for 30 minutes.

I had that once. I was invited to a dinner. Gary Vaynerchuk was like, you want to come to this creator's dinner? I get there. It's 15 people all of a sudden I had to go and they were giving speeches. I went. I took a dump.

It's right there. I come back to like, where were you? Oh, no, no, no, no. Where were you as a noise? Can you not ask me that? Like,

you know exactly where I was. Right. Okay. My Whattae Nuts moment. And I think that this is just, it is what it is with the Hamptons. Round Swamp Farm is like the home of, like the Hamptons is the home of what are your nuts?

It is. Round Swamp Farm. Have you heard of this place? No. This is the most expensive, pre-made, whatever. famous. All their pre-maids are crap. I think it's a complete Woodya Nuts. I'm not a fan whatsoever. Not a fan. I think that they are so overhyped. They are so big, so big that I don't

feel bad saying that. Too big to fail. Too big to fail. They're they're, they're, they're, give me one specifically. They're printing. Everything that somebody has brought back for me has just like been not good. The premaids are like a big thing in the Hamptons. Where it's like these are like $30 chicken nuggets and you take them to go. and you think because they're $30 that they're going to be delicious. And it's like nothing pre-made that was fried that's put in the refrigerator that you then need to take home and reheat is ever going to be good. Yeah. It's impossible.

Right. It's impossible. So I just think that environment, the premades, I think it's a complete wedding nuts. It is nuts that the premades are what they are in the Hamptons and that I even know that. Like I don't have a lot of Hampton's experience, but it seems as though every year the talk of the town is you got to get the salad from the fridge at this place. And would you ever do that here? Never. Never. Like the, when I see the pre-maids, like, when I go to a hotel and they're like, oh yeah, we have sandwiches, just go to the fridge. And I see those

sandwiches. I'm like, I'm like, what do you think of? No, I don't know what the Hamptons does to people that they think that picking up a pre-made sandwich from the fridge is going to be good. And they've, it's $40. Right. And they're posting. about it on Instagram. The tides rise all ships type of thing too. It's like the money, you know, they can charge. I think there's a point where they go, let's see if people will do this. A hundred percent. Yeah. A hundred percent. The money there is absurd. I bought like an $8 tomato the other day. This is a beautiful tomato. Huge air. At least that was like grown there. Like at least that. The farmers markets are amazing and I'm lined overpaying for that kind of

stuff. The pre-maids in the fridge, not my thing. Not my thing. Not for me. No, pre-maids, any pre-made. I'm out. So you have a special coming out. I have a special coming out. You're going to come back again. You're way too kind. You're going to come back again because we love you. But you have a special coming out.

The first week of September. Everybody get ready. It's coming out. And when you went in Netflix. Are you kidding me, Netflix? I know. And here it is. It's about my parents.

It's the whole thing is about my parents. The whole thing is about Rob Lowe and body issues. And, you know, Rob Lowe is the spokesperson for Atkins diet. I didn't know that. That's insane. hysteria. Yeah, so there's, I have like a whole bit about that. It's about my dad and I and my mom going to the beach.

It happened in 2018. I took this two-minute story. I turned it in an hour. And it's, you know, I know your listeners. I feel like I know, I know you. I know your listeners. I know the people that I meet that are like, I heard you on good guys.

Everyone who listens to this podcast will love it. And it's to be shared with your parents to show them that I'm making fun of your parents. Yeah. You know, that's the whole idea. Amazing. Yeah, I'm really proud of it. And it's called the family plan. So at some point.

You're coming back. I'm going to come back. You're going to come back. We're going to do it again. We'd love that. We're going to do it again. But the family plan, mark your calendars the first week of September. Yeah.

The great Jared Fried, folks, this episode's five stars. Otherwise, what are you nuts? Listen to us wherever you get your podcast. Watch it on Spotify. The video on Spotify, Jared. This is a primo video. You pop it open. You can flip it into landscape or you can watch it.

It's 4K. Maybe 8K. I don't know. Black Magic. It is the quality. You don't have to explain to me. Video is through. the roof, folks. We have new episodes

Mondays and Thursdays, and we will see you next time.