Good Guys - Josh Goes to Urgent Care & Ben's Beef with Larry the Cable Guy

Episode Date: June 20, 2024

It's all you can eat kettle corn season babe! Welcome back to the Good Guys podcast, your one stop stream for pop culture stories, hilarious witty banter, the best advice on either side of the Mississippi and a deep dive into the extreme level of skill it takes to play golf. Ben watched Zero Dark Thirty, Josh ended up in urgent care, Ben accuses Josh of being 5'8, and Josh's intrusive thoughts almost got the best of him! It's another glorious episode... what are ya nuts?! Sponsors: Head to Dentek.com to find your local retailer and shop all of Dentek’s products, sold at Target, Walgreens, Amazon and Walmart Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. I'm Josh Peck. And I'm Ben Soffer. And we're the good guys. There's a lot of guys out there. And we're the good ones. Mazel morons. Welcome back to the Good Guys podcast.

I'm sitting here with Hunter Biden's firearm seller. It's Ben Sopper. Well, this comes at an amazing time because I actually did just watch. Was it Zero Dark 30? Is that the name of the film? What a, what a freaking great film that is, no? Let me just say that the last 45 minutes, amazing. The first hour and a half, CSI.

It's just CSI. And like everybody's like, Oscar winner, got to see it. Got to see the last 45 minutes. Like, that's the truth. But wouldn't you say a lot of films are that? No. Oppenheimer, Rippin, beginning to end. A plus.

I loved it. And now once did it resemble something. that I saw on cable. Well, what's funny is about Oppenheimer, right? And I think Christopher Nolan said it. It's three different movies, right? The first hour is like an origin story, right? Like, who is this J. Robert Oppenheimer?

How is he so brilliant? The second part of it, the second hour is a heist movie, basically. It turns in Oceans 11, or as I like to call it, the Jewish Avengers. And then the third hour is just a courtroom drama. Mm-hmm. And it was a fantastic movie. I'm just saying. I'm just saying it was rated very high, very high.

And it was fine. It was totally fine. I love it. So for anyone who doesn't know, Zero Dark 30 is a movie by Catherine Bigelow, badass director, about basically this woman who was working at the CIA who was responsible for finding bin Laden. And then the last hour is Sealed Team 6 going in and getting him. And they found him. Spoiler alert.

They found him. They found him and they fucked him up. So like the last 45 minutes, really sweet. Just like great action, loved it. But yeah, look, amazing movie. I didn't know that her last name was Bigelow. If I had known that, I never would have said anything bad about the movie. Why do you say that?

I don't know. I just, the name Bigelow, I love it. I love it. I think it's just because it sounds like Gigolo. Kevin Bigelow is a badass. She's a great director. Shout out. Shout out to her.

Speaking of movies, I also saw a Tribeca film last night that a friend of mine actually directed. His name is Daniel Robbins. It was called Bad Shabbas. And I have to tell you this movie, A plus. A plus. And I had no idea going into it. I was like, okay, you know, he's directed a couple of films. But this film was so funny.

Let me read you who was in it, just because I think you'll, I'm going to. Sounds like a movie for everyone. It was. No, it was. It was great. It's about obviously a Jewish family. there's a girl who's marrying in. She's going to convert.

Her parents are coming over for dinner from Wisconsin. And while they're waiting for the parents to come in from Wisconsin, the boyfriend slips, hits his head and dies in the bathroom. And they're trying to figure out how this Wisconsin family doesn't find out that they're quietly murderers. But the cast was Kira Sedgwick. Great actor. She was amazing in it. Milana Vintraub, who you'd know from East.

AT&T, or who I knew from AT&T. You know those commercials? Okay. Method Man, this was a film. And all that I was thinking, the whole time I'm watching it, I should have put in Josh. Thank you. Well, the great Method Man is in the movie The Wackness, which you've yet to see, which

you, I mean, you're busy watching Riba. You're watching Titanic. You brought up Riba, not me. I'm telling you, you will love the whackness because you were a boy who grew up in the 90s in New York. Okay. I promise you because I'm on my movie kick. I promise you that by the next time we speak, I will have watched the whackness. B.H. B.H. Baruch Hashan. I absolutely cannot wait. I cannot wait. You know, this, you've helped me with the perfect segue. And I might have to lift this whole story. So I will have to check with the federal government. But I recently for,

who would you check with? Who would think? Do you have a guy at the government? I just call 4-1-1. Hello. I'd like to speak to someone in the government. I was recently, I took my son for L.A. Fleet Week and through the U.S.O. to an aircraft carrier. The USS Carl Vinson, incredible experience with our armed service members. It was an honor to be with them. We were there on Memorial Day, so it had even deeper sort of meaning. And, you know, first of all, I got to tell you, people in the military, that's my demo.

That's my audience, okay? These people, they're in their young 20s, they, they, you know, clearly many from the Midwest and all they were doing was, remote control, latchkey kids watching me on TV. It's great. It was, it did so much for my ego. Should we do a live podcast before you go into this on a naval base? Oh my God. Incredible. I love that. No, I'm in. We're doing it. Done. It's done. Consider it done. I love that. Special forces. What's what can we do? Special for special idiot. Special morons. Special morons. Love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The U.S. morons.

The U.S. morons. Love it. Oh, that's good. And so it was an incredible thing. And here is where I'm about to tell a story that if you're wondering why it now sounds weird on the edit of the podcast, it's because I lifted this story. But so on there, on the aircraft carrier where planes and helicopters land in the middle of the ocean, and we're walking and this guy who helps operate the flight deck is talking to me and my young son Max. And he shows me this little cylindrical peg that's painted red and it's, you know, hammered into

the flight deck. And he goes, you want to hear a story? And I go, yeah. He says, that spot right there, he said, I would. I believe it was 2011. He goes, so we get word on the ship that we've captured and eliminated Osama bin Laden. And we realize that we're the only aircraft carrier in the Middle East right now. And all of a sudden, an hour later, and he's like, by the way, I wasn't working there.

This is, you know, over a decade ago, no one on the ship was there when this happened, but this is basically what we know. The helicopter lands on the ship right at this spot and bin Laden's body was right here. And everything that happened with him sort of with what happened with the remains and the finish of him was done on that ship and it was right here. Could I have teed you up better with zero dark 30? Are you kidding me? That's an eerie crazy story, huh? Crazy story, but also just a crazy connection.

The connection that we share. You really, we were connected, and I had just an incredible time with these people and what they do for our country, and we are in their debt. These heroes. These heroes. And all I will say is that my son was a little bum that he didn't see more guns. He wanted guns as we're going to the car. He's like, you know, Dad, there weren't a lot of blasters. And I'm like, I was like, let me tell you, son, if you had popped off, you would have seen some blasters.

Yeah. You were too well behaved. But I gotta check myself, bro, because I'm out of my fucking mind. Like, obviously they have military police on the ship because there's civilians coming on the ship and people need to be cleared and whatnot. So this one guy, lovely guy with an M16 strapped to his chest, is like, hey man, can I get a picture?

I said, definitely, can I hold your gun? Now, clearly joking. All of a sudden, he whips out his dick. But the second and a half that he looked at me, like, is this guy serious? I was like, I'm just kidding. I don't want to hold it. There was no world where you were holding the gun.

And I'm like, I got, I got. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I like, I got to check myself, man. I'm out of my mind. No, but just shout out to you for doing something a Memorial Day that was in celebration of what the day was made for, right? Like, I think I played golf. Maybe I took advantage of a good sale.

Like, this is what we. do. This is what we do. We have the day off, but we're not using the day the way that the day was intended. But you use the day the day that the day was intended. And all I have to say is the Memorial Day 2025, we're doing a free good guy show on a ship. It doesn't have to be free if the U.S. government wants to pay for it, but those heroes are not paying a dollar. It would be an honor. And it was wonderful to do it with the U.S.O. because when we were finished, they were like, you know, if you ever wanted to go abroad and go to a base, like, in there, like, we have many bases that you could go visit like in Italy or Korea or Syria and I was like I think I'll go to Italy.

Yeah, well they fly us there for free? Yeah. On the flight like on the on the on the military flight? Yes. Josh, this is it. Do they have it they have bases in California right? We're not flying. They're not flying you to Camp Pendleton. This is our airline sponsor. The USO. Ben's like, do they have anything in Bora Bora? Do we have a base near the Atlantis resort in the Bahamas? Oh, that's good. These people were excellent, excellent peeps. This episode of The Good Guys podcast is brought to you by Dentech. Dentec is the brand to empower everybody to take charge of their oral health care.

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And I just have to say, first and foremost, Greer, Fantastic. Everybody thinks South Carolina. They think Charleston, right? They think Hilton Head. I was closest to North Carolina, the most north, almost the most north point of South Carolina. That's a tongue twister. Greer, Greensville, that same area, beautiful airport, great people, great golf, got to play on the corn fairy tour with a fella named Andrew Kozin, who was fantastic. I literally watched him in front of me, shoot seven under. Like I can't even express like how unbelievably good that is. He was amazing.

Explain. The tournament was amazing. My what are you nuts though? The weather, the South Carolina weather, very erratic. It's very, very strange. It rains. It's kind of like Florida where it rains and then it doesn't. It rains and then it doesn't.

But it's a little bit colder because it's a little bit close. It's a little bit more north. It's very strange. How did you golf? Fine at best. Okay. Honestly, I was there and I was like, God damn it, Ben. This was your time to shine.

And I played fine. I didn't, if I played better, we would have won. We missed the cut by one stroke, which means there's a cut line, right, where you have to be better than the majority to advance to the next round. And we missed that by one shot. And I'm telling you I could have played one shot better. Andrew could not have played one shot better. He played amazing. I could have played better.

We lost to Larry the Cable Guy. If you remember Larry the Cable Guy. and all I have to say is Larry the cable guy has to be a sandbagger. He has to be because I found out that he shot a 35 on the back nine. He's in my division. Same division. I'm getting a bunch of strokes. Larry has to be getting a bunch of strokes,

but a 35 is the equivalent of shooting under par. Ben Hold. So Larry, I'm sorry. I'm just saying. Ben, hold. Marshall, do you have any idea what Ben's talking about right now? Larry, the cable guy smoked him and he got it. He got it.

He got it. And maybe cheated. Marshall is the voice of the people. So let's just give the most rudimentary lesson on golf, because I don't know anything either. But let's just give a, for instance, if 18 holes, it's a par, so it's 76, let's say, it means that for all the holes,

you should be able to accomplish them in 76 strokes or less. That's the goal. That's elite. And if you're shooting within 5 to 10 of that, you're an incredibly good golfer, yes? Correct, correct. And there's what's called a handicap system in golf, which makes it so that if me who's good, you who's not slightly worse than me, and Andrew Kozin, who's amazing, want to play together, there's a handicap system that allows for that. So I'll get 15 strokes. You'll get 20 strokes. And that way we can still be competitive. So my par, let's say it's the whole, the par is four, which means you need to make a four. to be par. Andrews would be four.

Mine would be five. Yours would be six. And that way we can all play together, right? Sure. So was that enough of an explanation for these people? They definitely know a little bit about golf, but that's the handicapped system overall. Marshall just cackled.

They don't know about golf. If I don't know, they don't know. Me, let me just, I'll finish on this point. Me and Larry the cable guy are in the same division because Larry the cable guy is presumably. just as mediocre as me. Yet, Larry the cable guy played incredibly well,

far too good for his handicap, which makes me think that Larry the cable guy might be lying about his handicap. I'm just upset that he's no longer that he isn't Larry the streaming guy because, hey, get with the times. He should be. Right?

He should be. Yes, yes. He should have changed his name. It's dated. It's done. That's really interesting. Golf is a terrible, terrible sport. And one of these, that's really interesting.

When you were bored to tears. I wasn't, Larry David was recently on the Mark Marion podcast, and he was like, what is it about golf? Because obviously Larry's a diehard golfer. And he goes, it's hard. It's very hard. He goes, I have picked a hobby. I have no aptitude for. And he goes, it is so hard.

And it is. And it's such a dumb, as my father-in-law would say, he's like, it's so dumb because the ball doesn't move. Like, it's the same stroke, and yet everything changes every time. And let me ask this while we're on the golf subject, and I wanted the audience to have a little bit of a better understanding so I could ask this. So yes, if a hole is a par four, let's say, from 300 yards away, in theory, if you are a professional golfer, you can get it in the hole within four strokes, right? is huge. Now, a debate has gone on online and they asked if you as an amateur golfer were allowed to start on the green, that means within give or take 30 yards of the hole. If you were allowed to start on the green, do you think you could shoot under par on every hole?

This is just to show how elite the professional golfers are, how good a Tiger Woods is, by the fact that they would be starting on the normal course, you would be starting within 30 yards of the hole. Do you think you could beat a Tiger Woods? Could I beat a Tiger Woods? Probably not. Could I, could I shoot par starting on the green? Definitely. Definitely could. But Tiger Woods has the ability to shoot under par. This guy, like these golfers, it's not just, are you going to make it your par is four? They're making it in three. All the time. All the time. All the time. And so it's, it's pretty, yeah, it's sad to say that even as a guy that golfs a bunch, loves it. Let's talk about Bravo. This is too straight. It's too straight.

No, by the way, our, our ladies are getting into golf because my beautiful wife, Claudie, is getting into golf. And once Claudia gets into golf, I'm just saying golf is coming. The girls are going to get into golf. They're going to start to love it. We're getting page into golf. I'm bringing page on the course. We're having on the great Brooks Schofield on our next episode. that we're recording today. So we'll ask her, but you guys tell me, and don't hold back, would it be gross and toxic male of me to ask all of us, let's just say, what kind of athlete we would want to date? Like, would you want to date a lady golfer, a lady volleyball player, and Marshall, same for you,

but, you know, for whatever your likes and wants are? Sure. As long as you won't cut out that I'm not dating at WNBB. player. I think tennis. Why not? I think tennis. Listen, you get a nice, like,

a lovely point guard for the WMBA who's got, you know, fun hobbies? Out. Nope. You're part of the problem. I am the problem. You are the problem.

And by the way, another problem, I don't want to go on a tangent, but Caitlin Clark not making the USA team. What are you nuts? This woman transformed the sport. I don't, like, have they explained why?

These old heads are nuts. And what is this? because it's, I think it's picked by like a captain. Like the USA team is picked by a person. And the WNBA old heads hate Caitlin Clark because they hate that she just popped up, that she's getting all this credit, that she's the reason that the sport is crushing, even though they've been out here doing their thing and stinking it up. And nobody wanted to watch.

Now Caitlin Clark popped on the scene and everybody wants to watch. And you're not going to put her on the Olympic team? Doesn't seem right, Marshall. Doesn't seem right. But yeah, soccer player, 100%. Ooh, soccer's good. Wow. It's like just sexy in general, but also there's a higher chance of a nice accent.

So worldly. Do you like a worldly gentleman, Marshall? 100%. Yeah, actually. You do? Yeah. It's just happened that way where I've like hated so many people not from America, which I love.

Wow. Wow. So you hate America. That's the, that's, that's, the podcast title Marshall hates America. Are you comfortable sharing from from what parts of the globe some of them have been? Yeah, I dated boy that was born in Brazil. Born in Mexico. Bon dia. Oh, oh, China. Hmm, nihau.

Wow, I love that. Yeah. I don't know what just happens. How great. How do you say hot and Chinese? Hot? I don't know. I know what you said, Josh. Is it hot? I don't know. I know how to say other things. I know how to say Dantot, which is a Chinese delicious egg custard dessert, like creme bruleae type thing. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Great word to know. Don Tot. And I know how to say Bakfan. Rice. I'm looking sexy. This is, this is it. Told you. Singong done.

Yeah. Singong done. Seagong done. Mm-hmm. Great. Wow. So Marshall, would you say that so it's... Josh, what about you? What sport?

Oh, honestly, I'm open because I love different body types. Like, I'm down. I want to explore. Basically, before I met my beautiful wife, I was out here living Baskin-Robbins with my dating life. 31 flavors, baby, all under the sun. You only live once. Try it all.

Why not? SDDs, but yeah, why not? Why not? Try those two. I'm with you. Why not? Oh, the Z-pack doesn't exist. Fuck them all. I'm cutting all that out. But I, yeah, I don't know.

I think every body type is cool. That I agree with. I really do. Very cool. Like some guys, and it goes both ways, I certainly know my sister-in-law who's tall, who's like 5-11, is very averse to dating a guy who's shorter than her. And I'm like, but you're 5-11, like,

She's basically like my a little bit taller than me. I'm like it's, you know, it just definitely shrinks the dating pool. She's like, I do not care. It will never happen. I'm like, you meet a 5-9 guy. He works at Amazon. He's got a lot going for him for him 401K looks great in a Patagonia vest. She's like, I don't care.

I'm not doing it. You see, it's tough. Like I see it because women, women wear heels. Do they wear heels all the time? No. But most girls at some point, they're going to go to a wedding. probably going to put on a pair of heels. All of a sudden, your lovely sister-in-law is now 6-3. So her 5-9 guy, it's just, it's just no good. She's going to look, she's going to look like

Pookie and what's, what's Pookie's, what's Pookie's, Marshall, Marshall, do you know? Pookie? Pookie. You don't know Pookie? Who's Pookie? Jeff. Jeff. Huh? Jeff. You don't know the Tick-Tek Tensation Pookie? Marshall, what does he say? Oh, Pookie's looking fire tonight. You don't know Pookie? I don't. Okay, well, look later at Pookie because you'd get it.

But Pookie, this guy, Jeff, he's just like a random weirdo, married to Smoke Show named Pookie. And I guess Jeff's loaded and Pookie wears nice outfits on TikTok. And Jeff and Pookie will come on TikTok and he'll say, ooh, Pookie's looking fired a night. This I've seen. I've seen them. I've seen them. And have you, would you date a taller person? I mean, you're tall.

You're six, too. But like... Would I date a taller person? Yeah. You meet someone who's 6'4? No. No. What if you were...

I absolutely love the height of my wife. Five feet is perfect. Shorter, for sure. I like being able to pick up, hug, hold. I don't want to be picked up, hug, held. Oh, I do. Six five, woman. Oh, that would be fun.

I just want to be the little pupa and her cocoon. I just want to just feel... Oh, safe. Are you, is Paige your height? No. She's shorter? Yes. Why did I think she was like, she's not 5.9?

I'm not 5.9, bitch. Okay, you're close, close. I'm 6 feet tall. What are you talking about? You are not 6 feet tall. We've had this conversation before. No, we haven't. You're not.

I am. Okay, maybe like if the NBA asked you how tall you were, you'd say 6 feet. But then you get out there and you're 5'10. I'm not 5.9. You're 5.11. I'm not 5.9. Why would you think I'm 5.9? No, no, you're not 5.9. I wasn't saying that. I was saying that the difference between a 5. Page is 5.8. Yeah. But go look at my Instagram. I knew she was tall. Look at us standing next to each other. Okay, yeah, let me look. Go now. Go look. I'm going. I'm going. I'm looking. Oh, good. I'm looking. Wow. I can't believe this. I'm looking. Okay, how tall is Matt King? 6.6? He's 6. He's 6. Just saying, Josh.

She's got 20. I'm 6.2. Yes. Marshall is 6.2. You are, I would say, three inches taller than page. Yeah, 5.11 and she rounds up. Deal.

All right, Josh, you're 6'5. How tall you think J.W. Is? J.W. is 6.1. J.W. is 6.1. Nick Vile is very tall. I'll give him that. I think he's like 6.5.

How tall is Vinny? Not tall. He's like 5.8, right? No, 5, 5.5. 5.9. I don't know. If he's 5.9, I got a fucking picture to show you, Ben. Maybe he's 58.

You know what? This is, this is really, this is just not, it's not cool. Vinny sent me, Vinny sent me a DM yesterday of this fat white guy with glasses and just wrote, This is you. Oh, no. My God. And I wrote back. Like, thanks.

Look at this. Look at this, Marshall. Look at this. God bless Vinny Guadino, clearly great at tact. Look at this. That's little. That's a little guy.

That's a little guy compared to your boy. Yeah, he's probably like 5.5. You jerk. Let's actually spread that rumor. Vinny is 5.2. He's 5.9, which makes me 6 feet just under. So you're six feet. I'm six two. I'm good with that if we're good with that. Yes. What did you think? I thought I was six one and you were five 11.

But if we're publicizing six two and six foot, I'm in. You will never hear from me again. Six two is a beautiful height. Beautiful. I'm in. Remember Claudia was like, you're not six two. I remember. She was like, I remember. That's because she lives to see me sad. Well, I think we should get into some stories. Did you know that recently, Joey Chesney, is out of the 24 Nathan's hot dog eating contest in beef over vegan franks. Joey Chestnut, the perennial winner, the annual July 4th Nathan's hot dog eating competition is out of this year's beef barf over a deal he made to represent a different weiner brand.

Impossible Foods, which recently launched a vegan Frankfurter. I blame you for this, Marshall. The California-born Chestnut is basically now he's rep in Impossible. Nathan's isn't cool with it. Yeah, it says that Nathan's went back and forth to meet Chestnut's various demands. They even agreed to let him participate in a rival Labor Day dog eating fest to be taped for TV as long as no hot dog brand was mentioned. But they said they drew the line on letting Chestnut pitch for a different hot dog brand. Wow. Wow. Honestly, this is fucked up at Joey. And a source said Chestnut was paid $200,000 to appear in the Nathan's contest last year and was

offered $1.2 million for your contract going forward. Wow. Wow. He's just to eat hot dogs. He's the Michael Jordan of competitive eating, but imagine if Michael Jordan said to Nike, I love being the face of Nike, but I want to do commercials for Adidas too. Yeah, look, Joey Chestnut, no good, no loyalty. I'm sorry. I'd say you got to get that bag, but Nathan's was offering him a bag. And he is Nathan's. Nathan's is him. A hot dog eating contest without Joey Chestnut. Also, for a man that loves hot dogs. You got to love hot dogs if you eat that many hot dogs.

He must love hot dogs. You're going to go for a vegan dog. No good. No good. Would you eat a vegan dog, Marshall? Of course, yeah. Wow. This guy, man, he vapes.

He eats vegan hot dogs. He's a walking contradiction, brother. I'm telling you, what is in this vegan hot dog? It's just got to be a chemical sack. It's got to be a chemical sack. It's got to be a. chemical sack, literally. It can't be good for you.

It's got to be much worse than meat. But honestly, the hot dog itself is terrible for you. Like, hot dog is not normal meat. Like, this is, it's cancer in a beautiful little weener-shaped form, the hot dog. Well, I'm glad, Marjor, this is worth talking about. Like, first of all, I think it's insanity that Florida, I think DeSantis is pitching the idea of outlawing things like Beyond Meat and Impossible Meat in the state of to Florida, which seems like a wild overreach.

But do you think, like, I'm glad that these alternatives exist, but I think it's important to acknowledge the fact that they are as unhealthy or unhealthier than their real meat alternatives. Is that fair, Marshall? Oh, yeah. I always say I feel like they're actually four meat eaters who want to make, like, maybe a plant-based option here and there, or where I'm like, I just, most, a lot of I know just want some beans.

Right. I want some hummus and call it a day. I think it's more for the animal lover. Like that's what you get when you have a plant-based product. You save an animal, but you kill yourself. That's what it is. Save an animal, kill yourself. But yeah, they're yucky.

Josh, if we were entering you, you could pick anything. Any all-you-can-eat-contest, okay? Joey Chestnuts is hot dogs. What do you think you could eat the most of in a single? single sitting. What? Kettle corn? All you can eat, contest, would you be best? Probably kettle corn. Ooh. I regularly polish off a whole bag when I get it and it's, it's sick. Like I can't, I go, I go tunnel vision. I go, I go sick-o mode. Kettle corn. Interesting. The salt doesn't get to you. It just, you just keep shoveling it down. I need a nice carbonated beverage. I'm talking to kombucha.

I'm talking to flavored sparkling water. What about you? Kettle corn. Kettle corn. I could eat an incredible amount of a lot of things. But I think that, I think that like a nerds gummy clusters, those I can just polish off. Candy in general. I could eat so much candy. Like those little Snickers, just don't have Max drop his Halloween candy anywhere near me. He'll never see it again. I'll go through the whole bag to candy, I think, in particular.

I could really just demolish. Have you guys had bite-sized candy recently? it's 200 times better than the large format. I agree. Is that what you were about to say? No, I was about to say in general, I don't know if my taste buds change, but I'm not, it just to me, I'm like, did they change the recipe or did I change? So what type, let's take a step back. Okay, let's.

What type of bite-sized candy are we talking about? You're talking about like a Snickers? Yeah, or like a little Reese's peanut butter cup. I think those are hit or miss. I was referring to, do you know the individual? Twizzlers. Have you ever had those? Of course I have. 200 times better than the long twizzler. Juicier. More compact. I can

say that I have, maybe you just had like a bad Rises, an old Rises. I've just been, I've tried to enjoy them recently, the little bite size. And yeah, can't, I mean like, because I know like a nerds cluster, hoe, yo, yo, yo, yo, I mean, I will polish those. So good.

So good. A Risa's pieces, love. But those little minis, I don't know. I don't know what happened. Have you gone for any of the slightly healthier candies? Like what? Like a smart sweets. Like any of those? Have you tried those?

They're okay. The problem is, though, I take one of those 100 calorie bags. I have six of them. Well, you have no self-control, Ben. I agree. That's why I'm shooting myself in the stomach to get some. The zamps and the zempy. And it still doesn't work.

Have you guys heard that? People just love the mini Eminems more. They say that it tastes so much better. Have you heard this idea? No, no, but I believe it. I think that the smaller formats produce better candy. I do. I do.

But who's eating, who's buying a brown bag of Eminem? Me, last night. No. At good job, it was amazing. Instead of a, yeah, uh, uh, peanut, a peanut. No, I, I had, I had some of each. Right. Pean little peanut.

I had a comment. It's like someone. No, the peanut. Eminem is certainly better than the brown bag. No question. If I see you with like a handful of tootsie rolls, I assume you are an alien who just landed. And you're like, hmm, what does this earth have to offer food wise?

And you're like, delicious chocolate rubber. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know anyone who's like, I'm about to fuck up a tootsie roll. No, tootsie rolls are no good. Do you like, what are those peanut elephants? Peanut, the peanuts? No, no. Those orange things?

Yeah, I know. Like little orange. Packing Peanuts. Nasty. Crazy. The hell is that crap. Disgusting. Also, peeps, hate peeps. Wow. Yeah. I hate Easter. No, I'm kidding. I'm not down with the resurrection. No. Well, should we get into a speak pipe? Yes, please. Okay. Well, this first one is from Haley. Hey, Josh and Ben. I'm a huge fan of the good guys. Josh, you're going to hate me for saying this. I've read your book. I know how you feel about it. But I loved Red Dawn. You killed it. Great movie. Okay, so my issue is I'm on a team of about six people and there's a member of the team who doesn't really have the best judgment about coming into work sick.

She will have symptoms like coughing, sneezing, sniffling, whatever, or a family member will have a stomach bug or something and she's just kind of like, we're going to work today. And she'll even admit it like, yeah, I'm sick. Oh, the worst. And I'm like, okay, okay. I'm one foot away from you. It makes me a little nervous. You know, I don't want to be too like much of a germaphobe, but it's not the best if it can be a voluble. I'd rather not get sick.

But I try to drop hints. Like, don't feel pressure to come in if you're not feeling well. Work remote. Like, everybody's very understanding if, like, something comes up or someone's sick. And the hints don't really do anything. So do you have any suggestions of how to directly and directly tell someone, please don't come in. I don't want to get sick.

Thank you. And all I can say is, what are you nuts? What are you nuts? I was going to ask if this job allowed her to work remote. Because that's very, very important. to the answer here. If you work in an auto body shop and you're sick, and if you call out, you don't get paid for the day, these are different stories. Now, knowing that this person can work remote, you should, you should work remote. Don't go in and make other people sick just because you

feel like going into the office. If you can work remote, work remote. I was at a restaurant the other day, and these people walked into the restaurant. They gave their name to the host stand, and then they put a mask on and I was like, what kind of performance is this? No, that's, that's a performance. That's a dance. I just, that's a dance. I was like, I don't know who the dance is for, but that's a dance. I was like you were in the waiting room.

Like, it does not like they came from the outside inside. They were already inside. And it just seemed like, and I'm like, but you're at the host stand. Like, you're going to sit down and eat. So the mask will come off. Like, and I'm pro mask, baby. Speaking of restaurants. I was in one recently, and I noticed something that I, you know, everybody experiences this.

You're at a, you're at a table. And the table next to you is aggressively laughing. Aggressively laughing. Not okay. Not okay. Very, very loud. Ha ha. You're so funny. Like, you shouldn't be allowed to laugh that loud in a restaurant without telling me the joke.

Okay. Let me know what the joke is. What's so funny? What the hell is so funny? You're going to laugh the entire meal right next to me? Tell me the clue me in. Totally. Clue me in on the joke.

Totally. Am I wrong? I don't even like laugh. I don't, I save your laughter for home. Dude, laugh. It doesn't even make any sense. How do you believe laugh like that? What could he have said?

I also think like laughter can be just a cry for help. When you see someone performatively like, ha ha ha, ha. I'm like, would you fucking. I know. Shut it. I don't want to see your performance of laughter. No, no, too much. We are- Too much.

We don't want to see your fake joy. We are old Jewish men, I tell you. Stop laughing! Now! By the way, you haven't commented on my bandage. Look at this. I'm hurt. I can't see it. Like, show me again.

What happened? Josh, you took a tumble title. Did you? So yesterday, I'm going down the stairs and they were, they were wet. They were wet because they had just been mopped. Was there one of those little signs? No. Caution.

It's wet. No, it's in my home. We could sue. Oh, damn, you'd be suing you. I sue myself. The most Jewish thing one could do. I'll show you to me. I'm shit talking to myself.

You just sue Paige. And my literally, dude, when I say my feet went out from under me, like they just, my feet. my feet shot up. I'm like, Paige was like, just cut to you going down the stairs like this. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. It was so bad.

And I ripped up my elbow and I hit it so hard that I thought I broke my arm. And I had a gash. And so I had to go into urgent care. And let me tell you, I am so great in any kind of hospital setting. I am having these nurses cracking up. I'm judging the other people in the waiting room. Because, you know,

there's always someone in the waiting room was like, I'm like, would you give them a morphine trip and tell them to shut up? They were like, oh, we need you around here more. I'm like, listen, hopefully more accidents, you know? I'm so sorry to hear. I'm fine. I've slipped like that before. Slipp and fall down the stairs?

No good. It's happened to me before when I've worn socks. Just like running around wood floor socks done. But that bruise, man, hitting it straight on the wood, terrible. So you split open, like you have a full gash. Yeah, I got a what's it? called like the liquid stitches and butterfly things. So no, not really.

Oh my God. He can call me. So sorry. Terrible. Ben, you'll never guess. What's that thing that your mom has? The medical alert. You need it.

I know, I need it. To alert me. I took the batteries out of my mom so she'll stop bothering me. Do you want to do it's not working? Do you want to do? do what are you nuts? Yeah, I already gave a what are you nuts. The people laughing way too loud in restaurants,

but I'll give one more. And I'm, look, I've done this before. Everybody's done this before. But when you're on the receiving end of it, you think to yourself, should we stop doing this as a society, Josh? You're running late, okay? You're running into a building.

People just went into the elevator and you're watching that door closed. They know that you're behind them. They know. They're aggressively passing clothes. Close, close, close, close, close, close, Close close. I don't want to be in the elevator with anyone close, close, close. Thank God. They're gone.

Just saying, when you're on the opposite end of it, and there's only one elevator up and down, and I'm rushing to get there and I'm like, God damn it, this person could have just held the elevator for me. I think, what are you nuts? I'm sorry, I've definitely been the person. Door closed, door, close, door closed, no longer. I think it's nuts. I think we should be nicer to each other, especially in an area that has one elevator. and if you see somebody behind you, you should hold the door for them.

So recently I'm at the gym and I see a guy there and I comment on his cool basketball trainers. I go, those are cool basketball shoes. He goes, in fact, these are the Steph Currys. And I was like, huh. He goes, yeah, I had to look all over town for them because I'm a size 15. And I literally almost said, and thank God I held myself back, but I almost said, big ass. Dick. What are my nuts?

I literally, as though I was saying, good for you. Wear them in good health. I almost want to be like size 15, big ass dick. But I held it back because I live in the real world with real consequences. One of my nuts? Nuts, but not nuts. My train of thought constantly, oh, it's terrible. Oh, it's disturbing.

Oh, it's no good. But sometimes I literally, I have a constant monologue going on with myself. I will think something. I'll be like, what is wrong with you? Yeah. Why do you think these things? Why are you like this? Yeah.

The inside of our minds. Do you have intrusive thoughts? No good. Do I have intrusive thoughts? Not really. Thank God. Thank God. Me either.

Maybe in the past I've had some, but I've gotten pretty good. If something comes in, I'm like, nope, get out of here. And it's gone. I have wild ones. You do, right? Like, I'll be at a really important dinner or lunch meeting, and I'll think, what if I flipped over this fucking table? And I would do it like this.

I would be like this. Ah! And I would, like, stare at them as I did it. Yeah, keep those inside. Marshall, do you have intrusive thoughts? When you guys were talking about death for 30 minutes during an episode? They were getting really bad, but not always. Wow.

When were we talking? We talk about death? For a long time. A while ago. What happens? Marshall City was having a panic attack. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, take us home, Ben.

Folks, as always, rate us five stars. If not, what are you nuts? Listen to us on Apple, Spotify, Hulu. We got to get on Hulu, Josh. Hulu just rolls off the tongue. You can't find us on Hulu yet. Watch us on Josh's YouTube. Josh's YouTube.

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