Good Guys - Kiki on the Kremlin with Joey Camasta

Episode Date: December 15, 2025

Today, we're joined by the Parisian queen herself, our DARLING Joey Camasta! We cover everything from Botox injection sites to Josh’s Miss Nancy drag era, from Parisian homeless men drinking champagne to why Joey might defect to France for the tax bracket alone. We talk Snooki, cookie cults, plastic surgery wish-lists, Hallmark gay-movie monopolies, Putin’s alleged soft side (??), and Joey’s dream to star opposite Josh in a steamy holiday film. Plus, Joey reveals what really makes a gay icon, why Britney is forever that girl, and the guys accidentally stage a full improv scene that… kind of slays? And if you think otherwise… what are ya nuts?!  Leave us a voicemail here! Follow us on Instagram and TikTok!  Sponsors: Caraway - Visit Carawayhome.com/GOOD10 to take advantage of this limited-time offer for up to 20% off your next purchase. Vivrelle - Go to www.vivrelle.com and apply for a membership today using code goodguys for your first month of membership FREE Function - Visit www.functionhealth.com/GOODGUYS or use gift code GOODGUYS25 for a $25 credit towards your membership. IM8 - Go to IM8HEALTH.com/GOODGUYS and use code GOODGUYS for a Free Welcome Kit, five free travel sachets plus ten percent off your order Shopify - Use our link, shopify.com/goodguys, now to start getting serious about building your future. Soul - GetSoul.com, promo code GOODGUYS for 30% off. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Mazumorans, welcome back to the Good Guys podcast. We are sitting here with maybe our greatest guest in history, Joey Kamasta. Bonjour, monsieur. Our French queen. Hello, queens. How are you, darling? I'm a little distracted right now, Josh's a slutty t-shirt.

Why? Like, why'd you dress so slutty today? What does that mean? How big is he? Your body is insane. It's insane. It's insane. Stop.

We went last night. We did a steam cold plunge rotation. And let me tell him. He's shirt off. You have no idea. Up here, this isn't, this isn't. It's real. Those are slats or lats?

I don't know. Lats, rhomboy. I'm, I'm distracted by the titties. They're huge. Josh is huge. God bless you guys. How delicious. Thank you.

What are I surprised? I'm skin and bones. This is brought to you by Zepbound. You're a faint woman. I do. Zepound. Zepound. What are you on?

Tersepatide. You're on your Zepst. I took it this morning. Zeps. Yeah. Where's you inject? Where's you inject site, queen? I do it in my stomach.

I go from either side because I don't want scar tissue. But mine's pink. And it's like, because it has B vitamins in it. Interesting. Okay. You're getting compounded. You get it from the streets? Basically, I get it from a dermatologist that gave me Botox once.

Oh, okay. All right, that's good. The only, yeah, pink. Oh, because the B vitamins. I thought it's spoiled. I thought it turned. Yeah, I don't know. I always feel like when you pick up like a pink vitamin water and they claim that

vitamin water, a coconut and they claim that it's young coconut. I just think it's just bad. Yeah. Sounds like a rapper. It's not a pocah. I've noticed a pop. Yeah, I've never seen a pink coconut. No.

They're lying. I think the same thing. They're lying to you, Joey. They're lying to you. Do you get, like, do you take that deep breath with the injection of just like, no, I love it. You do. I'm a medical queen. I get off.

I love, like, I love going to the doctor. I think it's more for the attention. Like, you know, when you had a band-aid on, when you put a fake band-aid on when you're a kid just for attention, like, oh, I got a cut. I have that, like, with, you know, with surgeries, medical, you know, medical malpractice on my part. I spent a lot of time in the nurse's office in elementary school. Of course. I love to splint. Who doesn't love a splint?

You know, you go back two fingers taped together. Yep. Fantastic. It's like you went to war. When I was a kid, if someone, I broke both arms, so I had splints ready to go. But, you know, my arms healed. At the same time? Tell, tell Joey the story of you falling out of the window. Were you doing a death drop, Mama? I'm a death drop.

I was nine years old. Before she was a seasoned queen. Doing my death drop, I was, what was a drag name, Delta variant. I was at the McBurney, YMCA, at my school. had like an after school program because I went to school right here at PS 40 on 20th Street and I was like trying to look through a window and I fell out of the window You're being nosy yeah I was a nosy queen. Nozy queen fell on my arms A yenta looking at the window for drama yeah just looking looking they brought me to Bellevue right for the crazies That's what I always said that I always knows Bellevue is like that's the insane asylum yes yeah

Yeah they also do they also do broken bones apparently they're good I think it's a good hospital now in the early 90s it's on the highway right? Yeah but it has to want to go to Costco it's also beautiful like better than Costco nothing especially when uptown unbelievable but you actually go I just do it I don't do it anyway I do an Instacart nowadays yeah yeah you can't you know they won't get you the candles like I want you the housewares as much as like if you want towels and sheets and like all the other things they don't go it's mostly for grocery so I will have to go and pick out my own candles but sometimes you can like that on Instagram it's not on there but you can tell them like I can talk my Instagram person and be like listen I know they're over there just go third row on the shelf and just grab them for me and is it more expensive when you shop on Instacart versus in the store

oh sure you have to pay them at some point Wow, that is some engine. Will they swing by the food court for you and maybe bring you like... I've never tried. Double chocolate chunk cookie or something? Are you friends with those guys? No, but Jackie had her, like when Claude was out, Jackie had the dad on the pod. And that was quite the episode.

I thought they ran into him like at a store. They also ran into him. He's just everywhere. Are they everywhere? Are they in Florida? They're in Florida. Yeah, the Costco guys are in Florida. I mean, taxes on all that boom money.

My God, we bring the boom! Is that what's going on over there? That Florida? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you pay 12% less tax than you pay here. Tax for what, though? If you buy something?

Income. Income tax. Whatever money you make, you keep 12% more by living in Florida. Even if you earned it other places? Yes. You're going to earn it anywhere wherever you live. So you don't have to own it there. I can just rent a flat.

You can rent a flat there. You would have to spend over 181 days. You have to spend your time there. That's why I say a partner that my old boss used to not only be allowed in New York for only that's where he lives there. Yeah. Because when you're making. like him, I don't know how much he's making.

Let's say it's $20 million. Not more than us. No, not more than us. We're making way more. Not more than the Giggly squad. Yeah. He's saving, I don't know, an extra $3 million. But I thought all those rich people don't pay taxes anyway.

No, they do. Oh, they do. They absolutely do. Well, I think they can write off a lot of things, so their net taxes are less. But it's why they pay taxes. It's why the Pauls are in Puerto Rico. They're Polaricans. Yeah.

Oh, is that same applies in Puerto Rico. No. Puerto Rico. No taxation without representation. They don't have elected officials that represent them in Congress and or the Senate, thus no taxes. Nothing. Do they have free, like, pharmacies there? We can walk in and buy any pills you want, or is that Mexico?

I think that's Mexico. I got to go back down there for a hall. What's better than a Mexican airport? Oh, nothing. I want to go back down there for a hall. What is what we're getting? Let's do a little Cyber Monday gift list. I'm lucky enough to have a shady doctor so I can have anything I would need.

But if I was going there, I'd probably get, like, anything like the youthful things. Like, I'd probably get, like, Botox if they're selling that by the. Latisse. Do they sell? I'm sure. Have you done your own Botox? I haven't, but I could just bring it to like, you know, I'm sure. I'm an injecter queen.

Sure. I'm sure I can figure it out. Sure. Yeah. Would you inject Botox in me? Where do I need Botox? You never had it? Yeah. No, I never had it.

You don't need it. You can't do that, believe it or not. You want filler for, like, you fill under the eyes, but it's such a taboo subject. I look tired. But I had a blephroplasty. You did? I did. I did, hon.

I needed it bad. On top or bottom? Bottom. Bottom. Bottom blef. Bottom black. And his eyes look fantastic. I know. You are so hot.

You have great eyes. What color are those eyes? Green blue? We have the same color eyes, I think. I think yours are more on the blue side. Blue, green. They're nice. Very nice.

They will change. What color of your eyes? Blue green. My God. It's your hat. I can't even see. That's why I get, I think I'm Jewish because we have similar coloring.

You don't see it. You don't see like a mutt with a green eyes like I have. I mean, you do you, a crew model. Nobody's ever. You look fantastic. I live in, I lived in Paris for so long.

It's like, and I came back here, it's just like, it's no lifestyle. The way we live there, it's just how we carry ourselves. Tell us about your Paris with your beautiful boyfriend. Oh, thank you. Yeah. At the best time of my life, you've been to Paris. No. Oh, you haven't?

No. Oh, so I'm sorry. I'm speaking of the language. I'll speak slower. Tell me. It is just, you know, I've been all over, you know, Europe a bunch of times. I've got to say, it's the classiest, shikest one, yeah. I said it makes Italy look like, like, like, like the slums of a, a slums of a place.

The slums. Not all of it. I'm not saying it'll least it's something, but this is just like so much more high level. Like the homeless people, I was telling Claudia, there was there's homeless men drinking champagne in a paper cup. Yeah, that's fantastic. With like, they had a dog. It was like two homeless guys hanging out, smoking. They had packed cigarettes and they were just like pouring shit, pouring it up.

I was like, I'll be a homeless person. And people are smoking all over. I smoked. I'm not a smoker. I don't vape when I'm drunk, but I don't like, I would never like pick up a cigarette merriette during the day. But now I can't even have my coffee without them. And it's those nice, slim, long ones, right? Well, you know, I didn't know what they were.

And I just, I just mumbled. the name of the cigarette, like pointed and mumbled, and then whatever they gave me I got. Because I don't know, like, everything, nothing has branding there. So if you're looking for cigarettes, it's all the same black packaging with a woman coughing blood up into her napkin on it. They honestly make me want to smoke more. I had that one, and then I had a husband and wife like, oh, cuddling, and then I had her standing over his casket.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So they will decide. I like the, I like the husband casket cigarettes better than the coughing blood cigarette. I don't know what the names were. Yeah, no, that's good. So you never know what you're getting with it, but I just buy them. And it's just a thing. Like, you sit in a cafe.

all day long. So you know how in New York or the U.S., if you're out, the outdress eating, it's facing each other. Sure. Like this. There, it's not, everything's so performative there. So, like, everyone's sitting like an audience, like, you would sit this way, so everyone's watching the street. So you're all, like, you're all back to the building. Oh, you're side by side. Yeah. And every one. So everyone's, like, almost like, an audience going out, so I had to perform the whole time. That's why I was carrying leaks around in my handbag. Got it, got it. Just so everybody knew that you were native. Yes. And then you just drink, I drinks coffees and just drink champagne and red wine and eat snails and, and, yeah.

The french fries, escargo. That's good. How is the French onion soup? It was to die for. That looked amazing. Everywhere I went. And that ham and cheese sandwich? Oh!

That looked unbelievable. Do you have that? And that baguette, no. But I can have the baguette and I can have the cheese. Do you eat that? I don't feel like you eat things behind closed doors. But when the Lord's, the Lord turns his eye. Absolutely.

Not ham and not shellfish. Yeah. But yeah. That's his red line. Me and Josh last night. But I'll get him to eat a little calamari at carbone if I get them nice. Can I say that I think about you all the time? You're my only, like, close friend that keeps kosher?

I know culture people exist everywhere But like you're one of the only close friends I have So I'm making Every time I cook something I always And I swear on my life I think about like literally every day If I'm not cooking something If I add something like wait is this mean

Josh can't have it I was like I was making beef borgone on the other day And I added a pat of butter to it Is that slack religious? Yes but it's too good Joey There aren't But that doesn't stop you You eat that

No no I'll definitely eat it But I'd rather not But I'd rather not Like if I could if I could, if something can be made just as good without it, I will opt not to have it. Sure. I just made a Thanksgiving turkey.

I saw. Lovely bird. And let me know, I rubbed that bitch and butter. Top to bottom. You gotta dry it off, otherwise it won't stick. Of course. I was slipping and sliding all over the tities. No, no, no, no.

I patted her dry. I then gave her a deep tissue massage with that beautiful butter, that herb buttery. Oh, so that's allowed because it's a bird. It's not allowed. He's not cold. Technically, it's not allowed. But birds don't have men.

I know. It's actually, if we want to really get into it. Yeah, the reason, the reason, the main meat, meat and milk is a mother's milk, okay? The cow makes the milk. Yeah, not supposed to make the cow meat. Don't be the mother's milk. It's a circle of life, essentially. Now, the rabbis got together and they said, if Joey is eating a turkey burger with cheese and somebody walks by the window and sees him eating a turkey burger with cheese, they could

think that he was eating a beef burger. Beef burger with cheese. And he might give the impression to somebody that that was okay. So they just said that's enough for me. To any turkey, any chicken and dairy. Is that a united thing across the board? Everyone knows that.

It was like they were just being polite about it just in case. Oh, then all bets are off. I'm eating chicken parma every day. You should be eating chicken parm every day. We should, Joey. We absolutely should. But yeah, Rub it. I think I read online, I didn't make this. I read that you could use earth balance, like a vegan butter, and it would be just as good. I don't buy it now. My wife's vegan.

You like to eat butter? So we do a lot of earth balance. Earth balance is good. Yeah, you can do it. You can find a lot of replacements. Is there a difference between an earth balance and a margarine? Like, are they not just oil beans? It's pretty close.

It is what I was, but margarine is just like, you know, shittier seed oils. And I think that earth balance is, like, made with, like, higher, like, avocado oil. Are you avoiding seed oils? I am not, but I do like to, you know, I'm a performance artist, first and foremost. So I do like to, like, do things for attention. I mean, I don't keep seed oils in the home, but if something happens, if I see it around, like, you know, I fry an avocado oil and, you know,

olive oil, avocado oil, and ghee. Gee. You have ghee? Sure. Clarified butter. I don't know. What is that? It's being clarified butter.

It's freaking kosher. But what's in ghee? It's just butter that's with all the milk sloths, room. So you basically boil it and then scrape out all the... It sounds delicious. You never had a little ghee? I don't think of that. I've ever had a guy.

I don't think of it. You should have brought ghee. Oh, it's... Go dear. It's delicious. And a lot of people use it because it's an alternative. I don't know. It's like butter will burn.

It won't burn. It has a higher smoke point than all these different oils. E-G-H-E. Wow, that's fantastic. I got a tri-gay. Speaking of high-smoke point and burning, we know, we are, but this is what I love. We love it all over the place. It's chaotic.

You can't just put butter in a pan. Little oil than butter. Yeah. Otherwise, your butter burns. Right. Right. You got to mix it together. Mix your vegetables.

You know, Joey's a culinary queen. Listen. Where are you? And so is our fathers. Both our fathers. Your father, too? I told my father's a chef. CIA, CIA graduate.

Culinary Institute. It's America. See, this is what it is. We found our way back home. I know. I know. Joey. That's right. We're going to start doing more in the kitchen.

We do. We have a new kitchen. Who are you guys culinary heroes? Is it Ina? Is it Martha? Is it Bourdain? Bordain. You know, I love all those people.

I love all those people. But I think the people that I watched and got most inspiration for it's like, I know, yes. but it's more about her lifestyle and her ideals. I'm not like looking at every recipe like, oh my God, this is the best version of this recipe. I can never compare to it.

Like you, your endgame is you in a denim tarp in a beautiful home in the Hampton. With the Jeffrey. Yeah. Same. How easy is that? I know. You know, you're very close with her. I love her.

I told you I'm close with her in my heart. I stole hydrogen from her fence in East Hampton. I did hear this. Yeah. She must have a compound. Yeah. She bought like two houses and like glued them together. It's like it, yeah, it's just like a whole, the whole block, like from the streets like the middle of the block.

But she doesn't live at the barn. I don't know. I don't think so. No, she doesn't live in these Hampton full time? Yeah. I think so. No, she probably has a separate shooting house. Yes.

And then. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Burt Chrysher. Like Streisand has three houses in Point Doom in Malibu. She has a shopping wall in her basement. She has a, she has a doll shop in her house. Yeah.

Did she a shopping wall in her house? What's gayer than that? And scary. Building your own boutique? in home boutique She talked about Like she literally Is a compound

With a doll shop And she has one room That James Brolin's a lot to have And she goes I try not to go in there There's sawdust everywhere She has a gift wrapping Boutique as well

It kills her That Brolin has one place Like one man And her husband Yeah James Brin I never knew that about her I think she's so major That like she like she overshines everything

Josh Brolin's father Oh I don't know she had kids either Well it's not Josh Berlin's not her kid But they got It was her Look how much I know. By the way, a lot.

She was married to Elliot Gould, the great actor, Elliot Gould. Oh, Ellie Gould's mother. And then, no, no, no, Ellie Gould was her husband. Isn't there a singer name of Ellie Gould? Ellie Goulding. Ellie Goulding.

It's like her third marriage, but his kid is Josh Brolin. You must love Josh Brolin. I'm thinking, Josh Grobin. Josh Grobin? Who's Josh Grohl? Josh Brolin? I don't think I know her.

No, stop. I don't know her either, but I know Josh Grohan. And while Josh looks this up, When I am down And oh, my soul's so weary. I'd hit it. You don't know Josh Brolin?

No, but he's a major movie star. But he's... How old's the father? If he's that old. Father's probably in his 80s, but they're not... It's like their third marriage. Josh Brolin.

I know him. You know him. I just noticed him. You know him. This is a major movie star. You know him. Okay, so marriage is tricent. No, no, no, he's not married.

His father. His father, okay. Yes, of course. No, that's okay. It's the president. Pick up. What does he want? Hi, who's this?

Sorry, I'm recording a podcast right now with my friends. I have to go. You're on air. Right. Who is that? Your husband? No, no, no, no. It's my friend.

We're planning a holiday party. When are you done? Are you okay? Like, are you being trafficked? No. It's like we were talking about a photo booth. you've done. Yeah, right? It sounded aggressive. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Carraway folks. You know we love Carraway here at the Good Guys podcast. You know we use Carraway in

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and apply for a membership today using code good guys for your first month of membership free. The code will also allow you to skip the Vivrell wait list. We love skipping a line. That's V-I-V-R-E-L-E dot com. Use code good guys for your first month free. That's V-I-V-R-E-L-E-L-E. Dot com use code good guys for your first month free. Hi, everyone. I'm Peyton Sarton, host of the Note-to-Self podcast. Note-to-self is a space to embrace your unique qualities, get and ultimately have honest conversation. No topic is off limits. I began doing social media

seven years ago and since then I've started a clothing line and this podcast. Note to Self is a place where people from every stage of life can come for advice, new perspectives, and to feel a little less alone. Whether I'm recording by myself or bringing along a friend, we will explore topics ranging from relationships and mental wellness to social media and entrepreneurship.

Tune in to Note to Self every week for the sisterly advice you didn't know you needed in raw conversations you've always. wanted. So do you see your life in France? Like if you could tomorrow? I didn't think that, but I can definitely see it. Like I'm not going to find, you know how you guys are going to, uh, to Florida to avoid taxes? I want to go to Paris to just, just to pay more tax. To pay more tax? I just want to be able to live there. I don't know how to do it. Do we even know the tax rates in Paris? But they're probably lower than here. They're probably

lower than here. I don't know exactly what they are. Then your wife told me, I spent all this money on like skincare and buying all this shit like an animal. I was shopping like an animal. I bought all new wardrobe, all this shit. And I know that you can go to go. I don't know that you can go to the airport and there's a place you can get like money back. Do you free? Not duty free, no. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that tax. That tax. I had no idea. You get it all back in cash, too. They give it back to the airport. I was trying to be discreet. I didn't want to say I bought anything because then they

said they were going to tax me on buying stuff. It's the opposite. They're giving it back to you. Next trip. Next trip. And I was too scared to bring back cheese in my backpack. I was going to set up like bricks, like kilos of drugs. Yeah. Of parmesan. Like a wheel. Yeah, yeah. How much does a wheel of palm go for these days? Thousands, right?

I think it's $1,500, I would say. I'm not sure. But I can see myself living here. I just got to find a loophole on how to live there. I know if you work there, you can get a visa. But I work on the phone. So it's like, can I just be like, say I have to work here because I'm doing a vlog on escargo this week? You could.

Love it. I need an immigration lawyer if anyone's watching. We definitely have. And I also need someone to let me have, like, give me an apartment for free there. A flat. That might be harder. I love what you said when you were in Paris because I found this to be true, too. A, it's the chicest place, and B,

Parisians are not rude if you're not a schmucky American. And if you try to speak a little French, they're like, like, I'd be like, Bonjour, what's say? They'd be like, no problem, come you or shut off. Yeah, they know. It's a respect type of thing. Yeah, they just...

That's pretty good French. Yeah. Like, if you don't welcome to a gay bar and say, what's up, faggot? Like, they're not going to welcome you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do that at high school. I know what I learned on Drake and Josh,

believe you or not. I was just thrown around on drinking Josh constantly. That was on the cutting room floor that scene. Yeah. Wait, so you guys are a big time podcast now. Yeah, we are. You had some really big guests recently. Was it Kathy Griffin?

None bigger than you, but yes, we had Kathy Griffin. Now, you asked her about Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen. Did you ask about me? I don't know. I'm like, what do you have with Kathy? And did you have, I'm thinking, was Uncle Jesse on the podcast? Of course. It's Josh's bestie.

Did you work together? We did. I know. We did a show called Grandfathered where I played his son which I wish I could tell 15 year old Josh that everything was going to work out Thank you.

The eyes, oh my God. God bless. So we did that. We didn't look at Honey Garden son. Totally. But he came on. I wasn't expecting for my... You know, you meet these Hollywood types. You think I'll never see you again.

No way we could be close. Who would have thought me and John Stamos? We got married at the same time. We had kids around the same time. Oh, my God. And he came. came on and he aired all of Aunt Becky's divorce. Everything.

Oh my God. He aired everything that he probably wasn't supposed to air. Well, he brought a recommendation letter for that daughter to get into college, correct? I'm sure. You said nothing. I'm out. John Seamus, her rowing coach. Oh, my God.

You see kids in your future, Joey? No, you know, I always said this. If I have a step in shit and become really financially, like, over, like, over, make a ton of money, then yes, I don't want to raise a kid if they're not going to be like, like, being able to take care of the way I need them to take care of it. Yeah. Like, you know, kids are mean. I'm not sending him to public school and like, P.S. No one expense, PS 129 or whatever it is.

He's going to go to, you know, have to go to Dalton where there's, you know, black trans teachers and, you know, everyone's, everyone. Jeffrey Epstein's alma mater. Yeah, like, yeah, he's on the roster. Like somewhere like he can be, you know, like Andy Cohen's kids or like, you know, people that are like the rich gates that are having kids like, you know, anything's possible. So, like, you know, I want to be able to buy their, affection. I think that if you decide to have kids, you'll just start making more money.

I wouldn't do it. Well, I have wiggles now. You know, I wouldn't do it based on that. That's your podcast. Oh, it's good. It's me and Snooki. Every Thursday, I'm sorry, every Friday comes out. It's called it's happening with Snooki and Joey. It's good. She's hard to lock down. She's hard to lock down. She's got, she's got, she's still showing the show. She's, and they, they've, they've filmed so much that they have, like, I think they have four more seasons in the bank they've already shot. How rich is Snooky? Not rich enough. Really? Because I still have to work true you know I guess that's true I mean 15 years I'm like you know she's I think she's she's definitely a multi-millionaire yeah I don't know but she's 15 years ago

eight figures I'm sure yeah I mean she's done so much TV now she's starting this is ghost hunting show she she's doing a ghost in Canada she's big she's very big in Canada so she's doing a ghost hunting as clairvoyant show she goes into old houses and like talks to the day yeah we're being in India don't go in there we're very big in India I didn't know that. We have some, right? Yeah, the chai guys. The chai guys.

The chai guys, if we ever start a podcast there, that's what we're going to do. The chai guys. You like that. Oh, I love it. We're big in Delhi. New Delhi. We bring Delhi to Delhi. We bring the Jewish deli.

In Delhi. In Delhi. I know. Second Avenue deli. In Delhi. Wow. I love it. Fantastic.

Great. Where are you big in? I was big in Russia for a while. You were. Yeah. When I used to work there, I used to be on the home shopping network over there. Selling makeup. Wow.

And everyone says, what's Moscow. That's like comparing Madison Avenue to like the slums of like, you know, the swamps or something. Like where the hillbillies are. I just not the same thing. I imagine the host on a home shopping network being like, wait. Zedrastica. Kedila, we have big gay influencers. You know the words.

You know it's got to. Khakzilla. Kagdila. Harishua. We have big gay influencer here. Joy Kamasa talking about makeup. Yeah. Go, Joy.

But the thing is, my voice never made it to air. It was like a dubbed movie on top of my voice. So, like, I would talk to my translator and he's in the booth. And whatever I say to him, he's telling the Russian person what I'm saying. And then he tells me what they are saying. And then his voice goes out to the air. You get it? So my voice is like, obviously, like, you know, they can't.

You are dumbed. You were dumb. You picked the most, the gayest voice person in the world to be on national three. I said, thank God they cut it off. I don't want to get, you know, into trouble. But I did do a Kiki on the Kremlin. You did? If you had a chance to talk to Putin, what would you lead with?

I would want to ride a horse topless with him and just get some pictures. I don't really have any feedback. I don't know what's going on, but... Did you see that video of him with the puppy? No, was he... Somebody gifted him a puppy. You saw this video? And they were holding him by the neck.

Oh, no. And they put down the puppy. I mean, I do that to wiggle, because reminds you if he was the mother, but he eats my mouth. And Putin went up to that puppy. Picked him up, held him, kissed him on the head. Oh, just saying. We saw a side of Vlad. He's been the president there for a long time.

I think he'll be there forever. Not you forgiving Putin for one sweet video. By the way, as long as he loves animals, I don't care what he does to people. We're sorry in advance. I'm not privy on his bad, I'm sure he does bad stuff. I don't know. I'm not privy on his war crimes.

No. Yeah, war crimes. That's her new pod, war crimes. I like Kiki on the Kremlin. Kiki on the Kremlin. You were in, he was a war movie. I scrimped when I showed up on the, um, on the, um, what's called? What's it called?

What's it called? What you called? When you put, what's to the bomb? Oh, Oppenheimer. Oppenheimer. What's that movie? You were in Kiki on the grandpa? No, I think it's my biggest flex.

I know a real Hollywood actor. Oh, yeah. No, he's, you're legit actress. I know. My boyfriend was like, he was like, so I've, I've never really sat down and watched an episode of Drake and Josh. I've seen like all the clips and stuff. And then I googled him when his dick pics leaked.

But, um, but that's, that's, That's all I knew of the show. And I was like, and then my boyfriend's like, you haven't watched it. It was on for like 25 seasons. And he's telling me about all the handsings last night. And I was like, that's my friend. NBCD, no big deal.

No big deal. Honored. This is where I come in and ask you. And I mentioned this before in passing, but I'm not kidding, especially now that I have nothing going on in my career. If you're ever a chance for me to like sit, like, as a back or an extra and maybe just be like,

you know, I just want to be in a movie or a TV show. I think more than that. I think you need some lines. This is a star. You feel confident coming in and doing. Yes. Let's do an improv. Okay, good.

Ready? Okay, good, good, good, good. Okay, okay. Okay, okay, set the scene. It's Kiki on the Kremlin? I don't know. No, no, no. Okay, let's just say this.

You are a young executive, okay? I like it. Executive Realness. I think you're an ad exec. How about that? Yeah, you're in an ad exec. You work at a creative shop. Am I like big, like fast talking?

This is the CEO and I work on your desk, okay? Yes. Okay. You like it? I like that. Creatives. You're the CEO. You walk in. Okay. Okay. Joey has just put together a pitch. Yes. I finished my pitch already. You finished. Okay, okay. Okay. All right. Listen, guys. We've got 10 minutes left before the deadline. Where are we with this? What are we doing? Listen. Oh, yeah. It's either, but he's a more person. I can't be rude, right? No, you can. You can. You can. But I love it. But you're this close to quitting. Let me tell you something. Mark and I walked our asses off on this person.

Give me a lie. You got it. I need a lie. You got it. Okay. We stayed up until our eyes were bleeding last night. Let me tell you. The Colgate pitch, it is there.

We got these beautiful people with their beautiful smiles. Why is he talking? And I'm not sure what that means you, but too many, it's to us. Okay. We put a real. Cannon, bro. Okay. Maybe I'll just be the back in a background out just for now.

We're gonna have actual lines. If I have lines, I can follow. You're gonna have lines. Okay, your lines are... You know what? Maybe you should watch your tone. Okay, you know how hard you work for this? Okay, go.

What do you have to say? You know what? Maybe you should watch your tone. Him and I watch her asses off on this and you're gonna walk into my office now and just shit all over everything we've just done? Yeah. Keep going.

Not on our watch. Not another thing. Yes. You think you're a big hot shot Hollywood actor? Not around here. You're nothing going to fucking shit on the bottom of my shoe. He's your CEO. It's okay.

Trust real thought. Sash away, Mama. N.C. Gorgeous. Spielberg is probably watching. That's for sure. Christopher Nolan, just text me. Oh my God, they want me.

It happened. Thank you. I have to know what is on your menu for new, beautiful upgrades, surgical upgrades, plastic surgeries. Things we're thinking about. I love to dream about it. I had my hair transplant from Dr. Cella. I have to go back.

He wants me to go back to do a PRP. which is where they, it's like the vampire face, where they take your blood, spin it, and they inject it into whatever, and basically, like, it makes a newborn area of whatever that is. So it's like he wants to inject my blood into my scalp, so I'm going to do that.

I do need to get my Botoxin fillers refreshed, but I also want to get my neck sucked out. Interesting. How do they do, like, just old school ipo? I think it's just that. I think they just do, like, a little incision here, and then they suck it all through there, and then maybe.

And they tighten? I don't think I'm in the area of that. I mean, he wants to do it. Go ahead. I can sew it to back my neck up with a zipper. I don't give a shit. They hide behind the ears. That's, yeah, the Chris Jenner of it all.

You don't need that if you have a beard. And the beard looks good. I don't want to have the beard anymore. That's the thing. I mean, I don't want to think all of them clean shaven. I understand. I've never been able to have the beard, not a beard because I look disgusting. Yeah.

Me too. When I'm completely clean, especially in over a certain weight. Even that, I can't even go that like that far. Well, now I've dropped below my threshold. Above my threshold, I look like Rosie O'Donnell. Below my threshold, I look like this. But when I'm clean-shaven, I mean, it's jarring. Not you, but I'm saying.

No, you've seen me. You remember. I don't think that's good for any guy. Like, even you have your clean shave, but you have a little shadow. Yeah, a little bit. It's our natural control. Shadow's nice.

Totally clean? I don't need it. I'm very gray in my beard too, so I get a little insecure. Interesting, you shouldn't think. You need to use an orange corrector when you do drag, though, to counteract the blue. Mm.

Okay. Have you ever cross-dress? No, I'm drinking Josh. The first episode of the pilot, There was a character named Miss Nancy. Here was the pilot episode of Drake and Josh, right? That literally the feedback, I think from the network was like, maybe he shouldn't cross-stress. Was that?

Well, what year was this, 1999? This was 2002. Okay, close. And they go, so it's Drake's the cool musician, and I'm like the nerdy, chubby kid. And he finds out that there is a, like, ask me anything, news column for our high school, right? and call Miss Nancy. Ask Miss Nancy anything. I am using Miss Nancy as my secret pen name,

and I dress and drag. Original Gossip Girl. To channel Miss Nancy. Wow. So he walks in on me in a dress and a wig. Yeah. Did you feel fish? Yes.

I said, I was like, you can't do this. Yeah. I'm like, you can't tell people that I'm Miss Nancy. He's like, maybe you shouldn't be Miss Nancy. Yeah. And sort of the arc of the first episode is him convincing me, hey, maybe you don't need to dress and dress and dress. your wig. Yeah. I don't even remember that.

I've crossed dressed a lot. Yeah. Every to win. I think of mine myself as a woman. I played belly with a belly. You like that belly with a belly? You like that belly with a belly? Do you even know who it was? No, no clue. Who is? Who, yeah, who was? Somewhere I turned pretty. Summer I turned pretty. This girl named belly. But I thought it would be funny if I had my belly out named belly. Yeah, that was belly named belly. And of course, whenever I dress like a woman, I turn into you, Virginia.

Yes. I was out fire. Oh, my name is Billy. The same way. Oh, I was Donna Kelsey. Oh, I was. Did you play Donna Kelsey? I played Donna Kelsey. I played Jesse from Bairn-Trap. That's why you're so well-versed in the acting scene. Yeah, that's me.

I'm well-versed in the acting scene. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I need a couple of lines, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I see that. Right, a couple of lines. Please. I need them. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Function. Folks, I chose Function because it's the only health platform that gives me data most people never get, and the insights to start doing something about it. Inside function, you get access to test over 160 lab tests annually, from hormones to toxins to markers of heart health, inflammation, and stress.

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for a free welcome kit, buy free travel sachets plus 10% off your order. I-M8Health.com slash good guys, code good guys. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Can we talk desserts? Sure. Because I fly in Little Pie Company from New York to L.A. I never had it.

Do you bake? I don't bake. I don't. And I suddenly eat desserts. In my older age, I do crave a little sweetness here and there. And a bit of a patissary, maybe. I'll have something delightful. But now I don't really bake.

I'll make a crumble or something. I'll do like, you know, I put things together. Like, one of my favorite desserts to do is, and this is quick. If you don't like making desserts, this is something you can do. you should try. I'll make it next time you come over. You just take a really high quality ice cream, buy that and put in the freezer, whatever flavor. Like vanilla bean is always good. And then I make a

kiki fruit topping of some sort. So I'll do figs with brown butter and then you put brown sugar and you could do something. You make a caramel with butter and fit butter and a little bit of liquor brandy or something in there. And then it's saucy syrup with figs and you put that over the ice cream.

And then you chop it with some chopped pistachios and flaky smoky. salt. My God. Unbary. Oh, really. Unreal.

So that's the extent of desserts I do. I got goosebumps. You can't see it under my Ralph Florence. Yeah. No, but I don't, I don't, I don't make desserts either.

But yeah, back to the Thanksgiving desserts. I don't, I'm not a big pecan pie guy. Oh, but little pie company, sour cream apple pie. Okay. Beyond. Wait, so where is the sour cream? It's in, it's like mixed in with the apples. So it's a creamy apple pie.

It's almost like, I'm thinking of like a creamy apple. Yeah, it's a sound. You know what? I don't like apple pie. Because when you cut the apple pie, when you get, by the time it gets to your plate, everything falls out the size, and it's not a pie shape anymore.

Pumpkin, yes. It stays, the integrity stays. I agree with you. I'd rather have a crumbull or a straddle or something like that. I love the taste of an apple pie with a little vanilla ice cream. A cobbler. A cobbler, yes. A much better.

I made it a peach cobbler once. You did. Cobbler queens, you know who you are. I did it on live and it was just a whole thing. We have the best time in that thing. Oh, look at that. It's kind of. It's kind of it.

It's sort of beyond. By the way, it's giving Kiki Kugel. Because of the sour cream, I think, that holds it together. Yeah. It's a binder. I mean, some coagulation going on. So you fly those into L.A. I do.

I fly those in. Sometimes I'll find some Vennaro's pastries. Do you have a guest house? Yeah, you want to come over? I'm sick to say next time in L.A., can I stay there instead of where I usually stay? Please. I have three kids. The London Hotel.

He's a West Hollywood. West Hollywood Queen. Sorry. You don't like it there? I just don't like West Hollywood. Oh, well. You don't suck dick, girl. Not yet.

Mama. Do you see that on the menu for us? We were talking about it. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't put anything past it. I've never went down on a woman, but, you know, all bets are off. Like, I, I just feel like my life would be incomplete. Maybe Miss Jack, what's your track name?

Miss Nancy would go down on the guy. I don't want you to know. This is the third time in 12 hours, Josh just said, I don't think I can finish my life. That being with a man. Wait, do you see me next month? I don't know for you. Well, maybe you and I can play lovers in a steamy film.

Can you imagine? I can. Yeah. With that top on. Go me by your name. I can. I can. You would be like my army hammer and I'd be like your Timothy Shalame.

I'm in. I would love. And what are we doing? Like, maybe we make it like Hallmark though. So it's like family friendly. Yeah. We have the, what's that guy's name? That's from Clueless.

It's in all the gay movies on Hallmark by Jonathan Bennett. Yeah, yeah. You can't tap into that industry. he like owns it. Maybe you and I. John the Benny, he played the heartthrob in Mean Girls. Do you know that every guy, Mean Girls is gay? Really? Including

the rapper and the Indian Guy rapper? I didn't know that. He's gay. Danny, obviously. You know, you know, so you don't even go here. Yes. Do you know what I'm talking about? I do. I know Danny. I don't know the other ones. And the main guy, John the Benin. The one who's like the handsome The Heartthrob. Which is his name

Samuel, right? Is that him? Isn't that his name Samuel? I don't know. I don't know actors' names. I know what their name was. in the movie. Yeah. I think his name is Samuel. Yes. Aaron Samuels. Aaron Samuels. Aaron. Aaron Samuels. Okay. Him. He's, yeah, he's, he's, he runs the network network. He's Lindsay Lohan gay? I don't know, but she did dates. She was dating that DJ for a while. Ronson. Mark Ronson. She's one of my white well guests. Really? I know I know I am the white well guest, but if you, if you had to just go

one tier below me, who is the white well guest on good guys? Who's the white male guest? White whale. White whale. That means like the number one guest you can ever have. You really are. I said it to Josh coming over. You just enter the universe, and we have such a great time. I'm having so much fun. Another guest, who have we loved having on? I mean, like, Oprah would be pretty insane.

Oh, somebody that we haven't had on. Oh, yeah, no, someone that you can get your dream guest. Oh, my God. Yeah, or Larry David would be amazing. Oh, yeah. I would love to have Larry on. I feel like we have so much fun. Are you Seinfeld Queens?

I love Seinfeld. Yeah, yeah. You're not allowed to not. I like curb. Yeah. I love Curb. funny. I do think curb is better. It just

it evolved to what Seinfeld was. If, you know, if Seinfeld was here, you know, you don't talk about the style evolved. Of course. Yeah. So, like, they made their own style. It was also just like the, the better version of all of the jokes. No, I don't think so. You like the office? The office copied the office, right? I liked it. Right British office. There's a, British office. Do you know the British office? And then there's an American office. And then the exact, I mean,

there's a new one, a new one. There's another. There's a third. The paper. The paper, yeah. We both auditioned. We didn't get it. I auditioned. I didn't get it.

We didn't need that. My white well guests would be Britney Spears, obviously. What did you think about her kissing Kim Kardashian in bed? I got the tea on this girl. You do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's talk about it. So everyone, you know, it's strange. I was upset because I was like, Kim Kardashian, do what, say what you want about her.

I don't go fuck. The people hate her because she got to wear Marilyn Monroe's dress. And this is like something that, like, no one else is allowed to do. She has the opportunities that no one else in the world gets and that people are hating on it for that. I don't care what she does. She could move into the White House and paint it fucking hot pink

and whatever the hell she wants to do. I don't care what she does. But now she stepped over the line when she's having a slumber party with Britney Spears, it's like leave something for us. Leave something for us. That's what she went too far. Take all the jewels from the archives

of Elizabeth Taylor. Leave Britney alone. Slumber party with Britney Spears. Her, her, Chloe, and. him were all in the bed together, Kikiing and taking pictures and being good. There was some random queen there. I don't know who he was,

but it was probably the hairdresser. And that kiss on the cheek. It was very sensual. Well, I think they were at Chris Kardashian's house. Oh, you think it was after the party? I don't know. No,

I don't think she was at the wedding party. You don't think so. No, this wasn't that. The 70th. The 70th. It wasn't that. It was something else. But apparently, Chris Kardashian is stepping,

Chris Jenner is stepping in and taking over. She took, she did Cabatha. Give me the case. I'm taking over. And she's taking over Britney's career. And she's going to get her back on the stage. And she's going to do a whole rebrand. She's a whole... You're kidding.

That's what every... Real, real insiders are saying this, not just TMZ or whatever. This sounds like a great idea. It's the perfect idea. Who can rebrand her better than... I mean, if Kim come back from that sex tape. Yeah. Yeah.

You can come back from playing Miss Nancy. I'll be like Britney in that bed. This bed vibrates. Yeah. Is that what you're saying? Yeah. What is the love? of a Brittany of like of she's iconic but especially to the gay community well i think it's a

comedy show of two things being like a badass diva on top of your game the hottest bitch in the game having that but also the messiness of of a drunk white woman or or a waltzance on distress or like a messy bitch on top the combination that's what sets it off that's why we love you know judy garland yeah like that's i heard matail lane talking about that like judy garland was this yeah tough broad in a day where women had to be more demure and she was a messy white woman. Madler Monroe. She was the hottest starlet of the world,

but she was, you know, a little popping mess. Sleeping around with everyone's husbands and doing slutty stuff. So that's what we like. We like someone who's like a bad bitch. We just were just waiting for Beyonce to start acting up. Yeah.

Could you imagine? I can't imagine. I know. I would love it. She has to have the sister. She just had the sister do the fighting in the elevator. Salon.

What do you think was happening when she attacked Jaycee like that? It was she, Salon, she, Salon, she found out that Jay Z was cheating. Really? It's a lemonade of it all. Sean, should we get to a story? I'd love to.

We got a couple fun ones, and now I'm just staring at Apple Pie. Well, a billionaire CEO's archaic dating advice ruthlessly mocked, so the post found out which pickup lines are better or worse. Bill Ackman, the CEO, had a weekend epiphany posted on X that he basically thinks that you should say things like, may I meet you, which was a head story. Scratcher apparently or something like, oh, they don't, this, the New York Post is killing. Like when approaching a perspective date person, may I meet you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But his advice raised an even bigger question, what are the best and worst pickup lines people have heard? This article sucks. Hold on. Please forgive me. Okay, here's a story. Cookie shops are kicking cupcakes to the curb, drawing lines that have gotten out of hand over New York City's latest food obsession. Oh. People travel to New York City for many different reasons.

And that's just the way the cookie crumbles, Jordan White said. They came all the way from Michigan with her husband to spend her honeymoon eating cookies. She got in line at Red Gate, the East Village Hotspot Bakery, known for supposedly having the best chocolate chip cookie in New York City. Really? Hoping to catch a glimpse and grab a bite of me. She arrived at 6 a.m. and had to wait until they opened at 10. I don't. Is this new? I guess the cookie upset.

I'm a slut for Chuck Chip cookies, a little sea salt on top. Same. Fantastic. But I'm not waiting online for anything, Joe. I mean, either. I'm going to miss the fad. I'm sorry. I'm just not doing it.

No. I'm not. There's nothing in life I wait. I'd sooner die. Nothing. And that's not being being an elitist or I'm too good for everyone or I'm like too fancy. It's just, it's just pure. I don't care about anything that much to wait in the line.

No, I don't care at all. I walk past Crumble every day. This line. Remember he got outed? The owner of Crumble did? The owner of Crumble outed as a homosexual. I said, Mama, you make cookies for a living. The jig is up.

You didn't think you were in the closet of her? Girl. She was shocked that everyone found out. I was like, girl. Like, Homeboy, you make doily. Yeah. We know you're gay. But I didn't know there was a cookie thing.

Like, I know what? I don't like, when people are waiting online for stupid fucking hybrid shit, like the cookie, the cookie crook. There's a crook. A crook. A crooky. A crooky or a crooky. What is this? It's like.

It's delicious. Have you had it? I'm sure. It looks like a dog shit on a croissant. It's so good, done. I'm meeting from Paris, it's like,

it's a little offensive to my culture. Yeah. No, you can't disrespect the croissant. But I got like the janky one from Le Pen Couteton. I saw it there. Yeah,

that's what I saw. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They have a great cookie. Delicious. Very underrated, big, thin cookie. Almost state-like. There used to be one under my old office in.

I like that place. Yeah, it's good. They also have nice little tartines. I do like this. They have a book called tartine. They do. They do. A chartine book. And I like that, like a simple vegetable soup. You know what I mean?

Party. Party vegetable. Yeah. I love making soup. I love a tartine. It's really just an open-faced sandwich. Is that what is? I was thinking of like a keesh. No, no, tartines are open-faced sandwiches. But keesh is a quiche. But then what's it to talk to tong? I don't know. I think I just made that word out.

Fritata? You like frittatas? Oh, I love it. Yeah, frittities. Asparagus and creer. Wow. What are the other cookie, preeminent cookies in New York? Levan. Levan is one of my Hoves. Levin's a big one. But that's like a big one. But that's like a big cookie. I like a thin, a Tate. You go to the Hamptons and you go to Tate's. Those are crunchy cookies, though. They're

amazing. Crunchy, yes, for sure. You get a little caramel in there. I like a thin cookie. Are you a thin or thick? I got to say, I think, for cookies, I think I want it, not like doughy, I don't taste raw. You want it soft. I understand. I want it, like, I want it, like, chopped full and chocolate. Chalk full of chocolate. Chalk full of chocolate. I like a lot of chocolate. Where have I ordered from recently that I've been loving? Do you like a, a, a, a, a, a, cookie company name, Limp? Do you like that? No, do you know it?

No. Is it called limp? No, no, I'm saying, do you like that as the name for a cookie place? No, we don't like it. Limp. No. Okay, we'll keep working on it. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Shopify,

folks. December is here and let me tell you, there is no perfect time to lay the foundation for what's next then now. I know you're sick of me. You're like, Ben, stop and stop yelling at me about achieving my dreams. Well, if your mom didn't yell you about achieving your dreams, then I need that. too. And even if your mom did, I'm just here to reinforce it. All that I'm telling you is that I'm not telling you, hustle, work hard, work hard. Actually, that's exactly what I'm telling you, but I'm not trying

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Use our link, Shopify.com slash good guys now to start getting serious about building your future. Take it for me. It's time to start taking that idea you've had forever and put it into action. And with Shopify, you will have all the tools you need to ensure your idea becomes the best reality it can be. Again, that Shopify.com slash good guys stop saying one day and start saying today. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends. It's soul, folks, soul is it. Let me tell you, okay, wellness brand believes in feeling good and believes that everything should be fun and easy. Soul specializes in delicious hemp-derived THC and CBD products designed to boost your mood and help you unwind.

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That's get-soul.com promo code Good Guys for 30% off. There's a swanky new New York City grocer facing death threats over insane prices, but has lines around the block in first few days. What's his name? Medellane. Medellane. Could be Medellane, a posthor and Tribeca at 355 Greenwich Street, has drawn such massive crowd since it opened last Friday

that it was forced to impose quotas on goods. Those include $625 tins of Siberian caviar, $65 bottles of extra virgin olive oil, $74 containers of macha powder, and gluten-free chicken nuggets priced at $15 per half dozen. Well, I know the products you're talking about, But I think that's just the price of the products. If you order that online, it's the same kind of product.

The Flamingo Estate Olive Oil, I think they're selling there. And that's just what is. Oh, they just have expensive products. Yeah, they're curated expensive products. They're not making their own products. All I know is he made. Own prepared foods, yes. He did such a masterful job at marketing that place.

I've seen it over the last, what is it, two years where he's talking about launching what everybody thought was this fictitious grocer. And then he fucking launched it. Yep. And it's a doorman. There's a doorman. There is. Yeah.

So it's like everyone on steroids. Yeah, how do we get in without waiting online, though? I don't think we do, Joey. I don't think it's an car for us. Do you think your wife could think Claudia can get in? Ooh, Claude could. She probably could. But she wouldn't go.

She wouldn't ask. Yeah. She could. Claudia could do absolutely anything she wants. She's never going to ask. That's why we have to take her phone when she's sleeping and start texting people. And start texting people. Yeah.

Do you mind if we come to Meta Lane? Yeah. They opened an air one in the city. I saw. You talked about that. But it's, you can only order on Uber Eats and if you're within a one mile radius of the West Village locations. I tried to look yesterday at my house. I'm like 1.5 miles from there

but it's like they wouldn't deliver to my house and you can't go in it's only on the reeds or if you're Oh there's you can't go in It's an Air One ghost kitchen No it's inside a Kith is a clothing store Yes inside there's a kith Inside of a private members club

And the and the air one's in there Inside the inside there's a smoothie bar Inside of a clothing store inside of a private members club That's too much That's too much I don't you're private member queen What you say? Are you a private member queen? Yes

You have the good one. We have the good ones. The zero bombs. The what's it called? Casa Sipriani's. The San Jacentees. Oh, San Jacentees. Which, by the way, in L.A. is much better than here.

Yeah, yeah. They don't have a pool here. Do they? I don't think they have anything here. Honestly, not that great. It's fine. And no one is at Soho house anymore. That's not a family.

No. Not unless you work at the mattress firm. So it's totally gone. Huh? It ain't it. I mean, yeah, I don't think. LA, again, L.A. Again, L.A. is just better than one here.

The one here is just like a mess. The one here is not a mess. The one in Chicago used to be good. I think the newer ones that change, it's completely different from what I was expected normally in New York. Objectively, they're nice. What it is, is it's just no longer cool. Like, half the reason you're signing up at these places is because you think it's cool.

And you might read into Lioris is just like not any, you know, you know. Or Taylor Swift is just like popping up at these places. Yeah, well, she does pop up at your place. She does. Yeah. She does. She also pops up at all the New York members clubs. Yeah. She's a member's queen.

Exclusive queen. I always want to see these people's credit card. Like what is Taylor Swift's credit? Does she have a super one from MX? I don't know. I think those people like don't. I would assume. Don't spend money on anything?

No, not they don't spend the money. I don't think it's like one credit card. I think it's like things like linked to like these big Swiss accounts that like that like get refilled or like something or ahead of time. It's called ahead of time and there's an invoice center. Like I can't imagine they're just. I mean for shopping, yes. but I can't imagine they're just like spying homes and stuff on like their credit card.

Like Taylor Swift is coming into your establishment no matter what it is. How are you charging her? I'm not charging her. I'm not charging her. I know she's going to then offer a $1,000 tip to the waiter or whatever it is. And you give it to the staff.

I'm not charging her ever. No. Why is that? Because I want her to come back. I think like her being in my, whether it's a clothing store, whether it's a restaurant, like a photograph of her being there more than once

is worth its weight and gold. But do you think like I heard, I heard Clooney rejects all gifting because he doesn't want to be on anyone. That makes sense. But similarly with her, like, she'd be like, yeah, thank you for the $1,000 dinner, but like I don't want to feel it's nothing for me. I'd rather pay. And I don't

want to feel like I owe you anything. Yeah, it's like us when we went to the Italian ISIS place in Corona Queens. I'll take everything free. So we had to give them a $20 tip. Yeah. I'll take the ISIS for $5. Yeah. We were cheated. That's another thing. If you're a business owner, some people like

can't, like, there's, I remember when I worked at So Dave Porter, we went to this one place and this rest, this piece of a re-and, he goes, Dave, we love you. We love everything. But we can't, we can't handle the fame and notoriety. We can't handle, like, you know, putting out that many pizzas without compromising quality. And, like, we don't want to be, like, oversaturated with people and have lines out the door. Like, we don't want our business like that.

It's like a lot of people don't want that fame and notoriety because they can't handle it. They don't have enough staff. They don't have the place isn't big enough. They can't turn enough product. So a lot of restaurants, like, aren't taking, you know, any bribes from the celebrities or there. I don't understand. You don't, you don't want to, you don't want a popular pizza place.

No, I do. But yeah, same. Figure it out. Hire more people. Get another restaurant. Put an addition on. Do it out of his, his back house. Or ask, yeah, ask Portnoy to pay for it. Yeah. Go all in. Who was it like working for Dave? Oh, he's lovely. He's lovely. Oh, my God, the best. Yeah, good guy. Very good guy. You stay in touch. I mean, we're on Facebook, on Instagram and stuff, you know, here and there.

But yeah. I bet if you called him, though, if you need something, he'd be there for you. 100%. No. He seems. He seems. He seems. He seems. He's, he that way. Very good. Very smart. Just a straight shooter. If I had to write something down, straight shooter, no bullshit with him. It's like, that's nice. It's exactly what you get is what he's, who he is. So what's next for Mr. Conanster? Well, I would love to start doing more cooking stuff. Yeah. We're going to cook. Yeah, I want to, I would love to. I want to do Wishbone Kitchen. Yeah. What she's doing. Like dinner with friends, dinner parties, film it, have people over.

Yep. Shoot it. Yep. Put it out there. Some fun, some celebrity friends come over, tell them their favorite dish, kind of do something in the home. And then I eventually have a cookbook. I would like to, you know, do a product line, lend my name to a fancy... A la crocee. Yeah, a le crecee and have, you know, a special addition. I'm a brand... I'm a brand I'm a brand partnership queen. Yeah. Yeah.

The food lane is the right lane. Short list. I want to get invited to some kind of ski thing, like the snow lodge or something. Okay, everybody's got to make that. I want a brand trip. Like, I want to start doing more brand trips. I want to be on more red carpets. I just want to, like, be mix and mingle and get into the biz right now. By the way, the same way that those people listen to the toast, those people listen here.

So whatever you ask, it's going to happen. And you're a shark ninja queen like we are. I am a shark ninja queen. Do you have a fan? Love. The Twisty fan. Ready for this? I don't have that.

I have the one that shoots out of mist of water during the summer outside. I haven't told you this. Are you ready for it? My ex-bossed when I used to work in the media just texted me that she became the head of marketing. Where? Rakhash. Stop. Rakhasham.

You need free products? She's going to love them. No, I do. Shark Ninja, Shark Ninja, Shark Ninja. We love. We love. I've loved forever. I did, I did, I worked them for a while. I love their vacuum.

I have this, like, this stick vacuum that, like, it's, you put it in the machine and it sucks. It cleans the vacuum. Didn't we just sell that this morning? Yeah. We were on Amazon Live this morning. Hock and Shark Ninjas. Oh, I love it. It sucks.

Oh, that's nothing. I want to be an Amazon queen. I used to, I was the original, on-air influencer over there when they were, had Amazon style code live. It was me, Frankie Grande. day and we said and he was and I would do all the makeup at makeovers and stuff and he would be the sales lady and we would do that okay so I need to get back on Amazon so cooking and lives cooking and lives yeah love it Joey absolutely love it should we do what are your nuts we should let's

do one moron mail really oh yes moron mail we get our what is this called moron mail moron mail yes our listeners are morons as are we it's a community of morons there we are More on mail. From Mads. All right, good guys. Let's get to it. I am a little offended that you haven't answered my other speed pipes. It's fine.

I still love you both. You wanted something juicy. I had some juicy for you. I have a girl in my life who I am friendly with who has taken our friendship from zero to 60 and calls me her best friend. obsessed with me. Her words not mine. And it gets a little scary. There's some more details, some voice memos, some, some vibes. And I'm honestly not sure what to do about it. So your advice would be great. I don't think hopefully fingers crossed, there's any way that she would listen to this podcast. No offense to you, of course, but, you know, to protect myself. But I think

You guys would get a crazy kick out of it. I really do, and I would love to talk to you about it. I love you guys. All right, Matt. I don't understand. My attention spans gone. I don't know. I don't hear anything she's saying.

No, but I think that she was saying that she has a friend when zero to 60 with the friend, and the friend sounds like a stalker, right? Yeah, got really intense. Got really intense, really quickly. Yes. As a friendship. As a friendship. Yeah, she just like, it's ping her, ping her, ping her, ping her, ping her.

I mean, I would just set your grounds. I would set the tone. Be like, listen, love you bitch. but you need to chill. You need to chill. Yeah. No offense. Sorry, no offense.

A hard reset like that is really, really important. Yeah. That said, I don't know if he needs a hard reset with a new friend. I think he just cut it off. Cut it off. Yeah, yeah. If this is an old friend, you do the hard reset. Right.

Because they've been in your life for so long. You have a little bit of guilt. A new friend comes on that strong. Block Sian-Ra. You know exactly what you're signing up for. So it's your fault at the end if you're ended up in a messy situation. I think so, right? I've dated a lot of girls with something called borderline.

personality disorder. By choice. That's what it is. It's borderline personality disorder. When they come in, you define them. They make you, someone with borderline, you will never feel better than when their light is shining on you. But when they turn off, get scared.

And they'll look for vengeance. Like, they will set you up to disappoint them because you will have healthy human boundaries and be like, maybe I can't be obsessed with you 24-7. They'll be like, how dare you? And then they're coming. So it's better. It's so hard because that crack of how wonderful you are. It feels so good.

But I remember, yeah, dude. Spooky. You have you told me about it. It's for another, yeah, it's for another pot. I dated a girl who was very obsessed with me. And then I was like, this isn't healthy. And then she cut her arm off over me. No, she didn't.

She did. Really, I amputated her arm. She, we're going to have to cut this out. Why? We can't. She, wait, no, we have to leave it in. Should we get to what are you nuts? Yeah.

You know our What are you nuts moment? Oh, yeah. Right to people, places and things, big and small, whatever. Sticking your craw, mine's quick and easy. Yep. You're not watching on YouTube, it's a what are you nuts. I went to the deli, Joey, to get this cup of coffee.

Okay? I picked up my beautiful plastic cup, my beautiful plastic lid. Enormous, right? Absolutely not. I already see it. Look at this. How is this still alive? I thought that the president took what's hair of this.

This is what I don't understand. I'm all, or if you want to give me a paper straw, why is it the paper straw coming in a paper cup? This is an oxymoron. This doesn't make sense. If you care about plastic, okay? If you care, paper cup, paper straw. If you don't care, which is my preference, plastic cup, plastic lid, plastic straw.

You think you're doing something by giving me a poor drinking experience where halfway through this cup, I can't even get the coffee out because it's leaking through the sides. What are you nuts? What are you nuts? How about paper cup and a paper straw? I'd rather take a bullet. Agreed. Agreed. No.

No, you just take off the lid at that point and you chug it. Right. You don't know, paper straws. No good. No good. Got one, Joey? Yeah. My one of your nuts is in the grocery store when there's a self-checkout section and there's a

self-checkout and regular lines. And there's a line out the fucking door. And there's one, there's some random employee like directing traffic and saying, oh, no, come over here. Come over here. And there's a fucking 40-person line. Instead of walking around and like telling people what to do, get behind the fucking register, bitch.

and actually do something. You're not, you sit in here, like, you know, it's doing fake work. It's like there's no, you're not doing anything. Trapping people off. Get behind the register and start bringing people up. Or start bagging. I love it.

Something. They got to start bagging. They got to go with the hand scanners and bag people in line. That's why I can't go to the grocery anymore. I get in too many fights. I almost lost it at the Whole Foods. You have to go. I knew you were fucking talking about Whole Foods.

I knew it. Whole Foods is a problem. Okay. You need to go during off peak hours. Yeah, that's the problem. I'm not going there anywhere. You're going to park. You're going peak.

I only do Instacart now, but if I do have to go to a store, I'll go somewhere where they know manners. On the Instacart, Joey, is that you can't get produce. They don't have to shop. You order a banana, they give you a green one. It's horrible. What do I want banana in two weeks? You're so right. It's not right.

It's not right. They don't give a, they don't give a rats. I like going to Eli's. It's fantastic. That's very Ina. The meats, the produce. And they're bread. Yes.

They're pan. Pan. Pan. Pan. Pan col. Man. My what are you not to say. the artichoke. I love an artichoke. It's a ridiculous vegetable. Yeah. I had to teach my son how to eat it, which was what made me realize how ridiculous is. First of all, it's just a vessel for butter and or

arumelad. Yes. The most delicious though. It's 90% throwaway. It is. You throw away 90% of it. What do you and that best part's the heart. The best part's the heart. But it is good. That said, I don't like that when you put them in a can, though, it's not the same thing. When you make it fresh and you have that heart that's loaded with butter and freaking crumbly, bread, Yeah, just getting the heart out and breaking it down, that's just, that's like a winning the lottery as it is. Job and of itself. Yeah. The best artichoke, Hillstone.

Can't get in there. I know. It's the hardest stress around the city. I had to put my name down for, it was two months. I have something in January that I just got in, it was only next available in January. The Hillstone in New York City. What are you nuts? The one on like 33rd?

There's only one now, the other one, close. The one on 57th and Park, the one on 54th, got sued. Yeah, somebody like that down in the City Court building. And that was a real loss of the community. We need two Hillstones here. Who works at Hillstone? Anyone from the good guys' mafia? What do you call your fans?

The Morons. The Morons. Any morons working at the Hillstone? Let me know. I'll be there in a hop-skip in a jump. I'll come right over. You need to. I'll be there on a hot-sik.

I'm a hot-sushi. I want to press sushi. I want the French dip. The Omikaze. Omikaze. Osaka. Yeah. The Osaka style.

Yep. I loved that series that you did. With the menus? Okay. I'll keep doing it. It's fun. I mean, I liked it. And you in France, amazing.

You as a travel vlogger, love. Well, if there's anyone working in the travel vlog section, anyone at Airbnb, want to send me around the world. It should be so lucky. Joey is here to work. I'm here to work. Put me to work. I'll put me in coach.

And follow Joey, all of his things. Joey, you're the best. Follow me and listen to my podcast. Listen to your podcast. Support my small business. And support Joey's small business. Thank you. Joey, it's been an absolute pleasure.

Always a pleasure. Thank you. Always is, folks, this episode is five stars. Otherwise, William, Vince. Listen to us wherever you get your podcasts. Watch us on. YouTube, share our clips on Instagram and TikTok, Mondays and Thursdays, folks. We will see you up.

I don't know where to look. Next time. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.