Good Guys - Mark Normand Lost It to a 53-Year-Old on Bourbon Street

Episode Date: August 17, 2026

Mazel Morons! Welcome back to another episode of Good Guys. Today we’re joined by the great Mark Normand. We talk about our nagging need for disassociation, how we spent December 31st, 1999, and of course that transitions into losing our v-cards. Then, porn site ID laws, balancing parenting and life, tipping do’s and don’ts, our love of lifeguards, and so much more. What are ya nuts?! Love ya! Write us! Send your messages to [e-mail]  Follow us on⁠ Instagram⁠ and⁠ TikTok⁠!  Sponsors: Visit resortpass.com/goodguys to get $20 off your first booking of $100 or more. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and freeshipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code GOODGUYS10. Give them meals + snacks that are actually right for where kids are developmentally—balanced, intentional and made to support real growth. Go to littlespoon.com/GOODGUYS and enter code GOODGUYS for 30% off your first order. Unlock all the best summer memories with Blended Pink Energy Drink from Starbucks. To shop the most wonderful deals for school, check out staples.com/GoodGuys. Check out Wildmen with Dylan Sprouse and Brendan Columbus starting July 14th, Youtube or wherever you get your podcasts. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Produced by Dear Media. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Two Jews, both big and tall, no subject, too small for the good guys. A mother's dream, premium podcast team, make it your weekly routine, it's a good guys. And if you don't give us five stars, what are you nuts? What are you nuts? Yeah, we're the good guys. We're not the great guys. We're just a good guy.

Mazumorans, welcome back to the Good Guys podcast. We are here with the great Mark Norman. Hey, it's going to be here. It's great to have you. Thanks for having. You look fantastic. We all look fantastic. So what I started doing six months ago, we're all Jewish here.

Not a Jew. No? No, I wish. Oh, I thought you were. All my heroes. I thought he was. Okay, well, you're on the right side of history. He's a friend of the Jews.

It's got a podcast for the Jews. I'm a fan. You're a fan and a friend. Okay. Well, I see. started keeping Shabbat in my way. I shut my phone from Friday night to Saturday. 25 hours it's off. Whoa. It changed my life. Really? Yeah, it changed my relationship with my wife. I'm more present for my

son. Friday night to Saturday night is his. And I'll still drive. I'll still go somewhere, but it's, I don't have my phone. Yeah. It's not on. It's completely off. See, that's good. I was giving my kid a bath the other day and I had an ear pot in because I had to have a podcast on. Yeah. And it caught, I hit my, hit me like, what the fuck are you doing? bathe your son. Try it. Yeah, film him. Sell this.

It just was crazy that I had to have a podcast to, you know, I'm playing with my kid. He's laughing. He's like blowing bubbles and whatever. And I'm like, oh, good call, Huberman. I'll drink more water. I'll get some sunlight. I'm like, what am I doing? I am constantly distracting myself so much so that the other day, and this was without a podcast.

Like, if you tell, if my wife says, Josh, go take out the trash, for those three minutes, I'll be like, podcast moment. Me too. I'll be like, great, I'll be with my friends. I'm doing a menial task. The other day, my wife's friend came into the house. We're all having dinner, and she was kind of like, she had been having a couple pops down by the beach,

and she was sort of like a little bit loosey-goosey, and she comes in, and she looks at me and goes, did you just disassociate? And I was like, what? Like, she literally said, she's like, where'd you go? And she's right. I'm constantly... Crazy to call you out on that, though.

I was, well, she was fucking. drunk. She's a fucking lush. Good for her. I was like, dude, what? And she was right. Like, I do that more than I want to admit where I just leave. And I'll do that with my kids. And like, I'm not while driving, sometimes while driving. But like, where I'm just, I'm not here. And it's either with a podcast or just in this neighborhood. Yeah.

I think I only do it while driving. I don't associate any other time. But I will go from one place to another. And I don't know how the fuck I got there. Have you ever have that? You're just like following navigation, but you don't remember the last hour. I have that all the time. I think that's kind of healthy. Right. I think your brain is like processing.

You're still focused on the road. You're not going to crash, but you're kind of just going through everything. Yeah. I think it's healthy too. See, tell her it's healthy. My wife does it during sex. When I'm on top of her, she's like, I got to go somewhere. Oh, 100%.

I wonder who my wife's thinking about sometimes. Oh, man. Probably. Chris Hemsworth? My wife's definitely thinking of me. No way. There's no chance. There's no chance.

She's thinking, I can't stand this guy. Yeah, totally. She's like, when is this going to end? Think about it. Think about someone that she'll definitely get mad at you for when she hears this clip. Probably Vince Vaughn. Old school Vince Vaughn. She loved him.

She did. She loved him. That was a hunk of beef. John Mayor, sure. She's lied to me and told me that I look like him. So probably that. I can see it. You're more John Governor.

Yeah. Okay. Oh, that'll take her. Yeah. For sure. John Candy. There you are. There is.

Candy. There is. What do you I'm trying my wife's definitely It's either like Chris Hemsworth Or like just like some cool Instagram influencer guy who like Does pottery in his spare time

Yeah A guy with a man bun Lives in bush wet Yeah Chisle doing ceramics Yeah where's Carrhart Unironically Well the good news is they're all white

Yes No no Just kidding But yeah that's true That's one of my wife's a big Kit Kit Harrington, you know, the guy from Game of Thrones, John Snow. Yes.

That guy, sure. You got dark curly hair, I see that? She likes hotter versions of me, which I'll take. I'll take, you know, like shy Leboof or whoever. Boothstein, you know, he's Jewish. I did know that. Yeah, he angled. Leboofstein.

Whoa. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. And another New Orleans boy. That's right. He loves partying down there. He had a rager during Mardi Gras.

Yeah, as being from Louisiana, New Orleans, can you like kind of break down the LeBuff effect? Like he couldn't keep it together down there clearly. There's something in the water there, mostly our houses, but there's something in the water there where it's like, it's like a freedom. It doesn't feel almost American living there. Like I grew up there and it's just jazz fest, Mardi Gras, Tits, party, booze, jazz music, and there's something you feel disconnected there where you're like an uncharted waters where you're like, I'm uninhibited here. Yeah. And I think that hit him. Wow.

That's why no one really goes that far. To go far in New Orleans, you have to leave. You have to get out. Yeah. Because the city will hold you down and pour whiskey in your mouth. It's fun. Going up in New Orleans, are you going like to any, like, I feel like it is truly this outposts in this funny state.

Like, are you going to other parts of Louisiana growing up in New Orleans? A little. I had family there and there's some riverboat casino action over here. And there's a college, LSU is in bad. Rooz. I live in Baton Rouge for a while, but New Orleans is really the jewel. You know, it's kind of like Alec Baldwin. There's other Baldwin's, and that's Louisiana, but you think about Alec. Yeah. Baton Rouge is Billy. Ballyton Rouge is Billy. Billy Ballard. Streetport is Stephen. Very religious. Yeah. So, yeah, it's really the

hub. Because Thomas Jefferson, not to get all historian on you, Thomas Jefferson bought, he wanted to buy New Orleans. So he called Napoleon. And Napoleon said, how about you just take? all Louisiana. And they said, all right, great. Wow. He just wanted New Orleans. Napoleon just handed over Louisiana? 15 million bucks for the whole thing. It went from like New Orleans to South Dakota, this crazy landmass. It's the best real estate deal in history. 15 million bucks, but what year was that? Late 1700?

Yeah, late 17th. That's a nice trade. Early 18s. Yeah, but that's good money. Sure. Still a great deal. Can we get that a goog? I don't know what this guy's jerking off behind this panel here. But what's 15 million in 1800? let's say today. I'm going to guess around the billion. Wow, that high.

I'm going to go lower than that. I'll go like 500 mil. Okay. 399. Okay, about four. What are you a genius? Wow. That was a great guess.

Okay, so we were talking about off-camera hour, our divergenizing stories. Oh, sure. Now, you have a slightly famous one. Yeah, I've told it a million times. I've lost my virgin on Bourbon. December 31st, 1999 the millennium.

So Y2K was in the air. So we thought we were going to die. So we went down to Bourbon Street. And I saw an old lady, probably 53, on a balcony flash, everybody. One last hurrah. The world's going to end. We're staring at her. This is pre-Internet.

So you saw tits. You're like, all right, we're going to be here a while. And she noticed us. She comes down. And I just shot my shot. I was like, I don't want to go in a 2000 of Virgin. The world might end. And she goes, well, I won't let you.

And she took me upstairs. Wow. And room 239, the Ramada Hotel. And she swung the door, but there was an old man with a white beer and a leather jacket sitting in a chair staring at the door. So I was like, oh, we're going to have to blow this guy at gunpoint. What is this shit? And he goes, which one is it? And I had two friends with me.

She points to me, he brings them on the balcony. We bang. And that was it. Your buddies were on the balcony while you were in a queen bed at the Ramada hooking up with 53-year-old Sally? Yeah, it was a twin bed. But, yeah, he closed the balcony doors. It was just me and her. of being the room

with old lady Epstein. What a dream. Unreal. It was shady for sure. But you didn't pay her. You said that, which means she wasn't a process. I guess not.

No, this was a love affair. Did you ever see her again? No. You ever check in on her? She's got to be dead. But she kept trying to reconnect. She was like, we got to do this again.

I think she was married to this guy and she was swinging. And he was into it, I guess. Sure. And I didn't know that at the time. It was too young and naive. So we banged, for a couple hours.

A couple hours. Yeah, well, I was a young buck. I was 16. 1999, December 31st. I was eight at Fantasia with my parents. Fantasia. In Disney World. That was the big show.

Yeah, they brought it back. It was fabulous. Wow. Where were you? Turn of the Millennium. Yeah. I was in Hell's Kitchen, New York. I remember they put men with machine guns, cops on my corner,

because I was on 44th and 10th Avenue where I grew up, and Times Square was two blocks away. So they were like, the world might end, let's be proactive, and have the police fully armed with automatic weapons. And I just saw the guy in 10th Avenue on my corner. I was 13. And I was like, this feels dangerous. Yeah.

This feels bad. Yeah. And yeah, but we survived and the computers didn't crash. No, everything was fine. Why do we always think that the world is going to end on a certain date that we know? I think it's that tribal, we're still lizard brain at the end of the day where we're like, something's going to happen. We think, what was it, 2012?

2012 was it? By the way, it's probably going to happen. We're certainly not going to know it. That's true. But this idea that, like, it's been written in the stars, that there's a certain date when we probably made up the date and time after they determined the date that we die. Yeah. It's like we're not even working off the same computer. Right.

Like the timeline that you thought, we didn't even know. Good point. You know? It's on that Nostradamus. Exactly. Yeah. It's in us. We're still natives at the end of the day, you know.

Sure. We've got an iPhone and a U-Porn, but we're still. Is that your, is you porn your choice? I go porn hub. I think everyone does. Really? I feel better. I think it's the destination.

I have a rogue one. I do an XNXX. Are you familiar? I've seen it. My favorite band. XNXX is good. What is it? It's like a porn puppet similar.

It's just a soft brand. It's very good. I highly recommend it. An aristocrat over here. And you never know in case you're in the state of Florida and they block one, you try the other. There you go. Are they doing this now where you have to give your ID in Florida? I wouldn't know, but I've heard.

I wouldn't know, though. So what's the workaround? There's just websites not requiring it. No, they like make you, I've heard. They make you take a selfie for verification. Yeah. Of your age. What a psycho.

And then you say, I'm not. doing that and then I guess someone does it because like you have to otherwise what are you going to do and then all of a sudden there's maybe a selfie of you pre-jerk somewhere on the interwebs yeah somebody's probably going to hack that is bad news bears really bad for the people in florida that are maybe doing that i mean florida texas Louisiana a lot of those uh Arizona yeah wow wow weird that we know all this state's Utah it's where we went from the fight in the south to like stop slavery now it's about porn The North has porn.

Let people jerk it. I know. Otherwise we go to these back room. I'm going to like Baby Gap and all these other play. I got to get created. Sorry. But you got to go to these I go X video. Yeah, exactly.

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I was 18, she was 32. Oh, wow. So a bit of a disparity age-wise. Sure. She was, I've told this story before, but mine, like, literally was a soft core porn, you know, narrative. Like, it was truly the plot. I was still living at home with my mom and I lived in a big apartment complex

So what do you do in an apartment complex When you get a little new furniture You gussy up the place, you spruce it up I'm going to get rid of the old stuff Put in the elevator Hey, Armour, 200 bucks Older Zenith TV, 150 bucks She came to buy your furniture and you banged her

She bought our TV Whoa What a great story My mom was like You can go delete deliver this. Maybe my mom and her made an arrangement because they knew I was really sad. You delivered the TV and banged her at her apartment? On delivery? Well, not right away. I had a little trolley cart and I'm moving this big 42 inch zenith. Nice picture and picture. I bring it into her

apartment and I just remember and granted, right, I just lost 100 pounds. So I'm new to the female gays. Sure, sure. Never experienced it. But something felt like I'm like, she's looking at me in a different way than my, you know, other women in my life look at me. And I was saying, hmm, okay. And I left, but I always thought if I have the chance, I'm going to try to, you know, talk to her. When you know, a week later, my mom goes, hey, our neighbor doesn't know how to use the remote on the new TV. This does feel like a setup. It does, right?

Your mom told you that your neighbor didn't know how to use the remote. Something wasn't working. This was, I'm positive, a setup. Your mom, by the way, Barb got you late. My mom's like UNICEF, by the way. She got you late. Wow. Little fat teens laid all over.

Do you think she sold your lay? Maybe. Do you think she went and said, I have a handsome, just lost 100 pounds, son. Minimal loose skin. bucks. Yeah. It could be. Whoa.

She traded a TV for my life. My father. By the way, that would be very nice because a 42-incher in whatever year that was was was a very expensive TV. It was nice. It was probably a couple thousand bucks. I don't know about that, but it was definitely a picture and picture. No, really, a zenith.

42 inches 20 years ago was an expensive TV. Yeah, yeah. A 42 inch for $99. Right, right. The price of TVs, it's unbelievable. It's dropped like cocaine. Like it would be too low. Crazy.

You've got to bring it back up. I don't trust it. Well, I'll never forget. And this woman was lovely. And I remember I was on my way back to show her how to use her remote. And I was like, what would be a good opener? And I'm like, weed, right? A weed's good.

Dangerous. You know, it's 2000. I'm 18, right? It's 2005. Yeah. Like, this would be like a good way, like conversation started. And I'll see if she's dangerous like me. So we're sitting there and I like try to use her remote, blah, blah, blah.

I was like, you smoke weed? And she's like, yeah. And I was like, oh, good for you. Oh, right. A little dooby. Good for you. Right. So we start kissing.

Whoa. I got kissing. I don't know. I just, I started kissing her. What about the remote? It's in me. And I remember she excused herself to the restroom. And I didn't know that that was like a thing people sometimes do to like, you know,

freshen up before the, the, the, Big act. Oh, and then she came out in her lingerie? No, I left. Because I was like, it's over. Oh. Well, she said, I need to go to the bathroom and you ran away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You were scared. Very. Still, still. You're also high. Yeah. You were panicking. I was going to buy cheese puffs. Yeah. So I literally, my body's halfway out the door. Like, I sat there for two minutes, like, contemplating what to do. My body's halfway out the door. She comes out. the dog and he goes, where are you going?

I'm like, uh, nowhere. By the way, two minutes, she was taking a dump. Ooh. I don't think so. Belly. That's yucky. Yeah. That is yucky.

Don't ruin this. You're getting good. Your first leg was paid by your mom after a woman that just took a huge shit. I mean, that would be fine by me. I mean, I wanted to be comfortable, but I'm leaving and she's like, where are you going? And I was like, oh, nowhere. And she's like, take your pants off. And I was like, take your pants off.

I was like, oh, my dear. We went from 42 inches to six. That's generous. 42 to four. 42 to four. Sorry. I try to be nice. And yeah, and we just, and I, and to your point, I was a young buck who had done plenty of research alone.

And so we spent the next like hour and a half, two hours doing every, like, she literally was like, where did you learn this? And I'm like, oh, I've been practicing by myself for eons for generations. And we just, she just, she just. Just let me try everything I wanted to do. Whoa. She said, where did you learn this? Yeah. What an unbelievable compliment.

Is it a guy? What is? Of course it is. Very flattering. So much better than her saying, you don't know what you're doing. Sure. It's the opposite. But then she's, you really know what you're doing.

Where did you learn this? Yeah. She became obsessed with me. Oh, it makes sense. Makes sense. We wound up, we hung out like two or three more times, but I stupidly forgot that we live in the same apartment complex. Get where you eat. And I started to, like, ignore her.

But then I would see her, like, in the same. cereal aisle of our local groceries. And she'd be like, wouldn't it be a shame if your mom found out what we've been up to? And I was like, you're like, oh, by the way. So then no, your mom, who knows? My mom was like, I'd be like, Babs knows. Yeah. Wasn't it her?

This is a write-off for us. But yeah, she started to like, she really became obsessed. And when I started dating a girl age appropriate for me, who was 19 and I was 18, She was not pleased. What? Yeah. Oh, come on. This lady's nuts.

You've seen her since? No, but I hope she's great. She's probably in a retirement home. I want to know where your woman is, and I want to know where your woman is. My woman's in a ditch in Florida. There's no chance she's still. I mean, the way she looked like a catcher's mitt in 2000, in 99, so I can't imagine now. But your lady's probably teaching in Florida.

She's on a mantle in Sarasota. Yeah. But see, this is a common miscarriage. I know guys are creepy, guys are weird. I think these older broads, they like an 18-year-old dude or a 7th. I mean, every tweet I get is about teacher in Orlando, bang's a third grader or whatever. Yeah. We're always supposed to feel bad for him.

Right? Right. Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy. And so, smooth transition, we all, we're all fathers. We are. Look at us. We're a bunch of, you know, we're like, we've settled.

down. We are. You said a year and a half. Almost a year and a half. Similar boat. Beautiful boys. Three gorgeous boys. We got five boys. Wow. Everybody's having boys now. All my friends have boys. My cousin has boys. It's all boys. It's all boys. Me too. My cousins, little, they're all boys. There's one girl. Okay. One girl of seven. Where are the girls? Wow. My brother's got two girls, if that means anything. It does. A lesbian, though. Okay. So we're not reproducing. Even better.

Yeah. I love them. Big fan. And what's, you know, being in the comedy world, you have to tour so much. There's constant, you know, traveling and whatnot. How is that? Is that, like, I flew here for 24 hours, literally, the moment I got on the flight, my wife was like, all three kids are sick.

Like, all three kids are sick. They're in bed with me now. My life is hell. And I'm like, I just can never leave, I think. Right. Well, how do you balance it? It's tough. You know, when, because all, we're all.

me and you were fairly new parents. You've been around. But I think, you know, when in the 50s guys would meet up, be like, oh, you served, you were in the war? And they're like, oh, yeah, oh, yeah. And then you know how much they've been through. That's what it feels like meeting another parent now. Yeah.

I never got it. When you meet a parent, you're like, you've been puked on. You've had no, you know, one hour asleep. You've changed seven diapers in a day. You've got shit under your fingers. You've been screamed at. You know, you try to give your kid food. He says no.

Then you try to give it to him again. He says, yes. Like, what are we doing here? Right. He's falling down the stairs. We've all seen it. So it's hard. But back to touring, it's all logistics.

We got to get a sitter for this night. Okay, my wife's got to do a thing. But I got to go on the road. So your mom's got to come to town. It's all these plans we have to make. And it's tough to juggle because you try to keep your life. Right. You try to keep your old life.

But that kid is just coming at you. Yeah. And it ain't easy. Yeah, that old life's not possible. No. You can't. But I think the proper legit. at least for me makes it a little bit easier and less stressful.

Like if you set it up the same way, like you set it up, you left, this one's tough. This is all three kids get sick the second that you get on the plane. What are you supposed to do about that? It's only one night. What are you supposed to do? At that point you try to make it harder for your wife. Like I called the power company and had them turn up the power now. It's just to really push her over the end.

I feel like also like Paige is probably getting upset at me for saying. It doesn't help you that she told you that. Like what are you supposed to do? And I get it. Claudia would do the same thing. This is really a men. And I get it. This is a men complaining trait.

Sorry to interrupt you, but I want to hear what you think of like, my wife will give me a minute-by-minute update of everything going wrong all the time. Yeah. Mine too. I want to write and say, I'm sorry this is happening, but what can I do? If I can't help, if this isn't an emergency and requires my attention right now, maybe you don't share it. I'll never say that because it's a non-winning tax. No, but I will do that. If there's a problem and you can't help me solve it, I'm not just going to tell you about the problem.

Right. I'm either going to find somebody who can help me solve the problem or I'm just going to solve the problem myself. Well, this is where we're already off. They don't want you to solve the problem. I know. They want you to hear about the problem. Oh, my God, that's so horrible. I feel for you in this moment.

I wish I was there. Correct. Good luck, Godspeed. I'll see you at hell. That's what they want you to say. You're right. But we're, that's dude brain. We got to go, should I, should I get some medicine?

What do I do? Should I get some medicine? What do? Fix. It's the same. Like my, my ex-girlfriend would do this all the time where she was like, I need to lose 10 pounds. I need to lose 10 pounds. And I was like, oh, yeah, what are you going to do? She's like, look at this. I'm fat, whatever, I need to lose 10 pounds. I'm like, okay. And eventually I was like, so go lose it. Why are you telling me? What is this doing? But she's like, I want to vent. I'm upset about it. I'm like, I know, but this sucks for me. I don't know if women know that it sucks to be vented too. That's why dudes don't do it. You know, if you go, hey, I want to lose 10 pounds. I go. good luck fatty what do you want me to do here but I think I don't know if women know that venting sucks for the person getting it or at least let us be solution oriented or that if you're going to tell me your problems let me solve them right I'm here to solve yes that's what task rabbit is to tell me to tell me it's tough it's tough I agree with you it's tough so you're

like okay so now you're complaining and not losing weight what do we do it here no it's Double negative. No, it's terrible for her. The best you were talking about dads getting dads understanding. Is there anything better? You're walking your beautiful son in the stroller and you cross paths with another dad doing the same.

And you's giving that look. You don't even know them. You just have that little good for you. Totally. You know, I love that. That is nice. Yeah, we're both at war. Yeah, we're there.

So we're in the trenches. I see you. You know, in another life, we'd probably be friends. I see you. Totally. But I'll never see you. I'll never speak to. I'll never do anything.

No, I don't want to hang out. No, not at all. It's sweet. Very nice. That's true. Yeah. I do realize because my wife is always trying to do like the couples with kids hangout thing. And I'm for the most part like, no.

Like, please. Like I have my thing. I'll take my kids to freaking Dave and Busters or the trampoline park. I'll be, I'll have one earbud in with the podcast. I got my eyes on the kids. I have a thing. Yeah. But I do notice and my wife knows better than I do.

It's like when you're with adults with kids, the kids can go play. And it like makes the time fly. Yeah. Definitely. It is a hack. It is a hack. You just have to be able to kind of stand those kids' parents. I know.

It's the trick. It's funny that your kids who are screaming, drooling, shitting are way easier to hang out with than a random other parent. Right. Isn't that weird? Because the kid you can just be yourself. You know, it's almost like a dog.

Exactly. You know, a dog, you can just fart and pet it and watch TV. And the dog's like, this is great. That's what the kid's like. Yeah, exactly. But then the parents like, so, what do you think of Mom Donnie? And you're like, oh, what's the right answer here? I know the right answer.

It's a tough one. Then you're like, I don't want to get pushed out of the group or whatever. You know, I'm a comedian too, so you want to say a horrible joke. And don't ask me about work. Don't ask me, like, don't ask me anything. Like, I just, I'm great. Small talk. That's just small talk the whole time.

I don't want to talk about anything serious. I know. But do you have a hard, like, obviously, like, you're a proper professional comedian. We're funny adjacent people with a podcast. Like, so for me, right, it's less, obviously I have like my political beliefs, have things I feel like quietly strongly about. What's harder for me is I remember, like, is not calling out the, how ridiculous people are sometimes.

Like, I have a small part in the movie Oppenheimer, right? Oh, cool. But I'm in it for five minutes, right? Great movie. So, of course, I was in it for five minutes on a Christopher Nolan movie means you're on set for two months. Yeah, of course, of course. And I remember once, oh, God, would people love to know who was in this group?

But it was like a very famous actor and a bunch of us, less famous actors, sitting around in like a green room type area waiting to go to set. And they were all talking politics in one way with one opinion. Yeah. And what I wanted to say was, do you realize this is what people make fun of us about? Like, were eight actors with the same opinion talking about the same thing? in the biggest echo chamber you could ever imagine.

I'm like, it was like their opinion on the politics was like, I don't care, I kind of agree, I mostly don't agree. Yeah, I was like,

but my bigger issue was like, can you not like, when the comedy is lost on people, that's what kills me. 100%, yeah. You see that with every group. Like,

I'll be hanging out with like four white people and we're like, boy, this is my favorite IPA. Did you catch the new Widows Bay on Apple TV? And I'm like,

this is what black people, will think white people do all the time. You know, we're like talking about our favorite loafer or something, you know? And like... Would Barry Commons, Tom. There you go, yeah. If you're looking for a good deal, I'm just saying. But yeah, it's always weird when people don't have that self-awareness to take themselves out and be like,

this is, we're a cliche. Yeah. You know, and that's what you call out. And then it's weird when you call out a cliche, and that's controversial. Oh, they get very upset. They get very upset. You're like, that's the worst part. If you were to tell them in the moment that you had a different opinion, oh, my.

I know. I'm sure that they blackballed you because it's not, you're not allowed to have a different opinion when you're in a cliche. Exactly. You can't. Which is scary because you're like, who are these overlords looking over us?

Like, you can't have that thought, you can't have that thought? You're like, whoa, can't we have a difference, a discussion? Can we have a debate? Isn't this what life's about? Yeah. Debates are fun.

Like having, because you could learn something. Yeah. You can't learn anything in an echo chamber. Exactly. You can't. There's nothing to learn. And pushing people out of the group, it's so primitive.

and tribal. You think differently? Get out of here. You're like, what? What are we? Aztecs? Yeah. Get out of here. We're 2026. We're having a discussion. I know. I mean, I did say the words, yeah, but we need some police, right? And they were like, I know. That's the funniest things are controversial now. We need police. So funny. So dumb. But it always dials back later. You know, if you're like, I remember in 2020, if I was

Like, I don't think what Shane Gillis did was that bad. People were like, what the fuck? So you hate Asians, dude? And I'm like, what? And then like, how do we get here? You know, I jerk off to Asians constantly. What are you talking about? But then three years later, everybody's like, oh, yeah, that was crazy.

What happened him was crazy? And you're like, well, where were you then? And how about an apology for yelling at me? We never go back to that. Right. And that drives me crazy, but I have to, like, not think about it. This episode of The Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Resort Pass. Folks, resort pass has very quickly become my favorite sponsor.

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and writer brenden columbus the show blends comedy candid conversations and unexpected storytelling Dylan and Brendan sits down with guests, including Barbara Plavin, Cole Spouse, KJ. Hapa, Jojo Sila, Raven Simone, and more for a relaxed, unfiltered hang. Dylan's become a dad. Brendan is getting married, which means they have exactly zero time for each other's BS. They cut straight to the point. Folks, today you must check out Wild Men with Dylan Sprouse and Brendan Columbus starting July 14th, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts. Folks, the show is named after Dylan and Brennan's decade-old group chat.

They go deep. It's a one-hour beer and hand hang in their cozy basement bar studio. The celebrity guests are their friends allowing you to see and hear guests in a more casual, relaxed light. So, folks, again, check out Wild Men with Dylan Sprouse and Brendan Columbus starting July 14th, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcast. This episode is brought to you by Starbucks. Josh, I know I say this all the time. I'm fair weather, Sally. I know.

And by the way, I just made that up, Fairweather Sally. I like that. This, Josh, this is the drink of the summer. It's my new favorite drink. It's the blended pink energy drink from Starbucks. And let me tell you, it is refreshing, it is creamy, it is delicious. It's everything you need. It's so funny you bring up the Starbucks blended pink energy drink what I'm enjoying right now.

Watch for the sip. Is this ASMR? Did you hear the after? I didn't put that on at all. And I've gone to 15 years of acting class. You'd think I'd be further in my career. I digress. But this is so fruity.

It's so refreshing. And you know what else is great? It's got a little boost of energy for on-the-go dads like Gus. Or if you're just on the go. We could always use a little boost of energy. And let me tell you with flavors of sweet strawberry and assa-e. I like my pronunciation. None of that a kai crap.

Asa-e. Are blended with real pieces of strawberry, coconut milk, and ice. Josh, even your vegan. and wife can enjoy this. I love everything about this, and it's really, it's giving summer. I feel like I'm not in a podcast studio right now. I feel like I'm at a pool.

I just put in an order. I ordered, you ready for the order? I ordered a Caesar salad with grilled shrimp and a side of fries because I deserve it. Oh, oh my God. And don't forget your blended pink energy drink from Starbucks, folks, if you're looking to switch up your order, this blended pink energy drink is it.

I'm telling you, you won't regret. Reddit, it's a 10 out of 10. Order it on the app. The Starbucks blended pink energy drink, it's the drink of the summer. I was on a flight, and this is why it's so funny, I was on a flight, you wouldn't have known that it was a woman pilot. I don't think about the gender of my pilot ever. I don't think about it.

I just, did you fly the plane great? They landed, and the stewardess gone on and she said, wouldn't you know what we got here safely? Two women pilots. Can we get a round of applause? I'm just like, what the fuck? That's way more demeaning. Right? Yeah.

She was like, two women pilots. You wouldn't have known. It's like, well, now I do. And I hate you. Right. Like, what? Yeah. So weird.

That is weird. We had a funny lady on my flight here. She was definitely drunk, but nice drunk, and was trying to hand out cash to the flight attendants. Like, she was like, you're doing a good job. And they were like, thank you, dear. She was like, you're doing a real good job. And like, crisp hundred.

It's slow. Wouldn't accept it. I wonder if it's like against policy. I think it is. I got roasted by the toast my wife's podcast for tipping my dental hygienist for giving me a good cleaning. She took it. She took it. What?

Yeah. I thought it was amazing. It was amazing. I had never been to her before. I was in a different state. I just wanted a cleaning. Went in. She did a great job.

I gave a 50 bucks. That's wild. She was thrilled. Thrilled. Well, because she heard it. And they went and they told that story. and everybody's like, you tipped a hijack. It's crazy.

Well, the tipping is out of control, but at least you tipped on a good service. Like, now I go get a coffee and they flipped that iPad. No, that's not crazy. You just did your job. You didn't do anything. You didn't even do your job. Your job should be automated. Like, you should have an iPad where I go and I, I know what, like, the price was.

You know, like those like McDonald's big kioski. Panera. Right. Just all that. Yeah. That's it. Coffee. Iceed.

tap gone. There you go. That's it. We should be able to tip the cops. Oh, interesting. 100%. Now you're on to something. That's called a bribe, but we should.

Yeah, some might call it a bribe, but you know what? You just go officer, go looking out and keep eyes on my business. Well, the problem is some poor guy is going to be like, hey, my bike got stolen and the cop's going to go, you're not going to tip me. And he's going to leave. You know, I used to be a waiter. We would do that. This guy's table is no good. I'll work on this table.

Wow. You can really do that, huh? Oh, yeah. How do you feel about the tip while you're going in? What do you mean? You're going into a restaurant. You're about to sit, tipping on the way in. I've never heard of this.

I've just been thinking about when you preemptively tip, all of a sudden, your night is, it's going to be amazing. I think that's problematic because they're going to go, I already got tipped. Why would I go for it? Small tip. What if you walk in, you give your waiter 20 bucks? It's a big party, but you just let them know. I'm going to take care of you. I'm going to take care of you.

Or is that confusing, though, because he's like big. party. All I'm going to get is 20 bucks for the night. Okay, so maybe there are some holes. I think it's in more, if it's in a return, right? Like, I've learned the preemptive tip with a valet is everything. Really? Yeah, because they're keeping your car close. They know you, and they're like, because, and it's a worthy bet because they go, I'm already tipped, but if he gives me a little more scratch on the, on the backside. Yeah. This was a great night. Interesting. I'll keep it close. Yeah, yeah. You pre-tipped the guy at the beach when he puts in your umbrellas, right? A pre-tip. So he comes back? No? This guy's got a beach guy. I don't have a beach

You go to a beach club. You put in an umbrella now? You know, no beach? I don't know. I mean on those going to beaches. They were no beach club or you're at a hotel. Nobody goes to a hotel. That's hot. I love a beach guy. Yeah. Here's 20 to my beach guy. And then we'll have sex later. Is there anything like being brought apps while sitting on a shes lounge? Oh, gee. That's a living. That's a living. That's a living. I've never heard of this such a thing. This is hot. Yeah. Yes.

A little guacamole looking at the ocean. With me and my boyfriend, Sven. I got bad. I'm not a beach guy. I don't really, my wife loves the beach. I just don't get it. It's all,

to me, it's, I love the water. I like getting in the water, but it's all negative. It's like the sand sucks. You can't get any shade. Everything gets gross and you got to clean your feet.

And I don't know. I'm not, and I'm just sitting there. Then we get all the lug, all the equipment, the chairs, the umbrella, the buckets,

the cooler. You sit there and you're like, Now what? I'm with you. Okay. The hack, because you said that you love the water, because I love the water. I love being in the ocean. Yes.

The hack is if you can set up by the pool, you go in for a dip into the ocean, you go right back to the pool. That's good. You set your kids up at the pool. That's good. The kids shouldn't be at the beach unless it's 6 p.m. and you want to build a sand castle until it's dark. Yeah. But if you set up any time between the hours of 10 and 3, you're just going to be worried about, are they going to get burned?

And it's no longer fun. Brown. Well, I feel like, yeah, drown. Yeah, that's a concern too. I've been recently, I live by the beach, and so my kids have like are finally at the age to really enjoy the ocean. It's like seven and three. They want to be in it. They want to go. And it's fascinating to me because it is a dichotomy of maybe one of the great pleasures of life, like enjoying a natural wonder with your kids in heaven. There's something spiritual, like grounding about like the ocean. You are there. Your feet are in the sand. And yet, you are balancing it with maybe one of the most dangerous activities you are letting your child do.

So true. I had to do the dad rip. Scary. My three-year-old was like getting ripped into the tide. And I just put my hand out on his body and was like, whoa. I was like, I am father. Poseidon.

Yeah, I'm Poseidon. I'm controlling the waters. Yeah. Yeah, scary, let alone the fact, like the animals in there too. If I wasn't there, buy shy. Yeah. Shai would be a tasty treat. Shy would be gone.

It's like a life. lifeguard. You guys see that viral clip going around of this kid who, this guy who saved a kid? He was like a teenager. He's a teenager, right? Yeah, but the lifeguard is the craziest job because it's zero to 60. You're just sitting there, bored out of your mind, getting pelted by the sun,

you got your whistle, you can't look at your phone, you got to stare out, there's kids playing, there's an old lady, sunbathing. Oh my God, I want to kill myself to holy shit, this kid's about to die and it's in my, it's all my hands. Yeah. Like, it's all on my shoulders. This is crazy. And all for no money.

No money. No, they're members of the fire department. Are they? Oh, really? First of all, to be a beach lifeguard is you are an Olympic level athlete, maybe. Okay. Like, this isn't Fatsopool lifeguard. Okay, so fine, because I'm thinking Fatsopool Lifeguard,

who's probably making $12 an hour to watch my kids. Yeah. And it's just like, we need to pay this guy more, so he's not Fatso Lifeguard, and he takes his job seriously. A beach lifeguard is next level, physical in shape, and gets paid by the fire department. Got it. All right.

Like for the public beach. Yeah, I understand. Much like the cops. I think we get rid of them. Yeah, who needs it? Privateize the lifeguards. Yeah, sure. Certain beaches.

But hey, we just, I think we cracked something here. This is the perfect job for your teenage son or daughter. No phone, outdoor. Good shape. It really is. I mean, that's something. We were at the beach the other day and we parked right by the lifeguard stand because, you know, you want to feel like you're close in case shit goes wrong.

Let me tell you mean, this lifeguard. I don't know if he recognized me or what. I mean, we gave each other about. nine Shaka's throughout two hours. There was a lot of, he would see me and he would go, and I'd like, I think about nine times. That's pretty cool. Shocking my face off.

Yeah. I don't even know what this. Is this a beach move? Antisemitic? No, this is it a hang ten? We were shocking our face off. Is that what's called Shaka? I never knew it was called Shaka.

Me neither. Josh knows everything. Shaka Khan. Josh knows something about everything. Shaka Khan. Wow. We're both big fans. You got a fake look to Shaka Khan.

I don't think I can do it, right? You look like you have a nerve damage. I have an ulnar nerve issue. You're going to Michael J. Fox on us. I can't really feel my fingers. It's a little. Michael J. Fox, I once sat next to him at the Nick game. He told me that I was to, I needed to move my fat leg.

Whoa, get out of here. Swear to God. That my leg was, he said, move your fat leg. Whoa, man. I told you that story. Tell us again. Yeah. I'm not sure.

I was invited by the great Adam Whiteman. Shout out. To the Knicks game where Steph Curry broke the three point record three years ago. Wow. And I was sitting leg and leg. with Michael J. Fox and I guess I was sitting like this. Uh huh. And he said, do you mind moving your fat leg?

Fat. Was he that fucking with you? Like, come on, move your fat leg, asshole. Ha ha ha ha ha. I don't know. Wow. You mind moving your fat leg. He better watch out if he says it the wrong guy.

I mean, he's not exactly in fighting shape. Right, you should have said like, Michael, you have just opened yourself up. Yeah. This is some really, honestly, I'm just like, oh, of course. Sure. What was I going to say? That's wild. Why?

Yeah, you mind moving your fat leg? Pretty cool, right? That's crazy. Great game. Are you a Knicks fan? Yeah. Oh, what a run. Unbelievable.

You got any of the games? I didn't go to any of the finals. I couldn't get tickets, but I went to a bunch leading up. I went to, I was fortunate enough to go to Game 1 in San Antonio. Oh, my God. And then I went to Game 4 OG at the Garden. How the hell? The tip in?

Yeah. How the hell did you get the tickets? I got them through the Knicks. By the way, you're talking to the wrong people. I'll help you. Oh, really? Yeah, you should be able to get, you should get Nick tickets. I've gotten a few. Samarills is tight with MSG, so they look him up.

Yeah, clearly not tight enough. I know. Well, he went to some games, but I didn't get to go. I was on the road a lot. No, so we went to, me and my wife went to game four. I was eating the delicious Tao does the sushi. I was eating the sushi in the middle of the second quarter, down 29, ready to kill myself. Yeah.

I was like, oh, this is so classic Knicks. That was a tough moment. Up to O and lose the series. Yep. And all of a sudden, I go take my seat in this annoying. fucking kid next to me. He's like, why not us? And I'm like, what do you mean?

Why not us? We're going to lose. Why not us? I'm like, why not us? Yeah. And then we won. Hell yeah. And he was that fucking kids energy.

I'm telling you. We're down 29. You're like, why not us? I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? Why not us? Like, what are you saying? Why not us? Wow.

And then we're down 15. Why not us? I'm like, my God, are you? Indeed you're right. Are you single-handedly moving mountains? He is. You like 25-year-old? No, I'm just a Charles Schwab guy.

From the Bronx. Yeah, but I remember there was this audio of somehow, somehow he got audio of the bench. And Jalen Brunson's down 29 points and he goes, we're just going to chip away. We're going to chip away. And all the guys on the bench are like, all right, we got this, we got this. And they got a point here, two points there, a other point here. And it worked. I mean, they had been doing it the whole series.

Like they were down 22 to the Cavs in that first game. Yes. Not with nine minutes left. And Brunson just, he's like, he's like Kobe. It's really crazy. It's crazy. He's the only, I mean, certainly the clutch. player in the NBA, but I've never seen anything like what I saw. No, I mean, the discipline,

the pay cut, the Jew wife, he's got it all. Everything. Everything. He's Jewish from Westchester by adjacent. Oh, Jew adjacent. I think he converted. I think he converted. Give that a goog there, partition. Sorry. Sorry, I don't know if that's good thing. Did Jalen Brunson convert as an excellent question? I believe he converted, which is, he converted, thank God, after the pay cut. He was a Jew then. He wouldn't have taken it. Oh, shit. That's why he took it.

I'm cutting, I'm editing that out. No, leave it in that part out. Should we get to Woody You Nuts? We should. Our final segment is our What Do You Nuts moment of the week. It's our gripes with people, places and things, both big and tall, whatever is sticking in your craw. Oh, okay.

You can go last, we'll go first. Anything just what makes you say, what do you nuts? I got a million of these. I love it. It's really just smelly people. I was, I was. I was at the supermarket the other day. This guy is unloading his groceries right in front of me.

He puts down the partition. As he puts down the partition, I just, I'm like, holy shit, you smell like shit. Well, how you said that? No, I said it in my head. I'm like, whoa, woo. Like, you know, and you're just like hit with that B-O? Like they haven't put on deodorant in a week? And it's like, you leave the house smelling like this?

Yeah. What are you nuts? And I don't care if you're like aluminum-free, like whatever the fuck you're doing. Yeah, yeah. We live in a society where I live here too. it's a common courtesy if I'm going to say hi to you that I've brushed my teeth

and that I've put deodorant on my fucking armpits don't smell in public stay home yeah smell stay fucking home it's the equivalent of headphones so you know these guys

who play their music full blast you're like I know you want this but we have to suffer it it's the same with smell same thing put your smell headphones on put them on yeah just close those pits or at least walk like this

don't like you know yeah right right You can't do that if you smell. I've been on a plane with those guys. How did I smell right there? Like my wife's the odorant? Stunning.

I'm sure I did. Yeah. Strong enough for a man. Absolutely. I go dub too. Yeah, right? The little white bottle. Yeah.

It's women's. It's good. That's good stuff. It's fantastic. I think that they make the women's stuff stronger than the men's. Oh. Interesting. I think because if a woman stinks, it's a different story.

If a guy stinks, it's like a manly, a musk. Yeah, no, it's gross. If a woman smells, she's out of society. Out of society. She's gone. Yeah. She might as well have hairy legs. Josh.

My Woody and Nuts is when people, when you bring up someone to someone and you go like, oh, do you know Mark? And they go, the best. I hate that. The best. That's a good one. There's no bigger sign that you don't know a person than you going, they're the best. And it's such a show busy bullshit thing because no one really knows anyone.

Yeah. But maybe they spent 30 seconds talking to them at some random event. And they'll be like, oh, so it's so the best. You don't know who they are. You just showed it. What are you nuts? Nuts. What are you nuts?

All right. How about this one? This one drives me baddie. I go on the road. I need flights. I need Ubers. I need rental cars. Every time I get a rental car,

you got to wait in that zigzag line. It hurts or Avis or whatever the fuck. And you're going, all right, all right. This has been 20 minutes in line. You get off a flight to L.A. It's a six-hour excursion.

You're in the rental car line. Like, another thing. And you took a shuttle to get there, by the way. So it's just so many steps. You're filing in the line. You're like, Third. Okay, that guy went.

Okay, the guy in front of me went. Okay, the guy in front of him. I'm next. Oh, my God. There's three people at the desk. Oh, man, here we go. Right when your turn comes, that guy goes on break. The guy, the open guy, who you're like, that's my guy.

I'm going to that desk. He goes on break. Oh. That happened to me last week. What are you nuts? I got one more guy. You got on break now? Awful.

What are you nuts? The rental car system is so primitive. Awful. Have you ever tried to rent a car. at the Atlanta airport. I'm sure I have. This is the multiple buses to get to the terminal to get there. And the worst, I was in probably like a 15-person line.

There's only one person working. He's cleaning the cars. So you see him, enter the people in. Then he drives up. He goes, drives up the car and then hoses it down. And then the same guy gets back into the booth. That's insanity. Insane.

Insane. Now, the rental car, this is. Everything's QR code now. Everything's pay with your phone. Like, what are we doing with? the guy, the debt, you know what it is? They go, you want the fuel? You want the insurance? They got to upcharge you. So they can't, they know if you do it on your phone, you'll just skip all that. Doing tolls? You want the tolls? And they don't care how long it takes because they're making

so much fucking money. The Ford Fiesta, you literally for one day paid with the leases. Oh, yeah, right. No, they're like, it's the craziest thing. That's crazy. The fourth fiesta, you're ending for $60 a day. Yeah, what happened to Cal. The full lease is $99. Exactly. Exactly. For the month. The way we had to do. cabs for, you know, decades and then Uber came in and changed everything. Somebody's going to do that with rental cars. They're going to change this system. Disrupt.

Disrupt. Disrupt. Meanwhile, I'm a president circle member. It hurts. Fabulous. Oh. Straight to the car. Maybe that's the key.

Yeah. Maybe status. Status, maybe. Mark, tell us what's going on. Anything you want to plug? Oh, geez. All right. Well, yeah, we might be drunk as a fun pod with a Jew.

And Tuesday has her stories by specials on Netflix called None Too Pleased. It's all out there. Give it a goog. Follow me on the socials. I'm on a X, C, X, X, Tube. And, uh, yeah, we'll have a good time. Yeah, I got to ask, how'd you make it out? You're a normal guy.

I don't know. How'd you get out of the, the hell and the scary palms that are child star? 18 years sober. That helps. Uh, yeah. I mean, it's so boring, but I think it's two things. Obesity and addiction. So I guess it's the same thing.

Obesity saved your ass, literally. Literally. saved my ass because at the height of me being whatever on TV successful, blah, blah, blah, I never got too impressed with myself because it was like, well, remember, you're different. Remember, you're the butt of the joke. Right. And so it kept me weirdly grounded. And then at 21, I got sober and I had a bunch of old school World War II sober vets being like,

I used to drink with both hands. I spilled more than you drank. But they taught me, you know, you want self-esteem, do esteem. A If you're not grateful, you're greedy. Okay. Here, here. And it's, it really, and then I married a good woman.

I mean, that helps. That I met when I was 24. So it was like a big amalgamette of things. I got lucky. All right. All right. I had to ask because everybody else gets sucked down into the Hades. Yes.

But you should see my search history. It's dark. Wow. I think that's everybody. Love you, Mark. Thank you. This is a pleasure. This episode's five stars.

I don't know where the camera is. Is it over there? This episode's five stars. Otherwise, what are you nuts? Listen to us wherever you get your podcast. Watch us on Spotify. The video on Spotify, Mark, through the roof. I think they have 12K.

You've never seen anything clear. Mondays and Thursdays, folks. If that's the camera or this one, we will see you next time.