Good Guys - Mob Adjacent with The Queen of Melrose

Episode Date: March 10, 2025

Mazel morons! Today we are absolutely thrilled to be joined by the incredible celebrity stylist, fashion designer, and viral sensation Cosmo Lombino AKA The Queen of Melrose! We’re talking Spanish Harlem, Jehovah’s Witnesses, our favorite cigarettes, The Brody-Berry Kiss, The Lively-Baldoni lawsuit, The Palm Restaurant, and the Beauty of the ‘Burbs. The Queen dishes all about her stint designing for Shaq, her cameo on cops, and what life looks like when you’re mob adjacent. Plus, we answer your speakpipes about engagements and ozempic side effects. If this episode isn’t your favorite, then what are ya NUTS? Enjoy! Check out The Queen of Melrose on: YouTube Instagram TikTok Website Visit Cosmo’s Glamsquad and Cosmo & Donato on Melrose! Leave us a voicemail here! Follow us on Instagram and TikTok!  Sponsors: Do more than ever before with a true AI companion. Get your Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra now at Samsung.com.* *Certain features compatible with select apps and require Google Gemini account. Results may vary based on input; check responses for accuracy. **Now Brief displays daily select information from select apps. May require internet connection. ****Galaxy Al features by Samsung free through 2025 and require Samsung account login. Hero Bread is offering 10% off your order of their new recipe. Go to hero.co and use code GOODGUYS at checkout. Start earning points on rent you're already paying for by going to joinbilt.com/GOODGUYS Switch to Mint and new customers can get half off an Unlimited plan until February 2. To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, and get the plan shipped to your door for FREE, go to MINTMOBILE.com/goodguys Get your free LMNT Sample Pack with any purchase at drinklmnt.com/GOODGUYS Visit bionaturae.com and use code GOODGUYS at checkout for 20% off your first purchase. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Two Jews, both big and tall, no subject, too small for the good guys. A mother's dream, premium podcast team, make it your weekly routine, it's a good guys. And if you don't give us five stars, what are you nuts? What are you nuts? Scared we're the good guys. They're not the great guys. We're just so good or good guys.

Oh my gosh. Father Karas. We're for Kempt. We're for Mished. We're all the things. The Queen of Melrose is here. Welcome, girl. Hey, how you doing, Joss Pack?

How you doing, girl? Nice and finally meet you, boo-boo. Ben, can you believe this? I'm going to say boobilicious. Cool. Here, let me help you with, you need your help with the headphones here, Doc. I'm having a conundrum. What you guys can't see is Josh is adjusting Queen's headphones and they are looking fantastic.

Blame the hairdresser. Blame the hairdresser. The Queen of Melrose, I can't quite explain to you how excited we are to have you. When I told our dear friend, do you know the points guy, Brian Kelly? No. If you don't know him, he wants to know you. Where is he? He is your biggest fan.

Boyfriend material. Oh, really? Is he here? And is he in the back? Is he going to come out? We should have. We should have, Josh. Damn it.

We'll set up an intro later. Yeah, we'll set up an intro later. It's great. He's two young boys. He's single. He's in New York. Oh, he's single. I'm ready to mingle.

He's a big tech entrepreneur, Ungushed up, as our people say. Ungushed up. And he's hands. Six seven, six eight. Yeah. Yeah. You think he's proportions? Got to have a piece of a...

Probably, yeah. Yeah, when they're that big. Yes. Like an aircraft carrier. Yeah, yeah. You can land to aircraft on that thing. Call me a 737. Yeah.

Queen, I fell in love with you on the out and about podcast, a great Joey Kamasta. But this is, you're having a moment, aren't you? I'm having a moment. Tell me about that. It's kind of longer than a moment. It's been like a year. year and a half now. It's like constant podcast and lap dances and all the things. No, it's been

really good. It's been really good. I started on soft white underbelly. That's when I went on and basically my sponsor, because I'm in the program. Me too. Oh, okay. How long you have? 17 years. What? Just turned. Double digits. Here we are. Daddy. Thank you. Oh, my God. Congratulations. We're in its Star is at Harlem. Harlem. Harlem. It was Harlem. So I grew up in Spanish, Harlem, you know, and it was Spanish and Italian.

So it's like where they made the godfather. Okay, so they used my grandmother's apartment to make the godfather. Okay, they rented, they gave her $75. I remember the check, and it was like two weeks. And like they were filming in her apartment. Also, my older brother, you know, did you see the scene in the godfather with Sunny, when he's beating the shit out of his sister's husband. Classic, yes.

Yes, classic scene. Okay. So my brother was under the Johnny pump for two weeks, okay? So he got pneumonia right after he got his check. So that's how we remember Harlem growing up with the mafia. My father was in the mob. He wasn't in the mob. He was like hanging out with the mob.

You know what I mean? It was like a thing. Mob adjacent. Mob adjacent. Mob adjacent. Ben's from Harlem too. He's from 62nd in Madison. What?

I'm mom-adjacent. I actually, I went to school in the Heights, so a little bit higher than Spanish Harlem in Washington Heights. But I am familiar. I pop out, look to the left, going up the FDR, and I think, God, it's great that I'm passing this. Thank God. I didn't have to take the streets. So you're there, your father's mom-adjacent. The FBI starts sniffing around, right?

Some things. She did her homework. Yes. Okay, Josh Beck. Guilty. I'm not mad at you, boo-boo. Yeah. So anyway, grew up in Harlem, you know, and then we moved to Queens.

My grandmother became a Jehovah's Witness to Vow Catholic. Yes. Okay, true story. They come to the house. They never left. Okay. So now you can't be gay. No birthday.

No this. I'm eight years old. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? I'm kidding. They throw out all my Barbie dolls. Okay? I'm like, what the fuck? Trauma. Traumatized.

So my mother, my father's in the mob, his mother is a Jehovah's Witness. So he's telling, he's in the Bronx gambling and whatever doing his thing. And he's telling my mother, take the kids to the kingdom hall. So meanwhile, my mother is trying to do the right thing because my grandmother's the matriarch of the family.

And then did you live, cut to you two years later? My mother's like, fuck this kids, let's go. So it was back to like Christmas. Because no birthdays, no holidays. No birthdays, no holidays. You can't be this. You can't be that, basically. No blood transfusions.

Like, yeah, it's like the ends. What a list of rules. I don't know how Michael Jackson's in it. I'm telling you. And Prince, too, right? I wonder where the blood transfusions seem. I don't know. Was Prince and Jehovah?

I think so. Oh, my God. It's brutal. It's tough. Brutal, brutal, brutal, brutal, especially when you're Catholic and you have all these things growing up. And then you're not allowed to have them. But it's in work.

So my grandmother stood Jehovah. And then my uncle junior, my father's brother, worked in the Palm restaurant out here. So those days it was like Johnny Carson. It was Merv Griffith. It was all, it was like, I dream a genie. It was all the, you know, it was just like the hangout to get steak and lobster.

I think they just closed the palm. I think there's one down. There's no more in L.A. There's no more. The downtown one's gone, the Beverly Hills one. Oh, really? Have you ever been in there? I went to the one on Santa Monica, the original.

That was the one. That's where they all worked. I mean, Ben, imagine like, I know the palm in New York was popping, but this was like Don Rickles at the bar, Carson. Like, when I went there, I saw the first time I saw Denzel Washington eating with his family, second time Schwarzenegger was eating there when he was governor. No secret service around. I found that weird.

You know, but he was crushing at 50-50. I knew the palm was gone the second I saw it at Newark. airport. Yeah. That's when I knew the palm is done. He can't, if he can get a stake in the airport, that means that the brand is dead. It's over. No, they sold their soul. They sold their soul. But it was the times of my life. It really was. It was the 80s in New York. It was the 80s in L.A. So basically, I was 17 years old and we moved to Queens. My grandmother had a house in Queens. So my father was kind of implicated in that Goodfellas Lufthansa thing where FBI agents were follow me to school. They were in my backyard

and they were trying to implicate him, you know, indict him. But he literally had nothing to do with it, but he was hanging out with all the guys. So basically court case, court case, and like, I'm going to lose my father. My mother's like, one day we were riding around in the Lincoln. The next day

she's on food stamps and it was just the life. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. Got you here. You know? It was just like, wow, you know what I mean? It's like growing up. It was like literally a Martin Scorsese. thing, you know. We had a similar upbringing. I was on Drake and Josh and Ben's the son of a caterer.

It's very similar. But my grandma did live in Queens. I was going to say, where in Queens? Astoria. Okay. I mean, Astorias. Fantastic food. Fantastic food.

Where were you guys from Forest Hills? I feel far. So you guys were the uppity antelon. You guys were the boozy crowd. But there was a lovely key foods. I loved the key foods. Oh, They had a great diner.

Key food. Oh, my God. Then it was Pathmark. Yeah. Key Foods is great. There was a great diner in Forest Hills. I don't remember the name. Clock, the clock?

Something TikTok dining? Yes. Yes. It's in Bayside, no? Yes, excellent. Yeah, they have the best food. Supreme tuna. Supreme tuna.

They have the best food in New York. Agreed? The best tuna? The best food, period. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You guys are making me hungry. Can we order a pizza?

You're speaking our love language. Is this great? I'm telling you, I remember this Russian guy, Russian guy, I know who got sober, would always talk about the TikTok liquor store. And he said, I would drink a half a pint. He goes in the morning, a pill of Prozac and a half a pint, and my fucking hands would be shaking.

20 years later, sober. That was Eugene's cousin. There you go. Oh my God. You guys, I feel like, wow, this is great. This is great. Give me a hug. Here we are.

Give us some insight. So sweet. We're a bunch of married stiffs over here. Olivia's been in a long-term relationship. Ben, you know, has a beautiful baby on the way. Baruch Hashem. I have two. I have a third on the way.

Okay. So you are single, ready to mingle? Yes. Where are we at? No, I was, you know, I have a few very strong relationships throughout my career. Yes. Yes, yes. And where are we today?

Today we're single. I'm seeing somebody, okay, for like seven years. Met him in the gym. I was on herbal life. I was really, I was really skinny like 10 years ago. That was legal speed, right? I had long hair. And I would walk around my gym in Burbank with two fake asses.

So they were calling me Cosmo Kardashian, okay? So this guy comes up to me, literally like six foot. seven, okay? He goes, I don't know what you are, but I like it. You know? So here I am in the gym all freaked out. And that's it. So basically, just keeping it open and fun, you know? Yeah, I had a few tight, like, I still have the rings. These are the, I was going to get married twice. But, you know, in gay years, you know, it's, it's not the same. You know what I mean? And it's like, so I just keep it open. You know what I mean? And I literally let him do what he wants to do. I'm like, you want to do whatever eight years later. And then I do what I want to do. But, you know,

if you love somebody, you know, there's that all saying. If you love something, you let it set it free. But it always comes back, you know, because I see there's no institution of marriage anymore. Like really not, like especially when you're a celebrity. Like, look at J-Lo. How many times? Come on now. You know what I mean? You can't stay married. Too many. Holly Berry. It's like, oh, she was on Oprah. How do you cheat on Holly Berry? Yeah.

It was in six months. It was done. You know what you mean? So being that they have, like, you know, the social media and hot trannies, I'm sorry, but I don't think we have a chance. You're hurting here first. Clip it. Period.

Speaking of what? What do we think about that? Because recently at the Oscars, you know, Hallie Barry came 20 years later and recreated her famous kiss with Adrian Brody on the red carpet. Of course it was in front of his girlfriend. So, you know, a little different than 20 years later. What did we think about

that? Hopefully his girlfriend was a good sport, honestly. Because you know why? People get jelly. No matter how gorgeous you are. And she is absolutely strikingly gorgeous his girlfriend. Yeah, and so is Hallibur. Oh my God. And Holly Berry looks good. But she's getting a little up there,

honey. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, but But still, she still gets free drinks, I'm sure. She's had unbelievable longevity, that Hallie Berry. I was talking about it with Claudia. I'm like, what the fuck has she been? I haven't seen her in anything in 20 years. And she's still, like, she gets on that carpet and she is the moment on that carpet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would be pissed if I was the girlfriend.

She killed it. She killed it. What would Claudia say, Ben? If I, if I meet out with Hallie Berry. Yeah. She would throw me off a roof if I made out with Hallie Berry. I think I would have a better time if I made out with Adrian Brodhead.

Is he a Jewish game? Agreed. Agreed. Is he a piece? He's handsome. So he comes to my store. He used to come in my store with these hot, beautiful. It might have been the same girl

he was dating her this like a few years ago. And she's in there and she's trying on clothes and like she's like absolutely gorgeous. Could be the same girl when he was, he's been with her for a while. I don't know. So she goes, well, I have all of these. clothes and she's going, I'm like, well, are you going to buy them?

Yeah, you mean, because you know, do you want to report the credit card stolen? I mean, you're going to get the, you know, because my primary purpose is to sell a shmata, you know what I mean? To sell a dress. Yes, yes. I was raised by Israelis, by the way. Oh, my God. I knew it.

Was all Israeli? Well, those were my bosses when I walked in when I was 21 and coked out. And I just couldn't stop selling. I could feel there was a tethered connection. Oh, yeah. I understand it. I could feel it. It's the Queens.

It's the Key Foods. It's the Israeli. Bessera. I love it. You got to know Boulbo. You know Bourbou. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So, yeah. So they raised me basically how to do business, basically, you know. And now they're all in Israel, you know. And they gave me, for Christmas, they would, like, buy me a brand new car. You know, because if you're making, if you're hustling for an Israeli, they're with you, like, neck and neck. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Yes.

So, and I was partying. And we had to open the store at 11 o'clock, but they would let me sleep till 2. Yeah, well, Israelis are not knowing for punctuality. Right. What do you mean? Noon. Noon.

I see you 1.30, maybe. Yeah, right. And then it comes to my house at 2 o'clock and wake me up because that was my party years on Melrose before I got my own store. And they were like, we're going to bring you falafel. Open the windows. We're going to give you some water.

You're going to come to work. It's like two o'clock, Cosmo. And I would just sell my cunt off. I would just sell. And, you know, if you're selling and making money, with Israeli, the best partner in the world. So they send me to Israel. And basically they bought me brand new cars,

you know, very, very, we're still family. We're still family, yeah. How amazing is Israel? Like, your trips. Like, it's just the most gorgeous country. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Tel Aviv.

And like it was just, and the clubs there, like they don't have a, sick. They don't have a clue here. That how they do it out there is how they do it. And then they have that park, that famous park where it's like all the like classic cases,

all like the married men. I never left. I was there for a week. It's definitely the gayest country in the world. That's for sure. The queen bought a tent. I'm not going back to my room. Wait, before we move on, Olivia, Ethan, the wonderful Ethan is in the position of Adrian Brody.

You cool with the Halliberry kiss or what? You know what? For the moment, you have to be. You have to be. You have to be. But I'd also probably like it if he kissed Adrian Brody more. Ooh, we're learning things about Olivia. Cool.

There's a category for that too. Josh, you know I'm a little bit of a disorganized person, okay? I just want you to see a neurologist. That's it. It's all I've asked of you. I have too much going on. There's nothing wrong with my brain. The problem is there's too much going into it from too many different places, okay?

Too much going on. And I needed a solution, Josh, so that when I woke up in the morning, I wasn't in a frenzy. What am I going to do today? Who am I going to speak to today? I needed something all in one place. And that, Josh, is now brief. The now brief on the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra is everything and more that I needed. It's going to tell me what calls I have today.

It's going to tell me what meetings I have today. It's going to tell me the weather, okay? Everything in the morning. That way, Josh, I'm not so stressed. I don't forget things. And you're not trying to ship me off to some loony bin, okay? Now Brief is saving me. I'm not going to ship you off.

I'm going to fly you. Anyway, look, the thing when Now Brief with Galaxy AI, what I love about it, it's not just in the mornings. It's in the evenings, too, right? So to tell you the weather for the next day, it'll give you what you got going on tomorrow. Keeps you bettering yourself. Honestly, Josh, where has this been all our lives? I love it. Now Brief is, it's my cup of tea.

It makes me feel very official, very important. And if you want to feel all those things and more, get your Galaxy S25 Ultra at Samsung.com. Now brief displays daily select information from select apps may require internet connection, Galaxy AI features by Samsung free through 2025 and requires Samsung account login. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Element. Folks, Element helps anyone stay hydrated without the sugar and other dodgy ingredients found in popular electrolytes and sports drinks. Who wants dodgy ingredients in sugar?

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Get yours at drinkelement.com slash good guys. This deal is only available through my link. You must go to drinklm-m-t.com slash good guys. D-R-I-N-K-L-M-N-T dot com slash good guys. Welcome to Chloe in Wonderland. I don't know how many people remember this. Oh, shit. You are one decision away from a different life.

I know for a fact that it was her who sold this to the media. I'm willing to sacrifice anything in order to put love at the center of my life. I do explain to Mason how drinking affected me. I think it breaks them so much more that you forgave them. Every week, I'll sit down with fascinating guests. I believe you're worthy of love and you deserve love. It wasn't nearly as bad as what I went through emotionally with the pregnancy I had with my daughter. For real conversations.

You remember when we wrestled? Like straight up crazy, drunk, wrestle. That's how rumors can get started. Was it helpful for people to come in when you were with, like, your ex-husband and be like, you should be with somebody better. If people are broken, they have to fix themselves. This is a window into my world and the stories that make it meaningful. Welcome to Chloe in Wonderland.

New episodes drop every Wednesday on X and on Thursday wherever you get your podcasts. See you there. Speaking of relationships, what do we think? I think Ben and I, Ben, you'd agree. We'd love to hear what you feel about the Justin Baldoni, Blake lively, Michigoths, right? Are you up to date on this? Oh, my God. Tell me.

What's your feeling? So I think, I don't know, I could make, do you think it could make, just make the, like, a total twist at the end? Like, maybe it wasn't her fault. Do you think, like, I mean, I know they have recede after recede, after recede, everybody turned against them, right? you know, and I hear that she's really difficult and I hear that she, you know, everything she did has receipts and, you know, she was insecure about her baby weight from everything that went on.

But do you think there's a slight chance that Diddy will get off? You never know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? There's a slight chance that she's got that little ace in the hole, you know what I mean? something he did that will implicate the fuck out of him. Do you think that?

Because it's like, wouldn't that be a twist and a turn? I think the only thing stronger is the Taylor Swift fans that are now angry because Blake called her, the queen of the, whatever it was, Dragon's Den. I think that once you have the Swift is all over you, then you are gone. When? This was like, this was like, over the last month, no one updated the queen. Apparently they like to, she described,

they, they were like dear friends and she described the relationship as just, Taylor is just like the dragon queen that they all like kneel to. Not a direct quote. I don't know if this is true. Oh, I didn't hear that one though. But I know they're like, they're on the outs right now for sure. And once you upset the Swifties, it's no good. It's over.

It's no good. We don't do that. We love Taylor Swift and we love all her fans. I think we'll see. They definitely don't. Neither of them are looking great right now. But I think Ben's wife who has a big pod, you'll have to go on her pod when she comes out to L.A.

or you're in New York much bigger than ours. If that's even possible. Really? Crushes it. Ben. I know. He married well. And so did she.

We're a family of podcasters. Tough job. She and her co-host, her sister Jackie brought up a great point. They're like, if you have to ask how much she weighs, you can't lift her. Like, what? You can't ballpark this person? He asked her how much she weighs?

Or the trainer or something, but apparently kept getting back to her. You never ask a woman her weight. Never or age. You can't even ask me my weight. I'll lie you. You can ask. We're going to be a good friend. We will.

We will. We are. We're all going to Kansas. That's it. I love it. A lunch. Yes. I need a sandwich.

It's delicious. The Kivets room. Yeah. Do you think the L.A. food is as good as New York? No. No. No.

No. I mean, they, you know, all these cuisines they're trying and it's like, it's pretty good, though. It's not bad. But New York just has more like authentically good food. Yes. Like you could literally have a dirty water hot dog on the corner. And it's so tasty, you know?

So tasty. I don't think it compares to New York now. I love a hot dog. What do you put on your hot dog, Queen? When I go to Pinks, because they named a hot dog after me, Queen of Melrose one day. It was like National Hot Dog Day. And basically I went there and they said, we're going to do a Queen of Melrose hot dog. I was honored.

It was crazy. So basically, I like a kibasa. Who doesn't? Hey. Hey now. Delicious. Yeah. Yup.

Right. I like the kubasa one. It's spicy. It's so delicious. And it's literally like this big. Like you have it the next day, too, for lunch, you know? Like Brian Kelly big. But smaller kubasas are good, too, right?

We got to meet this. I don't discriminate. As long as it works. We're fine. Good. Great. Clip that too, please. Just send that to my wife.

So a big kibasa. What are we throwing on it? So basically what they put on it is like the bacon, all the good things for you, like all the healthy, fabulous, yeah. Bacon, a little chili, a little sourcrow, a little mustard. But it's really, because you ever order something spicy and it's not spicy?

I love spicy. Do you guys like spicy? Yeah. Yeah. Anything that'll clean the sinuses. That's what I like. And other things. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. But I like the New York dog. They're the only one in L.A. that has the New York dog. So it's basically the hot dog with the sauerkraut and the mustard.

And the red onions. Love that. Yes. Yes. So tell us about we are a very pro-smoking podcast. And you are clearly pro-smoking. Tell us about your smoking journey. You brought in this new pack of American spirits.

I've never seen this before. Are these made specifically for the Queen of Melrose? No, I wish I could take that valor. but no, that's not the case, darling. But they are new, and they're sky blue. Yeah. Yes. And they're supposed to be the lightest

of the American spirits. So I'm a Marlborough. As you could see, I sound like an obscene phone call. Yes. But I'm a Marlboro smoker all my life. Reds? It was Reds, and then I went to Marlboro lights. Of course.

Which I think is stronger than the Reds. It's weird because when you smoke those. They're delicious. Yeah. You ever smoke the ultralights in the silver pack? The ultralight. Oh, my God. Smoked the 100s.

Did you smoke before ever? Play some Majan? Of course, I'm a drug addict. It was oxygen. Oh, my God, yeah. But I smoke Newport. Newport. I hate myself.

Oh, what? So, yeah, the Newports, it was like, I would go, like, to Queensbridge and hang out with those guys, and they were smoking the Newports, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. But it was Marlboro Reds for us, yeah. But so when did you quit, though? I mean, thankfully, it never had a hold on me.

Okay. So now, like, Ben and I can attest maybe, you know, once a month, every other month. Like, I can smoke a Stogie and not, you know, not trip on it. And I crave another one. Thankfully. It's like that. Yeah. I think they're so cool.

I wish I was addicted. I just can't. I just can't get addicted. I can't. I smoke them and I want more. I can't. I'm like, one, two cigarettes every six months.

I want a pack a day. We'll hang out with the queen and we'll have a movie night. I bet you the next day you'll be buying a pack of cigarettes. Yeah. I promise you. I promise. Are you 27? Straight.

27 when you wake up? When I first wake up, I have a cup of coffee and a cigarette. I still have that. And that's like a ritual, right? You sit outside. You have a stoop. What are we talking? That's a ritual, John.

for a quick dump. I think I learned on the stoop in New York, you know. Now I have a beautiful house in Burbank, and I have huskies and all the things, you know. I live in the Rancho District. So when you wake up, there's people riding horses, literally. So I feel like I'm not even in LA. And I had to move from Melrose,

I had a condo be around the corner. And I moved because somebody tried to break in my house in my condo. So I said, time to get out of Hollywood. And my friend's like, try Burbank. And I'm like, I will never move to Burbank ever. It's the Burbs, right? But when I tell you, it's beautiful.

Like, I live in the horse district. You don't even feel like you're in L.A. And I'm out there smoking a cigarette like this. And she's smoking with her robe on. Yes. And there's all these cowboys and Burbank people. And then there's the queen in the middle like this. Hello, Wyatt.

Yeah. No, you know what? So I switched to American Spirit not too long ago because I heard that they actually, because Marlboro has arsenic and like all those things. And you know, you hear the tales for years, but you're like, you're still smoking, you know. Literally my mother, God, God forgive her. She had COPD. So basically, and my father.

And I seen her with the oxygen tank. And it was me and my sister going, oh, my God. Like, if you don't quit after that. It was frightening. Like she was like breathing like through a straw, you know, a cocktail straw. Have you seen those Canadian cigarettes with the warning symbols where like there's like Oh, they have like the dead people? I see dead people.

Or the one that I loved was Josh when they, that that cigarette carton that had a naked person on it and it said something to the effect in French of like smoking can cause you to get naked in the middle of the night. Like they have these. weird slogans just don't make any sense. So kidding. Hanging out with Cosmo. Exactly.

Or you'll never get late again. Never. Never. I think that's what it is. I love it. No, they do come in from Europe and stuff and there's all these cigarettes and there's like death and blood and God.

Yeah. It's a thing. But I switched from American Spirit. So in my guest station, where before I come to work, I saw up my car. And the guy there is like scientists, literally knows a little bit about everything, but he works on a gas station, whatever.

Okay. So anyhow, he's telling me about the American spirits. And I hope we don't get in trouble with the cigarette people. It comes to my house in Burbank. Of course not. Well, I'm like this. Philip Morris is here to see you. Yeah.

He said those little rings around the cigarette, if you look at the cigarette, those are still poisonous. He goes, that's why he goes, if you want, roll your own cigarettes. They don't have these poisonous rings. on them. Yeah. So it's still horrible. What isn't? Can we do something?

Can we enjoy it? How hard we work? She's in the shop. Are you a zinner? You got to have a cigarette. My store smells like Ash Wednesday. Oh, speaking of, we're entering into Lent. We are, yes, we are.

As a wonderful Catholic, tell us, what are you giving up? Nothing. Ben, could you, I mean, Ben is semi-cocious. He doesn't eat pork and he tries to be observant. What would be the thing you'd give up for the 40 days, Ben? Wow, 40 days. Is that right? I'm married to a Catholic.

I'm married to an O'Brien. Oh, you are, a nice Irish girl. I am. Our kids are cashews. I'm a little Irish. I'm a little Irish to a tiny in Irish. Yeah, the best of all of it, baby. Yes.

What would you give up kids? Do I have a third on the way? Do they have your eyes? They do. Here you want to see the babies. They're gorgeous. I feel like an auntie. I feel like an artsy.

Oh my God, they're gorgeous. Oh my God. Oh, you got to come to my store with the stroller and bring the wife in and everything. Get the kids ready for Bernie men. A little fashion. Yes. A little fashion. And Ben's about to have his first in May, a beautiful board.

Congratulations on the baby train. Thank you, Queen. Congratulations, baby. I'm naming him Queen. Queen Cosmo. Queen Cosmo. Josh, what I'm giving up is Ozempic. That's what I'm giving up for 40 days.

That's big. Oh, so tell me about Ozempic, please. Because I went on Ozempic and I had to get rushed to the hospital. Really? I want to hear more. I want to hear more about that. What dose were you on? Every side of the fact that they say what happened for you happened to me.

Who gave it to you? My doctor. And what did they put you on too high? It sounds like they put you on a dose too high. No, he did me on the lowest dose. It's so weird. Okay. So maybe you need to try.

And wake up and shit it out. A fucking a shot of Ozempic. I can't handle. What's going on over here? I can do free base scene, but I can't do Ozempic. Right. You can't snort it anymore. And once you turn into a pickle.

But anyway, that's another thing. Josh, we have to get Cosmo on Wagovi. Wagovi or Zepbound. We need to switch you. Because maybe Ozempic isn't right, but there are other meds that can work. So I just congratulate me, guys. Hell us. I just got Zepbound today.

So I want to go back to. Beautiful. Yeah, I have in the refrigerator in the store, because I live in the store, basically. And I'm going to try a shot. So hopefully I'm praying guys, do a little prayer for the queen. I'm praying. That she doesn't get a yeast infection.

Put it right in your belly. Right in the belly. Don't put it anywhere else in the belly. So did you lose weight on the O-ZemPEC? Oh, yes. Oh, yes. I said I wouldn't say my weight. I will say.

I was 290. I'm now 251. I was 239. Wow. So do you guys see the total difference? Oh, yeah. He looks like a different person. He looks great.

I was fat as, I was fat as fuck. Now I'm just like fat. I love food. That's another addiction. I had to go to food. It's so many addictions, darling. There's so many.

Oh, I lost 100 pounds, but I did it the old-fashioned way before there was those things. Oh, you did? Like you literally was a loser. Frick, if I could have been shooting up? No, but God bless you for doing it. I'm telling you because you know what,

the old-fashioned way, I think is the best way, you know? Ideally for sure. Yeah, yeah. And you look great and you have good arms and you're working out, and I would buy you a soda. Oh, what kind? What kind of you like?

Roy Rogers. Cherry Coke. You got it, baby. Oh, my God, Queen of Melrose. You got it. Let's go. Oh, my gosh. This is it.

This is how it ends for me at Paige. Can you imagine that power couple? By the way, I love it. I ship it. Sorry, Paige. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at BioNature. Folks, we know you've been abroad. You've told us a million times.

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visit bionature.com and use code good guys at checkout for 20% off your first purchase. That's B-I-O-N-A-E.com and use code Good Guys for 20% off your first order. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Built Rewards. PSA for anyone who rents. If you haven't heard of Built, you're about to thank me. Earning points on rent is now a reality when you pay your rent through built. You don't even have to check with your landlord to start earning points that you can use towards flights, hotel stays, fitness classes, and even your next rent payment.

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Make sure to use our URL so they know we send you. Joinbilt.com slash good guys to start earning points on your rent payments today. J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T dot com slash good guys. We should get to a story because the New York Post, our local newspaper, said, has a story that goes, My boyfriend has a micro penis, and here's what our perfect sex is like. The girlfriend of a man brutally mocked by his mates for having a micro penis has left his defense stating no complaints in the bedroom department here. Penny Talbot said of her boyfriend, I don't know why she had to name him, of two years Jake, but said everything is A. Okay. He is at a

lovely 2.9 inches. And she said for her, it's not just about penetration and climax, but the foreplay and everything that leads up to that. And yeah, they're having a great time. Really? Thoughts? So A, he's probably got a really big. bank account. Fair? I had a very long tongue. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Very long. Mom needs to stop listening, but I do want to know if the 2.9 is erect or soft. These are things that we need to know. It's erect. Maybe he's a grower, Josh.

Maybe he's not a shower. I've seen. I've witnessed it. Yes. Yes. So is that the case, you think? I would imagine 2.9 Yeah, erect.

But I met a penis doctor in my store. He does the implants. Wow. Prussian fella? Aren't they all? Aren't they all? So good. Yeah. So basically there's a way where you could actually put filler, like where they put

in your face, they put that in your dick. So you could actually make it fatter and like a little longer. Plus the penis implant, it'll grow like a, an inch and a half, you know? Whoa. They haven't put one on Chas Bono yet. They haven't did that yet. They're still working on that with the girls.

But he says the NBA is his biggest client. No way. Wow. Because they're like big guys and some of the big guys aren't very small, you know? Wow. So it's like they, yeah. So that's what he said, NBA, you know? Yeah.

Speaking of the NBA, sorry, Ben, what were you going to say? I was just going to say, Josh has heard me tell this. story. I was once staying in a house for the weekend with a man that just had this surgery that you're talking about and he was leaking by the pool the whole weekend. He would get up and there would be a puddle. No. Of urine? Disgusting. What you say? Of peepee? I don't know what it was. It was probably the filler. It was something. He was leaking. No good. There's nothing, there's nothing safe anymore. That's it. Speaking of, we have an obsession here with the Shaquille O'Neal because the man

knows how to make a dollar. And we respect that. He'll do a corporate gig, what have you? You've worked with Shaquille O'Neal, haven't you? I love that we transitioned from huge cock to Shaquille O'Neal. I was thinking about going into it, but I'm glad. I was going to go into it, but I'm glad you're going.

We're vibing. Unbelievable. We're vibing, baby. I know. We should stay in touch. For sure. I'm around the corner. Perfect. Yeah, so Shaquille and Eil, I did the clothing for Deonté Wilder,

the heavyweight champion of the world a few years ago. You know Deontay, Ben? Of course. Yeah. So all of his unbelievable, gorgeous, spectacular walkout ringwalk looks was all the queen. Oh, wow. That's sick. Five of them.

Wow. So the last one we made had laser beams coming out. He wanted something really menacing when he fought Fury. So that was in the MGM. We did a dress rehearsal. He's supposed to come out, real menacing. So I delivered him the costume. He tried it on because remember he blamed me for,

he blamed me for losing the fight. What did he say? He said the costume was too heavy. Oh. So that was on the front page of every magazine. But with what I love on the cover, New York Times, it said the outfit won. Yes.

And Deonté lost, and it was voted the best ring walk outfit in boxing history. So good. I was like, like, The queen's got, you know, what, so anyway,

but anyway, this is what got out, this was the rumor that got out. So, yeah, so I'm like, Deonté threw me under the bus,

like we're so cool, you know? But anyway, the night of the fight, I went to go deliver the outfit the day before. He tried it on. He loved the outfit.

So the next day, I'm in the locker room and I felt tension. And I'm like, Deonté wasn't Deontae. So basically, Fury got in his head. I knew it.

So I'm like, Deontae, if you, if you're going, gonna wear this outfit. You better kick his fucking ass. So he goes, I will, Cosmo, I will. So anyway, it's time. It was Black History Month

too. So it was all this type. So he's walking out with the ring war. He goes, where's Cosmo? Cosmo! So anyway, it was just a group of us, his wife. We were having the best time making clothes, you know, that went out through after three, became best friends. So as soon as we go outside

and the MGM, first of all, they were supposed to close the lights, so you were supposed to see the laser beams. that didn't happen. So everything was just like kind of weird energy that day from Deonté not being himself for doing the walk,

all that stuff. So how much money did you put on Fury? I was probably good with the outfit, the price of the outfit baby. She was good. So how did this get to Shaq? Oh, we were talking about

that. So. This is better. This is better. So, okay. No, I'm going somewhere with this. I'm ready. You know, I'm like, I'm notorious about my memes.

I'll go on and on and talk about the curtains and the bedspread. So anyway, so we go out and Deonté loses the fight in front of me. I was mortified, you know, the next day it said the headlines. The outfit was too heavy. So I'm like, Deonté threw me under the bus. Long story short, he calls me up because I would never do that to you, because. He goes, you're going to be what meets her the ends, you know? And I'm like, I think this was the end.

But anyway, so he apologized. It was just all, like, propaganda. It was all proper. So he meets Shaq in a nightclub in Hollywood. And Shaq goes, who made that fucking alpha for you? Who made that fucking alpha for you? You look flyers, fucking D.R. I'm going to give me some of those fucking lasers.

He's like Arnold Schwarzenegger meets Shaq. It's like a little... It's like a little... Gombot. Mixed. So then all of a sudden, FaceTime calls me and my partner, Donato. Because me and Donato made the outfit.

It was a beautiful outfit. Like, Google it. It's gorgeous. And he goes, Deont JPS me, your number in a club? This is Shaq. And I'm like,

oh, shit, Shaq. So anyway, he goes, I'm doing a gig in Atlanta, and I want you to come by, and I want you to make me an outfit. He goes, I'm a DJ. So I knew he was a DJ,

but I thought it was like R&B Soul. I didn't know it was EDM and Little Glove Stick girls going, Shaq, Shaq, Shaq. I didn't know this, okay?

I thought it was more like Soul Train, baby, I was ready. You know what I mean? So anyway, Loog Street, he flies me to Atlanta. No,

I meet him on Jimmy Kimble. Okay. So he goes, I'm in Jimmy Kimball. You want to take my measurements? And I'm like, do I want to take Shaq's measurements? Okay.

I fucking ran to Jimmy Kimble. And he was there and actually we took his measurements, you know. And we made this thing for him. He flew me to Atlanta. And I saw his fabulous DJ. Oh, my God. Then we hung out with him after. So he goes, how come you don't have your own show?

He goes, you are, he goes, why? So I says, I don't know. You got any connections. He goes, yeah, I own a network. So the next day, I come back and there's cameraman in my store. And he's like, we're going to film. you for a week. We're going to make a sizzle. You're going to have your own show. So I'm like, oh my God, another pinch me moment. You know, I'm sober. You know what I mean? These are the gifts,

you know, you know about the, right? I mean, look what's going on. It's happening. It's coming true. It all worked out. So anyway, film the sizzle reel and, you know, he goes, okay, we're going to, you know, go over the sizzle reel. I still have the sizzle real. And what happened was two weeks later, COVID. Oh. Bastards. I'm telling you. We're all going to die.

You know what I mean? Like literally they're shoveling people in the fucking parking lot of the hospital. It was like devastating. So that went on the shelf. Yeah. But that was my thing with Shaq. Wow. Yes. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Hero Bread.

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Taxes and fees extra. Seamint Mobile for details. So I want to get your opinion. We do this thing called a speak pipe where people call in and want advice from us. They like to ask questions or whatnot. So I thought we could take one or two before our What Are You Nuts moment of the week. Great. If you want to leave us a message, get advice from us.

Go to speakpipe.com slash good guys. And our first is from Anonymous. Hey, good guys. Fellow dog parent here, I have a very serious question. My neighbor left a sticky note on my garage that said incursive. Your dog barks all day long. Just want to let you know. What would you do in the situation?

Okay. First of all, I work from home. My dog does not bark all day. Okay. She bark, maybe every other hour, like, you know, bark, bark, bark. And then I say, Buffy, stop barking and she stops barking. Okay. So I don't know what they're talking about. I don't know. Maybe my dog barks when I leave. But like, okay, you live in an apartment building where dogs are allowed, like what to expect, okay? Please help me. Do I go over to her? Do I say something? I know who left this note on my door. Like, what do I do? Thanks. Bye. It sounds to me like they live in a cheap building with thin walls. So look, if you're not going to pay up, okay, to have thick walls, you're going to need to deal with some inconvenient noises. I completely agree that it's not illegal to own a dog.

The same way it wouldn't be illegal to have a crying baby. If you don't want to hear it, you need to live in a building that has thicker walls or put on a noise machine, Josh. How about you put on a noise machine? I personally don't think, unless this dog, the way that she explained it, The dog is once an hour and the person is being dramatic. If this dog really is nonstop, you talk to your porter or you talk to the person in the building who runs the building and say, look, for B, the dog won't shut the fuck up. We have to do something.

But otherwise, I don't think there's anything to do. He picked a building with thin walls, queen. Well, I just want to do something like that. I have a little Karen that lives next to me. And girl, it's like I want to, you know, take care of it, the New York way. But the queen don't want to go to jail again. She cries when she leaves. So what I was recommended to do is to go over to her and befriend her.

Like just go knock on her door. You know, would you like to go for a cup of coffee? You know, contrary action of what we would do from New York, right? Would you like an American spirit? Would you like a cigarette, a drink in a line of Coke? Yes. In my mind, we're having that party, but it doesn't work anymore. I have my mind.

we're getting it yeah we're getting it so I would just like try to talk to her you know that would be like try to befriend her

that's the advice I got from my sponsor it's good it's good advice next one from an anxious girlie hey morons

that's our fandom morons calling for some vice a girl I could use some advice so I've been dating the most amazing guy for a little

bit over a year and I've always been someone that's been very intentional with dating I've been dating for marriage. I'm also waiting for marriage. And it's just really important to me for religious reasons to wait for big steps like moving in and whatnot until marriage. And so I also feel very strongly in, you know, at my current age, I'm almost in my 30s that like

a guy should know what he wants after a certain amount of time. And so we've been dating for a little over a year. And I always told myself I wasn't going to wait that long for a guy to decide whether or not he wants to marry me. And so I've been in this relationship. We both said that we marry each other. We've had all the hard conversations. He continues to tell me. He keeps dropping hints that he's going to propose and he has asked my parents and he keeps telling me that it's in the progress. But I'm just dying of anxiety waiting for it to happen. We've talked about having a spring wedding next year and I just, I'm having a really hard time waiting and waiting for it to happen. But I want it to be his decision when it happens. What is your vice for me?

For an anxious girl, what do you have for me? thank you one of your only non-Jewish listeners, but B.H. guys, thank you. Oh, man. This is sad. Do you want me to tag? I'll tag in really quick. You're going to mess this all up. You're going to ruin this because of your expectations,

trying to control people, places, and things out of your control. And I hate to break it to you, but any sort of projection of what you once thought of, this is how it's going to go. and I want to be engaged in less than a year and blah, blah, get over it. That's just not live in the world that is instead of the world you think you deserve. Oh, that's deep as hell. That's a queen and sober podcast right there.

Oh, my God. Ladies, I'm with you, but I also think like if she's that type of personality where she's anxious, like he should know that and he should give her some reassurance if he's marrying a nervous snelly, you know? I don't know, just fucking do it. Rip off the Band-Aid. What are you waiting for? To the same point, Josh, it's never going to be perfect on his side.

So, like, he might as well just pop the question at in and out after a burger. She just wants to get married. She doesn't want anything. Like, you can't want something special and just want it to happen. So if she just wants it to happen, he should just do it. It's her loss on the big celebration, you know? Queen? Bitch, you sound desperate.

And nobody wants desperation. girl, honestly. But I hope for the best. I hope for the best. I don't think this guy, if he didn't pop it yet, hopefully he pops it. Good luck. Good luck. I hope he pops it too. I met my wife. We were young. I was 24. She was 20. And we got engaged. I was 28, 29. So, you know, we were in our early 20. So I had that runway. And she didn't pressure me. And then her aunt and her mother once pressured me. And I was like, fine, I'll do it. I knew I wanted to do it. What I was going to say was honestly it's on your mother to go to him and say fuck it and say fucking propose to my daughter next week or there's going to be hell to pay. Like it's on somebody else to pressure.

He screwed up asking the parents like when the day that I asked my wife's father for permission to marry his daughter, I was like I'm married now because there's no waiting or turning back. So I was like, I asked him on a Tuesday and I proposed to her Thursday morning or something. You know, just do it. You just do it. But it sounds like it was already like in the bag. You know what I mean? Like, you know, you guys stood together. You had the family dynamic.

You know what I mean? Yeah. It was cool. You just needed a little like push. Yes. You know, a little like, do it already. It'll be here, you know? But with her, we don't know if she has that same dynamic.

You know, maybe he's just like being around the bush. I don't know. So good luck, so good luck, yeah. So our final segment is, what are you nuts? We'll introduce it first and give you time to think about it. It's our grievances or gripes with people, places, and things, things big or small, sticking in your craw. So anything currently that you're just like, what are you nuts?

Like, why would you do that? Why is this thing? Nothing too big or too small. So think about it. Ben and I will go first. You have time to think of yours. And then also, I wanted to give you a moment. You were nice enough to possibly, you brought me.

some things because Coachella's coming up, Burning Man. Did you want to throw me in something for the pod? I want to do a little makeover to show you what I do in the store in Melrose for 30 years. Now it's Tisda season. It's Coachella and Burning Man. So we want to show you a little something. Try on a little something. Great.

So should we wait till we're done? Yeah. Let's do that. Let's do that first. Yeah. Okay. Perfect. Okay.

So and that'll be, first of all, plug away. Where will they see that video all of the great Cosmo life, The Queen of Melrose. So Queen of Melrose is the platform. And then also Cosmos Glam Squad and Cosmo and Donato. Queen of Melrose, all platforms. And then I also just came out with some music. It's on Spotify.

And it's, do you hear my song? I must have. That's going to be another day. It's fabulous. Yeah. So we have, you know, help me with this. Help. Quillelmell's.com.

Right. Queen of Melrose. dot com. Cosmos Glam Squad. Okay. Did you hear her or should I repeat that? Follow Queen of Melrose in all social media platforms. Yes, yes. Two stores, both on Melrose, one on Fuller and where's the other one?

Melrose and Fuller and the other one is Melrose by the Starbucks. What street is that over there? I just got it. What are we talking? Curson Curson. Curson. Love it. You know the neighborhood.

Come on. Okay. So Cosmon's and Autos on. on Kerson. Okay. Cosmos Glam Squad. It's been there for 25 years. It's on Fuller.

That's the rock and roll store. Okay. And then we have queen of Melrose.com where you could order jewelry. We make everything by hand. You could order all the Queen of Melrose merch. So we have all that on. Oh, yeah, yeah. So we've been trying to figure out this TikTok thing because people are getting rich.

Okay. Do it. It's crazy. Yeah, get paid. So we, after work, we've been on TikTok and actually been selling glasses and selling merchandise like crazy. So it does work if you work it. Yeah.

So basically you can find us on TikTok, Queen of Melrose. Love. We have a lot going on. I love it. It's awesome. So subscribe to YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, all queen of Melrose. All Queen of Melrose. The content queen.

Yes. So our what are you nuts moment, Ben, do you want to get us started? Yeah, jaywalking with an infant. What are you nuts? I literally made a right. I drive everywhere in the city, as everybody knows. I'm going to make a right all of a sudden out of the corner of my eye. I see a dad with literally an infant strapped to his chest crossing against the light.

Are you brain dead? Like, I just, you can risk your own life. risking the baby. Like, it's just the definition of Woodya Nuts. Nuts. Nuts. So my Woody and Nuts is actually will be teed up by a story of yours. Will you please just share with us about your time being in season one of Cops?

First season, babe. First season, babe. First season of Cops. The queen is going to Los Pomas and Santa. Monica Boulevard, the unemployment agency over there. And they have like a little park there where they sold all the drugs to everybody. So the queen's there and she's like, you know, getting her little, you know, prescription. And then all of a sudden, my friend go, cops.

And I turn around. There's like a big fuzzy microphone and lights and cameras and action. And they're like, you're on cops. So there I was, like a deer in the headlight. Okay, and they're like, do you have a warrant? Do you have this? Do you have that? And I said I was my twin brother, Joseph.

I didn't say I was Cosmo because I had a warrant. Long story, shit. Sign this release, please. So the release was to show my face on cops. So a few weeks later, they're in New York, all my customers, everybody's like, Cosmo's on cops. I hear Cosmo in my living room. So they just kept on playing that same episode, literally,

30 years ago. Yeah. And they still play it. Yeah. So you could Google the queen on cops. Queen on cops. Well, my Woody and Nuts is no residuals on cops. No residuals.

Oh, that's terrible. You commit a crime. What can you do? You deserve a residual. People are making money off this cops. Yeah. A lot. Yeah.

Get these criminals some residuals for you. Yes. Maybe you guys got your connection. You could talk to somebody. I can't even. get residuals, Cosmo. It's not looking good for us. This is two people who make no residuals off their appearances.

Queen, do you have a Woody You Nuts? A Woody You Nuts. Okay, so let's say, nuts. Okay, something happens every day. So in my store, you know, you're going to come in and we're going to give you a makeover and basically, you know, you want to shop and, you know, fine, you know, we'll drive. you up. We'll put one outfit on you. Maybe two outfits. We'll take a picture.

The queen will do the right thing. She'll take a picture or a fan picture. But what's happening lately, people are like, I want to try on more and more and more. And then before you know it, the fucking dressing room is up to here. And then they want to walk out without, you know, not even buying a t-shirt or a hat. Okay? This is true story. So I'm like, what are you fucking nuts? K-Mots on third.

and Ross is right there too you know what I mean so I'm going to lock the door you're going to clean your mess and so you know it just gets like what are you fucking nuts have a little shopping etiquette you know what I'm saying

one outfit cute the queen will take your picture she'll give you a lap dance the second outfit she'll show you where the glory hole is in the dressing room but come on now you know don't keep on going

just say listen and we're going to stop right now. Have the queen overworked my staff, period. It's like tasters at an ice cream store, Josh. Tasters at an ice cream store, two tops. And if you walk out, if you try three, you can't walk out. You can't.

You're locked in for a scoop. 100%. I'm so with you. Locked in for a scoop. Cosmo, the Queen of Melrose. Thank you for coming. Thank you. This was amazing.

This was a pleasure. Thank you. You are amazing. We can find Queen of Melrose cross platform everywhere. We're global, especially TikTok shop. Okay? Listen to us, good guys.

Wherever you get your podcast, watch us on YouTube, share our clips, Instagram, and TikTok. We're on TikTok to Cosmo. Just see you know. Mondays and Thursdays, folks, we will see you next time. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or

services referred to in this episode.