Good Guys - Ms. Pat Is Breaking The Rules

Episode Date: June 17, 2024

The hilarious comedian, actress, podcast host, and Southwest Airlines lover Ms. Pat joins the Good Guys this glorious Monday! Ms. Pat discusses her first time watching Schindler's List, how TikTok taught her to be a contractor, what changed in her life when becoming a comedian, finding the right man, how she developed The Ms. Pat Show, living in Indiana, and gives her opinion on Ben showing his dogs on camera! It's hilarious, it's gorgeous - fall in love with Ms. Pat with us, if you aren't already! What are ya nuts?! Leave us a voicemail here! Sponsors: Go to Nutrafol.com code GOODGUYS10 to save $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping Ro.co/good - Sign up today and you’ll pay just $99 for your first month — and $145 a month after that Hero Bread is offering a special 10% off your order with the code GOODGUYS24 at Hero.co Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. I'm Josh Peck. And I'm Ben Sauffer. And we're the good guys. There's a lot of guys out there. And we're the good ones. Mazel morons. Welcome back to the Good Guys podcast.

I'm here with the head of the Jewish space laser program, Ben Soffer. Thank you very much. And I'm here with my assistant, Miss Pat. Miss Pat, any comment on the Jewish space lasers? I don't mess with Jews. You ain't about to give me canceled. I don't know what the hell your space program is, but go, Jews. Go Jews. Miss Pat is an absolute pleasure. We've been here talking for 15 minutes while

we had some light technical difficulties and all I have to say, it's been the best 15 minutes of my day. Well, thank you. And I want to say the only Jew I ever knew of was Jesus. And I didn't know it was a whole bunch of y'all until I got older. And I was like, wow, this is a whole lot of Jewish people. I heard that because your mother was very religious and she said, there's one Jew. No, my My mom was not religious. She was a drunk who played like she was religious. Solid. Same.

My mom, too. Yes. Solid. So, and, but that was true, right? Did you not know there were Jews till you were in with Ari Shafir in Crown Heights, Brooklyn? And you saw the Hasidim walking around, or as we call them, the Jewish Amish? Yep. That's the first time I ever saw that.

And I was like, why do people got these curle fries hanging off their head? And Arn lost it. And I was like, I've never, I didn't. I wasn't. I thought that it was, I didn't know anything about the Jewish population other than Jesus was a Jew. That's all they ever told me. When I met R, he said he was Jewish, so I was like, I guess there's God people. And then he took me to that park and all these people, these little hats that look like they go on a little cake.

You know what them little hats that be wearing? And then they all had like curly fries hanging off their head. And I'm like, what the hell of these people walk around these ugly assail cuts for? He said it was a cynic Jews? Yeah, yeah. Hasidic. Her acidic juice, so I kept my mouth shut because I went back home and I was like, told my husband,

I said, it's an acidic juice. My husband said, such a dumb assail. It sounds like something that Welshers should make Cic juice. That's when I learned that it was a whole populate other than when I watched the movie. What's the one about, Ham it, my brother stole it on a laser disc. I tell this story all the time about when they...

Oh, Laserdisc. What was it? A Jewish one? Shindler's list. Shindulist. Okay. So my brother, I told this story a hundred times. My brother used to be a professional cat burglar.

So he stole these white people laser discs. And inside the laser disc was the shindler list. And we turned it on and see if it worked. And it was at that part where Hitler was just shooting these Jewish people down. And I didn't know anything about Shindulist. I dropped out in Aft Gray. And I'm like, I'm a black girl from the hood. I'm like, run stupid-ass white people.

Y'all just said. getting shot. And so when I met my husband, I said, let me show you this dumb ass move by these white people getting shot. And I put in the shindlelitz and his mouth hit the flow. And I was like, what's wrong? He's like, this is true. I was like, what? And then he set me down and he explained the whole history of the shendler list. And I was like, holy fuck. I'm glad I said that to you first. That's called love and trust. Because I had never heard of it before. Yeah, Nazi Germany was pretty, pretty rough.

Yes, it was. But we have prevailed. We have prevailed. And I say the thing about slavery, it was rough, but I think we have prevailed. We have prevailed. We have prevailed. So you're on tour right now. Is that right?

Mm-hmm. Let's give it. Where are we touring and what are we doing? What are we seen? Let's give a proper intro, though, really quick. For anyone who doesn't know, the great Miss Pat, brilliant comedian, actor, judge, multiple television shows, BET, BET Plus.

You have a movie coming out and author. What don't you do, Miss Pat? I don't do stuff I don't get paid to do. Love that. Same here. Great. People ask me if I have hobbies. I'm like, what, pottery? Now, I do have a hobby.

I love DIY. So I just built my first home without a contractor by myself, all from TikTok and YouTube. And that's why if Biden get rid of TikTok, I'm not voting for him and I'm a diehard Democrat. Biden, stay in your lane to old folks home. Keep talking to Trump and lead TikTok alone because I love TikTok.

And with TikTok, I was able to build a 15,000 square foot home. Wow. 15,000 square feet. Yes. Let's hear some of the, give us the highlights of the house. What do we got? Yeah, and I want to know what did TikTok teach you? TikTok taught you how to build a 15,000 square foot home. It taught me how to be the contractor.

It sure did. because I didn't hire a contract because I wanted to see if I can do it on my own. Now, I made some mistakes, but it helped me with the design. It taught me how to pick an architect. It taught me how to, a lot about foundation work that had to go down. I use it a lot mostly for stealing other people. I ain't going to say stealing from watching other people video on how to decorate, you know, the things that I wanted in my house.

So for instance, with my kitchen, I was like, I told the guy, I had custom cabinets. I said, I want this. I want that. I want this, but take this out. I don't like that what they have. So, and I designed the whole house from TikTok pretty much. Wow, that's huge. Because you know what you never hear about someone's contractor?

They finished two months early and 10,000 under budget. Never. No, I didn't have a budget because I figured the money that I was going to pay a contract, and I said, okay, I'm going to take that 20, 30 percent, and then I'm a splurge inside of my house. Did I probably go over budget? Yes, but it was my money. I controlled everything.

Every receipt. I bought every part. I only pay for labor. I wouldn't let them buy nothing. Because I don't know if a lot of people know this, but when you go out and let your contractor buy stuff, they get a deal, for one, they're a contractor. For two, when you buy them boats,

you're going to get a deal anyway. So they don't tell you that. So I said, well, I already know that. So I just went out and got me some parole accounts, some Home Depot cars, and I used the other money, and I deal what I had to do. Wow.

And we're in Atlanta. This house, this 15,000 square foot houses in Atlanta? Yeah, but I ain't going to tell people where I live at. So you got a pretty big podcast. You want butt-nicking white. me and showing up on my damn don't. You're going to ask me my address. No, that said, 15,000 square feet, when are me and Josh coming over?

That is a lot of bedrooms. I think it's 11 bedrooms and 13 baths. I think. But isn't that the issue with a beautiful big home is that people want to stay over? My house is already full. I have custody of my niece who's a crackhead. I've custody her four kids. Then I got two kids that won't leave.

And then I built a podcast house because I do a podcast too called the Pat Down. So I do, I don't have no room. Plus, my family smoke dope. So they're not coming to my house anyway. Because they're going to steal my TV, my pocketbook. I love them, but we got to do a barbecue in the park. You got to mean neutral ground. Ain't no neutral ground.

He ain't bring your ass to my house. My family don't even have my cell phone number. They contact me through Facebook Messenger. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by Nutraful. summer's finally here. That means more days spent outside at the park or on the beach or in the pool. Make sure you're taking extra care of your hair this summer, since sun, salt, and SPF can all affect your hair health.

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So I'm sober 16 years because I'm a classic cliche child actor. you know, burned out at 21. So you were what, drinking? I was doing it. I was on everything but skates. Damn. You don't broke my heart. You mean to tell me all this time my kids were watching your little chunk of ass, you are hot.

We loved you. I got my kid watching the white crack hair. I didn't have to know. Not the whole time. Just seasons three and four. I digress. Is it hard when you see loved ones kind of wrapped up in addiction and whatnot? Not when they ain't got your money.

Oh, don't get fuck. If you were my son and you were high hell? Yeah, boy, you're fucking up all money. I'm going to eat you to get clean. But, no, my sister been on Crax since they dropped Craig in the black community. So, you know, we both grew up in the same household. We both had our own problems and our own demons. You know, we dropped out of school early, had kids earlier.

So we both went through something. We just went different lanes, you know, where I had two kids by Mary Mann Young. She had a couple of kids and she got on drugs. I think I became a drug dealer and I had something to live for, which was my two kids. So I threw all of my energy into raising these kids to make sure they didn't grow up the way I grew up. Well, my sister just, she dealt with her childhood problem by trying to get rid of them through drugs. Mine didn't come back to hunt me until I became a comedian. That's what I started dealing with the demons in my life,

the people that mistreated me, you know, the heartbreaks and all of that. When I got on stage and then I realized there's so many people out there like me who've been through things, but they're scared to talk about it in public. Like one of the first things I talked about was being molested by my mama boyfriend. And then when I come off stage, so many women's like, oh, my God, you're telling my story. I'm like, bitch, I don't know you. But then I had the real. But you weren't there doing my rape, mind your business.

But I had to realize by me saying it out loud gave so many other people the courage to say it out loud. So not only was I healing, but the audience that come see me heal every time because I go deep. I don't give a fuck what I talk about. Yeah. And did you ever do therapy or any of that?

No, anybody got no money, no hoof, no third. You know, black folks just started going to therapy with this whole mental hip thing. Because back in the day, one of the therapy, nobody wanted to prove that something was wrong with her because our mama got social security checks. So you're not about to fuck up your mama extra in call.

He, he, whatever you tell him, he's a white foe, as long as you give me that $900 for. It just recently, the last 10 years, they don't start giving a fuck about mental health in the black community. Right, because I grew up with an over-therapized Jewish mother who was like, you need therapy, you're fat, you don't know your father.

You didn't know your father? No, I never met my dad. And he died before I met him, So he got he had a perfect record. He was like, I'll never meet you. Oh, damn. You might make me cry. He won.

See, Miss Spad, we have some things in coming. I see. Some struggle. I remember at 11. She didn't like you being fat. You was cute fat. You're cute now, but she was cute fat. Was she fat?

Yeah. You should say, bitch, I'm fat because you're fat. We both need counseling. You fat, bitch. I'm not saying that to your mom, but I'm saying that was I would have been thinking of myself. We prefer the word large. We use large.

We're large. Pex are large people, but I remember at 11 years old, my mom made me go see like a typical, like from a Woody Allen movie therapist on the Upper East Side of Manhattan named Dr. Burger. And he's like, Josh, what's upsetting you? And I said, well, you know, I get teased a lot at school. He goes, you know, growing up kids would make fun of me. They'd call me hamburger or cheeseburger. I said, Doc, I'm more. morbidly obese.

I have cholesterol that's 275. I'm 11. Damn. That's the Danny. Now Jews got to cut back

on that rice and sauces. We do love sauce. I know you. I know we love sauce. I have a friend

named John Rattler. He the one found me on a Joe Rogan podcast and he's Jewish and I hate going his fucking house because all you want to feed

a nigga is some cheese. And I told him, I said let me tell you something. You're going to have a black friend. You got to realize We don't eat this goddamn cheese. This shit is constipace, you know, and it's going to kill us all. We have cheese on cracker, cheese on bread.

I don't want them on goddamn cheese, John, barbecue. What is the perfect? We love talking about food on the pot. So for you, you have people over, what's a perfect appetizer, pass around crudette? Crudette. Black man on the camera, can you help me out? I don't know.

Perfect meal. We're coming to your house. You're going to eat what black people eat shit. I ain't got no Jewish ideals. What are you talking about? You're going to eat some collardering. You're going to eat some ox tails. You're going to eat some chickens, some fried fish.

Whatever my fat kids done whipped up in the kitchen. But I can't go out here and get you no grude of day cheese. I'm not wasting my money on that shit. Because we don't eat no good of day cheese. You're going to eat some macaroni and cheese. And yeah, we don't do appetize. We go straight for the meal. Appetize and potato chips.

After that, you go straight to the meal. Nice. I like that. And your kids are cooking in your house. Oh, yeah, they can cook. I'm not allowed to cook because they say, I'm garbage. I can cook some crack, but I can't cook no food. That's the appetizer.

No. Did you just hear him say he got clean? You're not going to put that shit on me. What's your ratio? I like to go two parts baking soda. You know? What's your recipe? I don't remember.

Josh. What a role reversal. I love it. I feel like I'm a bad influence on Miss Pat. I feel like I'm a bad influence on you. You, my kids love you. Why are you talking to him like that? I'm just kiss my head.

And you talk about your husband who was in the military, right? What branch of the military? The Army. Wow, an Army man. I didn't know him. I met him exactly when he got out. And was that an attraction, this service man? No, he was still chunky.

He had came home and ate some collard green dinner. So he was a little chunky when I met him. No, he was just different from what I already had. I had spent 10 years with my kid's father, who was very abusive, a piece of shit, wouldn't work, couldn't read, just dumb ass. And so I finally met a man who knew how to talk to you, open a door for you, who would take the trash out for you,

who didn't call your bitches and holes. And I was like, well, they make these men. at. And so he wasn't even really my type, but I was like, I'm going to hold on to their fat boy, because I might not get another shit. You know, the hood is short on black men, so I had to grab that one.

What did he do in the Army? I don't know. I ain't really never asked him. He used to tell me the Army story. I get tired of here in that bullshit. I think he fixed the trucks. I don't know. He was there like five or six years. I was just thinking because he said that he was chunky, so he probably wasn't like. Oh, he didn't cook. He didn't cook.

Yeah. No, he was in battlefield so he went to a little persian gulf and shit oh wow and he said when he went over there he said he knew he had to get out because the next time they were going to fuck us up so he came home and got out wow so josh knows this about me i see every popular movie 25 years late i watch the titanic for the first time three days ago that's my favorite i watched per last night i watched watch pearl harbor speaking of war what a movie why why are you so late i don't know it's a big flaw in me i just see these movies so so late and by that time, everybody's like, you haven't seen that movie? I'm like, how amazing it is for me

that I get to see it for the first time. No, that's fucking laziness. Well, Pearl Harbor is an amazing movie. And damn there everybody dead on Pearl Harbor now. They are. Yeah. Yeah, very sad movie. Tragic movie. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by the Roe Body program. You guys know about my GLP1 journey. I've been talking about it for an incredibly long time, how much it honestly changed my life and how much I wish that it was more accessible for other people. People will reach out to me all the time and ask me about my experience, say that it's not covered by insurance, all this stuff. And I'm so happy that the Robody program is here to give the people what they need. Roe provides access to the most popular weight loss shots on the

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Wow. Say more. Say more about that. I just, I think it was Celine Dion voice that brought me in. But it was such, it was like, it was like all the poor people was at the bottom of the ship. And one poor person made it to the top and say, fuck y'all, I'm going to take this rich white woman. And we, until we float out here on this little raft and then to be so rich, I'm going to give him my raff and I'm a down off. It was the perfect love story. It really is.

I've never seen it either. I loved it too. It was unbelievable. Josh, you have to see it. You just cry. You ain't never seen Tatan? I don't like popular things. I've realized. Huh? It's too popular. It's a old last movie, Josh. It's too beloved. Josh, it's so good.

It's so good. I'm like protesting it, maybe. So since y'all don't watch shit, Curd, why y'all got me? I got two TV show. So I know y'all ain't seen shit. I don't do it. I've seen your show. I'm a fan of your show and I would love to know because in the Miss Pat show it's a sitcom but it's not right because it's not a traditional like it's a it's an R-rated sitcom yes it breaks all the rules tell me more about that because that's

what I absolutely loved about it because I love the sitcom format but I always feel like I don't always want a dopey punchline you know well it's it's multi-cam which you know Hollywood has gotten away with moot got in the way from multi-cam when I met my co-creator Jordanie Cooper and And the show was set up at Fox. And we went through two writers. And it was literally the, it was just, I couldn't do it. I was like, yeah, I really don't want to make a show that doesn't really show who I am.

You know, I'm a comedian. And I know I couldn't curse. But I did expect for it to be a lot funnier than it was. And I just told him, you know, we went through two writers and I finally met a writer with Lee Daniels said, I'm going to go to the streets. I think I got somebody. Found any kids. And the first thing he said was, y'all should.

let a curse. And I was like, boy, you have lost your damn. They didn't let no big black woman cuss on TV. He said, no, the same way she talked at home, the same way she should talk on TV, which had never been done before. And so Fox went for it and sold it to Hulu. Hulu shot the pilot. And somebody over there said, hell no, she called me a band Black kids nigger. And I was like, it ain't no different than you calling your child a school shooter. And so they It's the same fucking day to me. So they dropped it and BET Plus picked it up and BET Plus was pretty new at the time

and I just told my co-creator, I said, in this business I learned and I only been in this business for a season but I've been a comedian for over 20-some years. I said you've got to learn the mess the fuck with people who fuck with you. Stop chasing people, get people who understand you and want to support what you want to do. Then that's the way you can always be original

to who you are. Right. Because I mean, you know, I told them when they were first someone, I said, give me a show, I said, I'm fat, but you're not about to hit me in my face with no pie. I'm not doing no fat girl jokes. I'm fat because of chick filet. I'm not doing none of that shit to say, oh, I'm the cute, big fat girl.

Don't fucking call me fat. I don't want you. I don't, we're not, I'm too funny. I'm too good of a comic for you to be talking about what size I am. So I just put that out right up front. And we created a Miss Pat show, which nobody understood it first season. but it took off. And black community came after,

oh my God, this is not a representation of the black community. I'm like, you bitches are lying. You call your kids the inward all the fucking time when you get mad. Or they daddy don't come back. So get off my, I would literally go on there and type and argue with the people.

And it was like, you cannot say, fuck you, you're not gonna be talking about my goddamn show. Bitch trying to get me cancer, y'all, get on my damn nurse. So I was arguing with the people. Right. Then it hit Black Twitter and Black Twitter blow up or either destroy you. And it hit Black Twitter, and it blew the hell

the hell up. And I think, along with Black Twitter and a lot of promotion that I did on my own helped say the first season. Now, people act like it's gravy. Well, it's so rare to have a formula hit. It was your first show, right? It was my first show.

I've never had a show. And four seasons in this day and age, I mean, you might as well be in syndication. Like, that's huge. Yeah, if I wasn't on streaming, I probably would be in syndication. Right. But I'm thankful for, like I tell people all the time, sometimes you got a piece of steal and let God got you.

Because I don't think we could have did this show nowhere else. We couldn't have. And I have a very diverse audience that come out and see me because of, you know, all the podcasts and stuff that I do. So my audience is very diverse. When you can get white people with Trump hats on to come over to BET Plus and still love you, I think I'm doing something. Now, they cancel right after they watch all the season.

But they're just... Well, they got to send money to Donnie. You're damn right. They do. But they do give Ms. Pat $9. So, I mean, it was a formula that I think even BET Plus was scared because it had never been done. Right. But we're not just a cussing show.

We talk about stuff. We go deep. Stuff that network TV is just only going to scrape over the cross the top. No, we go all the way deep. And people love that. It's, do you find, we're going to have the great Phil Rosenthal on the podcast who created everybody loves Raymond. And he talks about when he was doing the show,

he would say to his writers on Friday night, he'd say, now go home, get in a fight with your wives, and come back Monday. Because he's like, we need stories. Bring me stories from your family, from your life. Do you find that you're constantly still pulling from your family life? Yes, because something happened every day in my life. I mean, every, like the finale of the Miss Pass show this season,

it's about Mike's son and my oldest son, Brandon. the guy who plays Brandon and Ashley. That's my kid's real name on the show. And so he wants to go help his father because his father is dying, but the father wasn't in their life. So the sister says, no, don't be stupid.

Well, that really plays out in my life. My kid's father has some medical issues and about dead and my son wants to feel sorry from. And my daughter was like, fuck him. Right. And so I'm in the writer's room and I'm telling this story how torn apart they is.

My daughter was like, let him die. And my son's like, don't y'all want to at least be nice to him? And so we wrote that whole, They wrote that whole finale from it. So I can just, honestly, I can literally go in the room and talk to my co-creator or talk to the, just telling them stories and bam. I mean, episodes just pop out.

Wow. Wow. It's a great show, Ben. Amazing. You should watch it. You should wait 20 years, Ben. Ben's watching Reba right now. So you know how we're doing.

What? There's nothing wrong with Reba. And by the way, Riba is a rewatch. Well, Reba is good. But I'm just telling you, Ms. Pat is still. So I need you. I need you to go over. Miss Pat.

I promise. You need to go get BT Plus and don't feel unwhite. That white people come over there too. Just pay your little $9 and go ahead on and watch all four. See, it is hilarious. I'm paying $9 this instant and everybody listening should pay $9. And let me tell you. We're supporting Ms. Pat and we're watching it.

And then we're going to your shows. We're galvanizing all the white people to your shows. We're bringing all the Jews. Oh, God. We're bringing the curly fries. Oh, God. We're bringing everyone. As Bobby Lee called us, we're the good whites.

I like the good white. I got to tell y'all, the incident that happened to me yesterday. So I'm getting on the plane. It's been a while since I've been upstairs in the airport because I usually go out the side door. So I'm walking through the airport and I'm getting on the plane and this rude-ass white man with a big-ass bookback, just stuff.

They said military and 360 in first class, you can now, boy, he bumps the shit out of me with this big-ass-ass-ass-y-ass-y-old. bag and I said excuse you sir he said I'm military I said I don't give a fuck you hit me yeah I'm some I'm a military man wife okay you bump me and you're gonna tell me you sorry he said I'm military I said I don't give a fuck you better apologize to me right now well fuck it not before you apologize to me and he apologized and everybody said now oh my God he's military I have no problem respecting the military I respect what y'all do my husband is a formal military uh formal person out of the army, but it's about

respect. You don't fucking bump me and walk off like you just got all this white pride, because I'm black, so the first thing I think is you got white pride. Turn your ass around and apologize to me. I'm somebody wife. I'm somebody mama. I'm somebody I'm a big black woman that he hit me so hard that I did not have

on a bra and it made my tithes go all the way across my stomach. So he hit me really fucking hard. Wow. And it wasn't even no sweat up under my tithes. So for you to make my dry titty, slide crossed my stomach that heart. You knocked the hell out of me and I made him apologize. Yeah. And what I'm happy he did. Do you board early because your husband's in the military? No, sir. I do VIP so I go

down the side of the plane. So I haven't been in the airport in a while. So since I was connecting, I, uh, you know, I was up that day. But you're also Delta 360, right? Yes. I know a lot about you, Ms. I see. I love Delta. Tell us more about the secret elite Delta 360 program. I ain't no damn secret. It's secret. It's invite only. It's invite only. You know what I don't, I guess I spend enough money with Delta to get to be invited with the amount of I fly every week so somebody should invite me to something, but they just seen you a nice little package and, you know, with your little bag tags and stuff like that ain't nothing special. Oh, I've heard it's a little bit more special. But you're flying commercial, but you don't have to go in the airport. No, I don't

have to go in the airport. Don't they drive you? That's pretty special to me. No, you pay for VIP. Everybody paid for it. So, you know, when you see people go out at that side door, that's just it's VIP. That's just when you escort it through the airport. But then I heard, do they drive you in a Porsche? They do drive you in a Porsche.

They need a Calais because I'm fat. And the back of that Porsche is tight as hell. And you go to the 360 lounge, which is really nice here in L.A. It's way nicer than the one in Atlanta. And I never do VIP in New York, because those people don't give a fuck. about your VIP. They're the meanest

motherfuckers. Them New Yorkers, all the time they, I ain't never seen them be nice. The rats in New York is way nicer than the people. If you feed the racks, they'll say thank you. If you feed the homeless in New York, they'll say fuck off. They will. They will. And they'll tell you

that they have dietary restrictions to, which I respect, but homeless people in New York are tough. Do you know that in New York we have eight times the rats of people? Yes, sir. I've seen them. I don't know how y'all live there. I really, don't. It's amazing that most of the rats

have better ovaries than the women do. There's no rat IVF. All they do is fucking be making baby. You look up, there's a mama with eight kids behind them, and you're like, what the hell? But the thing is, they never can get the rat population under control.

No, no, they can't. Did you see that huge rat? They called him the king rat? No, sir. Like a four-foot rat. Huge rat. Huge rats. And that's why they enlisted the rat czar, whose sole job was to eliminate the rats. And what did he do with him? Nothing. He's done nothing. We need, what I've read is that every population that's had rat issues, they've then created a cat issue, which got rid of the rat issue. But then you're stuck with all these stray cats. So we could bring in a couple thousand cats to take care of the rat issue. I think I'd prefer a rat issue. Not them damn rats. Not them rats. them cats would get their ass beat. I've seen them rats.

Them some big ass rat. I saw one at Apple, I mean, on the train one time I was out there. I don't scream and everybody like, why the fuck are you hollering? I'm like, it's a rat right here. So I don't know. New York is filthy. Filthy. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by Hero Bread.

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so fluffy. This like soft shell. They're amazing for fajitas I just made them with. So, so good. You can also make them into a wrap. We love their buns. Claudia and I have been on a nice burger kick. I've been cooking burgers. And their burger buns are amazing. I put a little mayonnaise on the outside, put them down on the grill or on a pan, high heat. Just for a second, get that bun nice and toasted. The top stays fluffy. It is absolutely amazing, folks. Hero bread is, is it. It's it. It's the best. bread I've ever had. I absolutely love it. Keep the carbs out of summer without compromising flavor with Hero Bread. Get 10% off your order at hero.co and use code Good Guys 24 at checkout. I can't even tell you they are so unbelievably delicious. You won't believe it until you try it. That's Good Guys 24 at h-e-r-o.co. Hi, I'm Claire and I'm Erica. We're the host of a thing or two. We are professional enthusiast constantly on the hunt for the products, books, and trends that should be on your radar. And we share them with you every Monday, whether it's marinated olive oil that we're putting on everything, a deep dive on pillows, or the fact that suddenly gas stoves are on everyone's outlist for

2023. We challenge the friends we invite on the show to bring their own favorite things to, like when Ellen Van Dusen spilled about the IG account that's keeping her current with the use. We also love a gift guide. We take listener questions, Dear Abby's style, and tell you what to get your vegan minimalist coworker or your sister-in-law who loves a hunt. So be sure to listen and follow a thing or two with Claire and Erica wherever you listen to podcasts. You were talking about this guy who was not giving you the proper respect on your Delta flight.

And I love the story you talk about where your son brought home a white girl that he was dating. And this is going to bring us to a fun game I've got playing. So will you tell that story real quick? So I live in Plainfield, Indiana, very small conservative town. That's how we got the Miss Pat show, just living in that town and telling these stories. So when we first got there, I was the only black family in my community for 15 years. So as my son went to elementary middle school and high school, he got into white girls, which I don't have a problem with that. And he would bring them home, they'd be blue eye, they pretty, they whatever.

But the culture is different. Like, you know, we taught as black people, when the parent walk in the house, you got to automatically speak. Am I right, sir, black guy? White people are not talking to. Then you have a very bad habit of putting your funky-ass feet on. on the furniture. We was poor as fucking. We could not put our,

you can't even put your feet on the milk crate. So I walked in the house one day, my son got this pretty white girl laying across myself with her feet in his hand and in his lap. And he's massaging her feet. I walk in and he said,

hey, mama, this white bitch don't say nothing. Well, at the time, I'm working at Taco Bell. I go back there and take my Taco Bell uniform off and I walked back in the room. I said, go ahead and get your white bitch up out of here because she didn't speak to me. I said, that white bitch, when you come over a niggas house, learn how to speak to him.

You don't just let me walk in my house and you land up in with your funky ass, feet in my son, laughing out of peace. Get your motherfucking white-night ass out of here. So I put them out. We don't claim her. I don't know her. She's not part of it.

Disrespectful. She was clearly goyish. She wasn't Jewish. She could have been purr white. I don't know. But I'm just saying with the black culture, the parent walking house, you automatically say,

hey, Mr. or Mrs. whatever. That's how we're taught. I just have to say that in the Jewish community, we are taught that as well. Respect to your parents is number one. It is. It is. Josh, do we not?

If your mom walks in a room, are you ignoring her? No, but we can't speak for all. I've met a couple of kids in Hebrew school who I do not claim. They do not represent us. I mean, think about Josh when you was on Josh and when you was on your show. Yeah. I mean, those kids had to me. They was making out of money, so they weren't respectable.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, that was my mom and I came from New York, single mom, only child, bro. you know, I'm 13 years old here. And it was unlike anything I'd ever experienced because I went to public school in New York City where a lot of my friends who had a similar life to mine who didn't have a dad were like, you know,

they just came from a similar socioeconomic class that I did. So it was, again, it was a lot of that like we're broke, but we have class, we have rules, we're polite, we have respect. Because it's like, what else do you have? If not that, the integrity of your kids. character. See there?

You see that, Ben? You see that? Now, Ben, I agree. The integrity of my character. What would you do for a living being? I'm not familiar with you. One, I am the great host of this lovely podcast. I have an Instagram, a bit of a comedian myself, but I also own an alcohol company,

which is a wonderful time to plug it, called Sprit Society. Wine-based sparkling cocktails, I will send you a pack. You will love them. What is it? Here, I never tried it. They're wine-based sparkling cocktails. cocktails. Cotails.

Yes. If you think of like a bellini or a mimosa or an aporal spritz, they're wine. Oh. And they're good. I wouldn't drink them warm. They're not great warm. It's a good black dude. Okay.

You are I got a black dude. No offense. Black people are going to teach you to. Okay. But Miss Pat, I will not share your address, but you'll give it to me later. And I'll send you some. Oh, yeah. Please.

I mean, I drink every night and then. drink a lot every now and then. Ms. Pat, what do you think now I wanted to ask you, now that we know about your level of respect needed and deserved, the great Ben will sometimes co-hosts our podcast, Shoeless,

with his dogs in the camera, the feet, the toes. Is that disrespectful? How do we feel? It is? Very. Very. So let me tell you, so my good friend, John Rattler, right, when I first met him, he's the one that heard me on the podcast. He worked for him.

imagine at the time and he asked me to come up there and meet with him about a TV show. So I get there. He kind of looked like you a little bit, Jewish. And, you know, I can't really tell. Everybody just white to me. So I go in now, I started talking to him. He looked young. I'm thinking he's about 19, but actually he's a little older, a lot older.

And he put his foot on the table. It pissed me the fuck off. But I'm in a meeting trying to get a TV show. In my mind, I kept saying, get your motherfucking foot off that damn table. Right. And I told him later on now, we look. Like family, I say, when you had your foot on that table, I want to slap the shit out of you.

It's disrespectful. A feet is nasty. You walk on the ground, you put your feet in your shoes. You don't put your foot on no table. You don't put your stank and ass foot up in this camera where your friend can see your feet. It is disgusting to put a foot on a table. Now, let me just defend myself with these at home studios, right? And perhaps you're recording in the middle of the day.

You were doing something before. You just go to the studio and perhaps you forgot. to put on your shoes. There is no intention in the disrespect of the showing my dogs on camera. Occasionally, they're very clean, post shower, in the room, carpeted floors, home studio. I'm not showing up to Dear Media Studios, shuless. I'm not homeless, right? Please, it's unhoused. And at-home studio. So perhaps, perhaps we just need to put the camera just on my upper body, Just to make sure that that never happens.

Nobody needs to see my feet on camera anyways. Whether or not I'm wearing shoes. But you say they were dogs, so I can imagine what they look like. They're honestly beautiful, and if you'd like, I will remove my shoe and show you. Nah. Now, I would love to hear this debate. Ben is a little bit more liberal with the tooting in front of his spouse. Tuning?

The tooting. What's that? What's that? What's that? letting gas go. Oh, my God. I do not in front of my wife after 13 years. I run out of the room and I have my moment of flatulence and that I reappear as though it never happened and I don't make eye contact with her.

How do we feel? How do we feel about that? I've been married for 31 years. And my husband is on Ozimic. And the only thing he's losing is air. And that shit stink. Oh, but I mean, after a while, you can't be holding your bowel with the person who you love. Thank you, Miss Pat.

I'm 50, and I let it rip. Sometimes I was like, you fought like a real truck drive. I'm like, I don't give a damn. You just, you don't know what I ate today. And, you know, I'm thick. I'm thick. So sometimes I have to spread my cheeks to make sure all the air evaporate out. So I would have to agree with him.

I don't know why you running out the room. Do your wife fart in front of you? No. Oh, y'all are too boozy. It's too bougie. I'm with you. We let it rip. And if one smells bad, we just say, you know, they're sick.

So you never been having sex with your wife and ass nipped out of her. But not from her butt. I mean, whoa. Welcome, Ben. Whoa. Hold on. You too boozy for me. Ben, your wife will fart it on your penis?

Sure. Why not? She hasn't. Why not? That's our favorite game. But it's, yeah, the one time that my wife let it rip was she was pregnant and she was asleep. And she let one out and I was like, my little pregnant queen, my little vessel. It's so cute.

The two. I let it out once after surgery because I was on biking. And I looked at her. I was like, do I fart? And she goes, yeah. I'm all doped up, scratching myself and shit. But I'm so happy you brought this up. I've always thought it was insane.

to the bathroom. You're going to make yourself sick. Yeah, just fart right there. It's only going to start now. No, not right now. Not now to don't close. Hell no, not now. Lost your fucking mind. Won't you fart over there so you can smell it? I have been the whole episode. Should we get to a, I think we have one good speak pipe. So we have this thing where people will leave us messages asking for advice on the podcast. And this lovely woman from down under, from Australia. I wanted to had a question that I think Ms. Pat would be an expert at giving advice about. This is from

Yenta Moron. And I'll just re-cue that up because Miss Pat, I'm terrible at this. Oh, it's okay. Me too. Okay, here we go. Hey boys, Yinter Moron here. I've got to be one of your oldest listeners calling me from Australia. I've got three kids and the one I'm ringing about is my oldest daughter who is now 32 years old. She's a beautiful girl

but all she wants to do is traips around the world, saving one place after the other. She likes adventure, she wants to go to Patagonia, she wants to go to India, she wants to go to Vietnam, always schlepping around the world. I am worried that it's time she should settle down. So my question is, do you think I should try and persuade her to settle down, maybe think about starting a family, or do I keep my mouth closed and just let I do whatever she wants. I'm wondering if you think that women today have a timeline and isn't important, or do I just let her keep on doing her thing?

Anyway, interested to hear your feedback. I never miss an episode. I think you're fantastic, and I can't wait for you to come down under, and you're both welcome for a shabas dinner. Look forward to hearing from you. The way I love this woman so much, she sounds like Mrs. Doubtfire. She do. She really do.

You fit your naya doubt fire, dear. I personally think if she's not doing it on her dime, because she's saying she's traveling around the world, and she's not doing it on her dime, Mama, mind your damn business. And yes, vagina do have a timeline where we can't reproduce our eggs drop and once out of our vagina will eventually dry up.

Hey, she didn't know her timeline. She's 32. She got about a good eight years left. And the great part about, you know, kids these days, making a day you had to give birth to everything, It's so many places you can pick up kids at grocery store, hotel, motels. That's a cell everywhere.

You don't have to worry about, oh, I can't conceive, bitch. I know some crackheads that will give you a baby for two rocks and a ham sandwich. So I would say this to you, Miss Australia, your lady. What's her name? Miss who? She didn't mention. Yeah. Because that's our fandom.

We call them the morons. Oh, okay. So, yeah, she called herself a moron. All right. Well, I would give you this invite. Mind your damn business. I think you want a grandbaby. That's the problem.

But your daughter want that free dick. So that's why she wanted to go get laid in Indian, Vietnam, you know, Chekertu. I don't know where all around the world is. I just know Atlanta. Beautiful checker too. Yes. Mind your business. And leave her alone if she's not doing it with your money.

Now, if she's doing it with your money, you tell her, bring her ass home and get a job and get pregnant by somebody at the truck stop. Right. Yeah. But a good truck stop, a Buckees. What are some of the major trucks? Just a Bucky, that's the only one nice. But they don't let-

Buckees is the only nice one. They don't let trucks park there at Buckees. Oh, they don't? Yeah, because they don't want, you know, the truckers, some can be slightly more. Hookers, hookers. So when I sit my daughter off the college, and she was the first one to go to college

and three generations, and she went to college and turned out to be gay. So you probably heard me tell this story. And when she was running from me, because I had been to prison, and I didn't really like gay women. And so she didn't want to tell me she was gay. So when I figured out she was gay, I said, look, come on back to Atlanta.

And Atlanta is gay as hell. You can eat all the pussy you want to eat. Just don't do it at my house. But come home. Right. And don't be in college acting like you getting an education. I literally sit my daughter to college to come out. All she did would eat vagina.

And that shit caused me two years of eating vagina. She was there practicing eating pussy. What she's supposed to be becoming a teacher or some shit? So she got a nice liberal arts degree. and some vagina. She didn't get no degree. She dropped out with a vagina in her mouth. She gets to do her core curriculum?

No, she didn't do no. She got a degree in eating pussy. Yes, that's what. Her core curriculum was a panty liners. And I heard she graduated magna cum laude. Magnacumlai. Magna cum laude, more likely. But she's happy now.

She didn't graduate from college, but according to her, she's the best vagina eating down. South. Now that's something to be proud of. That is a great claim to fame. I've seen my vagina after two days. I don't want to eat no woods. My drawl stick to me sometime. What I put I ain't ateable. And speaking of as someone who's been wonderfully married for a couple decades now, how do you keep the romance, the spark going? I would say, for my first, I tell everybody this, communication is key to every relationship.

You got to be able to keep communicate. You know, a lot of people think it's sex, sex, that's going to come a time when you don't want no more sex. I literally have been sexual actors since elementary school. Get that dick away from me. I am all dicked out. But I talk to you about a good show on TV. So I just think really it's a communication,

understanding each other, giving each other the space that they need. And I think that's how I stay married. Because when I get on my husband there, he'd be like, shit your stupid ass up. So I know he's serious. So I go somewhere and sit down. But I cuss him out sometime too. But that's all a part of a relationship.

And I'm not a cry baby. You know, you get with these summer women, oh my God, you told me to shut the hell up. I'm not that type of chick. You tell me to shut hell off. I said you tell you never-heed mammy the shit the hell up. I talk back. So.

Well, like, because my wife and I, like, I'm Jewish. She's Irish Catholic. I always say her love language is silence, right? I'm the one who wants to talk about everything. And she's like, would you shut up? Most of them are silent. Yeah. They got a lot of secrets.

Word up. They do, huh? I don't understand how y'all ain't whoop them priest's ass. You ain't going to have that many black pastors doing that shit. You might get one, but, uh-uh. Should we get into Woody and Nuts, our final segment? We should. Did you brief Miss Pat?

I will. So basically every episode, we do something called What Do You Nuts at the end? And it's our Gritey a nuts. with people, places, and things. Anything that's annoying you right now, big or small, about the world, about life. Take your time, think about it. We'll start.

And it could be something small, something big, just something that grind your gears, as they say. I'll go first, and I'll give you an example. I know we do them all the time about airlines. Airlines in general, air travel is the biggest, what do you nuts, always. But I am specifically going to call out Southwest Airlines. Now, I know you're thinking to yourself,

Ben, what are you nuts for even? and flying Southwest Airlines, I needed to get to Midway, Chicago, and from New York's LaGuardi, the only airline that goes there is Southwest Airlines. So I'm on Southwest Airlines, never flown Southwest before, and the entire experience is an enormous, Woody and Nuts. First of all, there's no assigned seats. Did you guys know this? You get on, it's first come, first serve boarding. Rich guy over here, Ms. Pat, am I right? As you're boarding, like you're being herded, right? Like, cattle as you're boarding, the pilot and the stewardess are all making fun of you. This is what they do.

They sing. They crack jokes. They're like the entire time, we want you to go. If you're done drinking or if you're done looking for a drink, you can go and look at your safety information card. It has pictures. It's really easy for all of you idiots to understand. They're berating you.

It's an insane airline. I think it's absolutely nuts. And yeah, so that's my what are you nuts. Southwest Airlines in general. It's just is nuts and I don't understand. Well, let me say this before I find out what I'm going to talk about. You don't want the nuts because everybody likes that shit. They sing to you.

They tell you're too fat for you. You don't know how to have a fucking good party. I don't want a party on the air. Well, take your ass to Delta. I should have. And I normally do. What's the airline that white men is? Ain't that United?

I used to. like United and then they said that it was okay to put do remember their dog died in the overhead compartment on a United flight you remember that i'm i'm out there's somebody's putting their their maltese in the overhead bin no good what's the martis the little cute white dog a small little white dog oh die miss pattafan couldn't breathe all right my what of your nuts is and it's quick and simple i was walking by the goodwill the other day and i saw them have an advertisement, small sign, window, Goodwill. Now we have greeting cards.

What are you nuts? You're a thrift store. You selling secondhand greeting cards? What are they filled out? Oh my God. What are you nuts? Free filled out. That's nuts.

Hey, Goodwill, find a new lane. This is not an incentive. What are you nuts, Goodwill? Shout out the Goodwill. Will. Thanks for everything you do. No goodwill charge too fucking much. I don't know. What will mine be? You already told one today. One was that that asshole who pushed you in the air for.

That's what I want to use of you to tell me this was a game at the end. So when you added it, put it put it put it down at the end and that could be what are you nuts? That's perfect. You want me to tell that again? No, no. No. No. No, it's good.

That was nuts. He's nuts. Yes. That was it. Beautiful. But I want to say Southwest Airline is really a good airline. I've flown it for years until I got into the TV business, and they started booking me first class,

and I was like, fuck this shit, I'm never going back to Southwest. Come by the time, they had made up their mind, I was diamond. So I just stayed on with a... But you don't know how to have a good time. You got to, when you go, see, let me tell you about life. And I don't really know you, but you got to learn how to be in every space. You just can't just be in no little white. boy space you got to learn how to be a nigger space jewish space white foe face white trans

space all the space if somebody invite you to an alligator party you go you don't have to eat the alligator but you go and you pay attention southwest is for the people who don't want to pay for their bags and those people are happy because they think they're getting something free which they really not because their baggage fee is in their fucking flight fee but you got a trick people to make them think they're having a good time so they sang to you they're pulling to you they part I don't like Southwest. I'd be like, shut the fuck up. I don't like Delta.

Delta play that white-ass music. I don't want to hear this bitch just early anymore. Turn that shit off. But you got to learn how to be in other spaces. Agreed. Agreed. That said Southwest, it's still nuts. I'm sorry.

I went in. I paid an extra $40, right? To board first. To board first. So I go. I sit in the first seat on the plane, the aisle. Somebody goes in the window. The last person on the plane,

this 400 pound man sits right in the middle, right in between us. My neck is still hurting. But you don't know how to fly south way. Because everybody know that you get your own, you pay $40 to board, right? Early. So you get your own lane and you block it off and you tell me your family members coming. Right.

So that way, you don't get next to a 400-pound motherfucker. As soon as you see a fat person, you just stand up and act like you're looking for some. No, not today. No, not today. And then when the last person get on the plug, that middle seat is still open. So if he fat, they're on that, they're on that in seat. The problem is you don't know how to fly southwest.

That's the problem. The problem is I don't know how to fly south west. No, you always block on ugly people, fat people, people with kids, especially white kids because they misbehaved their ass off. You block the seat off. You don't want to sit by them some bitches. But you see a petite little yoga teacher walk in. You go, how would you like the middle seat in row one?

Right? They should honestly have a weight. limit for middle seats. Do we agree? I think that you need to just be under a hundred, like a small person should be in the middle seat. Otherwise it should remain unoccupied. No. Now you're trying to get people soon because my whole family fat. So, and, and they should be entitled to a beautiful aisle or window seat. They should get it first. Fat people should get priority. My whole family is incredibly fat as well. We should get the most perfect mile. Let me say. You're really throwing the offers under the bus, babe.

If everybody is fat, then get your ass on Delta like I do with my fat family. Just put everybody in first class. Put them in first class. We do. This was one isolated incident on Southwest. I will never fly it again. Well, you don't know how to fly because you don't got them kind of friends in them tax bracket.

So you've got to get a friend in that tax bracket, okay? Look, I grew up in my teen years, never going to six flags because I was afraid that thing wouldn't fit over my body. I saw you. It wouldn't. I saw you. I feel very seen. You're saying.

I feel very seen. I love you. I think you're right. Yeah. And on that note, and on that note, Miss Pat, it has been an absolute pleasure.

I was going to tell you a fast story. Please, please. Oh, tell me. So me and my family, we love this. I'm a Disney freak. Oh, my God.

I love, because when I was little, I thought Disney wasn't real. So when I was able to afford it, I take everybody did the VIP, but my family is fat. So we try to lose a little weight so we can at least fit on a ride.

So not this year, but last year before last I took my family to the universe and my fat-ass family, VIP, couldn't fit on shit. We got on that Harry Potter thing with that bite. They had that thing snap between my son laying

like a coat tank. He got off his fucking shoulder was hurt. He said, Mom, I feel like I've been raped that thing between my leg. crushed his nuts up to make him fit because he was too fan to fit. Okay, you closed. No, wait, no, wait. You said that you're a big fan of TikTok.

Have you seen the TikTok, fat friendly? What is it, Josh? Fat friendly theme parks? Yeah. No, I haven't. What is it? What is it? Plus size park hoppers.

Have you seen their TikTok? There's no hopping going on with this crew. They tell you where to go and what restaurants are plus size approved and what rides are plus size approved on TikTok. Oh, wow, I'm not to check that out, because my family's big as hell. And boy, we walked them. I don't ride shit, but my kid, my kid, my son was so mad.

He only had one child that could fit. And he was the name is Junebug. He was like 400 pounds, and he lost it naturally all the way down to like 200. He fit it on everything. My other fat son were madder than the motherfucker. Junebug is seven, though. No, Junebug is 20. He's 23.

Miss Pat, thank you so much. Thank you for having me. You're the greatest. And I like you now. I do. I do. I love you, Miss Pat. This has been the most fun I've had in weeks.

As always, rate us five stars. If not five stars, what are you nuts? Listen to us on Spotify. Apple. Watch the Miss Pat show. Miss Pat's on tour. We didn't talk about tour. Can you quickly plug the tour in where we can see you?

Yeah, it's your girl done made it. Go to Miss Patcom. For all the tickets. Please watch season four. for the Miss Pat show on BET Plus. And on BET every Wednesday night at 10 p.m., I'm the judge of Miss Pat Settles it. Excellent.

We're all going to stream it, watch it, go. We're buying everything that is Ms. Pat. Ms. Pat, it's been a pleasure. As always, folks, Mondays and Thursdays. We'll see you next time. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct

or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.