Good Guys - New Year, Still Fat

Episode Date: October 3, 2024

Happy Rosh Hashanah, morons! We're celebrating the first of the High Holy Days with an immaculate solo episode. We're talking everything from holiday plans to hip replacements, genies with allergies to the Tootsie Roll owl and everything in between. Plus, we answer YOUR Speakpipes about fist fighting children and Men's lingerie. Love ya! You better have a blessed New Year, or what are ya nuts?! Leave us a voicemail here! Sponsors: Get who gets you, on eharmony. Sign up today. Philadelphia makes everything creamier. Visit creamcheese.com for receipe inspiration and to purchase Philadelphia Cream Cheese so you can start adding to your recipes at home! Visit LandRoverUSA.com to configure your Range Rover Evoque. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I'm Josh Peck. And I'm Ben Soffer. And we're the good guys. There's a lot of guys out there. And we're the good ones. Mazo morons, welcome back to the Good Guys podcast. I'm sitting here with the new interim mayor of New York City. It's Ben Soffer.

Don't even get me started. Don't even get me started, Josh. It's started. Let's start it. Oh, my God. Like, I don't even, first and foremost, do you know what it takes to become mayor of New York city the first step. What? Living here, living there. 7,500 signatures, Josh. That's it. Are you kidding me? Claudia could be mayor in the second. It would be for me to get on the ballot. It would be so easy. I just know that they would dig and dig and then mysteriously I'd end up in the East River.

And I just don't think it's for me at this time. But long term, it's certainly a goal. Are you soft or skeletons? Do you have any in your closet? You don't strike me as one. I don't, but I feel like they could find something. I don't know what Adams did. I'm just saying him with the Turkish government and whatever candy he bought, he's going to prison. Like I don't, I have, I have no idea. Do you know what Adams did?

I know generally what he did. What I know is that he ran on being a vegan and that when they looked into his apartment, they found bacon. That's politicians in general. Like, I can't believe de Blasio wasn't arrested. De Blasio is a walking contradiction. And, God, I love that New York City, politics are not off limits. We can go in.

We can get down. We can get dirty. It's just upsetting because I feel like you and I would be good public servants, but I can always speak for me. I have so much in my closet that it's like, I have a walk-in. And they would take your walk-in. and they would make it look like a Manhattan mini storage. The whole thing.

The whole thing. They take, what is that making a mountain out of a molehill? What is a mole hill? What is a mole hill? We ask the hard questions here. That's what I'm saying. What's a mole hill? I don't know.

One of these stupid expressions. I don't know agriculture. I'm not an ag major. I don't know. How different do you think we'd be if we had both attended a polytechnic university and majored in ag. I'm in.

I'd love to. I saw an ad on Instagram where it's this new garbage can that is also a compost bin. So you take all your food, you've seen it. You've seen this.

This is the future. This is the future. Take all of my excess meats and cheeses and lettuce and cucumbers and all that crap and I throw it in there and it becomes a thick paste. And you can use that paste for gardening.

The problem is your entire apartment will smell like the dump. Yeah. Yeah. And Claudia already has like sensitivities to smell. Like if I eat wrong, she's like, ew. Like, sorry. Sorry I don't brush my teeth between meals.

My friend Alex growing up, his parents were always like, don't throw away the coffee grounds. Don't throw away the grounds. We compost. And I wanted to be like, you guys are like on the precipice of divorce. I know you don't pay your taxes, but good on you, that you're saving the coffee grounds. Did you ever go, you might not have,

because I know your childhood was robbed, but did you ever go on like one of these like field trips where they teach you out of compost? I don't think so. That's sad. Well, they'd take you, actually it's not sad. It was a complete waste of time. But like they'd take you to like, I don't know,

Grandma Lynn's farm and like they teach you out of compost like with the worms and the soil and the, I clearly didn't take too much away from it. But I remember, I've learned how to compost before. I no longer know how to compost. But I think that most kids are taught how to compost in elementary school. Growing up in New York, field trips were lit because we knew that we were going to get to eat something different than we normally would eat in the cafeteria. You know what I'm saying?

Like you got to pack a special lunch. And as a morbidly obese tween, that's what I looked forward to. You want to laugh the entire time that we've been recording? My Notes app has been on voice memo. So I just voice memoed the first five minutes of this whole podcast. Cool. Yeah, just in case we need it. Yeah, I loved a good field trip.

I loved it. No any excuse to get on that hot bus out of that cold classroom. Go experience something different with my pals. I was a big thrower upper on the bus. I'm assuming you were as well. If the bus gets even the slightest bit too warm, I'm puking. Did they make you sit in the front? I wanted to sit in the front.

I needed to. Oh, the back of the bus? The back of the bus was for skinny kids. Back kids couldn't be in the back. There were too many bumps. Our breakfast would come right up. Oh, I was the back of the bus, babe. And I was making a ruckus back there.

But that's because you were trying to be cool. Like, yes, the back of the bus is for the cool kids. I'm just saying you were nauseous back there. I was. Then we'd do that thing when the bus would hit the break that we would act like it propelled us forward over the bus seats. I mean, we were crushing it. Do you remember any specific, like any specific prank that you played on the bus? Not prank.

I just remember shitty field trips like going to the Staten Island ferry. I'm like, babe, you are reaching. I mean, what is there to be learned? I'm literally the worst ferry in the northern hemisphere. I just saw an Instagram poll or study that showed that Staten Island is the most generous borough. Did you see this? No. Of the boroughs, Staten Island was like three to one in generosity.

I don't know how they measured this because Staten Island's generosity was only $3.41. Perhaps it was off tips, but they were the most generous borough. And all I have to say is Staten Island, I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I pinned you as a bunch of non-generous schmucks, but clearly you're more generous than us. And who was the least generous borough and why was it the Bronx? Let me look it up. It's the Bronx. Most generous borough, Staten Island.

I hope this comes up. Yes. The truth is, Staten Island is a lot of firemen, a lot of police officers, and the Wu-Tang Clan. It's true, Olivia. So Newman's Own conducted this survey. Don't ask me why. Who did? Newman's own conducted a survey called Pay What You Want for a pizza truck

and took it through the five boroughs to see what people would pay for a free slice of pizza or free. Staten Island, $3.38. The Bronx was second, Josh. Take it back. I take it back. $2. nine cents. Manhattan,

$1.96, those bastards. Brooklyn, $1.80. Oof, Queens. Ouch. Yikes. It's because of its proximity to Long Island.

$1.21. It's so close to Long Island. They just hate everyone. Yikes. If you're from Queens, yikes. What are your, and it won't count now

because you're publicizing them, but what are the ways in which you're generous, or as the Jews would say, What are your teakam hoalams? I definitely, I love that, Josh. I definitely would say that I am a very good tipper in a restaurant. I'm generous.

I would say that with friends and family, I'm a very, very generous gift giver, even though Josh, I forgot to get, did I get you a birthday present this year? Never. I talked a big fucking game too. I even had like a call with your wife. I got you nothing.

Next year, it's double. It's double. It's going to be big. It's going to be the biggest fucking gift. You're going to be like, Ben, why'd you get this for me? It's too much. But that's who Ben is. Ben's a generous gift giver.

Says you. Even though his bestie has never received a true gift from him, which is disgusting. Disgusting. I also need you to text me your children's birthdays so I can start getting them in my gift-giving rolodex. Okay? You know, it's 10 pages too. And Ken O'Brien, send me Ken.

What I will say, though, is, and I open this to the court. which is Olivia, being a generous tipper, good gift giver, while lovely and important and good on you, you're still receiving a service, right? Like they're waitering on you. So I tend to think of like charity is something completely selfless where you're not getting something in return other than nonstop altruism and feeling great about you. I think it's really hard to find those things, though. Like you would say a soup kitchen objectively is that, right?

You're feeding the homeless? Sure. The homeless know how to feed themselves, Josh. This is for us. Oh, my God. That was a crazy take. That's nuts. No, it's not.

If we put out a huge bowl of soup, you don't think they know how to ladle. But, you know, might get wild. No, you want to feel like you're doing it. That's why they do it. They can ladle. They're smart. Who's making the soup? sure that is totally different you're not making the soup you're

dishing the soup you're not in the kitchen making the stock what are they preparing the soup what is it going to be like hey spider mike on second avenue makes a mean mushroom barley they're not making soup amongst themselves no I'm just saying that the whole act of serving the soup that's what we grew up at least that's what I grew up on go to the soup kitchen put on the apron put on the hat and give a nice slab a meatloaf.

They can take their own meatloaf. It could be a buffet. Listen, when I come to New York, because we have it in L.A. New York, you're going to come to Feed the Streets with me. Tuesdays and Thursdays, we go to Skid Row in L.A. We set up tables 7 a.m. And we put donuts and coffee and waters. And it's beautiful.

And like, we need bodies to hand out the donuts and to set up the tables. But do we need bodies to hand out the donuts? We can't come and pick up the donuts. Just leave a bag of donuts there. It'll be like that cornucopia from Hunger Games at the beginning. Everybody's just running. Yeah, right. So we need more donuts.

Now we know. It's going to be like that Jennifer Lawrence movie. Regardless, I'm in. I'm in for Feed America. I don't want this to turn into Ben is not charitable. I'm just pushing the burden of charity. Feed the streets. It's much cooler.

Feed the streets. Okay. We're going to feed the streets. We have good merch, too. I'm great merch. I wear it all the charities. time so people know that I'm a good person. I'm in. Are you on the board to feed the streets? Trying. I don't know. I'm not, I don't think I'm built for boards. You're getting kickbacks?

I don't think I'm built for boards. Yeah, that's tough. A board. Are you kidding me? I don't even text you back. What am I going to be? What am I like a board? You don't. You don't. I literally text you a major milestone on red. Very busy. You know, I'm rearing two children. I'm trying to guide you. I'm going to guide you. I'm them through life. Yeah, I understand. You're guiding them well. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by E-Harmony. E-Harmony is the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Now, folks, you know me and my lovely wife, Turdy Lou Freebush, Claudia Asre, we've been together for almost 13 years, married for seven, recently celebrated

our wedding anniversary. If you didn't wish us a happy anniversary, what do you not? That's not nice. We're friends. I digress. We're lucky that we found someone at an early age that we can be ourselves with. And folks, I'm happy to tell you that that's exactly what E-Harmony is about. Because we know dating isn't easy. That's why we partnered with E-Harmony.

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So you can find someone to be yourself with the way that I found somebody that I can be myself with. Folks, dating is hard. It's incredibly, incredibly difficult. It's a lot harder when you're skirting around and you're with somebody that doesn't want you to be yourself. When you're with somebody that wants to change you.

Nobody should try to change you and you shouldn't try to change anybody else. It's incredibly important that you accept the person for who they are. That's the best relationship. That's the relationship I have, and that's the relationship that you're going to find on E-Harmony. So folks, get who gets you on E-Harmony. Sign up today. Another way that both of us give, which is not at all for the, I don't think, I can't think of a way that this makes us feel good. Me and you both will drive anyone anywhere. Oh, you're giving me a present. A task.

is a joy for me. I am the task master. Yeah, same. I'm a task elephant. If I can drive you to an airport, I'm in. Please, I would love to drive someone to an airport. In airport, if you need a car to help you move some crap, like I always tell my mother-in-law who's a saint,

and I think it's assumed that getting in a car going somewhere is like this huge ask. So she'll be like, oh, we need some cilantro. Oh, don't worry about it. I'll be like, Stacey, kidding me? How many bushels? I take off, because you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to throw in a podcast. I'm going to meander.

I'm going to do some browsing. And I don't have to talk to anyone. It's gorgeous. I love a task. I think that we've both got this down. And I don't think enough people have it down. Getting a task and performing it, I am realizing is to my benefit. I get an hour of just driving around, listening to music, listening to a podcast, hopping on the phone.

There's nothing quite like being on the phone in the car. Nothing better. Nothing better. It's a peaceful time. You go and then you bring back that package that somebody asks you to pick up. Here, miss, here's your package. Thank you so much. That's the gratification.

Okay. So it is selfish. It's selfish. and I'm back 90 minutes later. My wife's like, we cooked. It's done. I'm like, listen. What's the minimum amount of time you're spending in a target?

Listen, I got a nice coffee. You know, I'm poaching around. I'm finding things. I'm famous. I took a few photos. I'm going to say no to photos. Yeah, you have like a little, you have like a sign that just asked for pictures.

Yes. It's great. I remember, I think we were in Utah, me, Zach and Zach, my brother-in-laws went to Walmart. We were in Walmart for at least three hours, just like hanging out, thinking of all the things we could possibly buy. Walmart and Target, it's an activity. It's not just going there for something. And that's why I think that, I mean, they all do this, but Target in particular was very smart putting in a Starbucks. You go in, you get a gorgeous ice coffee, and then you walk the stores, and then 20 minutes later, you take your dump, and then you come back and you peruse more around the aisles.

It's a full morning activity. Target is a vacation destination for me. It's a staycation. And I recently, when I was in the great state of Florida, went to a Super Target, which, oh boy, it has so much to offer. and I mean, not only did I have a Starbucks, it had a pizza hut, it had a fun, it looked like a bistro. I'm going to have my anniversary dinner there. Wow. Paige is a lucky woman.

I keep telling her. We got in a fight on the way here. I love you, babe. We have the wonderful, the great Olivia back. Speaking of selfless acts, Olivia, are we allowed to talk about why you were gone for a week or should we not? Absolutely. Go right ahead. Olivia, this woman, this shepherd.

was busy helping her mother, her beautiful mother, who was getting a hip replacement. And all I have to say is, give us a play-by-play, Olivia, because we're all with bated breath. Oh, wow. I was telling Josh this before I hopped on, but in and out, 30 minutes.

Can you imagine a hip replacement? And he removed pins, two pins in her hips, and then popped a new one in. 30 minutes, breezy. You could do that in and out. Might as well have been a drive-thru. It was beautiful. Other eventful things.

included my father accidentally macing himself in the hospital room. He had a thing of mace in his pocket and he was messing with it and he just like totally sprayed it all over his pants. So that was really pleasant way to spend part of the recovery. That's Cincinnati for you. Hey, there you go. Midwestern treasures. But mom's doing well. Got to spend some time with family. So she's back up and at him. It's beautiful. It's incredible what they do these days. God bless her. A 30 minute hip replacement. Who did it, Terry Dubrow?

That's quick. Dr. Sorgia? What was that number that Terry does 800 surgeries a year? I think like 700. Wow. God, I know the surgeon had nine the day that she was in. I feel like nine hip replacements, adjustments, like full total joint replacements. Nine.

Wow. How do you do that? That's something. I think I need to have my hips replacements. I've needed to have my hips replace since they were put in. They're far, they're too stiff. Hmm. What do you think, Josh?

Should I get my hips replaced? It's a ball and socket problem? What are we thinking? You see a little more oil in there? I don't, I don't know. Like, they're just tight. They just... That's flexibility, babe.

That's IT bands. That's your sacrum. That's just a lack of overall mobility. And I'm telling you it's affecting your fuck game. Way to call me out. And by the way, Do I need to have all those things replaced? No, you need to stretch.

You need to do yoga. You need to open up. I'm telling you, if you open up those hips, you'd start crying. You know how much emotions in there? I've tried. I've tried. Remember that massage that I got where the woman was digging into my belly to unlock my hip? We've spoken about this.

We have. Yes. I've tried. No, you haven't. Have you been to like a proper hot yoga class? No. We're going. Okay.

We're going to open those puppies up and we're going to film it. All right. I got the best massage of my life last week. Did we talk about this? I don't think so. First of all, I just want to go on record here and say, if you're a guy, and maybe you'll disagree with this, Josh, because maybe you're one of those guys.

If you're a guy that walks into a massage place and demands a female therapist, your horny, go home. Totally. Your horny, go home. Yeah. Because the best massages are from men. sorry are done by men.

Yeah, if your sexuality is so on the edge that a male therapist is going to push you over the edge, kiss a boy, babe. Yeah, yeah. Go home. Go home because she doesn't want to rub you either. But the truth is, the best massages are done by strong men, especially if you're looking to be contorted, which I was. I met this lovely fella and I said to him, I want you to twist me.

His name was Dale. I want you to bend me. I want you to stretch me. And I want you to marry me. And that's exactly what happened. It was a dream, Josh. I felt cracks in places I didn't know that you could feel cracks. He turned me into a reverse letter C.

Like what I would pay for the video of this massage, I was in so much pain. It's one of those where your faces down. You're like, stop, stop. But you can't say anything because you think that it's working. And I feel great. And to thank him, I gave him a massage. No. Before we get cancered, I will say, obviously there are some incredible female masseuses.

We're not saying that. I just don't know any of them. But men's aversion to having a male therapist is ridiculous and get over yourselves. But I agree. And yeah, let's get on you opening up those hips. I think I'm more flexible than my wife. So I'm just saying. So you're hot yoging.

I hot yoga. I'm a musical theater kid. I've got plenty of flexible. I can do this with my fingers. I'm weird. I'm weird. This? I can do this too.

No, I can do this. Oh, no, I can't. Yeah, it's weird. That's pretty cool. Is that why Paige married you? You could do that with your fingers. No, it's my small fortune. It's gross.

No, no, it's my small fortune. Last thing on masseuses before we move on, the fatter the better. Okay. Pillowy hands are key. Sorry. If you're too thin and it's bony and it's digging bone on bone, I'd rather pillow on bone. That's fair. No, I feel that I was going to share that I have had to nurse a parent back to health who went through a joint replacement.

And we're actually, as a little bit of a sneak peek, we're going to have on the... the Kardashians orthopedist on in the next couple weeks, Dr. Jason Snibby, because he's the man, and he was the one who did my mom's knee replacement. And the man is a saint, first of all. We got in early. I saw that look, Ben. We got in early before he really got famous. I was going to say, how the hell did you do that early, early when he was still taking insurance? But, you know, what I find is a lot of these guys will have these incredible physician assistants who open, basically they prepare the patient so that they can do like five or six in a day. They prepare the patient, they do the opening, they get everything ready, and then the

orthopedist is there for an hour doing the joint replacement, and then they leave, and they go to the next operating room where the next patient's been prepared, and then the physician assistant will do the closing many times. And, you know, when they get really, really good at it, and they only operate two days a week, trust me, if you're one of their patients, you want to want to be on that Tuesday or Thursday is the one of 10 getting replaced. When I got my eyes done, I was the sixth of the day. It makes sense. Now that you're talking about it, it actually makes a lot more sense than the dumb way I

was thinking about it, which is that the surgeon does its soup to nuts. But no, not at all. A surgery is just like a normal visit to the dentist. You know, you're with the hygienist for a bit. That's right. They do everything for you. the doctor comes in and takes credit and leaves. It's true.

And do you know these orthopedists? They have to wear spacesuits, right? Was your guy in a space suit, Olivia? I'm sure he was. Yes, he was. He came out and some scrubs to talk with us, but I imagine he's like fully suited up in the back there. They wear these like airtight suits because risking an infection in a joint can be so

detrimental and so hard to fix that they want to make sure it's as sterile as possible. But, God, I want to be a doctor, but not so I can do the surgeries so I can come out after, whip off my cap and talk to the family. Like, I would have a theme song coming out of that operating room. Like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. We did it, guys. Dan, dun, dun, dun. I mean, I'd be hugging mothers. It would be amazing.

I want it strictly for the MD plates. That's it. Mm-hmm. Give me an MD license plate. That's fucking sick. Right. Right? Like you see a Mercedes with an MD plate, you're like, oh.

Let him through. Let him through. It's sick. It's sick. Oh, I just want to scrub in. I haven't washed my hands that good ever. Right? Yeah.

I want to go down to the elbow with suds. Me too. And with that good soap, we just got new good soap and that. the house. What is the name of the soap? I used to think that molten brown was the bees' knees and it's still good soap. Oh my God, very good. This soap, Josh, that we got is on par if not better. A so. I don't remember the name. What did you say? Is it the A sop? Are you boozy like that, like Brooklyn Boosy? No, no, no. Is it the Sontal shit? No, no. Keep going. Keep going. I'm going to Google really nice. Joe Malone? No, but I love Joe Malone. Who doesn't, big. I just love the name. I just

love the name Joe Malone. I know and I love that it's a lady. Me too. Should we get to stories? Yeah, we should, but I want to find what is this really nice soap? What is it? Just give me a second. In the interim, did you know that an eight-year-old Ohio drove an SUV on a solo target run? Bedford, Ohio, shout out Ohio. An eight-year-old girl took an SUV from her Ohio home and drove for miles to a store where she was later found unharmed. The girl whose name was not released drove a 2020 Nissan Road. And 9 a.m. Sunday to miss the rush. And police launched an investigation. The SUV was eventually found a short time later in the parking lot of a Target store in Bainbridge, which is 13 miles

from her home. She did strike a mailbox while driving, but nothing else. And she probably won't be charged criminally. Thoughts? Honestly, good for her. That means she successfully drove 13 miles at eight years old. Right. Parked in a target. You know, we don't know more to this story. Maybe she needed something. Maybe her parents were into the house and she needed, needed something.

I don't know. She could be seen as a hero ahead of her time. I agree. I agree. I have no issues. When? If you don't want your kid driving your car, keep the keys in your pocket. It's not that hard.

How do you just let the key, how do you let your eight-year-old daughter get your keys? That's nuts. Will you teach your 16-year-old child how to drive living in New York? Yes. I got my license at 16 and my parents taught me. And I loved driving my junior and senior year of high school. It was that level of cool that I was missing. I wasn't able to be in the back of the bus as we spoke because I got too nauseous.

But I could drive that car, Josh. I could. And driving is freedom. driving's awesome and I feel like more and more kids don't drive yeah I feel like more and more kids suck to teach your kids to drive I don't know send them to boy scout and girl scouts teach them how to make a fire teach them how to fish you tell him boomer what's that expression teach a man to fish he'll fish for a lifetime don't teach him and they won't be able to fish where have you been your whole life someone needs to return you to the store you Ben, what is this? You're like, we didn't learn that at the Yeshiva. They thought that was devil speak. I mean, she's.

Speaking of the Shiva. Can we talk about the story where they now think there were genies? For sure. Well, in Iranian cleric recently said the Jews, This one's going to be fun, have had access to genies since Davidic times. The cleric claims in a televised interview that Israel was able to recently eliminate Hassan Nazrallah by employing the aid of supernatural creatures and advanced technologies the Jews have supposedly had for 3,000 years. And all I have to say to that is, I see a new franchise for Disney.

I see rides. I see this is a flywheel, babe, movie toys. rides, repeat. I think it's such an honor. Like, yeah, we have mystical powers, yet we're here podcasting for you. What are you nuts? I'll tell you the kind of genie I want, one that makes my indigestion go away. I love that.

We're genies, but we also have allergies. We're genies, but we have literally, like, generational health problems. We don't solve our health for us. You don't see a genie at war. Parker. We're genies and we're overwhelmingly less attractive than everyone else. We're genies, but our metabolism is at a resting slow. Yeah, I think that's good. We're genies, but we have horns. It's just not tracking, babe. It's not tracking. And I don't know. When I read that article, I was like, this is hilarious. And all I thought of was Robin Williams, rest in peace, the OG genie.

I mean, I would just love to see that even if we were genies, how like the gossip amongst Jewish people would be like, did you hear about David the genie? He's 40 and unmarried. It's a shame. He spends all his time in his little canister. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought. brought to you by Philadelphia cream cheese. If there's anyone that knows creamy, it's Philadelphia cream cheese. It's extremely versatile and can be used to enhance any meal, snack, or anything in between.

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with cream cheese? How about a cream cheese cheesecake? Do you understand what you're missing out on by only thinking of Philadelphia cream cheese as something that goes on a bagel? Your brain, expand your mind. Think about Philadelphia in more than just bagels and cream cheese because it's so much more. And folks, you can go to creamchease.com. That's right. They have that URL. And you can see all these beautiful recipes. It's fantastic. Philadelphia makes everything creamier. Visit creamchease.com for recipe inspiration. And so you can start adding Philadelphia to your recipes at home. Visit creamchease.com. Tons of inspo. You're welcome. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by Range Rover. Folks, you know, me and my beautiful wife, Turdy Lou, Turdy Lou Freebush, Claudia Asre, we drive a Rangerover.

We absolutely love it. That said, when I got a look at this new range rover revoke, I said, we got a switch. We got a switch. We have a lease. The second that this lease is over, ooh, baby, the range rover revoke. The pecks, the pecks, Josh and Page, they have a land rover. The second they saw this evoke, they said, we need the evoke. We need the evoke.

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Explore the Rangerover of Oak at Land Rover USA.com and build your own. That's right, folks. Build your own Rangerover Evoke at Land Rover USA.com. A young Golden Eagle attacked a toddler in Norway, and it's a fourth such assault on humans. At first, Francis Ari Sturr thought a human was trying to shove him down the steep. Norwegian mountainside. Then he saw the Golden Eagle land. We were staring at each other for maybe a whole minute. I was trying to think what was in his mind. The bird then attacked Sture five more time, scratching and clawing the 31-year-old bicycle courier's face and arms for over 10 to 15 minutes as he sprinted down the mountain. Crazy.

Everyone thinks I'm dramatic when we're in Florida, we're in the Hamptons or we're somewhere, and we have these little dogs just running in the backyard. And above, I see a hawk. If I see a fucking hawk, I'm picking up Romeo and I'm sprinting inside. Big birds are not our friends, Josh. Big birds are not our friends. Well, big bird is our friends. They see us as enemies, yes, except for the big bird.

Yeah, the only big bird. Yeah, that one's the legend. Do you think he'd come on the podcast? Can we get a Sesame Street character? You have one right here! Yes, you do! Oh no. Oh, no.

Don't get me into doing voices again. I do, I have a book, a Sesame Street book for my son, and I do all the voices of all the characters. And I can tell, for some of them, he's like, great job, Dad. And for some of them, he's like, this is why you haven't booked an audition. in six months. Yeah, we're going to need to do that now. Let's start with Elmo. Oh, okay.

La, la. Okay. Elmo is kind of a... La La La La La. Elmo song. I'm with you, Mr. Ben. It's pretty good. Thanks.

I'll give it a hard eight and a half. What about... Who else talks? I don't know what anybody else sounds like, except for the count. Oh, ha, uh,

uh, one, a two. No, wait, that's the Tutsi-Row owl. Okay. The Tutsi-Bob-A.

Speaking of Norway, I pulled up some facts about Norway, and I think it's important. Some parents are forced to return to work shortly after their child is born for financial reasons.

However, However, in Norway, mothers have the choice of either taking 35 weeks of maternity leave at full pay or 45 weeks with 80% pay. Fathers also have the choice to take up to 10 weeks of paternity leave. Not bad. Wait, hang on. Women have the opportunity to take 45 weeks at a full year. You heard it right, babe. You know, a full year.

That's the way it fucking should be. That's right. That's an unbelievable, unbelievable. And you weren't expecting that for me, were you, listeners? You were going to say 45 weeks too long. No, you have the wrong impression of me. Get back in the minds, Claudia. 45 weeks is glorious.

Yeah, I agree. And what do we get? 10? I don't know. What do they offer here at Dear Media? Let me check the employee handbook and get back to you. Whatever it is, we're not getting enough. I'm sorry, the more weeks we get, the more helpful we can be.

Give us more weeks. Did you know that the cost of living in Norway tends to be high, but it's often balanced out by the average annual income of Norwegians. In 2018, the gross national income was $68,000 with a normal job paying over $21 per hour. Pretty good. And the main reason for the high taxation on items in Norway is to fund the universal and single payer health care system. Yeah. I love a good system.

But they have the highest gas prices in the world. So what can you do? What is it? Can't be good. Does it say? It's by leaders. So that's already terrible. But you know, there's like in Scandinavian countries, there's a thing where people will go into restaurants and let their babies sleep outside. You've heard of this?

No. What are you nuts? It's safe. it's safe and the whole idea is like if it's not too cold obviously the babies are super bundled up and these are like proper babies so they're like sleeping 20 hours a day but they're properly bundled up in parkas and blankets and the whole thing and they actually think it helps their immune system by just sleeping for 45 minutes or an hour out in the cold while you're eating some delicious charcutory plate I'm out I'm sorry I'm sure it helps so stand with them

Why can't you also be out in the cold? You can see them. Alternatively, why don't you eat outside? They have windows. I don't like it. Well, it's cold for us. I don't like it. I'm out.

Take it up with Norway, babe. Take it up with Norway. I'm not going to lie. Norway was so high. Josh Peck single-handedly brought them down. Well done, Josh. Well done. Should we get to a speak pipe?

Yes. Please. If you want to ask us a question, if you want some advice from us, if you, and that's We don't want to hear your little fun little facts. Any other idea you have, keep it to yourself. But if you want to, go to speakpipe.com slash good guys. Keep it brief. Brevity is key.

Let's hear from Elise. Hey, Josh and Ben, would love both of your opinions on this topic. So I don't have kids and I don't plan to have kids. I also don't really like kids, which is, I guess, an unpopular opinion maybe. but I know that with friends and family, I have somewhat of an obligation to kind of pretend to like kids and pretend to enjoy being around their children. Now, when it comes to strangers in public, is there a different social protocol? Like, for example, when I'm at a restaurant or on an airplane and some stranger's kid is like in my face, touching my hair, kicking my seat, whatever it may be, do I just, kind of have to brush it off and be like, oh, kids will be kids. Or can I just like actually

express my frustration with somebody's kid in my face disrupting my peace and my personal space? I'm not trying to play nice with a stranger, but like it is a kid. So what do you think? There's a lot to unpack, Josh. There's a lot to unpack here. First of all, dare I say, I think that even if you don't like kids, you'd probably love your kid. I'm not saying you should have kids. That's up to you. But I think that you would love your child much more than you'd love your cousins or the random kid on the airplane. That's the first.

Second, I definitely think that it is a nice social protocol for you to be nice children in your family. you witch it's that is a nice thing to do especially because like their kids and like they didn't do anything wrong and like you could find it like nice fun and endearing if you like have a conversation with them as if they're adults

or maybe read them a book or play a game with them and not like treat them like a random snot-nose kid third on an airplane it is absolutely appropriate to look at the parents and ask them hi do you have some way of stopping your

child from continuously kicking the back of my seat. Like that is a totally appropriate thing. Your question on, should I like get in a fist fight with the kid? No. I don't think that I would turn around and like tell the kid, stop kicking my fucking seat, you little fucking freak.

But like I would turn to the parents and say, hi, I don't know if you've noticed, but like for the last two hours, your bundle of joy has been kicking my seat. Do you mind switching seats? Do you mind holding them? Do you mind trying to do something so I can potentially get some sleep on this long flight?

Josh? I agree with you. I think the playing thing is a good example. If a parent is doing everything in their power to try to control their kid. And unfortunately, the realities of children are overlapping that. For instance, you're on a late flight. That baby, their ears hurt because of, the pressure on the plane and that baby's wailing and that parent's done they've brought formula they've

brought snacks they brought an iPad they tried and that baby just does not feel good you need to have a little grace and feel for that parent recently I was on a jet blue flight back from Florida meant we're doing well rich just saying it's fine I had miles and there was a woman with her baby behind me and I just looked behind like 10 minutes into the flight because the baby was a little cranky and I said, listen, if I can help in any way, I sort of was like, I am the perfect person to be sitting in front of you with a noisy baby.

I don't care. I would want the same grace given to me as a parent. I get it. Let me know if you need me to grab anything from the overhead for you. But if a parent sucks and they're not keeping track of their kids and they're not being responsible

and they're just blasé about it, Totally say something. Are you kidding me? Not to the child. Don't like knock Spider-Man out of their hands and be like, get it together, Billy. But you could say to that parent, come on. And to take it one step further, do not talk ever to other people's kids. Don't do that.

Don't talk to a stranger's kids. That's like not a normal thing at all. It's not cool. You absolutely never know what a situation is. do not talk to other people's kids. And especially don't do it like this. Hey, buddy. What?

Hey, hey, no, thanks, buddy. No, no, don't buddy my boy. You don't buddy my little boy.

Don't buddy me. Parents do that to other kids with like that voice as though it's like acceptable. I'm like, uh-uh. Look, if my kid has his hands on your kid,

yeah, get in between it. But like other than that, don't parent him. I think it's been at least, at least a year since we've spoken about the word buddy and i'm going to bring it back up again because it needs to be said the word buddy needs to be removed from the dictionary do not call me buddy do not call max buddy do not call josh buddy do not call anybody i know buddy because when you say

buddy you are automatically talking down to me and if you don't think you are then you especially need to remove it from your vocabulary because you have no idea how you're being perceived received. Don't buddy me. Don't boss me. Don't chief me. Depends on who's bossing. Like, what if it's like a real Italian? And he like comes up to you. He's like, hey, boss. If your name ends in a vowel, you can boss me.

Yeah. Yeah, that's nice. Also, like, I don't know, like an Uber driver. What's up, boss? Love it. All right. If you have a thick New England accent or a New York accent, fine, you can boss me. All right. Let's listen to the next one. and hey Josh and Ben it's a moron here I am going to try to keep it brief so I have a question and I need a man's advice so I guess we'll do this year and we get married next year we're getting married in Italy and I have a random question but is it a man's job to buy a woman lingerie or a woman's job to buy a man laundering because I'm I've been blessed in that my fiance now has always gifted me or gone with me to go buy lingerie.

But is it my job to gift him my lingerie for the honeymoon? Whoa. I'm uncomfortable. I'm breathed. Like, what? Like, also, like, what kind of rom-com are you living in where you guys go shopping for lingerie? together. Like, that's not real.

Is that real? I think, yeah, I think some couples do it. That's insane. Is it your responsibility to buy your own lingerie and give it to him so you can give it back to you? No. No, I think she's just kind of like, should she pick out the outfit for their, you know, for their honeymoon night? kind of like something to turn him on is the gift

I think Ben's never been speechless I am speechless like no like I guess turn on his turn on the light honey if you guys

if you guys have a thing going where you go to like the nudie section of Bloomingdale's and like you're like holding things up and he gets rock hard and that's how you pick it like I'd stick with that I mean is Claudia gonna get mad at us if I ask you if I mean I'll be honest

Paige and I we don't do that like it's we're not a lingerie family I don't know if she's gonna I don't think that she would get mad she'd probably get mad if we spoke about the topic but no we're not lingerie people I think it's pretty clear that we're not lingerie people and at first I thought this woman was asking if she should buy her husband lingerie and like they make lingerie for men yeah can you imagine us coming out in like a mesh boxer brief Just like a cheetah cup Yeah

Just your twiggined berries and meshed It looks like It looks like you're on a fishing boat No yeah We're not lingerie people Maybe that's why lingerie is such like a foreign concept to me But we're definitely, that's not us But I can see it in movies

You know and be like Me too. Wow like that person looks incredible But in practice I think it's really hard to feel. I've been in a situation once with someone who was wearing it and he was gentle.

No. And I remember even the girl, this was like I was really, you know, I was like in my early 20s, she felt like silly about it. Like it sounded good in theory and then in practice she was like, oh God, can this just be done?

And I was like, it was your idea. There's nothing quite like us discussing lingerie. while you're wearing a chess club t-shirt. We don't know anything about lingerie. What do you next? I remember Paige when we got married, she had her bridal shower.

And was it a bridal shower or like maybe her bachelorette? And one of her friends gave her like a piece of lingerie, like in, I don't know, a joky way, maybe not. And I was like, hey, you want to throw that on? She's like, no. She's like, I won't ever be wearing that. And I was like, cool, cool, cool. I mean, it's wasteful, but cool, cool, cool.

Well, I think before we get to Woody Annette, you know, this is going to air on the wonderful Jewish New Year of Rosh Hashanah. So what are your plans for Roshasanaa? I am making a feast, Josh. But actually, I would love your input in the spread. Okay. Full family. Claude's family, my family, coming to our house. Beautiful.

And I'm cooking. I have not decided on the soup yet. Should I 100% make chicken soup? Or do you think I just made a delicious butternut squash? Do you think I could get away with a fall favorite? Do butternut squash? Butternut squash. From there, we're going to move into some mashed potatoes.

I'm thinking of a truffle mashed potato. We're going to go into some garlic string beans. We're going to have a brisket. And then I'm going to make a fish because, as you know, my dad is a pescatarian. So I'm trying to think about what type of thing. fish I could make that isn't so incredibly losery because like who makes fish on rush Ashana, but he's chosen. He's chosen his path.

And I have to honor that. So I'm thinking maybe like a, maybe like a honey garlic, something in the theme of honey or like a honey lemon or lemon garlic. Something citrusy, something honey. Well, and then a bopka. Mm, a homemade bopka. Probably not. From Zabai. I store bought.

That would be my guess. And then the table, of course, we'll have apples and honey. to celebrate the sweet new year. I'm going to get a fish head because it's good luck to eat the fish eye. I wonder why people think we're weird. Yeah. And I'll probably get a new fruit.

That's a custom that I like. You try to introduce a fruit that nobody's ever heard of for a curious new year. Hmm. But for those that don't know, Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year. And I love a New Year. Any excuse to have a New Year?

It's great. The old year, gone. New Year is here. What are you doing, Josh? Love it, love it, love it. I don't know, probably nothing, although my kids have off from school, so I will, I'll hang out with them. And I, you know, I'm conflicted because there is a children's service at the Khabad near our house for Rosh Hashanah. And my wife and I were talking about it.

And we, I think we have a perfect relationship because we're totally open and free with both of our religious backgrounds. But we don't prophylatize in any way. So as much as they'll do an Easter egg hunt or love a Christmas morning, they'll also do a Shabbat or a Hanukkah night. But we don't really bring them to religious services. That's kind of like where we, that's sort of the leap we haven't made yet. Because again, then is it a tit for tat thing? Is it?

So I, you know, I'm not, I'm unsure of that part of it. But I think Friday night will do a hybrid Shabbat, Russia, Shun a dinner, which means I'll be making Snake River steak. Shout out Snake River. Love it, love it, love it, love it. I'll grill those up. We'll do a beautiful side and some salad. And we'll invite my wife's beautiful family over and the kids

and eat a little apples and honey and do it up. Beautiful. One thing that I'll say about the synagogue school piece, Chabad piece. One, the next time you are here, we're going together. The second is, in my experience with children, services, it's really just songs. Like, they're just singing, probably mostly in Hebrew.

But, like, I think that it's, and I would say the same thing about, like, a kids church night. Like, it's, I would assume it's just songs. Like, you're just, like, singing and having a good time. And it's, like, actually, like, really cute when I see, like, my nieces and nephews, like, singing a Hebrew song. I'm like, you don't even know English, but you're singing a Hebrew song. So it's, like, cute and nice. I would assume that that's what it is.

No, I think so. And we've been to like, I think before we had kids, but we've been to like a little midnight mass on Christmas and whatnot. And I love it all, babe. I love it all. If somebody's singing well, I'm there. If somebody's singing bad, let me swap in. Yes. Do you have your Woodya Nuts?

I do. I do. I'm going to save the better one for our next episode. You go first. My Woody of Nuts is hydration. I was recently listening to the great podcast. my buddy Jordan has a podcast. I want to get the exact name of it right,

but I think it's just his name. I want to give the proper shout out here, the Jordan Harbinger Show. And he does these things where he'll debunk kind of whatever's popular in today. So he did one about like generic drugs and expiration dates and kind of like the whole thing behind generic drugs

and why they're just as good as the name brand stuff and blah, blah. So he did one about hydration. Do you know the people that have been pushing this idea of eight glasses of water a day? Do you know where that came from? No, tell me. The beverage industry. That too.

Oh, of course. What are you nuts? We're all overly hydrating. You know who's pushing this narrative? Stanley, okay? You're walking around with your gallon jug thing. Everyone's sipping. We're like the little hamsters in the kids.

Enough already. You know how you know if you're hydrated? You're thirsty? No? You're good, probably. Yes, obviously, all you naysayers, all you contrarians in the comments, it's good to drink water. You could probably be drinking a little bit more if you're not like constantly hydrating. But it's enough.

You're getting enough hydration. What are you nuts? I'm constantly hydrating. I actually just saw an Instagram graphic, which said, did you know that if your pee is clear, you're over hydrated? I always thought that was the gold standard. I thought the goal was to get to clear pee. That's probably another thing by Pepsi.

Yeah, totally. What are they pushing? And by the way, coffee doesn't dehydrate you, which is another myth. Coffee tea, even sodas, there's water in there. You're getting it from that. You're getting water from your food. You are getting water. My sister-in-law, Taylor, I don't think it's drink water since eighth grade.

she's flourishing. Well, or she's, yeah, no. I know a lot of people actually that don't drink water. Claudia doesn't drink water. She now drinks water. It's this water called Splash that she loves because it's like propel, right? Like she finally found water that like tastes nothing like water. But she's not a straight water drinker.

My mom also doesn't drink water. I, on the other hand, I love water. I can drink 15 bottles a day, no problem. I love it. Good for you. Just saying. Just saying. My whatia nuts is, we've spoken about it a lot, Josh.

My whaty and nuts is testosterone injections. Wow. Let me explain. Nothing is a one-size-fits-all solution, Josh. And I've been thinking a lot about it, you know, how do I get mean and green? How do I get tough? And the answer across the board seems to be testosterone injections. I was talking about it with my dad recently because I thought, you know, Bruce could use a little mean and green.

He's a man in his mid-60s. Why not take a little tea, right? That's a perfectly normal thing. Yeah, lowercase tea. A man in their 60s. Take a little tea, right? Lowercase. Thank God.

Thank God my uncle is a doctor because my dad calls my uncle and says, hey, I was just at the doctor. They said, I should take a little bit of tea. He said, don't forget, our father, his grandfather, died of prostate cancer. Prostate cancer apparently runs in the family. and testosterone, one of the side effects of having too much testosterone in your system is that if you're predisposed to prostate cancer, that it makes it significantly more likely that you will get prostate cancer.

So all I have to say is, what are you nuts? With all of the sort of false claims where it's like Diet Coke, don't drink too much, you'll get cancer, but you need to have like 3,000 of them. Why on the other side aren't we talking about the potential negative effects of these things that we're putting into our bodies? Like I would like to know, I easily could have started taking testosterone. No question. But now I won't because if it's something that might not be right for me, it's not a one size fits all, Josh. It's just not.

I'm not saying it's not right for you. I'm not saying that it wasn't right for me before I got this knowledge. And I'm not saying that it won't be right for me tomorrow when somebody debunks what I said on this podcast. All I'm saying is that we should be getting more information. But what if you, God forbid, had a proclivity for thyroid cancer? You could not take your beloved osemps. So you're right. It just depends what your underlying preceding conditions are.

But for the majority, it works. But it's nice to know. See, Josh, this is, you hit the nail on the head. It's important to know what we're predisposed to because we're all predisposed to different things. And that's why our bodies react differently to different. different things. And this has been our PBS documentary on different things for different people. End the podcast immediately.

Well, folks, this episode was literally a seven out of ten, but I brought it back down to a five. It's still a five, five stars, rate, review, and subscribe. Otherwise, what are you nuts? Listen to us on Spotify, Apple, wherever you get your podcast, watch us on YouTube. Share our clips, TikTok and Instagram. Our TikTok is blowing up. Our TikTok is huge. Go follow it, share our clips.

Mondays and Thursdays, folks, we will see you next time. Bye. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. I'm here on a job site with Tim, who owns his own electrical contracting business. Three employees and two work trucks. Tim traded up to Geico Commercial auto insurance. We're positively here, where he's.

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