Good Guys - Open-Toed Lies with Claudia
Episode Date: March 21, 2024Welcome to "Ben, Claudia, and the Real World" – the podcast where nothing is off-limits, not even when Ben forgets to remind Claudia about recording, resulting in a hilarious house exit. From discus...sions about countries ending in "Stan" to Hawaiian locals disliking us to Claudia's newfound love for Scottsdale. With Speakpipe snippets revealing listener questions and amusing anecdotes, buckle up for a rollercoaster ride of friendship, fights, and unfiltered hilarity. So grab your favorite open-toed shoes and tune in for a dose of real-life banter that's bound to leave you laughing out loud! Leave us a voicemail here! Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Sponsors: Robinhood Gold gets you the most for your retirement thanks to their IRA with a 3% match. This offer is good through April 30. Get started at Robinhood.com/boost. Subscription fees apply. squarespace.com/goodguys to save 10% on your first purchase of a website or domain Go to Quince.com/goodguys for free shipping and 365-day returns on you order Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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The following podcast is a Dear Media production.
I'm Josh Peck.
And I'm Ben Safer.
And we're the good guys.
There's a lot of guys out there.
And we're the good ones.
Mazel morons.
Baruch Hashem.
We have a Jewish priestess here.
A queen.
Our boss.
Claudiochri.
Priestess?
A priestess.
Is that the wrong word?
I prefer like you could say Jewish.
You could say Jewish goddess.
It's just some ideas.
it out there. You do you. A priestess is someone who is spreading the gospel. Yeah. A priestess is
Christian? I think so. You can't really have a Jewish priest would be a rabbi. So a priestess would be a
female rabbi, which we don't really recognize anyways. Ben, Rebittson. Rebittson? That's the wife
of a rabbi. So I'm the rabbi. Very good. It's all come full circle. Club. You look absolutely
gorgeous. Thank you. Your makeup is glowing. Thank you. Please don't hate me. Please don't hate me. Please.
Me and Ben are in a fight.
We're in a fight.
Ben, tell me more.
The thing is, like, I pride myself on being like a really professional, timely.
I don't cancel.
Like, I am really, like, I like to be professional.
That's how I think is one of my greatest attributes, my work ethic.
I agree.
And Ben, like, very, you know, randomly a couple days ago was like, well, you do good guys on Thursday.
And of course, like, I always say yes.
You know, the good guys.
I have loving my heart for the good guys.
Now, Ben, like, never reminded me, never anything.
I left the house today.
Ben didn't say anything.
The gaslighting.
I finally get to my destination, which I had a whole afternoon plan to go see my friend.
We were going to have pickleball, play lunch.
Ben's like, are you coming back for good guys?
I'm like, you literally did not remind me.
He's like, I sent you a calendar invite.
Who has, everyone?
Everyone sends a calendar invite.
Josh, this is actually what happened two days ago.
You ready for this?
I sent her a calendar invite for two o'clock.
You know what she did as a joke?
Oh.
You know what she did?
Tell me, declined.
Declined.
Declined.
Declined.
So obviously it wasn't on her calendar.
I sent it to you.
You declined it.
I have the read receipts.
for it. Okay. And I'm sorry that I was reminded of it because it was on my calendar. So it was on my
calendar. I declined it as a joke and then I accepted it. So it was on my calendar. I don't like
make appointments on Google calendar, especially with people I'm living in the same house with
and sleeping in the same bed in. And I turn around. I cut my afternoon short. You can apologize
to Abe. I'm here and I don't like to be late and I apologize for my tardiness. You are responsible
for getting me here and you failed. So yes, I'm mad at you and that's why I'm only looking at Josh.
Okay, but like it's done.
Yeah, me and Josh are good.
Me and Josh are good.
Wow.
Me and Josh are good.
We're in a love triangle.
I will say that my wife and I, my wife has explained to me that it is important that we go over schedules.
Granted, we have little humans and whatnot, so things get busy.
Because I like to save to tell her things to the last minute when I'm not going to be home because I'm afraid of her, right?
Now, let me ask you a question.
I woke up with Ben.
Yes.
I got dressed with Ben.
Ben was in the driveway as I was getting in the car to go spend the afternoon with my friend Jason.
And at any of those moments, did you bring up the recording?
We haven't discussed the recording since the day we decided to record.
No reminder, no nothing.
If this podcast was so important to you, maybe you would have remembered.
So I need you to admit before I can move past this, I need you to admit that you also forgot.
I will admit that the reason I use calendars is because I would like.
That's not what I ask. That's not what I asked.
I also forgot. Thank you. You also forgot. Therefore, ruining my afternoon, cutting my time short with Jason, who, you know, was very upset. I'm overjoyed to be here. And let's leave it at that.
I love seeing you two in Florida in the Boka lifestyle because I feel like it's a snapshot of where you guys will be in five years full time.
You know what? I think a lot of people think that. Like every time we come down here, it like spurs the conspiracy theory that we're going to end up moving down to Florida.
And we enjoy our time here immensely.
I mean, we've, you know, extended our trip twice.
We don't really have a flight home.
And I love it here.
And no shade to anybody who lives here.
It's just I feel like every time we come down here is a bigger reinforcement that this
lifestyle is really just not for us.
And we don't come down here and like look at houses and be like, what if we?
There's really so nice to have.
But it's really not.
I don't think in the cards for us.
It's not in the cards.
It's not in the cards.
It's not in the cards.
It's not.
The longer that you stay, the longer you just crave the action of the city.
And it's a really, really amazing.
reprieve. We are so fortunate that we have so many loved ones that have welcomed us into their
homes for extended periods of time so that we don't have to foot large hotel bills. That said,
going home, home is where the heart is. And me doing an in and out, we spoke about it on a past
episode, doing an in and out to New York yesterday, going in there, breathing in that crisp
northeast air. Oh, were you craving it? Oh my God. I got like euphoric, just like smelling LaGuardia.
Did you not want to come home? And then I needed to leave. No, I meant it.
have stayed. No, I couldn't. I couldn't leave you. I missed you terribly. I think you could have.
I missed you terribly. I think you'd be fine. I couldn't leave you. Give me your hand. You're always
leaving me. Yeah, I'm leaving you. You left me for Jason. Yeah, I did. Josh, would you ever move to
Florida? Never. Why? I live in California. So? Because Florida is where people go when they can't go.
You have family in Florida? Florida is where people go when they can't go to California.
I don't know about that. I don't feel like you just made that up. I think you made that up.
Let me tell you guys a couple of things.
California is arguably top 10 most stunning places on Earth.
Florida.
I feel like you also just made that up.
He often does.
That's not true.
That is true.
Okay, Napa, Sonoma, Big Sur.
You said the most stunning place on Earth.
You did say Earth, not the United States.
Oh, allow me to say it again.
On Earth.
Maybe you guys have never been.
Big Sur is in arguably, name me more beautiful places.
Oh, the Turks in Kakos.
That's a beach.
That's a beautiful place.
Is a beach not a beautiful place?
You didn't say the most beautiful place that is in a beach.
I'm talking about the stands.
Uzbekistan.
That's Afghanistan.
Trix Manistan.
Trixistan.
Turks, Bahamas, Hawaii.
There's beautiful places everywhere.
Fiji.
Bejeeji.
They're pretty.
But what I'm saying is, is that inarguably, like the hill.
I'm talking about.
Yes, obviously the Maldives, every island.
Yes, French Polynesia, Tahiti, but they're similar, right?
It's like, I'm talking about singular places.
I'm not talking about you could trade out Aruba for Turks and Caicos for Bahamas, not
Atlantis.
Not Atlantis.
Not Atlantis.
But I'm talking about singular places.
I'm talking about the hills of Tuscany.
I'm talking about like one in a million places.
and Big Sur, Sonoma, the Napa Valley are in probably the top 20 most beautiful places on earth, easily.
And I think that people who-
And you know what? That's your truth. And we love that for you.
Okay. And the mass understanding of truth.
But it's also like in California, you have San Francisco, you have Los Angeles, you have two of the most major cities in the country.
You have Miami in Florida.
By the way, by the way, I want to say,
If you're going to make a case for California, there's definitely a case to be made.
I agree with you.
Like Montecito Big Sur.
But if I were you, I would remove San Francisco from like your list of attributes.
It's really not like the greatest place.
It's one of the greatest places on earth.
It's having a rough moment.
That's a good way to put it.
I like that.
It's certainly having a rough moment.
But oh, yeah, easily.
And I think Florida, Florida makes a lot of sense for the tax incentive.
A hundred percent.
So then why is there 50% taxes in New York?
Because New York has one of the greatest cities on earth.
Yeah, but I guess we're talking about natural attributes, right?
New York doesn't have...
Can I ask you guys a question?
Yeah, please.
Is anybody else having deja vu?
I feel like the three of us have had this conversation before.
Either on a podcast or like out to dinner.
I don't know.
But yes, it's certainly on track for us.
Totally, like fighting about where we live.
No, but it's not even where we live.
We're fighting about, we, I just asked Josh a simple question.
Would you ever live in Florida?
Josh, do you identify as a New Yorker, like, at all?
You are from here.
Certainly.
I mean, it's in my bones.
It's in my blood.
I mean, my mom's name is Barbara.
Nuff said.
I mean, I've said.
I come from a long line of Jew northeasterners.
I feel a love and a connection for New York.
But I think the, and I'm not including Miami,
because Miami's a spectacular city and just the cultural epicent.
of like Latin, Latin American influence.
It's a fabulous place.
But I think the big draw for Florida is, to your point,
like these South Florida, West Palm, Boka, Fort Lauderdale, Tampa,
like I'm talking about the city centers.
These are lovely, it's like Scottsdale, Arizona.
Like, it's strip malls and-
Oh, I'm so glad you brought that up.
And lovely houses.
I loved Scottsdale Arizona.
I bet you did.
I loved.
You love a container store, don't you, Claudia?
I love a store.
I love a strip mall.
Right.
I loved the weather.
I loved the people.
And I love the culture.
The culture is very, it's kind of like a drinking city.
It gives off like, it's like a mini Vegas, that old Scottsdale part of town.
Obviously, it's a big golf area, which I think Ben would love about it.
But I would totally, I would never live in Scottsdale.
I would love to have a second or third, maybe fourth home there.
Would you say that people in California treat Arizona the way that New Yorkers treat
Florida?
No, because there's no need to have an escape.
I think people move to Californians who want to say.
money moved to Hendersonville, Nevada.
Like, they just moved to Nevada.
Another thing I've noticed, Josh, you pronounce it Florida?
Florida, yes.
And you're from New York?
Because I've had to adopt a non-regional accent to have what is a middling career
in show business.
Understood.
Yeah, that's really why I never pursued acting.
I think my voice is far too annoying.
I disagree.
You have a great voice.
She does.
I have a very distinct accent, no.
I wouldn't say accent.
You have an isom, like a New Yorkism about you, but I don't think you have like a Long Island
Staten Island thing.
No, I think we're all beating around the bush.
I have like vocal fry.
That's what people tell me.
I don't think you do.
I think that those people aren't your friends.
Well, I've gotten a lot better.
If you go back and listen to episodes of the toast from like 2018, 19, oh my God, you
never heard two more annoying voices in your life.
Like really nasally, we used to say like every other word.
I still use it like I'm not amazing with, you know, the use of the word like, but it used to be
so much worse.
We were so annoying.
Like, I can't believe anybody ever listened to our podcast.
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Josh, did we talk about when in Utah we watched Claudia's by Mitzvah video?
Exactly.
Did we talk about this at all?
Please.
Okay, so we watched her gorgeous Bat Mitzvah video.
She was cute as a button.
What are you about to say?
Amazing, amazing party.
So many friends, so much grinding, dancing.
These speeches, you know how they do like Bat Mitzvah's speeches?
She's saying, like candles.
Oh my God.
Her voice, you have no idea.
Like the thickest Long Island accent you've ever heard in your life.
It's really crazy.
And I've really naturally shed it.
Like as of a few years ago, I still had someone.
somewhat of a really, really annoying Long Island accent.
And my bat mitzvah is like really probably the worst of it.
I'm truly talking like this.
I can't believe it's my bat mitzvah.
I love you all.
You look gorgeous, like really gorgeous.
So thick.
Insane.
I love.
I mean, I do love the accent.
Like, do you say, say hilarious.
How would you say that?
Josh, you are so hilarious.
Okay.
So you don't want to say hilarious.
Oh my God.
You know what?
That is how people pronounce.
in Long Island. And no, I've never once felt compelled or pulled to say hilarious. Oh, that's terrible.
Now, what would you call the thing that you put your socks and underwear in? Oh, we just had this
conversation on the toast. More so about how that word, D-R-A-W-E-R is such a bad word for like a multitude of
reasons, the spelling, the pronunciation, the applications. But I'm going to put my underwear in the drawer.
Dore. Dore. Right. So that's great because I moved to California at 14.
remember my manager at the time being like, you're never going to say draw again.
And I, because I said draw.
Draw.
Oh, that was thick.
But I'll, you hear that.
I'll go out of my way not to use that word.
It's such an uncomfortable word.
I'll say the cabinet.
Like, I'll find a different word because I don't like that word.
Drawers no good.
Drawers no good.
Josh, should we do a speak pipe?
Here's from Anonymous.
Oh.
Hi, Josh and Ben.
I have a question for you that I need a male's point of
you on. So I am getting married in the beginning of April and I have already bought my seem to be
husband his wedding present and I bought him some custom made Nike Air Force ones for us to wear for the
reception. And my question for you guys is when I asked him, well, what are you going to get me for
the wedding day present? His response was, what are you talking about? That is fake. We don't actually
need to buy each other wedding presents on the wedding day. That's something that capitalism and
Instagram makes you think that you need. So my question for you is, did you guys buy your wife's
gifts for the wedding day? And just a little background about him. He's very, he's a CPA. He's in
finance tight to chess. He's like, we've already spent all this money on, you know, wedding bands,
the honeymoon, blah, blah, blah. And he's not a very sentimental person. So what are your thoughts? Did you
You guys buy your wives gifts for the wedding day?
Let me know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I bought a ring.
I bought a band.
Like a wedding band.
And like not just like the regular gold band, like an big diamond band.
Well, you got the band.
We got the band like years later.
Was that sure?
Yeah.
Okay.
I got the ring.
No, well, you got the ring like a year before the wedding.
Okay.
I showed up.
Like, I don't know.
I guess like I've never, I've never heard of that.
I didn't know that you get your wife a,
wedding present on her wedding day outside of.
Well, you got a present on your wedding day.
What did I get?
A watch.
Oh, damn.
Oh, God.
So were you, so were you snubbed?
No, I wasn't expecting.
I, like, the watch was really, like, for you because I got a ring, yes, a year before,
but, like, I had this ring and the watch was for you.
And I also feel like it's very cultural, the swapping of gifts.
Some people, like, some religions and some, like, cultures have specific traditions.
So I feel like people have their own rules.
There's no set rule.
Like, with a bride's maid, yeah, you get your bride's.
brides made a gift that's a nice thing to do.
Like, there isn't a rule about wedding gifts, but she already got him the sneakers.
I feel like the problem here isn't the exchange of gifts.
It's like, he kind of sounds rude.
He does.
He sounds miserable, but I didn't want to comment on that far.
I didn't want to comment on that.
No, like, you should get married, but like, I don't know if it was the way, like,
she was telling the speak pipe or how it's actually happening.
But, like, he sounded rude.
Like, you got him a present and the idea of him getting you a present.
Like, his response sounded like really rude.
Yeah, it bothered him.
It bothered him.
And, like, she was, like, calling him cheap.
And, like, and, like, and he works in finance.
So obviously he is like a good, you know, salary.
Weddings are expensive so people tighten the purse rings.
I get it.
I just didn't like the way he responded.
And that just might be you misrepresenting what happened or the actual truth.
But also what kind of gift is she looking to receive?
Because if she's giving out custom Air Force ones, not that that's not a wonderful gift.
It's very, very sentimental.
If she's looking for a sentimental gift in return, right, that doesn't have a very high price tag,
then she, then him being a CPA and being tight to the chest and being cheap has nothing to do with it.
I just feel like planning a.
wedding is so hard and so expensive and everybody's fighting and the families like really you're going to
pick a fight about this it's so irrelevant just let it go let it go i agree i agree josh i love your take and i was
going to say the same thing ben which is why i love being your co-host i think listen Nike id i realize
you know you customize you paid full freight these are not you know discount shoe warehouse air force
ones air force you know one and a halfs nevertheless okay this is a hundred fifty
$250, $200 gift.
So I think that if you're working within that price range, then it's incumbent on him to be like, listen,
if it's going to mean something to her and it's $250 or less, if she was like, I want a Rolex or something
like that, he'd be like, babe, we're shelling out 100 grand for the wedding.
Can we chill out on doing something extravagant?
But $250 or less and it's going to mean something to her?
It's a beyond a no-brainer.
Yeah, he should get it.
And she got the Custom Air Force One.
she should go and get the Donnies, the $400 Donald Trump, those beautiful shoes.
Do you see those?
No, what is that?
You see those?
No, what is that?
Oh, my God.
Donald Trump, me, are you serious?
Oh, my God, calm down.
I didn't see it.
I've never ever been with you in my life where you haven't seen something.
It's actually so true.
I'm always explaining what's going on to me.
Donald Trump made $400 like Air Force ones that he sold online and sold out of them to his community.
Are they like Nike's?
No.
I'll show you them.
I can't you have
there's sketches
they're sketches
oh my gosh get over it
you know something
that I don't know
like it's not gonna happen again
calm down
I can't believe
that I know this and you don't know
this so bad
I can just imagine being like
Claudia Osri
doesn't know my sneaker drop
awful
you didn't see these
no I've never seen
they're all gold
they're 400 bucks
but by the way
a sold out shoe
I mean he might have made
10
let's not believe
that like he made more
than 15. Well, okay, that was actually a big conversation. Did you see the drama on TikTok, Josh,
about Emily Mariko's like tote bags? Oh, did we talk about this with Hannah Burner? So like Emily
Mariko, the TikTok early, like came out with her first product ever. And it was these farmers market
bags that were like so expensive. And they really cost like a dollar. But I think she sold them for like
almost $200. And people were all mad and whatever. But they ended up selling out. But then it's like
the conversation that you could make anything sell out. Like you don't actually have to have.
sold every single, you know, a thousand bags.
People are like, well, did she just market as sold out for like marketing?
You know?
Yeah, totally.
So did she sell it out?
I guess the world will never know.
Yeah, it could be a limited drop.
Listen, we have, oh, Marshall's showing it to me now.
It's a cute.
It seems very farmer market-esque.
120.
It's 120.
I think those probably cost, what, 20?
I mean, I'd have to feel the durability.
Wait, we have them.
Right, right.
People were pointing to.
you know, similar brands selling similar bags for literally $30.
We have a marketing genius here in our Ben's software.
What's like the normal market?
Exactly.
Two and a half percent.
For like someone from Emily Mariko who's never launched a product and like this is her
first first big thing and she's known for cooking and she always gets fresh fruit from
the farmer's market.
Like it was very, she had never launched anything.
I actually thought it was like a good idea that she launched her own thing.
She doesn't really do brand partnerships.
She was just kind of like making her content even when she blew up.
Like she never went on TV and did a podcast or whatever.
So this was her first big thing and people were like they were rioting in the streets.
So what was the what's the product?
It's a big tote bag.
Okay.
It's not really like different or unique in any way.
Okay.
And it was like according to people,
obscenely overpriced.
How much was it?
$120.
$120 for a tote.
For a tote.
Got it.
That's made of like canvas.
Yeah.
So she probably got that bag for $10.
Mm-hmm.
So 130 is quite obscene.
Yes.
Yeah.
That said,
sometimes you're pricing things to be premium.
Right.
Like Louis Vuitton sneakers.
Gucci sneakers, these do not cost anywhere near $650 to make.
Right?
And they sell them for that trying to make a premium brand.
She's trying to make a premium brand.
I'm not going to dump on somebody for trying to make a premium brand.
I respect.
You like love to podcast without wearing shoes.
You have blisters.
You have hairy toes.
And you really desperately need a pedicure.
You couldn't see that from their way.
You exposed me.
I have been over here look fine.
I have been staring at your dogs and did think it was a bold move to podcast Shrewless.
It's really is.
Ben came on the toast today and like two days ago.
Always no shoes.
It's very triggering.
And you don't have like the most insanely gorgeous feet.
Like you just don't.
I'm trying to ground.
I'm constantly grounding.
You can't ground inside.
Why not?
Why can't I ground in the carpet?
It's not a thing.
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Have you had a lot of men in your life, Claudia, with beautiful feet?
Because I don't see a lot of beautiful feet.
Men feet.
Well, it's worth mentioning I haven't had a lot of men in my life, period.
I don't mean, sorry, I didn't mean to intimate like that.
I mean, just randos.
But it's funny, right?
Because I live in a beach community.
And I have a buddy, Max, Max Shapiro shout out.
Who's like this incredible, brilliant foodie chef person.
And we'll talk about in my town, there's like a couple really high-end lovely restaurants.
And I'll ask him, do you ever go down there?
Because it's a little bit of a schlep from where he lives.
He goes, you know, I've been there.
But I've been issues spending so much money on food and having to look at men's feet.
And his reasoning was like beach community men, even at a restaurant that's 150 a person,
they're going to wear, even sometimes with slacks, they're going to wear open-toed shoes.
And that's gross.
And I don't disagree.
Josh, what's your go-toe-toed shoe?
My go-toe, I'll wear either.
I used to wear, I'm trying to think, I don't do it.
That's the answer.
I don't do it.
You ask that question like you had an answer.
Yeah.
Like before Claudia made me throw them all away, I used to love like a na-oat or a
Birkenstock.
I was a big fan of those, but Claudia is very anti-the-na-oat or Birkenstock.
I just want to say one thing.
I want to say one thing, okay?
I have never, and by the way, that's not to say that if you came in wearing a pair of naot,
I wouldn't burn them.
That's not to say that.
From the time that I have met you, I have never in my life seen a pair of naot in your possession.
It's possible that I told a bold face lie to your listeners who you claim to love and respect
and appreciate the morons.
It's possible that I ditch them at 16, but I did used to love a naot or burk and stuff.
That wasn't the question.
That wasn't the question.
Now.
And then you said you slandered my name saying that I was.
the one who got rid of that. You would have. You would have gotten rid of you. I would have. You have no
proof of that because I did not. Okay, but you would have. Now, I love a nice thong. By the way, why do
they call it a thong? You have a nice thong. Okay, I'm gonna keep calling you out on your bold face
lies. If I go on vacation, you don't buy me a thong. Okay, well, that's not what you said, Ben,
you don't even own a pair of thongs. We just went to Mexico and Ben brought literally a pair of
sneakers and a pair of loafers and we're going to the pool. I'm like, where are your pool shoes?
Like, your sneakers. Oh, I didn't bring any. I had to buy him fliplops in the hotel
gift shop. Like, you don't own sneakers. I mean, you don't own open toes.
Shoes.
Josh, what do you think about water shoes?
I think they're good if you're diabetic.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They're good if you're diabetic.
Or a toddler.
What would you say is the chief thing that you guys, let's just call it, debate about?
Okay.
Are you saying, like, actually, like, real fighting or, like, silly banter?
Real fighting.
What do we?
We really, we really don't.
No, we do.
We do.
We do.
We do.
We do.
We real fight?
We have fights.
Like, we're a couple.
We fight about stuff.
Sure.
Like, what do we, like, really fight about?
I'm thinking.
Is there like one recurring theme?
It's good that you have to think about it.
Yes, there is.
No, no, I don't have to think about it, Josh.
What is it?
I don't have to fucking think about it.
Shoes in the house.
No, that's not what he's saying.
That's not what he's saying.
That's not a real fight.
This is a real fight.
Claudia decided to put a runner, right?
And for those that are too poor,
a runner is a small carpet that you take
that goes from room to room.
It's called a runner.
We have a runner that goes from our kitchen
area. You go outside the kitchen. There's a hallway into the bedroom. I'm going to be real
with you right now. Like I'm going to be fucking real with you right now. First of all, this is so
uninteresting. Like, just to hear you talk about it. I'm falling asleep for this is supposed to be
an entertaining podcast. First of all, second of all, you're going to tell the story. And by the time
you're done, I'm done with my response. You will be so mortified at the amount that I
eviscerated your ass. Go, go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. She put a runner. She put a runner. And
So everybody keep-
You bringing up the runner, like no one's going to know what you're talking about.
They don't have the layout of our apartment.
We know what a runner is.
Even the poorest know what a runner is.
Oh, yeah.
And Ben acting like he lives in a castle because there's a runner.
Like a runner's literally a rug, Ben.
Everybody has them.
You're telling me that there are runners in trailer parks?
Yes, actually.
There's a trailer park runner?
They're just rugs.
They're only just shaped rectangularly.
It's like literally not a big deal.
Okay, a small, rich rug.
It's not rich.
It's from rugable.
It's machine washable.
You go into our apartment.
You go into our apartment.
There's hardwood floors.
There's then strategically a runner that bridge.
They can't visualize it.
Nobody's-
I'm having them visualizing.
You won't let me.
Why do you just say the facts of the matter?
We now live in a new apartment that I've decided is going to be a shoe-free household
because it's disgusting.
Right on.
Ben has a hard time not acting like an animal and going through the house with a dirty,
fucking nasty ass speaker.
He's incapable of doing that.
So he's going to tell some facaquec story about a runner when in reality he doesn't care enough
about the house that we've made together to take his fucking shoes off.
False, false, false.
Josh, no shoe households, fantastic, right?
I love a no shoe household.
I have no issues.
Where do you keep your shoes, Josh, in a no shoe household?
Okay.
The reality is, is technically you could keep them outside your door, but you can't do that
in an apartment building.
Oh, okay.
By the way, you can't do that in an apartment building, but who does?
Ben's offer.
is what I do. I'm so happy to have my shoes outside of the front door and they never come in the
apartment. No problem. But this idea that I need to take off, that I need to put on my shoes
outside of the apartment when I keep them in my bedroom. Josh looks so bored. Josh looks so bored.
You want to know why? Because Josh is a father and Josh knows real responsibility. And Josh knows
that taking your shoes off is not disgusting, especially when you have kids in the house crawling around
picking things up. Okay. What's a real fight? You say it's boring. What's a real fight? You say it's boring.
What's a real fight?
This is a real fight.
You're right, actually.
Thank you for reminding me, dick.
I remember.
This is like a very small, dumb fight.
No, like the shoes.
But it always ends up becoming like an actual argument because to me like, and it's all,
not really so much of shoes, but just like the whole cleanliness thing of the home, laundry,
things like that, dishes.
Ben is just like, and he's gotten better, but he's really a slob.
Like he's disgusting.
I am not a slob.
And he's much better, much better than when we met, but he's no perfect human.
He's not me, you know?
Like, me, I could live without a housekeeper.
I'm so fucking clean.
But because I live with Ben, we have a weekly housekeeper.
That's on him, not me.
And when I'm like constantly keeping the house clean throughout the week, like,
and every time I just get back to the apartment, there's like another piece of shit for me to do,
I get mad because he's not doing it.
So I know he's leaving it for me.
And I do feel like I find it like disrespectful.
It's like a slap in the face.
Like, oh, yeah, I'm going to take a dump in the middle of this house.
And I just know my wife is going to pick it up because I'm, you know, a king and she's the sorry people.
It feels disrespectful.
Clean is another level.
Clean is another level.
When we have company over, Josh, we have to put away our chargers.
They can't know that we have a charger.
We put chargers in drawers.
They're not allowed to know that we charge computers, that we charge phones.
They're not allowed to know that we have a phone.
We take all phones and computers and we throw them off the balcony.
What's so funny is when we have people over, they remark on how beautiful our home is.
And Ben soaks up the accolades as if they have anything to do with fucking him.
He's like, oh, yeah, thank you so much.
We love the apartment.
Oh, they're saying, like, it's so clean.
Oh, yeah.
Like, you just soak it up and take responsibility for all.
And you act like they're complimenting you.
They're not, bitch.
They're not.
And on that note, I will say that I didn't know until I met my wonderful in-laws and family
that having any sort of appliance visible in the kitchen is unacceptable,
that there should be appliance drawers where the kitchen aid, where the Vitamix,
where the toaster, where the milk frother goes,
and the plugs, ideally, if you're redoing your kitchen,
should be hidden in a below cabinet hiding space where little plugs go.
who are in witness in plug protection.
That I feel like is a nice.
That's a real luxury.
That's something rich.
Like we live in New York.
We don't have the biggest kitchen on the planet.
I'm not unreasonable.
We've got our toaster oven.
We've got our coffee machine.
We've got our appliances on the counter.
Sure.
But in a perfect world when one day you're living in South Florida with five kids,
it's going to be palatial.
You will not see a plug.
Yes. Jackie does, you know,
lovingly call me the store.
sweeper because like I just go on these sweeping missions where I just can't deal with any clutter.
I don't care if it's a computer that you bought yesterday. It's going in the trash.
Yeah, we've spoken out of it before. I'll randomly get home half my clothes are in the trash.
No, that's good. That's different. Your clothes are ugly and everything you own has a hole.
So like sorry for, sorry that I threw away the 10 year old t-shirt that was a dollar that has three
holes in it. I'm so crazy. Arrest me. My wife to, no, listen, my wife does similar.
I find that my wife and I fight just because, and I can't believe I'm
saying this, but this goes to show that I'm 13 years in a relationship and browbeaten by my spouse.
We have different love languages. And thus, that can sometimes lead to an issue. What is yours?
Physical. And what is hers? Like time to, who gives a shit? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
Quality time. She's a lucky lady. My quality, my love language is, is a shock to nobody, acts of service.
And Ben, what would you say your love languages?
I feel like it's either words of affirmation or quality time.
I'm reminded of this horrendous study.
It's not a study.
It's not a study.
Claudia and I made us take like this like horrendous quiz.
And for a period of time, all that you hear the way that she's talking about it?
She's talking about it like a therapist.
She's like, so what is your love language, acts of kindness, words of affirmation?
That's what it is.
I'm not saying it like a therapist.
That's what it is.
But you know very well for a reason.
Um, mine is definitely words of affirmation.
When Claudia tells me that I have done something right, I am like a dog ready to receive his.
That was my treat.
But maybe you're, you're feeling like a dog because like me telling you that you did something right is so infrequent because you're always doing things wrong.
Maybe that's it.
It's possible.
Does that mean that you should look in the mirror?
Wow.
Why?
So I could see my beautiful face.
Yeah, you should do that too.
We should all do that.
I actually don't feel like words of affirmation is your.
No, I don't think it is either.
It's quality time.
Quality time for sure.
And physical touch.
Get away for me those hoots.
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Next, speak pipe, and I got a couple good surprises up the old sleeve.
Let's hear from Alexa.
Hi, Josh and Ben, major moron here.
And my best friend who actually lives in Los Angeles, long distance, is also a huge, huge moron.
So we're morons together and we just love you guys so much.
I'm calling because I live in New York and my moron best friend lives in L.A.
So we deal with similar long distance to you both.
And I'm just curious how you two stay so insane.
get in touch, you know, are there ever times where you feel like things would be easier
if you lived in the same city asking for a friend how you guys maintain a long distance?
Love you both so much.
Bye.
I just think.
Thank you, Alexa.
I think Alexa has to admit to herself that she's in love with her best friend.
I want to say, like, one of my favorite things is you guys deciding to name your listeners
the morons because when people come up to Ben, they're like, oh my God, Ben, I'm a moron. And it takes
me a second because I'm not used to it. It is the funniest thing ever. And the fact that people have
embraced it is so funny. And I have to say, by the way, you know who we can think for the word
moron? Who? Because we've, we like started saying moron like a year ago, maybe two, and we use it so
much. And you know who influenced us? Because he says it all the time. Brian Kelly says moron all the,
he says muronic. He does say moron a lot. He invented moron. He does. But yeah, our listeners are
morons because we're morons. We're all morons. We just pretend that we're smart, but we're all really,
really stupid. Okay, what do me and Josh do? Josh, right? That was the question. Yeah.
What would we do to maintain our long distance relationship? Yeah, you guys, like, run a business
together and would it be better if we were in the same city. Obviously, it would be better if we were in
the same city. There's absolutely no question. Absolutely wish we were. No question. That said,
I think we're very fortunate because we have the podcast. We essentially have a couple hours a week where
we are forced to catch up.
Like I, we talk more than my best friends in the city, like in the same city.
Because like life, life comes at you.
You have kids.
You have work.
You have this.
You have that.
So honestly, the podcast is what holds our deep friendship together.
I also want to say this might be an extremely hot take, but I actually feel like this
might be good advice.
Like if you're having such, like, not every friendship is going to like last forever.
And if you're having such a hard time like keeping in touch, it's not like feeling natural
to you for you in the same.
friend to like always be keeping each other in the loop calling texting like the friendship might
just be like fizzling out and that's fine.
I also think it should be that hard to like maintain a friendship.
I don't I actually like my best friend, my buddy Len, were we live in about.
Wow.
Well, different.
Wow.
You're going to say that right in front of Ben.
Ben, his name is Len.
His name is Len.
By the way, do you have any friends besides that R.E.
Len and Ben.
My buddy Wren.
I don't know.
And don't.
forget about Sven. Sven. Ben just talked about some hypothetical best friend that wasn't me right before
that. So fine. It's good to know. I hope you guys have a podcast together too. His name is Pash.
He should have said like, no. Yeah, totally. Posh. I was like, wait, I don't get the joke.
Yeah, well, whatever. So we recently got in a speak pipe, which I don't think I should play, but I want to
give you the jest. A lovely... No, please play it. Well, I think it might ruin
I think it might ruin it.
So maybe I, well, you tell me, well, should this?
Do you go about it the way that you think is best?
We recently got a lovely speakpipe from someone who asked if we would be open to doing their announcement
that they are pregnant on the good guys.
No.
Oh, my God.
Wait, is it your wife?
No.
Oh, I thought you were going to be like so cute and like for that like.
I get page on the phone.
No, you guys got to have at least one before we have a third.
I'm so ready for it, guys.
Can't wait to be Uncle Josh.
Josh, if you carry, we'll have a baby.
I would too.
I would love to.
I'd love to be pregnant.
I would love to also.
Yeah, it's a big pronouncement for people without uterus.
It's like, I would.
I'm not just trying to say this to get on a, you know, on the good side of every woman listening.
Watching my wife carry both of our kids is one of the most spectacular things I have ever seen in
life, a woman who is pregnant is, it's just beyond. Up until then, I'd only seen,
seen women on the bus and or women in sitcoms being pregnant. And when you see the physical toll it takes,
I remember once, and I've told this before around, like, month five, my wife was like, I can't really
breathe. And she proceeded to not be able to breathe because the baby was resting on her diaphragm
until the baby came out. Four and a half months of just being, like, short of breath. So,
So this woman asked us the good guys and our number one good gal, Claudia, to make the announcement on the pod.
So instead of playing the speak pipe, I thought it'd be a props to call her and have her announce it on the pod.
Should we do it?
Oh, wait.
You have her phone number?
She left her, she left her email.
I emailed her on the way.
She has responded with her phone number.
It's a 347.
Oh, that's so exciting.
So that's New York.
So let's hear from our friend.
Katie, who now has my phone number.
So fuck.
Okay, here we go.
Do star 6-7.
Star 6-7, Josh.
I know.
It's too late.
I'm all in.
Will she be able to hear us?
Oh, no.
I don't know.
I guess not.
It's just you and her.
It's just, okay.
Hold on.
Is this really Josh Peck?
Are you fucking with me?
She just said, is this really Josh Peck?
Are you fucking with me?
Oh, no.
Josh, we can hear her.
She can't hear us.
Okay, gotcha, got you.
I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot. Hi, Katie. Sorry, you can't hear, but Ben and Claudia Oshry. That's right. Ben Oshry and Claudia Oshry are currently listening to you on the podcast.
Hey, Katie. Hi, Katie. They say hello.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You have no idea. You are making my day thousand times better. And it just keeps getting better.
Okay. Well, Katie, first of all, I'm going to need you to delete this number from your phone as soon as this is over.
And if I see my number leaked, I'm going to find you, Katie.
I have your number now.
I'm coming for you.
I'm going to be your worst fucking nightmare, Katie.
My husband is like snickering right now.
I can't believe.
By the way, why do you have your number blocked?
Like, why is your name for Josh Pet?
Like, what the heck?
What are you nuts?
Oh, she's calling you out.
She's calling you out.
What are you nuts?
Wow.
Josh is so upset.
He's so upset.
This is so much.
Katie is so much better than her announcement.
Josh is engaged in the progress.
It's so good.
Katie, I don't want to, I don't want to take away from your moment with your very prescient and real take on, I don't know why my number's listed.
But please, for the good guys listeners now, please, we want to hear your wonderful news.
You want to help me out with this?
No, I'm pregnant with my first kid.
Woo-hoo!
Wow.
Mazel, Mazel.
Katie is pregnant.
Eggs.
Woo!
Go Katie.
I get, I, yeah, wow.
That was really weird saying it out loud.
I haven't said out loud very often.
Josh, ask Katie who she's telling.
Who is it in asking for?
Katie, is this, who are the morons in your life that this is for?
This is for all the born.
This is, I don't even know.
This is just for, I don't even know.
This is just for me.
Because I was like, yeah, this is self.
I'm selfish for me, really.
I thought her husband isn't
Is it?
Does anyone else in your life not know yet?
Like, will they be, this, this episode's going to air, like, within the next two weeks.
So are they, is there anyone who doesn't know?
No one I know actually listens to the podcast.
What the fuck?
I know.
There's not more.
I try.
No one listens to me, Josh.
It's a, it's a, it's a sad thing.
Josh, hang up.
Well,
Katie, we wish you a lot of luck.
What?
I'm sorry.
I'm like really not handling with luck because I cannot handle this her now.
I can't.
Tell Katie that we wish her well and that if she doesn't name her son, moron, she's dead to us.
I can't believe Claudia and Ben are hearing me right now.
Katie, we want to say from the good guys themselves, we love you.
Congratulations.
Mazaltov, as they say in our community.
And we wish you all.
wonderful things and we would like a check-in every trimester please check back in with us Katie
send us a speak pipe let us know how it's going but for now we must say ado we bid you a do
thank you and you just made my day for the shitty i've been such a bad day and thank you so much for
this actually thank you katie we love you goodbye goodbye okay okay let's do maybe
one more speak pipe and then what do you nuts?
Oh, I need a what do you anunts.
Okay.
And I have one.
This one is from our dear grace.
Hey, good guys.
Long time more I'm here.
I was just looking for advice on when to know
that you're ready to have a second baby.
I currently have...
Maybe let's do something a little more universal.
I was like, Josh,
I'm going to defer to you on this one.
This one's from Chloe.
I love the pie.
My name is Chloe, and I just want to get your guys' opinions.
Sorry, I think you're yelling in the back.
I'm a teacher, but I recently graduated college, and I've been trying to meet people,
and I've been kind of getting into my fitness journey,
and I feel these cute guys at the gym,
but I have no idea how to approach them, or if they want to be approached,
or what to say.
I feel like it's just awkward eye contact, or asking how many sides they have left,
and it's just a whole thing.
And I thought you guys would have to have.
some insight things.
We'll get to her in a minute, but I do want to say, because, you know, we do advice on the podcast
too, but we don't have people, we have people submit via email and you guys do the voicemail thing,
which is really cool.
But does it just enrage you how slow people talk sometimes?
Like, because I talk so fast, I'm like, just fucking spit it out.
What do you want?
Yeah, she was pretty quick.
She wasn't bad, but I was just thinking, like, it's enraged.
Most of the time, it's today, junior.
Yeah, yeah.
Most of the, for sure, for sure.
So I think it's incredibly toxic to meet somebody at the gym.
Why?
I don't know. I just feel like it's just like whoever you're going to, I don't know.
That's like a really bad call. I thought you, what I was going to say is like, you have no experience meeting someone at the gym because we're married and you never go to the gym.
Now you do. Now you do.
That is crushing Claudia.
And by the way, you go to like a private gym because you're like a diva.
Like you've never been to like a golds.
Literally. I'm a diva.
You literally work out with a trainer in our home gym.
That's why I was going to say, I'm ill-equipped to answer this, Katie.
I apologize.
Wishing you well.
We are both ill-equipped to answer.
That said, I think meeting a man at the gym who's hopped up on testosterone, protein, big pecks, toxic environment.
Why is that the guy?
Why is it just like someone, you know, going after work for a quick jog?
Because he's not.
He's not there.
You think he's there, Josh?
Yeah, take the gym part out of it and just say, like, in a public setting.
that maybe she would see someone regularly,
what would be the best way to make inroads?
You guys can say that.
I actually like the idea of meeting someone at the gym
because you never look uglier or worse than you do at the gym.
So if you can get a guy to, like, go out with you or ask you out at the gym,
he's going to be shook when you show up with like a blowout and a spray tan.
You're going to look gorgeous.
He's really, it's like kind of getting the worst part over with.
Very interesting.
But the question is, how would you approach the person?
Well, what's different?
I guess you're just like half naked and a little sweaty.
Like whatever, so is he.
I don't know what I would say at a gym.
You need like, oh.
You need a line.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
Like, what do you bench?
You know, something like that.
Yeah.
Oh, you could bench two of me.
Something like that.
You know, if you're small, like I guess nobody could really bench me.
Like, you need a towel?
No, I don't like that.
A little sweaty?
No, that's rude.
No?
No.
Yeah, I don't like that.
Can I interest you in a bottle of water?
You look thirsty?
Now, let me ask you guys this question because, and again, these matters of the heart really don't
apply to bed nor I we, you know, met when we were very young. And I really have no dating experience.
But like, and I'm old school, but like, and maybe if I was single, I would feel differently,
but like, I would never like really ask someone out. I would wait for somebody to ask me out just because
like traditional in that sense. And then it's like, oh, they like me. So like it's good.
You know, I have the reassurance that like they wanted to go out with me. So like I don't have
to be worried that they don't like me. You know? Yeah, it's very vulnerable. What are you saying?
Like, I would never do that. Got it. But assuming we're doing like traditional courting, gender-roly stuff,
Like you would still make it clear you were interested.
Like I think it's incumbent on you to at least give some sort of signal that you're enjoying this person's company.
Like that assuming it's not just like a cold call, right?
Like you've chatted a few times at the gym.
You have a good rapport.
Like I would at least, I'd wait for some sort of signal of like that that person enjoyed chatting with me and would, you know, be open to a coffee or something.
Right.
Like you would do that naturally, right?
I don't know.
It's also really hard at the gym.
I feel like, you know, you go to the gym alone, so you wouldn't be there.
How do you know if someone at the gym is in a relationship?
You're really not supposed to waitlift with jewelry on, so no rings.
Like, what if you're, you know, working up all the courage to talk to this guy and he's got, like,
eight kids and he's married?
The move in L.A. was always that if that person is an active person, you go,
oh, have you ever done this hike that's like five, like, not like some scary hike
where you could be murdered, but like this super public, like this super public easy hike
that's like five or ten minutes away.
You know, either the person goes, I've never done it.
And you go, oh, well, if you ever want to go, like, I go, like, a couple times a week.
Like, it's great, super easy.
Or if they do go all the time, you're like, oh, we should go together.
Like, it'd be a fun.
And that would be, like, your first unofficial date, just saying running.
And see, that's why I could absolutely never live in L.A.
because if I was trying to get somebody to be impressed with me, like, doing physical activity is no way to do that.
You have to, like, get all sweaty.
My makeup would be, like, running down my shirt, my shirt, return orange.
Like, that's just, the L.A. lifestyle is enough for me.
Wow.
Okay.
Fair enough. Ben, hit us with your what are you nuts.
My what are you nuts moment is the people in your life that insist on asking you questions that are easily Googleable, that you don't know, they don't know.
But they ask you and put the onus on you. I'll give you a prime example.
So are you talking about yourself?
No, my sister did this to me and you today. My sister texted, Claudia and I pictures of two credit cards.
And she said, I just got an LLC. What business credit card should I get? How the hell should I?
know. Look up the two credit cards. That's what I would do. You're putting the onus on me.
Googling the Amex gold card, Googling the Chase preferred, the two that you put in. I'm going to
read the exact same list of bullets that you're going to read to come to the exact same decision.
Another example, I'll have a friend that'll say, oh, how long will it take to get there?
Google it. Put in Google Maps. Why do I know anything that you don't know?
Okay. I'm going to disagree with you so hard. When you're talking about your sister, first of all,
she's asking us because we know Brian
and we she like we're very well versed
in points culture.
Just because we're adjacent to Brian
doesn't mean I know anything about points.
And well maybe you're not listening
when Brian speaks and you should be.
Second of all, it's not really something
you can just Google.
Like it's really like an inside baseball type of thing.
Points is very confusing.
Just Googling it is not enough.
And I'm sure she was asking us
so we would just ask Brian
because like having a note like a ear to Brian.
I don't agree.
And first of all, you do that with actually
dumb shit.
Like what?
Like we'll be watching something.
be like, oh, what's that guy from?
I don't know.
Look it up, bitch.
How can I possibly look up what he's from?
It's called IMDB.
How can I look it up?
On your phone?
I can't look.
I don't know his name.
Right.
Okay.
So you Google the O.C.
And then you say, oh, the O.C.
Ryan, you find his name.
You tap his IMDB.
Like, this is what everyone does.
But I knew that you knew what he was from.
Yeah, but if you just shut up, we could keep watching the show, you know?
Josh, what's yours before I whip out my pistol?
So Florida of you.
My.
My Woody and Nuts is just getting drunk over 35.
I just think, and I don't mean to be ages here, fucking get over it.
Get it together.
Either get better at drinking or drink less.
Because it's just, if you're black or browning or graying out at this point, it's become
ridiculous.
What are you searching for?
What are you running from?
And who are you running to?
I just get your priority.
in order. It's enough. You've done it enough.
So you don't mean getting drunk. You mean getting sloppy, blackout, like, embarrassing yourself.
Because that I completely agree with.
But yeah, but I kind of mean, I don't know what drunk. I just feel like if you're,
if it's impeding, you know what, Ben, I agree with you. Yes. I'll stop talking.
Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes. And my what do you know, it's just to bring things full circle,
are people who you have sex with
who send you calendar invites
because the two just shouldn't be the same.
You guys have sex?
This is unbelievable.
We do, we do.
In a recreational, not reproductive way.
Shut up, I don't know what you're about to say,
but just shut your mouth.
Things are pretty spicy.
Just shut your mouth.
Pretty spicy.
Well, we got to go, guys, on that note.
Thank you.
I will cut that out.
I'm so glad that people won't know
that we just cut out 20 seconds
and it was my favorite part of the podcast.
We live on one Chalula Lane
because things are spicy at our house.
Oh, please.
That I'm leaving in, Claudia.
Claudia, that I'm leaving in.
Yeah, leave this in too, bitch.
He falls asleep at literally 8 o'clock.
And then he comes on the podcast and it's like,
oh yeah, we live on Chalula Lane.
It's spicy.
Like, please, you're asleep.
We're catty quartered to Tabasco Drive.
You can bite us on Trachacca Court.
Literally.
All I have to say is he can't get this kind of podcast anywhere else.
You can't get it anywhere else.
Beautiful Claudia,
thank you so much for joining us.
Thank you,
in case you don't.
Because honestly,
our podcast is so big.
If you don't listen to the toast,
you should listen to the toast.
If you somehow don't know who Claudia is,
I highly doubt it, right?
You probably do.
They do.
No, it's possible.
It's possible.
But it's possible.
You can follow her wherever,
wherever she is.
Everywhere that she is.
TikTok.
Follow her on TikTok.
Thank you.
She needs more TikTok followers.
Listen to the man.
Follow Claudia on TikTok.
She makes great TikToks.
Josh is the only one here who knows how to go viral and keep followers.
It's unbelievable.
Josh's TikTok.
It's through the roof.
Share the, share, just share your knowledge of how you grow your TikTok.
But this episode, five out of five stars, rate, reviews, subscribe, incredibly important.
Spotify, Apple, watch us on Josh's YouTube because it's a lot funny when you get to see our faces.
I agree.
I agree.
It's really important.
Share a clip of the friend.
You know, maybe the friend doesn't want to listen to a whole episode.
You send them a clip all of a sudden they're listening.
Can I ask you a question?
Of course.
Are you not worried about like coming off as desperate?
This is what we do every episode.
Does it sound desperate?
It's just a little.
Okay, cool.
No, but listen, I love it.
Like, you're not going to believe in yourself who is.
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Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.
