Good Guys - Quit Lying to Short Kings

Episode Date: June 15, 2026

Greetings, Morons! This week, we're joined by comedian Brad Williams, and somehow the conversation goes from Benihana to billionaires building private Starbucks, dating while short, getting fetishized, and why 5'5" guys need to stop complaining. Brad opens up about growing up with dwarfism, finding confidence through comedy, meeting his wife, raising his daughter, and the surprising reason he's grateful for almost everything. Plus, we debate the world's most ridiculous rich-person purchases, the insanity of limb-lengthening surgery, and whether social media is making everyone miserable. What are ya nuts?! Love ya! Write us! Send your messages to [e-mail]  Follow us on Instagram and TikTok!  Sponsors: Visit www.sleep.me/goodguys to get your Chilipad 2.0 and save up to $255 with code GOODGUYS For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutrafol.com and enter promo code GOODGUYS10 If you like your money, Mint Mobile is for you. Shop plans at MINTMOBILE.com/goodguys  Use our code GOODGUYS10 for 10% off your next SeatGeek order!* https://seatgeek.onelink.me/RrnK/GOODGUYS  Sponsored by SeatGeek.  *Restrictions apply. Max $20 discount If your glasses are overdue for a refresh, now is the time. Go to Zenni.com/PODCAST and use code PODCAST15 Try Hint, now available online at drinkhint.com and in stores nationwide. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Produced by Dear Media. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Two Jews, both big and tall, no subject, too small for the good guys. The mother's dream, premium podcast team, make it your weekly routine, it's a good guys. And if you don't give us five stars, what are you nuts? What are you nuts? Yeah, we're the good guys, we're just a good a day. Mazumorans, welcome back to the Good Guys podcast, Ben. I think I'm about to have a war with my neighbor.

Oh my God. What the hell happened? I don't know. I got a little. This is a neighbor who I've never met. And boy, did she have a comment for where I put my bins out when it's garbage day. I said, but I just, I kept it low key. I kept it in the pocket.

I said, this is where our waste management firm, I'm going to make it sound like a law firm, Our waste management, our waste management collective has asked me to play said bins, ma'am. I'm only talking to her in legalese. So if you wish to bring about a complaint, I suggest you submit it to who gives a shit, okay? By the way, good luck. You sent her to waste management.

She's dead. You don't go and talk to those guys. No. You do exactly what they say because you talk to them, you tell them something they don't want to hear. All of a sudden, you're in the bin. Does, you know, I know that, like most Florida people that, you know,

you're, some of your family in Florida, they live in these gorgeous communities. Very secure, very beautiful, you know, very amenet dates. Yes. But here's the other side of that. There's a lot of rules and regs. Absolutely. Right? Wills and regs big time.

Oh, yeah. Do you ever hear about that? Yeah, tell me. Tell me what other things. I've gotten speeding tickets. For money? They can't charge you money. I got charged money.

And I don't even live there. I got a bill. I don't even live there. I got a $100 bill. I was going $30 and a $25. I got a bill. You think I fucking paid that shit? Fuck, no.

You want to come to my house, fucking seize me, take me? Seize me. I'm not paying that shit. Seize it up. But I wonder if they can then impose that on who you are a guest of and say. Totally possible. You want to come, seize me.

Yeah. I don't know who I'm asking to seize me. Somebody's got to seize me. me. I'm not paying that shit. Unless somebody comes to me and is like, you got to fucking pay that shit. Seizing. I'm not paying. I don't even eat Caesar salads. I'm so against seizing.

I'm against seizing. Or actually, I'm pro seizing. I'm telling you to seize me. Seasons. I'm a season. One of Pages's family members lives up in Northern California in a beautiful gated community. And they were like, we're not allowed to leave a car in our driveway overnight.

That's. That's crazy. Yeah. It's all crazy. It's all crazy. I don't know who it's written by. And these homeowners associations across America need to find other things to do. They need to find other things to do, Josh. They have too much time to impose inconveniences on people. Okay? Too much time. But wait, I need to understand. So you got a terrible fight with your new neighbor. Is this a neighbor that just moved in? I don't know where she came from, to be honest. It was like out of my periphery, and it was early this morning, because God forbid, this is a real homeowner. God forbid you forget to put your bins out on pickup day for garbage. You have to sit in your own filth for another week.

No, thanks. So I'm on it. And they won't pick up off schedule. Like if you needed them to, could you call them, pay a little extra scratch and get it done? you'd have to call a service like you'd have to call them and actually pay a fee like there wouldn't be like yo

Joey come come by my place I mean I guess I lace them up every couple months so maybe if I saw them on another day in a different part of town and I was like come on by but you know they got to be careful right because what if they get in an accident on your street and then their boss goes

well why were you there right lie through their teeth they would never tell the truth in that instance neither would I. Okay. And I'm a novice in this. So you don't have to pay for the garbage pickup. Like in my building in New York, I guess the building doesn't pay for it. It's just a part of your taxes. They come around and they pick up garbage. So this is a private service. Okay. Understood. Yeah. Understood. I don't think we're paying for it. No, I think it's part of our taxes.

Our taxes. Our taxes. Every six months. And they never forget. You ever wish they would forget once or once a lot. New York, New York they forget. Really? What do you mean? The city is fucking disgusting. No, I mean forget taxes. Oh, they don't forget taxes. Did you imagine April 15th came around and the IRS said, we'll get you next year?

I thought you were saying that the garbageman never forget. No, they forget. They forget. They forget. They forget. No, the IRS doesn't forget, Josh. Or maybe they'll make you think they forgot. And then in three years, we didn't forget.

Okay? Just if you think they forgot, they didn't. Just know. They know. You think you outsmarted them. They haven't come to me this year. They're coming. They're fucking coming.

Bro. Bro. Again, you know, love them or hate them. The most Trump thing I've ever heard is I read in the post today that Trump just dropped his lawsuit against the IRS. I mean, who comes for the IRS except Donald J. Trump going, you think you're going to get me? I get you first. Tag you're right. Oh, man.

Yeah, that's, by the way, it takes fucking balls to sue the IRS. Totally. Damn. Oh, my God. That's a big on us. But I was good. I get scared of the prospect of being sued by anyone. Imagine being sued or countersued by the IRS.

I think I would have a heart attack before I'd have to pay anything. It's terrible for my family. I don't really worry about being sued for things that are, because, like, I live a pretty, pretty clean life. Right? And my fear is to get sued and then just get caught in something that I know I'm going to win, but I'm going to have to fight it. Yeah. No, you just, you can't get caught in it. You can't want to win. You just, I don't want it. I'll get those random emails. Oh, you purchased X drug between these years. You're entitled. Class action. I've been looking for a class action my whole life. The problem is, Josh, these class actions, big fancy headline. 50 million bucks goes to 50. million people. Right. That's the class action. So what? I'm going to fill out a form for a dollar. So last one, it was like $35. I think I could have been a part of the 23 and me lawsuit. I don't

if you ever did that. I seem to be somebody, I seem to fall for these companies that then end up in class actions. I've had a couple of them. I, yeah, I get, I get invited to class actions all the time. And once I actually saw it through and they sent the check for $30. And I was afraid to cash it because it seemed too good to be true. It's funny. I wouldn't cash it. I feel like it comes with strings. Then all of a sudden you're on a list. Totally.

Right? Right. You're on that fucking list. I don't know what the list is used for, but they use it for something. Keep me off your lists. I don't want to be on a list, Josh. Speaking of which,

I showed you my texts when we were together on Friday recorded in person, which let me tell you, there's nothing like being in person with it. Nothing. And I had just gotten a text from me. Ben's deli because I somehow have found myself now on four different marketing text threads from four separate kosher delis. Ben's second Ave, Carnegie, Estramequine.

All four of them I've received texts in the last six months. Now look, it's a lovely message if it's pre-super Bowl. Hey, we have a Super Bowl platter. Are you interested? Please don't text message, market me. Ben's deli on a random Friday. Weekend plans, not you. Not you.

Now I'm pissed at you. Reach out to me when it matters. Valentine's Day. Stock up on hot corn beef, hot pastrami for your wife. That's good. Josh. If you hit me too many times, I'm out. It's the biggest mistake a company will make.

I just had it happen when I bought my kids some shoes. He really wanted these specific. like these dope like again in olive green but like these dope green Jordans okay because everyone in his class are getting Jordans and he wants to be part of the cool kids

and I'm like Nordstrom rack that's where it's at that's where the cool kid shop he goes no dad he's on to you I don't want fucking Sam and Adidas and Ediths fuck

and so now I got I'd really spring for sneakers. That's so funny. So I ordered them from that, the WSS. What's it called? What's it called? Whole shoes, shoes. Whole shoe shop.

Josh, is East Bay still around? You remember East Bay? Remember the catalog from East Bay? It was like the size of a Bible. Of course I do. It was so fucking sick. So sick. Oh my God.

Nothing cooler than sneaker shopping in a magazine. I wouldn't buy any of them. But man, did I love my Nike? ID's. Do you ever do a Nike ID? Yeah, and it never came together well. Turns out I'm not a great shoe designer. Awful. Awful. They should really, Nike ID thinking about it, that's a waddy and nuts, that they didn't look at the shoe that you made and tell you would be fucking ugly. Like, they should have just consulted a little like, hey, I know you picked all of the colors of the rainbow,

but we don't think that that would go well with fur. Totally. Yeah, they were terrible. They ended up looking like clown shoes. I also think at one point, Levi's ended up doing something similar. And, no, not Levi's. What's the name of that sneaker brand? The original sneakers that were in the NBA. Spalding.

No, with the star, the star on the side. Converse. Thank you. Thank you. Converse did a custom. I made bowling shoes. The kids made fun of me. I wore them once three on three.

They're like, man, you're wearing fucking bowling shoes. I'm like, I designed these myself. They're like, that's your problem. You're wearing Converse bowling shoes. It's seared in here, Josh. It's seared. I'm Virgil Ablo. More like Virgil Fatsso.

I'm Virgil Fatsso. I'm Virgin Fatsau. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Seek. Folks. It's ticket season. Season tickets. Tickets season. They're everywhere. Oh my God, there are so many games to go to the NBA finals, the World Cup, so many concerts. I'm taking my dad to James Taylor. I got the tickets

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and you want a very loud, because, you know, Mercedes, when you're dealing with, like, the really high-hand cars, the G-Wagon CS class, you know, these rich people, they want weird colors, you know, they really go off kilter. They do. And sometimes they'll pick, like, paints that are 5, 10, 15,000 with wild-ass interiors, red interior, blue. And if you pick a particularly ugly package, Mercedes, they call you and they go, listen, we think this is going to be ugly as fuck. So what they're really doing is trying to protect themselves because usually you only have to put a small down payment to have the car built.

Because they go, look, if they don't accept it, we'll take their five brands. Someone else will buy it. Sure. Yeah. And we'll sell it somewhere else. And a silver G-wagon with black interior and no problem. But if you pick an orange G-wagon with hot red interior, They're like, this one's going to, we're going to take a hit on this.

So they'll be like, we want 20 grand to make this. Yeah, that makes sense. You got to commit. You got to commit to it. Do you know this Gishtad guy? Gistad? Yeah, he's like a, he's an online. I was at the same influencer.

He, like, has this schick that you've definitely seen where he like pretends to be super rich and his handle is Gashad guy, whatever. Okay. He just did a collab with Bentley, Josh. He's been pretending to be rich for 10 years and built up this insane audience. Yeah. And Bentley approached me. You just made 25 limited edition Gistad Guy Benley's.

No way. How sick is that? So sick. You'll look it up and you'll know his face and like his like videotype. But I saw that. I was like, wow, that is so cool and so smart of Bentley to attach themselves to this like, even though it's fake. It's the pinnacle of luxury is what he is mocking and talks about.

Right. And he made just the sickest, sickest, sickest Bentley crossover. It looks like a Subaru Bentley. It's sick. Oh, really? I got to see it. Yeah. Who else would be a funny collab?

Maybe like a Jake Shane Bentley. Yeah. Yeah. A Jake Shane anything. So good. So good. With like a little medication compartment. And something to freeze your popsicles.

I love Jake. And just a chest for his raw octopus. Oh, it's so good. Oh, who would we collab with? Um, Dr. Sholl's, Merrill's, oh, car. Something sprinter van, something fat. Yeah, I think it would be the Toyota minivan. Toyota Sienna, but we would have it with access built into it.

So it's got the metal ramp that comes down and can lift up a wheelchair. You've seen that video. I think I've had to send it to you. It's this Hasidic guy. He's looking through cars. to get and it's like what I buy for my big Jewish family. Right. And it shows like an escalate.

It's like, ew, no. And it shows like a tile. Yuck, that's disgusting. It gets to a new minivan. It's like yucky. And then it gets to this just like the sienna used. And it's like, that's the one. 2012.

That's so funny. It's so funny. It's a great car. They seem to last forever. We need to do a collab. Toyota Sienna. this is it. This is what you're missing.

100%. Although I will say, and shout out to my boy who works at Ford, I did drive the Ford Expedition for two weeks. This is like their large size SUV, fully kidded out platinum. And it was in this beautiful again, like an olive green.

Yes. The Ford Expedition, I think it's going to be our next car. I just think it's got it all going on. The Ford Exition is a great car. It's in that class of cars that I just love too. Just big freaking cars. It's freaking big.

And inside it's like ultra luxury, but outside it's like accessible. It's not like I'm not putting out airs. And no airs from me. No, no, no. You don't need it. Of course not. Josh, tomorrow, we just got down to Florida. We're here for a couple of weeks.

My car's in New York. So I called our friends at GMC. You're sending me a you gun. I'll let you know how we'll let you know how. what goes. Hell yes. Youcon is just like an expedition. It's just those big, beautiful, beefy cars, the suburbans, the expeditions, the escalades.

So true. The Yukons. The GMC branded. It took me a long time to realize that that GMC brand was also the suburban, which was also the Yukon, which was also the Denali. Hold on. They're all the same car. Yes.

Am I blowing your mind? I'm realizing something that is the epitome of what are you nuts. You were in Florida for months. Yes? Months. Months. You came back to New York. I guess because you're going to Hampton.

Okay, because you shipped the X7 down and back up? No, I didn't ship it. I didn't ship it back up. That's why I don't have it. It's not here. Oh, yeah, no, no, I shipped it from, I shipped it from New York to Florida when we were here for a while. And you shipped it back up, so you have it in, in, when you go away. In New York for a while.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'll have it for the next five months here. Yeah, no, I'm going to ship it back and forth every six months. and I'm still coming out in the green baby. The amount of money that I was spending on New York parking, every minute that it's here I win, every minute.

Now I'm screwed, but I wasn't going to ship it back and ship it back. So our friends at GMC. Wow. Shout out friends. Our friends. Shout out the friend does. C. Josh, we had quite the weekend.

We did discuss it. Okay. First and foremost, Josh came, flew in this beautiful man, blew in Friday for a Saturday Dear Media IRL. We had Habachi, Benny Hana. This man, let me tell you, you'll never get to experience it. I'm so sorry. But experiencing Benny Hana with Josh Peck is like being there with Leonardo

the Gabriel. It's true. We were getting served bottles of Saratoga. We didn't even order. I said, can I have tap? He said, no, you can't have tap. Saratoga. we had Josh the habachi chef

came in all of a sudden the manager yanked him by his throat he said this is not good enough for Josh Peck it's unreal and gave a new habachi chef am I exaggerating? No he literally halfway through him going so you're going to be having the Rocky's choice and you'll be having the shrimp and you'll be

what? What? And all of a sudden the manager there who you could tell takes no guff was like, Sergio! And he's like Bye, and he has to push his card out, sadly. Like, Eeyore. Fuck.

It was terrible. It was terrible. It was upsetting. It was not the best. But God, being at Benahana, granted, coming into New York and Ben wants to go to Benahana, I go, we have this in L.A. We are interrupting Habachi talk because, Josh, please.

We have the great Brad Williams here, stand-up comedian. a new hour stand-up special live on Short Street, premiering on his popular YouTube channel. It came out April 12th, and it's already approaching 700,000 views. The guy is brilliant, and we have him here. Welcome, Brad Williams. Thank you for coming on.

Are you kidding me? Thank you for having me. And, yeah, as we mentioned, I'm here to talk about my special, but I'm more here to educate you guys and really dive in, do a Benihana deep dive. Yes. That's why I'm here.

It's just for hot Benihana talk. We're talking, we're talking shrimps and hats. We're doing all, we're doing all the moves. All the moves. And right as you hopped on, we were just talking about Benihana. And you mentioned, have you heard of what say it again? I believe it's called Gibby Hana. It's Tyrese Gibson's Benihana that he has in his backyard.

Whoa. That's wealth. this is one of those what would you do with all the money and the question is some really crazy stuff yes

he has he has a he has a benihana in his backyard he has a his personal chef is a former Benny Hana chef so

trained in all the all the strobe lights and all the volcanoes I don't know where you go like is there

is there an official Benny Hana training place that's like, no, we only do volcanoes here. Like, I don't know what it is, but I know Tommy Lee has a Starbucks, and Tyrese had a Benihana. He moved out

of that property, which is so disappointing. You think you can stay there forever. Tommy Lee has a Starbucks in his house? Yeah. Stop it. It's in his house. Oh, my God. I don't know what. The wrong people have too much money, Josh, because if we had this

money. This is what I'm doing with it, okay? I don't know why you don't hear about this more often. You'd have a Panda Express, right? Yeah. Why not? I'd throw a Panda Express in the attic. When you're feeling really sad or in the basement, you just go up to eat your weight and General Chow's chicken. I think the attic, that way you can sneak out the window and jump right off. Sure. That's the exit plan. So that's the question is what ridiculous thing? And we're not talking about, you know, we're not, we're not talking about giving the money to charity, setting up, buying real estate. Like, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. What is your, what is your stupid purchase? What is your stupid purchase with all the money? Do you go the route of

Tommy Lee, where you get that Starbucks? Is there another chain restaurant? I mean, there were ads running last year during the football season that it's an ad, but I think it was DeBante Adams was like, oh, he's got a Taco Bell in his mansion. That's not a crazy premise. Because if you had enough money, why wouldn't you? Who's maintaining the equipment, Brad? Who's maintaining the ice cream machine? Stop it, guys.

By the way, I went to Tommy Lee's house in Calabasasas once. I saw no Starbucks. This is all you're saying. A hired gun, Josh. That's who maintains the ice cream machine. And you wouldn't put your Starbucks in your Calabasasas home. That's cheap. You're putting it in your Austin, Texas home, obviously.

Is that where it is, Brad? I remember it being an episode of Benppb Cribs, so maybe that was a house that he moved out of. Fair, fair. I'm not sure, but I know at one point there was a Starbucks, just like at one point, Tyrese, that's what you get when you make Transformers and Fast and Furious, is you can throw a Benihana in your house. Do you put a go-car track in your backyard?

Do you own a top golf? what are you doing? Like, what's your crazy thing? What's your crazy thing? You have so many good ideas. You've so many good ideas. I want a top golf in my house. That sounds so fun.

I love golf. I love top golf. It's fantastic. I was thinking too small. I was thinking I just want, I love a 7-Eleven's that I have the soda machines and I have the coffee machines. Oh, that's too easy. You're right.

What is this child's play? This costs 10 grand. I could go do it right now. Yes, you can go. You can own a giant soda dispenser and then just have whatever syrups and stuff. Josh, we're doing life wrong. We're doing life wrong. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Chili Pad by Sleep Me.

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Go to zennie, zen, n-i.com slash podcasts and use code. Podcast 15 for 15% off your first order. The styles sell out, so don't sit on it. That's zen and I.com slash podcast promo code, podcast 15. I would do the most celebrity gay thing, which is I would have like my own beauty med spot. in my house, fully kidded out. And it would just be an excuse to be able to do whippets whenever I want

because they always give it to me when I get a face laser. I need an exit whenever possible. This is legal. Good night, Sally. It's like, I call my MJ light. But I, yeah, and like to me, we get massages and shit and have all the machines there and just stay forever young. My wife would love it.

I don't have an original thought. Brad, you say something I agree with you. Josh, you say something I agree with you. having a masseuse, having the cold plunge, steamroom sauna, and the masseuse. That we put in there. That's good. So what's your hobby then? Let's try to figure out your original thought.

Golf. I love golf. That's why the top golf was great. Maybe we put in a hole. Maybe we put in a couple of holes. You come over to my house, I have a par three course in the back. That's money well spent. Okay?

Yeah, so Mark Wahlberg in his old house had three holes. So he had, I'm way too into celebrity home that I have done into. I love it. I love it. I'm not into any of these homes. But I know, but I know Mark Wahlberg had a three-hole course in his backyard. So just that for you where you're just bombing part three's and eventually you're going to get that hole in one. Yeah, of course. Because it's mine.

It's always there. Yeah. I believe that. I don't know if you guys know what a sandbox VR is. No. That sandbox VR is where, you know, you got the headset and you got these wristbands and everything is on you. And it's full, it's rooms. And you're running around the room doing a VR game.

And I might throw that in my house. Okay. This is a very deep question, Brad. And I don't mean to get too personal, but I'm going. And tell me if I shouldn't. When you are playing video games and you create a character, what height we picking? One would think that if I'm in the virtual world, that I would be like, well, no, I'm going to make myself a six-foot-eight black guy. That's what I always do, by the way.

That's what I always do. NBA 2K, I'm 6-8 black with an afro. Facts. Some would say that that's where I should go. But I don't know what it is about me, but if I'm playing modern NBA, if I'm doing a pro wrestler that's a creative wrestler, if I'm doing, it's always a little guy. I don't know how to not be anything else. Like, when I played Golden Axe, did you guys play the Golden Axe

way back in the day? Maybe. It was always a dwarf with a battle axe. That's what I was. And I think you've discovered something within me that I'm no doubt going to have to talk to my therapist about. Josh is good at that.

Yeah. Why am I just going with the dwarf creative players? I would get mad at creator wrestlers in wrestler video games where the max height was like five foot two. Like that's the lowest you could go. I would get upset. I'd be like, no, I need four foot four. That is my height. I need 52 inches.

That's what I need to go up against the big show. 52 inches. Four four is hot. By the way, I'm with you. That's so true. Josh, why could we never pick religion in these games? Yes. I want a nice yarmica for my nice Jewish 6A black guy.

Why couldn't I be represented? Yes. Okay. I couldn't have any Pace or Titsit or something that goes on this huge man. Yes. I needed that. My 6-3 Asian basketball player is SUNY. And I want to be able to, I want to be able to say it.

Why not? If there's a game at a certain hour, he does have to be on the bench so he can pray towards Mecca. Yeah. Correct. That need to have. And like maybe if you're doing season mode, his energy levels are less during Ramadan. Correct. Things take into consideration.

Correct. After quarters laying down a rug, you need these things in game mode. I couldn't agree more. Wow. I think this is a fascinating psychological profile. What is your created character? Do you go more like yourself? Are you more of a fantasy?

are you so far left that do you feel that if you make yourself a six foot five black guy is that virtual gaming blackface? Oh, Brad, I love you. Josh, I'm in love with Brad. Oh, my God. Join the club. Oh, Brad. So for our listeners, can you tell us a little bit more about yourself?

Just in case they don't know you. We talk to a lot of millennial women, Brad. And we're creating a lot of new fans for you. Okay. So the great Brad Williams, I'd love to just two minutes on Brad. Okay, first of all, if you're only listening to this in your earbuds, I have mentioned earlier. I am 52 inches tall that I'm a four-foot-four man.

I'm a dwarf, a little person, personal short stature. I do not sound like one. I'm not here like, I'll call him and talk to the ghost. Oh, no. But what's not supposed to. Right on my little son, I don't know. Like, that's how he thinks I'm going to talk.

I don't know. The thing about me, I'm married to a 5'7 Chinese martial arts instructor. Hell yeah. Yeah. I did it, buddy. I did it. I'm living there.

And my daughter is six years old. She also has dwarfism. And we have two pit bulls. That's my life. Wow. Love it. That's all right. Yeah, man.

And you have a brand new special. Where do you live, Brad? I live in L.A. And I was Warner Raised in Orange County, California. I will never move out of this state. You can have all the comics go to Austin, Texas that you want. They can move to New York, Nashville, wherever. I'm staying in California.

I'm a lifelong diehard. Ducks of Anaheim fans. So I love hockey. Love the Denver Broncos. But they're not getting me out of L.A. I will stay here until the day I die. Wow. And did we vote for Brat?

Did we vote for Brat? No. Friend of the show. Friend of the show. Like you, I still love it. I still love it. No. Listen, guys, I'm not going to say who I'm not going to say.

No, you don't have to. I'm going to say who I voted for. But I'm typically not a political comic. I don't like to get into it that much. I'm not smart enough to do so. So just know that any views I have come from a guy that did not graduate from USC. I went, but I did not graduate. I was a year away, found stand-up comedy, and I was like, I'm going to do that. Yeah. You think you'll ever go back and finish? You had one year left.

What was your major? Uh, communications. So it's not, it's a waste. Exactly. You went to, you paid 60,000 a year at USC for communications. By the way, Brad, I'm just letting you know, you could also just tell people you graduated. Yeah. True. I'm not good at lying. No, it's not a lie. Just, Just say it enough and it's the truth. It's called brainwashing yourself. I feel like my mother, God rest her soul, she's still alive. But she would be over my shoulder just going, you never graduated, you never graduated. Why are you telling people that you graduated?

So that's why I can't do it. Fine, but now I'm thinking, you say I went to USC. That's true. Yes, I didn't know. Nobody thinks that went to USC doesn't mean didn't graduate. You went to U.S. I went to Harvard once. for a day. Have you seen that, Josh?

Literally, the people who'd go to these Harvard business school classes, they're two weeks that, like, I went to Harvard. Oh, yeah, and they wear, oh, and they wear the sweater. They got the merch. It's actually true, Josh. They went to Harvard. I think every industry kind of has this, because right now, as a stand-up comic, like, this is my job.

I do it every week. I can't make money unless I hop on a plane and leave. So it's like, I'm a road dog. This is what I do. but there are now there's a bunch of YouTubers influencers, whatever out there that do it a couple times ago, I'm a comedian too

no you're not excuse me, no you're not yeah, you know like I'm an influencer okay who are you influencing besides your 250 followers like who are you actually influencing? It's like there

there needs to be barriers of entry you know are you a massage therapist or you just love giving hand jobs correct like what Do you like there needs to be barrier to end up. Oh, Brad, that's what I'm having in my house.

Okay? That's what I'm having. A happy ending shop in my house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to be a complete, it's going to be a clone of my wife. There's no dirty, nothing dirty going on here. Okay.

But I'm going to get a massage by a hand job whenever I want in my own house. I love that you. I love that you are married and you go, well, I wouldn't, I wouldn't subject my wife to jerking me off. Oh, no. No, no, that's what AI is for.

That's what AI is for. I don't even care if it's you. By the way, she walks in in the beginning. She says, man, I'm so happier here. She leaves Brad walks in. That's good for me. Okay. I'm good.

Right? That's fine. Yes. And that's true. Like, I get that a lot of guys have the fantasy about being with a little person. And I totally understand it. Do women? It looks bigger.

Like, you know. Do women have the reverse fantasy, Brad? Like, were you ever before you met your beautiful wife, were you ever fetishized? You damn right, I won't. Hell yeah. Say more, Brad. Yeah. It always fascinated me when I would talk about this.

Like, I'd be like, yeah, there were women that after shows, average size, tall women that would want to, you know, do stuff, whatever. And could be like, yeah, but they're only with you for your size. so what? I don't totally why they're with me they want to be with me I was a guy that was there that was friend zoned

all throughout high school I didn't lose my virginity till I was 20 they're like oh but you're being exploited I'm coming that's what so if someone wants to

I don't care if it's because I'm a little person because I've got brown hair because I'm from Orange County because I'm white well maybe because I'm white that could get this nice thing. But like for the most part, I do not care. I did not care. I'm fascinated by the people

that say like, oh no, you should just have a one-night stand with someone who loves you for you. That's the point of a one-night stand. Right. That's exactly right. Love has nothing to do with it. Yeah, two adults that are there to check some boxes. It's transactional. Yes. Exactly right. Wow. Nobody ever fetishized me, Josh. I don't think that there are enough people. You could be fetishized. You think? Maybe then no.

Now that you have some fame, sure. Yeah. You think so? Yeah. Dude, go on, go on the internet. There's fetishes for absolutely everything. People are into all sorts of weird stuff. I'm not trying to get into your guys with bedrooms, but I've-

No, please get in here. Welcome. I'm very thankful. every day that missionary with eye contact does it for me. Like 100% thankful that I don't have to charge

a car battery. I don't have to dress up in an outfit. I don't have to fit into a leather suit, have a ball gag, have an elaborate police system on my ceiling. Like I don't have to do anything at that. I didn't have to look. I'd be like my wife

could stay naked. I've been married to her for eight years and every time she gets naked, I'm Yay. Like that's all I need. Brad, you're talking to, you're speaking our language. This is it. Except you lost me at eye contact. Ugh.

What are you nuts? You don't like to have that connection. Oh, please. It's so intimate. If we're looking at each other, who can I be thinking about? Stop it. She, oh, who do you think she's thinking about me? She is, Josh.

Yeah, right. Oh, a 39-year-old with a tummy tug. That was her end game. Fuck that. Yeah, I wouldn't blame her. I'd be like, please, go to Jacob Allerty. I'll meet you after. We'll watch a show.

I agree. I totally agree. I'm amazed. Whenever I come downstairs or I walk by and my wife goes, hello, handsome. Huh? Cute. No, you're handsome.

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Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes fees and restriction apply. See MintMobile for details. I just know. know that my wife being a five-foot-seven attractive Chinese martial arts instructor, I know that when you look at me, this wasn't the dream, you know, this isn't this wasn't what my, who knows? Oh, we got picturing, you know, she wasn't like one day I'll buy my husband's clothes

at a build a bear. Like one day, you know, like, oh man, I love every time. time we go out to a restaurant and the hostess goes booster seats. Oh, I'm so attracted to that. I'm so like, no, it's not, that's why I had to become funny. That's why you have to share personality. And God bless the women for not being so superficial that they are, that they are attracted to personality and humor and all. Personality. I love it. They are. I mean, the only reason Josh and I exists today in marriages is because at one point we were 300 pounds, Brad. It's the same thing. No, seriously. Wait, so do your, do, do your partners like guys that were big but then became small?

What a great question. Are they, do they like big that went small? Not even small, Brad. I'm still pretty meaty. You see me in person. I'm actively working on my journey. I think I look good on Zoom. Josh, though, you see Josh in person. You're like, holy shit, are you a, are you an Olympian? God bless you. Are you an Olympian? But that's a good question. But being big and getting small in that way, it shows dedication. It shows commitment.

You know. Drugs, GLP1s, OZMPIC, ZEPA. It shows a commitment to going to the pharmacy. It shows a commitment to having a disorder that you talk about with your doctor. promo code good guys? It shows a commitment. Sure, sure, sure. To Western medicine.

Brad, I'm dying to ask you, within the little people community, the little people group chat, is there a resentment against Danny DeVito who's sort of like, he won't embrace it? Like those 4-10 and passing? No, no, no, we love Danny.

Yeah, okay, gotcha. We love Danny and here's why, because Danny has never tried to say, because Danny does not have warfism. He does not have a gene mutation that happened where he has a type of dwarfism. Danny's just really tiny, you know? Okay.

He's never tried to say, like, he's never been like, me and Dinklage right here. You know, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Trying to do that. So we love Danny. We embrace Danny. It's the ones that. That, yeah, like if you don't, like I have something called a chondroplasia.

That is the type of dwarfism that I have. Dinklage has the same type. So does we man. So it's the most common. So it's a talented one. Yes. Hot. If you have, yes, we're not, yeah, you hear that burn, Troy?

He can't hear anything. He can't hear anything. Right. That the. You just made my dad You're My son I'm trying to think, Danny.

I'm trying to think of other we love we love Kevin Hart, you know all the ones that are really small but then don't blame that they are dwarfed because they don't actually technically have dwarvesom. We love those guys. All right, shout out.

And what do we think about? I've seen this now trending on TikTok and whatnot. And it's guys who are 5-5-5, you know, anywhere between 5-5 and 5-10 who are doing these limb-lengthening surgeries. Is this really whaty are nuts? This is crazy, right? Yeah. So I'll explain them for you because they've been offered to me and I have turned them down. Good for you.

So what it is, it's a brace that goes on your limbs. And every day you turn a little crank, and the crank separates your bone by about a millimeter. So it just slowly separates your bone. And then overnight, the bone grows back in. And then the next day, you break your leg again. Next day, you break your leg again. So it's very painful. It's very, it's long.

But the thing is, is with the 5 foot 5 guys, you might be, but it's like you're building in riddle bone. Like it's not exactly your typical stuff. And me, who's a little person, whose part of my characteristics are

disproportionate limbs to my body, it looks even stranger. I have seen. some little people who have got it done, who have gone from like four foot two to about five foot one. And I'm not a fan of how it looks. If they function in their lives

and it really improves them, great. But also, like, if you're 5'5 and you're like, I've got to be 5'8, 5'9, go fuck yourself. Yeah. Because you're like, but I'm short, you don't know struggle. Close still.

fit you. You don't go into your shoe store like I have to go in and say, hey, bring me out every shoe that fits me. Only shoe they bring out has lights blinking from it. You don't know the life. So just stop. Like, how lame is it? If you're 5 foot 5, 5.6, you're like, oh, my life sucks. And then you look over at me who's a foot shorter than you, having the time of my life, having a great family and getting, you know, having my dream job, getting paid, all of that. You're losing five foot five guys. You're losing and you're losing to this fucker. Yeah. That's embarrassing for you. Yeah. Yeah. They need a little gratitude. They need a little gratitude. And it sounds like you have a lot of it. And I know me and Josh have a lot of it too.

And that's the key. Got it on. You wake up every day. If you wake up every day and you're angry, then you're going to be angry. You wake up every day and you're grateful. I watch a lot of Jimmy Carr clips, the comedian. Oh, one of my favorites. Brilliant. Brilliant. He talks a lot about gratitude. He talks about how, hey, a hundred years ago, people weren't taking hot showers.

You get to wake up every day and take a hot shower. How lovely is that? You just kind of look around your life. And I know social media is partly to blame for this because it used to be we didn't know what other people had. Now other people are showing off what they have and we know what we're missing. We know that there's FOMO out there. We know that there's events going on that you're not attending. But man, the other night I stayed in with my daughter.

We watched something on Netflix called Not Quite Narwhal. We had a giggle fest and it was great. You couldn't throw me in a nightclub where I would have had more fun. You bring up a great point though, Brad. You can also, not you, one can also shut their phone. Like if your phone only brings you to be really jealous and upset, you should probably just like delete the apps for a week and see if you feel better because it's not real.

Like you're jealous for somebody that you'll never meet. You're jealous of a life that easily you could just pretend in your head as AI. It's not real. For all intents and purposes, what you are seeing somebody else do is not real. It doesn't matter. You are never supposed to see it. And this idea of FOMO just shouldn't exist. You should have FOMO of in-person experiences.

You shouldn't have FOMO of things that you're never going to see. It's just unhealthy. And here's something, too, is just know that every life that you're idolizing, they have problems. They got shit. Exactly. And here's my open. act. He's a great comic. His name is Jay B. Ball. And he

told me this one time, because I was talking about like, oh, the male porn stars are like, oh, they're having all this crazy sex and it's great. The Manuel Ferraras, the Rocco Sephardis. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. Why do we know these names? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he said, yeah, but you ever seen the scene where that guy's in it with another guy and a girl

and their stuff ends up touching. I go, yeah, I go, so would you do all that just to have your stuff? Yes. Another guy. Sorry, you guys go for it. Sorry. I go, no. Then I wouldn't.

All right, Brad. Oh, yeah. Josh is like, can you please just get the girl out of here? Yeah. Okay? Talk to after the podcast, Brad. Brad, you want, give up, plug anything you want. Make sure that people go and see where you're going to be performing.

the new YouTube special, all of it. So live on Shore Street, it's on my YouTube channel. Also on my website, you'll find all my tour dates. I'm taking the summer off to be with the kid while she's out of school. But in the fall, I go right back out on the road. So hit that. And then I have a new podcast called Heighten Babel. It's me, and it is my opening act and best friend, J.B. Ball.

We find really weird stories on the internet, and we just crack wise about them. So, yeah. And coming up on an episode, we did an episode. about a teacher in San Francisco, a math teacher who got fired because he was showing his students he calculated the cost of dating a fat person as opposed to a pretty person. I hope that doesn't get around. It's not going to be good for me and Ben if we ever get divorced. Where are you finding these weird news stories?

Because we have a segment like that too and we only pull from the post. So if you have links, send them over. Yeah, of course, man. And that was the great Brad Williams. Folks, my God, what a, honestly, living legend. I love that guy. He was fantastic. I love him.

I want to move in. I want to be roommates with him. And I want that to be the subject of a really good sitcom. Yeah, I'm jealous of his wife. Like, he just seems to have everything in life figured out, Josh. Totally. Should we do what are you nuts? Yeah, let's get to what are you nuts.

Or What are You Nuts moment of the week? because our gripes with people, places and things, both big and tall, whatever, sticking in your craw. Ooh, I just forgot mine. I'm so sorry. Josh, you go first. Flying back from my wonderful trip to New York with my wife, we were on the Wonderful United and our flight attendant, they're doing meal service, and we were flying back premium economy. Thanks a lot, straight of Hormuz. And so they're doing, you know, the meal services is on the carts. and our flight attendant, we notice, says to another flight attendant, and there's some light turbulence.

One out of ten, it's probably a five. But of course, the pilot has not instructed the flight attendants to sit down. So they're going about their normal service. But one of the flight attendants goes, I think I want to sit. And the senior flight attendant goes, okay, let's just finish this really quick. No, no, I think I want to sit. And she's like, okay, we're, we're, we're, you know, there's carts in between us and the rest of the aisle.

And then another minute later goes down, I'm going to sit now. At that point, the turbulence stops. It completely stops. So now we're all looking around going like, you're going to sit, are you going to finish, whatever, feel good. But maybe don't become a flight attendant if you're afraid of flying. Yeah. Then she proceeds to pour half a bottle of water on me.

She just spills a bottle of water on me. And she makes full eye contact with me, does not acknowledge it and goes, what would you like to drink? I said, a napkin? Oh my God. What are you nights? What a nightmare. Don't be a flight attendant maybe if you're afraid to fly.

Oh my God. What a nightmare. That is so funny and terrible. Take a clonopin. Like, are you crazy? Yeah. Oh, my wedding nuts moment is I will generalize. This is really all women.

But it happened specifically to my sister. I went to my sister. I said, God, I love your, I love your sweater. It's so beautiful. You look so great. She said, oh, my God, thank you so much. I just got it at Marshalls. It was $14.

What are you nuts? I don't care. I thought it was Gucci. I thought it was Louie. I thought it was some sick designer brand. I thought it was $1,000. You don't have to tell me how cheap it was. And you see this all the time.

They're like, oh, I found it at a goodwill. Great. You could have kept it to yourself. What are you nuts? I don't need to hear that. What are you like extra credit? shirt was. There's no extra credit for being cheap. I told you you look good. Don't tell me how little he is spent. So true. Josh, what are you nuts if you don't give this episode five stars?

Nuts. Me, you, Brad, folks, give it for Brad. Five stars, otherwise, what are you nuts? Listen to us wherever you get your podcast. Watch us on Spotify. We love Spotify. I've been watching myself on Spotify. I'll just go back, flip open the Spotify app. I'm going to play the happy song for Ruby. All of a sudden, I'm on this beautiful watching on. Spotify because it's absolutely fantastic. Mondays and Thursdays folks are new episodes. We will see you. Bada, bap, bough, bough. Next time. Are you one of those media strategy people clicking through slides, scrolling spreadsheets? Yes? Good. This is for you. Because on Spotify, there's an audience that's different, locked in, loyal, invested. They're called fans. Fans don't

just listen to music. They feel seen by it like it belongs to them. So when your brand shows up on Spotify, That's who you're talking to. And you're right next to artists like me, Lizzo. So, are you ready to talk to fans? Spotify Advertising. You're among fans.