Good Guys - SMOKING IS COOL!

Episode Date: January 23, 2023

This week, the Good Guys are talking about what they would do on a paid sabbatical. They tease Ben's acting debut and debate if pie or cake is the more 'adult' dessert. They unpack their perfect day of eating and speaking of sweets, Josh surprises the Good Guys team with a Valentines Day treat. They recap the Golden Globes, Ben’s semi-private flying experience, the smell of Subway, and more.... what are ya nuts?!?!   ***Sarcasm disclaimer: smoking is NOT cool.   Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.   Sponsors: Get $1.39 per meal by going to EveryPlate.com/podcast and entering code goodguys139 Visit Nutrafol.com code GOODGUYS to save $15 off your first month’s subscription   Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following podcast is a dear media production. I'm Josh Peck. And I'm Ben Safer. And we're the good guys. There's a lot of guys out there. And we're the good ones. Good news. COVID negative.

Let's call it that because we're going to get flagged on the algorithm. And then this is going to get buried. Sorry, COVID-A-Ladine. No, baby, you say COVID, you say the pandi, covi-wovi. You can't say the full word because then it triggers something. Damn it. Did you say covey-wovie.

Covi-wovie. Kovi-wovi-Negg and we were just saying how Abbott, the maker of these tests, because I'm gonna go, because I'm a working actor. I have to go. Good. I know, Baruchash. You have a gorgeous wife, gorgeous kids, gorgeous friend. They need money. Too much.

And so you have to take a test before you go to work. And so we were just saying how Abbott really has crushed in this whole Pandy-Wandy, because if you've noticed, Abbott really had the best sort of packaging and every other covi-wovi tests look like it was sold on that see they're the ones that managed to find their ways into Dwayne reads CVS is they're readily available yeah just like walk up like pick up a Snickers bar right and also pick up a COVID test crushing wow but like there were these other ones that were kind of in a smaller box that just looked like it was printed on my uncle's printer for his small like business that he has like it just it didn't Inspire confidence. No, no. Great packaging and I'm happy that you're COVID negative so that you can you can get back to work. You can sit here comfortably with me. Yes, yes. I was asking before just in the actor's world, if you showed up with the flu, would they care? And you said no. So it's just as long as we have COVID negative, we're all good. We're good to go. Good, good. So how I met your father, how's it going? It's going good. It actually, by the time this episode airs, it will have just premiered the 24.

I believe. Yes, I'm going to say that. The 24th. So new season, season two, they've brought your boy back. It couldn't get enough of me the first time, apparently. Which, thank you so much. And it is a bit of like, I do have to give myself a pat on the back because I played Hillary Duff's love interest in the first season. Spoiler alert, doesn't work out. Nobody could see me with Hillary Longton. It's crazy. I could. Yeah, maybe in real life, but not the fictitious version. No, no, no, no. And for some reason, they were like, well, we can bring you back in a different capacity. And I was like, great. I was ready to never see any of them ever. Like, I literally, at the end of my episode, season one, I was like, it was wonderful working with all of you, goodbye forever.

That means you made a wonderful impression if they essentially killed off your part and then brought you back. Yeah, not bad, huh? Very nice. It's kind of like if you get brought back from the dead on the show, you really, you're a capable actor. Yeah, that is wonderful. Yeah. I want to get famous enough where I can demand that they put me in a coma on, like, have you know. Like friends. When Joey Tribiani and Dr. Drake Romore go into a coma, do you know what I'm talking about? I do know that, but like, do you know that Ellen Pompeo actually allegedly star of Grey's Anatomy, 500 episodes deep?

Shout out Shonda Rhymes. I'm available. That I believe, allegedly, around season 19 Ellen Pompeo was like, I'd like to just rest this season. And so they put her character in a coma and for 20 episodes

she's just sleeping. And paid. A million bucks. Oh my God. What a dream. I guess by season 19 it's kind of like a sabbatical. You know those teachers

they teach until they're going to croak and eventually they just instead of waiting for you to die they say all right you know take these next five years, it's you time. You enjoy yourself. What would you do on a sabbatical, Ben? Oh, what would I do on a sabbatical?

What a tough question. I would spend a lot of time out in nature. Golf, you'd golf. I would golf a ton. But I would also, you know, explore my roots, see how far I could really push myself, maybe pitch a tent, go to Joshua Tree. That would probably last about four days. And then I'd come back and spend all of my money.

on yeah, golf house, redoing a house. I feel like I'd get into home reno. I think that would be something that I'd do. I feel like you're just very bored. So I'm thinking like the things that you do. You go on all your vacations. You explore your mind. You explore your body.

You do all those things. And then you come back and you realize that you need work for purpose, I think. Or I think you need something for purpose. So, yeah, what would you do on a sabbatical? I think I'd have to get really into hallucinogens because I, think I would be so insufferable, my wife would leave me. Yeah. So I just have to be like, babe, I'm going to go to Peru.

Yeah. I found a very reputable shaman on Yelp. And I'm going to go on a vision quest. Yeah. I'll see you in two to five weeks, hopefully. Yeah. Yeah. I'm in.

Right? Yeah. Might as well try it in this fictitious world where we get paid for time off. Can you imagine? Somebody says to you, Josh, we're going to pay you exactly what you're making this year for the next 10 years. but you don't have to do anything. You just blew my mind.

I don't, that would be the craziest thing I could ever imagine, especially because I make a million a day. It's also, it also kind of sounds terrible. I can't explain it. Like, I had trouble answering the question because I can't imagine a world where I'm doing nothing and what I would do.

Like, part of, like, what I offer to the world is, I don't know, like, I'm just always active. Can you be active while not doing anything? professionally? Actually, yes. What am I saying? Of course again. You still go see your friends. You go to games. If you have all the money, then it doesn't matter. If you have all the money, you can go on unlimited vacations, right? But think about like, you're a businessman first, but you're creative adjacent. Definitely. Oh, yeah. It's a creative endeavor. Oh, yeah. You're a big force behind your empire of a life. Yeah. So it really is all me. Everything that Claudia is is me. I have no doubt. Yeah, it's all me. The fact that she can read. I taught her to read.

I believe it. I did. I taught her to read, right? Sing. If this was my only guy, it just cuts to Claudia and you, and Claudia going, eh, ah, ah, eh, bo, bu, but. But, you know, I think that the bonus of being an artist in any capacity, right, is that it's incumbent on you. You must live in intrament.

interesting life. Yes. The reason why these people become famous and then all of a sudden years later, you're like, whatever happened to so and so he was so great. I'll tell you what happened to so and so. He's at the Soho house. He's at bullshit, famous people parties living a very specific life that while cool is terribly uninteresting and they have nothing to pull from it.

Terribly uninteresting. But you have to put yourself out there to be out there and be in the running. Threesomes aren't interesting. No. No. I would know. Yeah, no, I wouldn't know. Unfortunately, I'm not that cool. Yeah.

So how do we get me in a cameo of a sitcom? I thought you into threesome. We're a threesome on TV. Oh, we can get me into porn. No, but our last two guests, Bobby Lee, Neil Brennan, couldn't get over the fact that I had nothing to do with acting. The fact that I have a podcast with you and that we're together here and that I've never acted. I've never done anything. So I think I'm going to need like a short little, little cameo just so I could say.

I was in something. So how do we do that? I'm going to have to pull some strings and I don't think it'll be hard. Yeah, no, right? It's easy. Yeah. It's easy.

I'll walk in. Maybe I'll walk in. Maybe I'm trying to think of like what would be like a quick little maybe I'm like a heckler or maybe I'm. You could be the funny. No, I see you as like

the Wilson on home improvement. Like the neighbor. Oh, that's good. Pops in here and there. That's good. It's like I'm out of cream cheese. That's good. You have anything?

You know? Yes, that's good. Dole's out a little wisdom. Maybe I'm the neighbor on one of those movies where they move into a nice area and the neighbor comes over and baked them a pie. And they say, welcome to the neighborhood. I made you this peach pie. A peach pie? I was going to say, what kind of pie?

A peach pie? I think a peach pie or a pecan pie. But I come over as the gracious neighbor and offer them a pecan pie. You know, being a grown-up is realizing that pie is superior to cake. Thoughts? Oh, 1,000%? 100%. That said.

Yeah. It's very, very important. The temperature at which that pie is kept and served versus cake, I could eat cold or warm. Yes, cake travels. A cold pie, terrible. A warm pie superior. Let's be, you eat a cake? It's like, are you seven?

Totally. Are you at a wedding? Yeah. Grow up. Yeah. Have some. That said, my wife and my mom are obsessed with Carvel ice cream cake. Wow.

That would be their, like, go-to dessert forever. Yes. Ice cream cake. But I do think that an ice cream cake is also far superior to the traditional birthday cake. I think a regular cake is actually incredibly overrated. I actually think it's more fun to go get the $19 mega-sized sheet cake from Costco than to get some high-end, super-realized magnolia bakery.

Shout out Magnolia Bakery. I like the banana pudding. But. The banana pudding. Fuck, dude. That's really the only thing that's worth getting there. Today's episode of Good Guys is brought to you by Nutrafall. Look, I got to tell you an honest story.

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and entering the promo code Good Guys to save $15 off your hair. first month subscription. This is their best offer anywhere and it's only available to U.S. customers for a limited time. Plus, free shipping on every order. Get $15 off at Nutrafall.com, spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L dot com promo code, good guys. Speaking of sweets, and I don't know, because I don't know if I'll see you before Valentine's Day. I just want, you know what, the pod's been going so well. And Marshall, our producer, I don't want you to feel left out. So here you go.

That's for you. I love you guys. Happy Valentine's Day from Josh and Russell Stover. A classic. Thank you very much. Assorted milk and dark chocolates. Hope you put out. Wow.

By the way, 190 calories for this whole heart. Stop it. Nothing. What? That's gorgeous. That's keto. It's nice. Yeah, you'd be crazy not to.

It's nice. I have till June to eat it before it goes bad. I got plenty of time. It's a perfect meal. Thank you very, very much. That is just too generous. You know what, boys? I'm happy.

I'm just happy to make a small mark on your day. You are too generous. But that magnolia banana pudding comes in the gorgeous... What is that? What is that container called? There's like a... There's something about it that's just so... It's like a soup container.

Yeah. Soup? Soup, right? Oh, so freaking delicious. Yeah. Wow. I just love it. I love it.

And, you know, our guests from last week, Neil Brennan, inspired me and, you know, the guy self-admittedly is a thin king. And he only eat sugar once a week. And I was like, should I be doing that? And so I tried it for like eight hours. And I failed so miserably. It is so not a reality for a boy like me. I just have to be okay.

I think I just have to be okay with it. It's hard. It's really hard to do. I also, I remembered hearing that and thinking to myself, how sick do you feel on Sundays? Like, if you eat perfectly, Right? Unrealistically perfectly. Vegan, Monday to Saturday, and then eat 15 Snickers bars on Sunday, you're going to want to kill yourself, no?

I think you go in hard-body karate and I think it's a refuel day. What is that mean? Like, he said a refuel day. That's like the same person that says, like, you'll interview a athlete. No, I said refuel. No, but you'll interview an athlete and you'll ask like, oh, what did you eat before the game? Oh, I had spaghetti and meatballs because I need to carb load. If I eat fucking spaghetti and meatballs before I played basketball, I'd shit myself on the court.

That's not a thing that I fuel from carbs. I don't fuel from carbs. I become exhausted and like, it's like I ate a whole turkey on Thanksgiving and fell asleep. What would be your per, and this is a two-part question, what would be your perfect pre-game fuel? Like, you're playing at the Yeshiva. It's the Maccabee playoffs and you. And I'm assuming, you know, the other four guys in your squad, Mois, Steve, Abraham, and Judas.

Yes. So you're all getting ready to go. What's pregame? What are you eating to get you through the game? Nothing. Like for three hours before. Your fasted cake. I'm far better at all sports when I'm a tiny bit hungry.

Wow. Yeah. I want nothing. Little gatorade on the sideline. Tons of water. Oh, so much water. Gatorade, sure, but not the regular gatorade. It's too sugary.

I'd cut that gatorade, you know, half water, half gatories. That's what I do for my son. Yeah, it's the good move. It's a good move. And he'll never know the difference because he's stupid. Yeah, now the kid needs a lot of work. He's a lot of work. Tell me the perfect eating day for you.

Like, you're not going to put on a pound you can eat whatever you want. Tell me how you start and finish your day. Does it also matter? Like, will I not have, will I not feel negative from anything that I'm doing? You won't feel negative. I'll feel amazing. And you know what? Because that's a different conversation.

Throw some drugs and drink. in there too. Okay, I'm going to wake up in the morning and I'm going to have an egg and cheese. The greatest egg and cheese period. From a bodega? Yeah, definitely. I'm going to follow that up with a delicious, delicious tuna sandwich. Delicious tuna. Yeah, I'm going back to back.

For lunch? No, this is a double bread. Yeah, there's no... There's no calorie impact. I feel great. Gorge. I can't just have one. We'll have two sandwiches. I'll have an egg and cheese on a gorgeous Kaiser roll and then I will have a beautiful tuna sandwich on a toasted sesame bagel,

lettuce, onion pickle, and the perfect tuna. Gorgeous. Overdoing it on the helmonds. It's gorgeous. But needs to have vegetables in the tuna. There's tuna without vegetables. It's just a brick. Not a fan.

Moving on to lunch. Ooh, what am I going to have for lunch? Let's go with sushi for lunch. Okay. I'm going to have some spicy tuna rolls. I'm going to have some. Maybe an omicasse. It would be gorgeous.

So much spicy mayo. Beyond a vat. Yeah. While I eat it, I'm also going to soak my feet in two vats of spicy mayonnaise. Right. Like, people are walking by and they, like, think you might be a little, like, special needs. Yes. With how much you're putting up.

They're looking at me, and they are disgust. Yeah. They're just like, oh, it's sweet. Yeah. You know, you could see, you know, they probably take an opportunity once a year. They feel bad for me. And then for steak, then for steak. For dinner.

Steak, steak. Steak, steak, steak, steak, steak, steak, steak, steak. Gorgeous, gorgeous. Porterhouse. Yes. Maybe even Lugers. I'll just call it out. Lugers.

Creamed spinach. Wow. Some French fries. Of course, collection of dipping sauces. And then at the end of that day, that banana pudding. Yes.

From Magnolia. What about you? No drinking or mind-altering substances in there? No. You like to drink? You're washing everything down with the sprit? I love, love. Yeah, by the way, everything.

You're right. That's it. Sprit society's perfect because it won't overdo it. I was going to say, you know, the drugs, the drugs are fun when you don't have anything else to do. But I'm not a, because I'm not, thankfully, I don't have an issue with them. They're not something that actually helped me function. I can't function on them whatsoever. Right.

Like, I need to be away from everyone and everything if I'm going to have any kind of drug. I smoke weed. I'm going to eat a little food and fall asleep. Like, I don't understand people, the waking and baking culture, not me. I wake, I bake, I'm asleep. But again, wake bake bake. Wake, bake, sleep. You know?

Like, I can't do that. The half quotations and the waking and baking culture. Waking and baking. I just want that to play. God willing, you live another beautiful 60 to 70 years. But at your funeral, on a loop, I just wanted to be playing behind your gorgeous Sprint Society sponsored casket. Waking and baking. Waking and baking.

I love it. I'm such a nerd. Oh, God, Claudia, is a lucky woman. Yep. I, okay, so I'm gonna start off my morning with something like, like Adderall. We're gonna move into Viking and Perks and heroin. And it's just a nice morning and there's, it's a cigarette on the toilet. And there's this great photo.

I think it's Hunter S. Thompson who is smoking a cigarette while reading the paper. He's got like a glass of wild turkey and a cigarette with a filter on the end and wearing a visor. And that to me looks, seems like heaven. I completely forgot about cigarettes. I'd chain smoke them the whole day. That whole day? I'd smoke inside. Oh.

Yeah. We should smoke now. Is it? What would you do if I'd pull out of cigarette? And I think dear media would kick us out. Well, I think it's going to hurt our sponsorship with albuterol, but nevertheless. That it'll help our sponsorship with Marlboro. Yeah, with Procter & Campbell.

I'm in. Because we had this conversation the other day. What did you say about smoking? Smoking's great. It's kind of cool. Yeah. By the way, smoking is cool. And let's...

Especially for kids. It's so queer. You're an air person, good guys. Kids start smoking. It goes without saying that it's awful for your health. Obviously, obviously, obviously. But just the mere act. You know what else I like about it?

It's a break from whatever the hell you're doing. Oh, yeah. Right? Let's go outside. Yeah, it's also, it's just cool. Like, it's not cool if you're addicted to cigarettes, but it's cool if you see... Like, if I see somebody smoking cigarettes and they're a cool person, they're smoking the cigarette,

they look cool. I can't explain it. It is what it is. Something cool. There's something cool about it, right? So, back to your day. I'm puffing Stogeys. I'm taking Addies.

I'm drinking wild turk. I'm shitting milk. And now I'm like, all right, my heart feels like it's going to blow out of my chest. And I'm like, I need to eat. You know, it's important that I eat. And like any professional sort of, user, I realize that if you eat, you're going to probably be able to sort of level yourself out. So first for breakfast, what am I doing? I like, I'm going to go get donuts. I'm going to get

a dozen, right? What brand? Well, in L.A., we have some bougie donuts, sidecar donuts, quite good. Maybe I'll just, you know what, I'm going to keep this universal. I'm happy at Krispy Green. Oh, my God, delicious. And I'm going to go and I'm going to say, give me six hot because I'm going to time it out that the light's going to be on. I'm going to get six hot glades. class and then I'm going to go assorted. Wow. And I'm going to drive around because driving drunk is cool. No, I'm going to be driven around.

And I'm going to be puffing stokes, eating donuts, and I'm going to be picking, right? And people are going to be like, what a waste? Like 12 donuts. I'm like, I'm going to do what I'm going to do today. Right? So I'm just picking for me, to take the little sprinkle off this one, the top off that one, and I'm eating. and I'm being driven around.

And then for lunch, I'm going to go to a Hillstone, Houston's restaurant. What's your order at Hillstone? I need to know. All right. So I'm going to start off with a spinach artichoke. Right? Because it's a flagship item there. Then, arguably, some of the best sushi in this country is at a Hillstone restaurant.

I couldn't agree more. Right? Yes. So now I'm going to sit there and I'm going to order the Thai tuna roll. Spicy tuna with a macadamia. So there's a crunch. You know, there's a real snap to it. You like that Osaka style?

The press? Yes. Great. Gorgeous. You know, you ever had their California roll? No. Really? It's an off-the-menu item in most locations, but they'll do it.

They'll do it. For Ben Sofer? They'll do it. They'll do it. So now I'm having that. I'm getting ready. Boom, boom. Then maybe, I don't know what I chase it with.

Maybe I want to do, maybe I keep it light. I'm just doing sushi and I'm doing spinach art and then I'm gonna get a brownie sunday right banging coffees you know oh yeah then I'm going into the bathroom and I'm taking some more pills like just an assortment and at this one I'm just going like this right and I I just wonder what I'm gonna get you know oxy laura tab you know maybe it's cyanide maybe I just it's over You never know Maybe it's vitamin C, you know I'm keeping my body guessing

And then for dinner I'm going out with you To Carbone But at Carbone we're doing a full carbone Spread but we're also having Lugar's steaks delivered To eat in addition To all the Carbone hits

They should do a collab They should Yeah So good And then I'm going to go home And I'm going to look at my wife and I'm going to be like, wait for me. You know, wait for me in bed.

You know? We'll see. Just wait. You know? I got to go outside. And I'm going to look. I'm going to fire up a cigar. Nice, right?

And I'm going to fall asleep in the chair as I look out at the stars. So my wife's going to go, where is he? And I'll wake up the next morning. My wife will be pissed, but it was a great night. It was the best day ever. Yeah. Wow. Right?

Yeah. Nice time. Good to dream. I want your day. Your day was amazing. Thank you. I try not to go too off the rails. What a day.

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going to everyplate.com slash podcast and entering code Good Guys 139. Get started with EveryPlate for just $1.39 per meal by going to everyplate.com slash podcast and entering code Good Guys 139. That's up to a $134 value. Do you have a Woody and Nuts moment of the week? I do. It's sort of baked into my overall day yesterday. So yesterday I went from Los Angeles to Napa.

We're producing for Sprit Society a limited edition flavor actually with the owner of Dear Media. Lauren Bostic, we're doing a collab. It's gorgeous. It's going to come out later in February. It looked just the color of it. Oh, yeah. It's gorgeous. And it's going to be amazing.

But Napa, as you know, is completely underwater. Completely underwater. Like they have never seen rain like this in Northern California. So that's exactly why I decided that this was the right time for me to fly. fly there and go there. So I flew into Sacramento. I drove an hour to the facility. All good, right? No problem at all. I decided to get fancy and try to take JSX back, which for those of you that don't know, it's an L.A. Boogey semi-private. It doesn't really exist on the East Coast. It kind of does, but it's a cheap way to sort of fly private. Have you flown JSX? I haven't, but you're right.

It's like a small southwest for rich people. Exactly. It's not expensive. It was like 220. bucks. Yes. But you don't have to go through security. You're not in an airport. It's private. And it's supposed to be a little bit bougie. I get there. And the bathroom photo that I showed you before, which I can't show to all of you, but it's essentially an outhouse was the JSX bathroom. It was pouring rain. I get in there and they say to us over the loudspeaker, your flight's going to be delayed an hour. There's no food. There's no drinks. There's no nothing because it's not an airport. It's just a box. It's a hanger. It's a hanger in the middle of, but it's not even a hangar. Like that's Disrespectful the hangers. Like this is just like a white box. There's nothing in it. There's nobody in it. Nothing. They're like it's going to be an hour and there's a 50% chance that the flight that is trying to land here won't because it doesn't have visibility. We're going to land it in Oakland and we're going to bus all of you to Oakland.

Terrible. Terrible. Terrible news. What are you nuts? It didn't end up happening. The plane landed and all was good, right? Yes. Are you out of your mind? You're telling me that this premium private airline, outhouse bathroom that has no flush, so I see the person shit from before me in it, exactly what you described earlier. Them busing us to Oakland, it's not like a, that's not a normal thing. Hey, we're just going to put all 40 of you random people on an hour and a half bus to Oakland and then fly you out of Oakland. So my entire day was just a what do you nuts? Terrible. That said, the Spirit Society production went off without a hitch. Flavor's going to be gorgeous, collabs going to be gorgeous, but JSX, I'm sorry. What are you nuts?

Do better. Do better. Do better. Yeah, no, I hate that term, though. But like, what are you nuts? Yeah. You? I'm a bit, well, I'm going to roll it into one.

Golden Globes were a Tuesday night. Yes. Young Gerard Carmichael host. A big fan of his. Yeah. Yeah. I like him. Yeah.

His newest special, excellent. A real talent. Basically, from all of my, from my mother to anyone over 16, I don't mean to be ages here, I just believe there's a generational gap, hated him. Maybe, I don't want to say hated him, but they thought he didn't do a great job. I didn't watch, by the way. I'm going to give you a couple joke highlights of his. Yeah, please. Once I thought we're pretty good.

He said, we're here at the Beverly Hilton, the hotel that killed Whitney. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. My mom was disgusting. She listened to the pod. Shout out mom. Okay, fair enough.

He looked at Steven Spielberg, who has a movie called the Fableman's, a very Jewish movie about semi-autographical, about Stephen Spielberg's youth. And he goes, I just want to let you know, Steven, that I watch the Fablemans with Kanye. And it changed everything for him. So, good work. You're very talented. Very talented. That's pretty good. Killer joke.

It's a good joke. It's a killer joke. Yeah. And the third joke, all I know was he said something to the effect of like, Tom Cruise is here, which is great. It's too bad Shelley Miscavage is in here, who is, I believe, David Miskavage of Scientology's missing. Someone connected to the head of Scientology is missing. and he kind of very publicly. Also good.

Good, biting, sharp. Yeah, he towed the line and crossed it. Yeah, he went after. Which is the best kind of comedy. Hollywood royalty and Tom Cruise. Yeah. And this is all allegedly and we don't know. You know, I'm just saying, I'm trying to keep us safe here.

Dear Media, if anything, go after Marshall, you know, Mr. Talking it back there. I got shut out. I just thought he did really well, but I think having a visceral reaction to any of this is ridiculous because award shows are bullshit. I would love one. I was going to ask, have you been nominated for one? Or like, how does that happen? How does that work? I won an independent spirit award.

The Woody and Nuts. So the What Do You Nuts of it is a caring about award shows in any way. They are very clearly just a money-making mechanism for the producer. putting on the award show. That's it. They are the only winners in the room. You cannot give awards for art because it's purely subjective.

What you like, I'm allowed to hate, and vice versa. And, yeah, and then Austin Butler and Evan Peters both won big awards because they're absolutely killing it and they're wildly talented. Both guys in which I have a history with that I'm pretty sure if I ran into a party, they would not talk to me. So congrats, boys.

Congrats. Yeah. Okay. nuts what are you nuts yeah I'm very curious now about the nominations how it all works if it's something that you want has something like that like what's the what's the deal as I said earlier to when my mom was shitting on the host of the Golden Globes to be on the phone you know to me the best thing if you care if you're not and listen I think there are plenty of ultra successful people who

got into the business for the billboards and the red carpet and if that's your bag like God bless the ambition is important if you really just got into it for the art which is totally corny but it's the only reason why I do it and now like I got a you know whatever keep my kid in diapers but I just want to make dope shit which is why you can catch me on I Carley all of next year. Again the diapers um I only do it for the art Bashes over my head. Give yourself a head contusion with spread society.

But the best thing that comes out of winning a big award is knowing that your next job is secure. Yeah. Like this will signal to the business that I'm good and I will get offered some cool stuff from this. And can you at that point, like, pick what you want to do? Like, that has to be a dream, right? Does anybody have that where they can, like, read screen? and they know that if they want it, it's theirs. And like start to pick and choose,

or is that only like two people in the whole world? I think there are, I think it's, yes, there's different levels, right? There is a handful of people that, like, they're in the movie. The movie is greenlit. So Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jennifer Lawrence, like these people, yes, they're in your film, this movie is a go. Like, here's 50 million bucks.

everybody else, it becomes a package. My agent, for some reason, I've been with her for 20 years, and for some reason she represents me, and like a lot of heavy hitters. Like big, fancy, I feel weird saying it, and I don't want her to get mad at me and not take my calls anymore, so I won't say it. But, like, really, really fancy people,

like of that, like, close to that tier. And she'll tell me, like, I brought up so-and-so, and they were like, great, we'd love to have them in the role, but it's dependent on. who we get for these roles as well. And she's like, but you have him. You have my, like, the movie's dependent on you

sort of surrounding him with a bunch of other actors of value. Like, isn't he valuable enough? And they're like, no. And then there's also a weird value system to international rights, right? So you have a movie. And what you do is you go, well, I'm gonna put up 40 million bucks. But before I even start the movie,

I'm gonna go sell this in different territories, like India, and in Brazil and all over the world, right? And I'm going to get them to basically commit $5 million, $10 million, to have the exclusive rights to the movie I'm about to make. Because I'm going to put this package together and be like, I got Ben Saffer, I got Josh Peck, budgets 20 grand for the movie. Did you get pro bono?

Yes. But in that case, if you want to get the foreign distribution going beforehand and make your money back, hopefully, at least half of it. it before you ever start the film, you need to have someone who's like internationally valuable. Who's internationally valuable? Bruce, motherfucking Willis.

Like, hardcore either action guys or great, I mean, Keanu Reeves can go to any country. But, like, people who are bawling here, like great comedic actors

probably have no value internationally because they're like, that comedy doesn't really travel. Yeah. Or so my agents tell me about me. They're like, you're only funny in America and barely. And I'm like, I know.

Any other English-speaking countries, Canada? They're like, no, they hate you. They gotta love you in Canada, no? I'm like, the one thing Canadians are mean about is Josh Peck. No, I'm kidding. Should we get to some stories? Yeah, why not? Let's talk about one.

I felt really, okay, so this was like, this jumped out at me immediately when I was reading it, and I thought, okay, this has been written all over it. Subway, what the hell? Hell is that smell? Gorgeousness. Subway isn't one-of-a-kind smell. It's that sweet herbie bread scent that wafts in such punching clouds that you don't even need to go inside a store to smell it. But what is it?

Seriously, what exactly is going on in Subway that makes that smell? Is it their bread? The salami? It's obviously the bread. Keep reading, but... Is it a subway-infused air freshener? Well, this person started emailing and then wrote an incredibly long article, which doesn't serve the podcast. And if I was really on top of things, I would know the paragraph where they're talking about it.

But yes, apparently it's the bread. Yeah. Well, that's obvious. The bread is baked in house. That Italian herbs and cheese. Incredibly fragrant. And that's the exact smell of the store. And it's amazing.

I used to, speaking of reasons why I never had a threesome, I used to pregame my high school parties with a foot long at Subway. And me and my friends would go. We get it. Turkey, lettuce, onion, pickle, American cheese. Sweet onion, Chipotle. Meat and cheese, dangerous. Yeah, I was crazy, then. God, you're nuts.

I was crazy then. And we'd get a foot long, you know, sometimes a foot long and a half. Like sometimes you're just a little bit hungrier. Long and a half. Oh, yeah, it's crazy. Oh, my God. That's a lot of food. A harvest cheddar, sun chip.

And then we'd go out. You made it a combo? Yeah, and then we'd go out. Wait, what's the drink? Don't eat. Totally. Diet Coke. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, because obviously, you need to make sure that, you know, don't drink your calories while you're eating your calories. Also, it just tastes better. That's the, that's the biggest thing about diet soda. But you would have that smell on you for the whole night. Yeah. So you'd walk into that party and they'd know you were at Subway. And I love that smell. I would bottle that smell. I think a candle company should come out with that smell. A perfume company should figure it out because it smells great. But it's a very polarizing smell. Yes. There are some people that smell at the, oh, oh, Subway. Yeah, and those are probably fucking Quiznos lovers.

And if you like Quiznos, we're not friends. Get out of my house. Speaking of Quiznos, did you know that U.S. births continue to decline as nearly half of women under 45 or childless? Really? All I have to say is, house is a bad thing? Is the subway not busy enough? Are there not enough people around? I think it's kind of hot.

I agree with you. I know who I'm right. Yeah, end game, Thanos. Everybody likes to think that Thanos was the villain when in reality he was the realist. Yeah. And why do we have to, you know, pollinate the earth? Why? Because the Bible said we know that's made up.

Yeah, of course. And like, isn't global warming a thing? Yeah, it is. Let's embrace it. Yeah. Just a couple less. People are going to start banging again and be irresponsible. It's not going to, as long as Yeager and Trulies exist, there's going to be babies.

Yeah, absolutely. So let's just be accepting. to the fact that maybe, you know, if they do a PS6, it's going to be a little bit easier to get. Yeah, I think that if, you know, some people just shouldn't have kids. Yeah. We have so many dumb people. Stop pushing people into having kids. No, only the smart people should have kids like us.

Yeah. It's like, let the Hasidum and the Duggers continue to populate the earth. Yeah, they have beautiful, wonderful, smart, dedicated children. Us, people that aren't dedicated to the kids, not us. They've already bought us. No kids. Did you hear Eddie Murphy got honored with the Cecil B. DeMille Award at the Golden Globes and Tracy Morgan honored him and said, Eddie, you have 10 kids, your pullout game is weak.

But you're a good dad. I was like, that's awesome. I just love that. You do a good Tracy Morgan. Thank you. I don't know if I'm allowed to do it. Yeah, well, you did it. But, and, uh...

Yeah, you did it. And it's over. I do an Obama. It was really, that was a good Tracy Morgan, and I love, love Tracy Morgan. I think we spoke about that with Claudia on the podcast a couple weeks ago. Tracy Morgan is our, oh, 30 Rock. What a show. Never watched it.

Haven't seen an app. Oh my God, you would love it. It's not what you think it is. It's not. It's so good. Okay. It's so good. Tracy Morgan and Alec Baldwin are unbelievable in this movie.

I will say I was at a fancy. award show party once and I saw a table of that crew of like I don't think Tracy was there but it was like Tina Faye sitting next to some other Fancy Weevil and Ike Marenholz was there who's been very lovely to me in the past and he was sparking up a blunt at this Hollywood party and I said I want no part of that table. I made an instant judgment it's such a good show I called it a movie before it's such a good show really yes I swear okay you would love it listen I it's right up your alley you know we hadn't seen ever and just started watching which I feel weird about saying we just started watching the Mindy Project I'm on it you're never you are

couple laps when somewhere okay season two later wow I can't wait to run into you yeah Mindy projects is great show I'm enjoying it she's very talented that she's very talented that's right I met Ike Baranholtz who is lovely look at that listen at that I'm once removed from a lot of famous people the I mean obviously the the the the common denominator here is they need old mediocre peck to really blast off. They need you. Yes.

They need you. I've been saying that forever. We all need you. Do you think, you know, right now they're saying, and this is all hearsay, but Tom Brady to the dolphins, rumors heat up again, it's definitely on the table. What do you think? Is it enough for any? How are you what you think first?

I think you got to stop, Tom. Are the Buccaneers even in the playoffs? Oh, yeah. But they're record sucks. They won the division. It doesn't matter. They won the division. Yep.

And everybody thinks Tom's over the hill, and I'm telling you right here on this podcast that Tom Brady and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are going to find some way to win the Super Bowl. You think so? Yes. Let's make a bet now. Okay. What are we betting? Dinner. Yeah, dinner at Hillstone.

A Hillstone dinner. That being said, the Buccaneers have the smallest chance to actually win. So I'm letting you know that I'm – this is a real – like – it's – It's a crazy call. Yes. They're going to win. Okay. And if they don't win, I'll buy you Hillstone.

I'm ordering big at Hellstone. Yeah. And like I said earlier, I'm doing pills in the bathroom. Okay, pills and Hills. I'm done. I'll pay for the pills. I'll pay for the pills. But by pills, I mean Krestor.

Yeah, Krestor. My statins. Yes, Crestor. By the way, I recently talked to a doctor of mine who was like, get off the cholesterol meds. What do you think? Why? He's like, you're 36.

It's going to eat away at your muscles. If there's any MD listening, by the way, I'm debunking myself here. Yeah. But it is a common sort of like... You had a random doctor tell you this or your doctor that prescribed you the Crestor? Different doc, but... You saw it an additional opinion. I went answer shopping slightly.

Yeah. Stuff. And he just said he was like, you're 36, even if it's high, there's a lot you can be doing to not have to take the medication as of now. He's like, if you were 56, he's a different conversation. I said, listen. How do you lower it on its own? Did he provide you with the tools and...

knowledge or he just said that your other doctor who gave you Krestor is a quack. No, he just said, listen, there's just not a lot of precedents to do it before 40. There's not a lot of studies, which, by the way, my doctor who gave it to me was like, I would rather wait to your 40, but Jesus Christ, your cholesterol is high. Maybe we should get ahead of this. Is this the worst subject ever on a podcast? No, it's interesting. I don't like, do we know that you don't eat foods that are,

Have a lot of cholesterol? I love a pastry. Yeah, like, is it a dot? Is it maybe a diet? Like, is it... Oh, not fun, but I'm a skinny, mini. Yeah, you are. I mean, God.

You're very thin. Yeah, we had dinner on the other. You're very thin. You order nothing. Oh, my God. You order nothing. Thank you. You're very thin.

You're losing. You and Claudia are gorgeous. I'm losing. We're losing. I mean, now the Russell Stover, because this is, this is going to be my treat for the week. That'll be a random... You're going to forget about that,

and you're going to be flying home. It's great. Delta 1, I assume. And you're going to see that at the bottom of your bag and go, fucking peck. Thank God. Thank God for Josh. But, you know, I would, I'm always a fan of trying to figure things out without meds. Yes. Personally. Because, and this is probably a subject for another pod, because this could be a long topic, a more serious one. But, you know, Western medicine, it's pretty new. And I think. that there are a lot of things that we make money off of that perhaps you don't need to. I remember hearing that aspirin, did you know this, aspirin comes from tree bark.

I think it's the willow tree that if you go up to the tree, maybe it's not the willow tree. Don't quote me on the type of tree, but there's a tree. You go up to the tree, you peel off its bark, you bite it, and it acts just like a painkiller. Wow. I just think that's interesting. The willow tree. The willow tree. Thank you very much, Marshall, for fact-checking.

for fact-checking, the Willow Tree. And I find that very interesting. I just think to myself, is there's something out there that's maybe a little bit more herbal that could help with cholesterol? Is it an ancient tea? Is it a, you know, like this whole, like, thing that we pretend that we're the only humans and civilization to ever live to a great age when they also take, like, over the last couple hundred years, they're averaging out both the infants that died. and the people that lived and saying that we only lived to 50 years old. That's not true. It's not true.

No. There's just such high infant mortality that it brought the average down. But it brought the whole average down. But people totally lived to 100 back then. That's what I'm saying. And they lived to 100 because of what they were eating and because of what they were drinking

and because of all of the natural benefits of things like a turmeric. And again, I don't do any of this stuff. Yes. Because I live in America and am very much ingrained in Western medicine. but I always, I find it so fascinating that we pretend that what we've discovered over the last 70 years is gospel for the race.

It's fair. Yeah. So that's a long-winded way of saying. That I shouldn't have had a bag of peanut butter pretzels on my drive over here? No, peanut butter and pretzels sounds delicious. High classed. And I hurt my TMJ. Oh, man.

You've TMJ. I'm falling fucking apart. Damn it, I'm sorry. I know. Well, this is what happens when you go skinny. You're not really healthy. Yeah. But you look incredible. You look great. And I would... Okay, here's a good question.

If you could live the rest of your... What's your goal weight? Ooh. Ooh. Not that the number matters. My goal weight. Can I give you what I think your goal weight should be? Yeah. But you don't know what I weigh where right now. I'm just saying... No, because I weigh more than I think I weigh because I have heavy bones.

Okay. Every Jewish kid is heavy bones. My bones are, they should study my bones. Stop it. What are you, six? I'm six, three. I'm six, two. Six to guess my weight. Two-thirty.

See? Two-60. You're gorgeous. That's what I'm saying. You've got nothing to lose. I have heavy bones. Okay, well, I'm glad your mother told you that through your whole childhood to make you feel better. But my ideal weight, because I've been there, I've been 200 and I was way to

way too skinny. Okay. Terrifying. I've been 225. And that was freaking perfect. 225, I'm a size 34 gene 33. I don't ever want to be, look, I'm not a European Paul Smith wearing medium t-shirt. No, you're a Brooks Brothers.

I always want to wear a nice, large, extra large. I don't need to be a medium ever. You're a polo sport from Marshall's. Yeah, exactly. Yes, you're not in Armani. You're a Normani. You're in Armani exchange. Please, I'm a Robert Graham.

You're a Robert Graham. You're a Ted Baker. Yeah. You're a Sir Thomas Bahama. Yeah. Oh, Sir Tommy. I can see. God, I want you to be 50, so you can exclusively wear Tommy Bahama.

I already do. This podcast brought to you by Adderall and Tommy Bahama. Yes. And cigarette smoking for kids. Newport menthols. Okay, so you could either be two, let's go a little less than two. Let's say 220. Okay.

Very smell. Okay. You can be insured to be 220 no matter what you eat to your 65. Or you'll never be south of 250 and you'll live to your 85. What do you choose? Ooh. Right. Maybe two, let's say 260.

No, no, I like never be south of 250, but 85 is too low. Hmm? You mean, like, I want to live later than 85. 85. You'll get an additional 20 years, but you'll never be at your goal weight and you'll always feel a little heavy. Oh, you're saying either I could. be 220 till 65 and then die. You'll be 220 till 65.

You can eat whatever you want. You will be imperfect. You will not gain a problem. But I will die at 65. But you'll die at 65. I take 85. You take 85? Oh yeah.

I'd rather be fat and happy and alive. Really? Yeah. I'm very happy with myself. It's more of a health thing and clothes. You know why this podcast is good? Why? Because of how different we are.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going out. Me too. Wow, that cough. My God. What do you think that cough is? I don't know. Probably the COVID positive from your tests that you're pretending is negative. I'm just kidding. Don't put that out there. I mean, last week we had Neil Brennan. Yep. Next week, the great and powerful Bobby Lee.

Yes. Can't wait for that episode. Brilliant comedian. Such a good app. Fantastic. They're going to love it. They're going to love it. Ben. Rate, review, subscribe, wherever podcasts are available. I still don't have a list. Somebody needs to get me a list of where this podcast is distributed. Spotify, Pandora, Apple Podcasts, Panda Podcasts. But are you sure? Have you listened to the podcast on all of those platforms? I don't watch or listen to anything I do. I hate myself. What about I heart radio? Are we on? I heart. We are. Stitcher. Stitcher. Okay. Could be. Find us on all those places and also, fun. You can find us now on Josh's YouTube. We're going to

start throwing up these gorgeous video episodes when we do them on Josh's YouTube channel. If you don't subscribe to Josh's YouTube channel, you should probably do that. Yes, because it's soon going to be rebranded as the Good Guys channel, and every YouTube video I've ever made, I'm going to archive because I'm in Oppenheimer now and I'm trying to erase my past. There we go. Yes. There we go. So rate, review, subscribe wherever you can. Watch us wherever you can. Give us five stars. And if you have kids, encourage them to smoke. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.