Good Guys - Smorgasbord Shivers

Episode Date: April 22, 2024

Nuts are freaking nuts, right?? Another solo episodes: quippy banter, news stories, what are ya nuts, speakpipes, it's all here folks! Line up, extra, extra, get it here first! Enjoy! Leave us a voicemail here! Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Sponsors: Ro.co/good - Sign up today and you’ll pay just $99 for your first month — and $145 a month after that Drinklmnt.com/goodguys for a free LMNT sample pack with any purchase Mary & George is NOW STREAMING only on STARZ and the STARZ app Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following podcast is a dear media production. I'm Josh Peck and I'm Ben Safer. And we're the good guys. There's a lot of guys out there. And we're the good ones. Mazel morons, we're here with Ben Safer. He just donated a pint of blood and asked for half of it back. It's Ben Safer.

I did. I did. Look, you got to make a buck somehow. I get that. It is what it is. Blood's going for, it's good. It's good. High prices, high yield, better than gas.

You're eating. What you just told me off camera is a chocolate covered mango. Mm-hmm. And I have two questions. One, why not have a Snickers? And two, is dried fruit a hoax? I think I see where you're going here. Would you like me to elaborate?

Dried fruit is a fruit covered in sugar. Is dried fruit a hoax? Well, dried fruit isn't covered in sugar. No? Or is it only the ones that I'm eating? It's the ones you're eating. because you're getting them from your grandmother. They're so good, those.

Those are the best. That sugar-coated, beautiful pineapple. There are levels to, there is a spectrum of dried fruit, okay? Okay. Right? And so the reality is, is it some, yes, some dried fruit is basically, it's delusional that you would think it's anything other than candy. Agreed.

But then you have like the fried fruit that's just literally, they've cut the fruit and they've dehydrated it and they put it in a bag. But that to me isn't dried fruit. That's dehydrated fruit. That's the shriveled stuff that you wouldn't give to a friend, right? You're not gifting somebody the shriveled stuff. You are giving somebody a beautiful maybe apricot, right, dipped in a little bit of chocolate, which I think is a similar vibe to what you just had.

Or did you just have a shriveled mango dipped in dark chocolate? It was shriveled mango. So at that point you start looking at, I think the way you justify it to yourself is like quality of ingredient and you go, okay, it's a dried mango, certainly high glycemic index. Sure. Shout out my diabetes bunch. But then it also is in dark chocolate. So it's like a high cacao count. So yes, you are making the assumption that you are ingesting something that's highly caloric, more on the dessert side of things.

but that the ingredients involved are pretty straightforward. Was it delicious? It was delicious. It was worth it. My favorite thing, and I do this most of days when I come back from the beautiful Dear Media Studio on my commute back home because it's usually about an hour, they have these incredible fruit carts all over L.A. One of the many great things of L.A. Never saw a fruit cart.

You can get a freaking hot dog on the street. That's not going to do our vegan friend Marshall any good in New York. but you come here, they do these beautiful, they have a mix, they have watermelon, they have cucumber, they have hickama, they have mango, pineapple, whatever. You get that chomp, then you get a nice lime spritzed on it, then you do some of that beautiful tahin, that nice, chilly lime flavor. Oh, please, are you kidding me? The dry fat, I don't want to go home.

So that we don't do. In New York, we do have the fruit cart. We certainly don't have the man with a machete to throw him to his. and having a whole spectacle because we work around here, okay? We work. We work. That said, me and everybody in the United States are currently obsessed with the sumo orange. Are you aware of the sumo orange?

I am, but I don't like popular things. That's why I don't listen to this show. Have you had it? Have you had it? Of course I have. I'm an American. If you don't like sumo oranges, I'm sorry. What are you nuts?

They are amazing. for multiple reasons. One, the way that they have just taken all of the difficulty out of opening citrus is amazing. This fruit, you crack it. And it just opens right up as opposed to an orange. You got to do a dig. You have to do something to open up this orange, this sumo. You take the top, you crack it open, you peel it.

And it's just so delicious and flavorful. And $4 a pop. going broke. Well, that's because it's genetically engineered. No, I don't know. That might be a lie. Marshall, can we look that up? Oh, my God. You almost just scared the shit out of me. It must be. If they made it their duty to make it easier to break into, that means a bunch of people in a room were like, how do we hack oranges? For sure, right? Oh, man, it's possible. What else do you love? A cotton candy grape? But they're also very expensive, which makes me think that they're rarer.

It could be a marketing plate or they could be a rarer type of orange. Oh, God, you're right. You must be right. No good thing is, it can't be. It can't be this good. There was some CRISPR technology used to make these. And that's okay.

Listen. No, it's not. No, it's not. I want what God intended me to want. No, you don't. Because here's a problem. And this is what we have to think about. And this is why, to your point,

dried fruit, bit of a ruse. You cannot, you're not supposed to ingest this much fruit this easily as you would with a dehydrated fruit, right? Because the fruit itself comes full of water. It's, you know, dense with fiber and nutrients and whatnot. Have you ever tried to have like two apples? It's like Thanksgiving dinner. You're done. It's over. I actually did have two apples yesterday. Slice up with a little bit of honey. Oof. Was that delicious? Yeah, I was full. It was great. But you could probably, like, I don't know if you've ever had apple chips. I could knock back the equivalent to 12 full apples and apple chips.

Like, it was nothing. Because all of the barriered entry, this is why, and this is going to be very controversial, controversial on this show. Nuts. What are nuts? Yeah. Nuts are nuts. They are so calorically dense.

One handful is. literally a gut punch to your glycemic index. It's fucked. And have you ever seen a nut in the wild? Tell me you've seen a nut in the wild and I'll call you a liar to your big face. No, I don't know where nuts come from. No clue. No one does. No one does. Except George Washington Carver shout out. And the reality is they're incredibly hard to cultivate. And then most of them are in these chestnut type secure Wells Fargo housings that make them impossible to take out. But we figured it out. She can pop what a handful of pistachio in your big face.

It's crazy. It's so much calories. Nature did not mean for it to be that easy. It is. And the only good nut truly, like, can't live without it nuts. Is the nut coated in sugar in a beautiful salad? That candied walnut? Oof.

Oof. Is that delicious? Is that delicious with that beautiful stinky blue cheese? in that that is it. Fantastic. Oh my gosh. I only wish that Robody had been around when I started my weight loss journey. It would have been such a game changer because, oh, just my whole life would have been different. Look, the truth is we live in a time where we have things like GLP1 medications and weight loss shots

and these things that can really help jumpstart your weight loss journey. Now, it's not the only thing. You know, we know that lifestyle has to follow and, you know, eating right and exercise and all the things that help boost a healthy lifestyle. But the truth is, is that knowing that things like Robody now exists really makes me excited to know that a lot of people's lives are going to be changed. Look, Roe provides access to the most popular weight loss shots on the market. The Robody program pairs a weekly shot with healthy lifestyle changes so you can lose

15 to 20% of your weight in a year. That's nuts on average. That is that's just unheard of. And over 200,000 people have already chosen Roe to help them lose weight. Now, Rose partner handles all the insurance paperwork to help get medication covered. And if you're eligible for medications, patients have access to their provider on demand for any questions. So your average weight loss is 15 to 20% in one year, like I said, with healthy lifestyle changes. BMI and other eligibility criteria apply. Go to row. doc O slash good. Sign up today and you'll pay $99 for your first month

and $145 a month after that. Medication costs are separate. That's RO.c.O.co slash good. Another thing which you reminded me of, you said that you can't eat too many of the dehydrated apples because it's like you're eating 15 apples, which is crazy. You know what else they do that with?

don't even realize? Tell me. Tortilla chips. Oh, wow. Okay. You eating, let's just talk about it, right? You eating half a bag of tortilla chips, 30 tortilla chips is basically eating six whole tortillas. That's right. Fried, deep fried. And that's fucked. You can't eat six whole tortillas. You can't. You'd be sick. It's actually, I wonder how that works. How can you not eat six whole tortillas, but you can eat 30 hips, no problem. Well, I think that they, I think that they know that when they, you know, these dehydrating processes, these fried processes, basically the reason it's so damn delicious is they're concentrating it to like this umami bomb that hits your mouth.

And you can just ingest so much of it because they've whittled it down to these like Willy Wonka size calorie grenades for your body. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Tortilla chips? I have.

Yeah, I have. Very rewarding. That's how I know that it's literally tortillas cut into six and put into frying oil. Very rewarding. People don't think about that. Oh, yeah, they're much better, much better. That said, if you overdo it, much worse.

And highly recommend a wonton. Delish. Are you kidding me? Delish, a fried wanton. I saw a TikTok. I'm in food talk, but I was recently on dumpling talk, homemade dumplings. amazing. And you don't even think about it. It's basically like the filling of a raw meatball. You put in a little bit of maybe it's chopped chicken or or chopped beef, some scallions,

little soy sauce, fold it over, fry it. Wow. Wow. Is that stuff delicious? I love that you're saying that. And I agree. And let me tell you, when you have some freshly fried fried wantons and then you have a beautiful and Arnie Morton Steakhouse does this well and it's going to be my best bite of the week, Ben. I don't care what you say. They do that. this Ahi Tuna Tower, right? So they've now, they've done, first of all, I just, I want to say, if you're not following Ben on his Instagram, that's a true. What are you nuts. The way this man cooks, his job, your meizon-plah skills are second to none. Are you auditioning for the bear? Thank you, my friend. No, get me a gig. This is your job. I can't get me a gig. You have the

connect in the biz. I can't give me a gig. It's crazy, but you're incredibly skilled. And when I've, because I've seen you cut up some fish that's beyond. But when you have that beautiful ahi tuna and then at Mortons, they put it on top of like a guacamole bar, like a base, a beautiful avocado base. The tuna's on top. Then they're doing crispy. So they're doing, I don't even know what these crispy's are, but they're lovely. And then they're doing like a nice sort of a pickled dicon on top.

And then you're just digging into that with like, they're doing streaks of spicy mayo and who knows what. You're digging in with those fresh wantons. That's a best bite. Absolutely delicious. My best bite of the week. I just had my birthday party at Second Avenue at Second Avenue. Take us there, Ben. Take us there.

I'm buckling up. I decided, look, I'm a big birthday person. Anybody, I totally get it. People look at it like I'm a Disney adult. And I get it. If you don't think I should be celebrating my birthday, past 30, I totally understand. Me, I'm going to celebrate my birthday until I'm 100 years old because I love it. I love the excuse of bringing people that I love together, showing them a good time,

and having a beautiful festive feast together. Some say it's narcissistic. I say it's a celebration with friends that I don't get to see all the time. This, it's always been like a party, right? It's been like rent a room or go to a club or do whatever. This time I decided I want to get 25 people that I love in a room and we're going to go and eat what I love, which is deli meat. We go to pastrami queen. I rent a beautiful room.

I put together a menu. Let me tell you this menu, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put together this menu. We have pigs in a blanket. We have chicken fingers. Okay? And we have little mini blinces or connishes, excuse me, not blinces.

Blinces are what to eat nuts? Canicious. Canishes. If you really doesn't know a congencies, okay? It doesn't know a canish is basically like a fried outer shell with like a potato, sometimes a potato cheese innards. Delicious. These chicken fingers might have been my best bite of the week. I couldn't believe it.

They were a throwin. They were amazing. And dare I say, the best condiment for a chicken finger, I know everybody loves a honey mustard, which I love Russian. There's something about Russian with a chicken finger that is delicious. I swear, don't knock it. Don't you dare knock it until you try it. So unbelievably delicious. And then with the little mini hot dogs,

we of course had a classic mustard. A classic delicious. Not a deli or not a stone ground mustard, perhaps? Deli, deli. Deli mustard. You're not doing Frenches. No, no. Yellow mustard is a complete whatia nuts

and belongs nowhere. Agreed. It's disgusting. There's probably no mustard even in it. No, this is a deli mustard. Deli mustard. Then we move on to the main course. Pastrami sandwiches, hot.

Corned sandwich is hot. Smoke turkey sandwiches. Side of coleslaw, full sour pickles, fried onions. This was a buffet for people to come and get. Wow. It was outstanding. The meat was outstanding. Everybody loves to go and say,

Katz is deli. Cats is deli. Try second Ave. And after you're done trying second Ave, try pastrami queen. And after you're done trying pastrami queen, you can move to L.A. Because there's nothing left for the city to offer.

That's it. Once you've had them, there's nothing left. Wow. It's really interesting. Starring Julian Moore and Nicholas Galatine, stars original news series, Mary and George, is something that you guys are going to love.

It's inspired by an unbelievable true story. And you know how we love a true story. Like, I need to know something could have happened. You know what I'm saying? When it's too fiction, it's too up in the air. You know, I get a little bit like, where did you come up with this? Right? But when I know it could have actually happened, I'm in.

I'm invested. Let's do this. It's inspired by the unbelievable true story of Mary Billers who molded her beautiful and charismatic son George to seduce King James I first and become his all-powerful lover. I wish my wife called me her all-powerful lover instead of like her her, like, mediocre friend with benefits. Anyway, through outrageous scheming, the pair rose from humble beginnings to become the richest, most titled, and influential players the English court had ever seen.

Yeah. Okay. Look, first of all, critics call Moore and Gallatin Electric. Julian Moore, what more is there to say? She's quite possibly our greatest living actor. And I'm serious. The critics are loving this. They say you won't be able to tear your eyes away.

and I can attest. So, watch Mary and George only on Stars and the Stars app. That's right. Watch Mary and George, only on Stars and the Stars app. Okay, a few questions first. The 25 people, is it an easy guessless or a difficult one? Are you feeling bad that you're having to cut some people out? I mean, 25 people is a good handle.

It's difficult. Interesting. Yeah. It's very, very easy. I don't know if you agree with this. It's very easy to get to 10. But with each incremental person that you add, you feel bad not adding that other person

that they're also friends with that you're friends with as a group. Right. And now when you incorporate women, so it's not just you and your guy friends, it's you, your guy friends, their wives, their girlfriends, and so it's their boyfriends.

So it is a, it's hard. It's hard. the 12, I really only invited 12 people. And then the 12 people that came with those 12 people, you know? Are you not, are you not terrified to talk about this on the podcast because someone in your life may listen and be like, what the hell? No, no, because they should know. They should know.

They should know where they sit in the, in the grouping. They should know. Fair. They should know. And especially at this age, I think that this might be a hot take. I think that if you're going to celebrate your birthday in your Thursday, you got to pay for people. No more.

Absolutely. No more come here and pay for me. No more come here. I've got a bar, but you can spend your own money at the bar. If I'm inviting you somewhere, I need to pay for it. It's expensive.

And so I also think that people start to understand, all right, I'm not shelling out 20 grand to have 100 people with an open bar. This isn't a wedding. So I'm going to have a considered list. I'm going to do something fun. And that's that.

Here's the caveat to all of that, though, and this is in my opinion. So I think that's right on. And here's my one caveat that I will say, and I love doing this. I bring a present to a birthday, NMW, no matter what. No matter what, Ben, I'm bringing a gift. You want a Nordstrom gift card? You're getting a Nordstrom gift card. I don't know what you're into.

You know, you want some hippie-dippy-dippy-dollar candle. You're going to have it. You want your whole house to smell like musk and a hippie's armpit? You want your whole house to smell like Topanga Canyon? No problem. Joshy's bringing a gift. These fucks. These fuchs, these louses.

They come to these birthday parties, nothing. They do nothing. And to your point, you're shelling out the meat money, right? You're making it rain brisket. And these fuchs, they're having a nice time they bring nothing. Let me tell you something, people. Okay, and this is my Woody and Nuts, and we're getting into it early. If you go to a birthday, bring a gift.

And if you don't bring a gift because the person is dummy rich, make a donation and make sure they know you made it. Okay? Can I say that? Make a donation to something like feed the streets. Shout out, we feed the unhoused and people experiencing homelessness in downtown L.A. four times a week. Please come in and join us. Follow on my Instagram and you can find a link.

But like, go give money to something that's important if that person does. doesn't need anything. Now, if you're invited to a birthday party and you have to decline, are you sending something? No. No, of course not. Not unless, you know, I think if it were you or... I was just making sure because I didn't receive anything in the mail. Not yet. Oh, what did you get me? Not yet. I don't know. We'll see what I go. I'll see what I rush out to go by now. But that's also like I, if you don't go, you assume it's not a wedding. You see, the person then didn't have to pay for your, for your plate. And so it's

a wash, right? I'm with you. Total wash. No, you don't do that. You don't do that. I was just trying to get out of you if you got me a present. You absolutely don't do that. The only time that you truly send something if you're not going is a wedding, which now that I'm actually thinking about it is a little

nuts for the majority of people. Because the reason you're really giving a gift at a wedding is to reimburse them for the money that they just spent on your plate. Sure. Right? It's typically a per plate expense.

And if you, and if it's a nice wedding, maybe they're spending $2.25 a plate, you're going in, you and your wife, you're giving at least, at least $450, probably more, but at least to cover the plate is at least my math. When you decline going to a wedding, they're not paying for you. It's actually extra. You know what? They're probably thrilled that you said no, because they don't have to pay for you and they get a gift. it's gravy on top.

And I'm here feeling terrible. What can I get on the registry? Looking to see what couple of items can I throw together so it seems nice. That's right. When in actuality, they didn't give me crap. I got nothing. No experience, no nothing. What is this charity?

Yes. And it's good charity because you're setting up a young couple, just like if they have a baby, you're setting them up with baby things. But I agree. And I would say, since we're on the topic of weddings, and Marshall, Ben, tell me what you think. I think that it should be criminal.

I'm saying a federal law, not at a state level, federal, for any wedding ceremony to be longer than 20 minutes. Allow me to say more. It should be 10, but okay, 20, right? Listen, I don't really know you like that. I don't know your uncle. I don't know your friends that you went to college with that you have an inside joke with.

I don't really even know how you two fell in love. Even worse, I don't care. I love you, but it's kind of giving me the shivers to hear how love you are. Like, yeah, we get it. Like, great, let's get to the cocktail hour, please. I also had enough with this charade, okay, where everybody pretends that the priest or the rabbi knows the couple. That's right. It's always, he always comes on the mic and is like, I say,

sat down at these two and oh, the love in the room is next level. You've never met a couple like this. Oh, the words she shared. Oh, the words he shared. You don't know them for bubkus. You were paid. You were paid, okay? I don't need this.

I don't need this at all. That's right. Totally nuts. You are a paid person in this party. You're no better than the waiter. You're a paid friend. You're a paid friend. Okay.

You're a paid friend. You're paid to say nice things about the person. That's it. But you don't have to do this whole. song and dance. I've known the family. No, you haven't. You just met. Right. Just saying. I agree. What do you, how do you feel about vows? Writing your own? From the right, from the right person, they're fun. Like, I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish you were at my wedding. I really do. Because I think that what me and Claudia did was so heartfelt, so fun. It was so

us. I told her if I had my last chicken finger, it was hers. And then we did a whole secret handshake. Like, we made it like fun and funny and us. If, people thought it was cringe, I don't even care because we had a good time with it, you know? But like those people that get up there and the guy is so emotionally insecure and can't like string two words together. And then the girl pours her heart out. I'm like, God, this girl, don't marry him. Don't do it. Don't do it. Vows from the wrong people, terrible. From the right people, I think it's really nice. Did you guys do vows? No way. Yeah. And not with my wife. She was like, we are doing the standard vows. And it was perfect.

Perfect. My wife cut out all subterfuge from our wedding. And for us, to your point, what was perfect for you guys, for us, it was great. There was no cake cutting. There was no first dance. There was like kind of a quasi-father-daughter dance because her dad is truly the best. But everyone was dancing around them. It wasn't like, come and look at us. And the speeches were short and to the point. And it was just like, from the moment this ceremony is over and the same. ceremony was 15 minutes. We are going to enjoy the party and we are not going to put any more of the festivities and the pomp and circumstance on you, the party goer. It is time to eat. It's time to dance, have fun. You don't need to watch us feed each other cake. That's weird. Weird. It is weird. Definitely weird. Thoughts on the choreographed dance. Again, with the right couple, it's great. It's probably 90 seconds too long. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. It just is, I will say that our good friend, Sam and Eli, got married last year or two years ago now in Italy. First of all, they're both very attractive

and they're both actors. And so it was great because they like, first of all, you could tell they hired someone like, this was a choreographer. But like they looked cool doing it. They had rhythm like it was it was really well done if it's not if dancing's not your thing i wouldn't just do it because look how crazy we are yeah element babe you don't have enough electrolytes in your life full stop i don't care what you think you're like oh i don't know if i need any kind of supplementation in that way what do you mean salt in my water how is that good trust me you are not getting the full punch from all that water and i know you're a good boy i know you're a good girl i know you're a good girl I know that you are a good little hydrating king, queen, or other, and you get that water in,

babe, and that's awesome. But your body might not be able to hold on to that hydration. You might not actually be getting the quality effects from drinking that much water because you're lacking electrolytes. How do you know? Are you fatigued? Do you get brain fog? Do you get cramps? Do you find that at 2 o'clock in the afternoon, you just need to sleep? Well, there's a good chance that you could have an electrolyte imbalance and that's where element comes in. I am the biggest fan of element. I drink it every single day. It tastes delicious. It's going to help with your dehydration with your low electrolytes, any of your headaches, low energy, cramps, confusion, whatever you got. The truth is, is that it doesn't have any crap in it, which is the best part about it, whether you're

paleo, keto, whatever your lifestyle is, whether you do fasting in the morning, it won't break your fast. It's just going to hit you with the perfect amount of sodium, potassium, magnesium for you to get through your day. So, Element has come up with an offer for us. Just go to drink element.com slash good guys to get a free sample pack with any purchase. Wow, we have a lot to say on weddings. I can keep going. I can keep going. Wait, Marshall.

All day in. Marshall, let's hear a third opinion. I was at a wedding on Saturday. And it was fantastic. The ceremony was super short. I will say, though, I like when the cocktail hour opens before the ceremony. I don't want to go in, well, personally, completely dry. But I was the first one at the open bar.

But yeah, I agree with the short ceremony thing. That's a very Jewish thing, Marshall. It's called a schmorg. Jews love to do food pre-seremony. But non-Jews typically, typically make you starving. You walk in, maybe you'll get a little flimsy cup of shepherding. champagne, a little flute. That's it.

You go take your seat. You wait the hour that Josh is lamenting about. And then you get a small past hors d'oeuvre. You go to a nice Jewish wedding. You're thrown immediately into a carving station. You are rolling your way into this ceremony. You're half blackout. You don't remember anything.

And then you put people up on a chair. You're wondering the next day why my shoulder hurts. Like that is. Was it a Jewish wedding? No, it wasn't. It wasn't. But the wedding that I was at last summer, had food and drinks before the ceremony.

It's the best. Can't lose. You can't lose. It's the absolute best. And no more, before we get off this topic, because I feel like it's ending, no more destination weddings. Oh, on top of that,

nine out of ten weddings suck. And for everybody that's listening to me where I've been to your wedding, you don't know if I'm talking about you. You could be the one out of ten. So true. Nine out of ten, though, stink. I don't want to be there.

And it's not because it isn't a beautiful thing. It has so much to do with the couple, Josh. If I can't feel your love, I don't want to be there. If I feel your love, then everything around it is amazing. But I know when I'm there, are you two right for each other? Did I come to a party of two people that are going to get divorced? Then all of a sudden, everything I start to critique. Oh, the food wasn't that great, but you're in love?

No problem. The food was ass and you're not in love? No. By the way, I have a couple. I am even more thoughts about this. But by the way, you need to have a hard cap on speeches. It's not cute and you're killing us all. You ready?

100 120 seconds. Wait, what would it be? 90 seconds is a minute and a half. So 150 seconds is how long you have for the speech. I don't care if you're former president, Barack Obama, one of our greatest orators to ever walk this earth. I can't hear more than two and a half minutes of how you met these people, how much they mean to you and how much your little girl, it's killing you that they're getting

married. Like, can we please just keep it moving? I'm telling you, two and a half minutes, they should light you like a stand-up comedian. And if you go three minutes, you start hearing the music, like at the Academy Awards. Yeah. Play them out. Play them out. I was at a wedding recently that had three and a half hours of speeches concurrently. Stop it. Three and a half hours. Are you speaking in a hyperbole. I mean, that sounds wild. No, it was actually the, it was like one of the nights of the weekend, again, destination weddings, three and a half hours. That is absurd. Are you eating through it? You're drinking through it. You're doing whatever you can to get through it. Wow. Okay, let's talk about the things at a wedding that aren't there that should be there. I'll add one. Plates of cigarettes.

Yeah. Plates of vapes. Yeah. Cigarettes. Yeah. Cigarettes. Yeah. Cigarettes. Vapes Zinn. Have a, have a nicotine station. Yeah. And for the fun people, the dabble, maybe a light microdosed psychedelic, maybe a plate of pre-rolled marijuana joints. Sure. It would be absolutely lovely. But I also love, I've only been to a couple of weddings with this when they have like the like a nice like cart outside, like whether it's like a pizza cart or like something a little different. I love that. They should have that. That's fine. What about face painting? They had that at Max's friend's birthday yesterday. All right, fine.

We're out on face painting. Whoa. Whoa. I got shot in the chest with your eyes. I'm dead. I'm dead. I won't bring it up again. I agree, though.

Because there are a lot of people that do drugs at weddings, and I think if you are, you do have a big drug participating bunch. Have some safe drugs. Pretest. Yeah, have some safe drugs there and do it like Ultra. Have an EMT on site. You're far more safe that way.

Yeah, this way your uncle does an OD in the middle of YMCA. Imagine literally like an hour in everybody's dancing like crazy. They're sweating. You find out all the water's Mali water. Yes. Wow. Spike of the water. Commit a felony

at your own wedding. Hell yes. Love that. Well, we should get to a couple stories because why not? We love a good story. And this one I think is really interesting. Teacher who allegedly called

in sick for two days to attend concert now faces termination. A teacher is facing termination after she allegedly took two six sick days from work to intend an out-of-state concert. Eileen Washburn reportedly refused to answer questions about her whereabouts or specifics on her alleged need for sick time during a pre-disciplinary meeting. She's currently on unpaid leave where she has been teaching since 2015 in Lakota West. What do we think, guys? How do they know that she was at a concert? I don't know.

She probably posted it on Facebook. If she did, fired. Really? For being, yeah, for being stupid. I'm sorry. Okay. You can't fake sick and then post about it publicly. You can't do it.

You can fake sick and go do whatever you want like it's the 80s and have a good time with your friends without documenting your entire journey. No problem. That's playing hooky. Imagine, Josh, if you play. He'd hooky, right? And then you went and posted on Instagram the Ureth the movies. But it's 2 o'clock in the afternoon. You're supposed to be in biology.

It just doesn't add up. Sure. So if you did that, you deserve to be caught. I'm sorry. Now, if there's a snitch, if there's a mole, if there's somebody at that concert that then reported you, that's messed up. Because everybody's entitled to taking a sick day and going and doing something fun. It's not illegal.

It's maybe frowned upon. Not illegal. and nobody should lose their job over that. But if you called in sick and then you posted about being at a concert on social media, I think you deserve to be fired. I think that's smart. I think, yes, if you're going to teach kids,

you need to be smarter than getting caught by being a big dummy. But I think sick days are sick days. Like traditionally, in corporate life, I'm sure at a wonderful corporation like Dear Media, Marshall tell me if I'm wrong, you have you accrue sick days to do with it what you want. They're not like, you better go lick a subway pole

and get really sick. Otherwise, you can't cash these in. You have a certain amount of sick days. What you do with them is up to you. But the sick day typically in corporate America is separate from a paid time off day. They're separate days. The sick day is supposed to be used for illness. For illness.

No, it's supposed to be for illness. The other ones, because there's no rebuttal to it, right? For a paid time off day, typically you say to a manager, hey, I'd like to take a off the fifth to the eighth. I'm going, blah, blah, blah. If you have a nice manager, they don't sweat it. They say, of course, no problem. Have fun. If you have a jerk, jerk off, they could say, oh, you know, it's too, you haven't, you asked it too late. There's no coverage, blah, blah, blah. No, right? He can't ever say no to a sick day. Nobody can call in and say, hey, I'm sick. And the employer says, you're coming in. I'm pretty sure that's not

allowed. That's why I think they're separate. So this person's, using the can't refute sick day for a concert. That's the difference. I think. Marshall. Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah. Yeah. I am a lawyer. I am a lawyer. I am turned on right now. Well, you know, in other news and just as scandalous, a man refuses to tell his sister what her fiancee did on his bachelor party. Does brocode still work when the person you refuse? to tell is your own sister. Of course, right? Of course. Yes. It's no one's business. No, no, no one's business. Should elaborate though, Josh. Look, in general, I think there are two schools of thought. There are you on your bachelor party are going to use it as the one last time that you can

act completely scandalous, possibly do some things with other humans, do some real, really wild things that you would not want your spouse to do. And then there's the other school of thought, which is of being a good person and not being a scumbag. And you go out and you do the typical things. Yes, maybe you go to a strip club, but mostly you're drinking a little too much, you're going to some questionable environments,

and you're basically being a cliche for two days and saying goodbye. to any individuality you've ever had left. But it's no one's business. And that's like, I jokingly always asked my wife, like, you didn't go to a, she went to Vegas. She like really did it up. And I was like, you didn't go to like Thunder from Down Under or Chippendales or anything like that.

And she says no. But even if she did, I hope she did. Of course she did. Come on. Had enough of this crap. Of course. I don't think she did. So what did you go to Vegas for?

Why didn't she go to, why didn't she go to Palm Beach? You got to Vegas to have a good time. You got to Vegas to see Vinny, Guadda. You got to, you got to Vegas to see Vinny from the Jersey Shore and Thunder from down. I would go see that. Me too. By the way, he's a good podcast guest. Marshall, would you go to like a male review like the Magic Mike show or go see Vinnie Guadino?

For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Sounds great. Why not? It's fun. It's fun. But back to your original comment, these trips.

They never happened. That's right. Never happened. Never happened. Let there be some mystery. Something. They never happened. I agree.

I don't think it's for anyone to care about. And also, I went to the Magic Mike show in Vegas with my wife and some friends on a work trip. And it was a great time. And it was an even better time while I'm standing there when this beautiful man who looks like he was sculpted out of stone gets close to me and goes, Josh. And I go, Twix? It was my friend Twix. Shout out. We were in a movie together.

And I'm like, Twix, you look great. He's like, come back after. I'm like, try and stop me. And it was great to see him. The Magic Mike show is fucking unbelievable. It's so good in Vegas. That's great. That's great.

I've never been. I've never been. You know what's nuts? The husband-wife bachelor party. Right. The co-ed duel. Awful. That's terrible.

That's right. That's terrible. I'm sorry. You can go on a couple's trip. at any point. That's what it is. It's a couple's trip. He can't, it's terrible.

But all that I see, whenever I hear that, I'm like, one of them is an insane control freak. Definitely. One of them is way too scared of what the other person would do if they were alone with their friends. And that is a red flag, flag on the field, lack of trust. Why are you getting married? Why are you doing that? You got to trust your spouse. Cheaters going cheat.

ain't nothing you're going to do. Ain't nothing? Cheater's going to cheat. You going to do. Speaking of cheaters, Drake offers to pay for fans' divorce proceedings mid-concert. You going to be single and ready to mingle. Drake has made a habit out of giving his fans gifts like cars, spurking bags, and money during his It's All a Blur tour.

But the rapper recently found a fan who needed help paying legal fees for a divorce. I'm going to get you a good lawyer. and we're going to pay for your divorce tonight. Drake said in a viral clip. And while you're at it, you need to find you somebody to take you out on a date to. I'll pay for the date. Don't you worry. Wow. To have that kind of money, I'd love to do shit like that. Totally. That's awesome. Truly awesome. Like morons. What would morons ask for, Josh? Weight loss surgery. If they could ask us for, yes. We'll cover your Oz epic. Right. But we're not. No insurance. No problem. Right. But we're not doing.

We can't go, we can't do gastric bypass. We can't do anything that's too, you know. But yeah, we can do. I think we have an Ozemic sponsor coming on soon. Yeah, if you have stretch marks, we'll get rid of those. We can pay for a laser treatment, sure. We can pay for that. Teeth whitening.

We'll whiten your teeth, maybe. Okay. Okay. Cress white strips. Plumper lips, a filler? Maybe. Would that be good, would that be a good guess to have someone on who like majors and all that like lip fillers,

Botox injections, like a filler person to like interview him? Maybe. Marshall? I think that'd be cool. Yeah. Marshall's like,

I'll take a little free Botox. By the way, it would be if we did, if we got it live on the podcast, then that would be good. I think your boy Joey Kamasta did that recently on out and about, but we can share ideas.

Joey is freaking amazing. The best. I didn't. He's so funny. He's brilliant. And I was not a fan. I just wasn't aware of the greatness of him and Pat and out and about.

And then I started listening after he was on the show. And I listened consistently twice a week. Out and about. Great pod. Yeah, Joey's funny. And Pat, of course. So good. So good.

Should we get into a SpeakPipe? We'd love to. It would be an honor. For anyone who wants to get advice, ask us questions. Go to speakpipe.com slash good guys. And you can submit a question. Keep it brief. Brevity is key.

And we're happy to give you some advice. We're very unqualified. This is Matt. Hey good guys. I was laughing at you guys talking about ceiling fans in your most recent episode. I obviously agree with Josh. I don't consider it the height of luxury. Do you know that every ceiling fan, I just learned this like six months ago, every ceiling fan has like a switch on it that changes the direction of like the blades rotating. Like one pushes air down. One pulls the air down. One pulls the air. up and setting for winter, setting for summer is the idea. And I don't think anybody knows that. I think you guys might not know that.

Thank you, Matt, for a great fact and a terrible speak pipe. I definitely did not know that. What I will say is I'm thankful that Matt brought back up ceiling fans because I legitimately thought that ceiling fans were luxurious and expensive. That's so good. And I recently went to Home Depot and I saw ceiling fans. I just went to go take a gander, right? Because I guess they're on my mind.

It's a very uncommon thing in Manhattan. I think that's why I feel that way. Sure. Nobody has ceiling fans and apartments in the city. It's like central air. It's just not a thing. Even if you're loaded, you don't have ceiling fans. I don't know why I thought that they were luxurious, whatever.

50 bucks you can get a ceiling fan. Yeah. Like, it's more expensive to get like a nice regular fan, like on a stand or like a nice honeywell. From shark. Sealing fan is cheap as shit. It's the opposite. You have a ceiling fan. You're broke.

How do you get a non-ceiling fan? Then walks around an apartment going, wow, sliding glass door. Excuse me. Oh my God. I can't believe you have your. lamp hooked up to his switch. Microwave. Okay, Elon Musk.

Remember when microwaves were rich? Are you too young for that? No, no. Microwaves are rich? I also, like, are microwaves going to give us cancer? Everything's going to give us cancer. No, but like microwaves in particular, there's that old wives tale that if you stand in front of the microwave for too long, you're going to get those microwaves.

My wife won't let me put my laptop near my junk because she says it's bad for your sperm count. And like obviously you put it on your lap sometimes. So she always puts a like a pillow spacer, which great business for us to start. Yeah, the pillow spacer between the laptop and to protect your gonads. It's nice. But like I need I need a fact. I need I need somebody to come in and fact check these outrageous claims before we completely upend our lives. Like, I've had my phone next to my junk this entire episode.

It's right there. It sits right here on this leg. It's right here. Listen, I, my. Am I done for? I don't think so. Our mic, my microwave at home is at, is at privates level. And my virility is through the roof.

I can't miss. The moment we, we pull the goalie, I got a third kid on the way. It's done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't I know. Thank God.

Baruch Hashem. Thank God. I mean? BH. BH. T.J. For sure. B.H. Absolutely.

Should we do another speak pipe? Yeah, we'll do one more speak pipe. And this one is from, who's it going to be? Who's it going to be? Who's it going to be from K. Money. What the fuck is up? Good guys. Major M.F. Moron here.

Sorry, I'm speaking like I am on the spectrum. It's because I am on the spectrum. No, it's because I'm actually just like super distracted. I'm walking outside. Barefoot, just making sure I'm grounded. So, speaking of barefoot, oh my God, this is literally never going to get played on the podcast. Anyways, speaking of barefoot, I am a 23-year-old woman, sorry, 23-year-old sexy woman, with a toe ring. And I have worn my toe ring for three years to a point where my friends and I have a joke that is, if no one's got me, my toe ring.

whole rings got me. Like I could be, and I'm not like exaggerating, I could be 500 meters out into the ocean on just like a free open water swim, slight slides. And my towing is still strapped and ready to go. And actually today, just today, I've gotten two compliments on my towing. And I'm in Brazil and the men here are sexy and they know what's up. And they were like, whoa, I love your towing. I was like, thank you. Tell that to the fucking good guys because y'all shit talked toe rings way too much. Wow. So I think you guys both need to get a toe ring and just like tell me how sexy you feel.

Thanks. Thank you. Cool to be American. Yeah. She threw me through a loop when she said I was 500 meters out. I have no clue what that means. What the fuck is up? The toe ring is for a specific type of person.

I'll say that. I personally don't want metal in my toes. I don't need it. I don't need it. Also, what happens when athletes foot interacts with the toe ring? Does it turn green? There's too much going on down there for me to have a toe ring. Something sitting in between? I don't need it. I just love how she's saying these sexy Brazilian men are complimenting her toe ring.

I hate to break it to you, but when a guy wants to date you, they'll compliment you on anything. Nice kneecaps, dear, want to get a lunch? Like, they're not such a big fan. Also, wear some close-toed shoes. You won't get complimented on your toe ring. It sounds like your feet are just out there. You're like this. Hey, want to see my toe ring?

Also, put away your, put away your dogs. Wait, it's like if you have a mullet, like there are certain decisions you make in life where people take it as intentional. So they go, they want me to look at it. And a toe ring seems intentional. And thus, if I'm going to give you a compliment, I go, nice toe ring, I guess.

It's fine. Yes. By the way, you never see pinky toe rings. A lot to think about. Last one from, from Dana. Hi, guys. I am in my first long-term relationship, and I am just wondering, what is the normal amount of sex to be having? I am uncomfortable to ask literally anybody else, but like it seems to slow down, which is kind of nice, but also like, is that bad? I don't know. Please just give me some support. Thanks. Bye.

Dana, just want to say, first of all, incredible brevity, this is how speak pipe should go. Thank you so much. Please tell this to To Ring Tabby in Brazil. Thank you. I think it's a, you got to talk to your partner, right, Josh? That's right. Is that the way that this works? Like, if you, if one of you feels like you're having too much sex, that's probably a problem.

If one of you feels like you're having way too little sex, that's probably a problem. I would just, I would just be. open and communicate. And if you're happy that you're having less sex, then you were, you were probably having more sex than you wanted. I think that's also okay. The natural evolution of a relationship is you are hot and heavy, just animalistic. And then it starts to settle into real life. And I think that's totally normal. Totally normal. I would say, listen, again, agreed case by case, the amount in which you canoodle, the amount of canoodle soup you're doing, gross.

But the truth is, is that you're right. It's really, you guys will find a happy medium that works for you and doesn't work for the guy. And that's called a happy medium in a relationship. So that's right. Thank you for the definition. That's where I met. And yeah, and my wife's very happy.

And well, we can keep going. Just kidding. Should we do what are you in us? Oh, did you do yours earlier? I guess, but I can do another one. That didn't. Okay. Do you want a barn burner of a what are you nuts? Burn it down.

Or do you want a regular one? I don't care. You want a barn burn. Burn it down. Okay. Olivia Rodrigo fans are out of their mind. Oh, I'm out of this one. Are out of their goddamn mind.

You terrify me. Now let me preface. I just went to the Olivia Rodriguez concert because my gorgeous wife got me tickets for my birthday because I think she is amazing. So I want that on the record first. She is Paramore. She's bringing rock to the teens. She's bad ass.

Olivia Rodriguez is bad ass. Olivia Rodriguez fans are freaking out of their mind. Around me, the entire concert, Josh, two hours, beginning to end. These girls are crying, hysterically crying, singing, sobbing, hysterical, could not breathe. I look to my right, holding out. holding out their phone, hysterically crying, singing in good fear. Hysterical. The song ends.

No more tears. Phone down. New song. Hysterically crying. Videotaping. Song ends. Phone down. They're doing it for the likes, Josh.

They're doing it for the likes. These fans are out of their minds. There were two six-year-olds with their mom in front of us, looking back at these crying girls looking at, what are you nuts? Stop crying. Stop crying. You can't cry for two straight hours and it be believable. Sure, you catch an emotion at a concert. I'm all for it. The whole crowd. Hysterical. Hysterical nuts. I'm a big fan of Olivia Rodrigo. I might cry too. My Woody and Nuts is me. I am a Woody Nuts. Here's why. So I was recently at a kids birthday party and I sometimes forget the crowd in which I'm I'm with. So I'm saying goodbye to this couple and this guy comes up and we're chatting. Very, very nice guy.

Elite athlete. This is a professional athlete. Now, I forget that he's a professional athlete. So when I see a hoop on his wrist, which is a fitness tracker, whoop, shout out, hopefully future podcast sponsor. I know they inquired. So basically, you know, whoop is his fitness tracker. So I see it on his wrist. So I don't even know it came out without me even.

I had no way of pulling it back. well hey man you tracking your metrics now I see that now I would say that to like a 45 year old guy who works as like an accountant right because that's funny because I'd be like what do you got to you know you're doing spreadsheets you want to see the quality of your rest but this is an elite athlete he makes money professionally as an athlete why wouldn't he have a whoop on he goes oh yeah I just wear it you know it's good to track what goes on games and whatnot and, you know, to see my recovery. But, you know, he's like usually after a good game, I get home and I have a couple drinks and I'm like, you know, not getting as much recovery as I should. And I go, so what did it come up positive for? Elite athleticism and a little alcoholism. Now, I'm an idiot, dude. And I'm like, here's the thing. I am a Baruch Hashem sober, 16-year recovered alcoholic. So, Words like alcoholism, they don't phase me, right?

Because I hear this word throwing around a lot. I forget, then amongst normal people, words like alcoholism is a big red flag. It's like, it's a siren. It's run for the hills. So literally, I see the people around me with wide eyes go, heyo. And I'm like, oh my God. I was like, well, it was really nice meeting you. I'm going to get going.

Hey, Josh, what are you nuts? Shut up! Shut up, you big idiot. I cannot believe it. He was such a nice guy, too. And I was like, I'm telling you, this joke would have killed at my Monday night men stag meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. That's tough. I recently finished an episode of Riba where her daughter, Cheyenne is an alcoholic in the show.

And the podcast. If you bring up Riba again, I'm done. The podcast ends. Whatever I talk about a Reeva. Thank you guys for listening. Listen to us on Apple, Spotify, Amazon, every revive podcast. Leave us a speakpipe.

SpeakPipe.com slash good guys. Give us five stars or you're not. Seriously, a review in five stars means a world and it helps the podcast grow. Tell a friend Monday and Thursdays. The truth is it's the same show, but better. And tell your friends that Reba's now on Max. If you bring up Reba,

Reba, motherfucker. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.