Good Guys - The First Date Playbook

Episode Date: June 25, 2026

Mazel morons! Would you send an Uber for a first date? Ben and Josh debate the viral dating rule that's dividing the internet and share the small gestures they think every guy should still be making. They also unpack the ethics of buying vs. adopting dogs after Romeo lands in the emergency vet, discuss whether Josh should have a fourth child, weigh in on gender selection through IVF, react to UFC at the White House, and hand out "What Are You Nuts?!" awards to overpriced pet hospitals and Hertz sponsoring professional paintball. Plus: why summer camp nostalgia is a trap, the best way to end a first date, and why Ben thinks life's too short to care what anyone thinks. What are ya nuts?! Love ya!  Write us! Send your messages to [e-mail]  Follow us on Instagram and TikTok!  Sponsors: Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Produced by Dear Media. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Mazur morons, welcome back to the Good Guys podcast. Josh, I think I found my color. Would you agree? This is a, I think this is, it's definitely a purple. It's in the purple family. But I think this just really brings out all of my colors. What would you call this? It's a purple, but it's almost like, what's that called when you have those dried leaves?

What are the dry? Poperi. Poperi. I feel like my colors are potpourri. Would you agree? What is that? A plum? It's a merlo.

Oh, what a great. See, this is it, Josh. Merlo, okay? This is a merloo. And plum, it's hoisten. This is a hoisten. Yeah, it's a fish sauce. What color is that plum sauce?

It's hoison. It's hoisten. It's a hoison tea. It's moosey. Oh my God. What is better? than Mushu. What is better than Peking duck? I went over to my parents the other

night, Josh, and my dad, literally, I guess he did a party the night before where he served Peking Duck. He's eating, or he's serving, he doesn't eat meat. My mom's eating duck. I go to my mom, she's feeding my dog, Romy. I'm like, what are you putting in his food? Peeking duck.

He's at the hospital yesterday. She's blaming me because I gave him a little guacamole. I'm like, you don't think it was the duck? No, I would definitely blame it on the guac. Okay, so it's the guac. Yeah, Romeo's going forward. Was there garlic in the guac?

I mean, I know it's... Onion, onion, onion, onion. Onion's no good. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. For sure, the guck. I mean, duck is an animal.

They can eat meat. Yeah, you're right. It's just so gluttonous. God, that dog does. What a beautiful life. I'm teasing my what are you nuts. I'm going to do it later, but it's going to be about these fucking veterinarians and these pet hospitals.

Yeah. It's a whole what of your nuts, Josh. I'll save it for later. Yeah, Romeo wasn't well. He's on the mend. He had blood in his stool. This is no good, Josh. You don't want blood in your stool.

And I was thinking to myself, you know, every dog I buy dies. Right. Every dog. But he's alive. He seems to be fine and on the mend. Do you think it's because you buy these super fancy inbred dogs? Maybe. Maybe.

Maybe I need to go and buy. a different kind. Honestly, the more I talk about it, the idea of buying a dog. No, no, Bueno. Let him stay with his mother. I ripped him from his mom. Like, I didn't pay her. Or as Joey Kamasso would say, the mother.

The mother. Yeah, man, it's really, because I understand wanting to get a pure bread, beautiful little puppy, but then I also understand everyone who's like, You should only be rescuing. What are you doing? And mostly because they get sick easy.

Yeah. They're in red. Yeah, they are fully. King Charles in general, from what I understand, they really, they don't get sick. They do die on the earlier side. The average lifespan is like 13, 14 years. Some might call that the ultimate sickness. Totally.

But they're wonderful dogs. They're so great with kids. I think the fear of. rescuing a dog for a lot of people with young kids is them having experienced trauma. And then you just never know. It's not necessarily fair. But when you have young kids, you don't want, oh, it was a mistake. But he just gnawed off my baby's face.

Like, that's a real thing. Because the person before him, the reason that he or she is up for adoption, God forbid, is, you know, maybe they were abused. Maybe their owners, there was neglect. Maybe they're, you never know. And that's not to say that about all dogs, but a lot of them are in these shelters for a very sad reason. And so I 100% like if you don't have young kids, definitely adopt, don't shop. But I don't know.

I might get heat for this, but I do think that the safety of my baby is more important than adopting a pet. You shouldn't get heat for it. And if you do, people don't know what's up. Yeah. Yeah. That's a terrifying prospect. I know. It's a hard.

Okay, so tell me what you think of this. Because I kind of think my father-in-law has it the most dialed in, but very few people are willing to do this. So he is a duck hunter. And he needs a Labrador to retrieve the duck. Sick. Sick. What a fucking Ken O'Brien is the coolest guy in the world.

The coolest. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Dude, the man in his mid-sixies has brown hair. Doesn't dye his hair. Is that sick? That's sick. And to the person on Instagram who commented on my recent post saying,

ooh, Salt and Peppa Daddy getting ready for summer. Kill yourself. Okay? Kill yourself. I didn't see any of them. And now I can't unsee them. But also it was shiny and the light from the side. Continue.

But yeah, kill yourself. Okay. Fucking bitch. Thanks for listening. Yeah. K-O-B, man, I think his hormone levels are cranking. His tea is top-tier, top-tier tea. But yeah, so he's always had a black Labrador Retriever,

and they're always the best dogs, and here's why, is because he goes to a special, you know, breeder in California, and he gets the dog, and then he leaves the dog with them for one year. Because, A, they have to train them in general, but then B, they have to train them to retrieve. And so you are foregoing the cutie-woodyest little stage at, you know, that puppy stage, which is impossible for most people. But what you get back is a dog, like a proper dog, the best dog in the world.

And all his dogs have been that way. Yeah. We did that with Theo, rest in peace. He's dead now. But we sent him to a camp for like two weeks. And training. Boot camps are important, Josh. They really are.

Like if you want a dog that, and it's lovely over there, they are with other dogs, or at least this is what I tell myself that's lovely over there. But you send them to this boot camp and they come back trained. I say to myself, yeah, they just must be using positive reinforcement. That's all. They must just be able to speak their language better than I can. Meanwhile, I'm sure if I went there using whips and a shot collar. Yeah, I'm like, no, I'm sure they just have a much more curt. tone. I'm sure it's the tone that's getting through.

And I just blind myself. Yeah. I really hope not. To an extent they just like walk the line of being like ultra pro. Like they're just unemotional in ways that we would be emotional. But um, it's hard. Is there anything, is there anything more savage, Josh, than being a breeder? Animal people are always weird. The idea of being a breeder when you think about it, you, you have a mother. Okay.

you find a father, you're impregnating the mother, and then you're selling off the babies one by one for profit. Right. Is there anything? Is there any worse job? Like, it's just terrible. When you break it down like that, nuts and bolts, you are sealing the babies from the mother as a profession in your home in New Jersey.

Yeah, you're profiting. You're Cruella DeVille in, you know, acid-washed jeans. fully, fully. And you're making, you're making bank, Josh. You're making, I don't know if that juice is worth the squeeze. Oh, I completely agree.

I completely agree. But you are, you could clear three to five grand a dog. Yeah. I mean, you know, but how many, you know, what are they got, litters are you getting?

And also, I remember this one, I dated this one girl when I was, like, you know, 19 years old, who was from Moscow, Idaho. And so they had like a bunch of... There's a Moscow in Idaho?

Yeah, bro. Made famous by the Brian Coleberger murders. Is it Little Russia? Like, are there Russian roots? It's Moscow. Moscow, not Moscow. Understood. But it's spelled like Moscow.

Wow. Okay, Moscow, Idaho. I'm from Kiev, Idaho. I'm from Turkmenistan, Wyoming. Her and her family had, like they were had like a little litter of baby kittens who were like super cute for the first couple of days and I was like this is exhausting. Yeah.

Yeah. It's 10 babies. Yeah. It's a full-time job. And the fact that you just like raise the babies to sell them is just like, you're a heartless bastard. Like, could you, I couldn't raise them and then give them up. I would have to keep them or give them to friends that I would see regularly.

I just like, I don't know, man, you have to have a, you kind of have to have a stone cold heart. I just, I guess like, also it doesn't help that I'm allergic. But before I got a dog or a cat, I would honestly consider just having a fourth kid. Yeah, that's fair. I think that you're, you're either a dog person early on or early on or you'll never be one. It's either something that you were raised on or, or, and even if somebody, who was raised on it, like, I love, I definitely love Romeo. He's a great boy.

But like, since having Ruby, I can't, like, there just isn't the same level of room. Like, I, in my heart, like, or time. Like, I'm playing with Ruby. Romeo jumps up, he wants to play. And it's like, this is my time to play with Ruby. Like, Romeo, you're great. But I just, like, I can't show you the same love and affection. that I showed Theo when I had no baby.

You know, it's just different life stages. Anybody that, anybody that pretends that they show the same amount of love to their dog, or I'll switch that, anybody that shows the same amount of love to their dog post kids as free kids, means that you're neglecting your kids. So do you not get a dog now again when Romeo's not here anymore? The thing is,

this now becomes Ruby's dog. That's what I keep reminding myself. This is Ruby's childhood dog. and if Ruby loves having a dog, we'll have dogs. If he doesn't have the same connection that I had, then yeah, this will be the last one. Wow. But this is Ruby's dog. Yeah.

It's a hard balance. Any better, any better fucking walk him, okay? This is Ruby's dog. No, he's going to walk him. He'll be dead before Ruby can walk him. I hope not. That's also, he will be, right? Because, like, I don't know.

He's two. So if he lives the true life expectancy, which I'm hoping, okay, I lost one at seven, maybe I'll get lucky. And he'll live to 14.15. What age do you think, do you see letting Ruby walk around the block alone, ideally? 10. Okay, so he'll be dead. I mean, he'll be on death store. There's a chance that he'll be dead.

Yeah. And then I wouldn't want him walking. Yeah, okay. So we'll see how We'll see how Ruby deals with that. Like you saying that to me as a kid who grew up in New York like you doesn't, I wonder if there are people listening

who are going, you would let young Rubin walk up and down the block at 10 years old at 10 in the morning in big scary New York but I'm like, I actually would feel better about Ruby doing that than walking around a super suburban quiet street. street at 10 a.m.

Totally. Right. Totally. And yeah, yeah, because there's people around him. Like, God forbid, there's stores to go into. I couldn't take fake phone calls and run into a convenience store in suburbia. That's it. You're, there's nowhere to go.

Um, so I completely agree with you. And I was out walking, walking to the park, going to play basketball around 10, 10 for sure. Um, I had plenty of friends. This wasn't me because my. My parents spoiled me rotten by driving me to school. But I had plenty of friends that were taking the public bus at 10 to school. That was me.

Yeah, it's not. It's because you really are with a community of New Yorkers. Like for the most part, New York is a great place. Right. And sure, it has its outliers. But, yeah, I think it's important for her kids to get exposed to the city early. That way they're, they, like, you're in a melting pot and you really feel it when you start to walk around. And yeah, I agree.

It's way less scary than being alone in suburbia. Like, I don't know. It's creep me out. Yeah, it's a hard balance. Like, we live right by my son's school. And we can like, and, you know, he's seven. So obviously we've never let him go alone. But sometimes he'll be like, can you just like watch me from the garage as how you walk up to school?

And it's like, we've tried it. And seven is too young. But, you know, when he's like 10 years old, like, I don't know. Again, like around suburbia, it's just, I'm always like a van's going to pull up, van's going to pull up. Totally. John McVeasy is going to offer him candy and that's it.

Yeah, by the way, I would take all that candy. You want to, you want a milk dud? Sure. Where do I sign up? That was the silver lining for me is I was too fat to kidnap. Yeah. Too fat to kidnap. That's a great t-shirt, too fat to kidnap.

It's a great t-shirt. I wonder like, and I'm surprised that nobody's like invented this. With the ability to FaceTime, we have GoPro's, like, is there not something that like a kid could wear that would show the parents just in those early days, like what's going on in front of them without them having to be on FaceTime? Or is that like too much? I don't know. But like there's certainly many ways to track your kid with air tags and, you know, hidden

play. I mean, I think more so than ever. Like if you put a little bit of effort in, you can make sure that you would know where your kid was if God forbid they got picked up. But it's all, I don't know, should we have the conversation about whether or not Paige and I should have a fourth kid? Yes, we should.

I would start by having the conversation with asking you, do you want a fourth kid? I thought you're going to say, I would start the conversation with, have you run this by page? Let's start with you. Do you want a fourth kid? It's really environmental and circumstantial, which it was not for the first three.

Okay. Explain. I think that where we live, we have Pages family, which is everything. But we live in an L.A. suburb that just doesn't allow us to have a lot of room or like a huge house. And I'm not making light of like we are incredibly bled. But with so many kids, I think it really helps to live in a place with where you can have some land and, you know, just have a bigger place, right? Like where the cost of living isn't so high. Because part of what we love about where we live is that you can't have a house, but it's super congested.

Everyone lives on top of each other. And, you know, you're close to the beach. You're close to like some great activities and whatnot. And I think if I had that many kids, I would want to be able. to open a door and have them run outside and be fenced in and gated and we don't have that. And I don't think we could probably have that in L.A. So I think that would be the thought. Would you leave L.A.?

But then we're leaving her family. So there's really no balance. How far is the closest leaving L.A.? Like, could you go 15 minutes and have what you want or you needed to go 45 minutes? Because if you go 15 minutes, you're not leaving her family necessarily. No, but like, but then you kind of go like if I live an hour outside of L.A., like, do I just move to a more tax incentive state then and like really live it up? Totally, but you need to convince Mr. Ken O'Brien to do that too. Because I think that what you have right now,

not only is a very important to you, but I think it's very special. I think having that proximity, having that help, having just like the, I, the, like the safety net of having that help,

I think is enormous, especially when you're talking about raising a small herd. So, even though I do think Ken O'Brien would do wonderfully in the sunshine state of Florida. Oh, baby. Duck hunting? Where do we duck hunt?

Can we duck hunt in Florida? There are no ducks. That's the only problem. We'd have to put out ducks. We go gator hunting. Do you want to come with me? Hunt some gaiters? Rassel.

Rassel a gator or two. Josh, we got to sell that show to Hulu. Me, you and Ken O'Brien, hunting alligators. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? That's better than snooky ghost hunting in Canada. Do you watch your tone? That's better. By the way, we could get Snooky too.

Snooky kid alligator on with us. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy smokes. And then all of a sudden we pulled Joey Camasda out of the water by the neck. It wasn't a gator. Joey's a gaiter. It was a gator. Joey's in a two-piece alligator bikini.

Fully tucked. Oh, my God. Speaking of summer coming along, I just don't know, man. I just wish I had gotten my top surgery earlier because, Again, every year during summer, I'm like, I'm not taking off my shirt. There's no fucking way. And yet you recently in a clip that's gone completely viral just have no problem letting that big, beautiful, gorgeous body shine. No problem.

Even if it's with a gaffed diving attempt. No, no, no issue at all. God bless you. Honestly, it life's too short to care. Who cares? You also look great. Before we get to this, though, where I gas up your body, that's absolutely happening. On the four kids, just quickly closing that chapter.

Or maybe five. Or maybe five. I think that if page is down, what's more of a blessing than that? I have to assume that with each new baby, it keeps you young. I know the female rabbi. What's more of a blessing than that? What? What's more of a blessing than that?

Yeah, I think it's just, it's amazing. So if you should down, I would do it. I know, it's crazy. You would have to get escalate, Suburban's, Ford navigators. You'd be locked out of regular cars. We would need a sprinter van. We need a big house, a lot of land. I mean, you can't even like, you really have to, this is why big family's road trip,

because five or six plane tickets. It's all very expensive, all very expensive. It's all hard. It's, you know what you're, and you only have one now. So like you're really have no interest in your old life. But, you know, maybe once God willing you have two, three kids, like there are plenty of people I know who are like, I've shut it down, right? Like either they shut it down with the second or they definitely shut it down with the third

because they are in anticipation of getting their life back. And that's fair. I don't have any interest in that. Even though I sit here today with you, Benjamin, fucking exhausted. Like, these kids be kicking my butt. And yet, like, I go, and so it would be over with Meyer. And then what? I have to have dinner plans?

No thanks. It's just, it's interesting when I hear somebody say they want their old life back. To me, that means that they haven't accepted the fact that, whatever they had, they had during a moment in time that no longer exists. Like I used to, this is like pre-Ruby. I used to like lay awake and at night and think about summer camp. How much I loved summer camp. How much I miss those people.

How much I missed that time. It was so simple and different. I was 15 years old. I didn't have my phone for two months. It was just different. And then I think that can't exist now. It's impossible. So why am I thinking about it?

It's the same thing with, oh, I'm going to go to dinner. No, I would want to go to dinner. And then I'd want to go out and then I'd want to do some mystery drug and I'd want to be out until three in the morning. I don't, that's not going to happen ever. And it wouldn't be able to happen now. Like, let's just leave that then. The new normal, I hope new things bring you joy to whoever said that. I hope like you've, like, I hope work brings you joy.

I hope like rearing and raising children brings you joy. I hope that you can find things that make you happy. Like, I don't, I don't know, right? Like, yeah. There's nothing, there's nothing about my old life that I want because my old life couldn't exist today. It's impossible. Part of that old life is freedom from responsibility. So unless you want to neglect your kids, the idea of going out to dinner and not watching the nan it because somebody's babysitting or not thinking about your child, you can't be out till four in the morning.

It's just irresponsible. And I'd be so stressed. Like, I wouldn't even have any fun. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's a totally different hustle. But I, yeah, I mean, obviously, if we could be guaranteed a girl that, there's just so many factors. It's like, and I'm not saying this as being critical of my wife in any way.

I think it's a lot to ask any person, male or female, mostly female to carry like to carry a kid four five times is a lot on the old bod it's just like physically a heroic act

of the highest measure and when you start getting into multiples I mean some people might be like oh yeah by then you're just kind of like you know at the 40th week you just kind of go and good night it's over but it is rough on someone's body

It's so rough. It's, it's, I can't even imagine. I can't even imagine. And then it's the year of postpartum. Cut that out me. No, by, no, by the way, it's, it's 10, you have five kids. It's 10 years of just, like, pregnant and post-pregnancy. Oh, God.

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God forbid me, yeah. Yeah. Totally. You mentioned a girl. I do know people, and I'm curious to your thoughts on this, I know people who have used IVF to pick gender. How do you feel about that? I don't really have an issue.

I think I have an issue. Okay, same more. I think that the idea of IVF is so unbelievable. But I do think that it should be reserved for people who are having trouble. I don't think that it should be, it feels too taking it out of God's hands for me. The idea of making a baby in a lab, which is exactly what you're doing, when you could have done it the other way, it just feels strange to me.

But maybe that's, I have to assume that's exactly where we're heading. I think we're just early in it. But I'm sure that if you look back and, or if we look forward 25 years, it will be completely normal to do that. Because why wouldn't it be completely normal to do that? You take so much of the risk out of it.

Like there's so much more than just male or female. It's also, I'm pretty sure that you can make sure that if there's an issue with chromosomes or if like I'm pretty sure that you can prevent a lot of bad things, a lot of heartache when you do it that way as well. But yeah, it just, it's such a wonderful, godly process to me. Like, I don't love, I don't love making it so manmade. But it's interpretation, right?

Because another person could say, hey, if you can't have a baby naturally, maybe that's God too. You're right. So again, it comes down to picking and choosing. It comes down to picking and choosing. To that person, I would say, but they could say the same thing to me,

but to that person I would say that it's not your baby. So it's not your decision to say if God wanted it or not. Similarly, it's not my baby. So it's not for me to say, that somebody can't pick their gender. So, yeah, it's totally. This is a progressive pod. We are peepies.

We're very progressive. We're very progressive. And everyone says that always no matter what, especially about you. I'm progressive. By the way, I'm as, I'm as progressive as they come. And if you thought something else, you're wrong. Get your head out of the gutter. Get your head out of your ass.

Go watch UFC in front of the White House. Boy, boy, oh boy, did you watch this thing? this was a couple weeks ago, but did you watch any of it? I missed it. No, I didn't watch it. Fabulous. Fabulous. Wow. It was, oh, man, all weekend I was doing it. Where was it streamed? Where was it streamed? Like, where could you watch it?

Paramount Plus, the best streamer. My friend, Larry Allison, total coincidence. It's Paramount Plus. I was, all weekend I was doing the impression, he was like, did you hear where UFC is? It's at my house on my front lawn. Oh, man. I wanted to hear, there's, the main event was with a fighter name Elia, um, Tupuria.

And I wanted to, I just wanted to hear Trump say it once. Because you know, he would have been like, amazing Elya, da, da, da, da, ba, boobalia. But it was, but it was. Oh, my God. Look, so it was the White House front lawn. He was literally on the front lawn. Did you see the White House behind it?

Yeah, dog. It was... Oh, I have to look it up. So cool. The whole week was amazing because leading up to it, the press conference and weigh in was in front of the Lincoln Memorial. And... It's like gladiators.

It's like we are in ancient Greece and we are showing up to the Coliseum and we're watching people fight to the death. And the king is sitting there and he's watching. Not to call Trump a king, but like that's the parallel. Like, it's so... It's honestly, I think it's awesome. I, it's entertaining. I didn't watch it because I don't, I don't care about UFC, okay?

I'm a progressive that doesn't care about UFC, okay? Okay, so whatever you thought about me, you thought wrong. I'm also wearing purple, okay? But yeah, I can never really get into UFC. I'm not much of like a watch people fight kind of guy. When I watch it, though, it's fun, but it's not something that I ever seek out. But I understand people that do. And it's a huge fucking sport.

I love the UFC. I mean, if anyone can just remove the politics from it for a second, what I loved is, you know, was obviously America's 250th birthday. The fighters walked out with Medal of Honor winners of all, of every generation. So there were like 100 year old medal of honor winners walking with the fighters towards the ring.

The Marine band played the opening music for each fighter, which was awesome. Obviously, every soldier and every sort of different type of dress was there. And then thousands of tickets were given to sailors and servicemen. So it felt like an event for the troops, which was pretty awesome. So I thought it was a spectacular event and mostly because I just love MMA. But then also I have eyes. And I think both things can be true that when I was watching the fighters walk from the Oval Office

into the ring, I was like, we've entered idiocracy. Yeah. It's unbelievable. It's crazy. It's crazy. Yeah. It's absolutely crazy. 100%.

But yeah, I don't know why. Like, that doesn't have to be a political statement to your point. Like, you can still enjoy it. I think it's cool. It can still be a great representation of our country and doing something cool. And you can also admit, regardless of, party that it's nuts. You know, usually they'll do these concerts, and this is around Fourth of July on the

Capitol, right? And they'll get some like, sort of, you know, like some music acts and stuff. And it's fine. But for me, it has no, like to me, I compare it to that, right? They would have spent a bunch of money on that. And it would have been some forgettable music and sort of like the typical fare of like a very family-friendly, you know, patriotic celebratory. I'm like, this was doper to me.

Like I, but it's what I'm interested in. Yeah, it was cool to you. It's, it's something that a lot of people love and clearly just something that Trump loves. Like presidents are allowed to have interests. Every president has interests. Obama loved basketball, loved. And I, and President Trump happens to be a huge fan of sports. He loves MMA.

He loves golf. And we found out at Madison Square Garden that he loves basketball, even though the only the game the Knicks lost was with him. Literally. Literally. Like we lost the first two games. And then I think we won 12 straight. And then we lost with him and then we won the last two.

So not saying it's a coincidence, but. Crazy. Crazy. Should we get to some weird news? I want some weird news, even though there's no weird or news than lawn fighting at the White House. But yeah, so give me something strange. That is so darn good.

Give me something bizarre. Well, the New York Post writes, New New York City dating demand has men and women at war. No ride, no date. Singletons are screaming, send help. The guys and gals of Gotham are going at each other's throats in a vicious debate over a newly viral dating prerequisite. Men must send a car.

What do you think? Yeah. By the way, you don't have to send a car, but if you don't want to send a car, then you should pick them up. I think that I think that the idea that you like someone and they showed up there on their own is pretty strange. Right? Like I'm meeting you there. Like, no, if I really like you.

I mean, Josh, we do this for each other and we're not we're not dating or married. Like I think it also comes down to the person. Like I had dinner last week with Jesse Solomon from Summerhouse. just met him first time. I drove him home. I would have picked him up too. I didn't know where he lived, but like I'm in my car.

Like, what's it to me? I'm driving anyways. Once I'm in my car, I'm in my car. So, yeah, these guys need to be less fucking lazy.

And if you don't want to send a car, pick her up. And by the way, if you don't have money for a car or to pick her up, you don't have a car, go walk to her door, knock on the door,

pick her up. And take the subway together or take the bus together or walk together. Yeah, I think it's weird thinking through it for her to show up to a date by herself. What do you think? I think there's a couple. I think the hard part is finding someone you connect with personally. I think there are the easy part are a couple of things that people don't do. And granted, you have to have some scratch to do this.

But just coming from a male's perspective, I know that a. I think these are easy wins with a woman that can elevate you and put you at such a higher sort of tier than other men. And it's simple, right? It's, yes, you send an Uber for them. You send an Uber black for them. I don't know. Maybe that's too much like Mr. Big and sex in the city. No, it's great.

Especially. The only problem is sometimes you get a great car and sometimes that Uber Black becomes like an Accura RX. And then she's like, what the hell? What are you doing here? Yeah, an escalate. A monster CX-90. But yeah, it escalated or a suburban. Wow.

I mean, if you can do that, you're already starting like at a higher level. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you what else. Settle the bill before she gets there. Just hand your card to the waiter. Well, that requires you to show up early and then you can't get there together. But yes, in this world where you sent a car for her, you show up early. you take care of the bill, wow, you're crushing.

That she's never- Because that shows Josh that you're thoughtful. Girls love a planner. They love when you've thought of it already. They love that. And it's like, and if it can look effortless where she's like, where's the bill? Here, let's roll play, okay?

On your date and you've already taken care of the bill. Maybe just you went to the bathroom and you went to the waiter, hey, here's my M-X, right? Sure, sure. That was the most delicious habachi dinner. ever had and you have beautiful eyes. Thank you. Where's the bill?

I assume we'll split. I took care of it, honey. Huh? It's done. Honey. You heard me call you honey? I took care of me. It's on me.

It's done, honey. It's done. So we can leave right now? Honey, I've already left. You're talking to me. I'm a virtual. You're a hologram? I'm a hologram.

I'm on my way home. I paid. I replaced me with a hologram of me. I'm home, honey. Well, I am absolutely turned on right now, and I would like to take the quickest route to your apartment, sir. Honey, you can't. On a plane, honey.

I'm gone. I'm on a G7, Ma. You can't see me, honey. You can't. And the other thing you can do, honey, is, Babe, the other thing you can do is... Oh, my God. If you don't want to see the person again, write them a text after the date.

Don't say that you don't want to see them again, but just say something nice. Hey, it was, you know, had a lot of fun. Hope you got home safe. Whatever. Hope you had a nice night. Definitely check in on her to make sure she got home. Are guys not doing that? Are guys just like assuming that's crazy?

Like you need to send her the text. Hi. I just want to make sure that you weren't kidnapped. Are you home? Text me when you're home. That has to. If you're not doing that, that's crazy. Do the right thing.

Do the right thing. And then the other part is, is if you do like her, write her the next day. If you check on her that night, make sure she got back, okay? And then the next day, don't make each other like be the fucking man, put some skin in the game. And look, because each of you are wondering if the other person's going to check in the next day and say what's, up. So break the ice. You like, yesterday was super fun. Like, did you see UFC on the White House La? You know, one of those emojis? You think you can do yesterday? The old me would have said absolutely because I was never, ever good at that game. And I know you shouldn't play games,

but I think girls sometimes need 24 hours of thinking that you forgot about them. Oh, and then you come in the day after. And you, and then you come in the day after. And you, you're like I had so much fun the other night because then she's then she's hooked and I know that's terrible to say I was always texting that night that minute I had the best time with you I can't believe it like I can't believe you went out with me like let's do it again tomorrow and she's literally block like you're suffocating me but like no if you if you can if you can do it wait a day just one nothing no weeks no nothing no of this, wait one day, and then you went out on a Tuesday, text her on Thursday and said I had the

best time the other night. Are you free for dinner tomorrow? I think that's classy. Classy, but still pulling at the heartstrings a little. Yeah, I will say, I don't know if I ever, um, I don't think I actually did any of the things I'm saying. But in hindsight, I think it's a good idea. Should we do a what are you nuts? We sure, sure. We sure should. Our what are you nuts moment of the week is are gripes with people, places and things both big and tall, whatever, sticking in your craw. I mentioned this earlier, Josh. You know what's sticking in my fucking craw?

The vets. Veterinarians or even the vet hospitals. It's not the veterinarians. It's not them. They're lovely people. They couldn't get into medical school. They're lovely. Okay?

They're lovely, lovely animal-loving people. The pet hospitals, okay? My mom took Romeo. She had them for the weekend. And we were in upstate New York. She's like, Ben. Romeo's not feeling too hot. He's shitting all over the place.

There's blood in his stool. I need to figure out what's going on with him. I'm like, okay, mom, please take him. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. It takes him. And she's like, you know, they're saying it could be pancreatitis.

They're saying they want to keep him overnight for observation. They could give him an IV. You know, it's going to run about $7,000. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Because he's had diarrhea for, like, a day? Crazy. You think it's pancreatitis?

Have you asked if I fed him guacamole? Have you asked if his dog dad is an idiot? Okay? So my mom's like, no, no, no, none of that's it. Just give me like some medicine for his tummy, like a probiotic and let me go out the door for 250 bucks. She texts me today,

Romeo's on the mend. She also texted me last night, which my mom is just the best, but this is also what he got nuts. She's like, I ran a bath for him. He's soaking his bones. He's feeling much better. I was just thinking,

Mom, you're the best, but you're just so funny. You put my 11-pound dog in a jacuzzi. That's so good. But yeah, these vet hospitals are fucking, what do you nuts, Josh? They're a cash grab. It's a racket.

And my mom said to me, and she's so right. She's like, imagine people who go in and just say yes. There are so many people that would have said, oh, you must have pancreatitis. Put him on the IV.

I don't care how much you charge me. And then he gets released. you're at seven grand. He was fine. Like, I wanted to cheap out on my son's stitches on his eyebrow. Yeah. Yeah.

I was literally on the way to the hospital to have it done there to have him, you know, glued back together by some quack. And thankfully, his pediatrician called and said, um, don't you want to go to a plastic surgeon? It's on his face.

And I was like, out of pocket. it. But we did it. Yeah. That was the right call. Yeah, sometimes we should spend money putting your dog with diarrhea on an IV, not one of them. Shout out Dr. Ellie Soffer, unbelievable. It really beautiful, a beautiful close. A great doctor, Sofer. Wow. Josh, you got a witty of your nuts? I do. My whaty and its moment of the week is randomly, my son and I will watch random televised sports on ESPN 100 or one of their subsidies. And, you know, they have kickball, they have dodgeball.

They have paintball. Who doesn't love paintball? And I noticed, as anyone would know, as a professional paintball watcher, such as myself, that paintball courses now in a competition are these big sort of inflatable pillars, right? Like these inflatable objects that they hide behind and shoot each other. And all I could see was it was sponsored by right on the inflatable, hurts rent a car. What are you nuts?

Hold on. Rental car companies can't get their websites together but they have enough money to sponsor paintball. Can you imagine what that meeting looked like with a bunch of the chair people?

Like they say our app keeps crashing. They're like, no, no, no. Where are we with Majan? Where's our Majan sponsorship? What's particularly great about that is I can't imagine that a paintball sponsorship is expensive. So it actually would show me the opposite. It would show me Jesus hurts. Okay.

Can you, your big company? Can you fix your app and pony up some money for the NBA finals or something? Like, pay ball. Save that for, save that for Spritz society. Yeah. Save that for somebody with a little smaller revenues. Like, that's hysterical. Oh, my God.

It's ESPN 8, The Ocho. I got to watch Dodgeball again. You know what else I got to do, Josh? Give this episode five stars. Otherwise, what are you nuts? Listen to us wherever you get your podcast. Watch us on Spotify. Spotify video is on leak, okay?

Watch it on Josh's YouTube. Share our videos, Mondays and Thursdays, folks, twice a week. We will see you. But, blah, bow. Next time. Spider-Man.