Good Guys - The New Michelin

Episode Date: December 4, 2023

Your favorite schtick masters are back on the mic... with some confessions, some deep life updates, and some BBE!!! Yes, big boy energy. The guys discuss post-Thanksgiving, gaining weight later in life, soft nipples, being a TikTok dad at the airport, answer your speakpipe and more! What are ya nuts?! Leave us a voicemail here! Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Sponsors: Article.com/goodguys for $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more Download EarnIn today in the Google play or Apple app store.Type in Good Guy sunder PODCAST when you sign up - EarnIn.com/TOS for details Drinklmnt.com/goodguys for a free LMNT sample pack with any purchase Get your first month free on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/goodguys Etsy.com code HOLIDAY10 for 10% off your first purchase  Download the Drizly app or go to Drizly.com Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following podcast is a dear media production. I'm Josh Peck. And I'm Ben Safer. And we're the good guys. There's a lot of guys out there. And we're the good ones. Welcome. Shalom.

Josh, missed you. Mention that your gorgeous sweater. If you're not watching on YouTube, what are you nuts? Like you're missing out on just such wonderful fashion choices. Josh is wearing just like if Ralph Lauren, formerly Ralph Lipschitz, by the way. If Ralph Lauren could pick just. a freaking model for that gorgeous Navajoian slash Ralph Lauren sweater. It would be you. You look gorgeous. Thanks, babe. I'm wearing what looks like a blanket at a resort in Deer Valley, Utah.

I look like I'm modeling for the Albuquerque Tourism Board. But it's a gorgeous tapestry inspired Navajo. My shirt's appropriating and I'm supporting my appropriation. So cancel me immediately. Please. I love it. I absolutely love it. And I look down and I notice that I'm wearing purple fuzzy socks.

And that is just because since we've last recorded, my life has just flipped upside down. I don't know when the last time was that I slept. And I don't even know. I don't remember when I put on these socks. I guess my feet were cold. It is cold. It's snowing. It's snowing out in New York.

But for those that don't know, my beautiful dog, Theo, got diagnosed with a very, very aggressive cancer this past week. And a month ago, he was running up hills. He was perfect. So I don't know if we want to talk about that. Yeah. It's more just like a general update. A month ago, he was perfect.

Or five weeks ago, he was perfect. a month ago. I started to notice, you know, his back, left leg, he wasn't putting a lot of pressure on it. So I brought him into the doctor. They took an x-ray. They said it was arthritis. I said, okay, that makes sense. No problem. It's a little early for arthritis. He's only six, but that made sense. And then last Sunday, after three days of not pooping, I brought him to the emergency room, and they found a 12 centimeter tumor, which if you think about what 12 centimeters is, it's close to five inches and this is a 20 pound King Charles Cavalier. Like that's huge in comparison.

His foot is one and a half inches wide. It's an enormous tumor and it was blocking. They found it because they stuck their finger in his ass to try to just like, I don't know, maybe they had a fetish. Yeah, a little ass play. Who doesn't like that? Like they wanted to and their finger was met with a tumor and they're like, hey, he's not shitting because 80% of his butthole is covered by this tumor.

And I'm like, are you, like, what are you nuts? Like, okay, so I'm going to act on behalf of the audience and start asking some questions. First of all, a vet emergency room. Is it like a people emergency room? Is there vending machines? What's the wait time? Is there like a French bulldog dressed in a security guard outfit? Yes.

Yes, everything with the last. And we need that. So the vet care, honestly, is. so all over the place. Some of these places are unbelievable, right? Like when you figure out what you really need, they're great. That said, the day to day, how great could it be if they diagnosed my furry son that has a tumor with arthritis? Like, clearly there's something amiss over there. But then we brought him to Animal, AMC, Animal Medical Center, which is like one of the premier animal hospitals in the city. And they took care of him great for sure. But like that place was very, very sterile.

Like it's not, like, not that hospitals are ever like the most optimistic looking fun places, but like this place looked very, very sad and felt like we were at the DMV. And but afterwards, and this is really what I wanted to talk about, like the support from the good guys community, from the toast community, like the way that people have reached out and connected us. Like this is like, I've never felt more connected in my life. Like, we joke about like, oh, you have a guy. we have like millions of guys that all have guys.

And like we somehow got connected to the head of oncology for AMC. And because a toaster's sister runs oncology for AMC. And then from there we were connected to the number one radiologist, this Dr. Carrie Rosen in Yonkers. And that's where Theo's getting radiation. I love even as vets, Jews dominate. Dominate. We're good with people.

We're good with animals. What do you got? And like for whatever reason people hate us. Like we're taking care of the animals. We're giving we're giving pets radiation. A Rosen oncologist. Can you imagine Dr. Rosen's mother who when she's around the Hadassah, you know, her group of Yen friends, they're like, what does your son do?

And she goes, he's an oncologist. They go so impressive. Where does he practice? And she goes, not important. I'm telling you. She leaves out the animal part. 100%. 100%.

So just like, thank you to everybody. You guys are the best. Connecting us left and right. Shout out one more person. Evan Stupler. He has a practice called your vet. It's their building a freaking square block hospital in New York.

He has been unbelievable. We'll call him at any time. And just like going through this is so hard. But this. community and then Theo fighting has made it a little bit easier. But that really was my, I'll probably have another waddy and nuts later, but my waddy and nuts is finding a 12 centimeter tumor in my dog's ass that also is like prohibiting his ability to walk and pee. Like what, what is, what are you nuts? Like what, it's, it's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. And I, I think I also

had a good joke to you last week when you said you're on the way to the hospital, hospital for dogs. And I said, is it hound, Sinai? But I, you know, you guys are incredible animal parents. You love that dog so much. And I wouldn't actually, unfortunately, whether it's humans or animals, this misdiagnosis does happen. I remember my buddy Eric, this was years ago. He's like, not feeling good, can't really breathe, thinks he's got like some chest infection sinus thing. But he doesn't feel good and he's just like really run down.

So he goes to the doctor and they're like, you clearly have some kind of lung infection. So what's like the cocktail, a Z pack and some steroid? And he takes that for like three weeks and he's not getting better. And I remember I saw him about a week before and I was like, Eric, you're looking pretty gray, bro. I was like, we were going to the movies. I'm like, you're shedding. I mean, this was a guy in his mid-50s. smoked, fat, criminal defense attorney, Jew, you know the type.

And I was like, karma. And for defending all those fucking criminals. No, and yeah, and he's just not looking good. And to a point where he was like, Josh, can I use your inhaler? And I was like, feel free, but this is not random. You are not on a good train here, my boy. Needless to say, he finally sees a proper doctor who's like, Like you are, you are and have been having a massive heart attack.

Your widow maker valve has ruptured. And you've been walking for three weeks with a heart attack. Oh my God. Cut to, you know, 12 hours later, chest cut open, open heart surgery. And yeah, and the first doctor was like, I think a Z-pack will do it. It's crazy. Oh, my, oh my God. That is crazy.

almost as crazy as the idea of sharing an inhaler. I'm sorry. I won't even share like this is a me problem. I know that people, most people aren't like this. I won't share a bottle of water with my own mother and my own wife. You wouldn't share a Coke with me at the Knicks game. Shout out of the Knicks. Thanks for having us.

I'm not a drink shareer. I just don't like it. I don't like it. The idea of putting duck lips on somebody else's inhaler makes me want to kill myself. I'd rather have the heart attack die than use that inhaler. I don't want to peel back the curtain too much, but our lovely podcast company, Dear Media, said, you know, there is potentially an allergy pill company

who's interested in promoting on the podcast to which I said, that might be the most natural sponsorship the good guys I've ever had. Number one. And what we're going to do is Josh and I are going to stop taking our allergy pills for a month. Oh, my God. And then we're going to come on the podcast and we're going to talk like this.

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where I'm coming from when I say this, but it is my what-a-n-nuts moment and I think I'd be remiss to say my what-y-and-nuts moment of the week is dogs. Owning a dog is nuts because it's in an agreement to be heartbroken in one to 18 years max. Crazy, right? It's crazy. And it's funny. The cycle just continues because the only way to get over the heartbreak. And the only way it's honestly to,

they say this in senior dogs, they say this in sick dogs, is to get another dog. Because the dog helps the dog. And then the dog also helps you. But you're just continuing in the cycle. I was talking about this with Claudia. And it's like, I've never felt so horrendous in my whole life. Like, this has been the worst week of my life, like, facts and, like, completely earth-shatteringly heartbroken. And you're absolutely right. Like, and, again, as a pet owner, is it totally worth it?

Yeah, we love them endlessly. But the idea, like, people complain, they're like, again, we go to breeders. It is what it is, okay? So if you have a problem with breeders, I'm sorry. That said, when you're right- I'm against adoption for animals and people. I'm against it. I'll come out and say it.

Leave them. Leave them on the street. You don't know what you're getting. It's crazy. Don't get me starting. My mom who's adopted. We'll love that. Shout out Ava.

You know, sometimes you need an exception to prove the rule, babe. No, I'm kidding. Should have been left on the street. No, it's good. I'm kidding, you sick fucks. Don't clip this and put it on tick. and come from me, you nuts, you idiots. Clip it.

Clip it. It's important. It's viral. But that said, we don't personally rescue. It's a lovely thing to do, et cetera. But these breeders, like, people complain about the cost of a dog, right? Oh, he was three grand. Oh, it was this.

It was that. Do you understand the amount of money it takes to save a dog? Insurance is not, like, to your point, you don't know how long they're going to live. not getting insurance. Maybe that was on me. Maybe I should have gotten pet insurance. We don't have pet insurance. I don't know if it covers crazy, aggressive random tumors anyways, but, oh my God, forget just the emotional strain, the financial strain. There goes my corolla. I could have been, I could have had a fuck the Rangerover that from gorgeous Jaguar of Brooklyn. There's no time for a plug, Ben. We're talking about your, you're sick. But I could have

I could have had a carola. And instead I have a sick, sick, sick pooch. But you're right, what are you nuts is pet owning? You really, you don't know what you're getting into. You get it the first couple of years. It's gorgeous. The whole time, it's gorgeous. I'm letting everybody know who's been through this,

or who hasn't yet. It's earth-shattering. So prepare. You guys are amazing parents. We love our Theo, our thoughts and prayers. Baruch Hashem. Bezrat Hashem. And let that beautiful pooch be okay.

Thank you. Let's talk about Thanksgiving. How was yours? My Thanksgiving was great. It was low-key. It was easy. We did it at the in-law's house. Shout out my mother-in-law, Stacey.

She's an incredible cook. She knows how to throw a party. And it was like the only sad part was that beautiful Barbara Peck, who was going to come and then was feeling a little under the weather. So she wound up just hanging out. And I went to pick her up and she was all done up. And she said, Josh, I don't know if I'm feeling up to it.

And it was in one of those moments, God bless her. She's going to be 80 where I said, Mom, you relax. Can I go get your food? She's like, I'll order Chinese. They don't seem to observe holidays. It's fabulous. I said, I don't know who the day is. And I think that's positive racism.

But I'm glad that you're going to be eating well on Thanksgiving. What is her Chinese food order? Barb's at home. Thanksgiving alone. What she chow and down on? So God bless my mom, who I think wouldn't mind me saying that she's had her issues with food

over the century. And passed it along to her son. And passed it along to me by proxy. And so growing up, look, if my mom had her druthers, she's getting spare ribs, you know, beautiful. you know, shrimp and lobster sauce, egg rolls, noodles.

She's crushing, right? But 95% of the time, growing up, this was us at a Chinese food restaurant. I'll have the chicken and broccoli. No sugar, no corn starch. It's so classic. It's so classic. Anyone who's enjoyed wonderful Chinese food knows that cornstarch is what gives that sauce. It's beautiful, thick, consistency and flavor.

And so nine out of ten wonderful Chinese food restaurant waiters go, ma'am, that's not going to be possible. And she looks at them and goes, use oil and soy sauce. They know me. And then you just have a terrible dish. Yeah, and the cornstarch kind of masks just like, you don't want to see what the meat looks like bear. Totally. You don't want to see that.

It's like shaving. If I were to shave Theo completely down to his skin, I'd be like, whoa, who is that? What's going on? You don't want to see your sesame chicken without sauce. You don't want to see your broccoli in the brown sauce, no brown sauce. It's too scary. I don't want to know what it is. What'd you do?

I mourned. Yeah. Nothing, right? No, I was supposed to go to Florida. I was supposed to see my parents. I was supposed to do all this stuff. And we ended up picking up Theo Wednesday night, brought him home, and was just trying to figure out how do we keep him comfortable?

How do we get his pain meds right? How do we prep for his irradiation? Is it surgery? So nothing, nothing. That said, I'm incredibly, incredibly, incredibly. And I thought about this, just like, so thankful. And I wish I was this thankful before it happened. I was moderately thankful.

But my life, knock on wood, even though that's Jesus, bite your lip, whatever, whatever the saying is. What's not a Jesus thing? I don't know. I don't know. In everyday life, all that we say is Jesus things. All of them. Knock on wood came from, they used to believe thousands of years ago that spirits lived in trees. and so that when things would turn out well,

they would knock on wood or knock on the tree as a thank you. Oh, I didn't know that. I thought that you knocked wood because of the cross. Maybe they co-opted it, but I don't think so. I like yours. All right, good spirit hiding in the trees. I'm going to knock on the bar. Similarly is nuts, but I don't know what this to do with JC.

I like that one. But regardless, my life was absolutely. unbelievably perfect. Like I couldn't ask for a better wife, a better family, better friends, better co-host, better, everything, everything. Like every, all this like dumb, everybody has terrible things that go on on a day-to-day basis. And when you get a really terrible thing, you realize none of those things are terrible. Your life is unbelievable.

And you just wish that you could go back to yesterday. So on this post- Thanksgiving, during Thanksgiving, I was just thinking, even without the bountiful meal and surrounded by family and all that stuff. stuff like life, I don't want to speak for you, but I know your family and I know, I just, like, your life is amazing. My life is amazing. Like, we're so blessed. And like, sure, we can spend our days thinking about everything that we can change and

everything that we can fix and how things can get just fine tuning. And we can lose sight on the fact that the bulk of it is just freaking awesome. So, yeah, no meal, but a lot of thanks. Do you find that you thrive? in catastrophe or in situations, like, like you were saying, because I think I do. Do you? I think I do. I think that I really, not to credit this to myself, but like, I do not huddle and cry and I don't know what I'm going to do. How am I going to do this? I take some, I run. Like, I figure out how to fix it. Like, if there's a problem, I'm going to fix it. And not every problem

can be fixed in the traditional ways, right? But even if fixing is bringing comfort to somebody, if it's whatever it may be, like I'm always going to be activated, always. I find for me, I have such like, you know, thankfully almost 16 years recovered alcoholic sensibility about me that I'm wound very tight

throughout most things in my life. And because of this, when things really do hit the fan and they really do require an overreaction in theory because the stakes are so heightened, I'm so good. I am your guy. Recently last week, my son, my little guy, shy,

who just turned one, had been sick for over a week. And, you know, with kids, and especially his older brother comes from school, so he brings home stuff all the time. Kids are sick all the time. We've talked about it. And our pediatrician, who's the best, kind of says, like,

here are the things to look out for, but they might not feel good for like a week, week and a half. And it's like we can't rush to put them on medicine. Otherwise, we'll be putting them on medicine every month. So finally, he needed medicine. So he's taking meds. And my older son, who's five, and if there's any moron in the audience who's an antibiotic specialist, shout out. Because feel free to go in my DMs because my older son has like a very severe antibiotic allergy, right? To like penicillin.

Yeah, and it's super scary. And so we were apprehensive with our little guy, just like maybe he inherited that. He's never been on an antibiotic. What's it going to be? But he had a double ear infection. It was a whole shunda anyway. She's on the meds.

It's all good. One night he goes to bed at like quarter to seven. And at like 8 p.m., he's crying. He's having a fit, like sobbing. Like it doesn't sound like him. My wife runs over and goes like, you hearing this and we go in and he's in such a deep sleep that he's not really waking up, but he's crying.

And I can see that she's worried that he's having an allergic reaction and like what's going to happen? Because sometimes it can show itself like days later, you know? And, you know, allergic reactions can be so scary and it can affect breathing. And my wife, who's like literally 99% of the time cool as a cucumber is like, doesn't know what to do. Papa Josh comes over. I mean, I should have had a cape on because I said, hand me the child. Hand me this baby.

And I'm looking at him and he's crying, right, which is a good sign that he's breathing. So I'm like, he's breathing. So, all right. So, you know, first things first, we're okay. And he's not really waking up, but I know that he's so exhausted and tired. She's probably in a deep sleep. And so I said, I got this. I go downstairs.

I put on his favorite show. I go get a bottle of milk because he's a peck, so he wants to eat, no matter what time it is. And slowly but surely he kind of wakes up and comes out of it. And who knows, the doctor said maybe his fever was breaking and he was having like a fever dream and kind of, you know, was out of it a little bit. But I just, I felt so good. Because I'm like, this is how I live ready for an emergency at all times, which is why I treat small infractions like it's the end of the world. Don't cut me off. But when shit really hits a fan,

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else and they'll give you your money back no questions asked they have a very very low return rate and a very high reorder rate really nothing to lose here go to drink element dot com slash good guys that's drink l mn t dot com slash good guys and i didn't even know i've never thought of being allergic to antibiotics i wonder like sure it seems very scary very scary but i wonder if like long term god will He's like just healthier and better. Like I don't know. Like is there like, do you have to like look into holistic remedies for like problems that we normally just again like you have something you take penicillin? Like what do you do?

Well, I love talking about this stuff. So there are other. First, he can grow. You can grow out of a antibiotic allergy. Okay. Secondly, there are other forms of antibiotics that aren't as used because they're either not is effective or they have more side effects and whatnot so that we haven't even touched yet because we haven't needed to. But the thing about kids is they get ear infections. You ever wonder why kids get

them but adults really don't? Sure. Yeah. Because kids sinuses don't drain into their nose. So adults get sinus infections. Yes. Kids, they have kind of like these horizontal sinuses until they get to four or five, six. So fluid just sits in their ear. And it gets infected. So what do you do? You get your kid the tube surgery. You know this? You know these tubes?

Yes. This is a gorgeous surgery. God forbid, I hope you parents out there never have to do it. But if you do, go see my gal. She's the best and I get a 10% referral. I'm kidding. I should. It's Josh.

Josh performs the surgery. It's amazing. You need the tubes. You come. My garage. It's beautiful. 10 grand. Easy.

do it with a coupon. And they get these little, it's like literally like a microscopic thread that gets put in their eardrum to keep it open. And basically it's a 10 minute surgery. They have to put your kid out, which is the only scary part

because they're not going to sit still. And it allows their ear to drain all the time. So fluid never gets stuck in there. I mean, my kid had it at two and Knockwood has not had an ear infection in three years. used to get one every two months. That's amazing.

Crazy, right? Wow. Yeah, that's amazing. You think we'd evolve a little bit. Totally. God would have thought of this. I was just thinking that. Like, why hasn't that evolved?

Like, that's obviously not a max problem. That's as a child problem. Right. Like, kids get ear infections. I remember getting ear infections. They stink. They stink. And it's funny, I never thought of why don't I get ear infections anymore.

And why do I have chronic sinusitis? Judaism. Fully. Fully Judaism. I will say, and I know that we're talking a lot about health, but I'll just continue to share. I had terrible sinusitis for a lot of my adult life, and I will say that foods do play a large factor,

and when I was significantly fatter, I got way more sinus infections. Way more. It's not even close. Look, the doctor has never once said in their life for anything that tailed anyone, maybe put on 40 pounds and it'll go away. Yeah, yeah, totally, totally.

Except for getting shot. Yeah, that would be good. That would be good. That would be good. Speaking of Judaism, I don't know if you saw our friend Kanye West recently, but he's out just being, you know, anti-Semitic in Saudi Arabia. And my favorite part is that Kanye's looking a little bloated. And I just want to say, apparently anti-Semitism is not good for your metabolism.

Because I just love. And you know Kanye's vein. He doesn't like having a little extra weight. and I want to be like, you know, Kanye, maybe it's karmic. You know what I mean? Enjoy. It's so funny. I didn't see.

Tell me what he did with Saudi Arabia because all I saw was him shaking Chef Nobu's hand in Malibu. Chef Nobu posted that Kanye was just in his restaurant, probably eating entirely too much tuna. That's why he's bloated. That's why he's bloated, right? The mercury's poison. He's bloated. And I would highly recommend Ozzympic. It's like when I go back and I look at friends that I grew up with,

And I see their Facebook and they were like these Adonis at 15 where I literally look like the size of a small SUV. And now they're just, and now they're like 38. They're these big fat bastards. I had never thought about it. It must be incredibly difficult to get fat for the first time late in life. You don't know what to do with yourself. You're like none of my clothes fit. I can't breathe.

What am I doing? How do I lose weight? Versus if you're fat early, you're prepared. You're prepared early for what's inevitable and what's to come. Yeah, those kids in high school, perfect physique. Sorry, you're in for a rude awakening, bub. They didn't earn it. But I would ask you, because I've seen pictures of you.

I think the youngest is when you first started dating our wonderful Queen Turdy Lou. And you're built like a Jewish Clydesdale. I mean, you are stunning and svelt. So for you, I mean, I feel like you grew up pretty lean and mean. No, so I was fat. So I was skinning until 11. At 11, I discovered Russian dressing and how much I liked putting it on my pasta. And from there, I just developed an absolute love for sauces and everything food.

My dad's cater. It was super easy. similar to bar my parents not exactly the most fit but uh both really skinny now really skinny now but then just just similar like eating patterns etc started to really balloon but in most of high school i was 280 280 wow i was i was a i was a i was a big boy and i only like the like literally that year that i met claudia the year before god this whole episode is about about surgery and about health. But I had my neck surgery,

which was spoken about before. And I recovered, but like in recovery, I lost a ton of weight because I wasn't eating. I was nauseous all the time. How nice. I ended up losing about 50 pounds. And I came out of that,

210. And in my whole life, 210 for me, just so everybody knows, again, it's different for everybody's bodies. 210 for me, I was a size 33 gene.

Like, that is a small, Gene for a pretty broad big guy. Like Claudia will say I'm maybe six foot, six one, maybe six two. Big guy. 210 was tiny, but I've spent most of my life at that 280, 290, most of my adult life. I'm currently 244. And the right weight for me is that 2.30.

But no, I'm a, I'm a porker. I don't know, but you don't have BBE, baby. You don't have that big boy energy. Like you walk around. How? How? I don't know. You're saying the depression that comes from being a big boy? I just think like people that were thin most of their life and then they put on weight to your point,

I like those guys because they're like, yeah, I've got a belly, you know, I drink too much beer or whatever. But there's like this, there's just like a skinny stud energy to them. Whereas me, I've got like a child star, no father energy of like people pleasing. shtick master, you know, enough is never enough. But yeah, I don't know. I think it's amazing. I can't really imagine you. I don't know.

You just, you don't have BBE. I'll send you pictures. And I understand what you're saying, though. And that's interesting. That just means that my, I guess like I hold my insecurities well. But I've definitely like confidence is at an all time high. I mean, I'm like an absolute just like. Yeah, you're insufferable.

You're insufferable. It is what it is. So, so I've, like, I shallow howled myself. Like, I, I am Jack Black and I am the girl that he likes. So I look at myself in the mirror. I'm like, God damn it, you look fantastic. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by Earning. Life doesn't happen biweekly.

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Sure, you got to have a, you need a trick. I'm saying, am I, are you comfortable with me sharing that we both do this? Comfortable, the morons are family. Let it out. Okay, so I'm just saying, me and, Josh basically wear girdles. Even though Josh doesn't need a girdle.

Josh is washboard abs. I couldn't believe it, but he wears his underwear at his hips like me because because because you want to sort of hide this like bit of like a fupa area, the little lower hang of the belly. Like you want to hide it. You claim that it's for comfort. It's not. It's out of habit.

But I'm letting you know right now you could wear a speedo and you look fantastic. I love you. Thank you. Speedo's. would be fine, but, you know, no girdle helps gynochomastia. Shout out if there's any plastic surgeon. There's any male breasts are a real thing. What about the nipples? It's the, the breasts are one thing. It's the nipples, fat nipples, unless you've been this type of fat, and I think you were the mushy fat, your nipples aren't the same. Your nipples don't get aggressively hard.

Like I would look at, there's like a fat guy that's really compact, and I was always jealous of this type of fat where like you punch his belly and it's like a rock and you look at his nipples and they're crystallized versus the the real juicy fat where like again you're on an island it's lost you're putting a pole right up his ass and you're turning him like a turkey because he's so luscious and juicy but these nipples your nipple goes from like those small crispy peps from prince street pizza right small agile too like too like like a sopracetta, like a thin piece of bruchetta, but long and stretched. I, who have had a little bit of plastic surgery 15 years ago when I lost all my weight,

they did a little bit of surgery on the chest, didn't help, and around the nipple area, which was fine, I don't really have any feeling in my nips now, which is fine, but I have been with women in the past who've tried to like, you know, entice them to which I want to be like, honey, move on. Like, you know what I mean? All I can feel is heat. Oh, man. Wow. So I'm going to give you a titty twister the next time I see you because it's it's fine. It'll be nothing for me. I will stare you straight in the eyes and feel nothing. That's crazy. My nipples are unbelievably sensitive.

Gross. Gross. I can't. Oh my God. We're getting so close. More and more. The people want to hear more. Oh, my God.

I don't know, man. That would like, if I had a, had a, if I was chilling with some friends drinking some old tools and they were like, you know what really gets me off? A little fucking nipple play. And I'd be like, oh yeah, your girl likes that. be like, nah, I'm me, bro. I'd be like, Rob, we can't be friends. That's what I'm going to miss most about Theo. He'd always lick my nipples. God, God bless him. I was, you know, there are a couple things. I just write things down throughout the week that I think about. And speaking of dogs,

the ASPCA, wonderful animal charity, God love them. And there's that famous Sarah McLaughlin song that is on all the commercials. In the harms of the angels fly away from here. It's so good. It's so depressing. It's such a good song, but the ASPCA ruined it for her.

They totally, not only did they ruin it, but I wonder, because you know she didn't charge the ASPCA for it because who would do that? You think after a couple decades, Sarah McLaughlin goes, you know, that's a lot.

of residuals. You know, like, she regrets it. Do you think she handed over that song, royalty free forever? I don't know, but they're juicing it. You know she has a resentment against him. She's like, how many commercials? I said once.

You've been using it for two decades. I agreed in 1996. Like, it's enough. Get a new song. Call Katie Perry. She likes dogs, no? Get a new song. Totally.

They've been using that same song. I do wonder, now we need Sarah McLaughlin on the show. Yeah. We need her on. I need to understand, is she making money from the ASPCA or not? Because if she isn't, she needs to make money. I agree. I think these sick dogs need to pull their weight.

And here's another thing that I've been noticing. You know, I want flight attendants to start. saying what they mean. Okay. When you get on a plane and it's a third full and they get on the speaker and they go, we have a completely full flight today, guys. Just say what you mean that my bag is about to get gate checked and I'm never going to see that bag again.

Like, just say it. Right? Yep. We have a completely full flight. Oh, do you didn't, you didn't prepare for the fact that all the seats. are taken and there's not enough bag room? When do you board? Are you an early boarder or are you?

I know that the plane's still going to be there at 25 minutes before. I'm going to go to get a snack. Go to the bathroom, play with my nipples, come back. I'm a early boarder. I'm a total TikTok dad at the airport as far as like, I don't get there super early, but like I got to get eyes on my gate because I want to know. that there wasn't like any last minute change. I mean, I've been in those situations where I was recently at O'Hare,

where I was like sprinting to my gate because I was like, oh, I'll go to the lounge. It's not a big deal. And didn't realize it was like a 25 minute walk from the lounge. Yeah. So, damn. I like to just know where I'm going. Usually your boys up front.

So sorry. And I get on first. It's very civilized. I want to set up. I got to get, I don't disinfect the seat and whatnot, but I'm going to get my headphones out, put my book, my laptop, and then I'm good. Yeah, it's funny. Until you start to really fly often, sure, you can be a bit cavalier about the process.

Like, I've always been like that in my whole life. Like, I'm going to show up like late. I'm going to make it. No problem. But you get your bag gate checked once that shouldn't have been gate checked. Do you have these like little inconveniences? and all of a sudden you just realize it's just not worth it. It's just not worth it.

Get there early. And then most of your problems completely go away. Most of your problems go away. I also was a person, I was like, I don't need TSA precheck. What do I need precheck for? I have clear. I'm letting you all know, only a person with clear would say that. Because once you have TSA precheck, you're like, this is living.

This is living. You don't want to take off your shoes. You don't remember what it's like to fly pre-9-11. before he had to do all this hokey pokey, hocus pocus. But it clearly was not like this. We're herded like animals. You look in the old movies, they're flying. It's like they're on a gorgeous, the food, the smoking.

My God, the smoking. I think that was a little bit before 9-11, way before 9-11. That said, flights, travel, it used to be a luxury. This was a luxury. The same way the trains were luxuries. You look, again, I can only talk about old movies. But it looks gorgeous. Now we're so stressed, we're so crammed.

You have to get to the airport early, and you have to take advantages of the little tricks, like the TSA, like the Clear. These things are like $100 bucks, folks, for like five years. Money is not a problem. If you can travel once, you can get TSA pre-check. All of a sudden, this turned into an ad for TSA pre-check,

but it really is that important. It's good stuff. Clear is like when, when a famous designer does a collab. It's like when Kanye worked with Gap, it's like, is it cool? You know, like, you know, if I can get a sweater for 30 bucks,

maybe it's not that special. But everybody's got clear. Precheck takes a little bit of legwork, and it's worth every penny. And I'm telling, like, as someone who has to travel a lot for work, shout out University of Pittsburgh. I'm going to be there on Thursday.

I can't wait. And I- What's their, what's their team name? I don't know. I was going to say go dogs, but I don't think they're the dogs. Well, shout- I'll look it up, continue, continue. Please look it up. I shout out Pitt, love you.

I've done a lot of schools in Pittsburgh and I love every one of them. And basically, like, I know that with TSA pre-check, I'm going to go right through security. It's going to take four minutes. Then I'm going to go to the lounge. I'm going to sleep on my flight. I'm going to go. hurts gold member, not presidential circle. It kills me, but I don't qualify yet. I'm going to get right into my car. No desk, no talking. Give me the keys. I got to go check in at my Marriott Bonvoy.

I'm going to get my room pre-checked in. And it's just a nicer way to live. And it really doesn't cost me any more money. I mean, like you said, 80 bucks for pre-check for five years. He's got to be smart about these things. Yep, the Panthers, by the way. The Pittsburgh Panthers. You are far. Lovely alliteration. Lovely alliteration. I was. I was just because like, go dogs. What do you say? Go pants. Go pant. Stinks. Go pants. Go pants. It stinks. And the last one, which I'm sure you have, global entry. If you've ever been out of the country and you've ever been on a four-hour line going through customs, global entry, if global entry was a million dollars, it's the most worth a thing ever. It's stunning. And with that, I think should we get to a speak pipe or two before we're

done? I would love to give some horrendous advice to a lovely moron. I would too. And I got to say, I had a person who sent us a recent one that was so juicy and they left their email that I reached out to them over email to come on the pod and they have not responded but it is a follow-up and it's good so shout out they have not listed their name i doubt they want to listen to their name so i'm just going to play it here hey guys i don't think you've ever done an update on an advice segment so i'm here to give one to you i know jackson quad love an update if they do a deer toasters so i thought you guys might be interested because I am the one who did the speak pipe. I think it was two weeks ago and you guys had gin and pumps on the pod and I wrote in about my friend's husband not sharing his

location. So things came to a head and she decided to somehow get into his phone, not really sure how that worked, but this man was living a double life, 100% it was her husband and he had a full-on fiance and a child with his fiance even though he's already married. So to quote Ben, I believe he called in like a scumbag, cheater, loser, all of the above. Yeah, our suspicions were all right. And I just wanted you guys to know, I thought you'd find it interesting and funny. Holy smokes, right?

I was prepared for all of that except being with child. Right. Like, I also, in no way, shape, or form do I want a victim blame here. But do it. How long has this been going on? Like, how do you not know that your husband has a fiancé and a kid? Like, unless the guy is just a total scumbag all around, which he clearly is. It's just like, so you got a woman pregnant, took her through the pregnant.

She gave birth is your fiance and you have a wife on the side? That's nuts. It's nuts. I mean, obviously this guy is the villain here. He's despicable and unacceptable. And we're not blaming anyone. But it is quite unbelievable that someone, obviously, cheaters be cheating. But for someone to be engaged and to have a baby, I mean, at no point did that guy come home to his current wife.

and she goes, how is your day, honey? And he goes, it's a boy. I mean, it's a joy. You know what I mean? Like, that's pretty spectacular. Yeah, and I guess that it's easy for us in wonderful monogamous, happy marriages to, like, say this. Or at least it's easy for me to say this, I mean, from my side of the fence. But if you have an inkling that they're cheating,

don't ignore it. Don't pretend everything is okay. Trust your gut. Your gut is right. And there's no way that this woman's gut over the last five years hasn't been firing like crazy. Like if you have, if he's been cheating for long enough that he has a child with that woman,

like you must have gotten a feeling. Again, not victim blaming, just saying you must have gotten a feeling at some point over the last couple of years that this was happening. and maybe he's just a terrible guy, like, and you didn't feel comfortable confronting him, but like to anybody else going through something similar, confront the shit out of that person.

Confront them. Like it, like you will never, ever be upset. Again, don't be like that neurotic poking for nothing. But this is not nothing. You know this is something. When something's something, something, it's something. Put that on a t-shirt. When something, something, something, it's something.

And if we're looking for a silver lining, CIA hire this man because he is a fucking Svengali. What a trick deck this guy is a master of lies. Unbelievable. I heard he just started working for Hamas. I know. Good for him. Yes, it's a great job.

Okay, one more. Here we go. I'm an avid listener, obviously. And I know that you guys have said that you are not a trip advisor or whatever. But I'm going to ask me visiting New York in December. This one sucks. It sucks. It's not good, honey.

You know us, and we're not changing for you. We're not tripping. No, we're not. I'm not recommending shit. Nothing. Go on Google. Google it. Stand in line and wait because you're not famous like us.

We should do an app. Should we do the good guys app about our favorite places in major cities? Yeah, for $99 a month. Yeah. I'm in. That's what I'm saying. I love it. I'm in.

Totally in. I want to be. You know what I was actually thinking, you're going to fucking love this. You ready? Yeah. This is genius and we're doing it. I'm ready. We're creating, we're creating the new Michelin.

Wow. I like that. It'll be called, it'll be called like the good, good or something. Like places we love to eat and we give it stars. I'm just saying Brian Kelly did it with the points guy. It was at one point JZ power and associates. And now it's the points guy rated because it needed a facelift. Michelin started out as a tire company,

then there was some fat ghost as a mascot, and all of a sudden, it's the number one raider of top restaurants. Why can't it be the good guys? Yeah, a three and a half out of four, oh, yvays. No, I don't know. Yes. It's good, right?

Yeah. I think it's good. Someone's going to steal it. Damn it, you can't. No, they can't. Because it's us. Because they don't have the, look, at the end of the day, they don't have the power of this.

This. This is a movement what's happening here. Okay? Yes. And we need a slogan for our movement, right? And we're in Manhattan, right? So why don't we say from river to river, the good guys will be free. Oh my God.

Everything is free except our app. No more speak pipe. On that note, let's end the pod. What a way to end things. So good. Guys, thank you for buying the merch. I'm wearing the beautiful orange and white hat. You guys surprised us.

We were not sure what was going to be the top seller, but that orange and white t-shirt, it's amazing. It's a full color on the back. It's the coffee cup. This New York City collection, we mentioned. We spent so much time putting it together. We won't be doing that for the next one. The next one, we're going to go logos.

We're going to go Sloan. We're going to go just like. general stuff, but we spend so much time in this. We love it. We love wearing it. I wear it all the time. And I'm just so excited that so many of you, we had such an amazing first merch drop that. So many of you bought the merch. I can't wait to see you in the merch. So when you do get your merch, please take a picture, post it, tag us. We love that. And thank you again for always supporting the podcast. We're going to be doing a lot more merch. So send us, what would you like? A lot of people said, Josh, they wanted the logo on a t-shirt. They wanted what are your nuts on a t-shirt?

of course, these are basic. These are basic. But that's fine. Basic is good. What's wrong with basic? Basics good. Basics good. So we'll be making, we'll come out with the good guys' ugg.

Imagine that, a nice, good guys' guise. Good guys' girdles, triple G. Love it. Triple G, that's great. Good guys girdles. I love it. So yeah, thank you for buying merch. And that's our show, as always.

Five stars. Unbelievable. If you don't think it's five stars, what are you nuts? Josh is wearing his gorgeous sweater. That's five stars. My fuzzy socks. Five stars.

This is podcast. Five stars. The experience is premium. Listen wherever you listen to your podcast. Watch us on YouTube. Recommend to a friend. Because if you don't, what are you nuts? And if you want to give us to speakpipe, speakpipe.com slash good guys.

Shout out Ralph Lauren, aka Ralph Lifshitz. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest. in products or services referred to in this episode.