Good Guys - The Subscription Service Nobody Wanted

Episode Date: September 22, 2025

Mazel Morons! We're back and we're coming in hot- starting in caveman times and somehow ending with designer heels and baked bread. Ben goes shirtless in the studio, Josh shares his most awkward brand deal, and together we brainstorm a “reverse subscription service” where fans pay us to put clothes on. Along the way, we unpack energy drink sponsorships, waxing horror stories, family trust fund drama, and a Coldplay kiss-cam scandal. What are ya, nuts?! Love ya! Leave us a voicemail here! Follow us on Instagram and TikTok!  Sponsors: See thicker, stronger, faster-growing hair with less shedding in just 3-6 months with Nutrafol. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners ten dollars off your first month’s subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code GOODGUYS10. Go to signos.com and get $10 off select plans with code GOODGUYS. Saxx Underwear - Check it out at saxx.com That’s HomeChef.com/GOODGUYS for FIFTY PERCENT OFF your first box and free dessert for life! Visit Carawayhome.com/GOOD10 to take an additional 10% off your next purchase. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Two Jews, both big and tall, no subject, too small for the good guys. A mother's dream, premium podcast team, make it your weekly routine, it's a good guys. And if you don't give us five stars, what are you nuts? What are you nuts? Yeah, we're the good guys. They're not the great guys. We're just so good, good, good guys.

Moza morons, welcome back to the Good Guys podcast. I'm sitting here with a guy who I love deeply, even though we have little debates, we have our little spats and we go back and forth, but that's just because we're both fucking smart. We're smarter than you. I love you. I love you too, bro.

You do love to push my buttons. But do you not think you're pushing mine? No, because I don't ever bring it up. You are the creator of the button. I then once you have created the button, okay, me and your sitting. No, it's not turn up the volume if you want to learn about gas sliding. We're sitting in our room, okay?

Me and you, we're sitting in the cave, Josh, okay? And you invented the wheel. No, okay? I then used the wheel. I used the wheel. I didn't make it. I used it. I used your cart.

Okay, well, you were, you didn't even, I didn't ask you permission. You went off, you were scavenging. I used your cart to carry all of, my vegetables, but you made the cart. First of all, what's in this cave? Did we order dominoes? I don't know what's in the cave, and we're probably having sex. Yeah.

You know, I could easily be in love with a man. I just don't want to have sex with one. I just, all that I, I just want to say, it's impossible that you just had all of these humans in caves, these men in caves. They're animalistic men. They were having sex. I think that's assumed, right? If we had zero social...

Because right now, we're living... By the way, I'm doing it now. I'm introducing a button. Maybe you agree with it. Maybe you don't. I think maybe you do. This is the first time I've ever done it. This is my first button.

This is my first button. You DM me clips. You're like the drunk uncle at Thanksgiving who goes, So Obama. Yeah. By the way, so? He's great. I love him.

He's great. amazing. I love him. By the way, what a speaker. That man can talk. No, I really did love Obama. Voted for him, too. On the, what was I saying? Social contract, Josh, if we didn't live in a society that pointed out everybody's sexuality, a lot more people would be fucking, okay? A lot more people would be fuck. It's really a shame. And it is a shame. And that's why we look at 1700s, it was fashionable for men to wear heels. Why can't we get? get back there. I'm down to wear a heel. Okay. It was, it was the fashion. We just, we just took away all the fun from guys. Sydney Sweeney is the new face of Jimmy Chew. Could you imagine flat feet

peck over here as the face of Jimmy Chew? Me and four inch stiletto strutting. It would be amazing. Nobody would buy them, but it would be amazing. You would need to shave your legs. Are you down to shave your legs? Yeah. And I'm not, I'm not an excessively hairy kid like you. Like you. I'm, you're hairy enough that if I saw you on an ad, I wouldn't buy the shoe. Could you imagine me would Jimmy choose like this with my, with my blunt stones? But like, you're on the six train and I'm on top of the seating area like this. Hello. Shaved?

I think it's a 10 out of 10. I think it would sell like hotcakes. I've done, I've done more for a brand deal. I think we should do it. I think we should make the heel for men. Do you want to know? I don't know the name of it, but man heels, meals, meals. Meals.

Meals. Like that. It all comes back to food. It's always. Meals. We're so fat. I know. You know how depraved I am.

I remember I was, this is like at the height of like my body insecurity, but I had lost it all the way. And by that, I mean like 2017, where like I still was like now I'm a dad and I'm almost 40, so I don't care. Like I've worked really hard on my body. It's not perfect. but as the good thing is as a man, as you work out and you get older, more people are giving up. So you actually start to eclipse those people who were naturally in such better shape than you. Yes. But I just remember like there were so many things that I would audition for or parts that I would get where they'd be like, oh, there's a love scene or there's a pool scene.

And I'd be like over to the director going like, hey, do you mind like if I figure out a way to like, not be shirtless on camera because I was insecure. Anyway, I get hit up by a social media company. They go, hey, we have a brand deal. I'm like, I'm listening. Like, Bravo has a new show. And it involves like this fun thing where like people are kind of like naked in it. Like would you and the great influencer Matt Kuchal be willing to run around Austin during

South by Southwest and nude underpants and nothing else? And I said, for 35K, I'm a. Insert picture here. I did that shit, dog. You did that? Yeah, bro. I'm nuts. I'm really happy that you did it.

I didn't know where that story was going. I think that you just... Actually, that's not true. I was going to say something mean, which is that I think that you just, like, say that you don't have a nice body so that I tell you how nice your body is, but I actually think that somehow you don't realize

that, like, you're in great shape. That said, it really just doesn't matter. Like, I'm not... And it took me... We've spoken to this. before. It definitely took me a while. Like, it could not have been a more insecure upbringing. Like, even through my early teens. Like, I have, I have this distinct memory. I was 16 years old. I was on an Israel trip during the summer. And like, like, all of us, that's like the last year of,

like, Jewish summer camp, you go to Israel. And every, I loved polos. I was in like a big polo, whether it was American Eagle or Arabosel or whatever, like classic, classic stuff. I would wear an undershirt under all of them because I didn't want to be. people that see my nipples. Always. Because I had like big fat nipples. And it's just so funny. It's aOL screen name. Big fat nipples. I still have big fat nipples, but now I don't care. I don't know what it is. I don't know what changed. I just, I do not give a shit at all. I don't. Like, I'll be, you want me to take off my shirt here? I'll sit here nude. I don't care. I'll sit here on the podcast nude. I'm just imagining your friend that you're texting and their mother going,

Who's big fat nipples at aim.com? Oh my God, he just took a shirt off. You should be more worried about that shoulder hair, gee. No, the shoulder hair is. It's the shoulder hair for me. It looks like you're wearing a sweater vest. The shoulder, that is, it's my sweater. That's what they always said.

The shoulder hair is a constant reminder of my lineage, Josh. Hey, this is where I come from. This is Bratislava. This is, can I put back on my shirt or we're going to, How long should I stay shirtless? No one wanted it off. By the way, you wanted it off. Just quit.

You absolutely need to watch us on YouTube because otherwise you're just listening in the car and you don't see that I'm shirtless. I'm shirtless. My belly's out. You do look good, dude. And I just look really good. I don't care. Even if I didn't look good, Josh.

I don't care. I'm that fat old man on the beach. It doesn't care. I think 295 pre-Ozempic Ben isn't ripping a shirt. shirt off. You don't think so? I don't think so. 50-50. Let me put, I'm teeing up my headphones, put back on my shirt, even though I don't want to. Let, let it be known that I've been peer-pressured to put my shirt back on. Leave it off for the whole life. My shirt was off the whole time. Maybe we get, maybe what we do is we figure out a way to like get tokens, right? And people

we're, we should do the reverse only fans. We start naked and people pay us to put clothes on. love it. Please. That's a big tip. That's a big tip, Ron. I guess I'll button one more. Oh, that's so good. Wayne wants me to put on a turtleneck.

That'll be 2000. It ends with the ski mask. That's so good. That is unbelievable. Oh, my God. Oh, me. What are we doing? Josh, we need a Patreon.

Should we? Can we handle one more episode a week? I think we can handle more. And I think, Josh, I think that, and I like talking about this live, because I would like people's opinions. Like, I don't want to put out a Patreon that people don't want.

But we have a difficult time being topical on this show because of the way that we record. And I do think that if our Patreon was literally just me and you, FaceTiming on our phones at home or zooming on our computer at home, the second that there's some type of a current event that we want to talk about and releasing a 30-minute episode, I feel like people would love that. And it's so, it doesn't have to be high-tech.

Like, that's, Patreon is not necessarily high-tech. Patreon is just, you're getting exclusive inside access to us. And, like, I feel like, the same way that we talk, like, we could talk all the time. Like, it's 5 o'clock and we want to. rip it for a half hour and we're both in our house? Why not? What do you think? I actually think that if we did a daily 30 minute show that we filmed and uploaded.

But the problem is I don't, I think it should be on YouTube too. But yeah, I mean, I literally think Benny and Joshy Morning Show would be a fucking monster. I love it. I absolutely love it. I don't think we need to jump straight to five Eps, but I love it. No, I agree. I don't even want to do one. But I think that if we gave them one, how about we do this?

The Patreon, it starts at one episode a week. And it's the equivalent of a weekend roundup. Every Monday morning, we recap what happened that weekend. But is the weekend exciting for the news cycle? I feel like that's when things go quiet. Okay. Or every Friday. I like it.

Week round up, okay? Where everything that happened that week, we discuss. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you our friends, it's Cygnos. Folks, as people who love GLP-1s, we are obsessed with glucose. And the reason we're obsessed with glucose is because, you know how I complain on the podcast when I eat a bagel from unnamed bagel stores? All of a sudden I want to fall asleep.

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That's Signos, S-I-G-N-O-S-C-K-G-G-G-GY for $10 off select plans today. Hey, everyone, it's Madi here, host of the Bad Broadcast. If you're looking for some good, clean positivity, I'm not your girl, because over the bad broadcast, we dive deep into all the things we love to hate. bad dates, bad bosses, bad roommates, all while finding the humor in it. We also chat pop culture, relationships, food, and all things nostalgia. Think of it like a sleepover with your best friends, where you get to vent, laugh, cry, and watch your favorite chick flick. You can listen to the bad broadcast every Monday wherever you get your podcasts, or you can now watch the full episodes

on YouTube. Remember to be safe, be kind, be hot, and I'll see you on Monday. Have you been free farting more lately? Because I find it 38. I'm just letting them go. And I feel terrible for Olivia. Poor Olivia. Is she okay? Is she on the floor? Not here, not now.

No, I can't. I still abide by the social contract. But today at Equinox in the locker room, I was like, hey, Jim. I'm loose as a goose in a locker room. I used to not be. A thousand percent, you could catch me walking around naked. I'm not that guy that's brushing his teeth naked because that is just unnecessary. But yeah, it used to be I'm wearing a towel putting on my underwear under the towel.

No, I'm taking off the towel and I'm putting on my underwear. And if you're in there with me, you might see my pecker. Yeah, well, it's part of the. It's fine. It's just me. It's just me being me. Do I sometimes release farts? Absolutely.

I will not release farts though, Josh, willy-nilly if I had a beef stew last night. But if I'm eating normally and I think that it'll be like a nice, It's disrespectful. It could smell, but it's not anything that will murder you. I'm in. But if you're bubbling, you've got to hold that in. Me and the peck boys, we rip them nonstop in front of each other. And, but now my son, Josh. What is he saying? Welcome to the club. But now my younger son shy, who's almost three, is becoming more verbal. And, and, and, and, It must be the vaccines. And so.

He's becoming more verbal. And so now he just, when I do it, he looks at me and goes, Dad, you pooped. I'm like, nah, son. Don't put that on me, dog. Like, not like that. I can't believe you're gaslighting your son in these three. I sharded.

I didn't. That's what he's saying. You sharded. You did what I told you not to do. You can do it when he had a normal meal, not when he had a beef stew. Not when you had a big fat hot dog. God.

Gotta be careful, Josh. Yeah. I'd be careful ripping all those tuts. You never know. It's just in the safety of our little living room. Although the other day, it was early in the morning. It was like 5.30 and I just woke up early. And as we know, I like to crack an ice cold energy drink when I wake up in the morning.

It's a real treat. I had an unbelievable flavor today, Josh, of an energy drink. What was it? I had a Celsius cherry apple. Oh, wow. It was delicious. It tastes like a candy apple. Insane.

The thing about Celsius is like the people that they've decided to sponsor, I feel like Celsius might be a little too naughty for me. I think that Celsius is just so fucking huge that they know that anybody, everybody in the world is a potential customer. they should be advertising on porn sites. Have we spoken about this before? The cheapest CPM is to advertise on a porn site. You can get the most eyeballs, spend no money, but nobody will do it, except for a porn company

because it's porn. And then you have association with porn. SELCESTE should really be advertising in porn. It's also efficacy, because I don't think I've ever skipped an ad quicker than when I'm on Porn Hub, my boy. Sure, but what about product? All of a sudden she's being... I got to go.

What about product? My boss is knocking at the bathroom door. Let's go. No, I'm kidding. Product placement, Josh. What if you see they're stup in and there's a Celsius skin right on the table? That on four. Like Manuel Ferrar has got to like get some energy before.

I don't know male porn stars. But what if Manuel Ferrar is finishing in a can of saleskins? James Dean goes, looking cute, honey. One set. Hold on. Take off those espadrilles. Take off your merils. Yeah. Oh, I see we have the same search history. 60 and over. 60 and over wearing merrials drinking Celsius. My keywords are meta-musal.

Those are my pronouns meta-musal. funny. By the way, if we don't get a Celsius deal out of this, capitalism is dead. We're not getting it, are we? They don't want us. We're not cool enough. Celsius once was like, we'd love to send you some product.

I said, thank you. That would be so nice. My wife drinks Kiwi Gwava every single morning. Like, she has one type that's all she drinks Celsius, Kiwi Gwava. They go, here's a variety pack. I'm like, dog, you missed it, guys. Send me Kiwi Guava. Send my man Kiwi Guava.

Again, if you don't show up to your house with a fucking pallet of Kiwi Guava, so true. There's a problem going on, okay? This is a big celebrity. Oh. Yeah, energy drinks are cool. What's your favorite energy drink? Well, I'm going to say Celsius.

Now we're too, no. We're too invested. By the way, we're too deep. And by going to do a whole Celsius stick and be like, actually, I like C4. Yeah, no, no, you're right. We're too deep. We're way too deep. We're way too deep.

I've been having some rough. I got to tell you about my eating day on Sunday because I literally, I decided. I took a week off from working out and I just did cardio. And I let the tendons heal. Let things, the fibers connect. And I really felt great. But Sunday said I'm not going to work out at all. I'm going to eat smart because I'm not burning.

any calories. They started off great. I had my typical Starbucks, double-baked, egg white, fetterap. Love. Delicious. So good. Then I said, I probably need another one. Then I got bored. I had two protein bars. I go, whatever, I'm still crushing health, right? Then my wife says, we're going to have some family over for dinner. Let's watch football. And we're actually going to do something fun. We're going to do a Houston's-inspired. home menu. I said, are you trying to get lucky? By the way, I'll answer that. She wasn't. So her sister, the Great Blake, made the spinach artichoke dip. The wonderful cousin Maddie, she made the kale, chicken, like the mongo salad, kale chicken, Asian vinaigrette, beautiful.

My wife, she made gorgeous sushi rolls. She made the, had the stacked, oh, Saka style. Wow. That you love. Go Paige. And she made a macadamian nut roll because she's vegan, but it was like a spicy macadamian up beyond. Healthy fats coming out the yin gang.

Then she makes the fried chicken sandwich. And then my mother-in-law made ice cream cake. Ben, I ended the night not knowing where I was in my own home. I don't even, I can't think of a time. time, like, you talk about privilege, Josh. Oh, I'm privileged now. Took a while. You having your wife just say, hey, tonight, it's Houston's night at the house.

Are you kidding me? Yeah, that is, I love my wife to death. That would be, hey, can you make me Houston's tonight? And by the way, I prefer it that way. I actually said this to her yesterday because I cook basically every single night I make her dinner. and I've come to realize that 1,000% is my love language. I love making her dinner. I love it to the point that if she doesn't want me to make her dinner, I'm hurt.

I'm hurt. I don't know what it is. It's a recent thing. Did I tell you that I'm baking bread, Josh? I'm becoming a baker. Ooh, like young Jacqueline? Yes, I'm on day nine of my sourdough starter. I'm feeding that bitch every day.

you want to hear the name. I'll announce the name today. I'm naming. You ready? This is Dofire. Nice. You like it? You have a Janaya Dofire dear. Because it needs to be a bread pun. It needs to be a bread pun. Oh, you think so far. No, by the way, I didn't know that. Somebody told me. I said, yeah, I'm going to name her. What did I say? Sally May. And everybody jumped down my throat. They're like, that's the name of the student loan office. I'm like, I didn't know that. Like, leave you alone. No, I said Fannie Mae. Fannie Mae. I said Fannie Mae. And they're like, that's the name of the student loan office. No, it's Sally Mae, okay?

But I didn't know that it needs to be a bread pun. So it's going to be Mrs. Dofire or Euphigenia Dofire dear. But yeah, it's Trad Dad season, okay? Trad Dad. What is Trad Dad? Trad Dad is a trad wife is a wife that does cooking, baking. You don't have to be. Just like it's great for people who want to be trad dads.

Why not be a trad couple? Okay. Yeah, I completely. Absolutely agree. And by the way, share it. I do all the laundry. I love it. Yeah.

I would say that I think that it's, I more think of a trad wife and trad dad when I think of a kitchen. It's more cooking, baking, spinning your own butter or whatever. Which, by the way, churning. Churning. Yikes. Spinning your butter sounds like the new drug. He was bent over, overdose from. spinning as butter.

I just had the greatest idea, Josh. Ready for this? I'll be the judge of that. Go. It's not actually a good idea, but it's genius. Okay. It's a workout class, Josh. It's a spin class.

And at the end of it, your wheel is spinning heavy whipping cream into butter. And at the end, you walk out with your butter. We attach it to the front wheel. I love it. And the heat in the class will have no effect on the butter. None. None.

There's the fan from the thing on it. It's amazing. Love it. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Carraway folks. You know we love Carraway here at the Good Guys podcast in the Soffer Home and the Peck Home. And I don't know if you guys have noticed. If you haven't, then you haven't been keeping up with my Instagram enough. But Ben Soffer Celebrity Chef has been baking a ton.

Not only he'll be making sourdows. Today we try to Chala. Look, the chala. It wasn't that gorgeous. It has nothing to do with Carraway. Carraway's pans were fantastic. And let me tell you, the baking pans, these are phenomenal. And they're the exact same color.

as your regular pans because everything is color coordinated and it's gorgeous. But these are non-toxic products, okay, that are still gorgeous and work so incredibly well. So why not use them? Why not use Caraway? Why would you prefer an ugly toxic pan? I don't understand you, people. I don't understand what are you nuts? It's honestly a what are you nuts to not use Carraway.

You're getting a non-toxic pan that looks gorgeous. What, you want a toxic pan that looks ugly? And now I have peace of mind knowing that I'm not exposing myself to harmful chemicals or microplastics. You want that? You want harmful chemicals in microplastics? You want no piece of mind? What are you nuts? Cheap pans come at a cost, folks. Taroa has premium cookware meat of high quality materials. You need high quality materials because we're high quality people. And folks, you can add-ons such as glass lids for a premium non-toxic cooking experience with a view, or perhaps non-stick steamers that nest seamlessly inside a three-court sauce pan and six and a half-court Dutch oven.

God, that's gorgeous. And cutting boards, which I use and love with FSC certified birch wood, meaning no microplastics in your food. Folks, a couple of scary stats, okay, but I got to tell you. I wouldn't be comfortable not telling you this. The average adult unknowingly consumes over 150,000 plastic particles every year. Over 70% of cooking and baking pants sold in America are coated with PTFE. Yuck.

Two and a half minutes is all it takes for PTFE-coated pants to overheat and begin releasing toxins. What are you nuts? And microwaveing plastic for three minutes can release over four million microplastics. Okay, I got to stop doing that. I got to stop doing that. It's not good. So if you've been eyeing their internet famous 12-piece cookware set, now is the perfect time to buy. You can shop Carraway risk-free.

Enjoy fast, free shipping, easy returns in a 30-day trial. Plus, if you visit Carrawayhome.com slash good 10, you can take an additional 10% off your next purchase. This deal is exclusive for our listeners. to visit caraway home.com slash good 10 or use code good 10 at checkout. Carraway, non-toxic cookware made modern. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is brought to you by our friends at Nutrafol. Folks, you've probably seen a million ads for hair growth supplement products and thought, sure, like that actually works.

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Have you ever been to a spin class? I have, but I can't do bikes. They hurt my ass. You? You have to develop a callus. I don't want it on the Taint. I don't want an ass callus. Taint Callis is my new band.

I don't want it. I'm out. Don't put me on a bike without a cushion. Oh, good. Could you do like a group fitness class with like a nice 90s hip hop beat and you're like stepping and moving and would you do that? Yeah. Yeah, I've done Barry's before Barry's boot camp. I've enjoyed that class. That's more elliptical, lightweights. That's not, I can't do the spin classes. I just don't like it. Like, I don't like my, it's the ass. I think my ass is just simply too flabby and bony. I get it. I, I, do when I would do, I had a CrossFit era, no big surprise. And they would have you, you know,

it was just a hard rubber floor. And so they would say like, in addition to everything, you'll do like 50 crunches. And my poor tailbone on that floor, I would get a raspberry. It's too much. Get a raspberry. It's too much. It's just not, it. Like, I don't know, some people, they're born with asses that can take a I see it like that. And others can't. And others can't. I can't. I'm sorry.

Should we get to a story? Yes. Ex-astronomer HR-exec, Kristen Cabot's husband dropped shocking twist after Coldplay kiss cams scandal. The astronomer HR exec, Kristen Cabot's husband, Andrew Cabot, says the two were already separated before she was caught canoodling with former astronomer. CEO Andy Byron at a co-play concert in July. What the hell, man? That makes it so awful for her. No fair, dude.

No fair, dude. But the guy was still a cheating scoundrel. Sounds like it. That's just, it's very, as I say, it's unfair to her. She did know that he was being a cheating scoundrel. It's still not great, but it is definitely, it's definitely not great that she got dragged down with the ship like that. if they were in fact separated. Yeah, I mean, that was, that one was heavy.

That is, I wonder, if you ask Chris Martin to do that all over again, he doesn't do that. He doesn't draw attention to it like that, right? I think we spoke about this on a past episode. Like, he could have easily said nothing. And then this would have been nothing. But because he said something, he drew attention. You know how many kiss cams there are? No.

I don't ever, I don't ever investigate and look at these people. I'm like, ooh, I wonder if they're cheating. Like, no, I assume they're together. But I don't know their names. I never ask anything. You think he does it differently or you think he does it the same? I think he does it the same. But I think you can say I wouldn't have done anything differently,

but also it's a shame what happened. Right, Olivia? Yeah, I'd say so. But also, like, when the camera goes to them, they both kind of freak out in the video, if I remember correctly. So I'm like, they brought attention to themselves. They could have been like just normal. about being there, but I don't know.

That's like kind of where I'm like, you made a big deal out of it. Like, I'm not, oh, no, we're not together. But the kiss cam makes it look like we're together. Right. They absolutely did. He made it viral, but they, a thousand percent, if they just kept their fucking cool. Like, I'm so, I'm so annoyed at them for them. If they literally made out on camera, we know nothing.

Yeah, they definitely would have still been caught, but it wouldn't have been a world event. And it was a world event. World event. Crazy. We're so, like the things that we just like throw up on a pedestal and talk about. Like, it's so dumb. Like, crazy. Fuck us.

Well, I've never identified so much with a story in my life. Did you know that Charlie Sheen got liposuction after a prostitute called a bat? Wow. Thin skins. Charlie Sheen underweight loss surgery after a sex worker flippantly commented on his gut. He revealed in his new memoir, Book of Sheen. By now, the actor made the revelation while recalling the time he and his brother, Emilio Estevez, were in Toronto to film the 2000 film Rated X.

The two portrayed the Mitchell brothers, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, sheen explained that on his final night in Toronto, he decided that his celibacy streak needed closure, and he went to the matchmaking yellow pages of Bell Canada. The two and a half men alum, now 60, proceeded to order a gorgeous brunette, his words, to his hotel room. And while enjoying a post euphoric cigarette with his Canadian Insta girlfriend, she said that the woman reached over,

slapped his bare stomach with her room filling thwack and said, What do you say, fatso? Yep, for round two. Oh my God. Ouch. Oh my. That is unbelievable. And they say Canadians are kind.

No, by the way, I love her. That's great. That's good. That's good. I would probably get liposuction too. That's tough. Would you have round two? I'd move past it.

I'd be like, hey, if you're offering, that hurt. But like, you know, let's keep our eye on the price. Yeah, I think I would just You paid for it already Get your money's worth I don't know Like whatever Like maybe say something back

Like yeah badass She's like a kid It is a fiddle Ben say to the hooker like Do you take amics? I'd love the points Yeah

It's only been 59 minutes We have 60 Is there any kind of rewards Program Should we in the final it spin a dreidel. Would you like me to dovin for one of your family members and poor help? Only five people are going to get some of our jokes and I love all of them.

Me too. I order specifically 10 hookers so I can have a minion. That's good. That is good. Should we listen to a speak pipe? Yes. I agree. I really.

I agree. If you want to get advice, ask us questions. Go to speakpipe.com. Sash good guys, keep it brief. Brevity is key. Let's hear from someone good. Someone really, oh, this is great. This is a rare, very good Woody and Nuts.

Now, ooh, we don't want your Woody and Nuts. Is there not good? But every now and then, and trust me, even though I say this, every week, they call. I can hear it right away. I know Josh says we don't want your Woody and Nuts. But what's the deal with traffic? Delete.

It's literally that. I'm like, are you just reading, did you just have AI come up with bad Seinfeld bits? What's the deal with traffic? I'm like. By the way, what is the deal with traffic? Horrible. Awful. But this is a good one.

So this is from Kimberly. Man, you know, someone else wrote in on, and they were like, Josh, why are the speakpipe so hard? for you. And the title was from dot dot, dot, dot, anonymous. I don't like when people know the show that well. I feel like you know what I'm. Yeah, okay. From Kimberly. In the meantime, while we wait for this to load, want to talk about gun control?

Hey, good guys. I know you say not to send in the water you're nuts is, but I have to, so do with this what you will. So I was at a European Wack Center. I went to a new location, and I saw a new girl and I went to get a Brazilian wax. Now usually when they do the butt part, you're supposed to, or my girl usually says bring your knees to your chest. This time, she told me to turn over and lay on my stomach and then wanted me to hold my butt cheeks apart with my hands. Now, when I tell you, my soul left my body, I don't want to be in this vulnerable position. I don't even want to be showing you my areas, okay? But, you know, I have to make sure everything's looking good.

But now you're having me land my stomach and spread my butt cheeks apart with my hands. So I do it. I'm not happy about it. And as she's waxing my ass, she goes, oh my God, I love your manicure. Like, don't be looking at my hands holding my ass apart. I mean, this is already a weird enough situation. as it is. I think just say nothing. Just get the job done and let's move on with our lives and pretend like we never saw each other. Right? I mean, all you have to say is what are you fucking nuts?

I don't know. That's what I have to say. Pretty good, right? That's pretty good. The whole thing, I feel like she maybe made the what are you nuts about her manicure. The what are you nuts is the spreading of your ass. That's the what are you nuts. The whole thing is nuts. European Wack Center is nuts. There are people just going to like have the, strangers wax their buttholes? Like, can't we do this in a, in a different way? And why is it called European Wax Center? It should be an at-home service, Josh. This should be something you can do yourself. Does that not exist? It's so intimate. It's like a spray tan. It's better if you can have it at home, but sometimes you got to go to Sundance to go in Sherman Oaks in the Valley.

You know, sometimes you need to get wax at a strip mall because you found a Groupon and you're feeling adventurous. Have you ever been waxed? I have, I told you this about my I had my backwax before I went to Hawaii with Page when I was 26. You did. I'd never been on a vacation. Retell this story, just in case people missed it. I was 25, maybe, 26, 25. I was 25.

I'd never been on a vacation before. I was dating page for a year. And I was like, I had just gotten a residual check that I was not expecting. I'm like, let's go to Hawaii. So we go to Hawaii and we have a. wonderful trip, except before we go, I had noticed I had a couple back hairs. Now, as you can tell, I'm just, I have chest hair. I'm just not, I'm not like a hairy dude, you know, like crazy. So it was like a couple, but I'm like, I should get it waxed. I go, they wax me hard body karate,

and they didn't tell me, hey, we just exfoliated a huge part of your skin, go home, take a shower, go to bed. I went to 24-hour fitness after, and I did a little lift and sash. Did a little chest pectorals laying on the bench, back to the bench, doing full...

So halfway through Hawaii, Paige goes, did you get bit by sea lice? I go, I don't think so. And when I tell you, this was one month of me, the first doctor said,

put this cream on and lay in the sun and let the sun bake the cream into your back. I felt like a baked salmon roll out there. And then finally I had to see a dermatologist. It was like, oh, you need medication. So, yeah. Oh, good. This is, you don't need waxing, Josh. We are, as God made us.

Hairy, very hairy. I'm so hairy. My back is so hairy. Olivia, I mean, I love it. It's normal. Yeah, it's very normal, very normal, like a very regular thing. But I guess a European wax center too would be like the fast food version of like, you know, a home setup or something like that. But the spreading back to the spreading of the cheeks.

But this is pretty vulnerable too, dude. That is no good too. Or it's like they have you get on your knees and but like you're, you would be on your stomach on your knees, you know, like kneeling. And then bent over. Okay. Oh, yeah, like in child's position. Like child's pose. Yeah.

What do you think of the, what do you think? What percentage of women do you think fart during a wax? A hundred? Not a hundred. Like at one point in time, if you're a regular at European Wax Center, a thousand percent sure one time that she's asked you to go like this, you're farting. Another generalization from Ben Sopper. It's true.

I'm sure it happens frequently. Frequently. I'm sure it happens frequently. I'm just trying to, my God. Can you imagine being the person, Josh, doing the waxing and you just get shit on? That sucks. That would suck, dude. Yeah.

That feels really vulnerable. Yeah. Sorry, Olivia. That wasn't directed at you. No. No, that feels very vulnerable. That's for the people. Sorry.

Oh, that's so funny. In case you, I'm glad we have. evidence of the... Because your audio only, Josh actually got ass naked and spread his cheeks. He spread his cheeks and then we lifted it and put him in jeans, but he was really naked in the original cut. You know what I do?

Does the X-7 your car have an app connected to it? It does. And are you able to remote start? I don't know how to use it. Yes. It does. I don't know how to use it. But it does seemingly have that.

function. Do this because I know you will love this for the wonderful Ruby and I know Claudia would love it. Turning on the air conditioner? Yes. Huge. Do you do that? Of course not. Okay. I don't blame you because I had, I've had other cars with apps and they never work. It's really, really hard. But the Tesla app, I must give Elon his due. It's spectacular with its efficacy. I be turning on the air conditioning. I just know we're going to be in about 20 minutes. My car is going to be 62 degrees when I get in. That's so nice.

There's nothing worse than getting into a baked car. Like, terrible, except sometimes, I don't know what it is. Sometimes I'm like, oh, you know, my back was hurting me. It's rare. I normally don't like the baked car, but sometimes you know that boiling hot leather on your skin. I think so. Is it self-sabotage? Like, do I like hurting myself?

I left my car out in the sun the other day and it's been like 90 degrees in L.A. And then I jumped in. It was after the dentist and I had to give money to the parking attendant and my arm touched the side of the car as I put my hand out to give the ticket that I'd have been baking in the sun. And I literally went, here you go. Ow! Yeah. No good.

That's terrible. No, bueno. This episode of the Good Guys podcast is. brought to you by our friends at Home Chef. Folks, summer is over. It's gone, kaput. We're getting into this gorgeous, cozy fall season back to school. We are here, folks, and I'm telling you, the summer is over.

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it's very weird you going to your brother and saying hey i know your nut sticks to the side of your leg that would be a strange gift from a sister. But from a spouse or a girlfriend buying it for her boyfriend, it's a wonderful gift, an absolutely wonderful gift. So, folks, today, if you're thinking about making a change, I would recommend changing it to Sacks. Because look, you change your oil, you upgrade your phone, you rotate your sneakers,

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Last year my husband and I had our first baby boy and he was born on Christmas. Now we're starting to think about how do we celebrate his first birthday this year while also celebrating Christmas. Do we spend the morning being birthday celebrations and the evening being Christmas celebrations? How would you do this? Thanks. What a beautiful birthday. He was born on Christmas? I hope you named him Jesus. Let's see. I think that, well, he was just born, right? Josh, they said he's a year old. So for now, like, it doesn't really matter what you do.

But I like the excuse of having a Christmas-themed birthday. That sounds amazing. Like, what so much fun. You've a built-in theme? Like, we're out here. We have to pick dumb themes. Like Ruby Tuesdays and Groovin with Ruben. You have Christmas.

You've Christmas, though. Even though he's going to turn into Buddy the elf, you've got to be really careful. He could turn into just like a Christmas freak, like such a fanatic, because every year, Christmas, this, Christmas, this, elf, Santa, cookies, you got to be careful with this kid, okay? Be careful. I warned you. Be careful. That's it for now. It's really fun. What do you think? Um, I like it. And I think what you'll have to do with what we do with my young son, Max, is his birthday is at the end of December. And so he's out of school. A lot of

families are away on vacation. No good. No good for a birthday party. No good. So we do his birthday always early December. School's in. We get to celebrate him. We have a full-blown birthday. And then on the day of his birthday, we do a little something. We'll do a family dinner and maybe go to the mini, mini golf park or something. So it's kind of like it gets a double. I love this, honestly, especially because for kids, it really doesn't matter. Pick the date that works for you. For sure. If you should do it earlier when the kids are in school, I never understood this with summer birthdays. These poor kids don't get anything. Like, do a birthday party before the summer.

Like, because they're still kids. That said, once you're over the age of 18, if you try and celebrate your birthday more than three days away from your regular birthday, you are nuts. So what are you nuts? Your birthday came and gone. I don't give a shit that it's on a Wednesday. It's over. It's over. Grow up. But if you're a kid, do it two months earlier. Who gives a rat? Oh, oh, it's your birthday week? Oh, it's your birthday week? Yeah, no good. No good.

Did I invent who gives a rat? That's not an expression. No. Right? Who gives a rat? Not even close. It's a rat. It's a terrible.

It's a terrible expression. Who gives a rat? Who gives a rat? Give us a rat. Or what about, have you heard this news saying, I don't give a rip? Yeah, I've heard it. I think I like it. I don't know.

I don't love it. Right? What is it? Not good. Who gives a rip? What does it mean? There's even new, have you seen the new Spike Lee Denzel movie on Apple Plus, highest to lowest? No, I need to, I love Denzel.

Not as much as you, Othello First Row, but I love Denzel. I love Denzel. And it's Spike Lee, so, you know, that's a great duo. But anyway, yeah, the movie's really good, but there's talk about new lingo and the alpha generation sort of, you know, the fun words are using and that's so fun. No, any others come to mind? Skibbitty. Skibbitty.

What is that? I don't know. I don't know what it means. I did see that. Wait, wait, in what context are people using skibbitty? Skibbitty toilet. Do you know what? Basically, it's like some weird YouTube thing, but like kids use skibbity as like,

that's whack or that's, that's like dope. So kind of like gnarly. Yeah. Like it can be either or. Yeah. Okay. It's a new version. What is this, the dictator with Sasha Baron Cohen?

You are HIV, Aladdin. In positive and negative, aladdin. Skibbitty is yes and no. No. Skibity. That doesn't make any soon. When was the last time? You've seen that movie, right, Josh?

Oh, of course. Unbelievable. Sasha Baron Cohen. What a gift to the world. Have you watched all of Ali G? I watch a lot of it. And not in a long time, but a lot of it. Like, Josh Baron Cohen is my North Star.

He's so funny. So good. The best is when he's interviewing the guy from the DEA, and they put out all these drugs on the table. And he goes, what are these effects of these drugs? And he goes, well, this one makes you hallucinate. This one could give you, you know, respiratory failure. This one could make you collapse.

And he goes, raw. What's the negative effects of these drugs? Oh my God. He's a genius. He's a genius. Have you seen there's a new viral video of like, I don't know, these anarchists, like, people like, the Antifa types were in Brooklyn in Crown Heights and they were like giving people a hard time. And you just see this incredible crowd of like Brooklyn kids like who do not fuck around literally using.

this word. They're like, yo, Antifa, scram. Scram dog. And then you hear another kid go, Hey, yo, skedaddle. I was like, yo, Antifa, squibity. Yeah. I was like, these are my kind of kids. You saw that video? Scram. Hell yes. I love scram. That's a great word. Scram.

I got to bring that back. That's good. That's good. Pretty good. Do you have a, what are you nuts? Ooh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Here, we'll do one more. You take your time. We'll do one more speak pipe in the interim.

Let's hear from a little person named, The Anonymous. Hey, good guys, question for you. My grandfather recently passed away, and he left his grandchildren a trust. The trust was written out to my dad's children and to my uncle's children. Now, to put that into perspective,

and break it down a little for you. I am 30 years old, and my brother is a little younger than me, a few years younger than me. We recently found out within the last eight years that my dad ended up having a one-night stand before my mom in college and found out that he had a child

that he never knew about. So how fun is that, as you can imagine? We ended up really loving him and getting to embrace him and he is part of our family. He doesn't come to a lot of Christmases or anything like that because he has its own family

but he was able to meet my grandparents and establish a little bit of a relationship. Now, the trust says to the children of my dad's name. Technically, we grew up with my grandparents and we are the children of, but legally he is also a child of my dad. Now, the trust has a good amount of money in it for all of the kids and it needs to be split evenly. I don't know if I'm just feeling like morally, it would be weird if he took it. I don't know, would you guys take it? He has the option to opt in or opt out. I don't know.

I just feel like he didn't establish that relationship. Like he didn't grow up with my grandparents. It feels a little weird. What are your thoughts? This is why I love money because this is the call. We grew to love him. He's wonderful. He even had a relationship with our grandparents.

That being said, he's not getting a fucking penny. It's nutty. Okay, first of all, imagine having to have a relationship. a trust fund. Like that call, like, hey, Gramps left you a sack of cash. Like, oh my God. Crazy. Like, so crazy. Like, if you've ever been left money, I need to know what that feels like. Like, I've never been left money. I think God, I'm happy that my parents are alive, but like grandparents, nothing. I've got nothing from nobody. And let me tell you, I have to imagine that's the greatest feeling in the world, probably like winning the lottery,

even though you've lost a loved one, but you probably get over it because you have a sack of cash. It's like a good consolation prize. Give, like encourage this man to take the money. Okay? Like, totally. The children of, he's a child of,

you have a relationship with him. I thought this is going to go totally different. Okay, there's a strange family member. You never met him and you're worried, like, oh, you have to give him money, but you don't know him. That's such a different story. I would still even say,

that he's entitled to that money because he is child of. But then, okay, there's at least a question. You know this man? He knew your grandparents. And this is a question? They were alive to amend the will. They could have changed the wording. This is no question.

This is a child of? 100% morally. But morally, I want more money. You're lucky that you have any. Honestly, after hearing the speak. probably all that goes to that guy. A hundred percent. He gets the whole sack.

You know what? You can tell me, and if I'm off base here and do not worry about hurting my feelings, I immediately identify, right? Because, like, my father came from means. Like, he had money, right? He had an apartment in the city. He had a house and upstate. And, like, I, and he passed away 10 years ago,

and I know I have siblings who inherited his money. Now, granted, and he never paid any child support to my mom, nothing. So, like, thank God I'm okay, you know, like I always got a hallmark movie in the wings. Shout out. But, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, wouldn't I be technically entitled to some dough? Have you seen his will? No, I have no contact with his family whatsoever.

I don't know if they know I exist. I would be curious, Josh, to know. I love it. To know. This is how people think Jews talk. I would be curious. I would be curious to know. I could see your horns.

If you were in that will, I think you're in that will, Josh. I think they hid it from you. No way. I think you're in that fucking will. I think that he, I think you're in that will and you have no relationship with them.

So why would they ever reach out to you and say, hey, by the way, you were in the will? Nope. I think you're in that will. You think that he didn't tell his family, and didn't acknowledge my existence for 27 years, but he admitted it in his well. People do that all the time.

You hear about that where people on their deathbed unleash. Like, it's his way of making things right. Unless he's just a total, and it's very possible, total bad guy, totally possible. I think there's at least a 25% chance that you're in that well and entitled to compensation, and we need to reach out to JG, Wentworth? Did they handle it? I don't know. They handled something. What's the entitled to

compensation? Is that G.G. Wentworth 877 cash now? If you need an annuity, who needs it? No, that's somebody else. I'm telling you, maybe it's Barnes. We don't talk enough about the fact that there was Salino and Barnes. And Salino died in a car crash, but Barnes just whipped through Salino off the billboards and now it's just Barnes Group. We don't talk about that enough. Okay. We just stole their billboard for our good guys billboard. We did. We ripped it right off. We're going to get sued.

And we're going to use the money that your dad left you that you're going to go and claim to pay for the lawyer. Feel free to DM me. Anyone who knows how I can just get a quick bag without having to meet my siblings. I know enough people. I'm busy. You don't need to meet them. Somebody needs to reach out and find out if you were in that will. You have to have, you have to know.

I think you were in it. Olivia, do you think he was in it? I think that if he was in it, then somebody, because like, the the executor. Yeah, the executor of the will would have to, like, the lawyer. They would have to reach out to you. And also, wouldn't you think if, like, because I remember you saying they're, like,

quite a bit older than you, right? Like, 20 years older or something. Like, if you're, you know, in your late 50s, early 60s, and all of a sudden, you find out that you, like, your dad had an affair in this instance, like, the siblings, everybody that I know at least would be like, well, we want to like at least try to meet them, especially if there's some kind of like legally binding

contract associated with it. I feel like there would have been a path crossed. But yeah, that's, I'm not sure. What if the family member is a lawyer and the executor and they buried this shit? Okay? I don't know, Josh. I think that there's at minimum

a really good school. script. Yeah. And what if in the will the wording is Josh from Drake and Josh, I bequeath $100,000. Don't tell yourself, sure, Josh. And I'd be like, but quifa is my drag name. Should we get to Woody and Nuts? We should. Our Whatty and Nuts moment of the week is our gripes with people, places and things, whatever's sticking in your craw. Josh, you got one? I do. My What Do You Nuts is. is, oh, so my kids have to go to the dentist. And so I was, I don't know why, but I, you know, you set these appointments from your last appointment.

So it's like six months in advance. So I look at the calendar and I realize it's at 9.30 in the morning for Max and Shai in the middle of September during school, like a school day. I'm like, oh, well, that won't work. So I call her. And I say to the lovely receptionist, I love to find a time either before or after school. She goes, you know, over the next month and a half, we only have time available. Like, she's like, are there any like early dismissals or late drop-offs? They go, hold on, you're a kid's dentist.

I'm like, you have no time available after two or before nine. And I was like, what are you nuts? She's like, how about noon on Wednesday? I was like, he'll be at PE. He can't come. No, no, they're, look, children's pediatric. pediatric dentists, pediatricians in general. You see after school, before school.

Instruction workers, sorry, you're working in the middle of the night. It's enough, okay? No more construction during the day. What was my Woody and Nuts? I had it. I had it, I had it. Is that your Woody and Nuts? Shit, no. No, no, I had my Woody and Nuts.

Where did it go? Where did it go? It was in my head. It'll come back. It'll come back. Just give me one second. Oh, we'll give you all the seconds. You should have taken your lines, Maine.

This is what happens. He's in full tumoric withdrawals. Unfortunately, it's Ruby. It's Ruby. I'm going to blame him. It's his teething. He's up every hour. What is that?

Does he have any teeth yet? Little cute canines. No, nothing yet. Once he gets teeth, he's getting a job. Do you have teeth? Are you kidding me? You can't have teeth? Um, okay.

Fuck. He's going to have bad breath. Just as a heads up. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Teatine's going to give him bad breath. I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it. Thank God it came back.

Okay, my wedding at the moment of the week, and first I want to preface and say, I typically just take an Uber-X. Uber-X is, that's what you should be taking. Don't spend extra money on black cars or any of this crap. Nobody gives rats. Nobody gives a rats. We're making that an expression, okay? Nobody gives a rats.

That said, sometimes on occasion, you want to treat yourself. Again, I very rarely do this. I really am a man of the people, okay? you'll see me getting out of my carola. Once in a while, you want a suburban, okay? You're ordering a black car. You're paying up for a black car. Josh, a black car is a Chevy suburban or a escalade.

Or maybe a GMC or a Yukon. These are big, beautiful cars. You know what it is, okay? If randomly they want to send you something crazy, an S-class Mercedes, sure, maybe I'll take it. A infinity is not a black car. I don't care how big it is. I don't care.

An infinity QX-60. This is no black car. I'm sorry. This is no black car. I paid, this was to the Lady Gaga concert. I couldn't cancel it because we were running late. It's $80 for a two row. Infinity.

What are you nuts? No. Escalate, suburban or wow me. Sorry, Infinity. You're not wowing me. Excel at a minimum. Right? Bad for me.

All this to hear, Africa Dabra four times. I know. Terrible. You know what else is terrible, Josh? Not giving this episode five stars. That would be terrible. That's a what are you nuts. Listen to us where we get your podcasts. Watch us on YouTube, share our clips, Instagram and TikTok. Mondays and Thursdays, folks, we will see you next time. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. episode.